ALSOBYMichaelPollan
Cooked
FoodRules
InDefenseofFood
TheOmnivore’sDilemma
TheBotanyofDesire
APlaceofMyOwn
SecondNature
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Harris,D.Nutt,P.J.Hellyer,andF.Vaccarino,JournaloftheRoyalSocietyInterface,2014.
LIBRARYOFCONGRESSCATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATIONDATA
Names:Pollan,Michael,1955–author.
Title:Howtochangeyourmind:whatthenewscienceofpsychedelicsteachesusaboutconsciousness,dying,addiction,depression,
andtranscendence/MichaelPollan.
Description:NewYork:PenguinPress,2018.
Identifiers:LCCN2018006190(print)|LCCN2018010396(ebook)|ISBN9780525558941(ebook)|ISBN9781594204227
(hardback)
Subjects:LCSH:Pollan,Michael,1955—Mentalhealth.|Hallucinogenicdrugs—Therapeuticuse.|Psychotherapypatients—
Biography.|BISAC:BIOGRAPHY&AUTOBIOGRAPHY/Science&Technology.|MEDICAL/MentalHealth.
Classification:LCCRM324.8(ebook)|LCCRM324.8.P652018(print)|DDC615.7/883—dc23
LCrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2018006190
NOTE:Thisbookrelatestheauthor’sinvestigativereportingon,andrelatedself-experimentationwith,psilocybinmushrooms,the
druglysergicaciddiethylamide(or,asitismorecommonlyknown,LSD),andthedrug5-methoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine(more
commonlyknownas5-MeO-DMTorTheToad).ItisacriminaloffenseintheUnitedStatesandinmanyothercountries,punishable
byimprisonmentand/orfines,tomanufacture,possess,orsupplyLSD,psilocybinmushrooms,and/orthedrug5-MeO-DMT,exceptin
connectionwithgovernment-sanctionedresearch.Youshouldthereforeunderstandthatthisbookisintendedtoconveytheauthors
experiencesandtoprovideanunderstandingofthebackgroundandcurrentstateofresearchintothesesubstances.Itisnotintendedto
encourageyoutobreakthelawandnoattemptshouldbemadetousethesesubstancesforanypurposeexceptinalegallysanctioned
clinicaltrial.Theauthorandthepublisherexpresslydisclaimanyliability,loss,orrisk,personalorotherwise,thatisincurredasa
consequence,directlyorindirectly,ofthecontentsofthisbook.
Certainnamesandlocationshavebeenchangedinordertoprotecttheauthorandothers.
Version_1
Formyfather
Thesoulshouldalwaysstandajar.
—EMILYDICKINSON
Contents
AlsobyMichaelPollan
TitlePage
Copyright
Dedication
Epigraph
Prologue:ANewDoor
CHAPTERONE
ARenaissance
CHAPTERTWO
NaturalHistory:Bemushroomed
Coda
CHAPTERTHREE
History:TheFirstWave
PartI:ThePromise
PartII:TheCrack-Up
Coda
CHAPTERFOUR
Travelogue:JourneyingUnderground
TripOne:LSD
TripTwo:Psilocybin
TripThree:5-MeO-DMT(or,TheToad)
CHAPTERFIVE
TheNeuroscience:YourBrainonPsychedelics
CHAPTERSIX
TheTripTreatment:PsychedelicsinPsychotherapy
One:Dying
Two:Addiction
Three:Depression
Coda:GoingtoMeetMyDefaultModeNetwork
Epilogue:InPraiseofNeuralDiversity
Glossary
Acknowledgments
Notes
Bibliography
Index
AbouttheAuthor
PROLOGUE
ANewDoor
MIDWAYTHROUGHthetwentiethcentury,twounusualnewmolecules,organic
compoundswithastrikingfamilyresemblance,explodedupontheWest.Intime,
theywouldchangethecourseofsocial,political,andculturalhistory,aswellas
thepersonalhistoriesofthemillionsofpeoplewhowouldeventuallyintroduce
themtotheirbrains.Asithappened,thearrivalofthesedisruptivechemistries
coincidedwithanotherworldhistoricalexplosion—thatoftheatomicbomb.
Therewerepeoplewhocomparedthetwoeventsandmademuchofthecosmic
synchronicity.Extraordinarynewenergieshadbeenloosedupontheworld;
thingswouldneverbequitethesame.
Thefirstofthesemoleculeswasanaccidentalinventionofscience.Lysergic
aciddiethylamide,commonlyknownasLSD,wasfirstsynthesizedbyAlbert
Hofmannin1938,shortlybeforephysicistssplitanatomofuraniumforthefirst
time.Hofmann,whoworkedfortheSwisspharmaceuticalfirmSandoz,had
beenlookingforadrugtostimulatecirculation,notapsychoactivecompound.It
wasn’tuntilfiveyearslaterwhenheaccidentallyingestedaminusculequantity
ofthenewchemicalthatherealizedhehadcreatedsomethingpowerful,atonce
terrifyingandwondrous.
Thesecondmoleculehadbeenaroundforthousandsofyears,thoughnoone
inthedevelopedworldwasawareofit.Producednotbyachemistbutbyan
inconspicuouslittlebrownmushroom,thismolecule,whichwouldcometobe
knownaspsilocybin,hadbeenusedbytheindigenouspeoplesofMexicoand
CentralAmericaforhundredsofyearsasasacrament.Calledteonanácatlbythe
Aztecs,or“fleshofthegods,”themushroomwasbrutallysuppressedbythe
RomanCatholicChurchaftertheSpanishconquestanddrivenunderground.In
1955,twelveyearsafterAlbertHofmann’sdiscoveryofLSD,aManhattan
bankerandamateurmycologistnamedR.GordonWassonsampledthemagic
mushroominthetownofHuautladeJiménezinthesouthernMexicanstateof
Oaxaca.Twoyearslater,hepublishedafifteen-pageaccountofthe“mushrooms
thatcausestrangevisions”inLifemagazine,markingthemomentwhennewsof
anewformofconsciousnessfirstreachedthegeneralpublic.(In1957,
knowledgeofLSDwasmostlyconfinedtothecommunityofresearchersand
mentalhealthprofessionals.)Peoplewouldnotrealizethemagnitudeofwhat
hadhappenedforseveralmoreyears,buthistoryintheWesthadshifted.
Theimpactofthesetwomoleculesishardtooverestimate.Theadventof
LSDcanbelinkedtotherevolutioninbrainsciencethatbeginsinthe1950s,
whenscientistsdiscoveredtheroleofneurotransmittersinthebrain.That
quantitiesofLSDmeasuredinmicrogramscouldproducesymptomsresembling
psychosisinspiredbrainscientiststosearchfortheneurochemicalbasisof
mentaldisorderspreviouslybelievedtobepsychologicalinorigin.Atthesame
time,psychedelicsfoundtheirwayintopsychotherapy,wheretheywereusedto
treatavarietyofdisorders,includingalcoholism,anxiety,anddepression.For
mostofthe1950sandearly1960s,manyinthepsychiatricestablishment
regardedLSDandpsilocybinasmiracledrugs.
Thearrivalofthesetwocompoundsisalsolinkedtotheriseofthe
countercultureduringthe1960sand,perhapsespecially,toitsparticulartoneand
style.Forthefirsttimeinhistory,theyounghadariteofpassagealltheirown:
the“acidtrip.”Insteadoffoldingtheyoungintotheadultworld,asritesof
passagehavealwaysdone,thisonelandedtheminacountryofthemindfew
adultshadanyideaevenexisted.Theeffectonsocietywas,toputitmildly,
disruptive.
Yetbytheendofthe1960s,thesocialandpoliticalshockwavesunleashed
bythesemoleculesseemedtodissipate.Thedarksideofpsychedelicsbeganto
receivetremendousamountsofpublicity—badtrips,psychoticbreaks,
flashbacks,suicides—andbeginningin1965theexuberancesurroundingthese
newdrugsgavewaytomoralpanic.Asquicklyasthecultureandthescientific
establishmenthadembracedpsychedelics,theynowturnedsharplyagainstthem.
Bytheendofthedecade,psychedelicdrugs—whichhadbeenlegalinmost
places—wereoutlawedandforcedunderground.Atleastoneofthetwentieth
century’stwobombsappearedtohavebeendefused.
Thensomethingunexpectedandtellinghappened.Beginninginthe1990s,
welloutofviewofmostofus,asmallgroupofscientists,psychotherapists,and
so-calledpsychonauts,believingthatsomethingprecioushadbeenlostfrom
bothscienceandculture,resolvedtorecoverit.
Today,afterseveraldecadesofsuppressionandneglect,psychedelicsare
havingarenaissance.Anewgenerationofscientists,manyoftheminspiredby
theirownpersonalexperienceofthecompounds,aretestingtheirpotentialto
healmentalillnessessuchasdepression,anxiety,trauma,andaddiction.Other
scientistsareusingpsychedelicsinconjunctionwithnewbrain-imagingtoolsto
explorethelinksbetweenbrainandmind,hopingtounravelsomeofthe
mysteriesofconsciousness.
Onegoodwaytounderstandacomplexsystemistodisturbitandthensee
whathappens.Bysmashingatoms,aparticleacceleratorforcesthemtoyield
theirsecrets.Byadministeringpsychedelicsincarefullycalibrateddoses,
neuroscientistscanprofoundlydisturbthenormalwakingconsciousnessof
volunteers,dissolvingthestructuresoftheselfandoccasioningwhatcanbe
describedasamysticalexperience.Whilethisishappening,imagingtoolscan
observethechangesinthebrain’sactivityandpatternsofconnection.Already
thisworkisyieldingsurprisinginsightsintothe“neuralcorrelates”ofthesense
ofselfandspiritualexperience.Thehoary1960splatitudethatpsychedelics
offeredakeytounderstanding—and“expanding”—consciousnessnolonger
looksquitesopreposterous.
HowtoChangeYourMindisthestoryofthisrenaissance.Althoughitdidn’t
startoutthatway,itisaverypersonalaswellaspublichistory.Perhapsthiswas
inevitable.EverythingIwaslearningaboutthethird-personhistoryof
psychedelicresearchmademewanttoexplorethisnovellandscapeofthemind
inthefirstpersontoo—toseehowthechangesinconsciousnessthesemolecules
wroughtactuallyfeelandwhat,ifanything,theyhadtoteachmeaboutmymind
andmightcontributetomylife.
•••
THISWAS,FORME,acompletelyunexpectedturnofevents.Thehistoryof
psychedelicsI’vesummarizedhereisnotahistoryIlived.Iwasbornin1955,
halfwaythroughthedecadethatpsychedelicsfirstburstontotheAmerican
scene,butitwasn’tuntiltheprospectofturningsixtyhaddriftedintoviewthatI
seriouslyconsideredtryingLSDforthefirsttime.Comingfromababyboomer,
thatmightsoundimprobable,aderelictionofgenerationalduty.ButIwasonly
twelveyearsoldin1967,tooyoungtohavebeenmorethandimlyawareofthe
SummerofLoveortheSanFranciscoAcidTests.Atfourteen,theonlywayI
wasgoingtogettoWoodstockwasifmyparentsdroveme.Muchofthe1960sI
experiencedthroughthepagesofTimemagazine.Bythetimetheideaoftrying
ornottryingLSDswamintomyconsciousawareness,ithadalreadycompleted
itsspeedymediaarcfrompsychiatricwonderdrugtocounterculturesacrament
todestroyerofyoungminds.
Imusthavebeeninjuniorhighschoolwhenascientistreported(mistakenly,
asitturnedout)thatLSDscrambledyourchromosomes;theentiremedia,as
wellasmyhealth-edteacher,madesureweheardallaboutit.Acoupleofyears
later,thetelevisionpersonalityArtLinkletterbegancampaigningagainstLSD,
whichheblamedforthefacthisdaughterhadjumpedoutofanapartment
window,killingherself.LSDsupposedlyhadsomethingtodowiththeManson
murderstoo.Bytheearly1970s,whenIwenttocollege,everythingyouheard
aboutLSDseemedcalculatedtoterrify.Itworkedonme:I’mlessachildofthe
psychedelic1960sthanofthemoralpanicthatpsychedelicsprovoked.
Ialsohadmyownpersonalreasonforsteeringclearofpsychedelics:a
painfullyanxiousadolescencethatleftme(andatleastonepsychiatrist)
doubtingmygriponsanity.BythetimeIgottocollege,Iwasfeelingsturdier,
buttheideaofrollingthementaldicewithapsychedelicdrugstillseemedlikea
badidea.
Yearslater,inmylatetwentiesandfeelingmoresettled,Ididtrymagic
mushroomstwoorthreetimes.AfriendhadgivenmeaMasonjarfullofdried,
gnarlyPsilocybes,andonacoupleofmemorableoccasionsmypartner(now
wife),Judith,andIchokeddowntwoorthreeofthem,enduredabriefwaveof
nausea,andthensailedoffonfourorfiveinterestinghoursinthecompanyof
eachotherandwhatfeltlikeawonderfullyitalicizedversionofthefamiliar
reality.
Psychedelicaficionadoswouldprobablycategorizewhatwehadasalow-
dose“aestheticexperience,”ratherthanafull-blownego-disintegratingtrip.We
certainlydidn’ttakeleaveoftheknownuniverseorhavewhatanyonewould
callamysticalexperience.Butitwasreallyinteresting.WhatIparticularly
rememberwasthepreternaturalvividnessofthegreensinthewoods,andin
particularthevelvetychartreusesoftnessoftheferns.Iwasgrippedbya
powerfulcompulsiontobeoutdoors,undressed,andasfarfromanythingmade
ofmetalorplasticasitwaspossibletoget.Becausewewerealoneinthe
country,thiswasalldoable.Idon’trecallmuchaboutafollow-uptripona
SaturdayinRiversideParkinManhattanexceptthatitwasconsiderablyless
enjoyableandunselfconscious,withtoomuchtimespentwonderingifother
peoplecouldtellthatwewerehigh.
Ididn’tknowitatthetime,butthedifferencebetweenthesetwoexperiences
ofthesamedrugdemonstratedsomethingimportant,andspecial,about
psychedelics:thecriticalinfluenceof“set”and“setting.”Setisthemind-setor
expectationonebringstotheexperience,andsettingistheenvironmentinwhich
ittakesplace.Comparedwithotherdrugs,psychedelicsseldomaffectpeoplethe
samewaytwice,becausetheytendtomagnifywhateversalreadygoingonboth
insideandoutsideone’shead.
Afterthosetwobrieftrips,themushroomjarlivedinthebackofourpantry
foryears,untouched.Thethoughtofgivingoverawholedaytoapsychedelic
experiencehadcometoseeminconceivable.Wewereworkinglonghoursat
newcareers,andthosevastswathsofunallocatedtimethatcollege(or
unemployment)affordshadbecomeamemory.Nowanother,verydifferentkind
ofdrugwasavailable,onethatwasconsiderablyeasiertoweaveintothefabric
ofaManhattancareer:cocaine.Thesnowy-whitepowdermadethewrinkled
brownmushroomsseemdowdy,unpredictable,andoverlydemanding.Cleaning
outthekitchencabinetsoneweekend,westumbledupontheforgottenjarand
tosseditinthetrash,alongwiththeexhaustedspicesandexpiredpackagesof
food.
Fast-forwardthreedecades,andIreallywishIhadn’tdonethat.I’dgivealot
tohaveawholejarofmagicmushroomsnow.I’vebeguntowonderifperhaps
theseremarkablemoleculesmightbewastedontheyoung,thattheymayhave
moretoofferuslaterinlife,afterthecementofourmentalhabitsandeveryday
behaviorshasset.CarlJungoncewrotethatitisnottheyoungbutpeoplein
middleagewhoneedtohavean“experienceofthenuminous”tohelpthem
negotiatethesecondhalfoftheirlives.
BythetimeIarrivedsafelyinmyfifties,lifeseemedtoberunningalonga
fewdeepbutcomfortablegrooves:alongandhappymarriagealongsidean
equallylongandgratifyingcareer.Aswedo,Ihaddevelopedasetoffairly
dependablementalalgorithmsfornavigatingwhateverlifethrewatme,whether
athomeoratwork.Whatwasmissingfrommylife?NothingIcouldthinkof—
until,thatis,wordofthenewresearchintopsychedelicsbegantofinditswayto
me,makingmewonderifperhapsIhadfailedtorecognizethepotentialofthese
moleculesasatoolforbothunderstandingthemindand,potentially,changingit.
•••
HEREARETHETHREEDATAPOINTSthatpersuadedmethiswasthecase.
Inthespringof2010,afront-pagestoryappearedintheNewYorkTimes
headlined“HallucinogensHaveDoctorsTuningInAgain.”Itreportedthat
researchershadbeengivinglargedosesofpsilocybin—theactivecompoundin
magicmushrooms—toterminalcancerpatientsasawaytohelpthemdealwith
their“existentialdistress”attheapproachofdeath.
Theseexperiments,whichweretakingplacesimultaneouslyatJohns
Hopkins,UCLA,andNewYorkUniversity,seemednotjustimprobablebut
crazy.Facedwithaterminaldiagnosis,theverylastthingIwouldwanttodois
takeapsychedelicdrug—thatis,surrendercontrolofmymindandtheninthat
psychologicallyvulnerablestatestarestraightintotheabyss.Butmanyofthe
volunteersreportedthatoverthecourseofasingleguidedpsychedelic“journey”
theyreconceivedhowtheyviewedtheircancerandtheprospectofdying.
Severalofthemsaidtheyhadlosttheirfearofdeathcompletely.Thereasons
offeredforthistransformationwereintriguingbutalsosomewhatelusive.
“Individualstranscendtheirprimaryidentificationwiththeirbodiesand
experienceego-freestates,”oneoftheresearcherswasquotedassaying.They
“returnwithanewperspectiveandprofoundacceptance.”
Ifiledthatstoryaway,untilayearortwolater,whenJudithandIfound
ourselvesatadinnerpartyatabighouseintheBerkeleyHills,seatedatalong
tablewithadozenorsopeople,whenawomanatthefarendofthetablebegan
talkingaboutheracidtrips.Shelookedtobeaboutmyageand,Ilearned,wasa
prominentpsychologist.Iwasengrossedinadifferentconversationatthetime,
butassoonasthephonemesL-S-Ddrifteddowntomyendofthetable,I
couldn’thelpbutcupmyear(literally)andtrytotunein.
Atfirst,Iassumedshewasdredgingupsomewell-polishedanecdotefrom
hercollegedays.Notthecase.Itsoonbecameclearthattheacidtripinquestion
hadtakenplaceonlydaysorweeksbefore,andinfactwasoneofherfirst.The
assembledeyebrowsrose.Sheandherhusband,aretiredsoftwareengineer,had
foundtheoccasionaluseofLSDbothintellectuallystimulatingandofvalueto
theirwork.Specifically,thepsychologistfeltthatLSDgaveherinsightintohow
youngchildrenperceivetheworld.Kids’perceptionsarenotmediatedby
expectationsandconventionsinthebeen-there,done-thatwaythatadult
perceptionis;asadults,sheexplained,ourmindsdon’tsimplytakeintheworld
asitissomuchastheymakeeducatedguessesaboutit.Relyingonthese
guesses,whicharebasedonpastexperience,savesthemindtimeandenergy,as
when,say,it’stryingtofigureoutwhatthatfractalpatternofgreendotsinits
visualfieldmightbe.(Theleavesonatree,probably.)LSDappearstodisable
suchconventionalized,shorthandmodesofperceptionand,bydoingso,restores
achildlikeimmediacy,andsenseofwonder,toourexperienceofreality,asifwe
wereseeingeverythingforthefirsttime.(Leaves!)
Ipipeduptoaskifshehadanyplanstowriteabouttheseideas,which
rivetedeveryoneatthetable.ShelaughedandgavemealookthatItooktosay,
Hownaivecanyoube?LSDisaschedule1substance,meaningthegovernment
regardsitasadrugofabusewithnoacceptedmedicaluse.Surelyitwouldbe
foolhardyforsomeoneinherpositiontosuggest,inprint,thatpsychedelics
mighthaveanythingtocontributetophilosophyorpsychology—thattheymight
actuallybeavaluabletoolforexploringthemysteriesofhumanconsciousness.
Seriousresearchintopsychedelicshadbeenmoreorlesspurgedfromthe
universityfiftyyearsago,soonafterTimothyLeary’sHarvardPsilocybinProject
crashedandburnedin1963.NotevenBerkeley,itseemed,wasreadytogothere
again,atleastnotyet.
Thirddatapoint:Thedinnertableconversationjoggedavaguememorythata
fewyearsbeforesomebodyhade-mailedmeascientificpaperaboutpsilocybin
research.Busywithotherthingsatthetime,Ihadn’tevenopenedit,butaquick
searchoftheterm“psilocybin”instantlyfishedthepaperoutofthevirtualpile
ofdiscardede-mailonmycomputer.Thepaperhadbeensenttomebyoneofits
co-authors,amanIdidn’tknowbythenameofBobJesse;perhapshehadread
somethingI’dwrittenaboutpsychoactiveplantsandthoughtImightbe
interested.Thearticle,whichwaswrittenbythesameteamatHopkinsthatwas
givingpsilocybintocancerpatients,hadjustbeenpublishedinthejournal
Psychopharmacology.Forapeer-reviewedscientificpaper,ithadamostunusual
title:“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-TypeExperiencesHavingSubstantial
andSustainedPersonalMeaningandSpiritualSignificance.”
Nevermindtheword“psilocybin”;itwasthewords“mystical”and
“spiritual”and“meaning”thatleapedoutfromthepagesofapharmacology
journal.Thetitlehintedatanintriguingfrontierofresearch,onethatseemedto
straddletwoworldswe’vegrownaccustomedtothinkareirreconcilable:science
andspirituality.
NowIfellontheHopkinspaper,fascinated.Thirtyvolunteerswhohadnever
beforeusedpsychedelicshadbeengivenapillcontainingeitherasynthetic
versionofpsilocybinoran“activeplacebo”—methylphenidate,orRitalin—to
foolthemintothinkingtheyhadreceivedthepsychedelic.Theythenlaydown
onacouchwearingeyeshadesandlisteningtomusicthroughheadphones,
attendedthewholetimebytwotherapists.(Theeyeshadesandheadphones
encourageamoreinward-focusedjourney.)Afteraboutthirtyminutes,
extraordinarythingsbegantohappeninthemindsofthepeoplewhohadgotten
thepsilocybinpill.
Thestudydemonstratedthatahighdoseofpsilocybincouldbeusedtosafely
andreliably“occasion”amysticalexperience—typicallydescribedasthe
dissolutionofone’segofollowedbyasenseofmergingwithnatureorthe
universe.Thismightnotcomeasnewstopeoplewhotakepsychedelicdrugsor
totheresearcherswhofirststudiedthembackinthe1950sand1960s.Butit
wasn’tatallobvioustomodernscience,ortome,in2006,whenthepaperwas
published.
Whatwasmostremarkableabouttheresultsreportedinthearticleisthat
participantsrankedtheirpsilocybinexperienceasoneofthemostmeaningfulin
theirlives,comparable“tothebirthofafirstchildordeathofaparent.”Two-
thirdsoftheparticipantsratedthesessionamongthetopfive“mostspiritually
significantexperiences”oftheirlives;one-thirdrankeditthemostsignificant
suchexperienceintheirlives.Fourteenmonthslater,theseratingshadslipped
onlyslightly.Thevolunteersreportedsignificantimprovementsintheir
“personalwell-being,lifesatisfactionandpositivebehaviorchange,”changes
thatwereconfirmedbytheirfamilymembersandfriends.
Thoughnooneknewitatthetime,therenaissanceofpsychedelicresearch
nowunderwaybeganinearnestwiththepublicationofthatpaper.Itleddirectly
toaseriesoftrials—atHopkinsandseveralotheruniversities—usingpsilocybin
totreatavarietyofindications,includinganxietyanddepressionincancer
patients,addictiontonicotineandalcohol,obsessive-compulsivedisorder,
depression,andeatingdisorders.Whatisstrikingaboutthiswholelineof
clinicalresearchisthepremisethatitisnotthepharmacologicaleffectofthe
drugitselfbutthekindofmentalexperienceitoccasions—involvingthe
temporarydissolutionofone’sego—thatmaybethekeytochangingone’s
mind.
•••
ASSOMEONEnotatallsurehehaseverhadasingle“spirituallysignificant”
experience,muchlessenoughofthemtomakearanking,Ifoundthatthe2006
paperpiquedmycuriositybutalsomyskepticism.Manyofthevolunteers
describedbeinggivenaccesstoanalternativereality,a“beyond”wherethe
usualphysicallawsdon’tapplyandvariousmanifestationsofcosmic
consciousnessordivinitypresentthemselvesasunmistakablyreal.
AllthisIfoundbothalittlehardtotake(couldn’tthisbejustadrug-induced
hallucination?)andyetatthesametimeintriguing;partofmewantedittobe
true,whateverexactly“it”was.Thissurprisedme,becauseIhaveneverthought
ofmyselfasaparticularlyspiritual,muchlessmystical,person.Thisispartlya
functionofworldview,Isuppose,andpartlyofneglect:I’veneverdevotedmuch
timetoexploringspiritualpathsanddidnothaveareligiousupbringing.My
defaultperspectiveisthatofthephilosophicalmaterialist,whobelievesthat
matteristhefundamentalsubstanceoftheworldandthephysicallawsitobeys
shouldbeabletoexplaineverythingthathappens.Istartfromtheassumption
thatnatureisallthatthereisandgravitatetowardscientificexplanationsof
phenomena.Thatsaid,I’malsosensitivetothelimitationsofthescientific-
materialistperspectiveandbelievethatnature(includingthehumanmind)still
holdsdeepmysteriestowardwhichsciencecansometimesseemarrogantand
unjustifiablydismissive.
Wasitpossiblethatasinglepsychedelicexperience—somethingthatturned
onnothingmorethantheingestionofapillorsquareofblotterpaper—couldput
abigdentinsuchaworldview?Shifthowonethoughtaboutmortality?Actually
changeone’smindinenduringways?
Theideatookholdofme.Itwasalittlelikebeingshownadoorinafamiliar
room—theroomofyourownmind—thatyouhadsomehownevernoticed
beforeandbeingtoldbypeopleyoutrusted(scientists!)thatawholeotherway
ofthinking—ofbeing!—laywaitingontheotherside.Allyouhadtodowas
turntheknobandenter.Whowouldn’tbecurious?Imightnothavebeenlooking
tochangemylife,buttheideaoflearningsomethingnewaboutit,andof
shiningafreshlightonthisoldworld,begantooccupymythoughts.Maybe
therewassomethingmissingfrommylife,somethingIjusthadn’tnamed.
Now,Ialreadyknewsomethingaboutsuchdoors,havingwrittenabout
psychoactiveplantsearlierinmycareer.InTheBotanyofDesire,Iexploredat
somelengthwhatIhadbeensurprisedtodiscoverisauniversalhumandesireto
changeconsciousness.Thereisnotacultureonearth(well,one*)thatdoesn’t
makeuseofcertainplantstochangethecontentsofthemind,whetherasa
matterofhealing,habit,orspiritualpractice.Thatsuchacuriousandseemingly
maladaptivedesireshouldexistalongsideourdesiresfornourishmentand
beautyandsex—allofwhichmakemuchmoreobviousevolutionarysense—
criedoutforanexplanation.Thesimplestwasthatthesesubstanceshelprelieve
painandboredom.Yetthepowerfulfeelingsandelaboratetaboosandritualsthat
surroundmanyofthesepsychoactivespeciessuggesttheremustbesomething
moretoit.
Forourspecies,Ilearned,plantsandfungiwiththepowertoradicallyalter
consciousnesshavelongandwidelybeenusedastoolsforhealingthemind,for
facilitatingritesofpassage,andforservingasamediumforcommunicating
withsupernaturalrealms,orspiritworlds.Theseuseswereancientand
venerableinagreatmanycultures,butIventuredoneotherapplication:to
enrichthecollectiveimagination—theculture—withthenovelideasandvisions
thataselectfewpeoplebringbackfromwhereveritistheygo.
•••
NOWTHATIHADDEVELOPEDanintellectualappreciationforthepotentialvalueof
thesepsychoactivesubstances,youmightthinkIwouldhavebeenmoreeagerto
trythem.I’mnotsurewhatIwaswaitingfor:courage,maybe,ortheright
opportunity,whichabusylifelivedmainlyontherightsideofthelawnever
quiteseemedtoafford.ButwhenIbegantoweighthepotentialbenefitsIwas
hearingaboutagainsttherisks,Iwassurprisedtolearnthatpsychedelicsarefar
morefrighteningtopeoplethantheyaredangerous.Manyofthemostnotorious
perilsareeitherexaggeratedormythical.Itisvirtuallyimpossibletodiefroman
overdoseofLSDorpsilocybin,forexample,andneitherdrugisaddictive.After
tryingthemonce,animalswillnotseekaseconddose,andrepeateduseby
peoplerobsthedrugsoftheireffect.*Itistruethattheterrifyingexperiences
somepeoplehaveonpsychedelicscanriskflippingthoseatriskintopsychosis,
sonoonewithafamilyhistoryorpredispositiontomentalillnessshouldever
takethem.Butemergencyroomadmissionsinvolvingpsychedelicsare
exceedinglyrare,andmanyofthecasesdoctorsdiagnoseaspsychoticbreaks
turnouttobemerelyshort-livedpanicattacks.
Itisalsothecasethatpeopleonpsychedelicsareliabletodostupidand
dangerousthings:walkoutintotraffic,fallfromhighplaces,and,onrare
occasions,killthemselves.“Badtrips”areveryrealandcanbeoneof“themost
challengingexperiencesof[a]lifetime,”accordingtoalargesurveyof
psychedelicusersaskedabouttheirexperiences.*Butit’simportantto
distinguishwhatcanhappenwhenthesedrugsareusedinuncontrolled
situations,withoutattentiontosetandsetting,fromwhathappensunderclinical
conditions,aftercarefulscreeningandundersupervision.Sincetherevivalof
sanctionedpsychedelicresearchbeginninginthe1990s,nearlyathousand
volunteershavebeendosed,andnotasingleseriousadverseeventhasbeen
reported.
•••
ITWASATTHISPOINTthattheideaof“shakingthesnowglobe,”asone
neuroscientistdescribedthepsychedelicexperience,cametoseemmore
attractivetomethanfrightening,thoughitwasstillthattoo.
Aftermorethanhalfacenturyofitsmoreorlessconstantcompanionship,
one’sself—thisever-presentvoiceinthehead,thisceaselesslycommenting,
interpreting,labeling,defendingI—becomesperhapsalittletoofamiliar.I’mnot
talkingaboutanythingasdeepasself-knowledgehere.No,justabouthow,over
time,wetendtooptimizeandconventionalizeourresponsestowhateverlife
brings.Eachofusdevelopsourshorthandwaysofslottingandprocessing
everydayexperiencesandsolvingproblems,andwhilethisisnodoubtadaptive
—ithelpsusgetthejobdonewithaminimumoffuss—eventuallyitbecomes
rote.Itdullsus.Themusclesofattentionatrophy.
Habitsareundeniablyusefultools,relievingusoftheneedtorunacomplex
mentaloperationeverytimewe’reconfrontedwithanewtaskorsituation.Yet
theyalsorelieveusoftheneedtostayawaketotheworld:toattend,feel,think,
andthenactinadeliberatemanner.(Thatis,fromfreedomratherthan
compulsion.)Ifyouneedtoberemindedhowcompletelymentalhabitblindsus
toexperience,justtakeatriptoanunfamiliarcountry.Suddenlyyouwakeup!
Andthealgorithmsofeverydaylifeallbutstartover,asiffromscratch.Thisis
whythevarioustravelmetaphorsforthepsychedelicexperiencearesoapt.
Theefficienciesoftheadultmind,usefulastheyare,blindustothepresent
moment.We’reconstantlyjumpingaheadtothenextthing.Weapproach
experiencemuchasanartificialintelligence(AI)programdoes,withourbrains
continuallytranslatingthedataofthepresentintothetermsofthepast,reaching
backintimefortherelevantexperience,andthenusingthattomakeitsbest
guessastohowtopredictandnavigatethefuture.
Oneofthethingsthatcommendstravel,art,nature,work,andcertaindrugs
tousisthewaytheseexperiences,attheirbest,blockeverymentalpathforward
andback,immersingusintheflowofapresentthatisliterallywonderful—
wonderbeingtheby-productofpreciselythekindofunencumberedfirstsight,
orvirginalnoticing,towhichtheadultbrainhascloseditself.(It’sso
inefficient!)Alas,mostofthetimeIinhabitanear-futuretense,mypsychic
thermostatsettoalowsimmerofanticipationand,toooften,worry.Thegood
thingisI’mseldomsurprised.ThebadthingisI’mseldomsurprised.
WhatIamstrugglingtodescribehereiswhatIthinkofasmydefaultmode
ofconsciousness.Itworkswellenough,certainlygetsthejobdone,butwhatifit
isn’ttheonly,ornecessarilythebest,waytogothroughlife?Thepremiseof
psychedelicresearchisthatthisspecialgroupofmoleculescangiveusaccessto
othermodesofconsciousnessthatmightofferusspecificbenefits,whether
therapeutic,spiritual,orcreative.Psychedelicsarecertainlynottheonlydoorto
theseotherformsofconsciousness—andIexploresomenon-pharmacological
alternativesinthesepages—buttheydoseemtobeoneoftheeasierknobsto
takeholdofandturn.
Thewholeideaofexpandingourrepertoireofconsciousstatesisnotan
entirelynewidea:HinduismandBuddhismaresteepedinit,andthereare
intriguingprecedentseveninWesternscience.WilliamJames,thepioneering
AmericanpsychologistandauthorofTheVarietiesofReligiousExperience,
venturedintotheserealmsmorethanacenturyago.Hereturnedwiththe
convictionthatoureverydaywakingconsciousness“isbutonespecialtypeof
consciousness,whilstallaboutit,partedfromitbythefilmiestofscreens,there
liepotentialformsofconsciousnessentirelydifferent.”
Jamesisspeaking,Irealized,oftheunopeneddoorinourminds.Forhim,the
“touch”thatcouldthrowopenthedooranddisclosetheserealmsontheother
sidewasnitrousoxide.(Mescaline,thepsychedeliccompoundderivedfromthe
peyotecactus,wasavailabletoresearchersatthetime,butJameswasapparently
toofearfultotryit.)
“Noaccountoftheuniverseinitstotalitycanbefinalwhichleavesthese
otherformsofconsciousnessquitedisregarded.
“Atanyrate,”Jamesconcluded,theseotherstates,theexistenceofwhichhe
believedwasasrealastheinkonthispage,“forbidaprematureclosingofour
accountswithreality.”
ThefirsttimeIreadthatsentence,IrealizedJameshadmynumber:asa
staunchmaterialist,andasanadultofacertainage,Ihadprettymuchclosedmy
accountswithreality.Perhapsthishadbeenpremature.
Well,herewasaninvitationtoreopenthem.
•••
IFEVERYDAYWAKINGCONSCIOUSNESSisbutoneofseveralpossiblewaysto
constructaworld,thenperhapsthereisvalueincultivatingagreateramountof
whatI’vecometothinkofasneuraldiversity.Withthatinmind,HowtoChange
YourMindapproachesitssubjectfromseveraldifferentperspectives,employing
severaldifferentnarrativemodes:socialandscientifichistory;naturalhistory;
memoir;sciencejournalism;andcasestudiesofvolunteersandpatients.Inthe
middleofthejourney,Ialsoofferanaccountofmyownfirsthandresearch(or
perhapsIshouldsaysearch)intheformofakindofmentaltravelogue.
Intellingthestoryofpsychedelicresearch,pastandpresent,Idonotattempt
tobecomprehensive.Thesubjectofpsychedelics,asamatterofbothscience
andsocialhistory,istoovasttosqueezebetweenthecoversofasinglebook.
Ratherthantrytointroducereaderstotheentirecastofcharactersresponsible
forthepsychedelicrenaissance,mynarrativefollowsasmallnumberofpioneers
whoconstituteaparticularscientificlineage,withtheinevitableresultthatthe
contributionsofmanyothershavereceivedshortshrift.Alsointheinterestof
narrativecoherence,I’vefocusedoncertaindrugstotheexclusionofothers.
Thereis,forexample,littlehereaboutMDMA(alsoknownasEcstasy),whichis
showinggreatpromiseinthetreatmentofpost-traumaticstressdisorder.Some
researcherscountMDMAamongthepsychedelics,butmostdonot,andIfollow
theirlead.MDMAoperatesthroughadifferentsetofpathwaysinthebrainand
hasasubstantiallydifferentsocialhistoryfromthatoftheso-calledclassical
psychedelics.Ofthese,Ifocusprimarilyontheonesthatarereceivingthemost
attentionfromscientists—psilocybinandLSD—whichmeansthatother
psychedelicsthatareequallyinterestingandpowerfulbutmoredifficulttobring
intothelaboratory—suchasayahuasca—receivelessattention.
Afinalwordonnomenclature.Theclassofmoleculestowhichpsilocybin
andLSD(andmescaline,DMT,andahandfulofothers)belonghasbeencalled
bymanynamesinthedecadessincetheyhavecometoourattention.Initially,
theywerecalledhallucinogens.Buttheydosomanyotherthings(andinfact
full-blownhallucinationsarefairlyuncommon)thatresearcherssoonwent
lookingformorepreciseandcomprehensiveterms,aquestchronicledinchapter
three.Theterm“psychedelics,”whichIwillmainlyusehere,doeshaveits
downside.Embracedinthe1960s,thetermcarriesalotofcountercultural
baggage.Hopingtoescapethoseassociationsandunderscorethespiritual
dimensionsofthesedrugs,someresearchershaveproposedtheyinsteadbe
called“entheogens”—fromtheGreekfor“thedivinewithin.”Thisstrikesmeas
tooemphatic.Despitethe1960strappings,theterm“psychedelic,”coinedin
1956,isetymologicallyaccurate.DrawnfromtheGreek,itmeanssimply“mind
manifesting,”whichispreciselywhattheseextraordinarymoleculesholdthe
powertodo.
CHAPTERONE
ARenaissance
IFTHESTARTofthemodernrenaissanceofpsychedelicresearchcanbedatedwith
anyprecision,onegoodplacetodoitwouldbetheyear2006.Notthatthiswas
obvioustomanypeopleatthetime.Therewasnolawpassedorregulationlifted
ordiscoveryannouncedtomarkthehistoricalshift.Butasthreeunrelatedevents
unfoldedduringthecourseofthatyear—thefirstinBasel,Switzerland,the
secondinWashington,D.C.,andthethirdinBaltimore,Maryland—sensitive
earscouldmakeoutthesoundoficebeginningtocrack.
Thefirstevent,whichlookedbackbutalsoforwardlikeakindofhistorical
hinge,wasthecentennialofthebirthofAlbertHofmann,theSwisschemist
who,in1943,accidentallyfoundthathehaddiscovered(fiveyearsearlier)the
psychoactivemoleculethatcametobeknownasLSD.Thiswasanunusual
centennialinthatthemanbeingfetedwasverymuchinattendance.Enteringhis
secondcentury,Hofmannappearedinremarkablygoodshape,physicallyspry
andmentallysharp,andhewasabletotakeanactivepartinthefestivities,
whichincludedabirthdayceremonyfollowedbyathree-daysymposium.The
symposium’sopeningceremonywasonJanuary13,twodaysafterHofmann’s
100thbirthday(hewouldlivetobe102).Twothousandpeoplepackedthehallat
theBaselCongressCenter,risingtoapplaudasastoopedstickofamanina
darksuitandanecktie,barelyfivefeettall,slowlycrossedthestageandtookhis
seat.
Twohundredjournalistsfromaroundtheworldwereinattendance,along
withmorethanathousandhealers,seekers,mystics,psychiatrists,
pharmacologists,consciousnessresearchers,andneuroscientists,mostofthem
peoplewhoseliveshadbeenprofoundlyalteredbytheremarkablemoleculethat
thismanhadderivedfromafungushalfacenturybefore.Theyhadcometo
celebratehimandwhathisfriendtheSwisspoetandphysicianWalterVogt
called“theonlyjoyousinventionofthetwentiethcentury.”Amongthepeoplein
thehall,thisdidnotqualifyashyperbole.AccordingtooneoftheAmerican
scientistsinattendance,manyhadcome“toworship”AlbertHofmann,and
indeedtheeventboremanyofthehallmarksofareligiousobservance.
AlthoughvirtuallyeverypersoninthathallknewthestoryofLSD’s
discoverybyheart,Hofmannwasaskedtorecitethecreationmythonemore
time.(Hetellsthestory,memorably,inhis1979memoir,LSD,MyProblem
Child.)AsayoungchemistworkinginaunitofSandozLaboratoriescharged
withisolatingthecompoundsinmedicinalplantstofindnewdrugs,Hofmann
hadbeentaskedwithsynthesizing,onebyone,themoleculesinthealkaloids
producedbyergot.Ergotisafungusthatcaninfectgrain,oftenrye,occasionally
causingthosewhoconsumebreadmadefromittoappearmadorpossessed.
(OnetheoryoftheSalemwitchtrialsblamesergotpoisoningforthebehaviorof
thewomenaccused.)Butmidwiveshadlongusedergottoinducelaborand
stanchbleedingpostpartum,soSandozwashopingtoisolateamarketabledrug
fromthefungus’salkaloids.Inthefallof1938,Hofmannmadethetwenty-fifth
moleculeinthisseries,namingitlysergicaciddiethylamide,orLSD-25for
short.Preliminarytestingofthecompoundonanimalsdidnotshowmuch
promise(theybecamerestless,butthatwasaboutit),sotheformulaforLSD-25
wasputontheshelf.
Andthereitremainedforfiveyears,untiloneAprildayin1943,inthe
middleofthewar,whenHofmannhad“apeculiarpresentiment”thatLSD-25
deservedasecondlook.Herehisaccounttakesaslightlymysticalturn.
Normally,whenacompoundshowingnopromisewasdiscarded,heexplained,it
wasdiscardedforgood.ButHofmann“likedthechemicalstructureoftheLSD
molecule,”andsomethingaboutittoldhimthat“thissubstancecouldpossess
propertiesotherthanthoseestablishedinthefirstinvestigations.”Another
mysteriousanomalyoccurredwhenhesynthesizedLSD-25forthesecondtime.
Despitethemeticulousprecautionshealwaystookwhenworkingwitha
substanceastoxicasergot,Hofmannmustsomehowhaveabsorbedabitofthe
chemicalthroughhisskin,becausehe“wasinterruptedinmyworkbyunusual
sensations.”
Hofmannwenthome,laydownonacouch,and“inadreamlikestate,with
eyesclosed...Iperceivedanuninterruptedstreamoffantasticpictures,
extraordinaryshapeswithintense,kaleidoscopicplayofcolors.”Thusunfolds
theworld’sfirstLSDtrip,inneutralSwitzerlandduringthedarkestdaysof
WorldWarII.ItisalsotheonlyLSDtripevertakenthatwasentirelyinnocentof
expectation.
Intrigued,Hofmanndecidedafewdayslatertoconductanexperimenton
himself—notanuncommonpracticeatthetime.Proceedingwithwhathe
thoughtwasextremecaution,heingested0.25milligrams—amilligramisone-
thousandthofagram—ofLSDdissolvedinaglassofwater.Thiswould
representaminusculedoseofanyotherdrug,butLSD,itturnsout,isoneofthe
mostpotentpsychoactivecompoundseverdiscovered,activeatdosesmeasured
inmicrograms—thatis,onethousandthofamilligram.Thissurprisingfact
wouldsooninspirescientiststolookfor,andeventuallyfind,thebrainreceptors
andtheendogenouschemical—serotonin—thatactivatesthemlikeakeyina
lock,asawaytoexplainhowsuchasmallnumberofmoleculescouldhavesuch
aprofoundeffectonthemind.Inthisandotherways,Hofmann’sdiscovery
helpedtolaunchmodernbrainscienceinthe1950s.
Nowunfoldstheworld’sfirstbadacidtripasHofmannisplungedintowhat
heiscertainisirretrievablemadness.Hetellshislabassistantheneedstoget
home,andwiththeuseofautomobilesrestrictedduringwartime,hesomehow
managestopedalhomebybicycleandliedownwhilehisassistantsummonsthe
doctor.(TodayLSDdevoteescelebrate“BicycleDay”eachyearonApril19.)
Hofmanndescribeshow“familiarobjectsandpiecesoffurnitureassumed
grotesque,threateningforms.Theywereincontinuousmotion,animatedasif
drivenbyaninnerrestlessness.”Heexperiencedthedisintegrationoftheouter
worldandthedissolutionofhisownego.“Ademonhadinvadedme,hadtaken
possessionofmybody,mind,andsoul.Ijumpedupandscreamed,tryingtofree
myselffromhim,butthensankdownagainandlayhelplessonthesofa.”
Hofmannbecameconvincedhewasgoingtoberenderedpermanentlyinsaneor
mightactuallybedying.“MyegowassuspendedsomewhereinspaceandIsaw
mybodylyingdeadonthesofa.”Whenthedoctorarrivedandexaminedhim,
however,hefoundthatallofHofmann’svitalsigns—heartbeat,bloodpressure,
breathing—wereperfectlynormal.Theonlyindicationsomethingwasamiss
werehispupils,whichweredilatedintheextreme.
Oncetheacuteeffectsworeoff,Hofmannfeltthe“afterglow”thatfrequently
followsapsychedelicexperience,theexactoppositeofahangover.Whenhe
walkedoutintohisgardenafteraspringrain,“everythingglistenedandsparkled
inafreshlight.Theworldwasasifnewlycreated.”We’vesincelearnedthatthe
experienceofpsychedelicsispowerfullyinfluencedbyone’sexpectation;no
otherclassofdrugsaremoresuggestibleintheireffects.BecauseHofmann’s
experienceswithLSDaretheonlyoneswehavethatareuncontaminatedby
previousaccounts,it’sinterestingtonotetheyexhibitneithertheEasternnorthe
Christianflavoringsthatwouldsoonbecomeconventionsofthegenre.However,
hisexperienceoffamiliarobjectscomingtolifeandtheworld“asifnewly
created”—thesamerapturousAdamicmomentthatAldousHuxleywould
describesovividlyadecadelaterinTheDoorsofPerception—wouldbecome
commonplacesofthepsychedelicexperience.
Hofmanncamebackfromhistripconvinced,first,thatLSDhadsomehow
foundhimratherthantheotherwayaroundand,second,thatLSDwould
somedaybeofgreatvaluetomedicineandespeciallypsychiatry,possiblyby
offeringresearchersamodelofschizophrenia.Itneveroccurredtohimthathis
“problemchild,”asheeventuallywouldregardLSD,wouldalsobecomea
“pleasuredrug”andadrugofabuse.
YetHofmannalsocametoregardtheyouthculture’sadoptionofLSDinthe
1960sasanunderstandableresponsetotheemptinessofwhathedescribedasa
materialist,industrialized,andspirituallyimpoverishedsocietythathadlostits
connectiontonature.Thismasterofchemistry—perhapsthemostmaterialistof
alldisciplines—emergedfromhisexperiencewithLSD-25convincedthe
moleculeofferedcivilizationnotonlyapotentialtherapeuticbutalsoaspiritual
balm—byopeningacrack“intheedificeofmaterialistrationality.”(Inthe
wordsofhisfriendandtranslator,JonathanOtt.)
Likesomanywhofollowedafterhim,thebrilliantchemistbecame
somethingofamystic,preachingagospelofspiritualrenewalandreconnection
withnature.Presentedwithabouquetofrosesthat2006dayinBasel,the
scientisttoldtheassembledthat“thefeelingofco-creaturelinesswithallthings
aliveshouldenterourconsciousnessmorefullyandcounterbalancethe
materialisticandnonsensicaltechnologicaldevelopmentsinordertoenableusto
returntotheroses,totheflowers,tonature,wherewebelong.”Theaudience
eruptedinapplause.
Askepticalwitnesstotheeventwouldnotbeentirelywrongtoregardthe
littlemanonthestageasthefounderofanewreligionandtheaudienceashis
congregation.Butifthisisareligion,it’sonewithasignificantdifference.
Typically,onlythefounderofareligionandperhapsafewearlyacolytescanlay
claimtothekindofauthoritythatflowsfromadirectexperienceofthesacred.
Foreveryonecomingafter,thereisthecomparativelythingruelofthestories,
thesymbolismofthesacrament,andfaith.Historyattenuatestheoriginalpower
ofitall,whichnowmustbemediatedbythepriests.Buttheextraordinary
promiseonofferintheChurchofPsychedelicsisthatanyoneatanytimemay
gainaccesstotheprimaryreligiousexperiencebymeansofthesacrament,
whichhappenstobeapsychoactivemolecule.Faithisrenderedsuperfluous.
Runningalongsidethecelebration’sspiritualundercurrent,however,there
also,perhapssomewhatincongruously,camescience.Duringtheweekend
symposiumfollowingtheobservationofHofmann’sbirthday,researchersfroma
varietyofdisciplines—includingneuroscience,psychiatry,pharmacology,and
consciousnessstudies,aswellasthearts—exploredtheimpactofHofmann’s
inventiononsocietyandcultureanditspotentialforexpandingour
understandingofconsciousnessandtreatingseveralintractablementaldisorders.
Ahandfulofresearchprojects,studyingtheeffectsofpsychedelicsonhumans,
hadbeenapprovedorwereunderwayinSwitzerlandandtheUnitedStates,and
scientistsatthesymposiumvoicedtheirhopethatthelonghiatusinpsychedelic
researchmightfinallybecomingtoanend.Irrationalexuberanceseemstobean
occupationalhazardamongpeopleworkinginthisarea,butin2006therewas
goodreasontothinktheweathermightactuallybeturning.
•••
THESECONDWATERSHEDEVENTof2006cameonlyfiveweekslaterwhentheU.S.
SupremeCourt,inaunanimousdecisionwrittenbythenewchiefjustice,John
G.RobertsJr.,ruledthattheUDV,atinyreligioussectthatusesahallucinogenic
teacalledayahuascaasitssacrament,couldimportthedrinktotheUnited
States,eventhoughitcontainstheschedule1substancedimethyltryptamine,or
DMT.TherulingwasbasedontheReligiousFreedomRestorationActof1993,
whichhadsoughttoclarifytheright(undertheFirstAmendment’sreligious
freedomclause)ofNativeAmericanstousepeyoteintheirceremonies,asthey
havedoneforgenerations.The1993lawsaysthatonlyifthegovernmenthasa
“compellinginterest”canitinterferewithone’spracticeofreligion.IntheUDV
case,theBushadministrationhadarguedthatonlyNativeAmericans,becauseof
their“uniquerelationship”tothegovernment,hadtherighttousepsychedelics
aspartoftheirworship,andevenintheircasethisrightcouldbeabridgedbythe
state.
TheCourtsoundlyrejectedthegovernment’sargument,interpretingthe1993
lawtomeanthat,absentacompellingstateinterest,thefederalgovernment
cannotprohibitarecognizedreligiousgroupfromusingpsychedelicsubstances
intheirobservances.Evidently,thisincludesrelativelynewandtinyreligious
groupsspecificallyorganizedaroundapsychedelicsacrament,or“plant
medicine,”astheayahuasqueroscalltheirtea.TheUDVisaChristianspiritist
sectfoundedin1961inBrazilbyJoséGabrieldaCosta,arubbertapperinspired
byrevelationsheexperiencedafterreceivingayahuascafromanAmazonian
shamantwoyearsbefore.Thechurchclaims17,000membersinsixcountries,
butatthetimeoftherulingtherewereonly130AmericanmembersoftheUDV.
(TheinitialsstandforUniãodoVegetal,orUnionofthePlants,because
ayahuascaismadebybrewingtogethertwoAmazonianplantspecies,
BanisteriopsiscaapiandPsychotriaviridis.)
TheCourt’sdecisioninspiredsomethingofareligiousawakeningaround
ayahuascainAmerica.Todaytherearecloseto525Americanmembersofthe
church,withcommunitiesinninelocations.Tosupplythem,theUDVhasbegun
growingtheplantsneededtomaketheteainHawaiiandshippingittogroupson
themainlandwithoutinterference.ButthenumberofAmericansparticipatingin
ayahuascaceremoniesoutsidetheUDVhasalsomushroomedintheyearssince,
andanygivennightthereareprobablydozensifnothundredsofceremonies
takingplacesomewhereinAmerica(withconcentrationsintheSanFrancisco
BayAreaandBrooklyn).Federalprosecutionsforpossessionorimportationof
ayahuascaappeartohavestopped,atleastforthetimebeing.
Withits2006decision,theSupremeCourtseemstohaveopenedupa
religiouspath—narrow,perhaps,butfirmlyrootedintheBillofRights—tothe
legalrecognitionofpsychedelicdrugs,atleastwhenthey’rebeingusedasa
sacramentbyareligiouscommunity.Itremainstobeseenhowwideorwelltrod
thatpathwillbecome,butitdoesmakeyouwonderwhatthegovernment,and
theCourt,willdowhenanAmericanJoséGabrieldaCostastepsforwardand
attemptstoturnhisorherownpsychedelicrevelationsintoanewreligionintent
onusingapsychoactivechemicalasitssacrament.Thejurisprudenceof
“cognitiveliberty,”assomeinthepsychedeliccommunitycallit,isstillscant
andlimited(toreligion),butnowithadbeenaffirmed,openinganewcrackin
theedificeofthedrugwar.
•••
OFTHETHREE2006EVENTSthathelpedbringpsychedelicsoutoftheirdecades-
longslumber,byfarthemostfar-reachinginitsimpactwasthepublicationthat
summerofthepaperinPsychopharmacologydescribedintheprologue—theone
BobJessee-mailedmeatthetimebutthatIdidn’tbothertoopen.Thisevent,
too,hadadistinctlyspiritualcast,eventhoughtheexperimentitreportedwas
theworkofarigorousandhighlyregardedscientist:RolandGriffiths.Itjustso
happensthatGriffiths,amostunlikelypsychedelicresearcher,wasinspiredto
investigatethepowerofpsilocybintooccasiona“mystical-type”experienceby
amysticalexperienceofhisown.
Griffiths’slandmarkpaper,“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type
ExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaningandSpiritual
Significance,”wasthefirstrigorouslydesigned,double-blind,placebo-
controlledclinicalstudyinmorethanfourdecades—ifnotever—toexaminethe
psychologicaleffectsofapsychedelic.Itreceivedasmalltorrentofpress
coverage,mostofitsoenthusiasticastomakeyouwonderifthemoralpanic
aroundpsychedelicsthattookholdinthelate1960smightfinallyhaverunits
course.Nodoubtthepositivetenorofthecoverageowedmuchtothefactthat,
atGriffiths’surging,thejournalhadinvitedseveraloftheworld’smost
prominentdrugresearchers—someofthemdecoratedsoldiersinthedrugwar—
tocommentonthestudy,givingthejournalistscoveringthestudyplentyof
ideologicalcover.
Allofthecommentatorstreatedthepublicationasamajorevent.HerbertD.
Kleber,aformerdeputytoWilliamBennett,GeorgeH.W.Bush’sdrugczar,and
laterdirectoroftheDivisiononSubstanceAbuseatColumbiaUniversity,
applaudedthepaperforitsmethodologicalrigorandacknowledgedtheremight
be“majortherapeuticpossibilities”inpsychedelicresearch“merit[ing]NIH
support.”Charles“Bob”Schuster,whohadservedtwoRepublicanpresidentsas
directoroftheNationalInstituteonDrugAbuse(NIDA),notedthattheterm
“psychedelic”impliesamind-expandingexperienceandexpressedhis“hope
thatthislandmarkpaperwillalsobe‘fieldexpanding.’”Hesuggestedthatthis
“fascinating”classofdrugs,andthespiritualexperiencetheyoccasion,might
proveusefulintreatingaddiction.
Griffiths’spaperanditsreceptionservedtoreinforceanimportantdistinction
betweentheso-calledclassicalpsychedelics—psilocybin,LSD,DMT,and
mescaline—andthemorecommondrugsofabuse,withtheirdemonstrated
toxicityandpotentialforaddiction.TheAmericandrugresearchestablishment,
suchasitis,hadsignaledinthepagesofoneofitsleadingjournalsthatthese
psychedelicdrugsdeservedtobetreatedverydifferentlyandhaddemonstrated,
inthewordsofonecommentator,“that,whenusedappropriately,these
compoundscanproduceremarkable,possiblybeneficial,effectsthatcertainly
deservefurtherstudy.”
Thestoryofhowthispapercametobeshedsaninterestinglightonthe
fraughtrelationshipbetweenscienceandthatotherrealmofhumaninquirythat
sciencehashistoricallydisdainedandgenerallywantsnothingtodowith:
spirituality.Forindesigningthis,thefirstmodernstudyofpsilocybin,Griffiths
haddecidedtofocusnotonapotentialtherapeuticapplicationofthedrug—the
pathtakenbyotherresearchershopingtorehabilitateotherbannedsubstances,
likeMDMA—butratheronthespiritualeffectsoftheexperienceonso-called
healthynormals.Whatgoodwasthat?
InaneditorialaccompanyingGriffiths’spaper,theUniversityofChicago
psychiatristanddrugabuseexpertHarrietdeWittriedtoaddressthistension,
pointingoutthatthequestforexperiencesthat“freeoneselfoftheboundsof
everydayperceptionandthoughtinasearchforuniversaltruthsand
enlightenment”isanabidingelementofourhumanitythathasnevertheless
“enjoyedlittlecredibilityinthemainstreamscientificworld.”Thetimehad
come,shesuggested,forscience“torecognizetheseextraordinarysubjective
experiences...eveniftheysometimesinvolveclaimsaboutultimaterealities
thatlieoutsidethepurviewofscience.”
•••
ROLANDGRIFFITHSmightbethelastscientistonewouldeverimaginegetting
mixedupwithpsychedelics,whichsurelyhelpsexplainhissuccessinreturning
psychedelicresearchtoscientificrespectability.Sixfeettallandrailthin,
Griffiths,inhisseventies,holdshimselfboltupright;theonlyundisciplined
thingabouthimisathatchofwhitehairsodenseitappearstohaveheldhis
combtoadraw.Atleastuntilyougethimtalkingabouttheultimatequestions,
whichlighthimup,hecomesacrossastheultimatestraightarrow:sober,
earnest,andmethodical.
Bornin1944,GriffithsgrewupinElCerrito,California,intheBayArea,
andwenttoOccidentalCollegeforhisundergraduateeducation(majoringin
psychology)andthenontotheUniversityofMinnesotatostudy
psychopharmacology.AtMinnesotainthelate1960s,hecameunderthe
influenceofB.F.Skinner,theradicalbehavioristwhohelpedshiftthefocusof
psychologyfromtheexplorationofinnerstatesandsubjectiveexperiencetothe
studyofoutwardbehaviorandhowitisconditioned.Behaviorismhaslittle
interestinplumbingthedepthsofthehumanpsyche,buttheapproachproved
veryusefulinstudyingbehaviorslikedruguseanddependence,whichbecame
Griffiths’sspecialty.Psychedelicdrugsplayednoroleineitherhisformalorhis
informaleducation.BythetimeGriffithsgottograduateschool,Timothy
Leary’snotoriouspsychedelicresearchprojectatHarvardhadalreadycollapsed
inscandal,and“itwasclearfrommymentorsthatthesewerecompoundsthat
hadnofuture.”
In1972,rightoutofgraduateschool,GriffithswashiredatJohnsHopkins,
wherehehasworkedeversince,makinghismarkasaresearcherstudyingthe
mechanismsofdependenceinavarietyoflegalandillegaldrugs,includingthe
opiates,theso-calledsedativehypnotics(likeValium),nicotine,alcohol,and
caffeine.WorkingundergrantsfromtheNationalInstituteonDrugAbuse,
Griffithshelpedpioneerthesortsofexperimentsinwhichananimal,oftena
baboonorarat,ispresentedwithaleverallowingittoself-administervarious
drugsintravenously,apowerfultoolforresearchersstudyingreinforcement,
dependence,preferences(lunchormorecocaine?),andwithdrawal.Thefifty-
fivepapershepublishedexploringtheaddictivepropertiesofcaffeine
transformedthefield,helpingustoseecoffeelessasafoodthanasadrug,and
ledtothelistingof“caffeinewithdrawal”syndromeinthemostrecenteditionof
theDiagnosticandStatisticalManualofMentalDisorders,orDSM5.Bythe
timeGriffithsturnedfifty,in1994,hewasascientistatthetopofhisgameand
hisfield.
ButthatyearGriffiths’scareertookanunexpectedturn,theresultoftwo
serendipitousintroductions.Thefirstcamewhenafriendintroducedhimto
SiddhaYoga.Despitehisbehavioristorientationasascientist,Griffithshad
alwaysbeeninterestedinwhatphilosopherscallphenomenology—the
subjectiveexperienceofconsciousness.Hehadtriedmeditationasagraduate
studentbutfoundthat“hecouldn’tsitstillwithoutgoingstark-ravingmad.
Threeminutesfeltlikethreehours.”Butwhenhetrieditagainin1994,
“somethingopenedupforme.”Hestartedmeditatingregularly,goingon
retreats,andworkinghiswaythroughavarietyofEasternspiritualtraditions.He
foundhimselfdrawn“deeperanddeeperintothismystery.”
Somewherealongtheway,Griffithshadwhathemodestlydescribesas“a
funnykindofawakening”—amysticalexperience.Iwassurprisedwhen
Griffithsmentionedthisduringourfirstmeetinginhisoffice,soIhadn’t
followedup,butevenafterIhadgottentoknowhimalittlebetter,Griffithswas
stillreluctanttosaymuchmoreaboutexactlywhathappenedand,assomeone
whohadneverhadsuchanexperience,Ihadtroublegaininganytractionwith
theideawhatsoever.Allhewouldtellmeisthattheexperience,whichtook
placeinhismeditationpractice,acquaintedhimwith“somethingway,way
beyondamaterialworldviewthatIcan’treallytalktomycolleaguesabout,
becauseitinvolvesmetaphorsorassumptionsthatI’mreallyuncomfortablewith
asascientist.”
Intime,whathewaslearningabout“themysteryofconsciousnessand
existence”inhismeditationpracticecametoseemmorecompellingtohimthan
hisscience.Hebegantofeelsomewhatalienated:“NoneofthepeopleIwas
closetohadanyinterestinentertainingthosequestions,whichfellintothe
generalcategoryofthespiritual,andreligiouspeopleIjustdidn’tget.
“HereIam,afullprofessor,publishinglikecrazy,runningofftoimportant
meetings,andthinkingIwasafraud.”Hebegantoloseinterestintheresearch
thathadorganizedhiswholeadultlife.“Icouldstudyanewsedativehypnotic,
learnsomethingnewaboutbrainreceptors,beonanotherFDA[FoodandDrug
Administration]panel,gotoanotherconference,butsowhat?Iwasmore
emotionallyandintellectuallycuriousaboutwherethisotherpathmightlead.
Mydrugresearchbegantoseemvacuous.Iwasgoingthroughthemotionsat
work,muchmoreinterestedingoinghomeintheeveningtomeditate.”Theonly
wayhecouldmotivatehimselftocontinuewritinggrantswastothinkofitasa
“serviceproject”forhisgraduatestudentsandpostdocs.
Inthecaseofhiscaffeineresearch,Griffithshadbeenabletotakehis
curiosityaboutadimensionofhisownexperience—whydidhefeelcompelled
todrinkcoffeeeveryday?—andturnitintoaproductivelineofscientific
inquiry.Buthecouldseenowaytodothatwithhisdeepeningcuriosityabout
thedimensionsofconsciousnessthatmeditationhadopeneduptohim.“Itnever
occurredtometherewasanywaytostudyitscientifically.”Stymiedandbored,
Griffithsbegantoentertainthoughtsofquittingscienceandgoingofftoan
ashraminIndia.
ItwasaroundthistimethatBobSchuster,anoldfriendandcolleaguewho
hadrecentlyretiredasheadoftheNationalInstituteonDrugAbuse,phoned
GriffithstosuggesthetalktoayoungmanhehadrecentlymetatEsalennamed
BobJesse.Jessehadorganizedasmallgatheringofresearchers,therapists,and
religiousscholarsatthelegendaryBigSurretreatcentertodiscussthespiritual
andtherapeuticpotentialofpsychedelicdrugsandhowtheymightbe
rehabilitated.Jessehimselfwasneitheramedicalprofessionalnorascientist;he
wasacomputerengineer,avicepresidentofbusinessdevelopmentatOracle,
whohadmadeithismissiontorevivethescienceofpsychedelics—butasatool
notsomuchofmedicineasofspiritualdevelopment.
GriffithshadtoldSchusteralittleabouthisspiritualpracticeandconfidedin
himhisgrowingdiscontentwithconventionaldrugresearch.
“Youshouldtalktothisguy,”Schustertoldhim.“Theyhavesomeinteresting
ideasaboutworkingwithentheogens,”hesaid.“Youmighthavesomethingin
common.”
•••
WHENTHEHISTORYofsecond-wavepsychedelicresearchiswritten,BobJesse
willbeseenasoneofapairofscientificoutsidersinAmerica—amateurs,really,
andbrillianteccentrics—whoworkedtirelessly,oftenbehindthescenes,togetit
offtheground.Bothfoundtheirvocationinthewakeoftransformative
psychedelicexperiencesthatconvincedthemthesesubstanceshadthepotential
tohealnotonlyindividualsbuthumankindasawholeandthatthebestpathto
theirrehabilitationwasbywayofcrediblescientificresearch.Inmanycases,
theseuntrainedresearchersdreameduptheexperimentsfirstandthenfound
(andfunded)thescientiststoconductthem.Oftenyouwillfindtheirnameson
thepapers,usuallyinthelastposition.
Ofthetwo,RickDoblinhasbeenatitlongerandisbyfarthemorewell
known.DoblinfoundedtheMultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelic
Studies(MAPS)allthewaybackinthedarkdaysof1986—theyearafter
MDMAwasmadeillegalandatimewhenmostwiserheadswereconvincedthat
restartingresearchintopsychedelicswasacausebeyondhopeless.
Doblin,bornin1953,isagreatshaggydogwithabone;hehasbeen
lobbyingtochangethegovernment’smindaboutpsychedelicssinceshortlyafter
graduatingfromNewCollege,inFlorida,in1987.Afterexperimentingwith
LSDasanundergraduate,andlaterwithMDMA,Doblindecidedhiscallingin
lifewastobecomeapsychedelictherapist.ButafterthebanningofMDMAin
1985,thatdreambecameunachievablewithoutachangeinfederallawsand
regulations,sohedecidedhe’dbetterfirstgetadoctorateinpublicpolicyat
Harvard’sKennedySchool.There,hemasteredtheintricaciesoftheFDAsdrug
approvalprocess,andinhisdissertationplottedthelaboriouspathtoofficial
acceptancethatpsilocybinandMDMAarenowfollowing.
Doblinisdisarmingly,perhapshelplessly,candid,happytotalkopenlytoa
reporterabouthisformativepsychedelicexperiencesaswellaspoliticalstrategy
andtactics.LikeTimothyLeary,Doblinisthehappiestofwarriors,nevernot
smilingandexhibitingadegreeofenthusiasmfortheworkyouwouldn’texpect
fromamanwhohasbeenknockinghisheadagainstthesamewallforhisentire
adultlife.DoblinworksoutofasomewhatDickensianofficetuckedintothe
atticofhisramblingcolonialinBelmont,Massachusetts,atadeskstackedtothe
ceilingwithprecariouspilesofmanuscripts,journalarticles,photographs,and
memorabiliareachingbackmorethanfortyyears.Someofthememorabilia
commemoratesthetimeearlyinhiscareerwhenDoblindecidedthebestwayto
endsectarianstrifewouldbetomailagroupoftheworld’sspiritualleaders
tabletsofMDMA,adrugfamousforitsabilitytobreakdownbarriersbetween
peopleandkindleempathy.Aroundthesametime,hearrangedtohavea
thousanddosesofMDMAsenttopeopleintheSovietmilitarywhowere
workingonarmscontrolnegotiationswithPresidentReagan.
ForDoblin,winningFDAapprovalforthemedicaluseofpsychedelics—
whichhebelievesisnowinview,forbothMDMAandpsilocybin—isameans
toamoreambitiousandstillmorecontroversialend:theincorporationof
psychedelicsintoAmericansocietyandculture,notjustmedicine.Thisof
courseisthesamewinningstrategyfollowedbythecampaigntodecriminalize
marijuana,inwhichpromotingthemedicalusesofcannabischangedthedrug’s
image,leadingtoamoregeneralpublicacceptance.
Notsurprisingly,thissortoftalkranklesmorecautiousheadsinthe
community(BobJesseamongthem),butRickDoblinisnotonetosoft-pedalhis
agendaortoeventhinkabouttakinganinterviewofftherecord.Thisgetshima
lotofpress;howmuchithelpsthecauseisdebatable.Butthereisnoquestion
thatespeciallyinthelastseveralyearsDoblinhassucceededingettingimportant
researchapprovedandfunded,especiallyinthecaseofMDMA,whichhaslong
beenMAPS’smainfocus.MAPShassponsoredseveralsmallclinicaltrialsthat
havedemonstratedMDMAsvalueintreatingpost-traumaticstressdisorder,or
PTSD.(Doblindefinespsychedelicsgenerously,soastoincludeMDMAand
evencannabis,eventhoughtheirmechanismsofactioninthebrainarevery
differentfromthatoftheclassicalpsychedelics.)Butbeyondhelpingthose
sufferingwithPTSDandotherindications—MAPSissponsoringaclinical
studyatUCLAthatinvolvestreatingautisticadultswithMDMA—Doblin
believesferventlyinthepowerofpsychedelicstoimprovehumankindby
disclosingaspiritualdimensionofconsciousnessweallshare,regardlessofour
religiousbeliefsorlackthereof.“Mysticism,”helikestosay,“istheantidoteto
fundamentalism.”
•••
COMPAREDWITHRICKDOBLIN,BobJesseisamonk.Thereisnothingshaggyor
uncarefulabouthim.Taut,pressshy,anddisposedtochoosehiswordswitha
pairoftweezers,Jesse,nowinhisfifties,preferstodohisworkoutofpublic
view,andpreferablyfromtheone-roomcabinwherehelivesbyhimselfinthe
ruggedhillsnorthofSanFrancisco,offthegridexceptforafastInternet
connection.
“BobJesseislikethepuppeteer,”KatherineMacLeantoldme.MacLeanisa
psychologistwhoworkedinRolandGriffiths’slabfrom2009until2013.“He’s
thevisionaryguyworkingbehindthescenes.”
FollowingJesse’smeticulousdirections,IdrovenorthfromtheBayArea,
eventuallywindingupattheendofanarrowdirtroadinacountyheaskedme
nottoname.Iparkedatatrailheadandmademywaypastthe“NoTrespassing”
signs,followingapathupahillthatbroughtmetohispicturesquemountaintop
camp.IfeltasifIweregoingtovisitthewizard.Theshipshapelittlecabinis
tightfortwo,soJessehassetoutamongthefirtreesandboulderssome
comfortablesofas,chairs,andtables.He’salsobuiltanoutdoorkitchenand,ona
shelfofrockcommandingaspectacularviewofthemountains,anoutdoor
shower,givingthecampthefeelingofahouseturnedinsideout.
Wespentthebetterpartofanearlyspringdayoutdoorsinhislivingroom,
sippingherbalteaanddiscussinghisnotablyquietercampaigntorestore
psychedelicstorespectability—amasterplaninwhichRolandGriffithsplaysa
centralrole.“I’malittlecamerashy,”hebegan,“soplease,nopicturesor
recordingsofanykind.”
Jesseisaslender,compactfellowwithasquarishheadofcloselycropped
grayhairandrimlessrectangularglassesthatareunostentatiouslystylish.Jesse
seldomsmilesandhassomeofthestiffnessIassociatewithengineers,though
occasionallyhe’llsurpriseyouwithaflashofemotionhewillimmediatelythen
caption:“Youmayhavenoticedthatthinkingaboutthatsubjectmademyeyes
getalittlewatery.Letmeexplainwhy...”Notonlydoeshechoosehisown
wordswithgreatcare,butheinsiststhatyoudotoo,so,forexample,whenI
carelesslydeployedtheterm“recreationaluse,”hestoppedmeinmid-sentence.
“Maybeweneedtoreexaminethatterm.Typically,itisusedtotrivializean
experience.Butwhy?Initsliteralmeaning,theword‘recreation’implies
somethingdecidedlynontrivial.Thereismuchmoretobesaid,butlet’s
bookmarkthistopicforanothertime.Pleasegoon.”MynotesshowthatJesse
tookourfirstconversationonandofftherecordhalfadozentimes.
JessegrewupoutsideBaltimoreandwenttoJohnsHopkins,wherehe
studiedcomputerscienceandelectricalengineering.Forseveralyearsinhis
twenties,heworkedforBellLabs,commutingweeklyfromBaltimoretoNew
Jersey.Duringthisperiod,hecameoutoftheclosetandpersuadedmanagement
torecognizethecompany’sfirstgayandlesbianemployeegroup.(Atthetime,
AT&T,theparentcompany,employedsome300,000people.)Later,he
persuadedAT&Tmanagementtoflyarainbowflagoverheadquartersduring
GayPrideWeekandsendadelegationtomarchintheparade.Thisachievement
formedBobJesse’spoliticaleducation,impressingonhimthevalueofworking
behindthesceneswithoutmakingalotofnoiseordemandingcredit.
JessemovedtoOracle,andtheBayArea,in1990,becomingemployee
number8766—notoneofthefirst,butearlyenoughtohaveacquiredachunkof
stockinthecompany.Itwasn’tlongbeforeOraclefieldeditsowncontingentin
SanFrancisco’sGayPrideParade,andafterJesse’sgentleproddingofsenior
managementOraclebecameoneofthefirstFortune500companiestooffer
benefitstothesame-sexpartnersofitsemployees.
Jesse’scuriosityaboutpsychedelicswasfirstpiquedduringadrugeducation
unitinhishighschoolscienceclass.Thisparticularclassofdrugswasneither
physicallynorpsychologicallyaddictive,hewastold(correctly);histeacher
wentontodescribethedrugs’effects,includingshiftsinconsciousnessand
visualperceptionthatJessefoundintriguing.“Icouldsensetherewasevenmore
herethantheyweretellingus,”herecalled.“SoImadeamentalnote.”Buthe
wouldnotbereadytoseeforhimselfwhatpsychedelicswereallaboutuntil
muchlater.Why?Heansweredinthethirdperson:“Aclosetedgaykidmightbe
afraidofwhatmightcomeoutifhelethisguarddown.”
Inhistwenties,whileworkingatBellLabs,Jessefellinwithagroupof
friendsinBaltimorewhodecided,inamostdeliberateway,toexperimentwith
psychedelics.Someonewouldalwaysremain“closetogroundlevel”incase
anyoneneededhelporthedoorbellrang,anddosesescalatedgradually.Itwas
duringoneoftheseSaturdayafternoonexperiments,inanapartmentin
Baltimore,thatJesse,twenty-fiveyearsoldandhavingingestedahighdoseof
LSD,hadapowerful“non-dualexperience”thatwouldprovetransformative.I
askedhimtodescribeit,andaftersomehemmingandhawing—“Ihopeyou’ll
bracketwhatissensitive”—hegingerlyproceededtotellthestory.
“Iwaslyingonmybackunderneathaficustree,”herecalls.“Iknewitwas
goingtobeastrongexperience.AndthepointcamewherethelittleIstillwas
juststartedslippingaway.Ilostallawarenessofbeingonthefloorinan
apartmentinBaltimore;Icouldn’ttellifmyeyeswereopenedorclosed.What
openedupbeforemewas,forlackofabetterword,aspace,butnotourordinary
conceptofspace,justthepureawarenessofarealmwithoutformandvoidof
content.Andintothatrealmcameacelestialentity,whichwastheemergenceof
thephysicalworld.Itwaslikethebigbang,butwithouttheboomortheblinding
light.Itwasthebirthofthephysicaluniverse.Inonesenseitwasdramatic—
maybethemostimportantthingthateveroccurredinthehistoryoftheworld—
yetitjustsortofhappened.”
Iaskedhimwherehewasinallthis.
“Iwasadiffuselylocatedobserver.Iwascoextensivewiththisemergence.”
HereIlethimknowhewaslosingme.Longpause.“I’mhesitatingbecausethe
wordsareanawkwardfit;wordsseemtooconstraining.”Ineffabilityisofcourse
ahallmarkofthemysticalexperience.“Theawarenesstranscendsanyparticular
sensorymodality,”heexplained,unhelpfully.Wasitscary?“Therewasnoterror,
onlyfascinationandawe.”Pause.“Um,maybealittlefear.”
Fromhereon,Jessewatched(orwhateveryoucallit)thebirthof...
everything,intheunfoldingofanepicsequencebeginningwiththeappearance
ofcosmicdustleadingtothecreationofthestarsandthenthesolarsystems,
followedbytheemergenceoflifeandfromtherethearrivalof“whatwecall
humans,”thentheacquisitionoflanguageandtheunfoldingofawareness,“all
thewayuptoone’sself,hereinthisroom,surroundedbymyfriends.Ihad
comeallthewaybacktorightwhereIwas.Howmuchclocktimehadelapsed?
Ihadnoidea.
“WhatstandsoutmostformeisthequalityoftheawarenessIexperienced,
somethingentirelydistinctfromwhatI’vecometoregardasBob.Howdoesthis
expandedawarenessfitintothescopeofthings?TotheextentIregardthe
experienceasveridical—andaboutthatI’mstillnotsure—ittellsmethat
consciousnessisprimarytothephysicaluniverse.Infact,itprecedesit.”Didhe
nowbelieveconsciousnessexistsoutsidethebrain?He’snotcertain.“Buttogo
frombeingverysurethattheoppositeistrue”—thatconsciousnessistheproduct
ofourgraymatter—“tobeunsureisanimmenseshift.”Iaskedhimifheagreed
withsomethingI’dreadtheDalaiLamahadsaid,thattheideathatbrainscreate
consciousness—anideaacceptedwithoutquestionbymostscientists—“isa
metaphysicalassumption,notascientificfact.”
“Bingo,”Jessesaid.“Andforsomeonewithmyorientation”—agnostic,
enamoredofscience—“thatchangeseverything.”
•••
HERE’SWHATIDON’TGETaboutanexperiencelikeBobJesse’s:Whyintheworld
wouldyouevercredititatall?Ididn’tunderstandwhyyouwouldn’tsimplyfile
itunder“interestingdream”or“drug-inducedfantasy.”Butalongwiththe
feelingofineffability,theconvictionthatsomeprofoundobjectivetruthhasbeen
disclosedtoyouisahallmarkofthemysticalexperience,regardlessofwhether
ithasbeenoccasionedbyadrug,meditation,fasting,flagellation,orsensory
deprivation.WilliamJamesgaveanametothisconviction:thenoeticquality.
Peoplefeeltheyhavebeenletinonadeepsecretoftheuniverse,andthey
cannotbeshakenfromthatconviction.AsJameswrote,“Dreamscannotstand
thistest.”Nodoubtthisiswhysomeofthepeoplewhohavesuchanexperience
goontofoundreligions,changingthecourseofhistoryor,inagreatmanymore
cases,thecourseoftheirownlives.“Nodoubt”isthekey.
Icanthinkofacoupleofwaystoaccountforsuchaphenomenon,neither
entirelysatisfying.Themoststraightforwardandyethardesttoaccept
explanationisthatit’ssimplytrue:thealteredstateofconsciousnesshasopened
thepersonuptoatruththattherestofus,imprisonedinordinarywaking
consciousness,simplycannotsee.Sciencehastroublewiththisinterpretation,
however,because,whatevertheperceptionis,itcan’tbeverifiedbyits
customarytools.It’sananecdotalreport,ineffect,andsohasnovalue.Science
haslittleinterestin,andtolerancefor,thetestimonyoftheindividual;inthisit
is,curiously,muchlikeanorganizedreligion,whichhasabigproblemcrediting
directrevelationtoo.Butit’sworthpointingoutthattherearecaseswhere
sciencehasnochoicebuttorelyonindividualtestimony—asinthestudyof
subjectiveconsciousness,whichisinaccessibletoourscientifictoolsandsocan
onlybedescribedbythepersonexperiencingit.Herephenomenologyistheall-
importantdata.However,thisisnotthecasewhenascertainingtruthsaboutthe
worldoutsideourheads.
Theproblemwithcreditingmysticalexperiencesispreciselythattheyoften
seemtoerasethedistinctionbetweeninsideandoutside,inthewaythatBob
Jesse’s“diffuseawareness”seemedtobehisbutalsotoexistoutsidehim.This
pointstothesecondpossibleexplanationforthenoeticsense:whenoursenseof
asubjective“I”disintegrates,asitoftendoesinahigh-dosepsychedelic
experience(aswellasinmeditationbyexperiencedmeditators),itbecomes
impossibletodistinguishbetweenwhatissubjectivelyandobjectivelytrue.
What’slefttodothedoubtingifnotyourI?
•••
INTHEYEARSfollowingthatfirstpowerfulpsychedelicjourney,BobJessehada
seriesofotherexperiencesthatshiftedthecourseofhislife.LivinginSan
Franciscointheearly1990s,hegotinvolvedintheravesceneanddiscovered
thatthe“collectiveeffervescence”ofthebestall-nightdanceparties,withor
withoutpsychedelic“materials,”couldalsodissolvethe“subject-objectduality”
andopenupnewspiritualvistas.Hebegantoexplorevariousspiritualtraditions,
fromBuddhismtoQuakerismtomeditation,andfoundhisprioritiesinlife
graduallyshifting.“Itbegantooccurtomethatspendingtimeinthisareamight
actuallybefarmoreimportantandfarmorefulfillingthanwhatIhadbeen
doing”asacomputerengineer.
WhileonasabbaticalfromOracle(hewouldleaveforgoodin1995),Jesse
setupanonprofitcalledtheCouncilonSpiritualPractices(CSP),withtheaim
of“makingdirectexperienceofthesacredmoreavailabletomorepeople.”The
websitedownplaystheorganization’sinterestinpromotingentheogens—Bob
Jesse’spreferredtermforpsychedelics—butdoesdescribeitsmissionin
suggestiveterms:“toidentifyanddevelopapproachestoprimaryreligious
experiencethatcanbeusedsafelyandeffectively.”Thewebsite(csp.org)offers
anexcellentbibliographyofpsychedelicresearchandregularupdatesonthe
workunderwayatJohnsHopkins.CSPwouldalsoplayaroleinsupportingthe
UDVlawsuitthatresultedinthe2006SupremeCourtdecision.
TheCouncilonSpiritualPracticesgrewoutofJesse’ssystematicexploration
ofthepsychedelicliteratureandthepsychedeliccommunityintheBayArea
soonafterhemovedtoSanFrancisco.Inhishighlydeliberate,slightly
obsessive,andscrupulouslypoliteway,Jessecontactedtheregion’snumerous
“psychedelicelders”—therichcastofcharacterswhohadbeendeeplyinvolved
inresearchandtherapyintheyearsbeforemostofthedrugswerebannedin
1970,withthepassingoftheControlledSubstancesAct,andtheclassificationof
LSDandpsilocybinasschedule1substanceswithahighpotentialforabuseand
norecognizedmedicaluse.TherewasJamesFadiman,theStanford-trained
psychologistwhohaddonepioneeringresearchonpsychedelicsandproblem
solvingattheInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudyinMenloPark,until
theFDAhaltedthegroup’sworkin1966.(Intheearly1960s,therewasatleast
asmuchpsychedelicresearchgoingonaroundStanfordastherewasatHarvard;
itjustdidn’thaveacharacterofthewattageofaTimothyLearyouttalking
aboutit.)ThentherewasFadiman’scolleagueattheinstituteMyronStolaroff,a
prominentSiliconValleyelectricalengineerwhoworkedasaseniorexecutiveat
Ampex,themagneticrecordingequipmentmaker,untilanLSDtripinspiredhim
togiveupengineering(muchlikeBobJesse)foracareerasapsychedelic
researcherandtherapist.JessealsofoundhiswayintotheinnercircleofSasha
andAnnShulgin,legendaryBayAreafigureswhoheldweeklydinnersfora
communityoftherapists,scientists,andothersinterestedinpsychedelics.(Sasha
Shulgin,whodiedin2014,wasabrilliantchemistwhoheldaDEAlicense
allowinghimtosynthesizenovelpsychedeliccompounds,whichhedidin
prodigiousnumbers.HealsowasthefirsttosynthesizeMDMAsinceithadbeen
patentedbyMerckin1912andforgotten.Recognizingitspsychoactive
properties,heintroducedtheso-calledempathogentotheBayArea’s
psychotherapycommunity.Onlylater,diditbecometheclubdrugknownas
Ecstasy.)JessealsobefriendedHustonSmith,thescholarofcomparative
religion,whosemindhadbeenopenedtothespiritualpotentialofpsychedelics
when,asaninstructor/lectureratMITin1962,heservedasavolunteerinthe
GoodFridayExperiment,fromwhichhecameawayconvincedthatamystical
experienceoccasionedbyadrugwasnodifferentfromanyotherkind.
Bywayofthese“elders”andhisownreading,Jessebeganunearthingthe
richbodyoffirst-wavepsychedelicresearch,muchofwhichhadbeenlostto
science.Helearnedthattherehadbeenmorethanathousandscientificpaperson
psychedelicdrugtherapybefore1965,involvingmorethanfortythousand
researchsubjects.Beginninginthe1950sandcontinuingintotheearly1970s,
psychedeliccompoundshadbeenusedtotreatavarietyofconditions—
includingalcoholism,depression,obsessive-compulsivedisorder,andanxietyat
theendoflife—frequentlywithimpressiveresults.Butfewofthestudieswere
wellcontrolledbymodernstandards,andsomeofthemwerecompromisedby
theenthusiasmoftheresearchersinvolved.
OfevenkeenerinteresttoBobJessewastheearlyresearchexploringthe
potentialofpsychedelicstocontributetowhat,inastrikingphrase,hecalls“the
bettermentofwellpeople.”Therehadbeenstudiesin“healthynormals”of
artisticandscientificcreativityandspirituality.Themostfamousofthesewas
theGoodFriday,orMarshChapel,Experiment,conductedin1962byWalter
Pahnke,apsychiatristandministerworkingonaPhDdissertationatHarvard
underTimothyLeary.Inthisdouble-blindexperiment,twentydivinitystudents
receivedacapsuleofwhitepowderduringaGoodFridayserviceatMarsh
ChapelontheBostonUniversitycampus,tenofthemcontainingpsilocybin,ten
an“activeplacebo”—inthiscaseniacin,whichcreatesatinglingsensation.
Eightofthetenstudentsreceivingpsilocybinreportedapowerfulmystical
experience,whileonlyoneinthecontrolgroupdid.(Tellingthemapartwasnot
difficult,renderingthedoubleblindasomewhathollowconceit:thoseonthe
placebosatsedatelyintheirpewswhiletheotherslaydownorwanderedabout
thechapel,mutteringthingslike“Godiseverywhere”and“Oh,theGlory!”)
Pahnkeconcludedthattheexperiencesofthosewhoreceivedthepsilocybin
were“indistinguishablefrom,ifnotidenticalwith,”theclassicmystical
experiencesreportedintheliterature.HustonSmithagreed.“UntiltheGood
FridayExperiment,”hetoldaninterviewerin1996,“Ihadhadnodirect
personalencounterwithGod.”
In1986,RickDoblinconductedafollow-upstudyoftheGoodFriday
Experimentinwhichhetrackeddownandinterviewedallbutoneofthedivinity
studentswhoreceivedpsilocybinatMarshChapel.Mostreportedthatthe
experiencehadreshapedtheirlivesandworkinprofoundandenduringways.
However,DoblinfoundseriousflawsinPahnke’spublishedaccount:Pahnke
hadfailedtomentionthatseveralsubjectshadstruggledwithacuteanxiety
duringtheirexperience.Onehadtoberestrainedandgivenaninjectionof
Thorazine,apowerfulantipsychotic,afterhefledfromthechapelandheaded
downCommonwealthAvenue,convincedhehadbeenchosentoannouncethe
newsofthecomingoftheMessiah.
InthisandasecondreviewofanotherTimothyLeary–supervised
experiment,ofrecidivismatConcordStatePrison,Doblinhadraisedtroubling
questionsaboutthequalityoftheresearchdoneintheHarvardPsilocybin
Project,suggestingthattheenthusiasmoftheexperimentershadtaintedthe
reportedresults.Ifthisresearchweregoingtoberevivedandtakenseriously,
Jesseconcluded,itwouldhavetobedonewithconsiderablymorerigorand
objectivity.AndyettheresultsoftheGoodFridayExperimentwerehighly
suggestiveand,asBobJesseandRolandGriffithswouldsoondecide,well
worthtryingtoreproduce.
•••
BOBJESSESPENTtheearly1990sexcavatingtheknowledgeaboutpsychedelics
thathadbeenlostwhenformalresearchwashaltedandinformalresearchwent
underground.Inthis,hewasalittlelikethoseRenaissancescholarswho
rediscoveredthelostworldofclassicalthoughtinahandfulofmanuscripts
squirreledawayinmonasteries.However,inthiscase,considerablylesstime
hadelapsed,sotheknowledgeremainedinthebrainsofpeoplestillalive,like
JamesFadimanandMyronStolaroffandWillisHarman(anotherBayArea
engineerturnedpsychedelicresearcher),whomerelyhadtobeaskedforit,and
inscientificpapersinlibrariesanddatabases,whichmerelyhadtobesearched.
Butifthereisamodernanalogytothemedievalmonasterywheretheworldof
classicalthoughtwassavedfromoblivion,aplacewherethegutteringflameof
psychedelicknowledgewasassiduouslyfannedduringitsowndarkage,that
placewouldhavetobeEsalen,thelegendaryretreatcenterinBigSur,
California.
PerchedonacliffoverlookingthePacificasifbarelyclingingtothe
continent,theEsalenInstitutewasfoundedin1962andeversincehasbeena
centerofgravityfortheso-calledhumanpotentialmovementinAmerica,
servingastheunofficialcapitaloftheNewAge.Agreatmanytherapeuticand
spiritualmodalitiesweredevelopedandtaughthereovertheyears,includingthe
therapeuticandspiritualpotentialofpsychedelics.Beginningin1973,Stanislav
Grof,theCzechémigrépsychiatristwhoisoneofthepioneersofLSD-assisted
psychotherapy,servedasscholarinresidenceatEsalen,buthehadconducted
workshopsthereforyearsbefore.Grof,whohasguidedthousandsofLSD
sessions,oncepredictedthatpsychedelics“wouldbeforpsychiatrywhatthe
microscopeisforbiologyorthetelescopeisforastronomy.Thesetoolsmakeit
possibletostudyimportantprocessesthatundernormalcircumstancesarenot
availablefordirectobservation.”HundredscametoEsalentopeerthroughthat
microscope,ofteninworkshopsGrofledforpsychotherapistswhowantedto
incorporatepsychedelicsintheirpractices.Manyifnotmostofthetherapists
andguidesnowdoingthisworkundergroundlearnedtheircraftatthefeetof
StanGrofintheBigHouseatEsalen.
WhethersuchworkcontinuedatEsalenafterLSDwasmadeillegalis
uncertain,butitwouldn’tbesurprising:theplaceisperchedsofaroutoverthe
edgeofthecontinentastofeelbeyondthereachoffederallawenforcement.But
atleastofficially,suchworkshopsendedwhenLSDbecameillegal.Grofbegan
teachinginsteadsomethingcalledholotropicbreathwork,atechniquefor
inducingapsychedelicstateofconsciousnesswithoutdrugs,bymeansofdeep,
rapid,andrhythmicbreathing,usuallyaccompaniedbylouddrumming.Yet
Esalen’sroleinthehistoryofpsychedelicsdidnotendwiththeirprohibition.It
becametheplacewherepeoplehopingtobringthesemoleculesbackintothe
culture,whetherasanadjuncttotherapyorameansofspiritualdevelopment,
mettoplottheircampaigns.
InJanuary1994,BobJessemanagedtogethimselfinvitedtoonesuch
meetingatEsalen.WhilehelpingoutwiththedishesafteraFridaynightdinner
attheShulgins’,Jesselearnedthatagroupoftherapistsandscientistswouldbe
gatheringinBigSurtodiscusstheprospectsforrevivingpsychedelicresearch.
ThereweresignsthatthedoorWashington,D.C.,hadslammedshutonresearch
inthelate1960smightbeopening,ifonlyacrack:CurtisWright,anew
administratorattheFDA(and,asithappens,aformerstudentofRoland
Griffiths’satHopkins),hadsignaledthatresearchprotocolsforpsychedelics
wouldbetreatedlikeanyother—judgedontheirmerits.Testingthisnew
receptivity,apsychiatristattheUniversityofNewMexiconamedRick
Strassmanhadsoughtandreceivedapprovaltostudythephysiologicaleffectsof
DMT,apowerfulpsychedeliccompoundfoundinmanyplants.Thissmalltrial
markedthefirstfederallysanctionedexperimentwithapsychedeliccompound
sincethe1970s—inretrospect,awatershedevent.
Aroundthesametime,RickDoblinandCharlesGrob,apsychiatristat
UCLA,hadsucceededinpersuadingthegovernmenttoapprovethefirsthuman
trialofMDMA.(Grobisoneofthefirstpsychiatriststoadvocateforthereturn
ofpsychedelicstopsychotherapy;helaterconductedthefirstmoderntrialof
psilocybinforcancerpatients.)TheyearbeforetheEsalengathering(which
GrobandDoblinbothattended),DavidNichols,aPurdueUniversitychemist
andpharmacologist,launchedtheHeffterResearchInstitute(namedforthe
Germanchemistwhofirstidentifiedthemescalinecompoundin1897)withthe
thenimprobableambitionoffundingseriouspsychedelicscience.(Heffterhas
sincehelpedfundmanyofthemoderntrialsofpsilocybin.)Sotherewere
scatteredhopefulsignsintheearly1990sthatconditionswereripeningfora
revivalofpsychedelicresearch.Thetinycommunitythathadsustainedsucha
dreamthroughthedarkagesbegan,tentatively,quietly,toorganize.
EventhoughJessewasnewtothiscommunity,andneitherascientistnora
therapist,heaskedifhecouldattendtheEsalenmeetingandofferedtomake
himselfuseful,refillingwaterglassesifthat’swhatittook.Mostofthegathering
wastakenupwithdiscussionsofthepotentialmedicalapplicationsof
psychedelics,aswellastheneedforbasicresearchontheneuroscience.Jesse
wasstruckbythefactthatsolittleattentionwaspaidtothespiritualpotentialof
thesecompounds.Heleftthemeetingconvincedthat“okay,thereisroomto
maneuverhere.Iwashopingoneofthesepeoplewouldpickuptheballandrun
withit,buttheywerebusywiththeotherball.SoImadeadecisiontoseeka
leaveofabsencefromOracle.”Withinayear,JessewouldlaunchtheCouncilon
SpiritualPractices,andwithintwothecouncilwouldconveneitsownmeetingat
Esalen,inJanuary1996,withtheaimofopeningasecondfrontinthecampaign
toresurrectpsychedelics.
Fittingly,thegatheringtookplaceintheMaslowRoomatEsalen,namedfor
thepsychologistwhosewritingsonthehierarchyofhumanneedsunderscored
theimportanceof“peakexperiences”inself-actualization.Mostofthefifteenin
attendancewere“psychedelicelders,”therapistsandresearcherslikeJames
FadimanandWillisHarman,MarkKleiman,thenadrug-policyexpertatthe
KennedySchool(andRickDoblin’sthesistutorthere),andreligiousfigureslike
HustonSmith,BrotherDavidSteindl-Rast,andJeffreyBronfman,theheadof
theUDVchurchinAmerica(andheirtotheSeagram’sliquorfortune).ButJesse
wiselydecidedtoinviteanoutsideraswell:Charles“Bob”Schuster,whohad
servedbothRonaldReaganandGeorgeH.W.BushasdirectoroftheNational
InstituteonDrugAbuse.Jessedidn’tknowSchusterwellatall;theyhadonce
spokenbrieflyataconference.ButJessecameawayfromtheencounterthinking
Schusterjustmightbereceptivetoaninvitation.
ExactlywhyBobSchuster—aleadingfigureintheacademicestablishment
undergirdingthedrugwar—wouldbeopentotheideaofcomingtoEsalento
discussthespiritualpotentialofpsychedelicswasamystery,atleastuntilIhad
theopportunitytospeaktohiswidow,Chris-EllynJohanson.Johanson,whois
alsoadrugresearcher,paintedapictureofamanofexceptionallybroadinterests
anddeepcuriosity.
“Bobwasopen-mindedtoafault,”shetoldme,withalaugh.“Hewouldtalk
toanyone.”LikemanypeopleintheNIDAcommunity,Schusterwell
understoodthatpsychedelicsfitawkwardlyintotheprofileofadrugofabuse;
animals,giventhechoice,willnotself-administerapsychedelicmorethanonce,
andtheclassicalpsychedelicsexhibitremarkablylittletoxicity.IaskedJohanson
ifSchusterhadevertakenapsychedelichimself;RolandGriffithshadtoldme
hethoughtitwaspossible.(“Bobwasajazzmusician,”Griffithstoldme,“soI
wouldn’tbeatallsurprised.”)ButJohansonsaidno.“Hewasdefinitelycurious
aboutthem,”shetoldme,“butIthinkhewastooafraid.Weweremartini
people.”Iaskedifhewasaspiritualman.“Notreally,thoughIthinkhewould
havelikedtohavebeen.”
Jesse,notquitesurewhatSchusterwouldmakeofthemeeting,arrangedto
haveJimFadimanbunkwithhim,instructingFadiman,apsychologist,tocheck
himout.“EarlythenextmorningJimfoundmeandsaid,‘Bob,mission
accomplished.Youhavefoundagemofahumanbeing.’”
SchusterthoroughlyenjoyedhistimeatEsalen,accordingtohiswife.He
tookpartinadrummingcircleJessehadarranged—youdon’tleaveEsalen
withoutdoingsomesuchthing—andwasamazedtodiscoverhoweasilyhe
couldslipintoatrance.ButSchusteralsomadesomekeycontributionstothe
group’sdeliberations.HewarnedJesseoffworkingwithMDMA,whichhe
believedwastoxictothebrainandhadbythenacquiredanunsavoryreputation
asaclubdrug.Healsosuggestedthatpsilocybinwasamuchbettercandidatefor
researchthanLSD,largelyforpoliticalreasons:becausesomanyfewerpeople
hadheardofit,psilocybincarriednoneofthepoliticalandculturalbaggageof
LSD.
Bytheendofthemeeting,theEsalengrouphadsettledonashortlistof
objectives,someofthemmodest—todraftacodeofethicsforspiritualguides—
andothersmoreambitious:“togetaboveboard,unimpeachableresearchdone,at
aninstitutionwithinvestigatorsbeyondreproach,”and,ideally,“dothiswithout
anypretextofclinicaltreatment.”
“Weweren’tsurethatwaspossible,”Jessetoldme,butheandhiscolleagues
believed“itwouldbeabigmistakeifmedicalizationisallthathappens.”Whya
mistake?BecauseBobJessewasultimatelylessinterestedinpeople’smental
problemsthanwiththeirspiritualwell-being—inusingentheogensforthe
bettermentofwellpeople.
ShortlyaftertheEsalenmeeting,Schustermadewhatwouldturnouttobehis
mostimportantcontribution:tellingBobJesseabouthisoldfriendRoland
Griffiths,whomhedescribedasexactly“theinvestigatorbeyondreproach”Jesse
waslookingforand“ascientistofthefirstorder.”
“EverythingRoland’sdonehe’sdevotedhimselftocompletely,”Jesserecalls
Schustersaying,“includinghismeditationpractice.Wethinkit’schangedhim.”
GriffithshadsharedwithSchusterhisgrowingdissatisfactionwithscienceand
hisdeepeninginterestinthekindof“ultimatequestions”comingupinhis
meditationpractice.SchusterthenmadethecalltoGriffithstellinghimaboutthe
interestingyoungmanhe’djustmetatEsalen,explainingthattheysharedan
interestinspirituality,andsuggestingtheyshouldmeet.Afteranexchangeofe-
mails,JesseflewtoBaltimoretohavelunchwithGriffithsinthecafeteriaonthe
Bayviewmedicalcampus,inauguratingaseriesofconversationsandmeetings
thatwouldeventuallyleadtotheircollaborationonthe2006studyofpsilocybin
andmysticalexperienceatJohnsHopkins.
•••
BUTTHEREWASSTILLonemissingpieceofthepuzzleandthescientificteam.
MostofthedrugtrialsGriffithshadruninthepastinvolvedbaboonsandother
nonhumanprimates;hehadmuchlessclinicalexperienceworkingwithhumans
andrealizedheneededaskilledtherapisttojointheproject—a“master
clinician,”asheputit.Asithappened,BobJessehadmetapsychologistata
psychedelicconferenceafewyearsbeforewhonotonlyfilledthebillbutlived
inBaltimore.Stillmorefortuitous,thispsychologist,whosenamewasBill
Richards,probablyhasmoreexperienceguidingpsychedelicjourneysinthe
1960sand1970sthananyonealive,withthepossibleexceptionofStanGrof
(withwhomhehadonceworked).Infact,BillRichardsadministeredthevery
lastlegaldoseofpsilocybintoanAmerican,attheMarylandPsychiatric
ResearchCenteratSpringGroveStateHospitalinthespringof1977.Inthe
decadessince,hehadbeenpracticingmoreconventionalpsychotherapyoutof
hishomeinaleafyBaltimoreneighborhoodcalledWindsorHills,bidinghis
timeandwaitingpatientlyfortheworldtocomearoundsothathemightwork
withpsychedelicsonceagain.
“Inthebigpicture,”hetoldmethefirsttimewemetinhishomeoffice,
“thesedrugshavebeenaroundatleastfivethousandyears,andmanytimesthey
havesurfacedandhavebeenrepressed,sothiswasanothercycle.Butthe
mushroomstillgrows,andeventuallythisworkwouldcomearoundagain.Orso
Ihoped.”WhenhegotthecallfromBobJessein1998,andmetRolandGriffiths
shortlythereafter,hecouldn’tquitebelievehisgoodfortune.“Itwasthrilling.”
BillRichards,apreternaturallycheerfulmaninhisseventies,isabridge
betweenthetwoerasofpsychedelictherapy.WalterPahnkewasthebestmanat
hiswedding;heworkedcloselywithStanGrofatSpringGroveandvisited
TimothyLearyinMillbrook,NewYork,whereLearylandedafterhisexilefrom
Harvard.ThoughRichardslefttheMidwesthalfacenturyago,he’sretainedthe
speechpatternsofruralMichigan,wherehewasbornin1940.Richardstoday
sportsawhitegoatee,laughswithaninfectiouscackle,andendsmanyofhis
sentenceswithacheerful,up-spoken“y’know?”
Richards,whoholdsgraduatedegreesinbothpsychologyanddivinity,had
hisfirstpsychedelicexperiencewhileadivinitystudentatYalein1963.Hewas
spendingtheyearstudyinginGermany,attheUniversityofGöttingen,and
foundhimselfdrawntotheDepartmentofPsychiatry,wherehelearnedabouta
researchprojectinvolvingadrugcalledpsilocybin.
“Ihadnoideawhatthatwas,buttwofriendsofminehadparticipatedand
hadhadinterestingexperiences.”Oneofthem,whosefatherhadbeenkilledin
thewar,hadregressedtochildhoodtofindhimselfsittingonhisfatherslap.
TheotherhadhallucinationsofSSmenmarchinginthestreet.“Ihadneverhad
adecenthallucination,”Richardssaidwithachuckle,“andIwastryingtoget
someinsightintomychildhood.Inthosedays,Iviewedmyownmindasa
psychologicallaboratory,soIdecidedtovolunteer.
“Thiswasbeforetheimportanceofsetandsettingwasunderstood.Iwas
broughttoabasementroom,givenaninjection,andleftalone.”Arecipefora
badtrip,surely,butRichardshadpreciselytheoppositeexperience.“Ifelt
immersedinthisincrediblydetailedimagerythatlookedlikeIslamic
architecture,withArabicscript,aboutwhichIknewnothing.AndthenI
somehowbecametheseexquisitelyintricatepatterns,losingmyusualidentity.
AndallIcansayisthattheeternalbrillianceofmysticalconsciousness
manifesteditself.Myawarenesswasfloodedwithlove,beauty,andpeace
beyondanythingIeverhadknownorimaginedtobepossible.‘Awe,’‘glory,’
and‘gratitude’weretheonlywordsthatremainedrelevant.”
Descriptionsofsuchexperiencesalwayssoundalittlethin,atleastwhen
comparedwiththeemotionalimpactpeoplearetryingtoconvey;foralife-
transformingevent,thewordscanseempaltry.WhenImentionedthisto
Richards,hesmiled.“Youhavetoimagineacavemantransportedintothe
middleofManhattan.Heseesbuses,cellphones,skyscrapers,airplanes.Then
zaphimbacktohiscave.Whatdoeshesayabouttheexperience?‘Itwasbig,it
wasimpressive,itwasloud.’Hedoesn’thavethevocabularyfor‘skyscraper,’
‘elevator,’‘cellphone.’Maybehehasanintuitivesensetherewassomesortof
significanceorordertothescene.Buttherearewordsweneedthatdon’tyet
exist.We’vegotfivecrayonswhenweneedfiftythousanddifferentshades.”
Inthemiddleofhisjourney,oneofthepsychiatricresidentsstoppedbythe
roomtolookinonRichards,askinghimtositupsohecouldtesthisreflexes.
Astheresidenttappedhispatellartendonwithhislittlerubberhammer,Richards
remembersfeeling“compassionfortheinfancyofscience.Theresearchershad
noideawhatreallywashappeninginmyinnerexperientialworld,ofits
unspeakablebeautyorofitspotentialimportanceforallofus.”Afewdaysafter
theexperience,Richardsreturnedtothelabandasked,“Whatwasthatdrugyou
gaveme?Howisitspelled?
“Andtherestofmylifeisfootnotes!”
Yetafterseveralsubsequentpsilocybinsessionsfailedtoproduceanother
mysticalexperience,Richardsstartedtowonderifperhapshehadexaggerated
thatfirsttrip.Sometimelater,WalterPahnkearrivedattheuniversity,fresh
fromhisgraduateworkwithTimothyLearyatHarvard,andthetwobecame
friends.(ItwasRichardswhogavePahnkehisfirstpsychedelictripwhilethe
twowereinGermany;hehadapparentlynevertakenLSDorpsilocybinat
Harvard,thinkingitmightcompromisetheobjectivityoftheGoodFriday
Experiment.)PahnkesuggestedRichardstryonemoretime,butinaroomwith
softlighting,plants,andmusicandusingahigherdose.Onceagain,Richards
had“anincrediblyprofoundexperience.IrealizedIhadnotexaggeratedthefirst
tripbutinfacthadforgotten80percentofit.
“Ihaveneverdoubtedthevalidityoftheseexperiences,”Richardstoldme.
“ThiswastherealmofmysticalconsciousnessthatShankarawastalkingabout,
thatPlotinuswaswritingabout,thatSaintJohnoftheCrossandMeisterEckhart
werewritingabout.It’salsowhatAbrahamMaslowwastalkingaboutwithhis
‘peakexperiences,’thoughAbecouldgettherewithoutthedrugs.”Richards
wouldgoontostudypsychologyunderMaslowatBrandeisUniversity.“Abe
wasanaturalJewishmystic.Hecouldjustliedowninthebackyardandhavea
mysticalexperience.Psychedelicsareforthoseofuswhoaren’tsoinnately
gifted.”
Richardsemergedfromthosefirstpsychedelicexplorationsinpossessionof
threeunshakableconvictions.Thefirstisthattheexperienceofthesacred
reportedbothbythegreatmysticsandbypeopleonhigh-dosepsychedelic
journeysisthesameexperienceandis“real”—thatis,notjustafigmentofthe
imagination.
“Yougodeepenoughorfaroutenoughinconsciousnessandyouwillbump
intothesacred.It’snotsomethingwegenerate;it’ssomethingouttherewaiting
tobediscovered.Andthisreliablyhappenstononbelieversaswellasbelievers.”
Second,that,whetheroccasionedbydrugsorothermeans,theseexperiencesof
mysticalconsciousnessareinalllikelihoodtheprimalbasisofreligion.(Partly
forthisreasonRichardsbelievesthatpsychedelicsshouldbepartofadivinity
student’seducation.)Andthird,thatconsciousnessisapropertyoftheuniverse,
notbrains.Onthisquestion,heholdswithHenriBergson,theFrench
philosopher,whoconceivedofthehumanmindasakindofradioreceiver,able
totuneintofrequenciesofenergyandinformationthatexistoutsideit.“Ifyou
wantedtofindtheblondewhodeliveredthenewslastnight,”Richardsoffered
bywayofananalogy,“youwouldn’tlookforherintheTVset.”Thetelevision
setis,likethehumanbrain,necessarybutnotsufficient.
AfterRichardsfinishedwithhisgraduatestudiesinthelate1960s,hefound
workasaresearchfellowattheSpringGroveStateHospitaloutsideBaltimore,
whereamostimprobablecounterfactualhistoryofpsychedelicresearchwas
quietlyunfolding,farfromthenoiseandglaresurroundingTimothyLeary.
Indeed,thisisacasewheretheforceoftheLearynarrativehasbentthereceived
historyoutofshape,suchthatmanyofusassumetherewasnoserious
psychedelicresearchbeforeLearyarrivedatHarvardandnoseriousresearch
afterhewasfired.ButuntilBillRichardsadministeredpsilocybintohislast
volunteerin1977,SpringGrovewasactively(andwithoutmuchcontroversy)
conductinganambitiousprogramofpsychedelicresearch—muchofitunder
grantsfromtheNationalInstituteofMentalHealth—withschizophrenics,
alcoholicsandotheraddicts,cancerpatientsstrugglingwithanxiety,religious
andmentalhealthprofessionals,andpatientswithseverepersonalitydisorders.
SeveralhundredpatientsandvolunteersreceivedpsychedelictherapyatSpring
Grovebetweentheearly1960sandthemid-1970s.Inmanycases,the
researchersweregettingverygoodresultsinwell-designedstudiesthatwere
beingregularlypublishedinpeer-reviewedjournalssuchasJAMAandthe
ArchivesofGeneralPsychiatry.(RolandGriffithsisoftheopinionthatmuchof
thisresearchis“suspect,”butRichardstoldme,“Thesestudiesweren’tasbadas
peoplelikeRolandmightimply.”)Itisremarkablejusthowmuchofthework
beingdonetoday,atHopkinsandNYUandotherplaces,wasprefiguredat
SpringGrove;indeed,itishardtofindacontemporaryexperimentwith
psychedelicsthatwasn’talreadydoneinMarylandinthe1960sor1970s.
Atleastatthebeginning,theSpringGrovepsychedelicworkenjoyedlotsof
publicsupport.In1965,CBSNewsbroadcastanadmiringhour-long“special
report”onthehospital’sworkwithalcoholics,calledLSD:TheSpringGrove
Experiment.TheresponsetotheprogramwassopositivethattheMarylandstate
legislatureestablishedamultimillion-dollarresearchfacilityonthecampusof
theSpringGroveStateHospital,calledtheMarylandPsychiatricResearch
Center.StanGrof,WalterPahnke,andBillRichardswerehiredtohelprunit,
alongwithseveraldozenothertherapists,psychiatrists,pharmacologists,and
supportstaff.Equallyhardtobelievetodayisthefactthat,asRichardstoldme,
“wheneverwehiredsomeone,theywouldreceiveacoupleofLSDsessionsas
partoftheirtrainingtodothework.Wehadauthorization!Howelsecouldyou
besensitivetowhatwasgoingoninthemindofthepatient?Iwishwecoulddo
thatatHopkins.”
ThefactthatsuchanambitiousresearchprogramcontinuedatSpringGrove
wellintothe1970ssuggeststhestoryofthesuppressionofpsychedelicresearch
isalittlemorecomplicatedthantheconventionalnarrativewouldindicate.
Whileitistruethatsomeresearchprojects—suchasJimFadiman’screativity
trialsinPaloAlto—receivedordersfromWashingtontostop,otherprojectson
long-termgrantswereallowedtocontinueuntilthemoneyranout,asit
eventuallydid.Ratherthanshutdownallresearch,asmanyinthepsychedelic
communitybelievehappened,thegovernmentsimplymadeitmoredifficultto
getapprovals,andfundinggraduallydriedup.Astimewenton,researchers
foundthatontopofallthebureaucraticandfinancialhurdlestheyalsohadto
dealwith“thesnickertest”:Howwouldyourcolleaguesreactwhenyoutold
themyouwererunningexperimentswithLSD?Bythemid-1970s,psychedelics
hadbecomesomethingofascientificembarrassment—notbecausetheywerea
failure,butbecausetheyhadbecomeidentifiedwiththecountercultureandwith
disgracedscientistssuchasTimothyLeary.
ButtherewasnothingembarrassingaboutpsychedelicresearchatSpring
Groveinthelate1960sandearly1970s.Then,andthere,itlookedlikethe
future.“Wethoughtthiswasthemostincrediblefrontierinpsychiatry,”Richards
recalls.“Wewouldallsitaroundtheconferencetabletalkingabouthowwewere
goingtotrainthehundredsifnotthousandsoftherapiststhatwouldbeneededto
dothiswork.(Andlook,we’rehavingthesameconversationagaintoday!)
Therewereinternationalconferencesonpsychedelicresearch,andwehad
colleaguesthroughoutEuropedoingsimilarwork.Thefieldwastakingoff.But
intheendthesocietalforceswerestrongerthanwewere.”
In1971,RichardNixondeclaredTimothyLeary,awashed-uppsychology
professor,“themostdangerousmaninAmerica.”Psychedelicswerenourishing
thecounterculture,andthecounterculturewassappingthewillingnessof
America’syoungtofight.TheNixonadministrationsoughttobluntthe
counterculturebyattackingitsneurochemicalinfrastructure.
Wasthesuppressionofpsychedelicresearchinevitable?Manyofthe
researchersIinterviewedfeelthatitmighthavebeenavoidedhadthedrugsnot
leapedthelaboratorywalls—acontingencythat,fairlyornot,mostofthem
blamesquarelyonthe“antics,”“misbehavior,”and“evangelism”ofTimothy
Leary.
StanislavGrofbelievesthatpsychedelicsloosed“theDionysianelement”on
1960sAmerica,posingathreattothecountry’spuritanvaluesthatwasboundto
berepulsed.(Hetoldmehealsothinksthesamethingcouldhappenagain.)
RolandGriffithspointsoutthatoursisnotthefirstculturetofeelthreatenedby
psychedelics:thereasonR.GordonWassonhadtorediscovermagicmushrooms
inMexicowasthattheSpanishhadsuppressedthemsoeffectively,deeming
themdangerousinstrumentsofpaganism.
“Thatsayssomethingimportantabouthowreluctantculturesaretoexpose
themselvestothechangesthesekindsofcompoundscanoccasion,”hetoldme
thefirsttimewemet.“Thereissomuchauthoritythatcomesoutoftheprimary
mysticalexperiencethatitcanbethreateningtoexistinghierarchicalstructures.”
•••
BYTHEMID-1970S,theLSDworkatSpringGrove,muchofwhichwasstate
funded,hadbecomeapoliticalhotpotatoinAnnapolis.In1975,theRockefeller
CommissioninvestigatingtheCIAdisclosedthattheagencyhadalsobeen
runningLSDexperimentsinMaryland,atFortDetrick,aspartofamind-control
projectcalledMK-Ultra.(Aninternalmemothecommissionreleasedconcisely
setforththeagency’sobjective:“Canwegetcontrolofanindividualtothepoint
wherehewilldoourbiddingagainsthiswillandevenagainstfundamentallaws
ofnature,suchasself-preservation?”)ItwasrevealedthattheCIAwasdosing
bothgovernmentemployeesandcivilianswithouttheirknowledge;atleastone
personhaddied.ThenewsthatMarylandtaxpayerswerealsosupporting
researchwithLSDpromptlyblewupintoascandal,andpressuretoclosedown
psychedelicresearchatSpringGrovebecameirresistible.
“Prettysoonitwasjustmeandtwosecretaries,”Richardsrecalls.“Andthen
itwasover.”
TodayRolandGriffiths,whowouldpickupthethreadofresearchthatwas
droppedwhentheworkatSpringGroveended,marvelsatthefactthatthefirst
waveofpsychedelicresearch,promisingasitwas,wouldendforreasonshaving
nothingtodowithscience.“Weendedupdemonizingthesecompounds.Can
youthinkofanotherareaofsciencethoughttobesodangerousandtaboothat
allresearchgetsshutdownfordecades?It’sunprecedentedinmodernscience.”
Sotoo,perhaps,isthesheeramountofscientificknowledgethatwassimply
erased.
In1998,Griffiths,Jesse,andRichardsbegandesigningapilotstudyloosely
basedontheGoodFridayExperiment.“Itwasn’tapsychotherapystudy,”
Richardspointsout.“Itwasastudydesignedtodeterminewhetherpsilocybin
canelicitatranscendentalexperience.Thatwewereabletoobtainpermissionto
giveittohealthynormalsisatributetoRoland’slonghistoryofcommanding
respectbothatHopkinsandinWashington.”In1999,theprotocolwas
approved,butonlyafterwendingitswaythroughfivelayersofreviewat
HopkinsaswellastheFDAandtheDEA.(ManyofGriffiths’sHopkins
colleagueswereskepticaloftheproposal,worriedpsychedelicresearchmight
jeopardizefederalfunding;onetoldmetherewere“peopleintheDepartmentof
Psychiatryandthebroaderinstitutionwhoquestionedthework,becausethis
classofcompoundscarriesalotofbaggagefromthe’60s.”)
“Wehadfaiththatthepeopleonallthesecommitteeswouldbegood
scientists,”Richardstoldme.“Andwithluckmaybeafewofthemhadtried
mushroomsincollege!”RolandGriffithsbecametheprincipalinvestigatorof
thetrial,BillRichardsbecametheclinicaldirector,andBobJessecontinuedto
workbehindthescenes.
“IcanvividlyrememberthefirstsessionIranafterthatlongtwenty-two-year
hiatus,”Richardsrecalled.HeandIweretogetherinthesessionroomat
Hopkins;Iwassittingonthecouchwherethevolunteersliedownduringtheir
journeys,andRichardswasinthechairwherehehasnowsatandguidedmore
thanahundredpsilocybinjourneyssince1999.Theroomfeelsmorelikeaden
orlivingroomthanaroominalaboratory,withaplushsofa,vaguelyspiritual
paintingsonthewalls,asculptureoftheBuddhaonasidetable,andshelves
holdingagiantstonemushroomandvariousothernondenominationalspiritual
artifacts,aswellasthesmallchaliceinwhichthevolunteersreceivetheirpills.
“Thisguyislyingonthecouchrighttherewhereyouare,withtears
streamingdownhisface,andI’mthinking,howabsolutelybeautifuland
meaningfulthisexperienceis.Howsacred.Howcanthiseverhavebeenillegal?
It’sasifwemadeenteringGothiccathedralsillegal,ormuseums,orsunsets!
“Ihonestlyneverknewifthiswouldhappenagaininmylifetime.Andlook
atwherewearenow:theworkatHopkinshasbeengoingonnowforfifteen
years—fiveyearslongerthanSpringGrove.”
•••
IN1999,anoddbutintriguingadvertisementbeganappearinginweekliesinthe
BaltimoreandWashington,D.C.,area,undertheheadline“Interestedinthe
SpiritualLife?”
Universityresearchwithentheogens(roughly,God-evoking
substancessuchaspeyoteandsacredmushrooms)hasreturned.
Thefieldofstudyincludespharmacology,psychology,creativity
enhancement,andspirituality.Toexplorethepossibilityof
participatinginconfidentialentheogenresearchprojects,call1-
888-585-8870,tollfree.www.csp.org.
Notlongafter,BillRichardsandMaryCosimano,asocialworkerandschool
guidancecounselorRichardsrecruitedtohelphimguidepsychedelicsessions,
administeredthefirstlegaldoseofpsilocybintoanAmericanintwenty-two
years.Intheyearssince,theHopkinsteamhasconductedmorethanthree
hundredpsilocybinsessions,workinginavarietyofpopulations,including
healthynormals,long-termandnovicemeditators,cancerpatients,smokers
seekingtobreaktheirhabit,andreligiousprofessionals.Iwascurioustogetthe
volunteers-eyeviewoftheexperiencefromallthesetypes,butespeciallyfrom
thatfirstcohortofhealthynormals,partlybecausetheywereparticipantsina
studythatwouldturnouttobehistoricallyimportantandpartlybecauseI
figuredtheywouldbethemostlike,well,me.Whatisitliketohavealegally
sanctioned,professionallyguided,optimallycomfortablehigh-dosepsilocybin
experience?
Yetthevolunteersinthefirstexperimentswerenotexactlylikeme,because
atthetimeIdoubtIwouldhavereadpast“InterestedintheSpiritualLife?”
Therewerenostone-coldatheistsintheoriginalgroup,andinterviewswith
nearlyadozenofthemsuggestedmanyifnotmostofthemcameintothestudy
withspiritualleaningstoonedegreeoranother.Therewasanenergyhealer,a
manwho’ddonethewholeIronJohntrip,aformerFranciscanfriar,andan
herbalist.TherewasalsoaphysicistwithaninterestinZenandaphilosophy
professorwithaninterestintheology.RolandGriffithsacknowledged,“Wewere
interestedinaspiritualeffectandwerebiasingtheconditioninitially[inthat
direction].”
Thatsaid,Griffithswenttogreatlengthsinthedesignofthestudytocontrol
for“expectancyeffects.”InpartthisowedtoGriffiths’sskepticismthatadrug
couldoccasionthesamekindofmysticalexperiencehehadhadinhis
meditation:“ThisisalltruthtoBillandhypothesistome.Soweneededto
controlforBill’sbiases.”Allofthevolunteerswere“hallucinogennaive,”so
hadnoideawhatpsilocybinfeltlike,andneithertheynortheirmonitorsknewin
anygivensessionwhethertheyweregettingpsilocybinoraplacebo,and
whetherthatplacebowasasugarpilloranyoneofhalfadozendifferent
psychoactivedrugs.InfacttheplacebowasRitalin,andasitturnedout,the
monitorsguessedwrongnearlyaquarterofthetimeastowhatwasinthepilla
volunteerhadreceived.
Evenyearsaftertheirexperiencesinthetrials,thevolunteersIspoketo
recalledtheminvividdetailandatconsiderablelength;theinterviewslasted
hours.Thesepeoplehadbigstoriestotell;inseveralcases,thesewerethemost
meaningfulexperiencesoftheirlives,andtheyclearlyrelishedtheopportunity
torelivethemformeingreatdetail,whetherinperson,bySkype,oronthe
telephone.Thevolunteerswerealsorequiredtowriteareportoftheir
experiencessoonaftertheyoccurred,andalloftheonesIinterviewedwere
happytosharethesereports,whichmadeforstrangeandfascinatingreading.
ManyofthevolunteersIspoketoreportedinitialepisodesofintensefearand
anxietybeforesurrenderingthemselvestotheexperience—asthesitters
encouragethemtodo.Thesittersworkfromasetof“flightinstructions”
preparedbyBillRichards,basedonthehundredsofpsychedelicjourneyshehas
guided.Theguidesgoovertheinstructionswiththevolunteersduringtheeight
hoursofpreparationallofthemreceivebeforecommencingtheirjourneys.
Theflightinstructionsadviseguidestousemantraslike“Trustthetrajectory”
and“TLO—Trust,LetGo,BeOpen.”SomeguidesliketoquoteJohnLennon:
“Turnoffyourmind,relaxandfloatdownstream.”
Volunteersaretoldtheymayexperiencethe“death/transcendenceofyourego
oreverydayself,”butthisis“alwaysfollowedbyRebirth/Returntothe
normativeworldofspace&time.Safestwaytoreturntonormalistoentrustself
unconditionallytotheemergingexperiences.”Guidesareinstructedtoremind
volunteersthey’llneverbeleftaloneandnottoworryaboutthebodywhile
journeyingbecausetheguidesaretheretokeepaneyeonit.Ifyoufeelasifyou
are“dying,melting,dissolving,exploding,goingcrazyetc.—goahead.”
Volunteersarequizzed:“Ifyouseeadoor,whatdoyoudo?Ifyouseea
staircase,whatdoyoudo?”“Openit”and“climbupit”areofcoursetheright
answers.
Thiscarefulpreparationmeansthatacertainexpectancyeffectisprobably
unavoidable.Afterall,theresearchersarepreparingpeopleforamajor
experience,involvingdeathandrebirthandholdingthepotentialfor
transformation.“Itwouldbeirresponsiblenottowarnvolunteersthesethings
couldhappen,”GriffithspointedoutwhenIaskedifhisvolunteerswerebeing
“primed”foracertainkindofexperience.Onevolunteer—thephysicist—told
methatthe“mysticalexperiencequestionnaire”hefilledoutaftereverysession
alsoplantedexpectations.“Ilongtoseesomeofthestuffhintedatinthe
questionnaire,”hewroteafteranunderwhelmingsession—perhapsonthe
placebo.“Seeingeverythingasaliveandconnected,meetingthevoid,orsome
embodimentofdeitiesandthingslikethat.”Inthisandsomanyotherways,it
seems,theHopkinspsilocybinexperienceistheartifactnotonlyofthispowerful
moleculebutalsoofthepreparationandexpectationsofthevolunteer,theskills
andworldviewsofthesitters,BillRichards’sflightinstructions,thedecorofthe
room,theinwardfocusencouragedbytheeyeshadesandthemusic(andthe
musicitself,muchofwhichtomyearssoundsnotablyreligious),and,though
theymightnotbepleasedtohearit,themindsofthedesignersofthe
experiments.
Thesheersuggestibilityofpsychedelicsisoneoftheirdefining
characteristics,soinonesenseitisnowonderthatsomanyofthefirstcohortof
volunteersatHopkinshadpowerfulmysticalexperiences:theexperimentwas
designedbythreemenintenselyinterestedinmysticalstatesofconsciousness.
(AnditislikewisenowonderthattheEuropeanresearchersIinterviewedall
failedtoseeasmanyinstancesofmysticalexperienceintheirsubjectsasthe
Americansdidintheirs.)Andyet,forallthepriminggoingon,thefactremains
thatthepeoplewhoreceivedaplacebosimplydidn’thavethekindsof
experiencesthatvolunteeraftervolunteerdescribedtomeasthemost
meaningfulorsignificantintheirlives.
Soonafteravolunteertakesherpillfromthelittlechalice,butbeforeshe
feelsanyeffects,RolandGriffithswillusuallydropbythesessionroomtowish
herbonvoyage.Griffithsoftenusesaparticularmetaphorthatmadean
impressiononmanyofthevolunteersIspoketo.“Thinkofyourselfasan
astronautbeingblastedintoouterspace,”RichardBoothbyrecalledhimsaying.
Boothbyisaphilosophyprofessorwhowasinhisearlyfiftieswhenhe
volunteeredatHopkins.“You’regoingwayouttheretotakeitallinandengage
withwhateveryoufindthere,butyoucanbeconfidentthatwe’llbehere
keepinganeyeonthings.Thinkofusasgroundcontrol.We’vegotyou
covered.”
Fortheastronautbeingblastedintospace,theshudderofliftoffandstrainof
escapingEarth’sgravitationalfieldcanbewrenching—eventerrifying.Several
volunteersdescribetryingtoholdonfordearlifeastheyfelttheirsenseofself
rapidlydisintegrating.BrianTurner,whoatthetimeofhisjourneywasaforty-
four-year-oldphysicistworkingforamilitarycontractor(withasecurity
clearance),putitthisway:
Icouldfeelmybodydissolving,beginningwithmyfeet,untilitall
disappearedbuttheleftsideofmyjaw.Itwasreallyunpleasant;I
couldcountonlyafewteethleftandthebottompartofmyjaw.I
knewthatifthatwentawayIwouldbegone.ThenIremembered
whattheytoldme,thatwheneveryouencounteranythingscary,go
towardit.SoinsteadofbeingafraidofdyingIgotcuriousabout
whatwasgoingon.Iwasnolongertryingtoavoiddying.Instead
ofrecoilingfromtheexperience,Ibegantointerrogateit.Andwith
that,thewholesituationdissolvedintothispleasantfloatyfeeling,
andIbecamethemusicforawhile.
Soonafter,hefoundhimself“inalargecavewhereallmypastrelationships
werehangingdownasicicles:thepersonwhosatnexttomeinsecondgrade,
highschoolfriends,myfirstgirlfriend,allofthemwerethere,encasedinice.It
wasverycool.Ithoughtabouteachoftheminturn,rememberingeverything
aboutourrelationship.Itwasareview—somethingaboutthetrajectoryofmy
life.AllthesepeoplehadmademewhatIhadbecome.”
AmyCharnay,anutritionistandherbalistinherthirties,cametoHopkins
afteracrisis.Anavidrunner,shehadbeenstudyingforestecologywhenshefell
fromatreeandshatteredherankle,endingbothherrunningandherforestry
careers.Intheearlymomentsofherjourney,Amywasovercomebywavesof
guiltandfear.
“ThevisualIhadwasfromthe1800sandIwasuponthisstage.Twopeople
nexttomewereslippinganoosearoundmyneckwhileacrowdofpeople
watched,cheeringformydeath.Ifeltdrenchedwithguilt,justterrified.Iwasin
ahellrealm.AndIrememberBillasking,‘What’sgoingon?’
“‘I’mexperiencingalotofguilt.’Billreplied,‘That’saverycommonhuman
experience,’andwiththat,thewholeimageofbeinghangedpixilatedandthen
justdisappeared,tobereplacedbythistremendoussensationoffreedomand
interconnectedness.Thiswashugeforme.IsawthatifIcannameandadmita
feeling,confessittosomeone,itwouldletgo.Alittleolderandwiser,nowIcan
dothisformyself.”
Sometimelater,Charnayfoundherselfflyingaroundtheworldandthrough
timeperchedonthebackofabird.“Iwasawareenoughtoknowmybodywas
onthecouch,butIwasleavingmybodyandexperiencingthesethingsfirsthand.
Ifoundmyselfinadrummingcirclewithanindigenoustribesomewhere,andI
wasbeinghealedbutwasalsobeingthehealer.Thiswasveryprofoundforme.
Nothavingthattraditionallineage[ofahealer],IhadalwaysfeltlikeIwasa
phonydoingplantmedicine,butthismademeseeIwasconnectedtotheplants
andtopeoplewhouseplants,whetherforritualsorpsychedelicsorsalad!”
Duringasubsequentsession,Charnayreconnectedwithaboyfriendfromher
youthwhohaddiedinacaraccidentatnineteen.“Allofasuddenthereisa
pieceofPhillivinginmyleftshoulder.I’veneverhadanexperiencelikethat,
butitwassoreal.Idon’tknowwhyhe’syellowandlivesinmyleftshoulder—
whatdoesthatevenmean?—butIdon’tcare.He’sbackwithme.”Such
reconnectionswiththedeadarenotuncommon.RichardBoothby,whose
twenty-three-year-oldsonhadcommittedsuicideayearearlierafteryearsof
drugaddiction,toldme,“Oliverwasmorepresenttomenowthanhehadever
beenbefore.”
Thesupremeimportanceofsurrenderingtotheexperience,however
frighteningorbizarre,isstressedinthepreparatorysessionsandfigureslargely
inmanypeople’sjourneys,andbeyond.Boothby,thephilosopher,tookthe
advicetoheartandfoundthathecouldusetheideaasakindoftooltoshapethe
experienceinrealtime.Hewrote:
EarlyonIbegantoperceivethattheeffectsofthedrugrespond
strikinglytomyownsubjectivedetermination.If,inresponsetothe
swellingintensityofthewholeexperience,Ibegantotenseupwith
anxiety,thewholesceneappearstotighteninsomeway.ButifI
thenconsciouslyremindmyselftorelax,toletmyselfgointothe
experience,theeffectisdramatic.ThespaceinwhichIseemto
findmyself,alreadyenormous,suddenlyyawnsopenevenfurther
andtheshapesthatundulatebeforemyeyesappeartoexplodewith
newandevenmoreextravagantpatterns.OverandoveragainIhad
theoverwhelmingsenseofinfinitybeingmultipliedbyanother
infinity.IjokedtomywifeasshedrovemehomethatIfeltasifI
hadbeenrepeatedlysuckedintotheassholeofGod.
Boothbyhadwhatsoundsverymuchlikeaclassicmysticalexperience,
thoughhemaybethefirstinthelonglineofWesternmysticstoenterthedivine
realmthroughthatparticularaperture.
AtthedepthsofthisdeliriumIconceivedthatIwaseitherdyingor,
mostbizarrely,Iwasalreadydead.Allpointsofsecureattachment
toatrustworthysenseofrealityhadfallenaway.Whynotthink
thatIamdead?Andifthisisdying,Ithought,thensobeit.How
canIsaynotothis?
Atthispoint,atthegreatestdepthoftheexperience,Ifeltall
myorganizingcategoriesofopposition—dreamingand
wakefulness,lifeanddeath,insideandoutside,selfandother—
collapseintoeachother...Realityappearedtofoldinonitself,to
implodeinakindofecstaticcatastropheoflogic.Yetinthemidst
ofthishallucinatoryhurricaneIwashavingaweirdexperienceof
ultra-sublimity.AndIrememberrepeatingtomyselfagainand
again,“Nothingmatters,nothingmattersanymore.Iseethepoint!
Nothingmattersatall.”
Andthenitwasover.
Duringthelastfewhours,realitybeganslowly,effortlessly,to
stitchitselfbacktogether.Insyncwithsomeparticularlywowing
choralmusic,Ihadanincrediblymovingsenseoftriumphant
reawakening,asifanewdayweredawningafteralongand
harrowingnight.
•••
ATTHESAMETIMEIwasinterviewingRichardBoothbyandhisfellowvolunteers,
IwasreadingWilliamJames’saccountofmysticalconsciousnessinThe
VarietiesofReligiousExperienceinthehopeoforientingmyself.Andindeed
muchofwhatJameshadtosayhelpedmegetmybearingsamidthetorrentof
wordsandimagesIwascollecting.Jamesprefacedhisdiscussionofmystical
statesofconsciousnessbyadmittingthat“myownconstitutionshutsmeout
fromtheirenjoymentalmostentirely.”Almostentirely:whatJamesknowsabout
mysticalstateswasgleanednotjustfromhisreadingbutalsofromhisown
experimentswithdrugs,includingnitrousoxide.
Ratherthanattempttodefinesomethingasdifficulttograbholdofasa
mysticalexperience,Jamesoffersfour“marks”bywhichwemayrecognizeone.
Thefirstand,tohismind,“handiest”isineffability:“Thesubjectofit
immediatelysaysthatitdefiesexpression,thatnoadequatereportofitscontents
canbegiveninwords.”WiththepossibleexceptionofBoothby,allthe
volunteersIspoketoatonepointoranotherdespairedofconveyingthefull
forceofwhattheyhadexperienced,gamelythoughtheytried.“Youhadtobe
there”wasaregularrefrain.
ThenoeticqualityisJames’ssecondmark:“Mysticalstatesseemtothose
whoexperiencethemtobealsostatesofknowledge...Theyareilluminations,
revelationsfullofsignificanceandimportance...andasaruletheycarrywith
themacurioussenseofauthority.”
ForeveryvolunteerI’veinterviewed,theexperienceyieldedmanymore
answersthanquestions,and—curiouslyforwhatisafteralladrugexperience—
theseanswershadaboutthemaremarkablesturdinessanddurability.John
Hayes,apsychotherapistinhisfiftieswhowasoneofthefirstvolunteersat
Hopkins,
feltlikemysterieswerebeingunveiledandyetitallfeltfamiliar
andmorelikeIwasbeingremindedofthingsIhadalreadyknown.
Ihadasenseofinitiationintodimensionsofexistencemostpeople
neverknowexist,includingthedistinctsensethatdeathwas
illusory,inthesensethatitisadoorwewalkthroughintoanother
planeofexistence,thatwe’resprungfromaneternitytowhichwe
willreturn.
Whichistrueenough,Isuppose,buttosomeonehavingamystical
experience,suchaninsightacquirestheforceofrevealedtruth.
Somanyofthespecificinsightsgleanedduringthepsychedelicjourneyexist
onaknife-edgepoisedbetweenprofundityandutterbanality.Boothby,an
intellectualwithahighlydevelopedsenseofirony,struggledtoputwordstothe
deeptruthsabouttheessenceofourhumanityrevealedtohimduringoneofhis
psilocybinjourneys.
Ihaveattimesbeenalmostembarrassedbythem,asiftheygive
voicetoacosmicvisionofthetriumphoflovethatoneassociates
derisivelywiththeplatitudesofHallmarkcards.Allthesame,the
basicinsightsaffordedtomeduringthesessionstillseemforthe
mostpartcompelling.
Whatwasthephilosophyprofessorscompellinginsight?
“Loveconquersall.”
Jamestouchesonthebanalityofthesemysticalinsights:“thatdeepenedsense
ofthesignificanceofamaximorformulawhichoccasionallysweepsoverone.
‘I’veheardthatsaidallmylife,’weexclaim,‘butIneverrealizeditsfull
meaninguntilnow.’”Themysticaljourneyseemstoofferagraduateeducation
intheobvious.Yetpeoplecomeoutoftheexperienceunderstandingthese
platitudesinanewway;whatwasmerelyknownisnowfelt,takesonthe
authorityofadeeplyrootedconviction.And,moreoftenthannot,that
convictionconcernsthesupremeimportanceoflove.
KarinSokel,alifecoachandenergyhealerinherfifties,describedan
experience“thatchangedeverythingandopenedmeprofoundly.”Attheclimax
ofherjourney,shehadanencounterwithagodwhocalledhimself“IAm.”In
itspresence,sherecalled,“everyoneofmychakraswasexploding.Andthen
therewasthislight,itwasthepurelightofloveanddivinity,anditwaswithme
andnowordswereneeded.Iwasinthepresenceofthisabsolutepuredivine
loveandIwasmergingwithit,inthisexplosionofenergy...Justtalkingabout
itmyfingersaregettingelectric.Itsortofpenetratedme.Thecoreofourbeing,
Inowknew,islove.Atthepeakoftheexperience,Iwasliterallyholdingthe
faceofOsamabinLaden,lookingintohiseyes,feelingpurelovefromhimand
givingittohim.Thecoreisnotevil,itislove.Ihadthesameexperiencewith
Hitler,andthensomeonefromNorthKorea.SoIthinkwearedivine.Thisisnot
intellectual,thisisacoreknowingness.”
IaskedSokelwhatmadehersosurethiswasn’tadreamordrug-induced
fantasy—asuggestionthatprovednomatchforhernoeticsense.“Thiswasno
dream.ThiswasasrealasyouandIhavingthisconversation.Iwouldn’thave
understooditeitherifIhadn’thadthedirectexperience.Nowitishardwiredin
mybrainsoIcanconnecttoitanddooften.”
ThislastpointJamesalludestoinhisdiscussionofthethirdmarkofmystical
consciousness,whichis“transiency.”Foralthoughthemysticalstatecannotbe
sustainedforlong,itstracespersistandrecur,“andfromonerecurrenceto
anotheritissusceptibleofcontinuousdevelopmentinwhatisfeltasinner
richnessandimportance.”
ThefourthandlastmarkinJames’stypologyistheessential“passivity”of
themysticalexperience.“Themysticfeelsasifhisownwillwereinabeyance,
andindeedsometimesasifheweregraspedandheldbyasuperiorpower.”This
senseofhavingtemporarilysurrenderedtoasuperiorforceoftenleavesthe
personfeelingasifheorshehasbeenpermanentlytransformed.
FormostoftheHopkinsvolunteersIinterviewed,theirpsilocybinjourneys
hadtakenplacetenorfifteenyearsearlier,andyettheireffectswerestillkeenly
felt,insomecasesonadailybasis.“Psilocybinawakenedmylovingcompassion
andgratitudeinawayIhadneverexperiencedbefore,”apsychologistwho
askednottobenamedtoldmewhenIaskedheraboutlastingeffects.“Trust,
Lettinggo,Openness,andBeingwerethetouchstonesoftheexperienceforme.
NowIknowthesethingsinsteadofjustbelieving.”ShehadturnedBill
Richards’sflightinstructionsintoamanualforliving.
RichardBoothbydidmuchthesamething,convertinghisinsightabout
lettinggointoakindofethic:
Duringmysessionthisartofrelaxationitselfbecamethebasisof
animmenserevelation,asitsuddenlyappearedtomethat
somethinginthespiritofthisrelaxation,somethinginthe
achievementofaperfect,trustingandlovingopennessofspirit,is
theveryessenceandpurposeoflife.Ourtaskinlifeconsists
preciselyinaformoflettinggooffearandexpectations,an
attempttopurelygiveoneselftotheimpactofthepresent.
JohnHayes,thepsychotherapist,emergedwith“hissenseoftheconcrete
destabilized,”replacedbyaconviction“thatthere’sarealitybeneaththereality
ofordinaryperceptions.Itinformedmycosmology—thatthereisaworld
beyondthisone.”Hayesparticularlyrecommendstheexperiencetopeoplein
middleageforwhom,asCarlJungsuggested,experienceofthenuminouscan
helpthemnegotiatethesecondhalfoftheirlives.Hayesadded,“Iwouldnot
recommendittoyoungpeople.”
Charnay’sjourneyatHopkinssolidifiedhercommitmenttoherbalmedicine
(shenowworksforasupplementmakerinNorthernCalifornia);italso
confirmedherinadecisiontodivorceherhusband.“Everythingwasnowso
cleartome.Icameoutofthesession,andmyhusbandwaslatetopickmeup.I
realized,thisisthethemewithus.We’rejustreallydifferentpeople.Ijustgot
myasskickedtoday,andIneededhimtobeontime.”Shebrokethenewsto
himinthecargoinghomeandhasnotlookedback.
Tolistentothesepeopledescribethechangesintheirlivesinspiredbytheir
psilocybinjourneysistowonderiftheHopkinssessionroomisn’takindof
“humantransformationfactory,”asMaryCosimano,theguidewhohasprobably
spentmoretimetherethananyoneelse,describedittome.“Fromnowon,”one
volunteertoldme,“Ithinkofmylifeasbeforeandafterpsilocybin.”Soonafter
hispsilocybinexperience,BrianTurner,thephysicist,quithisjobwiththe
militarycontractorandmovedtoColoradotostudyZen.Hehadhada
meditationpracticebeforepsilocybin,but“nowIhadthemotivation,becauseI
hadtastedthedestination”;hewaswillingtodothehardworkofZennowthat
hehadgottenapreviewofthenewmodesofconsciousnessitcouldmake
availabletohim.
TurnerisnowanordainedZenmonk,yetheisalsostillaphysicist,working
foracompanythatmakesheliumneonlasers.Iaskedhimifhefeltanytension
betweenhisscienceandhisspiritualpractice.“Idon’tfeelthere’sa
contradiction.YetwhathappenedatHopkinshasinfluencedmyphysics.I
realizetherearejustsomedomainsthatsciencewillnotpenetrate.Sciencecan
bringyoutothebigbang,butitcan’ttakeyoubeyondit.Youneedadifferent
kindofapparatustopeerintothat.”
Theseanecdotalreportsofpersonaltransformationfoundstrongsupportina
follow-upstudydoneonthefirstgroupsofhealthynormalsstudiedatHopkins.
KatherineMacLean,apsychologistontheHopkinsteam,crunchedthesurvey
dataproducedbyfifty-twovolunteers,includingfollow-upinterviewswith
friendsandfamilymemberstheyhaddesignated,anddiscoveredthatinmany
casesthepsilocybinexperiencehadledtolastingchangesintheirpersonalities.
Specifically,thosevolunteerswhohad“completemysticalexperiences”(as
determinedbytheirscoresonthePahnke-RichardsMysticalExperience
Questionnaire)showed,inadditiontolastingimprovementsinwell-being,long-
termincreasesinthepersonalitytraitof“opennesstoexperience.”Oneofthe
fivetraitspsychologistsusetoassesspersonality(theotherfourare
conscientiousness,extroversion,agreeableness,andneuroticism),openness
encompassesaestheticappreciationandsensitivity,fantasyandimagination,as
wellastoleranceofothers’viewpointsandvalues;italsopredictscreativityin
boththeartsandthesciences,aswellas,presumably,awillingnesstoentertain
ideasatoddswiththoseofcurrentscience.Suchpronouncedandlastingchanges
inthepersonalitiesofadultsarerare.
Yetnotalltheseshiftsinthedirectionofgreateropennesswereconfinedto
thevolunteersintheHopkinsexperiments;thesitters,too,speakofhavingbeen
changedbytheexperienceofwitnessingthesejourneys,sometimesinsurprising
ways.KatherineMacLean,whoguideddozensofsessionsduringhertimeat
Hopkins,toldme,“Istartedoutontheatheistside,butIbeganseeingthings
everydayinmyworkthatwereatoddswiththisbelief.Myworldbecamemore
andmoremysteriousasIsatwithpeopleonpsilocybin.”
DuringmylastinterviewwithRichardBoothby,towardtheendofaleisurely
SundaybrunchatthemodernartmuseuminBaltimore,helookedatmewithan
expressionthatmixedanalmostevangelicalfervoraboutthe“treasures”hehad
glimpsedatHopkinswithameasureofpityforhisstill-hallucinogen-naive
interlocutor.
“Idon’tblameyouforbeingenvious.”
•••
MYENCOUNTERSwiththeHopkinsvolunteershadindeedleftmefeeling
somewhatenvious,butalsowithagreatmanymorequestionsthananswers.
Howarewetoevaluatethe“insights”thesepeoplebringbackfromtheir
psychedelicjourneys?Whatsortofauthorityshouldwegrantthem?Wherein
theworlddoesthematerialthatmakesupthesewakingdreamsor,asone
volunteerputit,“intrapsychicmovies,”comefrom?Theunconscious?Fromthe
suggestionsoftheirguidesandthesettingoftheexperiment?Or,asmanyofthe
volunteersbelieve,fromsomewhere“outthere”or“beyond”?Whatdothese
mysticalstatesofconsciousnessultimatelymeanforourunderstandingofeither
thehumanmindortheuniverse?
Forhispart,RolandGriffiths’sownencounterswiththevolunteersinthe
2006studyreignitedhispassionforscience,buttheyalsolefthimwithadeeper
respectforallthatsciencedoesnotknow—forwhatheiscontenttocall“the
mysteries.”
“Formethedata[fromthosefirstsessions]were...Idon’twanttousethe
wordmind-blowing,butitwasunprecedentedthekindsofthingswewere
seeingthere,intermsofthedeepmeaningandlastingspiritualsignificanceof
theseeffects.I’vegivenlotsofdrugstolotsofpeople,andwhatyougetaredrug
experiences.What’suniqueaboutthepsychedelicsisthemeaningthatcomesout
oftheexperience.”
Yethowrealisthatmeaning?Griffithshimselfisagnostic,butstrikingly
open-minded,evenabouthisvolunteers’firsthandreportsofa“beyond,”
howevertheydefineit.“I’mwillingtoholdthepossibilitytheseexperiences
mayormaynotbetrue,”hetoldme.“Theexcitingpartistousethetoolswe
havetoexploreandpickapartthismystery.”
Notallofhiscolleaguessharehisopen-mindedness.Duringoneofour
meetings,overbreakfastonthesunporchofhismodestranchhouseinsuburban
Baltimore,GriffithsmentionedacolleagueatHopkins,aprominentpsychiatrist
namedPaulMcHugh,whodismissesthepsychedelicexperienceasnothing
morethanaformof“toxicdelirium.”HeencouragedmetogoogleMcHugh.
“Doctorsencounterthisstrangeandcolorfulstateofmindinpatients
sufferingfromadvancedhepatic,renal,orpulmonarydisease,inwhichtoxic
productsaccumulateinthebodyanddotothebrainandmindjustwhatLSD
does,”McHughhadwritteninareviewofabookabouttheHarvardPsilocybin
ProjectinCommentary.“Thevividnessofcolorperception,themergingof
physicalsensations,thehallucinations,thedisorientationandlossofasenseof
time,thedelusionaljoysandterrorsthatcomeandgoevokingunpredictable
feelingsandbehaviors—aresadlyfamiliarsymptomsdoctorsarecalledtotreat
inhospitalseveryday.”
Griffithsadmitsitispossiblethatwhathe’sseeingissomeformoftemporary
psychosis,andheplanstotestfordeliriuminanupcomingexperiment,buthe
seriouslydoubtsthatdiagnosisaccuratelydescribeswhatisgoingonwithhis
volunteers.“Patientssufferingfromdeliriumfinditreallyunpleasant,”hepoints
out,“andtheycertainlydon’treportmonthslater,‘Wow,thatwasoneofthe
greatestandmostmeaningfulexperiencesofmylife.’”
WilliamJamesgrappledwiththesequestionsofveracityinhisdiscussionon
mysticalstatesofconsciousness.Heconcludedthattheimportofthese
experiencesis,andshouldbe,“authoritativeovertheindividualstowhomthey
come”butthatthereisnoreasontherestofusmust“accepttheirrevelations
uncritically.”Andyethebelievedthattheverypossibilitypeoplecanexperience
thesestatesofconsciousnessshouldbearonourunderstandingofthemindand
world:“Theexistenceofmysticalstatesabsolutelyoverthrowsthepretensionof
non-mysticalstatestobethesoleandultimatedictatorsofwhatwemay
believe.”Thesealternateformsofconsciousness“might,inspiteofallthe
perplexity,beindispensablestagesinourapproachtothefinalfullnessofthe
truth.”Hedetectedinsuchexperiences,inwhichthemind“ascend[s]toamore
envelopingpointofview,”hintsofagrandmetaphysical“reconciliation”:“Itis
asiftheoppositesoftheworld,whosecontradictorinessandconflictmakeall
ourdifficultiesandtroubles,weremeltedintounity.”Thisultimateunity,he
suspected,wasnomeredelusion.
•••
ROLANDGRIFFITHStodaysoundslikeascientistdeeplycommitted—orrather
recommitted—tohisresearch.“IdescribedtoyouhowwhenIfirstgotinto
meditation,Ifeltdisconnectedfrommyworklifeandconsidereddroppingit
entirely.IwouldsayI’mnowreengagedinawaythat’smoreintegratedthanit
haseverbeen.I’mmoreinterestedinthefinalquestionsandexistentialtruths
andwiththesenseofwell-being,compassion,andlovethatcomefromthese
practices.NowI’mbringingthesegiftstothelaboratory.Anditfeelsgreat.”
Theideathatwecannowapproachmysticalstatesofconsciousnesswiththe
toolsofscienceiswhatgetsRolandGriffithsoutofbedinthemorning.“Asa
scientificphenomenon,ifyoucancreateaconditioninwhich70percentof
peoplewillsaytheyhavehadoneofthemostmeaningfulexperiencesoftheir
lives...well,asascientistthat’sjustincredible.”Forhimtheimportofthe
2006resultisthatitproved“wecannowdoprospectivestudies”ofmystical
statesofconsciousness“becausewecanoccasionthemwithahighdegreeof
probability.That’sthewaysciencegainsrealtraction.”Hebelievesthe
psilocybinworkhasopenedawholenewfrontierofhumanconsciousnessto
scientificexploration.“Idescribemyselfasakidinacandyshop.”
ThegambleRolandGriffithstookwithhiscareerin1998,whenhedecided
todevotehimselftotheinvestigationofpsychedelicsandmysticalexperience,
hasalreadypaidoff.Amonthbeforeourbreakfast,Griffithshadreceivedthe
EddyAwardfromtheCollegeonProblemsofDrugDependence,perhapsthe
mostprestigiouslifetimeachievementprizeinthefield.Thenominatorsallcited
Griffiths’spsychedelicworkasoneofhissignalcontributions.Thescopeofthat
workhasexpandedsignificantlysincethe2006paper;whenIlastvisited
Hopkins,in2015,sometwentypeoplewereworkingonvariousstudies
involvingpsychedelics.NotsinceSpringGrovehastherebeensuchstrong
institutionalsupportforthestudyofpsychedelics,andneverbeforehasan
institutionofHopkins’sreputationdevotedsomanyresourcestowhatis,after
all,thestudyofmysticalstatesofconsciousness.
TheHopkinslabremainskeenlyinterestedinexploringspiritualityandthe
“bettermentofwellpeople”—therearetrialsunderwaygivingpsilocybinto
long-termmeditatorsandreligiousprofessionals—butthetransformativeeffect
ofthemysticalexperiencehasobvioustherapeuticimplicationsthatthelabhas
beeninvestigating.Completedstudiessuggestthatpsilocybin—orratherthe
mysticalstateofconsciousnessthatpsilocybinoccasions—maybeusefulin
treatingbothaddiction(apilotstudyinsmokingcessationachievedan80
percentsuccessrate,whichisunprecedented)andtheexistentialdistressthat
oftendebilitatespeoplefacingaterminaldiagnosis.Whenwelastmet,Griffiths
wasabouttosubmitanarticlereportingstrikingresultsinthelab’strialusing
psilocybintotreattheanxietyanddepressionofcancerpatients;thestudyfound
oneofthelargesttreatmenteffectseverdemonstratedforapsychiatric
intervention.Themajorityofvolunteerswhohadamysticalexperiencereported
thattheirfearofdeathhadeithergreatlydiminishedorcompletelydisappeared.
Onceagain,hardquestionsariseaboutthemeaningandauthorityofsuch
experiences,especiallyonesthatappeartoconvincepeoplethatconsciousnessis
notconfinedtobrainsandmightsomehowsurviveourdeaths.Yetevento
questionsofthiskindGriffithsbringsanopenandcuriousmind.“The
phenomenologyoftheseexperiencesissoprofoundlyreorganizingand
profoundlycompellingthatI’mwillingtoholdthere’samysteryherewecan’t
understand.”
Griffithshasclearlytraveledalongwayfromthestrictbehaviorismthatonce
informedhisscientificworldview;theexperienceofalternatestatesof
consciousness,bothhisownandthoseofhisvolunteers,hasopenedhimto
possibilitiesaboutwhichfewscientistswilldarespeakopenly.
“Sowhathappensafteryoudie?AllIneedisonepercent[ofuncertainty].I
can’tthinkofanythingmoreinterestingthanwhatImayormaynotdiscoverat
thetimeIdie.That’sthemostinterestingquestiongoing.”Forthatreason,he
ferventlyhopesheisn’thitbyabusbutratherhasenoughtimeto“savor”the
experiencewithoutthedistractionofpain.“Westernmaterialismsaystheswitch
getsturnedoffandthat’sit.Buttherearesomanyotherdescriptions.Itcouldbe
abeginning!Wouldn’tthatbeamazing?”
ThisiswhenGriffithsturnedthetablesandstartedaskingmeaboutmyown
spiritualoutlook,questionsforwhichIwascompletelyunprepared.
“Howsureareyouthereisnothingafterdeath?”heasked.Idemurred,buthe
persisted.“Whatdoyouthinkthechancesarethereissomethingbeyonddeath?
Inpercentages.”
“Oh,Idon’tknow,”Istammered.“Twoorthreepercent?”TothisdayIhave
noideawherethatestimatecamefrom,butGriffithsseizedonit.“That’salot!”
SoIturnedthetablebackagain,putthesamequestiontohim.
“Idon’tknowifIwanttoanswerit,”hesaidwithalaugh,glancingatmy
taperecorder.“ItdependsonwhichhatI’mwearing.”
RolandGriffithshadmorethanonehat!Ionlyhadone,Irealized,andthat
mademefeelalittlejealous.
Comparedwithmanyscientists—orforthatmattermanyspiritualtypes—
RolandGriffithspossessesalargemeasureofwhatKeats,referringto
Shakespeare,describedas“negativecapability,”theabilitytoexistamid
uncertainties,mysteries,anddoubtwithoutreachingforabsolutes,whetherthose
ofscienceorspirituality.“ItmakesnomoresensetosayI’m100percent
convincedofamaterialworldviewthantosayI’m100percentconvincedofthe
literalversionoftheBible.”
Atourlastmeeting,adinneratabistroinhisBaltimoreneighborhood,Itried
toengageGriffithsinadiscussionoftheostensibleconflictbetweenscienceand
spirituality.IaskedhimifheagreedwithE.O.Wilson,whohaswrittenthatall
ofusmustultimatelychoose:eitherthepathofscienceorthepathofspirituality.
ButGriffithsdoesn’tseethetwowaysofknowingasmutuallyexclusiveandhas
littlepatienceforabsolutistsoneithersideofthesupposeddivide.Rather,he
hopesthetwowayscaninformeachotherandcorrecteachothersdefects,and
inthatexchangehelpustoposeandthen,possibly,answerthebigquestionswe
face.IthenreadtohimaletterfromHustonSmith,thescholarofcomparative
religionwhoin1962hadvolunteeredinWalterPahnke’sGoodFriday
Experiment.ItwaswrittentoBobJesseshortlyafterthepublicationof
Griffiths’slandmark2006paper;Jessehadshareditwithme.
“TheJohnsHopkinsexperimentshows—proves—thatundercontrolled,
experimentalconditions,psilocybincanoccasiongenuinemysticalexperiences.
Itusesscience,whichmodernitytrusts,tounderminemodernity’ssecularism.In
doingso,itoffershopeofnothinglessthanare-sacralizationofthenaturaland
socialworld,aspiritualrevivalthatisourbestdefenseagainstnotonly
soullessness,butagainstreligiousfanaticism.Anditdoessointheveryteethof
theunscientificprejudicesbuiltintoourcurrentdruglaws.”
AsIreadSmith’sletteraloud,asmilebloomedacrossGriffiths’sface;hewas
clearlymovedbuthadlittletoaddexcepttosay,“That’sbeautiful.”
CHAPTERTWO
NATURALHISTORY
Bemushroomed
ATTHEENDofmyfirstmeetingwithRolandGriffiths,thesessioninhisJohns
Hopkinsofficewhereheengagedmeonthetopicsofhisownmystical
experience,myassessmentoftheoddsofanafterlife,andthepotentialof
psilocybintochangepeople’slives,thescientiststoodupfromhisdesk,
unfoldinghislankyframe,andreachedintothepocketofhistrouserstotakeout
asmallmedallion.
“Alittlegiftforyou,”heexplained.“Butfirst,youmustansweraquestion.
“Atthismoment,”Griffithsbegan,lockingmeinfirmeyecontact,“areyou
awarethatyouareaware?”Perplexed,Ithoughtforalong,self-conscious
momentandthenrepliedintheaffirmative.Thismusthavebeenthecorrect
answer,becauseGriffithshandedmethecoin.Ononesidewasaquartetoftall,
slender,curvingPsilocybecubensis,oneofthemorecommonspeciesofmagic
mushroom.OnthebackwasaquotationfromWilliamBlakethat,itoccurredto
melater,neatlyalignedthewayofthescientistwiththatofthemystic:“Thetrue
methodofknowledgeisexperiment.”
ItseemsthattheprevioussummerRolandGriffithshadgoneforthefirsttime
toBurningMan(hadIheardofit?),andwhenhelearnedthatnomoneyis
exchangedinthetemporarycity,onlygifts,hehadthemushroommedallions
mintedsohewouldhavesomethingsuitabletogiveawayortrade.Now,he
givesthecoinstovolunteersintheresearchprogramasapartinggift.Griffiths
hadsurprisedmeonceagain.Ortwice.First,thatthescientisthadattendedthe
arts-and-psychedelicsfestivalintheNevadadesert.And,second,thathehad
seenfitinchoosinghisgifttohonorthepsilocybinmushroomitself.
Ononelevel,amushroommedallionmadeperfectsense:themoleculethat
Griffithsandhiscolleagueshavebeenworkingwithforthelastfifteenyears
does,afterall,comefromafungus.Boththemushroomanditspsychoactive
compoundwereunknowntoscienceuntilthe1950s,whenthepsilocybin
mushroomwasdiscoveredinsouthernMexico,whereMazatecIndianshadbeen
using“thefleshofthegods,”insecret,forhealinganddivinationsincebefore
theSpanishconquest.Yet,apartfromthedecorativeceramicmushroomonthe
shelfinthesessionroom,therearefewifanyremindersof“magicmushrooms”
inthelab.NooneIspoketoatHopkinsevermentionedtheratherastonishing
factthatthelife-changingexperiencestheirvolunteerswerereportingowedto
theactionofachemicalcompoundfoundinnature—inamushroom.
Inthelaboratorycontext,itcanbeeasytolosesightofthisastonishment.All
ofthescientistsdoingpsychedelicresearchtodayworkexclusivelywitha
syntheticversionofthepsilocybinmolecule.(Themushroom’spsychoactive
compoundwasfirstidentified,synthesized,andnamedinthelate1950sby
AlbertHofmann,theSwisschemistwhodiscoveredLSD.)Sothevolunteers
ingestalittlewhitepillmadeinalab,ratherthanahandfulofgnarlyandacrid-
tastingmushrooms.Theirjourneysunfoldinalandscapeofmedicalsuites
populated,figurativelyspeaking,bymenandwomeninwhitecoats.Isuppose
thisistheusualdistancingeffectofmodernscienceatwork,buthereitis
compoundedbyaspecificdesiretodistancepsilocybinfromitstangledroots(or
Ishouldsay,mycelia)intheworldsof1960scounterculture,NativeAmerican
shamanism,and,perhaps,natureitself.Foritisthere—innature—thatwebump
upagainstthemysteryofalittlebrownmushroomwiththepowertochangethe
consciousnessoftheanimalsthateatit.LSDtoo,itiseasytoforget,wasderived
fromafungus,Clavicepspurpurea,orergot.Somehow,forsomereason,these
remarkablemushroomsproduce,inadditiontospores,meaningsinhuman
minds.
InthecourseofmydaysspenthangingaroundtheHopkinslabandhours
spentinterviewingpeopleabouttheirpsilocybinjourneys,Ibecameincreasingly
curioustoexplorethisotherterritory—thatis,thenaturalhistoryofthese
mushroomsandtheirstrangepowers.Wheredidthesemushroomsgrow,and
how?Whydidtheyevolvetheabilitytoproduceachemicalcompoundso
closelyrelatedtoserotonin,theneurotransmitter,thatitcanslipacrossthe
blood-brainbarrierandtemporarilytakechargeofthemammalianbrain?Wasit
adefensechemical,intendedtopoisonmushroomeaters?Thatwouldseemtobe
themoststraightforwardexplanation,yetitisunderminedbythefactthefungus
producesthehallucinogenalmostexclusivelyinits“fruitingbody”—thatpartof
theorganismitishappiesttohaveeaten.Wasthereperhapssomebenefittothe
mushroominbeingabletochangethemindsoftheanimalsthateatit?*
Therewerealsothemorephilosophicalquestionsposedbytheexistenceofa
fungusthatcouldnotonlychangeconsciousnessbutoccasionaprofound
mysticalexperienceinhumans.Thisfactcanbeinterpretedintwocompletely
differentways.Onthefirstinterpretation,themind-alteringpowerofpsilocybin
arguesforafirmlymaterialistunderstandingofconsciousnessandspirituality,
becausethechangesobservedinthemindcanbetraceddirectlytothepresence
ofachemical—psilocybin.Whatismorematerialthanachemical?Onecould
reasonablyconcludefromtheactionofpsychedelicsthatthegodsarenothing
morethanchemicallyinducedfigmentsofthehominidimagination.
Yet,surprisingly,mostofthepeoplewhohavehadtheseexperiencesdon’t
seethematterthatwayatall.Eventhemostsecularamongthemcomeaway
fromtheirjourneysconvincedthereexistssomethingthattranscendsamaterial
understandingofreality:somesortofa“Beyond.”It’snotthattheydenya
naturalisticbasisforthisrevelation;theyjustinterpretitdifferently.
Iftheexperienceoftranscendenceismediatedbymoleculesthatflow
throughbothourbrainsandthenaturalworldofplantsandfungi,thenperhaps
natureisnotasmuteasSciencehastoldus,and“Spirit,”howeverdefined,
existsoutthere—isimmanentinnature,inotherwords,justascountless
premoderncultureshavebelieved.Whattomy(spirituallyimpoverished)mind
seemedtoconstituteagoodcaseforthedisenchantmentoftheworldbecomesin
themindsofthemorepsychedelicallyexperiencedirrefutableproofofits
fundamentalenchantment.Fleshofthegods,indeed.
Soherewasacuriousparadox.Thesamephenomenonthatpointedtoa
materialistexplanationforspiritualandreligiousbeliefgavepeoplean
experiencesopowerfulitconvincedthemoftheexistenceofanonmaterial
reality—theverybasisofreligiousbelief.
IhopedthatgettingtoknowthepsychoactiveLBMs(mycologistshorthand
for“littlebrownmushrooms”)atthebottomofthisparadoxmightclarifythe
matteror,perhaps,somehowdissolveit.Iwasalreadysomethingofamushroom
hunter,secureinmyabilitytoidentifyahandfulofediblewoodlandspecies
(chanterelles,morels,blacktrumpets,andporcini)withahighenoughdegreeof
confidencetoeatwhatIfound.However,Ihadbeentoldbyallmyteachersthat
theworldofLBMswasfarmoredauntinginitscomplexityandperil;manyif
notmostofthespeciesthatcankillyouareLBMs.Butperhapswithsome
expertguidance,IcouldaddaPsilocybeortwotomymushroomhunting
repertoireandintheprocessbegintounpackthemysteryoftheirexistenceand
spookypowers.
•••
THEREWASNEVERanydoubtwhocouldbesthelpmeonthisquest,assuminghe
waswilling.PaulStamets,amycologistfromWashingtonStatewholiterally
wrotethebookonthegenusPsilocybe,*intheformoftheauthoritative1996
fieldguidePsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld.Stametshashimself
“published”—thatis,identifiedanddescribedinapeer-reviewedjournal—four
newspeciesofPsilocybe,includingazurescens,namedforhissonAzureus*and
themostpotentspeciesyetknown.ButwhileStametsisoneofthecountry’s
mostrespectedmycologists,heworksentirelyoutsidetheacademy,hasno
graduatedegree,fundsmostofhisownresearch,*andholdsviewsoftheroleof
fungiinnaturethatarewelloutsidethescientificmainstreamandthat,hewill
gladlytellyou,owetoinsightsgrantedtohimbythemushroomsthemselves,in
thecourseofbothclosestudyandregularingestion.
I’veknownStametsforyears,thoughnotverywellandalwaysfromwhatI
confesshasbeenasomewhatskepticaldistance.Hisextravagantclaimsforthe
powersofmushroomsandeyebrow-elevatingboastsabouthismushroomwork
withinstitutionslikeDARPA(thePentagon’sDefenseAdvancedResearch
ProjectsAgency)andNIH(theNationalInstitutesofHealth)areboundtosetoff
ajournalist’sbullshitdetector,rightlyor—asoftenhappensinhiscase—
wrongly.
Overtheyears,we’vefoundourselvesatsomeofthesameconferences,so
I’vehadseveralopportunitiestohearhistalks,whichconsistofabeguiling
(oftenbrilliant)mash-upofhardscienceandvisionaryspeculation,withtheline
betweenthetwooftenimpossibletodiscern.His2008TEDtalk,whichis
representative,hasbeenviewedonlinemorethanfourmilliontimes.
Stamets,whowasbornin1955inSalem,Ohio,isabighairymanwitha
beardandabearishmien;Iwasnotsurprisedtolearnheonceworkedasa
lumberjackinthePacificNorthwest.Onstage,heusuallywearswhatappearsto
beafelthatinthealpinestylebutwhich,ashe’llexplain,isinfactmadein
Transylvaniafromsomethingcalledamadou,thespongyinnerlayerofthe
horse’shooffungus(Fomesfomentarius),apolyporethatgrowsonseveral
speciesofdeadordyingtrees.Amadouisflammableandinancienttimeswas
usedtostartandtransportfires.Ötzi,thefive-thousand-year-old“IceMan”
foundmummifiedinanalpineglacierin1991,wascarryingapouchinwhichhe
hadapieceofamadou.Becauseofitsantimicrobialproperties,Fomes
fomentariuswasalsousedtodresswoundsandpreservefood.Stametsissodeep
intotheworldoffungithere’sfrequentlyoneperchedontopofhishead.
Fungiconstitutethemostpoorlyunderstoodandunderappreciatedkingdom
oflifeonearth.Thoughindispensabletothehealthoftheplanet(asrecyclersof
organicmatterandbuildersofsoil),theyarethevictimsnotonlyofour
disregardbutofadeep-seatedillwill,amycophobiathatStametsdeemsaform
of“biologicalracism.”Leavingasidetheirreputationforpoisoningus,thisis
surprisinginthatwearecloser,geneticallyspeaking,tothefungalkingdomthan
tothatoftheplants.Likeus,theyliveofftheenergythatplantsharvestfromthe
sun.Stametshasmadeithislife’sworktorightthiswrong,byspeakingouton
theirbehalfandbydemonstratingthepotentialofmushroomstosolveagreat
manyoftheworld’sproblems.Indeed,thetitleofhismostpopularlecture,and
thesubtitleofhis2005book,MyceliumRunning,is“HowMushroomsCanHelp
SavetheWorld.”Bytheendofhispresentation,thisclaimnolongersounds
hyperbolic.
IcanrememberthefirsttimeIheardStametstalkabout
“mycoremediation”—histermfortheuseofmushroomstocleanuppollution
andindustrialwaste.Oneofthejobsoffungiinnatureistobreakdowncomplex
organicmolecules;withoutthem,theearthwouldlongagohavebecomeavast,
uninhabitablewasteheapofdeadbutundecomposedplantsandanimals.Soafter
theExxonValdezranagroundoffthecoastofAlaskain1989,spillingmillions
ofgallonsofcrudeoilintoPrinceWilliamSound,Stametsrevivedalong-
standingideaofputtingfungitoworkbreakingdownpetrochemicalwaste.He
showedaslideofasteamingheapofoilyblacksludgebeforeinoculatingitwith
thesporesofoystermushrooms,andthenasecondphotographofthesamepile
takenfourweekslater,whenitwasreducedbyathirdandcoveredinathick
mantleofsnowywhiteoystermushrooms.Itwasaperformance,andafeatof
alchemy,Iwon’tsoonforget.
ButStamets’saspirationsforthefungalkingdomgowellbeyondturning
petrochemicalsludgeintoarablesoil.Indeed,inhisviewthereisscarcelyan
ecologicalormedicalproblemthatmushroomscan’thelpsolve.
Cancer?Stamets’sextractofturkeytailmushrooms(Trametesversicolor)has
beenshowntohelpcancerpatientsbystimulatingtheirimmunesystems.
(Stametsclaimstohaveusedittohelpcurehismothersstage4breastcancer.)
Bioterrorism?After9/11,thefederalgovernmentsBioshieldprogramasked
toscreenhundredsoftheraremushroomstrainsinStamets’scollectionand
foundseveralthatshowedstrongactivityagainstSARS,smallpox,herpes,and
birdandswineflu.(Ifthisstrikesyouasimplausible,rememberthatpenicillinis
theproductofafungus.)
Colonycollapsedisorder(CCD)?Afterwatchinghoneybeesvisitinga
woodpiletonibbleonmycelium,Stametsidentifiedseveralspeciesoffungus
thatbolsterthebees’resistancetoinfectionandCCD.
Insectinfestation?Afewyearsago,Stametswonapatentfora
“mycopesticide”—amutantmyceliumfromaspeciesofCordycepsthat,after
beingeatenbycarpenterants,colonizestheirbodiesandkillsthem,butnot
beforechemicallyinducingtheanttoclimbtothehighestpointinits
environmentandthenburstingamushroomfromthetopofitsheadthatreleases
itssporestothewind.
ThesecondorthirdtimeIwatchedStametsshowavideoofaCordyceps
doingitsdiabolicalthingtoanant—commandeeringitsbody,makingitdoits
bidding,andthenexplodingamushroomfromitsbraininordertodisseminate
itsgenes—itoccurredtomethatStametsandthatpooranthadratheralotin
common.Fungihaven’tkilledhim,it’strue,andheprobablyknowsenough
abouttheirwilestoheadoffthatfate.Butit’salsotruethatthisman’slife—his
brain!—hasbeenutterlytakenoverbyfungi;hehasdedicatedhimselftotheir
cause,speakingforthemushroomsinthesamewaythatDr.Seuss’sLorax
speaksforthetrees.Hedisseminatesfungalsporesfarandwide,helpingthem,
whetherbymailorderorsheerdintofhisenthusiasm,tovastlyexpandtheir
rangeandspreadtheirmessage.
•••
IDON’TTHINKI’msayinganythingaboutPaulStametstowhichhewouldobject.
Hewritesinhisbookthatmycelia—thevast,cobwebbywhitishnetofsingle-
celledfilaments,calledhyphae,withwhichfungiweavetheirwaythroughthe
soil—areintelligent,forming“asentientmembrane”and“theneurological
networkofnature.”ThetitleofhisbookMyceliumRunningcanbereadintwo
ways.Themyceliumisindeedalwaysrunningthroughtheground,whereit
playsacriticalroleinformingsoils,keepingplantsandanimalsingoodhealth,
andknittingtogethertheforest.Butthemyceliumarealso,inStamets’sview,
runningtheshow—thatofnatureingeneraland,likeaneuralsoftwareprogram,
themindsofcertaincreatures,including,hewouldbethefirsttotellyou,Paul
Stametshimself.“Mushroomsarebringingusamessagefromnature,”helikes
tosay.“ThisisacallI’mhearing.”
YetevensomeofStamets’sairiernotionsturnouttohaveascientific
foundationbeneaththem.Foryearsnow,Stametshasbeentalkingaboutthevast
webofmyceliainthesoilas“Earth’snaturalInternet”—aredundant,complexly
branched,self-repairing,andscalablecommunicationsnetworklinkingmany
speciesovertremendousdistances.(Thebiggestorganismonearthisnotawhale
oratreebutamushroom—ahoneyfungusinOregonthatis2.4mileswide.)
Stametscontendsthatthesemycelialnetworksareinsomesense“conscious”:
awareoftheirenvironmentandabletorespondtochallengesaccordingly.When
Ifirstheardtheseideas,Ithoughttheywere,atbest,fancifulmetaphors.Yetin
theyearssince,I’vewatchedasagrowingbodyofscientificresearchhas
emergedtosuggesttheyaremuchmorethanmetaphors.Experimentswithslime
moldshavedemonstratedtheseorganismscannavigatemazesinsearchoffood
—sensingitslocationandthengrowinginthatdirection.Themyceliainaforest
dolinkthetreesinit,roottoroot,notonlysupplyingthemwithnutrients,but
servingasamediumthatconveysinformationaboutenvironmentalthreatsand
allowstreestoselectivelysendnutrientstoothertreesintheforest.*Aforestisa
farmorecomplex,sociable,andintelligententitythanweknew,anditisfungi
thatorganizethearborealsociety.
Stamets’sideasandtheorieshaveturnedouttobefarmoredurable,and
practicable,thanIeverwouldhaveguessed.ThiswastheotherreasonIbecame
eagertospendsometimewithStamets:Iwascurioustofindouthowhisown
experiencewithpsilocybinhadcoloredhisthinkingandlifework.YetIwasn’tat
allcertainhewouldbewillingtotalkontherecordaboutpsilocybin,muchless
takeme’shroomhunting,nowthathehadasuccessfulbusiness,hadeightor
ninepatentstohisname,andwascollaboratingwithinstitutionslikeDARPA
andNIHandtheLawrenceLivermoreNationalLaboratory.Inthemorerecent
interviewsandlecturesIcouldfindonline,heseldomtalkedaboutpsilocybin
andoftenomittedmentionofthefieldguidefromhislistofpublications.What’s
more,hehadjustreceivedprestigioushonorsfromtheMycologicalSocietyof
AmericaandtheAmericanAssociationfortheAdvancementofScience
(AAAS).PaulStamets,itseemed,hadgonelegit.Badtimingforme.
•••
THANKFULLY,IWASWRONG.WhenIreachedStametsathishomeinKamilche,
Washington,andtoldhimwhatIwasupto,hecouldn’thavebeenmore
forthcomingorcooperative.Wetalkedforalongtimeaboutpsilocybin
mushrooms,anditsoonbecamecleartheyremainedasubjectofkeeninterestto
him.HeknewallabouttheworkgoingonatHopkins—infacthadconsulted
withtheHopkinsteamwhentheywerefirstlookingforasourceofpsilocybin.
Myimpressionwasthattherevivaloflegitimateuniversityresearchhadmade
Stametsmorecomfortablereopeningthisparticularchapterinhislife.He
mentionedhewasintheprocessofupdatingthe1996psilocybinfieldguide.
TheonlydiscordantnoteintheconversationcamewhenIcasuallydroppedthe
slangexpressionforpsilocybinwhenaskinghimaboutgoinghuntingfor
shrooms.
“Ireally,reallyhatethatword,”hesaid,almostgravely,adoptingthetoneof
aparentupbraidingapotty-mouthedchild.
Thewordnevercrossedmylipsagain.
Bytheendofthecall,StametshadinvitedmeuptohisplaceinWashington
State,ontheLittleSkookumInletatthebaseoftheOlympicPeninsula.Iasked
him,gingerly,ifIcouldcomeatatimewhenthePsilocybeswerefruiting.“Most
ofthemhavealreadycomeandgone,”hesaid.“Butifyoucomerightafter
Thanksgiving,andtheweathersright,Icantakeyoutotheonlyplaceinthe
worldwherePsilocybeazurescenshasbeenconsistentlyfound,atthemouthof
theColumbiaRiver.”Hementionedthenameoftheparkwherehehadfound
theminthepastandtoldmetobookayurtthere,adding,“Probablybestnotto
usemyname.”
•••
INTHEWEEKSBEFOREmytriptoWashingtonState,IporedoverStamets’sfield
guide,hopingtopreparemyselfforthehunt.Itseemstherearemorethantwo
hundredspeciesofPsilocybe,distributedallovertheworld;it’snotclear
whetherthat’salwaysbeenthecase,orifthemushroomshavefollowedinthe
footstepsoftheanimalswhohavetakensuchakeeninterestinthem.(Humans
havebeenusingpsilocybinmushroomssacramentallyforatleastseventhousand
years,accordingtoStamets.Butanimalssometimesingestthemtoo,forreasons
thatremainobscure.)
Psilocybesaresaprophytes,livingoffdeadplantmatteranddung.Theyare
denizensofdisturbedland,poppingupmostofteninthehabitatscreatedby
ecologicalcatastrophe,suchaslandslides,floods,storms,andvolcanoes.They
alsoprosperintheecologicalcatastrophescausedbyourspecies:clear-cut
forests,roadcuts,thewakesofbulldozers,andagriculture.(Severalspecieslive
inandfruitfromthemanureofruminants.)Curiously,orperhapsnotso
curiously,themostpotentspeciesoccurlessofteninthewildthanincitiesand
towns;theirpredilectionforhabitatsdisturbedbyushasallowedthemtotravel
widely,“followingstreamsofdebris,”includingourown.Inrecentyears,the
practiceofmulchingwithwoodchipshasvastlyexpandedtherangeofahandful
ofpotentPsilocybesonceconfinedtothePacificNorthwest.Theynowthrivein
allthoseplaceswehumansnow“landscape”:suburbangardens,nurseries,city
parks,churchyards,highwayreststops,prisons,collegecampuses,even,as
Stametslikestopointout,onthegroundsofcourthousesandpolicestations.
“Psilocybemushroomsandcivilizationcontinuetoco-evolve,”Stametswrites.
Soyouwouldthinkthesemushroomswouldbefairlyeasytofind.Infact
afterIpublishedanarticleaboutpsilocybinresearch,Iwasinformedbya
studentthataftertheDecemberrainsPsilocybescanbefoundontheBerkeley
campus,whereIteach.“Lookinthewoodchips,”headvised.YetassoonasI
beganstudyingthephotographsinStamets’sfieldguide,Ibegantodespairof
everidentifyinganymushroomasamemberofthegenus,muchlesslearning
howtodistinguishonespeciesofPsilocybefromanother.
Tojudgefromthepictures,thegenusisjustabigbunchoflittlebrown
mushrooms,mostofthemutterlynondescript.Bycomparison,theediblespecies
withwhichIwasfamiliarwereasdistinctastulipsarefromroses,poodlesfrom
GreatDanes.Yes,allthePsilocybeshavegills,butthatisn’tmuchhelp,because
thousandsofothermushroomshavegills,too.Afterthat,you’retryingtosort
outabewilderingarrayofcharacteristics,notallofwhicharesharedbythe
class.SomePsilocybeshavealittlenipple-likeknoborprotrusionontop—it’s
calledanumbo,Ilearned;othersdon’t.Somewere“viscid”—slipperyorslimy
whenwet,givingthemashinyappearance.Othersweredullandmattegray;
some,likeazurescens,wereamilkycaramelcolor.ManybutnotallPsilocybes
sporta“pellicle”—acondom-likelayerofgelatinousmaterialcoveringthecap
thatcanbepeeledoff.Myfungalvocabularymightbeexpanding,butmy
confidencewasrapidlycollapsing,muchlikethemushroomthat,inthecourse
ofasingleday,decomposesintoaninkypuddle.
BythetimeIgottochapterfour,“TheDangersofMistakenIdentification,”I
wasreadytothrowinthetowel.“Mistakesinmushroomidentificationcanbe
lethal,”Stametsbegins,beforedisplayingaphotographinwhichaPsilocybe
stuntziiisseengrowingcheekbyjowlwithatrioofindistinguishableGalerina
autumnalis,anunremarkablelittlemushroomthat,wheneaten,“canresultinan
agonizingdeath.”
ButwhileStametsurgesextremecircumspectioninamateurshopingto
identifyPsilocybes,healsoequipsthemushroomhunterwhohasn’tbeen
completelydiscouragedwithsomethinghecalls“TheStametsianRule”:athree-
prongedtestthat,he(sortof)assuresus,canheadoffdeathanddisaster.
“HowdoIknowifamushroomisapsilocybinproducingspeciesornot?”
“Ifagilledmushroomhaspurplishbrowntoblackspores,andtheflesh
bruisesbluish,themushroominquestionisverylikelyapsilocybin-producing
species.”Thisisdefinitelyabighelp,thoughIwouldn’tmindsomethingmore
categoricalthan“verylikely.”Hethenoffersasoberingcaveat.“Iknowofno
exceptionstothisrule,”headds,“butthatdoesnotmeantherearenone!”
AftercommittingtomemorytheStametsianRule,Ibeganpickingpromising-
lookinggilledLBMs—inmyneighbors’yards,onmywalktowork,inthe
parkinglotofthebank—andthenroughingthemupabittoseeiftheywould
turnblackandblue.Thebluepigmentisinfactevidenceofoxidizedpsilocin,
oneofthetwomainpsychoactivecompoundsinaPsilocybe.(Theotheris
psilocybin,whichbreaksdownintopsilocininthebody.)Todetermineifthe
mushroominquestionhadpurplish-brownorblackspores,Ibeganmakingspore
prints.Thisinvolvescuttingthecapoffamushroomandplacingit,gillside
down,onapieceofwhitepaper.(Orblackpaperifyouhavereasontobelieve
themushroomhaswhitespores.)Withinhours,themushroomcapreleasesits
microscopicspores,whichwillformapretty,shadowypatternonthepaper
(reminiscentofalipstickkiss)thatyoucanthentrytodecideispurplishbrown
orblack—orrustcolored,inwhichcaseyoumighthaveadeadlyGalerinaon
yourhands.
Certainthingsareperhapsbestlearnedinperson,ratherthanfromabook.I
decidedIshouldprobablywaitbeforemakinganyirreversibledecisionsuntilI
hadspentsometimeinthecompanyofmymycologicalVirgil.
•••
ATTHETIMEOFMYVISIT,PaulStametslivedwithhispartner,DustyYao,and
theirtwobigdogs,PlatoandSophie,inasprawlingnewhouseontheLittle
SkookumInletthatisconstructedinsideandoutofasmallforest’sworthofthe
mostgorgeousclearDouglasfirandcedar.Likemanyspeciesoffungi,Stamets
hasapassionateattachmenttotreesandwood.IarrivedonaFriday;our
reservationatthecampsitewasn’tuntilSundaynight,sowehadthebetterpart
oftheweekendtotalkPsilocybes,eat(otherkindsof)mushrooms,tourthe
FungiPerfectifacilities,andramblethesurroundingwoodsandshorelinewith
thedogsbeforedrivingsouthtotheOregonborderSundaymorningtohunt
azzies.
Thiswasthehousethatmushroomsbuilt,Stametsexplained,launchinginto
itsstorybeforeIhadachancetounpackmybag.Itreplacedaricketyold
farmhouseonthesitethat,whenStametsmovedin,wasslowlysuccumbingto
aninfestationofcarpenterants.Stametssetaboutdevisingamycological
solutiontotheproblem.HeknewpreciselywhichspeciesofCordycepscould
wipeouttheantcolony,butsodidtheants:theyscrupulouslyinspectevery
returningmemberforCordycepssporesandpromptlychewofftheheadofany
antbearingspores,dumpingthebodyfarawayfromthecolony.Stamets
outwittedtheants’defensebybreedingamutantCordyceps-likefungusthat
postponedsporulation.Heputsomeofitsmyceliuminhisdaughtersdollhouse
bowl,leftthatonthefloorofthekitchen,andduringthenightwatchedasa
paradeofantscarriedthemyceliumintothenest—havingmistakenitforasafe
foodsource.Whenthefunguseventuallysporulated,itwasalreadydeepinside
thecolonyandtheantsweredonefor:theCordycepscolonizedtheirbodiesand
sentfruitingbodiesburstingforthfromtheirheads.Itwastoolatetosavethe
farmhouse,butwiththeproceedsfromthesaleofhispatentonthefungus
Stametswasabletoerectthisfargrandermonumenttomycologicalingenuity.
Thehousewasspaciousandcomfortable;Ihadawholeupstairswingof
bedroomstomyself.Thelivingroom,wherewespentmostofarainyDecember
weekend,hadasoaringcathedralceiling,abigwood-burningfireplace,and,
loomingovertheroomfromacrosstheway,aseven-and-a-half-foot-tallskeleton
ofacavebear.ApaintingofAlbertHofmannhangsoverthefireplace.
Overhead,beneaththepeak,isamassiveroundstainedglassdepicting“The
UniversalityoftheMycelialArchetype”—anintricatetraceryofbluelinesona
nightsky,thelinesrepresentingatoncemycelium,roots,neurons,theInternet,
anddarkmatter.
Displayedonthewallsheadingupstairsfromthelivingroomareframed
artworks,photographs,andkeepsakes,includingadiplomasignifyingthe
successfulcompletionofoneoftheMerryPranksters’AcidTests,signedbyKen
KeseyandNealCassady.ThereareseveralphotographsofDustyposinginold-
growthforestswithimpressivespecimensoffungiandacolorfullygrotesque
printbyAlexGrey,thedeanofAmericanpsychedelicartists.TheprintisGrey’s
interpretationoftheso-calledstonedapetheory,depictinganearly,electrified-
lookinghominidclutchingaPsilocybewhileacycloneofabstractionsfliesout
ofitsmouthandforehead.TheonlyreasonIcouldmakeanysenseoftheimage
atallwasthatafewdaysearlierIhadreceivedane-mailfromStametsreferring
tothetheoryinquestion:“IwanttodiscussthehighlikelihoodthattheStoned
ApeTheory,firstpresentedbyRolandFischerandthenpopularized/restatedby
TerenceMcKenna,isprobablytrue—[ingestionofpsilocybin]causingarapid
developmentofthehominidbrainforanalyticalthinkingandsocietalbonding.
Didyouknowthat23primates(includinghumans)consumemushroomsand
knowhowtodistinguish‘good’from‘bad’?”
Ididnot.
Butthebrief,ellipticale-mailnicelyprefiguredthetenorofmyweekendwith
StametsasIstruggledtoabsorbatorrentofmycologicalfactandspeculation
that,likearushingriver,isimpossibletofordwithoutbeingknockedsideways.
ThesheerbrillianceofStamets’smushroom’s-eyeviewoftheworldcanbe
dazzling,butafterawhileitcanalsomakeyoufeelclaustrophobic,asonlythe
truemonomaniacorautodidact—andStametsisboth—cando.Everythingis
connectediseverthesubtextwithsuchpeople;inthiscasewhatconnects
everythingyoucouldpossiblythinkofjusthappenstobefungalmycelia.
IwascurioustofindouthowStametscamebyhismycocentricworldview
andwhatrolepsilocybinmushrooms,inparticular,mighthavecontributedtoit.
StametsgrewupinanOhiotownoutsideYoungstowncalledColumbiana,the
youngestoffivechildren.Hisfathersengineeringcompanywentbelly-upwhen
Paulwasaboy,thefamily“goingfromrichestoragsprettyquickly.”Dadbegan
todrinkheavily,andPaulbeganlookinguptohisolderbrotherJohnasarole
model.
Fiveyearshissenior,Johnwasanaspiringscientist—hewouldreceivea
scholarshiptostudyneurophysiology—whokept“anexquisitelaboratoryinthe
basement,”arealmthatwasPaul’sideaofheaven,buttowhichJohnseldom
grantedhislittlebrotheradmittance.“Ithoughtallhouseshadlaboratories,so
wheneverIwentovertoafriend’shouse,Iwouldaskwherethelaboratorywas.
Ididn’tunderstandwhytheywouldalwayspointmetothebathroominstead—
thelavatory.”WinningJohn’sapprovalbecameamotiveforceinPaul’slife,
whichperhapsexplainsthevalueStametsplacesonmainstreamscientific
recognitionofwork.Johnhaddied,ofaheartattack,sixmonthsbeforemyvisit
and,asithappened,onthesamedayPaulreceivedwordofhisAAAShonor.His
deathwasalossfromwhichPaulhadn’tyetrecovered.
WhenPaulwasfourteen,Johntoldhimaboutmagicmushrooms,andwhen
hewentofftoYale,Johnleftbehindabook,AlteredStatesofConsciousness,
thatmadeatremendousimpressiononPaul.EditedbyCharlesT.Tart,a
psychologist,thebookisadoorstopofananthologyofscholarlywritingsabout
non-ordinarymentalstates,coveringthespectrumfromdreamingandhypnosis
tomeditationandpsychedelics.Butthereasonthebookmadesuchalasting
impressiononStametshadlesstodowithitscontents,provocativeasthese
were,thanwiththereactionthebookelicitedincertainadults.
“MyfriendRyanSnyderwantedtoborrowit.Hisparentswerereally
conservative.Aweeklater,whenItoldhimIwanteditback,hestallsand
delays.Anotherweekgoesby,Iaskhimagain,andhefinallyconfesseswhat
happened.‘Myparentsfounditandtheyburnedit.’
Theyburnedmybook?!?Thatwasapivotalmomentforme.Isawthe
Snydersastheenemy,tryingtosuppresstheexplorationofconsciousness.Butif
thiswassuchpowerfulinformationthattheyfeltcompelledtodestroyit,then
thiswaspowerfulinformationInowhadtohave.SoIowethemadebtof
gratitude.”
StametswentofftoKenyonCollege,where,asafreshman,hehad“a
profoundpsychedelicexperience”thatsethiscourseinlife.Aslongashecould
remember,Stametshadbeenstymiedbyadebilitatingstutter.“Thiswasahuge
issueforme.IwasalwayslookingdownatthegroundbecauseIwasafraid
peoplewouldtrytospeaktome.Infact,oneofthereasonsIgotsogoodat
findingmushroomswasbecauseIwasalwayslookingdown.”
Onespringafternoontowardtheendofhisfreshmanyear,walkingalone
alongthewoodedridgelineabovecampus,Stametsateawholebagof
mushrooms,perhapstengrams,thinkingthatwasaproperdose.(Fourgramsisa
lot.)Asthepsilocybinwascomingon,Stametsspiedaparticularlybeautifuloak
treeanddecidedhewouldclimbit.“AsI’mclimbingthetree,I’mliterally
gettinghigherasI’mclimbinghigher.”Justthentheskybeginstodarken,anda
thunderstormlightsupthehorizon.Thewindsurgesasthestormapproaches,
andthetreebeginstosway.
“I’mgettingvertigobutIcan’tclimbdown,I’mtoohigh,soIjustwrapped
myarmsaroundthetreeandheldon,huggingittightly.Thetreebecametheaxis
mundi,rootingmetotheearth.‘Thisisthetreeoflife,’Ithought;itwas
expandingintotheskyandconnectingmetotheuniverse.Andthenithitsme:
I’mgoingtobestruckbylightning!Everyfewsecondsthere’sanotherstrike,
here,thenthere,allaroundme.Onthevergeofenlightenment,I’mgoingtobe
electrocuted.Thisismydestiny!Thewholetime,I’mbeingwashedbywarm
rains.Iamcryingnow,thereisliquideverywhere,butIalsofeelonewiththe
universe.
“AndthenIsaytomyself,whataremyissuesifIsurvivethis?Paul,Isaid,
you’renotstupid,butstutteringisholdingyouback.Youcan’tlookwomenin
theeyes.WhatshouldIdo?Stopstutteringnow—thatbecamemymantra.Stop
stutteringnow,Isaiditoverandoverandover.
“Thestormeventuallypassed.Iclimbeddownfromthetreeandwalkedback
tomyroomandwenttosleep.Thatwasthemostimportantexperienceofmy
lifetothatpoint,andhere’swhy:Thenextmorning,I’mwalkingdownthe
sidewalk,andherecomesthisgirlIwasattractedto.She’swaybeyondmy
reach.She’swalkingtowardme,andshesays,‘Goodmorning,Paul.Howare
you?’Ilookatherandsay,‘I’mdoinggreat.’Iwasn’tstuttering!AndIhave
hardlyeverstutteredsince.
“Andthat’swhenIrealizedIwantedtolookintothesemushrooms.”
•••
INAREMARKABLYSHORTSPANoftime,Stametsmadehimselfintooneofthe
country’sleadingexpertsonthegenusPsilocybe.In1978,attheageoftwenty-
three,hepublishedhisfirstbook,PsilocybeMushroomsandTheirAllies—their
alliesunderstoodtobeus,theanimalthathaddonethemosttospreadtheir
genesand,asStametsnowsawashiscalling,theirplanetarygospel.
StametsgothismycologicaleducationnotatKenyon,whichheleftafterone
year,butattheEvergreenStateCollege,whichinthemid-1970swasanew
experimentalcollegeinOlympia,Washington,wherestudentscoulddesigntheir
owncourseofindependentstudy.AyoungprofessornamedMichaelBeug,who
hadadegreeinenvironmentalchemistry,agreedtotakeunderhiswingStamets
andtwootherequallypromisingmycologicallyobsessedstudents:Jeremy
BigwoodandJonathanOtt.Beugwasnothimselfamycologistbytraining,but
thefourofthemmasteredthesubjecttogether,withthehelpofanelectron
microscopeandaDEAlicensethatBeughadsomehowsecured.Thusarmed,the
fourtrainedtheirattentiononagenusthattherestofthefieldgenerallychoseto
passoverinuncomfortablesilence.
Illegalsince1970,psilocybinmushroomswereatthetimechieflyofinterest
tothecounterculture,asagentler,morenaturalalternativetoLSD,butverylittle
wasknownabouttheirhabitat,distribution,lifecycle,orpotency.Itwas
believedthatpsychedelicmushroomswerenativetosouthernMexico,whereR.
GordonWassonhad“discovered”themin1955.Bythe1970s,mostofthe
psilocybinincirculationinAmericawasbeingimportedfromLatinAmericaor
growndomesticallyfromsporesofLatinAmericanspecies,mainlycubensis.
TheEvergreengroupchalkedupseveralnotableaccomplishments:they
identifiedandpublishedthreenewpsilocybinspecies,perfectedmethodsfor
growingthemindoors,anddevelopedtechniquesformeasuringlevelsof
psilocinandpsilocybininmushrooms.Butperhapsthegroup’smostimportant
contributionwastoshiftthefocusofattentionamongpeoplewhocaredabout
PsilocybesfromsouthernMexicotothePacificNorthwest.Stametsandhis
colleagueswerefindingnewspeciesofpsilocybinmushroomsallaroundthem
andpublishingtheirfindings.“Youcouldalmostfeeltheearth’saxistiltingto
thiscorneroftheworld.”AnywhereyouwentinthePacificNorthwest,Stamets
recalls,youcouldseepeopletracingpeculiarpatternsthroughfarmfieldsand
lawns,bentoverinwhathecalls“thepsilocybinstoop.”
Duringthisperiod,thePacificNorthwestemergedasanewcenterofgravity
inAmericanpsychedelicculture,withtheEvergreenStateCollegeservingasits
defactointellectualhubandR&Dfacility.Beginningin1976,Stametsandhis
Evergreencolleaguesorganizedaseriesofnow-legendarymushroom
conferences,bringingtogethertheleadinglightsofboththecredentialedandthe
amateurwingsofthepsychedelicworld,andduringmyfirsteveningathis
houseStametsdugoutsomeVHStapesofthelastoftheseconferences,heldin
1999.ThefootagehadbeenshotbyLesBlank,butasoftenhappenedwith
coverageofsuchpsychedelicgatherings,noonecouldeverquitegetittogether
toedittherawfootage,sorawitremains.
“Conference”mightnotdojusticetowhatnowappearedonStamets’s
television.Wewatchedasseveraloftheattendees—IspottedDr.AndrewWeil,
bestknownforhisbooksonholisticmedicine;thepsychedelicchemistSasha
Shulginandhiswife,Ann;andtheNewYorkBotanicalGardenmycologistGary
Lincoff—arrivedtogreatfanfareinapsychedelicallypaintedschoolbuspiloted
byKenKesey.(ThebuswascalledFarther,thesuccessortoFurther,theoriginal
MerryPranksterbus,evidentlynolongerroadworthy.)Theproceedingslooked
morelikeaDionysianrevelthanaconference,yetthereweresomeserioustalks.
JonathanOttdeliveredabrilliantlectureonthehistoryof“entheogens”—aterm
hehelpedcoin.HetracedtheiruseallthewaybacktotheEleusinianmysteries
oftheGreeks,throughthe“pharmocraticinquisition,”whentheSpanish
conquestsuppressedtheMesoamericanmushroomcults,andforwardtothe
“entheogenicreformation”thathasbeenunderwaysinceR.GordonWasson’s
discoverythatthosecultshadsurvivedinMexico.Alongtheway,Ottmadean
offhandreferencetothe“placebosacraments”oftheCatholicEucharist.
Thencamefootageofabigcostumeballwithlingeringclose-upsofagiant
punchbowlthathadbeenspikedwithdozensofdifferentkindsofpsychedelic
mushrooms.Stametspointedoutseveralprominentmycologistsand
ethnobotanistsamongtherevelers;manyofthemdressedasspecifickindsof
fungus—Amanitamuscaria,buttonmushrooms,andsoon.Stametshimself
appeareddressedasabear.
Whenoneisscreeningrawfootageofpeopleincostumetrippingon
mushroomsanddancingsloppilytoareggaeband,alittlegoesalongway,so
afterafewminutesweflickedofftheTV.IaskedStametsaboutearlieriterations
oftheconference,someofwhichseemedtohaveaslightlymoreinteresting
ratioofintellectualsubstancetoDionysianrevelry.In1977,forinstance,
Stametshadtheopportunitytoplayhosttotwoofhisheroes:AlbertHofmann
andR.GordonWasson,whose1957articleinLifemagazinedescribingthefirst
psilocybinjourneyevertakenbyaWesterner—hisown—helpedlaunchthe
psychedelicrevolutioninAmerica.
StametsmentionedthathecollectedoriginalcopiesofthatissueofLife,
whichoccasionallyshowuponeBayandatfleamarkets,andonmyway
upstairstobedthatnightwestoppedinhisofficesoIcouldhavealookatit.
TheissuewasdatedMay13,1957,andBertLahrwasonthecover,muggingfor
thecamerainamorningsuitandabowlerhat.Butthemostprominentcoverline
wasdevotedtoWasson’snotoriousarticle:“TheDiscoveryofMushroomsThat
CauseStrangeVisions.”StametssaidIcouldhaveacopy,andItookittobed.
•••
FROMTHEVANTAGEOFTODAY,itishardtobelievethatpsilocybinwasintroduced
totheWestbyavicepresidentofJ.P.Morganinthepagesofamass-circulation
magazineownedbyHenryLuce;twomoreestablishmentcharactersitwouldbe
difficulttodreamup.Butin1957,psychedelicdrugshadnotyetacquiredanyof
theculturalandpoliticalstigmasthat,adecadelater,wouldweighonour
attitudestowardthem.Atthetime,LSDwasnotwellknownoutsidethesmall
communityofmedicalprofessionalswhoregardeditasapotentialmiracledrug
forpsychiatricillnessandalcoholaddiction.
Asithappened,theTime-Lifefounderandeditorinchief,HenryLuce,along
withhiswife,ClareBootheLuce,hadpersonalknowledgeofpsychedelicdrugs,
andtheysharedtheenthusiasmofthemedicalandculturaleliteswhohad
embracedtheminthe1950s.In1964,Lucetoldagatheringofhisstaffthathe
andhiswifehadbeentakingLSD“underdoctorssupervision”;ClareBoothe
Lucerecalledthatduringherfirsttripinthe1950sshesawtheworld“through
theeyesofahappyandgiftedchild.”Before1965,whenamoralpanicerupted
overLSD,Time-Lifepublicationswereenthusiasticboostersofpsychedelics,
andLucetookapersonalinterestindirectinghismagazine’scoverageofthem.
SowhenR.GordonWassonapproachedLifemagazinewithhisstory,he
couldnothaveknockedonamorereceptivedoor.Lifegavehimagenerous
contractthat,inadditiontotheprincelysumofeighty-fivehundreddollars,
grantedhimfinalapprovalontheeditingofhisarticle,aswellasthewordingof
headlinesandcaptions.ItspecifiedthatWasson’saccountincludea“description
ofyourownsensationsandfantasiesundertheinfluenceofthemushroom.”
AsIpagedthroughtheissueinbedthatevening,theworldof1957seemed
likeafarawayplanet,eventhoughIlivedonit,albeitasatwo-year-old.My
parentssubscribedtoLife,sotheissueprobablysatinthebigpileinourdenfor
astretchofmychildhood.Lifemagazinewasamassmediumin1957,witha
circulationof5.7million.
“SeekingtheMagicMushroom,”inwhich“aNewYorkbankergoesto
Mexico’smountainstoparticipateintheage-oldritualsofIndianswhochew
strangegrowthsthatproducevisions,”openedonaspreadwithafull-pagecolor
photographofaMazatecwomanturningamushroomoverasmokyfireand
goesonfornofewerthanfifteenpages.Theheadlineisthefirstknown
referenceto“magicmushrooms,”aphrasethat,itturnsout,wascoinednotbya
stonedhippiebutbyaTime-Lifeheadlinewriter.
“Wechewedandswallowedtheseacridmushrooms,sawvisions,and
emergedfromtheexperienceawestruck,”Wassontellsus,somewhat
breathlessly,inthefirstparagraph.“Wehadcomefromafartoattenda
mushroomritebuthadexpectednothingsostaggeringasthevirtuosityofthe
performingcuranderas[healers]andtheastonishingeffectsofthemushrooms.
[Thephotographer]andIwerethefirstwhitemeninrecordedhistorytoeatthe
divinemushrooms,whichforcenturieshadbeenasecretofcertainIndian
peopleslivingfarfromthegreatworldinsouthernMexico.”
Wassonthenproceedstotelltheimprobabletaleofhowsomeonelikehim,“a
bankerbyoccupation,”wouldendupeatingmagicmushroomsinthedirt-
flooredbasementofathatch-roofed,adobe-walledhomeinaOaxacantownso
remoteitcouldonlybereachedbymeansofaneleven-hourtrekthroughthe
mountainsbymule.
Thestorybeginsin1927,duringWasson’shoneymoonintheCatskills.
Duringanafternoonstrollintheautumnwoods,hisbride,aRussianphysician
namedValentina,spottedapatchofwildmushrooms,beforewhich“shekneltin
posesofadoration.”Wassonknewnothingof“thoseputrid,treacherous
excrescences”andwasalarmedwhenValentinaproposedtocookthemfor
dinner.Herefusedtopartake.“Notlongmarried,”Wassonwrote,“Ithoughtto
wakeupthenextmorningawidower.”
Thecouplebecamecuriousastohowtwoculturescouldholdsuch
diametricallyopposedattitudestowardmushrooms.Theysoonembarkedona
researchprojecttounderstandtheoriginsofboth“mycophobia”and
“mycophilia,”termsthattheWassonsintroduced.Theyconcludedthateach
Indo-Europeanpeopleisbyculturalinheritanceeithermycophobic(forexample,
theAnglo-Saxons,Celts,andScandinavians)ormycophilic(theRussians,
Catalans,andSlavs)andproposedanexplanationforthepowerfulfeelingsin
bothcamps:“Wasitnotprobablethat,longago,longbeforethebeginningsof
writtenhistory,ourancestorshadworshippedadivinemushroom?Thiswould
explaintheauraofthesupernaturalinwhichallfungiseemtobebathed.”*The
logicalnextquestionpresenteditselftotheWassons—“Whatkindofmushroom
wasonceworshipped,andwhy?”—andwiththatquestioninhandthey
embarkedonathirty-yearquesttofindthedivinemushroom.Theyhopedto
obtainevidencefortheaudacioustheorythatWassonhaddevelopedandthat
wouldoccupyhimuntilhisdeath:thatthereligiousimpulseinhumankindhad
beenfirstkindledbythevisionsinspiredbyapsychoactivemushroom.
Asaprominentfinancier,R.GordonWassonhadtheresourcesandthe
connectionstoenlistallmannerofexpertsandscholarsinhisquest.Oneof
thesewasthepoetRobertGraves,whosharedtheWassons’interestintheroleof
mushroomsinhistoryandinthecommonoriginsoftheworld’smythsand
religions.In1952,GravessentWassonaclippingfromapharmaceuticaljournal
thatmadereferencetoapsychoactivemushroomusedbysixteenth-century
MesoamericanIndians.ThearticlewasbasedonresearchdoneinCentral
AmericabyRichardEvansSchultes,aHarvardethnobotanistwhostudiedthe
usesofpsychoactiveplantsandfungibyindigenouscultures.Schulteswasa
reveredprofessorwhomstudentsrecallshootingblowgunsinclassandkeeping
abasketofpeyotebuttonsoutsidehisHarvardoffice;hetrainedagenerationof
Americanethnobotanists,includingWadeDavis,MarkPlotkin,MichaelBalick,
TimPlowman,andAndrewWeil.AlongwithWasson,Schultesisoneofa
handfuloffigureswhoseroleinbringingpsychedelicstotheWesthasgone
underappreciated;indeed,someofthefirstseedsofthatmovementhavequite
literallysatintheHarvardherbariumsincethe1930s,morethanaquarter
centurybeforeTimothyLearysetfootonthecampus.ForitwasSchulteswho
firstidentifiedteonanácatl—thesacredmushroomoftheAztecsandtheir
descendants—aswellasololiuqui,theseedsofthemorningglory,whichthe
Aztecsalsoconsumedsacramentallyandwhichcontainanalkaloidclosely
relatedtoLSD.
Uptothispoint,theWassonshadbeenlookingtowardAsiafortheirdivine
mushroom;Schultesreorientedtheirquest,pointingthemtowardtheAmericas,
wheretherewerescatteredreports,frommissionariesandanthropologists,
suggestingthatanancientmushroomcultmightyetsurviveintheremote
mountainvillagesofsouthernMexico.
In1953,WassonmadethefirstoftentripstoMexicoandCentralAmerica,
severalofthemtothevillageofHuautladeJiménez,deepinthemountainsof
Oaxaca,whereoneofhisinformants—amissionary—hadtoldhimhealerswere
usingmushrooms.Atfirstthelocalsweretight-lipped.SometoldWassonthey
hadneverheardofthemushrooms,orthattheywerenolongerused,orthatthe
practicesurvivedonlyinsomeother,distantvillage.
Theirreticencewasnotsurprising.Thesacramentaluseofpsychoactive
mushroomshadbeenkeptsecretfromWesternersforfourhundredyears,since
shortlyaftertheSpanishconquest,whenitwasdrivenunderground.Thebest
accountwehaveofthepracticeisthatoftheSpanishmissionarypriest
BernardinodeSahagún,whointhesixteenthcenturydescribedtheuseof
mushroomsinanAztecreligiousobservance:
Thesetheyatebeforedawnwithhoney,andtheyalsodrankcacao
beforedawn.Themushroomstheyatewithhoneywhentheybegan
togetheatedfromthem,theybegantodance,andsomesang,and
somewept...Somecarednottosing,butwouldsitdownintheir
rooms,andstayedtherepensive-like.Andsomesawinavision
thattheyweredying,andtheywept,andotherssawinavisionthat
somewildbeastwaseatingthem,otherssawinavisionthatthey
weretakingcaptivesinwar...otherssawinavisionthatthey
weretocommitadulteryandthattheirheadsweretobebashedin
therefor...Thenwhenthedrunkennessofthemushroomshad
passed,theyspokeonewithanotheraboutthevisionsthattheyhad
seen.
TheSpanishsoughttocrushthemushroomcults,viewingthem,rightly,asa
mortalthreattotheauthorityofthechurch.OneofthefirstpriestsCortés
broughttoMexicotoChristianizetheAztecsdeclaredthatthemushroomswere
thefleshof“thedevilthattheyworshipped,and...withthisbitterfoodthey
receivedtheircruelgodincommunion.”Indianswereinterrogatedandtortured
intoconfessingthepractice,andmushroomstones—manyofthemfoot-tall
chiseledbasaltsculpturesofthesacredfungi,presumablyusedinreligious
ceremonies—weresmashed.TheInquisitionwouldbringdozensofcharges
againstNativeAmericansforcrimesinvolvingbothpeyoteandpsilocybin,in
whatamountedtoanearlybattleinthewarondrugs—or,tobemoreprecise,the
waroncertainplantsandfungi.In1620,theRomanCatholicChurchdeclared
thattheuseofplantsfordivinationwas“anactofsuperstitioncondemnedas
opposedtothepurityandintegrityofourHolyCatholicFaith.”
It’snothardtoseewhythechurchwouldhavereactedsoviolentlytothe
sacramentaluseofmushrooms.TheNahuatlwordforthemushrooms—fleshof
thegods—musthavesoundedtoSpanishearslikeadirectchallengetothe
ChristianSacrament,whichofcoursewasalsounderstoodtobethefleshofthe
gods,orratheroftheoneGod.Yetthemushroomsacramentenjoyedan
undeniableadvantageovertheChristianversion.Ittookanactoffaithtobelieve
thateatingthebreadandwineoftheEucharistgavetheworshipperaccesstothe
divine,anaccessthathadtobemediatedbyapriestandthechurchliturgy.
ComparethatwiththeAztecsacrament,apsychoactivemushroomthatgranted
anyonewhoateitdirect,unmediatedaccesstothedivine—tovisionsofanother
world,arealmofthegods.Sowhohadthemorepowerfulsacrament?Asa
MazatecIndiantoldWasson,themushrooms“carryyoutherewheregodis.”
TheRomanCatholicChurchmighthavebeenthefirstinstitutiontofully
recognizethethreattoitsauthorityposedbyapsychedelicplant,butitcertainly
wouldn’tbethelast.
•••
ONTHENIGHTOFJUNE29–30,1955,R.GordonWassonexperiencedthesacred
mushroomsfirsthand.OnhisthirdtriptoHuautla,hehadpersuadedMaría
Sabina,asixty-one-year-oldMazatecandarespectedcuranderainthevillage,to
lethimandhisphotographernotonlyobservebuttakepartinaceremonyin
whichnooutsiderhadeverparticipated.Thevelada,astheceremonywascalled,
tookplaceafterdarkinthebasementofthehomeofalocalofficialWassonhad
enlistedinhiscause,beforeasimplealtar“adornedwithChristianimages.”To
protectheridentity,WassoncalledSabina“EvaMendez,”discerning“a
spiritualityinherexpressionthatstruckusatonce.”Aftercleaningthe
mushroomsandpassingthemthroughthepurifyingsmokeofincense,Sabina
handedWassonacupcontainingsixpairsofmushrooms;shecalledthem“the
littlechildren.”Theytastedawful:“acridwitharancidodorthatrepeateditself.”
Evenso,“Icouldnothavebeenhappier:thiswastheculminationofsixyearsof
pursuit.”
Thevisionsthatnowarrived“wereinvividcolor,alwaysharmonious.They
beganwithartmotifs,angularsuchasmightdecoratecarpetsortextilesor
wallpaper...Thentheyevolvedintopalaceswithcourts,arcades,gardens—
resplendentpalacesalllaidoverwithsemipreciousstone.ThenIsawa
mythologicalbeastdrawingaregalchariot.”Andsoforth.
Wasson’soriginalfieldnotebooksareinthebotanicallibraryatHarvard.Ina
neatbutsomewhatidiosyncratichand,hekeptmeticuloustrackofthetimethat
night,fromarrival(8:15)toingestion(10:40)tothesnuffingoutofthelast
candle(10:45).
Afterthat,thehandwritingdisintegrates.Somesentencesnowappearupside
down,andWasson’sdescriptionsofwhathefeltandsawgraduallybreakinto
fragments:
Nauseaasvisiondistorted.Touchingwall—madetheworldof
visionsseemtocrumble.Lightfromabovedoorandbelow—
moon.Tabletooknewforms—creatures,greatprocessional
vehicle,architecturalpatternsofradiantcolor.Nausea.Nophotos
oncethe[illegible]seizedus.
Architectural
Eyesoutoffocus—thecandleswesawthemdouble.
Orientalsplendor—Alhambra—chariot
Tabletransformed
Contrastvisionandreality—Itouchwall.
“Thevisionswerenotblurredoruncertain,”hewrites.Indeed,“theyseemed
morerealtomethananythingIhadeverseenwithmyowneyes.”Atthispoint,
thereaderbeginstofeeltheliteraryhandofAldousHuxleyexertingacertain
pressureonbothWasson’sproseandhisperceptions:“IfeltthatIwasnow
seeingplain,whereasordinaryvisiongivesusanimperfectview.”Wasson’sown
doorsofperceptionhadbeenflungwideopen:“Iwasseeingthearchetypes,the
Platonicideas,thatunderlietheimperfectimagesofeverydaylife.”Toread
Wassonistofeelasifyouwerewitnessingthestill-freshandmalleable
conventionsofthepsychedelicnarrativegraduallysolidifyingbeforeyoureyes.
WhetherAldousHuxleyinventedthesetropes,orwasmerelytheirstenographer,
ishardtosay,buttheywouldinformthegenre,aswellastheexperience,from
hereon.“Forthefirsttimethewordecstasytookonrealmeaning,”Wasson
recalls.“Forthefirsttimeitdidnotmeansomeoneelse’sstateofmind.”
Wassonconcludedfromhisexperiencethathisworkinghypothesisaboutthe
rootsofthereligiousexperienceinpsychoactivefungihadbeenvindicated.“In
man’sevolutionarypast...theremusthavecomeamomentintimewhenhe
discoveredthesecretofthehallucinatorymushrooms.Theireffectonhim,asI
seeit,couldonlyhavebeenprofound,adetonatortonewideas.Forthe
mushroomsrevealedtohimworldsbeyondthehorizonsknowntohim,inspace
andtime,evenworldsonadifferentplaneofbeing,aheavenandperhapsa
hell...Oneisemboldenedtothepointofaskingwhethertheymaynothave
plantedinprimitivemantheveryideaofaGod.”
Whateveronethinksaboutthisidea,it’sworthpointingoutthatWassoncame
toHuautlawithitalreadyfirmlyplantedandhewaswillingtosubtlytwist
variouselementsofhisexperiencethereinordertoconfirmit.Asmuchashe
wantsustoseeMaríaSabinaasareligiousfigure,andherceremonyasaform
ofwhathecalls“Holycommunion,”shesawherselfquitedifferently.The
mushroommightwellhaveservedasasacramentfivehundredyearsearlier,but
by1955manyMazatecshadbecomedevoutCatholics,andtheynowused
mushroomsnotforworshipbutforhealinganddivination—tolocatemissing
peopleandimportantitems.Wassonknewthisperfectlywell,whichiswhyhe
employedtherusehedidtogainaccesstoaceremony:hetoldMaríaSabinahe
wasworriedabouthissonbackhomeandwantedinformationabouthis
whereaboutsandwell-being.(Spookilyenough,hereceivedwhathediscovered
onhisreturntoNewYorktobeaccurateinformationonbothcounts.)Wasson
wasdistortingacomplexindigenouspracticeinordertofitapreconceived
theoryandconflatingthehistoricalsignificanceofthatpracticewithits
contemporarymeaning.AsSabinatoldaninterviewersomeyearslater,“Before
WassonnobodytookthemushroomsonlytofindGod.Theywerealwaystaken
forthesicktogetwell.”AsoneofWasson’sharshercritics,theEnglishwriter
AndyLetcher,acidlyputit,“TofindGod,Sabina—likeallgoodCatholics—
wenttoMass.”
•••
WASSON’SARTICLEINLIFEwasreadbymillionsofpeople(includinga
psychologyprofessoronhiswaytoHarvardnamedTimothyLeary).Wasson’s
storyreachedtensofmillionsmorewhenheshareditonthepopularCBSnews
programPersontoPerson,andinthemonthstofollowseveralothermagazines,
includingTrue:TheMan’sMagazine,ranfirst-personaccountsofmagic
mushroomjourneys(“TheVegetableThatDrivesMenMad”),journeysfor
whichWassonsuppliedthemushrooms.(Hehadbroughtbackasupplyand
wouldconductceremoniesinhisManhattanapartment.)Anexhibitiononmagic
mushroomssoonfollowedattheAmericanMuseumofNaturalHistoryinNew
York.
ShortlyafterthearticleinLifewaspublished,Wassonarrangedtohavesome
specimensoftheMexicanmushroomssenttoAlbertHofmanninSwitzerland
foranalysis.In1958,Hofmannisolatedandnamedthetwopsychoactive
compounds,psilocybinandpsilocin,anddevelopedthesyntheticversionof
psilocybinusedinthecurrentresearch.Hofmannalsoexperimentedwiththe
mushroomshimself.“Thirtyminutesaftermytakingthemushrooms,”hewrote,
“theexteriorworldbegantoundergoastrangetransformation.Everything
assumedaMexicancharacter.”In1962,HofmannjoinedWassonononeofhis
returntripstoHuautla,duringwhichthechemistgaveMaríaSabinapsilocybin
inpillform.Shetooktwoofthepillsanddeclaredtheydidindeedcontainthe
spiritofthemushroom.*
Itdidn’ttakelongforthousandsofotherpeople—including,eventually,
celebritiessuchasBobDylan,JohnLennon,andMickJagger—tofindtheirway
toHuautlaandtoMaríaSabina’sdoor.*ForMaríaSabinaandhervillage,the
attentionwasruinous.Wassonwouldlaterholdhimselfresponsiblefor
“unleash[ing]onlovelyHuautlaatorrentofcommercialexploitationofthe
vilestkind,”ashewroteinaplaintive1970NewYorkTimesop-ed.Huautlahad
becomefirstabeatnik,thenahippiemecca,andthesacredmushrooms,oncea
closelyguardedsecret,werenowbeingsoldopenlyonthestreet.MaríaSabina’s
neighborsblamedherforwhatwashappeningtotheirvillage;herhomewas
burneddown,andshewasbrieflyjailed.Nearingtheendofherlife,shehad
nothingbutregretforhavingsharedthedivinemushroomswithR.Gordon
Wassonand,inturn,theworld.“Fromthemomenttheforeignersarrived,”she
toldavisitor,“thesaintchildrenlosttheirpurity.Theylosttheirforce;the
foreignersspoiledthem.Fromnowontheywon’tbeanygood.”
•••
WHENTHENEXTMORNINGIcamedownstairs,PaulStametswasintheliving
room,arranginghiscollectionofmushroomstonesonthecoffeetable.Ihad
readabouttheseartifactsbuthadneverseenorheldone,andtheywere
impressiveobjects:roughlycarvedchunksofbasaltinavarietyofsizesand
shapes.Someweresimpleandlookedlikegiganticmushrooms;othershada
tripodorfour-footedbase,andstillothershadafigurecarvedintothestipe(or
stem).ThousandsofthesestonesweresmashedbytheSpanish,buttwohundred
areknowntosurvive,andStametsownssixteenofthem.Mostofthesurviving
stoneshavebeenfoundintheGuatemalanhighlands,oftenwhenfarmersare
plowingtheirfields;somehavebeendatedtoatleast1000B.C.
AsStametscarriedtheheavystones,onebyone,fromtheircabinettothe
coffeetable,wherehearrangedthemwithgreatcare,helookedlikeanaltarboy,
handlingthemwiththesobrietyappropriatetoirreplaceablesacredobjects.It
occurredtomePaulStametsisR.GordonWasson’srightfulheir.(Wasson,too,
collectedmushroomstones,someofwhichIsawatHarvard.)Heshareshis
radicallymycocentriccosmologyandseesevidencewhereverhelooksforthe
centralityofpsychoactivemushroomsinculture,religion,andnature.Stamets’s
laptopiscrammedwithimagesofPsilocybestakennotonlyfromnature(he’sa
superbphotographer)butalsofromcavepaintings,NorthAfricanpetroglyphs,
medievalchurcharchitecture,andIslamicdesigns,someofwhichrecallthe
formsofmushroomsor,withtheirfractalgeometricpatternings,mushroom
experiences.IconfessthattryasImight,Ioftenfailedtofindthemushrooms
lurkinginthepictures.Nodoubtthemushroomsthemselvescouldhelp.
ThisbringsustoTerenceMcKenna’sstonedapetheory,theepitomeofall
mycocentricspeculation,whichStametshadwantedtomakesurewediscussed.
ThoughreadingisnosubstituteforhearingMcKennaexpoundhisthesis(you
canfindhimonYouTube),hesummarizesitinFoodoftheGods(1992):
Psilocybesgaveourhominidancestors“accesstorealmsofsupernaturalpower,”
“catalyzedtheemergenceofhumanself-reflection,”and“broughtusoutofthe
animalmindandintotheworldofarticulatedspeechandimagination.”Thislast
hypothesisabouttheinventionoflanguageturnsontheconceptofsynesthesia,
theconflationofthesensesthatpsychedelicsareknowntoinduce:underthe
influenceofpsilocybin,numberscantakeoncolors,colorsattachtosounds,and
soon.Language,hecontends,representsaspecialcaseofsynesthesia,inwhich
otherwisemeaninglesssoundsbecomelinkedtoconcepts.Hence,thestoned
ape:bygivingusthegiftsoflanguageandself-reflectionpsilocybinmushrooms
madeuswhoweare,transformingourprimateancestorsintoHomosapiens.
Thestonedapetheoryisnotreallysusceptibletoproofordisproof.The
consumptionofmushroomsbyearlyhominidswouldbeunlikelytoleaveany
traceinthefossilrecord,becausethemushroomsaresofttissueandcanbeeaten
fresh,requiringnospecialtoolsorprocessingmethodsthatmighthavesurvived.
McKennaneverreallyexplainshowtheconsumptionofpsychoactive
mushroomscouldhaveinfluencedbiologicalevolution—thatis,selectedfor
changesatthelevelofthegenome.Itwouldhavebeeneasierforhimtomakean
argumentforpsychoactivefungi’sinfluenceonculturalevolution—suchasthe
oneWassonmade—butevidentlythefungihadmoreambitiousplansforthe
mindofTerenceMcKenna,andTerenceMcKennawasmorethanhappyto
oblige.
StametsbecamegoodfriendswithMcKennaduringthelastfewyearsofhis
life,andeversinceMcKenna’sdeath(atagefifty-three,frombraincancer),he
hasbeencarryingthestonedape’storch,recountingMcKenna’stheoryinmany
ofhistalks.Stametsacknowledgesthechallengesofeverprovingittoanyone’s
satisfactionyetdeemsit“morelikelythannot”thatpsilocybin“waspivotalin
humanevolution.”Whatisitaboutthesemushrooms,Iwondered,andthe
experiencetheysponsorinthemindsofmen,thatfiresthiskindofintellectual
extravaganceandconviction?
Thestoriesofmyco-evangelistslikeMcKennareadlikeconversion
narratives,inwhichcertainpeoplewhohavefeltthepowerofthesemushrooms
firsthandemergefromtheexperienceconvincedthatthesefungiareprime
movers—gods,ofasort—thatcanexplaineverything.Theirpropheticmission
inlifebecomesclear:bringthisnewstotheworld!
Nowconsiderallthisfromthemushroom’spointofview:whatmighthave
startedasabiochemicalaccidenthasturnedintoaningeniousstrategyfor
enlargingthespecies’rangeandnumber,bywinningtheferventdevotionofan
animalasingeniousandwelltraveled(andwellspoken!)asHomosapiens.In
McKenna’svision,itisthemushroomitselfthathelpedformpreciselythekind
ofmind—endowedwiththetoolsoflanguageandfiredbyimagination—that
couldbestadvanceitsinterests.Howdiabolicallybrilliant!NowonderPaul
Stametsisconvincedoftheirintelligence.
•••
THENEXTMORNING,beforewepackedupthecarsforourtripsouth,Stametshad
anothergifthewantedtogiveme.Wewereinhisoffice,lookingatsomeimages
onhiscomputer,whenhepulledofftheshelfasmallpileofamadouhats.“See
ifoneofthesefitsyou.”Mostofthemushroomhatsweretoobigforme,butI
foundonethatsatcomfortablyonmyheadandthankedhimforthegift.Thehat
wassurprisinglysoftandalmostweightless,butIfeltalittlesillywitha
mushroomonmyhead,soIcarefullypackeditinmyluggage.
EarlySundaymorningwedrovewesttowardthePacificcoastandthensouth
totheColumbiaRiver,stoppingforlunchandcampingprovisionsintheresort
townofLongBeach.ThisbeingthefirstweekofDecember,thetownwaspretty
wellbuttonedupandsleepy.StametsrequestedthatInotpublishtheexact
locationwherewewenthuntingforPsilocybeazurescens.ButwhatIcansayis
thattherearethreepublicparksborderingthewide-openmouthoftheColumbia
—FortStevens,CapeDisappointment,andtheLewisandClarkNational
HistoricalPark—andwestayedatoneofthem.Stamets,whohasbeencoming
heretohuntazziesforyears,wasmildlyparanoidaboutbeingrecognizedbya
ranger,sohestayedinthecarwhileIcheckedinattheofficeandpickedupa
mapgivingdirectionstoouryurt.
Assoonasweunloadedandstowedourgear,welacedupourbootsand
headedouttolookformushrooms.Whichreallyjustmeantwalkingaroundwith
eyescastdownward,tracingdesultorypatternsthroughthescrubalongthesand
dunesandinthegrassyareasadjoiningtheyurts.Weadoptedthepostureofthe
psilocybinstoop,exceptthatweraisedourheadseverytimeweheardacar
coming.Foragingmushroomsisprohibitedinmoststateparks,andbeingin
possessionofpsilocybinmushroomsisbothastateandafederalcrime.
Theweatherwasovercastinthehighforties—balmyforthisfarnorthonthe
PacificcoastinDecember,whenitcanbecold,wet,andstormy.Weprettymuch
hadthewholeparktoourselves.Itwasastunning,desolatelandscape,withpine
treesprunedlowandangularbythewindscomingofftheocean,endlessdead-
flatsandybeacheswithplentyofdriftwood,andgiantstorm-tossedtimbers
washedupandjack-strawedhereandtherealongthebeach.Theselogshad
somehowslippedoutfromunderthethumbofthelumberindustry,floating
downtheColumbiafromtheold-growthforestshundredsofmilesupriverand
washinguphere.
StametssuspectsthatPsilocybeazurescensmightoriginallyhaveriddenout
oftheforestinthefleshofthoselogsandfounditswayheretothemouthofthe
Columbia—thusfartheonlyplacethespecieshaseverbeenfound.Some
myceliumwillactuallyinsinuateitselfintothegrainoftrees,takingupresidence
andformingasymbioticrelationshipwiththetree.Stametsbelievesthe
myceliumfunctionsasakindofimmunesystemforitsarborealhost,secreting
antibacterial,antiviral,andinsecticidalcompoundsthatprotectthetreesfrom
diseasesandpests,inexchangefornourishmentandhabitat.
Aswewalkedinwideningspiralsandfigureeightsoverthegrassydunes,
Stametskeptupasteadymycologicalpatter;onenicethingabouthunting
mushroomsisthatyoudon’thavetoworryaboutscaringthemawaywiththe
soundofyourvoice.Everynowandthenhepausedtoshowmeamushroom.
Littlebrownmushroomsarenotoriouslydifficulttoidentify,butStametsalmost
alwayshaditsLatinbinomialandafewinterestingfactsaboutitathis
fingertips.Atonepoint,hehandedmeaRussula,explainingitwasgoodtoeat.I
onlynibbledattheruddycapbeforeIhadtospititout,itwassofiery.Evidently,
offeringnewbiesthisparticularRussulaisanoldmycologisthazingritual.
IsawplentyofLBMsthatmightormightnotbepsilocybinandwas
constantlyinterruptingStametsforanotherID,andeverytimehehadtoprick
mybubbleofhopethatIhadatlastfoundthepreciousquarry.Afteranhouror
twooffruitlesssearching,Stametswonderedaloudifmaybewehadcometoo
latefortheazzies.
Andthenallofasudden,inanexcitedstagewhisper,hecalledout,“Got
one!”Iracedover,askinghimtoleavethemushroominplacesoIcouldsee
whereandhowitgrew.Thiswould,Ihoped,allowmeto“getmyeyeson,”as
mushroomhuntersliketosay.Onceweregisteronourretinasthevisualpattern
oftheobjectwe’researchingfor,it’smuchmorelikelytopopoutofthevisual
field.(Infactthetechnicalnameforthisphenomenonis“thepop-outeffect.”)
Itwasahandsomelittlemushroom,withasmooth,slightlyglossycaramel-
coloredcap.Stametsletmepickit;ithadasurprisinglytenaciousgrip,and
whenitcameoutoftheground,itbroughtwithitsomeleaflitter,soil,anda
littleknotofbrightwhitemycelium.“Bruisethestipeabit,”Stametssuggested.
Idid,andwithinminutesabluetingeappearedwhereI’drubbedit.“That’sthe
psilocin.”IneverexpectedtoactuallyseethechemicalIhadreadsomuch
about.
Themushroomhadbeengrowingastone’sthrowfromouryurt,rightonthe
edgeofaparkingspot.Stametssaysthatlikemanypsilocybinspecies“azzies
areorganismsoftheecologicaledge.Lookatwhereweare:attheedgeofthe
continent,theedgeofanecosystem,theedgeofcivilization,andofcoursethese
mushroomsbringustotheedgeofconsciousness.”Atthispoint,Stamets,who
whenitcomestomushroomsisoneseriousdude,madethefirstjokeIhadever
heardhimmake:“YouknowoneofthebestindicatorspeciesforPsilocybe
azurescensareWinnebagos.”We’reobviouslynotthefirstpeopletohuntfor
azziesinthispark,andanyonewhopicksamushroomtrailsaninvisiblecloud
ofitssporebehindhim;this,hebelieves,istheoriginoftheideaoffairydust.
Attheendofmanyofthosetrailsisapttobeacampsite,acar,oraWinnebago.
Wefoundsevenazziesthatafternoon,thoughbyweImeanStamets;Ionly
foundone,andeventhenIwasn’tatallcertainitwasaPsilocybeuntilStamets
gavemeasmileandathumbs-up.Icouldswearitlookedexactlylikehalfa
dozenotherspeciesIwasfinding.Stametspatientlytutoredmeinmushroom
morphology,andbythefollowingdaymyluckhadimproved,andIfoundfour
littlecaramelbeautiesonmyown.Notmuchofahaul,butthenStametshadsaid
thatevenjustoneofthesemushroomscouldunderwriteamajorpsychic
expedition.
Thatevening,wecarefullylaidoutoursevenmushroomsonapapertowel
andphotographedthembeforeputtingtheminfrontoftheyurt’sspaceheaterto
dry.Withinhours,thehotairhadtransformedamushroomthatwas
unimpressivetobeginwithintoatiny,shriveledgray-bluescrapitwouldbeeasy
tooverlook.Theideathatsomethingsounprepossessingcouldhavesuch
consequencewashardtocredit.
Ihadbeenlookingforwardtotryinganazzie,butbeforetheeveningwas
over,Stametshaddampenedmyenthusiasm.“Ifindazurescensalmosttoo
strong,”hetoldmewhenwewerestandingaroundthefirepitoutsideouryurt,
havingabeer.Afternightfall,wehaddrivenoutontothebeachtohuntforrazor
clamsbyheadlight;nowweweresautéingthemwithonionsoverthefire.
“Andazzieshaveonepotentialsideeffectthatsomepeoplefindtroubling.”
Yes?
“Temporaryparalysis,”hesaidmatter-of-factly.Heexplainedthatsome
peopleonazziesfindtheycan’tmovetheirmusclesforaperiodoftime.That
mightbetolerableifyou’reinasafeplace,hesuggested,“butwhatifyou’re
outdoorsandtheweatherturnscoldandwet?Youcoulddieofhypothermia.”
Notmuchofanadvertisementforazurescens,especiallycomingfromtheman
whodiscoveredthespeciesandnamedit.Iwassuddenlyinmuchlessofahurry
totryone.
•••
THEQUESTIONIKEPTreturningtothatweekendisthis:Whyintheworldwoulda
fungusgotothetroubleofproducingachemicalcompoundthathassucha
radicaleffectonthemindsoftheanimalsthateatit?What,ifanything,didthis
peculiarchemicaldoforthemushroom?Onecouldconstructaquasi-mystical
explanationforthisphenomenon,asStametsandMcKennahavedone:both
suggestthatneurochemistryisthelanguageinwhichnaturecommunicateswith
us,andit’stryingtotellussomethingimportantbywayofpsilocybin.Butthis
strikesmeasmoreofapoeticconceitthanascientifictheory.
ThebestanswerI’vemanagedtofindarrivedafewweekslatercourtesyof
PaulStamets’sprofessoratEvergreenState,MichaelBeug,thechemist.WhenI
reachedhimbyphoneathishomeintheColumbiaRiverGorge,160miles
upriverofourcampsite,Beugsaidhewasretiredfromteachingandhadn’tspent
muchtimethinkingaboutPsilocybesrecently,buthewasintriguedbymy
question.
Iaskedhimifthereisreasontobelievethatpsilocybinisadefensechemical
forthemushroom.Defenseagainstpestsanddiseasesisthemostcommon
functionoftheso-calledsecondarymetabolitesproducedinplants.Curiously,
manyplanttoxinsdon’tdirectlykillpests,butoftenactaspsychostimulantsas
wellaspoisons,whichiswhyweusemanyofthemasdrugstoalter
consciousness.Whywouldn’tplantsjustkilltheirpredatorsoutright?Perhaps
becausethatwouldquicklyselectforresistance,whereasmessingwithits
neurotransmitternetworkscandistractthepredatoror,betterstill,leaditto
engageinriskybehaviorslikelytoshortenitslife.Thinkofaninebriatedinsect
behavinginawaythatattractstheattentionofahungrybird.
ButBeugpointedoutthatifpsilocybinwereadefensechemical,“myformer
studentPaulStametswouldhavejumpedonitlongagoandfoundauseforitas
anantifungal,antibacterial,orinsecticide.”InfactBeughastestedfungifor
psilocybinandpsilocinlevelsandfoundthattheyoccuronlyinminute
quantitiesinthemycelium—thepartoftheorganismmostlikelytobewell
defended.“Insteadthechemicalsareinthefruitingbodies—sometimesatover
twopercentbydryweight!”—astupendousquantity,andinapartofthe
organismitisnotaprioritytodefend.
Evenifpsilocybininmushroomsbeganas“anaccidentofametabolic
pathway,”thefactthatitwasn’tdiscardedduringthecourseofthespecies’
evolutionsuggestsitmusthaveofferedsomebenefit.“Mybestguess,”Beug
says,“isthatthemushroomsthatproducedthemostpsilocybingotselectively
eatenandsotheirsporesgotmorewidelydisseminated.”
Eatenbywhom,orwhat?Andwhy?Beugsaysthatmanyanimalsareknown
toeatpsilocybinmushrooms,includinghorses,cattle,anddogs.Some,like
cows,appearunaffected,butmanyanimalsappeartoenjoyanoccasionalchange
inconsciousnesstoo.Beugisinchargeofgatheringmushroom-poisoning
reportsfortheNorthAmericanMycologicalAssociationandovertheyearshas
seenaccountsofhorsestrippingintheirpaddocksanddogsthat“zeroinon
Psilocybesandappeartobehallucinating.”Severalprimatespecies(asidefrom
ourown)arealsoknowntoenjoypsychedelicmushrooms.Presumablyanimals
withatasteforalteredstatesofconsciousnesshavehelpedspreadpsilocybinfar
andwide.“Thestrainsofaspeciesthatproducedmoreratherthanless
psilocybinandpsilocinwouldtendtobefavoredandsograduallybecomemore
widespread.”
Eateninsmalldoses,psychedelicmushroomsmightwellincreasefitnessin
animals,byincreasingsensoryacuityandpossiblyfocusaswell.A2015review
articleintheJournalofEthnopharmacologyreportedthatseveraltribesaround
theworldfeedpsychoactiveplantstotheirdogsinordertoimprovetheir
huntingability.*
Athigherdoses,however,onewouldthinkthatanimalstrippingon
psychedelicmushroomswouldbeatadistinctdisadvantageforsurvival,andno
doubtmanyofthemare.Butforaselectfew,theeffectsmayoffersome
adaptivevalue,notonlyforthemselves,butalsopossiblyforthegroupandeven
thespecies.
Hereweventureoutontohighlyspeculative,slightlysquishyground,guided
byanItalianethnobotanistnamedGiorgioSamorini.InabookcalledAnimals
andPsychedelics:TheNaturalWorldandtheInstincttoAlterConsciousness,
Samorinihypothesizesthatduringtimesofrapidenvironmentalchangeorcrisis
itmayavailthesurvivalofagroupwhenafewofitsmembersabandontheir
accustomedconditionedresponsesandexperimentwithsomeradicallynewand
differentbehaviors.Muchlikegeneticmutations,mostofthesenoveltieswill
provedisastrousandbediscardedbynaturalselection.Butthelawsof
probabilitysuggestthatafewofthenovelbehaviorsmightendupbeinguseful,
helpingtheindividual,thegroup,andpossiblythespeciestoadapttorapid
changesintheirenvironment.
Samorinicallsthisa“depatterningfactor.”Therearetimesintheevolutionof
aspecieswhentheoldpatternsnolongeravail,andtheradical,potentially
innovativeperceptionsandbehaviorsthatpsychedelicssometimesinspiremay
offerthebestchanceforadaptation.Thinkofitasaneurochemicallyinduced
sourceofvariationinapopulation.
ItisdifficulttoreadaboutSamorini’slovelytheorywithoutthinkingabout
ourownspeciesandthechallengingcircumstancesinwhichwefindourselves
today.Homosapiensmighthavearrivedatoneofthoseperiodsofcrisisthat
callsforsomementalandbehavioraldepatterning.Couldthatbewhynaturehas
sentusthesepsychedelicmoleculesnow?
•••
SUCHANOTIONwouldnotstrikePaulStametsastheleastbitfar-fetched.Aswe
stoodaroundthefirepit,thewarmlightflickeringacrossourfaceswhileour
dinnersizzledinitspan,Stametstalkedaboutwhatmushroomshavetaughthim
aboutnature.Hewasexpansive,eloquent,grandiose,and,attimes,inacute
dangerofslippingthesurlybondsofplausibility.Wehadhadafewbeers,and
whilewehadn’ttouchedourtinystashofazzies,wehadsmokedalittlepot.
Stametsdilatedontheideaofpsilocybinasachemicalmessengersentfrom
Earth,andhowwehadbeenelected,byvirtueofthegiftofconsciousnessand
language,tohearitscallandactbeforeit’stoolate.
“Plantsandmushroomshaveintelligence,andtheywantustotakecareofthe
environment,andsotheycommunicatethattousinawaywecanunderstand.”
Whyus?“Wehumansarethemostpopulousbipedalorganismswalkingaround,
sosomeplantsandfungiareespeciallyinterestedinenlistingoursupport.Ithink
theyhaveaconsciousnessandareconstantlytryingtodirectourevolutionby
speakingouttousbiochemically.Wejustneedtobebetterlisteners.”
ThesewereriffsI’dheardStametsdeliverincountlesstalksandinterviews.
“Mushroomshavetaughtmetheinterconnectednessofalllife-formsandthe
molecularmatrixthatweshare,”heexplainsinanotherone.“Inolongerfeel
thatIaminthisenvelopeofahumanlifecalledPaulStamets.Iampartofthe
streamofmoleculesthatareflowingthroughnature.Iamgivenavoice,given
consciousnessforatime,butIfeelthatIampartofthiscontinuumofstardust
intowhichIambornandtowhichIwillreturnattheendofthislife.”Stamets
soundedverymuchlikethevolunteersImetatHopkinswhohadhadfull-blown
mysticalexperiences,peoplewhosesenseofthemselvesasindividualshadbeen
subsumedintoalargerwhole—aformof“unitiveconsciousness,”which,in
Stamets’scase,hadfoldedhimintothewebofnature,asitsnotsohumble
servant.
“IthinkPsilocybeshavegivenmenewinsightsthatmayallowmetohelp
steerandspeedfungalevolutionsothatwecanfindsolutionstoourproblems.”
Especiallyinatimeofecologicalcrisis,hesuggests,wecan’taffordtowaitfor
evolution,unfoldingatitsnormalpace,toputforththesesolutionsintime.Let
thedepatterningbegin.
AsStametsheldforth,andforth,Icouldn’thelpbutpictureinmymindAlex
Grey’swackedpaintingofthestonedape,withthetornadoesofthoughtflying
outofhishairyhead.SomuchofwhatStametshastosaytreadsaperilously
narrowledge,perchedbetweentheautodidact’ssoaringspeculativeflightsand
thestonedcrank’slatenightriffingsthateventuallysendeveryoneinearshotoff
tobed.ButjustwhenIwasbeginningtogrowimpatientwithhismeanders,and
couldhearthecallofmysleepingbagfrominsidetheyurt,he,orI,turneda
corner,andhismycologicalpropheciessuddenlyappearedtomeinamore
generouslight.
Thedaybefore,Stametshadgivenmeatourofthelabsandgrowroomsat
FungiPerfecti,thecompanyhefoundedrightoutofcollege.Tuckedintothe
evergreenforestashortwalkfromhishouse,theFungiPerfecticomplex
consistsofaseriesoflongwhitemetalbuildingsthatlooklikeQuonsethutsor
smallhangars.Outsidearepilesofwoodchips,discardedfungi,andgrowing
media.Someofthebuildingshousethegrowroomswhereheraisesmedicinal
andediblespecies;otherscontainhisresearchfacility,withcleanroomsand
laminarflowchambersinwhichStametsreproducesfungifromtissueculture
andconductshisexperiments.Ontheofficewallshangseveralofhispatents,
framed.Amidthetorrentofwords,whatIobservedinthesebuildingswasa
salutaryreminderthatwhileStametsissurelyabigtalker,heisnotjustatalker.
Heisabigdoertoo,asuccessfulresearcherandentrepreneurwhoisusingfungi
tomakeoriginalcontributionsacrossaremarkablywiderangeoffields,from
medicineandenvironmentalrestorationtoagricultureandforestryandeven
nationaldefense.Stametsisinfactascientist,albeitofaspecialkind.
ExactlywhatkindofscientistIdidn’tcompletelyunderstanduntilafew
weekslater,whenIhappenedtoreadawonderfulbiographyofAlexandervon
Humboldt,thegreatearlynineteenth-centuryGermanscientist(andcolleagueof
Goethe’s)whorevolutionizedourunderstandingofthenaturalworld.Humboldt
believeditisonlywithourfeelings,oursenses,andourimaginations—thatis,
withthefacultiesofhumansubjectivity—thatwecaneverpenetratenature’s
secrets.“Natureeverywherespeakstomaninavoice”thatis“familiartohis
soul.”Thereisanorderandbeautyorganizingthesystemofnature—asystem
thatHumboldt,afterbrieflyconsideringthename“Gaia,”chosetocall
“Cosmos”—butitwouldneverhaverevealeditselftousifnotforthehuman
imagination,whichisitselfofcourseaproductofnature,oftheverysystemit
allowsustocomprehend.Themodernconceitofthescientistattemptingto
observenaturewithperfectobjectivity,asiffromavantagelocatedoutsideit,
wouldhavebeenanathematoHumboldt.“Imyselfamidenticalwithnature.”
IfStametsisascientist,asIbelieveheis,itisintheHumboldtianmold,
makinghimsomethingofathrowback.Idon’tmeantosuggesthiscontribution
isonthesameorderasHumboldt’s.Buthetooisanamateurinthebestsense,
self-taught,uncredentialed,andblitheabouttrespassingdisciplinaryborders.He
tooisanaccomplishednaturalistandinventor,withseveralnewspeciesand
patentstohiscredit.Hetoohearsnature’svoice,anditishisimagination—wild
asitoftenis—thatallowshimtoseesystemswhereothershavenot,suchas
whatisgoingonbeneathourfeetinaforest.I’mthinking,forexample,ofthe
“earth’sInternet,”“theneurologicalnetworkofnature,”andthe“forest’s
immunesystem”—threeRomantic-soundingmetaphorsthatitwouldbefoolish
tobetagainst.
WhatstrikesmeaboutbothStametsandmanyoftheso-calledRomantic
scientists(likeHumboldtandGoethe,JosephBanks,ErasmusDarwin,andI
wouldincludeThoreau)ishowverymuchmorealivenatureseemsintheir
handsthanitwouldsoonbecomeinthecoolerhandsoftheprofessionals.These
morespecializedscientists(awordthatwasn’tcoineduntil1834)gradually
movedscienceindoorsandincreasinglygazedatnaturethroughdevicesthat
allowedthemtoobserveitatscalesinvisibletothehumaneye.Thesemoves
subtlychangedtheobjectofstudy—indeed,madeitmoreofanobject.
Insteadofseeingnatureasacollectionofdiscreteobjects,theRomantic
scientists—andIincludeStametsintheirnumber—sawadenselytangledwebof
subjects,eachactingontheotherinthegreatdancethatwouldcometobecalled
coevolution.“Everything,”Humboldtsaid,“isinteractionandreciprocal.”They
couldseethisdanceofsubjectivitiesbecausetheycultivatedtheplant’s-eye
view,theanimal’s-eyeview,themicrobe’s-eyeview,andthefungus’s-eyeview
—perspectivesthatdependasmuchonimaginationasobservation.
Isuspectthatimaginativeleaphasbecomeharderforusmodernstomake.
Ourscienceandtechnologyencourageusinpreciselytheoppositedirection,
towardtheobjectificationofnatureandofallspeciesotherthanourown.Surely
weneedtoacknowledgethepracticalpowerofthisperspective,whichhasgiven
ussomuch,butweshouldatthesametimeacknowledgeitscosts,materialas
wellasspiritual.Yetthatolder,moreenchantedwayofseeingmaystillpay
dividends,asitdoes(tocitejustonesmallexample)whenitallowsPaulStamets
tofigureoutthatthereasonhoneybeesliketovisitwoodpilesistomedicate
themselves,bynibblingonasaprophyticmyceliumthatproducesjusttheright
antimicrobialcompoundthatthehiveneedstosurvive,agiftthefungusis
tradingfor...what?Somethingyettobeimagined.
Coda
YouareprobablywonderingwhateverhappenedtotheazziesStametsandI
foundthatweekend.Manymonthslater,inthemiddleofasummerweekspent
inthehouseinNewEnglandwhereweusedtolive,aplacefreightedwith
memories,Iatethem,withJudith.Icrumbledtwolittlemushroomsineachof
twoglassesandpouredhotwateroverthemtomakeatea;Stametshad
recommendedthatI“cook”themushroomstodestroythecompoundsthatcan
upsetthestomach.JudithandIeachdrankhalfacup,ingestingboththeliquid
andthecrumblesofmushroom.Isuggestedwetakeawalkonthedirtroadnear
ourhousewhilewewaitedforthepsilocybintocomeon.
However,afteronlyabouttwentyminutesorso,Judithreportedshewas
“feelingthings,”noneofthempleasant.Shedidn’twanttobewalkinganymore,
shesaid,butnowwewereatleastamilefromhome.Shetoldmehermindand
herbodyseemedtobedriftingapartandthenthathermindhadflownoutofher
headandupintothetrees,likeabirdorinsect.
“Ineedtogethomeandfeelsafe,”shesaid,nowwithsomeurgency.Itried
toreassureherasweabruptlyturnedaroundandpickedupourpace.Itwashot
andtheairwasthickwithhumidity.Shesaid,“Ireallydon’twanttoruninto
anybody.”Iassuredherwewouldn’t.Istillfeltmoreorlessmyself,butitmay
bethatJudith’sdistresswaskeepingmefromfeelingthemushrooms;somebody
hadtobereadytoactnormallyifaneighborhappenedtodrivebyandrolldown
hiswindowforachat,aprospectthatwasquicklytakingontheproportionsof
nightmare.Infactshortlybeforewegotbacktohomebase—soitnowfeltto
bothofus—wespottedaneighborspickuptruckbearingdownonusand,like
guiltychildren,weduckedintothewoodsuntilitpassed.
Judithmadeabeelineforthecouchinthelivingroom,whereshelaydown
withtheshadesdrawn,whileIwentintothekitchentopolishoffmycupof
mushroomtea,becauseIwasn’tyetfeelingverymuch.Iwasalittleworried
abouther,butonceshereachedherbaseonthelivingroomcouch,hermood
lightenedandshesaidshewasfine.
Icouldn’tunderstandherdesiretobeindoors.Iwentoutandsatonthe
screenedporchforawhile,listeningtothesoundsinthegarden,whichsuddenly
grewveryloud,asifthevolumehadbeenturnedwayup.Theairwasstock-still,
butthedesultorysoundsofflyinginsectsandthedigitalbuzzofhummingbirds
rosetoformacacophonyIhadneverheardbefore.Itbegantograteonmy
nerves,untilIdecidedIwouldbebetteroffregardingthesoundasbeautiful,and
thenallatonceitwas.Iliftedanarm,thenafoot,andnotedwithreliefthatI
wasn’tparalyzed,thoughIalsodidn’tfeellikemovingamuscle.
WheneverIclosedmyeyes,randomimageseruptedasiftheinsidesofmy
lidswereascreen.Mynotesrecord:Fractalpatterns,tunnelsplungingthrough
foliage,ropyvinesforminggrids.ButwhenIstartedtofeelpanicriseatthelack
ofcontrolIhadovermyvisualfield,IdiscoveredthatallIneededtodoto
restoreasenseofsemi-normalcywastoopenmyeyes.Toopenorclosemyeyes
waslikechangingthechannel.Ithought,“Iamlearninghowtomanagethis
experience.”
Muchhappened,orseemedtohappen,duringthecourseofthatAugust
afternoon,butIwanttofocushereonjustoneelementoftheexperience,
becauseitbearsonthequestionsofnatureandourplaceinitthatpsilocybin
seemstoprovoke,atleastforme.IdecidedIwantedtowalkouttomywriting
house,alittlestructureIhadbuiltmyselftwenty-fiveyearsago,inwhatisnow
anotherlife,andwhichholdsagreatmanymemories.Ihadwrittentwoanda
halfbooksinthelittleroom(includingoneaboutbuildingit),sittingbeforea
broadwindowthatlookedbackoverapondandthegardentoourhouse.
However,IwasstillvaguelyworriedaboutJudith,sobeforewanderingtoo
farfromthehouse,Iwentinsidetocheckonher.Shewasstretchedoutonthe
couch,withacooldampclothoverhereyes.Shewasfine.“I’mhavingthese
veryinterestingvisuals,”shesaid,somethinghavingtodowiththestainsonthe
coffeetablecomingtolife,swirlingandtransformingandrisingfromthesurface
inwaysshefoundcompelling.Shemadeitclearshewantedtobeleftaloneto
sinkmoredeeplyintotheimages—sheisapainter.Thephrase“parallelplay”
poppedintomymind,andsoitwouldbefortherestoftheafternoon.
Isteppedoutside,feelingunsteadyonmyfeet,legsalittlerubbery.The
gardenwasthrummingwithactivity,dragonfliestracingcomplicatedpatternsin
theair,theseedheadsofplumepoppiesrattlinglikesnakesasIbrushedby,the
phloxperfumingtheairwithitssweet,heavyscent,andtheairitselfsopalpably
denseithadtobeforded.Thewordandsenseof“poignance”floodedoverme
duringthewalkthroughthegarden,anditwouldreturnlater.Maybebecausewe
nolongerlivehere,andthisgarden,wherewespentsomanysummersasa
coupleandthenafamily,andwhichatthismomentseemedsoacutelypresent,
wasinfactnowpartofanirretrievablepast.Itwasasifapreciousmemoryhad
notjustbeenrecalledbuthadactuallycomebacktolife,inareincarnationboth
beautifulandcruel.Alsoheartrendingwasthefleetingnessofthismomentin
time,theripenessofaNewEnglandgardeninlateAugustonthevergeof
turningthecorneroftheseason.Beforedawnonecloudlessnightverysoonand
withoutwarning,thethrumandbloomandperfumewouldendallatonce,with
thearrivalofthekillingfrost.Ifeltwideopenemotionally,undefended.
WhenatlastIarrivedatthewritinghouse,Istretchedoutonthedaybed,
somethingIhardlyevertookthetimetodoinalltheyearswhenIwasworking
heresoindustriously.Thebookshelveshadbeenemptied,andtheplacefelt
abandoned,alittlesad.FromwhereIlay,Icouldseeovermytoestothewindow
screenand,pastthat,tothegridofanarborthatwasnowdenselywovenwith
thetwiningvinesofwhathadbecomeavenerableoldclimbinghydrangea,a
petiolaris.Ihadplantedthehydrangeadecadesago,inhopesofcreatingjustthis
sortofintricatelytangledprospect.Backlitbythelateafternoonsunlight
streamingin,itsneatroundleavescompletelyfilledthewindow,whichmeant
yougazedoutattheworldthroughthefreshgreenscrimtheyformed.Itseemed
tomethesewerethemostbeautifulleavesIhadeverseen.Itwasasiftheywere
emittingtheirownsoftgreenglow.Anditfeltlikeakindofprivilegetogazeout
attheworldthroughtheireyes,asitwere,astheleavesdrankupthelast
draughtsofsunlight,transformingthosephotonsintonewmatter.Aplant’s-eye
viewoftheworld—itwasthat,andforreal!Buttheleaveswerealsolooking
backatme,fixingmewiththisutterlybenigngaze.Icouldfeeltheircuriosity
andwhatIwascertainwasanattitudeofutterbenevolencetowardmeandmy
kind.(DoIneedtosaythatIknowhowcrazythissounds?Ido!)
IfeltasthoughIwerecommuningdirectlywithaplantforthefirsttimeand
thatcertainideasIhadlongthoughtaboutandwrittenabout—havingtodowith
thesubjectivityofotherspeciesandthewaytheyactuponusinwayswe’retoo
self-regardingtoappreciate—hadtakenonthefleshoffeelingandreality.I
lookedthroughthenegativespacesformedbythehydrangealeavestofixmy
gazeontheswampmapleinthemiddleofthemeadowbeyond,andittoowas
nowmorealivethanI’deverknownatreetobe,infusedwithsomekindofspirit
—thisone,too,benevolent.Theideathattherehadeverbeenadisagreement
betweenmatterandspiritseemedrisible,andIfeltasthoughwhateveritisthat
usuallydividesmefromtheworldouttherehadbeguntofallaway.Not
completely:thebattlementsofegohadnotfallen;thiswasnotwhatthe
researcherswoulddeema“complete”mysticalexperience,becauseIretained
thesenseofanobservingI.Butthedoorsandwindowsofperceptionhad
openedwide,andtheywereadmittingmoreoftheworldanditsmyriad
nonhumanpersonalitiesthaneverbefore.
Buoyedbythisdevelopment,Isatupnowandlookedoutovermydesk,
throughthebigwindowthatfacedbacktothehouse.WhenIsitedthebuilding,I
carefullyframedthemainviewbetweentwoveryoldandvenerabletrees,a
stolidlyverticalashontherightandanelegantlyangledandintricatelybranched
whiteoakontheleft.Theashhasseenbetterdays;stormshaveshornseveral
importantlimbsfromit,wreckingitssymmetryandleavingsomeragged
stumps.Theoakwassomewhathealthier,infullleafnowwithitsupturned
limbsreachingintotheskylikethelimbsofadancer.Butthemaintrunk,which
hadalwaysleanedprecariouslytooneside,nowconcernedme:asectionofit
hadrottedoutatgroundlevel,andforthefirsttimeitwaspossibletolookclear
throughitandseedaylight.Howwasitpossiblystillstanding?
AsIgazedatthetwotreesIhadgazedatsomanytimesbeforefrommy
desk,itsuddenlydawnedonmethatthesetreeswere—obviously!—myparents:
thestolidashmyfather,theelegantoakmymother.Idon’tknowexactlywhatI
meanbythat,exceptthatthinkingaboutthosetreesbecameidenticaltothinking
aboutmyparents.Theywerecompletely,indelibly,presentinthosetrees.And
soIthoughtaboutalltheyhadgivenme,andaboutallthattimehaddoneto
them,andwhatwasgoingtobecomeofthisprospect,thisplace(thisme!),when
theyfinallyfell,aseventuallytheywould.Thatparentsdieisnotexactlythe
stuffofepiphany,buttheprospect,nolongerdistantorabstract,piercedme
moredeeplythaniteverhad,andIwasdisarmedyetagainbythepervasive
senseofpoignancythattrailedmeallthatafternoon.YetImusthavestillhad
somewitsaboutme,becauseImadeanotetocallthearboristtomorrow;maybe
somethingcouldbedonetoreducetheweightontheleaningsideoftheoak,in
ordertopreventitfromfalling,ifonlyforawhilelonger.
Mywalkbacktothehousewas,Ithink,thepeakoftheexperienceand
comesbacktomenowinthecolorsandtonesofadream.Therewas,again,the
senseofpushingmybodythroughamassofairthathadbeensweetenedby
phloxandwasteeming,almostfrenetic,withactivity.Thedragonflies,bigas
birds,werenowoutinforce,touchingdownjustlongenoughtokissthephlox
blossomsandthenliftoff,beforemadlycrisscrossingthegardenpath.These
weremoredragonfliesthanIhadeverseeninoneplace,somanyinfactthatI
wasn’tcompletelysureiftheywerereal.(Judithlaterconfirmedthesighting
whenIgothertocomeoutside.)Andastheyexecutedtheirflightpatterns,they
leftbehindthemcontrailsthatpersistedintheair,orsoatleastitappeared.Dusk
nowapproaching,theairtrafficinthegardenhadbuilttoariotouscrescendo:
thepollinatorsmakingtheirlastroundsoftheday,theplantsstillsignifyingto
themwiththeirflowers:me,me,me!InonewayIknewthisscenewell—the
gardencomingbrieflybacktolifeaftertheheatofasummerdayhasrelented—
butneverhadIfeltsointegraltoit.Iwasnolongerthealienatedhuman
observer,gazingatthegardenfromadistance,whetherliteralorfigural,but
ratherfeltpartandparcelofallthatwastranspiringhere.Sotheflowerswere
addressingmeasmuchasthepollinators,andperhapsbecausetheveryairthat
afternoonwassuchafeltpresence,one’susualsenseofoneselfasasubject
observingobjectsinspace—objectsthathavebeenthrownintoreliefand
rendereddiscretebytheapparentvoidthatsurroundsthem—gavewaytoasense
ofbeingdeepinsideandfullyimplicatedinthisscene,onemorebeingin
relationtothemyriadotherbeingsandtothewhole.
“Everythingisinteractionandreciprocal,”wroteHumboldt,andthatfeltvery
muchthecase,andso,forthefirsttimeIcanremember,didthis:“Imyselfam
identicalwithnature.”
•••
IHONESTLYDON’TKNOWwhattomakeofthisexperience.Inacertainlightat
certainmoments,IfeelasthoughIhadhadsomekindofspiritualexperience.I
hadfeltthepersonhoodofotherbeingsinawayIhadn’tbefore;whateveritis
thatkeepsusfromfeelingourfullimplicationinnaturehadbeentemporarilyin
abeyance.Therehadalsobeen,Ifelt,anopeningoftheheart,towardmy
parents,yes,andtowardJudith,butalso,weirdly,towardsomeoftheplantsand
treesandbirdsandeventhedamnbugsonourproperty.Someofthisopenness
haspersisted.Ithinkbackonitnowasanexperienceofwonderandimmanence.
ThefactthatthistransformationofmyfamiliarworldintosomethingIcan
onlydescribeasnuminouswasoccasionedbytheeatingofalittlebrown
mushroomthatStametsandIhadfoundgrowingontheedgeofaparkinglotin
astateparkonthePacificcoast—well,thatfactcanbeviewedinoneoftwo
ways:eitherasanadditionalwonderorassupportforamoreprosaicand
materialistinterpretationofwhathappenedtomethatAugustafternoon.
Accordingtooneinterpretation,Ihadhad“adrugexperience,”plainandsimple.
Itwasakindofwakingdream,interestingandpleasurablebutsignifying
nothing.Thepsilocininthatmushroomunlockedthe5-hydroxytryptamine2-A
receptorsinmybrain,causingthemtofirewildlyandsetoffacascadeof
disorderedmentaleventsthat,amongotherthings,permittedsomethoughtsand
feelings,presumablyfrommysubconscious(and,perhaps,myreadingtoo),to
getcross-wiredwithmyvisualcortexasitwasprocessingimagesofthetrees
andplantsandinsectsinmyfieldofvision.
Notquiteahallucination,“projection”isprobablythepsychologicaltermfor
thisphenomenon:whenwemixouremotionswithcertainobjectsthatthen
reflectthosefeelingsbacktoussothattheyappeartoglistenwithmeaning.T.S.
Eliotcalledthesethingsandsituationsthe“objectivecorrelatives”ofhuman
emotion.Emersonhadasimilarphenomenoninmindwhenhesaidthat“Nature
alwayswearsthecolorsofthespirit,”suggestingitisourmindsthatdressherin
suchsignificance.
I’mstruckbythefacttherewasnothingsupernaturalaboutmyheightened
perceptionsthatafternoon,nothingthatIneededanideaofmagicoradivinityto
explain.No,allittookwasanotherperceptualslantonthesameoldreality,a
lensormodeofconsciousnessthatinventednothingbutmerely(merely!)
italicizedtheproseofordinaryexperience,disclosingthewonderthatisalways
thereinagardenorwood,hiddeninplainsight—anotherformofconsciousness
“partedfrom[us],”asWilliamJamesputit,“bythefilmiestofscreens.”Nature
doesinfactteemwithsubjectivities—callthemspiritsifyoulike—otherthan
ourown;itisonlythehumanego,withitsimaginedmonopolyonsubjectivity,
thatkeepsusfromrecognizingthemall,ourkithandkin.Inthissense,Iguess
PaulStametsisrighttothinkthemushroomsarebringingusmessagesfrom
nature,oratleasthelpingustoopenupandreadthem.
Beforethisafternoon,Ihadalwaysassumedaccesstoaspiritualdimension
hingedonone’sacceptanceofthesupernatural—ofGod,ofaBeyond—butnow
I’mnotsosure.TheBeyond,whateveritconsistsof,mightnotbenearlyasfar
awayorinaccessibleaswethink.HustonSmith,thescholarofreligion,once
describedaspiritually“realizedbeing”assimplyapersonwith“anacutesense
oftheastonishingmysteryofeverything.”Faithneednotfigure.Maybetobein
agardenandfeelawe,orwonder,inthepresenceofanastonishingmystery,is
nothingmorethanarecoveryofamisplacedperspective,perhapsthechild’s-eye
view;maybeweregainitbymeansofaneurochemicalchangethatdisablesthe
filters(ofconvention,ofego)thatpreventusinordinaryhoursfromseeingwhat
is,likethoselovelyleaves,staringusintheface.Idon’tknow.Butifthose
dried-uplittlescrapsoffungustaughtmeanything,itisthatthereareother,
strangerformsofconsciousnessavailabletous,and,whatevertheymean,their
veryexistence,toquoteWilliamJamesagain,“forbid[s]aprematureclosingof
ouraccountswithreality.”
Open-minded.Andbemushroomed.Thatwasme,now,readytoreopenmy
ownaccountswithreality.
CHAPTERTHREE
HISTORY
TheFirstWave
WHENTHEFEDERALAUTHORITIESCAMEdownhardonTimothyLearyinthemid-
1960s,hittinghimwithathirty-yearsentenceforattemptingtobringasmall
amountofmarijuanaovertheborderatLaredo,Texas,in1966,*theembattled
formerpsychologyprofessorturnedtoMarshallMcLuhanforsomeadvice.The
countrywasinthethroesofamoralpanicaboutLSD,inspiredinnosmallpart
byLeary’sownpromotionofpsychedelicdrugsasameansofpersonaland
culturaltransformationandbyhisrecommendationtoAmerica’syouththatthey
“turnon,tunein,dropout.”Datedandgoofyasthosewordssoundtoourears,
therewasamomentwhentheyweretreatedasacrediblethreattothesocial
order,aninvitationtoAmerica’schildrennotonlytotakemind-alteringdrugs
buttorejectthepathlaidoutforthembytheirparentsandtheirgovernment—
includingthepathtakingyoungmentoVietnam.Alsoin1966,Learywascalled
beforeacommitteeoftheU.S.Senatetodefendhisnotoriousslogan,whichhe
gamelyifnotverypersuasivelyattemptedtodo.Inthemidstofthenational
stormragingaroundhim—astorm,itshouldbesaid,hequiteenjoyed—Leary
metwithMarshallMcLuhanoverlunchatthePlazahotelinNewYork,theLSD
gurubettingthatthemediagurumighthavesometipsonhowbesttohandlethe
publicandthepress.
“DrearySenatehearingandcourtroomsarenottheplatformsforyour
message,Tim,”McLuhanadvised,inaconversationthatLearyrecountsin
Flashbacks,oneofhismanyautobiographies.(Learywouldwriteanotherone
everytimelegalfeesandalimonypaymentsthreatenedtoemptyhisbank
account.)“Todispelfearyoumustuseyourpublicimage.Youarethebasic
productendorser.”TheproductbythispointwasofcourseLSD.“Wheneveryou
arephotographed,smile.Wavereassuringly.Radiatecourage.Nevercomplainor
appearangry.It’sokayifyoucomeoffasflamboyantandeccentric.You’rea
professorafterall.Butaconfidentattitudeisthebestadvertisement.Youmust
beknownforyoursmile.”
LearytookMcLuhan’sadvicetoheart.Invirtuallyallofthemanythousands
ofphotographstakenofhimfromthatlunchdateforward,Learymadesureto
presentthegiftofhismostwinninggrintothecamera.Itdidn’tmatterifhewas
comingintooroutofacourthouse,addressingathrongofyouthfuladmirersin
hislovebeadsandwhiterobes,beingjostledintoasquadcarfreshlyhandcuffed,
orperchedontheedgeofJohnandYoko’sbedinaMontrealhotelroom,
TimothyLearyalwaysmanagedtosummonabrightsmileandacheerfulwave
forthecamera.
So,eversmiling,thecharismaticfigureofTimothyLearyloomslargeover
thehistoryofpsychedelicsinAmerica.Yetitdoesn’ttakemanyhoursinthe
librarybeforeyoubegintowonderifmaybeTimothyLearyloomsalittletoo
largeinthathistory,oratleastinourpopularunderstandingofit.Iwashardly
aloneinassumingthattheHarvardPsilocybinProject—launchedbyLearyinthe
fallof1960,immediatelyafterhisfirstlife-changingexperiencewithpsilocybin
inMexico—representedthebeginningofseriousacademicresearchintothese
substancesorthatLeary’sdismissalfromHarvardin1963markedtheendof
thatresearch.Butinfactneitherpropositionisevenremotelytrue.
Learyplayedanimportantroleinthemodernhistoryofpsychedelics,butit’s
notatallthepioneeringrolehewroteforhimself.Hissuccessinshapingthe
popularnarrativeofpsychedelicsinthe1960sobscuresasmuchasitreveals,
creatingakindofrealitydistortionfieldthatmakesitdifficulttoseeeverything
thatcameeitherbeforeorafterhisbigmomentonstage.
Inatruertellingofthehistory,theHarvardPsilocybinProjectwouldappear
morelikethebeginningoftheendofwhathadbeenaremarkablyfertileand
promisingperiodofresearchthatunfoldedduringthepreviousdecadefarfrom
Cambridge,inplacesasfarflungasSaskatchewan,Vancouver,California,and
England,and,everywhere,withalotlesssoundandfuryorcountercultural
baggage.Thelarger-than-lifefigureofLearyhasalsoobscuredfromviewthe
roleofadedicatedbutlittle-knowngroupofscientists,therapists,andpassionate
amateurswho,longbeforeLearyhadevertriedpsilocybinorLSD,developed
thetheoreticalframeworktomakesenseoftheseunusualchemicalsanddevised
thetherapeuticprotocolstoputthemtousehealingpeople.Manyofthese
researcherseventuallywatchedindismayasLeary(andhis“antics,”asthey
inevitablyreferredtohisvariousstuntsandpronouncements)ignitedwhatwould
becomeapublicbonfireofalltheirhard-wonknowledgeandexperience.
Intellingthemodernhistoryofpsychedelics,IwanttoputasidetheLeary
saga,atleastuntilthecrack-upwhereitproperlybelongs,toseeifwecan’t
recoversomeofthatknowledgeandtheexperiencethatproduceditwithout
passingitthroughthelight-bendingprismofthe“PsychedelicSixties.”Indoing
so,I’mfollowinginthestepsofseveralofthecurrentgenerationofpsychedelic
researchers,who,beginninginthelate1990s,setouttoexcavatetheintellectual
ruinsofthisfirstfloweringofresearchintoLSDandpsilocybinandwere
astoundedbywhattheyfound.
StephenRossisonesuchresearcher.Apsychiatristspecializinginaddiction
atBellevue,hedirectedanNYUtrialusingpsilocybintotreattheexistential
distressofcancerpatients,towhichIwillreturnlater;sincethen,hehasturned
tothetreatmentofalcoholicswithpsychedelics,whathadbeenperhapsthe
singlemostpromisingareaofclinicalresearchinthe1950s.Whenseveralyears
agoanNYUcolleaguementionedtoRossthatLSDhadoncebeenusedtotreat
thousandsofalcoholicsinCanadaandtheUnitedStates(andthatBillWilson,
thefounderofAlcoholicsAnonymous,hadsoughttointroduceLSDtherapyinto
AAinthe1950s),Ross,whowasinhisthirtiesatthetime,didsomeresearch
andwas“flabbergasted”byallthathe—asanexpertonthetreatmentof
alcoholism—didnotknowandhadn’tbeentold.Hisownfieldhadasecret
history.
“Ifeltalittlelikeanarchaeologist,unearthingacompletelyburiedbodyof
knowledge.Beginningintheearlyfifties,psychedelicshadbeenusedtotreata
wholehostofconditions,”includingaddiction,depression,obsessive-
compulsivedisorder,schizophrenia,autism,andend-of-lifeanxiety.“Therehad
beenfortythousandresearchparticipantsandmorethanathousandclinical
papers!TheAmericanPsychiatricAssociationhadwholemeetingscentered
aroundLSD,thisnewwonderdrug.”Infact,thereweresixinternational
scientificmeetingsdevotedtopsychedelicsbetween1950and1965.“Someof
thebestmindsinpsychiatryhadseriouslystudiedthesecompoundsin
therapeuticmodels,withgovernmentfunding.”Butafterthecultureandthe
psychiatricestablishmentturnedagainstpsychedelicsinthemid-1960s,anentire
bodyofknowledgewaseffectivelyerasedfromthefield,asifallthatresearch
andclinicalexperiencehadneverhappened.“BythetimeIgottomedicalschool
inthe1990s,nooneeventalkedaboutit.”
•••
WHENLSDBURSTontothepsychiatricscenein1950,thedrug’seffectson
patients(andresearchers,whoroutinelytriedthedrugonthemselves)wereso
novelandstrangethatscientistsstruggledforthebetterpartofadecadetofigure
outwhattheseextraordinaryexperienceswereormeant.How,exactly,didthis
newmind-alteringdrugfitintotheexistingparadigmsforunderstandingthe
mindandtheprevailingmodesofpsychiatryandpsychotherapy?Alivelydebate
overthesequestionswentonformorethanadecade.Whatwasn’tknownatthe
timeisthatbeginningin1953,theCIAwasconductingitsown(classified)
researchintopsychedelicsandwasstrugglingwithsimilarissuesof
interpretationandapplication:WasLSDbestregardedasapotentialtruthserum,
oramind-controlagent,orachemicalweapon?
Theworld’sveryfirstLSDtrip,andtheonlyoneundertakenwithnoprior
expectations,wastheoneAlbertHofmanntookin1943.Whileitlefthim
uncertainwhetherhehadexperiencedmadnessortranscendence,Hofmann
immediatelysensedthepotentialimportanceofthiscompoundforneurology
andpsychiatry.SoSandoz,thepharmaceuticalcompanyforwhichheworkedat
thetimeofhisdiscovery,didsomethingunusual:ineffect,itcrowd-sourceda
worldwideresearchefforttofigureoutwhatintheworldDelysid—itsbrand
nameforLSD-25—mightbegoodfor.Hopingsomeonesomewherewouldhit
uponacommercialapplicationforitsspookilypowerfulnewcompound,Sandoz
offeredtosupply,freeofcharge,howevermuchLSDanyresearcherrequested.
Thecompanydefinedtheterm“researcher”liberallyenoughtoincludeany
therapistwhopromisedtowriteuphisorherclinicalobservations.Thispolicy
remainedmoreorlessunchangedfrom1949to1966andwasinlargepart
responsibleforsettingoffthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearch—theonethat
crashedin1966,whenSandoz,alarmedatthecontroversythathaderupted
arounditsexperimentaldrug,abruptlywithdrewDelysidfromcirculation.
Sowhatwaslearnedduringthatfertileandfreewheelingperiodof
investigation?Astraightforwardquestion,andyettheansweriscomplicatedby
theverynatureofthesedrugs,whichisanythingbutstraightforward.Asthe
literarytheoristswouldsay,thepsychedelicexperienceishighly“constructed.”
Ifyouaretoldyouwillhaveaspiritualexperience,chancesareprettygoodthat
youwill,and,likewise,ifyouaretoldthedrugmaydriveyoutemporarily
insane,oracquaintyouwiththecollectiveunconscious,orhelpyouaccess
“cosmicconsciousness,”orrevisitthetraumaofyourbirth,youstandagood
chanceofhavingexactlythatkindofexperience.
Psychologistscalltheseself-fulfillingprophecies“expectancyeffects,”and
theyturnouttobeespeciallypowerfulinthecaseofpsychedelics.So,for
example,ifyouhaveeverreadAldousHuxley’sDoorsofPerception,whichwas
publishedin1954,yourownpsychedelicexperiencehasprobablybeen
influencedbytheauthorsmysticismand,specifically,themysticismoftheEast
towhichHuxleywasinclined.Indeed,evenifyouhaveneverreadHuxley,his
constructionoftheexperiencehasprobablyinfluencedyourown,forthat
Easternflavoring—thinkoftheBeatlessong“TomorrowNeverKnows”—would
cometocharacterizetheLSDexperiencefrom1954on.(Learywouldpickup
thispsychedelicorientalismfromHuxleyandthengreatlyamplifyitwhenhe
andhisHarvardcolleagueswroteabestsellingmanualforpsychedelic
experiencebasedontheTibetanBookoftheDead.)Furthercomplicatingthe
storyandaddinganotherfeedbackloop,Huxleywasinspiredtotrypsychedelics
andwriteabouttheexperiencebyascientistwhogavehimmescalineinthe
explicithopethatagreatwritersdescriptionsandmetaphorswouldhelphim
andhiscolleaguesmakesenseofanexperiencetheywerestrugglingtointerpret.
SodidAldousHuxley“makesense”ofthemodernpsychedelicexperience,or
didheinsomesenseinventit?
Thishallofepistemologicalmirrorswasjustoneofthemanychallenges
facingtheresearcherswhowantedtobringLSDintothefieldofpsychiatryand
psychotherapy:psychedelictherapycouldlookmorelikeshamanismorfaith
healingthanmedicine.Anotherchallengewastheirrationalexuberancethat
seemedtoinfectanyresearcherswhogotinvolvedwithLSD,anenthusiasmthat
mighthaveimprovedtheresultsoftheirexperimentsatthesametimeitfueled
theskepticismofcolleagueswhoremainedpsychedelicvirgins.Yetathird
challengewashowtofitpsychedelicsintotheexistingstructuresofscienceand
psychiatry,ifindeedthatwaspossible.Howdoyoudoacontrolledexperiment
withapsychedelic?Howdoyoueffectivelyblindyourpatientsandcliniciansor
controlforthepowerfulexpectancyeffect?When“set”and“setting”playsucha
bigroleinthepatient’sexperience,howcanyouhopetoisolateasinglevariable
ordesignatherapeuticapplication?
PartI:ThePromise
Thedrugsweren’tcalled“psychedelics”atthebeginning;thattermwasn’t
introduceduntil1957.InthesamewaythatSandozcouldn’tfigureoutwhatit
hadonitshandswithLSD,theresearchersexperimentingwiththedrugcouldn’t
figureoutwhattocallit.Overthecourseofthe1950s,thisclassofdrugs
underwentasuccessionofnamechangesasourunderstandingofthechemicals
andtheiractionevolved,eachnewnamereflectingtheshiftinginterpretation—
orwasitaconstruction?—ofwhatthesestrangeandpowerfulmoleculesmeant
anddid.
Thefirstnamewasperhapsthemostawkward:beginningaround1950,
shortlyafterLSDwasmadeavailabletoresearchers,thecompoundwasknown
asapsychotomimetic,whichistosay,aminddrugthatmimickedpsychoses.
Thiswasthemostobviousandparsimoniousinterpretationofapsychedelic’s
effects.Viewedfromtheoutside,peoplegivendosesofLSDand,later,
psilocybinexhibitedmanyofthesignsofatemporarypsychosis.Early
researchersreportedarangeofdisturbingsymptomsintheirLSDvolunteers,
includingdepersonalization,lossofegoboundaries,distortedbodyimage,
synesthesia(seeingsoundsorhearingsights),emotionallability,gigglingand
weeping,distortionofthesenseoftime,delirium,hallucinations,paranoid
delusions,and,inthewordsofonewriter,“atantalizingsenseof
portentousness.”Whenresearchersadministeredstandardizedpsychiatricteststo
volunteersonLSD—suchastheRorschachinkblotsortheMinnesota
MultiphasicPersonalityInventorytest—theresultsmirroredthoseofpsychotics
and,specifically,schizophrenics.VolunteersonLSDappearedtobelosingtheir
minds.
ThissuggestedtosomeresearchersthatLSDheldpromiseasatoolfor
understandingpsychosis,whichispreciselyhowSandozinitiallymarketed
Delysid.Althoughthedrugmightnotcureanything,theresemblanceofits
effectstothesymptomsofschizophreniasuggestedthatthementaldisorder
mighthaveachemicalbasisthatLSDcouldsomehowilluminate.Forclinicians,
thedrugpromisedtohelpthembetterunderstandandempathizewiththeir
schizophrenicpatients.Thatofcoursemeanttakingthedrugthemselves,which
seemsodd,evenscandalous,toustoday.Butintheyearsbefore1962,when
CongresspassedalawgivingtheFDAauthoritytoregulatenew
“investigational”drugs,thiswasinfactcommonpractice.Indeed,itwas
consideredtheethicalthingtodo,fortonottakethedrugyourselfwas
tantamounttotreatingyourpatientsasguineapigs.HumphryOsmondwrotethat
theextraordinarypromiseofLSDwastoallowthetherapistwhotookitto
“entertheillnessandseewithamadman’seyes,hearwithhisears,andfeelwith
hisskin.”
BorninSurrey,England,in1917,Osmondisalittle-knownbutpivotalfigure
inthehistoryofpsychedelicresearch,*probablycontributingmoretoour
understandingofthesecompoundsandtheirtherapeuticpotentialthananyother
singleresearcher.IntheyearsfollowingWorldWarII,Osmond,atallreedofa
manwithraucousteeth,waspracticingpsychiatryatSt.George’sHospitalin
LondonwhenacolleaguenamedJohnSmythiesintroducedhimtoanobscure
bodyofmedicalliteratureaboutmescaline.Afterlearningthatmescaline
inducedhallucinationsmuchlikethosereportedbyschizophrenics,thetwo
researchersbegantoexploretheideathatthediseasewascausedbyachemical
imbalanceinthebrain.Atatimewhentheroleofbrainchemistryinmental
illnesshadnotyetbeenestablished,thiswasaradicalhypothesis.Thetwo
psychiatristshadobservedthatthemolecularstructureofmescalineclosely
resembledthatofadrenaline.Couldschizophreniaresultfromsomekindof
dysfunctioninthemetabolismofadrenaline,transformingitintoacompound
thatproducedtheschizophrenicrupturewithreality?
No,asitwouldturnout.Butitwasaproductivehypothesisevenso,and
Osmond’sresearchintothebiochemicalbasisofmentalillnesscontributedtothe
riseofneurochemistryinthe1950s.LSDresearchwouldeventuallygivean
importantboosttothenascentfield.Thefactthatsuchavanishinglysmall
numberofLSDmoleculescouldexertsuchaprofoundeffectonthemindwas
animportantcluethatasystemofneurotransmitterswithdedicatedreceptors
mightplayaroleinorganizingourmentalexperience.Thisinsighteventually
ledtothediscoveryofserotoninandtheclassofantidepressantsknownas
SSRIs.
ButthepowersthatbeatSt.George’sHospitalwereunsupportiveof
Osmond’sresearchonmescaline.Infrustration,theyoungdoctorwentlooking
foramorehospitableinstitutioninwhichtoconductit.Thishefoundinthe
westernCanadianprovinceofSaskatchewan,ofallplaces.Beginninginthe
mid-1940s,theprovince’sleftistgovernmenthadinstitutedseveralradical
reformsinpublicpolicy,includingthenation’sfirstsystemofpubliclyfunded
healthcare.(ItbecamethemodelforthesystemCanadawouldadoptin1966.)
Hopingtomaketheprovinceacenterofcutting-edgemedicalresearch,the
governmentofferedgenerousfundingandararedegreeoffreedomtolure
researcherstothefrozenwastesoftheCanadianprairies.Afterreplyingtoanad
intheLancet,Osmondreceivedaninvitationfromtheprovincialgovernmentto
movehisfamilyandhisnovelresearchprojecttotheremoteagrarian
communityofWeyburn,Saskatchewan,forty-fivemilesnorthoftheNorth
Dakotaborder.TheSaskatchewanMentalHospitalinWeyburnwouldsoon
becometheworld’smostimportanthubofresearchintopsychedelics—orrather,
intotheclassofcompoundsstillknownaspsychotomimetics.
ThatparadigmstillruledthethinkingofOsmondandhisnew,like-minded
colleagueandresearchdirector,aCanadianpsychiatristnamedAbramHoffer,as
theybeganconductingexperimentsusingasupplyofLSD-25obtainedfrom
Sandoz.Thepsychotomimeticmodelwasintroducedtothegeneralpublicin
1953,whenMaclean’s,thepopularCanadianmagazine,publishedaharrowing
accountofajournalist’sexperienceonLSDtitled“My12HoursasaMadman.”
SidneyKatzhadbecomethefirst“civilian”toparticipateinoneofOsmond
andHoffersLSDexperimentsatWeyburnhospital.Katzhadbeenledtoexpect
madness,andmadnesshedulyexperienced:“Isawfacesoffamiliarfriendsturn
intofleshlessskullsandtheheadsofmenacingwitches,pigsandweasels.The
gailypatternedcarpetatmyfeetwastransformedintoafabulousheavingmass
oflivingmatter,partvegetable,partanimal.”Katz’sarticle,whichwas
illustratedwithanartist’srenderingofchairsflyingthroughacollapsingroom,
readsliketheworkofaferventanti-LSDpropagandistcirca1965:“Iwas
repeatedlyheldinthegripofaterrifyinghallucinationinwhichIcouldfeeland
seemybodyconvulseandshrinkuntilallthatremainedwasahardsickly
stone.”Yet,curiously,histwelvehoursofinsanity“werenotallfilledwith
horror,”hereported.“AttimesIbeheldvisionsofdazzlingbeauty—visionsso
rapturous,sounearthly,thatnoartistwilleverpaintthem.”
Duringthisperiod,OsmondandHofferadministeredSandozLSDtodozens
ofpeople,includingcolleagues,friends,familymembers,volunteers,and,of
course,themselves.TheirfocusonLSDasawindowintothebiochemistryof
mentalillnessgraduallygavewaytoadeepeningcuriosityaboutthepowerof
theexperienceitselfandwhethertheperceptualdisturbancesproducedbythe
drugmightthemselvesconfersometherapeuticbenefit.Duringalatenight
brainstormingsessioninanOttawahotelroomin1953,OsmondandHoffer
notedthattheLSDexperienceappearedtosharemanyfeatureswiththe
descriptionsofdeliriumtremensreportedbyalcoholics—thehellish,days-long
boutofmadnessalcoholicsoftensufferwhileinthethroesofwithdrawal.Many
recoveringalcoholicslookbackonthehallucinatoryhorrorsoftheDTsasa
conversionexperienceandthebasisofthespiritualawakeningthatallowsthem
toremainsober.
TheideathatanLSDexperiencecouldmimictheDTs“seemedsobizarre
thatwelaugheduproariously,”Hofferrecalledyearslater.“Butwhenour
laughtersubsided,thequestionseemedlesscomicalandweformedour
hypothesis...:wouldacontrolledLSD-produceddeliriumhelpalcoholicsstay
sober?”
Herewasanarrestingapplicationofthepsychotomimeticparadigm:usea
singlehigh-doseLSDsessiontoinduceanepisodeofmadnessinanalcoholic
thatwouldsimulatedeliriumtremens,shockingthepatientintosobriety.Over
thenextdecade,OsmondandHoffertestedthishypothesisonmorethanseven
hundredalcoholics,andinroughlyhalfthecases,theyreported,thetreatment
worked:thevolunteersgotsoberandremainedsoforatleastseveralmonths.
Notonlywasthenewapproachmoreeffectivethanothertherapies,butit
suggestedawholenewwaytothinkaboutpsychopharmacology.“Fromthe
first,”Hofferwrote,“weconsiderednotthechemical,buttheexperienceasa
keyfactorintherapy.”Thisnovelideawouldbecomeacentraltenetof
psychedelictherapy.
Theemphasisonwhatsubjectsfeltrepresentedamajorbreakwiththe
prevailingideasofbehaviorisminpsychology,inwhichonlyobservableand
measurableoutcomescountedandsubjectiveexperiencewasdeemedirrelevant.
Theanalysisofthesesubjectiveexperiences,sometimescalledphenomenology,
hadofcoursebeenthebasisofFreudianpsychoanalysis,whichbehaviorismhad
rejectedasinsufficientlyrigorousorscientific.Therewasnopointintryingto
getinsidethemind;itwas,inB.F.Skinnersfamousphrase,“ablackbox.”
Instead,youmeasuredwhatyoucouldmeasure,whichwasoutwardbehavior.
Theworkwithpsychedelicswouldeventuallysparkarevivalofinterestinthe
subjectivedimensionsofthemind—inconsciousness.Howironicthatittook,of
allthings,achemical—LSD-25—tobringinterioritybackintopsychology.
Andyet,successfulasthenewtherapyseemedtobe,therewasanagging
littleproblemwiththetheoreticalmodelonwhichitwasbased.Whenthe
therapistsbegantoanalyzethereportsofvolunteers,theirsubjectiveexperiences
whileonLSDborelittleifanyresemblancetothehorrorsoftheDTs,orto
madnessofanykind.Tothecontrary,theirexperienceswere,forthemostpart,
incredibly—andbafflingly—positive.WhenOsmondandHofferbeganto
catalogtheirvolunteers’sessionreports,“psychoticchanges”—hallucinations,
paranoia,anxiety—sometimesoccurred,buttherewerealsodescriptionsof,say,
“atranscendentalfeelingofbeingunitedwiththeworld,”oneofthemost
commonfeelingsreported.Ratherthanmadness,mostvolunteersdescribed
sensationssuchasanewability“toseeoneselfobjectively”;“enhancementin
thesensoryfields”;profoundnewunderstandings“inthefieldofphilosophyor
religion”;and“increasedsensitivitytothefeelingsofothers.”*Inspiteofthe
powerfulexpectancyeffect,symptomsthatlookednothinglikethoseofinsanity
werebustingthroughtheresearchers’preconceptions.
FormanyofthealcoholicstreatedatWeyburnhospital,thecoreoftheLSD
experienceseemedtoinvolvesomethingclosertotranscendence,orspiritual
epiphany,thantemporarypsychosis.OsmondandHofferbegantoentertain
doubtsabouttheirdeliriumtremensmodeland,eventually,towonderifperhaps
thewholepsychotomimeticparadigm—andnameforthesedrugs—mightneed
retooling.TheyreceivedastrongpushinthatdirectionfromAldousHuxley
afterhismescalineexperience,whichhedeclaredborescantresemblanceto
psychosis.Whatapsychiatristmightdiagnoseasdepersonalization,
hallucinations,ormaniamightbetterbethoughtofasinstancesofmystical
union,visionaryexperience,orecstasy.Coulditbethatthedoctorswere
mistakingtranscendenceforinsanity?
Atthesametime,OsmondandHofferwerelearningfromtheirvolunteers
thattheenvironmentinwhichtheLSDsessiontookplaceexertedapowerful
effectonthekindsofexperiencespeoplehadandthatoneofthebestwaysto
avoidabadsessionwasthepresenceofanengagedandempathetictherapist,
ideallysomeonewhohadhadhisorherownLSDexperience.Theycameto
suspectthatthefewpsychoticreactionstheydidobservemightactuallybean
artifactofthemetaphoricalwhiteroomandwhite-coatedclinician.Thoughthe
terms“set”and“setting”wouldnotbeusedinthiscontextforseveralmore
years(andbecamecloselyidentifiedwithTimothyLeary’sworkatHarvarda
decadelater),OsmondandHofferwerealreadycomingtoappreciatethe
supremeimportanceofthosefactorsinthesuccessoftheirtreatment.
Buthoweveritworked,itworked,orcertainlyseemedto:bytheendofthe
decade,LSDwaswidelyregardedinNorthAmericaasamiraclecurefor
alcoholaddiction.Basedonthissuccess,theSaskatchewanprovincial
governmenthelpeddeveloppoliciesmakingLSDtherapyastandardtreatment
optionforalcoholicsintheprovince.YetnoteveryoneintheCanadianmedical
establishmentfoundtheSaskatchewanresultscredible:theyseemedtoogoodto
betrue.Intheearly1960s,theAddictionResearchFoundationinToronto,the
leadinginstituteofitskindinCanada,setouttoreplicatetheSaskatchewantrials
usingbettercontrols.Hopingtoisolatetheeffectsofthedrugfromallother
variables,cliniciansadministeredLSDtoalcoholicsinneutralroomsandunder
instructionsnottoengagewiththemduringtheirtrips,excepttoadministeran
extensivequestionnaire.Thevolunteerswerethenputinconstraintsor
blindfolded,orboth.Notsurprisingly,theresultsfailedtomatchthoseobtained
byOsmondandHoffer.Worsestill,morethanafewofthevolunteersendured
terrifyingexperiences—badtrips,astheywouldcometobecalled.Criticsof
treatingalcoholicswithLSDconcludedthatthetreatmentdidn’tworkaswell
underrigorouslycontrolledconditions,whichwastrueenough,whilesupporters
ofthepracticeconcludedthatattentiontosetandsettingwasessentialtothe
successofLSDtherapy,whichwasalsotrue.
•••
INTHEMID-1950S,BillWilson,thecofounderofAlcoholicsAnonymous,learned
aboutOsmondandHoffersworkwithalcoholics.Theideathatadrugcould
occasionalife-changingspiritualexperiencewasnotexactlynewstoBillW.,as
hewasknowninthefellowship.Hecreditedhisownsobrietytoamystical
experiencehehadonbelladonna,aplant-derivedalkaloidwithhallucinogenic
propertiesthatwasadministeredtohimatTownsHospitalinManhattanin1934.
FewmembersofAArealizethatthewholeideaofaspiritualawakeningleading
onetosurrendertoa“higherpower”—acornerstoneofAlcoholicsAnonymous
—canbetracedtoapsychedelicdrugtrip.
Twentyyearslater,BillW.becamecurioustoseeifLSD,thisnewwonder
drug,mightproveusefulinhelpingrecoveringalcoholicshavesuchan
awakening.ThroughHumphryOsmondhegotintouchwithSidneyCohen,an
internistattheBrentwoodVAhospital(and,later,UCLA)whohadbeen
experimentingwithSandozLSDsince1955.Beginningin1956,BillW.had
severalLSDsessionsinLosAngeleswithSidneyCohenandBettyEisner,a
youngpsychologistwhohadrecentlycompletedherdoctorateatUCLA.Along
withthepsychiatristOscarJaniger,CohenandEisnerwerebythenleading
figuresinanewhubofLSDresearchlooselycenteredonUCLA.Bythemid-
1950s,therewereperhapsadozensuchhubsinNorthAmericaandEurope;
mostofthemkeptinclosecontactwithoneanother,sharingtechniques,
discoveries,and,sometimes,drugs,inaspiritthatwasgenerallymore
cooperativethancompetitive.
BillW.’ssessionswithCohenandEisnerconvincedhimthatLSDcould
reliablyoccasionthekindofspiritualawakeninghebelievedoneneededinorder
togetsober;however,hedidnotbelievetheLSDexperiencewasanythinglike
theDTs,thusdrivinganothernailinthecoffinofthatidea.BillW.thoughtthere
mightbeaplaceforLSDtherapyinAA,buthiscolleaguesontheboardofthe
fellowshipstronglydisagreed,believingthattocondonetheuseofanymind-
alteringsubstanceriskedmuddyingtheorganization’sbrandandmessage.
•••
SIDNEYCOHENANDHISCOLLEAGUESinLosAngeleshad,liketheCanadian
group,startedoutthinkingthatLSDwasapsychotomimetic,butbythemid-
1950sCohen,too,hadcometoquestionthatmodel.Bornin1910inNewYork
CitytoLithuanianJewishimmigrants,Cohen,whoinphotographslooksvery
distinguished,withthickwhitehairslickedback,trainedinpharmacologyat
ColumbiaUniversityandservedintheU.S.ArmyMedicalCorpsintheSouth
PacificduringWorldWarII.Itwasin1953,whileworkingonareviewarticle
aboutchemicallyinducedpsychoses—along-standingresearchinterest—that
CohenfirstreadaboutanewdrugcalledLSD.
YetwhenCohenfinallytriedLSDhimselfinOctober1955,he“wastakenby
surprise.”Expectingtofindhimselftrappedinsidethemindofamadman,
Coheninsteadexperiencedaprofound,eventranscendentsenseoftranquillity,
asif“theproblemsandstrivings,theworriesandfrustrationsofeverydaylife
[had]vanished;intheirplacewasamajestic,sunlit,heavenlyinnerquietude...
Iseemedtohavefinallyarrivedatthecontemplationofeternaltruth.”Whatever
thiswas,hefeltcertainitwasn’tatemporarypsychosis.BettyEisnerwrotethat
Cohencametothinkofitinsteadassomethinghecalled“unsanity”:“astate
beyondthecontroloftheego.”
Asoftenhappensinsciencewhenatheoreticalparadigmcomesunderthe
pressureofcontraryevidence,theparadigmtottersforaperiodoftimeas
researchersattempttopropitupwithvariousamendmentsandadjustments,and
then,oftenquitesuddenlyandswiftly,itcollapsesasanewparadigmrisesto
takeitsplace.Suchwasthefateofthepsychotomimeticparadigminthemid-
1950s.Certainly,anumberofvolunteerswerereportingchallengingand
sometimesevenharrowingtrips,butremarkablyfewwerehavingthefull-on
psychosistheparadigmpromised.EvenpoorMr.Katz’stwelvehoursasa
madmanincludedpassagesofindescribablepleasureandinsightthatcouldnot
beoverlooked.
Asithappened,thepsychotomimeticparadigmwasreplacednotbyonebut
bytwodistinctnewtheoreticalmodels:thepsycholyticand,later,the
psychedelicmodel.Eachwasbasedonadifferentconceptionofhowthe
compoundsworkedonthemindandthereforehowtheymightbestbedeployed
inthetreatmentofmentalillness.Thetwomodelsweren’tatoddswitheach
other,exactly,andsomeresearchersexploredbothatvarioustimes,buttheydid
representprofoundlydifferentapproachestounderstandingthepsyche,aswell
astopsychotherapyand,ultimately,scienceitself.
Theso-calledpsycholyticparadigmwasdevelopedfirstandproved
especiallypopularinEuropeandwiththeLosAngelesgroupidentifiedwith
SidneyCohen,BettyEisner,andOscarJaniger.CoinedbyanEnglish
psychiatristnamedRonaldSandison,“psycholytic”means“mindloosening,”
whichiswhatLSDandpsilocybinseemtodo—atleastatlowdoses.Therapists
whoadministereddosesofLSDaslowas25micrograms(andseldomhigher
than150micrograms)reportedthattheirpatients’egodefensesrelaxed,allowing
themtobringupanddiscussdifficultorrepressedmaterialwithrelativeease.
Thissuggestedthatthedrugscouldbeusedasanaidtotalkingtherapy,because
atthesedosesthepatients’egosremainedsufficientlyintacttoallowthemto
conversewithatherapistandlaterrecallwhatwasdiscussed.
Thesupremevirtueofthepsycholyticapproachwasthatitmeshedsoneatly
withtheprevailingmodesofpsychoanalysis,apracticethatthedrugspromised
tospeedupandstreamline,ratherthanrevolutionizeorrenderobsolete.Thebig
problemwithpsychoanalysisisthattheaccesstotheunconsciousmindon
whichthewholeapproachdependsisdifficultandlimitedtotwoless-than-
optimalroutes:thepatient’sfreeassociationsanddreams.Freudcalleddreams
“theroyalroad”tothesubconscious,bypassingthegatesofboththeegoandthe
superego,yettheroadhasplentyofrutsandpotholes:patientsdon’talways
remembertheirdreams,andwhentheydorecallthem,itisoftenimperfectly.
DrugslikeLSDandpsilocybinpromisedabetterrouteintothesubconscious.
StanislavGrof,whotrainedasapsychoanalyst,foundthatundermoderate
dosesofLSDhispatientswouldquicklyestablishastrongtransferencewiththe
therapist,recoverchildhoodtraumas,givevoicetoburiedemotions,and,in
somecases,actuallyrelivetheexperienceoftheirbirth—ourfirsttraumaand,
Grofbelieved(followingOttoRank),akeydeterminantofpersonality.(Grofdid
extensiveresearchtryingtocorrelatehispatients’recollectionsoftheirbirth
experienceonLSDwithcontemporaneousreportsfrommedicalpersonneland
parents.HeconcludedthatwiththehelpofLSDmanypeoplecanindeedrecall
thecircumstancesoftheirbirth,especiallywhenitwasadifficultone.)
InLosAngeles,Cohen,Eisner,andJanigerbeganincorporatingLSDintheir
weeklytherapeuticsessions,graduallysteppingupthedoseeachweekuntiltheir
patientsgainedaccesstosubconsciousmaterialsuchasrepressedemotionsand
buriedmemoriesofchildhoodtrauma.Theymainlytreatedneuroticsand
alcoholicsandpeoplewithminorpersonalitydisorders—theusualsortsof
patientsseenbypsychotherapists,functionalandarticulatepeoplewithintact
egosandthewilltogetbetter.TheLosAngelesgroupalsotreatedhundredsof
painters,composers,andwriters,onthetheorythatifthewellspringofcreativity
wasthesubconscious,LSDwouldexpandone’saccesstoit.
Thesetherapistsandtheirpatientsexpectedthedrugtobetherapeutic,and,lo
andbehold,itfrequentlywas:CohenandEisnerreportedthatsixteenoftheir
firsttwenty-twopatientsshowedmarkedimprovement.A1967reviewarticle
summarizingpapersaboutpsycholytictherapypublishedbetween1953and
1965estimatedthatthetechnique’srateofsuccessrangedfrom70percentin
casesofanxietyneurosis,62percentfordepression,and42percentfor
obsessive-compulsivedisorder.Theseresultswereimpressive,yettherewere
fewifanyattemptstoreplicatethemincontrolledtrials.
Bytheendofthedecade,psycholyticLSDtherapywasroutinepracticeinthe
tonierprecinctsofLosAngeles,suchasBeverlyHills.Certainlythebusiness
modelwashardtobeat:sometherapistswerechargingupwardsoffivehundred
dollarsasessiontoadministeradrugtheywereoftengettingfromSandozfor
free.LSDtherapyalsobecamethesubjectofremarkablypositivepress
attention.Articleslike“My12HoursasaMadman”gavewaytotheenthusiastic
testimonialsofthenumerousHollywoodcelebritieswhohadhadtransformative
experiencesintheofficesofOscarJaniger,BettyEisner,andSidneyCohenand
agrowingnumberofothertherapists.AnaïsNin,JackNicholson,Stanley
Kubrick,AndréPrevin,JamesCoburn,andthebeatcomedianLordBuckleyall
underwentLSDtherapy,manyofthemonthecouchofOscarJaniger.Butthe
mostfamousofthesepatientswasCaryGrant,whogaveaninterviewin1959to
thesyndicatedgossipcolumnistJoeHyamsextollingthebenefitsofLSD
therapy.Granthadmorethansixtysessionsandbytheenddeclaredhimself
“bornagain.”
“Allthesadnessandvanitiesweretornaway,”thefifty-five-year-oldactor
toldHyams,inaninterviewallthemoresurprisinginthelightofCaryGrant’s
imageasareservedandproperEnglishman.“I’vehadmyegostrippedaway.A
manisabetteractorwithoutego,becausehehastruthinhim.NowIcannot
behaveuntruthfullytowardanyone,andcertainlynottomyself.”Fromthesound
ofit,LSDhadturnedCaryGrantintoanAmerican.
“I’mnolongerlonelyandIamahappyman,”Grantdeclared.Hesaidthe
experiencehadallowedhimtoovercomehisnarcissism,greatlyimprovingnot
onlyhisactingbuthisrelationshipswithwomen:“Youngwomenhavenever
beforebeensoattractedtome.”
Notsurprisingly,Grant’sinterview,whichreceivedboatloadsofnational
publicity,createdasurgeindemandforLSDtherapy,andforjustplainLSD.
Hyamsreceivedmorethaneighthundredlettersfromreaderseagertoknowhow
theymightobtainit:“Psychiatristscalled,complainingthattheirpatientswere
nowbeggingthemforLSD.”
Iftheperiodwecall“the1960s”actuallybegansometimeinthe1950s,the
fadforLSDtherapythatCaryGrantunleashedin1959isonegoodplaceto
markashiftintheculturalbreeze.YearsbeforeTimothyLearybecame
notoriousforpromotingLSDoutsideatherapeuticorresearchcontext,thedrug
hadalreadybegun“escapingfromthelab”inLosAngelesandreceivingfervent
nationalpressattention.By1959,LSDwasshowinguponthestreetinsome
places.SeveraltherapistsandresearchersinLosAngelesandNewYorkbegan
holdingLSD“sessions”intheirhomesforfriendsandcolleagues,though
exactlyhowthesesessionscouldbedistinguishedfrompartiesisdifficulttosay.
AtleastinLosAngeles,thepremiseof“doingresearch”hadbecometenuousat
best.Asoneoftheseputativeresearcherswouldlaterwrite,“LSDbecameforus
anintellectualfundrug.”
SidneyCohen,whobynowwasthedeanofLSDresearchersinLosAngeles,
scrupulouslyavoidedthissceneandbegantohavesecondthoughtsaboutthe
drug,oratleastaboutthewayitwasnowbeingusedanddiscussed.According
tohisbiographer,thehistorianStevenNovak,Cohenwasmadeuncomfortable
bythecultishnessandauraofreligiosityandmagicthatnowwreathedLSD.
Soundingathemethatwouldcropuprepeatedlyinthehistoryofpsychedelic
research,Cohenstruggledwiththetensionbetweenthespiritualimportofthe
LSDexperience(andthemysticalinclinationsitbroughtoutinitsclinical
practitioners)andtheethosofsciencetowhichhewasdevoted.Heremained
deeplyambivalent:LSD,hewroteina1959lettertoacolleague,had“openeda
doorfromwhichwemustnotretreatmerelybecausewefeeluncomfortably
unscientificatthethreshold.”AndyetthatispreciselyhowtheLSDworkoften
madehimfeel:uncomfortablyunscientific.
Cohenalsobegantowonderaboutthestatusoftheinsightsthatpatients
broughtbackfromtheirjourneys.Hecametobelievethat“underLSDthe
fondesttheoriesofthetherapistareconfirmedbyhispatient.”Theexpectancy
effectwassuchthatpatientsworkingwithFreudiantherapistsreturnedwith
Freudianinsights(framedintermsofchildhoodtrauma,sexualdrives,and
oedipalemotions),whilepatientsworkingwithJungiantherapistsreturnedwith
vividarchetypesfromtheatticofthecollectiveunconscious,andRankianswith
recoveredmemoriesoftheirbirthtraumas.
Thisradicalsuggestibilityposedascientificdilemma,surely,butwasit
necessarilyatherapeuticdilemmaaswell?Perhapsnot:Cohenwrotethat“any
explanationofthepatient’sproblems,iffirmlybelievedbyboththetherapistand
thepatient,constitutesinsightorisusefulasinsight.”Yethequalifiedthis
perspectivebyacknowledgingitwas“nihilistic,”which,scientificallyspeaking,
itsurelywas.Forittakespsychotherapyperilouslyclosetotheworldof
shamanismandfaithhealing,adistinctlyuncomfortableplaceforascientistto
be.Andyetaslongasitworks,aslongasithealspeople,whyshouldanyone
care?(Thisisthesamediscomfortscientistsfeelaboutusingplacebos.It
suggestsaninterestingwaytothinkaboutpsychedelics:asakindof“active
placebo,”toborrowatermproposedbyAndrewWeilinhis1972book,The
NaturalMind.Theydosomething,surely,butmostofwhatthatismaybeself-
generated.OrasStanislavGrofputit,psychedelicsare“nonspecificamplifiers”
ofmentalprocesses.)
Cohen’sthoughtfulambivalenceaboutLSD,whichhewouldcontinuetofeel
untiltheendofhiscareer,markshimasthatrarefigureinaworlddensely
populatedbypsychedelicevangelists:theopen-mindedskeptic,amancapable
ofholdingcontraryideasinhishead.Cohencontinuedtobelieveinthe
therapeuticpowerofLSD,especiallyinthetreatmentofanxietyincancer
patients,whichhewroteabout,enthusiastically,forHarpersin1965.There,he
calledit“therapybyself-transcendence,”suggestinghesawaroleinWestern
medicineforwhatwouldcometobecalledappliedmysticism.YetCohennever
hesitatedtocallattentiontotheabusesanddangersofLSD,ortocallouthis
moreferventcolleagueswhentheystrayedtoofaroffthepathofscience—the
pathfromwhichthesirensongofpsychedelicswouldluresomany.
•••
BACKINSASKATCHEWAN,HumphryOsmondandAbramHofferhadtakenavery
differentpathafterthecollapseofthepsychotomimeticparadigm,thoughthis
path,too,endedupcomplicatingtheirownrelationshiptoscience.Strugglingto
formulateanewtherapeuticmodelforLSD,theyturnedtoapairofbrilliant
amateurs—oneafamousauthor,AldousHuxley,andtheotheranobscureformer
bootleggerandgunrunner,spy,inventor,boatcaptain,ex-con,andCatholic
mysticnamedAlHubbard.Thesetwomostunlikelynonscientistswouldhelp
theCanadianpsychiatristsreconceptualizetheLSDexperienceanddevelopthe
therapeuticprotocolthatisstillinusetoday.
Thenameforthisnewapproach,andthenameforthisclassofdrugsthat
wouldfinallystick—psychedelics—emergedfroma1956exchangeofletters
betweenHumphryOsmondandAldousHuxley.Thetwohadfirstmetin1953,
afterHuxleywrotetoOsmondexpressinginterestintryingmescaline;hehad
readajournalarticlebyOsmonddescribingthedrug’seffectsonthemind.
Huxleyhadlongharboredalivelyinterestindrugsandconsciousness—theplot
ofhismostfamousnovel,BraveNewWorld(1932),turnsonamind-control
drughecalledsoma—aswellasmysticism,paranormalperception,
reincarnation,UFOs,andsoon.
Sointhespringof1953,HumphryOsmondtraveledtoLosAngelesto
administermescalinetoAldousHuxley,thoughnotwithoutsometrepidation.In
advanceofthesession,heconfidedtoacolleaguethathedidnot“relishthe
possibility,howeverremote,offindingasmallbutdiscreditablenicheinliterary
historyasthemanwhodroveAldousHuxleymad.”
Heneednothaveworried.Huxleyhadasplendidtrip,onethatwouldchange
forevertheculture’sunderstandingofthesedrugswhen,thefollowingyear,he
publishedhisaccountofhisexperienceinTheDoorsofPerception.
“Itwaswithoutquestionthemostextraordinaryandsignificantexperience
thissideoftheBeatificVision,”Huxleywroteinalettertohiseditorshortly
afterithappened.ForHuxley,therewasnoquestionbutthatthedrugsgavehim
accessnottothemindofthemadmanbuttoaspiritualrealmofineffablebeauty.
Themostmundaneobjectsglowedwiththelightofadivinityhecalled“the
MindatLarge.”Even“thefoldsofmygrayflanneltrouserswerechargedwith
‘is-ness,’”hetellsus,beforedilatingonthebeautyofthedraperiesinBotticelli’s
paintingsandthe“AllnessandInfinityoffoldedcloth.”Whenhegazedupona
smallvaseofflowers,hesaw“whatAdamhadseenonthemorningofhis
creation—themiracle,momentbymoment,ofnakedexistence...flowers
shiningwiththeirowninnerlightandallbutquiveringunderthepressureofthe
significancewithwhichtheywerecharged.”
“Wordslike‘grace’and‘transfiguration’cametomymind.”ForHuxley,the
druggavehimunmediatedaccesstorealmsofexistenceusuallyknownonlyto
mysticsandahandfulofhistory’sgreatvisionaryartists.Thisotherworldis
alwayspresentbutinordinarymomentsiskeptfromourawarenessbythe
“reducingvalve”ofeverydaywakingconsciousness,akindofmentalfilterthat
admitsonly“ameaslytrickleofthekindofconsciousness”weneedinorderto
survive.Therestwasagorgeoussuperfluity,which,likepoetry,mendieevery
dayforthelackthereof.MescalineflungopenwhatWilliamBlakehadcalled
“thedoorsofperception,”admittingtoourconsciousawarenessaglimpseofthe
infinite,whichisalwayspresentallaroundus—eveninthecreasesinour
trousers!—ifonlywecouldjustsee.
Likeeverypsychedelicexperiencebeforeorsince,Huxley’sdidnotunfold
onablankslate,denovo,thepureproductofthechemical,butratherwas
shapedinimportantwaysbyhisreadingandthephilosophicalandspiritual
inclinationshebroughttotheexperience.(ItwasonlywhenItypedhisline
aboutflowers“shiningwiththeirowninnerlight”and“allbutquiveringunder
thepressure”oftheirsignificancethatIrealizedjusthowstronglyHuxleyhad
inflectedmyownperceptionofplantsundertheinfluenceofpsilocybin.)The
ideaofamentalreducingvalvethatconstrainsourperceptions,forinstance,
comesfromtheFrenchphilosopherHenriBergson.Bergsonbelievedthat
consciousnesswasnotgeneratedbyhumanbrainsbutratherexistsinafield
outsideus,somethinglikeelectromagneticwaves;ourbrains,whichhelikened
toradioreceivers,cantuneintodifferentfrequenciesofconsciousness.Huxley
alsobelievedthatatthebaseofalltheworld’sreligionsthereliesacommon
coreofmysticalexperiencehecalled“thePerennialPhilosophy.”Naturally,
Huxley’smorningonmescalineconfirmedhiminalltheseideas;asone
reviewerofTheDoorsofPerceptionputit,rathersnidely,thebookcontained
“99percentAldousHuxleyandonlyonehalfgrammescaline.”Butitdidn’t
matter:greatwritersstamptheworldwiththeirminds,andthepsychedelic
experiencewillforevermorebearHuxley’sindelibleimprint.
Whateverelseitimpressedontheculture,Huxley’sexperienceleftnodoubt
inhismindorOsmond’sthatthe“modelpsychosis”didn’tbegintodescribethe
mindonmescalineorLSD,whichHuxleywouldtryforthefirsttimetwoyears
later.Oneperson’s“depersonalization”couldbeanothers“senseofoneness”;it
wasallamatterofperspectiveandvocabulary.
“Itwillgivethatelixirabadnameifitcontinuestobeassociated,inthe
publicmind,withschizophreniasymptoms,”HuxleywrotetoOsmondin1955.
“Peoplewillthinktheyaregoingmad,wheninfacttheyarebeginning,when
theytakeit,togosane.”
Clearlyanewnameforthisclassofdrugswascalledfor,andina1956
exchangeoflettersthepsychiatristandthewritercameupwithacoupleof
candidates.Surprisingly,however,itwasthepsychiatrist,notthewriter,whohad
thewinningidea.Huxley’sproposalcameinacouplet:
Tomakethismundaneworldsublime
Justhalfagramofphanerothyme.
HiscoinagecombinedtheGreekwordsfor“spirit”and“manifesting.”
Perhapswaryofadoptingsuchanovertlyspiritualterm,thescientistreplied
withhisownrhyme:
TofallinhellorsoarAngelic
You’llneedapinchofpsychedelic.
Osmond’sneologismmarriedtwoGreekwordsthattogethermean“mind
manifesting.”ThoughbynowthewordhastakenontheDay-Glocoloringofthe
1960s,atthetimeitwastheveryneutralityof“psychedelic”thatcommendedit
tohim:theword“hadnoparticularconnotationofmadness,crazinessorecstasy,
butsuggestedanenlargementandexpansionofmind.”Italsohadthevirtueof
being“uncontaminatedbyotherassociations,”thoughthatwouldnotremainthe
caseforlong.
“Psychedelictherapy,”asOsmondandhiscolleaguespracticeditbeginning
inthemid-1950s,typicallyinvolvedasingle,high-dosesession,usuallyofLSD,
thattookplaceincomfortablesurroundings,thesubjectstretchedoutonacouch,
withatherapist(ortwo)inattendancewhosaysverylittle,allowingthejourney
tounfoldaccordingtoitsownlogic.Toeliminatedistractionsandencouragean
inwardjourney,musicisplayedandthesubjectusuallywearseyeshades.The
goalwastocreatetheconditionsforaspiritualepiphany—whatamountedtoa
conversionexperience.
Butthoughthismodeoftherapywouldbecomecloselyidentifiedwith
OsmondandHoffer,theythemselvescreditedsomeoneelseforcriticalelements
ofitsdesign,amanofconsiderablemysterywithnoformaltrainingasa
scientistortherapist:AlHubbard.Atreatmentspacedecoratedtofeelmorelike
ahomethanahospitalcametobeknownasaHubbardRoom,andatleastone
earlypsychedelicresearchertoldmethatthiswholetherapeuticregime,whichis
nowthenorm,shouldbyallrightsbeknownas“theHubbardmethod.”YetAl
Hubbard,a.k.a.“CaptainTrips”and“theJohnnyAppleseedofLSD,”isnotthe
kindofintellectualforebearanyonedoingseriouspsychedelicsciencetodayis
eagertoacknowledge,muchlesscelebrate.
•••
ALHUBBARDISSURELYthemostimprobable,intriguing,andelusivefigureto
gracethehistoryofpsychedelics,andthat’ssayingalot.Thereismuchwedon’t
knowabouthim,andmanykeyfactsabouthislifeareimpossibletoconfirm,
contradictory,orjustplainfishy.Tociteonesmallexample,hisFBIfileputshis
heightatfivefeeteleven,butinphotographsandvideosHubbardappearsshort
andstocky,withabigroundheadtoppedwithacrewcut;forreasonsknown
onlytohimself,heoftenworeaparamilitaryuniformandcarriedaColt.45
revolver,givingtheimpressionofasmall-townsheriff.Butbasedonhis
extensivecorrespondencewithcolleaguesandahandfulofaccountsinthe
Canadianpressandbooksabouttheperiod,*aswellasinterviewswithahandful
ofpeoplewhoknewhimwell,it’spossibletoassemblearoughportraitofthe
man,evenifitdoesleavesomeimportantareasblurryorblank.
HubbardwasbornpoorinthehillsofKentuckyineither1901or1902(his
FBIfilegivesbothdates);helikedtotellpeoplehewastwelvebeforeheowned
apairofshoes.Henevergotpastthethirdgrade,buttheboyevidentlyhada
flairforelectronics.Asateenager,heinventedsomethingcalledtheHubbard
EnergyTransformer,anewtypeofbatterypoweredbyradioactivitythat“could
notbeexplainedbythetechnologyoftheday”—thisaccordingtothebest
accountwehaveofhislife,awell-researched1991HighTimesarticlebyTodd
BrendanFahey.Hubbardsoldahalfinterestinthepatentforseventy-five
thousanddollars,thoughnothingevercameoftheinventionandPopular
Sciencemagazineonceincludeditinasurveyoftechnologicalhoaxes.During
Prohibition,HubbarddroveataxiinSeattle,butthatappearstohavebeena
cover:inthetrunkofhiscabhekeptasophisticatedship-to-shore
communicationssystemheusedtoguidebootleggersseekingtoevadetheCoast
Guard.HubbardwaseventuallybustedbytheFBIandspenteighteenmonthsin
prisononasmugglingcharge.
AfterhisreleasefromprisonthetrailofHubbard’slifebecomesevenmore
difficulttofollow,muddiedbyvagueandcontradictoryaccounts.Inoneof
them,Hubbardbecameinvolvedinanundercoveroperationtoshipheavy
armamentsfromSanDiegotoCanadaandfromthereontoBritain,intheyears
beforetheU.S.enteredWorldWarII,whenthenationwasstillofficiallyneutral.
(ScoutsforthefutureOSSofficerAllenDulles,impressedbyHubbard’s
expertiseinelectronics,mayormaynothaverecruitedhimforthemission.)But
whenCongressbeganinvestigatingtheoperation,HubbardfledtoVancouverto
avoidprosecution.TherehebecameaCanadiancitizen,foundedacharterboat
business(earninghimthetitleofCaptain)andbecamethesciencedirectorofa
uraniumminingcompany.(Accordingtooneaccount,Hubbardhadsomething
todowithsupplyinguraniumtotheManhattanProject.)Bytheageoffifty,the
“barefootboyfromKentucky”hadbecomeamillionaire,ownerofafleetof
aircraft,aone-hundred-footyacht,aRolls-Royce,andaprivateislandoff
Vancouver.AtsomepointduringthewarHubbardapparentlyreturnedtothe
UnitedStates,andhejoinedtheOSSshortlybeforethewartimeintelligence
agencybecametheCIA.
AfewothercuriousfactsabouttheprepsychedelicAlHubbard:Hewasan
ardentCatholic,withapronouncedmysticalbent.Andhewasunusuallyflexible
inhisprofessionalloyalties,workingatvarioustimesasarum-andgunrunneras
wellasanagentfortheBureauofAlcohol,Tobacco,andFirearms.Washea
doubleagentofsomekind?Possibly.Atonetimeoranother,healsoworkedfor
theCanadianSpecialServices,theU.S.DepartmentofJustice,andtheFoodand
DrugAdministration.HisFBIfilesuggestshehadlinkstotheCIAduringthe
1950s,buttheredactionsaretooheavyforittorevealmuchabouthisrole,if
any.Weknowthegovernmentkeptclosetabsonthepsychedelicresearch
communityallthroughthe1950s,1960s,and1970s(fundinguniversityresearch
onLSDandscientificconferencesinsomecases),anditwouldn’tbesurprising
if,inexchangeforinformation,thegovernmentwouldallowHubbardtooperate
withasmuchfreedomashedid.Butthisremainsspeculation.
AlHubbard’slifemadearight-angledchangeofcoursein1951.Atthetime,
hewashugelysuccessfulbutunhappy,“desperatelysearchingformeaninginhis
life”—thisaccordingtoWillisHarman,oneofagroupofSiliconValley
engineerstowhomHubbardwouldintroduceLSDlaterinthedecade.As
HubbardtoldthestorytoHarman(andHarmantoldittoToddBrendanFahey),
hewashikinginWashingtonStatewhenanangelappearedtohiminaclearing.
“ShetoldAlthatsomethingtremendouslyimportanttothefutureofmankind
wouldbecomingsoon,andthathecouldplayaroleinitifhewantedto.Buthe
hadn’tthefaintestcluewhathewassupposedtobelookingfor.”
Thecluearrivedayearlater,intheformofanarticleinascientificjournal
describingthebehaviorofratsgivenanewlydiscoveredcompoundcalledLSD.
Hubbardtrackeddowntheresearcher,obtainedsomeLSD,andhadaliterally
life-changingexperience.Hewitnessedthebeginningoflifeonearthaswellas
hisownconception.“ItwasthedeepestmysticalthingI’veeverseen,”hetold
friendslater.“Isawmyselfasatinymiteinabigswampwithasparkof
intelligence.Isawmymotherandfatherhavingintercourse.”Clearlythiswas
whattheangelhadforetold—“somethingtremendouslyimportanttothefuture
ofmankind.”HubbardrealizeditwasuptohimtobringthenewgospelofLSD,
andthechemicalitself,toasmanypeopleashepossiblycould.Hehadbeen
givenwhathecalleda“specialchosenrole.”
ThusbeganAlHubbard’scareerastheJohnnyAppleseedofLSD.Through
hisextensiveconnectionsinbothgovernmentandbusiness,hepersuaded
SandozLaboratoriestogivehimamind-bogglingquantityofLSD—aliter
bottleofit,inoneaccount,forty-threecasesinanother,sixthousandvialsina
third.(HereportedlytoldAlbertHofmannheplannedtouseit“toliberate
humanconsciousness.”)Dependingonwhomyoubelieve,hekepthissupply
hiddeninasafe-depositboxinZurichorburiedsomewhereinDeathValley,but
asubstantialpartofithecarriedwithhiminaleathersatchel.Eventually,
HubbardbecametheexclusivedistributorofSandozLSDinCanadaand,later,
somehowsecuredanInvestigationalNewDrugpermitfromtheFDAallowing
himtoconductclinicalresearchonLSDintheUnitedStates—thiseventhough
hehadathird-gradeeducation,acriminalrecord,andasingle,arguably
fraudulentscientificcredential.(HisPhDhadbeenpurchasedfromadiploma
mill.)Seeinghimselfas“acatalyticagent,”Hubbardwouldintroducean
estimatedsixthousandpeopletoLSDbetween1951and1966,inanavowed
efforttoshiftthecourseofhumanhistory.
Curiously,thebarefootboyfromKentuckywassomethingofamandarin,
choosingashissubjectsleadingfiguresinbusiness,government,thearts,
religion,andtechnology.Hebelievedinworkingfromthetopdownand
disdainedotherpsychedelicevangelists,likeTimothyLeary,whotookamore
democraticapproach.MembersofParliament,officialsoftheRomanCatholic
Church,*Hollywoodactors,governmentofficials,prominentwritersand
philosophers,universityofficials,computerengineers,andprominent
businessmenwereallintroducedtoLSDaspartofHubbard’smissiontoshift
thecourseofhistoryfromabove.(NoteveryoneHubbardapproachedwould
play:J.EdgarHoover,whomHubbardclaimedasaclosefriend,declined.)
Hubbardbelievedthat“ifhecouldgivethepsychedelicexperiencetothemajor
executivesoftheFortune500companies,”AbramHofferrecalled,“hewould
changethewholeofsociety.”OneoftheexecutivesHubbardturnedoninthe
late1950s—MyronStolaroff,assistanttothepresidentforlong-termplanningat
Ampex,atthetimealeadingelectronicsfirminSiliconValley—became
“convincedthat[AlHubbard]wasthemantobringLSDtoplanetEarth.”
•••
IN1953,notlongafterhispsychedelicepiphany,HubbardinvitedHumphry
OsmondtolunchattheVancouverYachtClub.Likesomanyothers,Osmond
wasdeeplyimpressedbyHubbard’sworldliness,wealth,connections,andaccess
toseeminglyendlesssuppliesofLSD.Thelunchledtoacollaborationthat
changedthecourseofpsychedelicresearchand,inimportantways,laidthe
groundworkfortheresearchtakingplacetoday.
UndertheinfluenceofbothHubbardandHuxley,whoseprimaryinterestwas
intherevelatoryimportofpsychedelics,Osmondabandonedthe
psychotomimeticmodel.ItwasHubbardwhofirstproposedtohimthatthe
mysticalexperiencemanysubjectshadonasinglehighdoseofmescalineor
LSDmightitselfbeharnessedasamodeoftherapy—andthattheexperience
wasmoreimportantthanthechemical.Thepsychedelicjourneycould,likethe
conversionexperience,forciblyshowpeopleanew,moreencompassing
perspectiveontheirlivesthatwouldhelpthemtochange.Butperhaps
Hubbard’smostenduringcontributiontopsychedelictherapyemergedin,ofall
places,thetreatmentroom.
ItiseasiertoaccumulatefactsaboutAlHubbard’slifethanitistogeta
steadysenseofthecharacteroftheman,itwassorifewithcontradiction.The
pistol-packingtoughguywasalsoanardentmysticwhotalkedaboutloveand
theheavenlybeatitudes.Andthewell-connectedbusinessmanandgovernment
agentprovedtobearemarkablysensitiveandgiftedtherapist.Thoughhenever
usedthoseterms,Hubbardwasthefirstresearchertograspthecritical
importanceofsetandsettinginshapingthepsychedelicexperience.He
instinctivelyunderstoodthatthewhitewallsandfluorescentlightingofthe
sanitizedhospitalroomwereallwrong.Sohebroughtpicturesandmusic,
flowersanddiamonds,intothetreatmentroom,wherehewouldusethemto
primepatientsforamysticalrevelationordivertajourneywhenittooka
terrifyingturn.HelikedtoshowpeoplepaintingsbySalvadorDalíandpictures
ofJesusortoaskthemtostudythefacetsofadiamondhecarried.Onepatient
hetreatedinVancouver,analcoholicparalyzedbysocialanxiety,recalled
HubbardhandinghimabouquetofrosesduringanLSDsession:“Hesaid,‘Now
hatethem.’Theywitheredandthepetalsfelloff,andIstartedtocry.Thenhe
said,‘Lovethem,’andtheycamebackbrighterandevenmorespectacularthan
before.Thatmeantalottome.Irealizedthatyoucanmakeyourrelationships
anythingyouwant.ThetroubleIwashavingwithpeoplewascomingfromme.”
WhatHubbardwasbringingintothetreatmentroomwassomethingwell
knowntoanytraditionalhealer.Shamanshaveunderstoodformillenniathata
personinthedepthsofatranceorundertheinfluenceofapowerfulplant
medicinecanbereadilymanipulatedwiththehelpofcertainwords,special
objects,ortherightkindofmusic.Hubbardunderstoodintuitivelyhowthe
suggestibilityofthehumanmindduringanalteredstateofconsciousnesscould
beharnessedasanimportantresourceforhealing—forbreakingdestructive
patternsofthoughtandproposingnewperspectivesintheirplace.Researchers
mightprefertocallthisamanipulationofsetandsetting,whichisaccurate
enough,butHubbard’sgreatestcontributiontomodernpsychedelictherapywas
tointroducethetried-and-truetoolsofshamanism,oratleastaWesternized
versionofit.
•••
WITHINAFEWYEARS,Hubbardhadmadetheacquaintanceofjustabout
everybodyinthepsychedelicresearchcommunityinNorthAmerica,leavingan
indelibleimpressiononeveryonehemet,alongwithatrailoftherapeutictips
andampulesofSandozLSD.Bythelate1950s,hehadbecomeakindof
psychedeliccircuitrider.OneweekhemightbeinWeyburn,assistingHumphry
OsmondandAbramHofferintheirworkwithalcoholics,whichwasearning
theminternationalattention.FromtheretoManhattan,tomeetwithR.Gordon
Wasson,andthenastoponhiswaybackwesttoadministerLSDtoaVIPor
checkinonaresearchgroupworkinginChicago.Thenextweekmightfindhim
inLosAngeles,conductingLSDsessionswithBettyEisner,SidneyCohen,or
OscarJaniger,freelysharinghistreatmenttechniquesandsuppliesofLSD.(“We
waitedforhimlikethelittleoldladyontheprairiewaitingforacopyofthe
SearsRoebuckcatalog,”OscarJanigerrecalledyearslater.)Andthenitwas
backtoVancouver,wherehehadpersuadedHollywoodHospitaltodedicatean
entirewingtotreatingalcoholicswithLSD.*Hubbardwouldoftenflyhisplane
downtoLosAngelestodiscreetlyferryHollywoodcelebritiesuptoVancouver
fortreatment.ItwasthissidelinethatearnedhimthenicknameCaptainTrips.
HubbardalsoestablishedtwootheralcoholismtreatmentfacilitiesinCanada,
whereheregularlyconductedLSDsessionsandreportedimpressiveratesof
success.LSDtreatmentforalcoholismusingtheHubbardmethodbecamea
businessinCanada.ButHubbardbelieveditwasunethicaltoprofitfromLSD,
whichledtotensionsbetweenhimandsomeoftheinstitutionsheworkedwith,
becausetheywerechargingpatientsupwardsoffivehundreddollarsforanLSD
session.ForHubbard,psychedelictherapywasaformofphilanthropy,andhe
drainedhisfortuneadvancingthecause.
AlHubbardmovedbetweenthesefar-flungcentersofresearchlikeakindof
psychedelichoneybee,disseminatinginformation,chemicals,andclinical
expertisewhilebuildingwhatbecameanextensivenetworkacrossNorth
America.Intime,hewouldaddMenloParkandCambridgetohiscircuit.But
wasHubbardjustspreadinginformation,orwashealsocollectingitandpassing
itontotheCIA?Wasthepollinatoralsoaspy?It’simpossibletosayforcertain;
somepeoplewhoknewHubbard(likeJamesFadiman)thinkit’sentirely
plausible,whileothersaren’tsosure,pointingtothefacttheCaptainoften
criticizedtheCIAforusingLSDasaweapon.“TheCIAworkstinks,”hetold
OscarJanigerinthelate1970s.
Hubbardwasreferringtotheagency’sMK-Ultraresearchprogram,which
since1953hadbeentryingtofigureoutwhetherLSDcouldbeusedasa
nonlethalweaponofwar(by,say,dumpingitinanadversary’swatersupply),a
truthserumininterrogations,ameansofmindcontrol,*oradirtytricktoplay
onunfriendlyforeignleaders,causingthemtoactorspeakinembarrassing
ways.Noneoftheseschemespannedout,atleastasfarasweknow,andall
reflectedaresearchagendathatremainedstuckonthepsychotomimeticmodel
longafterotherresearchershadabandonedit.Alongtheway,theCIAdosedits
ownemployeesandunwittingcivilianswithLSD;inonenotoriouscasethat
didn’tcometolightuntilthe1970s,theCIAadmittedtosecretlygivingLSDto
anarmybiologicalweaponsspecialistnamedFrankOlsonin1953;afewdays
later,Olsonsupposedlyjumpedtohisdeathfromthethirteenthfloorofthe
StatlerHotelinNewYork.(OthersbelieveOlsonwaspushedandthattheCIAs
admission,embarrassingasitwas,wasactuallyacover-upforacrimefarmore
heinous.)ItcouldbeOlsonwhomAlHubbardwasreferringtowhenhesaid,“I
triedtotellthemhowtouseit,butevenwhentheywerekillingpeople,you
couldn’ttellthemagoddamnedthing.”
AregularstoponHubbard’svisitstoLosAngeleswasthehomeofAldous
andLauraHuxley.HuxleyandHubbardhadformedthemostunlikelyof
friendshipsafterHubbardintroducedtheauthortoLSD—andtheHubbard
method—in1955.Theexperienceputtheauthors1953mescalinetripinthe
shade.AsHuxleywrotetoOsmondinitsaftermath,“Whatcamethroughthe
closeddoorwastherealization...thedirect,totalawareness,fromtheinside,so
tosay,ofLoveastheprimaryandfundamentalcosmicfact.”Theforceofthis
insightseemedalmosttoembarrassthewriterinitsbaldness:“Thewords,of
course,haveakindofindecencyandmustnecessarilyringfalse,seemlike
twaddle.Butthefactremains.”
Huxleyimmediatelyrecognizedthevalueofanallyasskilledinthewaysof
theworldasthemanhelikedtocall“thegoodCaptain.”Assooftenseemsto
happen,theManofLettersbecamesmittenwiththeManofAction.
“WhatBabesintheWoodsweliterarygentsandprofessionalmenare!”
HuxleywrotetoOsmondaboutHubbard.“ThegreatWorldoccasionally
requiresyourservices,ismildlyamusedbymine,butitsfullattentionand
deferencearepaidtoUraniumandBigBusiness.Sowhatextraordinaryluckthat
thisrepresentativeofboththeseHigherPowersshould(a)havebecomeso
passionatelyinterestedinmescalineand(b)besuchaveryniceman.”
NeitherHuxleynorHubbardwasparticularlydedicatedtomedicineor
science,soit’snotsurprisingthatovertimetheirprimaryinterestwoulddrift
fromthetreatmentofindividualswithpsychologicalproblemstoadesiretotreat
thewholeofsociety.(Thisaspirationseemseventuallytoinfecteveryonewho
workswithpsychedelics,touchingscientists,too,includingonesasdifferentin
temperamentasTimothyLearyandRolandGriffiths.)Butpsychological
researchproceedspersonbypersonandexperimentbyexperiment;thereisno
real-worldmodelforusingadrugtochangeallofsocietyasHubbardand
Huxleydeterminedtodo,withtheresultthatthescientificmethodbegantofeel
tothem,asitlaterwouldtoLeary,likeastraitjacket.
InthewakeofhisfirstLSDexperience,HuxleywrotetoOsmondsuggesting
that“who,havingoncecometotherealizationoftheprimordialfactofunityin
love,wouldeverwanttoreturntoexperimentationonthepsychiclevel?...My
pointisthattheopeningofthedoorbymescalin[e]orLSDistoopreciousan
opportunity,toohighaprivilegetobeneglectedforthesakeof
experimentation.”Ortobelimitedtosickpeople.Osmondwasactually
sympathetictothisviewpoint—afterall,hehadadministeredmescalineto
Huxley,hardlyacontrolledexperiment—andheparticipatedinmanyof
Hubbard’ssessionsturningontheBestandBrightest.ButOsmondwasn’t
preparedtoabandonscienceormedicineforwhateverHuxleyandHubbard
imaginedmightlaybeyondit.
In1955,AlHubbardsoughttoescapethescientificstraitjacketandformalize
hisnetworkofpsychedelicresearchersbyestablishingsomethinghecalledthe
CommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination.Thenamereflectedhisown
desiretotakehisworkwithpsychedelicsbeyondthelimitsofmedicineandits
focusontheill.Toserveonthecommission’sboard,Hubbardrecruited
Osmond,Hoffer,Huxley,andCohen,aswellashalfadozenotherpsychedelic
researchers,aphilosopher(GeraldHeard),andaUNofficial;henamedhimself
“scientificdirector.”
(WhatdidthesepeoplethinkofHubbardandhisgrandiosetitle,notto
mentionhisphonyacademiccredentials?Theywereatonceindulgentandfull
ofadmiration.AfterBettyEisnerwrotealettertoOsmondexpressing
discomfortwithsomeofHubbard’srepresentations,hesuggestedshethinkof
himasakindofChristopherColumbus:“Explorershavenotalwaysbeenthe
mostscientific,excellentorwhollydetachedpeople.”)
Itisn’tclearhowmuchmoretherewastotheCommissionfortheStudyof
CreativeImaginationthanafancyletterhead,butitsveryexistencesignaleda
deepeningfissurebetweenthemedicalandthespiritualapproachto
psychedelics.(SidneyCohen,everambivalentonquestionsofscienceversus
mysticism,abruptlyresignedin1957,onlyayearafterjoiningtheboard.)His
titleas“scientificdirector”notwithstanding,Hubbardhimselfsaidduringthis
period,“Myregardforscience,asanendwithinitself,isdiminishingastime
goeson...whenthethingIwantwithallofmybeing,issomethingthatlives
faroutsideandoutofreachofempiricalmanipulation.”LongbeforeLeary,the
shiftintheobjectiveofpsychedelicresearchfrompsychotherapytocultural
revolutionwaswellunderway.
•••
ONELASTNODEworthvisitinginAlHubbard’sfar-flungpsychedelicnetworkis
SiliconValley,wherethepotentialforLSDtofoster“creativeimagination”and
therebychangetheculturereceiveditsmostthoroughtesttodate.Indeed,the
seedsthatHubbardplantedinSiliconValleycontinuetoyieldinterestingfruit,in
theformofthevalley’songoinginterestinpsychedelicsasatoolforcreativity
andinnovation.(AsIwrite,thepracticeofmicrodosing—takingatiny,
“subperceptual”regulardoseofLSDasakindofmentaltonic—isalltheragein
thetechcommunity.)SteveJobsoftentoldpeoplethathisexperimentswithLSD
hadbeenoneofhistwoorthreemostimportantlifeexperiences.Helikedto
tauntBillGatesbysuggesting,“He’dbeabroaderguyifhehaddroppedacid
onceorgoneofftoanashramwhenhewasyounger.”(Gateshassaidhedidin
facttryLSD.)Itmightnotbeastraightone,butitispossibletodrawaline
connectingAlHubbard’sarrivalinSiliconValleywithhissatchelfulofLSDto
thetechboomthatSteveJobshelpedsetoffaquartercenturylater.
ThekeyfigureinthemarriageofAlHubbardandSiliconValleywasMyron
Stolaroff.Stolaroffwasagiftedelectricalengineerwho,bythemid-1950s,had
becomeassistanttothepresidentforstrategicplanningatAmpex,oneofthefirst
technologycompaniestosetupshopinwhatatthetimewasasleepyvalleyof
farmsandorchards.(Itwouldn’tbecalledSiliconValleyuntil1971.)Ampex,
whichatitspeakhadthirteenthousandemployees,wasapioneerinthe
developmentofreel-to-reelmagnetictapeforbothaudioanddatarecording.
BorninRoswell,NewMexico,in1920,Stolaroffstudiedengineeringat
StanfordandwasoneofAmpex’sveryfirstemployees,afactthatwouldmake
himawealthyman.NominallyJewish,hewasbyhisthirtiesaspiritualseeker
whosepatheventuallyledhimtoGeraldHeard,theEnglishphilosopherand
friendofAldousHuxley’s.StolaroffwassomovedbyHeard’sdescriptionofhis
LSDexperiencewithAlHubbardthatinMarch1956hetraveledtoVancouver
forasessionwiththeCaptaininhisapartment.
Sixty-sixmicrogramsofSandozLSDlaunchedStolaroffonajourneyby
turnsterrifyingandecstatic.Overthecourseofseveralhours,hewitnessedthe
entirehistoryoftheplanetfromitsformationthroughthedevelopmentoflifeon
earthandtheappearanceofhumankind,culminatinginthetraumaofhisown
birth.(ThisseemstohavebeenacommontrajectoryofHubbard-guidedtrips.)
“Thatwasaremarkableopeningforme,”hetoldanintervieweryearslater,“a
tremendousopening.Irelivedaverypainfulbirthexperiencethathad
determinedalmostallmypersonalityfeatures.ButIalsoexperiencedthe
onenessofmankind,andtherealityofGod.Iknewthatfromthenon...I
wouldbetotallycommittedtothiswork.
“AfterthatfirstLSDexperience,Isaid,‘thisisthegreatestdiscoveryman
hasevermade.’”
Stolaroffsharedthenewswithasmallnumberofhisfriendsandcolleagues
atAmpex.Theybeganmeetingeverymonthorsotodiscussspiritualquestions
andthepotentialofLSDtohelpindividuals—healthyindividuals—realizetheir
fullpotential.DonAllen,ayoungAmpexengineer,andWillisHarman,a
professorofelectricalengineeringatStanford,joinedthegroup,andAlHubbard
begancomingdowntoMenloParktoguidethemembersonpsychedelic
journeysandthentrainthemtoguideothers.“Asatherapist,”Stolaroffrecalled,
“hewasoneofthebest.”
ConvincedofthepowerofLSDtohelppeopletranscendtheirlimitations,
Stolarofftriedforatime,withHubbard’shelp,toreshapeAmpexastheworld’s
first“psychedeliccorporation.”Hubbardconductedaseriesofweekly
workshopsatheadquartersandadministeredLSDtocompanyexecutivesata
siteintheSierra.Buttheprojectfounderedwhenthecompany’sgeneral
manager,whowasJewish,objectedtotheimagesofChrist,theVirginMary,and
theLastSupperthatHubbardinsistedonbringingintohisoffice.Aroundthe
sametime,WillisHarmanshiftedthefocusofhisteachingatStanford,offering
anewclasson“thehumanpotential”thatendedwithaunitonpsychedelics.The
engineersweregettingreligion.(Andhaveitstill:IknowofoneBayAreatech
companytodaythatusespsychedelicsinitsmanagementtraining.Ahandfulof
othershaveinstituted“microdosingFridays.”)
In1961,StolaroffleftAmpextodedicatehimselffull-timetopsychedelic
research.WithWillisHarman,heestablishedtheorotundlytitledInternational
FoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS)toexplorethepotentialofLSDto
enhancehumanpersonalityandcreativity.Stolaroffhiredapsychiatristnamed
CharlesSavageasmedicaldirectorand,asstaffpsychologist,afirst-year
graduatestudentbythenameofJamesFadiman.(Fadiman,whograduatedfrom
Harvardin1960,wasintroducedtopsilocybinbyRichardAlpert,thoughnot
untilafterhisgraduation.“Thegreatestthingintheworldhashappenedtome,”
Alperttoldhisformerstudent,“andIwanttoshareitwithyou.”)DonAllenalso
lefthisengineeringpostatAmpextojoinIFASasascreenerandguide.The
foundationsecuredadrugresearchpermitfromtheFDAandasupplyofLSD
andmescalinefromAlHubbardandbegan—touseanAlHubbardterm
—“processingclients.”Overthenextsixyears,thefoundationwouldprocess
some350people.
AsJamesFadimanandDonAllenrecallthoseyearsatthefoundation(both
satforextensiveinterviews),itwasathrillingandheadytimetobeworkingon
whattheywereconvincedwasthefrontierofhumanpossibility.Forthemost
part,theirexperimentalsubjectswere“healthynormals”orwhatFadiman
describedas“ahealthyneuroticoutpatientpopulation.”Eachclientpaidfive
hundreddollarsforapackagethatincludedbefore-and-afterpersonalitytesting,
aguidedLSDsession,andsomefollow-up.AlHubbard“wouldfloatinand
out,”DonAllenrecalls.He“wasbothourinspirationandourresidentexpert.”
JamesFadimansays,“HewasthehiddenforcebehindtheMenloParkresearch.”
Fromtimetotime,HubbardwouldtakemembersofthestafftoDeathValleyfor
trainingsessions,inthebeliefthattheprimordiallandscapetherewas
particularlyconducivetorevelatoryexperience.
Inhalfadozenorsopaperspublishedintheearly1960s,thefoundation’s
researchersreportedsomeprovocative“results.”Seventy-eightpercentofclients
saidtheexperiencehadincreasedtheirabilitytolove,71percentregisteredan
increaseinself-esteem,and83percentsaidthatduringtheirsessionstheyhad
glimpsed“ahigherpower,orultimatereality.”Thosewhohadsuchan
experienceweretheoneswhoreportedthemostlastingbenefitsfromtheir
session.DonAllentoldmethatmostclientsemergedwith“notableandfairly
sustainablechangesinbeliefs,attitudes,andbehavior,wayabovestatistical
probability.”Specifically,theybecame“muchlessjudgmental,muchlessrigid,
moreopen,andlessdefended.”Butitwasn’tallsweetnessandlight:several
clientsabruptlybrokeoffmarriagesaftertheirsessions,nowbelievingtheywere
mismatchedortrappedindestructivepatternsofbehavior.
ThefoundationalsoconductedstudiestodetermineifLSDcouldinfact
enhancecreativityandproblemsolving.“Thiswasn’tatallobvious,”James
Fadimanpointsout,“sincetheexperienceissopowerful,youmightjustwander
offandlosetrackofwhatyouweretryingtoaccomplish.”Sototesttheir
hypothesis,Fadimanandhiscolleaguesstartedwiththemselves,seeingifthey
coulddesignacrediblecreativityexperimentwhileonarelativelylightdoseof
LSD—ahundredmicrograms.Perhapsnotsurprisingly,theydeterminedthat
theycould.
Workingingroupsoffour,JamesFadimanandWillisHarmanadministered
thesamedoseofLSDtoartists,engineers,architects,andscientists,allofwhom
weresomehow“stuck”intheirworkonaparticularproject.“Weusedevery
manipulationofsetandsettinginthebook,”Fadimanrecalled,tellingsubjects
“theywouldbefascinatedbytheirintellectualcapacitiesandwouldsolve
problemsasneverbefore.”Subjectsreportedmuchgreaterfluidityintheir
thinking,aswellasanenhancedabilitytobothvisualizeaproblemand
recontextualizeit.“Wewereamazed,aswereourparticipants,athowmany
novelandeffectivesolutionscameoutofoursessions,”Fadimanwrote.Among
theirsubjectsweresomeofthevisionarieswhointhenextfewyearswould
revolutionizecomputers,includingWilliamEnglishandDougEngelbart.*There
areallsortsofproblemswiththisstudy—itwasnotcontrolled,itreliedonthe
subjects’ownassessmentsoftheirsuccess,anditwashaltedbeforeitcouldbe
completed—butitdoesatleastpointtoapromisingavenueforresearch.
Thefoundationhadclosedupshopby1966,butHubbard’sworkinSilicon
Valleywasnotquiteover.Inoneofthemoremysteriousepisodesofhiscareer,
HubbardwascalledoutofsemiretirementbyWillisHarmanin1968.AfterIFAS
disbanded,HarmanhadgonetoworkattheStanfordResearchInstitute(SRI),a
prestigiousthinktankaffiliatedwithStanfordUniversityandarecipientof
contractsfromseveralbranchesofthefederalgovernment,includingthe
military.HarmanwasputinchargeofSRI’sEducationalPolicyResearchCenter,
withamandatetoenvisioneducation’sfuture.LSDbynowwasillegalbutstill
verymuchinuseinthecommunityofengineersandacademicsinandaround
Stanford.
Hubbard,whobynowwasbroke,washiredasapart-time“special
investigativeagent,”ostensiblytokeeptabsontheuseofdrugsinthestudent
movement.Harman’sletterofemploymenttoHubbardisbothobscureand
suggestive:“Ourinvestigationsofsomeofthecurrentsocialmovements
affectingeducationindicatethatthedruguseprevalentamongstudentmembers
oftheNewLeftisnotentirelyundesigned.Someofitappearstobepresentasa
deliberateweaponaimedatpoliticalchange.Weareconcernedwithassessing
thesignificanceofthisasitimpactsonmattersoflong-rangeeducationalpolicy.
Inthisconnectionitwouldbeadvantageoustohaveyouconsideredinthe
capacityofaspecialinvestigativeagentwhomighthaveaccesstorelevantdata
whichisnotordinarilyavailable.”Thoughnotmentionedintheletter,Hubbard’s
servicestoSRIalsoincludedusinghisextensivegovernmentcontactstokeep
contractsflowing.SoAlHubbardonceagaindonnedhiskhakisecurity-guard
uniform,completewithgoldbadge,sidearm,andabeltstuddedwithbullets,and
gotbacktowork.
Buttheuniformandthe“specialagent”titlewereallacover,andan
audaciousoneatthat.
Asavocalenemyoftherisingcounterculture,it’sentirelypossibleHubbard
didinvestigateillegaldruguseoncampusforSRI(orothers*),butifhedid,he
wasonceagainworkingbothsidesofthestreet.Forthoughthelegalstatusof
LSDhadchangedby1968,HubbardandHarman’smission—“toprovidethe
[LSD]experiencetopoliticalandintellectualleadersaroundtheworld”—
apparentlyhadnot.Theworkmightwellhavecontinued,justmorequietlyand
beneathacoverstory.ForasWillisHarmantoldToddBrendanFaheyina1990
interviewandasaformerSRIemployeeconfirmed,“Alneverdidanything
resemblingsecuritywork.
“Al’sjobwastorunthespecialsessionsforus.”
ThatformerSRIemployeeisPeterSchwartz,anengineerwhobecamea
leadingfuturist;heiscurrentlyseniorvicepresidentforgovernmentrelations
andstrategicplanningatSalesforce.com.In1973,Schwartzwenttoworkfor
WillisHarmanatSRI,hisfirstjoboutofgraduateschool.Bythen,AlHubbard
wasmoreorlessretired,andSchwartzwasgivenhisoffice.Onthewallabove
thedeskhungalargephotographofRichardNixon,inscribed“tomygood
friend,Al,forallyouryearsofservice,yourfriend,Dick.”Apileofmail
accumulatedinthein-box,withlettersaddressedtoA.M.Hubbardfromallover
theworld,including,herecalled,onefromGeorgeBush,thefutureCIAdirector,
whoatthetimewasservingasheadoftheRepublicanNationalCommittee.
“Whowasthisfellow?”Schwartzwondered.Andthenonedaythisround
fellowwithagraycrewcut,dressedinasecurityguard’suniformandcarrying
a.38,showeduptoretrievehismail.
“‘I’mafriendofWillis’s,’”HubbardtoldSchwartz.“Andthenhebegan
askingmethestrangestquestions,completelywithoutcontext.‘Wheredoyou
thinkyouactuallycamefrom?Whatdoyouthinkaboutthecosmos?’Ilearned
laterthiswashowhecheckedpeopleout,todecidewhetherornotyouwerea
worthycandidate.”
Intrigued,SchwartzaskedHarmanaboutthismysterymanand,pieceby
piece,begantoputtogethermuchofthetaleofHubbard’slife.Theyoung
futuristsoonrealizedthat“mostofthepeopleIwasmeetingwhohadinteresting
ideashadtrippedwithHubbard:professorsatStanford,Berkeley,thestaffat
SRI,computerengineers,scientists,writers.Andallofthemhadbeen
transformedbytheexperience.”Schwartzsaidthatseveraloftheearlycomputer
engineersreliedonLSDindesigningcircuitchips,especiallyintheyearsbefore
theycouldbedesignedoncomputers.“Youhadtobeabletovisualizea
staggeringcomplexityinthreedimensions,holditallinyourhead.Theyfound
thatLSDcouldhelp.”
Schwartzeventuallyrealizedthat“everyoneinthatcommunity”—referringto
theBayAreatechcrowdinthe1960sandearly1970s,aswellasthepeoplein
andaroundStewartBrand’sWholeEarthNetwork—“hadtakenHubbardLSD.”
Whywereengineersinparticularsotakenwithpsychedelics?Schwartz,
himselftrainedasanaerospaceengineer,thinksithastodowiththefactthat
unliketheworkofscientists,whocansimplifytheproblemstheyworkon,
“problemsolvinginengineeringalwaysinvolvesirreduciblecomplexity.You’re
alwaysbalancingcomplexvariablesyoucannevergetperfect,soyou’re
desperatelysearchingtofindpatterns.LSDshowsyoupatterns.
“IhavenodoubtthatallthatHubbardLSDallofushadtakenhadabig
effectonthebirthofSiliconValley.”
StewartBrandreceivedhisownbaptisminHubbardLSDatIFASin1962,
withJamesFadimanpresidingashisguide.HisfirstexperiencewithLSD“was
kindofabumtrip,”herecalls,butitledtoaseriesofotherjourneysthat
reshapedhisworldviewand,indirectly,allofours.TheWholeEarthNetwork
Brandwouldsubsequentlygathertogether(whichincludedPeterSchwartz,
EstherDyson,KevinKelly,HowardRheingold,andJohnPerryBarlow)and
playakeyroleinredefiningwhatcomputersmeantanddid,helpingtotransform
themfromatop-downtoolofthemilitary-industrialcomplex—withthe
computerpunchcardahandysymbolofOrganizationMan—intoatoolof
personalliberationandvirtualcommunity,withadistinctlycounterculturalvibe.
Howmuchdoestheideaofcyberspace,animmaterialrealmwhereonecan
constructanewidentityandmergewithacommunityofvirtualothers,oweto
animaginationshapedbytheexperienceofpsychedelics?Orforthatmatter
virtualreality?*Thewholenotionofcybernetics,theideathatmaterialreality
canbetranslatedintobitsofinformation,mayalsoowesomethingtothe
experienceofLSD,withitspowertocollapsematterintospirit.
BrandthinksLSD’svaluetohiscommunitywasasaninstigatorofcreativity,
onethatfirsthelpedbringthepowerofnetworkedcomputerstopeople(viaSRI
computervisionariessuchasDougEngelbartandtheearlyhackercommunity),
butthenwassupersededbythecomputersthemselves.(“Atacertainpoint,the
drugsweren’tgettinganybetter,”Brandsaid,“butthecomputerswere.”)After
hisexperienceatIFAS,BrandgotinvolvedwithKenKeseyandhisnotorious
AcidTests,whichhedescribesas“aparticipatoryartformthatleddirectlyto
BurningMan,”theannualgatheringofthearts,technology,andpsychedelic
communitiesintheNevadadesert.Inhisview,LSDwasacriticalingredientin
nourishingthespiritofcollaborativeexperiment,andtoleranceoffailure,that
distinguishthecomputercultureoftheWestCoast.“Itgaveuspermissiontotry
weirdshitincahootswithotherpeople.”
Onoccasion,theLSDproducedgenuineinsight,asitdidforBrandhimself
onechillyafternooninthespringof1966.Bored,hewentupontotheroofofhis
buildinginNorthBeachandtookahundredmicrogramsofacid—Fadiman’s
creativitydose.Ashelookedtowarddowntownwhilewrappedinablanket,it
appearedthatthestreetslinedwithbuildingswerenotquiteparallel.Thismust
beduetothecurvatureofEarth,Branddecided.Itoccurredtohimthatwhenwe
thinkofEarthasflat,asweusuallydo,weassumeitisinfinite,andwetreatits
resourcesthatway.“Therelationshiptoinfinityistouseitup,”hethought,“but
aroundearthwasafinitespaceshipyouhadtomanagecarefully.”Atleastthat’s
howitappearedtohimthatafternoon,“fromthreestoriesandonehundred
mikesup.”
Itwouldchangeeverythingifhecouldconveythistopeople!Buthow?He
flashedonthespaceprogramandwondered,“Whyhaven’tweseenapictureof
theearthfromspace?Ibecomefixedonthis,onhowtogetthisphotothatwould
revolutionizeourunderstandingofourplaceintheuniverse.Iknow,I’llmakea
button!Butwhatshoulditsay?‘Let’shaveaphotooftheearthfromspace.’No,
itneedstobeaquestion,andmaybealittleparanoid—drawonthatAmerican
resource.‘Whyhaven’tweseenaphotographofthewholeearthyet?’”
Brandcamedownfromhisroofandlaunchedacampaignthateventually
reachedthehallsofCongressandNASA.Whoknowsifitwasthedirectresult
ofBrand’scampaign,buttwoyearslater,in1968,theApolloastronautsturned
theircamerasaroundandgaveusthefirstphotographofEarthfromthemoon,
andStewartBrandgaveusthefirsteditionoftheWholeEarthCatalog.Did
everythingchange?Thecasecouldbemadethatithad.
PartII:TheCrack-Up
TimothyLearycamelatetopsychedelics.BythetimehelaunchedtheHarvard
PsilocybinProjectin1960,therehadalreadybeenafulldecadeofpsychedelic
researchinNorthAmerica,withhundredsofacademicpapersandseveral
internationalconferencestoshowforit.Learyhimselfseldommadereferenceto
thisbodyofwork,preferringtogivetheimpressionthathisownpsychedelic
researchrepresentedaradicalnewchapterintheannalsofpsychology.In1960,
thefutureofpsychedelicresearchlookedbright.Yetwithinthebriefspanoffive
years,thepoliticalandculturalweathercompletelyshifted,amoralpanicabout
LSDengulfedAmerica,andvirtuallyallpsychedelicresearchandtherapywere
eitherhaltedordrivenunderground.Whathappened?
“TimothyLeary”isthetoo-obviousanswertothatquestion.Justabout
everyoneI’veinterviewedonthesubject—dozensofpeople—hasprefacedhis
orheranswerbysaying,“It’sfartooeasytoblameLeary,”beforeproceedingto
dopreciselythat.It’shardtoavoidtheconclusionthattheflamboyant
psychologyprofessorwithatropismbendinghimtowardthesunofpublicity,
goodorbad,didgravedamagetothecauseofpsychedelicresearch.Hedid.And
yetthesocialforcesunleashedbythedrugsthemselvesoncetheymovedfrom
thelaboratoryoutintotheculturewerebiggerandstrongerthananyindividual
couldwithstand—ortakecreditfor.Withorwithouttheheedless,joyful,and
amplypublicizedanticsofTimothyLeary,thesheerDionysianpowerofLSD
wasitselfboundtoshakethingsupandinciteareaction.
BythetimeLearywashiredbyHarvardin1959,hehadanationalreputation
asagiftedpersonalityresearcher,andyeteventhen—beforehisfirstshattering
experiencewithpsilocybininCuernavacaduringthesummerof1960—Leary
wasfeelingsomewhatdisenchantedwithhisfield.Afewyearsbefore,while
workingasdirectorofpsychiatricresearchatKaiserHospitalinOakland,Leary
andacolleaguehadconductedacleverexperimenttoassesstheeffectivenessof
psychotherapy.Agroupofpatientsseekingpsychiatriccareweredividedinto
twogroups;onereceivedthestandardtreatmentofthetime,theother(consisting
ofpeopleonawaitinglist)notreatmentatall.Afterayear,one-thirdofallthe
subjectshadimproved,one-thirdhadgottenworse,andone-thirdremained
unchanged—regardlessofwhichgrouptheywerein.Whetherornotasubject
receivedtreatmentmadenodifferencewhatsoeverintheoutcome.Sowhatgood
wasconventionalpsychotherapy?Psychology?Learyhadbeguntowonder.
LearyquicklyestablishedhimselfatHarvard’sDepartmentofSocial
Relationsasadynamicandcharismatic,ifsomewhatcynical,teacher.The
handsomeprofessorwasagreattalker,intheexpansiveIrishmode,andcould
charmthepantsoffanyone,especiallywomen,forwhomhewasapparently
catnip.Learyhadalwayshadaroguish,rebelliousstreak—hewascourt-
martialedduringhistimeatWestPointforviolatingthehonorcodeandexpelled
fromtheUniversityofAlabamaforspendingthenightinawomen’sdorm—and
Harvard-the-institutionbroughtoutrebellioninhim.Learywouldspeak
cynicallyofpsychologicalresearchasa“game.”HerbertKelman,acolleaguein
thedepartmentwholaterbecameLeary’schiefadversary,recallsthenew
professoras“personable”(Kelmanhelpedhimfindhisfirsthouse)butsays,“I
hadmisgivingsabouthimfromthebeginning.Hewouldoftentalkoutofthetop
ofhisheadaboutthingsheknewnothingabout,likeexistentialism,andhewas
tellingourstudentspsychologywasallagame.Itseemedtomeabitcavalier
andirresponsible.”
ImetKelman,nowinhisnineties,inthesmall,overstuffedapartmentwhere
heliveswithhiswifeinanassisted-livingfacilityinWestCambridge.Kelman
displayednorancortowardLearyyetevincedlittlerespectforhimeitherasa
teacherorasascientist;indeed,hebelievesLearyhadbecomedisenchanted
withsciencewellbeforepsychedelicscameintohislife.InKelman’sopinion,
evenbeforethepsilocybin,“Hewasalreadyhalfwayoffthedeepend.”
Leary’sintroductiontopsilocybin,poolsideinMexicoduringthesummerof
1960,camethreeyearsafterR.GordonWassonpublishedhisnotoriousLife
magazinearticleaboutthe“mushroomsthatcausestrangevisions.”ForLeary,
themushroomsweretransformative.Inanafternoon,hispassiontounderstand
thehumanmindhadbeenreignited—indeed,hadexploded.
“InfourhoursbytheswimmingpoolinCuernavacaIlearnedmoreaboutthe
mind,thebrain,anditsstructuresthanIdidintheprecedingfifteenasadiligent
psychologist,”hewrotelaterinFlashbacks,his1983memoir.“Ilearnedthatthe
brainisanunderutilizedbiocomputer...Ilearnedthatnormalconsciousnessis
onedropinanoceanofintelligence.Thatconsciousnessandintelligencecanbe
systematicallyexpanded.Thatthebraincanbereprogrammed.”
Learyreturnedfromhisjourneywithanirresistibleurgeto“rushbackand
telleveryone,”asherecalledinHighPriest,his1968memoir.Andthenina
handfulofsentencesheslidintoapropheticvoice,oneinwhichthewhole
futuretrajectoryofTimothyLearycouldbeforetold:
Listen!Wakeup!YouareGod!YouhavetheDivineplanengraved
incellularscriptwithinyou.Listen!Takethissacrament!You’ll
see!You’llgettherevelation!Itwillchangeyourlife!
ButatleastforthefirstyearortwoatHarvard,Learywentthroughthe
motionsofdoingscience.BackinCambridgethatfall,herecruitedRichard
Alpert,apromisingassistantprofessorwhowasheirtoarailroadfortune,and,
havingsecuredthetacitapprovaloftheirdepartmentchair,DavidMcClelland,
thetwolaunchedtheHarvardPsilocybinProject,operatingoutofatinybroom
closetofanofficeintheDepartmentofSocialRelationsinahouseat5Divinity
Avenue.(Iwentlookingforthehouse,butithaslongsincebeenrazedand
replacedbyasprawling,block-longbricksciencebuilding.)Leary,everthe
salesman,hadconvincedHarvardthattheresearchheproposedtoundertakewas
squarelyinthetraditionofWilliamJames,whointheearlyyearsofthecentury
hadalsostudiedalteredstatesofconsciousnessandmysticalexperienceat
Harvard.Theuniversityplacedoneconditionontheresearch:LearyandAlpert
couldgivethenewdrugstograduatestudents,butnottoundergraduates.Before
long,anintriguinglytitlednewseminarshowedupintheHarvardcourse
listings:
ExperimentalExpansionofConsciousness
Theliteraturedescribinginternallyandexternallyinducedchanges
inawarenesswillbereviewed.Thebasicelementsofmystical
experienceswillbestudiedcross-culturally.Themembersofthe
seminarwillparticipateinexperienceswithconsciousness
expandingmethodsandasystematicanalysisofattentionwillbe
paidtotheproblemsofmethodologyinthisarea.Thisseminarwill
belimitedtoadvancedgraduatestudents.Admissionbyconsentof
theinstructor.
“ExperimentalExpansionofConsciousness”provedtobeextremelypopular.
•••
INITSTHREEYEARSofexistence,theHarvardPsilocybinProjectaccomplished
surprisinglylittle,atleastintermsofscience.Intheirfirstexperiments,Leary
andAlpertadministeredpsilocybintohundredsofpeopleofallsorts,including
housewives,musicians,artists,academics,writers,fellowpsychologists,and
graduatestudents,whothencompletedquestionnairesabouttheirexperiences.
Accordingto“AmericansandMushroomsinaNaturalisticEnvironment:A
PreliminaryReport,”mostsubjectshadgenerallyverypositiveandoccasionally
life-changingexperiences.
“Naturalistic”wasapt:thesesessionstookplacenotinuniversitybuildings
butincomfortablelivingrooms,accompaniedbymusicandcandlelight,andtoa
casualobservertheywouldhavelookedmorelikepartiesthanexperiments,
especiallybecausetheresearchersthemselvesusuallyjoinedin.(Learyand
Alperttookaheroicamountofpsilocybinand,later,LSD.)Atleastinthe
beginning,Leary,Alpert,andtheirgraduatestudentsendeavoredtowriteup
accountsoftheirownandtheirsubjects’psilocybinjourneys,asiftheywere
pioneersexploringanunmappedfrontierofconsciousnessandtheprevious
decadeofworksurveyingthepsychedeliclandscapehadneverhappened.“We
wereonourown,”Learywrote,somewhatdisingenuously.“Westernliterature
hadalmostnoguides,nomaps,notextsthatevenrecognizedtheexistenceof
alteredstates.”
Drawingontheirextensivefieldwork,however,Learydiddosomeoriginal
worktheorizingtheideaof“set”and“setting,”deployingthewordsinthis
contextforthefirsttimeintheliterature.Theseusefulterms,ifnottheconcepts
theydenote—forwhichAlHubbarddeservesmostofthecredit—maywell
representLeary’smostenduringcontributiontopsychedelicscience.Learyand
AlpertpublishedahandfulofpapersintheearlyyearsatHarvardthatarestill
worthreading,bothaswell-writtenandcloselyobservedethnographiesofthe
experienceandastextsinwhichtheearlystirringsofanewsensibilitycanbe
glimpsed.
Buildingontheideathatthelife-changingexperiencesofvolunteersinthe
PsilocybinProjectmighthavesomebroadersocialapplication,in1961Leary
andagraduatestudent,RalphMetzner,dreamedupamoreambitiousresearch
project.TheConcordPrisonExperimentsoughttodiscoverifthepotentialof
psilocybintochangepersonalitycouldbeusedtoreducerecidivismina
populationofhardenedcriminals.Thatthisaudaciousexperimentevergotoff
thegroundisatestimonytoLeary’ssalesmanshipandcharm,fornotonlythe
prisonpsychiatristbutthewardenhadtosignoffonit.
Theideawastocomparetherecidivismratesoftwogroupsofprisonersina
maximumsecurityprisoninConcord,Massachusetts.Agroupofthirty-two
inmatesreceivedpsilocybininsessionsthattookplaceintheprison,withone
memberofLeary’steamtakingthedrugwiththem—soasnottocondescendto
theprisoners,Learyexplained,ortreatthemlikeguineapigs.*Theother
remainedstraightinordertoobserveandtakenotes.Asecondgroupofinmates
receivednodrugsorspecialtreatmentofanykind.Thetwogroupswerethen
followedforaperiodofmonthsaftertheirrelease.
Learyreportedeye-poppingresults:tenmonthsaftertheirrelease,only25
percentofthepsilocybinrecipientshadendedupbackinjail,whilethecontrol
groupreturnedatamoretypicalrateof80percent.ButwhenRickDoblinat
MAPSmeticulouslyreconstructedtheConcordexperimentdecadeslater,
reviewingtheoutcomessubjectbysubject,heconcludedthatLearyhad
exaggeratedthedata;infact,therewasnostatisticallysignificantdifferencein
theratesofrecidivismbetweenthetwogroups.(Evenatthetime,the
methodologicalshortcomingsofthestudyhadpromptedDavidMcClelland,the
departmentchair,towriteascathingmemotoMetzner.)OfLeary’sscientific
work,SidneyCohen,himselfapsychedelicresearcher,concludedthat“itwas
thesortofresearchthatmadescientistswince.”
Learyplayedamoretangentialroleinoneother,muchmorecrediblestudy
doneinthespringof1962:theGoodFridayExperiment,describedinchapter
one.UnliketheConcordPrisonExperiment,the“MiracleatMarshChapel,”as
itbecameknown,madeagoodfaithefforttohonortheconventionsofthe
controlled,double-blindpsychologyexperiment.Neithertheinvestigatorsnor
thesubjects—twentydivinitystudents—weretoldwhohadgottenthedrugand
whohadgottentheplacebo,whichwasactive.TheGoodFridaystudywasfar
fromperfect;Pahnkesuppressedthefactthatonesubjectfreakedoutandhadto
besedated.YetPahnke’smainconclusion—thatpsilocybincanreliablyoccasion
amysticalexperiencethatis“indistinguishablefrom,ifnotidenticalwith,”the
experiencesdescribedintheliterature—stillstandsandhelpedtoinspirethe
currentwaveofresearch,particularlyatJohnsHopkins,whereitwasreplicated
(roughlyspeaking)in2006.
ButmostofthecreditfortheGoodFridayExperimentrightfullybelongsto
WalterPahnke,notTimothyLeary,whowascriticalofitsdesignfromthestart;
hehadtoldPahnkeitwasawasteoftimetouseacontrolgrouporaplacebo.“If
welearnedonethingfromthatexperience,”Learylaterwrote,“itwashow
foolishitwastouseadouble-blindexperimentwithpsychedelics.Afterfive
minutes,noone’sfoolinganyone.”
•••
BYNOW,Learyhadprettymuchlostinterestindoingscience;hewasgetting
readytotradethe“psychologygame”forwhathewouldcallthe“gurugame.”
(PerhapsLeary’smostendearingcharactertraitwasnevertotakehimselftoo
seriously—evenasaguru.)Ithadbecomecleartohimthatthespiritualand
culturalimportofpsilocybinandLSDfaroutweighedanytherapeuticbenefitto
individuals.AswithHubbardandHuxleyandOsmondbeforehim,psychedelics
hadconvincedLearythattheyhadthepowernotjusttohealpeoplebutto
changesocietyandsavehumankind,anditwashismissiontoserveastheir
prophet.Itwasasthoughthechemicalsthemselveshadhituponabrilliant
schemefortheirownproliferation,bycolonizingthebrainsofacertaintypeof
charismaticandmessianichuman.
“Wewerethinkingfar-outhistorythoughtsatHarvard,”Learylaterwrote
aboutthisperiod,“believingthatitwasatime(aftertheshallow,nostalgic
fifties)forfar-outvisions,knowingthatAmericahadrunoutofphilosophy,that
anew,empirical,tangiblemeta-physicswasdesperatelyneeded.”Thebomband
thecoldwarformedthecrucialbackgroundtotheseideas,investingtheproject
withurgency.
Learywasalsoencouragedinhisshiftfromscientisttoevangelistbysomeof
theartistsheturnedon.InonenotablesessionathisNewtonhomeinDecember
1960,LearygavepsilocybintotheBeatpoetAllenGinsberg,amanwhoneeded
nochemicalinducementtoplaytheroleofvisionaryprophet.Towardtheendof
anecstatictrip,Ginsbergstumbleddownstairs,tookoffallhisclothes,and
announcedhisintentiontomarchnakedthroughthestreetsofNewtonpreaching
thenewgospel.
“We’regoingtoteachpeopletostophating,”Ginsbergsaid,“startapeace
andlovemovement.”Youcanalmosthearinhiswordsthe1960sbeingborn,the
still-damp,Day-Glochickcrackingoutofitsshell.WhenLearymanagedto
persuadeGinsbergnottoleavethehouse(amongotherissues,itwasDecember),
thepoetgotonthephoneandstarteddialingworldleaders,tryingtoget
Kennedy,Khrushchev,andMaoZedongonthelinetoworkouttheirdifferences.
Intheend,GinsbergwasonlyabletoreachhisfriendJackKerouac,identifying
himselfasGod(“that’sG-O-D”)andtellinghimhemusttakethesemagic
mushrooms.
Alongwitheveryoneelse.
GinsbergwasconvincedthatLeary,theHarvardprofessor,wastheperfect
mantoleadthenewpsychedeliccrusade.ToGinsberg,thefactthatthenew
prophet“shouldemergefromHarvardUniversity,”thealmamaterofthenewly
electedpresident,wasacaseof“historiccomedy,”forherewas“theoneand
onlyDr.Leary,arespectablehumanbeing,aworldlymanfacedwiththetaskof
aMessiah.”Comingfromthegreatpoet,thewordslandedlikeseedsonthe
fertile,well-wateredsoilofTimothyLeary’sego.(Itisoneofthemany
paradoxesofpsychedelicsthatthesedrugscansponsoranego-dissolving
experiencethatinsomepeoplequicklyleadstomassiveegoinflation.Having
beenletinonagreatsecretoftheuniverse,therecipientofthisknowledgeis
boundtofeelspecial,chosenforgreatthings.)
HuxleyandHubbardandOsmondsharedLeary’ssenseofhistoricalmission,
buttheyhadaverydifferentideaofhowbesttofulfillit.Thethreewereinclined
toamoresupply-sidekindofspiritualism—firstyoumustturnontheelite,and
thenletthenewconsciousnessfilterdowntothemasses,whomightnotbe
readytoabsorbsuchashatteringexperienceallatonce.Theirunspokenmodel
wastheEleusinianmysteries,inwhichtheGreekelitegatheredinsecretto
ingestthesacredkykeonandshareanightofrevelation.ButLearyandGinsberg,
bothfirmlyintheAmericangrain,weredeterminedtodemocratizethevisionary
experience,maketranscendenceavailabletoeveryonenow.Surelythatwasthe
greatblessingofpsychedelics:forthefirsttime,therewasatechnologythat
madethispossible.YearslaterLesterGrinspoon,aHarvardprofessorof
psychiatry,capturedtheethosnicelyinabookhewrotewithJamesBakalar,
PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered:“Psychedelicdrugsopenedtomasstourism
mentalterritoriespreviouslyexploredonlybysmallpartiesofparticularly
intrepidadventurers,mainlyreligiousmystics.”Aswellasvisionaryartistslike
WilliamBlake,WaltWhitman,andAllenGinsberg.Now,withapillorsquareof
blotterpaper,anyonecouldexperiencefirsthandexactlywhatintheworldBlake
andWhitmanweretalkingabout.
Butthisnewformofspiritualmasstourismhadnotyetreceivedmuch
advertisingorpromotionbeforethespringof1962.That’swhennewsof
controversysurroundingtheHarvardPsilocybinProjectfirsthitthenewspapers,
beginningwithHarvard’sownstudentpaper,theCrimson.Harvardbeing
Harvard,andLearyLeary,thestoryquicklyspreadtothenationalpress,turning
thepsychologyprofessorintoacelebrityandhasteninghis,andAlpert’s,
departurefromHarvard,inascandalthatbothprefiguredandhelpedfuelthe
backlashagainstpsychedelicsthatwouldsoonclosedownmostresearch.
LearyandAlpert’scolleagueshadbeenuncomfortableabouttheHarvard
PsilocybinProjectalmostfromthestart.A1961memofromDavidMcClelland
hadraisedquestionsabouttheabsenceofcontrolsinLearyandAlpert’s
“naturalistic”studiesaswellasthelackofmedicalsupervisionandthefactthat
theinvestigatorsinsistedontakingthedrugswiththeirsubjects,ofwhomthere
werehundreds.(“Howoftenshouldapersontakepsilocybin?”heasked,
referringtoLearyandAlpert.)McClellandalsocalledthetworesearchersouton
their“philosophicalnaivete.”
“Manyreportsaregivenofdeepmysticalexperiences,”hewrote,“buttheir
chiefcharacteristicisthewonderatone’sownprofundity.”Thefollowingyear,
inadetailedcritiqueofRalphMetznersConcordPrisonExperiment,
McClellandaccusedthegraduatestudentoffailingto“analyz[e]yourdata
objectivelyandcarefully.Youknowwhattheconclusionsaretobe...andthe
dataaresimplyusedtosupportwhatyoualreadyknowtobetrue.”Nodoubtthe
popularityofthePsilocybinProjectamongthedepartment’sstudents,aswellas
itscliquishness,rankledtherestofthefaculty,whohadtocompetewithLeary
andAlpertandtheirdrugsforapreciousacademicresource:talentedgraduate
students.
Butthesegrievancesdidn’tleavethepremisesof5DivinityAvenue—not
untilMarch1962.That’swhenMcClelland,respondingtoarequestbyHerb
Kelman,calledameetingofthefacultyandstudentstoairconcernsaboutthe
PsilocybinProject.Kelmanaskedforthemeetingbecausehehadheardfromhis
graduatestudentsthatakindofculthadformedaroundAlpertandLeary,and
somestudentsfeltpressuretoparticipateinthedrugtaking.Earlyinthemeeting
Kelmantookthefloor:“IwishIcouldtreatthisasscholarlydisagreement,but
thisworkviolatesthevaluesoftheacademiccommunity.Thewholeprogram
hasananti-intellectualatmosphere.Itsemphasisisonpureexperience,noton
verbalizingfindings.
“I’malsosorrytosaythatDr.LearyandDr.Alperthavetakenavery
nonchalantattitudetowardtheseexperiments—especiallyconsideringtheeffects
thesedrugsmighthaveonthesubjects.
“Whatmostconcernsme,”Kelmanconcluded,“andotherswhohavecometo
me,ishowthehallucinogenicandmentaleffectsofthesedrugshavebeenused
toformakindof‘insidersectwithinthedepartment.Thosewhochoosenotto
participatearelabeledas‘squares.’Ijustdon’tthinkthatkindofthingshouldbe
encouragedinthisdepartment.”PsychedelicdrugshaddividedaHarvard
departmentjustastheywouldsoondividetheculture.
Alpertrespondedforcefully,claimingtheworkwas“rightinthetraditionof
WilliamJames,”thedepartment’spresidingdeity,andthatKelman’scritique
amountedtoanattackonacademicfreedom.ButLearytookamoreconciliatory
approach,consentingtoafewreasonablerestrictionsontheresearch.Everyone
wenthomethinkingthematterhadbeenclosed.
Untilthefollowingmorning.
Theroomhadbeensocompletelyjammedwithfacultyandstudentsthatno
onenoticedthepresenceofanundergraduatereporterfromtheCrimsonnamed
RobertEllisSmith,furiouslytakingnotes.Thenextday’sCrimsonputthe
controversyonpage1:“PsychologistsDisagreeonPsilocybinResearch.”The
dayafterthat,thestorywaspickedupbytheBostonHerald,aHearstpaper,and
givenamuchpunchierifnotquiteasaccurateheadline:“HallucinationDrug
FoughtatHarvard—350StudentsTakePills.”Nowthestorywasout,andvery
soonTimothyLeary,alwayshappytosupplyareporterwithadelectably
outrageousquote,wasfamous.Hedeliveredaparticularlychoiceoneafterthe
universityforcedhimtoputhissupplyofSandozpsilocybinpillsunderthe
controlofHealthServices:“Psychedelicdrugscausepanicandtemporary
insanityinpeoplewhohavenottakenthem.”
Bytheendoftheyear,LearyandAlperthadconcludedthat“thesematerials
aretoopowerfulandtoocontroversialtoberesearchedinauniversitysetting.”
TheyannouncedinalettertotheCrimsontheywereformingsomethingcalled
theInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom(IFIF)andhenceforthwould
beconductingresearchunderitsumbrellaratherthanHarvard’s.Theydecried
thenewrestrictionsplacedonpsychedelicresearch,notonlyatHarvard,butby
thefederalgovernment:inthewakeofthethalidomidetragedy,inwhichanew
sedativegiventopregnantwomenformorningsicknesshadcausedterriblebirth
defectsintheirchildren,CongresshadgiventheFDAauthoritytoregulate
experimentaldrugs.“ForthefirsttimeinAmericanhistory,”theIFIF
announced,“andforthefirsttimeintheWesternworldsincetheInquisition
therenowexistsascientificunderground.”Theypredictedthat“amajorcivil
libertiesissueofthenextdecadewillbethecontrolandexpansionof
consciousness.”
“Whocontrolsyourcortex?”theywroteintheirlettertotheCrimson—which
istosay,tostudents.“Whodecidesontherangeandlimitsofyourawareness?If
youwanttoresearchyourownnervoussystem,expandyourconsciousness,who
istodecidethatyoucan’tandwhy?”
It’softensaidthatinthe1960spsychedelics“escapedfromthelaboratory,”
butitwouldprobablybemoreaccuratetosaytheywerethrownoverthe
laboratorywall,andneverwithasmuchloftorvelocityasbyTimothyLeary
andRichardAlpertattheendof1962.“We’rethroughplayingthescience
game,”LearytoldMcClellandwhenhereturnedtoCambridgethatfall.Now,
LearyandAlpertwereplayingthegameofculturalrevolution.
•••
THELARGERCOMMUNITYofpsychedelicresearchersacrossNorthAmerica
reactedtoLeary’sprovocationswithdismayandthenalarm.Learyhadbeenin
regularcontactwiththeWestCoastandCanadiangroups,exchanginglettersand
visitswithhisfar-flungcolleaguesonafairlyregularbasis.(HeandAlperthad
paidavisittoStolaroffsfoundationin1960or1961;“Ithinktheythoughtwe
weretoostraitlaced,”DonAllentoldme.)SoonafterarrivingatHarvard,Leary
hadgottentoknowHuxley,whowasteachingforasemesteratMIT.Huxleyhad
becomeextremelyfondoftheroguishprofessor,andsharedhisaspirationsfor
psychedelicsasanagentofculturaltransformation,butworriedthatLearywas
movingtoofastandtooflagrantly.*DuringhislastvisittoCambridge(Huxley
woulddieinLosAngelesinNovember1963,onthesamedayasJohnF.
Kennedy),HuxleyfeltthatLeary“hadtalkedsuchnonsense...thatIbecame
quiteconcerned.Notabouthissanity—becauseheisperfectlysane—butabout
hisprospectsintheworld.”
SoonafterLearyannouncedtheformationoftheInternationalFederationfor
InternalFreedom,HumphryOsmondtraveledtoCambridgetotrytotalksome
senseintohim.HeandAbramHofferwereworriedthatLeary’spromotionof
thedrugsoutsidethecontextofclinicalresearchthreatenedtoprovokethe
governmentandupendtheirownresearch.OsmondalsofaultedLearyfor
workingwithoutapsychopharmacologistandfortreatingthese“powerful
chemicals[as]harmlesstoys.”Hopingtodistanceseriousresearchfrom
irresponsibleuse,andtroubledthatthecounterculturewascontaminatinghis
formerlyneutralterm“psychedelic,”Osmondtriedonceagaintocoinanew
one:“psychodelytic.”Idon’tneedtotellyouitfailedtocatchon.
“Youmustfacetheseobjectionsratherthandissipatethemwithasmile,
howevercosmic,”Osmondtoldhim.Thereitwasagain:theindestructibleLeary
smile!ButOsmondgotnothingmorethanthatforhistroubles.
MyronStolaroffweighedinwithabluntlettertoLearydescribingtheIFIFas
“insane”andaccuratelyprophesyingthecrack-uptocome:Itwill“wreakhavoc
onallofusdoingLSDworkalloverthenation...
“Tim,Iamconvincedyouareheadingforveryserioustroubleifyourplan
goesaheadasyouhavedescribedittome,anditwouldnotonlymakeagreat
dealoftroubleforyou,butforallofus,andmaydoirreparableharmtothe
psychedelicfieldingeneral.”
ButwhatexactlywastheplanoftheIFIF?Learywashappytostateit
openly:tointroduceasmanyAmericansto“thestrongpsychedelics”asit
possiblycouldinordertochangethecountryonebrainatatime.Hehaddone
themathandconcludedthat“thecriticalfigureforblowingthemindofthe
AmericansocietywouldbefourmillionLSDusersandthiswouldhappenby
1969.”
Asitwouldturnout,Leary’smathwasnotfaroff.Thoughclosertotwo
millionAmericanshadtriedLSDby1969,thiscadrehadindeedblownthemind
ofAmerica,leavingthecountryinasubstantiallydifferentplace.
ButperhapsthemostviolentresponsetoLeary’splansforworldwidemental
revolutioncamefromAlHubbard,whohadalwayshadanuneasyrelationship
withtheprofessor.ThetwohadmetsoonafterLearygottoHarvard,when
HubbardmadethedrivetoCambridgeinhisRolls-Royce,bringingasupplyof
LSDhehopedtotradeforsomeofLeary’spsilocybin.
“Heblewinwiththatuniform,”Learyrecalled,“layingdownthemost
incredibleatmosphereofmysteryandflamboyance,andreallyimpressive
bullshit!”—asubjectonwhichLearywascertainlyqualifiedtojudge.Hubbard
“startedname-droppinglikeyouwouldn’tbelieve...claimedhewasfriends
withthePope.
“Thethingthatimpressedmeis,ononehandhelookedlikeacarpetbagger
conman,andontheotherhehadthesemostimpressivepeopleintheworldin
hislap,basicallybackinghim.”
ButLeary’slegendarycharmneverhadmuchtractionwithHubbard,adeeply
conservativeanddevoutmanwhodisdainedboththeglareofpublicityandthe
nascentcounterculture.“IlikedTimwhenwefirstmet,”hesaidyearslater,“but
Iwarnedhimadozentimes”aboutstayingoutoftroubleandthepress.“He
seemedlikeawell-intentionedperson,butthenhewentoverboard...heturned
outtobecompletelynogood.”Likemanyofhiscolleagues,Hubbardstrongly
objectedtoLeary’sdo-it-yourselfapproachtopsychedelics,especiallyhis
willingnesstodispensewiththeall-importanttrainedguide.Hisattitudetoward
Learymightalsohavebeeninfluencedbyhisextensivecontactsinlaw
enforcementandintelligence,whichbynowhadtheprofessorontheirradar.
AccordingtoOsmond,theCaptain’santipathytowardLearysurfaced
alarminglyduringapsychedelicsessionthetwosharedduringthisperiodof
mountingcontroversy.“Algotgreatlypreoccupiedwiththeideaheoughtto
shootTimothy,andwhenIbegantoreasonwithhimthatthiswouldbeavery
badidea...Ibecamemuchconcernedhemightshootme.”
Hubbardwasprobablyrighttothinkthatnothingshortofabulletwasgoing
tostopTimothyLearynow.AsStolaroffputthematterinclosinghisletterto
Leary,“Isupposethereislittlehopethatwiththebitsofirmlyinyourmouth
youcanbedeterred.”
•••
BYTHESPRINGOF1963,LearyhadonefootoutofHarvard,skippingclassesand
voicinghisintentiontoleaveattheendoftheschoolyear,whenhiscontract
wouldbeup.ButAlperthadanewappointmentintheSchoolofEducationand
plannedtostayon—untilanotherexplosivearticleintheCrimsongotthemboth
fired.ThisonewaswrittenbyanundergraduatenamedAndrewWeil.
WeilhadarrivedatHarvardwithakeeninterestinpsychedelicdrugs—he
haddevouredHuxley’sDoorsofPerceptioninhighschool—andwhenhe
learnedaboutthePsilocybinProject,hebeatapathtoProfessorLeary’soffice
doortoaskifhecouldparticipate.
Learyexplainedtheuniversityrulerestrictingthedrugstograduatestudents.
Yet,tryingtobehelpful,hetoldWeilaboutacompanyinTexaswherehemight
ordersomemescalinebymail(itwasstilllegalatthetime),whichWeil
promptlydid(usinguniversitystationery).Weilbecamefascinatedwiththe
potentialofpsychedelicsandhelpedformanundergraduatemescalinegroup.
ButhewantedbadlytobepartofLearyandAlpert’smoreexclusiveclub,so
wheninthefallof1962Weilbegantohearaboutotherundergraduateswhohad
receiveddrugsfromRichardAlpert,hewasindignant.Hewenttohiseditorat
theCrimsonandproposedaninvestigation.
WeildevelopedleadsonahandfuloffellowstudentswhomAlperthad
turnedoninviolationofuniversityrules.(Weilwouldlaterwritethat“students
andotherswereusinghallucinogensforseductionsbothheterosexualand
homosexual.”)Butthereweretwoproblemswithhisscoop:noneofthestudents
towhomAlpertsupposedlygavedrugswerewillingtosaysoontherecord,and
theCrimsonslawyerswereworriedaboutprintingdefamatorychargesagainst
professors.ThelawyersadvisedWeiltoturnoverhisinformationtothe
administration.Hecouldthenwriteastoryreportingonwhateveractionsthe
universitytookinresponsetothecharges,therebyreducingthenewspapers
legalexposure.ButWeilstillneededastudenttocomeforward.
HetraveledtoNewYorkCitytomeetwiththeprominentfatherofoneof
them—RonnieWinston—andofferedhimadeal.AsAlperttellsthestory,*“He
wenttoHarryWinston”—thefamousFifthAvenuejeweler—“andhesaid,‘Your
sonisgettingdrugsfromafacultymember.Ifyoursonwilladmittothatcharge,
we’llcutoutyourson’sname.Wewon’tuseitinthearticle.’”SoyoungRonnie
wenttothedeanand,whenaskedifhehadtakendrugsfromDr.Alpert,
confessed,addinganunexpectedfillip:“Yes,sir,Idid.Anditwasthemost
educationalexperienceI’vehadatHarvard.”
AlpertandLearyappeartobetheonlyHarvardprofessorsfiredinthe
twentiethcentury.(Technically,Learywasn’tfired,butHarvardstoppedpaying
himseveralmonthsbeforehiscontractended.)Thestorybecamenationalnews,
introducingmillionsofAmericanstothecontroversysurroundingtheseexotic
newdrugs.ItalsoearnedAndrewWeilaplumassignmentfromLookmagazine
towriteaboutthecontroversy,whichspreadthestorystillfurther.Describingthe
psychedelicsceneatHarvardinthethirdperson,Weilalludedto“an
undergraduategroup...conductingcovertresearchwithmescaline,”neglecting
tomentionhewasafoundingmemberofthatgroup.
Thiswasnot,sufficeittosay,AndrewWeil’sproudestmoment,andwhenI
spoketohimaboutitrecently,heconfessedthathe’sfeltbadlyabouttheepisode
eversinceandhadsoughttomakeamendstobothLearyandRamDass.(Two
yearsafterhisdeparturefromHarvard,Alpertembarkedonaspiritualjourneyto
IndiaandreturnedasRamDass.)LearyreadilyacceptedWeil’sapology—the
manwasapparentlyincapableofholdingagrudge—butRamDassrefusedto
talktoWeilforyears,whichpainedhim.ButafterRamDasssufferedastrokein
1997,WeiltraveledtoHawaiitoseekhisforgiveness.RamDassfinallyrelented,
tellingWeilthathehadcometoregardbeingfiredfromHarvardasablessing.
“Ifyouhadn’tdonewhatyoudid,”hetoldWeil,“Iwouldneverhavebecome
RamDass.”
•••
HERE,UPONTHEIREXITfromHarvard,weshouldprobablytakeourleaveof
TimothyLearyandRichardAlpert,eventhoughtheirlong,strangetripthrough
Americanculturestillhadalong,strangewaytogo.Thetwowouldnowtake
theirshow(withitsnumerousex-studentsandhangers-on)ontheroad,moving
theInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom(whichwouldlatermorphinto
theLeagueforSpiritualDiscovery)fromCambridgetoZihuatanejo,untilthe
Mexicangovernment(underpressurefromU.S.authorities)kickedthemout,
thenbrieflytotheCaribbeanislandofDominica,untilthatgovernmentkicked
themout,beforefinallysettlingforseveralraucousyearsinasixty-four-room
mansioninMillbrook,NewYork,ownedbyawealthypatronnamedBilly
Hitchcock.
Embracedbytherisingcounterculture,Learywasinvited(alongwithAllen
Ginsberg)tospeakatthefirstHumanBe-IninSanFrancisco,aneventthatdrew
sometwenty-fivethousandyoungpeopletoGoldenGateParkinJanuary1967,
totriponfreelydistributedLSDwhilelisteningtospeakersproclaimanewage.
Theex-professor,whofortheoccasionhadtradedinhisBrooksBrothersfor
whiterobesandlovebeads(andflowersinhisgrayinghair),imploredthethrong
oftripping“hippies”—thetermpopularizedthatyearbythelocalnewspaper
columnistHerbCaen—to“turnon,tunein,dropout.”Theslogan—whichheat
firstsaidhehadthoughtupintheshowerbutyearslaterclaimedwas“givento
him”byMarshallMcLuhan—wouldclingtoLearyfortherestofhislife,
earninghimthecontemptofparentsandpoliticianstheworldover.
ButLeary’sstoryonlygetsweirder,andsadder.Soonafterhisdeparturefrom
Cambridge,thegovernment,alarmedathisgrowinginfluenceonthecountry’s
youth,launchedacampaignofharassmentthatculminatedinthe1966bustin
Laredo;hewasdrivinghisfamilytoMexicoonvacation,whenabordersearch
ofhiscarturnedupasmallquantityofmarijuana.Learywouldspendyearsin
jailbattlingfederalmarijuanachargesandthenseveralmoreyearsonthelamas
aninternationalfugitivefromjustice.Heacquiredthisstatusin1970afterhis
boldescapefromaCaliforniaprison,withthehelpoftheWeathermen,the
revolutionarygroup.HiscomradesmanagedtospiritLearyoutofthecountryto
Algeria,intothearmsofEldridgeCleaver,theBlackPanther,whohad
establishedabaseofoperationsthere.ButasylumunderCleaverturnedouttobe
nopicnic:thePantherconfiscatedhispassport,effectivelyholdingLeary
hostage.Learyhadtoescapeyetagain,thistimemakinghiswaytoSwitzerland
(wherehefoundluxuriousrefugeinthechaletofanarmsdealer),then(afterthe
U.S.governmentpersuadedSwitzerlandtojailhim)ontoVienna,Beirut,and
Kabul,wherehewasfinallyseizedbyU.S.agentsandremandedtoanAmerican
prison,nowmaximumsecurityand,foratime,solitaryconfinement.Butthe
persecutiononlyfedhissenseofdestiny.
Therestofhislifeisanimprobable1960stragicomedyfeaturingplentyof
courtroomsandjails(twenty-nineinall)butalsomemoirsandspeechesand
televisionappearances,acampaignforgovernorofCalifornia(forwhichJohn
Lennonwrote,andtheBeatlesrecorded,thecampaignsong,“ComeTogether”),
andasuccessfulifsomewhatpatheticrunonthecollegelecturecircuitteamed
upwithG.GordonLiddy.Yes,theWatergateburglar,whoinanearlier
incarnationasDutchessCountyassistantDAhadbustedLearyatMillbrook.
Throughitall,Learyremainsimprobablyupbeat,neverdisplayingangeror,it
wouldseemfromthecountlessphotographsandfilmclips,forgettingMarshall
McLuhan’ssageadvicetosmilealways,nomatterwhat.
Meanwhile,beginningin1965,Leary’sformerpartnerinpsychedelic
research,RichardAlpert,wasoffonaconsiderablylesshecticspiritualodyssey
totheEast.AsRamDass,andtheauthorofthe1971classicBeHereNow,he
wouldputhisownlastingmarkonAmericanculture,havingblazedoneofthe
maintrailsbywhichEasternreligionfounditswayintothecountercultureand
thentheso-calledNewAge.Totheextentthatthe1960sbirthedaformof
spiritualrevivalinAmerica,RamDasswasoneofitsfathers.
ButLeary’spost-Harvard“antics”arerelevanttotheextenttheycontributed
tothemoralpanicthatnowengulfedpsychedelicsanddoomedtheresearch.
Learybecameaposterboynotjustforthedrugsbutfortheideathatacrucial
partofthecounterculture’sDNAcouldbespelledoutinthelettersLSD.
BeginningwithAllenGinsberg’sDecember1960psilocybintripathishousein
Newton,Learyforgedalinkbetweenpsychedelicsandthecounterculturethat
hasneverbeenbrokenandthatissurelyoneofthereasonstheycametobe
regardedassothreateningtotheestablishment.(Couldithavepossiblybeen
otherwise?Whatiftheculturalidentityofthedrugshadbeenshapedby,say,a
conservativeCatholiclikeAlHubbard?It’sdifficulttoimaginesuchacounter
history.)
Itdidn’thelpthatLearylikedtosaythingslike“LSDismorefrightening
thanthebomb”or“ThekidswhotakeLSDaren’tgoingtofightyourwars.
They’renotgoingtojoinyourcorporations.”Thesewerenoemptywords:
beginninginthemid-1960s,tensofthousandsofAmericanchildrenactuallydid
dropout,washinguponthestreetsofHaight-AshburyandtheEastVillage.*
AndyoungmenwererefusingtogotoVietnam.Thewilltofightandthe
authorityofAuthorityhadbeenundermined.Thesestrangenewdrugs,which
seemedtochangethepeoplewhotookthem,surelyhadsomethingtodowithit.
TimothyLearyhadsaidso.
ButthisupheavalwouldalmostcertainlyhavehappenedwithoutTimothy
Leary.Hewasbynomeanstheonlyroutebywhichpsychedelicswereseeping
intoAmericanculture;hewasjustthemostnotorious.In1960,thesameyear
Learytriedpsilocybinandlaunchedhisresearchproject,KenKesey,the
novelist,hadhisownmind-blowingLSDexperience,atripthatwouldinspire
himtospreadthepsychedelicword,andthedrugsthemselves,aswidelyand
loudlyashecould.
ItisoneofthericherironiesofpsychedelichistorythatKeseyhadhisfirst
LSDexperiencecourtesyofagovernmentresearchprogramconductedatthe
MenloParkVeteransHospital,whichpaidhimseventy-fivedollarstotrythe
experimentaldrug.UnbeknownsttoKesey,hisfirstLSDtripwasboughtand
paidforbytheCIA,whichhadsponsoredtheMenloParkresearchaspartofits
MK-Ultraprogram,theagency’sdecade-longefforttodiscoverwhetherLSD
couldsomehowbeweaponized.
WithKenKesey,theCIAhadturnedonexactlythewrongman.Inwhathe
aptlycalled“therevoltoftheguineapigs,”Keseyproceededtoorganizewithhis
bandofMerryPrankstersaseriesof“AcidTests”inwhichthousandsofyoung
peopleintheBayAreaweregivenLSDinanefforttochangethemindofa
generation.TotheextentthatKenKeseyandhisPrankstershelpedshapethe
newzeitgeist,acasecanbemadethattheculturalupheavalwecallthe1960s
beganwithaCIAmind-controlexperimentgoneawry.
•••
INRETROSPECT,thepsychiatricestablishment’sreactionwasprobably
unavoidablethemomentthatHumphryOsmond,AlHubbard,andAldous
Huxleyputforwardtheirnewparadigmforpsychedelictherapyin1956–1957.
Theprevioustheoreticalmodelsusedtomakesenseofthesedrugswere,by
comparison,easytofoldintothefield’sexistingframeworkswithoutgreatly
disturbingthestatusquo.“Psychotomimetics”fitnicelyintothestandard
psychiatricunderstandingofmentalillness—thedrugs’effectsresembled
familiarpsychoses—and“psycholytics”couldbeincorporatedintoboththe
theoryandthepracticeofpsychoanalysisasausefuladjuncttotalkingtherapy.
Butthewholeideaofpsychedelictherapyposedamuchstifferchallengetothe
fieldandtheprofession.Insteadofinterminableweeklysessions,thenewmode
oftherapycalledforonlyasinglehigh-dosesession,aimedatachievingakind
ofconversionexperienceinwhichthecustomaryrolesofbothpatientand
therapisthadtobereimagined.
Academicpsychiatristswerealsomadeuncomfortablebythespiritual
trappingsofpsychedelictherapy.CharlesGrob,theUCLApsychiatristwho
wouldplayanimportantroleintherevivalofresearch,wroteina1998article
onthehistoryofpsychedelicsthat“byblurringtheboundariesbetweenreligion
andscience,betweensicknessandhealth,andbetweenhealerandsufferer,the
psychedelicmodelenteredtherealmofappliedmysticism”—arealmwhere
psychiatry,increasinglycommittedtoabiochemicalunderstandingofthemind,
wasreluctanttoventure.Withitsemphasisonsetandsetting—whatGrobcalls
“thecriticalextra-pharmacologicalvariables”—psychedelictherapywasalsoa
littletooclosetoshamanismforcomfort.Forso-calledshrinksnotentirely
secureintheiridentityasscientists(theslangisshortfor“headshrinkers,”
conjuringimagesofwitchdoctorsinloincloths),thiswasperhapstoofartogo.
Anotherfactorwastheriseoftheplacebo-controlleddouble-blindtrialasthe
“goldstandard”fortestingdrugsinthewakeofthethalidomidescandal,a
standarddifficultforpsychedelicresearchtomeet.
By1963,leadersoftheprofessionhadbeguneditorializingagainst
psychedelicresearchintheirjournals.RoyGrinker,theeditoroftheArchivesof
GeneralPsychiatry,lambastedresearcherswhowereadministering“thedrugsto
themselvesand...[hadbecome]enamoredwiththemysticalhallucinatory
state,”thusrenderingthem“disqualifiedascompetentinvestigators.”Writing
thefollowingyearintheJournaloftheAmericanMedicalAssociation(JAMA),
Grinkerdeploredthepracticeofinvestigatorstakingthedrugsthemselves,
thereby“renderingtheirconclusionsbiasedbytheirownecstasy.”An
unscientific“auraofmagic”surroundedthenewdrugs,anothercriticchargedin
JAMAin1964.(Itdidn’thelpthatsomepsychedelictherapists,likeBettyEisner,
celebratedtheintroductionof“thetranscendentalintopsychiatry”anddeveloped
aninterestinparanormalphenomenon.)
Butalthoughthereissurelytruthtothechargethatresearcherswereoften
biasedbytheirownexperiencesusingthedrugs,theobviousalternative—
abstinence—poseditsownsetofchallenges,withtheresultthattheloudestand
mostauthoritativevoicesinthedebateoverpsychedelicsduringthe1960swere
preciselythepeoplewhoknewtheleastaboutthem.Topsychiatristswithno
personalexperienceofpsychedelics,theireffectswereboundtolookalotmore
likepsychosesthantranscendence.Thepsychotomimeticparadigmhadreturned,
nowwithavengeance.
Afterquantitiesof“bootlegLSD”showeduponthestreetin1962–1963and
peopleinthethroesof“badtrips”beganappearinginemergencyroomsand
psychwards,mainstreampsychiatryfeltcompelledtoabandonpsychedelic
research.LSDwasnowregardedasacauseofmentalillnessratherthanacure.
In1965,BellevueHospitalinManhattanadmittedsixty-fivepeopleforwhatit
calledLSD-inducedpsychoses.Withthemedianowinfullpanicmode,urban
legendsabouttheperilsofLSDspreadmorerapidlythanfacts.*Thesamewas
oftentrueinthecaseofostensiblyscientificfindings.Inonewidelypublicized
study,aresearcherreportedinSciencethatLSDcoulddamagechromosomes,
potentiallyleadingtobirthdefects.Butwhenthestudywaslaterdiscredited
(alsoinScience),therefutationreceivedlittleattention.Itdidn’tfitthenew
publicnarrativeofLSDasathreat.
Yetitwastruethatthemid-1960ssawasurgeofpeopleonLSDshowingup
inemergencyroomswithacutesymptomsofparanoia,mania,catatonia,and
anxiety,aswellas“acidflashbacks”—aspontaneousrecurrenceofsymptoms
daysorweeksafteringestingLSD.Someofthesepatientswerehavinggenuine
psychoticbreaks.Especiallyinthecaseofyoungpeopleatriskfor
schizophrenia,anLSDtripcantriggertheirfirstpsychoticepisode,and
sometimesdid.(Itshouldbenotedthatanytraumaticexperiencecanserveas
suchatrigger,includingthedivorceofone’sparentsorgraduateschool.)Butin
manyothercases,doctorswithlittleexperienceofpsychedelicsmistookapanic
reactionforafull-blownpsychosis.Whichusuallymadethingsworse.
AndrewWeil,whoasayoungdoctorvolunteeredintheHaight-AshburyFree
Clinicin1968,sawalotofbadtripsandeventuallydevelopedaneffectiveway
to“treat”them.“Iwouldexaminethepatient,determineitwasapanicreaction,
andthentellhimorher,‘Willyouexcusemeforamoment?There’ssomeonein
thenextroomwhohasaseriousproblem.’Theywouldimmediatelybeginto
feelmuchbetter.”
TherisksofLSDandotherpsychedelicdrugswerefiercelydebatedduring
the1960s,bothamongscientistsandinthepress.Voicesonbothsidesofthis
debatetypicallycherry-pickedevidenceandanecdotestomaketheircase,but
SidneyCohenwasanexception,approachingthequestionwithanopenmind
andactuallyconductingresearchtoanswerit.Beginningin1960,hepublisheda
seriesofarticlesthattrackhisgrowingconcerns.Forhisfirststudy,Cohen
surveyedforty-fourresearchersworkingwithpsychedelics,collectingdataon
somefivethousandsubjectstakingLSDormescalineonatotaloftwenty-five
thousandoccasions.Hefoundonlytwocrediblereportsofsuicideinthis
population(alowrateforagroupofpsychiatricpatients),severaltransientpanic
reactions,but“noevidenceofseriousprolongedphysicalsideeffects.”He
concludedthatwhenpsychedelicsareadministeredbyqualifiedtherapistsand
researchers,complicationswere“surprisinglyinfrequent”andthatLSDand
mescalinewere“safe.”
LearyandothersoftencitedCohen’s1960paperasanexonerationof
psychedelics.Yetinafollow-uparticlepublishedintheJournaloftheAmerican
MedicalAssociationin1962,Cohenreportednewand“alarming”
developments.ThecasualuseofLSDoutsidetheclinicalsetting,andinthe
handsofirresponsibletherapists,wasleadingto“seriouscomplications”and
occasional“catastrophicreactions.”Alarmedthatphysicianswerelosingcontrol
ofthedrug,Cohenwarnedthat“thedangersofsuicide,prolongedpsychotic
reactionsandantisocialactingoutbehaviorexist.”Inanotherpaperpublishedin
theArchivesofGeneralPsychiatrythefollowingyear,hereportedseveralcases
ofpsychoticbreaksandanattemptedsuicideandpresentedanaccountofaboy
who,afteringestingasugarcubelacedwithLSDthathisfather,adetective,had
confiscatedfroma“pusher,”enduredmorethanamonthofvisualdistortions
andanxietybeforerecovering.ItwasthisarticlethatinspiredRoyGrinker,the
journal’seditor,tocondemnpsychedelicresearchinanaccompanying
commentary,eventhoughCohenhimselfcontinuedtobelievethatpsychedelics
inthehandsofresponsibletherapistshadgreatpotential.Afourtharticlethat
Cohenpublishedin1966reportedstillmoreLSDcasualties,includingtwo
accidentaldeathsassociatedwithLSD,onefromdrowningandtheotherfrom
walkingintotrafficshouting,“Halt.”
Butbalancedassessmentsoftherisksandbenefitsofpsychedelicswerethe
exceptiontowhatby1966hadbecomeafull-onmoralpanicaboutLSD.A
handfulofheadlinesfromtheperiodsuggeststhemood:“LSD-UseCharged
withKillingTeacher”;“SampledLSD,YouthPlungesfromViaduct”;“LSDUse
NearEpidemicinCalifornia”;“SixStudentsBlindedonLSDTripinSun”;
“Girl,5,EatsLSDandGoesWild”;“ThrillDrugWarpsMind,Kills”;and“A
MonsterinOurMidst—aDrugCalledLSD.”EvenLifemagazine,whichhad
helpedignitepublicinterestinpsychedelicsjustnineyearsbeforewithR.
GordonWasson’senthusiasticarticleonpsilocybin,joinedthechorusof
condemnation,publishingafeverishcoverstorytitled“LSD:TheExploding
ThreatoftheMindDrugThatGotoutofControl.”Nevermindthatthe
magazine’spublisherandhiswifehadrecentlyhadseveralpositiveLSD
experiencesthemselves(undertheguidanceofSidneyCohen);nowthekids
weredoingit,andithadgotten“outofcontrol.”Withpicturesofcrazedpeople
coweringincorners,thestorywarnedthat“anLSDtripisnotalwaysaround
trip”butrathercouldbe“aone-waytriptoanasylum,aprisonoragrave.”*As
ClareBootheLucewrotetoSidneyCohenin1965,“LSDhasbeenyour
Frankensteinmonster.”
•••
OTHERPOWERFULDRUGSsubjecttoabuse,suchastheopiates,havemanagedto
maintainaseparateidentityasalegitimatetoolofmedicine.Whynot
psychedelics?ThestoryofTimothyLeary,themostfamouspsychedelic
researcher,madeitdifficulttoarguethatabrightlinebetweenthescientificand
therecreationaluseofpsychedelicscouldbedrawnandpatrolled.Themanhad
deliberately—indeedgleefully—erasedallsuchlines.Butthe“personality”of
thedrugmayhaveasmuchtodowiththecollapseofsuchdistinctionsasthe
personalitiesofpeoplelikeTimothyLearyortheflawsintheirresearch.
Whatdoomedthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearchwasanirrational
exuberanceaboutitspotentialthatwasnourishedbythedrugsthemselves—that,
andthefactthatthesechemicalsarewhattodaywewouldcalldisruptive
technologies.Forpeopleworkingwiththesepowerfulmolecules,itwas
impossiblenottoconcludethat—likethatdivinitystudentrunningdown
CommonwealthAvenue—youweresuddenlyinpossessionofnewswiththe
powertochangenotjustindividualsbuttheworld.Toconfinethesedrugstothe
laboratory,ortousethemonlyforthebenefitofthesick,becamehardtojustify,
whentheycoulddosomuchforeveryone,includingtheresearchersthemselves!
Learymighthavemadehismorestraitlacedcolleaguescringeathislackof
caution,yetmostofthemsharedhisexuberanceandhadcometomoreorless
thesameconclusionsaboutthepotentialofpsychedelics;theywerejustmore
judiciouswhenspeakingabouttheminpublic.
Whoamongthefirstgenerationofpsychedelicresearcherswoulddisputea
wordofthisclassicgustofLearyexuberance,circa1963:“Makenomistake:the
effectofconsciousness-expandingdrugswillbetotransformourconceptsof
humannature,ofhumanpotentialities,ofexistence.Thegameisabouttobe
changed,ladiesandgentlemen.Manisabouttomakeuseofthatfabulous
electricalnetworkhecarriesaroundinhisskull.Presentsocialestablishments
hadbetterbepreparedforthechange.Ourfavoriteconceptsarestandinginthe
wayofafloodtide,twobillionyearsbuildingup.Theverbaldamiscollapsing.
Headforthehills,orprepareyourintellectualcrafttoflowwiththecurrent.”*
SoperhapsLeary’srealsinwastohavethecourageofhisconvictions—his
andeveryoneelse’sinthepsychedelicresearchcommunity.It’softensaidthata
politicalscandaliswhathappenswhensomeoneinpowerinadvertentlyspeaks
thetruth.Learywasalltoooftenwillingtosayoutloudtoanyoneinearshot
whateveryoneelsebelievedbutknewbetterthantospeakorwriteabout
candidly.Itwasonethingtousethesedrugstotreattheillandmaladjusted—
societywillindulgeanyefforttohelpthewaywardindividualconformtoits
norms—butitisquiteanothertousethemtotreatsocietyitselfasifitweresick
andtoturntheostensiblyhealthyintowaywardindividuals.
Thefactisthatwhetherbytheirverynatureorthewaythatfirstgenerationof
researchershappenedtoconstructtheexperience,psychedelicsintroduced
somethingdeeplysubversivetotheWestthatthevariousestablishmentshad
littlechoicebuttorepulse.LSDtrulywasanacid,dissolvingalmosteverything
withwhichitcameintocontact,beginningwiththehierarchiesofthemind(the
superego,ego,andunconscious)andgoingonfromtheretosociety’svarious
structuresofauthorityandthentolinesofeveryimaginablekind:between
patientandtherapist,researchandrecreation,sicknessandhealth,selfandother,
subjectandobject,thespiritualandthematerial.Ifallsuchlinesare
manifestationsoftheApollonianstraininWesterncivilization,theimpulsethat
erectsdistinctions,dualities,andhierarchiesanddefendsthem,then
psychedelicsrepresentedtheungovernableDionysianforcethatblithelywashes
allthoselinesaway.
Butitsurelyisnotthecasethattheforcesunleashedbythesechemicalsare
necessarilyungovernable.Eventhemostpowerfulacidscanbecarefully
handledandputtouseastoolsforaccomplishingimportantthings.Whatisthe
storyofthefirst-waveresearchersifnotastoryaboutsearchingforan
appropriatecontainerforthesepowerfulchemicals?Theytestedseveraldifferent
possibilities:thepsychotomimetic,thepsycholytic,thepsychedelic,and,still
later,theentheogenic.Nonewereperfect,buteachrepresentedadifferentwayto
regulatethepowerofthesecompounds,byproposingasetofprotocolsfortheir
useaswellasatheoreticalframework.WhereLearyandthecounterculture
ultimatelypartedwayswiththefirstgenerationofresearcherswasindeciding
thatnosuchcontainer—whethermedical,religious,orscientific—wasneeded
andthatanunguided,do-it-yourselfapproachtopsychedelicswasjustfine.This
isrisky,asitturnsout,andprobablyamistake.Buthowwouldweeverhave
discoveredthis,withoutexperimenting?Before1943,oursocietyhadneverhad
suchpowerfulmind-changingdrugsavailabletoit.
Othersocietieshavehadlongandproductiveexperiencewithpsychedelics,
andtheirexamplesmighthavesavedusalotoftroublehadweonlyknownand
paidattention.Thefactthatweregardmanyofthesesocietiesas“backward”
probablykeptusfromlearningfromthem.Butthebiggestthingwemighthave
learnedisthatthesepowerfulmedicinescanbedangerous—bothtothe
individualandtothesociety—whentheydon’thaveasturdysocialcontainer:a
steadyingsetofritualsandrules—protocols—governingtheiruse,andthe
crucialinvolvementofaguide,thefigurethatisusuallycalledashaman.
Psychedelictherapy—theHubbardmethod—wasgropingtowardaWesternized
versionofthisideal,anditremainstheclosestthingwehavetosuchaprotocol.
ForyoungAmericansinthe1960s,forwhomthepsychedelicexperiencewas
newineveryway,thewholeideaofinvolvingelderswasprobablynevergoing
tofly.Butthisis,Ithink,thegreatlessonofthe1960sexperimentwith
psychedelics:theimportanceoffindingthepropercontext,orcontainer,for
thesepowerfulchemicalsandexperiences.
Speakingoflines,psychedelicsinthe1960sdiddrawatleastoneofthem,
andithasprobablyneverbeforebeenquitesosharporbright:theline,Imean,
betweengenerations.Sayingexactlyhoworwhatpsychedelicscontributedto
thecountercultureofthe1960sisnotaneasytask,thereweresomanyother
forcesatwork.Withorwithoutpsychedelics,thereprobablywouldhavebeena
counterculture;theVietnamWarandthedraftmadeitmorethanlikely.Butthe
formsthecounterculturetookanditsdistinctivestyles—ofmusic,art,writing,
design,andsocialrelations—wouldsurelyhavebeencompletelydifferentwere
itnotforthesechemicals.PsychedelicsalsocontributedtowhatToddGitlinhas
calledthe“asif”moodof1960spolitics—thesensethateverythingnowwasup
forgrabs,thatnothinggivenwasinviolate,andthatitmightactuallybepossible
toerasehistory(therewasthatacidagain)andstarttheworldoveragainfrom
scratch.
Buttotheextentthattheupheavalofthe1960swastheresultofanunusually
sharpbreakbetweengenerations,psychedelicsdeservemuchoftheblame—or
credit—forcreatingthisunprecedented“generationgap.”Foratwhatothertime
inhistorydidasociety’syoungundergoasearingriteofpassagewithwhichthe
previousgenerationwasutterlyunfamiliar?Normally,ritesofpassagehelpknit
societiestogetherastheyoungcrossoverhurdlesandthroughgateserectedand
maintainedbytheirelders,comingoutontheothersidetotaketheirplaceinthe
communityofadults.Notsowiththepsychedelicjourneyinthe1960s,whichat
itsconclusiondroppeditsyoungtravelersontoapsychiclandscape
unrecognizabletotheirparents.Thatthiswon’teverhappenagainisreasonto
hopethatthenextchapterinpsychedelichistorywon’tbequitesodivisive.
Somaybethis,then,istheenduringcontributionofLeary:byturningona
generation—thegenerationthat,yearslater,hasnowtakenchargeofour
institutions—hehelpedcreatetheconditionsinwhicharevivalofpsychedelic
researchisnowpossible.
•••
BYTHEENDOF1966,thewholeprojectofpsychedelicsciencehadcollapsed.In
Aprilofthatyear,Sandoz,hopingtodistanceitselffromthecontroversy
engulfingthedrugthatAlbertHofmannwouldcometocallhis“problemchild,”
withdrewLSD-25fromcirculation,turningovermostofitsremainingstocksto
theU.S.governmentandleadingmanyoftheseventyresearchprogramsthen
underwaytoshutdown.
InMayofthatyear,theSenateheldhearingsabouttheLSDproblem.
TimothyLearyandSidneyCohenbothtestified,attemptingvaliantlytodefend
psychedelicresearchanddrawlinesbetweenlegitimateuseandablackmarket
thatthegovernmentwasnowdeterminedtocrush.Theyfoundasurprisingly
sympatheticearinSenatorRobertF.Kennedy,whosewife,Ethel,hadreportedly
beentreatedwithLSDatHollywoodHospitalinVancouver—oneofAl
Hubbard’soutposts.GrillingtheFDAregulatorsabouttheirplanstocancel
manyoftheremainingresearchprojects,Kennedydemandedtoknow,“Whyif
[theseprojects]wereworthwhilesixmonthsago,whyaren’ttheyworthwhile
now?”Kennedysaiditwouldbea“losstothenation”ifpsychedelicswere
bannedfrommedicinebecauseofillicituse.“Perhapswehavelostsightofthe
factthat[they]canbevery,veryhelpfulinoursocietyifusedproperly.”
ButKennedygotnowhere.Leary,andperhapsthedrugsthemselves,had
madedrawingsuchdistinctionsimpossible.InOctober,somesixtypsychedelic
researchersscatteredacrosstheUnitedStatesreceivedaletterfromtheFDA
orderingthemtostoptheirwork.
JamesFadiman,thepsychologistconductingexperimentsoncreativityatthe
InternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudyinMenloPark,rememberstheday
well.TheletterrevokingFDAapprovaloftheprojectarrivedattheverymoment
hehadfinisheddosingfourofhisproblem-solvingcreativestobegintheir
session.Ashereadtheletter,sprawledonthefloorinthenextroom,“fourmen
lay,theirmindsliterallyexpanding.”Fadimansaidtohiscolleagues,“Ithinkwe
needtoagreethatwegotthislettertomorrow.”Andsoitwasnotuntilthe
followingdaythattheresearchprogramoftheInternationalFoundationfor
AdvancedStudy,alongwithvirtuallyeveryotherresearchprogramthenunder
wayintheUnitedStates,closeddown.
Onepsychedelicresearchprogramsurvivedthepurge:theMaryland
PsychiatricResearchCenteratSpringGrove.Here,researcherssuchasStanislav
Grof,BillRichards,RichardYensen,and,untilhisdeathin1971,WalterPahnke
(theGoodFridayresearcher)continuedtoexplorethepotentialofpsilocybinand
LSDtotreatalcoholism,schizophrenia,andtheexistentialdistressofcancer
patients,amongotherindications.Itremainssomethingofamysterywhythis
largepsychedelicresearchprogramwasallowedtocontinue—asitdiduntil
1976—whendozensofotherswerebeingcloseddown.Someresearcherswho
weren’tsofortunatespeculatethatSpringGrovemighthavebeenmaking
psychedelictherapyavailabletopowerfulpeopleinWashingtonwhorecognized
itsvalueorhopedtolearnfromtheresearchorperhapswantedtoretaintheir
ownaccesstothedrugs.ButtheformerstaffmembersatthecenterIspoketo
doubtthiswasthecase.Theydidconfirm,however,thatthecentersdirector,
AlbertKurland,MD,besideshavingasterlingreputationamongfederal
officials,wasexceptionallywellconnectedinWashingtonandusedhis
connectionstokeepthelightson—andobtainLSD,someofitfromthe
government—foradecadeaftertheyhadbeenswitchedoffeverywhereelse.
Yetitturnsoutthattheeventsofneither1966nor1976putanendto
psychedelicresearchandtherapyinAmerica.Movingnowunderground,itwent
on,quietlyandinsecret.
Coda
InFebruary1979,virtuallyalltheimportantfiguresinthefirstwaveof
AmericanpsychedelicresearchgatheredforareunioninLosAngelesatthe
homeofOscarJaniger.Someonemadeavideotapeoftheevent,andthoughthe
qualityispoor,mostoftheconversationisaudible.HereinJanigerslivingroom
weseeHumphryOsmond,SidneyCohen,MyronStolaroff,WillisHarman,
TimothyLeary,and,sittingonthecouchnexttohim,lookingdistinctly
uncomfortable,CaptainAlHubbard.He’sseventy-seven(oreight),andhe’s
traveledfromCasaGrande,Arizona,wherehelivesinatrailerpark.He’s
wearinghisparamilitarygetup,thoughIcan’ttellifhe’scarryingasidearm.
Theoldmenreminisce,abitstifflyatfirst.Somehardfeelingshanginthe
air.ButLeary,stillcharming,isremarkablygenerous,workingtoputeveryone
atease.Theirbestdaysarebehindthem;thegreatprojecttowhichtheydevoted
theirliveslayinruins.Butsomethingimportantwasaccomplished,theyall
believe—elsetheywouldn’tbehereatthisreunion.SidneyCohen,dressedina
jacketandtie,asksthequestiononeveryone’smind—“Whatdoesitall
mean?”—andthenventuresananswer:“Itstirredpeopleup.Itcrackedtheir
frameofreferencebythethousands—millionsperhaps.Andanythingthatdoes
thatisprettygoodIthink.”
It’sLeary,ofallpeople,whoasksthegroup,“Doesanyoneherefeelthat
mistakesweremade?”
Osmond,theunfailinglypoliteEnglishman,histeethnowinfullrevolt,
declinestousetheword“mistake.”“WhatIwouldsayis...youcouldhave
seenotherwaysofdoingit.”SomeoneIdon’trecognizecracks,“Therewasa
mistakemade:nobodygaveittoNixon!”
It’sMyronStolaroffwhofinallyconfrontstheelephantintheroom,turning
toLearytosay,“Wewerealittledisturbedatsomeofthethingsyouweredoing
that[were]makingitmoredifficulttocarryonlegitimateresearch.”Leary
remindshimthatashetoldthemthen,hehadadifferentroletoplay:“Letusbe
thefar-outexplorers.Thefartheroutwego,themoregrounditgivesthepeople
atSpringGrovetodenounceus.”Andsoappearresponsible.
“AndIjustwish,Ihopeweallunderstandthatwe’veallbeenplayingparts
thathavebeenassignedtous,andthere’snogood-guy/bad-guy,orcreditor
blame,whatever...”
“Well,IthinkweneedpeoplelikeTimandAl,”SidneyCohenoffers,
geniallyacceptingLeary’sframing.“They’reabsolutelynecessarytogetout,
wayout,toofaroutinfact—inordertomovetheship...[turn]thingsaround.”
Then,turningtoOsmond:“Andweneedpeoplelikeyou,tobereflectiveabout
itandtostudyit.Andlittlebylittle,aslightmovementismadeinthetotality.
So,youknow,Ican’tthinkofhowitcouldhaveworkedoutotherwise.”
AlHubbardlistensintentlytoallthisbuthaslittletoadd;hefiddleswitha
hardbackbookinhislap.Atonepoint,hepipesuptosuggesttheworkshould
goon,druglawsbedamned:Weshould“justkeepondoingit.Wakepeopleup!
Letthemseeforthemselveswhattheyare.IthinkoldCartercouldstandagood
dose!”Cartersdefensesecretary,HaroldBrown,andCIAdirector,Stansfield
Turner,too.ButHubbard’snotatallsurehewantstobeonthiscouchwith
TimothyLearyandislesswillingthantheotherstoletbygonesbebygones,or
Learyoffthehook,nomatterhowsolicitousheisoftheCaptain.
“Oh,Al!Ioweeverythingtoyou,”Learyoffersatonepoint,beaminghis
mostexcellentsmileatHubbard.“Thegalacticcentersentyoudownjustatthe
rightmoment.”
Hubbarddoesn’tcrackasmile.Andthen,afewminuteslater:
“Yousureasheckcontributedyourpart.”
CHAPTERFOUR
TRAVELOGUE
JourneyingUnderground
MYPLANHADBEENTOvolunteerforoneoftheHopkinsorNYUexperimental
trials.IfIwasgoingtohavemyownguidedpsychedelicjourney,aharrowing
prospectunderanycircumstances,Iverymuchlikedtheideaoftravelinginthe
companyoftrainedprofessionalsclosebyahospitalemergencyroom.Butthe
abovegroundresearcherswerenolongerworkingwith“healthynormals.”This
meantthatifIhopedtohavethejourneyIhadheardsomuchabout,itwould
havetotakeplaceunderground.CouldIfindaguidewillingtoworkwitha
writerwhoplannedtopublishanaccountofhisjourney,andwouldthatperson
besomeoneIfeltsufficientlycomfortablewithandconfidentintoentrustwith
mymind?Thewholeendeavorwasfraughtwithuncertaintyandentailedrisksof
severalkinds—legal,ethical,psychological,andevenliterary.Forhowdoyou
putintowordsanexperiencesaidtobeineffable?
“Curiosity”isanaccuratebuttepidwordforwhatdroveme.Bynow,Ihad
interviewedatlengthmorethanadozenpeoplewhohadgoneonguided
psychedelicjourneys,anditwasimpossibletolistentotheirstorieswithout
wonderingwhatthejourneywouldbelikeforone’sself.Formanyofthem,
thesewereamongthetwoorthreemostprofoundexperiencesoftheirlives,in
severalcaseschangingtheminpositiveandlastingways.Tobecomemore
“open”—especiallyatthisage,whenthegroovesofmentalhabithavebeen
etchedsodeepastoseeminescapable—wasanappealingprospect.Andthen
therewasthepossibility,howeverremote,ofhavingsomekindofspiritual
epiphany.ManyofthepeopleI’dinterviewedhadstartedoutstone-cold
materialistsandatheists,nomorespirituallydevelopedthanI,andyetseveral
hadhad“mysticalexperiences”thatleftthemwiththeunshakableconviction
thattherewassomethingmoretothisworldthanweknow—a“beyond”ofsome
kindthattranscendedthematerialuniverseIpresumetoconstitutethewhole
shebang.IthoughtoftenaboutoneofthecancerpatientsIinterviewed,an
avowedatheistwhohadneverthelessfoundherself“bathedinGod’slove.”
YetnoteverythingI’dheardfromthesepeoplemademeeagertofollowthem
ontothecouch.Manyhadbeenbornebypsilocybindeepintotheirpasts,afew
ofthemtravelingallthewaybacktoscenesofunrememberedchildhoodtrauma.
Thesejourneyshadbeenwrenching,shakingthetravelerstotheircore,butthey
hadbeencathartictoo.Clearlythesemedicines—asguidesbothabove-and
belowgroundinvariablycallthedrugstheyadminister—powerfullystirthe
psychicpot,surfacingallsortsofrepressedmaterial,someofitterrifyingand
ugly.DidIreallywanttogothere?
No!—tobeperfectlyhonest.YoushouldknowIhaveneverbeenonefor
deeporsustainedintrospection.Myusualorientationismoreforwardthanback,
ordown,andIgenerallyprefertoleavemypsychicdepthsundisturbed,
assumingtheyexist.(There’squiteenoughtodealwithuphereonthesurface;
maybethat’swhyIbecameajournalistratherthananovelistorpoet.)Allthat
stuffdownthereinthepsychicbasementhasbeenstowedthereforareason,and
unlessyou’relookingforsomethingspecifictohelpsolveaproblem,whywould
anyonewillinglygodownthosestepsandswitchonthatlight?
Peoplegenerallythinkofmeasafairlyeven-keeledandpsychologically
sturdyperson,andI’veplayedthatroleforsolongnow—inmyfamilyasa
child,inmyfamilyasanadult,withmyfriends,andwithmycolleagues—that
it’sprobablyanaccurateenoughcharacterization.Buteverysooften,perhapsin
thewee-hourthroesofinsomniaorundertheinfluenceofcannabis,Ihavefound
myselftossedinapsychicstormofexistentialdreadsodarkandviolentthatthe
keelcomesofftheboat,capsizingthistrustyidentity.Atsuchtimes,Ibegin
seriouslytoentertainthepossibilitythatsomewheredeepbeneaththeequable
presenceIpresent,thereexistsashadowmemadeupofforcesroiling,anarchic,
andpotentiallymad.Justhowthinistheskinofmysanity?Therearetimes
whenIwonder.Perhapswealldo.ButdidIreallywanttofindout?R.D.Laing
oncesaidtherearethreethingshumanbeingsareafraidof:death,otherpeople,
andtheirownminds.Putmedownastwoforthree.Buttherearemomentswhen
curiositygetsthebetteroffear.Iguessformesuchamomenthadarrived.
•••
BY“PSYCHEDELICUNDERGROUND,”Idon’tmeantheshadowyworldofpeople
making,selling,andusingpsychedelicdrugsillegally.Ihaveinmindaspecific
subsetofthatworld,populatedbyperhapsacouplehundred“guides,”or
therapists,workingwithavarietyofpsychedelicsubstancesinacarefully
prescribedmanner,withtheintentionofhealingtheillorbetteringthewellby
helpingthemfulfilltheirspiritual,creative,oremotionalpotential.Manyof
theseguidesarecredentialedtherapists,sobydoingthisworktheyarerisking
notonlytheirfreedombutalsotheirprofessionallicenses.Imetonewhowasa
physicianandheardaboutanother.Somearereligiousprofessionals—rabbisand
ministersofvariousdenominations;afewcallthemselvesshamans;one
describedhimselfasadruid.Therestaretherapiststrainedindizzying
combinationsofalternativeschools:ImetJungiansandReichians,Gestalt
therapistsand“transpersonal”psychologists;energyhealers;practitionersof
aurawork,breathwork,andbodywork;EST,past-life,andfamilyconstellation
therapists,visionquesters,astrologers,andmeditationteachersofeverystripe—
ashaggyreunionofthatwhole1970sclassofalternative“modalities”that
usuallygetlumpedtogetherundertherubricofthe“humanpotentialmovement”
andthathasasitsworldheadquartersEsalen.TheNewAgeterminologycanbe
alittleoff-putting;thereweretimeswhenIfeltIwaslisteningtopeoplewhose
languageandvocabularyhadstoppedevolvingsometimeintheearly1970s,at
theverymomentwhenpsychedelictherapywasforcedunderground,freezinga
subcultureintime.
ItrackeddownseveralofthesepeopleintheBayArea,whichprobablyhas
thelargestconcentrationofundergroundguidesinthecountry,withoutmuch
difficulty.Askingaround,Isoondiscoveredthatafriendhadafriendwho
workedwithaguidedowninSantaCruz,doinganannualpsilocybinjourneyon
theoccasionofhisbirthday.Ialsosoondiscoveredthatthemembranebetween
theabovegroundandthebelowgroundpsychedelicworldsispermeablein
certainplaces;acoupleofthepeopleIbefriendedwhilereportingonthe
universitypsilocybintrialswerewillingtointroducemeto“colleagues”who
workedunderground.Oneintroductionledtoanotheraspeoplecametotrustmy
intentions.Bynow,I’veinterviewedfifteenundergroundguidesandhave
workedwithfive.
Consideringtherisksinvolved,Ifoundmostofthesepeopleunexpectedly
open,generous,andtrusting.Althoughtheauthoritieshavesofarshownno
interestingoingafterpeoplepracticingpsychedelic-assistedtherapy,thework
remainsillegalandsoisdangeroustosharewithajournalistwithouttaking
precautions.Alltheguidesaskedmenottodisclosetheirnamesorlocationsand
totakewhateverothermeasuresIcouldtoprotectthem.Withthatinmind,I
havechangednotonlytheirnamesandlocationsbutalsocertainother
identifyingdetailsineachoftheirstories.Butallthepeopleyouareaboutto
meetarerealindividuals,notcompositesorfictions.
VirtuallyalloftheundergroundguidesImetaredescendedinonewayor
anotherfromthegenerationofpsychedelictherapistsworkingontheWestCoast
andaroundCambridgeduringthe1950sand1960swhenthisworkwasstill
legal.Indeed,justabouteveryoneIinterviewedcouldtraceaprofessional
lineagereachingbacktoTimothyLeary(oftenthroughoneofhisgraduate
students),StanislavGrof,AlHubbard,oraBayAreapsychologistnamedLeo
Zeff.Zeff,whodiedin1988,wasoneoftheearliestundergroundtherapists,and
certainlythemostwell-known;heclaimstohave“processed”(AlHubbard’s
term)threethousandpatientsandtrained150guidesduringhiscareer,including
severaloftheonesImetontheWestCoast.
Zeffalsoleftaposthumous(andanonymous)accountofhiswork,inthe
formofa1997bookcalledTheSecretChief,aseriesofinterviewswitha
therapistcalledJacobconductedbyhisclosefriendMyronStolaroff.(In2004,
ZeffsfamilygaveStolaroffpermissiontodisclosehisidentityandrepublishthe
bookasTheSecretChiefRevealed.)Ontheevidenceofhisinterviews,Zeffisin
manywaystypicaloftheundergroundtherapistsImet,inbothhisapproachand
hismanner;hecomesacrossratherasfolksy,orhaimish,touseaYiddishword
Zeffwouldhaveappreciated,ratherthanasarenegade,guru,orhippie.Ina
photographincludedinthe2004edition,asmilingZeff,wearingabigpairof
aviatorglassesandasweatervestoverhisshirtsleeves,looksmorelikea
favoriteunclethaneitheranoutlawormystic.Yethewasboth.
Zeffwasaforty-nine-year-oldJungiantherapistpracticinginOaklandin
1961whenhehadhisfirsttrip,onahundredmicrogramsofLSD.(Itmighthave
beenStolaroffhimselfwhofirst“trippedhim,”toborrowoneofZeffs
locutions.)Theguidehadaskedhimtobringalonganobjectofpersonal
significance,soZeffbroughthisTorah.AftertheeffectsoftheLSDhadcome
on,hisguide“laidtheTorahacrossmychestandIimmediatelywentintothelap
ofGod.HeandIwereOne.”
Zeffsoonbeganincorporatingarangeofdifferentpsychedelicsinhis
practiceandfoundthatthemedicineshelpedhispatientsbreakthroughtheir
defenses,bringingburiedlayersofunconsciousmaterialtothesurface,and
achievespiritualinsights,ofteninasinglesession.Theresultswereso
“fantastic,”hetoldStolaroff,thatwhenthefederalgovernmentputpsychedelics
onschedule1in1970,prohibitingtheiruseforanypurpose,Zeffmadethe
momentousdecisiontocontinuehisworkunderground.
Thiswasnoteasy.“ManytimesI’dbeinmuchagonyfallingasleep,and
wakeupinthemorningandhaveithitme,”hetoldStolaroff.“‘Jacob[his
pseudonym],forChrist’ssakewhatareyouexposingyourselftoallthisshitfor?
Youdon’tneedit.’ThenI’dlookandI’dsay,‘Lookatthepeople.Lookwhat’s
happeningtothem.’I’dsay,‘Isitworthit?’...InevitablyI’dcomebackwith
‘Yeah,it’sworthit’...Whateveryouhavetogothrough.It’sworthitto
producetheseresults!”
Duringhislongcareer,Zeffhelpedcodifymanyoftheprotocolsof
undergroundtherapy,settingforththe“agreements”guidestypicallymakewith
theirclients—regardingconfidentiality(strict),sexualcontact(forbidden),
obediencetothetherapist’sinstructionsduringthesession(absolute),andsoon
—anddevelopingmanyoftheceremonialtouches,suchashavingparticipants
takethemedicinefromacup:“averyimportantsymbolofthetransformation
experience.”Zeffalsodescribedthedeparturesfromconventionaltherapeutic
practicecommonamongpsychedelicguides.Hebelieveditwasimperativethat
guideshavepersonalexperienceofanymedicinetheyadminister.(Aboveground
guideseitherdon’tseeksuchexperienceordon’tadmittoit.)Hecametobelieve
thatguidesshouldnottrytodirectormanipulatethepsychedelicjourney,
allowingitinsteadtofinditsowncourseanddestination.(“Justleave’em
alone!”hetellsStolaroff.)Guidesshouldalsobewillingtodroptheanalyst’s
maskofdetachment,offeringtheirpersonalitiesandemotions,aswellasa
comfortingtouchorhugtotheclientundergoingaparticularlychallengingtrip.
InhisintroductiontoTheSecretChiefRevealed,MyronStolaroffsketched
theinfluenceofundergroundguideslikeLeoZeffonthefieldasawhole,
suggestingthatthelegitimatepsychedelicresearchthatresumedinthelate
1990s,whenhewaswriting,had“evolvedasaresultofanecdotalevidencefrom
undergroundtherapists”likeZeff,aswellasfromthefirstwaveofpsychedelic
researchdoneinthe1950sand1960s.Psychedelicresearchersworkingin
universitiestodayareunderstandablyreluctanttoacknowledgeit,butthereisa
certainamountoftrafficbetweenthetwoworlds,andasmallnumberoffigures
whomove,somewhatgingerly,backandforthbetweenthem.Forexample,some
prominentundergroundtherapistshavebeenrecruitedtohelptrainanewcohort
ofpsychedelicguidestoworkinuniversitytrialsofpsychedelicdrugs.Whenthe
Hopkinsteamwantedtostudytheroleofmusicintheguidedpsilocybinsession,
itreachedouttoseveralundergroundguides,surveyingtheirmusicalpractices.
Noonehadanyideahowmanyundergroundguideswereworkingin
America,orexactlywhatthatworkconsistedof,until2010.Thatwastheyear
JamesFadiman,theStanford-trainedpsychologistwhotookpartinpsychedelic
researchattheInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudyinMenloParkin
theearly1960s,attendedaconferenceonpsychedelicscienceintheBayArea.
TheconferencewasorganizedbyMAPS,withsponsorshipfromHeffter,the
BeckleyFoundation,andBobJesse’sCouncilonSpiritualPractices,thethree
othernonprofitsthatfundedmostofthepsychedelicresearchunderwayatthe
time.InaHolidayInninSanJose,theconferencebroughttogethermorethana
thousandpeople,includingseveraldozenscientists(whopresentedtheir
research,completewithPowerPointslides),anumberofguidesdrawnfromboth
theuniversitytrialsandtheunderground,andagreatmanymore
“psychonauts”—peopleofallageswhomakeregularuseofpsychedelicsintheir
lives,whetherforspiritual,therapeutic,or“recreational”purposes.(AsBob
JesseisalwaysquicktoremindmewheneverIusethatword,“recreational”
doesn’tnecessarilymeanfrivolous,careless,orlackinginintention.Point
taken.)
JamesFadimancametotheMAPSconference“onthesciencetrack,”togive
atalkaboutthevalueoftheguidedentheogenicjourney.Hewonderedifthere
weremanyundergroundguidesintheaudience,soattheendofhistalkhe
announcedthattherewouldbeameetingofguidesat8:00thefollowing
morning.
“Idraggedmyselfoutofbedat7:30expectingtoseemaybefivepeople,but
ahundredshowedup!Itwasstaggering.”
Itwouldprobablybetoostrongtodescribethisfar-flunganddisparategroup
asacommunity,muchlessanorganization,yetmyinterviewswithmorethana
dozenofthemsuggesttheyareprofessionalswhoshareanoutlook,asetof
practices,andevenacodeofconduct.SoonafterthemeetinginSanJose,a
“wiki”appearedontheInternet—acollaborativewebsitewhereindividualscan
sharedocumentsandtogethercreatenewcontent.(FadimanincludedtheURLin
his2011book,ThePsychedelicExplorersGuide.)Here,Ifoundtwoitemsof
particularinterest,aswellasseveralsub-wikis—documentsunderdevelopment
—thathadn’thadanewentryforseveralyears;itcouldbethatpublicdisclosure
ofthesiteinFadiman’sbookhadledthecreatorstoabandonitormove
elsewhereonline.
Thefirstitemwasadraftcharter:“tosupportacategoryofprofound,prized
experiencesbecomingmoreavailabletomorepeople.”Theseexperiencesare
describedas“unitiveconsciousness”and“non-dualconsciousness,”among
otherterms,andseveralnon-pharmacologicalmodalitiesforachievingthese
statesarementioned,includingmeditation,breathwork,andfasting.“Aprincipal
tooloftheGuidesisthejudicioususeofaclassofpsychoactivesubstances”
knowntobe“potentspiritualcatalysts.”
Thewebsiteofferswould-beguideslinkstoprintableformsforlegalreleases,
ethicalagreements,andmedicalquestionnaires.(“Wedon’thaveverygood
insurance,”oneguidetoldme,withasardonicsmile.“Sowe’reverycareful.”)
There’salsoalinktoathoughtful“CodeofEthicsforSpiritualGuides,”which
acknowledgesthepsychologicalandphysicalrisksofjourneyingand
emphasizestheguide’sultimateresponsibilityforthewell-beingoftheclient.
Recognizingthatduring“primaryreligiouspractices”“participantsmaybe
especiallyopentosuggestion,manipulation,andexploitation,”thecodestates
thatitisincumbentupontheguidetodiscloseallrisks,obtainconsent,guarantee
confidentiality,protectthesafetyandhealthofparticipantsatalltimes,
“safeguardagainst...ambition”andself-promotion,andaccommodateclients
“withoutregardtotheirabilitytopay.”
Perhapsthemostusefuldocumentonthewebsiteisthe“Guidelinesfor
VoyagersandGuides.”*Theguidelinesrepresentacompendiumofhalfa
century’saccumulatedknowledgeandwisdomabouthowbesttoapproachthe
psychedelicjourney,whetherasaparticipantorasaguide.Itcoversthebasics
ofsetandsetting;mentalandphysicalpreparationforthesession;potentialdrug
interactions;thevalueofformulatinganintention;whattoexpectduringthe
experience,bothgoodandbad;thestagesofthejourney;whatcangowrongand
howtodealwithfrighteningmaterial;thesupremeimportanceofpost-session
“integration”;andsoon.
Forme,standingonthethresholdofsuchanexperience,itwasreassuringto
learnthattheundergroundcommunityofpsychedelicguides,whichIhad
assumedconsistedofabunchofindividualsalldoingprettymuchtheirown
thing,operatedlikeprofessionals,workingfromabodyofaccumulated
knowledgeandexperienceandinasetoftraditionsthathadbeenhandeddown
frompsychedelicpioneerssuchasAlHubbard,TimothyLeary,MyronStolaroff,
StanGrof,andLeoZeff.Theyhadrulesandcodesandagreements,andmany
elementsoftheworkhadbeenmoreorlessinstitutionalized.
Stumblinguponthewebsitealsomademeappreciatejusthowfartheculture
ofpsychedelicshasevolvedsincethe1950sand1960s.Implicitinthese
documents,itseemedtome,wastherecognitionthatthesepowerful,anarchic
medicinescanandhavebeenmisusedandthatiftheyaretodomoregoodthan
harm,theyrequireaculturalvesselofsomekind:protocols,rules,andrituals
thattogetherformakindofApolloniancounterweighttocontainandchannel
theirsheerDionysianforce.Modernmedicine,withitscontrolledtrialsand
white-coatedcliniciansandDSMdiagnoses,offersonesuchcontainer;the
undergroundguidesofferanother.
•••
YETTHEFIRSTCOUPLEofguidesIintervieweddidnotfillmewithconfidence.
MaybeitwasbecauseIwassonewtotheterritory,andnervousaboutthe
contemplatedjourney,butIkepthearingthingsintheirspielsthatsetoffalarm
bellsandmademewanttorunintheoppositedirection.
Andrei,thefirstguideIinterviewed,wasagruffRomanian-bornpsychologist
inhislatesixtieswithdecadesofexperience;hehadworkedwithafriendofa
friendofafriend.Wemetathisofficeinamodestneighborhoodofsmall
bungalowsandneatlawnsinacityinthePacificNorthwest.Ahand-lettered
signonthedoorinstructedvisitorstoremovetheirshoesandcomeupstairsto
thedimlylitwaitingroom.Akilimrughadbeenpinnedtothewall.
InsteadofatablepiledwitholdcopiesofPeopleorConsumerReports,I
foundasmallshrinepopulatedwithspiritualartifactsfromabewilderingvariety
oftraditions:aBuddha,acrystal,acrow’swing,abrassbowlforburning
incense,abranchofsage.Atthebackoftheshrinestoodtwoframed
photographs,oneofaHinduguruIdidn’trecognizeandtheotherofaMexican
curanderaIdid:MaríaSabina.
ThiswasnotthelasttimeIwouldencountersuchaconfusingtableau.Infact
everyguideImetmaintainedsomesuchshrineintheroomwhereheorshe
worked,andclientswereoftenaskedtocontributeanitemofpersonal
significancebeforeembarkingontheirjourneys.WhatIwastemptedtodismiss
asasmorgasbordofequal-opportunityNewAgetchotchkes,Iwouldeventually
cometoregardmoresympathetically,asthematerialexpressionofthe
syncretismprevalentinthepsychedeliccommunity.Membersofthiscommunity
tendtobemorespiritualthanreligiousinanyformalsense,focusedonthe
commoncoreofmysticismor“cosmicconsciousness”thattheybelievelies
behindallthedifferentreligioustraditions.Sowhatappearedtomeasabunch
ofconflictingsymbolsofdivinityareinfactdifferentmeansofexpressingor
interpretingthesameunderlyingspiritualreality,“theperennialphilosophy”that
AldousHuxleyheldtoundergirdallreligionsandtowhichpsychedelics
supposedlycanofferdirectaccess.
Afterafewminutes,Andreiboundedintotheroom,andwhenIstoodtooffer
myhand,hesurprisedmewithabearhug.Abigmanwithafullheadofhastily
combedgrayhair,Andreiwaswearingablue-checkedbutton-downovera
yellowT-shirtthatstruggledtoencompasstheglobeofhisbelly.Speakingwith
athickaccent,hemanagedtoseembothamiableanddisconcertinglyblunt.
AndreihadhisfirstexperiencewithLSDattwenty-one,soonafterhecame
outofthearmy;afriendhadsentitfromAmerica,andtheexperience
transformedhim.“Itmademerealizeweliveaverylimitedversionofwhatlife
is.”ThatrealizationpropelledhimonajourneythroughEasternreligionand
Westernpsychologythateventuallyculminatedinadoctorateinpsychology.
Whenmilitaryservicethreatenedtointerrupthispsycho-spiritualjourney,he
“decidedIhavetomakemyownchoices”anddeserted.
AndreieventuallyleftBucharestforSanFrancisco,boundforwhathehad
heardwas“thefirstNewAgegraduateschool”—theCaliforniaInstituteof
IntegralStudies.Foundedin1968,theinstitutespecializesin“transpersonal
psychology,”aschooloftherapywithastrongspiritualorientationrootedinthe
workofCarlJungandAbrahamMaslowaswellasthe“wisdomtraditions”of
theEastandtheWest,includingNativeAmericanhealingandSouthAmerican
shamanism.StanislavGrof,apioneerofbothtranspersonalandpsychedelic
therapy,hasbeenonthefacultyformanyyears.In2016,theinstitutebegan
offeringthenation’sfirstcertificateprograminpsychedelictherapy.
Aspartofhisdegreeprogram,Andreihadtoundergopsychotherapyand
foundhiswaytoaNativeAmerican“doingmedicinework”intheFourCorners
aswellastheBayArea.“Whoopee!”herecalledthinking.“BecauseofmyLSD
experience,Iknewitwasviable.”Medicineworkbecamehisvocation.
“Ihelppeoplefindoutwhotheyaresotheycanlivetheirlivesfully.Iusedto
workwithwhoevercametome,butsomeweretoofuckedup.Ifyou’reonthe
edgeofpsychosis,thisworkcanpushyouover.Youneedastrongegoinorder
toletgoofitandthenbeabletospringbacktoyourboundaries.”Hementioned
he’doncebeensuedbyatroubledclientwhoblamedhimforasubsequent
breakdown.“SoIdecided,Idon’tworkwithcraziesanymore.AndassoonasI
madethisstatementtotheuniverse,theystoppedcoming.”Thesedaysheworks
withalotofyoungpeopleinthetechworld.“I’mthedangerousvirusofSilicon
Valley.Theycometomewondering,‘WhatamIdoinghere,chasingthegolden
carrotinthegoldencage?’Manyofthemgoontodosomethingmore
meaningfulwiththeirlives.[Theexperience]opensthemuptothespiritual
reality.”
It’shardtosayexactlywhatputmeoffworkingwithAndrei,butoddly
enoughitwaslesstheNewAgeyspiritualismthanhisnonchalanceabouta
processIstillfoundexoticandscary.“Idon’tplaythepsychotherapygame,”he
toldme,asblaséasaguybehindadelicounterwrappingandslicingasandwich.
“Noneofthatblankscreen.Inmainstreampsychology,youdon’thug.Ihug.I
touchthem.Igiveadvice.Ihavepeoplecomestaywithusintheforest.”He
workswithclientsnothereintheofficebutinarurallocationdeepinthewoods
oftheOlympicPeninsula.“Thoseareallbigno-no’s.”Heshruggedasiftosay,
sowhat?
Isharedsomeofmyfears.He’dhearditallbefore.“Youmaynotgetwhat
youwant,”hetoldme,“butyou’llgetwhatyouneed.”Igulpedmentally.“The
mainthingistosurrendertotheexperience,evenwhenitgetsdifficult.
Surrendertoyourfear.Thebiggestfearsthatcomeuparethefearofdeathand
thefearofmadness.Buttheonlythingtodoissurrender.Sosurrender!”Andrei
hadnamedmytwobiggestfears,buthisprescriptionseemedeasiersaidthan
done.
Iwashopingforaguidewhoexudedperhapsalittlemoretendernessand
patience,Irealized,yetIwasn’tsureIshouldletAndrei’sgruffmannerputme
off.Hewassmart,hehadloadsofexperience,andhewaswillingtoworkwith
me.Thenhetoldastorythatdecidedthematter.
Itwasaboutworkingwithamanmyagewhobecameconvincedduringhis
psilocybinjourneyhewashavingaheartattack.“‘I’mdying,’hesaid,‘call911!
Ifeelit,myheart!’Itoldhimtosurrendertothedying.ThatSaintFrancissaid
thatindyingyougaineternallife.Whenyourealizedeathisjustanother
experience,there’snothingmoretoworryabout.”
Okay,butwhatifithadbeenarealheartattack?Outthereinthewoodsinthe
middleoftheOlympicPeninsula?Andreimentionedthatanaspiringguidehe
wastraininghad“onceaskedme,‘Whatdoyoudoifsomeonedies?’”Idon’t
knowwhatIexpectedhimtosay,butAndrei’sreply,deliveredwithoneofhis
mostmatter-of-factshrugs,wasnotit.
“Youburyhimwithalltheotherdeadpeople.”
ItoldAndreiIwouldbeintouch.
Thepsychedelicundergroundwaspopulatedwithagreatmanysuchvivid
characters,Isoondiscovered,butnotnecessarilythekindsofcharactersto
whomIfeltIcouldentrustmymind—orforthatmatteranypartofme.
ImmediatelyaftermysessionwithAndrei,Ihadameetingwithasecond
prospectiveguide,abrilliantpsychologistinhiseightieswhohadbeenastudent
ofTimothyLeary’satHarvard.Hisknowledgeofpsychedelicswasdeep;his
credentialsimpressive;hehadbeenhighlyrecommendedbypeopleIrespected.
YetwhenoverlunchataTibetanrestaurantnearhisofficeheremovedhisbolo
tieandsuspendeditoverthemenu,Ibegantoloseconfidencethatthiswasmy
man.Heexplainedthathereliedontheenergiesreleasedbythependulumswing
ofthesilverclasptochoosetheentréemostlikelytoagreewithhis
temperamentaldigestion.Iforgetwhathistieorderedforlunch,butevenbefore
hebegandilatingontheevidencethat9/11wasaninsidejob,Iknewmysearch
foraguidewasnotoverquiteyet.
•••
ONENOTABLEDIFFERENCEaboutdoingpsychedelicsatsixty,asopposedtowhen
you’reeighteenortwenty,isthatatsixtyyou’remorelikelytohavea
cardiologistyoumightwanttoconsultinadvanceofyourtrip.Thatwasme.A
yearbeforeIhaddecidedtoembarkonthisadventure,myheart,thereliable
operationsofwhichIhadtakencompletelyforgrantedtothatpoint,had
suddenlymadeitspresencefeltand,forthefirsttimeinmylife,demandedmy
attention.Whilesittingatmycomputeroneafternoon,Iwassuddenlymade
awareofapronouncedandcrazilysyncopatednewrhythminmychest.
“Atrialfibrillation”wasthenamethedoctorgavetheabnormalsquigglesthat
appearedonmyEKG.ThedangerofAFibisnotaheartattack,hesaidtomy
(short-lived)relief,butaheightenedriskofstroke.“Mycardiologist”—the
unfortunatephrasehadsuddenlyjoinedmyvocabulary,probablyfortheduration
—putmeonacoupleofmedstocalmtheheartrhythmsandlowertheblood
pressure,plusadailybabyaspirintothinmyblood.Andthenhetoldmenotto
worryaboutit.
Ifollowedallofhisadviceexceptthelastbit.NowIcouldn’thelpbutthink
aboutmyheartconstantly.Allofitsoperationsthathadpreviouslytakenplace
completelyoutsidemyconsciousawarenesssuddenlybecamesalient:something
IcouldhearandfeelwheneverIthoughttocheckin,whichnowwasincessantly.
Monthslater,theAFibhadnotrecurred,butmysurveillanceofmypoorheart
hadgottenoutofcontrol.Icheckedmybloodpressuredailyandlistenedfor
signsofventriculareccentricityeverytimeIgotintobed.Ittookmonthsofnot
havingastrokebeforeIcouldonceagaintrustmyhearttogoaboutitsbusiness
withoutmysupervision.Gradually,thankfully,itretreatedonceagaintothe
backgroundofmyattention.
ItellyouallthisbywayofexplainingwhyIfeltIshouldtalktomy
cardiologistbeforeembarkingonapsychedelicjourney.Mycardiologistwasmy
age,sonotlikelytobeshockedbytheword“psilocybin”or“LSD”or
“MDMA.”ItoldhimwhatIhadinmindandaskedifanyofthedrugsin
questionwerecontraindicated,givenmycoronaryissues,oriftherewasanyrisk
ofaninteractionwiththemedshehadprescribed.Hewasnotoverlyconcerned
aboutthepsychedelics—mostofthemconcentratetheireffectsinthemindwith
remarkablylittleimpactonthecardiovascularsystem—butoneofthedrugsI
mentionedheadvisedIavoid.ThiswasMDMA,alsoknownasEcstasyor
Molly,whichhasbeenonschedule1sincethemid-1980s,whenitemergedasa
popularravedrug.
Thedrug3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamineisnotaclassicalpsychedelic
(itworksondifferentbrainreceptorsanddoesn’thavestrongvisualeffects),yet
severaloftheguidesIwasinterviewinghadtoldmeitwaspartoftheirregimen.
Sometimescalledanempathogen,MDMAlowerspsychologicaldefensesand
helpstoswiftlybuildabondbetweenpatientandtherapist.(LeoZeffwasoneof
thefirsttherapiststouseMDMAinthe1970s,afterthecompoundwas
popularizedbyhisfriendthelegendaryBayAreachemistSashaShulginandhis
wife,thetherapistAnnShulgin.)GuidestoldmeMDMAwasagoodwayto
“breaktheice”andestablishtrustbeforethepsychedelicjourney.(Onesaid,“It
condensesyearsofpsychotherapyintoanafternoon.”)Butasitsscientificname
indicates,MDMAisanamphetamine,andso,chemically,itimplicatestheheart
inawaypsychedelicsdon’t.Iwasdisappointedmycardiologisthadtaken
MDMAoffthetablebutpleasedthathehadmoreorlessgivenmeagreenlight
ontherestofmytravelplans.
TripOne:LSD
Atleastonpaper,nothingaboutthefirstguideIchosetoworkwithsounds
auspicious.Themanlivedandworkedsofaroffthegrid,inthemountainsofthe
AmericanWest,thathehadnophoneservice,generatedhisownelectricity,
pumpedhisownwater,grewhisownfood,andhadonlythespottiestsatellite
Internet.Icouldjustforgetaboutthewholeideaofbeinganywhereinrangeofa
hospitalemergencyroom.ThentherewasthefactthatwhileIwasaJewfroma
familythathadoncebeenreluctanttobuyaGermancar,thisfellowwastheson
ofaNazi—aGermaninhismidsixtieswhosefatherhadservedintheSSduring
WorldWarII.AfterIhadheardsomuchabouttheimportanceofbothsetand
setting,noneofthesedetailsauguredespeciallywell.
YetIlikedFritzfromthemomenthecameouttogreetme,offeringabroad
grinandawarmhug(Iwasgettingusedtothese)whenIpulledmyrentalinto
hisremotecamp.Thisconsistedofatidyvillageofstructures—ahandmade
houseandacoupleofsmallercabins,anoctagonalyurt,andtwogailypainted
outhousessetoutinaclearingonthecrestofaheavilywoodedmountain.
Followingthehand-drawnmapFritzhadsentme(theareawasterraincognita
forGPS),Idroveformilesonadustydirtroadthatpassedthroughtheblasted
landscapeofanabandonedminebeforerisingintoadarkforestofcypressand
ponderosapine,withadenseunderstoryofmanzanitas,theirsmoothbarkthe
coloroffreshblood.Ihadcometothemiddleofnowhere.
Fritzwasatangleofcontradictionandyetmanifestlyawarmandseemingly
happyman.Atsixty-five,heresembledaEuropeanmovieactorgoneslightlyto
seed,withthickgrayhairpartedinthemiddleandablocky,muscularframejust
beginningtoyield.FritzgrewupinBavaria,thesonofaragingalcoholicwho
hadservedintheSSasabodyguardfortheculturalattachéresponsiblefor
producingoperasandotherentertainmentsforthetroops—theNazis’USO.
Later,hisfatherfoughtontheRussianfrontandsurvivedStalingradbutcame
homefromthewarshell-shocked.Fritzgrewupinthedenseshadeofhismisery,
sharingtheshameandangerofsomanyinhispostwargeneration.
“Whenthemilitarycameforme[toservehisperiodofconscription],”he
said,aswesatathiskitchentablesippingteaonasunnyspringafternoon,“I
toldthemtofuckthemselvesandtheythrewmeintoprison.”Forcedeventually
toserveinthearmy,Fritzwascourt-martialedtwice—onceforsettinghis
uniformonfire.HespenttimeinsolitaryconfinementreadingTolstoyand
DostoyevskyandplottingrevolutionwiththeMaoistinthenextcell,withwhom
hecommunicatedthroughtheprisonplumbing.“Myproudestmomentwasthe
timeIgavealltheguardsOrangeSunshinethatIhadgottenfromafriendin
California.”
Atuniversity,hestudiedpsychologyandtookalotofLSD,whichhe
obtainedfromtheAmericantroopsstationedinGermany.“ComparedtoLSD,
Freudwasajoke.Forhimbiographywaseverything.Hehadnouseformystical
experience.”FritzmovedontoJungandWilhelmReich,“myhero.”Alongthe
way,hediscoveredthatLSDwasapowerfultoolforexploringthedepthsofhis
ownpsyche,allowinghimtoreexperienceandthenletgooftheangerand
depressionthathobbledhimasayoungman.“Therewasmorelightinmylife
afterthat.Somethingshifted.”
AsithadformanyoftheguidesIhadmet,themysticalexperienceFritzhad
onpsychedelicslaunchedhimonadecades-longspiritualquestthateventually
“blewmylinear,empiricalmind,”openinghimuptothepossibilityofpastlives,
telepathy,precognition,and“synchronicities”thatdefyourconceptionsofspace
andtime.HespenttimeonanashraminIndia,wherehewitnessedspecific
scenesthathadbeenprefiguredinhispsychedelicjourneys.Once,makinglove
toawomaninGermany(thetwowerepracticingTantrism),heandsheshared
anout-of-bodyexperiencethatallowedthemtoobservethemselvesfromthe
ceiling.“Thesemedicineshaveshownmethatsomethingquote-unquote
impossibleexists.ButIdon’tthinkit’smagicorsupernatural.It’satechnology
ofconsciousnesswedon’tunderstandyet.”
Normallywhenpeoplestarttalkingabouttranspersonaldimensionsof
consciousnessand“morphogeneticfields,”Ihavelittle(ifany)patience,but
therewassomethingaboutFritzthatmadesuchtalk,ifnotpersuasive,thenat
least...provocative.Hemanagedtoexpressthemostfar-fetchedideasina
disarminglymodest,evendown-to-earthway.Ihadtheimpressionhehadno
agendabeyondfeedinghisowncuriosity,whetherwithpsychedelicsorbookson
paranormalphenomena.Forsomepeople,theprivilegeofhavinghadamystical
experiencetendstomassivelyinflatetheego,convincingthemthey’vebeen
grantedsolepossessionofakeytotheuniverse.Thisisanexcellentrecipefor
creatingaguru.Thecertitudeandcondescensionformeremortalsthatusually
comewiththatkeycanrenderthesepeopleinsufferable.Butthatwasn’tFritz.
Tothecontrary.Hisotherworldlyexperienceshadhumbledhim,openinghimup
topossibilitiesandmysterieswithoutclosinghimtoskepticism—ortothe
pleasuresofeverydaylifeonthisearth.Therewasnothingetherealabouthim.I
surprisedmyselfbylikingFritzasmuchasIdid.
AfterfiveyearsspentlivingonacommuneinBavaria(“wewerealltryingto
undosomeofthedamagedonetothepostwargeneration”),in1976hemeta
womanfromCaliforniawhilehikingintheHimalayasandfollowedherbackto
SantaCruz.TherehefellintothewholeNorthernCaliforniahumanpotential
scene,atvarioustimesrunningameditationcenterforanIndiangurunamed
Rajneeshanddoingbodywork(includingdeep-tissuemassageandRolfing),
GestaltandReichiantherapy,andsomelandscapingtopaythebills.Whenin
1982,soonafterhisfathersdeath,hemetStanGrofatabreathworkcourseat
Esalen,hefelthehadatlastfoundhisrightfulfather.Duringtheworkshop,Fritz
“hadanexperienceaspowerfulasanypsychedelic.Outoftheblue,I
experiencedmyselfbeingborn—mymothergivingbirthtome.Whilethiswas
happening,IwatchedthegoddessShivaonagiganticIMAXscreen,creating
worldsanddestroyingworlds.EveryoneinthegroupwantedwhatIhad!”He
nowaddedholotropicbreathworktohisbodyworkpractice.
Eventually,FritzdidanintensiveseriesofmultiyeartrainingswithGrofin
NorthernCaliforniaandBritishColumbia.Atoneofthem,hemethisfuture
wife,aclinicalpsychologist.Grofwasostensiblyteachingholotropic
breathwork,thenon-pharmacologicalmodalityhehaddevelopedafter
psychedelicsweremadeillegal.ButFritzsaidthatGrofalsosharedwiththis
selectgrouphisdeepknowledgeaboutthepracticeofpsychedelictherapy,
discreetlypassingonhismethodstoanewgeneration.Severalpeopleinthe
workshop,Fritzandhisfuturewifeamongthem,wentontobecome
undergroundguides.Sheworkswiththewomenwhofindtheirwayupthe
mountain,hewiththemen.
“Youdon’tmakealotofmoney,”Fritztoldme.Indeed,hechargedonlynine
hundreddollarsforathree-daysession,whichincludedroomandboard.“It’s
illegalanddangerous.Youcanhaveapersongopsychotic.Andyoureallydon’t
makealotofmoney.ButI’mahealerandthesemedicineswork.”Itwas
abundantlyclearhehadacallingandlovedwhathedid—lovedwitnessing
peopleundergoprofoundtransformationsbeforehiseyes.
•••
FRITZTOLDMEwhattoexpectifIweretoworkwithhim.Itwouldmean
returninghereforthreedays,sleepingintheeight-sidedyurt,wherewewould
alsodo“thework.”Thefirstafternoonwouldbeawarm-uporget-acquainted
session,usingeitherMDMAorbreathwork.(Iexplainedwhyinmycaseit
wouldhavetobebreathwork.)ThiswouldgivehimachancetoobservehowI
handledanalteredstateofconsciousnessbeforesendingmeonanLSDjourney
themorningofthesecondday;itwouldalsohelphimdetermineasuitabledose.
Iaskedhimhowhecouldbesureofthepurityandqualityofthemedicines
heuses,sincetheycomefromchemistsworkingillicitly.Wheneverhereceivesa
newshipment,heexplained,“Ifirsttestitforpurity,andthenItakeaheroic
dosetoseehowitfeelsbeforeIgiveittoanyone.”NotexactlyFDAapproval,I
thoughttomyself,butbetterthannothing.
Fritzdoesn’ttakeanymedicinehimselfwhilehe’sworkingbutoftengets“a
contacthigh”fromhisclients.Duringthesessionhetakesnotes,selectsthe
music,andchecksineverytwentyminutesorso.“I’llaskyounothowyouare
butwhereyouare.
“I’mherejustforyou,toholdthespace,soyoudon’thavetoworryabout
anythingoranyoneelse.Notthewife,notthechild.Soyoucanreallyletgo—
andgo.”This,Irealized,wasanotherreasonIwaseagertoworkwithaguide.
WhenJudithandIhadourmagicmushroomdaytheprevioussummer,the
simmerofworryaboutherwelfarekeptintrudingonmyjourney,forcingmeto
stayclosetothesurface.MuchasIhatedthepsychobabble-ylocution,Iloved
theideaofsomeone“holdingspace”forme.
“ThatnightI’llaskyoutomakesomenotesbeforeyougotosleep.Onyour
lastmorning,we’llcomparenotesandtrytointegrateandmakesenseofyour
experience.ThenI’llcookyouabigbreakfasttogetyoureadytofacethe
interstate!”
Wescheduledatimeformetocomeback.
•••
THEFIRSTTHINGIlearnedaboutmyselfthatfirstafternoon,workingwithFritzin
theyurt,isthatIam“easytoputunder”—susceptibletotrance,amentalspace
completelynewtomeandaccessiblebynothingmorethanashiftinthepattern
ofone’sbreathing.Itwasthedamnedestthing.
Fritz’sinstructionswerestraightforward:Breathedeeplyandrapidlywhile
exhalingasstronglyasyoucan.“Atfirstitwillfeelunnaturalandyou’llhaveto
concentratetomaintaintherhythm,butafterafewminutesyourbodywilltake
overanddoitautomatically.”Istretchedoutonthemattressanddonnedapair
ofeyeshadeswhileheputonsomemusic,somethinggenericallytribaland
rhythmic,dominatedbythepoundingofadrum.Heplacedaplasticbucketat
myside,explainingthatoccasionallypeoplethrowup.
Itwashardworkatfirst,tobreatheinsuchanexaggeratedandunnatural
way,evenwithFritz’senthusiasticcoaching,butthenallatoncemybodytook
over,andIfoundthatnothoughtwasrequiredtomaintainthedrivingpaceand
rhythm.ItwasasifIhadbrokenfreefromgravityandsettledintoanorbit:the
bigdeepbreathsjustcame,automatically.NowIfeltanuncontrollableurgeto
movemylegsandarmsinsyncwiththepoundingofthedrums,whichresonated
inmyribcagelikeapowerfulnewheartbeat.Ifeltpossessed,bothmybodyand
mymind.Ican’tremembermanythoughtsexcept“Hey,thisisworking,
whateveritis!”
Iwasflatonmybackyetdancingwildly,myarmsandlegsmovingwitha
willoftheirown.AllcontrolofmybodyIhadsurrenderedtothemusic.Itfelta
littlelikespeakingintongues,orwhatIimaginethattobe,withsomeexternal
forcetakingoverthemindandbodyforitsownobscurepurpose.
Therewasn’tmuchvisualimagery,justthenakedsensationofexhilaration,
untilIbegantopicturemyselfonthebackofabigblackhorse,galloping
headlongdownapaththroughaforest.Iwaspercheduphighonitsshoulders,
likeajockey,holdingontightasthebeastscissoreditsgreatmusclesforward
andbackwitheachlongstride.Asmyrhythmsyncedwiththatofthehorse,I
couldfeelmyselfabsorbingtheanimal’spower.Itfeltfantastictosofully
inhabitmybody,asifforthefirsttime.AndyetbecauseIamnotavery
confidentrider(ordancer!),italsofeltprecarious,asifwereItomissabreathor
beatImighttumbleoff.
Ihadnoideahowlongthetrancelasted,timewasutterlylostonme,but
whenFritzgentlybroughtmebacktothepresentmomentandtherealityofthe
room,simplybyencouragingmetoslowandrelaxmybreathing,hereportedI
hadbeen“init”foranhourandfifteenminutes.Ifeltflushedandsweatyand
triumphant,asifIhadrunamarathon;FritzsaidIlooked“radiant”—“young
likeababy.”
“Youhadnoresistance,”hesaidapprovingly;“that’sagoodsignfor
tomorrow.”Ihadnoideawhathadjusthappened,couldrecalllittlemoreofthe
hourthanridingthehorse,buttheepisodeseemedtohaveinvolvedaterrific
physicalreleaseofsomekind.Somethinghadletgoofmeorbeenexpunged,
andIfeltbuoyant.Andhumbledbythemysteryofit.Forherewas(toquote
WilliamJames)oneofthe“formsofconsciousnessentirelydifferent”fromthe
ordinaryandyetsocloseby—separatedfromnormalwakingconsciousness
by...what?Ahandfulofexhalations!
Thensomethingfrighteninghappened.Fritzhadgoneuptothehouseto
prepareourdinner,leavingmetomakesomenotesabouttheexperienceonmy
laptop,whenallatonceIfeltmyheartsurgeandthenbegintodancemadlyin
mychest.IimmediatelyrecognizedthesensationofturbulenceasAFib,and
whenItookmypulse,itwaschaotic.Apanickybirdwastrappedinmyribcage,
throwingitselfagainstthebarsinanattempttogetout.AndhereIwas,adozen
milesoffthegridsmackinthemiddleofnowhere.
Itwentonlikethatfortwohours,straightthroughasubduedandanxious
dinner.Fritzseemedconcerned;inallthehundredsofbreathworksessionshe
hadledorwitnessed,hehadneverseensuchareaction.(Hehadmentioned
earlierasinglefatalityattributedtoholotropicbreathwork:amanwhohadhad
ananeurism.)NowIwasworriedabouttomorrow,andIthinkhewastoo.
ThoughhealsowonderedifperhapswhatIwasfeelinginmyheartmightreflect
somepsychicshiftor“heartopening.”Iresistedtheimpliedmetaphor,holding
firmtotheplaneofphysiology:theheartisapump,andthisoneis
malfunctioning.Wediscussedtomorrow’splan.Maybewewanttogowitha
lowerdose,Fritzsuggested;“you’resosusceptibleyoumightnotneedvery
muchtojourney.”ItoldhimImightbailoutaltogether.Andthen,assuddenlyas
ithadcomeon,Ifeltmyheartslipbackintothesweetgrooveofitsaccustomed
rhythm.
IgotlittlesleepthatnightasadebateragedinmyheadaboutwhetherornotI
wascrazytoproceedinthemorningwithLSDatanydose.Icoulddieuphere
andwouldn’tthatbestupid?ButwasIreallyinanydanger?Nowmyheartfelt
fine,andfromeverythingIread,theeffectsofLSDwereconfinedtothebrain,
moreorless,leavingthecardiovascularsystemunaffected.Inretrospect,itmade
perfectsensethataprocessasphysicallyarduousasholotropicbreathwork
woulddiscombobulatetheheart.*Yes,IcouldtakearaincheckonmyLSD
journey,buteventhethoughtofthatoptionlandedlikeacrushing
disappointment.Ihadcomethisfar,andIhadhadthisintriguingglimpseintoa
stateofconsciousnessthatforallmytrepidationsIwaseagertoexploremore
deeply.
Thiswentonallnight,backandforth,proandcon,butbythetimethesun
cameup,theearliestraysthreadingtheneedlesoftheeasternpines,Iwas
resolved.Atbreakfast,ItoldFritzIfeltgoodandwantedtoproceed.Weagreed,
however,togowithamodestdose—ahundredmicrograms,with“abooster”
afteranhourortwoifIwantedone.
Fritzsentmeoutonawalktoclearmyheadandthinkaboutmyintention
whilehedidthedishesandreadiedtheyurtformyjourney.Ihikedforanhour
onatrailthroughtheforest,whichhadbeenrefreshedovernightbyarain
shower;thecleansedairheldthescentofcedar,andthebarklessredlimbsofthe
manzanitawereglowing.Fritzhadtoldmetolookforanobjecttoputonthe
altar.WhileIwaslookingandwalking,IdecidedIwouldaskFritztogiveme
hispledgethatifanythingwhatsoeverwentwrong,hewouldcall911forhelp
regardlessofthepersonalrisk.
Ireturnedtotheyurtaroundtenwithamanzanitaleafandasmoothblack
stoneinmypocketandastraightforwardintention:tolearnwhateverthejourney
hadtoteachmeaboutmyself.Fritzhadlitafireinthewoodstove,andtheroom
wasbeginningtogiveupitschill.Hehadmovedthemattressacrosstheroomso
myheadwouldbeclosetothespeakers.Insombertones,hetalkedaboutwhat
toexpectandhowtohandlevariousdifficultiesthatmightarise:“paranoia,
spookyplaces,thefeelingyou’relosingyourmindorthatyouaredying.
“It’slikewhenyouseeamountainlion,”hesuggested.“Ifyourun,itwill
chaseyou.Soyoumuststandyourground.”Iwasremindedofthe“flight
instructions”thattheguidesemployedatJohnsHopkins:insteadofturningaway
fromanymonsterthatappears,movetowardit,standyourground,anddemand
toknow,“Whatareyoudoinginmymind?Whatdoyouhavetoteachme?”
Iaddedmystoneandleaftothealtar,whichheldabronzeBuddha
surroundedbytheitemsofmanyprevioustravelers.“Somethinghardand
somethingsoft,”Fritzobserved.IaskedfortheassurancesIneededtoproceed
andreceivedthem.NowhehandedmeaJapaneseteacupatthebottomofwhich
layatinysquareofblotterpaperandthetornscrapsofasecondsquare—the
booster.OnesideoftheblotterpaperhadaBuddhaprintedonit,theothera
cartooncharacterIdidn’trecognize.Iputthesquareonmytongueand,takinga
sipofwater,swallowed.Fritzdidn’tperformmuchofaceremony,buthedid
talkaboutthe“sacredtradition”Iwasnowjoining,thelineageofallthetribes
andpeoplesdownthroughtimeandaroundtheworldwhousedsuchmedicines
intheirritesofinitiation.HereIwas,inrangeofmysixtiethbirthday,taking
LSDforthefirsttime.Itdidfeelsomethinglikeariteofpassage,butapassage
towhere,exactly?
WhilewaitingfortheLSDtocomeon,wesatonthewoodenskirtofdecking
thatcircledtheyurt,chattingquietlyaboutthisandthat.Lifeuphereonthe
mountain;thewildlifethatsharedthepropertywithhimbecausehedidn’tkeepa
dog:thereweremountainlions,bears,coyotes,foxes,andrattlesnakes.Jittery,I
triedtochangethesubject;asitwas,I’dbeenafraidduringthenighttovisitthe
outhouse,choosinginsteadtopeeofftheporch.Lionsandbearsandsnakeswere
thelastthingIwantedtothinkaboutjustnow.
Aroundeleven,ItoldFritzIwasstartingtofeelwobbly.HesuggestedIlie
downonthemattressandputonmyeyeshades.Assoonashestartedthemusic
—somethingAmazonianinflavor,gentlyrhythmicwithtraditionalinstruments
butalsonaturesounds(rainshowersandcrickets)thatcreatedavivid
dimensionalsenseofoutdoorspace—Iwasoff,travelingsomewhereinmy
mind,inafullyrealizedforestlandscapethatthemusichadsomehow
summonedintobeing.Itmademerealizewhatapowerfullittletechnologya
pairofeyeshadescouldbe,atleastinthiscontext:itwaslikedonningapairof
virtualrealitygoggles,allowingmeimmediatelytotakeleaveofthisplaceand
time.
IguessedIwashallucinating,yetthiswasnotatallwhatIexpectedanLSD
hallucinationtobe,whichwasoverpowering.ButFritzhadtoldmethatthe
literalmeaningofthewordistowanderinone’smind,andthatwasexactly
whatIwasdoing,withthesamedesultoryindifferencetoagencythewanderer
feels.YetIstillhadagency:Icouldchangeatwillthecontentsofmythoughts,
butinthisdreamystate,sowideopentosuggestion,Iwashappytoletthe
terrain,andthemusic,dictatemypath.
Andforthenextseveralhoursthemusicdidjustthat,summoninginto
existenceasequenceofpsychiclandscapes,someofthempopulatedbythe
peopleclosesttome,othersexploredonmyown.AlotofthemusicwasNew
Agedrivel—thesortofstuffyoumighthearwhilegettingamassageinahigh-
endspa—yetneverhaditsoundedsoevocative,sobeautiful!Musichadbecome
somethingmuchgreaterandmoreprofoundthanmeresound.Freelytrespassing
thebordersoftheothersenses,itwaspalpableenoughtotouch,formingthree-
dimensionalspacesIcouldmovethrough.
TheAmazonian-tribalsongputmeonatrailthatascendedsteeplythrough
redwoods,followingaravinenotchedintoahillsidebythesilverybladeofa
powerfulstream.Iknowthisplace:itwasthetrailthatrisesfromStinsonBeach
toMountTamalpais.ButassoonasIsecuredthatrecognition,itmorphedinto
somethingelseentirely.Nowthemusicformedaverticalarchitectureofwooden
timbers,horizontalsandverticalsanddiagonalsthatwerebeingmagically
cranedintoplace,forminglevelsthatroseoneontopoftheother,everhigher
intotheskylikeamultistoriedtreehouseunderconstruction,yetastructureas
opentotheairanditsinfluencesasawindchime.
IsawthateachlevelrepresentedanotherphaseinmylifewithJudith.There
wewere,ascendingstagebystagethroughourmanyyearstogether,beginning
askidswhometincollege,fallinginlove,livingtogetherinthecity,getting
married,havingourson,Isaac,becomingafamily,movingtothecountry.Now,
hereatthetop,Iwatchedanew,asyetinchoatestagebeingconstructedas
indeedonenowis:whateverthislifetogetherisgoingtobenowthatIsaachas
grownupandlefthome.Ilookedhard,hopingforsomeclueaboutwhatto
expect,buttheonlythingIcouldseeclearlywasthatthisnewstagewasbeing
builtonthewoodenscaffoldingofearlieronesandthereforepromisedtobe
sturdy.
Soitwent,songbysong,forhours.Somethingaboriginal,withthedeep
spookytonesofadidgeridoo,putmeunderground,movingsomehowthrough
thebrownish-blackrootscapeofaforest.Itensedmomentarily:Wasthisaboutto
getterrifying?HaveIdiedandbeeninterred?Ifso,Iwasfinewithit.Igot
absorbedwatchingawhitetraceryofmyceliumthreadingamongtherootsand
linkingthetreesinanetworkintricatebeyondcomprehension.Iknewallabout
thismycelialnetwork,howitformsakindofarborealInternetallowingthetrees
inaforesttoexchangeinformation,butnowwhathadbeenmerelyan
intellectualconceitwasavivid,feltrealityofwhichIhadbecomeapart.
Whenthemusicturnedmoremasculineormartial,asitnowdid,sonsand
thenfathersfilledmymentalfield.Iwatchedaswiftlyunfoldingbiopicof
Isaac’slifetothispoint—hisstrugglesasanexquisitelysensitiveboy,andhow
thosesensitivitieshadturnedintostrengths,makinghimwhoheis.Ithought
aboutthingsIneededtotellhim—aboutthesurgingprideIfeltasheembarked
onhisadultlifeandmadehiswayinanewcityandcareer,butalsomyfervent
hopethathenothardenhimselfinsuccessordisownhisvulnerabilitiesandhis
sweetness.
IfeltsomethingonmyeyeshadesandrealizedIhadwetthemwithmytears.
IwasalreadyfeelingwideopenandundefendedwhenitdawnedonmethatI
wasn’ttalkingtoIsaac,ornotonlytohim,buttomyselfaswell.Somethinghard
andsomethingsoft:thepairedtermskeptturningoverlikeacoin.Thenight
beforecomingtoFritz’splace,Ihadspokentotwothousandpeopleinaconcert
hall,trackedacrossastagebyaspotlightasIplayedtheroleofthemanwiththe
answers,theonepeoplecoulddependontoexplainthings.Thiswasmuchthe
sameroleIplayedinmyfamilygrowingup,notonlyformyyoungersisters,
but,intimesofcrisis,formyparentstoo.(Evennow,mysistersstubbornly
refuseevertoacceptfrommethewords“Idon’tknow.”)“Sonowlookatme!”I
thought,asmilebloomingonmyface:thisgrownmanblindfoldedandlaidout
onthefloorofapsychedelictherapist’syurt,chasingaftermymindasit
wanderedheedlesslythroughthewoodsofmylife,warmtears—ofwhat?I
didn’tknow!—slidingdownmycheeks.
ThiswasunfamiliarterritoryformeandnotatallwhereIexpectedtofind
myselfonLSD.Ihadn’ttraveledveryfarfromhome.Insteadofthedemonsand
angelsandvariousotherentitiesIwasexpectingtomeet,Iwashavingaseries
ofencounterswiththepeopleinmyfamily.Ivisitedeachoftheminturn,the
musicsettingthetone,andtheemotionscameovermeingreatwaves,whether
ofadmiration(formysistersandmother,whomIpicturedseatedarounda
horseshoe-shapedtable—liketheUN!—eachofthemrepresentingadifferent
idealoffemininestrength);gratitude;orcompassion,especiallyformyfather,a
manbothdrivenandpursuedformuchofhislife,andsomeonewhombefore
thismomentI’dneverbeforefullyimaginedasason,andasonofferociously
demandingparents.
Thefloodtideofcompassionoverfloweditsbanksandleakedintosome
unexpectedplaces,likemyfourth-grademusicclass.HereIinexplicably
encounteredpoorMr.Roper,thisearnestyoungmaninacheapsuitwhoinspite
ofheroiceffortscouldnotgetustogiveashitaboutthesectionsofanorchestra
hemappedontheboardorthecharactersofthevariousinstruments,nomatter
howmanytimesheplayedPeterandtheWolfforus.Ashepacedtheclassroom
inhisexcitement,wewouldwaitinbreathlesssuspenseforhimtostepononeof
theupturnedthumbtacksweplacedinhispath,athrillforwhichwewere
willingtoriskstayingafterschoolindetention.ButwhowasthisMr.Roper,
really?Whycouldn’tweseethatbehindthecartoonfigurewetorturedso
mercilesslywas,nodoubt,adecentguywhowantednothingmorethantoignite
inushispassionformusic?Theunthinkingcrueltyofchildrensentaquick
shiverofshamethroughme.Butthen:WhatasurfeitofcompassionImustbe
feeling,tosparethatmuchforMr.Roper!
Andcrestingoveralltheseencounterscameacascadingdambreakoflove,
loveforJudithandIsaacandeveryoneinmyfamily,loveevenformy
impossiblegrandmotherandherlong-sufferinghusband.Thenextday,during
ourintegrationsession,FritzreadfromhisnotestwothingsIapparentlysaid
aloudduringthispartofthejourney:“Idon’twanttobesostingywithmy
feelings.”And,“Allthistimespentworryingaboutmyheart.Whataboutallthe
otherheartsinmylife?”
Itembarrassesmetowritethesewords;theysoundsothin,sobanal.Thisisa
failureofmylanguage,nodoubt,butperhapsitisnotonlythat.Psychedelic
experiencesarenotoriouslyhardtorenderinwords;totryisnecessarilytodo
violencetowhathasbeenseenandfelt,whichisinsomefundamentalwaypre-
orpost-linguisticor,asstudentsofmysticismsay,ineffable.Emotionsarrivein
alltheirnewbornnakedness,unprotectedfromtheharshlightofscrutinyand,
especially,thepitilessglareofirony.Platitudesthatwouldn’tseemoutofplace
onaHallmarkcardglowwiththeforceofrevealedtruth.
Loveiseverything.
Okay,butwhatelsedidyoulearn?
No—youmustnothaveheardme:it’severything!
Isaplatitudesodeeplyfeltstilljustaplatitude?No,Idecided.Aplatitudeis
preciselywhatisleftofatruthafterithasbeendrainedofallemotion.To
resaturatethatdriedhuskwithfeelingistoseeitagainforwhatitis:the
loveliestandmostdeeplyrootedoftruths,hiddeninplainsight.Aspiritual
insight?Maybeso.Oratleastthat’showitappearedinthemiddleofmy
journey.Psychedelicscanmakeeventhemostcynicalofusintofervent
evangelistsoftheobvious.
Youcouldsaythemedicinemakesyoustupid,butaftermyjourneythrough
whatmustsoundlikeabanalandsentimentallandscape,Idon’tthinkthat’sit.
Forwhatafterallisthesenseofbanality,ortheironicperspective,ifnottwoof
thesturdierdefensestheadultegodeploystokeepfrombeingoverwhelmed—
byouremotions,certainly,butperhapsalsobyoursenses,whichareliableat
anytimetoastonishuswithnewsofthesheerwonderoftheworld.Ifweare
evertogetthroughtheday,weneedtoputmostofwhatweperceiveintoboxes
neatlylabeled“Known,”tobequicklyshelvedwithlittlethoughttothemarvels
therein,and“Novel,”towhich,understandably,wepaymoreattention,atleast
untilitisn’tthatanymore.Apsychedelicisliabletotakealltheboxesoffthe
shelf,openandremoveeventhemostfamiliaritems,turningthemoverand
imaginativelyscrubbingthemuntiltheyshineonceagainwiththelightoffirst
sight.Isthisreclassificationofthefamiliarawasteoftime?Ifitis,thensoisa
lotofart.Itseemstomethereisgreatvalueinsuchrenovation,themoresoas
wegrowolderandcometothinkwe’veseenandfeltitallbefore.
YetonehundredmicrogramsofLSDhadsurelynotpropelledmeintothelap
ofGod,asithadLeoZeff;evenafterthebooster(anotherfiftymicrograms,
whichIwaseagertotake,inhopesofgoingdeeperandlonger).Inever
achievedatranscendent,“non-dual”or“mystical-like”experience,andasI
recappedthejourneywithFritzthefollowingmorning,Iregisteredacertain
disappointment.ButthenovelplaneofconsciousnessI’dspentafewhours
wanderingonhadbeeninterestingandpleasurableand,Ithink,usefultome.I
wouldhavetoseeifitseffectsendured,butitfeltasthoughtheexperiencehad
openedmeupinunexpectedways.
Becausetheacidhadnotcompletelydissolvedmyego,Inevercompletely
losttheabilitytoredirectthestreamofmyconsciousnessortheawarenessitwas
infactmine.Butthestreamitselffeltdistinctlydifferent,lesssubjecttowillor
outsideinterference.Itremindedmeofthepleasantlybizarrementalspacethat
sometimesopensupatnightinbedwhenwe’repoisedbetweenthestatesof
beingawakeandfallingasleep—so-calledhypnagogicconsciousness.Theego
seemstosignoffafewmomentsbeforetherestoftheminddoes,leavingthe
fieldofconsciousnessunsupervisedandvulnerabletogentleeruptionsof
imageryandhallucinatorysnatchesofnarrative.Imaginethatstateextended
indefinitely,yetwithsomeabilitytodirectyourattentiontothisorthat,asifin
anespeciallyvividandabsorbingdaydream.Unlikeadaydream,however,you
arefullypresenttothecontentsofwhatevernarrativeisunfolding,completely
insideitandbeyondthereachofdistraction.Ihadlittlechoicebuttoobeythe
daydream’slogic,itsontologicalandepistemologicalrules,until,eitherbyforce
ofwillorbythefreshnotesofanewsong,thementalchannelwouldchangeand
Iwouldfindmyselfsomewhereelseentirely.
This,Iguess,iswhathappenswhentheego’sgriponthemindisrelaxedbut
noteliminated,asalargerdosewouldprobablyhavedone.“Forthemomentthat
interferingneuroticwho,inwakinghours,triestoruntheshow,wasblessedly
outoftheway,”asAldousHuxleyputitinTheDoorsofPerception.Not
entirelyoutofthewayinmycase,buttheLSDhaddefinitelymuffledthat
controllingvoice,andinthatlightlyregulatedspaceallsortsofinterestingthings
couldbubbleup,thingsthatanyself-respectingegowouldprobablyhavekept
submerged.
IhadhadapsycholyticdoseofLSD,onethatallowedthepatienttoexplore
hispsycheinanunconstrainedbutstilldeliberatemannerwhileremaining
sufficientlycombobulatedtotalkaboutit.Formeitfeltlesslikeadrug
experience—theLSDfeelscompletelytransparent,withnoneofthe
physiologicalnoiseIassociatewithotherpsychoactivedrugs—thananovel
modeofcognition,fallingsomewherebetweenintellectionandfeeling.Ihad
conjuredseveralofthepeopleclosesttome,andinthepresenceofeachofthem
hadcomestrongeremotionsthanIhadfeltinsometime.Adamhadbeen
breached,andthesensationofreleasefeltwonderful.Too,afewgenuine
insightshademergedfromtheseencounters,liketheoneaboutmyfatherasa
son,whichturnedonanactofimagination(ofempathy)thatevengrown
childrenseldomhavesufficientdistancetoperform.Duringourintegration
session,FritzmentionedthatsomepeopleonLSDhaveanexperiencethatin
contentandcharacterismorelikeMDMAthanaclassicpsychedelictrip;maybe
whatIhadhadwastheMDMAsessionI’dhadtopassup.Thenotionofafew
yearsofpsychotherapycondensedintoseveralhoursseemedaboutright,
especiallyafterFritzandIspentthatmorningunpackingthescenesfrommy
journey.
AsIsteeredmyrentalcardownthemountainandtowardtheairportforthe
flighthome,Iwasrelievedthattheexperiencehadbeensobenign(Ihad
survived!Hadrousednosleepingmonstersinmyunconscious!)andgratefulit
hadbeenproductive.Allthatdayandwellintothenext,ahigh-pressuresystem
ofwell-beingdominatedmypsychologicalweather.Judithfoundmeunusually
chattyandavailable;myusualimpatiencewasinabeyance,andIcouldoutlast
heratthetableafterdinner,beinginnohurrytogetupanddothedishessoI
couldmoveontothenextthingandthenthethingafterthat.Iguessedthiswas
theafterglowI’dreadabout,andforafewdaysitcastapleasantlytheatrical
lightovereverything,italicizingtheordinaryinsuchawayastomakemefeel
uncommonly...appreciative.
Itdidn’tlast,however,andintimeIgrewdisappointedthattheexperience
hadn’tbeenmoretransformative.Ihadbeengrantedatasteofaslightlyother
waytobe—lessdefended,Iwouldsay,andsomorepresent.AndnowthatIhad
acquaintedmyselfwiththeterritoryandreturnedfromthisfirstforaymoreor
lessintact,Idecideditwastimetoventurefartherout.
TripTwo:Psilocybin
Mysecondjourneybeganaroundanaltar,inthemiddleofasecond-storyloftin
asuburbofasmallcityontheEasternSeaboard.Thealtarwasbeingprayed
overbyanattractivewomanwithlongblondhairpartedinthemiddleandhigh
cheekbonesthatImentiononlybecausetheywouldlaterfigureinher
transformationintoaMexicanIndian.Seatedacrossthealtarfromme,Mary’s
eyeswereclosedassherecitedalongandelaborateNativeAmericanprayer.
Sheinvokedinturnthepowerofeachofthecardinaldirections,thefour
elements,andtheanimal,plant,andmineralrealms,thespiritsofwhichshe
imploredtohelpguidemeonmyjourney.
Myeyeswereclosedtoo,butnowandagainIcouldn’tresistpeekingoutto
takeinthescene:thesquash-coloredloftwithitspottedplantsandsymbolsof
fertilityandfemalepower;theembroideredpurplefabricfromPeruthatcovered
thealtar;andthecollectionofitemsarrayedacrossit,includinganamethystin
theshapeofaheart,apurplecrystalholdingacandle,littlecupsfilledwith
water,abowlholdingafewrectanglesofdarkchocolate,thetwo“sacreditems”
shehadaskedmetobring(abronzeBuddhaaclosefriendhadbroughtback
fromatriptotheEast;thepsilocybincoinRolandGriffithshadgivenmeatour
firstmeeting),and,squarelybeforeme,anantiqueplatedecoratedina
grandmotherlyfloralpatternthatheldthebiggestpsilocybinmushroomIhad
everseen.ItwashardtobelieveIwasabouttoeatthewholething.
ThecrowdedaltaralsoheldabranchofsageandastubofPaloSanto,a
fragrantSouthAmericanwoodthatIndiansburnceremonially,andthejet-black
wingofacrow.Atvariouspointsintheceremony,MarylitthesageandthePalo
Santo,usingthewingto“smudge”mewiththesmoke—guidethespirits
throughthespacearoundmyhead.Thewingmadeanotherworldlywhooshas
sheflickeditbymyear,thespookysoundofalargebirdcomingtooclosefor
comfort,oradarkspiritbeingshooedawayfromabody.
Thewholethingmustsoundridiculouslyhokey,Iknow,buttheconviction
Marybroughttotheceremony,togetherwiththearomasoftheburningplants
andthesoundsofthewingpulsingtheair—plusmyownnervousnessaboutthe
journeyinstore—castaspellthatallowedmetosuspendmydisbelief.Ihad
decidedtogivemyselfuptothisbigmushroom,andforMary,theguideto
whomIhadentrustedmypsycheforthisjourney,ceremonycountedforasmuch
aschemistry.Inthisshewasactingmorelikeashamanthanapsychologist.
MaryhadbeenrecommendedbyaguideI’dinterviewedontheWestCoast,a
rabbiwhohadtakenaninterestinmypsychedeliceducation.Mary,whowasmy
age,hadtrainedwiththeeighty-somethingstudentofTimothyLearywhomI
hadinterviewedanddecidedwasalittletoofaroutthereforme.Onemight
thinkthesameofMary,onpaper,butsomethingabouthermanner,hersobriety,
andherevidentcompassionmadememorecomfortableinherpresence.
MaryhadpracticedthewholegrabbagofNewAgetherapies,fromenergy
healingtospiritualpsychologytofamilyconstellationtherapy,*beforebeing
introducedtomedicineworkwhenshewasfifty.(“Itcreatedthegluethat
broughttogetherallthisotherworkI’dbeendoing.”)Atthetime,Maryhadused
apsychedeliconlyonceandlongago:athertwenty-firstbirthdaypartywhilein
college.Afriendhadgivenherajarofhoneylacedwithpsilocybinmushrooms.
Maryimmediatelywentuptoherroom,atetwoorthreespoonfuls,“andhadthe
mostprofoundexperienceofbeingwithGod.IwasGodandGodwasme.”
Friendswhohadbeenpartyingdownstairscameuptoknockatherdoor,but
Marywasgone.
AsachildgrowingupoutsideProvidence,Maryhadbeenanenthusiastic
Catholic,until“IrealizedIwasagirl”—afactthatwoulddisqualifyherfrom
everperformingtheceremoniesshecherished.Mary’sreligiositylaydormant
untilthattasteofhoney,which“catapultedmeintoahugechange,”shetoldme
thefirsttimewemet.“IdroppedintosomethingIhadn’tfeltconnectedtosinceI
wasalittlegirl.”Thereawakeningofherspirituallifeledherontothepathof
TibetanBuddhismandeventuallytotakethevowofaninitiate:“‘Toassistall
sentientbeingsintheirawakeningandtheirenlightenment.’Whichisstillmy
vocation.”
Andnowsittingbeforeherinhertreatmentroomwasme,thenextsentient
beingondeck,hopingtobewakened.Isharedmyintention:tolearnwhatI
couldaboutmyselfandalsoaboutthenatureofconsciousness—myownbut
alsoits“transpersonal”dimension,ifsuchadimensionexists.
“Themushroomteacherhelpsustoseewhowereallyare,”Marysaid,
“bringsusbacktooursoul’spurposeforbeinghereinthislifetime.”Ican
imaginehowthesewordsmightsoundtoanoutsider.ButbynowIwasinuredto
theNewAgelingo,perhapsbecauseIhadglimpsedthepotentialforsomething
meaningfulbehindthewell-wornwords.I’dalsobeenimpressedbyMary’s
intelligenceandherprofessionalism.Inadditiontohavingmeconsenttothe
standard“agreements”(bowingtoherauthorityfortheduration;remainingin
theroomuntilshegavemepermissiontoleave;nosexualcontact;andsoon),
shehadmefilloutadetailedmedicalform,alegalrelease,andafifteen-page
autobiographicalquestionnairethattookmethebetterpartofadaytocomplete.
AllofwhichmademefeelIwasingoodhands—evenwhenthosehandswere
flappingacrow’swingaroundmyhead.
Yet,asIsattherebeforethealtar,itseemeddoubtfulIcouldchokedownthat
wholemushroom.Ithadtobefiveorsixincheslong,withacapthesizeofa
golfball.IaskedherifIcouldcrumbleitintoaglassofhotwater,makeatea,
anddrinkit.
“Bettertobefullyconsciousofwhatyou’redoing,”shesaid,“whichis
eatingamushroomthatcamefromtheearth,onebiteatatime.Examineitfirst,
closely,thenstartatthecap.”Sheofferedmeachoiceofhoneyorchocolateto
helpgetitdown;Iwentwiththechocolate.Maryhadtoldmethatafriendof
hersgrowsthepsilocybinandhadlearnedthecraftyearsagoinamushroom
cultivationworkshoptaughtbyPaulStamets.Itseemsthereisonlyoneortwo
degreesofseparationbetweenanytwopeopleinthisworld.
Onthetongue,themushroomwasdryasthedesertandtastedlikeearth-
flavoredcardboard,butalternatingeachbitewithanibbleofthechocolate
helped.Exceptforthegnarlybitattheverybaseofthestipe,Iateallofit,which
amountedtotwograms.Maryplannedtooffermeanothertwogramsalongthe
way,foratotaloffour.Thiswouldroughlyapproximatethedosebeinggivento
volunteersintheNYUandHopkinstrialsandwasequivalenttoroughlythree
hundredmicrogramsofLSD—twiceasmuchasIhadtakenwithFritz.
WechattedquietlyfortwentyminutesorsobeforeMarynoticedmyfacewas
flushedandsuggestedIliedownandputoneyeshades.Ichoseapairofhigh-
techblackplasticones,whichinretrospectmighthavebeenamistake.The
perimeterswerelinedwithsoftblackfoamrubber,allowingthewearertoopen
hiseyestopitchdarkness.CalledtheMindfoldRelaxationMask,Marytoldme,
ithadbeenexpresslydesignedforthispurposebyAlexGrey,thepsychedelic
artist.
AssoonasMaryputonthefirstsong—atrulyinsipidNewAgecomposition
bysomeonenamedThierryDavid(anartistthricenominated,Iwouldlater
learn,inthecategoryofBestChill/GrooveAlbum)—Iwasimmediately
propelledintoanighttimeurbanlandscapethatappearedtohavebeengenerated
byacomputer.Onceagain,soundbegatspace(“inthebeginningwasthenote,”
Irememberthinking,withasenseofprofundity),andwhatItooktobeThierry’s
electronicaconjuredadepopulatedfuturisticcity,witheachnoteforming
anothersoftblackstalagmiteorstalactitethattogetherresembledthehigh-relief
soundproofingmaterialusedtolinerecordingstudios.(Theblackfoamforming
thishigh-relieflandscape,Irealizedlater,wasthesamematerialliningmy
eyeshades.)Imovedeffortlesslythroughthisdigitalnightscapeasifwithinthe
confinesofavideo-gamedystopia.Thoughtheplacewasn’tparticularly
frightening,andithadacertainsleekbeauty,Ihatedbeinginitandwishedtobe
somewhereelse,butitwentonseeminglyforeverandforhours,withnoway
out.ItoldMaryIdidn’tliketheelectronicmusicandaskedhertoputon
somethingelse,butthoughthefeelingtonechangedwiththenewmusic,Iwas
stillstuckinthissunlesscomputerworld.Why,oh,whycouldn’tIbeoutside!In
nature?BecauseIhadnevermuchenjoyedvideogames,thisseemedcruel,an
expulsionfromthegarden:noplants,nopeople,nosunlight.
Notthatthecomputerworldwasn’taninterestingplacetoexplore.Iwatched
inaweas,onebyone,musicalnotesturnedintopalpableformsbeforemyeyes.
Annoyingmusicwasthepresidingdeityoftheplace,thegenerativeforce.Even
themostspa-appropriateNewAgecompositionhadthepowertospawnfractal
patternsinspacethatgrewandbranchedandmultipliedtoinfinity.Weirdly,
everythinginmyvisualfieldwasblack,butinsomanydifferentshadesthatit
waseasytosee.Iwastraversingaworldgeneratedbymathematicalalgorithms,
andthisgaveitacertainalienated,lifelessbeauty.Butwhoseworldwasit?Not
mine,andIbegantowonder,whosebrainamIin?(Please,notThierryDavid’s!)
“Thiscouldeasilytakeaterrifyingturn,”itoccurredtome,andwiththata
dimtideofanxietybegantobuild.Recallingtheflightinstructions,Itoldmyself
therewasnothingtodobutletgoandsurrendertotheexperience.Relaxand
floatdownstream.Thiswasnotatalllikeprevioustrips,whichhadleftmemore
orlessthecaptainofmyattention,abletodirectitthiswayorthatandchange
thementalchannelatwill.No,thiswasmorelikebeingstrappedintothefront
carofacosmicrollercoaster,itsheedlessheadlongtrajectorydetermining
momentbymomentwhatwouldappearinmyfieldofconsciousness.
Actually,thisisnotcompletelyaccurate:allIhadtodowastoremovemy
eyeshadesandreality,oratleastsomethinglooselybasedonit,would
reconstituteitself.ThisiswhatInowdid,partlytosatisfymyselfthattheworld
wasstillexistingbutmostlybecauseIbadlyhadtopee.
Sunlightandcolorfloodedmyeyes,andIdrankitingreedily,surveyingthe
roomforthewelcomesignifiersofnon-digitalreality:walls,windows,plants.
Butallofitappearedinanewaspect:jeweledwithlight.IrealizedIshould
probablyputonmyglasses,whichpartlydomesticatedthescene,butonly
partly:objectscontinuedtosendtheirsparklesoflightmyway.Igotup
carefullyfromthemattress,firstontooneknee,then,unsteadily,ontomyfeet.
Marytookmebytheelbow,geriatrically,andtogetherwemadethejourney
acrosstheroom.Iavoidedlookingather,uncertainwhatImightseeinherface
orbetrayinmine.Atthebathroomdoorsheletgoofmyelbow.
Inside,thebathroomwasariotofsparklinglight.ThearcofwaterIsentforth
wastrulythemostbeautifulthingIhadeverseen,awaterfallofdiamonds
cascadingintoapool,breakingitssurfaceintoabillionclatteringfractalsof
light.Thiswentonforapleasanteternity.WhenIwasoutofdiamonds,Iwentto
thesinkandsplashedmyfacewithwater,makingsurenottocatchsightof
myselfinthemirror,whichseemedlikeapsychologicallyriskythingtodo.I
mademyunsteadywaybacktothemattressandlaydown.
Speakingsoftly,MaryaskedifIwantedabooster.Ididandsatuptoreceive
it.Marywassquattingnexttome,andwhenIfinallylookedupintoherface,I
sawshehadturnedintoMaríaSabina,theMexicancuranderawhohadgiven
psilocybintoR.GordonWassoninthatdirtbasementinHuautladeJiménez
sixtyyearsago.Herhairwasblack,herface,stretchedtautoveritshigh
cheekbones,wasancientlyweathered,andshewaswearingasimplewhite
peasantdress.Itookthedriedmushroomfromthewoman’swrinkledbrown
handandlookedawayasIchewed.Ididn’tthinkIshouldtellMarywhathad
happenedtoher.(Later,whenIdid,shewasflattered:MaríaSabinawasher
hero.)
•••
BUTTHEREWASSOMETHINGIneededtodobeforeputtingmyeyeshadesbackon
andgoingbackunder,alittleexperimentIhadtoldMaryIwantedtoperformon
myselfduringmytrip.Iwasn’tsureifinmyconditionIcouldpullitoff,butI’d
foundthateveninthemiddleofthejourneyitwaspossibletosummononeself
toasemblanceofnormalityforafewmomentsatatime.
Loadedonmylaptopwasabriefvideoofarotatingfacemask,usedina
psychologicaltestcalledthebinoculardepthinversionillusion.Asthemask
rotatesinspace,itsconvexsideturningtorevealitsconcaveback,something
remarkablehappens:thehollowmaskappearstopopouttobecomeconvex
again.Thisisatrickperformedbythemind,whichassumesallfacestobe
convex,andsoautomaticallycorrectsfortheseemingerror—unless,asa
neuroscientisthadtoldme,onewasundertheinfluenceofapsychedelic.
Thisauto-correctfeatureisahallmarkofourperception,whichinthesane,
adultmindisbasedasmuchoneducatedguessworkastherawdataofthe
senses.Byadulthood,themindhasgottenverygoodatobservingandtesting
realityanddevelopingconfidentpredictionsaboutitthatoptimizeour
investmentsofenergy(mentalandotherwise)andthereforeoursurvival.So
ratherthanstartingfromscratchtobuildanewperceptionfromeverybatchof
rawdatadeliveredbythesenses,themindjumpstothemostsensibleconclusion
basedonpastexperiencecombinedwithatinysampleofthatdata.Ourbrains
arepredictionmachinesoptimizedbyexperience,andwhenitcomestofaces,
theyhaveboatloadsofexperience:facesarealwaysconvex,sothishollowmask
mustbeapredictionerrortobecorrected.
Theseso-calledBayesianinferences(namedforThomasBayes,the
eighteenth-centuryEnglishphilosopherwhodevelopedthemathematicsof
probability,onwhichthesementalpredictionsarebased)serveuswellmostof
thetime,speedingperceptionwhilesavingeffortandenergy,buttheycanalso
trapusinliterallypreconceivedimagesofrealitythataresimplyfalse,asinthe
caseoftherotatingmask.
YetitturnsoutthatBayesianinferencebreaksdowninsomepeople:
schizophrenicsand,accordingtosomeneuroscientists,peopleonhighdosesof
psychedelicsdrugs,neitherofwhom“see”inthispredictiveorconventionalized
manner.(Nordoyoungchildren,whohaveyettobuildthesortofdatabase
necessaryforconfidentpredictions.)Thisraisesaninterestingquestion:Isit
possiblethattheperceptionsofschizophrenics,peopletrippingonpsychedelics,
andyoungchildrenare,atleastincertaininstances,moreaccurate—less
influencedbyexpectationandthereforemorefaithfultoreality—thanthoseof
saneandsoberadults?
Beforewestarted,Ihadcuedupthevideoonmylaptop,andnowIclickedto
runit.Themaskonthescreen,grayagainstablackground,wasclearlythe
productofcomputeranimationandwasuncannilyconsistentwiththevisual
styleoftheworldI’dbeenin.(DuringmyintegrationsessionwithMarythenext
day,shesuggestedthatitmighthavebeenthisimageonmylaptopthathad
conjuredthecomputerworldandtrappedmeinit.Couldtherebeabetter
demonstrationofthepowerofsetandsetting?)Astheconvexfacerotatedto
revealitsconcaveback,themaskpoppedbackout,onlyabitmoreslowlythan
itdidbeforeIatethemushroom.Evidently,Bayesianinferencewasstill
operationalinmybrain.I’dtryagainlater.
•••
WHENIPUTMYEYESHADESbackonandlaydown,Iwasdisappointedtofind
myselfbackincomputerworld,butsomethinghadchanged,nodoubttheresult
ofthestepped-updose.WhereasbeforeInavigatedthislandscapeasmyself,
takinginthescenefromaperspectiverecognizableasmyown,withmy
attitudesintact(highlycriticalofthemusic,forinstance,andanxiousaboutwhat
demonsmightappear),nowIwatchedasthatfamiliarselfbegantofallapart
beforemyeyes,graduallyatfirstandthenallatonce.
“I”nowturnedintoasheafoflittlepapers,nobiggerthanPost-its,andthey
werebeingscatteredtothewind.Butthe“I”takinginthisseemingcatastrophe
hadnodesiretochaseaftertheslipsandpilemyoldselfbacktogether.No
desiresofanykind,infact.WhoeverInowwaswasfinewithwhatever
happened.Nomoreego?Thatwasokay,infactthemostnaturalthinginthe
world.AndthenIlookedandsawmyselfoutthereagain,butthistimespread
overthelandscapelikepaint,orbutter,thinlycoatingawideexpanseofthe
worldwithasubstanceIrecognizedasme.
Butwhowasthis“I”thatwasabletotakeinthesceneofitsowndissolution?
Goodquestion.Itwasn’tme,exactly.Here,thelimitsofourlanguagebecomea
problem:inordertocompletelymakesenseofthedividethathadopenedupin
myperspective,Iwouldneedawholenewfirst-personpronoun.Forwhatwas
observingthescenewasavantageandmodeofawarenessentirelydistinctfrom
myaccustomedself;infactIhesitatetousethe“I”todenotethepresiding
awareness,itwassodifferentfrommyusualfirstperson.Wherethatselfhad
alwaysbeenasubjectencapsulatedinthisbody,thisoneseemedunboundedby
anybody,eventhoughInowhadaccesstoitsperspective.Thatperspectivewas
supremelyindifferent,neutralonallquestionsofinterpretation,andunperturbed
eveninthefaceofwhatshouldbyallrightshavebeenanunmitigatedpersonal
disaster.Yetthe“personal”hadbeenobliterated.EverythingIoncewasand
calledme,thisselfsixdecadesinthemaking,hadbeenliquefiedanddispersed
overthescene.Whathadalwaysbeenathinking,feeling,perceivingsubject
basedinherewasnowanobjectoutthere.Iwaspaint!
Thesovereignego,withallitsarmamentsandfears,itsbackward-looking
resentmentsandforward-lookingworries,wassimplynomore,andtherewasno
onelefttomournitspassing.Yetsomethinghadsucceededit:thisbare
disembodiedawareness,whichgazeduponthesceneoftheselfsdissolution
withbenignindifference.Iwaspresenttorealitybutassomethingotherthanmy
self.Andalthoughtherewasnoselflefttofeel,exactly,therewasafeelingtone,
whichwascalm,unburdened,content.Therewaslifeafterthedeathoftheego.
Thiswasbignews.
WhenIthinkbackonthispartoftheexperience,I’veoccasionallywondered
ifthisenduringawarenessmighthavebeenthe“MindatLarge”thatAldous
Huxleydescribedduringhismescalinetripin1953.Huxleyneverquitedefined
whathemeantbytheterm—excepttospeakof“thetotalityoftheawareness
belongingtoMindatLarge”—butheseemstobedescribingauniversal,
shareableformofconsciousnessunboundedbyanysinglebrain.Othershave
calleditcosmicconsciousness,theOversoul,orUniversalMind.Thisis
supposedtoexistoutsideourbrains—asapropertyoftheuniverse,likelightor
gravity,andjustaspervasive.Constitutivetoo.Certainindividualsatcertain
timesgainaccesstothisawareness,allowingthemtoperceiverealityinits
perfectedlight,atleastforatime.
Nothinginmyexperienceledmetobelievethisnovelformofconsciousness
originatedoutsideme;itseemsjustasplausible,andsurelymoreparsimonious,
toassumeitwasaproductofmybrain,justliketheegoitsupplanted.Yetthis
byitselfstrikesmeasaremarkablegift:thatwecanletgoofsomuch—the
desires,fears,anddefensesofalifetime!—withoutsufferingcomplete
annihilation.ThismightnotcomeasasurprisetoBuddhists,transcendentalists,
orexperiencedmeditators,butitwassurenewstome,whohasneverfelt
anythingbutidenticaltomyego.Coulditbethereisanothergroundonwhichto
plantourfeet?Forthefirsttimesinceembarkingonthisproject,Ibeganto
understandwhatthevolunteersinthecancer-anxietytrialshadbeentryingtotell
me:howitwasthatapsychedelicjourneyhadgrantedthemaperspectivefrom
whichtheveryworstlifecanthrowatus,uptoandincludingdeath,couldbe
regardedobjectivelyandacceptedwithequanimity.
•••
ACTUALLY,thisunderstandingarrivedalittlelater,duringthelastpartofmy
psilocybintrip,whenthejourneytookadarkerturn.Afterspendinganunknown
numberofhoursincomputerworld—fortimewascompletelylostonme—I
registeredthedesiretocheckbackinonreality,andtopeeagain.Samedeal:
Maryguidedmetothebathroombytheelbow,geriatrically,andleftmethereto
produceanotherspectacularcropofdiamonds.ButthistimeIdaredtolookin
themirror.Whatlookedbackatmewasahumanskull,butforthethinnest,
palestlayerofskinstretchedoverit,tightasadrum.Thebathroomwas
decoratedinaMexicanfolkarttheme,andthehead/skullimmediatelyputmein
mindoftheDayoftheDead.Withitsdeepsocketsandlightningboltofvein
zigzaggingdownitstempleononeside,Irecognizedthisashenhead/skullasmy
ownbutatthesametimeasmydeadgrandfathers.
Thiswassurprising,ifonlybecauseBob,myfathersfather,isnotsomeone
withwhomIeverfeltmuchincommon.InfactIlovedhimforallthewayshe
seemedunlikeme—oranyoneelseIknew.Bobwasapreternaturallysunnyand
seeminglyuncomplicatedmanincapableofthinkingillofanyoneorseeingevil
intheworld.(Hiswife,Harriet,amplycompensatedforhisgenerosityofspirit.)
Bobhadalongcareerasaliquorsalesman,makingtheweeklyroundsofthe
nightclubsinTimesSquareforacompanythateveryonebutheknewwasowned
bythemob.UponreachingtheageIamnow,heretiredtobecomeapainterof
lovelynaivelandscapesandabstractionsinspectacularcolors;I’dbroughtone
ofthemwithmetoMary’sroom,alongwithawatercolorofJudith’s.Bobwasa
genuinelyhappy,angst-freemanwholivedtobeninety-six,hispaintings
becomingevermorecolorful,abstract,andfreetowardtheend.
Toseehimsovividlyinmyreflectionwaschilling.Afewyearsbefore,
visitingBobinthenursinghomeintheColoradodesertwherehewouldsoon
die,I’dwatchedwhathadbeenafitandvigorousman(ithadbeenhishabitto
standonhisheadeverydaywellintohiseighties)contractintoaparenthesisof
skinandbonesmaroonedinatinybed.Theesophagealmusclesrequiredto
swallowhadgivenout,andhewastetheredtoafeedingtube.Bythen,his
situationwaspitifulinsomanyrespects,butforsomereasonIfixedonthefact
thatneveragainwouldatasteoffoodevercrosshislips.
Isplashedcoldwateronourjointfaceandmademyunsteadywaybackto
Mary.
Riskinganotherglanceather,thistimeIwasrewardedbythesightofa
ravishingyoungwoman,blondonceagainbutnowinthefullradianceofyouth.
MarywassobeautifulIhadtolookaway.
Shegavemeanothersmallmushroom—gramnumberfour—andapieceof
chocolate.BeforeIputonmyeyeshade,Iattemptedtoconducttherotating
masktestasecondtime...anditwasacompletebust,neitherconfirmingnor
disprovingthehypothesis.Asthemaskbegantorotate,graduallybringingits
backsideintoview,thewholethingdissolvedintoagrayjellythatsliddownthe
screenofmylaptopbeforeIcoulddeterminewhetherthemeltingmaskIwas
watchingwasconvexorconcave.Somuchforconductingpsychological
experimentswhiletripping.
Iputonmyeyeshadesandsankbackdownintowhatnowbecameacracked
andparcheddesertlandscapedensewithartifactsandimagesofdeath.Bleached
skullsandbonesandthefacesofthefamiliardeadpassedbeforeme,auntsand
unclesandgrandparents,friendsandteachersandmyfather-in-law—witha
voicetellingmeIhadfailedtoproperlymournallofthem.Itwastrue.Ihad
neverreallyreckonedthedeathofanyoneinmylife;somethinghadalways
gottenintheway.Icoulddoithereandnowanddid.
Ilookedhardateachoftheirfaces,oneafteranother,withapitythatseemed
bottomlessbutwithnofearwhatsoever.Exceptonce,whenIcametomyaunt
Ruthellenandwatched,horrified,asherfaceslowlytransformedintoJudith’s.
RuthellenandJudithwerebothartists,andbothhadbeendiagnosedwithbreast
canceraroundthesametime.ThecancerhadkilledRuthellenandsparedJudith.
SowhatwasJudithdoingdownhereamongtheunmourneddead?HadIbeen
defendingmyselfagainstthatpossibilityallthistime?Heartwideopen,defenses
melting,thetearsbegantoflow.
•••
I’VELEFTOUToneimportantpartofmyjourneytotheunderworld:the
soundtrack.Beforegoingbackunderforthislastpassage,IhadaskedMaryto
pleasestopplayingspamusicandputonsomethingclassical.Wesettledonthe
secondofBach’sunaccompaniedcellosuites,performedbyYo-YoMa.The
suiteinDminorisaspareandmournfulpiecethatI’dheardmanytimesbefore,
oftenatfunerals,butuntilthismomentIhadnevertrulylistenedtoit.
Though“listen”doesn’tbegintodescribewhattranspiredbetweenmeand
thevibrationsofairsetinmotionbythefourstringsofthatcello.Neverbefore
hasapieceofmusicpiercedmeasdeeplyasthisonedidnow.Thoughevento
callit“music”istodiminishwhatnowbegantoflow,whichwasnothingless
thanthestreamofhumanconsciousness,somethinginwhichonemightglean
theverymeaningoflifeand,ifyoucouldbearit,readlife’slastchapter.(A
questionformed:Whydon’tweplaymusiclikethisatbirthsaswellasfunerals?
Andtheanswercameimmediately:thereistoomuchlife-already-livedinthis
piece,andpoignancyforthepassingoftimethatnobirth,nobeginning,could
possiblywithstandit.)
Fourhoursandfourgramsofmagicmushroomintothejourney,thisiswhere
IlostwhateverabilityIstillhadtodistinguishsubjectfromobject,tellapart
whatremainedofmeandwhatwasBach’smusic.InsteadofEmerson’s
transparenteyeball,egolessandonewithallitbeheld,Ibecameatransparent
ear,indistinguishablefromthestreamofsoundthatfloodedmyconsciousness
untiltherewasnothingelseinit,notevenadrytinycornerinwhichtoplantanI
andobserve.Openedtothemusic,Ibecamefirstthestrings,couldfeelonmy
skintheexquisitefrictionofthehorsehairrubbingoverme,andthenthebreeze
ofsoundflowingpastasitcrossedthelipsoftheinstrumentandwentoutto
meettheworld,beginningitslonelytransitoftheuniverse.ThenIpasseddown
intotheresonantblackwellofspaceinsidethecello,thevibratingenvelopeof
airformedbythecurvesofitsspruceroofandmaplewalls.Theinstrument’s
woodeninteriorformedamouthcapableofunparalleledeloquence—indeed,of
articulatingeverythingahumancouldconceive.Butthecello’sinterioralso
formedaroomtowriteinandaskullinwhichtothinkandIwasnowit,withno
remainder.
SoIbecamethecelloandmournedwithitforthetwentyorsominutesit
tookforthatpieceto,well,changeeverything.Orsoitseemed;now,its
vibrationssubsiding,I’mlesscertain.Butforthedurationofthoseexquisite
moments,Bach’scellosuitehadhadtheunmistakableeffectofreconcilingmeto
death—tothedeathsofthepeoplenowpresenttome,Bob’sandRuthellen’sand
Roy’s,Judith’sfathers,andsomanyothers,butalsotothedeathstocomeand
tomyown,nolongersofaroff.Losingmyselfinthismusicwasakindof
practiceforthat—forlosingmyself,period.Havingletgooftheropeofselfand
slippedintothewarmwatersofthisworldlybeauty—Bach’ssublimemusic,I
mean,andYo-YoMa’sbowcaressingthosefourstringssuspendedoverthat
envelopeofair—IfeltasthoughI’dpassedbeyondthereachofsufferingand
regret.
•••
THATWASMYPSILOCYBINJOURNEY,asfaithfullyasIcanrecountit.AsIreadthose
wordsnow,doubtreturnsinfullforce:“Fool,youwereondrugs!”Andit’strue:
youcanputtheexperienceinthathandyboxandthrowitaway,nevertodwell
onitagain.Nodoubtthishasbeenthefateofcountlesspsychedelicjourneys
thattheirtravelersdidn’tquiteknowwhattodowith,orfailedtomakesenseof.
Yetthoughitistruethatachemicallaunchedmeonthisjourney,itisalsotrue
thateverythingIexperiencedIexperienced:theseareeventsthattookplacein
mymind,psychologicalfactsthatwereneitherweightlessnorevanescent.
Unlikemostdreams,thetracestheseexperiencesinscribedremainindelibleand
accessible.
ThedayaftermyjourneyIwasgladfortheopportunitytoreturntoMary’s
roomforacoupleofhoursof“integration.”Ihopedtomakesenseofwhat
happenedbytellingthestoryofmytripandhearingherthoughtsaboutit.What
you’vejustreadistheresult,andthebeneficiary,ofthatwork,forimmediately
afterthejourneyIwasmuchmoreconfusedbyitthanIamnow.Whatnow
readslikeareasonablycoherentnarrativehighlightingcertainthemesbeganasa
jumbleofdisjointedimagesandshardsofsense.Toputwordstoanexperience
thatwasinfactineffableatthetime,andthentoshapethemintosentencesand
thenastory,isinevitablytodoitakindofviolence.Butthealternativeis,
literally,unthinkable.
Maryhadtakenapartthealtar,butwesatinthesamechairs,facingeach
otheracrossasmalltable.Twenty-fourhourslater,whathadIlearned?ThatI
hadhadnoreasontobeafraid:nosleepingmonstershadawakenedinmy
unconsciousandturnedonme.Thiswasadeepfearthatwentbackseveral
decades,toaterrifyingmomentinahotelroominSeattlewhen,aloneand
havingsmokedtoomuchcannabis,Ihadhadtomarshaleverylastounceofwill
tokeepmyselffromdoingsomethingdeeplycrazyandirrevocable.Butherein
thisroomIhadletdownmyguardcompletely,andnothingterriblehad
happened.TheserpentofmadnessthatIworriedmightbewaitinghadnot
surfacedorpulledmeunder.Didthismeanitdidn’texist,thatIwas
psychologicallysturdierthanIbelieved?Maybethat’swhattheepisodewith
Bobwasallabout:maybeIwasmorelikehimthanIknew,andnotnearlyas
deeporcomplicatedasIlikedtothink.(Canarecognitionofone’sshallowness
qualifyasaprofoundinsight?)Marywasn’tsosure:“Youbringadifferentself
tothejourneyeverytime.”Thedemonsmightrousethemselvesthenexttime.
ThatIcouldsurvivethedissolutionofmyegowithoutstruggleorturning
intoapuddlewassomethingtobegratefulfor,butevenbetterwasthediscovery
thattheremightbeanothervantage—onelessneuroticandmoregenerous—
fromwhichtotakeinreality.“Thataloneseemsworththepriceofadmission,”
Maryoffered,andIhadtoagree.Yet,twenty-fourhourslater,myoldegowas
backinuniformandonpatrol,sowhatlong-termgoodwasthatbeguiling
glimpseofaloftierperspective?Marysuggestedthathavinghadatasteofa
different,lessdefendedwaytobe,Imightlearn,throughpractice,torelaxthe
ego’strigger-happycommandofmyreactionstopeopleandevents.“Nowyou
havehadanexperienceofanotherwaytoreact—ornotreact.Thatcanbe
cultivated.”Meditation,shesuggested,wasonewaytodothat.
Itis,Ithink,preciselythisperspectivethathadallowedsomanyofthe
volunteersIinterviewedtoovercometheirfearsandanxieties,andinthecaseof
thesmokers,theiraddictions.Temporarilyfreedfromthetyrannyoftheego,
withitsmaddeninglyreflexivereactionsanditspinchedconceptionofone’s
self-interest,wegettoexperienceanextremeversionofKeats’s“negative
capability”—theabilitytoexistamiddoubtsandmysterieswithoutreflexively
reachingforcertainty.Tocultivatethismodeofconsciousness,withits
exceptionaldegreeofselflessness(literally!),requiresustotranscendour
subjectivityor—itcomestothesamething—widenitscirclesofarthatittakes
in,besidesourselves,otherpeopleand,beyondthat,allofnature.NowI
understoodhowapsychedeliccouldhelpustomakepreciselythatmove,from
thefirst-personsingulartothepluralandbeyond.Underitsinfluence,asenseof
ourinterconnectedness—thatplatitude—isfelt,becomesflesh.Thoughthis
perspectiveisnotsomethingachemicalcansustainformorethanafewhours,
thosehourscangiveusanopportunitytoseehowitmightgo.Andperhapsto
practicebeingthere.
IleftMary’sloftinhighspirits,butalsowiththefeelingIwasholdingonto
somethingpreciousbythethinnest,mosttenuousofthreads.Itseemeddoubtful
Icouldmaintainmygriponthisoutlookfortherestoftheday,muchlessthe
restofmylife,butitalsoseemedworthtrying.
TripThree:5-MeO-DMT(or,TheToad)
Yes,“thetoad,”ortobemoreprecise,thesmokedvenomoftheSonoranDesert
toad(Inciliusalvarius),alsocalledtheColoradoRivertoad,whichcontainsa
moleculecalled5-MeO-DMTthatisoneofthemostpotentandfast-acting
psychotropicdrugsthereis.No,Ihadneverheardofiteither.Itissoobscure,in
fact,thatthefederalgovernmentdidnotlist5-MeO-DMTasacontrolled
substanceuntil2011.
Theopportunitytosmokethetoadpoppedupsuddenly,givingmeverylittle
timetodecideifdoingsowascrazyornot.Igotacallfromoneofmysources,a
womanwhowastrainingtobecomeacertifiedpsychedelicguide,invitingmeto
meetherfriendRocío,athirty-five-year-oldMexicantherapistwhomshe
describedas“probablytheworld’sleadingexpertonthetoad.”(Thoughhow
intense,really,couldthecompetitionforthattitlebe?)Rocíoisfromthestateof
Sonora,innorthernMexico,whereshecollectsthetoadsandmilkstheirvenom;
sheadministersthemedicinetopeoplebothinMexico,whereitslegalstatusis
gray,andintheUnitedStates,whereitisn’t.(Itdoesn’tappeartobeonthe
officialradar,however.)
RocíoworkedinaclinicinMexicothattreateddrugaddictswitha
combinationofiboga,apsychedelicplantfromAfrica,and5-MeO-DMT—
apparentlywithstrikingratesofsuccess.Inrecentyears,she’sbecomethe
JohnnyAppleseedoftoad,travelingalloverNorthAmericawithhercapsulesof
crystallizedvenomandhervaporizer.Asmycircleofpsychonautsexpanded,
mostanyoneImetwho’dhadanencounterwiththetoadhadbeenintroducedto
itbyRocío.
ThefirsttimeImetRocío,atasmalldinnerorganizedbyourmutualfriend,
shetoldmeaboutthetoadandwhatImightexpectfromit.Rocíowaspetite,
pretty,andfashionablydressed,hershoulder-lengthblackhaircuttoframeher
facewithbangs.Shehasaneasysmilethatbringsoutadimpleononecheek.
NotatallwhatIexpected,Rocíolookedlessthepartofashamanorcurandera
thanthatofanurbanprofessional.
AftergoingtocollegeandworkingforafewyearsintheUnitedStates,five
yearsagoRocíofoundherselfbackathomeinMexicolivingwithherparents
andwithoutdirection.Online,shefoundamanualaboutthetoad,whichshe
learnedwasnativetothelocaldesert.(Itshabitatextendsthelengthofthe
SonoranDesertnorthintoArizona.)Ninemonthsoftheyear,thetoadlives
underground,protectedfromthedesertsunandheat,butwhenthewinterrains
come,itemergesatnightfromitsburrowforabrieforgyofeatingand
copulation.Followingtheinstructionsspelledoutinthemanual,Rocíostrapped
onaheadlampandwenthuntingfortoads.
“They’renotveryhardtocatch,”shetoldme.“Theyfreezeinthebeamof
lightsoyoucanjustgrabthem.”Thetoads,whicharewarty,sandcolored,and
roughlythesizeofaman’shand,havealargeglandoneachsideoftheirnecks,
andsmalleronesontheirlegs.“Yougentlysqueezetheglandwhileholdinga
mirrorinfrontofittocatchthespray.”Thetoadisapparentlynonetheworsefor
beingmilked.Overnight,thevenomdriesontheglass,turningintoflakycrystals
thecolorofbrownsugar.
Initsnaturalstate,thevenomistoxic—adefensechemicalsprayedbythe
toadwhenitfeelsthreatened.Butwhenthecrystalsarevolatilized,thetoxinsare
destroyed,leavingbehindthe5-MeO-DMT.Rocíovaporizesthecrystalsina
glasspipewhiletherecipientinhales;beforeyou’vehadachancetoexhale,you
aregone.“Thetoadcomesonquickly,andatfirstitcanbeunbelievably
intense.”InoticedthatRocíopersonifiedthetoadandseldomcalledthe
medicinebyitsmolecularname.“Somepeopleremainperfectlystill.Other
peoplescreamandflail,especiallywhenthetoadbringsouttraumas,whichit
cando.Afewpeoplewillvomit.Andthenaftertwentyorthirtyminutes,the
toadisalldoneanditleaves.”
MyfirstinstinctwhenfacingsuchadecisionistoreadasmuchaboutitasI
can,andlaterthatnightRocíoe-mailedmeafewarticles.Butthepickingswere
slim.Unlikemostotherpsychedelics,whichbynowhavebeenextensively
studiedbyscientistsand,inmanycases,inuseforhundredsifnotthousandsof
years,thetoadhasbeenknowntoWesternscienceonlysince1992.That’swhen
AndrewWeilandWadeDavispublishedapapercalled“IdentityofaNewWorld
PsychoactiveToad.”Theyhadbeeninspiredtolookforsuchafantastical
creaturebytheimagesoffrogsinMayanart.Buttheonlypsychoactivetoad
theycouldfindlivesfartothenorthofMayancivilization.It’spossiblethat
thesetoadsbecameanitemoftrade,butasyetthereisnoproofthatthepractice
ofsmokingtoadvenomhasanyantiquitywhatsoever.However,5-MeO-DMT
alsooccursinahandfulofSouthAmericanplants,andthereareseveral
Amazoniantribeswhopoundtheseplantsintoasnuffforuseinshamanic
rituals.Amongsomeofthesetribes,thesesnuffsareknownasthe“semenofthe
sun.”
Icouldn’tfindmuchinthewayofsolidmedicalinformationaboutpotential
sideeffectsordangerousdruginteractions;littleresearchhasbeendone.WhatI
didfindwereplentyoftripreportsonline,andmanyofthesewereterrifying.I
alsolearnedtherewassomeoneintown,afriendofafriendIhadmetafew
timesatdinnerparties,whohadtried5-MeO-DMT—notthetoadbutasynthetic
versionoftheactiveingredient.ItookherouttolunchtoseewhatIcouldlearn.
“ThisistheEverestofpsychedelics,”shebegan,portentously,puttinga
steadyinghandonmyforearm.Oliviaisinherearlyfifties,amanagement
consultantwithacoupleofkids;IhadvaguelyknownshewasintoEastern
religionbuthadnoideashewasapsychonaut,too.
“Youneedtobeprepared.”Overgrilledcheeses,shedescribedaharrowing
onset.“Iwasshotoutintoaninfiniterealmofpurebeing.Therewerenofigures
inthisworld,noentitiesofanykind,justpurebeing.Anditwashuge;Ididn’t
knowwhatinfinitywasbeforethis.Butitwasatwo-dimensionalrealm,not
three,andaftertherushofliftoff,Ifoundmyselfinstalledinthisinfinitespace
asastar.Irememberthinking,ifthisisdeath,I’mfinewithit.Itwas...bliss.I
hadthefeeling—no,theknowledge—thateverysinglethingthereisismadeof
love.
“Afterwhatseemedlikeaneternitybutwasprobablyonlyminutes,youstart
toreassembleandcomebackintoyourbody.Ihadthethought,‘Thereare
childrentoraise.Andthereisaninfiniteamountoftimetobedead.’”
Iaskedherthequestionthatgnawedatmewheneversomeonerecounted
suchamysticalexperience:“Howcanyoubesurethiswasagenuinespiritual
eventandnotjustadrugexperience?”
“It’sanirrelevantquestion,”sherepliedcoolly.“Thiswassomethingbeing
revealedtome.”
Thereitwas:thenoeticsenseWilliamJameshaddescribedasamarkofthe
mysticalexperience.IenviedOlivia’scertainty.WhichIsupposeisthereasonI
decidedIwouldsmokethetoad.
•••
THENIGHTBEFOREmydatewithRocíowas,predictably,sleepless.Yes,I’dcome
throughthesefirsttwotripsintact,grateful,even,forhavinggoneonthem,and
hadcomeawaywiththeideaIwasstronger,physicallyandmentally,thanIhad
previouslythought.Butnowalltheoldfearsrushedback,assailingmethrough
thelongfitfulnight.Everest!Couldmyhearttaketheintensityofthosefirst
harrowingmomentsofascent?WhatwerethechancesI’dgomad?Slim,
perhaps,butsurelynotzero.Sowasthisanabsolutelyinsanethingtodo?Onthe
plusside,Ifigured,whateverhappened,itwouldallbeoverinhalfanhour.On
thenegativeside,everythingmightbeoverinhalfanhour.
Asthesuncameup,IdecidedIwoulddecidewhenIgotthere.Rocío,whom
I’dmadeawareofmytrepidations,hadofferedtoletmewatchherworkwith
someoneelsebeforeitwasmyturn.Thisprovedreassuring,assheknewit
would.Theguybeforeme,asupremelylow-affectcollegestudentwhohaddone
thetoadoncebefore,tookapufffromRocío’spipe,laybackonamattress,and
embarkedonwhatappearedtobeaplacidthirty-minutenap,duringwhichhe
exhibitednosignsofdistress,letaloneexistentialterror.Afteritwasover,he
seemedperfectlyfine.Agreatdealhadgoneoninhismind,heindicated,but
fromthelooksofit,hisbodyhadscarcelybeenperturbed.Okaythen.Deathor
madnessseemedmuchlesslikely.Icoulddothis.
Afterpositioningmeonthemattressjustso,Rocíohadmesitupwhileshe
loadedapremeasuredcapsuleofthecrystalsintoaglassvialthatshethen
screwedontothebarrelofthepipe.Sheaskedmetogivethankstothetoadand
thinkaboutmyintention.(Somethingfairlygenericaboutlearningwhateverthe
toadhadtoteachme.)Rocíolitabutaneflameunderneaththevialand
instructedmetodrawonthepipeinshortsipsofairasthewhitesmokeswirled
andthenfilledtheglass.“ThenonebigfinaldrawthatIwantyoutoholdaslong
asyoucan.”
Ihavenomemoryofeverhavingexhaled,orofbeingloweredontothe
mattressandcoveredwithablanket.AllatonceIfeltatremendousrushof
energyfillmyheadaccompaniedbyapunishingroar.Imanaged,barely,to
squeezeoutthewordsIhadprepared,“trust”and“surrender.”Thesewords
becamemymantra,buttheyseemedutterlypathetic,wishfulscrapsofpaperin
thefaceofthiscategory5mentalstorm.Terrorseizedme—andthen,likeoneof
thoseflimsywoodenhouseserectedonBikiniAtolltobeblownupinthe
nucleartests,“I”wasnomore,blastedtoaconfetticloudbyanexplosiveforceI
couldnolongerlocateinmyhead,becauseithadexplodedthattoo,expanding
tobecomeallthattherewas.Whateverthiswas,itwasnotahallucination.A
hallucinationimpliesarealityandapointofreferenceandanentitytohaveit.
Noneofthosethingsremained.
Unfortunately,theterrordidn’tdisappearwiththeextinctionofmy“I.”
Whateverallowedmetoregisterthisexperience,thepost-egoicawarenessI’d
firstexperiencedonmushrooms,wasnowconsumedintheflamesofterrortoo.
Infacteverytouchstonethattellsus“Iexist”wasannihilated,andyetI
remainedconscious.“Isthiswhatdeathfeelslike?Couldthisbeit?”Thatwas
thethought,thoughtherewasnolongerathinkertohaveit.
Herewordsfail.Intruth,therewerenoflames,noblast,nothermonuclear
storm;I’mgraspingatmetaphorinthehopeofformingsomestableand
shareableconceptofwhatwasunfoldinginmymind.Intheevent,therewasno
coherentthought,justpureandterriblesensation.OnlyafterwarddidIwonderif
thiswaswhatthemysticscallthemysteriumtremendum—theblinding
unendurablemystery(whetherofGodorsomeotherUltimateorAbsolute)
beforewhichhumanstrembleinawe.Huxleydescribeditasthefear“ofbeing
overwhelmed,ofdisintegratingunderapressureofrealitygreaterthanamind,
accustomedtolivingmostofthetimeinacosyworldofsymbols,couldpossibly
bear.”
Oh,tobebackinthecozyworldofsymbols!
AfterthefactIkeptreturningtooneoftwometaphors,andwhilethey
inevitablydeformtheexperience,*asanywordsormetaphorsorsymbolsmust,
theyatleastallowmetograspholdofashadowofitand,perhaps,shareit.The
firstistheimageofbeingontheoutsideofarocketafterlaunch.I’mholdingon
withbothhands,legsclenchedaroundit,whiletherapidlymountingg-forces
clutchatmyflesh,pullingmyfacedownintoatautgrimace,asthegreat
cylinderrisesthroughsuccessivelayersofclouds,exponentiallygainingspeed
andaltitude,thefuselageshudderingonthebrinkofself-destructionasitstrains
tobreakfreefromEarth’sgrip,whilethefrictionitgeneratesasitcrashes
throughthethinningairissuesinadeafeningroar.
Itwasalittlelikethat.
Theothermetaphorwasthebigbang,butthebigbangruninreverse,from
ourfamiliarworldallthewaybacktoapointbeforetherewasanything,notime
orspaceormatter,onlythepureunboundedenergythatwasalltherewasthen,
beforeanimperfection,arippleinitswaveform,causedtheuniverseofenergy
tofallintotime,space,andmatter.Rushingbackwardthroughfourteenbillion
years,Iwatchedthedimensionsofrealitycollapseonebyoneuntiltherewas
nothingleft,notevenbeing.Onlytheall-consumingroar.
Itwasjusthorrible.
Andthensuddenlythedevolutionofeverythingintothenothingnessofpure
forcereversescourse.Onebyone,theelementsofouruniversebeginto
reconstitutethemselves:thedimensionsoftimeandspacereturnedfirst,blessing
mystill-scatteredconfettibrainwiththecozycoordinatesofplace;thisis
somewhere!AndthenIslippedbackintomyfamiliar“I”likeanoldpairof
slippersandsoonafterfeltsomethingIrecognizedasmybodybeginto
reassemble.Thefilmofrealitywasnowrunninginreverse,asifalltheleaves
thatthethermonuclearblasthadblownoffthegreattreeofbeingandscattered
tothefourwindsweresuddenlytofindtheirwayback,flyupintothe
welcominglimbsofreality,andreattach.Theorderofthingswasbeingrestored,
menotablyincluded.Iwasalive!
ThedescentandreentryintofamiliarrealitywasswifterthanIexpected.
Havingundergonetheshudderingagonyoflaunch,Ihadexpectedtobe
deposited,weightless,intoorbit—myinstallationinthefirmamentasablissed-
outstar!Alas.LikethosefirstMercuryastronauts,myflightremained
suborbital,describinganarcthatonlykissedtheserenityofinfinitespacebefore
fallingbackdowntoEarth.
AndyetasIfeltmyselfreconstituteasaselfandthenabody,somethingfor
whichInowsoughtconfirmationbyrunningmyhandsalongmylegsand
squirmingbeneaththeblanket,Ifeltecstatic—ashappyasIcanrememberever
feeling.Butthisecstasywasnotsuigeneris,notexactly.Itwasmorelikethe
equalandoppositereactiontotheterrorIhadjustendured,lessofadivinegift
thanthesurgeofpleasurethatcomesfromthecessationofunendurablepain.
Butasenseofreliefsovastanddeepastobecosmic.
Withtherediscoveryofmybody,Ifeltaninexplicableurgetoliftmyknees,
andassoonasIraisedthem,Ifeltsomethingsqueezeoutfrombetweenmylegs,
buteasilyandwithoutstruggleorpain.Itwasaboy:theinfantme.Thatseemed
exactlyright:havingdied,Iwasnowbeingreborn.YetassoonasIlooked
closelyatthisnewbeing,itmorphedsmoothlyintoIsaac,myson.AndI
thought,howfortunate—howastounding!—forafathertoexperiencetheperfect
physicalintimacythatheretoforeonlymothershaveeverhadwiththeirbabies.
Whateverspacehadeverintervenedbetweenmysonandmenowclosed,andI
couldfeelthewarmtearsslidingdownmycheeks.
Nextcameanoverwhelmingwaveofgratitude.Forwhat?Foronceagain
existing,yes,fortheexistenceofIsaacandJudithtoo,butalsoforsomething
evenmorefundamental:Ifeltforthefirsttimegratitudefortheveryfactof
being,thatthereisanythingwhatsoever.Ratherthanbeingnecessarilythecase,
thisnowseemedquitethemiracle,andsomethingIresolvedneveragaintotake
forgranted.Everybodygivesthanksfor“beingalive,”butwhostopstooffer
thanksforthebare-bonesgerundthatcomesbefore“alive”?Ihadjustcome
fromaplacewherebeingwasnomoreandnowvowednevertoforgetwhata
gift(andmystery)itis,thatthereissomethingratherthannothing.
Ihadenteredafamiliarandmorecongenialmentalspace,oneinwhichIwas
stilltrippingbutcouldputtogetherthoughtsanddirectthemhereorthere.(I
makenoclaimsastotheirquality.)BeforeIdrewthesmokeintomylungs,
Rocíohadaskedme,assheaskseveryonewhomeetsthetoad,tosearchthe
experiencefora“peaceoffering”—someideaorresolutionIcouldbringback
andputtogooduseinmylife.Mine,Idecided,hadtodowiththisquestionof
beingandwhatItooktobeitsoppositeterm,“doing.”Imeditatedonthis
duality,whichcametoseemmomentous,andconcludedthatIwastoomuch
occupiedwiththelatterterminmylifeandnotenoughwiththeformer.
True,onehadtofavordoinginordertogetanythingdone,butwasn’tthere
alsoagreatvirtueandpsychicbenefitinsimplybeing?Incontemplationrather
thanaction?IdecidedIneededtopracticebeingwithstillness,beingwithother
peopleasIfindthem(imperfect),andbeingwithmyownunimprovedself.To
savorwhateverisatthisverymoment,withouttryingtochangeitoreven
describeit.(Huxleystruggledwiththesameaspirationduringhismescaline
journey:“Ifonealwayssawlikethis,onewouldneverwanttodoanything
else.”)Evennow,bornealongonthispleasantcontemplativestream,Ihadto
resisttheurgetodragmyselfontoshoreandtellRocíoaboutmybig
breakthrough.No!Ihadtoremindmyself:justbewithit.
JudithandIhadhadafightthepreviousnightthat,Irealized,turnedonthis
distinction,andonmyimpatiencewithbeing.Shewascomplainingabout
somethingshedoesn’tlikeaboutherlife,andratherthansimplycommiserate,
beingwithherandherdilemma,Iimmediatelywenttothechecklistofpractical
thingsshemightdotofixit.Butthiswasnotatallwhatshewantedorneeded,
andshegotangry.NowIcouldseewithperfectclaritywhymyattempttobe
helpfulhadbeensohurtful.
Sothatwasmypeaceoffering:tobemoreanddoless.ButassoonasIputit
thatway,Irealizedtherewasaproblem—abigproblem,infact.Forwasn’tthe
veryactofresolvingtofavorbeingaformofdoing?Abetrayalofthewhole
idea?Atrueconnoisseurofbeingwouldneverdreamofmakingresolutions!I
hadtiedmyselfupinaphilosophicalknot,constructedaparadoxorkoanIwas
clearlynotsmartenoughorsufficientlyenlightenedtountangle.Andsowhat
hadbegunasoneofthemostshatteringexperiencesofmylifeendedhalfan
hourlaterwithawansmile.
•••
EVENNOW,manymonthslater,Istilldon’tknowexactlywhattomakeofthislast
trip.Itsviolentnarrativearc—thatawfulclimaxfollowedsoswiftlybysucha
sweetdenouement—upendedtheformofastoryorjourney.Itlackedthe
beginning,middle,andendthatallmyprevioustripshadhadandthatwerelyon
tomakesenseofexperience.Thatanditsmind-bendingvelocitymadeitdifficult
toextractmuchinformationorknowledgefromthejourney,exceptforthe
(classic)psychedelicplatitudeabouttheimportanceofbeing.(Afewdaysafter
myencounterwiththetoad,Ihappenedonanolde-mailfromJamesFadiman
thatended,uncannily,withthesewords,whichyoushouldpicturearrangedon
thescreenlikeapoem:“Ihopewhateveryou’redoing,/you’restoppingnow
andthen/and/notdoingitatall.”)
Theintegrationhadbeencursory,leavingmetopuzzleoutthetoad’s
teachings,suchastheywere,onmyown.HadIhadanysortofaspiritualor
mysticalexperience?Orwaswhattookplaceinmymindmerelythe
epiphenomenonofthesestrangemolecules?(Orwasitboth?)Olivia’swords
echoed:“It’sanirrelevantquestion.Thiswassomethingbeingrevealedtome.”
What,ifanything,hadbeenrevealedtome?
Notsureexactlywheretobegin,Irealizeditmightbeusefultomeasuremy
experiencesagainstthoseofthevolunteersintheHopkinsandNYUstudies.I
decidedtofilloutoneoftheMysticalExperienceQuestionnaires(MEQs)*that
thescientistshadtheirsubjectscomplete,hopingtolearnifminequalified.
TheMEQaskedmetorankalistofthirtymentalphenomena—thoughts,
images,andsensationsthatpsychologistsandphilosophersregardastypicalofa
mysticalexperience.(ThequestionnairedrawsontheworkofWilliamJames,
W.T.Stace,andWalterPahnke.)“Lookingbackontheentiretyofyoursession,
pleaseratethedegreetowhichatanytime...youexperiencedthefollowing
phenomena”usingasix-pointscale.(Fromzero,for“noneatall,”tofive,for
extreme:“morethananyothertimeinmylife.”)
Someitemswereeasytorate:“Lossofyourusualsenseoftime.”Check;
five.“Experienceofamazement.”Uh-huh.Anotherfive.“Sensethatthe
experiencecannotbedescribedadequatelyinwords.”Yup.Fiveagain.“Gainof
insightfulknowledgeexperiencedatanintuitivelevel.”Hmmm.Iguessthe
platitudeaboutbeingwouldqualify.Maybeathree?ButIwasunsurewhattodo
withthisone:“Feelingthatyouexperiencedeternityorinfinity.”Thelanguage
impliessomethingmorepositivethanwhatIfeltwhentimevanishedandterror
tookhold;NA,Idecided.The“experienceofthefusionofyourpersonalself
intoalargerwhole”alsoseemedlikeanoverlynicewaytoputthesensationof
becomingonewithanuclearblast.Itseemedlessfusionthanfission,butokay.I
gaveitafour.
Andwhattodowiththisone?“Certaintyofencounterwithultimatereality
(inthesenseofbeingableto‘know’and‘see’whatisreallyrealatsomepointin
yourexperience).”Imighthaveemergedfromtheexperiencewithcertain
convictions(theoneaboutbeinganddoing,say),butthesehardlyseemedlike
encounterswith“ultimatereality,”whateverthatis.Similarly,afewotheritems
mademewanttothrowupmyhands:“Feelingthatyouexperiencedsomething
profoundlysacredandholy”(No)or“Experienceoftheinsight‘allisOne’”
(Yes,butnotinagoodway;inthemidstofthatall-consumingmindstorm,there
wasnothingImissedmorethandifferentiationandmultiplicity).Strugglingto
assignratingstoahandfulofsuchitems,Ifeltthesurveypullingmeinthe
directionofaconclusionthatwasnotatallconsistentwithwhatIfelt.
ButwhenItalliedmyscore,Iwassurprised:Ihadscoredasixty-one,one
pointoverthethresholdfora“complete”mysticalexperience.Ihadsqueaked
through.Sothatwasamysticalexperience?Itdidn’tfeelatalllikewhatI
expectedamysticalexperiencetobe.IconcludedthattheMEQwasapoornet
forcapturingmyencounterwiththetoad.Theresultwaspsychologicalbycatch,
Idecided,andshouldprobablybetossedout.
YetIwonderifmydissatisfactionwiththesurveyhadsomethingtodowith
theintrinsicnature—thesheerintensityandbizarreshape—ofthetoad
experience,forwhichitwasn’tdesigned,afterall.BecausewhenIusedthesame
surveytoevaluatemypsilocybinjourney,thefitseemedmuchbetterandrating
thephenomenamucheasier.Reflectingjustonthecellointerlude,forexample,I
couldeasilyconfirmthe“fusionof[my]personalselfintoalargerwhole,”as
wellasthe“feelingthat[I]experiencedsomethingprofoundlysacredandholy”
and“ofbeingataspiritualheight”andeventhe“experienceofunitywith
ultimatereality.”Yes,yes,yes,andyes—provided,thatis,myendorsementof
thoseloadedadjectivesdoesn’timplyanybeliefinasupernaturalreality.
MypsilocybinjourneywithMaryyieldedasixty-sixontheMystical
ExperienceQuestionnaire.Forsomereason,Ifeltstupidlyproudofmyscore.
(ThereIwasagain,doingbeing.)Ithadbeenmyobjectivetohavesuchan
experience,andatleastaccordingtothescientistsamysticalexperienceIhad
had.YetithadbroughtmenoclosertoabeliefinGodorinacosmicformof
consciousnessorinanythingmagicalatall—allofwhichImighthavebeen,
unreasonably,expecting(hoping?)itmightdo.
Still,therewasnoquestionthatsomethingnovelandprofoundhadhappened
tome—somethingIampreparedtocallspiritual,thoughonlywithanasterisk.I
guessI’vealwaysassumedthatspiritualityimpliedabelieforfaithI’venever
sharedandfromwhichitsupposedlyflows.ButnowIwondered,isthisalways
ornecessarilythecase?
OnlyinthewakeofmyjourneyshaveIbeenabletounraveltheparadoxthat
hadsoperplexedmewhenIinterviewedDinahBazer,aNYUcancerpatient
whobeganandendedherpsilocybinexperienceanavowedatheist.Duringthe
climaxofajourneythatextinguishedherfearofdeath,Bazerdescribed“being
bathedinGod’slove,”andyetsheemergedwithheratheismintact.Howcould
someoneholdthosetwowarringideasinthesamebrain?IthinkIgetitnow.
Notonlywasthefloodoflovesheexperiencedineffablypowerful,butitwas
unattributabletoanyindividualorworldlycause,andsowaspurelygratuitous—
aformofgrace.Sohowtoconveythemagnitudeofsuchagift?“God”mightbe
theonlywordinthelanguagebigenough.
PartoftheproblemIwashavingevaluatingmyownexperiencehadtodo
withanotherbigandloadedword—“mystical”—implyingasitdoesan
experiencebeyondthereachofordinarycomprehensionorscience.Itreeksof
thesupernatural.YetIthinkitwouldbewrongtodiscardthemystical,ifonly
becausesomuchworkhasbeendonebysomanygreatminds—overliterally
thousandsofyears—tofindthewordsforthisextraordinaryhumanexperience
andmakesenseofit.Whenwereadthetestimonyoftheseminds,wefinda
strikingcommonalityintheirdescriptions,evenifwecivilianscan’tquite
understandwhatintheworld(oroutofit)they’retalkingabout.
Accordingtoscholarsofmysticism,thesesharedtraitsgenerallyincludea
visionofunityinwhichallthings,includingtheself,aresubsumed(expressedin
thephrase“Allisone”);asenseofcertaintyaboutwhatonehasperceived
(“Knowledgehasbeenrevealedtome”);feelingsofjoy,blessedness,and
satisfaction;atranscendenceofthecategorieswerelyontoorganizetheworld,
suchastimeandspaceorselfandother;asensethatwhateverhasbeen
apprehendedissomehowsacred(Wordsworth:“Somethingfarmoredeeply
interfused”withmeaning)andoftenparadoxical(sowhiletheselfmayvanish,
awarenessabides).Lastistheconvictionthattheexperienceisineffable,evenas
thousandsofwordsareexpendedintheattempttocommunicateitspower.
(Guilty.)
Beforemyjourneys,wordsandphrasessuchastheseleftmecold;they
seemedutterlyopaque,somuchquasi-religiousmumbojumbo.Nowtheypaint
arecognizablereality.Likewise,certainmysticalpassagesfromliteraturethat
onceseemedsooverstatedandabstractthatIreadthemindulgently(ifatall),
nowIcanreadasasubspeciesofjournalism.Herearethreenineteenth-century
examples,butyoucanfindtheminanycentury.
RalphWaldoEmersoncrossingawintryNewEnglandcommonsin“Nature”:
Standingonthebareground,—myheadbathedbytheblitheair,
andupliftedintoinfinitespace,—allmeanegotismvanishes.I
becomeatransparenteye-ball.Iamnothing.Iseeall.Thecurrents
oftheUniversalBeingcirculatethroughme;Iampartorparticleof
God.
OrWaltWhitman,intheearlylinesofthefirst(muchbrieferandmore
mystical)editionofLeavesofGrass:
Swiftlyaroseandspreadaroundmethepeaceandjoyandknowledgethat
passalltheartandargumentoftheearth;
AndIknowthatthehandofGodistheelderhandofmyown,
AndIknowthatthespiritofGodistheeldestbrotherofmyown,
Andthatallthemeneverbornarealsomybrothers...andthewomen
mysistersandlovers,
Andthatakelson*ofthecreationislove.
AndhereisAlfred,LordTennyson,describinginaletterthe“wakingtrance”
thatdescendeduponhimfromtimetotimesincehisboyhood:
Allatonce,asitwereoutoftheintensityoftheconsciousnessof
individuality,theindividualityitselfseemedtodissolveandfade
intoboundlessbeing;andthiswasnotaconfusedstate,butthe
clearestoftheclearest,thesurestofthesurest;utterlybeyond
words,wheredeathwasanalmostlaughableimpossibility;theloss
ofpersonality(ifsoitwere)seemingnoextinction,buttheonly
truelife.
WhathadchangedformewasthatnowIunderstoodexactlywhatthese
writersweretalkingabout:theirownmysticalexperiences,howeverachieved,
howeverinterpreted.Formerlyinert,theirwordsnowemittedanewrayof
relation,oratleastIwasnowinapositiontoreceiveit.Suchemissionshad
alwaysbeenpresentinourworld,flowingthroughliteratureandreligion,but
likeelectromagneticwavestheycouldn’tbeunderstoodwithoutsomekindof
receiver.Ihadbecomesuchaone.Aphraselike“boundlessbeing,”whichonce
Imighthaveskatedpastasoverlyabstractandhyperbolic,nowcommunicated
somethingspecificandevenfamiliar.Adoorhadopenedformeontoarealmof
humanexperiencethatforsixtyyearshadbeenclosed.*
ButhadIearnedtherighttogothroughthatdoor,enterintothat
conversation?Idon’tknowaboutEmerson’smysticalexperience(orWhitman’s
orTennyson’s),butmineowedtoachemical.Wasn’tthatcheating?Perhapsnot:
itseemslikelythatallmentalexperiencesaremediatedbychemicalsinthe
brain,eventhemostseemingly“transcendent.”Howmuchshouldthegenealogy
ofthesechemicalsmatter?Itturnsouttheverysamemoleculesflowthroughthe
naturalworldandthehumanbrain,linkingusalltogetherinavastwatershedof
tryptamines.Aretheseexogenousmoleculesanylessmiraculous?(Whenthey
comefromamushroomoraplantoratoad!)It’sworthrememberingthatthere
aremanycultureswherethefactthattheinspirationforvisionaryexperiences
comesfromnature,isthegiftofothercreatures,rendersthemmoremeaningful,
notless.
MyowninterpretationofwhatIexperienced—mynowofficiallyverified
mysticalexperience—remainsaworkinprogress,stillinsearchoftheright
words.ButIhavenoproblemusingtheword“spiritual”todescribeelementsof
whatIsawandfelt,aslongasitisnottakeninasupernaturalsense.Forme,
“spiritual”isagoodnameforsomeofthepowerfulmentalphenomenathatarise
whenthevoiceoftheegoismutedorsilenced.Ifnothingelse,thesejourneys
haveshownmehowthatpsychicconstruct—atoncesofamiliarandon
reflectionsostrange—standsbetweenusandsomestrikingnewdimensionsof
experience,whetheroftheworldoutsideusorofthemindwithin.Thejourneys
haveshownmewhattheBuddhiststrytotellusbutIhaveneverreally
understood:thatthereismuchmoretoconsciousnessthantheego,aswewould
seeifitwouldjustshutup.Andthatitsdissolution(ortranscendence)isnothing
tofear;infact,itisaprerequisiteformakinganyspiritualprogress.
Buttheego,thatinnerneuroticwhoinsistsonrunningthementalshow,is
wilyanddoesn’trelinquishitspowerwithoutastruggle.Deemingitself
indispensable,itwillbattleagainstitsdiminishment,whetherinadvanceorin
themiddleofthejourney.Isuspectthat’sexactlywhatminewasuptoall
throughthesleeplessnightsthatprecededeachofmytrips,strivingtoconvince
methatIwasriskingeverything,whenreallyallIwasputtingatriskwasits
sovereignty.
WhenHuxleyspeaksofthemind’s“reducingvalve”—thefacultythat
eliminatesasmuchoftheworldfromourconsciousawarenessasitletsin—he
istalkingabouttheego.Thatstingy,vigilantsecurityguardadmitsonlythe
narrowestbandwidthofreality,“ameaslytrickleofthekindofconsciousness
whichwillhelpustostayalive.”It’sreallygoodatperformingallthose
activitiesthatnaturalselectionvalues:gettingahead,gettinglikedandloved,
gettingfed,gettinglaid.Keepingusontask,itisaferociouseditorofanything
thatmightdistractusfromtheworkathand,whetherthatmeansregulatingour
accesstomemoriesandstrongemotionsfromwithinornewsoftheworld
without.
Whatoftheworlditdoesadmitittendstoobjectify,fortheegowantsto
reservethegiftsofsubjectivitytoitself.That’swhyitfailstoseethatthereisa
wholeworldofsoulsandspiritsoutthere,bywhichIsimplymeansubjectivities
otherthanourown.Itwasonlywhenthevoiceofmyegowasquietedby
psilocybinthatIwasabletosensethattheplantsinmygardenhadaspirittoo.
(InthewordsofR.M.Bucke,anineteenth-centuryCanadianpsychiatristand
mystic,“Isawthattheuniverseisnotcomposedofdeadmatter,butis,onthe
contrary,alivingPresence.”)“Ecology”and“coevolution”arescientificnames
forthesamephenomena:everyspeciesasubjectactingonothersubjects.But
whenthisconceptacquiresthefleshoffeeling,becomes“moredeeply
interfused,”asitdidduringmyfirstpsilocybinjourney,I’mhappytocallita
spiritualexperience.Sotoomyvariouspsychedelicmergings:withBach’scello
suite,withmyson,Isaac,withmygrandfatherBob,allspiritsdirectly
apprehendedandembraced,eachtimewithafloodoffeeling.
Soperhapsspiritualexperienceissimplywhathappensinthespacethat
opensupinthemindwhen“allmeanegotismvanishes.”Wonders(andterrors)
we’reordinarilydefendedagainstflowintoourawareness;thefarendsofthe
sensoryspectrum,whicharenormallyinvisibletous,oursensescansuddenly
admit.Whiletheegosleeps,themindplays,proposingunexpectedpatternsof
thoughtandnewraysofrelation.Thegulfbetweenselfandworld,thatno-
man’s-landwhichinordinaryhourstheegosovigilantlypatrols,closesdown,
allowingustofeellessseparateandmoreconnected,“partandparticle”ofsome
largerentity.WhetherwecallthatentityNature,theMindatLarge,orGod
hardlymatters.Butitseemstobeinthecrucibleofthatmergingthatdeathloses
someofitssting.
CHAPTERFIVE
THENEUROSCIENCE
YourBrainonPsychedelics
WHATJUSTHAPPENEDinmybrain?
Amoleculehadlaunchedmeoneachofthesetrips,andIreturnedfrommy
travelsintenselycurioustolearnwhatthechemistrycouldtellmeabout
consciousnessandwhatthatmightrevealaboutthebrain’srelationshiptothe
mind.Howdoyougetfromtheingestionofacompoundcreatedbyafungusor
atoad(orahumanchemist)toanovelstateofconsciousnesswiththepowerto
changeone’sperspectiveonthings,notjustduringthejourney,butlongafterthe
moleculehasleftthebody?
Actually,therewerethreedifferentmoleculesinquestion—psilocin,LSD,
and5-MeO-DMT—butevenacasualglanceattheirstructures(andIsaythisas
someonewhoearnedaDinhighschoolchemistry)indicatesaresemblance.All
threemoleculesaretryptamines.Atryptamineisatypeoforganiccompound(an
indole,tobeexact)distinguishedbythepresenceoftwolinkedrings,oneof
themwithsixatomsandtheotherwithfive.Livingnatureisawashin
tryptamines,whichshowupinplants,fungi,andanimals,wheretheytypically
actassignalingmoleculesbetweencells.Themostfamoustryptamineinthe
humanbodyistheneurotransmitterserotonin,thechemicalnameofwhichis5-
hydroxytryptamine.Itisnocoincidencethatthismoleculehasastrongfamily
resemblancewiththepsychedelicmolecules.
Serotoninmightbefamous,asneurotransmittersgo,yetmuchaboutit
remainsamystery.Forexample,itbindswithadozenorsodifferentreceptors,
andthesearefoundnotonlyacrossmanypartsofthebrainbutthroughoutthe
body,withasubstantialrepresentationinthedigestivetract.Dependingonthe
typeofreceptorinquestionanditslocation,serotoninisliabletomakevery
differentthingshappen—sometimesexcitinganeurontofire,othertimes
inhibitingit.Thinkofitasakindofword,themeaningorimportofwhichcan
changeradicallydependingonthecontextorevenitsplacementinasentence.
Thegroupoftryptamineswecall“theclassicalpsychedelics”haveastrong
affinitywithoneparticulartypeofserotoninreceptor,calledthe5-HT
2A
.These
receptorsarefoundinlargenumbersinthehumancortex,theoutermost,and
evolutionarilymostrecent,layerofthebrain.Basically,thepsychedelics
resembleserotonincloselyenoughthattheycanattachthemselvestothis
receptorsiteinsuchawayastoactivateittodovariousthings.
Curiously,LSDhasanevenstrongeraffinitywiththe5-HT
2A
receptor—is
“stickier”—thanserotoninitself,makingthisaninstancewherethesimulacrum
ismoreconvincing,chemically,thantheoriginal.Thishasledsomescientiststo
speculatethatthehumanbodymustproducesomeother,morebespokechemical
fortheexpresspurposeofactivatingthe5-HT
2A
receptor—perhapsan
endogenouspsychedelicthatisreleasedundercertaincircumstances,perhaps
whendreaming.Onecandidateforthatchemicalisthepsychedelicmolecule
DMT,whichhasbeenfoundintraceamountsinthepinealglandofrats.
ThescienceofserotoninandLSDhasbeencloselyintertwinedsincethe
1950s;infact,itwasthediscoverythatLSDaffectedconsciousnessatsuch
infinitesimaldosesthathelpedtoadvancethenewfieldofneurochemistryinthe
1950s,leadingtothedevelopmentoftheSSRIantidepressants.Butitwasn’t
until1998thatFranzVollenweider,aSwissresearcherwhoisoneofthe
pioneersofpsychedelicneuroscience,demonstratedthatpsychedelicslikeLSD
andpsilocybinworkonthehumanbrainbybindingwiththe5-HT
2A
receptors.
Hedidthisbygivingsubjectsadrugcalledketanserinthatblocksthereceptor;
whenhethenadministeredpsilocybin,nothinghappened.
YetVollenweidersdiscovery,importantasitwas,isbutasmallsteponthe
long(andwinding)roadfrompsychedelicchemistrytopsychedelic
consciousness.The5-HT
2A
receptormightbethelockonthedoortothemind
thatthosethreemoleculesunlock,buthowdidthatchemicalopeninglead,
ultimately,towhatIfeltandexperienced?Tothedissolutionofmyego,for
example,andthecollapseofanydistinctionbetweensubjectandobject?Orto
themorphinginmymind’seyeofMaryintoMaríaSabina?Putanotherway,
what,ifanything,canbrainchemistrytellusaboutthe“phenomenology”ofthe
psychedelicexperience?
Allthesequestionsconcernthecontentsofconsciousness,ofcourse,whichat
leasttothispointhaseludedthetoolsofneuroscience.Byconsciousness,Idon’t
meansimply“beingconscious”—thebasicsensoryawarenesscreatureshaveof
changesintheirenvironment,whichiseasytomeasureexperimentally.Inthis
limitedsense,evenplantsare“conscious,”thoughit’sdoubtfultheypossessfull-
blownconsciousness.Whatneuroscientistsandphilosophersandpsychologists
meanbyconsciousnessistheunmistakablesensewehavethatweare,or
possess,aselfthathasexperiences.
SigmundFreudwrotethat“thereisnothingofwhichwearemorecertain
thanthefeelingofourself,ourownego.”Yetitisdifficulttobequitesocertain
thatanyoneelsepossessesconsciousness,muchlessothercreatures,because
thereisnooutwardphysicalevidencethatconsciousnessasweexperienceit
exists.Thethingofwhichwearemostcertainisbeyondthereachofour
science,supposedlyoursurestwayofknowinganything.
Thisdilemmahasleftajaradoorthroughwhichwritersandphilosophers
havestepped.Theclassicthoughtexperimenttodeterminewhetheranother
beingisinpossessionofconsciousnesswasproposedbyThomasNagel,a
philosopher,inafamous1974paper,“WhatIsItLiketoBeaBat?”Heargued
thatif“thereissomethingthatitisliketobeabat”—ifthereisanysubjective
dimensiontobatexperience—thenabatpossessesconsciousness.Hewentonto
suggestthatthis“whatitislike”qualitymaynotbereducibletomaterialterms.
Ever.
WhetherornotNagel’srightaboutthatisthebiggestargumentgoinginthe
fieldofconsciousnessstudies.Thequestionatitsheartisoftenreferredtoas
“thehardproblem”orthe“explanatorygap”:Howdoyouexplainmind—the
subjectivequalityofexperience—intermsofmeat,thatis,intermsofthe
physicalstructuresorchemistryofthebrain?Thequestionassumes,asmost(but
notall)scientistsdo,thatconsciousnessisaproductofbrainsandthatitwill
eventuallybeexplainedastheepiphenomenonofmaterialthingslikeneurons
andbrainstructures,chemicalsandcommunicationsnetworks.Thatwould
certainlyseemtobethemostparsimonioushypothesis.Yetitisalongwayfrom
beingproven,andanumberofneuroscientistsquestionwhetheriteverwillbe:
whethersomethingaselusiveassubjectiveexperience—whatitfeelsliketobe
you—willeveryieldtothereductionsofscience.Thesescientistsand
philosophersaresometimescalledmysterians,whichisnotmeantasa
compliment.Somescientistshaveraisedthepossibilitythatconsciousnessmay
pervadetheuniverse,suggestingwethinkofitthesamewaywedo
electromagnetismorgravity,asoneofthefundamentalbuildingblocksof
reality.
Theideathatpsychedelicdrugsmightshedsomelightontheproblemsof
consciousnessmakesacertainsense.Apsychedelicdrugispowerfulenoughto
disruptthesystemwecallnormalwakingconsciousnessinwaysthatmayforce
someofitsfundamentalpropertiesintoview.True,anestheticsdisrupt
consciousnesstoo,yetbecausesuchdrugsshutitdown,thiskindofdisturbance
yieldsrelativelylittledata.Incontrast,someoneonapsychedelicremainsawake
andabletoreportonwhatheorsheisexperiencinginrealtime.Nowadays,
thesesubjectivereportscanbecorrelatedwithvariousmeasuresofbrainactivity,
usingseveraldifferentmodesofimaging—toolsunavailabletoresearchers
duringthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearchinthe1950sand1960s.
BydeployingthesetechnologiesincombinationwithLSDandpsilocybin,a
handfulofscientistsworkinginbothEuropeandtheUnitedStatesareopeninga
newwindowontoconsciousness,andwhattheyareglimpsingthroughit
promisestochangeourunderstandingofthelinksbetweenourbrainsandour
minds.
•••
PERHAPSTHEMOSTAMBITIOUSneuroscientificexpeditionusingpsychedelicsto
maptheterrainofhumanconsciousnessistakingplaceinalaboratoryatthe
CentreforPsychiatryontheHammersmithcampusofImperialCollegeinWest
London.Recentlycompleted,thecampusconsistsofafuturisticbutoddly
depressingnetworkofbuildings,linkedbyglass-walledaerialwalkwaysand
glassdoorsthatslideopensilentlyatthedetectionoftheproperidentification.It
ishereinthelabofDavidNutt,aprominentEnglishpsychopharmacologist,that
ateamledbyathirtysomethingneuroscientistnamedRobinCarhart-Harrishas
beenworkingsince2009toidentifythe“neuralcorrelates,”orphysical
counterparts,ofthepsychedelicexperience.ByinjectingvolunteerswithLSD
andpsilocybinandthenusingavarietyofscanningtechnologies—including
functionalmagneticresonanceimaging(fMRI)andmagnetoencephalography
(MEG)—toobservethechangesintheirbrains,heandhisteamhavegivenus
ourfirstglimpsesofwhatsomethinglikeegodissolution,orahallucination,
actuallylookslikeinthebrainasitunfoldsinthemind.
Thefactthatsuchanimprobableandpotentiallycontroversialresearch
projectevergotoffthegroundowestotheconvergenceofthreemostunusual
characters,andcareers,inEnglandintheyear2005:DavidNutt,RobinCarhart-
Harris,andAmandaFeilding,a.k.a.theCountessofWemyssandMarch.
RobinCarhart-Harris’spathtoDavidNutt’spsychopharmacologylabwasan
eccentricone,havingfirstpassedthroughagraduatecourseinpsychoanalysis.
Thesedayspsychoanalysisisatheoryfewneuroscientiststakeseriously,
regardingitlessasasciencethanasasetofuntestablebeliefs.Carhart-Harris
feltstronglyotherwise.SteepedinthewritingsofFreudandJung,hewas
fascinatedbypsychoanalytictheorywhileatthesametimefrustratedbyitslack
ofscientificrigor,aswellasbythelimitationsofitstoolsforexploringwhatit
deemedmostimportantaboutthemind:theunconscious.
“Iftheonlywaywecanaccesstheunconsciousisviadreamsandfree
association,”heexplainedthefirsttimewetalked,“wearen’tgoingtoget
anywhere.Surelytheremustbesomethingelse.”Onedayheaskedhisseminar
professorifthatsomethingelsemightbeadrug.(IaskedRobinifhishunchwas
basedonpersonalexperienceorresearch,buthemadeclearthiswasnota
subjecthewishedtodiscuss.)Hisprofessorsenthimtoreadabookcalled
RealmsoftheHumanUnconsciousbyStanislavGrof.
“Iwenttothelibraryandreadthebookcovertocover.Iwasblownaway.
Thatsetthecoursefortherestofmyyounglife.”
Carhart-Harris,whoisaslender,intenseyoungmaninahurry,withaneatly
trimmedbeardandlargepaleblueeyesthatseldomblink,formulatedaplanit
wouldtakehimafewyearstoputintomotion:hewouldusepsychedelicdrugs
andmodernbrain-imagingtechnologiestobuildafoundationofhardscience
beneaththeedificeofpsychoanalysis.“Freudsaiddreamsweretheroyalroadto
theunconscious,”heremindedme.“Psychedelicscouldturnouttobethe
superhighway.”Carhart-Harris’sdemeanorismodest,evenhumble,offeringno
cluetotheaudacityofhisambition.HelikestoquoteGrofsgrandclaimthat
whatthetelescopewasforastronomy,orthemicroscopeforbiology,
psychedelicswillbeforunderstandingthemind.
Carhart-Harriscompletedhismastersinpsychoanalysisin2005andbegan
toplothismoveintotheneuroscienceofpsychedelics.Heaskedaroundanddid
someInternetresearchthateventuallyledhimtoDavidNuttandAmanda
Feildingastwopeoplewhomightbeinterestedinhisprojectandinapositionto
help.HefirstapproachedFeilding,whoin1998hadestablishedsomething
calledtheBeckleyFoundationtostudytheeffectsofpsychoactivesubstanceson
thebrainandtolobbyfordrugpolicyreform.Thefoundationisnamedfor
BeckleyPark,thesprawlingfourteenth-centuryTudormanorwhereshegrewup
inOxfordshireandwhere,in2005,sheinvitedCarhart-Harristolunch.(Ona
recentvisitofmyowntoBeckley,Icountedtwotowersandthreemoats.)
AmandaFeilding,whowasbornin1943,isaneccentricasonlytheEnglish
aristocracycanbreedthem.(She’sdescendedfromthehouseofHabsburgand
twoofCharlesII’sillegitimatechildren.)Astudentofcomparativereligionand
mysticism,Feildinghashadalong-standinginterestinalteredstatesof
consciousnessand,specifically,theroleofbloodflowtothebrain,whichin
Homosapiens,shebelieves,hasbeencompromisedeversinceourspeciesbegan
standingupright.LSD,Feildingbelieves,enhancescognitivefunctionand
facilitateshigherstatesofconsciousnessbyincreasingcerebralcirculation.A
secondwaytoachieveasimilarresultisbymeansoftheancientpracticeof
trepanation.Thisdeservesabriefdigression.
Trepanationinvolvesdrillingashallowholeintheskullsupposedlyto
improvecerebralbloodcirculation;ineffect,itreversesthefusingofthecranial
bonesthathappensinchildhood.Trepanationwasforcenturiesacommon
medicalprocedure,tojudgebythenumberofancientskullsthathaveturnedup
withneatholesinthem.Convincedthattrepanationwouldhelpfacilitatehigher
statesofconsciousness,Feildingwentlookingforsomeonetoperformthe
operationonher.Whenitbecameclearnoprofessionalwouldoblige,she
trepannedherselfin1970,boringasmallholeinthemiddleofherforeheadwith
anelectricdrill.(Shedocumentedtheprocedureinashortbuthorrifyingfilm
calledHeartbeatintheBrain.)Pleasedwiththeresults,Feildingwentonto
standforelectiontoParliament,twice,onaplatformof“Trepanationforthe
NationalHealth.”
ButwhileAmandaFeildingmaybeeccentric,sheisbynomeansfeckless.
Herworkonbothdrugresearchanddrugpolicyreformhasbeenserious,
strategic,andproductive.Inrecentyears,herfocushasshiftedfromtrepanation
tothepotentialofpsychedelicstoimprovebrainfunction.Inherownlife,she
hasusedLSDasakindof“braintonic,”favoringadailydosethathits“that
sweetspotwherecreativityandenthusiasmisincreased,butcontrolis
maintained.”(Shetoldmethattherewasatimewhensheputthattonicdoseat
150micrograms—faraboveamicrodoseandenoughtosendmostpeople,
myselfincluded,onafull-fledgedtrip.ButbecausefrequentuseofLSDcan
leadtotolerance,it’sentirelypossiblethatforsomepeople150micrograms
merely“addsacertainsparkletoconsciousness.”)IfoundFeildingtobe
disarminglyfrankaboutthebaggageshebringstothenewconversationabout
psychedelicscience:“I’madruggie.Iliveinthisbighouse.AndIhaveaholein
myhead.Iguessthatdisqualifiesme.”
So,whenanaspiringyoungscientistnamedRobinCarhart-Harriscamefor
lunchatBeckleyin2005,sharinghisambitiontocombineresearchintoLSD
andFreud,Feildingimmediatelysawthepotential,aswellasanopportunityto
puthertheoriesaboutcerebralbloodcirculationtothetest.Feildingindicatedto
Carhart-Harristhatherfoundationmightbewillingtofundsuchresearchand
suggestedthathecontactDavidNutt,thenaprofessorattheUniversityof
BristolandanallyofFeilding’sinthecampaigntoreformdrugpolicy.
Inhisownway,DavidNuttisasnotoriousinEnglandasAmandaFeilding.
Nutt,whoisalarge,jollyfellowinhissixtieswithamustacheandabooming
laugh,achievedhisparticularnotorietyin2009.That’swhenthehomesecretary
firedhimfromthegovernment’sAdvisoryCouncilontheMisuseofDrugs,of
whichhehadbeenchair.Thecommitteeischargedwithadvisingthe
governmentontheclassificationofillicitdrugsbasedontheirrisktoindividuals
andsociety.Nutt,whoisanexpertonaddictionandontheclassofdrugscalled
benzodiazepines(suchasValium),hadcommittedthefatalpoliticalerrorof
quantifyingempiricallytherisksofvariouspsychoactivesubstances,bothlegal
andillegal.Hehadconcludedfromhisresearch,andwouldtellanyonewho
asked,thatalcoholwasmoredangerousthancannabisandthatusingEcstasy
wassaferthanridingahorse.
“Butthesentencethatgotmesacked,”hetoldmewhenwemetinhisoffice
atImperial,“waswhenIwentonlivebreakfasttelevision.Iwasasked,‘You’re
notseriouslytellingusthatLSDislessharmfulthanalcohol,areyou?’Of
courseIam!”*
RobinCarhart-HarriscametoseeDavidNuttin2005,hopingtostudy
psychedelicsanddreamingunderhimatBristol;tryingtobestrategic,he
mentionedthepossibilityoffundingfromFeilding.AsCarhart-Harrisrecallsthe
interview,Nuttwasbluntinhisdismissal:“‘Theideayouwanttodois
incrediblyfar-fetched,youhavenoneuroscienceexperience,it’scompletely
unrealistic.’ButItoldhimIputallmyeggsinthisbasket.”Impressedbythe
youngman’sdetermination,Nuttmadehimanoffer:“ComedoaPhDwithme.
We’llstartwithsomethingstraightforward”—thisturnedouttobetheeffectof
MDMAontheserotoninsystem—“andthenmaybelateronwecando
psychedelics.”
“Lateron”camein2009,whenCarhart-Harris,armedwithaPhDand
workinginNutt’slabwithfundingfromAmandaFeilding,receivedapproval
(fromtheNationalHealthServiceandtheHomeOffice)tostudytheeffectof
psilocybinonthebrain.(LSDwouldcomeafewyearslater.)Carhart-Harrisput
himselfforwardasthefirstvolunteer.“Ifyou’regoingtogivethisdrugto
peopleandputtheminascanner,Ithought,thehonestthingistodoitfirstto
yourself.”But,ashetoldNutt,“Ihaveananxiousdisposition,andmaynothave
beeninthebestplacepsychologically,sohedissuadedme;healsothought
participatingintheexperimentmightcompromisemyobjectivity.”Intheend,a
colleaguebecamethefirstvolunteertoreceiveaninjectionofpsilocybinand
thenslideintoanfMRIscannertohavehistrippingbrainimaged.
Carhart-Harris’sworkinghypothesiswasthattheirbrainswouldexhibit
increasesinactivity,particularlyintheemotioncenters.“Ithoughtitwouldlook
likethedreamingbrain,”hetoldme.Employingadifferentscanningtechnology,
FranzVollenweiderhadpublisheddataindicatingthatpsychedelicsstimulated
brainactivity,especiallyinthefrontallobes.(Anarearesponsibleforexecutive
andotherhighercognitivefunctions.)Butwhenthefirstsetofdatacamein,
Carhart-Harrisgotasurprise:“Wewereseeingdecreasesinbloodflow”—blood
flowbeingoneoftheproxiesforbrainactivitythatfMRImeasures.“Hadwe
madeamistake?Itwasarealhead-scratcher.”Buttheinitialdataonbloodflow
wascorroboratedbyasecondmeasurethatlooksatchangesinoxygen
consumptiontopinpointareasofelevatedbrainactivity.Carhart-Harrisandhis
colleagueshaddiscoveredthatpsilocybinreducesbrainactivity,withthefalloff
concentratedinoneparticularbrainnetworkthatatthetimeheknewlittleabout:
thedefaultmodenetwork.
Carhart-Harrisbeganreadinguponit.Thedefaultmodenetwork,orDMN,
wasnotknowntobrainscienceuntil2001.ThatwaswhenMarcusRaichle,a
neurologistatWashingtonUniversity,describeditinalandmarkpaperpublished
intheProceedingsoftheNationalAcademyofSciences,orPNAS.Thenetwork
formsacriticalandcentrallylocatedhubofbrainactivitythatlinkspartsofthe
cerebralcortextodeeper(andolder)structuresinvolvedinmemoryand
emotion.*
Thediscoveryofthedefaultmodenetworkwasactuallyascientificaccident,
ahappyby-productoftheuseofbrain-imagingtechnologiesinbrainresearch.*
ThetypicalfMRIexperimentbeginsbyestablishinga“restingstate”baselinefor
neuralactivityasthevolunteersitsquietlyinthescannerawaitingwhatevertests
theresearcherhasinstore.Raichlehadnoticedthatseveralareasinthebrain
exhibitedheightenedactivitypreciselywhenhissubjectsweredoingnothing
mentally.Thiswasthebrain’s“defaultmode,”thenetworkofbrainstructures
thatlightupwithactivitywhentherearenodemandsonourattentionandwe
havenomentaltasktoperform.Putanotherway,Raichlehaddiscoveredthe
placewhereourmindsgotowander—todaydream,ruminate,travelintime,
reflectonourselves,andworry.Itmaybethroughtheseverystructuresthatthe
streamofourconsciousnessflows.
Thedefaultnetworkstandsinakindofseesawrelationshipwiththe
attentionalnetworksthatwakeupwhenevertheoutsideworlddemandsour
attention;whenoneisactive,theothergoesquiet,andviceversa.Butasany
personcantellyou,quitealothappensinthemindwhennothingmuchisgoing
onoutsideus.(Infact,theDMNconsumesadisproportionateshareofthe
brain’senergy.)Workingataremovefromoursensoryprocessingoftheoutside
world,thedefaultmodeismostactivewhenweareengagedinhigher-level
“metacognitive”processessuchasself-reflection,mentaltimetravel,mental
constructions(suchastheselforego),moralreasoning,and“theoryofmind”—
theabilitytoattributementalstatestoothers,aswhenwetrytoimagine“whatit
islike”tobesomeoneelse.Allthesefunctionsmaybelongexclusivelyto
humans,andspecificallytoadulthumans,forthedefaultmodenetworkisn’t
operationaluntillateinachild’sdevelopment.
“Thebrainisahierarchicalsystem,”Carhart-Harrisexplainedinoneofour
interviews.“Thehighest-levelparts”—thosedevelopedlateinourevolution,
typicallylocatedinthecortex—“exertaninhibitoryinfluenceonthelower-level
[andolder]parts,likeemotionandmemory.”Asawhole,thedefaultmode
networkexertsatop-downinfluenceonotherpartsofthebrain,manyofwhich
communicatewithoneanotherthroughitscentrallylocatedhub.Robinhas
describedtheDMNvariouslyasthebrain’s“orchestraconductor,”“corporate
executive,”or“capitalcity,”chargedwithmanagingand“holdingthewhole
systemtogether.”Andwithkeepingthebrain’sunruliertendenciesincheck.
Thebrainconsistsofseveraldifferentspecializedsystems—oneforvisual
processing,forexample,anothertocontrolmotoractivity—eachdoingitsown
thing.“Chaosisavertedbecauseallsystemsarenotcreatedequal,”Marcus
Raichlehaswritten.“Electricalsignalingfromsomebrainareastakes
precedenceoverothers.AtthetopofthishierarchyresidestheDMN,whichacts
asanuber-conductortoensurethatthecacophonyofcompetingsignalsfrom
onesystemdonotinterferewiththosefromanother.”Thedefaultmodenetwork
keepsorderinasystemsocomplexitmightotherwisedescendintotheanarchy
ofmentalillness.
Asmentioned,thedefaultmodenetworkappearstoplayaroleinthecreation
ofmentalconstructsorprojections,themostimportantofwhichistheconstruct
wecalltheself,orego.*Thisiswhysomeneuroscientistscallit“theme
network.”Ifaresearchergivesyoualistofadjectivesandasksyoutoconsider
howtheyapplytoyou,itisyourdefaultmodenetworkthatleapsintoaction.(It
alsolightsupwhenwereceive“likes”onoursocialmediafeeds.)Nodesinthe
defaultnetworkarethoughttoberesponsibleforautobiographicalmemory,the
materialfromwhichwecomposethestoryofwhoweare,bylinkingourpast
experienceswithwhathappenstousandwithprojectionsofourfuturegoals.
Theachievementofanindividualself,abeingwithauniquepastanda
trajectoryintothefuture,isoneofthegloriesofhumanevolution,butitisnot
withoutitsdrawbacksandpotentialdisorders.Thepriceofthesenseofan
individualidentityisasenseofseparationfromothersandnature.Self-reflection
canleadtogreatintellectualandartisticachievementbutalsotodestructive
formsofself-regardandmanytypesofunhappiness.(Inanoften-citedpaper
titled“AWanderingMindIsanUnhappyMind,”psychologistsidentifieda
strongcorrelationbetweenunhappinessandtimespentinmindwandering,a
principalactivityofthedefaultmodenetwork.)But,acceptingthegoodwiththe
bad,mostofustakethisselfasanunshakablegiven,asrealasanythingwe
know,andasthefoundationofourlifeasconscioushumanbeings.OratleastI
alwaystookitthatway,untilmypsychedelicexperiencesledmetowonder.
PerhapsthemoststrikingdiscoveryofCarhart-Harris’sfirstexperimentwas
thatthesteepestdropsindefaultmodenetworkactivitycorrelatedwithhis
volunteers’subjectiveexperienceof“egodissolution.”(“Iexistedonlyasan
ideaorconcept,”onevolunteerreported.Recalledanother,“Ididn’tknowwhere
Iendedandmysurroundingsbegan.”)Themoreprecipitousthedrop-offin
bloodflowandoxygenconsumptioninthedefaultnetwork,themorelikelya
volunteerwastoreportthelossofasenseofself.*
ShortlyafterCarhart-Harrispublishedhisresultsina2012paperinPNAS
(“NeuralCorrelatesofthePsychedelicStateasDeterminedbyfMRIStudies
withPsilocybin”*),JudsonBrewer,aresearcheratYale*whowasusingfMRIto
studythebrainsofexperiencedmeditators,noticedthathisscansandRobin’s
lookedremarkablyalike.Thetranscendenceofselfreportedbyexpert
meditatorsshoweduponfMRIsasaquietingofthedefaultmodenetwork.It
appearsthatwhenactivityinthedefaultmodenetworkfallsoffprecipitously,the
egotemporarilyvanishes,andtheusualboundariesweexperiencebetweenself
andworld,subjectandobject,allmeltaway.
Thissenseofmergingintosomelargertotalityisofcourseoneofthe
hallmarksofthemysticalexperience;oursenseofindividualityandseparateness
hingesonaboundedselfandacleardemarcationbetweensubjectandobject.
Butallthatmaybeamentalconstruction,akindofillusion—justasthe
Buddhistshavebeentryingtotellus.Thepsychedelicexperienceof“non-
duality”suggeststhatconsciousnesssurvivesthedisappearanceoftheself,that
itisnotsoindispensableaswe—andit—liketothink.Carhart-Harrissuspects
thatthelossofacleardistinctionbetweensubjectandobjectmighthelpexplain
anotherfeatureofthemysticalexperience:thefactthattheinsightsitsponsors
arefelttobeobjectivelytrue—revealedtruthsratherthanplainoldinsights.It
couldbethatinordertojudgeaninsightasmerelysubjective,oneperson’s
opinion,youmustfirsthaveasenseofsubjectivity.Whichispreciselywhatthe
mysticonpsychedelicshaslost.
Themysticalexperiencemayjustbewhatitfeelslikewhenyoudeactivate
thebrain’sdefaultmodenetwork.Thiscanbeachievedanynumberofways:
throughpsychedelicsandmeditation,asRobinCarhart-HarrisandJudson
Brewerhavedemonstrated,butperhapsalsobymeansofcertainbreathing
exercises(likeholotropicbreathwork),sensorydeprivation,fasting,prayer,
overwhelmingexperiencesofawe,extremesports,near-deathexperiences,and
soon.Whatwouldscansofbrainsinthemidstofthoseactivitiesreveal?Wecan
onlyspeculate,butquitepossiblywewouldseethesamequietingofthedefault
modenetworkBrewerandCarhart-Harrishavefound.Thisquietingmightbe
accomplishedbyrestrictingbloodflowtothenetwork,orbystimulatingthe
serotonin2Areceptorsinthecortex,orbyotherwisedisturbingtheoscillatory
rhythmsthatnormallyorganizethebrain.Buthoweverithappens,takingthis
particularnetworkoff-linemaygiveusaccesstoextraordinarystatesof
consciousness—momentsofonenessorecstasythatarenolesswondrousfor
havingaphysicalcause.
•••
IFTHEDEFAULTMODEnetworkistheconductorofthesymphonyofbrainactivity,
youwouldexpectitstemporaryabsencefromthestagetoleadtoanincreasein
dissonanceandmentaldisorder—asindeedappearstohappenduringthe
psychedelicjourney.Inaseriesofsubsequentexperimentsusingavarietyof
brain-imagingtechniques,Carhart-Harrisandhiscolleaguesbegantostudywhat
happenselsewhereintheneuralorchestrawhenthedefaultmodenetworkputs
downitsbaton.
Takenasawhole,thedefaultmodenetworkexertsaninhibitoryinfluenceon
otherpartsofthebrain,notablyincludingthelimbicregionsinvolvedinemotion
andmemory,inmuchthesamewayFreudconceivedoftheegokeepingthe
anarchicforcesoftheunconsciousidincheck.(DavidNuttputsthematter
bluntly,claimingthatintheDMN“we’vefoundtheneuralcorrelatefor
repression.”)Carhart-Harrishypothesizesthattheseandothercentersofmental
activityare“letofftheleash”whenthedefaultmodeleavesthestage,andinfact
brainscansshowanincreaseinactivity(asreflectedbyincreasesinbloodflow
andoxygenconsumption)inseveralotherbrainregions,includingthelimbic
regions,undertheinfluenceofpsychedelics.Thisdisinhibitionmightexplain
whymaterialthatisunavailabletousduringnormalwakingconsciousnessnow
floatstothesurfaceofourawareness,includingemotionsandmemoriesand,
sometimes,long-buriedchildhoodtraumas.Itisforthisreasonthatsome
scientistsandpsychotherapistsbelievepsychedelicscanbeprofitablyusedto
surfaceandexplorethecontentsoftheunconsciousmind.
Butthedefaultmodenetworkdoesn’tonlyexerttop-downcontrolover
materialarisingfromwithin;italsohelpsregulatewhatisletintoconsciousness
fromtheworldoutside.Itoperatesasakindoffilter(or“reducingvalve”)
chargedwithadmittingonlythat“measlytrickle”ofinformationrequiredforus
togetthroughtheday.Ifnotforthebrain’sfilteringmechanisms,thetorrentof
informationthesensesmakeavailabletoourbrainsatanygivenmomentmight
provedifficulttoprocess—asindeedissometimesthecaseduringthe
psychedelicexperience.“Thequestion,”asDavidNuttputsit,“iswhythebrain
isordinarilysoconstrainedratherthansoopen?”Theanswermaybeassimple
as“efficiency.”Todaymostneuroscientistsworkunderaparadigmofthebrain
asaprediction-makingmachine.Toformaperceptionofsomethingoutinthe
world,thebraintakesinaslittlesensoryinformationasitneedstomakean
educatedguess.Weareforevercuttingtothechase,basically,andleapingto
conclusions,relyingonpriorexperiencetoinformcurrentperception.
ThemaskexperimentIattemptedtoperformduringmypsilocybinjourneyis
apowerfuldemonstrationofthisphenomenon.Atleastwhenitisworking
normally,thebrain,presentedwithafewvisualcluessuggestingitislookingat
aface,insistsonseeingthefaceasaconvexstructureevenwhenitisnot,
becausethat’sthewayfacesusuallyare.
Thephilosophicalimplicationsof“predictivecoding”aredeepandstrange.
Themodelsuggeststhatourperceptionsoftheworldofferusnotaliteral
transcriptionofrealitybutratheraseamlessillusionwovenfromboththedataof
oursensesandthemodelsinourmemories.Normalwakingconsciousnessfeels
perfectlytransparent,andyetitislessawindowonrealitythantheproductof
ourimaginations—akindofcontrolledhallucination.Thisraisesaquestion:
Howisnormalwakingconsciousnessanydifferentfromother,seeminglyless
faithfulproductionsofourimagination—suchasdreamsorpsychoticdelusions
orpsychedelictrips?Infact,allthesestatesofconsciousnessare“imagined”:
they’rementalconstructsthatweavetogethersomenewsoftheworldwith
priorsofvariouskinds.Butinthecaseofnormalwakingconsciousness,the
handshakebetweenthedataofoursensesandourpreconceptionsisespecially
firm.That’sbecauseitissubjecttoacontinualprocessofrealitytesting,aswhen
youreachouttoconfirmtheexistenceoftheobjectinyourvisualfieldor,upon
wakingfromanightmare,consultyourmemorytoseeifyoureallydidshowup
toteachaclasswithoutanyclotheson.Unliketheseotherstatesof
consciousness,ordinarywakingconsciousnesshasbeenoptimizedbynatural
selectiontobestfacilitateoureverydaysurvival.
Indeed,thatfeelingoftransparencyweassociatewithordinaryconsciousness
mayowemoretofamiliarityandhabitthanitdoestoverisimilitude.Asa
psychonautacquaintanceputittome,“Ifitwerepossibletotemporarily
experienceanotherperson’smentalstate,myguessisthatitwouldfeelmorelike
apsychedelicstatethana‘normal’state,becauseofitsmassivedisparitywith
whatevermentalstateishabitualwithyou.”
Anothertrippythoughtexperimentistotrytoimaginetheworldasitappears
toacreaturewithanentirelydifferentsensoryapparatusandwayoflife.You
quicklyrealizethereisnosinglerealityouttherewaitingtobefaithfullyand
comprehensivelytranscribed.Oursenseshaveevolvedforamuchnarrower
purposeandtakeinonlywhatservesourneedsasanimalsofaparticularkind.
Thebeeperceivesasubstantiallydifferentspectrumoflightthanwedo;tolook
attheworldthroughitseyesistoperceiveultravioletmarkingsonthepetalsof
flowers(evolvedtoguidetheirlandingslikerunwaylights)thatdon’texistfor
us.Thatexampleisatleastakindofseeing—asensewehappentosharewith
bees.Buthowdoweevenbegintoconceiveofthesensethatallowsbeesto
register(throughthehairsontheirlegs)theelectromagneticfieldsthatplants
produce?(Aweakchargeindicatesanotherbeehasrecentlyvisitedtheflower;
depletedofnectar,it’sprobablynotworthastop.)Thenthereistheworld
accordingtoanoctopus!Imaginehowdifferentlyrealitypresentsitselftoabrain
thathasbeensoradicallydecentralized,itsintelligencedistributedacrosseight
armssothateachofthemcantaste,touch,andevenmakeitsown“decisions”
withoutconsultingheadquarters.
•••
WHATHAPPENSWHEN,undertheinfluenceofpsychedelics,theusuallyfirm
handshakebetweenbrainandworldbreaksdown?Noonething,asitturnsout.I
askedCarhart-Harriswhetherthetrippingbrainfavorstop-downpredictionsor
bottom-upsensorydata.“That’stheclassicdilemma,”hesuggested:whetherthe
mind,unconstrained,willtendtofavoritspriorsortheevidenceofitssenses.
“Youdooftenfindakindofimpetuousnessoroverzealousnessonthepartofthe
priors,aswhenyouseefacesintheclouds.”Eagertomakesenseofthedata
rushingin,thebrainleapstoerroneousconclusionsand,sometimes,a
hallucinationresults.(Theparanoiddoesmuchthesamething,ferociously
imposingafalsenarrativeonthestreamofincominginformation.)Butinother
cases,thereducingvalveopenswidetoadmitlotsmoreinformation,unedited
andsometimeswelcome.
Peoplewhoarecolor-blindreportbeingabletoseecertaincolorsforthefirst
timewhenonpsychedelics,andthereisresearchtosuggestthatpeoplehear
musicdifferentlyundertheinfluenceofthesedrugs.Theyprocessthetimbre,or
coloration,ofmusicmoreacutely—adimensionofmusicthatconveysemotion.
WhenIlistenedtoBach’scellosuiteduringmypsilocybinjourney,Iwascertain
IheardmoreofitthanIeverhad,registeringshadingsandnuancesandtones
thatIhadn’tbeenabletohearbeforeandhaven’theardsince.
Carhart-Harristhinksthatpsychedelicsrenderthebrain’susualhandshakeof
perceptionlessstableandmoreslippery.Thetrippingbrainmay“slipbackand
forth”betweenimposingitspriorsandadmittingtherawevidenceofitssenses.
Hesuspectsthattherearemomentsduringthepsychedelicexperiencewhen
confidenceinourusualtop-downconceptsofrealitycollapses,openingtheway
formorebottom-upinformationtogetthroughthefilter.Butwhenallthat
sensoryinformationthreatenstooverwhelmus,themindfuriouslygenerates
newconcepts(crazyorbrilliant,ithardlymatters)tomakesenseofitall—“and
soyoumightseefacescomingoutoftherain.
“That’sthebraindoingwhatthebraindoes”—thatis,workingtoreduce
uncertaintyby,ineffect,tellingitselfstories.
•••
THEHUMANBRAINisaninconceivablycomplexsystem—perhapsthemost
complexsystemevertoexist—inwhichanorderhasemerged,thehighest
expressionofwhichisthesovereignselfandournormalwakingconsciousness.
Byadulthood,thebrainhasgottenverygoodatobservingandtestingrealityand
developingreliablepredictionsaboutitthatoptimizeourinvestmentsofenergy
(mentalandotherwise)andthereforeourchancesofsurvival.Uncertaintyisa
complexbrain’sbiggestchallenge,andpredictivecodingevolvedtohelpus
reduceit.Ingeneral,thekindofprecookedorconventionalizedthinkingthis
adaptationproducesservesuswell.Butonlyuptoapoint.
PreciselywherethatpointliesisaquestionRobinCarhart-Harrisandhis
colleagueshaveexploredinanambitiousandprovocativepapertitled“The
EntropicBrain:ATheoryofConsciousStatesInformedbyNeuroimaging
ResearchwithPsychedelicDrugs,”publishedinFrontiersinHuman
Neurosciencein2014.Here,Carhart-Harrisattemptstolayouthisgrand
synthesisofpsychoanalysisandcognitivebrainscience.Thequestionatitsheart
is,dowepayapricefortheachievementoforderandselfhoodintheadult
humanmind?Thepaperconcludesthatwedo.Whilesuppressingentropy(in
thiscontext,asynonymforuncertainty)inthebrain“servestopromoterealism,
foresight,carefulreflectionandanabilitytorecognizeandovercomewishful
andparanoidfantasies,”atthesametimethisachievementtendsto“constrain
cognition”andexert“alimitingornarrowinginfluenceonconsciousness.”
AfteraseriesofSkypeinterviews,RobinCarhart-HarrisandIweremeeting
forthefirsttime,inhisfifth-floorwalk-upinanunposhsectionofNottingHill,
afewmonthsafterthepublicationoftheentropypaper.Inperson,Iwasstruck
byRobin’syouthfulnessandintensity.Forallhisambition,hisaffectis
strikinglyself-effacinganddoeslittletoprepareyouforhiswillingnessto
ventureoutontointellectuallimbsthatwouldscareofflessintrepidscientists.
Theentropypaperasksustoconceiveofthemindasanuncertainty-reducing
machinewithafewseriousbugsinit.Thesheercomplexityofthehumanbrain
andthegreaternumberofdifferentmentalstatesinitsrepertoire(ascompared
withotheranimals)makethemaintenanceoforderatoppriority,lestthesystem
descendintochaos.
Onceuponatime,Carhart-Harriswrites,thehumanorprotohumanbrain
exhibitedamuchmoreanarchicformof“primaryconsciousness,”characterized
by“magicalthinking”—beliefsabouttheworldthathavebeenshapedbywishes
andfearsandsupernaturalinterpretation.(Inprimaryconsciousness,Carhart-
Harriswrites,“cognitionislessmeticulousinitssamplingoftheexternalworld
andisinsteadeasilybiasedbyemotion,e.g.,wishesandanxieties.”)Magical
thinkingisonewayforhumanmindstoreducetheiruncertaintyabouttheworld,
butitislessthanoptimalforthesuccessofthespecies.
Abetterwaytosuppressuncertaintyandentropyinthehumanbrainemerged
withtheevolutionofthedefaultmodenetwork,Carhart-Harriscontends,a
brain-regulatingsystemthatisabsentorundevelopedinloweranimalsand
youngchildren.Alongwiththedefaultmodenetwork,“acoherentsenseofself
or‘ego’emerges”and,withthat,thehumancapacityforself-reflectionand
reason.Magicalthinkinggiveswayto“amorereality-boundstyleofthinking,
governedbytheego.”BorrowingfromFreud,hecallsthismorehighlyevolved
modeofcognition“secondaryconsciousness.”Secondaryconsciousness“pays
deferencetorealityanddiligentlyseekstorepresenttheworldaspreciselyas
possible”inordertominimize“surpriseanduncertainty(i.e.entropy).”
Thearticleoffersanintriguinggraphicdepictinga“spectrumofcognitive
states,”rangingfromhigh-entropymentalstatestolowones.Atthehigh-
entropyendofthespectrum,helistspsychedelicstates;infantconsciousness;
earlypsychosis;magicalthinking;anddivergentorcreativethinking.Atthe
low-entropyendofthespectrum,helistsnarroworrigidthinking;addiction;
obsessive-compulsivedisorder;depression;anesthesia;and,finally,coma.
Carhart-Harrissuggeststhatthepsychological“disorders”atthelow-entropy
endofthespectrumarenottheresultofalackoforderinthebrainbutrather
stemfromanexcessoforder.Whenthegroovesofself-reflectivethinking
deepenandharden,theegobecomesoverbearing.Thisisperhapsmostclearly
evidentindepression,whentheegoturnsonitselfanduncontrollable
introspectiongraduallyshadesoutreality.Carhart-Harriscitesresearch
indicatingthatthisdebilitatingstateofmind(sometimescalledheavyself-
consciousnessordepressiverealism)maybetheresultofahyperactivedefault
modenetwork,whichcantrapusinrepetitiveanddestructiveloopsof
ruminationthateventuallycloseusofffromtheworldoutside.Huxley’s
reducingvalvecontractstozero.Carhart-Harrisbelievesthatpeoplesuffering
fromawholerangeofdisorderscharacterizedbyexcessivelyrigidpatternsof
thought—includingaddiction,obsessions,andeatingdisordersaswellas
depression—standtobenefitfrom“theabilityofpsychedelicstodisrupt
stereotypedpatternsofthoughtandbehaviorbydisintegratingthepatternsof
[neural]activityuponwhichtheyrest.”
Soitmaybethatsomebrainscouldstandtohavealittlemoreentropy,not
less.Thisiswherepsychedelicscomein.Byquietingthedefaultmodenetwork,
thesecompoundscanloosentheego’sgriponthemachineryofthemind,
“lubricating”cognitionwherebeforeithadbeenrustedstuck.“Psychedelics
alterconsciousnessbydisorganizingbrainactivity,”Carhart-Harriswrites.They
increasetheamountofentropyinthebrain,withtheresultthatthesystem
revertstoalessconstrainedmodeofcognition.*
“It’snotjustthatonesystemdropsaway,”hesays,“butthatanoldersystem
reemerges.”Thatoldersystemisprimaryconsciousness,amodeofthinkingin
whichtheegotemporarilylosesitsdominionandtheunconscious,now
unregulated,“isbroughtintoanobservablespace.”This,forCarhart-Harris,is
theheuristicvalueofpsychedelicstothestudyofthemind,thoughhesees
therapeuticvalueaswell.
It’sworthnotingthatCarhart-Harrisdoesnotromanticizepsychedelicsand
haslittlepatienceforthesortof“magicalthinking”and“metaphysics”thatthey
nourishintheiracolytes—suchastheideathatconsciousnessis“transpersonal,”
apropertyoftheuniverseratherthanthehumanbrain.Inhisview,theformsof
consciousnessthatpsychedelicsunleashareregressionstoa“moreprimitive”
modeofcognition.WithFreud,hebelievesthatthelossofself,andthesenseof
oneness,characteristicofthemysticalexperience—whetheroccasionedby
chemistryorreligion—returnustothepsychologicalconditionoftheinfanton
itsmothersbreast,astagewhenithasyettodevelopasenseofitselfasa
separateandboundedindividual.ForCarhart-Harris,thepinnacleofhuman
developmentistheachievementofthisdifferentiatedself,orego,andits
impositionoforderontheanarchyofaprimitivemindbuffetedbyfearsand
wishesandgiventovariousformsofmagicalthinking.Whileheholdswith
AldousHuxleythatpsychedelicsthrowopenthedoorsofperception,hedoes
notagreethateverythingthatcomesthroughthatopening—includingthe“Mind
atLarge”thatHuxleyglimpsed—isnecessarilyreal.“Thepsychedelic
experiencecanyieldalotoffool’sgold,”hetoldme.
YetCarhart-Harrisalsobelievesthereisgenuinegoldinthepsychedelic
experience.Whenwemet,heofferedexamplesofscientistswhoseown
experienceswithLSDhadsuppliedthemwithinsightsintotheworkingsofthe
brain.Toomuchentropyinthehumanbrainmayleadtoatavisticthinkingand,
atthefarend,madness,yettoolittlecancrippleusaswell.Thegripofan
overbearingegocanenforcearigidityinourthinkingthatispsychologically
destructive.Itmaybesociallyandpoliticallydestructivetoo,inthatitclosesthe
mindtoinformationandalternativepointsofview.
Inoneofourconversations,Robinspeculatedthataclassofdrugswiththe
powertooverturnhierarchiesinthemindandsponsorunconventionalthinking
hasthepotentialtoreshapeusers’attitudestowardauthorityofallkinds;thatis,
thecompoundsmayhaveapoliticaleffect.ManybelieveLSDplayedprecisely
thatroleinthepoliticalupheavalofthe1960s.
“Wasitthathippiesgravitatedtopsychedelics,ordopsychedelicscreate
hippies?Nixonthoughtitwasthelatter.Hemayhavebeenright!”Robin
believesthatpsychedelicsmayalsosubtlyshiftpeople’sattitudestowardnature,
whichalsounderwentaseachangeinthe1960s.Whentheinfluenceofthe
DMNdeclines,sodoesoursenseofseparatenessfromourenvironment.His
teamatImperialCollegehastestedvolunteersonastandardpsychologicalscale
thatmeasures“naturerelatedness”(respondentsratetheiragreementwith
statementslike“Iamnotseparatefromnature,butapartofnature”).A
psychedelicexperienceelevatedpeople’sscores.*
•••
SOWHATDOESahigh-entropybrainlooklike?Thevariousscanningtechnologies
thattheImperialCollegelabhasusedtomapthetrippingbrainshowthatthe
specializedneuralnetworksofthebrain—suchasthedefaultmodenetworkand
thevisualprocessingsystem—eachbecomedisintegrated,whilethebrainasa
wholebecomesmoreintegratedasnewconnectionsspringupamongregions
thatordinarilykeptmainlytothemselvesorwerelinkedonlyviathecentralhub
oftheDMN.Putanotherway,thevariousnetworksofthebrainbecameless
specialized.
“Distinctnetworksbecamelessdistinctunderthedrug,”Carhart-Harrisand
hiscolleagueswrote,“implyingthattheycommunicatemoreopenly,”withother
brainnetworks.“Thebrainoperateswithgreaterflexibilityand
interconnectednessunderhallucinogens.”
Ina2014paperpublishedintheJournaloftheRoyalSocietyInterface,the
ImperialCollegeteamdemonstratedhowtheusuallinesofcommunications
withinthebrainareradicallyreorganizedwhenthedefaultmodenetworkgoes
off-lineandthetideofentropyisallowedtorise.Usingascanningtechnique
calledmagnetoencephalography,whichmapselectricalactivityinthebrain,the
authorsproducedamapofthebrain’sinternalcommunicationsduringnormal
wakingconsciousnessandafteraninjectionofpsilocybin(shownonthe
followingpages).Initsnormalstate,shownontheleft,thebrain’svarious
networks(heredepictedliningthecircle,eachrepresentedbyadifferentcolor)
talkmostlytothemselves,witharelativelyfewheavilytraffickedpathways
amongthem.
Butwhenthebrainoperatesundertheinfluenceofpsilocybin,asshownon
theright,thousandsofnewconnectionsform,linkingfar-flungbrainregionsthat
duringnormalwakingconsciousnessdon’texchangemuchinformation.In
effect,trafficisreroutedfromarelativelysmallnumberofinterstatehighways
ontomyriadsmallerroadslinkingagreatmanymoredestinations.Thebrain
appearstobecomelessspecializedandmoregloballyinterconnected,with
considerablymoreintercourse,or“crosstalk,”amongitsvariousneighborhoods.
Thereareseveralwaysthistemporaryrewiringofthebrainmayaffectmental
experience.Whenthememoryandemotioncentersareallowedtocommunicate
directlywiththevisualprocessingcenters,it’spossibleourwishesandfears,
prejudicesandemotions,begintoinformwhatwesee—ahallmarkofprimary
consciousnessandarecipeformagicalthinking.Likewise,theestablishmentof
newlinkagesacrossbrainsystemscangiverisetosynesthesia,aswhensense
informationgetscross-wiredsothatcolorsbecomesoundsorsoundsbecome
tactile.Orthenewlinksgiverisetohallucination,aswhenthecontentsofmy
memorytransformedmyvisualperceptionofMaryintoMaríaSabina,orthe
imageofmyfaceinthemirrorintoavisionofmygrandfather.Theformingof
stillotherkindsofnovelconnectionscouldmanifestinmentalexperienceasa
newidea,afreshperspective,acreativeinsight,ortheascribingofnew
meaningstofamiliarthings—oranynumberofthebizarrementalphenomena
peopleonpsychedelicsreport.Theincreaseinentropyallowsathousandmental
statestobloom,manyofthembizarreandsenseless,butsomenumberofthem
revelatory,imaginative,and,atleastpotentially,transformative.
Onewaytothinkaboutthisbloomingofmentalstatesisthatittemporarily
booststhesheeramountofdiversityinourmentallife.Ifproblemsolvingis
anythinglikeevolutionaryadaptation,themorepossibilitiesthemindhasatits
disposal,themorecreativeitssolutionswillbe.Inthissense,entropyinthe
brainisabitlikevariationinevolution:itsuppliesthediversityofrawmaterials
onwhichselectioncanthenoperatetosolveproblemsandbringnoveltyintothe
world.If,assomanyartistsandscientistshavetestified,thepsychedelic
experienceisanaidtocreativity—tothinking“outsidethebox”—thismodel
mighthelpexplainwhythatisthecase.Maybetheproblemwith“thebox”is
thatitissingular.
Akeyquestionthatthescienceofpsychedelicshasnotevenbeguntoanswer
iswhetherthenewneuralconnectionsthatpsychedelicsmakepossibleendurein
anyway,orifthebrain’swiringreturnstothestatusquoanteoncethedrug
wearsoff.ThefindingbyRolandGriffiths’slabthatthepsychedelicexperience
leadstolong-termchangesinthepersonalitytraitofopennessraisesthe
possibilitythatsomekindoflearningtakesplacewhilethebrainisrewiredand
thatitmightinsomewaypersist.Learningentailstheestablishmentofnew
neuralcircuits;thesegetstrongerthemoreexercisetheyget.Thelong-termfate
ofthenovelconnectionsformedduringthepsychedelicexperience—whether
theyprovedurableorevanescent—mightdependonwhetherwerecalland,in
effect,exercisethemaftertheexperienceends.(Thiscouldbeassimpleas
recollectingwhatweexperienced,reinforcingitduringtheintegrationprocess,
orusingmeditationtoreenactthealteredstateofconsciousness.)Franz
Vollenweiderhassuggestedthatthepsychedelicexperiencemayfacilitate
“neuroplasticity”:itopensawindowinwhichpatternsofthoughtandbehavior
becomemoreplasticandsoeasiertochange.Hismodelsoundslikea
chemicallymediatedformofcognitivebehavioraltherapy.Butsofarthisisall
highlyspeculative;asyettherehasbeenlittlemappingofthebrainbeforeand
afterpsychedelicstodeterminewhat,ifanything,theexperiencechangesina
lastingway.
Carhart-Harrisarguesintheentropypaperthatevenatemporaryrewiringof
thebrainispotentiallyvaluable,especiallyforpeoplesufferingfromdisorders
characterizedbymentalrigidity.Ahigh-dosepsychedelicexperiencehasthe
powerto“shakethesnowglobe,”hesays,disruptingunhealthypatternsof
thoughtandcreatingaspaceofflexibility—entropy—inwhichmoresalubrious
patternsandnarrativeshaveanopportunitytocoalesceasthesnowslowly
resettles.
•••
THEIDEAthatincreasingtheamountofentropyinthehumanbrainmight
actuallybegoodforusissurelycounterintuitive.Mostofusbringanegative
connotationtotheterm:entropysuggeststhegradualdeteriorationofahard-won
order,thedisintegrationofasystemovertime.Certainlygettingolderfeelslike
anentropicprocess—agradualrunningdownanddisorderingofthemindand
body.Butmaybethat’sthewrongwaytothinkaboutit.RobinCarhart-Harris’s
papergotmewonderingif,atleastforthemind,agingisreallyaprocessof
decliningentropy,thefadingovertimeofwhatweshouldregardasapositive
attributeofmentallife.
Certainlybymiddleage,theswayofhabitualthinkingovertheoperationsof
themindisnearlyabsolute.Bynow,Icancountonpastexperiencetopropose
quickandusuallyserviceableanswerstojustaboutanyquestionrealityposes,
whetherit’sabouthowtosootheachildormollifyaspouse,repairasentence,
acceptacompliment,answerthenextquestion,ormakesenseofwhatevers
happeningintheworld.Withexperienceandtime,itgetseasiertocuttothe
chaseandleaptoconclusions—clichésthatimplyakindofagilitybutthatin
factmaysignifypreciselytheopposite:apetrifactionofthought.Thinkofitas
predictivecodingonthescaleoflife;thepriors—andbynowI’vegotmillions
ofthem—usuallyhavemyback,canbereliedontogivemeadecentenough
answer,evenifitisn’taparticularlyfreshorimaginativeone.Aflatteringterm
forthisregimeofgoodenoughpredictionsis“wisdom.”
ReadingRobin’spaperhelpedmebetterunderstandwhatIwaslookingfor
whenIdecidedtoexplorepsychedelics:togivemyownsnowglobeavigorous
shaking,seeifIcouldrenovatemyeverydaymentallifebyintroducingagreater
measureofentropy,anduncertainty,intoit.Gettingoldermightrendertheworld
morepredictable(ineverysense),yetitalsolightenstheburdenof
responsibility,creatinganewspaceforexperiment.Minehadbeentoseeifit
wasn’ttoolatetoskipoutofsomeofthedeepergroovesofhabitthatthebeen-
theresanddone-thatsoflongexperiencehadinscribedonmymind.
•••
INBOTHPHYSICSandinformationtheory,entropyisoftenassociatedwith
expansion—asintheexpansionofagaswhenitisheatedorfreedfromthe
constraintsofacontainer.Asthegas’smoleculesdiffuseinspace,itbecomes
hardertopredictthelocationofanygivenone;theuncertaintyofthesystemthus
increases.Inathrowawaylineattheendofhisentropypaper,Carhart-Harris
remindsusthatinthe1960sthepsychedelicexperiencewasusuallydescribedas
“consciousness-expansion”;knowinglyornot,TimothyLearyandhiscolleagues
hadhitonexactlytherightmetaphorfortheentropicbrain.Thisexpansion
metaphoralsochimeswithHuxley’sreducingvalve,implyingasitdoesthat
consciousnessexistsinastateofopeningorcontraction.
Asamatterofexperience,aqualityasabstractasentropyisalmost
impossibleforustoperceive,butexpansion,perhaps,isnot.JudsonBrewer,the
neuroscientistwhostudiesmeditation,hasfoundthatafeltsenseofexpansionin
consciousnesscorrelateswithadropinactivityinoneparticularnodeofthe
defaultmodenetwork—theposteriorcingulatecortex(PCC),whichisassociated
withself-referentialprocessing.Oneofthemostinterestingthingsabouta
psychedelicexperienceisthatitsharpensone’ssensitivitytoone’sownmental
states,especiallyinthedaysimmediatelyfollowing.Theusualseamlessnessof
consciousnessisdisturbedinsuchawayastomakeanygivenstate—mind
wandering,focusedattention,rumination—bothmoresalientandsomewhat
easiertomanipulate.Inthewakeofmypsychedelicexperiences(and,perhaps,
inthewakeofinterviewingJudsonBrewer),IfoundthatwhenIputmymindto
it,Icouldlocatemyownstateofconsciousnessonaspectrumrangingfrom
contractiontoexpansion.
When,forexample,I’mfeelingespeciallygenerousorgrateful,opento
feelingsandpeopleandnature,Iregisterasenseofexpansion.Thisfeelingis
oftenaccompaniedbyadiminutionofego,aswellasafalloffintheattention
paidtopastandfutureonwhichtheegofeasts.(Anddepends.)Bythesame
token,thereisapronouncedsenseofcontractionwhenI’mobsessingabout
thingsorfeelingfearful,defensive,rushed,worried,andregretful.(Theselast
twofeelingsdon’texistwithouttimetravel.)Atsuchtimes,Ifeelaltogether
moreme,andnotinagoodway.Iftheneuroscientistsareright,whatI’m
observinginmymindhasaphysicalcorrelateinthebrain:thedefaultmode
networkiseitheronlineoroff;entropyiseitherhighorlow.Whatexactlytodo
withthisinformationI’mnotyetsure.
•••
BYNOW,itmaybelosttomemory,butallofus,eventhepsychedelicallynaive,
havehaddirectpersonalexperienceofanentropicbrainandthenoveltypeof
consciousnessitsponsors—asayoungchild.Babyconsciousnessissodifferent
fromadultconsciousnessastoconstituteamentalcountryofitsown,onefrom
whichweareexpelledsometimeearlyinadolescence.Isthereawaybackin?
Theclosestwecancometovisitingthatforeignlandasadultsmaybeduringthe
psychedelicjourney.ThisatleastisthestartlinghypothesisofAlisonGopnik,a
developmentalpsychologistandphilosopherwhohappenstobeacolleagueof
mineatBerkeley.
AlisonGopnikandRobinCarhart-Harriscomeattheproblemof
consciousnessfromwhatseemlikecompletelydifferentdirectionsand
disciplines,butsoonaftertheylearnedofeachotherswork(Ihade-maileda
PDFofRobin’sentropypapertoAlisonandtoldhimabouthersuperbbook,The
PhilosophicalBaby),theystruckupaconversationthathasproventobe
remarkablyilluminating,atleastforme.InApril2016,theirconversationwound
uponastageataconferenceonconsciousnessinTucson,Arizona,wherethe
twometforthefirsttimeandsharedapanel.*
InmuchthesamewaypsychedelicshavegivenCarhart-Harrisanoblique
anglefromwhichtoapproachthephenomenaofnormalconsciousnessby
exploringanalteredstateofit,Gopnikproposesweregardthemindofthe
youngchildasanotherkindof“alteredstate,”andinanumberofrespectsitisa
strikinglysimilarone.Shecautionsthatourthinkingaboutthesubjectisusually
constrainedbyourownrestrictedexperienceofconsciousness,whichwe
naturallytaketobethewholeofit.Inthiscase,mostofthetheoriesand
generalizationsaboutconsciousnesshavebeenmadebypeoplewhosharea
fairlylimitedsubtypeofitshecalls“professorconsciousness,”whichshe
definesas“thephenomenologyofyouraveragemiddle-agedprofessor.”
“Asacademics,eitherwe’reincrediblyfocusedonaparticularproblem,”
GopniktoldtheaudienceofphilosophersandneuroscientistsinTucson,“or
we’resittingtheresayingtoourselves,‘Whycan’tIfocusonthisproblemI’m
supposedtobefocusedon,andwhyinsteadamIdaydreaming?’”Gopnik
herselflooksthepartofaBerkeleyprofessorinherearlysixties,withher
colorfulscarves,flowingskirts,andsensibleshoes.Achildofthe1960swhois
nowagrandmother,shehasaspeakingstylethatisatoncelightheartedand
learned,studdedwithreferencesindicatingamindasmuchathomeinthe
humanitiesasthesciences.
“Ifyouthought,aspeopleoftenhavethought,thatthiswasalltherewasto
consciousness...youmightverywellfindyourselfthinkingthatyoungchildren
wereactuallylessconsciousthanwewere,”becausebothfocusedattentionand
self-reflectionareabsentinyoungchildren.Gopnikasksustothinkaboutchild
consciousnessintermsofnotwhat’smissingfromitorundevelopedbutrather
whatisuniquelyandwonderfullypresent—qualitiesthatshebelieves
psychedelicscanhelpustobetterappreciateand,possibly,reexperience.
InThePhilosophicalBaby,Gopnikdrawsausefuldistinctionbetweenthe
“spotlightconsciousness”ofadultsandthe“lanternconsciousness”ofyoung
children.Thefirstmodegivesadultstheabilitytonarrowlyfocusattentionona
goal.(Inhisownremarks,Carhart-Harriscalledthis“egoconsciousness”or
“consciousnesswithapoint.”)Inthesecondmode—lanternconsciousness—
attentionismorewidelydiffused,allowingthechildtotakeininformationfrom
virtuallyanywhereinherfieldofawareness,whichisquitewide,widerthanthat
ofmostadults.(Bythismeasure,childrenaremoreconsciousthanadults,rather
thanless.)Whilechildrenseldomexhibitsustainedperiodsofspotlight
consciousness,adultsoccasionallyexperiencethat“vividpanoramicillumination
oftheeveryday”thatlanternconsciousnessaffordsus.ToborrowJudson
Brewersterms,lanternconsciousnessisexpansive,spotlightconsciousness
narrow,orcontracted.
Theadultbraindirectsthespotlightofitsattentionwhereitwillandthen
reliesonpredictivecodingtomakesenseofwhatitperceives.Thisisnotatall
thechild’sapproach,Gopnikhasdiscovered.Beinginexperiencedinthewayof
theworld,themindoftheyoungchildhascomparativelyfewpriors,or
preconceptions,toguideherperceptionsdownthepredictabletracks.Instead,
thechildapproachesrealitywiththeastonishmentofanadultonpsychedelics.
Whatthismeansforcognitionandlearningcanbebestunderstoodby
lookingatmachinelearning,orartificialintelligence,Gopniksuggests.In
teachingcomputershowtolearnandsolveproblems,AIdesignersspeakin
termsof“hightemperature”and“lowtemperature”searchesfortheanswersto
questions.Alow-temperaturesearch(so-calledbecauseitrequireslessenergy)
involvesreachingforthemostprobableornearest-to-handanswer,liketheone
thatworkedforasimilarprobleminthepast.Low-temperaturesearchessucceed
moreoftenthannot.Ahigh-temperaturesearchrequiresmoreenergybecauseit
involvesreachingforlesslikelybutpossiblymoreingeniousandcreative
answers—thosefoundoutsidetheboxofpreconception.Drawingonitswealth
ofexperience,theadultmindperformslow-temperaturesearchesmostofthe
time.
Gopnikbelievesthatboththeyoungchild(fiveandunder)andtheadultona
psychedelichaveastrongerpredilectionforthehigh-temperaturesearch;intheir
questtomakesenseofthings,theirmindsexplorenotjustthenearbyandmost
likelybut“theentirespaceofpossibilities.”Thesehigh-temperaturesearches
mightbeinefficient,incurringahigherrateoferrorandrequiringmoretimeand
mentalenergytoperform.High-temperaturesearchescanyieldanswersthatare
moremagicalthanrealistic.Yettherearetimeswhenhotsearchesaretheonly
waytosolveaproblem,andoccasionallytheyreturnanswersofsurpassing
beautyandoriginality.E=mc
2
wastheproductofahigh-temperaturesearch.
Gopnikhastestedthishypothesisonchildreninherlabandhasfoundthat
therearelearningproblemsthatfour-year-oldsarebetteratsolvingthanadults.
Thesearepreciselythekindsofproblemsthatrequirethinkingoutsidethebox,
thosetimeswhenexperiencehobblesratherthangreasesthegearsofproblem
solving,oftenbecausetheproblemissonovel.Inoneexperiment,shepresented
childrenwithatoyboxthatlightsupandplaysmusicwhenacertainkindof
blockisplacedontopofit.Normally,this“blicketdetector”issettorespondto
asingleblockofacertaincolororshape,butwhentheexperimenterreprograms
themachinesothatitrespondsonlywhentwoblocksareplacedonit,four-year-
oldsfigureitoutmuchfasterthanadultsdo.
“Theirthinkingislessconstrainedbyexperience,sotheywilltryeventhe
mostunlikelypossibilities”;thatis,they’llconductlotsofhigh-temperature
searches,testingthemostfar-outhypotheses.“Childrenarebetterlearnersthan
adultsinmanycaseswhenthesolutionsarenonobvious”or,assheputsit,
“furtheroutinthespaceofpossibilities,”arealmwheretheyaremoreathome
thanweare.Farout,indeed.
“Wehavethelongestchildhoodofanyspecies,”Gopniksays.“Thisextended
periodoflearningandexplorationiswhat’sdistinctiveaboutus.Ithinkof
childhoodastheR&Dstageofthespecies,concernedexclusivelywithlearning
andexploring.Weadultsareproductionandmarketing.”LaterIaskedherifshe
meanttosaythatchildrenperformR&Dfortheindividual,notthespecies,but
infactshemeantexactlywhatshesaid.
“Eachgenerationofchildrenconfrontsanewenvironment,”sheexplained,
“andtheirbrainsareparticularlygoodatlearningandthrivinginthat
environment.Thinkofthechildrenofimmigrants,orfour-year-oldsconfronted
withaniPhone.Childrendon’tinventthesenewtools,theydon’tcreatethenew
environment,butineverygenerationtheybuildthekindofbrainthatcanbest
thriveinit.Childhoodisthespecies’waysofinjectingnoiseintothesystemof
culturalevolution.”“Noise,”ofcourse,isinthiscontextanotherwordfor
“entropy.”
“Thechild’sbrainisextremelyplastic,goodforlearning,not
accomplishing”—betterfor“exploringratherthanexploiting.”Italsohasagreat
manymoreneuralconnectionsthantheadultbrain.(Duringthepanel,Carhart-
Harrisshowedhismapofthemindonpsilocybin,withitsdenseforestoflines
connectingeveryregiontoeveryother.)Butaswereachadolescence,mostof
thoseconnectionsgetpruned,sothatthe“humanbrainbecomesalean,mean
actingmachine.”Akeyelementofthatdevelopmentalprocessisthesuppression
ofentropy,withallofitsimplications,bothgoodandbad.Thesystemcools,and
hotsearchesbecometheexceptionratherthantherule.Thedefaultmode
networkcomesonline.
“Consciousnessnarrowsaswegetolder,”Gopniksays.“Adultshave
congealedintheirbeliefsandarehardtoshift,”shehaswritten,whereas
“childrenaremorefluidandconsequentlymorewillingtoentertainnewideas.
“Ifyouwanttounderstandwhatanexpandedconsciousnesslookslike,all
youhavetodoishaveteawithafour-year-old.”
OrdropatabofLSD.Gopniktoldmeshehasbeenstruckbythesimilarities
betweenthephenomenologyoftheLSDexperienceandherunderstandingofthe
consciousnessofchildren:hottersearches,diffusedattention,morementalnoise
(orentropy),magicalthinking,andlittlesenseofaselfthatiscontinuousover
time.
“Theshortsummaryis,babiesandchildrenarebasicallytrippingallthe
time.”
•••
SURELYTHISINSIGHTisinteresting,butisituseful?BothGopnikandCarhart-
Harrisbelieveitis,believethatthepsychedelicexperience,asthey
conceptualizeit,hasthepotentialtohelppeoplewhoaresickandpeoplewho
arenot.Forthewell,psychedelics,byintroducingmorenoiseorentropyintothe
brain,mightshakepeopleoutoftheirusualpatternsofthought—“lubricate
cognition,”inCarhart-Harris’swords—inwaysthatmightenhancewell-being,
makeusmoreopenandboostcreativity.InGopnik’sterms,thedrugscouldhelp
adultsachievethekindoffluidthinkingthatissecondnaturetokids,expanding
thespaceofcreativepossibility.If,asGopnikhypothesizes,“childhoodisaway
ofinjectingnoise—andnovelty—intothesystemofculturalevolution,”
psychedelicsmightdothesamethingforthesystemoftheadultmind.
Asfortheunwell,thepatientswhostandtogainthemostareprobablythose
sufferingfromthekindsofmentaldisorderscharacterizedbymentalrigidity:
addiction,depression,obsession.
“Therearearangeofdifficultiesandpathologiesinadults,likedepression,
thatareconnectedwiththephenomenologyofruminationandanexcessively
narrow,ego-basedfocus,”Gopniksays.“Yougetstuckonthesamething,you
can’tescape,youbecomeobsessive,perhapsaddicted.Itseemsplausibletome
thatthepsychedelicexperiencecouldhelpusgetoutofthosestates,createan
opportunityinwhichtheoldstoriesofwhowearemightberewritten.”The
experiencecouldworkasakindofreset—aswhenyou“introduceaburstof
noiseintoasystem”thathasgottenlockedintoarigidpattern.Quietingthe
defaultmodenetworkandlooseningthegripoftheego—whichshesuggests
maybeillusoryanyway—mightalsobehelpfultosuchpeople.Gopnik’sideaof
abrainrebootsoundedverymuchlikeCarhart-Harris’snotionofshakingthe
snowglobe:awaytoboostentropy,orheat,inasystemthathasgottenfrozen
stuck.
Soonafterpublishinghisentropypaper,Carhart-Harrisresolvedtoputsome
ofhistheoriesintopracticebytestingthemonpatients.Forthefirsttime,thelab
expandeditsfocusfrompureresearchtoaclinicalapplicationofthatwork.
DavidNuttsecuredagrantfromtheU.K.governmentforthelabtoconducta
smallpilotstudylookingatthepotentialofpsilocybintorelievethesymptoms
of“treatment-resistantdepression”—patientswhohadn’trespondedtotheusual
therapeuticprotocolsanddrugs.
DoingclinicalworkwasdefinitelyoutsideCarhart-Harris’sexperienceand
comfortzone,aswellasthelab’s.Oneunfortunateearlyepisodepointedupthe
inherenttensionsbetweentherolesoftheclinician,devotedsolelytothe
patient’swelfare,andthescientist,intentongatheringdataaswell.Afterbeing
injectedwithLSDinatrialCarhart-Harriswasrunning(notaclinicaltrial,it
shouldbepointedout),avolunteerinhislatethirtiesnamedTobySlaterbegan
feelinganxiousinthefMRIscannerandaskedtogetout.Aftertakingabreak,
Slater,perhapshopingtopleasetheresearchers,volunteeredtogetbackinthe
machinesotheycouldcompletetheexperiment.(“I’mafraidhecouldseemy
disappointment,”Carhart-Harrisrecalls,ruefully.)ButSlatersanxietyreturned:
“Ifeltlikealabrat,”hetoldme.Heaskedtogetoutagainandtriedtoleavethe
lab.Theresearchershadtopersuadehimtostayandletthemadministera
sedative.
Carhart-Harrisdescribestheepisode—oneoftheveryfewadverseevents
seenintheImperialresearch—as“alearningexperience”and,byallaccounts,
hehassinceshownhimselftobeacompassionateandeffectiveclinicianaswell
asanoriginalscientist—surelyararecombination.Theresponseofmost
patientsinthedepressiontrial,aswewillseeinthefollowingchapter,hasbeen
remarkablypositive,atleastintheshortterm.Overdinneratarestaurantin
WestLondon,Robintoldmeaboutoneseverelydepressedwomaninthetrial
whomoverthecourseofseveralmeetingshehadneveronceseensmile.Ashe
satwithherduringherpsilocybinjourney,“shesmiledfortheveryfirsttime.
“‘It’snicetosmile,’shesaid.
“Afteritwasover,shetoldmeshehadbeenvisitedbyaguardianangel.She
describedapresenceofsomekind,avoicethatwasentirelysupportiveand
wantedhertobewell.Itwouldsaythingslike‘Darling,youneedtosmilemore,
holdyourheaduphigh,stoplookingdownattheground.Thenitreachedover
andpushedupmycheeks,’shesaid,‘liftingthecornersofmymouth.’
“ThatmusthavebeenwhatwashappeninginhermindwhenIobservedher
smiling,”Robinsaid,nowsmilinghimself,broadlyifabitsheepishly.Inthe
aftermathofherexperience,thewoman’sdepressionscoredroppedfromthirty-
sixtofour.
“Ihavetosay,thatwasaverynicefeeling.”
CHAPTERSIX
THETRIPTREATMENT
PsychedelicsinPsychotherapy
One:Dying
ATNEWYORKUNIVERSITY,psilocybintripstakeplaceinatreatmentroom
carefullydecoratedtolookmorelikeacozydenthanahospitalsuite.Theeffect
almostworks,butnotentirely,forthestainlesssteelandplasticfittingsof
modernmedicinepeekthroughthedomesticscrimhereandthere,chilly
remindersthattheroomyouaretrippinginisstillinthebellyofabigcity
hospitalcomplex.
Againstonewallisacomfortablecouchlongenoughforapatienttostretch
outonduringasession.Anabstractpainting—orisitacubistlandscape?—
hangsontheoppositewall,andonthebookshelveslarge-formatbooksaboutart
andmythologysharespacewithnativecraftitemsandspiritualknickknacks—a
largeglazedceramicmushroom,aBuddha,acrystal.Thiscouldbethe
apartmentofawell-traveledshrinkofacertainage,onewithaninterestin
Easternreligionsandtheartofwhatusedtobecalledprimitivecultures.Yetthe
illusioncrumblesassoonasyouliftyourgazetotheceiling,wherethetracks
thatwouldordinarilysupportthecurtainsdividingonehospitalbedfromanother
traversethewhiteacoustictiles.Andthenthereisthesupersizedbathroom,
ablazewithfluorescentlightandoutfittedwiththerequisitegrabbarsand
pedals.
ItwashereinthisroomthatIfirstheardthestoryofPatrickMettes,a
volunteerinNYU’spsilocybincancertrialwho,inthecourseofaturbulentsix-
hourpsilocybinjourneyonthecouchwhereInowsat,hadalife-changing—or
perhapsIshouldsaydeath-changing—experience.IhadcometointerviewTony
Bossis,thepalliativecarepsychologistwhoguidedMettesthatday,andhis
colleagueStephenRoss,theBellevuepsychiatristwhodirectedthetrial,which
soughttodeterminewhetherasinglehighdoseofpsilocybincouldalleviatethe
anxietyanddepressionthatoftenfollowalife-threateningcancerdiagnosis.
WhileBossis,hirsuteandbearish,looksthepartofafifty-something
Manhattanshrinkwithaninterestinalternativetherapies,Ross,whoisinhis
forties,comesacrossasmoreofastraightarrow;neatlytrimmedinasuitand
tie,hecouldpassforaWallStreetbanker.Abookishteenagergrowingupin
L.A.,Rosssayshehadnopersonalexperienceofpsychedelicsandknewnextto
nothingaboutthembeforeacolleaguehappenedtomentionthatLSDhadbeen
usedsuccessfullytotreatalcoholicsinthe1950sand1960s.Thisbeinghis
psychiatricspecialty,Rossdidsomeresearchandwasastonishedtodiscovera
“completelyburiedbodyofknowledge.”Bythe1990s,whenhebeganhis
residencyinpsychiatryatColumbiaandtheNewYorkStatePsychiatric
Institute,thehistoryofpsychedelictherapyhadbeenerasedfromthefield,never
tobementioned.
ThetrialatNYU,alongwithasisterstudyconductedinRolandGriffiths’s
labatJohnsHopkins,representsoneofahandfulofeffortstopickupthethread
ofinquirythatgotdroppedinthe1970swhensanctionedpsychedelictherapy
ended.WhiletheNYUandHopkinstrialsareassessingthepotentialof
psychedelicstohelpthedying,othertrialsnowunderwayareexploringthe
possibilitythatpsychedelics(usuallypsilocybinratherthanLSD,because,as
Rossexplained,it“carriesnoneofthepoliticalbaggageofthosethreeletters”)
couldbeusedtoliftdepressionandbreakaddictions—toalcohol,cocaine,and
tobacco.
Noneofthisworkisexactlynew:todelveintothehistoryofclinicalresearch
withpsychedelicsistorealizethatmostofthisgroundhasalreadybeentilled.
CharlesGrob,theUCLApsychiatristwhose2011pilotstudyofpsilocybinfor
canceranxietyclearedthepathfortheNYUandHopkinstrials,acknowledges
that“inalotofwayswearesimplypickingupthetorchfromearliergenerations
ofresearcherswhohadtoputitdownbecauseofculturalpressures.”Butif
psychedelicsareevertofindacceptanceinmodernmedicine,allthisburied
knowledgewillneedtobeexcavatedandtheexperimentsthatproducedit
reprisedaccordingtotheprevailingscientificstandards.
Yetevenaspsychedelictherapiesarebeingtestedbymodernscience,the
verystrangenessofthesemoleculesandtheiractionsuponthemindisatthe
sametimetestingwhetherWesternmedicinecandealwiththeimplicit
challengestheypose.Tociteoneobviousexample,conventionaldrugtrialsof
psychedelicsaredifficultifnotimpossibletoblind:mostparticipantscantell
whetherthey’vereceivedpsilocybinoraplacebo,andsocantheirguides.Also,
intestingthesedrugs,howcanresearchershopetoteaseoutthechemical’s
effectfromthecriticalinfluenceofsetandsetting?Westernscienceandmodern
drugtestingdependontheabilitytoisolateasinglevariable,butitisn’tclear
thattheeffectsofapsychedelicdrugcaneverbeisolated,whetherfromthe
contextinwhichitisadministered,thepresenceofthetherapistsinvolved,orthe
volunteersexpectations.Anyofthesefactorscanmuddythewatersofcausality.
AndhowisWesternmedicinetoevaluateapsychiatricdrugthatappearstowork
notbymeansofanystrictlypharmacologicaleffectbutbyadministeringa
certainkindofexperienceinthemindsofthepeoplewhotakeit?
Addtothisthefactthatthekindofexperiencethesedrugssponsoroftengoes
undertheheadingof“spiritual,”andyouhave,withpsychedelictherapy,avery
largepillformodernmedicinetoswallow.CharlesGrobwellappreciatesthe
challengebutisalsorefreshinglyunapologeticaboutit:hedescribespsychedelic
therapyasaformof“appliedmysticism.”Thisissurelyanoddphrasetohearon
thelipsofascientist,andtomanyearsitsoundsdangerouslyunscientific.
“Formethatisnotamedicalconcept,”FranzVollenweider,thepioneering
psychedelicresearcher,toldSciencemagazine,whenaskedtocommentonthe
roleofmysticisminpsychedelictherapy.“It’smorelikeaninterestingshamanic
concept.”Butotherresearchersworkingonpsychedelicsdon’trunfromtheidea
thatelementsofshamanismmighthavearoletoplayinpsychedelictherapy—as
indeedithasprobablydoneforseveralthousandyearsbeforetherewassucha
thingasscience.“Ifwearetodevelopoptimalresearchdesignsforevaluating
thetherapeuticutilityofhallucinogens,”Grobhaswritten,“itwillnotbe
sufficienttoadheretostrictstandardsofscientificmethodologyalone.Wemust
alsopayheedtotheexamplesprovidedusbysuchsuccessfulapplicationsofthe
shamanicparadigm.”Underthatparadigm,theshaman/therapistcarefully
orchestrates“extrapharmacologicalvariables”suchassetandsettinginorderto
putthe“hyper-suggestibleproperties”ofthesemedicinestobestuse.Thisis
preciselywherepsychedelictherapyseemstobeoperating:onafrontier
betweenspiritualityandsciencethatisasprovocativeasitisuncomfortable.
Yetthenewresearchintopsychedelicscomesalongatatimewhenmental
healthtreatmentinthiscountryisso“broken”—tousethewordofTomInsel,
whountil2015wasdirectoroftheNationalInstituteofMentalHealth—thatthe
field’swillingnesstoentertainradicalnewapproachesisperhapsgreaterthanit
hasbeeninageneration.Thepharmacologicaltoolboxfortreatingdepression—
whichafflictsnearlyatenthofallAmericansand,worldwide,istheleading
causeofdisability—haslittleinittoday,withantidepressantslosingtheir
effectiveness*andthepipelinefornewpsychiatricdrugsdryingup.
Pharmaceuticalcompaniesarenolongerinvestinginthedevelopmentofso-
calledCNSdrugs—medicinestargetedatthecentralnervoussystem.Themental
healthsystemreachesonlyafractionofthepeoplesufferingfrommental
disorders,mostofwhomarediscouragedfromseekingtreatmentbyitscost,
socialstigma,orineffectiveness.Therearealmostforty-threethousandsuicides
everyyearinAmerica(morethanthenumberofdeathsfromeitherbreastcancer
orautoaccidents),yetonlyabouthalfofthepeoplewhotaketheirliveshave
everreceivedmentalhealthtreatment.“Broken”doesnotseemtooharsha
characterizationofsuchasystem.
JeffreyGuss,aManhattanpsychiatristandacoinvestigatorontheNYUtrial,
thinksthemomentcouldberipeforpsychotherapytoentertainacompletelynew
paradigm.Gusspointsoutthatformanyyearsnow“we’vehadthisconflict
betweenthebiologicallybasedtreatmentsandpsychodynamictreatments.
They’vebeenfightingoneanotherforlegitimacyandresources.Ismentalillness
adisorderofchemistry,orisitalossofmeaninginone’slife?Psychedelic
therapyistheweddingofthosetwoapproaches.”
Inrecentyears,“psychiatryhasgonefrombeingbrainlesstobeing
mindless,”asonepsychoanalysthasputit.Ifpsychedelictherapyproves
successful,itwillbebecauseitsucceedsinrejoiningthebrainandthemindin
thepracticeofpsychotherapy.Atleastthat’sthepromise.
Forthetherapistsworkingwithpeopleapproachingtheendoflife,these
questionsareofmorethanacademicinterest.AsIchattedwithStephenRoss
andTonyBossisintheNYUtreatmentroom,Iwasstruckbytheirexcitement,
vergingongiddiness,attheresultstheywereobservingintheircancerpatients
—afterasingleguidedpsilocybinsession.Atfirst,Rosscouldn’tbelievewhat
hewasseeing:“Ithoughtthefirsttenortwentypeoplewereplants—thatthey
mustbefakingit.Theyweresayingthingslike‘Iunderstandloveisthemost
powerfulforceontheplanet’or‘Ihadanencounterwithmycancer,thisblack
cloudofsmoke.’Peoplewerejourneyingtoearlypartsoftheirlivesandcoming
backwithaprofoundnewsenseofthings,newpriorities.Peoplewhohadbeen
palpablyscaredofdeath—theylosttheirfear.Thefactthatadruggivenonce
couldhavesuchaneffectforsolongisanunprecedentedfinding.Wehavenever
hadanythinglikethatinthepsychiatricfield.”
ThisiswhenTonyBossisfirsttoldmeabouthisexperiencesittingwith
PatrickMettesashejourneyedtoaplaceinhismindthat,somehow,liftedthe
siegeofhisterror.
“You’reinthisroom,butyou’reinthepresenceofsomethinglarge.I
rememberhow,aftertwohoursofsilence,Patrickbegantocrysoftlyandsay,
twice,‘Birthanddeathisalotofwork.’It’shumblingtositthere.It’sthemost
rewardingdayofyourcareer.”
Asapalliativecarespecialist,Bossisspendsalotofhistimewiththedying.
“Peopledon’trealizehowfewtoolswehaveinpsychiatrytoaddressexistential
distress.”Existentialdistressiswhatpsychologistscallthecomplexof
depression,anxiety,andfearcommoninpeopleconfrontingaterminal
diagnosis.“Xanaxisn’ttheanswer.”Ifthereisananswer,Bossisbelieves,itis
goingtobemorespiritualinnaturethanpharmacological.
“Sohowdowenotexplorethis,”heasks,“ifitcanrecalibratehowwedie?”
•••
ITWASONANAPRILMONDAYin2010thatPatrickMettes,afifty-three-year-old
televisionnewsdirectorbeingtreatedforacancerofhisbileducts,readthe
articleonthefrontpageoftheNewYorkTimesthatwouldchangehisdeath.His
diagnosishadcomethreeyearsearlier,shortlyafterhiswife,LisaCallaghan,
noticedthatthewhitesofhiseyeshadsuddenlyturnedyellow.By2010,the
cancerhadspreadtoPatrick’slungs,andhewasbucklingundertheweightofan
especiallydebilitatingchemotherapyregimeandthedawningrealizationthathe
mightnotsurvive.Thearticle,headlined“HallucinogensHaveDoctorsTuning
InAgain,”brieflymentionedresearchatNYU,wherepsilocybinwasbeing
testedtorelieveexistentialdistressincancerpatients.AccordingtoLisa,Patrick
hadnoexperiencewithpsychedelics,butheimmediatelydeterminedtocall
NYUandvolunteer.
Lisawasagainsttheidea.“Ididn’twanttheretobeaneasywayout,”she
toldme.“Iwantedhimtofight.”
Patrickplacedthecallanywayand,afterfillingoutsomeformsand
answeringalonglistofquestions,wasacceptedintothetrial.Hewasassigned
toTonyBossis.TonywasroughlythesameageasPatrick;heisalsoasoulful
manofuncommonwarmthandcompassion,andthetwoimmediatelyhititoff.
Attheirfirstmeeting,BossistoldPatrickwhattoexpect.Afterthreeorfour
preparatorysessionsoftalkingtherapy,Patrickwouldbescheduledfortwo
dosings—oneoftheman“activeplacebo”(inthiscaseahighdoseofniacin,
whichproducesatinglingsensation),andtheotheracapsulecontainingtwenty-
fivemilligramsofpsilocybin.Bothsessionswouldtakeplaceinthetreatment
roomwhereImetBossisandRoss.Duringeachsession,whichwouldlastthe
betterpartofaday,Patrickwouldlieonthecouchwearingeyeshadesand
listeningthroughheadphonestoaplaylistofcarefullycuratedmusic—Brian
Eno,PhilipGlass,PatMetheny,andRaviShankar,aswellassomeclassicaland
NewAgecompositions.Twositters—oneofthemmale(Bossis)andtheother
female(KrystalliaKalliontzi)—wouldbeinattendancefortheduration,saying
verylittlebutavailabletohelpshouldherunintoanytrouble.Inpreparation,the
twosharedwithPatrickthesetof“flightinstructions”writtenbytheHopkins
researcherBillRichards.
BossissuggestedthatPatrickusethephrase“Trustandletgo”asakindof
mantraforhisjourney.Gowhereverittakesyou,headvised:“Climbstaircases,
opendoors,explorepaths,flyoverlandscapes.”Butthemostimportantadvice
forthejourneyheofferedisalwaystomovetoward,ratherthantrytoflee,
anythingtrulythreateningormonstrousyouencounter—lookitstraightinthe
eyes.“Diginyourheelsandask,‘Whatareyoudoinginmymind?’Or,‘What
canIlearnfromyou?’”
•••
THEIDEAOFGIVINGapsychedelicdrugtothedyingwasfirstbroachednotbya
therapistorscientistbutbyAldousHuxleyinalettertoHumphryOsmond,
proposingaresearchprojectinvolving“theadministrationofLSDtoterminal
cancercases,inthehopethatitwouldmakedyingamorespiritual,lessstrictly
physiologicalprocess.”Huxleyhimselfhadhiswife,Laura,givehiman
injectionofLSDwhenhewasonhisowndeathbed,onNovember22,1963.
Bythen,Huxley’sideahadbeentestedonanumberofcancerpatientsin
NorthAmerica.In1965,SidneyCohenwroteanessayforHarpers(“LSDand
theAnguishofDying”)exploringthepotentialofpsychedelicsto“alter[]the
experienceofdying.”HedescribedtreatmentwithLSDas“therapybyself-
transcendence.”Thepremisebehindtheapproachwasthatourfearofdeathisa
functionofouregos,whichburdenuswithasenseofseparatenessthatcan
becomeunbearableasweapproachdeath.“Wearebornintoanegolessworld,”
Cohenwrote,“butweliveanddieimprisonedwithinourselves.”
Theideawastousepsychedelicstoescapetheprisonofself.“Wewantedto
provideabrief,lucidintervalofcompleteegolessnesstodemonstratethat
personalintactnesswasnotabsolutelynecessary,andthatperhapstherewas
something‘outthere’”—somethinggreaterthanourindividualselvesthatmight
surviveourdemise.Cohenquotedapatient,awomandyingofovariancancer,
describingtheshiftinherperspectivefollowinganLSDsession:
Myextinctionisnotofgreatconsequenceatthismoment,noteven
forme.It’sjustanotherturnintheswingofexistenceandnon-
existence.Ifeelithaslittletodowiththechurchortalkofdeath.I
supposethatI’mdetached—that’sit—awayfrommyselfandmy
painandmydecaying.Icoulddienicelynow—ifitshouldbeso.I
donotinviteit,nordoIputitoff.
In1972,StanislavGrofandBillRichards,whowereworkingtogetherat
SpringGrove,wrotethatLSDgavepatientsanexperience“ofcosmicunity”
suchthatdeath,“insteadofbeingseenastheabsoluteendofeverythinganda
stepintonothingness,appearssuddenlyasatransitionintoanothertypeof
existence...Theideaofpossiblecontinuityofconsciousnessbeyondphysical
deathbecomesmuchmoreplausiblethantheopposite.”
•••
VOLUNTEERSINTHENYUpsilocybintrialarerequiredtowriteanaccountoftheir
journeysoonafteritscompletion,andPatrickMettes,whoworkedinjournalism,
tooktheassignmentseriously.Hiswife,Lisa,saidthatafterhisFridaysession
Patricklaboredallweekendtomakesenseoftheexperienceandwriteitdown.
LisaagreedtosharehisaccountwithmeandalsogavePatrick’stherapist,Tony
Bossis,permissiontoshowmethenoteshetookduringthesession,aswellas
hisnotesfromseveralfollow-uppsychotherapysessions.
Lisa,whoatthetimeworkedasamarketingexecutiveforacookware
company,hadanimportantmeetingonthatJanuarymorningin2011,soPatrick
camebyhimselftothetreatmentroomintheNYUdentalschoolonFirst
AvenueandTwenty-fourthStreet,takingthesubwayfromtheirapartmentin
Brooklyn.(Thetreatmentroomwasinthedentalcollegebecause,atthetime,
bothBellevueandNYU’scancercenterwantedtokeeptheirdistancefroma
trialinvolvingpsychedelics.)TonyBossisandKrystalliaKalliontzi,hisguides,
greetedhim,reviewedtheday’splans,andthenat9:00a.m.presentedPatrick
withachalicecontainingthepill;whetheritcontainedpsilocybinortheplacebo,
noneofthemwouldknowforatleastthirtyminutes.Patrickwasaskedtostate
hisintention,whichhesaidwastolearntocopebetterwiththeanxietyand
depressionhefeltabouthiscancerandtoworkonwhathecalledhis“regretin
life.”Heplacedafewphotographsaroundtheroom,ofhimselfandLisaontheir
weddingdayandoftheirdog,Arlo.
At9:30,Patricklaydownonthecouch,putontheheadphonesand
eyeshades,andfellquiet.Inhisaccount,Patricklikenedthestartofthejourney
tothelaunchofaspaceshuttle:“aphysicallyviolentandratherclunkyliftoff
whicheventuallygavewaytotheblissfulserenityofweightlessness.”
ManyofthevolunteersIinterviewedreportedinitialepisodesofintensefear
andanxietybeforegivingthemselvesuptotheexperience,astheguides
encouragethemtodo.Thisiswheretheflightinstructionscomein.Their
promiseisthatifyousurrendertowhateverhappens(“trust,letgo,andbeopen”
or“relaxandfloatdownstream”),whateveratfirstmightseemterrifyingwill
soonmorphintosomethingelse,andlikelysomethingpleasant,evenblissful.
Earlyinhisjourney,Patrickencounteredhisbrotherswife,whodiedof
cancermorethantwentyyearsearlier,atforty-three.“Ruthactedasmytour
guide,”hewrote,and“didn’tseemsurprisedtoseeme.She‘wore’her
translucentbodysoIwouldknowher...Thisperiodofmyjourneyseemedto
beaboutthefeminine.”MichelleObamamadeanappearance.“Theconsiderable
feminineenergyallaroundmemadecleartheideathatamother,anymother,
regardlessofhershortcomings...couldneverNOTloveheroffspring.This
wasverypowerful.IknewIwascrying...itwasherethatIfeltasifIwas
comingoutofthewomb...beingbirthedagain.Myrebirthwassmooth...
comforting.”
Outwardly,however,whatwashappeningtoPatrickappearedtobeanything
butsmooth.Hewascrying,Bossisnoted,andbreathingheavily.Thisiswhenhe
firstsaid,“Birthanddeathisalotofwork,”andseemedtobeconvulsing.Then
PatrickreachedoutandclutchedKalliontzi’shandwhilepullinguphisknees
andpushing,asifheweredeliveringababy.FromBossis’snotes:
11:15“OhGod.”
11:25“It’sreallysosimple.”
11:47“Whoknewamancouldgivebirth?”Andthen,
“Igavebirth,towhatIdon’tknow.”
12:10“It’sjusttooamazing.”Patrickisalternatelylaughingand
cryingatthispoint.“OhGod,itallmakessensenow,so
simpleandbeautiful.”
NowPatrickaskedtotakeabreak.“Itwasgettingtoointense,”hewrote.He
removedtheheadphonesandeyeshades.“IsatupandspokewithTonyand
Krystallia.Imentionedthateveryonedeservedtohavethisexperience...thatif
everyonedid,noonecouldeverdoharmtoanotheragain...warswouldbe
impossibletowage.Theroomandeverythinginitwasbeautiful.Tonyand
Krystallia,sittingon[their]pillows,wereradiant!”Theyhelpedhimtothe
bathroom.“Eventhegerms(iftherewereanypresent)werebeautiful,aswas
everythinginourworldanduniverse.”
Afterward,hevoicedsomereluctanceto“gobackin.”
“TheworkwasconsiderablebutIlovedthesenseofadventure.”Eventually,
heputhiseyeshadesandheadphonesonandlaybackdown.
“Fromhereon,lovewastheonlyconsideration...Itwasandistheonly
purpose.Loveseemedtoemanatefromasinglepointoflight...andit
vibrated...Icouldfeelmyphysicalbodytryingtovibrateinunitywiththe
cosmos...and,frustratingly,Ifeltlikeaguywhocouldn’tdance...butthe
universeacceptedit.Thesheerjoy...thebliss...thenirvana...was
indescribable.Andinfacttherearenowordstoaccuratelycapturemy
experience...mystate...thisplace.IknowI’vehadnoearthlypleasurethat’s
evercomeclosetothisfeeling...nosensation,noimageofbeauty,nothing
duringmytimeonearthhasfeltaspureandjoyfulandgloriousastheheightof
thisjourney.”Aloud,hesaid,“Neverhadanorgasmofthesoulbefore.”The
musicloomedlargeintheexperience:“Iwaslearningasongandthesongwas
simple...itwasonenote...C...itwasthevibrationoftheuniverse...a
collectionofeverythingthateverexisted...alltogetherequalingGod.”
Patrickthendescribedanepiphanyhavingtodowithsimplicity.Hewas
thinkingaboutpoliticsandfood,musicandarchitecture,and—hisfield—
televisionnews,whichherealizedwas,likesomuchelse,“over-produced.We
puttoomanynotesinasong...toomanyingredientsinourrecipes...too
manyflourishesintheclotheswewear,thehouseswelivein...itallseemedso
pointlesswhenreallyallweneededtodowasfocusonthelove.”Justthenhe
sawDerekJeter,thentheYankeeshortstop,“makingyetanotherballeticturnto
firstbase.”
“IwasconvincedinthatmomentIhadfigureditallout...Itwasrightthere
infrontofme...love...theonlythingthatmattered.Thiswasnowtobemy
life’scause.”
ThenhesaidsomethingthatBossisjotteddownat12:15:“Ok,Igetit!You
canallpunchoutnow.Ourworkisdone.”
Butitwasn’tdone,notyet.Now“Itookatourofmylungs...Iremember
breathingdeeplytohelpfacilitatethe‘seeing.’”Bossisnotedthatat2:30Patrick
hadsaid,“Iwentintomylungsandsawtwospots.Theywerenobigdeal.
“Iwasbeingtold(withoutwords)nottoworryaboutthecancer...it’sminor
intheschemeofthings...simplyanimperfectionofyourhumanityandthatthe
moreimportantmatter...therealworktobedoneisbeforeyou.Again,love.”
NowPatrickexperiencedwhathecalled“abriefdeath.”
“Iapproachedwhatappearedtobeaverysharp,pointedpieceofstainless
steel.Ithadarazorbladequalitytoit.Icontinueduptotheapexofthisshiny
metalobjectandasIarrived,Ihadachoice,tolookornotlook,overtheedge
andintotheinfiniteabyss...thevastnessoftheuniverse...theeyeof
everything...[and]ofnothing.Iwashesitantbutnotfrightened.Iwantedtogo
allinbutfeltthatifIdid,Iwouldpossiblyleavemybodypermanently...death
fromthislife.Butitwasnotadifficultdecision...Iknewtherewasmuchmore
formehere.”Tellinghisguidesabouthischoice,Patrickexplainedthathe“was
notreadytojumpoffandleaveLisa.”
Then,rathersuddenlyaround3:00p.m.,itwasover.“Thetransitionfroma
statewhereIhadnosenseoftimeorspacetotherelativedullnessofnow,
happenedquickly.Ihadaheadache.”
WhenLisaarrivedtotakehimhome,Patrick“lookedlikehehadrunarace,”
sherecalled.“Thecolorinhisfacewasnotgood,helookedtiredandsweaty,but
hewasonfire.Hewaslitupwithallthethingshewantedtotellmeandallthe
thingshecouldn’t.”Hetoldherhe“hadtouchedthefaceofGod.”
•••
EVERYPSYCHEDELICJOURNEYisdifferent,yetafewcommonthemesseemto
recurinthejourneysofthosestrugglingwithcancer.Manyofthecancerpatients
Iintervieweddescribedanexperienceofeithergivingbirthorbeingreborn,
thoughnonequiteasintenseasPatrick’s.Manyalsodescribedanencounterwith
theircancer(ortheirfearofit)thathadtheeffectofshrinkingitspowerover
them.ImentionedearliertheexperienceofDinahBazer,apetiteandmildNew
Yorkerinhersixties,afigure-skatinginstructor,whowasdiagnosedwith
ovariancancerin2010.WhenwemetintheNYUtreatmentroom,Dinah,who
hasauburncurlsandworelargehoopearrings,toldmethatevenaftera
successfulcourseofchemotherapyshewasparalyzedbythefearofarecurrence
andwastedherdays“waitingfortheothershoetodrop.”
ShetooworkedwithTonyBossisandinthedifficultfirstmomentsofher
sessionimaginedherselftrappedintheholdofaship,rockingbackandforth,
consumedbyfear.“Istuckmyhandoutfromundertheblanketandsaid,‘Iam
soscared.’Tonytookmyhandandtoldmetojustgowithit.Hishandbecame
myanchor.
“Isawmyfear.Almostasinadream,myfearwaslocatedundermyribcage
ontheleftside;itwasnotmytumor,butitwasthisblackthinginmybody.And
itmademeimmenselyangry;Iwasenragedbymyfear.Iscreamed,‘Getthe
fuckout!Iwon’tbeeatenalive.’Andyouknowwhat?Itwasgone!Itwent
away.Idroveitawaywithmyanger.”Dinahreportsthatyearslaterithasn’t
returned.“Thecancerissomethingcompletelyoutofmycontrol,butthefear,I
realized,isnot.”
Dinah’sepiphanygavewaytofeelingsof“overwhelminglove”asher
thoughtsturnedfromherfeartoherchildren.Shetoldmeshewasandremainsa
“solidatheist,”andyet“thephrasethatIused—whichIhatetousebutit’sthe
onlywaytodescribeit—isthatIfelt‘bathedinGod’slove.’”Paradoxisa
hallmarkofthemysticalexperience,andthecontradictionbetweenthedivine
loveDinahfeltand“nothavingashredofbelief”didn’tseemtofazeher.When
Ipointedthisout,sheshruggedandthensmiled:“Whatotherwayisthereto
expressit?”
Notsurprisingly,visionsofdeathloomlargeinthejourneystakenbythe
cancerpatientsIinterviewedatNYUandHopkins.Abreastcancersurvivorin
hersixties(whoaskedtoremainanonymous)describedzippingmerrilythrough
spaceasifinavideogameuntilshearrivedsmackatthewallofacrematorium
andrealized,withafright,“I’vediedandnowI’mgoingtobecremated.(ButI
didn’thavetheexperienceofburning—howcouldI?Iwasdead!)Thenextthing
Iknow,I’mbelowgroundinthisgorgeousforest,deepwoods,loamyandbrown.
TherearerootsallaroundmeandI’mseeingthetreesgrowing,andI’mpartof
them.IhaddiedbutIwasthereinthegroundwithalltheserootsanditdidn’t
feelsadorhappy,justnatural,contented,peaceful.Iwasn’tgone.Iwaspartof
theearth.”
Severalcancerpatientsdescribededginguptotheprecipiceofdeathand
lookingovertotheothersidebeforedrawingback.TammyBurgess,diagnosed
withovariancanceratfifty-five,foundherselfpeeringacross“thegreatplaneof
consciousness.Itwasverysereneandbeautiful.Ifeltalone,butIcouldreach
outandtouchanyoneI’deverknown.
“Whenmytimecame,that’swheremylifewouldgoonceitleftme,andthat
wasokay.”
Theuncannyauthorityofthepsychedelicexperiencemighthelpexplainwhy
somanycancerpatientsinthetrialsreportedthattheirfearofdeathhadliftedor
atleastabated:theyhadstareddirectlyatdeathandcometoknowsomething
aboutit,inakindofdressrehearsal.“Ahigh-dosepsychedelicexperienceis
deathpractice,”saysKatherineMacLean,theformerHopkinspsychologist.
“You’relosingeverythingyouknowtobereal,lettinggoofyouregoandyour
body,andthatprocesscanfeellikedying.”Andyettheexperiencebringsthe
comfortingnewsthatthereissomethingontheothersideofthatdeath—whether
itisthe“greatplaneofconsciousness”orone’sashesundergroundbeingtaken
upbytherootsoftrees—andsomeabiding,disembodiedintelligenceto
somehowknowit.“NowIamawarethatthereisawholeother‘reality,’”one
NYUvolunteertoldaresearcherafewmonthsafterherjourney.“Comparedto
otherpeople,itislikeIknowanotherlanguage.”
Atafollow-upsessionwithTonyBossisafewweeksafterhisjourney,
PatrickMettes—whomhiswife,Lisa,describesas“anearthy,connectedperson,
adoer”—discussedtheideaofanafterlife.Bossis’snotesindicatethatPatrick
interpretedhisjourneyas“prettyclearlyawindow...[on]akindofafterlife,
somethingbeyondthisphysicalbody.”Hespokeof“theplaneofexistenceof
love”as“infinite.”Insubsequentsessions,Patricktalkedabouthisbodyand
cancer“as[a]typeofillusion.”Italsobecameclearthat,psychologicallyat
least,Patrickwasdoingremarkablywellintheaftermathofhissession.Hewas
meditatingregularly,felthehadbecomebetterabletoliveinthepresent,and
“describedloving[his]wifeevenmore.”InasessioninMarch,twomonthsout
fromhisjourney,BossisnotedthatPatrick,thoughslowlydyingofcancer,“feels
thehappiestinhislife.”
“Iamtheluckiestmanonearth.”
•••
HOWMUCHSHOULDTHEAUTHENTICITYoftheseexperiencesconcernus?Mostof
thetherapistsinvolvedintheresearchtakeascrupulouslypragmaticviewofthe
question.They’refixedonrelievingtheirpatients’sufferingandexhibitscant
interestinmetaphysicaltheoriesorquestionsoftruth.“That’sabovemypay
grade,”TonyBossissaidwithashrugwhenIaskedhimwhetherhethoughtthe
experiencesofcosmicconsciousnessdescribedbyhispatientswerefictiveor
real.Askedthesamequestion,BillRichardscitedWilliamJames,who
suggestedwejudgethemysticalexperiencenotbyitsveracity,whichis
unknowable,butby“itsfruits”:Doesitturnsomeone’slifeinapositive
direction?
Manyresearchersacknowledgethatastrongplaceboeffectmaybeatwork
whenadrugassuggestibleaspsilocybinisadministeredbymedical
professionalswithlegalandinstitutionalsanction:undersuchconditions,the
expectationsofthetherapistaremuchmorelikelytobefulfilledbythepatient.
(Andbadtripsaremuchlesslikelytooccur.)Herewebumpintooneofthe
richerparadoxesofthepsilocybintrials:whileitsucceedsinnosmallpart
becauseithasthesanctionandauthorityofscience,itseffectivenessseemsto
dependonamysticalexperiencethatleavespeopleconvincedthereismoreto
thisworldthansciencecanexplain.Scienceisbeingusedtovalidatean
experiencethatwouldappeartounderminethescientificperspectiveinwhat
mightbecalledWhite-CoatShamanism.
Arequestionsoftruthimportant,ifthetherapyhelpspeoplewhoare
suffering?Ihaddifficultyfindinganyoneinvolvedintheresearchwhowas
troubledbysuchquestions.DavidNichols,theretiredPurdueUniversitychemist
andpharmacologistwhofoundedtheHeffterResearchInstitutein1993to
supportpsychedelicresearch(includingthetrialsatHopkins,forwhichhe
synthesizedthepsilocybin),putsthepragmaticcasemostbaldly.Ina2014
interviewwithSciencemagazine,hesaid,“Ifitgivesthempeace,ifithelps
peopletodiepeacefullywiththeirfriendsandtheirfamilyattheirside,Idon’t
careifit’srealoranillusion.”
Forhispart,RolandGriffithsacknowledgesthat“authenticityisascientific
questionnotyetanswered.Allwehavetogobyisthephenomenology”—thatis,
whatpeopletellusabouttheirinternalexperiences.That’swhenhebegan
queryingmeaboutmyownspiritualdevelopment,whichIconfessedwasstill
fairlyrudimentary;Itoldhimmyworldviewhasalwaysbeenstaunchly
materialist.
“Okay,then,butwhataboutthemiraclethatweareconscious?Justthink
aboutthatforasecond,thatweareawareandthatweareawarethatweare
aware!Howunlikelyisthat?”Howcanwebecertain,hewassuggesting,that
ourexperienceofconsciousnessis“authentic”?Theansweriswecan’t;itis
beyondthereachofourscience,andyetwhodoubtsitsreality?Infact,the
evidencefortheexistenceofconsciousnessismuchliketheevidenceforthe
realityofthemysticalexperience:webelieveitexistsnotbecausesciencecan
independentlyverifyitbutbecauseagreatmanypeoplehavebeenconvincedof
itsreality;here,too,allwehavetogoonisthephenomenology.Griffithswas
suggestingthatinsofarasIwasonboardforone“miracle”wellbeyondthe
reachofmaterialistscience—“themarvelofconsciousness,”asVladimir
Nabokovoncecalledit,“thatsuddenwindowswingingopenonasunlit
landscapeamidstthenightofnon-being”—maybeIneededtokeepamoreopen
mindtothepossibilityofothers.
•••
INDECEMBER2016,afront-pagestoryintheNewYorkTimesreportedonthe
dramaticresultsoftheJohnsHopkinsandNYUpsilocybincancerstudies,which
werepublishedtogetherinaspecialissueoftheJournalof
Psychopharmacology,alongwithnearlyadozencommentariesfromprominent
voicesinthementalhealthestablishment—includingtwopastpresidentsofthe
AmericanPsychiatricAssociation—hailingthefindings.
InboththeNYUandtheHopkinstrials,some80percentofcancerpatients
showedclinicallysignificantreductionsinstandardmeasuresofanxietyand
depression,aneffectthatenduredforatleastsixmonthsaftertheirpsilocybin
session.Inbothtrials,theintensityofthemysticalexperiencevolunteers
reportedcloselycorrelatedwiththedegreetowhichtheirsymptomssubsided.
Fewifanypsychiatricinterventionsofanykindhavedemonstratedsuch
dramaticandsustainedresults.*
Thetrialsweresmall—eightysubjectsinall—andwillhavetoberepeatedon
alargerscalebeforethegovernmentwillconsiderreschedulingpsilocybinand
approvingthetreatment.*Buttheresultswereencouragingenoughtowinthe
attentionandcautioussupportofthementalhealthcommunity,whichhascalled
formoreresearch.Dozensofmedicalschoolshaveaskedtoparticipateinfuture
trials,andfundershavesteppedforwardtounderwritethosetrials.Afterdecades
intheshadows,psychedelictherapyissuddenlyrespectableagain,ornearlyso.
NewYorkUniversity,whichproudlypromotedtheresultsofatrialithadonce
onlytoleratedsomewhatgrudgingly,invitedStephenRosstomovehistreatment
roomfromthedentalcollegeintothemainhospital.EventheNYUcancer
center,whichhadinitiallybeenreluctanttoreferpatientstothepsilocybintrial,
askedRosstosetupatreatmentroomonitspremisesforanupcomingtrial.
Thepapersofferedlittleinthewayofatheorytoexplaintheeffectsof
psilocybin,excepttopointoutthatthepatientswiththebestoutcomeswerethe
oneswhohadthemostcompletemysticalexperience.Butexactlywhyshould
thatexperiencetranslateintorelieffromanxietyanddepression?Isitthe
intimationofsomekindofimmortalitythataccountsfortheeffect?Thisseems
toosimpleandfailstoaccountforthevarietyofexperiencespeoplehad,many
ofwhichdidnotdwellonanafterlife.Andsomeoftheonesthatdidconceived
ofwhathappensafterdeathinnaturalisticterms,aswhentheanonymous
volunteerimaginedherselfas“partoftheearth,”moleculesofmatterbeing
takenupbytherootsoftrees.Thisreallyhappens.
Ofcoursethemysticalexperienceconsistsofseveralcomponents,mostof
whichdon’trequireasupernaturalexplanation.Thedissolutionofthesenseof
self,forexample,canbeunderstoodineitherpsychologicalorneurobiological
terms(aspossiblythedisintegrationofthedefaultmodenetwork)andmay
explainmanyofthebenefitspeopleexperiencedduringtheirjourneyswithout
resorttoanyspiritualconceptionof“oneness.”Likewise,thesenseof
“sacredness”thatclassicallyaccompaniesthemysticalexperiencecanbe
understoodinmoreseculartermsassimplyaheightenedsenseofmeaningor
purpose.It’sstillearlydaysinourunderstandingofconsciousness,andnosingle
oneofourvocabulariesforapproachingthesubject—thebiological,the
psychological,thephilosophical,orthespiritual—hasyetearnedtherightto
claimithasthefinalword.Itmaybethatbylayeringthesedifferentperspectives
oneupontheother,wecangaintherichestpictureofwhatmightbegoingon.
Inafollow-upstudytotheNYUtrial,“PatientExperiencesofPsilocybin-
AssistedPsychotherapy,”publishedintheJournalofHumanisticPsychologyin
2017,AlexanderBelser,amemberoftheNYUteam,interviewedvolunteersto
betterunderstandthepsychologicalmechanismsunderlyingthetransformations
theyexperienced.Ireadthestudyasasubtleattempttomovebeyondthe
mysticalexperienceparadigmtoamorehumanisticoneandatthesametimeto
underscoretheimportanceofthepsychotherapistinthepsychedelicexperience.
(Notetheuseoftheterm“psilocybin-assistedpsychotherapy”inthetitle;neither
ofthepapersinPsychopharmacologymentionedpsychotherapyinitstitle,only
thedrug.)
Afewkeythemesemerged.Allofthepatientsintervieweddescribed
powerfulfeelingsofconnectiontolovedones(“relationalembeddedness”isthe
termtheauthorsused)and,moregenerally,ashift“fromfeelingsofseparateness
tointerconnectedness.”Inmostcases,thisshiftwasaccompaniedbyarepertoire
ofpowerfulemotions,including“exaltedfeelingsofjoy,bliss,andlove.”
Difficultpassagesduringthejourneyweretypicallyfollowedbypositive
feelingsofsurrenderandacceptance(evenoftheircancers)aspeople’sfearsfell
away.
JeffreyGuss,acoauthoronthepaperandapsychiatrist,interpretswhat
happensduringthesessionintermsofthepsilocybin’s“egolytic”effects—the
drug’sabilitytoeithersilenceoratleastmufflethevoiceoftheego.Inhisview,
whichisinformedbyhispsychoanalytictraining,theegoisamentalconstruct
thatperformscertainfunctionsonbehalfoftheself.Chiefamongtheseare
maintainingtheboundarybetweentheconsciousandtheunconsciousrealmsof
themindandtheboundarybetweenselfandother,orsubjectandobject.Itis
onlywhentheseboundariesfadeordisappear,astheyseemtodounderthe
influenceofpsychedelics,thatwecan“letgoofrigidpatternsofthought,
allowingustoperceivenewmeaningswithlessfear.”
ThewholequestionofmeaningiscentraltotheapproachoftheNYU
therapists,*andisperhapsespeciallyhelpfulinunderstandingtheexperienceof
thecancerpatientsonpsilocybin.Formanyofthesepatients,adiagnosisof
terminalcancerconstitutes,amongotherthings,acrisisofmeaning.Whyme?
WhyhaveIbeensingledoutforthisfate?Isthereanysensetolifeandthe
universe?Undertheweightofthisexistentialcrisis,one’shorizonshrinks,one’s
emotionalrepertoirecontracts,andone’sfocusnarrowsasthemindturnsinon
itself,shuttingouttheworld.Loopsofruminationandworrycometooccupy
moreofone’smentaltimeandspace,reinforcinghabitsofthoughtitbecomes
evermoredifficulttoescape.
Existentialdistressattheendoflifebearsmanyofthehallmarksofa
hyperactivedefaultnetwork,includingobsessiveself-reflectionandaninability
tojumpthedeepeninggroovesofnegativethinking.Theego,facedwiththe
prospectofitsownextinction,turnsinwardandbecomeshypervigilant,
withdrawingitsinvestmentintheworldandotherpeople.ThecancerpatientsI
interviewedspokeoffeelingclosedofffromlovedones,fromtheworld,and
fromthefullrangeofemotions;theyfelt,asoneputit,“existentiallyalone.”
Bytemporarilydisablingtheego,psilocybinseemstoopenanewfieldof
psychologicalpossibility,symbolizedbythedeathandrebirthreportedbymany
ofthepatientsIinterviewed.Atfirst,thefallingawayoftheselffeels
threatening,butifonecanletgoandsurrender,powerfulandusuallypositive
emotionsflowin—alongwithformerlyinaccessiblememoriesandsense
impressionsandmeanings.Nolongerdefendedbytheego,thegatebetweenself
andother—Huxley’sreducingvalve—isthrownwideopen.Andwhatcomes
throughthatopeningformanypeople,inagreatflood,islove.Loveforspecific
individuals,yes,butalso,asPatrickMettescametofeel(toknow!),lovefor
everyoneandeverything—loveasthemeaningandpurposeoflife,thekeyto
theuniverse,andtheultimatetruth.
Soitmaybethatthelossofselfleadstoagaininmeaning.Canthisbe
explainedbiologically?Probablynotyet,butrecentneuroscienceoffersafew
intriguingclues.RecallthattheImperialCollegeteamfoundthatwhenthe
defaultmodenetworkdisintegrates(takingwithitthesenseofself),thebrain’s
overallconnectivityincreases,allowingbrainregionsthatdon’tordinarily
communicatetoformnewlinesofconnection.Isitpossiblethatsomeofthese
newconnectionsinthebrainmanifestinthemindasnewmeaningsor
perspectives?Theconnectingofformerlyfar-flungdots?
Itmayalsobethatpsychedelicscandirectlyimbueotherwiseirrelevant
sensoryinformationwithmeaning.ArecentpaperinCurrentBiology*described
anexperimentinwhichpiecesofmusicthatheldnopersonalrelevancefor
volunteerswereplayedforthemwhileonLSD.Undertheinfluenceofthe
psychedelic,however,volunteersattributedmarkedandlastingpersonal
meaningtothesamesongs.Thesemedicinesmayhelpusconstructmeaning,if
notdiscoverit.
Nodoubtthesuggestibilityofthemindonpsychedelicsandtheguiding
presenceofpsychotherapistsalsoplayaroleinattributingmeaningtothe
experience.Inpreparingvolunteersfortheirjourneys,JeffreyGussspeaks
explicitlyabouttheacquisitionofmeaning,tellinghispatients“thatthe
medicinewillshowyouhiddenorunknownshadowpartsofyourself;thatyou
willgaininsightintoyourself,andcometolearnaboutthemeaningoflifeand
existence.”(Healsotellsthemtheymayhaveamysticalortranscendent
experiencebutcarefullyrefrainsfromdefiningit.)“Asaresultofthismolecule
beinginyourbody,you’llunderstandmoreaboutyourselfandlifeandthe
universe.”Andmoreoftenthannotthishappens.Replacethescience-yword
“molecule”with“sacredmushroom”or“plantteacher,”andyouhavethe
incantationsofashamanatthestartofaceremonialhealing.
Buthoweveritworks,andwhatevervocabularyweusetoexplainit,this
seemstomethegreatgiftofthepsychedelicjourney,especiallytothedying:its
powertoimbueeverythinginourfieldofexperiencewithaheightenedsenseof
purposeandconsequence.Dependingonone’sorientation,thiscanbe
understoodeitherinhumanisticorinspiritualterms—forwhatistheSacredbut
acapitalizedversionofsignificance?EvenforatheistslikeDinahBazer—like
me!—psychedelicscanchargeaworldfromwhichthegodslongagodeparted
withthepulseofmeaning,theimmanencewithwhichtheyonceinfusedit.The
senseofacoldandarbitraryuniversegovernedpurelybychanceisbanished.
Especiallyintheabsenceoffaith,thesemedicines,intherighthands,mayoffer
powerfulantidotesfortheexistentialterrorsthatafflictnotonlythedying.
Tobelievethatlifehasanymeaningatallisofcoursealargepresumption,
requiringinsomealeapoffaith,butsurelyitisahelpfulone,andnevermoreso
thanattheapproachofdeath.Tosituatetheselfinalargercontextofmeaning,
whateveritis—asenseofonenesswithnatureoruniversallove—canmake
extinctionoftheselfsomewhateasiertocontemplate.Religionhasalways
understoodthiswager,butwhyshouldreligionenjoyamonopoly?Bertrand
Russellwrotethatthebestwaytoovercomeone’sfearofdeath“istomakeyour
interestsgraduallywiderandmoreimpersonal,untilbitbybitthewallsofthe
egorecede,andyourlifebecomesincreasinglymergedintheuniversallife.”He
goeson:
Anindividualhumanexistenceshouldbelikeariver:smallatfirst,
narrowlycontainedwithinitsbanks,andrushingpassionatelypast
rocksandoverwaterfalls.Gradually,therivergrowswider,the
banksrecede,thewatersflowmorequietly,andintheend,without
anyvisiblebreak,theybecomemergedinthesea,andpainlessly
losetheirindividualbeing.
•••
PATRICKMETTESlivedseventeenmonthsafterhispsilocybinsession,and
accordingtoLisathosemonthswerefilledwithagreatmanyunexpected
satisfactions,alongsidePatrick’sdawningacceptancethathewasgoingtodie.
LisahadinitiallybeenwaryoftheNYUtrial,interpretingPatrick’sdesireto
participateasasignhe’dgivenupthefight.Intheevent,hecameaway
convincedhestillhadmuchtodointhislife—muchlovetogiveandreceive—
andwasn’tyetreadytoleaveitand,especially,hiswife.Patrick’spsychedelic
journeyhadshiftedhisperspective,fromanarrowlenstrainedontheprospectof
dyingtoarenewedfocusonhowbesttolivethetimelefttohim.“Hehadanew
resolve.Thattherewasapointtohislife,thathegotit,andwasmovingwithit.
“Westillhadourarguments,”Lisarecalled,“andwehadaverytrying
summer”astheyenduredacalamitousapartmentrenovationinBrooklyn.“That
washellonearth,”Lisarecalled,butPatrick“hadchanged.Hehadasenseof
patiencehehadneverhadbefore,andwithmehehadrealjoyaboutthings.It
wasasifhehadbeenrelievedofthedutyofcaringaboutthedetailsoflife,and
hecouldletallthatgo.Nowitwasaboutbeingwithpeople,enjoyinghis
sandwichandthewalkonthepromenade.Itwasasifwelivedalifetimeina
year.”
Afterthepsilocybinsession,LisasomehowconvincedherselfthatPatrick
wasnotgoingtodieafterall.Hecontinuedwithhischemoandhisspirits
improved,butshenowthinksallthistime“heknewverywellhewasn’tgoing
tomakeit.”Lisacontinuedtowork,andPatrickspenthisgooddayswalkingthe
city.“Hewouldwalkeverywhere,tryeveryrestaurantforlunch,andtellme
aboutallthegreatplaceshediscovered.Buthisgooddaysgotfewerandfewer.”
Then,inMarch2012,hetoldherhewantedtostopchemo.
“Hedidn’twanttodie,”Lisasays,“butIthinkhejustdecidedthatthisisnot
howhewantedtolive.”
Thatfallhislungsbegantofail,andPatrickwoundupinthehospital.“He
gatheredeveryonetogetherandsaidgood-byeandexplainedthatthisishowhe
wantedtodie.Hehadaveryconsciousdeath.”Patrick’sseemingequanimityin
thefaceofdeathexertedapowerfulinfluenceoneveryonearoundhim,Lisa
said,andhisroominthepalliativecareunitatMountSinaibecameacenterof
gravityinthehospital.“Everyone,thenursesandthedoctors,wantedtohang
outinourroom;theyjustdidn’twanttoleave.Patrickwouldtalkandtalk.It
waslikehewasayogi.Heputoutsomuchlove.”WhenTonyBossisvisited
Patrickaweekbeforehedied,hewasstruckbythemoodintheroomandby
Patrick’sserenity.
“Hewasconsolingme.Hesaidhisbiggestsadnesswasleavinghiswife.But
hewasnotafraid.”
Lisae-mailedmeaphotographofPatrickshehadtakenafewdaysbeforehe
died,andwhentheimagepoppedopenonmyscreen,itmomentarilytookmy
breathaway.Herewasanemaciatedmaninahospitalgown,anoxygenclipin
hisnose,butwithbright,shiningblueeyesandabroadsmile.Ontheeveof
death,themanwasbeaming.
LisastayedwithPatrickinhishospitalroomnightafternight,thetwoof
themoftentalkingintotheweehours.“IfeellikeIhaveonefootinthisworld
andoneinthenext,”hetoldheratonepoint.“Oneofthelastnightswewere
together,hesaid,‘Honey,don’tpushme.I’mfindingmyway.’”Atthesame
time,hesoughttocomforther.“Thisissimplythewheeloflife,”sherecallshim
saying.“‘Youfeellikeyou’rebeinggrounddownbyitnow,butthewheelis
goingtoturnandyou’llbeontopagain.’”
Lisahadn’thadashowerindays,andherbrotherfinallypersuadedhertogo
homeforafewhours.Minutesbeforeshereturnedtohisbedside,Patrick
slippedaway.“Iwenthometoshowerandhedied.”Wewerespeakingonthe
phone,andIcouldhearhercryingsoftly.“Hewasn’tgoingtodieaslongasI
wasthere.Mybrotherhadtoldme,‘Youneedtolethimgo.’”
Patrickwasgonebythetimeshegotbacktothehospital.“Hehaddied
secondsbefore.Itwaslikesomethinghadevaporatedfromhim.Isatwithhim
forthreehours.It’salongtimebeforethesoulisoutoftheroom.”
“Itwasagooddeath,”Lisatoldme,afactshecreditstothepeopleatNYU
andtoPatrick’spsilocybinjourney.“Ifeelindebtedtothemforwhatthey
allowedhimtoexperience—thedeepresourcestheyallowedhimtotapinto.
Thesewerehisowndeepresources.That,Ithink,iswhatthesemind-altering
drugsdo.”
“PatrickwasfarmorespiritualthanIwastobeginwith,”Lisatoldmethelast
timewespoke.Itwasclearhisjourneyhadchangedhertoo.“Itwasan
affirmationofaworldIknewnothingabout.Buttherearemoredimensionsto
thisworldthanIeverknewexisted.”
Two:Addiction
ThedozenorsoApolloastronautswhohaveescapedEarth’sorbitandtraveled
tothemoonhadtheprivilegeofseeingtheplanetfromaperspectivenever
beforeavailabletoourspecies,andseveralofthemreportedthattheexperience
changedtheminprofoundandenduringways.Thesightofthat“palebluedot”
hangingintheinfiniteblackvoidofspaceerasedthenationalbordersonour
mapsandrenderedEarthsmall,vulnerable,exceptional,andprecious.
EdgarMitchell,returningfromthemoononApollo14,hadwhathehas
describedasamysticalexperience,specificallyasavikalpasamadhi,inwhich
theegovanisheswhenconfrontedwiththeimmensityoftheuniverseduringthe
courseofameditationonanobject—inthiscase,planetEarth.
“Thebiggestjoywasonthewayhome,”herecalled.“Inmycockpitwindow,
everytwominutes:theearth,themoon,thesun,andthewholepanoramaofthe
heavens.Thatwasapowerful,overwhelmingexperience.
“AndsuddenlyIrealizedthatthemoleculesofmybody,andthemoleculesof
myspacecraft,themoleculesinthebodyofmypartners,wereprototyped,
manufacturedinsomeancientgenerationofstars.[Ifelt]anoverwhelmingsense
ofoneness,ofconnectedness...Itwasn’t‘ThemandUs,’itwas‘That’sme!
That’sallofit,it’sonething.’Anditwasaccompaniedbyanecstasy,asenseof
‘OhmyGod,wow,yes’—aninsight,anepiphany.”*
Itwasthepowerofthisnovelperspective—thesameperspectivethatStewart
Brand,afterhis1966LSDtriponaNorthBeachrooftop,workedsohardto
disseminatetotheculture—thathelpedtoinspirethemodernenvironmental
movementaswellastheGaiahypothesis,theideathatEarthanditsatmosphere
togetherconstituteasinglelivingorganism.
Ithoughtaboutthisso-calledovervieweffectduringmyconversationswith
volunteersinthepsilocybintrials,andespeciallywiththosewhohadovercome
theiraddictionsafterapsychedelicjourney—toinnerspace,ifyouwill.Several
volunteersdescribedachievinganewdistanceontheirownlives,avantagefrom
whichmattersthathadonceseemeddauntingnowseemedsmallerandmore
manageable,includingtheiraddictions.Itsoundedasthoughthepsychedelic
experiencehadgivenmanyofthemanovervieweffectonthescenesoftheir
ownlives,makingpossibleashiftinworldviewandprioritiesthatallowedthem
toletgoofoldhabits,sometimeswithremarkableease.Asonelifetimesmoker
putittomeintermssosimpleIfoundithardtobelieve,“Smokingbecame
irrelevant,soIstopped.”
Thesmokingcessationpilotstudyinwhichthismantookpart—hisnameis
CharlesBessant,andhehasbeenabstinentnowforsixyears—wasdirectedby
MatthewJohnson,aprotégéofRolandGriffiths’satJohnsHopkins,wherethe
studytookplace.Johnsonisapsychologistinhisearlyfortieswho,like
Griffiths,trainedasabehaviorist,studyingthingslike“operantconditioning”in
rats.Tall,slender,andangular,Johnsonwearsascrupulouslytrimmedblack
beardandoversizedretro-nerdblackglassesthatmakehimlookalittlelikeIra
Glass.Hisinterestinpsychedelicsgoesbacktohiscollegedays,whenheread
RamDassandlearnedabouttheHarvardPsilocybinProject,butneverdidhe
daretoimaginehewouldsomedayhaveajobworkingwiththeminalaboratory.
“IhaditinthebackofmymindthatsomedayIwantedtodoresearchwith
thepsychedeliccompounds,”hetoldmewhenwefirstmetinhisHopkins
office,“butIfiguredthatwasalongwayoffinthefuture.”Yetsoonafter
JohnsonarrivedatJohnsHopkinstodoapharmacologypostdocin2004,“I
foundoutthatRolandhadthissuperhush-hushprojectwithpsilocybin.
Everythinglinedupperfectly.”
Johnsonworkedonthelab’searlypsilocybinstudies,servingasaguidefor
severaldozensessionsandhelpingtocrunchthedata,beforelaunchingastudy
ofhisownin2009.Thesmokingstudygavefifteenvolunteersmokerswhowere
tryingtoquitseveralsessionsofcognitivebehavioraltherapyfollowedbytwoor
threedosesofpsilocybin.Aso-calledopen-labelstudy,therewasnoplacebo,so
theyallknewtheyweregettingthedrug.Volunteershadtostopsmokingbefore
theirpsilocybinsession;theyhadtheircarbon-monoxidelevelsmeasuredat
severalintervalstoensurecomplianceandconfirmtheyremainedabstinent.
Thestudywastinyandnotrandomized,buttheresultswerenevertheless
striking,especiallywhenyouconsiderthatsmokingisoneofthemostdifficult
addictionstobreak—harder,somesay,thanheroin.Sixmonthsaftertheir
psychedelicsessions,80percentofthevolunteerswereconfirmedasabstinent;
attheone-yearmark,thatfigurehadfallento67percent,whichisstillabetter
rateofsuccessthanthebesttreatmentnowavailable.(Amuchlargerrandomized
study,comparingtheeffectivenessofpsilocybintherapywiththenicotinepatch,
iscurrentlyunderway.)Asinthecancer-anxietystudies,thevolunteerswhohad
themostcompletemysticalexperienceshadthebestoutcomes;theywere,like
CharlesBessant,abletoquitsmoking.
Afterinterviewingcancerpatientsconfrontedwiththeprospectofdeath,
peoplewhohadhadepicjourneysinwhichtheyconfrontedtheircancersand
traveledtotheunderworld,Iwonderedhowtheexperiencewouldcomparewhen
thestakeswerelower:Whatkindsofjourneyswouldordinarypeoplesimply
hopingtobreakabadhabithave,andwhatkindsofinsightswouldtheyreturn
with?
Surprisinglybanal,itturnsout.Notthattheirjourneyswerebanal—
psilocybintransportedthemallovertheworldandthroughhistoryandtoouter
space—buttheinsightstheybroughtbackwiththemweremundaneinthe
extreme.AliceO’Donnell,asixtyishbookeditorborninIreland,reveled“inthe
freedomtogoeverywhere”inthecourseofherjourney.Shegrewfeathersthat
allowedhertotravelbackintimetovariousscenesofEuropeanhistory,died
threetimes,watchedher“soulmovefromherbodytoafuneralpyrefloatingon
theGanges,”andfoundherself“standingontheedgeoftheuniverse,witnessing
thedawnofcreation.”Shehadthe“humbling”realizationthat“everythinginthe
universeisofequalimportance,includingyourself.
“Insteadofbeingsonarrowlyfocused,movingthroughthislittletunnelof
adultlife,”shefoundthatthejourney“returnedmetothechild’swidersenseof
wonder—totheworldofWordsworth.Apartofmybrainthathadgonetosleep
wasawakened.
“Theuniversewassogreatandthereweresomanythingsyoucoulddoand
seeinitthatkillingyourselfseemedlikeadumbidea.Itputsmokinginawhole
newcontext.Smokingseemedveryunimportant;itseemedkindofstupid,tobe
honest.”
Aliceimaginedherselfthrowingoutlotsofjunkfromherhouse,emptying
theatticandthebasement:“Ihadanimageoftossingeverythingovertheledge,
allthestuffIdidn’tneedanymore.It’samazinghowyoucanwhittlethings
downtothefewreallyimportantthingsthatarenecessaryforsurvival.Andthe
mostimportantthingofallisthebreath.Whenthatstops,you’redead.”She
emergedfromherjourneywiththeconviction“thatyoushouldcherishyour
breath.”Shehasnothadacigarettesinceherpsilocybinjourney.Whenevershe
feelsacraving,shegoesbackinmemorytohersession“andthinksofallthe
wonderfulthingsIexperienced,andhowitfelttobeonthatmuchhigherplane.”
CharlesBessanthadhisepiphanywhileonasimilarly“higherplane.”
Bessant,amuseumexhibitdesignerinhissixties,foundhimselfstandingona
mountaintopintheAlps,“theGermanstatesstretchingoutbeforemealltheway
totheBaltic.”(Wagnerwasplayinginhisheadphones.)“Myegohaddissolved,
yetI’mtellingyouthis.Itwasterrifying.”Hesoundedlikeanineteenth-century
Romanticdescribinganencounterwiththesublime,atonceterribleandawe
inspiring.
“Peopleusewordslike‘oneness,’‘connectivity,’‘unity’—Igetit!Iwaspart
ofsomethingsomuchlargerthananythingIhadeverimagined.”Wewere
speakingbyphoneonaSaturdaymorning,andatonepointBessantpausedin
hisaccounttodescribethescenebeforehim.
“Rightnow,I’mstandinghereinmygarden,andthelightiscomingthrough
thecanopyofleaves.Formetobeabletostandhereinthebeautyofthislight,
talkingtoyou,it’sonlybecausemyeyesareopentoseeit.Ifyoudon’tstopto
look,you’llneverseeit.It’sthestatementofanobviousthing,Iknow,butto
feelit,tolookandbeamazedbythislight”isagiftheattributestohissession,
whichgavehim“afeelingofconnectednesstoeverything.”
Bessantfolloweduponourconversationbye-mailwithaseriesof
clarificationsandelaborations,strivingtofindthewordsequaltotheimmensity
oftheexperience.Itwasinthefaceofthisimmensitythatsmokingsuddenly
seemedpitifullysmall.“Whyquitsmoking?BecauseIfounditirrelevant.
Becauseotherthingshadbecomesomuchmoreimportant.”
Somevolunteersmarveledthemselvesatthesimultaneouspowerandbanality
oftheirinsights.SavannahMillerisasinglemominherthirtieswhoworksasa
bookkeeperforherfatherscompanyinMaryland.Possiblybecauseshespent
hertwentiestangledinanabusiverelationshipwithamanshedescribesas“a
psychopath,”hertripwaspainfulbutultimatelycathartic;sherememberscrying
uncontrollablyandproducingtremendousamountsofsnot(somethingher
guidesconfirmedreallyhappened).Savannahgavelittlethoughttoherhabit
duringthejourney,excepttowardtheendwhenshepicturedherselfasa
smokinggargoyle.
“Youknowhowgargoyleslook,croucheddownwiththeirshoulders
hunched?That’showIfeltandsawmyself,alittlegolemcreaturesmoking,
pullinginthesmokeandnotlettingitout,untilmychesthurtsandI’mchoking.
Itwaspowerfulanddisgusting.Icanstillseeitnow,thathideouscoughing
gargoyle,wheneverIpicturemyselfasasmoker.”Monthslater,shesaysthe
imageisstillhelpfulwhentheinevitablecravingsarise.
Inthemiddleofhersession,Savannahsuddenlysatupandannouncedshe
haddiscoveredsomethingimportant,an“epiphany”thatherguidesneededto
writedownsoitwouldn’tbelosttoposterity:“Eatright.Exercise.Stretch.”
MattJohnsonreferstotheserealizationsas“duhmoments”andsaystheyare
commonamonghisvolunteersandnotatallinsignificant.Smokersknow
perfectlywellthattheirhabitisunhealthy,disgusting,expensive,and
unnecessary,butundertheinfluenceofpsilocybinthatknowingacquiresanew
weight,becomes“somethingtheyfeelinthegutandtheheart.Insightslikethis
becomemorecompelling,stickier,andhardertoavoidthinkingabout.These
sessionsdeprivepeopleoftheluxuryofmindlessness”—ourdefaultstate,and
oneinwhichaddictionslikesmokingcanflourish.
Johnsonbelievesthevalueofpsilocybinfortheaddictisinthenew
perspective—atonceobviousandprofound—thatitopensontoone’slifeandits
habits.“Addictionisastorywegetstuckin,astorythatgetsreinforcedevery
timewetryandfailtoquit:‘I’masmokerandI’mpowerlesstostop.’The
journeyallowsthemtogetsomedistanceandseethebiggerpictureandtosee
theshort-termpleasuresofsmokinginthelarger,longer-termcontextoftheir
lives.”
Ofcourse,thisre-contextualizationofanoldhabitdoesn’tjusthappen;
countlesspeoplehavetakenpsilocybinandcontinuedtosmoke.Ifitdoes
happen,it’sbecausebreakingthehabitistheavowedintentionofthesession,
stronglyreinforcedbythetherapistinthepreparatorymeetingsandthe
integrationafterward.The“set”ofthepsychedelicjourneyiscarefully
orchestratedbythetherapistinmuchthesamewayashamanwouldusehis
authorityandstagecrafttomaximizethemedicine’sdeeppowersofsuggestion.
Thisiswhyitisimportanttounderstandthat“psychedelictherapy”isnotsimply
treatmentwithapsychedelicdrugbutratheraformof“psychedelic-assisted
therapy,”asmanyoftheresearcherstakepainstoemphasize.
Yetwhataccountsfortheunusualauthorityoftheratherordinaryinsights
volunteersbroughtbackfromtheirjourneys?“Youdon’tgetthatonanyother
drug,”RolandGriffithspointsout.Indeed,aftermostdrugexperiences,we’re
fullyawareof,andoftenembarrassedby,theinauthenticityofwhatwethought
andfeltwhileundertheinfluence.ThoughneitherGriffithsnorJohnson
mentionedit,theconnectionbetweenseeingandbelievingmightexplainthis
senseofauthenticity.Veryoftenonpsychedelicsourthoughtsbecomevisible.
Thesearenothallucinations,exactly,becausethesubjectisoftenfullyaware
thatwhatsheisseeingisnotreallybeforeher,yetthesethoughtsmadevisible
areneverthelessremarkablyconcrete,vivid,andthereforememorable.
Thisisacuriousphenomenon,asyetunexplainedbyneuroscience,though
someinterestinghypotheseshaverecentlybeenproposed.Whenneuroscientists
whostudyvisionusefMRIstoimagebrainactivity,theyfindthatthesame
regionsinthevisualcortexlightupwhetheroneisseeinganobjectlive
—“online”—ormerelyrecallingorimaginingit,off-line.Thissuggeststhatthe
abilitytovisualizeourthoughtsshouldbetheruleratherthantheexception.
Someneuroscientistssuspectthatduringnormalwakinghourssomethinginthe
braininhibitsthevisualcortexfrompresentingtoconsciousnessavisualimage
ofwhateveritiswe’rethinkingabout.It’snothardtoseewhysuchaninhibition
mightbeadaptive:clutteringthemindwithvividimageswouldcomplicate
reasoningandabstractthought,nottomentioneverydayactivitieslikewalking
ordrivingacar.Butwhenweareabletovisualizeourthoughts—suchasthe
thoughtofourselvesasasmokerlookinglikeacoughinggargoyle—those
thoughtstakeonaddedweight,feelmorerealtous.Seeingisbelieving.
Perhapsthisisoneofthethingspsychedelicsdo:relaxthebrain’sinhibition
onvisualizingourthoughts,therebyrenderingthemmoreauthoritative,
memorable,andsticky.Theovervieweffectreportedbytheastronautsdidn’tadd
anythingtoourintellectualunderstandingofthis“palebluedot”inthevastsea
ofspace,butseeingitmadeitrealinawayithadneverbeenbefore.Perhapsthe
equallyvividovervieweffectonthescenesoftheirlivesthatpsychedelicsafford
somepeopleiswhatmakesitpossibleforthemtochangetheirbehavior.
MattJohnsonbelievesthatpsychedelicscanbeusedtochangeallsortsof
behaviors,notjustaddiction.Thekey,inhisview,istheirpowertooccasiona
sufficientlydramaticexperienceto“dope-slappeopleoutoftheirstory.It’s
literallyarebootofthesystem—abiologicalcontrol-alt-delete.Psychedelics
openawindowofmentalflexibilityinwhichpeoplecanletgoofthemental
modelsweusetoorganizereality.”
Inhisview,themostimportantsuchmodelistheself,orego,whichahigh-
dosepsychedelicexperiencetemporarilydissolves.Hespeaksof“ouraddiction
toapatternofthinkingwiththeselfatthecenterofit.”Thisunderlying
addictiontoapatternofthinking,orcognitivestyle,linkstheaddicttothe
depressiveandtothecancerpatientobsessedwithdeathorrecurrence.
“Somuchofhumansufferingstemsfromhavingthisselfthatneedstobe
psychologicallydefendedatallcosts.We’retrappedinastorythatsees
ourselvesasindependent,isolatedagentsactingintheworld.Butthatselfisan
illusion.Itcanbeausefulillusion,whenyou’reswingingthroughthetreesor
escapingfromacheetahortryingtodoyourtaxes.Butatthesystemslevel,
thereisnotruthtoit.Youcantakeanynumberofmoreaccurateperspectives:
thatwe’reaswarmofgenes,vehiclesforpassingonDNA;thatwe’resocial
creaturesthroughandthrough,unabletosurvivealone;thatwe’reorganismsin
anecosystem,linkedtogetheronthisplanetfloatinginthemiddleofnowhere.
Whereveryoulook,youseethatthelevelofinterconnectednessistruly
amazing,andyetweinsistonthinkingofourselvesasindividualagents.”Albert
Einsteincalledthemodernhuman’ssenseofseparateness“akindofoptical
delusionofhisconsciousness.”*
“Psychedelicsknockthelegsoutfromunderthatmodel.Thatcanbe
dangerousinthewrongcircumstances,leadingtobadtripsandworse.”Johnson
broughtupthecaseofCharlesManson,whoreportedlyusedLSDtobreakdown
andbrainwashhisfollowers,atheoryofthecasehedeemsplausible.“Butinthe
rightsetting,whereyoursafetyisassured,itmaybeagoodinterventionfor
dealingwithsomeoftheproblemsoftheself”—ofwhichaddictionisonlyone.
Dying,depression,obsession,eatingdisorders—allareexacerbatedbythe
tyrannyofanegoandthefixednarrativesitconstructsaboutourrelationshipto
theworld.Bytemporarilyoverturningthattyrannyandthrowingourmindsinto
anunusuallyplasticstate(RobinCarhart-Harriswouldcallitastateof
heightenedentropy),psychedelics,withthehelpofagoodtherapist,giveusan
opportunitytoproposesomenew,moreconstructivestoriesabouttheselfandits
relationshiptotheworld,storiesthatjustmightstick.
Thisisaverydifferentkindoftherapythanweareaccustomedtointhe
West,becauseitisneitherpurelychemicalnorpurelypsychodynamic—neither
mindlessnorbrainless.WhetherWesternmedicineisreadytoaccommodate
sucharadicallynovel—andancient—modelformentaltransformationisan
openquestion.Intakingpeoplesafelythroughtheliminalstatepsychedelics
occasion,withitsradicalsuggestibility,Johnsonacknowledgesthatthedoctors
andresearchers“playthesameroleasshamansorelders.
“Whateverwe’redelvingintohere,it’sinthesamerealmastheplacebo.But
aplaceboonrocketboosters.”
•••
THEWHOLEIDEAofusingapsychedelicdrugtotreataddictionisnotnew.Native
Americanshavelongusedpeyoteasbothasacramentandatreatmentfor
alcoholism,ascourgeoftheindigenouscommunitysincethearrivalofthewhite
man.SpeakingatameetingoftheAmericanPsychiatricAssociationin1971,the
psychiatristKarlMenningersaidthat“peyoteisnotharmfultothesepeople...
Itisabetterantidotetoalcoholthananythingthemissionaries,thewhiteman,
theAmericanMedicalAssociation,andthepublichealthserviceshavecomeup
with.”*
ThousandsofalcoholicsweretreatedwithLSDandotherpsychedelicsinthe
1950sand1960s,thoughuntilrecentlyit’sbeenhardtosayanythingdefinitive
abouttheresults.Foratime,thetherapywasdeemedeffectiveenoughto
becomeastandardtreatmentforalcoholisminSaskatchewan.Clinicalreports
wereenthusiastic,yetmostoftheformalstudiesconductedwerepoorly
designedandbadlycontrolled,ifatall.Resultswerenotablyimpressivewhen
thestudieswereperformedbysympathetictherapists(andespeciallyby
therapistswhothemselveshadtakenLSD)andnotablydismalwhenconducted
byinexperiencedinvestigatorswhogavemammothdosestopatientswithno
attentiontosetorsetting.
Therecordwasacompletemuddleuntil2012,whenameta-analysisthat
combineddatafromthesixbestrandomizedcontrolledstudiesdoneinthe1960s
and1970s(involvingmorethanfivehundredpatientsinall)foundthatindeed
therehadbeenastatisticallyrobustandclinically“significantbeneficialeffect
onalcoholmisuse”fromasingledoseofLSD,aneffectthatlasteduptosix
months.“GiventheevidenceforabeneficialeffectofLSDonalcoholism,”the
authorsconcluded,“itispuzzlingwhythistreatmenthasbeenlargely
overlooked.”
Sincethen,psychedelictherapyforalcoholandotheraddictionshas
undergoneamodestandsofarencouragingrevival,bothinuniversitystudies
andinvariousundergroundsettings.*Ina2015pilotstudyconductedatthe
UniversityofNewMexicotenalcoholicsreceivedpsilocybin,combinedwith
“motivationalenhancementtherapy,”atypeofcognitivebehavioraltherapy
designedexpresslytotreataddiction.Byitself,thepsychotherapyhadlittle
effectondrinkingbehavior,butafterthepsilocybinsessiondrinkingdecreased
significantly,andthesechangesweresustainedduringthethirty-sixweeksof
follow-up.MichaelBogenschutz,theleadinvestigator,reportedastrong
correlationbetweenthe“strengthoftheexperienceandtheeffect”ondrinking
behavior.TheNewMexicoresultswereencouragingenoughtowarrantamuch
largerphase2trial,involving180volunteers,whichBogenschutzisnow
conductingatNYUincollaborationwithStephenRossandJeffreyGuss.
“Alcoholismcanbeunderstoodasaspiritualdisorder,”Rosstoldmethefirst
timewemet,inthetreatmentroomatNYU.“Overtimeyouloseyour
connectiontoeverythingbutthiscompound.Lifelosesallmeaning.Attheend,
nothingismoreimportantthanthatbottle,notevenyourwifeandyourkids.
Eventually,thereisnothingyouwon’tsacrificeforit.”
ItwasRosswhofirsttoldmethestoryofBillW.,thefounderofAA,howhe
gotsoberafteramysticalexperienceonbelladonnaandinthe1950ssoughtto
introduceLSDintothefellowship.Touseadrugtopromotesobrietymight
soundcounterintuitive,evencrazy,yetitmakesacertainsensewhenyou
considerhowreliablypsychedelicscansponsorspiritualbreakthroughsaswell
astheconviction,centraltotheAAphilosophy,thatbeforeshecanhopeto
recover,thealcoholicmustfirstacknowledgeher“powerlessness.”AAtakesa
dimviewofthehumanegoand,likepsychedelictherapy,attemptstoshiftthe
addict’sattentionfromtheselftoa“higherpower”aswellastotheconsolations
offellowship—thesenseofinterconnectedness.
MichaelBogenschutzputmeintouchwithawomanI’llcallTerry
McDaniels,avolunteerinhisalcoholismpilotstudyinNewMexico—a
surprisingintroduction,Icametothink,becauseherswasn’tthekindof
unqualifiedsuccessstoryresearchersliketogivejournalists.Ispoketo
McDanielsbyphonefromhertrailerparkoutsideAlbuquerque,whereshelives
ondisabilityafewtrailersdownfromherdaughter.Shehasn’tbeenabletowork
since1997,when“myex-husbandbeatmyheadinwithacast-ironskillet.Since
thatoccurred,I’vehadarealproblemwithmymemory.”
McDaniels,whowasbornin1954,hashadatoughlife,goingbacktoher
childhood,whenherparentsleftherforlongperiodsintheindifferentcareof
oldersiblings.“EventothisdayIhaveahardtimelaughing.”Shetoldmeshe
spendsmanyofherdaysmiredinfeelingsofregret,anger,envy,self-loathing,
and,especially,adeepsenseofguilttowardherchildren.“IfeelverybadI
haven’tgiventhemthelifeIcouldhaveifIhadstayedawayfromdrink.Ithink
aboutthatotherlifeImighthavehadallthetime.”
WhenIaskedMcDanielshowlongshehadbeensober,shesurprisedme:she
wasn’t.She’dactuallybeenonabenderjustafewweeksearlier,afterher
daughter“hurtmyfeelingsbyaskingformoneyIowedher.”Butthebinge
lastedonlyaday,andshehadonlyhadbeerandwinetodrink;intheyears
beforeherpsychedelicsession,shewouldbingeonhardliquorfortwoweeksat
atime,thedrinkinginterruptedonlywhensheblackedout.ForMcDaniels,a
one-daybingenowandagainrepresentsprogress.
McDanielsreadaboutthepsilocybintrialinthelocalalternativeweekly.She
hadneverbeforeusedapsychedelicbutfeltdesperateandwillingtotry
somethingnew.Shehadmademanyattemptstogetsober,hadbeeninrehab,
therapy,andAA,butalwaysfellbackonthebottle.Sheworriedthatherhead
injurymightdisqualifyherfromthetrial,butshewasacceptedandintheevent
hadapowerfulspiritualexperience.
Thefirstpartofthetripwasunbearablydark:“IsawmychildrenandIwas
bawlingandbawling,forthelifetheyneverhad.”Buteventuallyitturnedinto
somethingaweinspiring.
“IsawJesusonthecross,”sherecalled.“Itwasjusthisheadandshoulders,
anditwaslikeIwasalittlekidinatinyhelicoptercirclingaroundhishead.But
hewasonthecross.Andhejustsortofgatheredmeupinhishands,youknow,
thewayyouwouldcomfortasmallchild.Ifeltsuchagreatweightliftfrommy
shoulders,feltverymuchatpeace.Itwasabeautifulexperience.”
Theteachingoftheexperience,shefelt,wasself-acceptance.“Ispendless
timethinkingaboutpeoplewhohaveabetterlifethanme.IrealizeI’mnotabad
person;I’mapersonwho’shadalotofbadthingshappen.Jesusmighthave
beentryingtotellmeitwasokay,thatthesethingshappen.Hewastryingto
comfortme.”Now,McDanielssays,“IreadmyBibleeverydayandkeepa
consciouscontactwithGod.”
Byherownlights,McDanielsisdoing,ifnotwellexactly,thensomewhat
better.Theexperiencehashelpedherbegintorethinkthestoryofherlifeshe
tellsherself:“Idon’ttakeeverythingsopersonally,likeIusedto.Ihavemore
self-acceptance,andthatisagift,becauseforalotofyears,Ididnotlikemyself.
ButIamnotabadperson.”
Thatone’sperspectivecouldshiftinsuchawayintheabsenceofanychange
incircumstancestrikesmeasbothhopefulandpoignant.Iwasremindedofan
experimentthatseveraloftheaddictionresearchersIinterviewedhadtoldme
about—theso-calledratparkexperiment.It’swellknowninthefieldofdrug
abuseresearchthatratsinacagegivenaccesstodrugsofvariouskindswill
quicklyaddictthemselves,pressingthelittleleversforthedrugonofferin
preferencetofood,oftentothepointofdeath.Muchlesswellknown,however,
isthefactthatifthecageis“enriched”withopportunitiesforplay,interaction
withotherrats,andexposuretonature,thesameratswillutterlyignorethedrugs
andsoneverbecomeaddicted.Theratparkexperimentslendsupporttotheidea
thatthepropensitytoaddictionmighthavelesstodowithgenesorchemistry
thanwithone’spersonalhistoryandenvironment.
Nowcomesaclassofchemicalsthatmayhavethepowertochangehowwe
experienceourpersonalhistoryandenvironment,nomatterhowimpoverished
orpainfultheymaybe.“Doyouseetheworldasaprisonoraplayground?”is
thekeyquestionMattJohnsontakesawayfromtheratparkexperiment.If
addictionrepresentsaradicalnarrowingofone’sperspectiveandbehaviorand
emotionalrepertoire,thepsychedelicjourneyhasthepotentialtoreversethat
constriction,openpeopleuptothepossibilityofchangebydisruptingand
enrichingtheirinteriorenvironment.
“Peoplecomeoutoftheseexperiencesseeingtheworldalittlemorelikea
playground.”
•••
ONEGOODWORDtodescribetheexperiencesofboththeApolloastronautsand
thevolunteersontheirpsilocybinjourneysis“awe,”ahumanemotionthatcan
perhapshelpweavetogetherthedisparatestrandsofpsychologicalinterpretation
proposedbythepsychedelicresearcherswithwhomIspoke.ItwasPeter
Hendricks,ayoungpsychologistattheUniversityofAlabamaconductingatrial
usingpsilocybintotreatcocaineaddicts,whofirstsuggestedtomethatthe
experienceofawemightofferthepsychologicalkeytoexplainthepowerof
psychedelicstoalterdeeplyrootedpatternsofbehavior.
“Peoplewhoareaddictedknowthey’reharmingthemselves—theirhealth,
theircareers,theirsocialwell-being—buttheyoftenfailtoseethedamagetheir
behaviorisdoingtoothers.”Addictionis,amongotherthings,aradicalformof
selfishness.Oneofthechallengesoftreatingtheaddictisgettinghimtobroaden
hisperspectivebeyondaconsumingself-interestinhisaddiction,thebehavior
thathascometodefinehisidentityandorganizehisdays.Awe,Hendricks
believes,hasthepowertodothis.
HendricksmentionedtheresearchofDacherKeltner,apsychologistat
Berkeleywhohappenstobeaclosefriend.“Keltnerbelievesthataweisa
fundamentalhumanemotion,onethatevolvedinusbecauseitpromotes
altruisticbehavior.Wearedescendantsofthosewhofoundtheexperienceof
aweblissful,becauseit’sadvantageousforthespeciestohaveanemotionthat
makesusfeelpartofsomethingmuchlargerthanourselves.”Thislargerentity
couldbethesocialcollective,natureasawhole,oraspiritworld,butitis
somethingsufficientlyoverpoweringtodwarfusandournarrowself-interest.
“Awepromotesasenseofthe‘smallselfthatdirectsourattentionawayfrom
theindividualtothegroupandthegreatergood.”
KeltnerslabatBerkeleyhasdoneacleverseriesofexperiments
demonstratingthatafterpeoplehavehadevenarelativelymodestexperienceof
awe,suchaslookingatsoaringtrees,they’remorelikelytocometothe
assistanceofothers.(Inthisexperiment,conductedinaeucalyptusgroveonthe
Berkeleycampus,volunteersspentaminutelookingeitheratthetreesoratthe
façadeofanearbybuilding.Thenaconfederatewalkedtowardtheparticipants
andstumbled,scatteringpensontheground.Bystanderswhohadlookedatthe
treesprovedmorelikelytocometoheraidthanthosewhohadlookedatthe
building.)Inanotherexperiment,Keltnerslabfoundthatifyouaskpeopleto
drawthemselvesbeforeandafterviewingawe-inspiringimagesofnature,the
after-aweself-portraitswilltakeupconsiderablylessspaceonthepage.An
experienceofaweappearstobeanexcellentantidoteforegotism.
“Wenowhaveapharmacologicalinterventionthatcanoccasiontruly
profoundexperiencesofawe,”Hendrickspointedout.Aweinapill.Fortheself-
obsessedaddict,“itcanbeblissfultofeelapartofsomethinglargerandgreater
thanthemselves,tofeelreconnectedtootherpeople”—totheweaveofsocial
andfamilyrelationsthataddictionreliablyfrays.“Veryoftentheycometo
recognizetheharmthey’redoingnotonlytothemselvesbuttolovedones.
That’swherethemotivationtochangeoftencomesfrom—arenewedsenseof
connectionandresponsibility,aswellasthepositivefeelingofbeingasmallself
inthepresenceofsomethinggreater.”
Theconceptofawe,Irealized,couldhelpconnectseveralofthedotsI’d
beencollectinginthecourseofmyjourneythroughthelandscapeofpsychedelic
therapy.Whetheraweisacauseoraneffectofthementalchangespsychedelics
sponsorisn’tentirelyclear.Buteitherway,awefiguresinmuchofthe
phenomenologyofpsychedelicconsciousness,includingthemystical
experience,theovervieweffect,self-transcendence,theenrichmentofourinner
environment,andeventhegenerationofnewmeanings.AsKeltnerhaswritten,
theoverwhelmingforceandthemysteryofawearesuchthattheexperience
can’treadilybeinterpretedaccordingtoouraccustomedframesofthought.By
rockingthoseconceptualframeworks,awehasthepowertochangeourminds.
Three:Depression
Somethingunexpectedhappenedwhen,earlyin2017,RolandGriffithsand
StephenRossbroughttheresultsoftheirclinicaltrialstotheFDA,hopingto
winapprovalforalarger,phase3trialofpsilocybinforcancerpatients.
Impressedbytheirdata—andseeminglyundeterredbytheuniquechallenges
posedbypsychedelicresearch,suchastheproblemofblinding,thecombining
oftherapyandmedicine,andthefactthatthedruginquestionisstillillegal—the
FDAstaffsurprisedtheresearchersbyaskingthemtoexpandtheirfocusand
ambition:totestwhetherpsilocybincouldbeusedtotreatthemuchlargerand
morepressingproblemofdepressioninthegeneralpopulation.Astheregulators
sawit,thedatacontainedastrongenough“signal”thatpsilocybincouldrelieve
depression;itwouldbeashamenottotesttheproposition,giventheenormityof
theneedandthelimitationsofthetherapiesnowavailable.RossandGriffiths
hadfocusedoncancerpatientsbecausetheythoughtitwouldbeeasiertowin
approvaltostudyacontrolledsubstanceinpeoplewhowerealreadyseriouslyill
ordying.Nowthegovernmentwastellingthemtoraisetheirsights.“Itwas
surreal,”Rosstoldme,twice,asherecountedthemeeting,stillsomewhat
stunnedattheresponseandoutcome.(TheFDAdeclinedtoconfirmordenythis
accountofthemeeting,explainingthatitdoesn’tcommentondrugsin
developmentorunderregulatoryreview.)
MuchthesamethinghappenedinEurope,when,in2016,researchers
approachedtheEuropeanMedicinesAgency(EMA)—theEuropeanUnion’s
drug-regulatingbody—seekingapprovaltousepsilocybininthetreatmentof
anxietyanddepressioninpatientswithlife-changingdiagnoses.“Existential
distress”isnotanofficialDSMdiagnosis,theregulatorspointedout,sothe
nationalhealthserviceswon’tcoverit.Butthere’sasignalherethatpsilocybin
couldbeusefulintreatingdepression,sowhydon’tyoudoabig,multisitetrial
forthat?
TheEMAwasrespondingnotonlytotheHopkinsandNYUdatabutalsoto
thesmall“feasibilitystudy”ofthepotentialofusingpsilocybintotreat
depressionthatRobinCarhart-HarrishaddirectedinDavidNutt’slabatImperial
College.Inthestudy,theinitialresultsofwhichappearedinLancetPsychiatry
in2016,researchersgavepsilocybintosixmenandsixwomensufferingfrom
“treatment-resistantdepression”—meaningtheyhadalreadytriedatleasttwo
treatmentswithoutsuccess.Therewasnocontrolgroup,soeveryoneknewheor
shewasgettingpsilocybin.
Afteraweek,allofthevolunteersshowedimprovementintheirsymptoms,
andtwo-thirdsofthemweredepression-free,insomecasesforthefirsttimein
years.Sevenofthetwelvevolunteersstillshowedsubstantialbenefitafterthree
months.Thestudywasexpandedtoincludeatotaloftwentyvolunteers;aftersix
months,sixremainedinremission,whiletheothershadrelapsedtoonedegree
oranother,suggestingthetreatmentmightneedtoberepeated.Thestudywas
modestinscaleandnotrandomized,butitdemonstratedthatpsilocybinwas
welltoleratedinthispopulation,withnoadverseevents,andmostofthe
subjectshadseenbenefitsthatweremarkedandrapid.*TheEMAwas
sufficientlyimpressedwiththedatatosuggestamuchlargertrialfortreatment-
resistantdepression,whichafflictsmorethan800,000peopleinEurope.(Thisis
outofatotalofsome40millionEuropeanswithdepressivedisorders,according
totheWorldHealthOrganization.)
RosalindWattswasayoungclinicalpsychologistworkingfortheNational
HealthServicewhenshereadanarticleaboutpsychedelictherapyintheNew
Yorker.*Theideathatyoumightactuallybeabletocurementalillnessrather
thanjustmanageitssymptomsinspiredhertowritetoRobinCarhart-Harris,
whohiredhertohelpoutwiththedepressionstudy,thelab’sfirstforayinto
clinicalresearch.Wattsguidedseveralsessionsandthenconductedqualitative
interviewswithallofthevolunteerssixmonthsaftertheirtreatments,hopingto
understandexactlyhowthepsychedelicsessionhadaffectedthem.
Watts’sinterviewsuncoveredtwo“master”themes.Thefirstwasthatthe
volunteersdepictedtheirdepressionforemostasastateof“disconnection,”
whetherfromotherpeople,theirearlierselves,theirsensesandfeelings,their
corebeliefsandspiritualvalues,ornature.Severalreferredtolivingin“amental
prison,”otherstobeing“stuck”inendlesscirclesofruminationtheylikenedto
mental“gridlock.”IwasremindedofCarhart-Harris’shypothesisthatdepression
mightbetheresultofanoveractivedefaultmodenetwork—thesiteinthebrain
whereruminationappearstotakeplace.
TheImperialdepressivesalsofeltdisconnectedfromtheirsenses.“Iwould
lookatorchids,”onetoldWatts,“andintellectuallyunderstandthattherewas
beauty,butnotexperienceit.”
Formostofthevolunteers,thepsilocybinexperiencehadsprungthemfrom
theirmentaljails,ifonlytemporarily.Onewomaninthestudytoldmethatthe
monthfollowinghersessionwasthefirsttimeshehadbeenfreefromdepression
since1991.Othersdescribedsimilarexperiences:
“Itwaslikeaholidayawayfromtheprisonofmybrain.Ifeltfree,carefree,
reenergized.”
“Itwaslikethelightswitchbeingturnedoninadarkhouse.”
“You’renotimmersedinthoughtpatterns;theconcretecoathascomeoff.”
“Itwaslikewhenyoudefragtheharddriveonyourcomputer...Ithought,
‘Mybrainisbeingdefragged,howbrilliantisthat!’”
Formanyofthevolunteers,thesechangesintheexperienceoftheirown
mindspersisted:
“Mymindworksdifferently.Iruminatemuchless,andmythoughtsfeel
ordered,contextualized.”
Severalreportedreconnectingtotheirsenses:
“Aveildroppedfrommyeyes,thingsweresuddenlyclear,glowing,bright.I
lookedatplantsandfelttheirbeauty.Icanstilllookatmyorchidsandfeelthat:
thatisonethingthathasreallylasted.”
Somereconnectedtothemselves:
“Ihadanexperienceoftendernesstowardmyself.”
“Atitsmostbasic,IfeellikeIusedtobeforethedepression.”
Othersreconnectedtootherpeople:
“Iwastalkingtostrangers.Ihadthesefulllongconversationswith
everybodyIcameintocontactwith.”
“Iwouldlookatpeopleonthestreetandthink,‘Howinterestingweare’—I
feltconnectedtothemall.”
Andtonature:
“Before,Ienjoyednature;nowIfeelpartofit.BeforeIwaslookingatitasa
thing,likeTVorpainting.You’repartofit,there’snoseparationordistinction,
youareit.”
“Iwaseverybody,unity,onelifewith6billionfaces.Iwastheoneaskingfor
loveandgivinglove,Iwasswimminginthesea,andtheseawasme.”
Thesecondmasterthemewasanewaccesstodifficultemotions,emotions
thatdepressionoftenbluntsorclosesdowncompletely.Wattshypothesizesthat
thedepressedpatient’sincessantruminationconstrictshisorheremotional
repertoire.Inothercases,thedepressivekeepsemotionsatbaybecauseitistoo
painfultoexperiencethem.
Thisisespeciallytrueincasesofchildhoodtrauma.Wattsputmeintouch
withathirty-nine-year-oldmaninthestudy,amusicjournalistnamedIan
Rouiller,who,alongwithhisoldersister,hadbeenabusedbyhisfatherasa
child.Asadults,thesiblingsbroughtchargesagainsttheirfatherthatputhimin
jailforseveralyears,butthishadn’trelievedthedepressionthathastrailedIan
formostofhislife.
“Icanrememberthemomentwhenthehorriblecloudfirstcameoverme.It
wasinthefamilyroomofapubcalledtheFightingCocksinSt.Albans.Iwas
ten.”Antidepressantshelpedforawhile,but“puttingtheplasteroverthewound
doesn’thealanything.”Onpsilocybin,hewasableforthefirsttimetoconfront
hislifelongpain—andhisfather.
“Normally,whenDadcomesupinmyhead,Ijustpushthethoughtaway.But
thistimeIwenttheotherway.”Hisguidehadtoldhimheshould“goinand
through”anyfrighteningmaterialthataroseduringhisjourney.
“SothistimeIlookedhimintheeye.Thatwasareallybigthingforme,to
literallyfacethedemon.Andtherehewas.Buthewasahorse!Amilitaryhorse
standingonitshindlegs,dressedinamilitaryoutfitwithahelmet,andholdinga
gun.Itwasterrifying,andIwantedtopushtheimageaside,butIdidn’t.Inand
through:Instead,Ilookedthehorseintheeyes—andpromptlystartedtolaugh,
itwassoridiculous.
“That’swhenwhathadbeenabadtripreallyturned.NowIhadeverysortof
emotion,positive,negative,itdidn’tmatter.Ithoughtaboutthe[Syrian]refugees
inCalaisandstartedcryingforthem,andIsawthateveryemotionisasvalidas
anyother.Youdon’tcherry-pickhappinessandenjoyment,theso-calledgood
emotions;itwasokaytohavenegativethoughts.That’slife.Forme,tryingto
resistemotionsjustamplifiedthem.OnceIwasinthisstate,itwasbeautiful—a
feelingofdeepcontentment.Ihadthisoverwhelmingfeeling—itwasn’tevena
thought—thateverythingandeveryoneneedstobeapproachedwithlove,
includingmyself.”
Ianenjoyedseveralmonthsofrelieffromhisdepressionaswellasanew
perspectiveonhislife—somethingnoantidepressanthadevergivenhim.“Like
GoogleEarth,Ihadzoomedout,”hetoldWattsinhissix-monthinterview.For
severalweeksafterhissession,“Iwasabsolutelyconnectedtomyself,toevery
livingthing,totheuniverse.”Eventually,Ian’sovervieweffectfaded,however,
andheendedupbackonZoloft.
“Thesheenandshinethatlifeandexistencehadregainedimmediatelyafter
thetrialandforseveralweeksaftergraduallyfaded,”hewroteoneyearlater.
“TheinsightsIgainedduringthetrialhaveneverleftandwillneverleaveme.
Buttheynowfeelmorelikeideas,”hesays.Hesayshe’sdoingbetterthan
beforeandhasbeenabletoholddownajob,buthisdepressionhasreturned.He
toldmehewisheshecouldhaveanotherpsilocybinsessionatImperial.Because
that’scurrentlynotanoption,he’llsometimesmeditateandlistentotheplaylist
fromhissession.“Thatreallydoeshelpputmebackinthatplace.”
MorethanhalfoftheImperialvolunteerssawthecloudsoftheirdepression
eventuallyreturn,soitseemslikelythatpsychedelictherapyfordepression,
shoulditproveusefulandbeapproved,willnotbeaonetimeintervention.But
eventhetemporaryrespitethevolunteersregardedasprecious,becauseit
remindedthemtherewasanotherwaytobethatwasworthworkingtorecapture.
Likeelectroconvulsivetherapyfordepression,whichitinsomewaysresembles,
psychedelictherapyisashocktothesystem—a“reboot”or“defragging”—that
mayneedtoberepeatedeverysooften.(Assumingthetreatmentworksaswell
whenrepeated.)Butthepotentialofthetherapyhasregulatorsandresearchers
andmuchofthementalhealthcommunityfeelinghopeful.
“Ibelievethiscouldrevolutionizementalhealthcare,”Wattstoldme.Her
convictionissharedbyeveryotherpsychedelicresearcherIinterviewed.
•••
IFMANYREMEDIESareprescribedforanillness,”wroteAntonChekhov,who
wasaphysicianaswellasawriter,“youmaybecertainthattheillnesshasno
cure.”ButwhataboutthereverseofChekhov’sstatement?Whatarewetomake
ofasingleremedybeingprescribedforagreatmanyillnesses?Howcoulditbe
thatpsychedelictherapymightbehelpfulfordisordersasdifferentas
depression,addiction,theanxietyofthecancerpatient,nottomention
obsessive-compulsivedisorder(aboutwhichtherehasbeenoneencouraging
study)andeatingdisorders(whichHopkinsnowplanstostudy)?
Weshouldn’tforgetthatirrationalexuberancehasafflictedpsychedelic
researchsincethebeginning,andthebeliefthatthesemoleculesareapanacea
forwhateverailsusisatleastasoldasTimothyLeary.Itcouldwellbethatthe
currententhusiasmwilleventuallygivewaytoamoremodestassessmentof
theirpotential.Newtreatmentsalwayslookshiniestandmostpromisingatthe
beginning.Inearlystudieswithsmallsamples,theresearchers,whoareusually
biasedinfavoroffindinganeffect,havetheluxuryofselectingthevolunteers
mostlikelytorespond.Becausetheirnumberissosmall,thesevolunteers
benefitfromthecareandattentionofexceptionallywell-trainedanddedicated
therapists,whoarealsobiasedinfavorofsuccess.Also,theplaceboeffectis
usuallystrongestinanewmedicineandtendstofadeovertime,asobservedin
thecaseofantidepressants;theydon’tworknearlyaswelltodayastheydid
upontheirintroductioninthe1980s.Noneofthesepsychedelictherapieshave
yetproventhemselvestoworkinlargepopulations;whatsuccesseshavebeen
reportedshouldbetakenaspromisingsignalsstandingoutfromthenoiseof
data,ratherthanasdefinitiveproofsofcure.
Yetthefactthatpsychedelicshaveproducedsuchasignalacrossarangeof
indicationscanbeinterpretedinamorepositivelight.Whenasingleremedyis
prescribedforagreatmanyillnesses,toparaphraseChekhov,itcouldmean
thoseillnessesaremorealikethanwe’reaccustomedtothink.Ifatherapy
containsanimplicittheoryofthedisorderitpurportstoremedy,whatmightthe
factthatpsychedelictherapyseemstoaddresssomanyindicationshavetotell
usaboutwhatthosedisordersmighthaveincommon?Andaboutmentalillness
ingeneral?
IputthisquestiontoTomInsel,theformerheadoftheNationalInstituteof
MentalHealth.“Itdoesn’tsurprisemeatall”thatthesametreatmentshould
showpromiseforsomanyindications.HepointsoutthattheDSM—the
DiagnosticandStatisticalManualofMentalDisorders,nowinitsfifthedition
—drawssomewhatarbitrarylinesbetweenmentaldisorders,linesthatshiftwith
eachnewedition.
“TheDSMcategorieswehavedon’treflectreality,”Inselsaid;theyexistfor
theconvenienceoftheinsuranceindustryasmuchasanythingelse.“There’s
muchmoreofacontinuumbetweenthesedisordersthantheDSMrecognizes.”
HepointstothefactthatSSRIs,whentheywork,areusefulfortreatingarange
ofconditionsbesidesdepression,includinganxietyandobsessive-compulsive
disorder,suggestingtheexistenceofsomecommonunderlyingmechanism.
AndrewSolomon,inhisbookTheNoondayDemon:AnAtlasofDepression,
tracesthelinksbetweenaddictionanddepression,whichfrequentlyco-occur,as
wellastheintimaterelationshipbetweendepressionandanxiety.Hequotesan
expertonanxietywhosuggestsweshouldthinkofthetwodisordersas
“fraternaltwins”:“Depressionisaresponsetopastloss,andanxietyisa
responsetofutureloss.”Bothreflectamindmiredinrumination,onedwelling
onthepast,theotherworryingaboutthefuture.Whatmainlydistinguishesthe
twodisordersistheirtense.
Ahandfulofresearchersinthementalhealthfieldseemtobegropingtoward
agrandunifiedtheoryofmentalillness,thoughtheywouldnotbesoarrogantas
tocallitthat.DavidKessler,thephysicianandformerheadoftheFDA,recently
publishedabookcalledCapture:UnravelingtheMysteryofMentalSuffering
thatmakesthecaseforsuchanapproach.“Capture”ishistermforthecommon
mechanismunderlyingaddiction,depression,anxiety,mania,andobsession;in
hisview,allthesedisordersinvolvelearnedhabitsofnegativethinkingand
behaviorthathijackourattentionandtrapusinloopsofself-reflection.“What
startedasapleasurebecomesaneed;whatwasonceabadmoodbecomes
continuousself-indictment;whatwasonceanannoyancebecomespersecution,”
inaprocesshedescribesasaformof“inverselearning.”“Everytimewe
respond[toastimulus],westrengthentheneuralcircuitrythatpromptsusto
repeat”thesamedestructivethoughtsorbehaviors.
Coulditbethatthescienceofpsychedelicshasacontributiontomaketothe
developmentofagrandunifiedtheoryofmentalillness—oratleastofsome
mentalillnesses?Mostoftheresearchersinthefield—fromRobinCarhart-
HarristoRolandGriffiths,MatthewJohnson,andJeffreyGuss—havebecome
convincedthatpsychedelicsoperateonsomehigher-ordermechanismsinthe
brainandmind,mechanismsthatmayunderlie,andhelpexplain,awidevariety
ofmentalandbehavioraldisorders,aswellas,perhaps,garden-variety
unhappiness.
Itcouldbeasstraightforwardasthenotionofa“mentalreboot”—Matt
Johnson’sbiologicalcontrol-alt-deletekey—thatjoltsthebrainoutof
destructivepatterns(suchasKesslers“capture”),affordinganopportunityfor
newpatternstotakeroot.Itcouldbethat,asFranzVollenweiderhas
hypothesized,psychedelicsenhanceneuroplasticity.Themyriadnew
connectionsthatspringupinthebrainduringthepsychedelicexperience,as
mappedbytheneuroimagingdoneatImperialCollege,andthedisintegrationof
well-traveledoldconnections,mayservesimplyto“shakethesnowglobe,”in
RobinCarhart-Harris’sphrase,apredicateforestablishingnewpathways.
MendelKaelen,aDutchpostdocintheImperiallab,proposesamore
extendedsnowmetaphor:“Thinkofthebrainasahillcoveredinsnow,and
thoughtsassledsglidingdownthathill.Asonesledafteranothergoesdownthe
hill,asmallnumberofmaintrailswillappearinthesnow.Andeverytimeanew
sledgoesdown,itwillbedrawnintothepreexistingtrails,almostlikea
magnet.”Thosemaintrailsrepresentthemostwell-traveledneuralconnections
inyourbrain,manyofthempassingthroughthedefaultmodenetwork.“Intime,
itbecomesmoreandmoredifficulttoglidedownthehillonanyotherpathorin
adifferentdirection.
“Thinkofpsychedelicsastemporarilyflatteningthesnow.Thedeeplyworn
trailsdisappear,andsuddenlythesledcangoinotherdirections,exploringnew
landscapesand,literally,creatingnewpathways.”Whenthesnowisfreshest,the
mindismostimpressionable,andtheslightestnudge—whetherfromasongor
anintentionoratherapist’ssuggestion—canpowerfullyinfluenceitsfuture
course.
RobinCarhart-Harris’stheoryoftheentropicbrainrepresentsapromising
elaborationonthisgeneralidea,andafirststabataunifiedtheoryofmental
illnessthathelpsexplainallthreeofthedisorderswe’veexaminedinthese
pages.Ahappybrainisasuppleandflexiblebrain,hebelieves;depression,
anxiety,obsession,andthecravingsofaddictionarehowitfeelstohaveabrain
thathasbecomeexcessivelyrigidorfixedinitspathwaysandlinkages—abrain
withmoreorderthanisgoodforit.Onthespectrumhelaysout(inhisentropic
brainarticle)rangingfromexcessiveordertoexcessiveentropy,depression,
addiction,anddisordersofobsessionallfallonthetoo-much-orderend.
(Psychosisisontheentropyendofthespectrum,whichiswhyitprobably
doesn’trespondtopsychedelictherapy.)
Thetherapeuticvalueofpsychedelics,inCarhart-Harris’sview,liesintheir
abilitytotemporarilyelevateentropyintheinflexiblebrain,joltingthesystem
outofitsdefaultpatterns.Carhart-Harrisusesthemetaphorofannealingfrom
metallurgy:psychedelicsintroduceenergyintothesystem,givingitthe
flexibilitynecessaryforittobendandsochange.TheHopkinsresearchersusea
similarmetaphortomakethesamepoint:psychedelictherapycreatesaninterval
ofmaximumplasticityinwhich,withproperguidance,newpatternsofthought
andbehaviorcanbelearned.
Allthesemetaphorsforbrainactivityarejustthat—metaphors—andnotthe
thingitself.Yettheneuroimagingoftrippingbrainsthat’sbeendoneatImperial
College(andthathassincebeenreplicatedinseveralotherlabsusingnotonly
psilocybinbutalsoLSDandayahuasca)hasidentifiedmeasurablechangesin
thebrainthatlendcredencetothesemetaphors.Inparticular,thechangesin
activityandconnectivityinthedefaultmodenetworkonpsychedelicssuggestit
maybepossibletolinkthefeltexperienceofcertaintypesofmentalsuffering
withsomethingobservable—andalterable—inthebrain.Ifthedefaultmode
networkdoeswhatneuroscientiststhinkitdoes,thenaninterventionthattargets
thatnetworkhasthepotentialtohelprelieveseveralformsofmentalillness,
includingthehandfulofdisorderspsychedelicresearchershavetrialedsofar.
SomanyofthevolunteersIspoketo,whetheramongthedying,theaddicted,
orthedepressed,describedfeelingmentally“stuck,”capturedinruminative
loopstheyfeltpowerlesstobreak.Theytalkedabout“prisonsoftheself,”
spiralsofobsessiveintrospectionthatwallthemofffromotherpeople,nature,
theirearlierselves,andthepresentmoment.Allthesethoughtsandfeelingsmay
betheproductsofanoveractivedefaultmodenetwork,thattightlylinkedsetof
brainstructuresimplicatedinrumination,self-referentialthought,and
metacognition—thinkingaboutthinking.Itstandstoreasonthatbyquietingthe
brainnetworkresponsibleforthinkingaboutourselves,andthinkingabout
thinkingaboutourselves,wemightbeabletojumpthattrack,oreraseitfrom
thesnow.
Thedefaultmodenetworkappearstobetheseatnotonlyoftheego,orself,
butofthementalfacultyoftimetravelaswell.Thetwoareofcourseclosely
related:withouttheabilitytorememberourpastandimagineafuture,thenotion
ofacoherentselfcouldhardlybesaidtoexist;wedefineourselveswith
referencetoourpersonalhistoryandfutureobjectives.(Asmeditatorseventually
discover,ifwecanmanagetostopthinkingaboutthepastorfutureandsinkinto
thepresent,theselfseemstodisappear.)Mentaltimetravelisconstantlytaking
usoffthefrontierofthepresentmoment.Thiscanbehighlyadaptive;itallows
ustolearnfromthepastandplanforthefuture.Butwhentimetravelturns
obsessive,itfostersthebackward-lookinggazeofdepressionandtheforward
pitchofanxiety.Addiction,too,seemstoinvolveuncontrollabletimetravel.The
addictuseshishabittoorganizetime:Whenwasthelasthit,andwhencanIget
thenext?
Tosaythedefaultmodenetworkistheseatoftheselfisnotasimple
proposition,especiallywhenyouconsiderthattheselfmaynotbeexactlyreal.
Yetwecansaythereisasetofmentaloperations,timetravelamongthem,that
areassociatedwiththeself.Thinkofitsimplyasthelocusofthisparticularset
ofmentalactivities,manyofwhichappeartohavetheirhomeinthestructures
ofthedefaultmodenetwork.
AnothertypeofmentalactivitythatneuroimaginghaslocatedintheDMN
(andspecificallyintheposteriorcingulatecortex)istheworkperformedbythe
so-calledautobiographicalorexperientialself:thementaloperationresponsible
forthenarrativesthatlinkourfirstpersontotheworld,andsohelpdefineus.
“ThisiswhoIam.”“Idon’tdeservetobeloved.”“I’mthekindofperson
withoutthewillpowertobreakthisaddiction.”Gettingoverlyattachedtothese
narratives,takingthemasfixedtruthsaboutourselvesratherthanasstories
subjecttorevision,contributesmightilytoaddiction,depression,andanxiety.
Psychedelictherapyseemstoweakenthegripofthesenarratives,perhapsby
temporarilydisintegratingthepartsofthedefaultmodenetworkwherethey
operate.
Andthenthereistheego,perhapsthemostformidablecreationofthedefault
modenetwork,whichstrivestodefendusfromthreatsbothinternaland
external.Whenallisworkingasitshouldbe,theegokeepstheorganismon
track,helpingittorealizeitsgoalsandprovideforitsneeds,notablyforsurvival
andreproduction.Itgetsthejobdone.Butitisalsofundamentallyconservative.
“Theegokeepsusinourgrooves,”asMattJohnsonputsit.Forbetterand,
sometimes,forworse.Foroccasionallytheegocanbecometyrannicalandturn
itsformidablepowersontherestofus.*Perhapsthisisthelinkbetweenthe
variousformsofmentalillnessthatpsychedelictherapyseemstohelpmost:all
involveadisorderedego—overbearing,punishing,ormisdirected.*
Inacollegecommencementaddresshedeliveredthreeyearsbeforehis
suicide,DavidFosterWallaceaskedhisaudienceto“thinkoftheoldcliché
about‘themindbeinganexcellentservantbutaterriblemaster.’This,likemany
clichés,solameandunexcitingonthesurface,actuallyexpressesagreatand
terribletruth,”hesaid.
“Itisnottheleastbitcoincidentalthatadultswhocommitsuicidewith
firearmsalmostalwaysshootthemselvesinthehead.Theyshoottheterrible
master.”
•••
OFALLTHEPHENOMENOLOGICALEFFECTSthatpeopleonpsychedelicsreport,the
dissolutionoftheegoseemstomebyfarthemostimportantandthemost
therapeutic.IfoundlittleconsensusonterminologyamongtheresearchersI
interviewed,butwhenIunpacktheirmetaphorsandvocabularies—whether
spiritual,humanistic,psychoanalytic,orneurological—itisfinallythelossof
egoorself(whatJungcalled“psychicdeath”)they’resuggestingisthekey
psychologicaldriveroftheexperience.Itisthisthatgivesusthemystical
experience,thedeathrehearsalprocess,theovervieweffect,thenotionofa
mentalreboot,themakingofnewmeanings,andtheexperienceofawe.
Considerthecaseofthemysticalexperience:thesenseoftranscendence,
sacredness,unitiveconsciousness,infinitude,andblissfulnesspeoplereportcan
allbeexplainedaswhatitcanfeelliketoamindwhenitssenseofbeing,or
having,aseparateselfissuddenlynomore.
Isitanywonderwewouldfeelonewiththeuniversewhentheboundaries
betweenselfandworldthattheegopatrolssuddenlyfallaway?Becauseweare
meaning-makingcreatures,ourmindsstrivetocomeupwithnewstoriesto
explainwhatishappeningtothemduringtheexperience.Someofthesestories
areboundtobesupernaturalor“spiritual,”ifonlybecausethephenomenaareso
extraordinarytheycan’tbeeasilyexplainedintermsofourusualconceptual
categories.Thepredictivebrainisgettingsomanyerrorsignalsthatitisforced
todevelopextravagantnewinterpretationsofanexperiencethattranscendsits
capacityforunderstanding.
Whetherthemostmagnificentofthesestoriesrepresentaregressionto
magicalthinking,asFreudbelieved,oraccesstotranspersonalrealmssuchas
the“MindatLarge,”asHuxleybelieved,isitselfamatterofinterpretation.Who
cansayforcertain?Yetitseemstomeverylikelythatlosingorshrinkingthe
selfwouldmakeanyonefeelmore“spiritual,”howeveryouchoosetodefinethe
word,andthatthisisapttomakeonefeelbetter.
Theusualantonymfortheword“spiritual”is“material.”Thatatleastiswhat
IbelievedwhenIbeganthisinquiry—thatthewholeissuewithspirituality
turnedonaquestionofmetaphysics.NowI’minclinedtothinkamuchbetter
andcertainlymoreusefulantonymfor“spiritual”mightbe“egotistical.”Self
andSpiritdefinetheoppositeendsofaspectrum,butthatspectrumneedn’t
reachcleartotheheavenstohavemeaningforus.Itcanstayrighthereonearth.
Whentheegodissolves,sodoesaboundedconceptionnotonlyofourselfbutof
ourself-interest.Whatemergesinitsplaceisinvariablyabroader,more
openheartedandaltruistic—thatis,morespiritual—ideaofwhatmattersinlife.
Oneinwhichanewsenseofconnection,orlove,howeverdefined,seemsto
figureprominently.
“Thepsychedelicjourneymaynotgiveyouwhatyouwant,”asmorethan
oneguidememorablywarnedme,“butitwillgiveyouwhatyouneed.”Iguess
that’sbeentrueforme.ItmighthavebeennothingliketheoneIsignedupfor,
butIcanseenowthatthejourneyhasbeenaspiritualeducationafterall.
Coda:GoingtoMeetMyDefaultModeNetwork
Igottheopportunity—anon-pharmacologicalopportunity—topeerintomyown
defaultmodenetworksoonafterIinterviewedJudsonBrewer,thepsychiatrist
andneuroscientistwhostudiesthebrainsofmeditators.ItwasBrewer,you’ll
recall,whodiscoveredthatthebrainsofexperiencedmeditatorslookmuchlike
thebrainsofpeopleonpsilocybin:thepracticeandthemedicineboth
dramaticallyreduceactivityinthedefaultmodenetwork.
BrewerinvitedmetovisithislabattheCenterforMindfulnessatthe
UniversityofMassachusettsmedicalschoolinWorcestertorunsome
experimentsonmyowndefaultmodenetwork.Hislabhasdevelopedaneural
feedbacktoolthatallowsresearchers(andtheirvolunteers)toobserveinreal
timetheactivityinoneofthekeybrainstructuresinthedefaultmodenetwork:
theposteriorcingulatecortex.
UntilnowIhavetriedtospareyouthenamesandfunctionsofspecificparts
ofbrainanatomy,butIdoneedtodescribethisoneinabitmoredetail.The
posteriorcingulatecortexisacentrallylocatednodewithinthedefaultmode
networkinvolvedinself-referentialmentalprocesses.Situatedinthemiddleof
thebrain,itlinkstheprefrontalcortex—siteofourexecutivefunction,wherewe
planandexercisewill—withthecentersofmemoryandemotioninthe
hippocampus.ThePCCisbelievedtobethelocusoftheexperientialor
narrativeself;itappearstogeneratethenarrativesthatlinkwhathappenstousto
ourabidingsenseofwhoweare.Brewerbelievesthatthisparticularoperation,
whenitgoesawry,isattherootofseveralformsofmentalsuffering,including
addiction.
AsBrewerexplainsit,activityinthePCCiscorrelatednotsomuchwithour
thoughtsandfeelingsaswith“howwerelatetoourthoughtsandfeelings.”Itis
whereweget“caughtupinthepushandpullofourexperience.”(Thishas
particularrelevancefortheaddict:“It’sonethingtohavecravings,”asBrewer
pointsout,“butquiteanothertogetcaughtupinyourcravings.”)Whenwetake
somethingthathappenstouspersonally?That’sthePCCdoingits(egotistical)
thing.TohearBrewerdescribeitistosuspectneurosciencemighthaveatlast
foundtheaddressforthe“Butenoughaboutyou”centerofthebrain.
Buddhistsbelievethatattachmentisattherootofallformsofmental
suffering;iftheneuroscienceisright,alotoftheseattachmentshavetheir
mooringinthePCC,wheretheyarenurturedandsustained.Brewerthinksthat
bydiminishingitsactivity,whetherbymeansofmeditationorpsychedelics,we
canlearn“tobewithourthoughtsandcravingswithoutgettingcaughtupin
them.”Achievingsuchadetachmentfromourthoughts,feelings,anddesiresis
whatBuddhism(alongwithseveralotherwisdomtraditions)teachesisthesurest
pathoutofhumansuffering.
Brewertookmeintoasmall,darkenedroomwhereacomfortablechairfaced
acomputermonitor.Oneofhislaboratoryassistantsbroughtinthecontraption:
aredrubberbathingcapwith128sensorsarrayedinadensegridacrossevery
centimeterofitssurface.Eachofthesensorswaslinkedtoacable.Afterthe
assistantcarefullyfittedthecapontomyskull,shesquirtedadabofconductive
gelbeneatheachofthe128electrodestoensurethefaintelectricalsignals
emanatingfromdeepwithinmybraincouldreadilytraversemyscalp.Brewer
tookapictureofmeonmyphone:Ihadsproutedagoofytangleofhigh-tech
dreadlocks.
TocalibrateabaselinelevelofactivityformyPCC,Brewerprojectedaseries
ofadjectivesonthescreen—“courageous,”“cheap,”“patriotic,”“impulsive,”
andsoon.SimplyreadingthelistdoesnothingtoactivatethePCC,whichis
whyhetoldmenowtothinkabouthowtheseadjectiveseitherappliedordidn’t
applytome.Takeitpersonally,inotherwords.Thisispreciselythethought
processthatthePCCexiststoperform,relatingthoughtsandexperiencestoour
senseofwhoweare.
Oncehehadestablishedabaseline,Brewer,fromanotherroom,ledme
throughaseriesofexercisestoseeifIcouldaltertheactivityofmyPCCby
thinkingdifferentkindsofthoughts.Atthecompletionofeach“run”—lastinga
fewminutes—hewouldprojectabargraphonthescreeninfrontofme;the
lengthofeachbarindicatestowhatextenttheactivityinmyPCChadexceeded
ordroppedbelowbaseline,inten-secondincrements.Icouldalsofollowtheups
anddownsofmyPCCactivitybylisteningtorisingandfallingtonesona
monitor,butIfoundthattoodistracting.
Ibeganbytryingtomeditate,somethingI’dgottenintothehabitofdoing
earlyinmyforayintothescienceandpracticeofpsychedelicconsciousness.A
briefdailymeditationhadbecomeawayformetostayintouchwiththekindof
thinkingI’ddoneonpsychedelics.Idiscoveredmytripshadmadeiteasierfor
metodropintoamentallyquietplace,somethingthatinthepasthadalways
eludedme.SoIclosedmyeyesandbegantofollowmybreath.Ihadnevertried
tomeditateinfrontofotherpeople,anditfeltawkward,butwhenBrewerput
thegraphuponthescreen,IcouldseethatIhadsucceededinquietingmyPCC
—notbyalot,butmostofthebarsdippedbelowbaseline.Yetthegraphwas
somewhatjagged,withseveralbarsleapingabovebaseline.Brewerexplained
thatthisiswhathappenswhenyou’retryingtoohardtomeditateandbecome
consciousoftheeffort.Thereitwasinblackandwhite:thegraphofmy
effortfulnessandself-criticism.
NextBreweraskedmetodoa“loving-kindness”meditation.Thisisone
whereyou’resupposedtocloseyoureyesandthinkwarmandcharitable
thoughtsaboutpeople:firstyourself,thenthoseclosesttoyou,andfinally
peopleyoudon’tknow—humanityatlarge.Thebarsdroppedsmartlybelow
baseline,deeperthanbefore:Iwasgoodatthis!(Aself-congratulatorythought
thatnodoubtshotabarskyward.)
Forthenextandlastrun,ItoldBrewerIhadanideaforamentalexerciseI
wantedtotrybutdidn’twanttotellhimwhatitwasuntilafterward.Iclosedmy
eyesandtriedtosummonscenesfrommypsychedelicjourneys.Theonethat
cametomindfirstwasanimageofapastorallandscape,agentlyrollingquiltof
fieldandforestandpond,directlyabovewhichhoveredsomekindofgigantic
rectangularframemadeofsteel.Thestructure,whichwasafewstoriestallbut
hollow,resembledapylonforelectricaltransmissionlinesorsomethingakid
mightbuildfromanErectorset—afavoritetoyofmychildhood.Anyway,by
theoddlogicofpsychedelicexperience,itwascleartomeeveninthemoment
thatthisstructurerepresentedmyego,andthelandscapeabovewhichitloomed
was,Ipresumed,therestofme.
Thedescriptionmakesitsoundasthoughthestructureweremenacing,
hoveringoverheadlikeaUFO,butinfacttheemotionaltoneoftheimagewas
mostlybenign.Thestructurehadrevealeditselfasemptyandsuperfluousand
hadlostitspurchaseontheground—onme.Thescenehadgivenmeakindof
overvieweffect:beholdyourego,sturdy,gray,empty,andfloatingfree,likean
untetheredpylon.Considerhowmuchmorebeautifulthescenewouldbewereit
notintheway.Thephrase“child’splay”loopedinmymind:thestructurewas
nothingmorethanatoythatachildcouldassembleanddisassembleatwill.
Duringthetripthestructurecontinuedtoloom,castinganintricateshadowover
thescene,butnowinmyrecollectionIcouldpictureitdriftingoff,leaving
me...tobe.
Whoknowswhatkindsofelectricalsignalswereleakingfrommydefault
modenetworkduringthisreverie,orforthatmatterwhattheimagesymbolized.
You’vereadthischapter:obviously,I’vebeengivingalotofthoughttotheego
anditsdiscontents.Herewassomeofthatthinkingrenderedstarklyvisible.I
hadsucceededindetachingmyselffrommyego,atleastimaginatively,
somethingIwouldneverhavethoughtpossiblebeforepsychedelics.Aren’twe
identicalwithourego?What’sleftofuswithoutit?Thelessonofboth
psychedelicsandmeditationisthesame:No!onthefirstcount,andMorethan
enoughonthesecond.Includingthislovelylandscapeofthemind,which
becamelovelierstillwhenIletthatridiculoussteelstructurefloataway,taking
itsshadowwithit.
Abeepindicatedtherunwasover.Brewersvoicecameontheloudspeaker:
“Whatintheworldwereyouthinking?”Apparently,I’ddroppedwaybelow
baseline.Itoldhim,ingeneralterms.Hesoundedexcitedbytheideathatthe
mererecollectionofapsychedelicexperiencemightsomehowreplicatewhat
happensinthebrainduringtherealthing.Maybethat’swhatwasgoingon.Or
maybeitwasthespecificcontentoftheimage,andthemerethoughtofbidding
adieutomyego,watchingitfloatawaylikeahot-airballoon,thathadthepower
tosilencemydefaultmodenetwork.
Brewerstartedspoutinghypotheses.Whichisreallyallthatsciencecanoffer
usatthispoint:hunches,theories,somanymoreexperimentstotry.Wehave
plentyofclues,andmorenowthanbeforetherenaissanceofpsychedelic
science,butweremainalongwayfromunderstandingexactlywhathappensto
consciousnesswhenwealterit,eitherwithamoleculeorwithmeditation.Yet
gazingatthebarsonthegraphbeforeme,thesecrudehieroglyphsof
psychedelicthought,IfeltasifIwerestandingontheedgeofawide-open
frontier,squintingtomakeoutsomethingwondrous.
EPILOGUE
InPraiseofNeuralDiversity
INAPRIL2017,theinternationalpsychedeliccommunitygatheredintheOakland
ConventionCenterforPsychedelicScience,anevery-few-years-or-soevent
organizedbyMAPS,theMultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelicStudies,
thenonprofitestablishedbyRickDoblinin1986withtheimprobablegoalof
returningpsychedelicstoscientificandculturalrespectability.In2016,Doblin
himselfseemedstunnedathowfarandfastthingshadcomeandhowcloseto
handvictorynowseemed.Earlierintheyear,theFDAhadapprovedphase3
trialsofMDMA,andpsilocybinwasnotfarbehind.Iftheresultsofthesetrials
comeanywherenearthoseofphase2,thegovernmentwillpresumablyhaveto
reschedulethetwodrugs,andthendoctorswillbeabletoprescribethem.“We
arenotthecounterculture,”Doblintoldareporterduringtheconference.“We
aretheculture.”
Whathadbeenasrecentlyas2010amodestgatheringofpsychonautsanda
handfulofrenegaderesearcherswasnowasix-dayconvention-cum-conference
thathaddrawnmorethanthreethousandpeoplefromallovertheworldtohear
researchersfromtwenty-fivecountriespresenttheirfindings.Notthatthere
weren’talsoplentyofpsychonautsandlegionsofthepsychedelicallycurious.
Betweenthelecturesandpanelsandplenaries,theybrowsedasprawling
marketplaceofferingpsychedelicbooks,psychedelicartwork,andpsychedelic
music.
Forme,theeventturnedouttobeakindofreunion,bringingtogethermost
ofthecharactersinmystoryunderoneroof.Iwasabletocatchupwithvirtually
allthescientistsI’dinterviewed(thoughRobinCarhart-Harris,withababyon
theway,hadtoskip),aswellasseveraloftheundergroundguideswithwhom
I’dworked.
Everyone,itseemed,washere,scientistsrubbingshoulderswithguidesand
shamans,veteranpsychonauts,alargecontingentoftherapistseagertoadd
psychedelicstotheirpractice,plusfundersandfilmmakersandevena
smatteringofentrepreneurssniffingoutbusinessopportunities.AndalthoughI
pickedupsnippetsofconcernaboutthenewattorneygeneral’seffortsto
rekindlethedrugwar,onthewholethemoodwasunmistakablycelebratory.
WhenIaskedconferencegoerswhichsessiontheydeemedmostmemorable,
almostinvariablytheymentionedtheplenarypanelcalled“Futureof
PsychedelicPsychiatry.”Whatwasmostnoteworthyaboutthispanelwasthe
identityofthepanelists,which,atapsychedelicconvention,wascausefor
cognitivedissonance.HerewasPaulSummergrad,MD,theformerheadofthe
AmericanPsychiatricAssociation,seatednexttoTomInsel,MD,theformer
headoftheNationalInstituteofMentalHealth.Thepanelwasorganizedand
moderatedbyGeorgeGoldsmith,anAmericanentrepreneurandhealthindustry
consultantbasedinLondon.Inthelastseveralyears,heandhiswife,Ekaterina
Malievskaia,aRussian-bornphysician,havedevotedtheirconsiderableenergy
andresourcestowinningapprovalforpsilocybin-assistedtherapyinthe
EuropeanUnion.
Itwascleartoeveryoneinthestanding-roomcrowdexactlywhatthethree
menonthepanelrepresented:therecognitionofpsychedelictherapybythe
mentalhealthestablishment.Inselspokeofhowpoorlytherecordofmental
healthcarestacksupagainsttheachievementsoftherestofmedicine.He
pointedoutthatithasfailedtolowermortalityfromseriouspsychiatricdisorders
andspokeofthepromiseofnewmodelsofmentalhealthtreatmentsuchas
psychedelictherapy.“I’mreallyimpressedbytheapproachhere,”hetoldthe
group.“Peopledon’tsay,simply,we’regonnagivepsychedelics.Theytalk
about‘psychedelic-assistedpsychotherapy.’...Ithinkit’sareallynovel
approach.”Inseltemperedhisenthusiasm,however,bynotingthatsuchanovel
paradigmmaybedevilregulatorsaccustomedtoevaluatingnewdrugsin
isolation.
GeorgeGoldsmithaskedbothmenwhatadvicetheywouldgivetothe
researchersintheroom,menandwomenwhohavebeenworkingdiligentlyfor
yearstobringpsychedelictherapytopatients.Withouthesitating,Inselturnedto
theaudienceandsaid,“Don’tscrewitup!”
“Theremaybelotsofpromisehere,”Inselsaid,“butit’sreallyeasytoforget
aboutissuesrelatedtosafety,issuesrelatedtorigor,issuesrelatedtoreputational
risks.”Hesuggestedthatpsychedelicswouldprobablyneedtoberebrandedin
thepublicmindandthatitwouldbeessentialtosteerclearofanythingthat
smackedof“recreationaluse.”HeandSummergradbothwarnedthatasingle
sloppyresearcher,orapatientwithadisastrousexperience,couldpoisonthe
wellforeverybody.NobodyneededtomentionthenameTimothyLeary.
•••
HOWCLOSEAREWEtoaworldinwhichpsychedelictherapyissanctionedand
routine,andwhatwouldsuchaworldlooklike?BobJessewasintheaudience
whentheformerheadofNIMHtookhisswipeagainst“recreationaluse,”and
thoughIdidn’tseeit,Icanpicturehisgrimace.Andwhatexactlyiswrongwith
re-creatingourselves?BobJesseworriesthatthe“medicalization”of
psychedelicsthesemenwereadvocatingastheonetruepathwouldbeamistake.
Notthatmedicalizationwillbeeasy.Severalsteepregulatoryhurdleswill
firstneedtobeovercome.Phase3trialsinvolvemultiplesitesandhundredsof
volunteers;theycancosttensofmillionsofdollars.NormallyBigPharmafoots
thebillforsuchtrials,butthusfarthepharmaceuticalcompanieshaveshown
scantinterestinpsychedelics.Foronething,thisclassofdrugsoffersthemlittle
ifanyintellectualproperty:psilocybinisaproductofnature,andthepatenton
LSDexpireddecadesago.Foranother,BigPharmamostlyinvestsindrugsfor
chronicconditions,thepillsyouhavetotakeeveryday.Whywoulditinvestina
pillpatientsmightonlyneedtotakeonceinalifetime?
Psychiatryfacesasimilardilemma:ittooisweddedtointerminable
therapies,whetherthatmeansthedailyantidepressantortheweekly
psychotherapysession.Itistruethatapsychedelicsessionlastsseveralhours
andusuallyrequirestwotherapistsbepresentfortheduration,butifthetherapy
worksasit’ssupposedto,therewon’tbealotofrepeatbusiness.It’snotatall
clearwhatthebusinessmodelmightbe.Yet.
SeveraloftheresearchersandtherapistsI’veinterviewedneverthelesslook
forwardtoatime,notfaroff,whenpsychedelictherapyisroutineandwidely
available,intheformofanovelhybridofpharmacologyandpsychotherapy.
GeorgeGoldsmithenvisionsanetworkofpsychedelictreatmentcenters,
facilitiesinattractivenaturalsettingswherepatientswillgofortheirguided
sessions.HehasformedacompanycalledCompassPathwaystobuildthese
centersinthebelieftheycanofferatreatmentforarangeofmentalillnesses
sufficientlyeffectiveandeconomicalthatEurope’snationalhealthserviceswill
reimburseforthem.Goldsmithhassofarraisedthreemillionpoundstofundand
organizepsilocybintrials(startingwithtreatment-resistantdepression)at
multiplesitesinEurope.AlreadyheisworkingwithdesignersatIDEO,the
internationaldesignfirm,toredesigntheentireexperienceofpsychedelic
therapy.PaulSummergradandTomInselhavebothjoinedhisadvisoryboard.
KatherineMacLean,theformerHopkinsresearcherwhowrotethelandmark
paperonopenness,hopessomedaytoestablisha“psychedelichospice,”aretreat
centersomewhereoutinnaturewherenotonlythedyingbuttheirlovedones
canusepsychedelicstohelpthemletgo—thepatientandthelovedonesboth.
“Ifwelimitpsychedelicsjusttothepatient,”sheexplains,“we’restickingto
theoldmedicalmodel.Butpsychedelicsaremoreradicalthanthat.Igetnervous
whenpeoplesaytheyshouldonlybeprescribedbyadoctor.Iimagineabroader
application.”
InMacLean’swordsit’seasytohearechoesofthe1960sexperiencewith
psychedelics—theexcitementabouttheirpotentialtohelpnotonlythesickbut
everyoneelsetoo.Thiskindofthinking—ortalking—makessomeofher
mainstreamcolleaguesnervous.It’sexactlythekindoftalkthatInseland
Summergradwerewarningthecommunityagainst.Goodluckwiththat.
“Thebettermentofwellpeople”isverymuchonthemindsofmostofthe
researchersIinterviewed,evenifsomeofthemweremorereluctanttodiscussit
ontherecordthaninstitutionaloutsiderslikeBobJesseandRickDoblinand
KatherineMacLean.Forthem,medicalacceptanceisafirststeptowardamuch
broaderculturalacceptance—outrightlegalization,inDoblin’sview,or
somethingmorecarefullycontrolledinMacLean’sandJesse’s.Jessewouldlike
toseethedrugsadministeredbytrainedguidesworkinginwhathecalls
“longitudinalmultigenerationalcontexts,”which,ashedescribesthem,sounda
lotlikechurches.(Thinkofthechurchesthatuseayahuascainaritualcontext,
administeredbyexperiencedeldersinagroupsetting.)Othersenvisionatime
whenpeopleseekingapsychedelicexperience—whetherforreasonsofmental
healthorspiritualseekingorsimplecuriosity—couldgo,veryoccasionally,to
somethinglikea“mentalhealthclub,”asJulieHolland,apsychiatristwhoused
toworkwithStephenRossatBellevue,describedit.“Sortoflikeacross
betweenaspa/retreatandagym,wherepeoplecanexperiencepsychedelicsina
safe,supportiveenvironment.”*
Everyonespeaksoftheimportanceofwell-trainedpsychedelicguides
—“boardcertified”—andtheneedtohelppeopleafterwardintegratethe
powerfulexperiencestheyhavehadinordertomakesenseofthemandrender
themtrulyuseful.TonyBossisparaphrasesthereligiousscholar(andGood
FridayExperimentvolunteer)HustonSmithonthispoint:“Aspiritual
experiencedoesnotbyitselfmakeaspirituallife.”Integrationisessentialto
makingsenseoftheexperience,whetherinoroutofthemedicalcontext.Orelse
itremainsjustadrugexperience.
Asfortheguidesthemselves,theyarealreadybeingtrainedandcertified:late
in2016,theCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudiesgraduateditsfirstclassof
forty-twopsychedelictherapists.(Thisisadevelopmentthatworriessomeinthe
underground,whofearbeingleftbehindwhenpsychedelictherapyis
legitimized.Yetit’shardtoimaginesuchexperiencedandhighlyskilled
practitionerswon’tcontinuetofindclients,especiallyamongthewell.)
WhenIaskedRickDoblinifheworriesaboutanotherbacklash,hepointed
outthatourculturehascomealongwayfromthe1960sandhasshowna
remarkableabilitytodigestagreatmanyoftheculturalnoveltiesfirstcookedup
duringthatera.
“Thatwasaverydifferenttime.Peoplewouldn’teventalkaboutcanceror
deaththen.Womenweretranquilizedtogivebirth;menweren’tallowedinthe
deliveryroom!Yogaandmeditationweretotallyweird.Nowmindfulnessis
mainstreamandeveryonedoesyoga,andtherearebirthingcentersandhospices
allover.We’veintegratedallthesethingsintoourculture.AndnowIthink
we’rereadytointegratepsychedelics.”
Doblinpointsoutthatmanyofthepeoplenowinchargeofourinstitutions
areofagenerationwellacquaintedwiththesemolecules.This,hesuggests,is
thetruelegacyofTimothyLeary.It’sallwellandgoodfortoday’sresearchersto
disdainhis“antics”andblamehimforderailingthefirstwaveofresearch,and
yet,asDoblinpointsoutwithasmile,“therewouldbenosecondwaveifLeary
hadn’tturnedonawholegeneration.”Indeed.ConsiderthecaseofPaul
Summergrad,whohasspokenpubliclyofhisownyouthfuluseofpsychedelics.
InavideotapedinterviewwithRamDassthatwasshownatthe2015meetingof
theAmericanPsychiatricAssociation,hetoldhiscolleaguesthatanacidtriphe
tookincollegehadbeenformativeinhisintellectualdevelopment.(Jeffrey
Lieberman,anotherpastpresidentoftheAmericanPsychiatricAssociation,has
alsowrittenoftheinsightsgleanedfromhisyouthfulexperimentswithLSD.*)
Andyet,andyet...AsmuchasIwanttobelieveDoblin’ssunnyforecast,
it’snothardtoimaginethingseasilygoingofftherails.TonyBossisagrees,as
muchashehopesthatpsychedelicswillsomedayberoutineinpalliativecare.
“Wedon’tdiewellinAmerica.Askpeoplewheredoyouwanttodie,and
theywilltellyou,athomewiththeirlovedones.ButmostofusdieinanICU.
ThebiggesttabooinAmericaistheconversationaboutdeath.Sure,it’sgotten
better;nowwehavehospices,whichdidn’texistnotsolongago.Buttoa
doctor,it’sstillaninsulttoletapatientgo.”Inhisview,psychedelicshavethe
potentialnotonlytoopenupthatdifficultconversationbuttochangethe
experienceofdyingitself.Ifthemedicalcommunitywillembracethem.
“Thisculturehasafearofdeath,afearoftranscendence,andafearofthe
unknown,allofwhichareembodiedinthiswork.”Psychedelicsmaybytheir
verynaturebetoodisruptiveforourinstitutionsevertoembracethem.
Institutionsgenerallyliketomediatetheindividual’saccesstoauthorityof
whateverkind—whethermedicalorspiritual—whereasthepsychedelic
experienceofferssomethingakintodirectrevelation,makingitinherently
antinomian.Andyetsomecultureshavesuccessfullydevisedritualformsto
containandharnesstheDionysianenergiesofpsychedelics;thinkofthe
EleusinianmysteriesofancientGreeceortheshamanicceremoniessurrounding
peyoteorayahuascaintheAmericastoday.Itisnotimpossible.
ThefirsttimeIraisedJesse’sideaofthebettermentofwellpeoplewith
RolandGriffiths,heseemedtosquirmabitinhischairandthenchosehiswords
withcare.“Culturallyrightnow,thatisadangerousideatopromote.”Andyet,
aswe’vetalked,nowoverthecourseofthreeyears,it’sbecomeclearthathetoo
feelsthatmanyofus,andnotjustthosedealingwithcancerordepressionor
addiction,standtobenefitfromtheseremarkablemoleculesand,evenmore,
fromthespiritualexperiencestowhichhebelieves—indeed,hisresearchhas
demonstrated—theycanopenadoor.
“We’realldealingwithdeath,”ashetoldmethefirsttimewemet.“Thisis
fartoovaluabletolimittosickpeople.”Acarefulman,mindfulofthepolitical
landminesthatmayyetlieahead,Griffithsamendedthatlastsentencejust
slightly,recastitinthefuturetense:“Thiswillbefartoovaluabletolimittosick
people.”
•••
I,FORONE,sincerelyhopethatthekindsofexperiencesI’vehadonpsychedelics
willnotbelimitedtosickpeopleandwillsomedaybecomemorewidely
available.DoesthatmeanIthinkthesedrugsshouldsimplybelegalized?Not
exactly.ItistrueIhadaverypositiveexperienceusingpsilocybin
“recreationally”—onmyown,thatis,withoutthesupportofaguide—andfor
somepeoplethismightbefine.Butsoonerorlater,itseems,everyonehasatrip
forwhich“bad”isfartoopallidamodifier.Iwouldhatetobealonewhenthat
happens.Forme,workingone-on-onewithanexperiencedguideinasafeplace
removedfrommyeverydaylifeturnedouttobetheidealwaytoexplore
psychedelics.Yetthereareotherwaystostructurethepsychedelicjourney—to
provideasafecontainerforitspotentiallyoverwhelmingenergies.Ayahuasca
andpeyotearetypicallyusedinagroup,withtheleader,oftenbutnot
necessarilyashaman,actinginasupervisoryroleandhelpingpeopletonavigate
andinterprettheirexperiences.Butwhetherindividuallyorinagroup,the
presenceofsomeonewithtrainingandexperiencewhocan“holdthespace”—to
usethathoaryNewAgelocution—ismoremeaningfulandcomfortingthanI
wouldhaveimagined.
NotonlydidmyguidescreateasettinginwhichIfeltsafeenoughto
surrendertothepsychedelicexperience,buttheyalsohelpedmetomakesense
ofitafterward.Justasimportant,theyhelpedmetoseetherewassomething
hereworthmakingsenseof.Thisisbynomeansself-evident.Itisalltooeasyto
dismisswhatunfoldsinourmindsduringapsychedelicjourneyassimplya
“drugexperience,”andthatispreciselywhatourcultureencouragesustodo.
MattJohnsonmadethispointthefirsttimewespoke:“Let’ssayyouhavesome
nineteen-year-oldstakingmushroomsataparty.Oneofthemhasaprofound
experience.He’scometounderstandwhatGodis,orhisconnectiontothe
universe.Whatdohisfriendssay?‘Oh,man,youhadtoomuchlastnight!No
moremushroomsforyou!’
“‘Wereyoudrinkingorondrugs?’iswhatourculturesayswhenyouhavea
powerfulexperience.”
Yetevenamoment’sreflectiontellsyouthatattributingthecontentofthe
psychedelicexperienceto“drugs”explainsvirtuallynothingaboutit.The
imagesandthenarrativesandtheinsightsdon’tcomefromnowhere,andthey
certainlydon’tcomefromachemical.Theycomefrominsideourminds,*andat
theveryleasthavesomethingtotellusaboutthat.Ifdreamsandfantasiesand
freeassociationsareworthinterpreting,thensurelysoisthemorevividand
detailedmaterialwithwhichthepsychedelicjourneypresentsus.Itopensanew
dooronone’smind.
Andaboutthatmypsychedelicjourneyshavetaughtmeagreatmany
interestingthings.Manyofthesewerethekindsofthingsonemightlearninthe
courseofpsychotherapy:insightsintoimportantrelationships;theoutlinesof
fearsanddesiresordinarilykeptoutofview;repressedmemoriesandemotions;
and,perhapsmostinterestinganduseful,anewperspectiveonhowone’smind
works.
This,Ithink,isthegreatvalueofexploringnon-ordinarystatesof
consciousness:thelighttheyreflectbackontheordinaryones,whichnolonger
seemquitesotransparentorsoordinary.Torealize,asWilliamJamesconcluded,
thatnormalwakingconsciousnessisbutoneofmanypotentialformsof
consciousness—waysofperceivingorconstructingtheworld—separatedfromit
bymerely“thefilmiestofscreens,”istorecognizethatouraccountofreality,
whetherinwardoroutward,isincompleteatbest.Normalwakingconsciousness
mightseemtoofferafaithfulmaptotheterritoryofreality,anditisgoodfor
manythings,butitisonlyamap—andnottheonlymap.Astowhytheseother
modesofconsciousnessexist,wecanonlyspeculate.Mostofthetime,itis
normalwakingconsciousnessthatbestservestheinterestsofsurvival—andis
mostadaptive.Buttherearemomentsinthelifeofanindividualoracommunity
whentheimaginativenoveltiesproposedbyalteredstatesofconsciousness
introduceexactlythesortofvariationthatcansendalife,oraculture,downa
newpath.
Forme,themomentIrecognizedthetenuousnessandrelativityofmyown
defaultconsciousnesscamethatafternoononFritz’smountaintop,whenhe
taughtmehowtoenteratrancestatebymeansofnothingmorethanapatternof
rapidbreathingandthesoundsofrhythmicdrumming.Whereintheworldhas
thatbeenallmylife?ThisisnothingFreudoranynumberofpsychologistsand
behavioraleconomistshaven’ttoldus,buttheideathat“normal”consciousness
isbutthetipofalargeandlargelyunchartedpsychicicebergisnowforme
somethingmorethanatheory;thehiddenvastnessofthemindisafeltreality.
Idon’tmeantosuggestIhaveachievedthisstateofego-transcending
awareness,onlytastedit.Theseexperiencesdon’tlast,oratleasttheydidn’tfor
me.Aftereachofmypsychedelicsessionscameaperiodofseveralweeksin
whichIfeltnoticeablydifferent—morepresenttothemoment,muchless
inclinedtodwellonwhat’snext.Iwasalsonotablymoreemotionaland
surprisedmyselfonseveraloccasionsbyhowlittleittooktomakemetearupor
smile.Ifoundmyselfthinkingaboutthingslikedeathandtimeandinfinity,but
lessinangstthaninwonder.(Ispentanunreasonableamountoftimereflecting
onhowimprobableandfortunateitistobelivinghereandnowatthefrontierof
twoeternitiesofnonexistence.)Allatonceandunexpectedly,wavesof
compassionorwonderorpitywouldwashoverme.
ThiswasawayofbeingItreasured,but,alas,everytimeiteventuallyfaded.
It’sdifficultnottoslipbackintothefamiliargroovesofmentalhabit;theyareso
wellworn;thetidalpullofwhattheBuddhistscallour“habitenergies”is
difficulttowithstand.Addtothistheexpectationsofotherpeople,whichsubtly
enforceacertainwayofbeingyourself,nomatterhowmuchyoumightwantto
attemptanother.Afteramonthorso,itwasprettymuchbacktobaseline.
Butnotquite,notcompletely.FormuchlikethedepressedpatientsI
interviewedinLondon,whodescribedbeingnourishedandeveninspiredby
theirfurloughsfromthecageofdepression,theexperienceofsomeotherwayof
beingintheworldsurvivesinmemory,asapossibilityandadestination.
Forme,thepsychedelicexperienceopenedadoortoaspecificmodeof
consciousnessthatIcannowoccasionallyrecaptureinmeditation.I’mspeaking
ofacertaincognitivespacethatopensuplateinatriporinthemidstofamild
one,aspacewhereyoucanentertainallsortsofthoughtsandscenarioswithout
reachingforanykindofresolution.Itsomewhatresembleshypnagogic
consciousness,thatliminalstateperchedontheedgeofsleepwhenallkindsof
imagesandscrapsofstorybrieflysurfacebeforefloatingaway.Butthisis
sustained,andwhatcomesupcanbeclearlyrecalled.Andthoughtheimages
andideasthatappeararenotunderyourdirectcontrol,butratherseemtobe
arrivinganddepartingoftheirownaccord,youcanlaunchatopicorchangeit,
likeachannel.Theegoisnotentirelyabsent—youhaven’tbeenblastedinto
particles,orhavereturnedfromthatparticularstate—butthestreamof
consciousnessistakingitsowndesultorycourse,andyouarebobbingand
driftingalongwithit,lookingneitherforwardnorback,immersedinthecurrents
ofbeingratherthandoing.Andyetacertainkindofmentalworkisgetting
done,andoccasionallyIhaveemergedfromthestatewithusableideas,images,
ormetaphors.*
Mypsychedelicadventuresfamiliarizedmewiththismentalterritory,and,
sometimes,notalways,IfindIcanreturntoitduringmydailymeditation.I
don’tknowifthisisexactlywhereI’msupposedtobewhenI’mmeditating,but
I’malwayshappytofindmyselffloatinginthisparticularmentalstream.I
wouldneverhavefounditifnotforpsychedelics.Thisstrikesmeasoneofthe
greatgiftsoftheexperiencetheyafford:theexpansionofone’srepertoireof
consciousstates.
Justbecausethepsychedelicjourneytakesplaceentirelyinone’smind
doesn’tmeanitisn’treal.Itisanexperienceand,forsomeofus,oneofthemost
profoundapersoncanhave.Assuch,ittakesitsplaceasafeatureinthe
landscapeofalife.Itcanserveasareferencepoint,aguidepost,awellspring,
and,forsome,akindofspiritualsignorshrine.Forme,theexperienceshave
becomelandmarkstocirclearoundandinterrogateformeaning—meanings
aboutmyself,obviously,butalsoabouttheworld.Severaloftheimagesthat
appearedinthecourseofmytripsIthinkaboutallthetime,hopingtounwrap
whatfeelslikeagiftofmeaning—fromwhereorwhatorwhom,Icannotsay.
Therewasthatsteelpylonhoveringoverthelandscapeofself.Ortheimageof
mygrandfathersskullstaringbackatmeinMary’smirror.Themajesticbut
nowhollowed-outtreesinwhichmyparentsappearedtome,liabletotopplein
thenextwindstorm.OrtheinkywellofYo-YoMa’scello,resonatingwith
Bach’swarmembraceofdeath.ButthereisoneotherimageIhaven’tshared
thatIkeepthinkingmustcontainsomeimportantteaching,evenasitcontinues
tomystifyme.
Mylastpsychedelicjourneywasonayahuasca.Iwasinvitedtojoinacircle
ofwomenwhogathereverythreeorfourmonthstoworkwithalegendary
guide,awomaninhereightieswhohadtrainedunderLeoZeff.(Sheinturnhad
trainedMary,thewomanwhoguidedmypsilocybinjourney.)Thisjourneywas
differentfromtheothersinthatittookplaceinthecompanyofadozenother
travelers,allofthemstrangerstome.Befittingthisparticularpsychedelic,which
isateabrewedfromtwoAmazonianplants(oneavine,theotheraleaf),there
wasaconsiderableamountofceremonyintheshamanicmode:thesingingof
traditionalicaros,prayersandinvocationsto“thegrandmother”(a.k.a.the“plant
teacher”orayahuasca),bellsandrattlesandshakapas,andtheblowingonusof
variousscentsandsmokes.Allofwhichcontributedtoamoodofdeepmystery
andasuspensionofdisbeliefthatwasespeciallywelcome,inasmuchaswewere
inayogastudioalongwayfromanyjungle.
Ashasbeenthecasewithallofmyjourneys,thenightbeforehadbeen
sleepless,aspartofmeworkedtoconvincetherestofmenottodothiscrazy
thing.Thatpartwasofcoursemyego,whichbeforeeverytriphasfoughtthe
threattoitsintegritywithferocityandingenuity,plantingdoubtsandscenarios
ofdisasterIhadtroublebattingaway.Whataboutyourheart,pal?Youcould
die!Whatifyouloseyourlunchor,evenworse,yourshit?!Andwhatif“the
grandmother”dredgesupsomechildhoodtrauma?Doyoureallywanttoloseit
amongthesestrangers?Thesewomen?(Partofthepoweroftheegoflowsfrom
itscommandofone’srationalfaculties.)BythetimeIarrivedforthecircle,I
wasanervouswreck,assailedbysecondandthirdthoughtsastothewisdomof
whatIwasabouttodo.
But,ashashappenedeverytime,assoonasIswallowedthemedicineand
slippedpastthepointofnoreturn,thevoiceofdoubtwentquietandI
surrenderedtowhateverwasinstore.Whichwasnotunlikemyother
psychedelicexperiences,withacoupleofnotableexceptions.Perhapsbecause
thetea,whichwasviscousandacridandunexpectedlysweet,makesitsalien
presencefeltinyourstomachandintestines,ayahuascaisamorebodily
experiencethansomeotherpsychedelics.Ididnotgetsick,butIwasverymuch
awareofthethickbrewmovingthroughmeand,astheeffectoftheDMT
(ayahuasca’sactiveingredient)cameon,imagineditasavinewindingitsway
throughthecurlsandconvolutionsofmyintestines,occupyingmybodybefore
slowlyworkingitssnakelikewayuptoandintomyhead.
Therefollowedagreatmanymemoriesandimages,somehorrifying,others
magnificent,butIwanttodescribeoneinparticularbecause,althoughIdon’t
completelyunderstandit,itcapturessomethingthatpsychedelicshavetaught
me,somethingimportant.
Becausetherewasstillsomelightintheroomwhentheceremonybegan,we
wereallwearingeyemasks,andminefeltalittletightaroundmyhead.Earlyin
thejourney,Ibecameawareoftheblackstrapscirclingmyskull,andthese
morphedintobars.Myheadwascagedinsteel.Thebarsthenbegantomultiply,
movingdownfrommyheadtoencirclemytorsoandthenmylegs.Iwasnow
trappedheadtotoeinablacksteelcage.Ipressedagainstthebars,buttheywere
unyielding.Therewasnowayout.PanicwasbuildingwhenInoticedthegreen
tipofavineatthebaseofthecage.Itwasgrowingsteadilyupwardandthen
turning,sinuously,toslipoutbetweentwoofthebars,freeingitselfandatthe
sametimereachingtowardthelight.“Aplantcan’tbecaged,”Iheardmyself
thinking.“Onlyananimalcanbecaged.”
Ican’ttellyouwhatthismeans,ifanything.Wastheplantshowingmeaway
out?Perhaps,butit’snotasifIcouldactuallyfollowit;Iamananimal,afterall.
Yetitseemedtheplantwastryingtoteachmesomething,thatitwasproposinga
kindofvisualkoanformetounpack,andIhavebeenturningitoverinmymind
eversince.Maybeitwasalessonaboutthefollyofapproachinganobstacle
head-on,thatsometimestheanswerisnottheapplicationofforcebutrather
changingthetermsoftheprobleminsuchawaythatitlosesitsdominion
withoutactuallycrumbling.Itfeltlikesomekindofjujitsu.Becausethevine
wasn’tjustescapingtheconfinesofthecage,itwasusingthestructureto
improveitssituation,climbinghighertogathermorelightforitself.
Ormaybethelessonwasmoreuniversal,somethingaboutplantsthemselves
andhowweunderestimatethem.Myplantteacher,asIbegantothinkofthe
vine,wastryingtotellmesomethingaboutitselfandthegreenkingdomit
represents,akingdomthathasalwaysfiguredlargelyinmyworkandmy
imagination.ThatplantsareintelligentIhavebelievedforalongtime—not
necessarilyinthewaywethinkofintelligence,butinawayappropriateto
themselves.Wecandomanythingsplantscan’t,yettheycandoallsortsof
thingswecan’t—escapingfromsteelcages,forexample,oreatingsunlight.If
youdefineintelligenceastheabilitytosolvethenovelproblemsrealitythrows
attheliving,plantssurelyhaveit.Theyalsopossessagency,anawarenessof
theirenvironment,andakindofsubjectivity—asetofintereststheypursueand
soapointofview.ButthoughtheseareallideasIhavelongbelievedandam
happytodefend,neverbeforehaveIfeltthemtobetrue,tobeasdeeplyrooted
asIdidaftermypsychedelicjourneys.
Theun-cageablevineremindedmeofthatfirstpsilocybintrip,whenIfeltthe
leavesandplantsinthegardenreturningmygaze.Oneofthegiftsof
psychedelicsisthewaytheyreanimatetheworld,asiftheyweredistributingthe
blessingsofconsciousnessmorewidelyandevenlyoverthelandscape,inthe
processbreakingthehumanmonopolyonsubjectivitythatwemodernstakeasa
given.Tous,wearetheworld’sonlyconscioussubjects,withtherestofcreation
madeupofobjects;tothemoreegotisticalamongus,evenotherpeoplecountas
objects.Psychedelicconsciousnessoverturnsthatview,bygrantingusawider,
moregenerouslensthroughwhichwecanglimpsethesubject-hood—thespirit!
—ofeverything,animal,vegetable,evenmineral,allofitnowsomehow
returningourgaze.Spirits,itseems,areeverywhere.Newraysofrelationappear
betweenusandalltheworld’sOthers.
Eveninthecaseoftheminerals,modernphysics(forgetpsychedelics!)gives
usreasontowonderifperhapssomeformofconsciousnessmightnotfigurein
theconstructionofreality.Quantummechanicsholdsthatmattermaynotbeas
innocentofmindasthematerialistwouldhaveusbelieve.Forexample,a
subatomicparticlecanexistsimultaneouslyinmultiplelocations,ispure
possibility,untilitismeasured—thatis,perceivedbyamind.Onlythenandnot
amomentsoonerdoesitdropintorealityasweknowit:acquirefixed
coordinatesintimeandspace.Theimplicationhereisthatmattermightnotexist
assuchintheabsenceofaperceivingsubject.Needlesstosay,thisraisessome
trickyquestionsforamaterialistunderstandingofconsciousness.Theground
underfootmaybemuchlesssolidthanwethink.
Thisistheviewofquantumphysics,notsomepsychonaut—thoughitisa
verypsychedelictheory.Imentionitonlybecauseitlendssomeoftheauthority
ofsciencetospeculationsthatwouldotherwisesoundutterlylunatic.Istilltend
tothinkthatconsciousnessmustbeconfinedtobrains,butIamlesscertainof
thisbeliefnowthanIwasbeforeIembarkedonthisjourney.Maybeittoohas
slippedoutfrombetweenthebarsofthatcage.Mysteriesabide.ButthisIcan
saywithcertainty:themindisvaster,andtheworldeversomuchmorealive,
thanIknewwhenIbegan.
Glossary
activeplacebo:Atypeofplacebousedindrugtrialstofoolthevolunteerintothinkinghehasreceived
thepsychoactivedrugbeingtested.Inthepsilocybintrials,researchershaveusedniacin,whichproducesa
tinglingsensation,andmethylphenidate(Ritalin),whichisastimulant.
ayahuasca:ApsychedelicteamadefromacombinationofplantsnativetotheAmazonbasin,typically
BanisteriopsiscaapiandPsychotriaviridis(orchacruna),andusedsacramentallybyindigenouspeoplesof
SouthAmerica.ThechacrunaplantcontainsthepsychedeliccompoundDMT(N,N-dimethyltryptamine),
butitisdeactivatedbydigestiveenzymesunlessitisingestedwithamonoamineoxidaseinhibitorsuchas
Banisteriopsis.In2006,theU.S.SupremeCourtaffirmedtherightoftheBrazil-basedUDVChurchtouse
ayahuascaasasacrament.
BeckleyFoundation:TheorganizationestablishedbyAmandaFeildinginEnglandin1998tosupport
researchintopsychedelicsandadvocateinternationallyforthereformofdruglaws.Theorganizationis
namedforFeilding’sancestralestateinOxfordshire(BeckleyFoundation.org).
CouncilonSpiritualPractices(CSP):AnonprofitorganizationestablishedbyBobJessein1993and
“dedicatedtomakingdirectexperienceofthesacredmoreavailabletomorepeople.”CSPhelpedorganize
andfundthefirstexperimentsinpsychedelicresearchatJohnsHopkins;CSPalsosupportedthesuitthat
resultedinthe2006SupremeCourtdecisionrecognizingayahuascaasasacramentintheUDVChurch.In
1995,CSPdevelopedandpublishedthe“CodeofEthicsforSpiritualGuides”thatmanyunderground
psychedelicguideshaveadopted(csp.org).
defaultmodenetwork(DMN):Asetofinteractingbrainstructuresfirstdescribedin2001bythe
WashingtonUniversityneuroscientistMarcusRaichle.Thedefaultmodenetwork,calledthatbecauseitis
mostactivewhenthebrainisinarestingstate,linkspartsofthecerebralcortexwithdeeperand
evolutionarilyolderstructuresofthebraininvolvedinemotionandmemory.(Itskeystructuresinclude,and
link,theposteriorcingulatecortex,themedialprefrontalcortex,andthehippocampus.)Neuroimaging
studiessuggestthattheDMNisinvolvedinsuchhigher-order“metacognitive”activitiesasself-reflection,
mentalprojection,timetravel,andtheoryofmind—theabilitytoattributementalstatestoothers.Activity
intheDMNfallsduringthepsychedelicexperiences,andwhenitfallsmostprecipitouslyvolunteersoften
reportadissolutionoftheirsenseofself.
DMT(orN,N-dimethyltryptamine):Arapid-onset,intense,andshort-actingpsychedeliccompound
sometimesreferredtoas“thebusinessman’strip.”Thistryptaminemoleculeisfoundinmanyplantsand
animalsforreasonsnotwellunderstood.
empathogen:Apsychoactivedrugthatproducesaheightenedsenseofconnectedness,emotional
openness,andcompassion.MDMA,orEcstasy,issuchadrug.Alsosometimescalledanentactogen.
entheogen:FromtheGreek,“generatingthedivinewithin.”Apsychoactivesubstancethatproducesor
facilitatesaspiritualexperience.Entheogenshavebeenusedbymanyculturesforthousandsofyears,
whetherbyshamansoraspartofreligiousorspiritualpractices.However,thetermwasnotcoineduntilthe
1970s,byagroupofscholarsthatincludedR.GordonWasson,RichardEvansSchultes,JonathanOtt,and
CarlRuck.Thewordwasintendedtohelprehabilitatepsychedelicsbydistinguishingtheirancientspiritual
rolefromtherecreationalusestowhichtheywereoftenputbeginninginthe1960s.
Esalen,ortheEsalenInstitute:AretreatcenterinBigSur,California,foundedin1962toexplorethe
variousmethodsforexpandingconsciousnessthatoftengoundertheumbrellaofthehumanpotential
movement.Esalenwascloselyidentifiedwiththepsychedelicmovementbeforethedrugswerebanned;in
theyearsafterward,aseriesofmeetingstookplaceatEsalen,wherestrategiestorehabilitateandrestart
researchintopsychedelicsweredeveloped.Manypsychedelicguidesnowworkingundergroundreceived
theirtrainingatEsalen.
5-HT
2A
receptor:Oneofseveraltypesofreceptorsinthebrainthatrespondtotheneurotransmitter
serotonin.Psychedeliccompoundsalsobindtothisreceptor,precipitatingacascadeof(poorlyunderstood)
eventsthatproducethepsychedelicexperience.Becauseofitsdistinctivemolecularshape,LSDbinds
particularlywelltothe5-HT
2A
receptor.Inaddition,aportionofthereceptorfoldsovertheLSDmolecule
andholdsitinsidethereceptor,whichmightexplainitsintensityandlongdurationofaction.
5-MeO-DMT(5-methoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine):Apowerful,short-actingpsychedeliccompound
foundincertainSouthAmericanplantsandinthevenomoftheSonorandeserttoad(Inciliusalvarius).The
toadvenomistypicallyvaporizedandsmoked;5-MeO-DMTobtainedfromplantsisusuallymadeintoa
snuff.ThecompoundhasbeenusedsacramentallyinSouthAmericaformanyyears;itwasfirst
synthesizedin1936andwasnotmadeillegaluntil2011.
hallucinogen:Theclassofpsychoactivedrugsthatinducehallucinations,includingthepsychedelics,the
dissociatives,andthedeliriants.Thetermisoftenusedasasynonymforpsychedelics,eventhough
psychedelicsdon’tnecessarilyproducefull-fledgedhallucinations.
HarvardPsilocybinProject:ThepsychologicalresearchprogramestablishedbyTimothyLearyand
RichardAlpert(laterRamDass)intheDepartmentofSocialRelationsatHarvardin1960.Theresearchers
(whoincludedRalphMetzner,agraduatestudent)administeredpsilocybintohundredsofvolunteers“ina
naturalisticsetting”;theyalsoconductedexperimentswithprisonersatConcordStatePrisonandwith
theologystudentsatBostonUniversity’sMarshChapel.Later,thegroupbeganworkingwithLSD.The
projectwasengulfedincontroversyin1962andcloseddownafterithadbeenreportedthatAlperthad
givenpsilocybintoanundergraduate,inviolationofitsagreementwithHarvard.LearyandAlpert
establishedasuccessororganizationinCambridgebutoutsideHarvard,calledtheInternationalFederation
forInternalFreedom.
HeffterResearchInstitute:Anonprofitestablishedin1993byDavidE.Nichols,achemistand
pharmacologistatPurdueUniversity,withseveralcolleagues,tosupportscientificresearchintopsychedelic
compounds.TheinstitutewasnamedforArthurHeffter,theGermanchemist,pharmacologist,and
physicianwhofirstidentifiedmescalineasthepsychoactivecomponentofthepeyotecactusinthelate
1890s.Establishedatatimewhenpsychedelicresearchhadbeendormantfortwodecades,theHeffter
Institutehasplayedapivotal,butquiet,roleintherevivalofthatresearch,helpingtofundmostofthe
psilocybintrialsdoneinAmericasincethelate1990s,includingtheworkatHopkinsandNYU
(Heffter.org).
holotropicbreathwork:Abreathingexercisedevelopedinthemid1970sbythepsychedelictherapist
StanislavGrof,andhiswife,Christina,afterLSDwasmadeillegal.Bybreathingrapidlyandexhaling
deeply,nearlytothepointofhyperventilation,subjectsenteranalteredstateofconsciousnesswithoutthe
useofadrug.Thistrancelikestatecangiveaccesstosubconsciousmaterial.“Holotropic”means“moving
towardwholeness.”
LSD(lysergicaciddiethylamide):Alsoknownasacid,thispsychedeliccompoundwasfirst
synthesizedin1938byAlbertHofmann,aSwisschemistatSandozwhowassearchingforadrugto
stimulatecirculation.LSDwasthetwenty-fifthmoleculethatHofmannhadderivedfromthealkaloids
producedbyergot,afungusthatinfectsgrain.Hofmannshelvedthecompoundwhenitprovedineffective
asamedicine,butfiveyearslaterapremonitionledhimtoresynthesizeit.Afteraccidentallyingestinga
smallquantityofLSD,hediscovereditspowerfulpsychoactiveproperties.In1947,Sandozbegan
marketingLSDasapsychiatricdrugunderthenameDelysid.Itwaswithdrawnfromcirculationin1966
afterthedrugappearedontheblackmarket.
MAPS(MultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelicStudies):Thenonprofitmembership
organizationfoundedin1986byRickDoblintoincreasepublicunderstandingofpsychedelicsandsupport
scientificresearchintotheirtherapeuticapplications.BasedinSantaCruz,California,MAPShasfocused
itseffortsonMDMA,orEcstasy,asatherapeuticinterventionforpeoplesufferingfromPTSD.In2016,it
wonFDAapprovaltoconductphase3trialsofMDMAinthetreatmentofPTSD;in2017,theFDA
designatedMDMAasa“breakthroughtherapy”forPTSD,clearingthewayforanexpeditedreview.
Doblin,andMAPS,haveplayedacentralroleintherevivalofpsychedelicresearch.MAPSalsosponsors
PsychedelicScience,theinternationalconferenceonpsychedelicresearchthattakesplaceinNorthern
Californiaeveryfewyears.
MDMA(3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine):Apsychoactivecompoundfirstsynthesizedby
Merckin1912butnevermarketed.AfterthecompoundwasresynthesizedbytheBayAreachemist
Alexander“Sasha”Shulgininthe1970s,itbecameapopularadjuncttopsychotherapy,becauseits
“empathogenic”qualitieshelpedpatientsformastrongbondoftrustwiththeirtherapists.Inthe1980s,the
drugshowedupintheravescene,whereitwassoldunderthenameofEcstasy(orEorlaterMolly);in
1986,theU.S.governmentputMDMAonschedule1,declaringitadrugofabusewithnoacceptedmedical
use.However,recentdrugtrialssponsoredbyMAPShavedemonstratedMDMAsvalueintreatingPTSD.
MDMAisnotconsidereda“classicalpsychedelic,”becauseitappearstooperateondifferentbrain
pathwaysfromLSDorpsilocybin.
mescaline:Apsychedeliccompoundderivedfromseveralcacti,includingpeyoteandSanPedro.The
compoundwasfirstidentifiedandnamedbytheGermanchemistArthurHeffterin1897.TheDoorsof
Perceptionisafirst-personaccountofAldousHuxley’sfirstmescalineexperience.
microdosing:Thepracticeofingestingasmall,“subperceptual”doseofapsychedelic,usuallyLSDor
psilocybin,everyfewdaysasanaidtomentalhealthormentalperformance.Acommonprotocolistotake
tenmicrogramsofLSD(atenthofamediumdose)everyfourthday.Thepracticeisfairlynew,andasyet
theevidenceforitseffectivenessisanecdotal.Severaltrialsareunderway.
MK-Ultra:ThecodenameforanundercoverresearchprogramonpsychedelicdrugsconductedbytheCIA
beginningin1953;itwascloseddownin1963or1964.Atvarioustimes,theCIAsoughttodetermine
whetherLSDandrelatedcompoundscouldbeusedasameansofmindcontrol;aninterrogationtool(or
truthserum);abiologicalweapon(addedtoapopulation’swatersupply);orapoliticaltool(bydosing
adversariestogetthemtodofoolishthings).Aspartoftheresearchprogram,whichattimesinvolved
forty-fouruniversitiesandcolleges,civiliansandmilitarypersonnelweredosedwithouttheirknowledge,
sometimeswithdisastrousconsequences.ThepublicfirstlearnedaboutMK-UltraduringtheChurch
CommitteehearingsontheCIAheldin1975;furtherhearingsontheprogramwereheldin1977.However,
mostoftheagency’sdocumentsontheprogramhadbeendestroyedin1973onordersfromdirector
RichardHelms.
MysticalExperienceQuestionnaire:Thepsychologicalsurvey,developedbyWalterPahnkeand
WilliamRichardsinthe1960s,usedtoassesswhetheravolunteerinatrialofapsychedelicdrughas
undergoneamystical-typeexperience.Itseekstomeasure,onascaleofonetofive,sevenattributesofa
mysticalexperience:internalunity;externalunity;transcendenceoftimeandspace;ineffabilityand
paradoxicality;asenseofsacredness;thenoeticquality;andadeeplyfeltpositivemood.Severalrevised
versionsoftheMEQhavesincebeendeveloped.
noeticquality:AtermintroducedbyWilliamJames,anAmericanpsychologist,todenotethefactthatthe
mysticalstateregistersnotonlyasafeelingbutasastateofknowledge.Peopleemergewiththeenduring
convictionthatimportanttruthshavebeenrevealedtothem.Thenoeticqualitywas,forJames,oneofthe
fourmarksofthemysticalexperience,alongwithineffability,transiency,andpassivity.
phenethylamines:Aclassoforganicmolecule,andthenameforoneofthetwoprincipaltypesof
psychedeliccompounds;theotheristhetryptamines.MescalineandMDMAareexamplesof
phenethylamines.
psilocin:Oneofthetwoprincipalpsychoactivecompoundsfoundinpsilocybinmushrooms.Theotheris
psilocybin,whichbreaksdowntopsilocinundercertainconditions.Bothcompoundswereisolated(from
mushroomsprovidedbyR.GordonWasson)andnamedbyAlbertHofmannin1958.Psilociniswhatgives
psilocybinmushroomstheirbluishtintwhenbruised.
Psilocybe:Agenusofapproximatelytwohundredgilledmushrooms,roughlyhalfofwhichproduce
psychoactivecompoundssuchaspsilocybinandpsilocin.Psilocybesaredistributedthroughouttheworld.
Theirpossessionisillegalinmostjurisdictions.Thebest-knownmembersofthegenusarePsilocybe
cubensis,Psilocybecyanescens,Psilocybesemilanceata,andPsilocybeazurescens.
psilocybin:Themainpsychoactivecompoundfoundinpsilocybinmushroomsandashorthandforthe
classofmushroomsthatcontainit.
psychedelic:FromtheGreekfor“mindmanifesting.”Thetermwascoinedin1956byHumphryOsmond
todescribedrugslikeLSDandpsilocybinthatproduceradicalchangesinconsciousness.
psycholytic:Atermcoinedinthe1960sforadrug,ordoseofadrug,thatloosensconstraintsonthe
mind,allowingsubconsciousmaterialtoenterone’sawareness.Alsothenameforaformofpsychotherapy
thatuseslowdosesofpsychedelicstorelaxthepatient’segowithoutobliteratingit.
psychotomimetic:Thenameforadrugthatproduceseffectsresemblingpsychosis.Thiswasacommon
termforLSDanddrugslikeitwhentheywerefirstintroducedtopsychiatryinthe1950s;researchers
believedtheyproducedtemporarypsychosesthatwouldyieldinsightsintothenatureofmentalillnessand
givetherapiststheopportunitytoexperiencemadnessfirsthand.
reducingvalve:ThetermusedbyAldousHuxleyinTheDoorsofPerceptionforthementalfilterthat
admitstoourawarenessonlya“measlytrickleofthekindofconsciousness”weneedtosurvive.Inhis
view,thevalueofpsychedelicswastoopenthereducingvalve,givingusaccesstothefullnessof
experienceandtheuniversal“MindatLarge.”
setandsetting:Theinnerandouterenvironmentsinwhichadrugexperiencetakesplace;“set”isaterm
forthemind-setandexpectationsthepersonbringstotheexperience,and“setting”istheoutward
circumstancesinwhichittakesplace.Setandsettingareparticularlyinfluentialinthecaseofpsychedelics.
ThetermsareusuallycreditedtoTimothyLeary,buttheconceptwasrecognizedandmadeuseofbyearlier
researcherssuchasAlHubbard.
tryptamine:Aclassoforganicmoleculecommoninnature,andthenameforoneofthetwoprincipal
typesofpsychedeliccompounds;theotheristhephenethylamines.LSD,psilocybin,andDMTare
tryptamines.Theneurotransmitterserotoninisalsoatryptamine.
Acknowledgments
CHANGINGONE’SMIND,orone’ssubjectasawriter,isnevereasy,andthisbook
wouldneverhavebeenventured,muchlesscompleted,ifnotforthesupportand
encouragementofthepeoplearoundme.AnnGodoff,mybookeditorforgoing
onfourdecadesnow,didn’tblinkorblanchwhenItoldherIwantedtowritea
bookaboutpsychedelics;herenthusiasmandsure-footededitorialguidance
throughthis,oureighthbooktogether,hasbeenablessing.AmandaUrban,too,
abettedthisadventureinsomanyways;mycareer-longdebttoheris
incalculable.Thanks,too,tothesuperbteamsintheirrespectiveoffices:Sarah
Hutson,CaseyDenis,andKarenMayer,atPenguin;and,atICM,LizFarrell,
MarisDyer,DaisyMeyrick,MollyAtlas,andRonBernstein.
Thebestthingaboutbeingajournalistisgettingpaidtolearnwholenew
subjectsasanadult.Yetthepursuitofsuchacontinuingeducationwouldbe
impossiblewithouttheforbearanceofthepeopleweasktobeourteachers.I’m
gratefultoeveryone—thescientists,thevolunteers,thepatients,thetherapists,
andtheadvocates—whoenduredthemultiple,lengthyinterviewsandallthe
dumbquestions.SpecialthankstoBobJesse,RolandGriffiths,Matthew
Johnson,MaryCosimano,BillRichards,KatherineMacLean,RickDoblin,Paul
Stamets,JamesFadiman,StephenRoss,TonyBossis,JeffreyGuss,George
Goldsmith,EkaterinaMalievskaia,CharlesGrob,TeriKrebs,RobinCarhart-
Harris,DavidNutt,DavidNichols,GeorgeSarlo,VickyDulai,JudsonBrewer,
BiaLabate,GaborMaté,LisaCallaghan,andAndrewWeil.Thoughnot
everyoneIinterviewedisquotedherebyname,allwereexcellentteachers,andI
amdeeplygratefulforyourpatiencewithmyquestionsandgenerositywithyour
answers.Severalpeopletooksubstantialrisksinsharingtheirstorieswithme;
althoughIcan’tthankthempublicly,Ioweatremendousdebttothemany
undergroundguideswhogavesofreelyoftheirtime,theirexperience,andtheir
wisdom.Itisashamethatatleastfornowtheirhealingpracticedependsonacts
ofcivildisobedience.
IspentaproductiveandpleasurableyearasafellowoftheRadcliffeInstitute
forAdvancedStudyatHarvard,whichgavemetheopportunitytoresearchand
writethehistoryofpsychedelicresearchinthecitywhereanimportantchapter
ofittookplace.Theinstituteofferedtheperfectenvironmentforpursuinga
projectthattouchesonsomanydifferentdisciplines:Ionlyhadtowalkdown
thehalltoconsultabrainscientist,abiologist,ananthropologist,andan
investigativereporter.WhileatRadcliffe,Iwasblessedtoworkwithadogged
undergraduateresearchassistantwhohelpedmenavigatetheHarvardarchives
andturneduponehiddengemafteranother:thankyou,TeddyDelwiche.Ialso
oweadebttoEdWasserman,mydeanattheGraduateSchoolofJournalismat
Berkeley,forgrantingmetimeofffromteachingsothatIcouldgotoCambridge
and,later,completethebook.
BackinBerkeley,BridgetHuberdidbrilliantwork,firstasaresearch
assistantandthenasafact-checker;thatthisisthemostthoroughlysourcedof
mybooksowesentirelytoherdiligenceandskill.Severalofmycolleaguesat
Berkeleycontributedhugelytomyeducationinneuroscienceandpsychology:
DavidPresti,DacherKeltner,andAlisonGopnikenrichedthisbookinmore
waysthantheyrealizeand,inthecaseofDavidandhispartner,KristiPanik,
whoreadadraftoftheneurosciencechapter,savedmefromerrorslargeand
small.(Thoughtheybearnoresponsibilityforanyerrorsthatmayremain.)Mark
Edmundsonsuppliedsomecrucialearlyadvicethathelpedshapethenarrative,
andMarkDannerwas,asever,aninvaluablesoundingboardonourwalksat
InspirationPoint.Icountmyselfespeciallyluckytobeclosefriendswithan
editorasastuteandgenerousasGerryMarzorati;hiscommentsonthe
manuscriptwereinvaluableandsavedyou,dearreader,fromhavingtoread
severalthousandunnecessarywords.
Myfirstforayintothesubjectofpsychedelicscameina2015pieceinthe
NewYorker,“TheTripTreatment”;thankstoAlanBurdick,thegiftededitorwho
assignedit,andDavidRemnick,forseeingitfittopublish;thepieceopenedall
sortsofdoors.
Forcrucialresearchassistancealongtheway,aswellastheirindispensable
onlinelibrary,I’mdeeplygratefultoEarthandFire,theproprietorsofErowid,
whichisthesinglemostimportantresourceonpsychedelicsthereis.Checkit
out.
Fortheirwise,helpful,andreassuringlegalcounsel,I’mgratefultomydear
friendHowardSobelandhiscolleagueMarvinPutnamatLatham&Watkins.I
sleepmuchbetterknowingtheyhavemyback.
Alongbookprojecthasawayofinflectingtheemotionalweatherinafamily,
thisoneperhapsmorethanmost.Isaac,ithasmeanttheworldtometobeable
totalkthroughmyjourneyswithyou;Ialwayscomeawayfromour
conversationswithsomethingsmart,useful,andunexpected.Yoursupport,
curiosity,andencouragementhavemadeallthedifference.
WhenIembarkedonthislong,strangetrip,Judithwonderedwhatitmight
meanforourthirty-year-pluscollaboration.WouldIreturnsomehowchanged?
NeverwouldIhaveimaginedthatafterallthattimeanythingcouldbringus
closertogether,butthereitis.Thankyouforpushingmetoattemptsomething
new,forthesearchingquestionsandinsightsalongtheway,forthecloseediting
ofeverychapter—and,mostofall,forgoingwithmeonthejourney.
Notes
PROLOGUEANEWDOOR
Thefirstofthesemolecules:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,40–47.
Thesecondmolecule:WassonandWasson,Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,vol.2.
afifteen-pageaccount:Wasson,“SeekingtheMagicMushroom.”
LSDscrambledyourchromosomes:Cohen,Hirschhorn,andFrosch,“InVivoandInVitroChromosomal
DamageInducedbyLSD-25.”
Inthespringof2010:Tierney,“HallucinogensHaveDoctorsTuningInAgain.”
Forapeer-reviewedscientificpaper:Griffithsetal.,“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-TypeExperiences
HavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaningandSpiritualSignificance.”
emergencyroomadmissionsinvolvingpsychedelics:JohansenandKrebs,“PsychedelicsNotLinkedtoMental
HealthProblemsorSuicidalBehavior.”
nearlyathousandvolunteers:PersonalcorrespondencewithMatthewW.Johnson,PhD.
theterm“psychedelics”:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,1–2.
CHAPTERONEARENAISSANCE
Enteringhissecondcentury:Langlitz,Neuropsychedelia,24–26.
“theonlyjoyousinvention”:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,184–85.
Asayoungchemist:Ibid.,36–45.
Andthereitremainedforfiveyears:Ibid.,46–47.
Nowunfoldstheworld’sfirstbadacidtrip:Ibid.,48–49.
“Myegowassuspended”:QuotedinNichols,“LSD.”
“everythingglistenedandsparkled”:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,51.
“intheedificeofmaterialistrationality”:JonathanOttintranslatorsprefacetoibid.,25.
“thefeelingofco-creatureliness”:Langlitz,Neuropsychedelia,25–26.
Thesecondwatershedeventof2006:Gonzalesv.OCentroEspiritaBeneficenteUniaodoVegetal.
“majortherapeuticpossibilities”:Kleber,“CommentaryOn:PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type
Experiences,”292.
“hopethatthislandmarkpaper”:Schuster,“CommentaryOn:PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type
Experiences,”289.
“that,whenusedappropriately”:Nichols,“CommentaryOn:PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type
Experiences,”284.
“freeoneselfofthebounds”:Wit,“TowardsaScienceofSpiritualExperience.”
thenoeticquality:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,370.
“Dreamscannotstandthistest”:Ibid.,389.
morethanathousandscientificpapers:See,forexample,GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugs
Reconsidered,192.
aPhDdissertationatHarvard:WalterPahnke’sthesis,“DrugsandMysticism:AnAnalysisoftheRelationship
BetweenPsychedelicDrugsandtheMysticalConsciousness,”isavailableinPDFformat
http://www.maps.org/images/pdf/books/pahnke/walter_pahnke_drugs_and_mysticism.pdf.
“UntiltheGoodFridayExperiment”:HustonSmith,HustonSmithReader,73.
afollow-upstudyoftheGoodFridayExperiment:Doblin,“Pahnke’s‘GoodFridayExperiment.’”
asecondreview:Doblin,“Dr.Leary’sConcordPrisonExperiment.”
“wouldbeforpsychiatry”:QuotedinNutt,“BraveNewWorldforPsychology?,”658.
thefirstmoderntrialofpsilocybin:Grobetal.,“PilotStudyofPsilocybinTreatmentforAnxietyinPatientswith
Advanced-StageCancer.”
Aninternalmemo:AcacheofdeclassifiedCIAfilesrelatedtoProjectArtichokeisavailableat
http://www.paperlessarchives.com/FreeTitles/ARTICHOKECIAFiles.pdf.
“myownconstitutionshutsmeout”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,369.
“Thesubjectofitimmediatelysays”:Ibid.,370.
“Mysticalstatesseemtothosewhoexperiencethem”:Ibid.
“thatdeepenedsenseofthesignificance”:Ibid.,372.
“andfromonerecurrencetoanother”:Ibid.,371.
“Themysticfeelsasifhisownwill”:Ibid.
ledtolastingchangesintheirpersonalities:MacLeanetal.,“MysticalExperiencesOccasionedbythe
HallucinogenPsilocybinLeadtoIncreasesinthePersonalityDomainofOpenness.”
“Doctorsencounterthisstrange”:McHugh,reviewofTheHarvardPsychedelicClub,byDonLattin.
“authoritativeovertheindividuals”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,415.
“Theexistenceofmysticalstates”:Ibid.,419.
“might,inspiteofalltheperplexity”:Ibid.,420.
“ascend[s]toamoreenvelopingpointofview”:Ibid.
“Itisasiftheoppositesoftheworld”:Ibid.,378.
apilotstudyinsmokingcessation:Johnsonetal.,“PilotStudyofthe5-HT
2AR
AgonistPsilocybininthe
TreatmentofTobaccoAddiction.”
CHAPTERTWONATURALHISTORY:BEMUSHROOMED
Themyceliainaforest:Simardetal.,“NetTransferofCarbonBetweenEctomycorrhizalTreeSpeciesinthe
Field.”
Humanshavebeenusingpsilocybinmushrooms:Stamets,PsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld,11.
“Psilocybemushroomsandcivilization”:Ibid.,16.
“Mistakesinmushroomidentificationcanbelethal”:Ibid.,30–32.
“TheStametsianRule”:Ibid.,53.
hadpersonalknowledgeofpsychedelicdrugs:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,71.
“throughtheeyesofahappyandgiftedchild”:Siff,AcidHype,93.
Lifegavehimagenerouscontract:Ibid.,80.
“descriptionofyourownsensations”:Ibid.,73.
acirculationof5.7million:Ibid.
“SeekingtheMagicMushroom”:AllquotationsappearinWasson,“SeekingtheMagicMushroom.”
“Thesetheyatebeforedawn”:WassonandWasson,Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,223.
“thedevilthattheyworshipped”:Davis,OneRiver,95.
“anactofsuperstitioncondemned”:Siff,AcidHype,69.
“carryyoutherewheregodis”:Wasson,Hofmann,andRuck,RoadtoEleusis,33.
OnthenightofJune29–30,1955:Wasson,“SeekingtheMagicMushroom.”
“BeforeWassonnobodytookthemushrooms”:Estrada,MaríaSabina,73.
“TofindGod,Sabina”:Letcher,Shroom,104.
PersontoPerson:Siff,AcidHype,80.
severalothermagazines:Ibid.,83.
Anexhibitiononmagicmushrooms:Ibid.,74.
Hofmannisolatedandnamed:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,128.
“Thirtyminutesaftermytaking”:Ibid.,126.
In1962,HofmannjoinedWasson:Ibid.,139–52.
“unleash[ing]onlovelyHuautla”:Wasson,“Drugs,”21.
“Fromthemomenttheforeignersarrived”:Estrada,MaríaSabina,90–91.
youcanfindhimonYouTube:Thevideo,TheStonedApeTheory,byTerenceMcKenna,isat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOtLJwK7kdk.
“accesstorealmsofsupernaturalpower”:McKenna,FoodoftheGods,26.
“catalyzedtheemergenceofhumanself-reflection”:Ibid.,24.
“broughtusoutoftheanimalmind”:SeeMcKenna’stalkonYouTube:https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=hOtLJwK7kdk.
Samorinicallsthisa“depatterningfactor”:Samorini,AnimalsandPsychedelics,84–88.
“Natureeverywherespeakstoman”:Wulf,InventionofNature,54.
“Imyselfamidenticalwithnature”:Ibid.,128.
“Everything,”Humboldtsaid,“isinteractionandreciprocal”:Ibid.,59.
“Naturealwayswearsthecolors”:Emerson,Nature,14.
anotherformofconsciousness“partedfrom[us]”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,377.
aspiritually“realizedbeing”:HustonSmith,CleansingtheDoorsofPerception,76.
“forbid[s]aprematureclosing”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,378.
CHAPTERTHREEHISTORY:THEFIRSTWAVE
Whenthefederalauthorities:Leary,Flashbacks,232–42.
Learywascalledbeforeacommittee:Greenfield,TimothyLeary,267–72.
“DrearySenatehearingandcourtrooms”:Leary,Flashbacks,251–52.
“atantalizingsenseofportentousness”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”91.
“entertheillnessandseewithamadman’seyes:Osmond,“OnBeingMad.”
IntheyearsfollowingWorldWarII:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,17.
thetworesearchersbegantoexplore:Ibid.
Butitwasaproductivehypothesis:Foranexcellentoverviewofhowthisresearchcontributedtotheriseof
neurochemistry,seeNichols,“Psychedelics,”267.
TheSaskatchewanMentalHospital:Weyburnwouldsoonbecometheworld’smostimportanthubofresearch
intopsychedelics.Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,26–28.
“My12HoursasaMadman”:Foradiscussionofthearticle,seeibid.,31–33.
TheirfocusonLSD:Ibid.,40–42.
“seemedsobizarrethatwelaugheduproariously”:Ibid.,58–59.
“Fromthefirst”:Ibid.,59.
Basedonthissuccess:Ibid.,71.
theyseemedtoogoodtobetrue:Ibid.,73.
Theideathatadrugcouldoccasion:SeeNovak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”97,andtheanonymouslypublished“Pass
ItOn,”Kindlelocation5372.
Beginningin1956,BillW.hadseveralLSDsessions:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”14,26–45;
Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”97.
Bornin1910inNewYorkCity:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”88–89.
“wastakenbysurprise”:Ibid.,92.
“theproblemsandstrivings”:Ibid.
Cohencametothinkofit:BettyGroverEisner,draftof“SidneyCohen,M.D.:ARemembrance,”box7,folder
3,BettyGroverEisnerPapers,StanfordUniversityDepartmentofSpecialCollectionsandUniversity
Archives.
“psycholytic”means“mindloosening”:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,7.
StanislavGrof,whotrainedasapsychoanalyst:Foradetailedaccountofthiswork,seeGrof,LSD.
A1967reviewarticle:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,208.
AnaïsNin,JackNicholson,StanleyKubrick:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,62.
themostfamousofthesepatientswasCaryGrant:Siff,AcidHype,100.
declaredhimself“bornagain”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,64.
“Allthesadnessandvanities”:Siff,AcidHype,100.
“I’mnolongerlonely”:Ibid.
“Youngwomenhaveneverbefore”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”103.
asurgeindemandforLSDtherapy:Ibid.
“LSDbecameforusanintellectualfundrug”:Ibid.,99.
Cohenwasmadeuncomfortable:Ibid.,99–101.
Heremaineddeeplyambivalent:Ibid.,100.
“underLSDthefondesttheories”:Cohen,BeyondWithin,182.
“anyexplanationofthepatient’sproblems”:Ibid.
“therapybyself-transcendence”:Cohen,“LSDandtheAnguishofDying,”71.
“relishthepossibility”:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,1.
“Itwaswithoutquestion”:Huxley,Moksha,42.
“thefoldsofmygrayflanneltrousers”:Huxley,DoorsofPerception,33.
“whatAdamhadseenonthemorning”:Ibid.,17.
“Wordslike‘grace’and‘transfiguration’”:Ibid.,18.
“ameaslytrickle”:Ibid.,23.
“shiningwiththeirowninnerlight”:Ibid.,17.
acommoncoreofmysticalexperience:Huxley,PerennialPhilosophy.
“99percentAldousHuxley”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”93.
“Itwillgivethatelixirabadname”:Ibid.,95.
Clearlyanewnameforthisclass:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,1–2.
“hadnoparticularconnotationofmadness”:Ibid.,2.
“uncontaminatedbyotherassociations”:Osmond,“ReviewoftheClinicalEffectsofPsychotomimeticAgents,”
429.
Thegoalwastocreatetheconditions:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,194–95.
hisFBIfile:Hubbard’sFBIfileisavailableattheInternetArchive:https://archive.org/details/AlHubbard.
thebestaccountwehaveofhislife:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
thetrailofHubbard’slife:Thesefacts,andtheircontradictions,aredrawnfromLeeandShlain,AcidDreams,
andFahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
Weknowthegovernmentkeptclosetabs:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,45.
“Itwasthedeepestmysticalthing”:Ibid.
“acatalyticagent”:Ibid.,52.
“ifhecouldgivethepsychedelicexperience”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“convincedthat[AlHubbard]wastheman”:Ibid.
Osmondabandonedthepsychotomimeticmodel:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,54.
Hubbardwasthefirstresearchertograsp:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,93.
“Hesaid,‘Nowhatethem’”:R.C.,“B.C.’sAcidFlashback.”
“Wewaitedforhimlikethelittleoldlady”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,51.
impressiveratesofsuccess:Stevens,StormingHeaven,175.
“TheCIAworkstinks”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,52.
“Itriedtotellthemhowtouseit”:Ibid.
“Whatcamethroughthecloseddoor”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,56.
“WhatBabesintheWoods”:Ibid.,54.
“who,havingoncecometotherealization”:Ibid.,57.
CommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”10.
“Explorershavenotalwaysbeenthemostscientific”:Ibid.,57.
“Myregardforscience”:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,97–98.
SteveJobsoftentoldpeople:Markoff,WhattheDormouseSaid,xix.
“He’dbeabroaderguy”:Isaacson,SteveJobs,172–73.
“Thatwasaremarkableopening”:Goldsmith,“ConversationwithGeorgeGreerandMyronStolaroff.”
“AfterthatfirstLSDexperience”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“Thegreatestthingintheworld”:Markoff,WhattheDormouseSaid,58.
Seventy-eightpercentofclients:Stevens,StormingHeaven,178.
“Wewereamazed”:Fadiman,PsychedelicExplorersGuide,185.
“Ourinvestigationsofsomeofthecurrentsocialmovements”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,198.
“toprovidethe[LSD]experience”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“Alneverdidanythingresemblingsecuritywork”:Ibid.
hisfirstshatteringexperience:Leary,Flashbacks,29–33.
“Infourhoursbytheswimmingpool”:Ibid.,33.
Listen!Wakeup!YouareGod!:Leary,HighPriest,285.
ExperimentalExpansionofConsciousness:ThiscoursedescriptionisintheNewYorkPublicLibrary’scollection
ofLeary’spapers.http://archives.nypl.org/mss/18400#detailed.
“Wewereonourown”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,135.
Learyreportedeye-poppingresults:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,75.
RickDoblinatMAPSmeticulouslyreconstructed:Doblin,“Dr.Leary’sConcordPrisonExperiment.”
“itwasthesortofresearch”:Cohen,BeyondWithin,224.
“Ifwelearnedonething”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,74.
“Wewerethinkingfar-outhistorythoughts”:Learyetal.,Neuropolitics,3.
“We’regoingtoteachpeople”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,77.
“Psychedelicdrugsopenedtomasstourism”:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,86.
A1961memofromDavidMcClelland:“SomeSocialReactionstothePsilocybinResearchProject,”Oct.8,1961.
“analyz[e]yourdataobjectively”:MemofromMcClellandtoMetzner,Dec.19,1962.
“IwishIcouldtreatthis”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,89.
Thenextday’sCrimson:RobertEllisSmith,“PsychologistsDisagreeonPsilocybinResearch.”
“HallucinationDrugFoughtatHarvard”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,91.
“Psychedelicdrugscausepanic”:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,66.
“thesematerialsaretoopowerful”:LearyandAlpert,“LetterfromAlpert,Leary.”
“ForthefirsttimeinAmericanhistory”:Ibid.
“We’rethroughplayingthesciencegame”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,189.
“hadtalkedsuchnonsense”:Ibid.,190.
“powerfulchemicals[as]harmlesstoys”:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”145.
Osmondtriedonceagaintocoinanewone:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,132.
“Youmustfacetheseobjections”:Ibid.,108.
“wreakhavoconallofus”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,191.
Learywashappytostateit:Leary,HighPriest,132.
“Heblewinwiththatuniform”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“IlikedTimwhenwefirstmet”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,88.
“Algotgreatlypreoccupied”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“Isupposethereislittlehope”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,191.
“usinghallucinogensforseductions”:Weil,“StrangeCaseoftheHarvardDrugScandal.”
“Yes,sir,Idid”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,94.
AlpertandLearyappeartobe:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams.
“anundergraduategroup”:Weil,“StrangeCaseoftheHarvardDrugScandal.”
“giventohim”byMarshallMcLuhan:Strauss,EveryoneLovesYouWhenYou’reDead,location352.
“ThekidswhotakeLSD”:ThisquotationappearsinavideomadebyRetroReport,availablehere:
https://www.retroreport.org/video/the-long-strange-trip-of-lsd/.
WithKenKesey,theCIAhadturnedon:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,124.
“byblurringtheboundaries”:Grob,“PsychiatricResearchwithHallucinogens.”
“thedrugstothemselves”:Grinker,“LysergicAcidDiethylamide.”
“renderingtheirconclusionsbiased”:Grinker,“BootleggedEcstasy.”
“auraofmagic”:ColeandKatz,“PsychotomimeticDrugs,”758.
“thetranscendentalintopsychiatry”:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”112.
Butwhenthestudywaslaterdiscredited:PrestiandBeck,“StrychnineandOtherEnduringMyths,”130–31.
Forhisfirststudy:Cohen,“LysergicAcidDiethylamide.”
“thedangersofsuicide”:CohenandDitman,“ComplicationsAssociatedwithLysergicAcidDiethylamide
(LSD-25),”162.
Inanotherpaperpublished:CohenandDitman,“ProlongedAdverseReactionstoLysergicAcid
Diethylamide.”
Afourtharticle:Cohen,“ClassificationofLSDComplications.”
feverishcoverstory:MooreandSchiller,“ExplodingThreatoftheMindDrugThatGotoutofControl.”
“LSDhasbeenyourFrankenstein”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”109.
“Whyif[theseprojects]wereworthwhile”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,93.
“fourmenlay,theirmindsliterallyexpanding”:Fadiman,PsychedelicExplorersGuide,186.
Someonemadeavideotapeoftheevent:Andit’savailableonYouTube:https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=rjylxvQqm0U.
he’straveledfromCasaGrande:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
CHAPTERFOURTRAVELOGUE:JOURNEYINGUNDERGROUND
therearethreethingshumanbeingsareafraidof:QuotedinEpstein,ThoughtsWithoutaThinker,119.
threethousandpatientsandtrained150guides:Stolaroff,SecretChiefRevealed,28,59.
“laidtheTorahacrossmychest”:Ibid.,36.
“ManytimesI’dbeinmuchagony”:Ibid.,61.
“Justleave’emalone!”:Ibid.,50.
surveyingtheirmusicalpractices:Barrettetal.,“QualitativeandQuantitativeFeaturesofMusicReportedto
SupportPeakMysticalExperiencesDuringPsychedelicTherapySessions.”
“formsofconsciousnessentirelydifferent”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,377.
“Forthemomentthatinterferingneurotic”:Huxley,DoorsofPerception,53.
“thetotalityoftheawarenessbelongingtoMindatLarge”:Ibid.,24.
“ofbeingoverwhelmed,ofdisintegrating”:Ibid.,55.
“Ifonealwayssawlikethis”:Ibid.,34–35.
“Standingonthebareground”:Emerson,Nature,13.
“Swiftlyaroseandspreadaroundme”:Whitman,LeavesofGrass,29.
“Allatonce,asitwereoutoftheintensity”:Tennysons,“LuminousSleep.”
“Isawthattheuniverse”:QuotedinJames,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,391.
CHAPTERFIVENEUROSCIENCE:YOURBRAINONPSYCHEDELICS
Onecandidateforthatchemical:Formoredetail,seeDavidNichols’stalk“DMTandthePinealGland:Facts
vs.Fantasy,”availableathttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeeqHUiC8Io.
psychedelicslikeLSDandpsilocybinwork:Vollenweideretal.,“PsilocybinInducesSchizophrenia-Like
PsychosisinHumansviaaSerotonin-2AgonistAction.”
“thereisnothingofwhichwearemorecertain”:Freud,CivilizationandItsDiscontents,12.
Theclassicthoughtexperiment:Nagel,“WhatIsItLiketoBeaBat?”
consciousnessmaypervadetheuniverse:Frank,“MindingMatter.”
alandmarkpaper:Raichleetal.,“DefaultModeofBrainFunction.”
“Chaosisaverted”:Raichle,“Brain’sDarkEnergy.”
Italsolightsupwhenwereceive“likes”:Brewer,CravingMind,46.
Inanoften-citedpaper:KillingsworthandGilbert,“WanderingMindIsanUnhappyMind.”
ShortlyafterCarhart-Harrispublished:Carhart-Harrisetal.,“NeuralCorrelatesofthePsychedelicStateas
DeterminedbyfMRIStudieswithPsilocybin.”
Thebeeperceivesasubstantiallydifferentspectrum:Srinivasan,“HoneyBeesasaModelforVision,Perception,
andCognition”;Dyeretal.,“SeeinginColour.”
thesensethatallowsbeestoregister:Suttonetal.,“MechanosensoryHairsinBumblebees(Bombusterrestris)
DetectWeakElectricFields.”
adimensionofmusicthatconveysemotion:Kaelen,“PsychologicalandHumanBrainEffectsofMusicin
CombinationwithPsychedelicDrugs.”
“servestopromoterealism”:Carhart-Harrisetal.,“EntropicBrain.”
“Distinctnetworksbecamelessdistinct”:Carhart-Harris,Kaelen,andNutt,“HowDoHallucinogensWorkonthe
Brain?”
theusuallinesofcommunications:Petrietal.,“HomologicalScaffoldsofBrainFunctionalNetworks.”
hersuperbbook:Gopnik,PhilosophicalBaby.
“Adultshavecongealedintheirbeliefs”:Lucasetal.,“WhenChildrenAreBetter(oratLeastMoreOpen-
Minded)LearnersThanAdults.”
CHAPTERSIXTHETRIPTREATMENT:PSYCHEDELICSINPSYCHOTHERAPY
“Formethatisnotamedicalconcept”:Kupferschmidt,“HighHopes,”23.
“Ifwearetodevelopoptimalresearchdesigns:Grob,“PsychiatricResearchwithHallucinogens.”
onlyabouthalfofthepeoplewhotaketheirlives:BeaconHealthOptions,“WeNeedtoTalkAboutSuicide,”10.
“psychiatryhasgonefrombeingbrainless”:Solomon,NoondayDemon,102.
“alter[]theexperienceofdying”:Cohen,“LSDandtheAnguishofDying.”
“ofcosmicunity”:Richardsetal.,“LSD-AssistedPsychotherapyandtheHumanEncounterwithDeath.”
“Iamtheluckiestmanonearth”:Grob,Bossis,andGriffiths,“UseoftheClassicHallucinogenPsilocybinfor
TreatmentofExistentialDistressAssociatedwithCancer,”303.
InDecember2016,afront-pagestory:Hoffman,“DoseofaHallucinogenfroma‘MagicMushroom,’andThen
LastingPeace.”
Inafollow-upstudytotheNYUtrial:Belseretal.,“PatientExperiencesofPsilocybin-AssistedPsychotherapy:
AnInterpretativePhenomenologicalAnalysis.”
“istomakeyourinterestsgraduallywider”:BertrandRussell,“HowtoGrowOld.”
“AndsuddenlyIrealizedthatthemolecules”:Hertzberg,“MoonShots(3of3).”
80percentofthevolunteerswereconfirmedasabstinent:Johnsonetal.,“PilotStudyofthe5-HT
2AR
Agonist
PsilocybinintheTreatmentofTobaccoAddiction.”
Thissuggeststhattheability:PersonalcommunicationwiththeneuroscientistDraulioAraujo.
Therecordwasacompletemuddle:KrebsandJohansen,“LysergicAcidDiethylamide(LSD)forAlcoholism.”
“Giventheevidenceforabeneficialeffect”:Ibid.
a2015pilotstudy:Bogenschutzetal.,“Psilocybin-AssistedTreatmentforAlcoholDependence.”
volunteersspentaminutelooking:Piffetal.,“Awe,theSmallSelf,andProsocialBehavior.”
theafter-aweself-portraits:Baietal.,“Awe,theDiminishedSelf,andCollectiveEngagement.”
researchersgavepsilocybintosixmen:Carhart-Harrisetal.,“PsilocybinwithPsychologicalSupportfor
Treatment-ResistantDepression.”
Watts’sinterviewsuncoveredtwo“master”themes:Wattsetal.,“Patients’AccountsofIncreased‘Connectedness’
and‘Acceptance’AfterPsilocybinforTreatment-ResistantDepression.”
“Itwaslikeaholiday”:Ibid.
“Thesheenandshinethatlifeandexistence”:ForRouiller’sfullaccount,see
http://inandthrough.blogspot.com/2016/08/psilocybin-trial-diary-one-year-on.html.
obsessive-compulsivedisorder:Morenoetal.,“Safety,Tolerability,andEfficacyofPsilocybinin9Patientswith
Obsessive-CompulsiveDisorder.”
“Depressionisaresponsetopastloss”:Solomon,NoondayDemon,65.
“Whatstartedasapleasurebecomesaneed”:Kessler,Capture,8–9.
psychedelicsenhanceneuroplasticity:VollenweiderandKometer,“NeurobiologyofPsychedelicDrugs.”
Inacollegecommencementaddress:Reproduced,inpart,atBrainPickings:
https://www.brainpickings.org/2012/09/12/this-is-water-david-foster-wallace/.
“howwerelatetoourthoughtsandfeelings”:Brewer,CravingMind,115.
EPILOGUEINPRAISEOFNEURALDIVERSITY
“Wearenotthecounterculture”:Schwartz,“MollyattheMarriott.”
mentionedtheplenarypanel:Avideoofthetalkisathttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oZ_v3QFQDE.
avideotapedinterviewwithRamDass:Availableathttps://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=NhlTrDIOcrQ&feature=share.
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Index
Thepagenumbersinthisindexrefertotheprintedversionofthisbook.Thelinkprovidedwilltakeyouto
thebeginningofthatprintpage.Youmayneedtoscrollforwardfromthatlocationtofindthe
correspondingreferenceonyoure-reader.
Note:Pagenumbersinitalicsrefertoillustrations.
abuseofpsychedelics,lowriskof,50
AcidTests,184,206
activeplacebos,psychedelicsas,159
Adamicmoments,25
addiction,358–75
andautobiographicalnarratives,387–88,391
andawe-inspiringexperiences,373–75
andayahuasca,369n
banalityofinsightsaftertreatments,361–62,363–64
anddefaultmodenetwork,387–88
depression’slinksto,383
andegodissolution,271,366
andexcessoforderinbrain,313,329,385
andmentaltimetravel,387
andnegativethinkinghabits,383
Nutt’sconclusionson,300n
andovervieweffect,359–60
andratparkexperiment,372–73
andrisksofpsychedelics,14,30
Seealsoalcoholism;smokingcessation
AddictionResearchFoundationinToronto,151
adrenaline,146
afterglowofpsychedelicexperiences,24–25,254
agnosticsandatheists
mysticalexperiencesof,74,222,284–85,345
andvalueofmeaning,355
AlcoholicsAnonymous(AA),141,152–53,370
alcoholism
andBillW’spsychedelicexperiences,152–53,370
andHubbard’streatmentfacilities,171
LSDastreatmentfor,141,148–53,368–69,370
andOsmond/Hoffer’sresearch,170
andpersonalhistory/environment,370–72
peyoteusedtotreat,368
andpsychotherapy,369
resultsfromtreatmentof,368–69
andSpringGrove’sresearch,57,218
andsuppressionofpsychedelicresearch,141–42
Allen,Don,176–77,178,181n,198,206n
Alpert,Richard(laterRamDass)
andcounterculture,205
criticismsofresearch,194,195
defenseofresearch,196
dismissalfromHarvard,202–3
andFadiman,177
andHarvardPsilocybinProject,188,189,190
andInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom,203
andJohnson,360
post-Harvardlifeof,205
andpsychedelics’escapefromthelab,197
andWeil,202–3
AlteredStatesofConsciousness(Tart),99
altruisticbehavior,373–74
amadou,87,117
AmericanPsychiatricAssociation(APA),141
Ampex,44,176
AnimalsandPsychedelics(Samorini),123–24
animals’consumptionofPsilocybes,93,98,122–23
antidepressants
discoveryof,147
andlossofeffectiveness,335
andneurochemistryfield,293
andplaceboeffect,335n,382
rangeofdisordersaddressedby,383
anxiety
andautobiographicalnarratives,387–88
anddefaultmodenetwork,387–88
andeffectofpsychedelicsonego,271
andmentaltimetravel,387
andnegativethinkinghabits,383
duringpsychedelicexperiences,46,63
andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156,159
ruminationin,383
Apolloastronauts,358–59,373
artificialintelligence(AI),325–26
authorityofpsychedelicexperiences,59,71,346,365–66
autism,37
autobiographicalself,304,387–88,391
awe,experiencesof,306,373–75,389
ayahuasca
inaddictiontreatments,369n
ingroupsettings,405
lackofresearchon,18
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,410–13
ritualuseof,402,404
andUDVcourtcase,27–28
Aztecs,2,108–9
badtrips
andbacklashagainstpsychedelics,3
andexpectationsoftherapist,347
firstbadtrip,24
ingeneralpopulation,209
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,152
androleofguides,405
androleofsetting,14
Weil’s“treatment”for,210
Balick,Michael,107
Barlow,JohnPerry,183
BayAreatechcommunity,171,175–83,181n
Bayesianinferences,261–63
Bazer,Dinah,284–85,344–45,355
BeHereNow(RamDass),205
Beatles,143,204
BeckleyFoundation,228,297,299
behaviorism,149
being/doingduality,280–81,282
belladonna,152,370
Belser,Alexander,351
Bergson,Henri,56,162
Bessant,Charles,360,361,362–63
Beug,Michael,101,121–23
“BicycleDay”(April19),24
Bigwood,Jeremy,101
bioterrorism,89
birthexperiences,155,176,240,279–80,341–42,344
Blake,William,82,161,194
Bogenschutz,Michael,369,370–72
Boothby,Richard,65,67–68,69,70,72,75
Bossis,Tony
onauthenticityquestions,347
andBazerstherapy,344–45
onculturalfearofdeath,404
andMettes’stherapy,336,337–38,340–43,346,357
onresultswithcancerpatients,336
onroleofguides,402
TheBotanyofDesire(Pollan),12–13
brainscience,2–3,24.Seealsoneuroscienceofpsychedelics
Brand,Stewart,182,183–85,359
BraveNewWorld(Huxley),160
breathwork,242–44,245,245n,306
Brewer,Judson
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322,325
andmeditationexperiment,392–95
andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,305,306,322,390–91
Bronfman,Jeffrey,49
Bucke,R.M.,289
Buckley,Lord,157
Buddhism,16,288,305,392
Burgess,Tammy,346
BurningMan,83,184
Bush,George,27,181
Caen,Herb,204
CaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies,232–33,402
Canada,147–50,171,198
cancerpatientresearch,331–58
andauthenticityquestions,347–49
andbirthexperiences,338–39,344
commonthemesin,344–46
criticismsofresearch,350n
anddeathrehearsalprocess,346
andfearofdeath,8,79,336–37,346–47
andfear/anxietyduringtreatments,341,345
andflightinstructions,338,341
follow-upstudy,351–52
Griffithsslandmarkpaperon,10–11,29–30
meaningin,352–55
andmysticalexperiences,79,349,350–51
atNewYorkUniversity,332–33,337–38
originsof,338–39
andPatrickMettes,332,336,337–38,340–44,346–47,356–57
andperspectiveshiftsofpatients,339–40
andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,159
resultsof,349–50
atSpringGrove,218
treatmentroomsin,331–32
andvisionsofdeath,345–46
volunteers’accountsof,351–52
cannabisandmarijuana,36,37,138,138n,204,299
Capture:UnravelingtheMysteryofMentalSuffering(Kessler),383
Carhart-Harris,Robin
onconsciousness-expansion,322
anddepressionpilotstudy,329–30,376–81
ondisorganizingeffectofpsychedelics,314,314n
andeffectofpsilocybinonbrainactivity,300–301
andFeilding,297,299
andGopnik,323–24
onpoliticaleffectsofpsychedelics,315
onpredictive/sensorydata,310–11
psychoanalysisresearchof,296–97,311
onrewiringofbrain,316,320,327,384
onvalueofpsychedelicexperiences,315,328
Seealsodefaultmodenetwork(DMN);entropicbraintheory
carpenterants,89,96–97
CBSNews,57,113
celebritiesonpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156–57,171
CentralIntelligenceAgency(CIA)
andculturalupheavalofthesixties,206–7
andHubbard,166,171–72
MK-Ultraexperimentsof,59,113n,172,172n,206,207
andpsychotomimeticmodel,172
andsearchforLSDapplications,142,206
CentreforPsychiatry,ImperialCollegeLondon,295–96
Charnay,Amy,66–67,73
Chekhov,Anton,381,382
children
consciousnessof,323–28
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),312,328
memoriesfromchildhood,222,307
problemsolvingin,325–28
asR&Dstageofspecies,327
andsuppressionofentropy,328
Clavicepspurpurea,84.SeealsoLSD(lysergicaciddiethylamide)
Cleaver,Eldridge,204
Coburn,James,156
cocaine,7
Cohen,Sidney
ambivalenceaboutpsychedelics,158–59,175
andBillW’spsychedelicexperiences,152–53
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174,175
andcongressionalhearings,217
andHubbard,171,174,175
onLeary’smethodologicalissues,191
LSDexperiencesof,153–54
andLSDtherapy,156
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219,220
onrisksofpsychedelics,210–11
onterminalpatients,339
colonycollapsedisorder(CCD),89
colorblindness,310
“ComeTogether”(Beatles),204
CommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174–75
CompassPathways,401
computertechnology,183–84,183n
ConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n,195
consciousness
andarrivalofpsychedelics,2
Bergsonon,162
Carhart-Harris’stheoryon,312–13,314
ofchildren,323–28
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),302,306,307
expandingrepertoireof,408–9
expansionandcontractionof,322–23
andHuxley’s“reducingvalve”concept,161–62,289,307,313,322
hypnagogicconsciousness,252
Jesseon,41
lanternvs.spotlight,325
Learyon,187
andmeditation,408–9
neuroscienceof,293–95,302,305–6,307–9,311–14,322–23
andourperceptionsofreality,137
andparadoxofpsilocybin,85
philosophicalapproachto,294
preconceptions,308
asproductofbrain,41,265
aspropertyoftheuniverse,56,264,314
andquantummechanics,413–14
scientificevidencefor,348–49
andtrepanation,298
universaldesiretochange,13
valueofalteredstatesof,406–9
convictionassociatedwithmysticalexperiences,41,70–71
Cordyceps,89,96–97
Cosimano,Mary,61,73
Costa,JoséGabrielda,27–28
CouncilonSpiritualPractices(CSP),43,49–51,228
counterculture
andcomputertechnology,183–84,183n
do-it-yourselfapproachof,215
andEasternreligion,205
effortstodistancepsychedelicresearchfrom,84
andgenerationgap,215–16
andHubbard,181,181n,200
inevitabilityof,215–16
andKesey’sAcidTests,206–7
andLeary,203–4,205
negativeassociationsof,58
andNixonadministration,58
psychedelics’linkto,205,215–16
and“psychedelics”term,19
andRamDass,205
andresearchers,215
riseof,3
andupheavalsofthesixties,205–7,215–16,315
andVietnamWar,215
Coyne,James,350n
creativeimagination,156,175,179,183,319
culturalrevolution,175,197,205–7.Seealsocounterculture
cybernetics,183
DalaiLama,41
dangersofpsychedelics,14–15,209–11,209n
Davis,Wade,107,274
deathanddying
deathrehearsalprocess,346,389
deathsassociatedwithpsychedelics,14,211
fearof,8,78–79,218,223,336–37,339,346–47,353,355,404
Griffithssoutlookon,79–80
andhospiceservices,401
near-deathexperiences,306
perceptionsof,68,70,79
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,267,269
reconnectionswiththedead,67
visionsof,345–46
Seealsocancerpatientresearch
defaultmodenetwork(DMN)
activityreductionsin,300,304–6,313–14,316–20,322
andautobiographicalnarratives,304,387–88,391
andchildren’sbrains,312,328
anddepression,313,378,387–88
discoveryof,301–2
anddisorganizingeffectofpsychedelics,314n
effectofpsilocybinon,300–301,304–5
andego,312,313–14,329,387,388
andegodissolution,304–5,351
evolutionof,312
andexistentialdistress,353
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322–23
functionof,301–4,306–7
keystructuresof,301n
andmentalillness,329,386
andmentaltimetravel,387
andmysticalexperiences,306
overactivityin,313,353,378,386
andposteriorcingulatecortex,387–88,391–93
quietingthroughmeditation,305,306,391,392–95
andrelationshiptonature,315–16
andrewiringofbrain,316–20,353–54
andsnowtrailsmetaphor,385
Delysid(LSD-25),142–43,145–46,216–17
depatterningfactor,124
depression,375–81
andaccesstoemotions,379–80
addiction’slinksto,383
andantidepressants,147,293,335,335n,382
andautobiographicalnarratives,387–88
Carhart-Harris’spilotstudyon,329–30,376–81
anddefaultmodenetwork,313,378,387–88
disconnectionexperiencedin,377–78
andego’styranny,367
andexcessoforderinbrain,313,329,385
inadequatetreatmentsfor,335
andmentaltimetravel,387
andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156
returnof,380–81
andrumination,377–78,383
andstudiesrequestedbyFDA,375–76
DiagnosticandStatisticalManualofMentalDisorders(DSM),383
dimethyltryptamine(DMT),27,48,293
Doblin,Rick
ambitionsof,36–37,401–2
backgroundof,35
onlegalization,402
andMAPS,35,36–37,397
andMDMAtrials,48
onprogressoffield,397,403–4
onqualityofHarvard-basedresearch,45–46,191
TheDoorsofPerception(Huxley),25,143,160,162,201,253
double-blindtrialsinresearch,208
dreamsanddreaming,155,292,297
DrugEnforcementAdministration(DEA),60
drugwar,28,50,398
DrugsWithouttheHotAir(Nutt),300n
Dulles,Allen,165
Dylan,Bob,114
Dyson,Esther,183
Easternreligions,205
eatingdisorders,313,367
ecstasyinpsychedelicexperiences,111
ego
andAlcoholicsAnonymous(AA),370
andawe-inspiringexperiences,374
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),312,313–14,329,387,388
excessivecontrolof,313,315,367,388
andexistentialdistress,353
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,323
andfearofdeath,339
functionsof,352
andmentaltimetravel,387
silencingof,288–90,394–95
andspirituality,390
weakenedstateof,252–53
egodissolution
andaddictiontreatment,366
attitudespredictedby,316n
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),304–5,351
andGriffithsslandmarkpaper,10
inHofmann’strip,24
andmysticalexperiences,389
andnoeticquality,42
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,252,263–65,270–71,277
andspirituality,288,390
therapeuticvalueof,389–90
volunteers’accountsof,65–66
Einstein,Albert,367
Eisner,Betty
onCohen’s“unsanity,”154
andHubbard,171,174
andLSDtherapy,156
paranormalinterestsof,208
andWestCoastresearchhub,152–53
Eliot,T.S.,136
emergencyroomadmissions,14,209–10
Emerson,RalphWaldo,136,286
emotions
accesstodifficult,379–80
andcancerpatientresearch,351–52,353
inhibitedbydefaultmodenetwork,307
andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,317
Engelbart,Doug,179,179n,183–84
engineers’useofpsychedelics,182
English,William,179
entheogens,19,103
entropicbraintheory
andaging,321
andchildren’sbrains,312,323–28
andcommunicationswithinbrain,316–20,318–19
andevolutionofdefaultmodenetwork,312
andexcessorderinbrain,313,315,385
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322–23
andgrandunifiedtheoryofmentalillness,385
andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,313–14,316–20
andspectrumofcognitivestates,313,315,385
andvalueofpsychedelics,313–14,315,385
environment,attitudestoward,315–16,359
environment,personal,372–73
environmentofpsychedelicexperiences
andbadtrips,152
andcriticismsofpsychedelictherapy,207–8
Hubbard’srolein,164,169–70,190
andOsmondandHoffer’sresearch,151,152,163–64
and“setandsetting”concepts,14,53,151,190,207–8
ergot,22–23,84
EsalenInstitute,47–48,49–51
EuropeanMedicinesAgency(EMA),376–77
EvergreenStateCollege,101,102
evolution,roleofpsilocybinin,115–16
existentialdistress,8,78–79,218,223,336–37,353
expectancyeffects
andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158
andexpectationsoftherapist,347
andGriffithsspsilocybinresearch,62–63,64
andHuxley,143–44,161–62
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,150
ExxonValdezdisaster,88
Fadiman,James
andAlpert(laterRamDass),177
andCouncilonSpiritualPractices,49
andcreativedoseofLSD,184
andHubbard,172
atInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy,177–78,183,184
andJesse,43–44,46,49
aspioneerinfield,43–44
ThePsychedelicExplorersGuide,229
andresearchapprovalrevokedbyFDA,57,217–18
onSchuster,50
andundergroundtherapists,228
Fahey,ToddBrendan,165,166,181
fasting,306
FederalBureauofInvestigation(FBI),164
Feilding,Amanda
backgroundof,297–99
andCarhart-Harris,296,297,299
cerebralcirculationtheoryof,298,299,305n
andresearchfunding,299,300
Fischer,Roland,97
5-HT
2A
receptors,292–93,354n
5-MeO-DMT(TheToad),272–90,291–92
flashbacks,3,209
Flashbacks(Leary),139,187,190n
flightinstructions
andcancerpatientresearchatNYU,338,341
andHopkins’spsilocybinresearch,63,64,72
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,246,259–60
Fomesfomentarius,87
FoodoftheGods(McKenna),115
forests,mycelialnetworksin,91,91n
Frankl,Viktor,352n
Freud,Sigmund,155,294,297,307,312,314,389
fungi
Clavicepspurpurea,84(seealsoLSD)
Cordyceps,89,96–97
andforests,91,91n
Galerinaautumnalis,94
mycelialnetworksof,84n,90–91,118,122
andmycoremediation,88
Stamets’sadvocacyfor,87–90
SeealsoPsilocybes
FungiPerfectioperationofStamets,86n,126
Gaiahypothesis,359
Galerinaautumnalis,94
Gates,Bill,175
Ginsberg,Allen,193–94,203,205
Gitlin,Todd,216
Godexperiences,71,343,344,345,371–72
Goldsmith,George,398–99,400–401
GoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,60,80–81,191–92
Gopnik,Alison,323–28,329
Gottlieb,Sidney,172n
Grant,Cary,157
Graves,Robert,107
Grey,Alex,125
Griffiths,Roland
onapplicationsforwellpeople,404–5
onauthenticityquestions,76,348–49
onauthorityofexperiences,365
awakeningof,33
backgroundof,31–34
careersuccessof,78
commitmenttoresearch,77
ondeath,79–80
anddepressionresearch,375–76
andJesse,38,51–52
onlongtermchangesinopenness,319–20
onmeaningassociatedwithpsychedelicexperiences,75
mushroommedallionsof,82–83
mysteriesanduncertaintiesembracedby,75,79,80
onpreparingvolunteersfortrials,64
“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-TypeExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonal
MeaningandSpiritualSignificance,”10–11,29–30
andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,60,62,65,79,360
onresearchatSpringGrove,56
andRichards,53
onSchuster,50
spiritualemphasisof,62
on“threats”ofpsychedelics,59
Grinker,Roy,208,211
Grob,Charles
on“appliedmysticism,”207,334
onfirstwaveresearch,333
andMDMAtrials,48
andshamanicparadigm,208,334
Grof,Stanislav
onAmericanvalues,58–59
onamplificationeffectsofpsychedelics,159
onbirthexperiences,155
andCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies,232
atEsalenInstitute,47
andguides,225,230,240
RealmsoftheHumanUnconscious,297
andRichards,53
atSpringGrove,57,218
andterminalpatients,339
groupsettings,psychedelicsin,405
Guatemala,114–15
guides
andbadtrips,405
codeofethics,229
andfutureofpsychedelics,402–3
guidelinesandprotocolsof,226–27,230,230n
andintegrationofjourney,250–52,269–71,282,364,402,405–6
interviewswith,231–35
personalexperienceswithpsychedelics,227
inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,237–41,242,254–57,272–74
inpsychedelicunderground,223–30
qualificationsof,224
risksassumedby,224–25
roleof,215,242,364–65,405–6
andsecondwaveofresearch,227
shrinesoraltarsof,231–32,245–46,254–55
trainingof,225,402
websitefor,228–30
Guss,Jeffrey,335,352,354,369
habits,360–64.Seealsosmokingcessation
hackercommunity,184
hallucinations,310,317
hallucinogens(term),18
Harman,Willis
ambitionsof,181
andHubbard,166
andInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS),177
andJesse,46,49
andpsychedelicsinSiliconValley,176–77
researchoncreativeproblemsolving,179
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219
atStanfordResearchInstitute,180–82
HarvardPsilocybinProject
controversysurrounding,194–97
criticismsof,46,76,195
misperceptionsof,140
natureofexperimentsin,189
andresearchofpreviousdecade,140,185
researchers’consumptionofdrugsin,189,195
andWeil,201
HarvardUniversity
andConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n,195
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,60,191–92
andJames,188,196
Leary’semploymentat,140,186–87,201–3
andLeary’spsychedelicseminar,188–89
andSchultes,107
Hayes,John,70,72–73
Heard,Gerald,174,176
HeffterResearchInstitute,48–49,228
Helms,Richard,172n
Hendricks,Peter,373
hierarchies,psychedelics’abilitytooverturn,315
HighPriest(Leary),187–88
Hinduism,16
hippiesofthesixties,203–4,315
history,personal,372–73
Hitchcock,Billy,203
Hoffer,Abram
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174
andHubbard,168,170,174
andLeary,198
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,147–52,170
andpsychotomimeticmodel,159–60
androleofenvironment,151
Hofmann,Albert
birthdaycelebrationfor,21–22
creationofLSD-25,1–2,22–23
andHubbard,167
isolationofpsilocybinandpsilocin,113
andmushroomconferences,103
psychedelicexperiencesof,23–25,113,142
onreconnectionwithnature,25–26
andStamets,97,103
andsyntheticpsilocybin,83,113
Holland,Julie,402
Hollywoodcelebrities,156–57,171
holotropicbreathwork,242–44,245,245n,306
honeybeesandcolonycollapsedisorder,89,128
Hoover,J.Edgar,168
hospice,psychedelic,401
HuautladeJiménezinsouthernMexico,2,108,110,112,113–14
Hubbard,Al
advocacyforpsychedelics,167–68
ambitionsof,167–68,173,181,194,198n
backgroundof,164–67
andBayAreacommunity,171,175–78,180–83
CaptainTripsnickname,171
andCIA,166,171–72
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174–75
contradictionsinlifeof,164,169
andcounterculture,181,181n,200
andenvironmentofpsychedelicexperiences,164
andguides,225,230
andHuxley,172–74
andleadingresearchers,170–71
andLeary,199–200,219,220
LSDexperiencesof,167
andmescaline,169,173
andOsmond,168–69,200
andOsmond/Hoffer’sresearch,170
andpsychedelictherapyparadigm,160,164,169–70,171,207
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219,220
andSandozLSD,167,170
atStanfordResearchInstitute,180–82
ontherapeuticvalueofpsychedelics,169
andWasson,170
HumanBe-IninSanFrancisco,203–4
Humboldt,Alexandervon,126–27,128,134
Huxley,Aldous
ambitionsof,194,198n
BraveNewWorld,160
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174
deathof,338
TheDoorsofPerception,25,143,160,162,201,253
onego,253,289
andexpectancyeffects,143–44,161–62
andHubbard,172–74
imprintonmodernpsychedelicexperiences,111,143–44,162
andLeary,198
LSDexperiencesof,173–74
mescalineexperienceof,144,151,160–62
and“MindatLarge”state,264,315,389
andOsmond,160,174
PerennialPhilosophyconceptof,162,232
andpsychedelictherapyparadigm,160,207
and“psychedelics”term,160,162–63
“reducingvalve”conceptof,161–62,289,307,313,322,353
andterminalpatients,338
Huxley,Laura,172
Hyams,Joe,157
hypnagogicconsciousness,252
ibogaine,369n
imagination,308
ImperialCollegeLondon’sCentreforPsychiatry,295–96.SeealsoCarhart-Harris,Robin
industrialwaste,mycoremediationof,88
ineffabilityofmysticalexperiences,40,54,69,251,270,285
Insel,Tom,335,383,388n,398,401
interconnectedness
andaddictiontreatment,362–63
AlcoholicsAnonymous’semphasison,370
andcancerpatientresearch,351
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),305
anddepressionpilotstudy,379
inmysticalexperiences,285,305
andovervieweffect,359
andPollan’sPsilocybesexperience,134
Stametson,125
InternationalFederationforInternalFreedom(IFIF),197,198,199,203
InternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS)
andBrand,183
closureof,180
Fadiman’sworkat,43–44
andLeary,198
researchapprovalrevokedbyFDA,44,217–18
researchconductedat,177–79
Inuitpeople,13n
Jagger,Mick,114
James,William
onconsciousness,16–17,136,137,244,407
onfourhallmarksofmysticalexperiences,69–72
onjudgingmysticalexperiences,347
andmysticalexperiencesurvey,282
onnoeticqualityofmysticalexperiences,41,69–70,275
andquestionsofveracity,76–77
researchatHarvard,188,196
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219
TheVarietiesofReligiousExperience,69
Janiger,Oscar
andcelebritiesinLSDtherapy,156–57
andHubbard,171,172
andLSDtherapy,156
andWestCoastresearchhub,153
Jesse,Bob
backgroundof,38–40,42–43
behind-the-scenesworkof,37
andbettermentofwellpeople,45,51,401–2,404
cabinof,37–38
andCouncilonSpiritualPractices,43,49–51,228
andDoblin’sambitions,36
earlypsychedelicexperiencesof,39–40
andeldersofpsychedeliccommunity,43–44
andEsalenInstitute,48,49
andfirst-waveofpsychedelicresearch,44–45,46–47
andGriffiths,38,51–52
andJohnHopkinsexperiment,81
andMDMA,51
and“medicalization”concerns,51,400
andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,10,60
on“recreationaluse”term,38,400
andRichards,52
roleof,insecond-waveresearch,34–35
spiritualemphasisof,51
Jobs,Steve,175
Johanson,Chris-Ellyn,50
JohnHopkins’spsychedelicresearch
andastronaut/groundcontrolmetaphor,65
withcancerpatients,8,10–11,332–33,349
controllingforexpectancyeffectsin,62,64
andhallmarksofmysticalstates,69–72
landmarkpsilocybinpaper,10–11,29–30
launchoftrial,60–61
preparingvolunteersin,63–65,67
recruitmentofvolunteersfor,61
replicationofGoodFridayexperiment,192
andsitters,63–64,74
andStamets,92
ontherapeuticapplications,78–79
volunteers’accountsof,63,65–69,70–71,72–75
Johnson,Matthew
backgroundof,360
onbanalinsights,364
andego’scontrol,388
and“mentalreboot,”366,384
andpersonalhistory/environment,372–73
onreactionstopowerfulexperiences,406
andsmokingcessationstudy,360,364
onvalueofpsychedelics,366–68
Jung,Carl,7,73,232,389
Kaelen,Mendel,384–85
KaiserHospitalinOakland,186
Kalliontzi,Krystallia,338,340,342
Katz,Sidney,148,154
Kelly,Kevin,183
Kelman,Herbert,187,195–96
Keltner,Dacher,373–74,375
Kennedy,RobertF.,217
Kerouac,Jack,193
Kesey,Ken,102,184,206–7
Kessler,David,383
Kleber,HerbertD.,29–30
Kleiman,Mark,49
Kubrick,Stanley,156
Kurland,Albert,218
Laing,R.D.,223
LeagueforSpiritualDiscovery,203
Leary,Timothy
arrestsandsentencesof,138,204
candorof,213–14
andconcernsofresearchcommunity,198–201
andConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n
andcongressionalhearings,217
onconsciousness-expansion,322
andcounterculture,203–4,205
criticismsofresearch,46,191,194–97
andculturalupheavalofthesixties,205–7
deemed“mostdangerousmaninAmerica,”58
desiretoeffectsocialchanges,173,192,194,198n,199,213
do-it-yourselfapproachof,200,215
andEasterninfluences,143–44
exuberanceof,187–88,192
Flashbacks,139,187,190n
andGinsberg,193–94,205
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,191–92
government’spursuitof,204
andguides,225,230
atHarvard,140,186–87,201–3
HighPriest,187–88
andHubbard,199–200,219,220
impactonpsychedelicresearch,9,185–86,190,198–99,212,219–20,403
andInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom,197,198,199,203
andmoralpanicprovokedbypsychedelics,185,205
andOsmond,198–99
post-Harvardlifeof,203–6
andpsilocybin,187–88
psychedelicseminarofferedby,188–89
andpsychedelics’escapefromthelab,197
andresearchofpreviousdecade,140,185,189
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219–20
andRichards,53
“set”and“setting”conceptsof,151,190
smilingpersonaof,139,199,205,220
“turnon,tunein,dropout”sloganof,138,139,204,206
andWasson’sLifemagazinearticle,113
andWeil,201–3
SeealsoHarvardPsilocybinProject
LeavesofGrass(Whitman),286
legalstatusofpsychedelics,3,402,405
Lennon,John,114,204
Letcher,Andy,112
Liddy,G.Gordon,205
Lieberman,Jeffrey,403
Lifemagazine
onmoralpanic,211–12
Wasson’spsilocybinarticlein,2,103–9,113
limbicsystem,307
Lincoff,Gary,102
Linkletter,Art,5
LosAngelesgroup,152,153,154–58.SeealsoCohen,Sidney;Eisner,Betty;Janiger,Oscar
LSD(lysergicaciddiethylamide)
accidentalinventionof,1–2,22–25
andAcidTestsofKesey,184,206
asalcoholismtreatment,141,148–53,368–69,370
andbadtrips,209,210
and“BicycleDay,”24
bootleg/undergroundproductionof,181n,209
andbrainscience,2–3,24,147
casualuseof,211,212
CIAsresearchon,59,113n,142,172,172n,206,207
Cohen’sambivalenceabout,158–59
creationmythof,22–25
andcreativeimagination,175
asderivativeoffungus,84
engineers’useof,182
“escapingfromthelab,”157–58
andFeilding’scerebralcirculationtheory,298
firstLSDtrips,23–25
Hubbardontherapeuticvalueof,169
legalstatusof,3,181
andMansonmurders,5,367
misinformationabout,5
moralpanicprovokedby,138–39,209
Nuttonlowrisksof,300
perceiveddangersof,209–11,209n
andpharmaceuticalcompanies,400
politicalbaggageof,51,333
andpoliticalupheavalsofthesixties,315
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,237–54
andpsychotomimeticmodel,153–54,162
receptorsfor,292–93
andresearchatEsalenInstitute,47
Sandoz’sdistributionofDelysid,142–43,148,152,176
Sandoz’swithdrawalofDelysid,143,216–17
andschizophreniaresearch,146–47
andsecondwaveofresearch,333
inSiliconValley,175–80
andSpringGrove’sresearch,56–58,59,218
subversivepowerof,214
astryptamine,291–92
youthculture’sadoptionof,25,212
Luce,ClareBoothe,104,212
Luce,Henry,104,212
machinelearning,325–26
MacLean,Katherine,37,74,346,401,402
Maclean’s,148
magicalthinking,312,314,317,389
Malievskaia,Ekaterina,399
mania,383
Man’sSearchforMeaning(Frankl),352n
Manson,Charles,5,367
marijuanaandcannabis,36,37,138,138n,204,299
MarylandPsychiatricResearchCenteratSpringGrove,52,57,218
Maslow,Abraham,49,55,232
materialistperspective,12,85,135
Mayancivilization,274
MazatecIndians,83,109,110,112
McClelland,David,191,195,197
McDaniels,Terry,370–72
McHugh,Paul,76
McKenna,Terence,97,115–17,121
McLuhan,Marshall,138,139,204,205
MDMA(Ecstasy)
andcardiacconcerns,236–37
Doblin’sdistributionof,36
Nutt’sconclusionson,299
andphase3trialsapproval,397
inPTSDtreatments,18,36–37
Schusteron,51
Shulgin’ssynthesisof,44
andtherapeuticbond,236–37
trialsfor,48
meaning,personal
andawe-inspiringexperiences,375
andcancerpatientresearch,11,63,352–55
constructionof,354
andegodissolution,389
and5-HT
2A
receptors,354n
Griffithson,75–76
andsuggestibilityofpsychedelics,354
valueof,355
media
andHarvardPsilocybinProjectcontroversy,194–95,196–97
andKatz’s“My12HoursasaMadman,”148,154
andLSD’sescapefromthelab,157
onmoralpanic,211–12
onperilsofpsychedelics,209,209n
onpsychedelicsatHarvard,202
onpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156–57
medicalizationofpsychedelicdrugs,36,51,400,402
meditation
andaccesstoothermodesofconsciousness,408–9
ofGriffiths,32–33
andmentaltimetravel,387
andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,305,306,391,392–95
memories,307,317
MenloPark,psychedelicusein
andCIAsmindcontrolresearch,206–7
andHubbard,171,177–78
atInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy,43–44,177–80,198,217,228
Menninger,Karl,368
mentalillness
associatedwithmentalrigidity,329
commonunderlyingmechanismfor,383–84
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),329,386
andegoinlow-entropydisorders,313
grandunifiedtheoryof,383–84,385
inadequatetreatmentsfor,335–36
potentialforcuring,377
andsuicides,335
Seealsoaddiction;depression
MerryPranksters,206–7
mescaline
andHarvardcontroversy,202
andHubbard,169,173
andHuxley,144,150–51,160–62
andJames,17
andOsmond’sresearch,146,147
perceiveddangersof,210
andpsychotomimeticmodel,162
andschizophreniaresearch,146
andWeil,201
MesoamericanIndians,107
Mettes,Patrick,332,336,337–38,340–44,346,356–57
Metzner,Ralph,190,191,195
Michaux,Henri,278n
“microdosing,”14n,175
middle-agedpeople,7,73,321
Miller,Savannah,363–64
mindwandering,304
MiserableMiracle(Michaux),278n
Mitchell,Edgar,358–59
MK-UltraexperimentsofCIA,59,113n,172,172n,206,207
Moore,James,113n
moralpanicprovokedbypsychedelics
effectof,onpsychedelicresearch,185,205
andLeary,138–39,205
mediacoverageof,211–12
andoutlawingofpsychedelics,3
MultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelicStudies(MAPS),35,36–37,191,228,397–99
mushrooms
identificationof,94–96,119
lethalvarietiesof,86,94
inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,257–58,266
Russula,119
stoneartifactsof,114–15
SeealsoPsilocybes;psilocybin
Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory(Wasson),114n
mycelialnetworks,84n,90–91,118,122
MyceliumRunning(Stamets),88,90
mycopesticides,89
mycoremediation,88
mysteriumtremendum,277
MysticalExperienceQuestionnaires(MEQs),282–84
mysticalexperiences
ofagnosticsandatheists,74,222,284–85,345
andawe-inspiringexperiences,375
brain-basedexplanationsfor,76
incancerpatientresearch,79,349,350–51
anddeactivationofdefaultmodenetwork,305–6
andegodissolution,389
inEuropeanresearch,64
andexpectancyeffects,143
andfanaticism/fundamentalism,37,81
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45,191–92
ofGriffiths,33
andGriffithsslandmarkpaper,10–11,29–30
ofHubbard,167
ofHuxley,161
ineffabilityof,40,54,69,251,270,285
interconnectednessin,285,305
languageof,285–87
inliterature,286–87
andlossofsubjectivity,305–6
noeticqualityof,41–42,69–70,275,285,305–6
andovervieweffect,359
andparadoxes,85,345
passivityashallmarkof,72
profundity/banalityofinsightsfrom,70–71,251
ofRichards,53–55
scienceasameansto,77–78,81
andscience-mysticismparadox,347–48
sharedtraitsof,285
andsmokingcessation,361
strengthof,correlatedwithoutcomes,361
andsuggestibilityofpsychedelics,64
transiencyashallmarkof,71–72
ofWasson,111
ofZeff,226
Nabokov,Vladimir,349
Nagel,Thomas,294
narcissism,157
NASAsphotoofEarthfromspace,184–85
NationalInstituteofMentalHealth,56
NativeAmericans
conversiontoChristianity,112
andpeyote,27,368
sacramentaluseofplants,2,27,83,108–9,112
andSpanishsuppressionofmushrooms,108–9
TheNaturalMind(Weil),159
nature
attitudestoward,315–16,379
Hofmannonreconnectionwith,25–26
near-deathexperiences,306
negativethinking,353,383–84
neurochemistry,emergenceof,147,293
neuroplasticity,320,384
neuroscienceofpsychedelics,291–330
andauthorityofpsychedelicexperiences,365–66
andBayesianinferences,261–63
andchildren’sbrains,323–28
andconsciousness,293–95,302,305–6,307–9,311–14,322–23
anddisorganizingeffectofpsychedelics,314
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322–23
andhallucinations,310
andmentalrigidityinmentalillness,329–30
andpredictivecoding,307–8,310,311,321,325
andpsychoanalysis,296–97,299,311
receptors,292–93,314n
andrewiringofbrain,316–20,31819,353–54
androtatingfacemasktest,261–63,267
andvisualcortex,365
Seealsodefaultmodenetwork(DMN);entropicbraintheory
neurotransmitters,147
NewAge,205,224
NewYorkTimes,7–8,114,349
NewYorkUniversity
alcoholismtreatmentat,369
cancerpatientresearchat,8,141,332–33,337–38,349,350
Nichols,David,48–49,348
Nicholson,Jack,156
Nin,Anaïs,156
nitrousoxide,17,69
Nixon,Richard,58,181,219,315
noeticqualityofmysticalexperiences,41–42,69–70,275,285,305–6
TheNoondayDemon(Solomon),383
Novak,Steven,158
Nutt,David
backgroundof,299–300
andCarhart-Harris’sresearch,295–96,297,300
oncomparativerisksofdrugs,299–300,300n
anddepressionpilotstudy,329
DrugsWithouttheHotAir,300n
onrepression,307
obsessive-compulsivedisorder
andego’styranny,367
andexcessoforderinbrain,313,329,385
andnegativethinkinghabits,383
andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156
ololiuqui(seedsofthemorningglory),107
Olson,Frank,172
opennesstoexperience
andegodissolution,316n
longtermchangesin,74,319–20
inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,135,137,222,252
opiates,212,369n
Osmond,Humphry
ambitionsof,194
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174
andHubbard,168–69,170,174,200
andHuxley,160,174
andLeary,198–99,198n
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,148–52,170
andmescaline,146–47
andpsychedelictherapyparadigm,160,163,169,207
and“psychedelics”term,160,162–63
and“psychodelytic”term,199
andpsychotomimeticmodel,162,169
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219,220
androleofenvironment,151
schizophreniaresearchof,146–47
Ott,Jonathan,25,101,103
overdosingwithpsychedelics,14
overvieweffect,359–60,366,375,380,389
Pahnke,Walter
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,80–81,191–92
onmodesofconsciousness,409n
andmysticalexperiencesurvey,282
andRichards,53,54–55
atSpringGrove,57,218
paranoia,310
passivityofmysticalexperiences,72
peakexperiences,Maslow’sconceptof,49,55
perceptionsandsenses,308–9
PersontoPersonCBSnewsprogram,113
personalitydisorders,56
petrochemicalwaste,mycoremediationof,88
peyote,17,27,368,404,405.Seealsomescaline
pharmaceuticalcompanies,400
phase3trialsforpsychedelics,397,400
phenomenology,42,149
ThePhilosophicalBaby(Gopnik),325
placeboeffect,347,368,382
placebo-controlleddouble-blindtrials,208
platitudes,251
Plotkin,Mark,107
Plowman,Tim,107
politicaleffectsofpsychedelics,315
pollution,mycoremediationof,88
posteriorcingulatecortex(PCC),322,387–88,391–93
post-traumaticstressdisorder(PTSD),18,36–37
prayer,306
predictivecodingbybrain,307–8,310,311,321,325
Previn,André,156
primates’consumptionofmushrooms,97–98,123
problemsolving
high/lowtemperaturesearchesin,325–27
impactofLSDon,179,182
andrewiringofbrain,318–19
protocolsforpsychedelicuse,valueof,214–15
psilocin
andanimals’mushroomconsumption,123
Hofmann’sisolationof,113
andmaterialistperspective,135
measuring,102
andmushroomidentification,95,119
inmycelium,122
PsilocybeMushroomsandTheirAllies(Stamets),101
Psilocybes
authorsearlyexperiencewith,5–6
andAztecs,2
consumedbyanimals,93,98,122–23
evolutionaryfunctionofpsilocybinin,84,121–24
as“fleshofthegods,”2,83,109
habitatsof,93–94,101
identificationof,94–96
LatinAmericansourcesof,101
legalpenaltiesforpossessionof,118
andmushroomconferences,102–3
NativeAmericans’useof,2,83,107
newspeciesidentified,86,101–2
P.azurescens,86,92,94,117–21,128–34
inPacificNorthwest,102
andPollan’sazurescensexperience,128–37,161–62
sacramentaluseof,2,93,107,109,112
searchingfor,117–21
andshrooms(term),92
speciesof,93
Stamets’simagesof,115
andStonedApeTheory,97–98,115–17
suppressionof,2,59,108–9
Wasson’srediscoveryof,59,101
psilocybin
arrivalof,intheWest,1,2
andCIAspsychedelicresearch,113n
andConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n
discoveryof,83
effectof,onbrainactivity,300–301
evolutionaryfunctionof,84,121–24
andGinsberg,193–94,205
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,80–81,191
atHarvard(seeHarvardPsilocybinProject)
Hofmann’sisolationof,113
atHopkins(seeJohnHopkins’spsychedelicresearch)
andhumanevolution,116
JohnHopkins’slandmarkpaperon,10–11
Leary’sintroductionto,187–88
materialist/nonmaterialistparadoxof,85
andmysticalexperiences,10–11
andpharmaceuticalcompanies,400
andphase3trialsapproval,397
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,254–72,284
receptorsfor,293
andrewiringofbrain,317,31819
Schusteronresearchpotentialof,51
andsecondwaveofresearch,79,333
andSpringGrove’sresearch,218
andStamets’smessengertheory,124–25
andstudiesrequestedbyFDA,375–76
syntheticversionof,83–84,113
astryptamine,291–92
Seealsomushrooms
“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-TypeExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaning
andSpiritualSignificance”(Griffiths,Richards,McCann,Jesse),10–11,29–30
PsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld(Stamets),86
PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered(GrinspoonandBakalar),194
ThePsychedelicExplorersGuide(Fadiman),229
psychedelicjourneysofPollan
andcardiacconcerns,235–37,244–45,245n
andlanguageofmysticism,285–87
withLSD,237–54
andmysticalexperiencesurvey,282–84
withpsilocybin,254–72,284
recapsandreflectionson,250–54,269–72,281–84
andsearchforaguide,231–35
as“spiritual”experience,288–90
withTheToad(5-MeO-DMT),272–90
PsychedelicPsychiatry(Dyck),146n
PsychedelicScience2017,397
psychedelictherapy
as“appliedmysticism,”207
andaspirationsofproponents,173
andbettermentofwellpeople,45,51,78,401,404
andCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies,233
andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158–59
criticismsandchallengesfacedby,207–8
andegodissolution,389–90
emergenceofparadigm,160,163–64,169–71,207
andestablishedpsychiatricfield,207
atfrontierofspiritualityandscience,334
futureof,400–405
growingrecognitionof,399
andHubbard,160,164,169–70,171,207
keyroleofexperiencein,149,169
andlowrisks,210
andprevioustheoreticalmodels,207
andprimingpatients,169–70
protocolsandagreementsof,215,226–27
and“psychedelic-assistedtherapy”term,365,399
rangeofdisordersaddressedby,382–83
asrebootofsystem,366,384,389
resultsof,368–69
andreturnofsymptoms,380–81
revivalof,369
roleofenvironmentin,163–64,169–70,207–8,365
roleoftherapistin,365–66,368(seealsoguides)
shamanism’srolein,334
spiritualtrappingsof,207
andsuggestibilityofpsychedelics,158–59,170
visualimageryin,365–66
Seealsoaddiction;cancerpatientresearch;depression
“psychedelics”term,18–19,144–45,160,162–63
psychiatryfield,207–8,211,400
psychoanalysis,149,155,207,296–97,311
psycholyticmodel,154–57,207
psychosis
andentropicbraintheory,313,385
panicreactionsmistakenfor,210
psychoticbreaks,3,14,209,211
andpsychotomimeticmodel,145,150–51,154,162
andrisksassociatedwithpsychedelics,14,233
psychotherapy,2–3,186,351,369,406
psychotomimeticmodel,145–50
andCIAspsychedelicresearch,172
andCohen,153–54
andestablishedpsychiatricfield,207
andOsmond,162,169
andpsychiatrists’criticismsofpsychedelictherapy,208
andSaskatchewanMentalHospitalinCanada,147–50
quantummechanics,413–14
Raichle,Marcus,301,303
RamDass,203,205,360.SeealsoAlpert,Richard
Rank,Otto,155
ratparkexperiment,372–73
RealmsoftheHumanUnconscious(Grof),297
recidivismatConcordStatePrisonexperiment,46,190–91,190n,195
“recreational”druguse,38,228,399,400
religion
anddruguseinreligiouspractices,27–28
fanaticism/fundamentalismin,81
originsofreligiousbelief,55–56,85,106,111–12
andsuppressionofpsychoactiveplants,2,109
Seealsospirituality
ReligiousFreedomRestorationActof1993,27
renaissanceofpsychedelics
andGriffithsslandmarkpaper,11,29–30
andHofmann’s100thbirthdaycelebration/symposium,21–22,26–27
andsecondwaveofresearch,3–4
andUDVcourtcase,27–28
researchonpsychedelics,firstwave,138–218
andaspirationsofproponents,173,212–13
badtripsin,152
challengesfacedby,144
congressionalhearingson,217
andcounterculture,215
endof,59–60,216–17
andexpectancyeffects,143–44
andexuberanceofresearchers,144,212–13
federalmonitoringof,166
federalrestrictionson,197
federalsupportfor,57–58
fundingfor,57
GoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,60,80–81,191–92
andguides,200
hubsofresearch,153
initiatedbySandoz’sDelysiddistribution,143
andInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy,43–44,177–80,198,217,228
Jesse’sinterestin,44–46
Leary’simpacton,9,185–86,190,198–99,212,219–20
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,148–52
andmethodologicalissues,152,208
andmoralpanicprovokedbypsychedelics,185,205
andpsychedelics’escapefromthelab,157–58,197
andpsycholyticmodel,154–57
andpsychotomimeticmodel,145–50
researchers’consumptionofdrugs,146,148,189,195,208
reunionoffiguresin(1979),218–20
atSaskatchewanMentalHospitalinCanada,147–50
skepticismtoward,144
atSpringGrovefacilities,52,56–58,59,218
structuredapproaches/protocolsof,214–15
suppressionof,44,57–58,60,141–42,332
andterminalpatients,338–40
volumeandscopeof,44–45,141–42
SeealsoCentralIntelligenceAgency(CIA);HarvardPsilocybinProject
researchonpsychedelics,secondwave
absenceofadverseeventsin,14–15
andbettermentofwellpeople,45,51,78,401,404
challengesfacedby,333–34
andcountercultureofthesixties,84
criticsof,76
andCSPwebsite,43
anddiscoveriesoffirst-waveresearch,332
andexuberanceofresearchers,26–27,381,382
FDAprotocolson,48
federalsanctioningof,48
andHofmann’s100thbirthdaycelebration/symposium,21–22,26–27
Jesse’srolein,34–35
andmethodologicalissues,333–34
andphase3trialsforpsychedelics,397,400
replicationofGoodFridayexperiment,192
roleofscientificoutsidersin,34–35
withsyntheticpsilocybin,83–84
andundergroundtherapists,227
Seealsocancerpatientresearch
Rheingold,Howard,183
Richards,Bill
onauthenticityquestions,347
asbridgebetweenfirst/seconderas,52–53
flightinstructionspreparedby,63,72
andJesse,52,53
andPahnke,53,54–55
andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,60–61
psychedelicexperiencesof,53–55
atSpringGrove,52,56–58,218
andterminalpatients,339
riskybehaviorsofpeopleonpsychedelics,14
riteofpassage,psychedelictripsas,3,216,246
ritualsforpsychedelics,404
Roberts,JohnG.,27
RomanCatholicChurch,2,109
Romanticscientists,126–28
Ross,Stephen
onalcoholism,369–70
andnewrespectabilityofresearch,350
onresultswithcancerpatients,336
andstudiesrequestedbyFDA,375–76
onsuppressionofresearch,141–42,332
rotatingfacemasktest,261–63,267,308
Rouiller,Ian,379
rumination,313,329,353,377–78,383
Russell,Bertrand,355
Russulamushroom,119
Sabina,María
inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,261,317
andWasson,110,112,113–14,114n
sacraments,psychedelicusedas,2,27–28,83,93,107–9,112
Sahagún,Bernardinode,108
Samorini,Giorgio,123–24
Sandozpharmaceuticalfirm
creationofLSD-25,1–2,22–23
distributionofLSD-25(Delysid),142–43,148,152,176
andHubbard,167,170
andpsychotomimeticmodel,145–46
withdrawalofDelysid,143,216–17
SaskatchewanMentalHospitalinCanada,147–50.SeealsoHoffer,Abram;Osmond,Humphry
Savage,Charles,177
schizophrenia
andemergenceofneurochemistryfield,146–47
andLSDastriggerofpsychoticbreaks,209–10
andpsychotomimeticmodel,145–46,162
androtatingfacemasktest,262
andSpringGrove’sresearch,218
Schultes,RichardEvans,107
Schuster,Charles“Bob,”30,34,49–50
Schwartz,Peter,181–82,183
science
andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158–59
asameanstomysticalexperience,77–78,81
methodologicalstandardsin,208
andmysticism-scienceparadox,347–48
andnature’smysteries,12
andRomanticscientists,126–28
andspirituality,30–31,73–74,80,174–75,207,334
andtestimonyofindividuals,42
andvalidationofmysticalexperiences,347–48
TheSecretChief(Zeff),225
sensesandperceptions,308–9
sensorydeprivation,306
serotonin,24,147,292,314n
setandsetting,14,53,151,190,207–8
shamanism,84,170,214–15,334,348
shrooms(term),92
Shulgin,Ann,44,102
Shulgin,Sasha,44,102,236,237
sideeffectsofpsychedelics,210
SiliconValley,44,175–83
Skinner,B.F.,149
Slater,Toby,330
Smith,Huston
andCouncilonSpiritualPractices,49
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45
onGriffithsslandmarkpaper,80–81
andJesse,44,49
onspirituality,136,402
Smith,RobertEllis,196
smokingcessation,78,360–64
Smythies,John,146
socialmedia,304
Sokel,Karin,71
Solomon,Andrew,383
Spanishsuppressionofpsychoactivemushrooms,59–60,108
spirituality
andegodissolution,390
andGriffithsslandmarkpaper,10–11,29–30
andmodernmedicine,334
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,288–90
androleofguides,402
andscience,30–31,73–74,80,174–75,207,334
stateof,136
sports,306
SpringGrovehospitalandresearchcenter,52,56–58,59,218
Stace,W.T.,282
Stamets,Paul
advocacyforfungi,87–90
backgroundof,87,98–100
onevolutionaryfunctionofpsilocybin,121
expertiseinmycology,86,99,127
fieldguidesof,86,92
FungiPerfectioperationof,86n,126
andHofmann,97,103
homeof,96–97
honorsaccordedto,91–92
onhumanevolution,115–16
huntingformushrooms,117–21
andimagesofPsilocybes,115
andMcKenna,116
andmushroomconferences,102–3
onmushroomidentification,94–95
mushroomstoneartifactsof,114–15
MyceliumRunning,88,90
mycologicaltheoriesof,124–26,136
newspeciesidentifiedby,86
andP.azurescens,86,92,118,120–21,129
PsilocybeMushroomsandTheirAllies,101
PsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld,86
asRomanticscientist,126–28
andshrooms(term),92
andStonedApeTheory,97–98,115–17
StanfordResearchInstitute(SRI),180–82
StanfordUniversity,44,180
Stanley,Owsley,III,181n
Steindl-Rast,David,49
stigmasofpsychedelicdrugs,104
Stolaroff,Myron
backgroundof,175–76
careerpivotof,44,177,206n
andguides,230
andHubbard,168,177
andInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS),177
andJesse,44,46
andLeary,198,199,200–201
psychedelicexperiencesof,176
andpsychedelicsinSiliconValley,176–77
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219
andundergroundtherapists,227
andZeff,225,227
StonedApeTheory,97–98,115–17
Strassman,Rick,48
subconscious,155
subjectivity,305–6,413
suggestibilityofpsychedelics
andattributionsofmeaning,354
andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158
andexpectationsofusers,25
andHopkins’spsilocybinresearch,64
andHubbard,170
andplaceboeffect,347
suicides,3,210,211,335,388
Summergrad,Paul,398,401,403
synesthesia,115–16,145,317
talkingtherapy,155
technologicaladvances,183–84
Tennyson,Alfred,Lord,287
teonanácatl(sacredmushroomoftheAztecs),2,107
terminalpatients,78–79,338–40.Seealsocancerpatientresearch
thalidomidetragedy,197,208
timetravel,mentalfacultyof,387
Time-Lifepublications,104
Toad.See5-MeO-DMT(theToad)
toleranceforpsychedelics,14,299
“TomorrowNeverKnows”(Beatles),143
toxicityofpsychedelics,lowlevelsof,50
trances,242–44
transiencyofmysticalexperiences,71–72
travelmetaphorsforpsychedelicexperiences,15
treesandmycelialnetworks,91,91n,118
trepanation,298
True:TheMan’sMagazine,113
truths,revelationsof,70,251,305–6
tryptamines,291–92
Turner,Brian,65–66,73–74
UDVcourtcase,27–28,43,49
UniversityofCalifornia,LosAngeles,8,37,152–53
UniversityofNewMexico,369
U.S.FoodandDrugAdministration(FDA)
andapprovalofStrassman’strial,48
depressionstudiesrequestedby,375–76
andHubbard’sclinicalresearch,167
andphase3trialsapprovals,397
andpotentialreschedulingofpsychedelics,36,397
andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,60
regulationofexperimentaldrugs,146,197
researchapprovalsrevokedby,217–18
andthalidomidetragedy,197
U.S.SupremeCourt,27–28
TheVarietiesofReligiousExperience(James),69
VietnamWar,139,206,215–16
virtualreality,183
visualizingthoughts,365–66
Vogt,Walter,22
Vollenweider,Franz,293,301,320,334,384
Wallace,DavidFoster,388
Wasson,R.Gordon
criticsof,112
fieldnotebooksof,110–11
andHubbard,170
Lifemagazinearticleof,2,103–9,113
andmushroomconferences,103
Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,114n
andmushroomsfromsouthernMexico,2,59,101,110–14,114n
andoriginsofreligiousbelief,106,111–12
preconceivedtheoriesof,112
psychedelicexperiencesof,110–12
Watts,Rosalind,377,379,380,381
Weathermen,204
Weil,Andrew
onactiveplacebos,159
anddismissalsofLearyandAlpert,201–3
andmushroomconferences,102
TheNaturalMind,159
andSchultes,107
andToad(5-MeO-DMT),274
andtreatmentofbadtrips,210
well-being,improvementsin,74,254,285
Whitman,Walt,194,286
WholeEarthNetwork,182,183
Wilson,Bill,141,152–53,369
Wilson,E.O.,80
wisdom,321
Wit,Harrietde,30–31
wonder,16,135,136
Wordsworth,William,285
Wright,Curtis,48
Yensen,Richard,218
Yoder,Norman,209n
youthculture,25
Zeff,Leo,225–27,230,236,252
Zen,73
AbouttheAuthor
MICHAELPOLLANistheauthorofsevenpreviousbooks,includingCooked,
FoodRules,InDefenseofFood,TheOmnivore’sDilemma,andTheBotanyof
Desire,allofwhichwereNewYorkTimesbestsellers.Alongtimecontributorto
TheNewYorkTimesMagazine,healsoteacheswritingatHarvardandthe
UniversityofCalifornia,Berkeley,whereheistheJohnS.andJamesL.Knight
ProfessorofJournalism.In2010,Timemagazinenamedhiminitslistoftheone
hundredmostinfluentialpeopleintheworld.
*TheInuitappeartobetheexceptionthatprovestherule,butonlybecausenothingpsychoactivegrows
wheretheylive.(Atleastnotyet.)
*DavidJ.Nutt,DrugsWithouttheHotAir:MinimisingtheHarmsofLegalandIllegalDrugs(Cambridge,
U.K.:UIT,2012).Thisiswhypeople“microdosing”onpsychedelicsnevertakethemonconsecutivedays.
*TheresaM.Carbonaroetal.,“SurveyStudyofChallengingExperiencesAfterIngestingPsilocybin
Mushrooms:AcuteandEnduringPositiveandNegativeConsequences,”Journalof
Psychopharmacology(2016):1268–78.Thesurveyfoundthat7.6percentofrespondentssoughttreatment
for“oneormorepsychologicalsymptomstheyattributedtotheirchallengingpsilocybinexperience.”
*Technically,amushroomisthe“fruitingbody”ofafungus—itsreproductiveorgan.Thinkofmushrooms
astheapplesonatreethatgrowsentirelyunderground.Mostofthefungalorganismexistsbelowground,in
theformofmycelia—thetypicallywhitecobwebbysingle-cell-widefilamentsthatextendthroughthesoil.
Butbecauseitishardtoobserveandstudythesedelicatesubterraneanstructures—theycan’tbeunearthed
withoutbreaking—wetendtofocusonthemushroomswecansee,eventhoughtheyarejustthetipofa
kindoffungaliceberg.
*Pronouncedsill-OSS-a-bee.
*Complicatingmatters,StametsfirstnamedhissonforthebluishcolorthatPsilocybesturn,thennamed
thebluestofPsilocybesafterhisson.
*Since1984,StametshasrunaverysuccessfulcompanycalledFungiPerfecti,whichsellsmedicinal
mushroomsupplements,spores,andgrowingkitsforediblemushrooms,aswellasvariousother
mushroom-relatedparaphernalia.
*ScientistsattheUniversityofBritishColumbia(UBC)injectedfirtreeswithradioactivecarbonisotopes,
thenfollowedthespreadoftheisotopesthroughtheforestcommunityusingavarietyofsensingmethods,
includingaGeigercounter.Withinafewdays,storesoftheradioactivecarbonhadbeenroutedfromtreeto
tree.Everytreeinaplotthirtymeterssquarewasconnectedtothenetwork;theoldesttreesfunctionedas
hubs,somewithasmanyasforty-sevenconnections.Thediagramoftheforestnetworkresembledamapof
theInternet.InwhatissurelyatipofthehattoStamets,apaperbyoneoftheUBCscientistsdubbeditthe
“wood-wideweb.”
*TheWassonseitherdismissedoroverlookedasomewhatsimplerexplanation:thatpowerfulfeelingsand
acultofmysterycouldbeexpectedtogatherarounda“plant”that,dependingonknowledgeandcontext,
couldeithernourishanddelightorleadtoanagonizingdeath.
*Onanotherreturntrip,WassonwasjoinedbyJamesMoore,whohadintroducedhimselfasachemistfor
apharmaceuticalcompany.ButMoorewasreallyaCIAagenteagertoobtainpsilocybinfortheagency’s
ownpsychedelicresearchprogram,MK-Ultra.
*WassonwashalfheartedinhisdesiretoprotectMaríaSabina’sidentity.ThesameweekthattheLife
articleappeared,heself-publishedabook,Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,inwhichheretoldherstorybut
neglectedtodisguisehername.
*Theauthorsconcludedthat“hallucinogenicplantsalterperceptioninhuntingdogsbydiminishing
extraneoussignalsandbyenhancingsensoryperception(mostlikelyolfaction)thatisdirectlyinvolvedin
thedetectionandcaptureofgame.”BradleyC.BennettandRocíoAlarcón,“HuntingandHallucinogens:
TheUsePsychoactiveandOtherPlantstoImprovetheHuntingAbilityofDogs,”Journalof
Ethnopharmacology171(2015):171–83.
*BecausepossessionofLSDwouldn’tbeafederalcrimeuntil1968,thegovernmentoftenhadtorelyon
marijuanaprosecutionswhenmovingagainstpeopleinthecounterculture.
*Osmond’sstory,andtherichCanadianhistoryofpsychedelicresearch,iswelltoldinErikaDyck,
PsychedelicPsychiatry:LSDfromClinictoCampus(Baltimore:JohnsHopkinsUniversityPress,2008).
*DuncanC.BlewettandNickChwelos,HandbookfortheTherapeuticUseofLysergicAcid
Diethlylamide-25:IndividualandGroupProcedures(1959),http://www.maps.org/research-
archive/ritesofpassage/lsdhandbook.pdf.BlewettandChwelosdrewheavilyonOsmondandHofferscase
reportsfortheirmanual.
*SeeespeciallyMartinA.LeeandBruceShlain,AcidDreams:TheCompleteSocialHistoryofLSD(New
York:GrovePress,1992),andJayStevens,StormingHeaven:LSDandtheAmericanDream(NewYork:
GrovePress,1987).
*Hubbardtreasureda1957letterhereceivedfromaMonsignorBrownmajorinVancouverendorsinghis
work:“Wethereforeapproachthestudyofthesepsychedelicsandtheirinfluenceonthemindofman
anxioustodiscoverwhateverattributestheypossess,respectfullyevaluatingtheirproperplaceintheDivine
Economy.”
*Hubbard’snameappearsonasinglescientificpaper,writtenwithhiscolleaguesatHollywoodHospital:
“TheUseofLSD-25intheTreatmentofAlcoholismandOtherPsychiatricProblems,”QuarterlyJournal
ofStudiesonAlcohol22(March1961):34–45.
*SidneyGottlieb,theCIAofficerinchargeofMK-Ultra,wouldtestifytoCongressthatitsgoalwas“to
investigatewhetherandhowitwaspossibletomodifyanindividual’sbehaviorbycovertmeans.”We
wouldknowmoreaboutMK-UltrahadGottliebnotdestroyedmostoftheprogram’srecordsontheorders
oftheCIAdirectorRichardHelms.
*DuringhisLSDsession,Engelbartinventeda“tinkletoy”totoilettrainchildren,oratleastboys:a
waterwheelfloatinginatoiletthatcouldbepoweredbyastreamofurine.Hewentontoconsiderablymore
significantaccomplishments,includingthecomputermouse,thegraphicalcomputerinterface,textediting,
hypertext,networkedcomputers,e-mail,andvideoconferencing,allofwhichhedemonstratedina
legendary“motherofalldemos”inSanFranciscoin1968.
*Hubbardhatedtheideaofstreetacidandthecounterculture’suseofit.AccordingtoDonAllen,heplayed
aroleinatleastonebustofanimportantundergroundLSDchemistin1967.HubbardsentDonAllentoa
meetingtoposeasaCanadianbuyerlookingtopurchase“pureLSD”fromaBayAreagroupthatincluded
thenotoriousLSDchemist(andGratefulDeadsoundengineer)OwsleyStanleyIII.Federalagentstailed
thepeopleatthemeetingbacktoStanleyandhislabinOrinda,California;duringthebust,theyreportedly
found350,000dosesofLSD.
*Thetwobestaccountsofthecounterculture’s(anditschemicals’)influenceonthecomputerrevolution
areFredTurnersFromCounterculturetoCyberculture:StewartBrand,theWholeEarthNetwork,andthe
RiseofDigitalUtopianism(Chicago:UniversityofChicagoPress,2006)andJohnMarkoffsWhatthe
DormouseSaid:HowtheSixtiesCountercultureShapedthePersonalComputerIndustry(NewYork:
PenguinBooks,2005).
*LearywroteinFlashbacksthathewasinitiallyfrightenedtotakepsilocybininaprisonwithviolent
criminals.Whenheconfessedhisfeartooneoftheprisoners,theinmateadmittedhewasafraidtoo.“Why
areyouafraidofme?”Learyasked,puzzled.“I’mafraidofyou’causeyou’reafuckingmadscientist.”
*Ina1992lettertoBettyEisner,HumphryOsmondwrote,“WherebothAl[Hubbard]andAldous
[Huxley]disagreedwithTimothyLearywasthattheybelievedthathehadgotthetimescalewrong,and
thattheUShadamuchgreaterinertiathanhesupposed.Theybothbelievedforquitedifferentreasonsthat
workinginconspicuouslybutdeterminedlywithinthesystemcouldtransformitinthelongrun.Timothy
believedthatitcouldbetakenbystorm.”
*InDonLattin,TheHarvardPsychedelicClub(NewYork:HarperOne,2010),94.
*OnecouldarguethattheLSDdropoutproblembeganbackinthe1950s,whensuccessfulengineerslike
MyronStolaroff,WillisHarman,andDonAllenleftAmpexandStanfordtotuneintopsychedelics.
*Severaloftheseurbanlegendshavebeentracedtotheirsourceanddiscredited.Forexample,a1967
NewsweekstoryaboutsixcollegestudentstrippingonLSDwhowentblindafterstaringintothesunturned
outtobeahoaxconcoctedbyPennsylvania’sstatecommissionerfortheblind,Dr.NormanYoder.
Accordingtothegovernor,whodisclosedthehoax,Yoderhad“attendedalectureontheuseofLSDby
childrenandbecameconcernedandemotionallyinvolved.”Yetonceintroducedintotheculture,these
urbanlegendssurviveand,onoccasion,goontobecome“true”whenpeopletrippingonLSDareinspired
toimitatethem,ashashappenedinthecaseofthestaring-into-the-sunstory.SeeDavidPrestiandJerome
Beck,“StrychnineandOtherEnduringMyths:ExpertandUserFolkloreSurroundingLSD,”in
PsychoactiveSacramentals:EssaysonEntheogensandReligion,ed.ThomasB.Roberts(SanFrancisco:
CouncilonSpiritualPractices,2001).
*Therearequotationsinthispiecethatshouldhavesetoffanyeditorsbullshitdetector.“Whenmy
husbandandIwanttotakeatriptogether,”saysthepsychedelicmotheroffour,“Ijustputalittleacidin
thekids’orangejuiceinthemorningandletthemspendthedayfreakingoutinthewoods.”
*OriginallypublishedinHarvardReview(Summer1963)andreprintedinTimothyLearyandJames
Penner,TimothyLeary,TheHarvardYears:EarlyWritingsonLSDandPsilocybinwithRichardAlpert,
HustonSmith,RalphMetzner,andOthers(Rochester,Vt.:ParkStreetPress,2014).Theparagraphalso
appearsinthetranscriptofa1966SenatehearingonfederalregulationofLSDbytheSenateSubcommittee
onExecutiveReorganization,p.141.
*AversionoftheguidelinescanalsobefoundinJamesFadiman’sbookThePsychedelicExplorers
Guide:Safe,Therapeutic,andSacredJourneys(Rochester,Vt.:ParkStreetPress,2011).
*Isubsequentlylearnedthathyperventilation,whichplaysaroleinbreathwork,changestheCO2levelsof
theblood,whichinturncanaltertherhythmsoftheheartinsomepeople.WhatIassumedwasa
physiologicallybenignalternativetoMDMAturnsouttobenothingofthekind;evenwithoutadrug,itis
possibletochangeone’sbloodchemistryinwaysthatcanaffectheartrhythms.
*Familyconstellationtherapy,whichwasfoundedbyaGermantherapistnamedBertHellinger,focuseson
thehiddenroleofancestorsinshapingourlivesandworkstohelpusmakepeacewiththeseghostlike
presences.
*HenriMichaux,acontemporaryofHuxley’swhoalsowroteabouthispsychedelicexperiences,tooka
verydifferenttact,refusingtheofferofmetaphortomakesenseofsomethinghebelievedwasbeyond
comprehension.InhisbookMiserableMiracle,heaimedtobe“attentivetowhatsgoingon—asitis
withouttryingtodeformitandimagineitotherwiseinordertomakeitmoreinterestingtome.”Orsensible
tohisreaders:thebookisintermittentlybrilliantbutforlongstretchesunreadable.“Ihadnolongerany
authorityoverwords.Inolongerknewhowtomanagethem.Farewelltowriting!”Iknowwhathemeans,
butI’veelectedtoresist,evenifthatmeanstoleratingsomemeasureofdeformationinmyaccount.
*Specifically,ItooktheRevisedMysticalExperienceQuestionnaire,orMEQ30.
*“Kelson”isanauticaltermforastructuralmemberinthehullofaboat.
*Oratleastfifty-fiveyears,becauseIthinkyoungchildrenhavereadyaccesstothesekindsof
experiences,aswewillseeinthenextchapter.
*Inhis2012book,DrugsWithouttheHotAir,Nuttwritesthat“psychedelicsoverallareamongthesafest
drugsweknowof...It’svirtuallyimpossibletodiefromanoverdoseofthem;theycausenophysical
harm;andifanythingthey’reanti-addictive”(254).
*Thekeystructuresmakingupthedefaultmodenetworkarethemedialprefrontalcortex,theposterior
cingulatecortex,theinferiorparietallobule,thelateraltemporalcortex,thedorsalmedialprefrontalcortex,
andthehippocampusformation.SeeRandyL.Buckner,JessicaR.Andrews-Hanna,andDanielL.Schacter,
“TheBrain’sDefaultNetwork,”AnnalsoftheNewYorkAcademyofSciences1124,no.1(2008).While
neuroimagingindicatesstronglinksbetweenthesestructures,theconceptofthedefaultmodenetwork
remainsnewandisstillnotuniversallyaccepted.
*It’simportanttokeepinmindthelimitationsoffMRIandotherneuroimagingtechnologies.Mostofthem
measurenotbrainactivitydirectlybutproxiesofit,suchasbloodflowandoxygenconsumption.Theyalso
dependoncomplexsoftwaretotranslatefaintsignalsintodramaticimages,softwaretheaccuracyofwhich
criticshaverecentlyquestioned.Inmyexperience,brainscientistswhoworkwithanimalstheycaninsert
probesintoaredismissiveoffMRI,whilebrainscientistswhoworkwithhumansacceptitasthebesttool
available.
*I’musingthetermsmoreorlessinterchangeablyhere.However,theego,beingcloselyassociatedwith
Freud’smodelofthemind,impliesaconstructthatstandsinadynamicrelationshiptootherpartsofthe
mind,suchastheunconscious,orid,actingonbehalfoftheself.
*It’sworthnotingthatthesefindingsseemtobeatoddswithAmandaFeilding’sinitialhypothesisthat
psychedelicsworkbyincreasingbloodflowtothebrain.
*DavidNuttandAmandaFeildingarecoauthors.
*BrewerhassincemovedtotheUniversityofMassachusettsMedicalSchool,wherehe’sthedirectorof
researchattheCenterforMindfulness.
*Exactlyhowpsychedelicsaccomplishthis,neurochemically,isstilluncertain,butsomeofCarhart-
Harris’sresearchpointstoaplausiblemechanism.Becauseoftheiraffinitywiththeserotonin2Areceptors,
psychedeliccompoundscauseasetofneuronsinthecortex(“layerfivepyramidalneurons,”tobeexact)
thatarerichinthesereceptorstofireinsuchawayastodesynchronizetheusualoscillationsofthebrain.
Carhart-Harrislikenstheseoscillations,whichhelptoorganizebrainactivity,tothesynchronizedclapping
ofanaudience.Whenafewwaywardindividualsclapoutoforder,theapplausebecomeslessrhythmicand
morechaotic.Similarly,theexcitationofthesecorticalneuronsappearstodisruptoscillationsinaparticular
frequency—thealphawaves—thathavebeencorrelatedwithactivityinthedefaultmodenetworkand,
specifically,inself-reflection.
*Thisresearchwaspublishedin2017:MatthewM.Nouretal.,“Psychedelics,Personality,andPolitical
Perspectives,”JournalofPsychoactiveDrugs.“Egodissolutionexperiencedduringaparticipant’s‘most
intense’psychedelicexperiencepositivelypredictedliberalpoliticalviews,opennessandnaturerelatedness,
andnegativelypredictedauthoritarianpoliticalviews.”
*ThepanelwasrecordedandisavailableonYouTube:https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=v2VzRMevUXg.
*Asinthecaseofmanydrugs,theSSRIantidepressantsintroducedinthe1980sweremuchmoreeffective
whentheywerenew,probablyowingtotheplaceboeffect.Today,theyperformonlyslightlybetterthana
placebo.
*Thestatistical“effectsize”oftheseresults—atorabove1.0formostoftheoutcomemeasuresusedin
bothtrials—isremarkableforapsychiatrictreatment.Asacomparison,whentheSSRIantidepressantshad
theirfirstclinicaltrials,theeffectsizewasonly0.3—whichwasgoodenoughforthemtobeapproved.
*Afewcriticalvoiceswereheard.InapairofblogpostsonPLOS,JamesCoyneraisedseveral
methodologicalobjectionshavingtodowiththesizeandcompositionofthepatientgroup,thereliabilityof
thediagnoses,theplacebocontrol,theblinding,andthetheoreticalassumptions:“Sincewhenare
existential/spiritualwell-beingissuespsychiatric?
http://blogs.plos.org/mindthebrain/2016/12/14/psilocybin-as-a-treatment-for-cancer-patients-who-are-not-
depressed-the-nyu-study/.
*SeveraloftheNYUtherapistsreferredmetothewritingofViktorE.Frankl,theViennesepsychoanalyst
andtheauthorofMan’sSearchforMeaning.Frankl,whosurvivedbothAuschwitzandDachau,believed
thatthecrucialhumandriveisnotforpleasure,ashisteacherFreudmaintained,orpower,asAlfredAdler
maintained,butmeaning.FranklconcurswithNietzsche,whowrote,“HewhohasaWhytoliveforcan
bearalmostanyHow.”
*KatrinH.Prelleretal.,“TheFabricofMeaningandSubjectiveEffectsinLSD-InducedStatesDependon
Serotonin2AReceptorActivation,”CurrentBiology27,no.3(2017):451–57.TheworkwasdoneinFranz
Vollenweiderslab.Whentheserotonin5-HT
2A
receptorswereblockedwithadrug(ketanserin),“theLSD-
inducedattributionofpersonalrelevancetopreviouslymeaninglessstimuli”wasalsoblocked,leadingthe
authorstoconcludethatthesereceptorsplayaroleinthegenerationandattributionofpersonalmeaning.
*Theexperiencewouldshapehispost-NASAwork:theformerengineerestablishedtheInstituteofNoetic
Sciencestostudyconsciousnessandparanormalphenomena.
*“Ahumanbeingisapartofthewholecalledbyus‘Universe,’apartlimitedintimeandspace.He
experienceshimself,histhoughtsandfeelingassomethingseparatedfromtherest—akindofoptical
delusionofhisconsciousness.Thisdelusionisakindofprisonforus,restrictingustoourpersonaldesires
andtoaffectionforafewpersonsnearesttous.Ourtaskmustbetofreeourselvesfromthisprisonby
wideningourcircleofcompassiontoembracealllivingcreaturesandthewholeofnatureinitsbeauty.”
(WalterSullivan,“TheEinsteinPapers:AManofManyParts,”TheNewYorkTimes,March29,1972.)
*QuotedinCharlesS.Grob,“PsychiatricResearchwithHallucinogens:WhatHaveWeLearned?,”Heffter
ReviewofPsychedelicResearch1(1998).
*Ibogaine,apsychedelicderivedfromtherootofanAfricanshrub,isbeingusedundergroundaswellasin
clinicsinMexicototreatopiateaddiction;ayahuascahasalsobeenreportedtobehelpfulbreaking
addictions.
*Asforthethreevolunteerswhoreceivednobenefit,theyhadmildorunremarkablesessions.Thismight
bebecausetheywerestillonSSRIs,whichmayblocktheeffectsofpsychedelics,orbecausesomefraction
ofthepopulationsimplydoesn’trespondtothedrugs.TheHopkinsteam,too,hasoccasionallyseencases
of“dudtrips”thatleavepeopleunaffected.
*Byme,asithappened.“TheTripTreatment,”NewYorker,Feb.9,2015.
*ThisishowFreudunderstooddepression,whichhecalledmelancholia:afterthelossofanobjectof
desire,theegosplitsintwo,withonepartpunishingtheother,whichhastakentheplaceofthelostlovein
ourattentions.Inhisview,depressionisamisplacedformofrevengeforaloss,retributionthathasbeen
misdirectedattheself.
*TomInsel,whoafterleavingtheNIMHwenttoworkforGoogle’slifesciencesubsidiary,Verily,before
joiningamentalhealthstart-upcalledMindstrongHealth,toldmethattherearenowalgorithmsthatcan
reliablydiagnosedepressionbasedonthefrequencyandcontextofone’suseofthefirst-personpronoun.
*Oratleastpeoplewhocanaffordit.Oneadvantageofmedicalizingpsychedelictherapyisthatitwould
presumablybeaccessibletoeveryonewithhealthinsurance.
*HerecountstheseexperiencesinhisbookShrinks:TheUntoldStoryofPsychiatry(NewYork:Little,
Brown,2015),190–93.
*Idon’tdismissthepossibilitytheymaycomefromsomewhereelse,butwillconfinemyselfheretothe
moreparsimoniousexplanation.
*Ina1969essayintheHarvardTheologicalReview,WalterPahnkedescribedseveraldistinctmodesof
psychedelicconsciousness,includingonehetermed“thecognitivepsychedelicexperience.”Thisis
“characterizedbyastonishinglylucidthought.Problemscanbeseenfromanovelperspective,andtheinner
relationshipsofmanylevelsordimensionscanbeseenallatonce.Thecreativeexperiencemayhave
somethingincommonwiththiskindofpsychedelicexperience,butsuchapossibilitymustawaittheresult
offutureinvestigation.”
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