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Harris,D.Nutt,P.J.Hellyer,andF.Vaccarino,JournaloftheRoyalSocietyInterface,2014.

LIBRARYOFCONGRESSCATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATIONDATA

Names:Pollan,Michael,1955–author.

Title:Howtochangeyourmind:whatthenewscienceofpsychedelicsteachesusaboutconsciousness,dying,addiction,depression,

andtranscendence/MichaelPollan.

Description:NewYork:PenguinPress,2018.

Identifiers:LCCN2018006190(print)|LCCN2018010396(ebook)|ISBN9780525558941(ebook)|ISBN9781594204227

(hardback)

Subjects:LCSH:Pollan,Michael,1955—Mentalhealth.|Hallucinogenicdrugs—Therapeuticuse.|Psychotherapypatients—

Biography.|BISAC:BIOGRAPHY&AUTOBIOGRAPHY/Science&Technology.|MEDICAL/MentalHealth.

Classification:LCCRM324.8(ebook)|LCCRM324.8.P652018(print)|DDC615.7/883—dc23

LCrecordavailableathttps://lccn.loc.gov/2018006190

NOTE:Thisbookrelatestheauthor’sinvestigativereportingon,andrelatedself-experimentationwith,psilocybinmushrooms,the

druglysergicaciddiethylamide(or,asitismorecommonlyknown,LSD),andthedrug5-methoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine(more

commonlyknownas5-MeO-DMTorTheToad).ItisacriminaloffenseintheUnitedStatesandinmanyothercountries,punishable

byimprisonmentand/orfines,tomanufacture,possess,orsupplyLSD,psilocybinmushrooms,and/orthedrug5-MeO-DMT,exceptin

connectionwithgovernment-sanctionedresearch.Youshouldthereforeunderstandthatthisbookisintendedtoconveytheauthor’s

experiencesandtoprovideanunderstandingofthebackgroundandcurrentstateofresearchintothesesubstances.Itisnotintendedto

encourageyoutobreakthelawandnoattemptshouldbemadetousethesesubstancesforanypurposeexceptinalegallysanctioned

clinicaltrial.Theauthorandthepublisherexpresslydisclaimanyliability,loss,orrisk,personalorotherwise,thatisincurredasa

consequence,directlyorindirectly,ofthecontentsofthisbook.

Certainnamesandlocationshavebeenchangedinordertoprotecttheauthorandothers.

Version_1

Formyfather

Thesoulshouldalwaysstandajar.

—EMILYDICKINSON

Contents
AlsobyMichaelPollan
TitlePage
Copyright
Dedication
Epigraph
Prologue:ANewDoor
CHAPTERONE
ARenaissance
CHAPTERTWO
NaturalHistory:Bemushroomed
Coda
CHAPTERTHREE
History:TheFirstWave
PartI:ThePromise
PartII:TheCrack-Up
Coda
CHAPTERFOUR
Travelogue:JourneyingUnderground
TripOne:LSD
TripTwo:Psilocybin
TripThree:5-MeO-DMT(or,TheToad)
CHAPTERFIVE
TheNeuroscience:YourBrainonPsychedelics
CHAPTERSIX
TheTripTreatment:PsychedelicsinPsychotherapy
One:Dying
Two:Addiction

Three:Depression
Coda:GoingtoMeetMyDefaultModeNetwork
Epilogue:InPraiseofNeuralDiversity
Glossary
Acknowledgments
Notes
Bibliography
Index
AbouttheAuthor

PROLOGUE

ANewDoor

MIDWAYTHROUGHthetwentiethcentury,twounusualnewmolecules,organic

compoundswithastrikingfamilyresemblance,explodedupontheWest.Intime,

theywouldchangethecourseofsocial,political,andculturalhistory,aswellas

thepersonalhistoriesofthemillionsofpeoplewhowouldeventuallyintroduce

themtotheirbrains.Asithappened,thearrivalofthesedisruptivechemistries

coincidedwithanotherworldhistoricalexplosion—thatoftheatomicbomb.

Therewerepeoplewhocomparedthetwoeventsandmademuchofthecosmic

synchronicity.Extraordinarynewenergieshadbeenloosedupontheworld;

thingswouldneverbequitethesame.

Thefirstofthesemoleculeswasanaccidentalinventionofscience.Lysergic

aciddiethylamide,commonlyknownasLSD,wasfirstsynthesizedbyAlbert

Hofmannin1938,shortlybeforephysicistssplitanatomofuraniumforthefirst

time.Hofmann,whoworkedfortheSwisspharmaceuticalfirmSandoz,had

beenlookingforadrugtostimulatecirculation,notapsychoactivecompound.It

wasn’tuntilfiveyearslaterwhenheaccidentallyingestedaminusculequantity

ofthenewchemicalthatherealizedhehadcreatedsomethingpowerful,atonce

terrifyingandwondrous.

Thesecondmoleculehadbeenaroundforthousandsofyears,thoughnoone

inthedevelopedworldwasawareofit.Producednotbyachemistbutbyan

inconspicuouslittlebrownmushroom,thismolecule,whichwouldcometobe

knownaspsilocybin,hadbeenusedbytheindigenouspeoplesofMexicoand

CentralAmericaforhundredsofyearsasasacrament.Calledteonanácatlbythe

Aztecs,or“fleshofthegods,”themushroomwasbrutallysuppressedbythe

RomanCatholicChurchaftertheSpanishconquestanddrivenunderground.In

1955,twelveyearsafterAlbertHofmann’sdiscoveryofLSD,aManhattan

bankerandamateurmycologistnamedR.GordonWassonsampledthemagic

mushroominthetownofHuautladeJiménezinthesouthernMexicanstateof

Oaxaca.Twoyearslater,hepublishedafifteen-pageaccountofthe“mushrooms

thatcausestrangevisions”inLifemagazine,markingthemomentwhennewsof

anewformofconsciousnessfirstreachedthegeneralpublic.(In1957,

knowledgeofLSDwasmostlyconfinedtothecommunityofresearchersand

mentalhealthprofessionals.)Peoplewouldnotrealizethemagnitudeofwhat

hadhappenedforseveralmoreyears,buthistoryintheWesthadshifted.

Theimpactofthesetwomoleculesishardtooverestimate.Theadventof

LSDcanbelinkedtotherevolutioninbrainsciencethatbeginsinthe1950s,

whenscientistsdiscoveredtheroleofneurotransmittersinthebrain.That

quantitiesofLSDmeasuredinmicrogramscouldproducesymptomsresembling

psychosisinspiredbrainscientiststosearchfortheneurochemicalbasisof

mentaldisorderspreviouslybelievedtobepsychologicalinorigin.Atthesame

time,psychedelicsfoundtheirwayintopsychotherapy,wheretheywereusedto

treatavarietyofdisorders,includingalcoholism,anxiety,anddepression.For

mostofthe1950sandearly1960s,manyinthepsychiatricestablishment

regardedLSDandpsilocybinasmiracledrugs.

Thearrivalofthesetwocompoundsisalsolinkedtotheriseofthe

countercultureduringthe1960sand,perhapsespecially,toitsparticulartoneand

style.Forthefirsttimeinhistory,theyounghadariteofpassagealltheirown:

the“acidtrip.”Insteadoffoldingtheyoungintotheadultworld,asritesof

passagehavealwaysdone,thisonelandedtheminacountryofthemindfew

adultshadanyideaevenexisted.Theeffectonsocietywas,toputitmildly,

disruptive.

Yetbytheendofthe1960s,thesocialandpoliticalshockwavesunleashed

bythesemoleculesseemedtodissipate.Thedarksideofpsychedelicsbeganto

receivetremendousamountsofpublicity—badtrips,psychoticbreaks,

flashbacks,suicides—andbeginningin1965theexuberancesurroundingthese

newdrugsgavewaytomoralpanic.Asquicklyasthecultureandthescientific

establishmenthadembracedpsychedelics,theynowturnedsharplyagainstthem.

Bytheendofthedecade,psychedelicdrugs—whichhadbeenlegalinmost

places—wereoutlawedandforcedunderground.Atleastoneofthetwentieth

century’stwobombsappearedtohavebeendefused.

Thensomethingunexpectedandtellinghappened.Beginninginthe1990s,

welloutofviewofmostofus,asmallgroupofscientists,psychotherapists,and

so-calledpsychonauts,believingthatsomethingprecioushadbeenlostfrom

bothscienceandculture,resolvedtorecoverit.

Today,afterseveraldecadesofsuppressionandneglect,psychedelicsare

havingarenaissance.Anewgenerationofscientists,manyoftheminspiredby

theirownpersonalexperienceofthecompounds,aretestingtheirpotentialto

healmentalillnessessuchasdepression,anxiety,trauma,andaddiction.Other

scientistsareusingpsychedelicsinconjunctionwithnewbrain-imagingtoolsto

explorethelinksbetweenbrainandmind,hopingtounravelsomeofthe

mysteriesofconsciousness.

Onegoodwaytounderstandacomplexsystemistodisturbitandthensee

whathappens.Bysmashingatoms,aparticleacceleratorforcesthemtoyield

theirsecrets.Byadministeringpsychedelicsincarefullycalibrateddoses,

neuroscientistscanprofoundlydisturbthenormalwakingconsciousnessof

volunteers,dissolvingthestructuresoftheselfandoccasioningwhatcanbe

describedasamysticalexperience.Whilethisishappening,imagingtoolscan

observethechangesinthebrain’sactivityandpatternsofconnection.Already

thisworkisyieldingsurprisinginsightsintothe“neuralcorrelates”ofthesense

ofselfandspiritualexperience.Thehoary1960splatitudethatpsychedelics

offeredakeytounderstanding—and“expanding”—consciousnessnolonger

looksquitesopreposterous.

HowtoChangeYourMindisthestoryofthisrenaissance.Althoughitdidn’t

startoutthatway,itisaverypersonalaswellaspublichistory.Perhapsthiswas

inevitable.EverythingIwaslearningaboutthethird-personhistoryof

psychedelicresearchmademewanttoexplorethisnovellandscapeofthemind

inthefirstpersontoo—toseehowthechangesinconsciousnessthesemolecules

wroughtactuallyfeelandwhat,ifanything,theyhadtoteachmeaboutmymind

andmightcontributetomylife.

•••

THISWAS,FORME,acompletelyunexpectedturnofevents.Thehistoryof

psychedelicsI’vesummarizedhereisnotahistoryIlived.Iwasbornin1955,

halfwaythroughthedecadethatpsychedelicsfirstburstontotheAmerican

scene,butitwasn’tuntiltheprospectofturningsixtyhaddriftedintoviewthatI

seriouslyconsideredtryingLSDforthefirsttime.Comingfromababyboomer,

thatmightsoundimprobable,aderelictionofgenerationalduty.ButIwasonly

twelveyearsoldin1967,tooyoungtohavebeenmorethandimlyawareofthe

SummerofLoveortheSanFranciscoAcidTests.Atfourteen,theonlywayI

wasgoingtogettoWoodstockwasifmyparentsdroveme.Muchofthe1960sI

experiencedthroughthepagesofTimemagazine.Bythetimetheideaoftrying

ornottryingLSDswamintomyconsciousawareness,ithadalreadycompleted

itsspeedymediaarcfrompsychiatricwonderdrugtocounterculturesacrament

todestroyerofyoungminds.

Imusthavebeeninjuniorhighschoolwhenascientistreported(mistakenly,

asitturnedout)thatLSDscrambledyourchromosomes;theentiremedia,as

wellasmyhealth-edteacher,madesureweheardallaboutit.Acoupleofyears

later,thetelevisionpersonalityArtLinkletterbegancampaigningagainstLSD,

whichheblamedforthefacthisdaughterhadjumpedoutofanapartment

window,killingherself.LSDsupposedlyhadsomethingtodowiththeManson

murderstoo.Bytheearly1970s,whenIwenttocollege,everythingyouheard

aboutLSDseemedcalculatedtoterrify.Itworkedonme:I’mlessachildofthe

psychedelic1960sthanofthemoralpanicthatpsychedelicsprovoked.

Ialsohadmyownpersonalreasonforsteeringclearofpsychedelics:a

painfullyanxiousadolescencethatleftme(andatleastonepsychiatrist)

doubtingmygriponsanity.BythetimeIgottocollege,Iwasfeelingsturdier,

buttheideaofrollingthementaldicewithapsychedelicdrugstillseemedlikea

badidea.

Yearslater,inmylatetwentiesandfeelingmoresettled,Ididtrymagic

mushroomstwoorthreetimes.AfriendhadgivenmeaMasonjarfullofdried,

gnarlyPsilocybes,andonacoupleofmemorableoccasionsmypartner(now

wife),Judith,andIchokeddowntwoorthreeofthem,enduredabriefwaveof

nausea,andthensailedoffonfourorfiveinterestinghoursinthecompanyof

eachotherandwhatfeltlikeawonderfullyitalicizedversionofthefamiliar

reality.

Psychedelicaficionadoswouldprobablycategorizewhatwehadasalow-

dose“aestheticexperience,”ratherthanafull-blownego-disintegratingtrip.We

certainlydidn’ttakeleaveoftheknownuniverseorhavewhatanyonewould

callamysticalexperience.Butitwasreallyinteresting.WhatIparticularly

rememberwasthepreternaturalvividnessofthegreensinthewoods,andin

particularthevelvetychartreusesoftnessoftheferns.Iwasgrippedbya

powerfulcompulsiontobeoutdoors,undressed,andasfarfromanythingmade

ofmetalorplasticasitwaspossibletoget.Becausewewerealoneinthe

country,thiswasalldoable.Idon’trecallmuchaboutafollow-uptripona

SaturdayinRiversideParkinManhattanexceptthatitwasconsiderablyless

enjoyableandunselfconscious,withtoomuchtimespentwonderingifother

peoplecouldtellthatwewerehigh.

Ididn’tknowitatthetime,butthedifferencebetweenthesetwoexperiences

ofthesamedrugdemonstratedsomethingimportant,andspecial,about

psychedelics:thecriticalinfluenceof“set”and“setting.”Setisthemind-setor

expectationonebringstotheexperience,andsettingistheenvironmentinwhich

ittakesplace.Comparedwithotherdrugs,psychedelicsseldomaffectpeoplethe

samewaytwice,becausetheytendtomagnifywhatever’salreadygoingonboth

insideandoutsideone’shead.

Afterthosetwobrieftrips,themushroomjarlivedinthebackofourpantry

foryears,untouched.Thethoughtofgivingoverawholedaytoapsychedelic

experiencehadcometoseeminconceivable.Wewereworkinglonghoursat

newcareers,andthosevastswathsofunallocatedtimethatcollege(or

unemployment)affordshadbecomeamemory.Nowanother,verydifferentkind

ofdrugwasavailable,onethatwasconsiderablyeasiertoweaveintothefabric

ofaManhattancareer:cocaine.Thesnowy-whitepowdermadethewrinkled

brownmushroomsseemdowdy,unpredictable,andoverlydemanding.Cleaning

outthekitchencabinetsoneweekend,westumbledupontheforgottenjarand

tosseditinthetrash,alongwiththeexhaustedspicesandexpiredpackagesof

food.

Fast-forwardthreedecades,andIreallywishIhadn’tdonethat.I’dgivealot

tohaveawholejarofmagicmushroomsnow.I’vebeguntowonderifperhaps

theseremarkablemoleculesmightbewastedontheyoung,thattheymayhave

moretoofferuslaterinlife,afterthecementofourmentalhabitsandeveryday

behaviorshasset.CarlJungoncewrotethatitisnottheyoungbutpeoplein

middleagewhoneedtohavean“experienceofthenuminous”tohelpthem

negotiatethesecondhalfoftheirlives.

BythetimeIarrivedsafelyinmyfifties,lifeseemedtoberunningalonga

fewdeepbutcomfortablegrooves:alongandhappymarriagealongsidean

equallylongandgratifyingcareer.Aswedo,Ihaddevelopedasetoffairly

dependablementalalgorithmsfornavigatingwhateverlifethrewatme,whether

athomeoratwork.Whatwasmissingfrommylife?NothingIcouldthinkof—

until,thatis,wordofthenewresearchintopsychedelicsbegantofinditswayto

me,makingmewonderifperhapsIhadfailedtorecognizethepotentialofthese

moleculesasatoolforbothunderstandingthemindand,potentially,changingit.

•••

HEREARETHETHREEDATAPOINTSthatpersuadedmethiswasthecase.

Inthespringof2010,afront-pagestoryappearedintheNewYorkTimes

headlined“HallucinogensHaveDoctorsTuningInAgain.”Itreportedthat

researchershadbeengivinglargedosesofpsilocybin—theactivecompoundin

magicmushrooms—toterminalcancerpatientsasawaytohelpthemdealwith

their“existentialdistress”attheapproachofdeath.

Theseexperiments,whichweretakingplacesimultaneouslyatJohns

Hopkins,UCLA,andNewYorkUniversity,seemednotjustimprobablebut

crazy.Facedwithaterminaldiagnosis,theverylastthingIwouldwanttodois

takeapsychedelicdrug—thatis,surrendercontrolofmymindandtheninthat

psychologicallyvulnerablestatestarestraightintotheabyss.Butmanyofthe

volunteersreportedthatoverthecourseofasingleguidedpsychedelic“journey”

theyreconceivedhowtheyviewedtheircancerandtheprospectofdying.

Severalofthemsaidtheyhadlosttheirfearofdeathcompletely.Thereasons

offeredforthistransformationwereintriguingbutalsosomewhatelusive.

“Individualstranscendtheirprimaryidentificationwiththeirbodiesand

experienceego-freestates,”oneoftheresearcherswasquotedassaying.They

“returnwithanewperspectiveandprofoundacceptance.”

Ifiledthatstoryaway,untilayearortwolater,whenJudithandIfound

ourselvesatadinnerpartyatabighouseintheBerkeleyHills,seatedatalong

tablewithadozenorsopeople,whenawomanatthefarendofthetablebegan

talkingaboutheracidtrips.Shelookedtobeaboutmyageand,Ilearned,wasa

prominentpsychologist.Iwasengrossedinadifferentconversationatthetime,

butassoonasthephonemesL-S-Ddrifteddowntomyendofthetable,I

couldn’thelpbutcupmyear(literally)andtrytotunein.

Atfirst,Iassumedshewasdredgingupsomewell-polishedanecdotefrom

hercollegedays.Notthecase.Itsoonbecameclearthattheacidtripinquestion

hadtakenplaceonlydaysorweeksbefore,andinfactwasoneofherfirst.The

assembledeyebrowsrose.Sheandherhusband,aretiredsoftwareengineer,had

foundtheoccasionaluseofLSDbothintellectuallystimulatingandofvalueto

theirwork.Specifically,thepsychologistfeltthatLSDgaveherinsightintohow

youngchildrenperceivetheworld.Kids’perceptionsarenotmediatedby

expectationsandconventionsinthebeen-there,done-thatwaythatadult

perceptionis;asadults,sheexplained,ourmindsdon’tsimplytakeintheworld

asitissomuchastheymakeeducatedguessesaboutit.Relyingonthese

guesses,whicharebasedonpastexperience,savesthemindtimeandenergy,as

when,say,it’stryingtofigureoutwhatthatfractalpatternofgreendotsinits

visualfieldmightbe.(Theleavesonatree,probably.)LSDappearstodisable

suchconventionalized,shorthandmodesofperceptionand,bydoingso,restores

achildlikeimmediacy,andsenseofwonder,toourexperienceofreality,asifwe

wereseeingeverythingforthefirsttime.(Leaves!)

Ipipeduptoaskifshehadanyplanstowriteabouttheseideas,which

rivetedeveryoneatthetable.ShelaughedandgavemealookthatItooktosay,

Hownaivecanyoube?LSDisaschedule1substance,meaningthegovernment

regardsitasadrugofabusewithnoacceptedmedicaluse.Surelyitwouldbe

foolhardyforsomeoneinherpositiontosuggest,inprint,thatpsychedelics

mighthaveanythingtocontributetophilosophyorpsychology—thattheymight

actuallybeavaluabletoolforexploringthemysteriesofhumanconsciousness.

Seriousresearchintopsychedelicshadbeenmoreorlesspurgedfromthe

universityfiftyyearsago,soonafterTimothyLeary’sHarvardPsilocybinProject

crashedandburnedin1963.NotevenBerkeley,itseemed,wasreadytogothere

again,atleastnotyet.

Thirddatapoint:Thedinnertableconversationjoggedavaguememorythata

fewyearsbeforesomebodyhade-mailedmeascientificpaperaboutpsilocybin

research.Busywithotherthingsatthetime,Ihadn’tevenopenedit,butaquick

searchoftheterm“psilocybin”instantlyfishedthepaperoutofthevirtualpile

ofdiscardede-mailonmycomputer.Thepaperhadbeensenttomebyoneofits

co-authors,amanIdidn’tknowbythenameofBobJesse;perhapshehadread

somethingI’dwrittenaboutpsychoactiveplantsandthoughtImightbe

interested.Thearticle,whichwaswrittenbythesameteamatHopkinsthatwas

givingpsilocybintocancerpatients,hadjustbeenpublishedinthejournal

Psychopharmacology.Forapeer-reviewedscientificpaper,ithadamostunusual

title:“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-TypeExperiencesHavingSubstantial

andSustainedPersonalMeaningandSpiritualSignificance.”

Nevermindtheword“psilocybin”;itwasthewords“mystical”and

“spiritual”and“meaning”thatleapedoutfromthepagesofapharmacology

journal.Thetitlehintedatanintriguingfrontierofresearch,onethatseemedto

straddletwoworldswe’vegrownaccustomedtothinkareirreconcilable:science

andspirituality.

NowIfellontheHopkinspaper,fascinated.Thirtyvolunteerswhohadnever

beforeusedpsychedelicshadbeengivenapillcontainingeitherasynthetic

versionofpsilocybinoran“activeplacebo”—methylphenidate,orRitalin—to

foolthemintothinkingtheyhadreceivedthepsychedelic.Theythenlaydown

onacouchwearingeyeshadesandlisteningtomusicthroughheadphones,

attendedthewholetimebytwotherapists.(Theeyeshadesandheadphones

encourageamoreinward-focusedjourney.)Afteraboutthirtyminutes,

extraordinarythingsbegantohappeninthemindsofthepeoplewhohadgotten

thepsilocybinpill.

Thestudydemonstratedthatahighdoseofpsilocybincouldbeusedtosafely

andreliably“occasion”amysticalexperience—typicallydescribedasthe

dissolutionofone’segofollowedbyasenseofmergingwithnatureorthe

universe.Thismightnotcomeasnewstopeoplewhotakepsychedelicdrugsor

totheresearcherswhofirststudiedthembackinthe1950sand1960s.Butit

wasn’tatallobvioustomodernscience,ortome,in2006,whenthepaperwas

published.

Whatwasmostremarkableabouttheresultsreportedinthearticleisthat

participantsrankedtheirpsilocybinexperienceasoneofthemostmeaningfulin

theirlives,comparable“tothebirthofafirstchildordeathofaparent.”Two-

thirdsoftheparticipantsratedthesessionamongthetopfive“mostspiritually

significantexperiences”oftheirlives;one-thirdrankeditthemostsignificant

suchexperienceintheirlives.Fourteenmonthslater,theseratingshadslipped

onlyslightly.Thevolunteersreportedsignificantimprovementsintheir

“personalwell-being,lifesatisfactionandpositivebehaviorchange,”changes

thatwereconfirmedbytheirfamilymembersandfriends.

Thoughnooneknewitatthetime,therenaissanceofpsychedelicresearch

nowunderwaybeganinearnestwiththepublicationofthatpaper.Itleddirectly

toaseriesoftrials—atHopkinsandseveralotheruniversities—usingpsilocybin

totreatavarietyofindications,includinganxietyanddepressionincancer

patients,addictiontonicotineandalcohol,obsessive-compulsivedisorder,

depression,andeatingdisorders.Whatisstrikingaboutthiswholelineof

clinicalresearchisthepremisethatitisnotthepharmacologicaleffectofthe

drugitselfbutthekindofmentalexperienceitoccasions—involvingthe

temporarydissolutionofone’sego—thatmaybethekeytochangingone’s

mind.

•••

ASSOMEONEnotatallsurehehaseverhadasingle“spirituallysignificant”

experience,muchlessenoughofthemtomakearanking,Ifoundthatthe2006

paperpiquedmycuriositybutalsomyskepticism.Manyofthevolunteers

describedbeinggivenaccesstoanalternativereality,a“beyond”wherethe

usualphysicallawsdon’tapplyandvariousmanifestationsofcosmic

consciousnessordivinitypresentthemselvesasunmistakablyreal.

AllthisIfoundbothalittlehardtotake(couldn’tthisbejustadrug-induced

hallucination?)andyetatthesametimeintriguing;partofmewantedittobe

true,whateverexactly“it”was.Thissurprisedme,becauseIhaveneverthought

ofmyselfasaparticularlyspiritual,muchlessmystical,person.Thisispartlya

functionofworldview,Isuppose,andpartlyofneglect:I’veneverdevotedmuch

timetoexploringspiritualpathsanddidnothaveareligiousupbringing.My

defaultperspectiveisthatofthephilosophicalmaterialist,whobelievesthat

matteristhefundamentalsubstanceoftheworldandthephysicallawsitobeys

shouldbeabletoexplaineverythingthathappens.Istartfromtheassumption

thatnatureisallthatthereisandgravitatetowardscientificexplanationsof

phenomena.Thatsaid,I’malsosensitivetothelimitationsofthescientific-

materialistperspectiveandbelievethatnature(includingthehumanmind)still

holdsdeepmysteriestowardwhichsciencecansometimesseemarrogantand

unjustifiablydismissive.

Wasitpossiblethatasinglepsychedelicexperience—somethingthatturned

onnothingmorethantheingestionofapillorsquareofblotterpaper—couldput

abigdentinsuchaworldview?Shifthowonethoughtaboutmortality?Actually

changeone’smindinenduringways?

Theideatookholdofme.Itwasalittlelikebeingshownadoorinafamiliar

room—theroomofyourownmind—thatyouhadsomehownevernoticed

beforeandbeingtoldbypeopleyoutrusted(scientists!)thatawholeotherway

ofthinking—ofbeing!—laywaitingontheotherside.Allyouhadtodowas

turntheknobandenter.Whowouldn’tbecurious?Imightnothavebeenlooking

tochangemylife,buttheideaoflearningsomethingnewaboutit,andof

shiningafreshlightonthisoldworld,begantooccupymythoughts.Maybe

therewassomethingmissingfrommylife,somethingIjusthadn’tnamed.

Now,Ialreadyknewsomethingaboutsuchdoors,havingwrittenabout

psychoactiveplantsearlierinmycareer.InTheBotanyofDesire,Iexploredat

somelengthwhatIhadbeensurprisedtodiscoverisauniversalhumandesireto

changeconsciousness.Thereisnotacultureonearth(well,one*)thatdoesn’t

makeuseofcertainplantstochangethecontentsofthemind,whetherasa

matterofhealing,habit,orspiritualpractice.Thatsuchacuriousandseemingly

maladaptivedesireshouldexistalongsideourdesiresfornourishmentand

beautyandsex—allofwhichmakemuchmoreobviousevolutionarysense—

criedoutforanexplanation.Thesimplestwasthatthesesubstanceshelprelieve

painandboredom.Yetthepowerfulfeelingsandelaboratetaboosandritualsthat

surroundmanyofthesepsychoactivespeciessuggesttheremustbesomething

moretoit.

Forourspecies,Ilearned,plantsandfungiwiththepowertoradicallyalter

consciousnesshavelongandwidelybeenusedastoolsforhealingthemind,for

facilitatingritesofpassage,andforservingasamediumforcommunicating

withsupernaturalrealms,orspiritworlds.Theseuseswereancientand

venerableinagreatmanycultures,butIventuredoneotherapplication:to

enrichthecollectiveimagination—theculture—withthenovelideasandvisions

thataselectfewpeoplebringbackfromwhereveritistheygo.

•••

NOWTHATIHADDEVELOPEDanintellectualappreciationforthepotentialvalueof

thesepsychoactivesubstances,youmightthinkIwouldhavebeenmoreeagerto

trythem.I’mnotsurewhatIwaswaitingfor:courage,maybe,ortheright

opportunity,whichabusylifelivedmainlyontherightsideofthelawnever

quiteseemedtoafford.ButwhenIbegantoweighthepotentialbenefitsIwas

hearingaboutagainsttherisks,Iwassurprisedtolearnthatpsychedelicsarefar

morefrighteningtopeoplethantheyaredangerous.Manyofthemostnotorious

perilsareeitherexaggeratedormythical.Itisvirtuallyimpossibletodiefroman

overdoseofLSDorpsilocybin,forexample,andneitherdrugisaddictive.After

tryingthemonce,animalswillnotseekaseconddose,andrepeateduseby

peoplerobsthedrugsoftheireffect.*Itistruethattheterrifyingexperiences

somepeoplehaveonpsychedelicscanriskflippingthoseatriskintopsychosis,

sonoonewithafamilyhistoryorpredispositiontomentalillnessshouldever

takethem.Butemergencyroomadmissionsinvolvingpsychedelicsare

exceedinglyrare,andmanyofthecasesdoctorsdiagnoseaspsychoticbreaks

turnouttobemerelyshort-livedpanicattacks.

Itisalsothecasethatpeopleonpsychedelicsareliabletodostupidand

dangerousthings:walkoutintotraffic,fallfromhighplaces,and,onrare

occasions,killthemselves.“Badtrips”areveryrealandcanbeoneof“themost

challengingexperiencesof[a]lifetime,”accordingtoalargesurveyof

psychedelicusersaskedabouttheirexperiences.*Butit’simportantto

distinguishwhatcanhappenwhenthesedrugsareusedinuncontrolled

situations,withoutattentiontosetandsetting,fromwhathappensunderclinical

conditions,aftercarefulscreeningandundersupervision.Sincetherevivalof

sanctionedpsychedelicresearchbeginninginthe1990s,nearlyathousand

volunteershavebeendosed,andnotasingleseriousadverseeventhasbeen

reported.

•••

ITWASATTHISPOINTthattheideaof“shakingthesnowglobe,”asone

neuroscientistdescribedthepsychedelicexperience,cametoseemmore

attractivetomethanfrightening,thoughitwasstillthattoo.

Aftermorethanhalfacenturyofitsmoreorlessconstantcompanionship,

one’sself—thisever-presentvoiceinthehead,thisceaselesslycommenting,

interpreting,labeling,defendingI—becomesperhapsalittletoofamiliar.I’mnot

talkingaboutanythingasdeepasself-knowledgehere.No,justabouthow,over

time,wetendtooptimizeandconventionalizeourresponsestowhateverlife

brings.Eachofusdevelopsourshorthandwaysofslottingandprocessing

everydayexperiencesandsolvingproblems,andwhilethisisnodoubtadaptive

—ithelpsusgetthejobdonewithaminimumoffuss—eventuallyitbecomes

rote.Itdullsus.Themusclesofattentionatrophy.

Habitsareundeniablyusefultools,relievingusoftheneedtorunacomplex

mentaloperationeverytimewe’reconfrontedwithanewtaskorsituation.Yet

theyalsorelieveusoftheneedtostayawaketotheworld:toattend,feel,think,

andthenactinadeliberatemanner.(Thatis,fromfreedomratherthan

compulsion.)Ifyouneedtoberemindedhowcompletelymentalhabitblindsus

toexperience,justtakeatriptoanunfamiliarcountry.Suddenlyyouwakeup!

Andthealgorithmsofeverydaylifeallbutstartover,asiffromscratch.Thisis

whythevarioustravelmetaphorsforthepsychedelicexperiencearesoapt.

Theefficienciesoftheadultmind,usefulastheyare,blindustothepresent

moment.We’reconstantlyjumpingaheadtothenextthing.Weapproach

experiencemuchasanartificialintelligence(AI)programdoes,withourbrains

continuallytranslatingthedataofthepresentintothetermsofthepast,reaching

backintimefortherelevantexperience,andthenusingthattomakeitsbest

guessastohowtopredictandnavigatethefuture.

Oneofthethingsthatcommendstravel,art,nature,work,andcertaindrugs

tousisthewaytheseexperiences,attheirbest,blockeverymentalpathforward

andback,immersingusintheflowofapresentthatisliterallywonderful—

wonderbeingtheby-productofpreciselythekindofunencumberedfirstsight,

orvirginalnoticing,towhichtheadultbrainhascloseditself.(It’sso

inefficient!)Alas,mostofthetimeIinhabitanear-futuretense,mypsychic

thermostatsettoalowsimmerofanticipationand,toooften,worry.Thegood

thingisI’mseldomsurprised.ThebadthingisI’mseldomsurprised.

WhatIamstrugglingtodescribehereiswhatIthinkofasmydefaultmode

ofconsciousness.Itworkswellenough,certainlygetsthejobdone,butwhatifit

isn’ttheonly,ornecessarilythebest,waytogothroughlife?Thepremiseof

psychedelicresearchisthatthisspecialgroupofmoleculescangiveusaccessto

othermodesofconsciousnessthatmightofferusspecificbenefits,whether

therapeutic,spiritual,orcreative.Psychedelicsarecertainlynottheonlydoorto

theseotherformsofconsciousness—andIexploresomenon-pharmacological

alternativesinthesepages—buttheydoseemtobeoneoftheeasierknobsto

takeholdofandturn.

Thewholeideaofexpandingourrepertoireofconsciousstatesisnotan

entirelynewidea:HinduismandBuddhismaresteepedinit,andthereare

intriguingprecedentseveninWesternscience.WilliamJames,thepioneering

AmericanpsychologistandauthorofTheVarietiesofReligiousExperience,

venturedintotheserealmsmorethanacenturyago.Hereturnedwiththe

convictionthatoureverydaywakingconsciousness“isbutonespecialtypeof

consciousness,whilstallaboutit,partedfromitbythefilmiestofscreens,there

liepotentialformsofconsciousnessentirelydifferent.”

Jamesisspeaking,Irealized,oftheunopeneddoorinourminds.Forhim,the

“touch”thatcouldthrowopenthedooranddisclosetheserealmsontheother

sidewasnitrousoxide.(Mescaline,thepsychedeliccompoundderivedfromthe

peyotecactus,wasavailabletoresearchersatthetime,butJameswasapparently

toofearfultotryit.)

“Noaccountoftheuniverseinitstotalitycanbefinalwhichleavesthese

otherformsofconsciousnessquitedisregarded.

“Atanyrate,”Jamesconcluded,theseotherstates,theexistenceofwhichhe

believedwasasrealastheinkonthispage,“forbidaprematureclosingofour

accountswithreality.”

ThefirsttimeIreadthatsentence,IrealizedJameshadmynumber:asa

staunchmaterialist,andasanadultofacertainage,Ihadprettymuchclosedmy

accountswithreality.Perhapsthishadbeenpremature.

Well,herewasaninvitationtoreopenthem.

•••

IFEVERYDAYWAKINGCONSCIOUSNESSisbutoneofseveralpossiblewaysto

constructaworld,thenperhapsthereisvalueincultivatingagreateramountof

whatI’vecometothinkofasneuraldiversity.Withthatinmind,HowtoChange

YourMindapproachesitssubjectfromseveraldifferentperspectives,employing

severaldifferentnarrativemodes:socialandscientifichistory;naturalhistory;

memoir;sciencejournalism;andcasestudiesofvolunteersandpatients.Inthe

middleofthejourney,Ialsoofferanaccountofmyownfirsthandresearch(or

perhapsIshouldsaysearch)intheformofakindofmentaltravelogue.

Intellingthestoryofpsychedelicresearch,pastandpresent,Idonotattempt

tobecomprehensive.Thesubjectofpsychedelics,asamatterofbothscience

andsocialhistory,istoovasttosqueezebetweenthecoversofasinglebook.

Ratherthantrytointroducereaderstotheentirecastofcharactersresponsible

forthepsychedelicrenaissance,mynarrativefollowsasmallnumberofpioneers

whoconstituteaparticularscientificlineage,withtheinevitableresultthatthe

contributionsofmanyothershavereceivedshortshrift.Alsointheinterestof

narrativecoherence,I’vefocusedoncertaindrugstotheexclusionofothers.

Thereis,forexample,littlehereaboutMDMA(alsoknownasEcstasy),whichis

showinggreatpromiseinthetreatmentofpost-traumaticstressdisorder.Some

researcherscountMDMAamongthepsychedelics,butmostdonot,andIfollow

theirlead.MDMAoperatesthroughadifferentsetofpathwaysinthebrainand

hasasubstantiallydifferentsocialhistoryfromthatoftheso-calledclassical

psychedelics.Ofthese,Ifocusprimarilyontheonesthatarereceivingthemost

attentionfromscientists—psilocybinandLSD—whichmeansthatother

psychedelicsthatareequallyinterestingandpowerfulbutmoredifficulttobring

intothelaboratory—suchasayahuasca—receivelessattention.

Afinalwordonnomenclature.Theclassofmoleculestowhichpsilocybin

andLSD(andmescaline,DMT,andahandfulofothers)belonghasbeencalled

bymanynamesinthedecadessincetheyhavecometoourattention.Initially,

theywerecalledhallucinogens.Buttheydosomanyotherthings(andinfact

full-blownhallucinationsarefairlyuncommon)thatresearcherssoonwent

lookingformorepreciseandcomprehensiveterms,aquestchronicledinchapter

three.Theterm“psychedelics,”whichIwillmainlyusehere,doeshaveits

downside.Embracedinthe1960s,thetermcarriesalotofcountercultural

baggage.Hopingtoescapethoseassociationsandunderscorethespiritual

dimensionsofthesedrugs,someresearchershaveproposedtheyinsteadbe

called“entheogens”—fromtheGreekfor“thedivinewithin.”Thisstrikesmeas

tooemphatic.Despitethe1960strappings,theterm“psychedelic,”coinedin

1956,isetymologicallyaccurate.DrawnfromtheGreek,itmeanssimply“mind

manifesting,”whichispreciselywhattheseextraordinarymoleculesholdthe

powertodo.

CHAPTERONE

ARenaissance

IFTHESTARTofthemodernrenaissanceofpsychedelicresearchcanbedatedwith

anyprecision,onegoodplacetodoitwouldbetheyear2006.Notthatthiswas

obvioustomanypeopleatthetime.Therewasnolawpassedorregulationlifted

ordiscoveryannouncedtomarkthehistoricalshift.Butasthreeunrelatedevents

unfoldedduringthecourseofthatyear—thefirstinBasel,Switzerland,the

secondinWashington,D.C.,andthethirdinBaltimore,Maryland—sensitive

earscouldmakeoutthesoundoficebeginningtocrack.

Thefirstevent,whichlookedbackbutalsoforwardlikeakindofhistorical

hinge,wasthecentennialofthebirthofAlbertHofmann,theSwisschemist

who,in1943,accidentallyfoundthathehaddiscovered(fiveyearsearlier)the

psychoactivemoleculethatcametobeknownasLSD.Thiswasanunusual

centennialinthatthemanbeingfetedwasverymuchinattendance.Enteringhis

secondcentury,Hofmannappearedinremarkablygoodshape,physicallyspry

andmentallysharp,andhewasabletotakeanactivepartinthefestivities,

whichincludedabirthdayceremonyfollowedbyathree-daysymposium.The

symposium’sopeningceremonywasonJanuary13,twodaysafterHofmann’s

100thbirthday(hewouldlivetobe102).Twothousandpeoplepackedthehallat

theBaselCongressCenter,risingtoapplaudasastoopedstickofamanina

darksuitandanecktie,barelyfivefeettall,slowlycrossedthestageandtookhis

seat.

Twohundredjournalistsfromaroundtheworldwereinattendance,along

withmorethanathousandhealers,seekers,mystics,psychiatrists,

pharmacologists,consciousnessresearchers,andneuroscientists,mostofthem

peoplewhoseliveshadbeenprofoundlyalteredbytheremarkablemoleculethat

thismanhadderivedfromafungushalfacenturybefore.Theyhadcometo

celebratehimandwhathisfriendtheSwisspoetandphysicianWalterVogt

called“theonlyjoyousinventionofthetwentiethcentury.”Amongthepeoplein

thehall,thisdidnotqualifyashyperbole.AccordingtooneoftheAmerican

scientistsinattendance,manyhadcome“toworship”AlbertHofmann,and

indeedtheeventboremanyofthehallmarksofareligiousobservance.

AlthoughvirtuallyeverypersoninthathallknewthestoryofLSD’s

discoverybyheart,Hofmannwasaskedtorecitethecreationmythonemore

time.(Hetellsthestory,memorably,inhis1979memoir,LSD,MyProblem

Child.)AsayoungchemistworkinginaunitofSandozLaboratoriescharged

withisolatingthecompoundsinmedicinalplantstofindnewdrugs,Hofmann

hadbeentaskedwithsynthesizing,onebyone,themoleculesinthealkaloids

producedbyergot.Ergotisafungusthatcaninfectgrain,oftenrye,occasionally

causingthosewhoconsumebreadmadefromittoappearmadorpossessed.

(OnetheoryoftheSalemwitchtrialsblamesergotpoisoningforthebehaviorof

thewomenaccused.)Butmidwiveshadlongusedergottoinducelaborand

stanchbleedingpostpartum,soSandozwashopingtoisolateamarketabledrug

fromthefungus’salkaloids.Inthefallof1938,Hofmannmadethetwenty-fifth

moleculeinthisseries,namingitlysergicaciddiethylamide,orLSD-25for

short.Preliminarytestingofthecompoundonanimalsdidnotshowmuch

promise(theybecamerestless,butthatwasaboutit),sotheformulaforLSD-25

wasputontheshelf.

Andthereitremainedforfiveyears,untiloneAprildayin1943,inthe

middleofthewar,whenHofmannhad“apeculiarpresentiment”thatLSD-25

deservedasecondlook.Herehisaccounttakesaslightlymysticalturn.

Normally,whenacompoundshowingnopromisewasdiscarded,heexplained,it

wasdiscardedforgood.ButHofmann“likedthechemicalstructureoftheLSD

molecule,”andsomethingaboutittoldhimthat“thissubstancecouldpossess

propertiesotherthanthoseestablishedinthefirstinvestigations.”Another

mysteriousanomalyoccurredwhenhesynthesizedLSD-25forthesecondtime.

Despitethemeticulousprecautionshealwaystookwhenworkingwitha

substanceastoxicasergot,Hofmannmustsomehowhaveabsorbedabitofthe

chemicalthroughhisskin,becausehe“wasinterruptedinmyworkbyunusual

sensations.”

Hofmannwenthome,laydownonacouch,and“inadreamlikestate,with

eyesclosed...Iperceivedanuninterruptedstreamoffantasticpictures,

extraordinaryshapeswithintense,kaleidoscopicplayofcolors.”Thusunfolds

theworld’sfirstLSDtrip,inneutralSwitzerlandduringthedarkestdaysof

WorldWarII.ItisalsotheonlyLSDtripevertakenthatwasentirelyinnocentof

expectation.

Intrigued,Hofmanndecidedafewdayslatertoconductanexperimenton

himself—notanuncommonpracticeatthetime.Proceedingwithwhathe

thoughtwasextremecaution,heingested0.25milligrams—amilligramisone-

thousandthofagram—ofLSDdissolvedinaglassofwater.Thiswould

representaminusculedoseofanyotherdrug,butLSD,itturnsout,isoneofthe

mostpotentpsychoactivecompoundseverdiscovered,activeatdosesmeasured

inmicrograms—thatis,onethousandthofamilligram.Thissurprisingfact

wouldsooninspirescientiststolookfor,andeventuallyfind,thebrainreceptors

andtheendogenouschemical—serotonin—thatactivatesthemlikeakeyina

lock,asawaytoexplainhowsuchasmallnumberofmoleculescouldhavesuch

aprofoundeffectonthemind.Inthisandotherways,Hofmann’sdiscovery

helpedtolaunchmodernbrainscienceinthe1950s.

Nowunfoldstheworld’sfirstbadacidtripasHofmannisplungedintowhat

heiscertainisirretrievablemadness.Hetellshislabassistantheneedstoget

home,andwiththeuseofautomobilesrestrictedduringwartime,hesomehow

managestopedalhomebybicycleandliedownwhilehisassistantsummonsthe

doctor.(TodayLSDdevoteescelebrate“BicycleDay”eachyearonApril19.)

Hofmanndescribeshow“familiarobjectsandpiecesoffurnitureassumed

grotesque,threateningforms.Theywereincontinuousmotion,animatedasif

drivenbyaninnerrestlessness.”Heexperiencedthedisintegrationoftheouter

worldandthedissolutionofhisownego.“Ademonhadinvadedme,hadtaken

possessionofmybody,mind,andsoul.Ijumpedupandscreamed,tryingtofree

myselffromhim,butthensankdownagainandlayhelplessonthesofa.”

Hofmannbecameconvincedhewasgoingtoberenderedpermanentlyinsaneor

mightactuallybedying.“MyegowassuspendedsomewhereinspaceandIsaw

mybodylyingdeadonthesofa.”Whenthedoctorarrivedandexaminedhim,

however,hefoundthatallofHofmann’svitalsigns—heartbeat,bloodpressure,

breathing—wereperfectlynormal.Theonlyindicationsomethingwasamiss

werehispupils,whichweredilatedintheextreme.

Oncetheacuteeffectsworeoff,Hofmannfeltthe“afterglow”thatfrequently

followsapsychedelicexperience,theexactoppositeofahangover.Whenhe

walkedoutintohisgardenafteraspringrain,“everythingglistenedandsparkled

inafreshlight.Theworldwasasifnewlycreated.”We’vesincelearnedthatthe

experienceofpsychedelicsispowerfullyinfluencedbyone’sexpectation;no

otherclassofdrugsaremoresuggestibleintheireffects.BecauseHofmann’s

experienceswithLSDaretheonlyoneswehavethatareuncontaminatedby

previousaccounts,it’sinterestingtonotetheyexhibitneithertheEasternnorthe

Christianflavoringsthatwouldsoonbecomeconventionsofthegenre.However,

hisexperienceoffamiliarobjectscomingtolifeandtheworld“asifnewly

created”—thesamerapturousAdamicmomentthatAldousHuxleywould

describesovividlyadecadelaterinTheDoorsofPerception—wouldbecome

commonplacesofthepsychedelicexperience.

Hofmanncamebackfromhistripconvinced,first,thatLSDhadsomehow

foundhimratherthantheotherwayaroundand,second,thatLSDwould

somedaybeofgreatvaluetomedicineandespeciallypsychiatry,possiblyby

offeringresearchersamodelofschizophrenia.Itneveroccurredtohimthathis

“problemchild,”asheeventuallywouldregardLSD,wouldalsobecomea

“pleasuredrug”andadrugofabuse.

YetHofmannalsocametoregardtheyouthculture’sadoptionofLSDinthe

1960sasanunderstandableresponsetotheemptinessofwhathedescribedasa

materialist,industrialized,andspirituallyimpoverishedsocietythathadlostits

connectiontonature.Thismasterofchemistry—perhapsthemostmaterialistof

alldisciplines—emergedfromhisexperiencewithLSD-25convincedthe

moleculeofferedcivilizationnotonlyapotentialtherapeuticbutalsoaspiritual

balm—byopeningacrack“intheedificeofmaterialistrationality.”(Inthe

wordsofhisfriendandtranslator,JonathanOtt.)

Likesomanywhofollowedafterhim,thebrilliantchemistbecame

somethingofamystic,preachingagospelofspiritualrenewalandreconnection

withnature.Presentedwithabouquetofrosesthat2006dayinBasel,the

scientisttoldtheassembledthat“thefeelingofco-creaturelinesswithallthings

aliveshouldenterourconsciousnessmorefullyandcounterbalancethe

materialisticandnonsensicaltechnologicaldevelopmentsinordertoenableusto

returntotheroses,totheflowers,tonature,wherewebelong.”Theaudience

eruptedinapplause.

Askepticalwitnesstotheeventwouldnotbeentirelywrongtoregardthe

littlemanonthestageasthefounderofanewreligionandtheaudienceashis

congregation.Butifthisisareligion,it’sonewithasignificantdifference.

Typically,onlythefounderofareligionandperhapsafewearlyacolytescanlay

claimtothekindofauthoritythatflowsfromadirectexperienceofthesacred.

Foreveryonecomingafter,thereisthecomparativelythingruelofthestories,

thesymbolismofthesacrament,andfaith.Historyattenuatestheoriginalpower

ofitall,whichnowmustbemediatedbythepriests.Buttheextraordinary

promiseonofferintheChurchofPsychedelicsisthatanyoneatanytimemay

gainaccesstotheprimaryreligiousexperiencebymeansofthesacrament,

whichhappenstobeapsychoactivemolecule.Faithisrenderedsuperfluous.

Runningalongsidethecelebration’sspiritualundercurrent,however,there

also,perhapssomewhatincongruously,camescience.Duringtheweekend

symposiumfollowingtheobservationofHofmann’sbirthday,researchersfroma

varietyofdisciplines—includingneuroscience,psychiatry,pharmacology,and

consciousnessstudies,aswellasthearts—exploredtheimpactofHofmann’s

inventiononsocietyandcultureanditspotentialforexpandingour

understandingofconsciousnessandtreatingseveralintractablementaldisorders.

Ahandfulofresearchprojects,studyingtheeffectsofpsychedelicsonhumans,

hadbeenapprovedorwereunderwayinSwitzerlandandtheUnitedStates,and

scientistsatthesymposiumvoicedtheirhopethatthelonghiatusinpsychedelic

researchmightfinallybecomingtoanend.Irrationalexuberanceseemstobean

occupationalhazardamongpeopleworkinginthisarea,butin2006therewas

goodreasontothinktheweathermightactuallybeturning.

•••

THESECONDWATERSHEDEVENTof2006cameonlyfiveweekslaterwhentheU.S.

SupremeCourt,inaunanimousdecisionwrittenbythenewchiefjustice,John

G.RobertsJr.,ruledthattheUDV,atinyreligioussectthatusesahallucinogenic

teacalledayahuascaasitssacrament,couldimportthedrinktotheUnited

States,eventhoughitcontainstheschedule1substancedimethyltryptamine,or

DMT.TherulingwasbasedontheReligiousFreedomRestorationActof1993,

whichhadsoughttoclarifytheright(undertheFirstAmendment’sreligious

freedomclause)ofNativeAmericanstousepeyoteintheirceremonies,asthey

havedoneforgenerations.The1993lawsaysthatonlyifthegovernmenthasa

“compellinginterest”canitinterferewithone’spracticeofreligion.IntheUDV

case,theBushadministrationhadarguedthatonlyNativeAmericans,becauseof

their“uniquerelationship”tothegovernment,hadtherighttousepsychedelics

aspartoftheirworship,andevenintheircasethisrightcouldbeabridgedbythe

state.

TheCourtsoundlyrejectedthegovernment’sargument,interpretingthe1993

lawtomeanthat,absentacompellingstateinterest,thefederalgovernment

cannotprohibitarecognizedreligiousgroupfromusingpsychedelicsubstances

intheirobservances.Evidently,thisincludesrelativelynewandtinyreligious

groupsspecificallyorganizedaroundapsychedelicsacrament,or“plant

medicine,”astheayahuasqueroscalltheirtea.TheUDVisaChristianspiritist

sectfoundedin1961inBrazilbyJoséGabrieldaCosta,arubbertapperinspired

byrevelationsheexperiencedafterreceivingayahuascafromanAmazonian

shamantwoyearsbefore.Thechurchclaims17,000membersinsixcountries,

butatthetimeoftherulingtherewereonly130AmericanmembersoftheUDV.

(TheinitialsstandforUniãodoVegetal,orUnionofthePlants,because

ayahuascaismadebybrewingtogethertwoAmazonianplantspecies,

BanisteriopsiscaapiandPsychotriaviridis.)

TheCourt’sdecisioninspiredsomethingofareligiousawakeningaround

ayahuascainAmerica.Todaytherearecloseto525Americanmembersofthe

church,withcommunitiesinninelocations.Tosupplythem,theUDVhasbegun

growingtheplantsneededtomaketheteainHawaiiandshippingittogroupson

themainlandwithoutinterference.ButthenumberofAmericansparticipatingin

ayahuascaceremoniesoutsidetheUDVhasalsomushroomedintheyearssince,

andanygivennightthereareprobablydozensifnothundredsofceremonies

takingplacesomewhereinAmerica(withconcentrationsintheSanFrancisco

BayAreaandBrooklyn).Federalprosecutionsforpossessionorimportationof

ayahuascaappeartohavestopped,atleastforthetimebeing.

Withits2006decision,theSupremeCourtseemstohaveopenedupa

religiouspath—narrow,perhaps,butfirmlyrootedintheBillofRights—tothe

legalrecognitionofpsychedelicdrugs,atleastwhenthey’rebeingusedasa

sacramentbyareligiouscommunity.Itremainstobeseenhowwideorwelltrod

thatpathwillbecome,butitdoesmakeyouwonderwhatthegovernment,and

theCourt,willdowhenanAmericanJoséGabrieldaCostastepsforwardand

attemptstoturnhisorherownpsychedelicrevelationsintoanewreligionintent

onusingapsychoactivechemicalasitssacrament.Thejurisprudenceof

“cognitiveliberty,”assomeinthepsychedeliccommunitycallit,isstillscant

andlimited(toreligion),butnowithadbeenaffirmed,openinganewcrackin

theedificeofthedrugwar.

•••

OFTHETHREE2006EVENTSthathelpedbringpsychedelicsoutoftheirdecades-

longslumber,byfarthemostfar-reachinginitsimpactwasthepublicationthat

summerofthepaperinPsychopharmacologydescribedintheprologue—theone

BobJessee-mailedmeatthetimebutthatIdidn’tbothertoopen.Thisevent,

too,hadadistinctlyspiritualcast,eventhoughtheexperimentitreportedwas

theworkofarigorousandhighlyregardedscientist:RolandGriffiths.Itjustso

happensthatGriffiths,amostunlikelypsychedelicresearcher,wasinspiredto

investigatethepowerofpsilocybintooccasiona“mystical-type”experienceby

amysticalexperienceofhisown.

Griffiths’slandmarkpaper,“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type

ExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaningandSpiritual

Significance,”wasthefirstrigorouslydesigned,double-blind,placebo-

controlledclinicalstudyinmorethanfourdecades—ifnotever—toexaminethe

psychologicaleffectsofapsychedelic.Itreceivedasmalltorrentofpress

coverage,mostofitsoenthusiasticastomakeyouwonderifthemoralpanic

aroundpsychedelicsthattookholdinthelate1960smightfinallyhaverunits

course.Nodoubtthepositivetenorofthecoverageowedmuchtothefactthat,

atGriffiths’surging,thejournalhadinvitedseveraloftheworld’smost

prominentdrugresearchers—someofthemdecoratedsoldiersinthedrugwar—

tocommentonthestudy,givingthejournalistscoveringthestudyplentyof

ideologicalcover.

Allofthecommentatorstreatedthepublicationasamajorevent.HerbertD.

Kleber,aformerdeputytoWilliamBennett,GeorgeH.W.Bush’sdrugczar,and

laterdirectoroftheDivisiononSubstanceAbuseatColumbiaUniversity,

applaudedthepaperforitsmethodologicalrigorandacknowledgedtheremight

be“majortherapeuticpossibilities”inpsychedelicresearch“merit[ing]NIH

support.”Charles“Bob”Schuster,whohadservedtwoRepublicanpresidentsas

directoroftheNationalInstituteonDrugAbuse(NIDA),notedthattheterm

“psychedelic”impliesamind-expandingexperienceandexpressedhis“hope

thatthislandmarkpaperwillalsobe‘fieldexpanding.’”Hesuggestedthatthis

“fascinating”classofdrugs,andthespiritualexperiencetheyoccasion,might

proveusefulintreatingaddiction.

Griffiths’spaperanditsreceptionservedtoreinforceanimportantdistinction

betweentheso-calledclassicalpsychedelics—psilocybin,LSD,DMT,and

mescaline—andthemorecommondrugsofabuse,withtheirdemonstrated

toxicityandpotentialforaddiction.TheAmericandrugresearchestablishment,

suchasitis,hadsignaledinthepagesofoneofitsleadingjournalsthatthese

psychedelicdrugsdeservedtobetreatedverydifferentlyandhaddemonstrated,

inthewordsofonecommentator,“that,whenusedappropriately,these

compoundscanproduceremarkable,possiblybeneficial,effectsthatcertainly

deservefurtherstudy.”

Thestoryofhowthispapercametobeshedsaninterestinglightonthe

fraughtrelationshipbetweenscienceandthatotherrealmofhumaninquirythat

sciencehashistoricallydisdainedandgenerallywantsnothingtodowith:

spirituality.Forindesigningthis,thefirstmodernstudyofpsilocybin,Griffiths

haddecidedtofocusnotonapotentialtherapeuticapplicationofthedrug—the

pathtakenbyotherresearchershopingtorehabilitateotherbannedsubstances,

likeMDMA—butratheronthespiritualeffectsoftheexperienceonso-called

healthynormals.Whatgoodwasthat?

InaneditorialaccompanyingGriffiths’spaper,theUniversityofChicago

psychiatristanddrugabuseexpertHarrietdeWittriedtoaddressthistension,

pointingoutthatthequestforexperiencesthat“freeoneselfoftheboundsof

everydayperceptionandthoughtinasearchforuniversaltruthsand

enlightenment”isanabidingelementofourhumanitythathasnevertheless

“enjoyedlittlecredibilityinthemainstreamscientificworld.”Thetimehad

come,shesuggested,forscience“torecognizetheseextraordinarysubjective

experiences...eveniftheysometimesinvolveclaimsaboutultimaterealities

thatlieoutsidethepurviewofscience.”

•••

ROLANDGRIFFITHSmightbethelastscientistonewouldeverimaginegetting

mixedupwithpsychedelics,whichsurelyhelpsexplainhissuccessinreturning

psychedelicresearchtoscientificrespectability.Sixfeettallandrailthin,

Griffiths,inhisseventies,holdshimselfboltupright;theonlyundisciplined

thingabouthimisathatchofwhitehairsodenseitappearstohaveheldhis

combtoadraw.Atleastuntilyougethimtalkingabouttheultimatequestions,

whichlighthimup,hecomesacrossastheultimatestraightarrow:sober,

earnest,andmethodical.

Bornin1944,GriffithsgrewupinElCerrito,California,intheBayArea,

andwenttoOccidentalCollegeforhisundergraduateeducation(majoringin

psychology)andthenontotheUniversityofMinnesotatostudy

psychopharmacology.AtMinnesotainthelate1960s,hecameunderthe

influenceofB.F.Skinner,theradicalbehavioristwhohelpedshiftthefocusof

psychologyfromtheexplorationofinnerstatesandsubjectiveexperiencetothe

studyofoutwardbehaviorandhowitisconditioned.Behaviorismhaslittle

interestinplumbingthedepthsofthehumanpsyche,buttheapproachproved

veryusefulinstudyingbehaviorslikedruguseanddependence,whichbecame

Griffiths’sspecialty.Psychedelicdrugsplayednoroleineitherhisformalorhis

informaleducation.BythetimeGriffithsgottograduateschool,Timothy

Leary’snotoriouspsychedelicresearchprojectatHarvardhadalreadycollapsed

inscandal,and“itwasclearfrommymentorsthatthesewerecompoundsthat

hadnofuture.”

In1972,rightoutofgraduateschool,GriffithswashiredatJohnsHopkins,

wherehehasworkedeversince,makinghismarkasaresearcherstudyingthe

mechanismsofdependenceinavarietyoflegalandillegaldrugs,includingthe

opiates,theso-calledsedativehypnotics(likeValium),nicotine,alcohol,and

caffeine.WorkingundergrantsfromtheNationalInstituteonDrugAbuse,

Griffithshelpedpioneerthesortsofexperimentsinwhichananimal,oftena

baboonorarat,ispresentedwithaleverallowingittoself-administervarious

drugsintravenously,apowerfultoolforresearchersstudyingreinforcement,

dependence,preferences(lunchormorecocaine?),andwithdrawal.Thefifty-

fivepapershepublishedexploringtheaddictivepropertiesofcaffeine

transformedthefield,helpingustoseecoffeelessasafoodthanasadrug,and

ledtothelistingof“caffeinewithdrawal”syndromeinthemostrecenteditionof

theDiagnosticandStatisticalManualofMentalDisorders,orDSM5.Bythe

timeGriffithsturnedfifty,in1994,hewasascientistatthetopofhisgameand

hisfield.

ButthatyearGriffiths’scareertookanunexpectedturn,theresultoftwo

serendipitousintroductions.Thefirstcamewhenafriendintroducedhimto

SiddhaYoga.Despitehisbehavioristorientationasascientist,Griffithshad

alwaysbeeninterestedinwhatphilosopherscallphenomenology—the

subjectiveexperienceofconsciousness.Hehadtriedmeditationasagraduate

studentbutfoundthat“hecouldn’tsitstillwithoutgoingstark-ravingmad.

Threeminutesfeltlikethreehours.”Butwhenhetrieditagainin1994,

“somethingopenedupforme.”Hestartedmeditatingregularly,goingon

retreats,andworkinghiswaythroughavarietyofEasternspiritualtraditions.He

foundhimselfdrawn“deeperanddeeperintothismystery.”

Somewherealongtheway,Griffithshadwhathemodestlydescribesas“a

funnykindofawakening”—amysticalexperience.Iwassurprisedwhen

Griffithsmentionedthisduringourfirstmeetinginhisoffice,soIhadn’t

followedup,butevenafterIhadgottentoknowhimalittlebetter,Griffithswas

stillreluctanttosaymuchmoreaboutexactlywhathappenedand,assomeone

whohadneverhadsuchanexperience,Ihadtroublegaininganytractionwith

theideawhatsoever.Allhewouldtellmeisthattheexperience,whichtook

placeinhismeditationpractice,acquaintedhimwith“somethingway,way

beyondamaterialworldviewthatIcan’treallytalktomycolleaguesabout,

becauseitinvolvesmetaphorsorassumptionsthatI’mreallyuncomfortablewith

asascientist.”

Intime,whathewaslearningabout“themysteryofconsciousnessand

existence”inhismeditationpracticecametoseemmorecompellingtohimthan

hisscience.Hebegantofeelsomewhatalienated:“NoneofthepeopleIwas

closetohadanyinterestinentertainingthosequestions,whichfellintothe

generalcategoryofthespiritual,andreligiouspeopleIjustdidn’tget.

“HereIam,afullprofessor,publishinglikecrazy,runningofftoimportant

meetings,andthinkingIwasafraud.”Hebegantoloseinterestintheresearch

thathadorganizedhiswholeadultlife.“Icouldstudyanewsedativehypnotic,

learnsomethingnewaboutbrainreceptors,beonanotherFDA[FoodandDrug

Administration]panel,gotoanotherconference,butsowhat?Iwasmore

emotionallyandintellectuallycuriousaboutwherethisotherpathmightlead.

Mydrugresearchbegantoseemvacuous.Iwasgoingthroughthemotionsat

work,muchmoreinterestedingoinghomeintheeveningtomeditate.”Theonly

wayhecouldmotivatehimselftocontinuewritinggrantswastothinkofitasa

“serviceproject”forhisgraduatestudentsandpostdocs.

Inthecaseofhiscaffeineresearch,Griffithshadbeenabletotakehis

curiosityaboutadimensionofhisownexperience—whydidhefeelcompelled

todrinkcoffeeeveryday?—andturnitintoaproductivelineofscientific

inquiry.Buthecouldseenowaytodothatwithhisdeepeningcuriosityabout

thedimensionsofconsciousnessthatmeditationhadopeneduptohim.“Itnever

occurredtometherewasanywaytostudyitscientifically.”Stymiedandbored,

Griffithsbegantoentertainthoughtsofquittingscienceandgoingofftoan

ashraminIndia.

ItwasaroundthistimethatBobSchuster,anoldfriendandcolleaguewho

hadrecentlyretiredasheadoftheNationalInstituteonDrugAbuse,phoned

GriffithstosuggesthetalktoayoungmanhehadrecentlymetatEsalennamed

BobJesse.Jessehadorganizedasmallgatheringofresearchers,therapists,and

religiousscholarsatthelegendaryBigSurretreatcentertodiscussthespiritual

andtherapeuticpotentialofpsychedelicdrugsandhowtheymightbe

rehabilitated.Jessehimselfwasneitheramedicalprofessionalnorascientist;he

wasacomputerengineer,avicepresidentofbusinessdevelopmentatOracle,

whohadmadeithismissiontorevivethescienceofpsychedelics—butasatool

notsomuchofmedicineasofspiritualdevelopment.

GriffithshadtoldSchusteralittleabouthisspiritualpracticeandconfidedin

himhisgrowingdiscontentwithconventionaldrugresearch.

“Youshouldtalktothisguy,”Schustertoldhim.“Theyhavesomeinteresting

ideasaboutworkingwithentheogens,”hesaid.“Youmighthavesomethingin

common.”

•••

WHENTHEHISTORYofsecond-wavepsychedelicresearchiswritten,BobJesse

willbeseenasoneofapairofscientificoutsidersinAmerica—amateurs,really,

andbrillianteccentrics—whoworkedtirelessly,oftenbehindthescenes,togetit

offtheground.Bothfoundtheirvocationinthewakeoftransformative

psychedelicexperiencesthatconvincedthemthesesubstanceshadthepotential

tohealnotonlyindividualsbuthumankindasawholeandthatthebestpathto

theirrehabilitationwasbywayofcrediblescientificresearch.Inmanycases,

theseuntrainedresearchersdreameduptheexperimentsfirstandthenfound

(andfunded)thescientiststoconductthem.Oftenyouwillfindtheirnameson

thepapers,usuallyinthelastposition.

Ofthetwo,RickDoblinhasbeenatitlongerandisbyfarthemorewell

known.DoblinfoundedtheMultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelic

Studies(MAPS)allthewaybackinthedarkdaysof1986—theyearafter

MDMAwasmadeillegalandatimewhenmostwiserheadswereconvincedthat

restartingresearchintopsychedelicswasacausebeyondhopeless.

Doblin,bornin1953,isagreatshaggydogwithabone;hehasbeen

lobbyingtochangethegovernment’smindaboutpsychedelicssinceshortlyafter

graduatingfromNewCollege,inFlorida,in1987.Afterexperimentingwith

LSDasanundergraduate,andlaterwithMDMA,Doblindecidedhiscallingin

lifewastobecomeapsychedelictherapist.ButafterthebanningofMDMAin

1985,thatdreambecameunachievablewithoutachangeinfederallawsand

regulations,sohedecidedhe’dbetterfirstgetadoctorateinpublicpolicyat

Harvard’sKennedySchool.There,hemasteredtheintricaciesoftheFDA’sdrug

approvalprocess,andinhisdissertationplottedthelaboriouspathtoofficial

acceptancethatpsilocybinandMDMAarenowfollowing.

Doblinisdisarmingly,perhapshelplessly,candid,happytotalkopenlytoa

reporterabouthisformativepsychedelicexperiencesaswellaspoliticalstrategy

andtactics.LikeTimothyLeary,Doblinisthehappiestofwarriors,nevernot

smilingandexhibitingadegreeofenthusiasmfortheworkyouwouldn’texpect

fromamanwhohasbeenknockinghisheadagainstthesamewallforhisentire

adultlife.DoblinworksoutofasomewhatDickensianofficetuckedintothe

atticofhisramblingcolonialinBelmont,Massachusetts,atadeskstackedtothe

ceilingwithprecariouspilesofmanuscripts,journalarticles,photographs,and

memorabiliareachingbackmorethanfortyyears.Someofthememorabilia

commemoratesthetimeearlyinhiscareerwhenDoblindecidedthebestwayto

endsectarianstrifewouldbetomailagroupoftheworld’sspiritualleaders

tabletsofMDMA,adrugfamousforitsabilitytobreakdownbarriersbetween

peopleandkindleempathy.Aroundthesametime,hearrangedtohavea

thousanddosesofMDMAsenttopeopleintheSovietmilitarywhowere

workingonarmscontrolnegotiationswithPresidentReagan.

ForDoblin,winningFDAapprovalforthemedicaluseofpsychedelics—

whichhebelievesisnowinview,forbothMDMAandpsilocybin—isameans

toamoreambitiousandstillmorecontroversialend:theincorporationof

psychedelicsintoAmericansocietyandculture,notjustmedicine.Thisof

courseisthesamewinningstrategyfollowedbythecampaigntodecriminalize

marijuana,inwhichpromotingthemedicalusesofcannabischangedthedrug’s

image,leadingtoamoregeneralpublicacceptance.

Notsurprisingly,thissortoftalkranklesmorecautiousheadsinthe

community(BobJesseamongthem),butRickDoblinisnotonetosoft-pedalhis

agendaortoeventhinkabouttakinganinterviewofftherecord.Thisgetshima

lotofpress;howmuchithelpsthecauseisdebatable.Butthereisnoquestion

thatespeciallyinthelastseveralyearsDoblinhassucceededingettingimportant

researchapprovedandfunded,especiallyinthecaseofMDMA,whichhaslong

beenMAPS’smainfocus.MAPShassponsoredseveralsmallclinicaltrialsthat

havedemonstratedMDMA’svalueintreatingpost-traumaticstressdisorder,or

PTSD.(Doblindefinespsychedelicsgenerously,soastoincludeMDMAand

evencannabis,eventhoughtheirmechanismsofactioninthebrainarevery

differentfromthatoftheclassicalpsychedelics.)Butbeyondhelpingthose

sufferingwithPTSDandotherindications—MAPSissponsoringaclinical

studyatUCLAthatinvolvestreatingautisticadultswithMDMA—Doblin

believesferventlyinthepowerofpsychedelicstoimprovehumankindby

disclosingaspiritualdimensionofconsciousnessweallshare,regardlessofour

religiousbeliefsorlackthereof.“Mysticism,”helikestosay,“istheantidoteto

fundamentalism.”

•••

COMPAREDWITHRICKDOBLIN,BobJesseisamonk.Thereisnothingshaggyor

uncarefulabouthim.Taut,pressshy,anddisposedtochoosehiswordswitha

pairoftweezers,Jesse,nowinhisfifties,preferstodohisworkoutofpublic

view,andpreferablyfromtheone-roomcabinwherehelivesbyhimselfinthe

ruggedhillsnorthofSanFrancisco,offthegridexceptforafastInternet

connection.

“BobJesseislikethepuppeteer,”KatherineMacLeantoldme.MacLeanisa

psychologistwhoworkedinRolandGriffiths’slabfrom2009until2013.“He’s

thevisionaryguyworkingbehindthescenes.”

FollowingJesse’smeticulousdirections,IdrovenorthfromtheBayArea,

eventuallywindingupattheendofanarrowdirtroadinacountyheaskedme

nottoname.Iparkedatatrailheadandmademywaypastthe“NoTrespassing”

signs,followingapathupahillthatbroughtmetohispicturesquemountaintop

camp.IfeltasifIweregoingtovisitthewizard.Theshipshapelittlecabinis

tightfortwo,soJessehassetoutamongthefirtreesandboulderssome

comfortablesofas,chairs,andtables.He’salsobuiltanoutdoorkitchenand,ona

shelfofrockcommandingaspectacularviewofthemountains,anoutdoor

shower,givingthecampthefeelingofahouseturnedinsideout.

Wespentthebetterpartofanearlyspringdayoutdoorsinhislivingroom,

sippingherbalteaanddiscussinghisnotablyquietercampaigntorestore

psychedelicstorespectability—amasterplaninwhichRolandGriffithsplaysa

centralrole.“I’malittlecamerashy,”hebegan,“soplease,nopicturesor

recordingsofanykind.”

Jesseisaslender,compactfellowwithasquarishheadofcloselycropped

grayhairandrimlessrectangularglassesthatareunostentatiouslystylish.Jesse

seldomsmilesandhassomeofthestiffnessIassociatewithengineers,though

occasionallyhe’llsurpriseyouwithaflashofemotionhewillimmediatelythen

caption:“Youmayhavenoticedthatthinkingaboutthatsubjectmademyeyes

getalittlewatery.Letmeexplainwhy...”Notonlydoeshechoosehisown

wordswithgreatcare,butheinsiststhatyoudotoo,so,forexample,whenI

carelesslydeployedtheterm“recreationaluse,”hestoppedmeinmid-sentence.

“Maybeweneedtoreexaminethatterm.Typically,itisusedtotrivializean

experience.Butwhy?Initsliteralmeaning,theword‘recreation’implies

somethingdecidedlynontrivial.Thereismuchmoretobesaid,butlet’s

bookmarkthistopicforanothertime.Pleasegoon.”MynotesshowthatJesse

tookourfirstconversationonandofftherecordhalfadozentimes.

JessegrewupoutsideBaltimoreandwenttoJohnsHopkins,wherehe

studiedcomputerscienceandelectricalengineering.Forseveralyearsinhis

twenties,heworkedforBellLabs,commutingweeklyfromBaltimoretoNew

Jersey.Duringthisperiod,hecameoutoftheclosetandpersuadedmanagement

torecognizethecompany’sfirstgayandlesbianemployeegroup.(Atthetime,

AT&T,theparentcompany,employedsome300,000people.)Later,he

persuadedAT&Tmanagementtoflyarainbowflagoverheadquartersduring

GayPrideWeekandsendadelegationtomarchintheparade.Thisachievement

formedBobJesse’spoliticaleducation,impressingonhimthevalueofworking

behindthesceneswithoutmakingalotofnoiseordemandingcredit.

JessemovedtoOracle,andtheBayArea,in1990,becomingemployee

number8766—notoneofthefirst,butearlyenoughtohaveacquiredachunkof

stockinthecompany.Itwasn’tlongbeforeOraclefieldeditsowncontingentin

SanFrancisco’sGayPrideParade,andafterJesse’sgentleproddingofsenior

managementOraclebecameoneofthefirstFortune500companiestooffer

benefitstothesame-sexpartnersofitsemployees.

Jesse’scuriosityaboutpsychedelicswasfirstpiquedduringadrugeducation

unitinhishighschoolscienceclass.Thisparticularclassofdrugswasneither

physicallynorpsychologicallyaddictive,hewastold(correctly);histeacher

wentontodescribethedrugs’effects,includingshiftsinconsciousnessand

visualperceptionthatJessefoundintriguing.“Icouldsensetherewasevenmore

herethantheyweretellingus,”herecalled.“SoImadeamentalnote.”Buthe

wouldnotbereadytoseeforhimselfwhatpsychedelicswereallaboutuntil

muchlater.Why?Heansweredinthethirdperson:“Aclosetedgaykidmightbe

afraidofwhatmightcomeoutifhelethisguarddown.”

Inhistwenties,whileworkingatBellLabs,Jessefellinwithagroupof

friendsinBaltimorewhodecided,inamostdeliberateway,toexperimentwith

psychedelics.Someonewouldalwaysremain“closetogroundlevel”incase

anyoneneededhelporthedoorbellrang,anddosesescalatedgradually.Itwas

duringoneoftheseSaturdayafternoonexperiments,inanapartmentin

Baltimore,thatJesse,twenty-fiveyearsoldandhavingingestedahighdoseof

LSD,hadapowerful“non-dualexperience”thatwouldprovetransformative.I

askedhimtodescribeit,andaftersomehemmingandhawing—“Ihopeyou’ll

bracketwhatissensitive”—hegingerlyproceededtotellthestory.

“Iwaslyingonmybackunderneathaficustree,”herecalls.“Iknewitwas

goingtobeastrongexperience.AndthepointcamewherethelittleIstillwas

juststartedslippingaway.Ilostallawarenessofbeingonthefloorinan

apartmentinBaltimore;Icouldn’ttellifmyeyeswereopenedorclosed.What

openedupbeforemewas,forlackofabetterword,aspace,butnotourordinary

conceptofspace,justthepureawarenessofarealmwithoutformandvoidof

content.Andintothatrealmcameacelestialentity,whichwastheemergenceof

thephysicalworld.Itwaslikethebigbang,butwithouttheboomortheblinding

light.Itwasthebirthofthephysicaluniverse.Inonesenseitwasdramatic—

maybethemostimportantthingthateveroccurredinthehistoryoftheworld—

yetitjustsortofhappened.”

Iaskedhimwherehewasinallthis.

“Iwasadiffuselylocatedobserver.Iwascoextensivewiththisemergence.”

HereIlethimknowhewaslosingme.Longpause.“I’mhesitatingbecausethe

wordsareanawkwardfit;wordsseemtooconstraining.”Ineffabilityisofcourse

ahallmarkofthemysticalexperience.“Theawarenesstranscendsanyparticular

sensorymodality,”heexplained,unhelpfully.Wasitscary?“Therewasnoterror,

onlyfascinationandawe.”Pause.“Um,maybealittlefear.”

Fromhereon,Jessewatched(orwhateveryoucallit)thebirthof...

everything,intheunfoldingofanepicsequencebeginningwiththeappearance

ofcosmicdustleadingtothecreationofthestarsandthenthesolarsystems,

followedbytheemergenceoflifeandfromtherethearrivalof“whatwecall

humans,”thentheacquisitionoflanguageandtheunfoldingofawareness,“all

thewayuptoone’sself,hereinthisroom,surroundedbymyfriends.Ihad

comeallthewaybacktorightwhereIwas.Howmuchclocktimehadelapsed?

Ihadnoidea.

“WhatstandsoutmostformeisthequalityoftheawarenessIexperienced,

somethingentirelydistinctfromwhatI’vecometoregardasBob.Howdoesthis

expandedawarenessfitintothescopeofthings?TotheextentIregardthe

experienceasveridical—andaboutthatI’mstillnotsure—ittellsmethat

consciousnessisprimarytothephysicaluniverse.Infact,itprecedesit.”Didhe

nowbelieveconsciousnessexistsoutsidethebrain?He’snotcertain.“Buttogo

frombeingverysurethattheoppositeistrue”—thatconsciousnessistheproduct

ofourgraymatter—“tobeunsureisanimmenseshift.”Iaskedhimifheagreed

withsomethingI’dreadtheDalaiLamahadsaid,thattheideathatbrainscreate

consciousness—anideaacceptedwithoutquestionbymostscientists—“isa

metaphysicalassumption,notascientificfact.”

“Bingo,”Jessesaid.“Andforsomeonewithmyorientation”—agnostic,

enamoredofscience—“thatchangeseverything.”

•••

HERE’SWHATIDON’TGETaboutanexperiencelikeBobJesse’s:Whyintheworld

wouldyouevercredititatall?Ididn’tunderstandwhyyouwouldn’tsimplyfile

itunder“interestingdream”or“drug-inducedfantasy.”Butalongwiththe

feelingofineffability,theconvictionthatsomeprofoundobjectivetruthhasbeen

disclosedtoyouisahallmarkofthemysticalexperience,regardlessofwhether

ithasbeenoccasionedbyadrug,meditation,fasting,flagellation,orsensory

deprivation.WilliamJamesgaveanametothisconviction:thenoeticquality.

Peoplefeeltheyhavebeenletinonadeepsecretoftheuniverse,andthey

cannotbeshakenfromthatconviction.AsJameswrote,“Dreamscannotstand

thistest.”Nodoubtthisiswhysomeofthepeoplewhohavesuchanexperience

goontofoundreligions,changingthecourseofhistoryor,inagreatmanymore

cases,thecourseoftheirownlives.“Nodoubt”isthekey.

Icanthinkofacoupleofwaystoaccountforsuchaphenomenon,neither

entirelysatisfying.Themoststraightforwardandyethardesttoaccept

explanationisthatit’ssimplytrue:thealteredstateofconsciousnesshasopened

thepersonuptoatruththattherestofus,imprisonedinordinarywaking

consciousness,simplycannotsee.Sciencehastroublewiththisinterpretation,

however,because,whatevertheperceptionis,itcan’tbeverifiedbyits

customarytools.It’sananecdotalreport,ineffect,andsohasnovalue.Science

haslittleinterestin,andtolerancefor,thetestimonyoftheindividual;inthisit

is,curiously,muchlikeanorganizedreligion,whichhasabigproblemcrediting

directrevelationtoo.Butit’sworthpointingoutthattherearecaseswhere

sciencehasnochoicebuttorelyonindividualtestimony—asinthestudyof

subjectiveconsciousness,whichisinaccessibletoourscientifictoolsandsocan

onlybedescribedbythepersonexperiencingit.Herephenomenologyistheall-

importantdata.However,thisisnotthecasewhenascertainingtruthsaboutthe

worldoutsideourheads.

Theproblemwithcreditingmysticalexperiencesispreciselythattheyoften

seemtoerasethedistinctionbetweeninsideandoutside,inthewaythatBob

Jesse’s“diffuseawareness”seemedtobehisbutalsotoexistoutsidehim.This

pointstothesecondpossibleexplanationforthenoeticsense:whenoursenseof

asubjective“I”disintegrates,asitoftendoesinahigh-dosepsychedelic

experience(aswellasinmeditationbyexperiencedmeditators),itbecomes

impossibletodistinguishbetweenwhatissubjectivelyandobjectivelytrue.

What’slefttodothedoubtingifnotyourI?

•••

INTHEYEARSfollowingthatfirstpowerfulpsychedelicjourney,BobJessehada

seriesofotherexperiencesthatshiftedthecourseofhislife.LivinginSan

Franciscointheearly1990s,hegotinvolvedintheravesceneanddiscovered

thatthe“collectiveeffervescence”ofthebestall-nightdanceparties,withor

withoutpsychedelic“materials,”couldalsodissolvethe“subject-objectduality”

andopenupnewspiritualvistas.Hebegantoexplorevariousspiritualtraditions,

fromBuddhismtoQuakerismtomeditation,andfoundhisprioritiesinlife

graduallyshifting.“Itbegantooccurtomethatspendingtimeinthisareamight

actuallybefarmoreimportantandfarmorefulfillingthanwhatIhadbeen

doing”asacomputerengineer.

WhileonasabbaticalfromOracle(hewouldleaveforgoodin1995),Jesse

setupanonprofitcalledtheCouncilonSpiritualPractices(CSP),withtheaim

of“makingdirectexperienceofthesacredmoreavailabletomorepeople.”The

websitedownplaystheorganization’sinterestinpromotingentheogens—Bob

Jesse’spreferredtermforpsychedelics—butdoesdescribeitsmissionin

suggestiveterms:“toidentifyanddevelopapproachestoprimaryreligious

experiencethatcanbeusedsafelyandeffectively.”Thewebsite(csp.org)offers

anexcellentbibliographyofpsychedelicresearchandregularupdatesonthe

workunderwayatJohnsHopkins.CSPwouldalsoplayaroleinsupportingthe

UDVlawsuitthatresultedinthe2006SupremeCourtdecision.

TheCouncilonSpiritualPracticesgrewoutofJesse’ssystematicexploration

ofthepsychedelicliteratureandthepsychedeliccommunityintheBayArea

soonafterhemovedtoSanFrancisco.Inhishighlydeliberate,slightly

obsessive,andscrupulouslypoliteway,Jessecontactedtheregion’snumerous

“psychedelicelders”—therichcastofcharacterswhohadbeendeeplyinvolved

inresearchandtherapyintheyearsbeforemostofthedrugswerebannedin

1970,withthepassingoftheControlledSubstancesAct,andtheclassificationof

LSDandpsilocybinasschedule1substanceswithahighpotentialforabuseand

norecognizedmedicaluse.TherewasJamesFadiman,theStanford-trained

psychologistwhohaddonepioneeringresearchonpsychedelicsandproblem

solvingattheInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudyinMenloPark,until

theFDAhaltedthegroup’sworkin1966.(Intheearly1960s,therewasatleast

asmuchpsychedelicresearchgoingonaroundStanfordastherewasatHarvard;

itjustdidn’thaveacharacterofthewattageofaTimothyLearyouttalking

aboutit.)ThentherewasFadiman’scolleagueattheinstituteMyronStolaroff,a

prominentSiliconValleyelectricalengineerwhoworkedasaseniorexecutiveat

Ampex,themagneticrecordingequipmentmaker,untilanLSDtripinspiredhim

togiveupengineering(muchlikeBobJesse)foracareerasapsychedelic

researcherandtherapist.JessealsofoundhiswayintotheinnercircleofSasha

andAnnShulgin,legendaryBayAreafigureswhoheldweeklydinnersfora

communityoftherapists,scientists,andothersinterestedinpsychedelics.(Sasha

Shulgin,whodiedin2014,wasabrilliantchemistwhoheldaDEAlicense

allowinghimtosynthesizenovelpsychedeliccompounds,whichhedidin

prodigiousnumbers.HealsowasthefirsttosynthesizeMDMAsinceithadbeen

patentedbyMerckin1912andforgotten.Recognizingitspsychoactive

properties,heintroducedtheso-calledempathogentotheBayArea’s

psychotherapycommunity.Onlylater,diditbecometheclubdrugknownas

Ecstasy.)JessealsobefriendedHustonSmith,thescholarofcomparative

religion,whosemindhadbeenopenedtothespiritualpotentialofpsychedelics

when,asaninstructor/lectureratMITin1962,heservedasavolunteerinthe

GoodFridayExperiment,fromwhichhecameawayconvincedthatamystical

experienceoccasionedbyadrugwasnodifferentfromanyotherkind.

Bywayofthese“elders”andhisownreading,Jessebeganunearthingthe

richbodyoffirst-wavepsychedelicresearch,muchofwhichhadbeenlostto

science.Helearnedthattherehadbeenmorethanathousandscientificpaperson

psychedelicdrugtherapybefore1965,involvingmorethanfortythousand

researchsubjects.Beginninginthe1950sandcontinuingintotheearly1970s,

psychedeliccompoundshadbeenusedtotreatavarietyofconditions—

includingalcoholism,depression,obsessive-compulsivedisorder,andanxietyat

theendoflife—frequentlywithimpressiveresults.Butfewofthestudieswere

wellcontrolledbymodernstandards,andsomeofthemwerecompromisedby

theenthusiasmoftheresearchersinvolved.

OfevenkeenerinteresttoBobJessewastheearlyresearchexploringthe

potentialofpsychedelicstocontributetowhat,inastrikingphrase,hecalls“the

bettermentofwellpeople.”Therehadbeenstudiesin“healthynormals”of

artisticandscientificcreativityandspirituality.Themostfamousofthesewas

theGoodFriday,orMarshChapel,Experiment,conductedin1962byWalter

Pahnke,apsychiatristandministerworkingonaPhDdissertationatHarvard

underTimothyLeary.Inthisdouble-blindexperiment,twentydivinitystudents

receivedacapsuleofwhitepowderduringaGoodFridayserviceatMarsh

ChapelontheBostonUniversitycampus,tenofthemcontainingpsilocybin,ten

an“activeplacebo”—inthiscaseniacin,whichcreatesatinglingsensation.

Eightofthetenstudentsreceivingpsilocybinreportedapowerfulmystical

experience,whileonlyoneinthecontrolgroupdid.(Tellingthemapartwasnot

difficult,renderingthedoubleblindasomewhathollowconceit:thoseonthe

placebosatsedatelyintheirpewswhiletheotherslaydownorwanderedabout

thechapel,mutteringthingslike“Godiseverywhere”and“Oh,theGlory!”)

Pahnkeconcludedthattheexperiencesofthosewhoreceivedthepsilocybin

were“indistinguishablefrom,ifnotidenticalwith,”theclassicmystical

experiencesreportedintheliterature.HustonSmithagreed.“UntiltheGood

FridayExperiment,”hetoldaninterviewerin1996,“Ihadhadnodirect

personalencounterwithGod.”

In1986,RickDoblinconductedafollow-upstudyoftheGoodFriday

Experimentinwhichhetrackeddownandinterviewedallbutoneofthedivinity

studentswhoreceivedpsilocybinatMarshChapel.Mostreportedthatthe

experiencehadreshapedtheirlivesandworkinprofoundandenduringways.

However,DoblinfoundseriousflawsinPahnke’spublishedaccount:Pahnke

hadfailedtomentionthatseveralsubjectshadstruggledwithacuteanxiety

duringtheirexperience.Onehadtoberestrainedandgivenaninjectionof

Thorazine,apowerfulantipsychotic,afterhefledfromthechapelandheaded

downCommonwealthAvenue,convincedhehadbeenchosentoannouncethe

newsofthecomingoftheMessiah.

InthisandasecondreviewofanotherTimothyLeary–supervised

experiment,ofrecidivismatConcordStatePrison,Doblinhadraisedtroubling

questionsaboutthequalityoftheresearchdoneintheHarvardPsilocybin

Project,suggestingthattheenthusiasmoftheexperimentershadtaintedthe

reportedresults.Ifthisresearchweregoingtoberevivedandtakenseriously,

Jesseconcluded,itwouldhavetobedonewithconsiderablymorerigorand

objectivity.AndyettheresultsoftheGoodFridayExperimentwerehighly

suggestiveand,asBobJesseandRolandGriffithswouldsoondecide,well

worthtryingtoreproduce.

•••

BOBJESSESPENTtheearly1990sexcavatingtheknowledgeaboutpsychedelics

thathadbeenlostwhenformalresearchwashaltedandinformalresearchwent

underground.Inthis,hewasalittlelikethoseRenaissancescholarswho

rediscoveredthelostworldofclassicalthoughtinahandfulofmanuscripts

squirreledawayinmonasteries.However,inthiscase,considerablylesstime

hadelapsed,sotheknowledgeremainedinthebrainsofpeoplestillalive,like

JamesFadimanandMyronStolaroffandWillisHarman(anotherBayArea

engineerturnedpsychedelicresearcher),whomerelyhadtobeaskedforit,and

inscientificpapersinlibrariesanddatabases,whichmerelyhadtobesearched.

Butifthereisamodernanalogytothemedievalmonasterywheretheworldof

classicalthoughtwassavedfromoblivion,aplacewherethegutteringflameof

psychedelicknowledgewasassiduouslyfannedduringitsowndarkage,that

placewouldhavetobeEsalen,thelegendaryretreatcenterinBigSur,

California.

PerchedonacliffoverlookingthePacificasifbarelyclingingtothe

continent,theEsalenInstitutewasfoundedin1962andeversincehasbeena

centerofgravityfortheso-calledhumanpotentialmovementinAmerica,

servingastheunofficialcapitaloftheNewAge.Agreatmanytherapeuticand

spiritualmodalitiesweredevelopedandtaughthereovertheyears,includingthe

therapeuticandspiritualpotentialofpsychedelics.Beginningin1973,Stanislav

Grof,theCzechémigrépsychiatristwhoisoneofthepioneersofLSD-assisted

psychotherapy,servedasscholarinresidenceatEsalen,buthehadconducted

workshopsthereforyearsbefore.Grof,whohasguidedthousandsofLSD

sessions,oncepredictedthatpsychedelics“wouldbeforpsychiatrywhatthe

microscopeisforbiologyorthetelescopeisforastronomy.Thesetoolsmakeit

possibletostudyimportantprocessesthatundernormalcircumstancesarenot

availablefordirectobservation.”HundredscametoEsalentopeerthroughthat

microscope,ofteninworkshopsGrofledforpsychotherapistswhowantedto

incorporatepsychedelicsintheirpractices.Manyifnotmostofthetherapists

andguidesnowdoingthisworkundergroundlearnedtheircraftatthefeetof

StanGrofintheBigHouseatEsalen.

WhethersuchworkcontinuedatEsalenafterLSDwasmadeillegalis

uncertain,butitwouldn’tbesurprising:theplaceisperchedsofaroutoverthe

edgeofthecontinentastofeelbeyondthereachoffederallawenforcement.But

atleastofficially,suchworkshopsendedwhenLSDbecameillegal.Grofbegan

teachinginsteadsomethingcalledholotropicbreathwork,atechniquefor

inducingapsychedelicstateofconsciousnesswithoutdrugs,bymeansofdeep,

rapid,andrhythmicbreathing,usuallyaccompaniedbylouddrumming.Yet

Esalen’sroleinthehistoryofpsychedelicsdidnotendwiththeirprohibition.It

becametheplacewherepeoplehopingtobringthesemoleculesbackintothe

culture,whetherasanadjuncttotherapyorameansofspiritualdevelopment,

mettoplottheircampaigns.

InJanuary1994,BobJessemanagedtogethimselfinvitedtoonesuch

meetingatEsalen.WhilehelpingoutwiththedishesafteraFridaynightdinner

attheShulgins’,Jesselearnedthatagroupoftherapistsandscientistswouldbe

gatheringinBigSurtodiscusstheprospectsforrevivingpsychedelicresearch.

ThereweresignsthatthedoorWashington,D.C.,hadslammedshutonresearch

inthelate1960smightbeopening,ifonlyacrack:CurtisWright,anew

administratorattheFDA(and,asithappens,aformerstudentofRoland

Griffiths’satHopkins),hadsignaledthatresearchprotocolsforpsychedelics

wouldbetreatedlikeanyother—judgedontheirmerits.Testingthisnew

receptivity,apsychiatristattheUniversityofNewMexiconamedRick

Strassmanhadsoughtandreceivedapprovaltostudythephysiologicaleffectsof

DMT,apowerfulpsychedeliccompoundfoundinmanyplants.Thissmalltrial

markedthefirstfederallysanctionedexperimentwithapsychedeliccompound

sincethe1970s—inretrospect,awatershedevent.

Aroundthesametime,RickDoblinandCharlesGrob,apsychiatristat

UCLA,hadsucceededinpersuadingthegovernmenttoapprovethefirsthuman

trialofMDMA.(Grobisoneofthefirstpsychiatriststoadvocateforthereturn

ofpsychedelicstopsychotherapy;helaterconductedthefirstmoderntrialof

psilocybinforcancerpatients.)TheyearbeforetheEsalengathering(which

GrobandDoblinbothattended),DavidNichols,aPurdueUniversitychemist

andpharmacologist,launchedtheHeffterResearchInstitute(namedforthe

Germanchemistwhofirstidentifiedthemescalinecompoundin1897)withthe

thenimprobableambitionoffundingseriouspsychedelicscience.(Heffterhas

sincehelpedfundmanyofthemoderntrialsofpsilocybin.)Sotherewere

scatteredhopefulsignsintheearly1990sthatconditionswereripeningfora

revivalofpsychedelicresearch.Thetinycommunitythathadsustainedsucha

dreamthroughthedarkagesbegan,tentatively,quietly,toorganize.

EventhoughJessewasnewtothiscommunity,andneitherascientistnora

therapist,heaskedifhecouldattendtheEsalenmeetingandofferedtomake

himselfuseful,refillingwaterglassesifthat’swhatittook.Mostofthegathering

wastakenupwithdiscussionsofthepotentialmedicalapplicationsof

psychedelics,aswellastheneedforbasicresearchontheneuroscience.Jesse

wasstruckbythefactthatsolittleattentionwaspaidtothespiritualpotentialof

thesecompounds.Heleftthemeetingconvincedthat“okay,thereisroomto

maneuverhere.Iwashopingoneofthesepeoplewouldpickuptheballandrun

withit,buttheywerebusywiththeotherball.SoImadeadecisiontoseeka

leaveofabsencefromOracle.”Withinayear,JessewouldlaunchtheCouncilon

SpiritualPractices,andwithintwothecouncilwouldconveneitsownmeetingat

Esalen,inJanuary1996,withtheaimofopeningasecondfrontinthecampaign

toresurrectpsychedelics.

Fittingly,thegatheringtookplaceintheMaslowRoomatEsalen,namedfor

thepsychologistwhosewritingsonthehierarchyofhumanneedsunderscored

theimportanceof“peakexperiences”inself-actualization.Mostofthefifteenin

attendancewere“psychedelicelders,”therapistsandresearcherslikeJames

FadimanandWillisHarman,MarkKleiman,thenadrug-policyexpertatthe

KennedySchool(andRickDoblin’sthesistutorthere),andreligiousfigureslike

HustonSmith,BrotherDavidSteindl-Rast,andJeffreyBronfman,theheadof

theUDVchurchinAmerica(andheirtotheSeagram’sliquorfortune).ButJesse

wiselydecidedtoinviteanoutsideraswell:Charles“Bob”Schuster,whohad

servedbothRonaldReaganandGeorgeH.W.BushasdirectoroftheNational

InstituteonDrugAbuse.Jessedidn’tknowSchusterwellatall;theyhadonce

spokenbrieflyataconference.ButJessecameawayfromtheencounterthinking

Schusterjustmightbereceptivetoaninvitation.

ExactlywhyBobSchuster—aleadingfigureintheacademicestablishment

undergirdingthedrugwar—wouldbeopentotheideaofcomingtoEsalento

discussthespiritualpotentialofpsychedelicswasamystery,atleastuntilIhad

theopportunitytospeaktohiswidow,Chris-EllynJohanson.Johanson,whois

alsoadrugresearcher,paintedapictureofamanofexceptionallybroadinterests

anddeepcuriosity.

“Bobwasopen-mindedtoafault,”shetoldme,withalaugh.“Hewouldtalk

toanyone.”LikemanypeopleintheNIDAcommunity,Schusterwell

understoodthatpsychedelicsfitawkwardlyintotheprofileofadrugofabuse;

animals,giventhechoice,willnotself-administerapsychedelicmorethanonce,

andtheclassicalpsychedelicsexhibitremarkablylittletoxicity.IaskedJohanson

ifSchusterhadevertakenapsychedelichimself;RolandGriffithshadtoldme

hethoughtitwaspossible.(“Bobwasajazzmusician,”Griffithstoldme,“soI

wouldn’tbeatallsurprised.”)ButJohansonsaidno.“Hewasdefinitelycurious

aboutthem,”shetoldme,“butIthinkhewastooafraid.Weweremartini

people.”Iaskedifhewasaspiritualman.“Notreally,thoughIthinkhewould

havelikedtohavebeen.”

Jesse,notquitesurewhatSchusterwouldmakeofthemeeting,arrangedto

haveJimFadimanbunkwithhim,instructingFadiman,apsychologist,tocheck

himout.“EarlythenextmorningJimfoundmeandsaid,‘Bob,mission

accomplished.Youhavefoundagemofahumanbeing.’”

SchusterthoroughlyenjoyedhistimeatEsalen,accordingtohiswife.He

tookpartinadrummingcircleJessehadarranged—youdon’tleaveEsalen

withoutdoingsomesuchthing—andwasamazedtodiscoverhoweasilyhe

couldslipintoatrance.ButSchusteralsomadesomekeycontributionstothe

group’sdeliberations.HewarnedJesseoffworkingwithMDMA,whichhe

believedwastoxictothebrainandhadbythenacquiredanunsavoryreputation

asaclubdrug.Healsosuggestedthatpsilocybinwasamuchbettercandidatefor

researchthanLSD,largelyforpoliticalreasons:becausesomanyfewerpeople

hadheardofit,psilocybincarriednoneofthepoliticalandculturalbaggageof

LSD.

Bytheendofthemeeting,theEsalengrouphadsettledonashortlistof

objectives,someofthemmodest—todraftacodeofethicsforspiritualguides—

andothersmoreambitious:“togetaboveboard,unimpeachableresearchdone,at

aninstitutionwithinvestigatorsbeyondreproach,”and,ideally,“dothiswithout

anypretextofclinicaltreatment.”

“Weweren’tsurethatwaspossible,”Jessetoldme,butheandhiscolleagues

believed“itwouldbeabigmistakeifmedicalizationisallthathappens.”Whya

mistake?BecauseBobJessewasultimatelylessinterestedinpeople’smental

problemsthanwiththeirspiritualwell-being—inusingentheogensforthe

bettermentofwellpeople.

ShortlyaftertheEsalenmeeting,Schustermadewhatwouldturnouttobehis

mostimportantcontribution:tellingBobJesseabouthisoldfriendRoland

Griffiths,whomhedescribedasexactly“theinvestigatorbeyondreproach”Jesse

waslookingforand“ascientistofthefirstorder.”

“EverythingRoland’sdonehe’sdevotedhimselftocompletely,”Jesserecalls

Schustersaying,“includinghismeditationpractice.Wethinkit’schangedhim.”

GriffithshadsharedwithSchusterhisgrowingdissatisfactionwithscienceand

hisdeepeninginterestinthekindof“ultimatequestions”comingupinhis

meditationpractice.SchusterthenmadethecalltoGriffithstellinghimaboutthe

interestingyoungmanhe’djustmetatEsalen,explainingthattheysharedan

interestinspirituality,andsuggestingtheyshouldmeet.Afteranexchangeofe-

mails,JesseflewtoBaltimoretohavelunchwithGriffithsinthecafeteriaonthe

Bayviewmedicalcampus,inauguratingaseriesofconversationsandmeetings

thatwouldeventuallyleadtotheircollaborationonthe2006studyofpsilocybin

andmysticalexperienceatJohnsHopkins.

•••

BUTTHEREWASSTILLonemissingpieceofthepuzzleandthescientificteam.

MostofthedrugtrialsGriffithshadruninthepastinvolvedbaboonsandother

nonhumanprimates;hehadmuchlessclinicalexperienceworkingwithhumans

andrealizedheneededaskilledtherapisttojointheproject—a“master

clinician,”asheputit.Asithappened,BobJessehadmetapsychologistata

psychedelicconferenceafewyearsbeforewhonotonlyfilledthebillbutlived

inBaltimore.Stillmorefortuitous,thispsychologist,whosenamewasBill

Richards,probablyhasmoreexperienceguidingpsychedelicjourneysinthe

1960sand1970sthananyonealive,withthepossibleexceptionofStanGrof

(withwhomhehadonceworked).Infact,BillRichardsadministeredthevery

lastlegaldoseofpsilocybintoanAmerican,attheMarylandPsychiatric

ResearchCenteratSpringGroveStateHospitalinthespringof1977.Inthe

decadessince,hehadbeenpracticingmoreconventionalpsychotherapyoutof

hishomeinaleafyBaltimoreneighborhoodcalledWindsorHills,bidinghis

timeandwaitingpatientlyfortheworldtocomearoundsothathemightwork

withpsychedelicsonceagain.

“Inthebigpicture,”hetoldmethefirsttimewemetinhishomeoffice,

“thesedrugshavebeenaroundatleastfivethousandyears,andmanytimesthey

havesurfacedandhavebeenrepressed,sothiswasanothercycle.Butthe

mushroomstillgrows,andeventuallythisworkwouldcomearoundagain.Orso

Ihoped.”WhenhegotthecallfromBobJessein1998,andmetRolandGriffiths

shortlythereafter,hecouldn’tquitebelievehisgoodfortune.“Itwasthrilling.”

BillRichards,apreternaturallycheerfulmaninhisseventies,isabridge

betweenthetwoerasofpsychedelictherapy.WalterPahnkewasthebestmanat

hiswedding;heworkedcloselywithStanGrofatSpringGroveandvisited

TimothyLearyinMillbrook,NewYork,whereLearylandedafterhisexilefrom

Harvard.ThoughRichardslefttheMidwesthalfacenturyago,he’sretainedthe

speechpatternsofruralMichigan,wherehewasbornin1940.Richardstoday

sportsawhitegoatee,laughswithaninfectiouscackle,andendsmanyofhis

sentenceswithacheerful,up-spoken“y’know?”

Richards,whoholdsgraduatedegreesinbothpsychologyanddivinity,had

hisfirstpsychedelicexperiencewhileadivinitystudentatYalein1963.Hewas

spendingtheyearstudyinginGermany,attheUniversityofGöttingen,and

foundhimselfdrawntotheDepartmentofPsychiatry,wherehelearnedabouta

researchprojectinvolvingadrugcalledpsilocybin.

“Ihadnoideawhatthatwas,buttwofriendsofminehadparticipatedand

hadhadinterestingexperiences.”Oneofthem,whosefatherhadbeenkilledin

thewar,hadregressedtochildhoodtofindhimselfsittingonhisfather’slap.

TheotherhadhallucinationsofSSmenmarchinginthestreet.“Ihadneverhad

adecenthallucination,”Richardssaidwithachuckle,“andIwastryingtoget

someinsightintomychildhood.Inthosedays,Iviewedmyownmindasa

psychologicallaboratory,soIdecidedtovolunteer.

“Thiswasbeforetheimportanceofsetandsettingwasunderstood.Iwas

broughttoabasementroom,givenaninjection,andleftalone.”Arecipefora

badtrip,surely,butRichardshadpreciselytheoppositeexperience.“Ifelt

immersedinthisincrediblydetailedimagerythatlookedlikeIslamic

architecture,withArabicscript,aboutwhichIknewnothing.AndthenI

somehowbecametheseexquisitelyintricatepatterns,losingmyusualidentity.

AndallIcansayisthattheeternalbrillianceofmysticalconsciousness

manifesteditself.Myawarenesswasfloodedwithlove,beauty,andpeace

beyondanythingIeverhadknownorimaginedtobepossible.‘Awe,’‘glory,’

and‘gratitude’weretheonlywordsthatremainedrelevant.”

Descriptionsofsuchexperiencesalwayssoundalittlethin,atleastwhen

comparedwiththeemotionalimpactpeoplearetryingtoconvey;foralife-

transformingevent,thewordscanseempaltry.WhenImentionedthisto

Richards,hesmiled.“Youhavetoimagineacavemantransportedintothe

middleofManhattan.Heseesbuses,cellphones,skyscrapers,airplanes.Then

zaphimbacktohiscave.Whatdoeshesayabouttheexperience?‘Itwasbig,it

wasimpressive,itwasloud.’Hedoesn’thavethevocabularyfor‘skyscraper,’

‘elevator,’‘cellphone.’Maybehehasanintuitivesensetherewassomesortof

significanceorordertothescene.Buttherearewordsweneedthatdon’tyet

exist.We’vegotfivecrayonswhenweneedfiftythousanddifferentshades.”

Inthemiddleofhisjourney,oneofthepsychiatricresidentsstoppedbythe

roomtolookinonRichards,askinghimtositupsohecouldtesthisreflexes.

Astheresidenttappedhispatellartendonwithhislittlerubberhammer,Richards

remembersfeeling“compassionfortheinfancyofscience.Theresearchershad

noideawhatreallywashappeninginmyinnerexperientialworld,ofits

unspeakablebeautyorofitspotentialimportanceforallofus.”Afewdaysafter

theexperience,Richardsreturnedtothelabandasked,“Whatwasthatdrugyou

gaveme?Howisitspelled?

“Andtherestofmylifeisfootnotes!”

Yetafterseveralsubsequentpsilocybinsessionsfailedtoproduceanother

mysticalexperience,Richardsstartedtowonderifperhapshehadexaggerated

thatfirsttrip.Sometimelater,WalterPahnkearrivedattheuniversity,fresh

fromhisgraduateworkwithTimothyLearyatHarvard,andthetwobecame

friends.(ItwasRichardswhogavePahnkehisfirstpsychedelictripwhilethe

twowereinGermany;hehadapparentlynevertakenLSDorpsilocybinat

Harvard,thinkingitmightcompromisetheobjectivityoftheGoodFriday

Experiment.)PahnkesuggestedRichardstryonemoretime,butinaroomwith

softlighting,plants,andmusicandusingahigherdose.Onceagain,Richards

had“anincrediblyprofoundexperience.IrealizedIhadnotexaggeratedthefirst

tripbutinfacthadforgotten80percentofit.

“Ihaveneverdoubtedthevalidityoftheseexperiences,”Richardstoldme.

“ThiswastherealmofmysticalconsciousnessthatShankarawastalkingabout,

thatPlotinuswaswritingabout,thatSaintJohnoftheCrossandMeisterEckhart

werewritingabout.It’salsowhatAbrahamMaslowwastalkingaboutwithhis

‘peakexperiences,’thoughAbecouldgettherewithoutthedrugs.”Richards

wouldgoontostudypsychologyunderMaslowatBrandeisUniversity.“Abe

wasanaturalJewishmystic.Hecouldjustliedowninthebackyardandhavea

mysticalexperience.Psychedelicsareforthoseofuswhoaren’tsoinnately

gifted.”

Richardsemergedfromthosefirstpsychedelicexplorationsinpossessionof

threeunshakableconvictions.Thefirstisthattheexperienceofthesacred

reportedbothbythegreatmysticsandbypeopleonhigh-dosepsychedelic

journeysisthesameexperienceandis“real”—thatis,notjustafigmentofthe

imagination.

“Yougodeepenoughorfaroutenoughinconsciousnessandyouwillbump

intothesacred.It’snotsomethingwegenerate;it’ssomethingouttherewaiting

tobediscovered.Andthisreliablyhappenstononbelieversaswellasbelievers.”

Second,that,whetheroccasionedbydrugsorothermeans,theseexperiencesof

mysticalconsciousnessareinalllikelihoodtheprimalbasisofreligion.(Partly

forthisreasonRichardsbelievesthatpsychedelicsshouldbepartofadivinity

student’seducation.)Andthird,thatconsciousnessisapropertyoftheuniverse,

notbrains.Onthisquestion,heholdswithHenriBergson,theFrench

philosopher,whoconceivedofthehumanmindasakindofradioreceiver,able

totuneintofrequenciesofenergyandinformationthatexistoutsideit.“Ifyou

wantedtofindtheblondewhodeliveredthenewslastnight,”Richardsoffered

bywayofananalogy,“youwouldn’tlookforherintheTVset.”Thetelevision

setis,likethehumanbrain,necessarybutnotsufficient.

AfterRichardsfinishedwithhisgraduatestudiesinthelate1960s,hefound

workasaresearchfellowattheSpringGroveStateHospitaloutsideBaltimore,

whereamostimprobablecounterfactualhistoryofpsychedelicresearchwas

quietlyunfolding,farfromthenoiseandglaresurroundingTimothyLeary.

Indeed,thisisacasewheretheforceoftheLearynarrativehasbentthereceived

historyoutofshape,suchthatmanyofusassumetherewasnoserious

psychedelicresearchbeforeLearyarrivedatHarvardandnoseriousresearch

afterhewasfired.ButuntilBillRichardsadministeredpsilocybintohislast

volunteerin1977,SpringGrovewasactively(andwithoutmuchcontroversy)

conductinganambitiousprogramofpsychedelicresearch—muchofitunder

grantsfromtheNationalInstituteofMentalHealth—withschizophrenics,

alcoholicsandotheraddicts,cancerpatientsstrugglingwithanxiety,religious

andmentalhealthprofessionals,andpatientswithseverepersonalitydisorders.

SeveralhundredpatientsandvolunteersreceivedpsychedelictherapyatSpring

Grovebetweentheearly1960sandthemid-1970s.Inmanycases,the

researchersweregettingverygoodresultsinwell-designedstudiesthatwere

beingregularlypublishedinpeer-reviewedjournalssuchasJAMAandthe

ArchivesofGeneralPsychiatry.(RolandGriffithsisoftheopinionthatmuchof

thisresearchis“suspect,”butRichardstoldme,“Thesestudiesweren’tasbadas

peoplelikeRolandmightimply.”)Itisremarkablejusthowmuchofthework

beingdonetoday,atHopkinsandNYUandotherplaces,wasprefiguredat

SpringGrove;indeed,itishardtofindacontemporaryexperimentwith

psychedelicsthatwasn’talreadydoneinMarylandinthe1960sor1970s.

Atleastatthebeginning,theSpringGrovepsychedelicworkenjoyedlotsof

publicsupport.In1965,CBSNewsbroadcastanadmiringhour-long“special

report”onthehospital’sworkwithalcoholics,calledLSD:TheSpringGrove

Experiment.TheresponsetotheprogramwassopositivethattheMarylandstate

legislatureestablishedamultimillion-dollarresearchfacilityonthecampusof

theSpringGroveStateHospital,calledtheMarylandPsychiatricResearch

Center.StanGrof,WalterPahnke,andBillRichardswerehiredtohelprunit,

alongwithseveraldozenothertherapists,psychiatrists,pharmacologists,and

supportstaff.Equallyhardtobelievetodayisthefactthat,asRichardstoldme,

“wheneverwehiredsomeone,theywouldreceiveacoupleofLSDsessionsas

partoftheirtrainingtodothework.Wehadauthorization!Howelsecouldyou

besensitivetowhatwasgoingoninthemindofthepatient?Iwishwecoulddo

thatatHopkins.”

ThefactthatsuchanambitiousresearchprogramcontinuedatSpringGrove

wellintothe1970ssuggeststhestoryofthesuppressionofpsychedelicresearch

isalittlemorecomplicatedthantheconventionalnarrativewouldindicate.

Whileitistruethatsomeresearchprojects—suchasJimFadiman’screativity

trialsinPaloAlto—receivedordersfromWashingtontostop,otherprojectson

long-termgrantswereallowedtocontinueuntilthemoneyranout,asit

eventuallydid.Ratherthanshutdownallresearch,asmanyinthepsychedelic

communitybelievehappened,thegovernmentsimplymadeitmoredifficultto

getapprovals,andfundinggraduallydriedup.Astimewenton,researchers

foundthatontopofallthebureaucraticandfinancialhurdlestheyalsohadto

dealwith“thesnickertest”:Howwouldyourcolleaguesreactwhenyoutold

themyouwererunningexperimentswithLSD?Bythemid-1970s,psychedelics

hadbecomesomethingofascientificembarrassment—notbecausetheywerea

failure,butbecausetheyhadbecomeidentifiedwiththecountercultureandwith

disgracedscientistssuchasTimothyLeary.

ButtherewasnothingembarrassingaboutpsychedelicresearchatSpring

Groveinthelate1960sandearly1970s.Then,andthere,itlookedlikethe

future.“Wethoughtthiswasthemostincrediblefrontierinpsychiatry,”Richards

recalls.“Wewouldallsitaroundtheconferencetabletalkingabouthowwewere

goingtotrainthehundredsifnotthousandsoftherapiststhatwouldbeneededto

dothiswork.(Andlook,we’rehavingthesameconversationagaintoday!)

Therewereinternationalconferencesonpsychedelicresearch,andwehad

colleaguesthroughoutEuropedoingsimilarwork.Thefieldwastakingoff.But

intheendthesocietalforceswerestrongerthanwewere.”

In1971,RichardNixondeclaredTimothyLeary,awashed-uppsychology

professor,“themostdangerousmaninAmerica.”Psychedelicswerenourishing

thecounterculture,andthecounterculturewassappingthewillingnessof

America’syoungtofight.TheNixonadministrationsoughttobluntthe

counterculturebyattackingitsneurochemicalinfrastructure.

Wasthesuppressionofpsychedelicresearchinevitable?Manyofthe

researchersIinterviewedfeelthatitmighthavebeenavoidedhadthedrugsnot

leapedthelaboratorywalls—acontingencythat,fairlyornot,mostofthem

blamesquarelyonthe“antics,”“misbehavior,”and“evangelism”ofTimothy

Leary.

StanislavGrofbelievesthatpsychedelicsloosed“theDionysianelement”on

1960sAmerica,posingathreattothecountry’spuritanvaluesthatwasboundto

berepulsed.(Hetoldmehealsothinksthesamethingcouldhappenagain.)

RolandGriffithspointsoutthatoursisnotthefirstculturetofeelthreatenedby

psychedelics:thereasonR.GordonWassonhadtorediscovermagicmushrooms

inMexicowasthattheSpanishhadsuppressedthemsoeffectively,deeming

themdangerousinstrumentsofpaganism.

“Thatsayssomethingimportantabouthowreluctantculturesaretoexpose

themselvestothechangesthesekindsofcompoundscanoccasion,”hetoldme

thefirsttimewemet.“Thereissomuchauthoritythatcomesoutoftheprimary

mysticalexperiencethatitcanbethreateningtoexistinghierarchicalstructures.”

•••

BYTHEMID-1970S,theLSDworkatSpringGrove,muchofwhichwasstate

funded,hadbecomeapoliticalhotpotatoinAnnapolis.In1975,theRockefeller

CommissioninvestigatingtheCIAdisclosedthattheagencyhadalsobeen

runningLSDexperimentsinMaryland,atFortDetrick,aspartofamind-control

projectcalledMK-Ultra.(Aninternalmemothecommissionreleasedconcisely

setforththeagency’sobjective:“Canwegetcontrolofanindividualtothepoint

wherehewilldoourbiddingagainsthiswillandevenagainstfundamentallaws

ofnature,suchasself-preservation?”)ItwasrevealedthattheCIAwasdosing

bothgovernmentemployeesandcivilianswithouttheirknowledge;atleastone

personhaddied.ThenewsthatMarylandtaxpayerswerealsosupporting

researchwithLSDpromptlyblewupintoascandal,andpressuretoclosedown

psychedelicresearchatSpringGrovebecameirresistible.

“Prettysoonitwasjustmeandtwosecretaries,”Richardsrecalls.“Andthen

itwasover.”

TodayRolandGriffiths,whowouldpickupthethreadofresearchthatwas

droppedwhentheworkatSpringGroveended,marvelsatthefactthatthefirst

waveofpsychedelicresearch,promisingasitwas,wouldendforreasonshaving

nothingtodowithscience.“Weendedupdemonizingthesecompounds.Can

youthinkofanotherareaofsciencethoughttobesodangerousandtaboothat

allresearchgetsshutdownfordecades?It’sunprecedentedinmodernscience.”

Sotoo,perhaps,isthesheeramountofscientificknowledgethatwassimply

erased.

In1998,Griffiths,Jesse,andRichardsbegandesigningapilotstudyloosely

basedontheGoodFridayExperiment.“Itwasn’tapsychotherapystudy,”

Richardspointsout.“Itwasastudydesignedtodeterminewhetherpsilocybin

canelicitatranscendentalexperience.Thatwewereabletoobtainpermissionto

giveittohealthynormalsisatributetoRoland’slonghistoryofcommanding

respectbothatHopkinsandinWashington.”In1999,theprotocolwas

approved,butonlyafterwendingitswaythroughfivelayersofreviewat

HopkinsaswellastheFDAandtheDEA.(ManyofGriffiths’sHopkins

colleagueswereskepticaloftheproposal,worriedpsychedelicresearchmight

jeopardizefederalfunding;onetoldmetherewere“peopleintheDepartmentof

Psychiatryandthebroaderinstitutionwhoquestionedthework,becausethis

classofcompoundscarriesalotofbaggagefromthe’60s.”)

“Wehadfaiththatthepeopleonallthesecommitteeswouldbegood

scientists,”Richardstoldme.“Andwithluckmaybeafewofthemhadtried

mushroomsincollege!”RolandGriffithsbecametheprincipalinvestigatorof

thetrial,BillRichardsbecametheclinicaldirector,andBobJessecontinuedto

workbehindthescenes.

“IcanvividlyrememberthefirstsessionIranafterthatlongtwenty-two-year

hiatus,”Richardsrecalled.HeandIweretogetherinthesessionroomat

Hopkins;Iwassittingonthecouchwherethevolunteersliedownduringtheir

journeys,andRichardswasinthechairwherehehasnowsatandguidedmore

thanahundredpsilocybinjourneyssince1999.Theroomfeelsmorelikeaden

orlivingroomthanaroominalaboratory,withaplushsofa,vaguelyspiritual

paintingsonthewalls,asculptureoftheBuddhaonasidetable,andshelves

holdingagiantstonemushroomandvariousothernondenominationalspiritual

artifacts,aswellasthesmallchaliceinwhichthevolunteersreceivetheirpills.

“Thisguyislyingonthecouchrighttherewhereyouare,withtears

streamingdownhisface,andI’mthinking,howabsolutelybeautifuland

meaningfulthisexperienceis.Howsacred.Howcanthiseverhavebeenillegal?

It’sasifwemadeenteringGothiccathedralsillegal,ormuseums,orsunsets!

“Ihonestlyneverknewifthiswouldhappenagaininmylifetime.Andlook

atwherewearenow:theworkatHopkinshasbeengoingonnowforfifteen

years—fiveyearslongerthanSpringGrove.”

•••

IN1999,anoddbutintriguingadvertisementbeganappearinginweekliesinthe

BaltimoreandWashington,D.C.,area,undertheheadline“Interestedinthe

SpiritualLife?”

Universityresearchwithentheogens(roughly,God-evoking

substancessuchaspeyoteandsacredmushrooms)hasreturned.

Thefieldofstudyincludespharmacology,psychology,creativity

enhancement,andspirituality.Toexplorethepossibilityof

participatinginconfidentialentheogenresearchprojects,call1-

888-585-8870,tollfree.www.csp.org.

Notlongafter,BillRichardsandMaryCosimano,asocialworkerandschool

guidancecounselorRichardsrecruitedtohelphimguidepsychedelicsessions,

administeredthefirstlegaldoseofpsilocybintoanAmericanintwenty-two

years.Intheyearssince,theHopkinsteamhasconductedmorethanthree

hundredpsilocybinsessions,workinginavarietyofpopulations,including

healthynormals,long-termandnovicemeditators,cancerpatients,smokers

seekingtobreaktheirhabit,andreligiousprofessionals.Iwascurioustogetthe

volunteer’s-eyeviewoftheexperiencefromallthesetypes,butespeciallyfrom

thatfirstcohortofhealthynormals,partlybecausetheywereparticipantsina

studythatwouldturnouttobehistoricallyimportantandpartlybecauseI

figuredtheywouldbethemostlike,well,me.Whatisitliketohavealegally

sanctioned,professionallyguided,optimallycomfortablehigh-dosepsilocybin

experience?

Yetthevolunteersinthefirstexperimentswerenotexactlylikeme,because

atthetimeIdoubtIwouldhavereadpast“InterestedintheSpiritualLife?”

Therewerenostone-coldatheistsintheoriginalgroup,andinterviewswith

nearlyadozenofthemsuggestedmanyifnotmostofthemcameintothestudy

withspiritualleaningstoonedegreeoranother.Therewasanenergyhealer,a

manwho’ddonethewholeIronJohntrip,aformerFranciscanfriar,andan

herbalist.TherewasalsoaphysicistwithaninterestinZenandaphilosophy

professorwithaninterestintheology.RolandGriffithsacknowledged,“Wewere

interestedinaspiritualeffectandwerebiasingtheconditioninitially[inthat

direction].”

Thatsaid,Griffithswenttogreatlengthsinthedesignofthestudytocontrol

for“expectancyeffects.”InpartthisowedtoGriffiths’sskepticismthatadrug

couldoccasionthesamekindofmysticalexperiencehehadhadinhis

meditation:“ThisisalltruthtoBillandhypothesistome.Soweneededto

controlforBill’sbiases.”Allofthevolunteerswere“hallucinogennaive,”so

hadnoideawhatpsilocybinfeltlike,andneithertheynortheirmonitorsknewin

anygivensessionwhethertheyweregettingpsilocybinoraplacebo,and

whetherthatplacebowasasugarpilloranyoneofhalfadozendifferent

psychoactivedrugs.InfacttheplacebowasRitalin,andasitturnedout,the

monitorsguessedwrongnearlyaquarterofthetimeastowhatwasinthepilla

volunteerhadreceived.

Evenyearsaftertheirexperiencesinthetrials,thevolunteersIspoketo

recalledtheminvividdetailandatconsiderablelength;theinterviewslasted

hours.Thesepeoplehadbigstoriestotell;inseveralcases,thesewerethemost

meaningfulexperiencesoftheirlives,andtheyclearlyrelishedtheopportunity

torelivethemformeingreatdetail,whetherinperson,bySkype,oronthe

telephone.Thevolunteerswerealsorequiredtowriteareportoftheir

experiencessoonaftertheyoccurred,andalloftheonesIinterviewedwere

happytosharethesereports,whichmadeforstrangeandfascinatingreading.

ManyofthevolunteersIspoketoreportedinitialepisodesofintensefearand

anxietybeforesurrenderingthemselvestotheexperience—asthesitters

encouragethemtodo.Thesittersworkfromasetof“flightinstructions”

preparedbyBillRichards,basedonthehundredsofpsychedelicjourneyshehas

guided.Theguidesgoovertheinstructionswiththevolunteersduringtheeight

hoursofpreparationallofthemreceivebeforecommencingtheirjourneys.

Theflightinstructionsadviseguidestousemantraslike“Trustthetrajectory”

and“TLO—Trust,LetGo,BeOpen.”SomeguidesliketoquoteJohnLennon:

“Turnoffyourmind,relaxandfloatdownstream.”

Volunteersaretoldtheymayexperiencethe“death/transcendenceofyourego

oreverydayself,”butthisis“alwaysfollowedbyRebirth/Returntothe

normativeworldofspace&time.Safestwaytoreturntonormalistoentrustself

unconditionallytotheemergingexperiences.”Guidesareinstructedtoremind

volunteersthey’llneverbeleftaloneandnottoworryaboutthebodywhile

journeyingbecausetheguidesaretheretokeepaneyeonit.Ifyoufeelasifyou

are“dying,melting,dissolving,exploding,goingcrazyetc.—goahead.”

Volunteersarequizzed:“Ifyouseeadoor,whatdoyoudo?Ifyouseea

staircase,whatdoyoudo?”“Openit”and“climbupit”areofcoursetheright

answers.

Thiscarefulpreparationmeansthatacertainexpectancyeffectisprobably

unavoidable.Afterall,theresearchersarepreparingpeopleforamajor

experience,involvingdeathandrebirthandholdingthepotentialfor

transformation.“Itwouldbeirresponsiblenottowarnvolunteersthesethings

couldhappen,”GriffithspointedoutwhenIaskedifhisvolunteerswerebeing

“primed”foracertainkindofexperience.Onevolunteer—thephysicist—told

methatthe“mysticalexperiencequestionnaire”hefilledoutaftereverysession

alsoplantedexpectations.“Ilongtoseesomeofthestuffhintedatinthe

questionnaire,”hewroteafteranunderwhelmingsession—perhapsonthe

placebo.“Seeingeverythingasaliveandconnected,meetingthevoid,orsome

embodimentofdeitiesandthingslikethat.”Inthisandsomanyotherways,it

seems,theHopkinspsilocybinexperienceistheartifactnotonlyofthispowerful

moleculebutalsoofthepreparationandexpectationsofthevolunteer,theskills

andworldviewsofthesitters,BillRichards’sflightinstructions,thedecorofthe

room,theinwardfocusencouragedbytheeyeshadesandthemusic(andthe

musicitself,muchofwhichtomyearssoundsnotablyreligious),and,though

theymightnotbepleasedtohearit,themindsofthedesignersofthe

experiments.

Thesheersuggestibilityofpsychedelicsisoneoftheirdefining

characteristics,soinonesenseitisnowonderthatsomanyofthefirstcohortof

volunteersatHopkinshadpowerfulmysticalexperiences:theexperimentwas

designedbythreemenintenselyinterestedinmysticalstatesofconsciousness.

(AnditislikewisenowonderthattheEuropeanresearchersIinterviewedall

failedtoseeasmanyinstancesofmysticalexperienceintheirsubjectsasthe

Americansdidintheirs.)Andyet,forallthepriminggoingon,thefactremains

thatthepeoplewhoreceivedaplacebosimplydidn’thavethekindsof

experiencesthatvolunteeraftervolunteerdescribedtomeasthemost

meaningfulorsignificantintheirlives.

Soonafteravolunteertakesherpillfromthelittlechalice,butbeforeshe

feelsanyeffects,RolandGriffithswillusuallydropbythesessionroomtowish

herbonvoyage.Griffithsoftenusesaparticularmetaphorthatmadean

impressiononmanyofthevolunteersIspoketo.“Thinkofyourselfasan

astronautbeingblastedintoouterspace,”RichardBoothbyrecalledhimsaying.

Boothbyisaphilosophyprofessorwhowasinhisearlyfiftieswhenhe

volunteeredatHopkins.“You’regoingwayouttheretotakeitallinandengage

withwhateveryoufindthere,butyoucanbeconfidentthatwe’llbehere

keepinganeyeonthings.Thinkofusasgroundcontrol.We’vegotyou

covered.”

Fortheastronautbeingblastedintospace,theshudderofliftoffandstrainof

escapingEarth’sgravitationalfieldcanbewrenching—eventerrifying.Several

volunteersdescribetryingtoholdonfordearlifeastheyfelttheirsenseofself

rapidlydisintegrating.BrianTurner,whoatthetimeofhisjourneywasaforty-

four-year-oldphysicistworkingforamilitarycontractor(withasecurity

clearance),putitthisway:

Icouldfeelmybodydissolving,beginningwithmyfeet,untilitall

disappearedbuttheleftsideofmyjaw.Itwasreallyunpleasant;I

couldcountonlyafewteethleftandthebottompartofmyjaw.I

knewthatifthatwentawayIwouldbegone.ThenIremembered

whattheytoldme,thatwheneveryouencounteranythingscary,go

towardit.SoinsteadofbeingafraidofdyingIgotcuriousabout

whatwasgoingon.Iwasnolongertryingtoavoiddying.Instead

ofrecoilingfromtheexperience,Ibegantointerrogateit.Andwith

that,thewholesituationdissolvedintothispleasantfloatyfeeling,

andIbecamethemusicforawhile.

Soonafter,hefoundhimself“inalargecavewhereallmypastrelationships

werehangingdownasicicles:thepersonwhosatnexttomeinsecondgrade,

highschoolfriends,myfirstgirlfriend,allofthemwerethere,encasedinice.It

wasverycool.Ithoughtabouteachoftheminturn,rememberingeverything

aboutourrelationship.Itwasareview—somethingaboutthetrajectoryofmy

life.AllthesepeoplehadmademewhatIhadbecome.”

AmyCharnay,anutritionistandherbalistinherthirties,cametoHopkins

afteracrisis.Anavidrunner,shehadbeenstudyingforestecologywhenshefell

fromatreeandshatteredherankle,endingbothherrunningandherforestry

careers.Intheearlymomentsofherjourney,Amywasovercomebywavesof

guiltandfear.

“ThevisualIhadwasfromthe1800sandIwasuponthisstage.Twopeople

nexttomewereslippinganoosearoundmyneckwhileacrowdofpeople

watched,cheeringformydeath.Ifeltdrenchedwithguilt,justterrified.Iwasin

ahellrealm.AndIrememberBillasking,‘What’sgoingon?’

“‘I’mexperiencingalotofguilt.’Billreplied,‘That’saverycommonhuman

experience,’andwiththat,thewholeimageofbeinghangedpixilatedandthen

justdisappeared,tobereplacedbythistremendoussensationoffreedomand

interconnectedness.Thiswashugeforme.IsawthatifIcannameandadmita

feeling,confessittosomeone,itwouldletgo.Alittleolderandwiser,nowIcan

dothisformyself.”

Sometimelater,Charnayfoundherselfflyingaroundtheworldandthrough

timeperchedonthebackofabird.“Iwasawareenoughtoknowmybodywas

onthecouch,butIwasleavingmybodyandexperiencingthesethingsfirsthand.

Ifoundmyselfinadrummingcirclewithanindigenoustribesomewhere,andI

wasbeinghealedbutwasalsobeingthehealer.Thiswasveryprofoundforme.

Nothavingthattraditionallineage[ofahealer],IhadalwaysfeltlikeIwasa

phonydoingplantmedicine,butthismademeseeIwasconnectedtotheplants

andtopeoplewhouseplants,whetherforritualsorpsychedelicsorsalad!”

Duringasubsequentsession,Charnayreconnectedwithaboyfriendfromher

youthwhohaddiedinacaraccidentatnineteen.“Allofasuddenthereisa

pieceofPhillivinginmyleftshoulder.I’veneverhadanexperiencelikethat,

butitwassoreal.Idon’tknowwhyhe’syellowandlivesinmyleftshoulder—

whatdoesthatevenmean?—butIdon’tcare.He’sbackwithme.”Such

reconnectionswiththedeadarenotuncommon.RichardBoothby,whose

twenty-three-year-oldsonhadcommittedsuicideayearearlierafteryearsof

drugaddiction,toldme,“Oliverwasmorepresenttomenowthanhehadever

beenbefore.”

Thesupremeimportanceofsurrenderingtotheexperience,however

frighteningorbizarre,isstressedinthepreparatorysessionsandfigureslargely

inmanypeople’sjourneys,andbeyond.Boothby,thephilosopher,tookthe

advicetoheartandfoundthathecouldusetheideaasakindoftooltoshapethe

experienceinrealtime.Hewrote:

EarlyonIbegantoperceivethattheeffectsofthedrugrespond

strikinglytomyownsubjectivedetermination.If,inresponsetothe

swellingintensityofthewholeexperience,Ibegantotenseupwith

anxiety,thewholesceneappearstotighteninsomeway.ButifI

thenconsciouslyremindmyselftorelax,toletmyselfgointothe

experience,theeffectisdramatic.ThespaceinwhichIseemto

findmyself,alreadyenormous,suddenlyyawnsopenevenfurther

andtheshapesthatundulatebeforemyeyesappeartoexplodewith

newandevenmoreextravagantpatterns.OverandoveragainIhad

theoverwhelmingsenseofinfinitybeingmultipliedbyanother

infinity.IjokedtomywifeasshedrovemehomethatIfeltasifI

hadbeenrepeatedlysuckedintotheassholeofGod.

Boothbyhadwhatsoundsverymuchlikeaclassicmysticalexperience,

thoughhemaybethefirstinthelonglineofWesternmysticstoenterthedivine

realmthroughthatparticularaperture.

AtthedepthsofthisdeliriumIconceivedthatIwaseitherdyingor,

mostbizarrely,Iwasalreadydead.Allpointsofsecureattachment

toatrustworthysenseofrealityhadfallenaway.Whynotthink

thatIamdead?Andifthisisdying,Ithought,thensobeit.How

canIsaynotothis?

Atthispoint,atthegreatestdepthoftheexperience,Ifeltall

myorganizingcategoriesofopposition—dreamingand

wakefulness,lifeanddeath,insideandoutside,selfandother—

collapseintoeachother...Realityappearedtofoldinonitself,to

implodeinakindofecstaticcatastropheoflogic.Yetinthemidst

ofthishallucinatoryhurricaneIwashavingaweirdexperienceof

ultra-sublimity.AndIrememberrepeatingtomyselfagainand

again,“Nothingmatters,nothingmattersanymore.Iseethepoint!

Nothingmattersatall.”

Andthenitwasover.

Duringthelastfewhours,realitybeganslowly,effortlessly,to

stitchitselfbacktogether.Insyncwithsomeparticularlywowing

choralmusic,Ihadanincrediblymovingsenseoftriumphant

reawakening,asifanewdayweredawningafteralongand

harrowingnight.

•••

ATTHESAMETIMEIwasinterviewingRichardBoothbyandhisfellowvolunteers,

IwasreadingWilliamJames’saccountofmysticalconsciousnessinThe

VarietiesofReligiousExperienceinthehopeoforientingmyself.Andindeed

muchofwhatJameshadtosayhelpedmegetmybearingsamidthetorrentof

wordsandimagesIwascollecting.Jamesprefacedhisdiscussionofmystical

statesofconsciousnessbyadmittingthat“myownconstitutionshutsmeout

fromtheirenjoymentalmostentirely.”Almostentirely:whatJamesknowsabout

mysticalstateswasgleanednotjustfromhisreadingbutalsofromhisown

experimentswithdrugs,includingnitrousoxide.

Ratherthanattempttodefinesomethingasdifficulttograbholdofasa

mysticalexperience,Jamesoffersfour“marks”bywhichwemayrecognizeone.

Thefirstand,tohismind,“handiest”isineffability:“Thesubjectofit

immediatelysaysthatitdefiesexpression,thatnoadequatereportofitscontents

canbegiveninwords.”WiththepossibleexceptionofBoothby,allthe

volunteersIspoketoatonepointoranotherdespairedofconveyingthefull

forceofwhattheyhadexperienced,gamelythoughtheytried.“Youhadtobe

there”wasaregularrefrain.

ThenoeticqualityisJames’ssecondmark:“Mysticalstatesseemtothose

whoexperiencethemtobealsostatesofknowledge...Theyareilluminations,

revelationsfullofsignificanceandimportance...andasaruletheycarrywith

themacurioussenseofauthority.”

ForeveryvolunteerI’veinterviewed,theexperienceyieldedmanymore

answersthanquestions,and—curiouslyforwhatisafteralladrugexperience—

theseanswershadaboutthemaremarkablesturdinessanddurability.John

Hayes,apsychotherapistinhisfiftieswhowasoneofthefirstvolunteersat

Hopkins,

feltlikemysterieswerebeingunveiledandyetitallfeltfamiliar

andmorelikeIwasbeingremindedofthingsIhadalreadyknown.

Ihadasenseofinitiationintodimensionsofexistencemostpeople

neverknowexist,includingthedistinctsensethatdeathwas

illusory,inthesensethatitisadoorwewalkthroughintoanother

planeofexistence,thatwe’resprungfromaneternitytowhichwe

willreturn.

Whichistrueenough,Isuppose,buttosomeonehavingamystical

experience,suchaninsightacquirestheforceofrevealedtruth.

Somanyofthespecificinsightsgleanedduringthepsychedelicjourneyexist

onaknife-edgepoisedbetweenprofundityandutterbanality.Boothby,an

intellectualwithahighlydevelopedsenseofirony,struggledtoputwordstothe

deeptruthsabouttheessenceofourhumanityrevealedtohimduringoneofhis

psilocybinjourneys.

Ihaveattimesbeenalmostembarrassedbythem,asiftheygive

voicetoacosmicvisionofthetriumphoflovethatoneassociates

derisivelywiththeplatitudesofHallmarkcards.Allthesame,the

basicinsightsaffordedtomeduringthesessionstillseemforthe

mostpartcompelling.

Whatwasthephilosophyprofessor’scompellinginsight?

“Loveconquersall.”

Jamestouchesonthebanalityofthesemysticalinsights:“thatdeepenedsense

ofthesignificanceofamaximorformulawhichoccasionallysweepsoverone.

‘I’veheardthatsaidallmylife,’weexclaim,‘butIneverrealizeditsfull

meaninguntilnow.’”Themysticaljourneyseemstoofferagraduateeducation

intheobvious.Yetpeoplecomeoutoftheexperienceunderstandingthese

platitudesinanewway;whatwasmerelyknownisnowfelt,takesonthe

authorityofadeeplyrootedconviction.And,moreoftenthannot,that

convictionconcernsthesupremeimportanceoflove.

KarinSokel,alifecoachandenergyhealerinherfifties,describedan

experience“thatchangedeverythingandopenedmeprofoundly.”Attheclimax

ofherjourney,shehadanencounterwithagodwhocalledhimself“IAm.”In

itspresence,sherecalled,“everyoneofmychakraswasexploding.Andthen

therewasthislight,itwasthepurelightofloveanddivinity,anditwaswithme

andnowordswereneeded.Iwasinthepresenceofthisabsolutepuredivine

loveandIwasmergingwithit,inthisexplosionofenergy...Justtalkingabout

itmyfingersaregettingelectric.Itsortofpenetratedme.Thecoreofourbeing,

Inowknew,islove.Atthepeakoftheexperience,Iwasliterallyholdingthe

faceofOsamabinLaden,lookingintohiseyes,feelingpurelovefromhimand

givingittohim.Thecoreisnotevil,itislove.Ihadthesameexperiencewith

Hitler,andthensomeonefromNorthKorea.SoIthinkwearedivine.Thisisnot

intellectual,thisisacoreknowingness.”

IaskedSokelwhatmadehersosurethiswasn’tadreamordrug-induced

fantasy—asuggestionthatprovednomatchforhernoeticsense.“Thiswasno

dream.ThiswasasrealasyouandIhavingthisconversation.Iwouldn’thave

understooditeitherifIhadn’thadthedirectexperience.Nowitishardwiredin

mybrainsoIcanconnecttoitanddooften.”

ThislastpointJamesalludestoinhisdiscussionofthethirdmarkofmystical

consciousness,whichis“transiency.”Foralthoughthemysticalstatecannotbe

sustainedforlong,itstracespersistandrecur,“andfromonerecurrenceto

anotheritissusceptibleofcontinuousdevelopmentinwhatisfeltasinner

richnessandimportance.”

ThefourthandlastmarkinJames’stypologyistheessential“passivity”of

themysticalexperience.“Themysticfeelsasifhisownwillwereinabeyance,

andindeedsometimesasifheweregraspedandheldbyasuperiorpower.”This

senseofhavingtemporarilysurrenderedtoasuperiorforceoftenleavesthe

personfeelingasifheorshehasbeenpermanentlytransformed.

FormostoftheHopkinsvolunteersIinterviewed,theirpsilocybinjourneys

hadtakenplacetenorfifteenyearsearlier,andyettheireffectswerestillkeenly

felt,insomecasesonadailybasis.“Psilocybinawakenedmylovingcompassion

andgratitudeinawayIhadneverexperiencedbefore,”apsychologistwho

askednottobenamedtoldmewhenIaskedheraboutlastingeffects.“Trust,

Lettinggo,Openness,andBeingwerethetouchstonesoftheexperienceforme.

NowIknowthesethingsinsteadofjustbelieving.”ShehadturnedBill

Richards’sflightinstructionsintoamanualforliving.

RichardBoothbydidmuchthesamething,convertinghisinsightabout

lettinggointoakindofethic:

Duringmysessionthisartofrelaxationitselfbecamethebasisof

animmenserevelation,asitsuddenlyappearedtomethat

somethinginthespiritofthisrelaxation,somethinginthe

achievementofaperfect,trustingandlovingopennessofspirit,is

theveryessenceandpurposeoflife.Ourtaskinlifeconsists

preciselyinaformoflettinggooffearandexpectations,an

attempttopurelygiveoneselftotheimpactofthepresent.

JohnHayes,thepsychotherapist,emergedwith“hissenseoftheconcrete

destabilized,”replacedbyaconviction“thatthere’sarealitybeneaththereality

ofordinaryperceptions.Itinformedmycosmology—thatthereisaworld

beyondthisone.”Hayesparticularlyrecommendstheexperiencetopeoplein

middleageforwhom,asCarlJungsuggested,experienceofthenuminouscan

helpthemnegotiatethesecondhalfoftheirlives.Hayesadded,“Iwouldnot

recommendittoyoungpeople.”

Charnay’sjourneyatHopkinssolidifiedhercommitmenttoherbalmedicine

(shenowworksforasupplementmakerinNorthernCalifornia);italso

confirmedherinadecisiontodivorceherhusband.“Everythingwasnowso

cleartome.Icameoutofthesession,andmyhusbandwaslatetopickmeup.I

realized,thisisthethemewithus.We’rejustreallydifferentpeople.Ijustgot

myasskickedtoday,andIneededhimtobeontime.”Shebrokethenewsto

himinthecargoinghomeandhasnotlookedback.

Tolistentothesepeopledescribethechangesintheirlivesinspiredbytheir

psilocybinjourneysistowonderiftheHopkinssessionroomisn’takindof

“humantransformationfactory,”asMaryCosimano,theguidewhohasprobably

spentmoretimetherethananyoneelse,describedittome.“Fromnowon,”one

volunteertoldme,“Ithinkofmylifeasbeforeandafterpsilocybin.”Soonafter

hispsilocybinexperience,BrianTurner,thephysicist,quithisjobwiththe

militarycontractorandmovedtoColoradotostudyZen.Hehadhada

meditationpracticebeforepsilocybin,but“nowIhadthemotivation,becauseI

hadtastedthedestination”;hewaswillingtodothehardworkofZennowthat

hehadgottenapreviewofthenewmodesofconsciousnessitcouldmake

availabletohim.

TurnerisnowanordainedZenmonk,yetheisalsostillaphysicist,working

foracompanythatmakesheliumneonlasers.Iaskedhimifhefeltanytension

betweenhisscienceandhisspiritualpractice.“Idon’tfeelthere’sa

contradiction.YetwhathappenedatHopkinshasinfluencedmyphysics.I

realizetherearejustsomedomainsthatsciencewillnotpenetrate.Sciencecan

bringyoutothebigbang,butitcan’ttakeyoubeyondit.Youneedadifferent

kindofapparatustopeerintothat.”

Theseanecdotalreportsofpersonaltransformationfoundstrongsupportina

follow-upstudydoneonthefirstgroupsofhealthynormalsstudiedatHopkins.

KatherineMacLean,apsychologistontheHopkinsteam,crunchedthesurvey

dataproducedbyfifty-twovolunteers,includingfollow-upinterviewswith

friendsandfamilymemberstheyhaddesignated,anddiscoveredthatinmany

casesthepsilocybinexperiencehadledtolastingchangesintheirpersonalities.

Specifically,thosevolunteerswhohad“completemysticalexperiences”(as

determinedbytheirscoresonthePahnke-RichardsMysticalExperience

Questionnaire)showed,inadditiontolastingimprovementsinwell-being,long-

termincreasesinthepersonalitytraitof“opennesstoexperience.”Oneofthe

fivetraitspsychologistsusetoassesspersonality(theotherfourare

conscientiousness,extroversion,agreeableness,andneuroticism),openness

encompassesaestheticappreciationandsensitivity,fantasyandimagination,as

wellastoleranceofothers’viewpointsandvalues;italsopredictscreativityin

boththeartsandthesciences,aswellas,presumably,awillingnesstoentertain

ideasatoddswiththoseofcurrentscience.Suchpronouncedandlastingchanges

inthepersonalitiesofadultsarerare.

Yetnotalltheseshiftsinthedirectionofgreateropennesswereconfinedto

thevolunteersintheHopkinsexperiments;thesitters,too,speakofhavingbeen

changedbytheexperienceofwitnessingthesejourneys,sometimesinsurprising

ways.KatherineMacLean,whoguideddozensofsessionsduringhertimeat

Hopkins,toldme,“Istartedoutontheatheistside,butIbeganseeingthings

everydayinmyworkthatwereatoddswiththisbelief.Myworldbecamemore

andmoremysteriousasIsatwithpeopleonpsilocybin.”

DuringmylastinterviewwithRichardBoothby,towardtheendofaleisurely

SundaybrunchatthemodernartmuseuminBaltimore,helookedatmewithan

expressionthatmixedanalmostevangelicalfervoraboutthe“treasures”hehad

glimpsedatHopkinswithameasureofpityforhisstill-hallucinogen-naive

interlocutor.

“Idon’tblameyouforbeingenvious.”

•••

MYENCOUNTERSwiththeHopkinsvolunteershadindeedleftmefeeling

somewhatenvious,butalsowithagreatmanymorequestionsthananswers.

Howarewetoevaluatethe“insights”thesepeoplebringbackfromtheir

psychedelicjourneys?Whatsortofauthorityshouldwegrantthem?Wherein

theworlddoesthematerialthatmakesupthesewakingdreamsor,asone

volunteerputit,“intrapsychicmovies,”comefrom?Theunconscious?Fromthe

suggestionsoftheirguidesandthesettingoftheexperiment?Or,asmanyofthe

volunteersbelieve,fromsomewhere“outthere”or“beyond”?Whatdothese

mysticalstatesofconsciousnessultimatelymeanforourunderstandingofeither

thehumanmindortheuniverse?

Forhispart,RolandGriffiths’sownencounterswiththevolunteersinthe

2006studyreignitedhispassionforscience,buttheyalsolefthimwithadeeper

respectforallthatsciencedoesnotknow—forwhatheiscontenttocall“the

mysteries.”

“Formethedata[fromthosefirstsessions]were...Idon’twanttousethe

wordmind-blowing,butitwasunprecedentedthekindsofthingswewere

seeingthere,intermsofthedeepmeaningandlastingspiritualsignificanceof

theseeffects.I’vegivenlotsofdrugstolotsofpeople,andwhatyougetaredrug

experiences.What’suniqueaboutthepsychedelicsisthemeaningthatcomesout

oftheexperience.”

Yethowrealisthatmeaning?Griffithshimselfisagnostic,butstrikingly

open-minded,evenabouthisvolunteers’firsthandreportsofa“beyond,”

howevertheydefineit.“I’mwillingtoholdthepossibilitytheseexperiences

mayormaynotbetrue,”hetoldme.“Theexcitingpartistousethetoolswe

havetoexploreandpickapartthismystery.”

Notallofhiscolleaguessharehisopen-mindedness.Duringoneofour

meetings,overbreakfastonthesunporchofhismodestranchhouseinsuburban

Baltimore,GriffithsmentionedacolleagueatHopkins,aprominentpsychiatrist

namedPaulMcHugh,whodismissesthepsychedelicexperienceasnothing

morethanaformof“toxicdelirium.”HeencouragedmetogoogleMcHugh.

“Doctorsencounterthisstrangeandcolorfulstateofmindinpatients

sufferingfromadvancedhepatic,renal,orpulmonarydisease,inwhichtoxic

productsaccumulateinthebodyanddotothebrainandmindjustwhatLSD

does,”McHughhadwritteninareviewofabookabouttheHarvardPsilocybin

ProjectinCommentary.“Thevividnessofcolorperception,themergingof

physicalsensations,thehallucinations,thedisorientationandlossofasenseof

time,thedelusionaljoysandterrorsthatcomeandgoevokingunpredictable

feelingsandbehaviors—aresadlyfamiliarsymptomsdoctorsarecalledtotreat

inhospitalseveryday.”

Griffithsadmitsitispossiblethatwhathe’sseeingissomeformoftemporary

psychosis,andheplanstotestfordeliriuminanupcomingexperiment,buthe

seriouslydoubtsthatdiagnosisaccuratelydescribeswhatisgoingonwithhis

volunteers.“Patientssufferingfromdeliriumfinditreallyunpleasant,”hepoints

out,“andtheycertainlydon’treportmonthslater,‘Wow,thatwasoneofthe

greatestandmostmeaningfulexperiencesofmylife.’”

WilliamJamesgrappledwiththesequestionsofveracityinhisdiscussionon

mysticalstatesofconsciousness.Heconcludedthattheimportofthese

experiencesis,andshouldbe,“authoritativeovertheindividualstowhomthey

come”butthatthereisnoreasontherestofusmust“accepttheirrevelations

uncritically.”Andyethebelievedthattheverypossibilitypeoplecanexperience

thesestatesofconsciousnessshouldbearonourunderstandingofthemindand

world:“Theexistenceofmysticalstatesabsolutelyoverthrowsthepretensionof

non-mysticalstatestobethesoleandultimatedictatorsofwhatwemay

believe.”Thesealternateformsofconsciousness“might,inspiteofallthe

perplexity,beindispensablestagesinourapproachtothefinalfullnessofthe

truth.”Hedetectedinsuchexperiences,inwhichthemind“ascend[s]toamore

envelopingpointofview,”hintsofagrandmetaphysical“reconciliation”:“Itis

asiftheoppositesoftheworld,whosecontradictorinessandconflictmakeall

ourdifficultiesandtroubles,weremeltedintounity.”Thisultimateunity,he

suspected,wasnomeredelusion.

•••

ROLANDGRIFFITHStodaysoundslikeascientistdeeplycommitted—orrather

recommitted—tohisresearch.“IdescribedtoyouhowwhenIfirstgotinto

meditation,Ifeltdisconnectedfrommyworklifeandconsidereddroppingit

entirely.IwouldsayI’mnowreengagedinawaythat’smoreintegratedthanit

haseverbeen.I’mmoreinterestedinthefinalquestionsandexistentialtruths

andwiththesenseofwell-being,compassion,andlovethatcomefromthese

practices.NowI’mbringingthesegiftstothelaboratory.Anditfeelsgreat.”

Theideathatwecannowapproachmysticalstatesofconsciousnesswiththe

toolsofscienceiswhatgetsRolandGriffithsoutofbedinthemorning.“Asa

scientificphenomenon,ifyoucancreateaconditioninwhich70percentof

peoplewillsaytheyhavehadoneofthemostmeaningfulexperiencesoftheir

lives...well,asascientistthat’sjustincredible.”Forhimtheimportofthe

2006resultisthatitproved“wecannowdoprospectivestudies”ofmystical

statesofconsciousness“becausewecanoccasionthemwithahighdegreeof

probability.That’sthewaysciencegainsrealtraction.”Hebelievesthe

psilocybinworkhasopenedawholenewfrontierofhumanconsciousnessto

scientificexploration.“Idescribemyselfasakidinacandyshop.”

ThegambleRolandGriffithstookwithhiscareerin1998,whenhedecided

todevotehimselftotheinvestigationofpsychedelicsandmysticalexperience,

hasalreadypaidoff.Amonthbeforeourbreakfast,Griffithshadreceivedthe

EddyAwardfromtheCollegeonProblemsofDrugDependence,perhapsthe

mostprestigiouslifetimeachievementprizeinthefield.Thenominatorsallcited

Griffiths’spsychedelicworkasoneofhissignalcontributions.Thescopeofthat

workhasexpandedsignificantlysincethe2006paper;whenIlastvisited

Hopkins,in2015,sometwentypeoplewereworkingonvariousstudies

involvingpsychedelics.NotsinceSpringGrovehastherebeensuchstrong

institutionalsupportforthestudyofpsychedelics,andneverbeforehasan

institutionofHopkins’sreputationdevotedsomanyresourcestowhatis,after

all,thestudyofmysticalstatesofconsciousness.

TheHopkinslabremainskeenlyinterestedinexploringspiritualityandthe

“bettermentofwellpeople”—therearetrialsunderwaygivingpsilocybinto

long-termmeditatorsandreligiousprofessionals—butthetransformativeeffect

ofthemysticalexperiencehasobvioustherapeuticimplicationsthatthelabhas

beeninvestigating.Completedstudiessuggestthatpsilocybin—orratherthe

mysticalstateofconsciousnessthatpsilocybinoccasions—maybeusefulin

treatingbothaddiction(apilotstudyinsmokingcessationachievedan80

percentsuccessrate,whichisunprecedented)andtheexistentialdistressthat

oftendebilitatespeoplefacingaterminaldiagnosis.Whenwelastmet,Griffiths

wasabouttosubmitanarticlereportingstrikingresultsinthelab’strialusing

psilocybintotreattheanxietyanddepressionofcancerpatients;thestudyfound

oneofthelargesttreatmenteffectseverdemonstratedforapsychiatric

intervention.Themajorityofvolunteerswhohadamysticalexperiencereported

thattheirfearofdeathhadeithergreatlydiminishedorcompletelydisappeared.

Onceagain,hardquestionsariseaboutthemeaningandauthorityofsuch

experiences,especiallyonesthatappeartoconvincepeoplethatconsciousnessis

notconfinedtobrainsandmightsomehowsurviveourdeaths.Yetevento

questionsofthiskindGriffithsbringsanopenandcuriousmind.“The

phenomenologyoftheseexperiencesissoprofoundlyreorganizingand

profoundlycompellingthatI’mwillingtoholdthere’samysteryherewecan’t

understand.”

Griffithshasclearlytraveledalongwayfromthestrictbehaviorismthatonce

informedhisscientificworldview;theexperienceofalternatestatesof

consciousness,bothhisownandthoseofhisvolunteers,hasopenedhimto

possibilitiesaboutwhichfewscientistswilldarespeakopenly.

“Sowhathappensafteryoudie?AllIneedisonepercent[ofuncertainty].I

can’tthinkofanythingmoreinterestingthanwhatImayormaynotdiscoverat

thetimeIdie.That’sthemostinterestingquestiongoing.”Forthatreason,he

ferventlyhopesheisn’thitbyabusbutratherhasenoughtimeto“savor”the

experiencewithoutthedistractionofpain.“Westernmaterialismsaystheswitch

getsturnedoffandthat’sit.Buttherearesomanyotherdescriptions.Itcouldbe

abeginning!Wouldn’tthatbeamazing?”

ThisiswhenGriffithsturnedthetablesandstartedaskingmeaboutmyown

spiritualoutlook,questionsforwhichIwascompletelyunprepared.

“Howsureareyouthereisnothingafterdeath?”heasked.Idemurred,buthe

persisted.“Whatdoyouthinkthechancesarethereissomethingbeyonddeath?

Inpercentages.”

“Oh,Idon’tknow,”Istammered.“Twoorthreepercent?”TothisdayIhave

noideawherethatestimatecamefrom,butGriffithsseizedonit.“That’salot!”

SoIturnedthetablebackagain,putthesamequestiontohim.

“Idon’tknowifIwanttoanswerit,”hesaidwithalaugh,glancingatmy

taperecorder.“ItdependsonwhichhatI’mwearing.”

RolandGriffithshadmorethanonehat!Ionlyhadone,Irealized,andthat

mademefeelalittlejealous.

Comparedwithmanyscientists—orforthatmattermanyspiritualtypes—

RolandGriffithspossessesalargemeasureofwhatKeats,referringto

Shakespeare,describedas“negativecapability,”theabilitytoexistamid

uncertainties,mysteries,anddoubtwithoutreachingforabsolutes,whetherthose

ofscienceorspirituality.“ItmakesnomoresensetosayI’m100percent

convincedofamaterialworldviewthantosayI’m100percentconvincedofthe

literalversionoftheBible.”

Atourlastmeeting,adinneratabistroinhisBaltimoreneighborhood,Itried

toengageGriffithsinadiscussionoftheostensibleconflictbetweenscienceand

spirituality.IaskedhimifheagreedwithE.O.Wilson,whohaswrittenthatall

ofusmustultimatelychoose:eitherthepathofscienceorthepathofspirituality.

ButGriffithsdoesn’tseethetwowaysofknowingasmutuallyexclusiveandhas

littlepatienceforabsolutistsoneithersideofthesupposeddivide.Rather,he

hopesthetwowayscaninformeachotherandcorrecteachother’sdefects,and

inthatexchangehelpustoposeandthen,possibly,answerthebigquestionswe

face.IthenreadtohimaletterfromHustonSmith,thescholarofcomparative

religionwhoin1962hadvolunteeredinWalterPahnke’sGoodFriday

Experiment.ItwaswrittentoBobJesseshortlyafterthepublicationof

Griffiths’slandmark2006paper;Jessehadshareditwithme.

“TheJohnsHopkinsexperimentshows—proves—thatundercontrolled,

experimentalconditions,psilocybincanoccasiongenuinemysticalexperiences.

Itusesscience,whichmodernitytrusts,tounderminemodernity’ssecularism.In

doingso,itoffershopeofnothinglessthanare-sacralizationofthenaturaland

socialworld,aspiritualrevivalthatisourbestdefenseagainstnotonly

soullessness,butagainstreligiousfanaticism.Anditdoessointheveryteethof

theunscientificprejudicesbuiltintoourcurrentdruglaws.”

AsIreadSmith’sletteraloud,asmilebloomedacrossGriffiths’sface;hewas

clearlymovedbuthadlittletoaddexcepttosay,“That’sbeautiful.”

CHAPTERTWO

NATURALHISTORY

Bemushroomed

ATTHEENDofmyfirstmeetingwithRolandGriffiths,thesessioninhisJohns

Hopkinsofficewhereheengagedmeonthetopicsofhisownmystical

experience,myassessmentoftheoddsofanafterlife,andthepotentialof

psilocybintochangepeople’slives,thescientiststoodupfromhisdesk,

unfoldinghislankyframe,andreachedintothepocketofhistrouserstotakeout

asmallmedallion.

“Alittlegiftforyou,”heexplained.“Butfirst,youmustansweraquestion.

“Atthismoment,”Griffithsbegan,lockingmeinfirmeyecontact,“areyou

awarethatyouareaware?”Perplexed,Ithoughtforalong,self-conscious

momentandthenrepliedintheaffirmative.Thismusthavebeenthecorrect

answer,becauseGriffithshandedmethecoin.Ononesidewasaquartetoftall,

slender,curvingPsilocybecubensis,oneofthemorecommonspeciesofmagic

mushroom.OnthebackwasaquotationfromWilliamBlakethat,itoccurredto

melater,neatlyalignedthewayofthescientistwiththatofthemystic:“Thetrue

methodofknowledgeisexperiment.”

ItseemsthattheprevioussummerRolandGriffithshadgoneforthefirsttime

toBurningMan(hadIheardofit?),andwhenhelearnedthatnomoneyis

exchangedinthetemporarycity,onlygifts,hehadthemushroommedallions

mintedsohewouldhavesomethingsuitabletogiveawayortrade.Now,he

givesthecoinstovolunteersintheresearchprogramasapartinggift.Griffiths

hadsurprisedmeonceagain.Ortwice.First,thatthescientisthadattendedthe

arts-and-psychedelicsfestivalintheNevadadesert.And,second,thathehad

seenfitinchoosinghisgifttohonorthepsilocybinmushroomitself.

Ononelevel,amushroommedallionmadeperfectsense:themoleculethat

Griffithsandhiscolleagueshavebeenworkingwithforthelastfifteenyears

does,afterall,comefromafungus.Boththemushroomanditspsychoactive

compoundwereunknowntoscienceuntilthe1950s,whenthepsilocybin

mushroomwasdiscoveredinsouthernMexico,whereMazatecIndianshadbeen

using“thefleshofthegods,”insecret,forhealinganddivinationsincebefore

theSpanishconquest.Yet,apartfromthedecorativeceramicmushroomonthe

shelfinthesessionroom,therearefewifanyremindersof“magicmushrooms”

inthelab.NooneIspoketoatHopkinsevermentionedtheratherastonishing

factthatthelife-changingexperiencestheirvolunteerswerereportingowedto

theactionofachemicalcompoundfoundinnature—inamushroom.

Inthelaboratorycontext,itcanbeeasytolosesightofthisastonishment.All

ofthescientistsdoingpsychedelicresearchtodayworkexclusivelywitha

syntheticversionofthepsilocybinmolecule.(Themushroom’spsychoactive

compoundwasfirstidentified,synthesized,andnamedinthelate1950sby

AlbertHofmann,theSwisschemistwhodiscoveredLSD.)Sothevolunteers

ingestalittlewhitepillmadeinalab,ratherthanahandfulofgnarlyandacrid-

tastingmushrooms.Theirjourneysunfoldinalandscapeofmedicalsuites

populated,figurativelyspeaking,bymenandwomeninwhitecoats.Isuppose

thisistheusualdistancingeffectofmodernscienceatwork,buthereitis

compoundedbyaspecificdesiretodistancepsilocybinfromitstangledroots(or

Ishouldsay,mycelia)intheworldsof1960scounterculture,NativeAmerican

shamanism,and,perhaps,natureitself.Foritisthere—innature—thatwebump

upagainstthemysteryofalittlebrownmushroomwiththepowertochangethe

consciousnessoftheanimalsthateatit.LSDtoo,itiseasytoforget,wasderived

fromafungus,Clavicepspurpurea,orergot.Somehow,forsomereason,these

remarkablemushroomsproduce,inadditiontospores,meaningsinhuman

minds.

InthecourseofmydaysspenthangingaroundtheHopkinslabandhours

spentinterviewingpeopleabouttheirpsilocybinjourneys,Ibecameincreasingly

curioustoexplorethisotherterritory—thatis,thenaturalhistoryofthese

mushroomsandtheirstrangepowers.Wheredidthesemushroomsgrow,and

how?Whydidtheyevolvetheabilitytoproduceachemicalcompoundso

closelyrelatedtoserotonin,theneurotransmitter,thatitcanslipacrossthe

blood-brainbarrierandtemporarilytakechargeofthemammalianbrain?Wasit

adefensechemical,intendedtopoisonmushroomeaters?Thatwouldseemtobe

themoststraightforwardexplanation,yetitisunderminedbythefactthefungus

producesthehallucinogenalmostexclusivelyinits“fruitingbody”—thatpartof

theorganismitishappiesttohaveeaten.Wasthereperhapssomebenefittothe

mushroominbeingabletochangethemindsoftheanimalsthateatit?*

Therewerealsothemorephilosophicalquestionsposedbytheexistenceofa

fungusthatcouldnotonlychangeconsciousnessbutoccasionaprofound

mysticalexperienceinhumans.Thisfactcanbeinterpretedintwocompletely

differentways.Onthefirstinterpretation,themind-alteringpowerofpsilocybin

arguesforafirmlymaterialistunderstandingofconsciousnessandspirituality,

becausethechangesobservedinthemindcanbetraceddirectlytothepresence

ofachemical—psilocybin.Whatismorematerialthanachemical?Onecould

reasonablyconcludefromtheactionofpsychedelicsthatthegodsarenothing

morethanchemicallyinducedfigmentsofthehominidimagination.

Yet,surprisingly,mostofthepeoplewhohavehadtheseexperiencesdon’t

seethematterthatwayatall.Eventhemostsecularamongthemcomeaway

fromtheirjourneysconvincedthereexistssomethingthattranscendsamaterial

understandingofreality:somesortofa“Beyond.”It’snotthattheydenya

naturalisticbasisforthisrevelation;theyjustinterpretitdifferently.

Iftheexperienceoftranscendenceismediatedbymoleculesthatflow

throughbothourbrainsandthenaturalworldofplantsandfungi,thenperhaps

natureisnotasmuteasSciencehastoldus,and“Spirit,”howeverdefined,

existsoutthere—isimmanentinnature,inotherwords,justascountless

premoderncultureshavebelieved.Whattomy(spirituallyimpoverished)mind

seemedtoconstituteagoodcaseforthedisenchantmentoftheworldbecomesin

themindsofthemorepsychedelicallyexperiencedirrefutableproofofits

fundamentalenchantment.Fleshofthegods,indeed.

Soherewasacuriousparadox.Thesamephenomenonthatpointedtoa

materialistexplanationforspiritualandreligiousbeliefgavepeoplean

experiencesopowerfulitconvincedthemoftheexistenceofanonmaterial

reality—theverybasisofreligiousbelief.

IhopedthatgettingtoknowthepsychoactiveLBMs(mycologistshorthand

for“littlebrownmushrooms”)atthebottomofthisparadoxmightclarifythe

matteror,perhaps,somehowdissolveit.Iwasalreadysomethingofamushroom

hunter,secureinmyabilitytoidentifyahandfulofediblewoodlandspecies

(chanterelles,morels,blacktrumpets,andporcini)withahighenoughdegreeof

confidencetoeatwhatIfound.However,Ihadbeentoldbyallmyteachersthat

theworldofLBMswasfarmoredauntinginitscomplexityandperil;manyif

notmostofthespeciesthatcankillyouareLBMs.Butperhapswithsome

expertguidance,IcouldaddaPsilocybeortwotomymushroomhunting

repertoireandintheprocessbegintounpackthemysteryoftheirexistenceand

spookypowers.

•••

THEREWASNEVERanydoubtwhocouldbesthelpmeonthisquest,assuminghe

waswilling.PaulStamets,amycologistfromWashingtonStatewholiterally

wrotethebookonthegenusPsilocybe,*intheformoftheauthoritative1996

fieldguidePsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld.Stametshashimself

“published”—thatis,identifiedanddescribedinapeer-reviewedjournal—four

newspeciesofPsilocybe,includingazurescens,namedforhissonAzureus*and

themostpotentspeciesyetknown.ButwhileStametsisoneofthecountry’s

mostrespectedmycologists,heworksentirelyoutsidetheacademy,hasno

graduatedegree,fundsmostofhisownresearch,*andholdsviewsoftheroleof

fungiinnaturethatarewelloutsidethescientificmainstreamandthat,hewill

gladlytellyou,owetoinsightsgrantedtohimbythemushroomsthemselves,in

thecourseofbothclosestudyandregularingestion.

I’veknownStametsforyears,thoughnotverywellandalwaysfromwhatI

confesshasbeenasomewhatskepticaldistance.Hisextravagantclaimsforthe

powersofmushroomsandeyebrow-elevatingboastsabouthismushroomwork

withinstitutionslikeDARPA(thePentagon’sDefenseAdvancedResearch

ProjectsAgency)andNIH(theNationalInstitutesofHealth)areboundtosetoff

ajournalist’sbullshitdetector,rightlyor—asoftenhappensinhiscase—

wrongly.

Overtheyears,we’vefoundourselvesatsomeofthesameconferences,so

I’vehadseveralopportunitiestohearhistalks,whichconsistofabeguiling

(oftenbrilliant)mash-upofhardscienceandvisionaryspeculation,withtheline

betweenthetwooftenimpossibletodiscern.His2008TEDtalk,whichis

representative,hasbeenviewedonlinemorethanfourmilliontimes.

Stamets,whowasbornin1955inSalem,Ohio,isabighairymanwitha

beardandabearishmien;Iwasnotsurprisedtolearnheonceworkedasa

lumberjackinthePacificNorthwest.Onstage,heusuallywearswhatappearsto

beafelthatinthealpinestylebutwhich,ashe’llexplain,isinfactmadein

Transylvaniafromsomethingcalledamadou,thespongyinnerlayerofthe

horse’shooffungus(Fomesfomentarius),apolyporethatgrowsonseveral

speciesofdeadordyingtrees.Amadouisflammableandinancienttimeswas

usedtostartandtransportfires.Ötzi,thefive-thousand-year-old“IceMan”

foundmummifiedinanalpineglacierin1991,wascarryingapouchinwhichhe

hadapieceofamadou.Becauseofitsantimicrobialproperties,Fomes

fomentariuswasalsousedtodresswoundsandpreservefood.Stametsissodeep

intotheworldoffungithere’sfrequentlyoneperchedontopofhishead.

Fungiconstitutethemostpoorlyunderstoodandunderappreciatedkingdom

oflifeonearth.Thoughindispensabletothehealthoftheplanet(asrecyclersof

organicmatterandbuildersofsoil),theyarethevictimsnotonlyofour

disregardbutofadeep-seatedillwill,amycophobiathatStametsdeemsaform

of“biologicalracism.”Leavingasidetheirreputationforpoisoningus,thisis

surprisinginthatwearecloser,geneticallyspeaking,tothefungalkingdomthan

tothatoftheplants.Likeus,theyliveofftheenergythatplantsharvestfromthe

sun.Stametshasmadeithislife’sworktorightthiswrong,byspeakingouton

theirbehalfandbydemonstratingthepotentialofmushroomstosolveagreat

manyoftheworld’sproblems.Indeed,thetitleofhismostpopularlecture,and

thesubtitleofhis2005book,MyceliumRunning,is“HowMushroomsCanHelp

SavetheWorld.”Bytheendofhispresentation,thisclaimnolongersounds

hyperbolic.

IcanrememberthefirsttimeIheardStametstalkabout

“mycoremediation”—histermfortheuseofmushroomstocleanuppollution

andindustrialwaste.Oneofthejobsoffungiinnatureistobreakdowncomplex

organicmolecules;withoutthem,theearthwouldlongagohavebecomeavast,

uninhabitablewasteheapofdeadbutundecomposedplantsandanimals.Soafter

theExxonValdezranagroundoffthecoastofAlaskain1989,spillingmillions

ofgallonsofcrudeoilintoPrinceWilliamSound,Stametsrevivedalong-

standingideaofputtingfungitoworkbreakingdownpetrochemicalwaste.He

showedaslideofasteamingheapofoilyblacksludgebeforeinoculatingitwith

thesporesofoystermushrooms,andthenasecondphotographofthesamepile

takenfourweekslater,whenitwasreducedbyathirdandcoveredinathick

mantleofsnowywhiteoystermushrooms.Itwasaperformance,andafeatof

alchemy,Iwon’tsoonforget.

ButStamets’saspirationsforthefungalkingdomgowellbeyondturning

petrochemicalsludgeintoarablesoil.Indeed,inhisviewthereisscarcelyan

ecologicalormedicalproblemthatmushroomscan’thelpsolve.

Cancer?Stamets’sextractofturkeytailmushrooms(Trametesversicolor)has

beenshowntohelpcancerpatientsbystimulatingtheirimmunesystems.

(Stametsclaimstohaveusedittohelpcurehismother’sstage4breastcancer.)

Bioterrorism?After9/11,thefederalgovernment’sBioshieldprogramasked

toscreenhundredsoftheraremushroomstrainsinStamets’scollectionand

foundseveralthatshowedstrongactivityagainstSARS,smallpox,herpes,and

birdandswineflu.(Ifthisstrikesyouasimplausible,rememberthatpenicillinis

theproductofafungus.)

Colonycollapsedisorder(CCD)?Afterwatchinghoneybeesvisitinga

woodpiletonibbleonmycelium,Stametsidentifiedseveralspeciesoffungus

thatbolsterthebees’resistancetoinfectionandCCD.

Insectinfestation?Afewyearsago,Stametswonapatentfora

“mycopesticide”—amutantmyceliumfromaspeciesofCordycepsthat,after

beingeatenbycarpenterants,colonizestheirbodiesandkillsthem,butnot

beforechemicallyinducingtheanttoclimbtothehighestpointinits

environmentandthenburstingamushroomfromthetopofitsheadthatreleases

itssporestothewind.

ThesecondorthirdtimeIwatchedStametsshowavideoofaCordyceps

doingitsdiabolicalthingtoanant—commandeeringitsbody,makingitdoits

bidding,andthenexplodingamushroomfromitsbraininordertodisseminate

itsgenes—itoccurredtomethatStametsandthatpooranthadratheralotin

common.Fungihaven’tkilledhim,it’strue,andheprobablyknowsenough

abouttheirwilestoheadoffthatfate.Butit’salsotruethatthisman’slife—his

brain!—hasbeenutterlytakenoverbyfungi;hehasdedicatedhimselftotheir

cause,speakingforthemushroomsinthesamewaythatDr.Seuss’sLorax

speaksforthetrees.Hedisseminatesfungalsporesfarandwide,helpingthem,

whetherbymailorderorsheerdintofhisenthusiasm,tovastlyexpandtheir

rangeandspreadtheirmessage.

•••

IDON’TTHINKI’msayinganythingaboutPaulStametstowhichhewouldobject.

Hewritesinhisbookthatmycelia—thevast,cobwebbywhitishnetofsingle-

celledfilaments,calledhyphae,withwhichfungiweavetheirwaythroughthe

soil—areintelligent,forming“asentientmembrane”and“theneurological

networkofnature.”ThetitleofhisbookMyceliumRunningcanbereadintwo

ways.Themyceliumisindeedalwaysrunningthroughtheground,whereit

playsacriticalroleinformingsoils,keepingplantsandanimalsingoodhealth,

andknittingtogethertheforest.Butthemyceliumarealso,inStamets’sview,

runningtheshow—thatofnatureingeneraland,likeaneuralsoftwareprogram,

themindsofcertaincreatures,including,hewouldbethefirsttotellyou,Paul

Stametshimself.“Mushroomsarebringingusamessagefromnature,”helikes

tosay.“ThisisacallI’mhearing.”

YetevensomeofStamets’sairiernotionsturnouttohaveascientific

foundationbeneaththem.Foryearsnow,Stametshasbeentalkingaboutthevast

webofmyceliainthesoilas“Earth’snaturalInternet”—aredundant,complexly

branched,self-repairing,andscalablecommunicationsnetworklinkingmany

speciesovertremendousdistances.(Thebiggestorganismonearthisnotawhale

oratreebutamushroom—ahoneyfungusinOregonthatis2.4mileswide.)

Stametscontendsthatthesemycelialnetworksareinsomesense“conscious”:

awareoftheirenvironmentandabletorespondtochallengesaccordingly.When

Ifirstheardtheseideas,Ithoughttheywere,atbest,fancifulmetaphors.Yetin

theyearssince,I’vewatchedasagrowingbodyofscientificresearchhas

emergedtosuggesttheyaremuchmorethanmetaphors.Experimentswithslime

moldshavedemonstratedtheseorganismscannavigatemazesinsearchoffood

—sensingitslocationandthengrowinginthatdirection.Themyceliainaforest

dolinkthetreesinit,roottoroot,notonlysupplyingthemwithnutrients,but

servingasamediumthatconveysinformationaboutenvironmentalthreatsand

allowstreestoselectivelysendnutrientstoothertreesintheforest.*Aforestisa

farmorecomplex,sociable,andintelligententitythanweknew,anditisfungi

thatorganizethearborealsociety.

Stamets’sideasandtheorieshaveturnedouttobefarmoredurable,and

practicable,thanIeverwouldhaveguessed.ThiswastheotherreasonIbecame

eagertospendsometimewithStamets:Iwascurioustofindouthowhisown

experiencewithpsilocybinhadcoloredhisthinkingandlifework.YetIwasn’tat

allcertainhewouldbewillingtotalkontherecordaboutpsilocybin,muchless

takeme’shroomhunting,nowthathehadasuccessfulbusiness,hadeightor

ninepatentstohisname,andwascollaboratingwithinstitutionslikeDARPA

andNIHandtheLawrenceLivermoreNationalLaboratory.Inthemorerecent

interviewsandlecturesIcouldfindonline,heseldomtalkedaboutpsilocybin

andoftenomittedmentionofthefieldguidefromhislistofpublications.What’s

more,hehadjustreceivedprestigioushonorsfromtheMycologicalSocietyof

AmericaandtheAmericanAssociationfortheAdvancementofScience

(AAAS).PaulStamets,itseemed,hadgonelegit.Badtimingforme.

•••

THANKFULLY,IWASWRONG.WhenIreachedStametsathishomeinKamilche,

Washington,andtoldhimwhatIwasupto,hecouldn’thavebeenmore

forthcomingorcooperative.Wetalkedforalongtimeaboutpsilocybin

mushrooms,anditsoonbecamecleartheyremainedasubjectofkeeninterestto

him.HeknewallabouttheworkgoingonatHopkins—infacthadconsulted

withtheHopkinsteamwhentheywerefirstlookingforasourceofpsilocybin.

Myimpressionwasthattherevivaloflegitimateuniversityresearchhadmade

Stametsmorecomfortablereopeningthisparticularchapterinhislife.He

mentionedhewasintheprocessofupdatingthe1996psilocybinfieldguide.

TheonlydiscordantnoteintheconversationcamewhenIcasuallydroppedthe

slangexpressionforpsilocybinwhenaskinghimaboutgoinghuntingfor

’shrooms.

“Ireally,reallyhatethatword,”hesaid,almostgravely,adoptingthetoneof

aparentupbraidingapotty-mouthedchild.

Thewordnevercrossedmylipsagain.

Bytheendofthecall,StametshadinvitedmeuptohisplaceinWashington

State,ontheLittleSkookumInletatthebaseoftheOlympicPeninsula.Iasked

him,gingerly,ifIcouldcomeatatimewhenthePsilocybeswerefruiting.“Most

ofthemhavealreadycomeandgone,”hesaid.“Butifyoucomerightafter

Thanksgiving,andtheweather’sright,Icantakeyoutotheonlyplaceinthe

worldwherePsilocybeazurescenshasbeenconsistentlyfound,atthemouthof

theColumbiaRiver.”Hementionedthenameoftheparkwherehehadfound

theminthepastandtoldmetobookayurtthere,adding,“Probablybestnotto

usemyname.”

•••

INTHEWEEKSBEFOREmytriptoWashingtonState,IporedoverStamets’sfield

guide,hopingtopreparemyselfforthehunt.Itseemstherearemorethantwo

hundredspeciesofPsilocybe,distributedallovertheworld;it’snotclear

whetherthat’salwaysbeenthecase,orifthemushroomshavefollowedinthe

footstepsoftheanimalswhohavetakensuchakeeninterestinthem.(Humans

havebeenusingpsilocybinmushroomssacramentallyforatleastseventhousand

years,accordingtoStamets.Butanimalssometimesingestthemtoo,forreasons

thatremainobscure.)

Psilocybesaresaprophytes,livingoffdeadplantmatteranddung.Theyare

denizensofdisturbedland,poppingupmostofteninthehabitatscreatedby

ecologicalcatastrophe,suchaslandslides,floods,storms,andvolcanoes.They

alsoprosperintheecologicalcatastrophescausedbyourspecies:clear-cut

forests,roadcuts,thewakesofbulldozers,andagriculture.(Severalspecieslive

inandfruitfromthemanureofruminants.)Curiously,orperhapsnotso

curiously,themostpotentspeciesoccurlessofteninthewildthanincitiesand

towns;theirpredilectionforhabitatsdisturbedbyushasallowedthemtotravel

widely,“followingstreamsofdebris,”includingourown.Inrecentyears,the

practiceofmulchingwithwoodchipshasvastlyexpandedtherangeofahandful

ofpotentPsilocybesonceconfinedtothePacificNorthwest.Theynowthrivein

allthoseplaceswehumansnow“landscape”:suburbangardens,nurseries,city

parks,churchyards,highwayreststops,prisons,collegecampuses,even,as

Stametslikestopointout,onthegroundsofcourthousesandpolicestations.

“Psilocybemushroomsandcivilizationcontinuetoco-evolve,”Stametswrites.

Soyouwouldthinkthesemushroomswouldbefairlyeasytofind.Infact

afterIpublishedanarticleaboutpsilocybinresearch,Iwasinformedbya

studentthataftertheDecemberrainsPsilocybescanbefoundontheBerkeley

campus,whereIteach.“Lookinthewoodchips,”headvised.YetassoonasI

beganstudyingthephotographsinStamets’sfieldguide,Ibegantodespairof

everidentifyinganymushroomasamemberofthegenus,muchlesslearning

howtodistinguishonespeciesofPsilocybefromanother.

Tojudgefromthepictures,thegenusisjustabigbunchoflittlebrown

mushrooms,mostofthemutterlynondescript.Bycomparison,theediblespecies

withwhichIwasfamiliarwereasdistinctastulipsarefromroses,poodlesfrom

GreatDanes.Yes,allthePsilocybeshavegills,butthatisn’tmuchhelp,because

thousandsofothermushroomshavegills,too.Afterthat,you’retryingtosort

outabewilderingarrayofcharacteristics,notallofwhicharesharedbythe

class.SomePsilocybeshavealittlenipple-likeknoborprotrusionontop—it’s

calledanumbo,Ilearned;othersdon’t.Somewere“viscid”—slipperyorslimy

whenwet,givingthemashinyappearance.Othersweredullandmattegray;

some,likeazurescens,wereamilkycaramelcolor.ManybutnotallPsilocybes

sporta“pellicle”—acondom-likelayerofgelatinousmaterialcoveringthecap

thatcanbepeeledoff.Myfungalvocabularymightbeexpanding,butmy

confidencewasrapidlycollapsing,muchlikethemushroomthat,inthecourse

ofasingleday,decomposesintoaninkypuddle.

BythetimeIgottochapterfour,“TheDangersofMistakenIdentification,”I

wasreadytothrowinthetowel.“Mistakesinmushroomidentificationcanbe

lethal,”Stametsbegins,beforedisplayingaphotographinwhichaPsilocybe

stuntziiisseengrowingcheekbyjowlwithatrioofindistinguishableGalerina

autumnalis,anunremarkablelittlemushroomthat,wheneaten,“canresultinan

agonizingdeath.”

ButwhileStametsurgesextremecircumspectioninamateurshopingto

identifyPsilocybes,healsoequipsthemushroomhunterwhohasn’tbeen

completelydiscouragedwithsomethinghecalls“TheStametsianRule”:athree-

prongedtestthat,he(sortof)assuresus,canheadoffdeathanddisaster.

“HowdoIknowifamushroomisapsilocybinproducingspeciesornot?”

“Ifagilledmushroomhaspurplishbrowntoblackspores,andtheflesh

bruisesbluish,themushroominquestionisverylikelyapsilocybin-producing

species.”Thisisdefinitelyabighelp,thoughIwouldn’tmindsomethingmore

categoricalthan“verylikely.”Hethenoffersasoberingcaveat.“Iknowofno

exceptionstothisrule,”headds,“butthatdoesnotmeantherearenone!”

AftercommittingtomemorytheStametsianRule,Ibeganpickingpromising-

lookinggilledLBMs—inmyneighbors’yards,onmywalktowork,inthe

parkinglotofthebank—andthenroughingthemupabittoseeiftheywould

turnblackandblue.Thebluepigmentisinfactevidenceofoxidizedpsilocin,

oneofthetwomainpsychoactivecompoundsinaPsilocybe.(Theotheris

psilocybin,whichbreaksdownintopsilocininthebody.)Todetermineifthe

mushroominquestionhadpurplish-brownorblackspores,Ibeganmakingspore

prints.Thisinvolvescuttingthecapoffamushroomandplacingit,gillside

down,onapieceofwhitepaper.(Orblackpaperifyouhavereasontobelieve

themushroomhaswhitespores.)Withinhours,themushroomcapreleasesits

microscopicspores,whichwillformapretty,shadowypatternonthepaper

(reminiscentofalipstickkiss)thatyoucanthentrytodecideispurplishbrown

orblack—orrustcolored,inwhichcaseyoumighthaveadeadlyGalerinaon

yourhands.

Certainthingsareperhapsbestlearnedinperson,ratherthanfromabook.I

decidedIshouldprobablywaitbeforemakinganyirreversibledecisionsuntilI

hadspentsometimeinthecompanyofmymycologicalVirgil.

•••

ATTHETIMEOFMYVISIT,PaulStametslivedwithhispartner,DustyYao,and

theirtwobigdogs,PlatoandSophie,inasprawlingnewhouseontheLittle

SkookumInletthatisconstructedinsideandoutofasmallforest’sworthofthe

mostgorgeousclearDouglasfirandcedar.Likemanyspeciesoffungi,Stamets

hasapassionateattachmenttotreesandwood.IarrivedonaFriday;our

reservationatthecampsitewasn’tuntilSundaynight,sowehadthebetterpart

oftheweekendtotalkPsilocybes,eat(otherkindsof)mushrooms,tourthe

FungiPerfectifacilities,andramblethesurroundingwoodsandshorelinewith

thedogsbeforedrivingsouthtotheOregonborderSundaymorningtohunt

azzies.

Thiswasthehousethatmushroomsbuilt,Stametsexplained,launchinginto

itsstorybeforeIhadachancetounpackmybag.Itreplacedaricketyold

farmhouseonthesitethat,whenStametsmovedin,wasslowlysuccumbingto

aninfestationofcarpenterants.Stametssetaboutdevisingamycological

solutiontotheproblem.HeknewpreciselywhichspeciesofCordycepscould

wipeouttheantcolony,butsodidtheants:theyscrupulouslyinspectevery

returningmemberforCordycepssporesandpromptlychewofftheheadofany

antbearingspores,dumpingthebodyfarawayfromthecolony.Stamets

outwittedtheants’defensebybreedingamutantCordyceps-likefungusthat

postponedsporulation.Heputsomeofitsmyceliuminhisdaughter’sdollhouse

bowl,leftthatonthefloorofthekitchen,andduringthenightwatchedasa

paradeofantscarriedthemyceliumintothenest—havingmistakenitforasafe

foodsource.Whenthefunguseventuallysporulated,itwasalreadydeepinside

thecolonyandtheantsweredonefor:theCordycepscolonizedtheirbodiesand

sentfruitingbodiesburstingforthfromtheirheads.Itwastoolatetosavethe

farmhouse,butwiththeproceedsfromthesaleofhispatentonthefungus

Stametswasabletoerectthisfargrandermonumenttomycologicalingenuity.

Thehousewasspaciousandcomfortable;Ihadawholeupstairswingof

bedroomstomyself.Thelivingroom,wherewespentmostofarainyDecember

weekend,hadasoaringcathedralceiling,abigwood-burningfireplace,and,

loomingovertheroomfromacrosstheway,aseven-and-a-half-foot-tallskeleton

ofacavebear.ApaintingofAlbertHofmannhangsoverthefireplace.

Overhead,beneaththepeak,isamassiveroundstainedglassdepicting“The

UniversalityoftheMycelialArchetype”—anintricatetraceryofbluelinesona

nightsky,thelinesrepresentingatoncemycelium,roots,neurons,theInternet,

anddarkmatter.

Displayedonthewallsheadingupstairsfromthelivingroomareframed

artworks,photographs,andkeepsakes,includingadiplomasignifyingthe

successfulcompletionofoneoftheMerryPranksters’AcidTests,signedbyKen

KeseyandNealCassady.ThereareseveralphotographsofDustyposinginold-

growthforestswithimpressivespecimensoffungiandacolorfullygrotesque

printbyAlexGrey,thedeanofAmericanpsychedelicartists.TheprintisGrey’s

interpretationoftheso-calledstonedapetheory,depictinganearly,electrified-

lookinghominidclutchingaPsilocybewhileacycloneofabstractionsfliesout

ofitsmouthandforehead.TheonlyreasonIcouldmakeanysenseoftheimage

atallwasthatafewdaysearlierIhadreceivedane-mailfromStametsreferring

tothetheoryinquestion:“IwanttodiscussthehighlikelihoodthattheStoned

ApeTheory,firstpresentedbyRolandFischerandthenpopularized/restatedby

TerenceMcKenna,isprobablytrue—[ingestionofpsilocybin]causingarapid

developmentofthehominidbrainforanalyticalthinkingandsocietalbonding.

Didyouknowthat23primates(includinghumans)consumemushroomsand

knowhowtodistinguish‘good’from‘bad’?”

Ididnot.

Butthebrief,ellipticale-mailnicelyprefiguredthetenorofmyweekendwith

StametsasIstruggledtoabsorbatorrentofmycologicalfactandspeculation

that,likearushingriver,isimpossibletofordwithoutbeingknockedsideways.

ThesheerbrillianceofStamets’smushroom’s-eyeviewoftheworldcanbe

dazzling,butafterawhileitcanalsomakeyoufeelclaustrophobic,asonlythe

truemonomaniacorautodidact—andStametsisboth—cando.Everythingis

connectediseverthesubtextwithsuchpeople;inthiscasewhatconnects

everythingyoucouldpossiblythinkofjusthappenstobefungalmycelia.

IwascurioustofindouthowStametscamebyhismycocentricworldview

andwhatrolepsilocybinmushrooms,inparticular,mighthavecontributedtoit.

StametsgrewupinanOhiotownoutsideYoungstowncalledColumbiana,the

youngestoffivechildren.Hisfather’sengineeringcompanywentbelly-upwhen

Paulwasaboy,thefamily“goingfromrichestoragsprettyquickly.”Dadbegan

todrinkheavily,andPaulbeganlookinguptohisolderbrotherJohnasarole

model.

Fiveyearshissenior,Johnwasanaspiringscientist—hewouldreceivea

scholarshiptostudyneurophysiology—whokept“anexquisitelaboratoryinthe

basement,”arealmthatwasPaul’sideaofheaven,buttowhichJohnseldom

grantedhislittlebrotheradmittance.“Ithoughtallhouseshadlaboratories,so

wheneverIwentovertoafriend’shouse,Iwouldaskwherethelaboratorywas.

Ididn’tunderstandwhytheywouldalwayspointmetothebathroominstead—

thelavatory.”WinningJohn’sapprovalbecameamotiveforceinPaul’slife,

whichperhapsexplainsthevalueStametsplacesonmainstreamscientific

recognitionofwork.Johnhaddied,ofaheartattack,sixmonthsbeforemyvisit

and,asithappened,onthesamedayPaulreceivedwordofhisAAAShonor.His

deathwasalossfromwhichPaulhadn’tyetrecovered.

WhenPaulwasfourteen,Johntoldhimaboutmagicmushrooms,andwhen

hewentofftoYale,Johnleftbehindabook,AlteredStatesofConsciousness,

thatmadeatremendousimpressiononPaul.EditedbyCharlesT.Tart,a

psychologist,thebookisadoorstopofananthologyofscholarlywritingsabout

non-ordinarymentalstates,coveringthespectrumfromdreamingandhypnosis

tomeditationandpsychedelics.Butthereasonthebookmadesuchalasting

impressiononStametshadlesstodowithitscontents,provocativeasthese

were,thanwiththereactionthebookelicitedincertainadults.

“MyfriendRyanSnyderwantedtoborrowit.Hisparentswerereally

conservative.Aweeklater,whenItoldhimIwanteditback,hestallsand

delays.Anotherweekgoesby,Iaskhimagain,andhefinallyconfesseswhat

happened.‘Myparentsfounditandtheyburnedit.’

“Theyburnedmybook?!?Thatwasapivotalmomentforme.Isawthe

Snydersastheenemy,tryingtosuppresstheexplorationofconsciousness.Butif

thiswassuchpowerfulinformationthattheyfeltcompelledtodestroyit,then

thiswaspowerfulinformationInowhadtohave.SoIowethemadebtof

gratitude.”

StametswentofftoKenyonCollege,where,asafreshman,hehad“a

profoundpsychedelicexperience”thatsethiscourseinlife.Aslongashecould

remember,Stametshadbeenstymiedbyadebilitatingstutter.“Thiswasahuge

issueforme.IwasalwayslookingdownatthegroundbecauseIwasafraid

peoplewouldtrytospeaktome.Infact,oneofthereasonsIgotsogoodat

findingmushroomswasbecauseIwasalwayslookingdown.”

Onespringafternoontowardtheendofhisfreshmanyear,walkingalone

alongthewoodedridgelineabovecampus,Stametsateawholebagof

mushrooms,perhapstengrams,thinkingthatwasaproperdose.(Fourgramsisa

lot.)Asthepsilocybinwascomingon,Stametsspiedaparticularlybeautifuloak

treeanddecidedhewouldclimbit.“AsI’mclimbingthetree,I’mliterally

gettinghigherasI’mclimbinghigher.”Justthentheskybeginstodarken,anda

thunderstormlightsupthehorizon.Thewindsurgesasthestormapproaches,

andthetreebeginstosway.

“I’mgettingvertigobutIcan’tclimbdown,I’mtoohigh,soIjustwrapped

myarmsaroundthetreeandheldon,huggingittightly.Thetreebecametheaxis

mundi,rootingmetotheearth.‘Thisisthetreeoflife,’Ithought;itwas

expandingintotheskyandconnectingmetotheuniverse.Andthenithitsme:

I’mgoingtobestruckbylightning!Everyfewsecondsthere’sanotherstrike,

here,thenthere,allaroundme.Onthevergeofenlightenment,I’mgoingtobe

electrocuted.Thisismydestiny!Thewholetime,I’mbeingwashedbywarm

rains.Iamcryingnow,thereisliquideverywhere,butIalsofeelonewiththe

universe.

“AndthenIsaytomyself,whataremyissuesifIsurvivethis?Paul,Isaid,

you’renotstupid,butstutteringisholdingyouback.Youcan’tlookwomenin

theeyes.WhatshouldIdo?Stopstutteringnow—thatbecamemymantra.Stop

stutteringnow,Isaiditoverandoverandover.

“Thestormeventuallypassed.Iclimbeddownfromthetreeandwalkedback

tomyroomandwenttosleep.Thatwasthemostimportantexperienceofmy

lifetothatpoint,andhere’swhy:Thenextmorning,I’mwalkingdownthe

sidewalk,andherecomesthisgirlIwasattractedto.She’swaybeyondmy

reach.She’swalkingtowardme,andshesays,‘Goodmorning,Paul.Howare

you?’Ilookatherandsay,‘I’mdoinggreat.’Iwasn’tstuttering!AndIhave

hardlyeverstutteredsince.

“Andthat’swhenIrealizedIwantedtolookintothesemushrooms.”

•••

INAREMARKABLYSHORTSPANoftime,Stametsmadehimselfintooneofthe

country’sleadingexpertsonthegenusPsilocybe.In1978,attheageoftwenty-

three,hepublishedhisfirstbook,PsilocybeMushroomsandTheirAllies—their

alliesunderstoodtobeus,theanimalthathaddonethemosttospreadtheir

genesand,asStametsnowsawashiscalling,theirplanetarygospel.

StametsgothismycologicaleducationnotatKenyon,whichheleftafterone

year,butattheEvergreenStateCollege,whichinthemid-1970swasanew

experimentalcollegeinOlympia,Washington,wherestudentscoulddesigntheir

owncourseofindependentstudy.AyoungprofessornamedMichaelBeug,who

hadadegreeinenvironmentalchemistry,agreedtotakeunderhiswingStamets

andtwootherequallypromisingmycologicallyobsessedstudents:Jeremy

BigwoodandJonathanOtt.Beugwasnothimselfamycologistbytraining,but

thefourofthemmasteredthesubjecttogether,withthehelpofanelectron

microscopeandaDEAlicensethatBeughadsomehowsecured.Thusarmed,the

fourtrainedtheirattentiononagenusthattherestofthefieldgenerallychoseto

passoverinuncomfortablesilence.

Illegalsince1970,psilocybinmushroomswereatthetimechieflyofinterest

tothecounterculture,asagentler,morenaturalalternativetoLSD,butverylittle

wasknownabouttheirhabitat,distribution,lifecycle,orpotency.Itwas

believedthatpsychedelicmushroomswerenativetosouthernMexico,whereR.

GordonWassonhad“discovered”themin1955.Bythe1970s,mostofthe

psilocybinincirculationinAmericawasbeingimportedfromLatinAmericaor

growndomesticallyfromsporesofLatinAmericanspecies,mainlycubensis.

TheEvergreengroupchalkedupseveralnotableaccomplishments:they

identifiedandpublishedthreenewpsilocybinspecies,perfectedmethodsfor

growingthemindoors,anddevelopedtechniquesformeasuringlevelsof

psilocinandpsilocybininmushrooms.Butperhapsthegroup’smostimportant

contributionwastoshiftthefocusofattentionamongpeoplewhocaredabout

PsilocybesfromsouthernMexicotothePacificNorthwest.Stametsandhis

colleagueswerefindingnewspeciesofpsilocybinmushroomsallaroundthem

andpublishingtheirfindings.“Youcouldalmostfeeltheearth’saxistiltingto

thiscorneroftheworld.”AnywhereyouwentinthePacificNorthwest,Stamets

recalls,youcouldseepeopletracingpeculiarpatternsthroughfarmfieldsand

lawns,bentoverinwhathecalls“thepsilocybinstoop.”

Duringthisperiod,thePacificNorthwestemergedasanewcenterofgravity

inAmericanpsychedelicculture,withtheEvergreenStateCollegeservingasits

defactointellectualhubandR&Dfacility.Beginningin1976,Stametsandhis

Evergreencolleaguesorganizedaseriesofnow-legendarymushroom

conferences,bringingtogethertheleadinglightsofboththecredentialedandthe

amateurwingsofthepsychedelicworld,andduringmyfirsteveningathis

houseStametsdugoutsomeVHStapesofthelastoftheseconferences,heldin

1999.ThefootagehadbeenshotbyLesBlank,butasoftenhappenedwith

coverageofsuchpsychedelicgatherings,noonecouldeverquitegetittogether

toedittherawfootage,sorawitremains.

“Conference”mightnotdojusticetowhatnowappearedonStamets’s

television.Wewatchedasseveraloftheattendees—IspottedDr.AndrewWeil,

bestknownforhisbooksonholisticmedicine;thepsychedelicchemistSasha

Shulginandhiswife,Ann;andtheNewYorkBotanicalGardenmycologistGary

Lincoff—arrivedtogreatfanfareinapsychedelicallypaintedschoolbuspiloted

byKenKesey.(ThebuswascalledFarther,thesuccessortoFurther,theoriginal

MerryPranksterbus,evidentlynolongerroadworthy.)Theproceedingslooked

morelikeaDionysianrevelthanaconference,yetthereweresomeserioustalks.

JonathanOttdeliveredabrilliantlectureonthehistoryof“entheogens”—aterm

hehelpedcoin.HetracedtheiruseallthewaybacktotheEleusinianmysteries

oftheGreeks,throughthe“pharmocraticinquisition,”whentheSpanish

conquestsuppressedtheMesoamericanmushroomcults,andforwardtothe

“entheogenicreformation”thathasbeenunderwaysinceR.GordonWasson’s

discoverythatthosecultshadsurvivedinMexico.Alongtheway,Ottmadean

offhandreferencetothe“placebosacraments”oftheCatholicEucharist.

Thencamefootageofabigcostumeballwithlingeringclose-upsofagiant

punchbowlthathadbeenspikedwithdozensofdifferentkindsofpsychedelic

mushrooms.Stametspointedoutseveralprominentmycologistsand

ethnobotanistsamongtherevelers;manyofthemdressedasspecifickindsof

fungus—Amanitamuscaria,buttonmushrooms,andsoon.Stametshimself

appeareddressedasabear.

Whenoneisscreeningrawfootageofpeopleincostumetrippingon

mushroomsanddancingsloppilytoareggaeband,alittlegoesalongway,so

afterafewminutesweflickedofftheTV.IaskedStametsaboutearlieriterations

oftheconference,someofwhichseemedtohaveaslightlymoreinteresting

ratioofintellectualsubstancetoDionysianrevelry.In1977,forinstance,

Stametshadtheopportunitytoplayhosttotwoofhisheroes:AlbertHofmann

andR.GordonWasson,whose1957articleinLifemagazinedescribingthefirst

psilocybinjourneyevertakenbyaWesterner—hisown—helpedlaunchthe

psychedelicrevolutioninAmerica.

StametsmentionedthathecollectedoriginalcopiesofthatissueofLife,

whichoccasionallyshowuponeBayandatfleamarkets,andonmyway

upstairstobedthatnightwestoppedinhisofficesoIcouldhavealookatit.

TheissuewasdatedMay13,1957,andBertLahrwasonthecover,muggingfor

thecamerainamorningsuitandabowlerhat.Butthemostprominentcoverline

wasdevotedtoWasson’snotoriousarticle:“TheDiscoveryofMushroomsThat

CauseStrangeVisions.”StametssaidIcouldhaveacopy,andItookittobed.

•••

FROMTHEVANTAGEOFTODAY,itishardtobelievethatpsilocybinwasintroduced

totheWestbyavicepresidentofJ.P.Morganinthepagesofamass-circulation

magazineownedbyHenryLuce;twomoreestablishmentcharactersitwouldbe

difficulttodreamup.Butin1957,psychedelicdrugshadnotyetacquiredanyof

theculturalandpoliticalstigmasthat,adecadelater,wouldweighonour

attitudestowardthem.Atthetime,LSDwasnotwellknownoutsidethesmall

communityofmedicalprofessionalswhoregardeditasapotentialmiracledrug

forpsychiatricillnessandalcoholaddiction.

Asithappened,theTime-Lifefounderandeditorinchief,HenryLuce,along

withhiswife,ClareBootheLuce,hadpersonalknowledgeofpsychedelicdrugs,

andtheysharedtheenthusiasmofthemedicalandculturaleliteswhohad

embracedtheminthe1950s.In1964,Lucetoldagatheringofhisstaffthathe

andhiswifehadbeentakingLSD“underdoctor’ssupervision”;ClareBoothe

Lucerecalledthatduringherfirsttripinthe1950sshesawtheworld“through

theeyesofahappyandgiftedchild.”Before1965,whenamoralpanicerupted

overLSD,Time-Lifepublicationswereenthusiasticboostersofpsychedelics,

andLucetookapersonalinterestindirectinghismagazine’scoverageofthem.

SowhenR.GordonWassonapproachedLifemagazinewithhisstory,he

couldnothaveknockedonamorereceptivedoor.Lifegavehimagenerous

contractthat,inadditiontotheprincelysumofeighty-fivehundreddollars,

grantedhimfinalapprovalontheeditingofhisarticle,aswellasthewordingof

headlinesandcaptions.ItspecifiedthatWasson’saccountincludea“description

ofyourownsensationsandfantasiesundertheinfluenceofthemushroom.”

AsIpagedthroughtheissueinbedthatevening,theworldof1957seemed

likeafarawayplanet,eventhoughIlivedonit,albeitasatwo-year-old.My

parentssubscribedtoLife,sotheissueprobablysatinthebigpileinourdenfor

astretchofmychildhood.Lifemagazinewasamassmediumin1957,witha

circulationof5.7million.

“SeekingtheMagicMushroom,”inwhich“aNewYorkbankergoesto

Mexico’smountainstoparticipateintheage-oldritualsofIndianswhochew

strangegrowthsthatproducevisions,”openedonaspreadwithafull-pagecolor

photographofaMazatecwomanturningamushroomoverasmokyfireand

goesonfornofewerthanfifteenpages.Theheadlineisthefirstknown

referenceto“magicmushrooms,”aphrasethat,itturnsout,wascoinednotbya

stonedhippiebutbyaTime-Lifeheadlinewriter.

“Wechewedandswallowedtheseacridmushrooms,sawvisions,and

emergedfromtheexperienceawestruck,”Wassontellsus,somewhat

breathlessly,inthefirstparagraph.“Wehadcomefromafartoattenda

mushroomritebuthadexpectednothingsostaggeringasthevirtuosityofthe

performingcuranderas[healers]andtheastonishingeffectsofthemushrooms.

[Thephotographer]andIwerethefirstwhitemeninrecordedhistorytoeatthe

divinemushrooms,whichforcenturieshadbeenasecretofcertainIndian

peopleslivingfarfromthegreatworldinsouthernMexico.”

Wassonthenproceedstotelltheimprobabletaleofhowsomeonelikehim,“a

bankerbyoccupation,”wouldendupeatingmagicmushroomsinthedirt-

flooredbasementofathatch-roofed,adobe-walledhomeinaOaxacantownso

remoteitcouldonlybereachedbymeansofaneleven-hourtrekthroughthe

mountainsbymule.

Thestorybeginsin1927,duringWasson’shoneymoonintheCatskills.

Duringanafternoonstrollintheautumnwoods,hisbride,aRussianphysician

namedValentina,spottedapatchofwildmushrooms,beforewhich“shekneltin

posesofadoration.”Wassonknewnothingof“thoseputrid,treacherous

excrescences”andwasalarmedwhenValentinaproposedtocookthemfor

dinner.Herefusedtopartake.“Notlongmarried,”Wassonwrote,“Ithoughtto

wakeupthenextmorningawidower.”

Thecouplebecamecuriousastohowtwoculturescouldholdsuch

diametricallyopposedattitudestowardmushrooms.Theysoonembarkedona

researchprojecttounderstandtheoriginsofboth“mycophobia”and

“mycophilia,”termsthattheWassonsintroduced.Theyconcludedthateach

Indo-Europeanpeopleisbyculturalinheritanceeithermycophobic(forexample,

theAnglo-Saxons,Celts,andScandinavians)ormycophilic(theRussians,

Catalans,andSlavs)andproposedanexplanationforthepowerfulfeelingsin

bothcamps:“Wasitnotprobablethat,longago,longbeforethebeginningsof

writtenhistory,ourancestorshadworshippedadivinemushroom?Thiswould

explaintheauraofthesupernaturalinwhichallfungiseemtobebathed.”*The

logicalnextquestionpresenteditselftotheWassons—“Whatkindofmushroom

wasonceworshipped,andwhy?”—andwiththatquestioninhandthey

embarkedonathirty-yearquesttofindthedivinemushroom.Theyhopedto

obtainevidencefortheaudacioustheorythatWassonhaddevelopedandthat

wouldoccupyhimuntilhisdeath:thatthereligiousimpulseinhumankindhad

beenfirstkindledbythevisionsinspiredbyapsychoactivemushroom.

Asaprominentfinancier,R.GordonWassonhadtheresourcesandthe

connectionstoenlistallmannerofexpertsandscholarsinhisquest.Oneof

thesewasthepoetRobertGraves,whosharedtheWassons’interestintheroleof

mushroomsinhistoryandinthecommonoriginsoftheworld’smythsand

religions.In1952,GravessentWassonaclippingfromapharmaceuticaljournal

thatmadereferencetoapsychoactivemushroomusedbysixteenth-century

MesoamericanIndians.ThearticlewasbasedonresearchdoneinCentral

AmericabyRichardEvansSchultes,aHarvardethnobotanistwhostudiedthe

usesofpsychoactiveplantsandfungibyindigenouscultures.Schulteswasa

reveredprofessorwhomstudentsrecallshootingblowgunsinclassandkeeping

abasketofpeyotebuttonsoutsidehisHarvardoffice;hetrainedagenerationof

Americanethnobotanists,includingWadeDavis,MarkPlotkin,MichaelBalick,

TimPlowman,andAndrewWeil.AlongwithWasson,Schultesisoneofa

handfuloffigureswhoseroleinbringingpsychedelicstotheWesthasgone

underappreciated;indeed,someofthefirstseedsofthatmovementhavequite

literallysatintheHarvardherbariumsincethe1930s,morethanaquarter

centurybeforeTimothyLearysetfootonthecampus.ForitwasSchulteswho

firstidentifiedteonanácatl—thesacredmushroomoftheAztecsandtheir

descendants—aswellasololiuqui,theseedsofthemorningglory,whichthe

Aztecsalsoconsumedsacramentallyandwhichcontainanalkaloidclosely

relatedtoLSD.

Uptothispoint,theWassonshadbeenlookingtowardAsiafortheirdivine

mushroom;Schultesreorientedtheirquest,pointingthemtowardtheAmericas,

wheretherewerescatteredreports,frommissionariesandanthropologists,

suggestingthatanancientmushroomcultmightyetsurviveintheremote

mountainvillagesofsouthernMexico.

In1953,WassonmadethefirstoftentripstoMexicoandCentralAmerica,

severalofthemtothevillageofHuautladeJiménez,deepinthemountainsof

Oaxaca,whereoneofhisinformants—amissionary—hadtoldhimhealerswere

usingmushrooms.Atfirstthelocalsweretight-lipped.SometoldWassonthey

hadneverheardofthemushrooms,orthattheywerenolongerused,orthatthe

practicesurvivedonlyinsomeother,distantvillage.

Theirreticencewasnotsurprising.Thesacramentaluseofpsychoactive

mushroomshadbeenkeptsecretfromWesternersforfourhundredyears,since

shortlyaftertheSpanishconquest,whenitwasdrivenunderground.Thebest

accountwehaveofthepracticeisthatoftheSpanishmissionarypriest

BernardinodeSahagún,whointhesixteenthcenturydescribedtheuseof

mushroomsinanAztecreligiousobservance:

Thesetheyatebeforedawnwithhoney,andtheyalsodrankcacao

beforedawn.Themushroomstheyatewithhoneywhentheybegan

togetheatedfromthem,theybegantodance,andsomesang,and

somewept...Somecarednottosing,butwouldsitdownintheir

rooms,andstayedtherepensive-like.Andsomesawinavision

thattheyweredying,andtheywept,andotherssawinavisionthat

somewildbeastwaseatingthem,otherssawinavisionthatthey

weretakingcaptivesinwar...otherssawinavisionthatthey

weretocommitadulteryandthattheirheadsweretobebashedin

therefor...Thenwhenthedrunkennessofthemushroomshad

passed,theyspokeonewithanotheraboutthevisionsthattheyhad

seen.

TheSpanishsoughttocrushthemushroomcults,viewingthem,rightly,asa

mortalthreattotheauthorityofthechurch.OneofthefirstpriestsCortés

broughttoMexicotoChristianizetheAztecsdeclaredthatthemushroomswere

thefleshof“thedevilthattheyworshipped,and...withthisbitterfoodthey

receivedtheircruelgodincommunion.”Indianswereinterrogatedandtortured

intoconfessingthepractice,andmushroomstones—manyofthemfoot-tall

chiseledbasaltsculpturesofthesacredfungi,presumablyusedinreligious

ceremonies—weresmashed.TheInquisitionwouldbringdozensofcharges

againstNativeAmericansforcrimesinvolvingbothpeyoteandpsilocybin,in

whatamountedtoanearlybattleinthewarondrugs—or,tobemoreprecise,the

waroncertainplantsandfungi.In1620,theRomanCatholicChurchdeclared

thattheuseofplantsfordivinationwas“anactofsuperstitioncondemnedas

opposedtothepurityandintegrityofourHolyCatholicFaith.”

It’snothardtoseewhythechurchwouldhavereactedsoviolentlytothe

sacramentaluseofmushrooms.TheNahuatlwordforthemushrooms—fleshof

thegods—musthavesoundedtoSpanishearslikeadirectchallengetothe

ChristianSacrament,whichofcoursewasalsounderstoodtobethefleshofthe

gods,orratheroftheoneGod.Yetthemushroomsacramentenjoyedan

undeniableadvantageovertheChristianversion.Ittookanactoffaithtobelieve

thateatingthebreadandwineoftheEucharistgavetheworshipperaccesstothe

divine,anaccessthathadtobemediatedbyapriestandthechurchliturgy.

ComparethatwiththeAztecsacrament,apsychoactivemushroomthatgranted

anyonewhoateitdirect,unmediatedaccesstothedivine—tovisionsofanother

world,arealmofthegods.Sowhohadthemorepowerfulsacrament?Asa

MazatecIndiantoldWasson,themushrooms“carryyoutherewheregodis.”

TheRomanCatholicChurchmighthavebeenthefirstinstitutiontofully

recognizethethreattoitsauthorityposedbyapsychedelicplant,butitcertainly

wouldn’tbethelast.

•••

ONTHENIGHTOFJUNE29–30,1955,R.GordonWassonexperiencedthesacred

mushroomsfirsthand.OnhisthirdtriptoHuautla,hehadpersuadedMaría

Sabina,asixty-one-year-oldMazatecandarespectedcuranderainthevillage,to

lethimandhisphotographernotonlyobservebuttakepartinaceremonyin

whichnooutsiderhadeverparticipated.Thevelada,astheceremonywascalled,

tookplaceafterdarkinthebasementofthehomeofalocalofficialWassonhad

enlistedinhiscause,beforeasimplealtar“adornedwithChristianimages.”To

protectheridentity,WassoncalledSabina“EvaMendez,”discerning“a

spiritualityinherexpressionthatstruckusatonce.”Aftercleaningthe

mushroomsandpassingthemthroughthepurifyingsmokeofincense,Sabina

handedWassonacupcontainingsixpairsofmushrooms;shecalledthem“the

littlechildren.”Theytastedawful:“acridwitharancidodorthatrepeateditself.”

Evenso,“Icouldnothavebeenhappier:thiswastheculminationofsixyearsof

pursuit.”

Thevisionsthatnowarrived“wereinvividcolor,alwaysharmonious.They

beganwithartmotifs,angularsuchasmightdecoratecarpetsortextilesor

wallpaper...Thentheyevolvedintopalaceswithcourts,arcades,gardens—

resplendentpalacesalllaidoverwithsemipreciousstone.ThenIsawa

mythologicalbeastdrawingaregalchariot.”Andsoforth.

Wasson’soriginalfieldnotebooksareinthebotanicallibraryatHarvard.Ina

neatbutsomewhatidiosyncratichand,hekeptmeticuloustrackofthetimethat

night,fromarrival(8:15)toingestion(10:40)tothesnuffingoutofthelast

candle(10:45).

Afterthat,thehandwritingdisintegrates.Somesentencesnowappearupside

down,andWasson’sdescriptionsofwhathefeltandsawgraduallybreakinto

fragments:

Nauseaasvisiondistorted.Touchingwall—madetheworldof

visionsseemtocrumble.Lightfromabovedoorandbelow—

moon.Tabletooknewforms—creatures,greatprocessional

vehicle,architecturalpatternsofradiantcolor.Nausea.Nophotos

oncethe[illegible]seizedus.

Architectural

Eyesoutoffocus—thecandleswesawthemdouble.

Orientalsplendor—Alhambra—chariot

Tabletransformed

Contrastvisionandreality—Itouchwall.

“Thevisionswerenotblurredoruncertain,”hewrites.Indeed,“theyseemed

morerealtomethananythingIhadeverseenwithmyowneyes.”Atthispoint,

thereaderbeginstofeeltheliteraryhandofAldousHuxleyexertingacertain

pressureonbothWasson’sproseandhisperceptions:“IfeltthatIwasnow

seeingplain,whereasordinaryvisiongivesusanimperfectview.”Wasson’sown

doorsofperceptionhadbeenflungwideopen:“Iwasseeingthearchetypes,the

Platonicideas,thatunderlietheimperfectimagesofeverydaylife.”Toread

Wassonistofeelasifyouwerewitnessingthestill-freshandmalleable

conventionsofthepsychedelicnarrativegraduallysolidifyingbeforeyoureyes.

WhetherAldousHuxleyinventedthesetropes,orwasmerelytheirstenographer,

ishardtosay,buttheywouldinformthegenre,aswellastheexperience,from

hereon.“Forthefirsttimethewordecstasytookonrealmeaning,”Wasson

recalls.“Forthefirsttimeitdidnotmeansomeoneelse’sstateofmind.”

Wassonconcludedfromhisexperiencethathisworkinghypothesisaboutthe

rootsofthereligiousexperienceinpsychoactivefungihadbeenvindicated.“In

man’sevolutionarypast...theremusthavecomeamomentintimewhenhe

discoveredthesecretofthehallucinatorymushrooms.Theireffectonhim,asI

seeit,couldonlyhavebeenprofound,adetonatortonewideas.Forthe

mushroomsrevealedtohimworldsbeyondthehorizonsknowntohim,inspace

andtime,evenworldsonadifferentplaneofbeing,aheavenandperhapsa

hell...Oneisemboldenedtothepointofaskingwhethertheymaynothave

plantedinprimitivemantheveryideaofaGod.”

Whateveronethinksaboutthisidea,it’sworthpointingoutthatWassoncame

toHuautlawithitalreadyfirmlyplantedandhewaswillingtosubtlytwist

variouselementsofhisexperiencethereinordertoconfirmit.Asmuchashe

wantsustoseeMaríaSabinaasareligiousfigure,andherceremonyasaform

ofwhathecalls“Holycommunion,”shesawherselfquitedifferently.The

mushroommightwellhaveservedasasacramentfivehundredyearsearlier,but

by1955manyMazatecshadbecomedevoutCatholics,andtheynowused

mushroomsnotforworshipbutforhealinganddivination—tolocatemissing

peopleandimportantitems.Wassonknewthisperfectlywell,whichiswhyhe

employedtherusehedidtogainaccesstoaceremony:hetoldMaríaSabinahe

wasworriedabouthissonbackhomeandwantedinformationabouthis

whereaboutsandwell-being.(Spookilyenough,hereceivedwhathediscovered

onhisreturntoNewYorktobeaccurateinformationonbothcounts.)Wasson

wasdistortingacomplexindigenouspracticeinordertofitapreconceived

theoryandconflatingthehistoricalsignificanceofthatpracticewithits

contemporarymeaning.AsSabinatoldaninterviewersomeyearslater,“Before

WassonnobodytookthemushroomsonlytofindGod.Theywerealwaystaken

forthesicktogetwell.”AsoneofWasson’sharshercritics,theEnglishwriter

AndyLetcher,acidlyputit,“TofindGod,Sabina—likeallgoodCatholics—

wenttoMass.”

•••

WASSON’SARTICLEINLIFEwasreadbymillionsofpeople(includinga

psychologyprofessoronhiswaytoHarvardnamedTimothyLeary).Wasson’s

storyreachedtensofmillionsmorewhenheshareditonthepopularCBSnews

programPersontoPerson,andinthemonthstofollowseveralothermagazines,

includingTrue:TheMan’sMagazine,ranfirst-personaccountsofmagic

mushroomjourneys(“TheVegetableThatDrivesMenMad”),journeysfor

whichWassonsuppliedthemushrooms.(Hehadbroughtbackasupplyand

wouldconductceremoniesinhisManhattanapartment.)Anexhibitiononmagic

mushroomssoonfollowedattheAmericanMuseumofNaturalHistoryinNew

York.

ShortlyafterthearticleinLifewaspublished,Wassonarrangedtohavesome

specimensoftheMexicanmushroomssenttoAlbertHofmanninSwitzerland

foranalysis.In1958,Hofmannisolatedandnamedthetwopsychoactive

compounds,psilocybinandpsilocin,anddevelopedthesyntheticversionof

psilocybinusedinthecurrentresearch.Hofmannalsoexperimentedwiththe

mushroomshimself.“Thirtyminutesaftermytakingthemushrooms,”hewrote,

“theexteriorworldbegantoundergoastrangetransformation.Everything

assumedaMexicancharacter.”In1962,HofmannjoinedWassonononeofhis

returntripstoHuautla,duringwhichthechemistgaveMaríaSabinapsilocybin

inpillform.Shetooktwoofthepillsanddeclaredtheydidindeedcontainthe

spiritofthemushroom.*

Itdidn’ttakelongforthousandsofotherpeople—including,eventually,

celebritiessuchasBobDylan,JohnLennon,andMickJagger—tofindtheirway

toHuautlaandtoMaríaSabina’sdoor.*ForMaríaSabinaandhervillage,the

attentionwasruinous.Wassonwouldlaterholdhimselfresponsiblefor

“unleash[ing]onlovelyHuautlaatorrentofcommercialexploitationofthe

vilestkind,”ashewroteinaplaintive1970NewYorkTimesop-ed.Huautlahad

becomefirstabeatnik,thenahippiemecca,andthesacredmushrooms,oncea

closelyguardedsecret,werenowbeingsoldopenlyonthestreet.MaríaSabina’s

neighborsblamedherforwhatwashappeningtotheirvillage;herhomewas

burneddown,andshewasbrieflyjailed.Nearingtheendofherlife,shehad

nothingbutregretforhavingsharedthedivinemushroomswithR.Gordon

Wassonand,inturn,theworld.“Fromthemomenttheforeignersarrived,”she

toldavisitor,“thesaintchildrenlosttheirpurity.Theylosttheirforce;the

foreignersspoiledthem.Fromnowontheywon’tbeanygood.”

•••

WHENTHENEXTMORNINGIcamedownstairs,PaulStametswasintheliving

room,arranginghiscollectionofmushroomstonesonthecoffeetable.Ihad

readabouttheseartifactsbuthadneverseenorheldone,andtheywere

impressiveobjects:roughlycarvedchunksofbasaltinavarietyofsizesand

shapes.Someweresimpleandlookedlikegiganticmushrooms;othershada

tripodorfour-footedbase,andstillothershadafigurecarvedintothestipe(or

stem).ThousandsofthesestonesweresmashedbytheSpanish,buttwohundred

areknowntosurvive,andStametsownssixteenofthem.Mostofthesurviving

stoneshavebeenfoundintheGuatemalanhighlands,oftenwhenfarmersare

plowingtheirfields;somehavebeendatedtoatleast1000B.C.

AsStametscarriedtheheavystones,onebyone,fromtheircabinettothe

coffeetable,wherehearrangedthemwithgreatcare,helookedlikeanaltarboy,

handlingthemwiththesobrietyappropriatetoirreplaceablesacredobjects.It

occurredtomePaulStametsisR.GordonWasson’srightfulheir.(Wasson,too,

collectedmushroomstones,someofwhichIsawatHarvard.)Heshareshis

radicallymycocentriccosmologyandseesevidencewhereverhelooksforthe

centralityofpsychoactivemushroomsinculture,religion,andnature.Stamets’s

laptopiscrammedwithimagesofPsilocybestakennotonlyfromnature(he’sa

superbphotographer)butalsofromcavepaintings,NorthAfricanpetroglyphs,

medievalchurcharchitecture,andIslamicdesigns,someofwhichrecallthe

formsofmushroomsor,withtheirfractalgeometricpatternings,mushroom

experiences.IconfessthattryasImight,Ioftenfailedtofindthemushrooms

lurkinginthepictures.Nodoubtthemushroomsthemselvescouldhelp.

ThisbringsustoTerenceMcKenna’sstonedapetheory,theepitomeofall

mycocentricspeculation,whichStametshadwantedtomakesurewediscussed.

ThoughreadingisnosubstituteforhearingMcKennaexpoundhisthesis(you

canfindhimonYouTube),hesummarizesitinFoodoftheGods(1992):

Psilocybesgaveourhominidancestors“accesstorealmsofsupernaturalpower,”

“catalyzedtheemergenceofhumanself-reflection,”and“broughtusoutofthe

animalmindandintotheworldofarticulatedspeechandimagination.”Thislast

hypothesisabouttheinventionoflanguageturnsontheconceptofsynesthesia,

theconflationofthesensesthatpsychedelicsareknowntoinduce:underthe

influenceofpsilocybin,numberscantakeoncolors,colorsattachtosounds,and

soon.Language,hecontends,representsaspecialcaseofsynesthesia,inwhich

otherwisemeaninglesssoundsbecomelinkedtoconcepts.Hence,thestoned

ape:bygivingusthegiftsoflanguageandself-reflectionpsilocybinmushrooms

madeuswhoweare,transformingourprimateancestorsintoHomosapiens.

Thestonedapetheoryisnotreallysusceptibletoproofordisproof.The

consumptionofmushroomsbyearlyhominidswouldbeunlikelytoleaveany

traceinthefossilrecord,becausethemushroomsaresofttissueandcanbeeaten

fresh,requiringnospecialtoolsorprocessingmethodsthatmighthavesurvived.

McKennaneverreallyexplainshowtheconsumptionofpsychoactive

mushroomscouldhaveinfluencedbiologicalevolution—thatis,selectedfor

changesatthelevelofthegenome.Itwouldhavebeeneasierforhimtomakean

argumentforpsychoactivefungi’sinfluenceonculturalevolution—suchasthe

oneWassonmade—butevidentlythefungihadmoreambitiousplansforthe

mindofTerenceMcKenna,andTerenceMcKennawasmorethanhappyto

oblige.

StametsbecamegoodfriendswithMcKennaduringthelastfewyearsofhis

life,andeversinceMcKenna’sdeath(atagefifty-three,frombraincancer),he

hasbeencarryingthestonedape’storch,recountingMcKenna’stheoryinmany

ofhistalks.Stametsacknowledgesthechallengesofeverprovingittoanyone’s

satisfactionyetdeemsit“morelikelythannot”thatpsilocybin“waspivotalin

humanevolution.”Whatisitaboutthesemushrooms,Iwondered,andthe

experiencetheysponsorinthemindsofmen,thatfiresthiskindofintellectual

extravaganceandconviction?

Thestoriesofmyco-evangelistslikeMcKennareadlikeconversion

narratives,inwhichcertainpeoplewhohavefeltthepowerofthesemushrooms

firsthandemergefromtheexperienceconvincedthatthesefungiareprime

movers—gods,ofasort—thatcanexplaineverything.Theirpropheticmission

inlifebecomesclear:bringthisnewstotheworld!

Nowconsiderallthisfromthemushroom’spointofview:whatmighthave

startedasabiochemicalaccidenthasturnedintoaningeniousstrategyfor

enlargingthespecies’rangeandnumber,bywinningtheferventdevotionofan

animalasingeniousandwelltraveled(andwellspoken!)asHomosapiens.In

McKenna’svision,itisthemushroomitselfthathelpedformpreciselythekind

ofmind—endowedwiththetoolsoflanguageandfiredbyimagination—that

couldbestadvanceitsinterests.Howdiabolicallybrilliant!NowonderPaul

Stametsisconvincedoftheirintelligence.

•••

THENEXTMORNING,beforewepackedupthecarsforourtripsouth,Stametshad

anothergifthewantedtogiveme.Wewereinhisoffice,lookingatsomeimages

onhiscomputer,whenhepulledofftheshelfasmallpileofamadouhats.“See

ifoneofthesefitsyou.”Mostofthemushroomhatsweretoobigforme,butI

foundonethatsatcomfortablyonmyheadandthankedhimforthegift.Thehat

wassurprisinglysoftandalmostweightless,butIfeltalittlesillywitha

mushroomonmyhead,soIcarefullypackeditinmyluggage.

EarlySundaymorningwedrovewesttowardthePacificcoastandthensouth

totheColumbiaRiver,stoppingforlunchandcampingprovisionsintheresort

townofLongBeach.ThisbeingthefirstweekofDecember,thetownwaspretty

wellbuttonedupandsleepy.StametsrequestedthatInotpublishtheexact

locationwherewewenthuntingforPsilocybeazurescens.ButwhatIcansayis

thattherearethreepublicparksborderingthewide-openmouthoftheColumbia

—FortStevens,CapeDisappointment,andtheLewisandClarkNational

HistoricalPark—andwestayedatoneofthem.Stamets,whohasbeencoming

heretohuntazziesforyears,wasmildlyparanoidaboutbeingrecognizedbya

ranger,sohestayedinthecarwhileIcheckedinattheofficeandpickedupa

mapgivingdirectionstoouryurt.

Assoonasweunloadedandstowedourgear,welacedupourbootsand

headedouttolookformushrooms.Whichreallyjustmeantwalkingaroundwith

eyescastdownward,tracingdesultorypatternsthroughthescrubalongthesand

dunesandinthegrassyareasadjoiningtheyurts.Weadoptedthepostureofthe

psilocybinstoop,exceptthatweraisedourheadseverytimeweheardacar

coming.Foragingmushroomsisprohibitedinmoststateparks,andbeingin

possessionofpsilocybinmushroomsisbothastateandafederalcrime.

Theweatherwasovercastinthehighforties—balmyforthisfarnorthonthe

PacificcoastinDecember,whenitcanbecold,wet,andstormy.Weprettymuch

hadthewholeparktoourselves.Itwasastunning,desolatelandscape,withpine

treesprunedlowandangularbythewindscomingofftheocean,endlessdead-

flatsandybeacheswithplentyofdriftwood,andgiantstorm-tossedtimbers

washedupandjack-strawedhereandtherealongthebeach.Theselogshad

somehowslippedoutfromunderthethumbofthelumberindustry,floating

downtheColumbiafromtheold-growthforestshundredsofmilesupriverand

washinguphere.

StametssuspectsthatPsilocybeazurescensmightoriginallyhaveriddenout

oftheforestinthefleshofthoselogsandfounditswayheretothemouthofthe

Columbia—thusfartheonlyplacethespecieshaseverbeenfound.Some

myceliumwillactuallyinsinuateitselfintothegrainoftrees,takingupresidence

andformingasymbioticrelationshipwiththetree.Stametsbelievesthe

myceliumfunctionsasakindofimmunesystemforitsarborealhost,secreting

antibacterial,antiviral,andinsecticidalcompoundsthatprotectthetreesfrom

diseasesandpests,inexchangefornourishmentandhabitat.

Aswewalkedinwideningspiralsandfigureeightsoverthegrassydunes,

Stametskeptupasteadymycologicalpatter;onenicethingabouthunting

mushroomsisthatyoudon’thavetoworryaboutscaringthemawaywiththe

soundofyourvoice.Everynowandthenhepausedtoshowmeamushroom.

Littlebrownmushroomsarenotoriouslydifficulttoidentify,butStametsalmost

alwayshaditsLatinbinomialandafewinterestingfactsaboutitathis

fingertips.Atonepoint,hehandedmeaRussula,explainingitwasgoodtoeat.I

onlynibbledattheruddycapbeforeIhadtospititout,itwassofiery.Evidently,

offeringnewbiesthisparticularRussulaisanoldmycologisthazingritual.

IsawplentyofLBMsthatmightormightnotbepsilocybinandwas

constantlyinterruptingStametsforanotherID,andeverytimehehadtoprick

mybubbleofhopethatIhadatlastfoundthepreciousquarry.Afteranhouror

twooffruitlesssearching,Stametswonderedaloudifmaybewehadcometoo

latefortheazzies.

Andthenallofasudden,inanexcitedstagewhisper,hecalledout,“Got

one!”Iracedover,askinghimtoleavethemushroominplacesoIcouldsee

whereandhowitgrew.Thiswould,Ihoped,allowmeto“getmyeyeson,”as

mushroomhuntersliketosay.Onceweregisteronourretinasthevisualpattern

oftheobjectwe’researchingfor,it’smuchmorelikelytopopoutofthevisual

field.(Infactthetechnicalnameforthisphenomenonis“thepop-outeffect.”)

Itwasahandsomelittlemushroom,withasmooth,slightlyglossycaramel-

coloredcap.Stametsletmepickit;ithadasurprisinglytenaciousgrip,and

whenitcameoutoftheground,itbroughtwithitsomeleaflitter,soil,anda

littleknotofbrightwhitemycelium.“Bruisethestipeabit,”Stametssuggested.

Idid,andwithinminutesabluetingeappearedwhereI’drubbedit.“That’sthe

psilocin.”IneverexpectedtoactuallyseethechemicalIhadreadsomuch

about.

Themushroomhadbeengrowingastone’sthrowfromouryurt,rightonthe

edgeofaparkingspot.Stametssaysthatlikemanypsilocybinspecies“azzies

areorganismsoftheecologicaledge.Lookatwhereweare:attheedgeofthe

continent,theedgeofanecosystem,theedgeofcivilization,andofcoursethese

mushroomsbringustotheedgeofconsciousness.”Atthispoint,Stamets,who

whenitcomestomushroomsisoneseriousdude,madethefirstjokeIhadever

heardhimmake:“YouknowoneofthebestindicatorspeciesforPsilocybe

azurescensareWinnebagos.”We’reobviouslynotthefirstpeopletohuntfor

azziesinthispark,andanyonewhopicksamushroomtrailsaninvisiblecloud

ofitssporebehindhim;this,hebelieves,istheoriginoftheideaoffairydust.

Attheendofmanyofthosetrailsisapttobeacampsite,acar,oraWinnebago.

Wefoundsevenazziesthatafternoon,thoughbyweImeanStamets;Ionly

foundone,andeventhenIwasn’tatallcertainitwasaPsilocybeuntilStamets

gavemeasmileandathumbs-up.Icouldswearitlookedexactlylikehalfa

dozenotherspeciesIwasfinding.Stametspatientlytutoredmeinmushroom

morphology,andbythefollowingdaymyluckhadimproved,andIfoundfour

littlecaramelbeautiesonmyown.Notmuchofahaul,butthenStametshadsaid

thatevenjustoneofthesemushroomscouldunderwriteamajorpsychic

expedition.

Thatevening,wecarefullylaidoutoursevenmushroomsonapapertowel

andphotographedthembeforeputtingtheminfrontoftheyurt’sspaceheaterto

dry.Withinhours,thehotairhadtransformedamushroomthatwas

unimpressivetobeginwithintoatiny,shriveledgray-bluescrapitwouldbeeasy

tooverlook.Theideathatsomethingsounprepossessingcouldhavesuch

consequencewashardtocredit.

Ihadbeenlookingforwardtotryinganazzie,butbeforetheeveningwas

over,Stametshaddampenedmyenthusiasm.“Ifindazurescensalmosttoo

strong,”hetoldmewhenwewerestandingaroundthefirepitoutsideouryurt,

havingabeer.Afternightfall,wehaddrivenoutontothebeachtohuntforrazor

clamsbyheadlight;nowweweresautéingthemwithonionsoverthefire.

“Andazzieshaveonepotentialsideeffectthatsomepeoplefindtroubling.”

Yes?

“Temporaryparalysis,”hesaidmatter-of-factly.Heexplainedthatsome

peopleonazziesfindtheycan’tmovetheirmusclesforaperiodoftime.That

mightbetolerableifyou’reinasafeplace,hesuggested,“butwhatifyou’re

outdoorsandtheweatherturnscoldandwet?Youcoulddieofhypothermia.”

Notmuchofanadvertisementforazurescens,especiallycomingfromtheman

whodiscoveredthespeciesandnamedit.Iwassuddenlyinmuchlessofahurry

totryone.

•••

THEQUESTIONIKEPTreturningtothatweekendisthis:Whyintheworldwoulda

fungusgotothetroubleofproducingachemicalcompoundthathassucha

radicaleffectonthemindsoftheanimalsthateatit?What,ifanything,didthis

peculiarchemicaldoforthemushroom?Onecouldconstructaquasi-mystical

explanationforthisphenomenon,asStametsandMcKennahavedone:both

suggestthatneurochemistryisthelanguageinwhichnaturecommunicateswith

us,andit’stryingtotellussomethingimportantbywayofpsilocybin.Butthis

strikesmeasmoreofapoeticconceitthanascientifictheory.

ThebestanswerI’vemanagedtofindarrivedafewweekslatercourtesyof

PaulStamets’sprofessoratEvergreenState,MichaelBeug,thechemist.WhenI

reachedhimbyphoneathishomeintheColumbiaRiverGorge,160miles

upriverofourcampsite,Beugsaidhewasretiredfromteachingandhadn’tspent

muchtimethinkingaboutPsilocybesrecently,buthewasintriguedbymy

question.

Iaskedhimifthereisreasontobelievethatpsilocybinisadefensechemical

forthemushroom.Defenseagainstpestsanddiseasesisthemostcommon

functionoftheso-calledsecondarymetabolitesproducedinplants.Curiously,

manyplanttoxinsdon’tdirectlykillpests,butoftenactaspsychostimulantsas

wellaspoisons,whichiswhyweusemanyofthemasdrugstoalter

consciousness.Whywouldn’tplantsjustkilltheirpredatorsoutright?Perhaps

becausethatwouldquicklyselectforresistance,whereasmessingwithits

neurotransmitternetworkscandistractthepredatoror,betterstill,leaditto

engageinriskybehaviorslikelytoshortenitslife.Thinkofaninebriatedinsect

behavinginawaythatattractstheattentionofahungrybird.

ButBeugpointedoutthatifpsilocybinwereadefensechemical,“myformer

studentPaulStametswouldhavejumpedonitlongagoandfoundauseforitas

anantifungal,antibacterial,orinsecticide.”InfactBeughastestedfungifor

psilocybinandpsilocinlevelsandfoundthattheyoccuronlyinminute

quantitiesinthemycelium—thepartoftheorganismmostlikelytobewell

defended.“Insteadthechemicalsareinthefruitingbodies—sometimesatover

twopercentbydryweight!”—astupendousquantity,andinapartofthe

organismitisnotaprioritytodefend.

Evenifpsilocybininmushroomsbeganas“anaccidentofametabolic

pathway,”thefactthatitwasn’tdiscardedduringthecourseofthespecies’

evolutionsuggestsitmusthaveofferedsomebenefit.“Mybestguess,”Beug

says,“isthatthemushroomsthatproducedthemostpsilocybingotselectively

eatenandsotheirsporesgotmorewidelydisseminated.”

Eatenbywhom,orwhat?Andwhy?Beugsaysthatmanyanimalsareknown

toeatpsilocybinmushrooms,includinghorses,cattle,anddogs.Some,like

cows,appearunaffected,butmanyanimalsappeartoenjoyanoccasionalchange

inconsciousnesstoo.Beugisinchargeofgatheringmushroom-poisoning

reportsfortheNorthAmericanMycologicalAssociationandovertheyearshas

seenaccountsofhorsestrippingintheirpaddocksanddogsthat“zeroinon

Psilocybesandappeartobehallucinating.”Severalprimatespecies(asidefrom

ourown)arealsoknowntoenjoypsychedelicmushrooms.Presumablyanimals

withatasteforalteredstatesofconsciousnesshavehelpedspreadpsilocybinfar

andwide.“Thestrainsofaspeciesthatproducedmoreratherthanless

psilocybinandpsilocinwouldtendtobefavoredandsograduallybecomemore

widespread.”

Eateninsmalldoses,psychedelicmushroomsmightwellincreasefitnessin

animals,byincreasingsensoryacuityandpossiblyfocusaswell.A2015review

articleintheJournalofEthnopharmacologyreportedthatseveraltribesaround

theworldfeedpsychoactiveplantstotheirdogsinordertoimprovetheir

huntingability.*

Athigherdoses,however,onewouldthinkthatanimalstrippingon

psychedelicmushroomswouldbeatadistinctdisadvantageforsurvival,andno

doubtmanyofthemare.Butforaselectfew,theeffectsmayoffersome

adaptivevalue,notonlyforthemselves,butalsopossiblyforthegroupandeven

thespecies.

Hereweventureoutontohighlyspeculative,slightlysquishyground,guided

byanItalianethnobotanistnamedGiorgioSamorini.InabookcalledAnimals

andPsychedelics:TheNaturalWorldandtheInstincttoAlterConsciousness,

Samorinihypothesizesthatduringtimesofrapidenvironmentalchangeorcrisis

itmayavailthesurvivalofagroupwhenafewofitsmembersabandontheir

accustomedconditionedresponsesandexperimentwithsomeradicallynewand

differentbehaviors.Muchlikegeneticmutations,mostofthesenoveltieswill

provedisastrousandbediscardedbynaturalselection.Butthelawsof

probabilitysuggestthatafewofthenovelbehaviorsmightendupbeinguseful,

helpingtheindividual,thegroup,andpossiblythespeciestoadapttorapid

changesintheirenvironment.

Samorinicallsthisa“depatterningfactor.”Therearetimesintheevolutionof

aspecieswhentheoldpatternsnolongeravail,andtheradical,potentially

innovativeperceptionsandbehaviorsthatpsychedelicssometimesinspiremay

offerthebestchanceforadaptation.Thinkofitasaneurochemicallyinduced

sourceofvariationinapopulation.

ItisdifficulttoreadaboutSamorini’slovelytheorywithoutthinkingabout

ourownspeciesandthechallengingcircumstancesinwhichwefindourselves

today.Homosapiensmighthavearrivedatoneofthoseperiodsofcrisisthat

callsforsomementalandbehavioraldepatterning.Couldthatbewhynaturehas

sentusthesepsychedelicmoleculesnow?

•••

SUCHANOTIONwouldnotstrikePaulStametsastheleastbitfar-fetched.Aswe

stoodaroundthefirepit,thewarmlightflickeringacrossourfaceswhileour

dinnersizzledinitspan,Stametstalkedaboutwhatmushroomshavetaughthim

aboutnature.Hewasexpansive,eloquent,grandiose,and,attimes,inacute

dangerofslippingthesurlybondsofplausibility.Wehadhadafewbeers,and

whilewehadn’ttouchedourtinystashofazzies,wehadsmokedalittlepot.

Stametsdilatedontheideaofpsilocybinasachemicalmessengersentfrom

Earth,andhowwehadbeenelected,byvirtueofthegiftofconsciousnessand

language,tohearitscallandactbeforeit’stoolate.

“Plantsandmushroomshaveintelligence,andtheywantustotakecareofthe

environment,andsotheycommunicatethattousinawaywecanunderstand.”

Whyus?“Wehumansarethemostpopulousbipedalorganismswalkingaround,

sosomeplantsandfungiareespeciallyinterestedinenlistingoursupport.Ithink

theyhaveaconsciousnessandareconstantlytryingtodirectourevolutionby

speakingouttousbiochemically.Wejustneedtobebetterlisteners.”

ThesewereriffsI’dheardStametsdeliverincountlesstalksandinterviews.

“Mushroomshavetaughtmetheinterconnectednessofalllife-formsandthe

molecularmatrixthatweshare,”heexplainsinanotherone.“Inolongerfeel

thatIaminthisenvelopeofahumanlifecalledPaulStamets.Iampartofthe

streamofmoleculesthatareflowingthroughnature.Iamgivenavoice,given

consciousnessforatime,butIfeelthatIampartofthiscontinuumofstardust

intowhichIambornandtowhichIwillreturnattheendofthislife.”Stamets

soundedverymuchlikethevolunteersImetatHopkinswhohadhadfull-blown

mysticalexperiences,peoplewhosesenseofthemselvesasindividualshadbeen

subsumedintoalargerwhole—aformof“unitiveconsciousness,”which,in

Stamets’scase,hadfoldedhimintothewebofnature,asitsnotsohumble

servant.

“IthinkPsilocybeshavegivenmenewinsightsthatmayallowmetohelp

steerandspeedfungalevolutionsothatwecanfindsolutionstoourproblems.”

Especiallyinatimeofecologicalcrisis,hesuggests,wecan’taffordtowaitfor

evolution,unfoldingatitsnormalpace,toputforththesesolutionsintime.Let

thedepatterningbegin.

AsStametsheldforth,andforth,Icouldn’thelpbutpictureinmymindAlex

Grey’swackedpaintingofthestonedape,withthetornadoesofthoughtflying

outofhishairyhead.SomuchofwhatStametshastosaytreadsaperilously

narrowledge,perchedbetweentheautodidact’ssoaringspeculativeflightsand

thestonedcrank’slatenightriffingsthateventuallysendeveryoneinearshotoff

tobed.ButjustwhenIwasbeginningtogrowimpatientwithhismeanders,and

couldhearthecallofmysleepingbagfrominsidetheyurt,he,orI,turneda

corner,andhismycologicalpropheciessuddenlyappearedtomeinamore

generouslight.

Thedaybefore,Stametshadgivenmeatourofthelabsandgrowroomsat

FungiPerfecti,thecompanyhefoundedrightoutofcollege.Tuckedintothe

evergreenforestashortwalkfromhishouse,theFungiPerfecticomplex

consistsofaseriesoflongwhitemetalbuildingsthatlooklikeQuonsethutsor

smallhangars.Outsidearepilesofwoodchips,discardedfungi,andgrowing

media.Someofthebuildingshousethegrowroomswhereheraisesmedicinal

andediblespecies;otherscontainhisresearchfacility,withcleanroomsand

laminarflowchambersinwhichStametsreproducesfungifromtissueculture

andconductshisexperiments.Ontheofficewallshangseveralofhispatents,

framed.Amidthetorrentofwords,whatIobservedinthesebuildingswasa

salutaryreminderthatwhileStametsissurelyabigtalker,heisnotjustatalker.

Heisabigdoertoo,asuccessfulresearcherandentrepreneurwhoisusingfungi

tomakeoriginalcontributionsacrossaremarkablywiderangeoffields,from

medicineandenvironmentalrestorationtoagricultureandforestryandeven

nationaldefense.Stametsisinfactascientist,albeitofaspecialkind.

ExactlywhatkindofscientistIdidn’tcompletelyunderstanduntilafew

weekslater,whenIhappenedtoreadawonderfulbiographyofAlexandervon

Humboldt,thegreatearlynineteenth-centuryGermanscientist(andcolleagueof

Goethe’s)whorevolutionizedourunderstandingofthenaturalworld.Humboldt

believeditisonlywithourfeelings,oursenses,andourimaginations—thatis,

withthefacultiesofhumansubjectivity—thatwecaneverpenetratenature’s

secrets.“Natureeverywherespeakstomaninavoice”thatis“familiartohis

soul.”Thereisanorderandbeautyorganizingthesystemofnature—asystem

thatHumboldt,afterbrieflyconsideringthename“Gaia,”chosetocall

“Cosmos”—butitwouldneverhaverevealeditselftousifnotforthehuman

imagination,whichisitselfofcourseaproductofnature,oftheverysystemit

allowsustocomprehend.Themodernconceitofthescientistattemptingto

observenaturewithperfectobjectivity,asiffromavantagelocatedoutsideit,

wouldhavebeenanathematoHumboldt.“Imyselfamidenticalwithnature.”

IfStametsisascientist,asIbelieveheis,itisintheHumboldtianmold,

makinghimsomethingofathrowback.Idon’tmeantosuggesthiscontribution

isonthesameorderasHumboldt’s.Buthetooisanamateurinthebestsense,

self-taught,uncredentialed,andblitheabouttrespassingdisciplinaryborders.He

tooisanaccomplishednaturalistandinventor,withseveralnewspeciesand

patentstohiscredit.Hetoohearsnature’svoice,anditishisimagination—wild

asitoftenis—thatallowshimtoseesystemswhereothershavenot,suchas

whatisgoingonbeneathourfeetinaforest.I’mthinking,forexample,ofthe

“earth’sInternet,”“theneurologicalnetworkofnature,”andthe“forest’s

immunesystem”—threeRomantic-soundingmetaphorsthatitwouldbefoolish

tobetagainst.

WhatstrikesmeaboutbothStametsandmanyoftheso-calledRomantic

scientists(likeHumboldtandGoethe,JosephBanks,ErasmusDarwin,andI

wouldincludeThoreau)ishowverymuchmorealivenatureseemsintheir

handsthanitwouldsoonbecomeinthecoolerhandsoftheprofessionals.These

morespecializedscientists(awordthatwasn’tcoineduntil1834)gradually

movedscienceindoorsandincreasinglygazedatnaturethroughdevicesthat

allowedthemtoobserveitatscalesinvisibletothehumaneye.Thesemoves

subtlychangedtheobjectofstudy—indeed,madeitmoreofanobject.

Insteadofseeingnatureasacollectionofdiscreteobjects,theRomantic

scientists—andIincludeStametsintheirnumber—sawadenselytangledwebof

subjects,eachactingontheotherinthegreatdancethatwouldcometobecalled

coevolution.“Everything,”Humboldtsaid,“isinteractionandreciprocal.”They

couldseethisdanceofsubjectivitiesbecausetheycultivatedtheplant’s-eye

view,theanimal’s-eyeview,themicrobe’s-eyeview,andthefungus’s-eyeview

—perspectivesthatdependasmuchonimaginationasobservation.

Isuspectthatimaginativeleaphasbecomeharderforusmodernstomake.

Ourscienceandtechnologyencourageusinpreciselytheoppositedirection,

towardtheobjectificationofnatureandofallspeciesotherthanourown.Surely

weneedtoacknowledgethepracticalpowerofthisperspective,whichhasgiven

ussomuch,butweshouldatthesametimeacknowledgeitscosts,materialas

wellasspiritual.Yetthatolder,moreenchantedwayofseeingmaystillpay

dividends,asitdoes(tocitejustonesmallexample)whenitallowsPaulStamets

tofigureoutthatthereasonhoneybeesliketovisitwoodpilesistomedicate

themselves,bynibblingonasaprophyticmyceliumthatproducesjusttheright

antimicrobialcompoundthatthehiveneedstosurvive,agiftthefungusis

tradingfor...what?Somethingyettobeimagined.

Coda

YouareprobablywonderingwhateverhappenedtotheazziesStametsandI

foundthatweekend.Manymonthslater,inthemiddleofasummerweekspent

inthehouseinNewEnglandwhereweusedtolive,aplacefreightedwith

memories,Iatethem,withJudith.Icrumbledtwolittlemushroomsineachof

twoglassesandpouredhotwateroverthemtomakeatea;Stametshad

recommendedthatI“cook”themushroomstodestroythecompoundsthatcan

upsetthestomach.JudithandIeachdrankhalfacup,ingestingboththeliquid

andthecrumblesofmushroom.Isuggestedwetakeawalkonthedirtroadnear

ourhousewhilewewaitedforthepsilocybintocomeon.

However,afteronlyabouttwentyminutesorso,Judithreportedshewas

“feelingthings,”noneofthempleasant.Shedidn’twanttobewalkinganymore,

shesaid,butnowwewereatleastamilefromhome.Shetoldmehermindand

herbodyseemedtobedriftingapartandthenthathermindhadflownoutofher

headandupintothetrees,likeabirdorinsect.

“Ineedtogethomeandfeelsafe,”shesaid,nowwithsomeurgency.Itried

toreassureherasweabruptlyturnedaroundandpickedupourpace.Itwashot

andtheairwasthickwithhumidity.Shesaid,“Ireallydon’twanttoruninto

anybody.”Iassuredherwewouldn’t.Istillfeltmoreorlessmyself,butitmay

bethatJudith’sdistresswaskeepingmefromfeelingthemushrooms;somebody

hadtobereadytoactnormallyifaneighborhappenedtodrivebyandrolldown

hiswindowforachat,aprospectthatwasquicklytakingontheproportionsof

nightmare.Infactshortlybeforewegotbacktohomebase—soitnowfeltto

bothofus—wespottedaneighbor’spickuptruckbearingdownonusand,like

guiltychildren,weduckedintothewoodsuntilitpassed.

Judithmadeabeelineforthecouchinthelivingroom,whereshelaydown

withtheshadesdrawn,whileIwentintothekitchentopolishoffmycupof

mushroomtea,becauseIwasn’tyetfeelingverymuch.Iwasalittleworried

abouther,butonceshereachedherbaseonthelivingroomcouch,hermood

lightenedandshesaidshewasfine.

Icouldn’tunderstandherdesiretobeindoors.Iwentoutandsatonthe

screenedporchforawhile,listeningtothesoundsinthegarden,whichsuddenly

grewveryloud,asifthevolumehadbeenturnedwayup.Theairwasstock-still,

butthedesultorysoundsofflyinginsectsandthedigitalbuzzofhummingbirds

rosetoformacacophonyIhadneverheardbefore.Itbegantograteonmy

nerves,untilIdecidedIwouldbebetteroffregardingthesoundasbeautiful,and

thenallatonceitwas.Iliftedanarm,thenafoot,andnotedwithreliefthatI

wasn’tparalyzed,thoughIalsodidn’tfeellikemovingamuscle.

WheneverIclosedmyeyes,randomimageseruptedasiftheinsidesofmy

lidswereascreen.Mynotesrecord:Fractalpatterns,tunnelsplungingthrough

foliage,ropyvinesforminggrids.ButwhenIstartedtofeelpanicriseatthelack

ofcontrolIhadovermyvisualfield,IdiscoveredthatallIneededtodoto

restoreasenseofsemi-normalcywastoopenmyeyes.Toopenorclosemyeyes

waslikechangingthechannel.Ithought,“Iamlearninghowtomanagethis

experience.”

Muchhappened,orseemedtohappen,duringthecourseofthatAugust

afternoon,butIwanttofocushereonjustoneelementoftheexperience,

becauseitbearsonthequestionsofnatureandourplaceinitthatpsilocybin

seemstoprovoke,atleastforme.IdecidedIwantedtowalkouttomywriting

house,alittlestructureIhadbuiltmyselftwenty-fiveyearsago,inwhatisnow

anotherlife,andwhichholdsagreatmanymemories.Ihadwrittentwoanda

halfbooksinthelittleroom(includingoneaboutbuildingit),sittingbeforea

broadwindowthatlookedbackoverapondandthegardentoourhouse.

However,IwasstillvaguelyworriedaboutJudith,sobeforewanderingtoo

farfromthehouse,Iwentinsidetocheckonher.Shewasstretchedoutonthe

couch,withacooldampclothoverhereyes.Shewasfine.“I’mhavingthese

veryinterestingvisuals,”shesaid,somethinghavingtodowiththestainsonthe

coffeetablecomingtolife,swirlingandtransformingandrisingfromthesurface

inwaysshefoundcompelling.Shemadeitclearshewantedtobeleftaloneto

sinkmoredeeplyintotheimages—sheisapainter.Thephrase“parallelplay”

poppedintomymind,andsoitwouldbefortherestoftheafternoon.

Isteppedoutside,feelingunsteadyonmyfeet,legsalittlerubbery.The

gardenwasthrummingwithactivity,dragonfliestracingcomplicatedpatternsin

theair,theseedheadsofplumepoppiesrattlinglikesnakesasIbrushedby,the

phloxperfumingtheairwithitssweet,heavyscent,andtheairitselfsopalpably

denseithadtobeforded.Thewordandsenseof“poignance”floodedoverme

duringthewalkthroughthegarden,anditwouldreturnlater.Maybebecausewe

nolongerlivehere,andthisgarden,wherewespentsomanysummersasa

coupleandthenafamily,andwhichatthismomentseemedsoacutelypresent,

wasinfactnowpartofanirretrievablepast.Itwasasifapreciousmemoryhad

notjustbeenrecalledbuthadactuallycomebacktolife,inareincarnationboth

beautifulandcruel.Alsoheartrendingwasthefleetingnessofthismomentin

time,theripenessofaNewEnglandgardeninlateAugustonthevergeof

turningthecorneroftheseason.Beforedawnonecloudlessnightverysoonand

withoutwarning,thethrumandbloomandperfumewouldendallatonce,with

thearrivalofthekillingfrost.Ifeltwideopenemotionally,undefended.

WhenatlastIarrivedatthewritinghouse,Istretchedoutonthedaybed,

somethingIhardlyevertookthetimetodoinalltheyearswhenIwasworking

heresoindustriously.Thebookshelveshadbeenemptied,andtheplacefelt

abandoned,alittlesad.FromwhereIlay,Icouldseeovermytoestothewindow

screenand,pastthat,tothegridofanarborthatwasnowdenselywovenwith

thetwiningvinesofwhathadbecomeavenerableoldclimbinghydrangea,a

petiolaris.Ihadplantedthehydrangeadecadesago,inhopesofcreatingjustthis

sortofintricatelytangledprospect.Backlitbythelateafternoonsunlight

streamingin,itsneatroundleavescompletelyfilledthewindow,whichmeant

yougazedoutattheworldthroughthefreshgreenscrimtheyformed.Itseemed

tomethesewerethemostbeautifulleavesIhadeverseen.Itwasasiftheywere

emittingtheirownsoftgreenglow.Anditfeltlikeakindofprivilegetogazeout

attheworldthroughtheireyes,asitwere,astheleavesdrankupthelast

draughtsofsunlight,transformingthosephotonsintonewmatter.Aplant’s-eye

viewoftheworld—itwasthat,andforreal!Buttheleaveswerealsolooking

backatme,fixingmewiththisutterlybenigngaze.Icouldfeeltheircuriosity

andwhatIwascertainwasanattitudeofutterbenevolencetowardmeandmy

kind.(DoIneedtosaythatIknowhowcrazythissounds?Ido!)

IfeltasthoughIwerecommuningdirectlywithaplantforthefirsttimeand

thatcertainideasIhadlongthoughtaboutandwrittenabout—havingtodowith

thesubjectivityofotherspeciesandthewaytheyactuponusinwayswe’retoo

self-regardingtoappreciate—hadtakenonthefleshoffeelingandreality.I

lookedthroughthenegativespacesformedbythehydrangealeavestofixmy

gazeontheswampmapleinthemiddleofthemeadowbeyond,andittoowas

nowmorealivethanI’deverknownatreetobe,infusedwithsomekindofspirit

—thisone,too,benevolent.Theideathattherehadeverbeenadisagreement

betweenmatterandspiritseemedrisible,andIfeltasthoughwhateveritisthat

usuallydividesmefromtheworldouttherehadbeguntofallaway.Not

completely:thebattlementsofegohadnotfallen;thiswasnotwhatthe

researcherswoulddeema“complete”mysticalexperience,becauseIretained

thesenseofanobservingI.Butthedoorsandwindowsofperceptionhad

openedwide,andtheywereadmittingmoreoftheworldanditsmyriad

nonhumanpersonalitiesthaneverbefore.

Buoyedbythisdevelopment,Isatupnowandlookedoutovermydesk,

throughthebigwindowthatfacedbacktothehouse.WhenIsitedthebuilding,I

carefullyframedthemainviewbetweentwoveryoldandvenerabletrees,a

stolidlyverticalashontherightandanelegantlyangledandintricatelybranched

whiteoakontheleft.Theashhasseenbetterdays;stormshaveshornseveral

importantlimbsfromit,wreckingitssymmetryandleavingsomeragged

stumps.Theoakwassomewhathealthier,infullleafnowwithitsupturned

limbsreachingintotheskylikethelimbsofadancer.Butthemaintrunk,which

hadalwaysleanedprecariouslytooneside,nowconcernedme:asectionofit

hadrottedoutatgroundlevel,andforthefirsttimeitwaspossibletolookclear

throughitandseedaylight.Howwasitpossiblystillstanding?

AsIgazedatthetwotreesIhadgazedatsomanytimesbeforefrommy

desk,itsuddenlydawnedonmethatthesetreeswere—obviously!—myparents:

thestolidashmyfather,theelegantoakmymother.Idon’tknowexactlywhatI

meanbythat,exceptthatthinkingaboutthosetreesbecameidenticaltothinking

aboutmyparents.Theywerecompletely,indelibly,presentinthosetrees.And

soIthoughtaboutalltheyhadgivenme,andaboutallthattimehaddoneto

them,andwhatwasgoingtobecomeofthisprospect,thisplace(thisme!),when

theyfinallyfell,aseventuallytheywould.Thatparentsdieisnotexactlythe

stuffofepiphany,buttheprospect,nolongerdistantorabstract,piercedme

moredeeplythaniteverhad,andIwasdisarmedyetagainbythepervasive

senseofpoignancythattrailedmeallthatafternoon.YetImusthavestillhad

somewitsaboutme,becauseImadeanotetocallthearboristtomorrow;maybe

somethingcouldbedonetoreducetheweightontheleaningsideoftheoak,in

ordertopreventitfromfalling,ifonlyforawhilelonger.

Mywalkbacktothehousewas,Ithink,thepeakoftheexperienceand

comesbacktomenowinthecolorsandtonesofadream.Therewas,again,the

senseofpushingmybodythroughamassofairthathadbeensweetenedby

phloxandwasteeming,almostfrenetic,withactivity.Thedragonflies,bigas

birds,werenowoutinforce,touchingdownjustlongenoughtokissthephlox

blossomsandthenliftoff,beforemadlycrisscrossingthegardenpath.These

weremoredragonfliesthanIhadeverseeninoneplace,somanyinfactthatI

wasn’tcompletelysureiftheywerereal.(Judithlaterconfirmedthesighting

whenIgothertocomeoutside.)Andastheyexecutedtheirflightpatterns,they

leftbehindthemcontrailsthatpersistedintheair,orsoatleastitappeared.Dusk

nowapproaching,theairtrafficinthegardenhadbuilttoariotouscrescendo:

thepollinatorsmakingtheirlastroundsoftheday,theplantsstillsignifyingto

themwiththeirflowers:me,me,me!InonewayIknewthisscenewell—the

gardencomingbrieflybacktolifeaftertheheatofasummerdayhasrelented—

butneverhadIfeltsointegraltoit.Iwasnolongerthealienatedhuman

observer,gazingatthegardenfromadistance,whetherliteralorfigural,but

ratherfeltpartandparcelofallthatwastranspiringhere.Sotheflowerswere

addressingmeasmuchasthepollinators,andperhapsbecausetheveryairthat

afternoonwassuchafeltpresence,one’susualsenseofoneselfasasubject

observingobjectsinspace—objectsthathavebeenthrownintoreliefand

rendereddiscretebytheapparentvoidthatsurroundsthem—gavewaytoasense

ofbeingdeepinsideandfullyimplicatedinthisscene,onemorebeingin

relationtothemyriadotherbeingsandtothewhole.

“Everythingisinteractionandreciprocal,”wroteHumboldt,andthatfeltvery

muchthecase,andso,forthefirsttimeIcanremember,didthis:“Imyselfam

identicalwithnature.”

•••

IHONESTLYDON’TKNOWwhattomakeofthisexperience.Inacertainlightat

certainmoments,IfeelasthoughIhadhadsomekindofspiritualexperience.I

hadfeltthepersonhoodofotherbeingsinawayIhadn’tbefore;whateveritis

thatkeepsusfromfeelingourfullimplicationinnaturehadbeentemporarilyin

abeyance.Therehadalsobeen,Ifelt,anopeningoftheheart,towardmy

parents,yes,andtowardJudith,butalso,weirdly,towardsomeoftheplantsand

treesandbirdsandeventhedamnbugsonourproperty.Someofthisopenness

haspersisted.Ithinkbackonitnowasanexperienceofwonderandimmanence.

ThefactthatthistransformationofmyfamiliarworldintosomethingIcan

onlydescribeasnuminouswasoccasionedbytheeatingofalittlebrown

mushroomthatStametsandIhadfoundgrowingontheedgeofaparkinglotin

astateparkonthePacificcoast—well,thatfactcanbeviewedinoneoftwo

ways:eitherasanadditionalwonderorassupportforamoreprosaicand

materialistinterpretationofwhathappenedtomethatAugustafternoon.

Accordingtooneinterpretation,Ihadhad“adrugexperience,”plainandsimple.

Itwasakindofwakingdream,interestingandpleasurablebutsignifying

nothing.Thepsilocininthatmushroomunlockedthe5-hydroxytryptamine2-A

receptorsinmybrain,causingthemtofirewildlyandsetoffacascadeof

disorderedmentaleventsthat,amongotherthings,permittedsomethoughtsand

feelings,presumablyfrommysubconscious(and,perhaps,myreadingtoo),to

getcross-wiredwithmyvisualcortexasitwasprocessingimagesofthetrees

andplantsandinsectsinmyfieldofvision.

Notquiteahallucination,“projection”isprobablythepsychologicaltermfor

thisphenomenon:whenwemixouremotionswithcertainobjectsthatthen

reflectthosefeelingsbacktoussothattheyappeartoglistenwithmeaning.T.S.

Eliotcalledthesethingsandsituationsthe“objectivecorrelatives”ofhuman

emotion.Emersonhadasimilarphenomenoninmindwhenhesaidthat“Nature

alwayswearsthecolorsofthespirit,”suggestingitisourmindsthatdressherin

suchsignificance.

I’mstruckbythefacttherewasnothingsupernaturalaboutmyheightened

perceptionsthatafternoon,nothingthatIneededanideaofmagicoradivinityto

explain.No,allittookwasanotherperceptualslantonthesameoldreality,a

lensormodeofconsciousnessthatinventednothingbutmerely(merely!)

italicizedtheproseofordinaryexperience,disclosingthewonderthatisalways

thereinagardenorwood,hiddeninplainsight—anotherformofconsciousness

“partedfrom[us],”asWilliamJamesputit,“bythefilmiestofscreens.”Nature

doesinfactteemwithsubjectivities—callthemspiritsifyoulike—otherthan

ourown;itisonlythehumanego,withitsimaginedmonopolyonsubjectivity,

thatkeepsusfromrecognizingthemall,ourkithandkin.Inthissense,Iguess

PaulStametsisrighttothinkthemushroomsarebringingusmessagesfrom

nature,oratleasthelpingustoopenupandreadthem.

Beforethisafternoon,Ihadalwaysassumedaccesstoaspiritualdimension

hingedonone’sacceptanceofthesupernatural—ofGod,ofaBeyond—butnow

I’mnotsosure.TheBeyond,whateveritconsistsof,mightnotbenearlyasfar

awayorinaccessibleaswethink.HustonSmith,thescholarofreligion,once

describedaspiritually“realizedbeing”assimplyapersonwith“anacutesense

oftheastonishingmysteryofeverything.”Faithneednotfigure.Maybetobein

agardenandfeelawe,orwonder,inthepresenceofanastonishingmystery,is

nothingmorethanarecoveryofamisplacedperspective,perhapsthechild’s-eye

view;maybeweregainitbymeansofaneurochemicalchangethatdisablesthe

filters(ofconvention,ofego)thatpreventusinordinaryhoursfromseeingwhat

is,likethoselovelyleaves,staringusintheface.Idon’tknow.Butifthose

dried-uplittlescrapsoffungustaughtmeanything,itisthatthereareother,

strangerformsofconsciousnessavailabletous,and,whatevertheymean,their

veryexistence,toquoteWilliamJamesagain,“forbid[s]aprematureclosingof

ouraccountswithreality.”

Open-minded.Andbemushroomed.Thatwasme,now,readytoreopenmy

ownaccountswithreality.

CHAPTERTHREE

HISTORY

TheFirstWave

WHENTHEFEDERALAUTHORITIESCAMEdownhardonTimothyLearyinthemid-

1960s,hittinghimwithathirty-yearsentenceforattemptingtobringasmall

amountofmarijuanaovertheborderatLaredo,Texas,in1966,*theembattled

formerpsychologyprofessorturnedtoMarshallMcLuhanforsomeadvice.The

countrywasinthethroesofamoralpanicaboutLSD,inspiredinnosmallpart

byLeary’sownpromotionofpsychedelicdrugsasameansofpersonaland

culturaltransformationandbyhisrecommendationtoAmerica’syouththatthey

“turnon,tunein,dropout.”Datedandgoofyasthosewordssoundtoourears,

therewasamomentwhentheyweretreatedasacrediblethreattothesocial

order,aninvitationtoAmerica’schildrennotonlytotakemind-alteringdrugs

buttorejectthepathlaidoutforthembytheirparentsandtheirgovernment—

includingthepathtakingyoungmentoVietnam.Alsoin1966,Learywascalled

beforeacommitteeoftheU.S.Senatetodefendhisnotoriousslogan,whichhe

gamelyifnotverypersuasivelyattemptedtodo.Inthemidstofthenational

stormragingaroundhim—astorm,itshouldbesaid,hequiteenjoyed—Leary

metwithMarshallMcLuhanoverlunchatthePlazahotelinNewYork,theLSD

gurubettingthatthemediagurumighthavesometipsonhowbesttohandlethe

publicandthepress.

“DrearySenatehearingandcourtroomsarenottheplatformsforyour

message,Tim,”McLuhanadvised,inaconversationthatLearyrecountsin

Flashbacks,oneofhismanyautobiographies.(Learywouldwriteanotherone

everytimelegalfeesandalimonypaymentsthreatenedtoemptyhisbank

account.)“Todispelfearyoumustuseyourpublicimage.Youarethebasic

productendorser.”TheproductbythispointwasofcourseLSD.“Wheneveryou

arephotographed,smile.Wavereassuringly.Radiatecourage.Nevercomplainor

appearangry.It’sokayifyoucomeoffasflamboyantandeccentric.You’rea

professorafterall.Butaconfidentattitudeisthebestadvertisement.Youmust

beknownforyoursmile.”

LearytookMcLuhan’sadvicetoheart.Invirtuallyallofthemanythousands

ofphotographstakenofhimfromthatlunchdateforward,Learymadesureto

presentthegiftofhismostwinninggrintothecamera.Itdidn’tmatterifhewas

comingintooroutofacourthouse,addressingathrongofyouthfuladmirersin

hislovebeadsandwhiterobes,beingjostledintoasquadcarfreshlyhandcuffed,

orperchedontheedgeofJohnandYoko’sbedinaMontrealhotelroom,

TimothyLearyalwaysmanagedtosummonabrightsmileandacheerfulwave

forthecamera.

So,eversmiling,thecharismaticfigureofTimothyLearyloomslargeover

thehistoryofpsychedelicsinAmerica.Yetitdoesn’ttakemanyhoursinthe

librarybeforeyoubegintowonderifmaybeTimothyLearyloomsalittletoo

largeinthathistory,oratleastinourpopularunderstandingofit.Iwashardly

aloneinassumingthattheHarvardPsilocybinProject—launchedbyLearyinthe

fallof1960,immediatelyafterhisfirstlife-changingexperiencewithpsilocybin

inMexico—representedthebeginningofseriousacademicresearchintothese

substancesorthatLeary’sdismissalfromHarvardin1963markedtheendof

thatresearch.Butinfactneitherpropositionisevenremotelytrue.

Learyplayedanimportantroleinthemodernhistoryofpsychedelics,butit’s

notatallthepioneeringrolehewroteforhimself.Hissuccessinshapingthe

popularnarrativeofpsychedelicsinthe1960sobscuresasmuchasitreveals,

creatingakindofrealitydistortionfieldthatmakesitdifficulttoseeeverything

thatcameeitherbeforeorafterhisbigmomentonstage.

Inatruertellingofthehistory,theHarvardPsilocybinProjectwouldappear

morelikethebeginningoftheendofwhathadbeenaremarkablyfertileand

promisingperiodofresearchthatunfoldedduringthepreviousdecadefarfrom

Cambridge,inplacesasfarflungasSaskatchewan,Vancouver,California,and

England,and,everywhere,withalotlesssoundandfuryorcountercultural

baggage.Thelarger-than-lifefigureofLearyhasalsoobscuredfromviewthe

roleofadedicatedbutlittle-knowngroupofscientists,therapists,andpassionate

amateurswho,longbeforeLearyhadevertriedpsilocybinorLSD,developed

thetheoreticalframeworktomakesenseoftheseunusualchemicalsanddevised

thetherapeuticprotocolstoputthemtousehealingpeople.Manyofthese

researcherseventuallywatchedindismayasLeary(andhis“antics,”asthey

inevitablyreferredtohisvariousstuntsandpronouncements)ignitedwhatwould

becomeapublicbonfireofalltheirhard-wonknowledgeandexperience.

Intellingthemodernhistoryofpsychedelics,IwanttoputasidetheLeary

saga,atleastuntilthecrack-upwhereitproperlybelongs,toseeifwecan’t

recoversomeofthatknowledgeandtheexperiencethatproduceditwithout

passingitthroughthelight-bendingprismofthe“PsychedelicSixties.”Indoing

so,I’mfollowinginthestepsofseveralofthecurrentgenerationofpsychedelic

researchers,who,beginninginthelate1990s,setouttoexcavatetheintellectual

ruinsofthisfirstfloweringofresearchintoLSDandpsilocybinandwere

astoundedbywhattheyfound.

StephenRossisonesuchresearcher.Apsychiatristspecializinginaddiction

atBellevue,hedirectedanNYUtrialusingpsilocybintotreattheexistential

distressofcancerpatients,towhichIwillreturnlater;sincethen,hehasturned

tothetreatmentofalcoholicswithpsychedelics,whathadbeenperhapsthe

singlemostpromisingareaofclinicalresearchinthe1950s.Whenseveralyears

agoanNYUcolleaguementionedtoRossthatLSDhadoncebeenusedtotreat

thousandsofalcoholicsinCanadaandtheUnitedStates(andthatBillWilson,

thefounderofAlcoholicsAnonymous,hadsoughttointroduceLSDtherapyinto

AAinthe1950s),Ross,whowasinhisthirtiesatthetime,didsomeresearch

andwas“flabbergasted”byallthathe—asanexpertonthetreatmentof

alcoholism—didnotknowandhadn’tbeentold.Hisownfieldhadasecret

history.

“Ifeltalittlelikeanarchaeologist,unearthingacompletelyburiedbodyof

knowledge.Beginningintheearlyfifties,psychedelicshadbeenusedtotreata

wholehostofconditions,”includingaddiction,depression,obsessive-

compulsivedisorder,schizophrenia,autism,andend-of-lifeanxiety.“Therehad

beenfortythousandresearchparticipantsandmorethanathousandclinical

papers!TheAmericanPsychiatricAssociationhadwholemeetingscentered

aroundLSD,thisnewwonderdrug.”Infact,thereweresixinternational

scientificmeetingsdevotedtopsychedelicsbetween1950and1965.“Someof

thebestmindsinpsychiatryhadseriouslystudiedthesecompoundsin

therapeuticmodels,withgovernmentfunding.”Butafterthecultureandthe

psychiatricestablishmentturnedagainstpsychedelicsinthemid-1960s,anentire

bodyofknowledgewaseffectivelyerasedfromthefield,asifallthatresearch

andclinicalexperiencehadneverhappened.“BythetimeIgottomedicalschool

inthe1990s,nooneeventalkedaboutit.”

•••

WHENLSDBURSTontothepsychiatricscenein1950,thedrug’seffectson

patients(andresearchers,whoroutinelytriedthedrugonthemselves)wereso

novelandstrangethatscientistsstruggledforthebetterpartofadecadetofigure

outwhattheseextraordinaryexperienceswereormeant.How,exactly,didthis

newmind-alteringdrugfitintotheexistingparadigmsforunderstandingthe

mindandtheprevailingmodesofpsychiatryandpsychotherapy?Alivelydebate

overthesequestionswentonformorethanadecade.Whatwasn’tknownatthe

timeisthatbeginningin1953,theCIAwasconductingitsown(classified)

researchintopsychedelicsandwasstrugglingwithsimilarissuesof

interpretationandapplication:WasLSDbestregardedasapotentialtruthserum,

oramind-controlagent,orachemicalweapon?

Theworld’sveryfirstLSDtrip,andtheonlyoneundertakenwithnoprior

expectations,wastheoneAlbertHofmanntookin1943.Whileitlefthim

uncertainwhetherhehadexperiencedmadnessortranscendence,Hofmann

immediatelysensedthepotentialimportanceofthiscompoundforneurology

andpsychiatry.SoSandoz,thepharmaceuticalcompanyforwhichheworkedat

thetimeofhisdiscovery,didsomethingunusual:ineffect,itcrowd-sourceda

worldwideresearchefforttofigureoutwhatintheworldDelysid—itsbrand

nameforLSD-25—mightbegoodfor.Hopingsomeonesomewherewouldhit

uponacommercialapplicationforitsspookilypowerfulnewcompound,Sandoz

offeredtosupply,freeofcharge,howevermuchLSDanyresearcherrequested.

Thecompanydefinedtheterm“researcher”liberallyenoughtoincludeany

therapistwhopromisedtowriteuphisorherclinicalobservations.Thispolicy

remainedmoreorlessunchangedfrom1949to1966andwasinlargepart

responsibleforsettingoffthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearch—theonethat

crashedin1966,whenSandoz,alarmedatthecontroversythathaderupted

arounditsexperimentaldrug,abruptlywithdrewDelysidfromcirculation.

Sowhatwaslearnedduringthatfertileandfreewheelingperiodof

investigation?Astraightforwardquestion,andyettheansweriscomplicatedby

theverynatureofthesedrugs,whichisanythingbutstraightforward.Asthe

literarytheoristswouldsay,thepsychedelicexperienceishighly“constructed.”

Ifyouaretoldyouwillhaveaspiritualexperience,chancesareprettygoodthat

youwill,and,likewise,ifyouaretoldthedrugmaydriveyoutemporarily

insane,oracquaintyouwiththecollectiveunconscious,orhelpyouaccess

“cosmicconsciousness,”orrevisitthetraumaofyourbirth,youstandagood

chanceofhavingexactlythatkindofexperience.

Psychologistscalltheseself-fulfillingprophecies“expectancyeffects,”and

theyturnouttobeespeciallypowerfulinthecaseofpsychedelics.So,for

example,ifyouhaveeverreadAldousHuxley’sDoorsofPerception,whichwas

publishedin1954,yourownpsychedelicexperiencehasprobablybeen

influencedbytheauthor’smysticismand,specifically,themysticismoftheEast

towhichHuxleywasinclined.Indeed,evenifyouhaveneverreadHuxley,his

constructionoftheexperiencehasprobablyinfluencedyourown,forthat

Easternflavoring—thinkoftheBeatlessong“TomorrowNeverKnows”—would

cometocharacterizetheLSDexperiencefrom1954on.(Learywouldpickup

thispsychedelicorientalismfromHuxleyandthengreatlyamplifyitwhenhe

andhisHarvardcolleagueswroteabestsellingmanualforpsychedelic

experiencebasedontheTibetanBookoftheDead.)Furthercomplicatingthe

storyandaddinganotherfeedbackloop,Huxleywasinspiredtotrypsychedelics

andwriteabouttheexperiencebyascientistwhogavehimmescalineinthe

explicithopethatagreatwriter’sdescriptionsandmetaphorswouldhelphim

andhiscolleaguesmakesenseofanexperiencetheywerestrugglingtointerpret.

SodidAldousHuxley“makesense”ofthemodernpsychedelicexperience,or

didheinsomesenseinventit?

Thishallofepistemologicalmirrorswasjustoneofthemanychallenges

facingtheresearcherswhowantedtobringLSDintothefieldofpsychiatryand

psychotherapy:psychedelictherapycouldlookmorelikeshamanismorfaith

healingthanmedicine.Anotherchallengewastheirrationalexuberancethat

seemedtoinfectanyresearcherswhogotinvolvedwithLSD,anenthusiasmthat

mighthaveimprovedtheresultsoftheirexperimentsatthesametimeitfueled

theskepticismofcolleagueswhoremainedpsychedelicvirgins.Yetathird

challengewashowtofitpsychedelicsintotheexistingstructuresofscienceand

psychiatry,ifindeedthatwaspossible.Howdoyoudoacontrolledexperiment

withapsychedelic?Howdoyoueffectivelyblindyourpatientsandcliniciansor

controlforthepowerfulexpectancyeffect?When“set”and“setting”playsucha

bigroleinthepatient’sexperience,howcanyouhopetoisolateasinglevariable

ordesignatherapeuticapplication?

PartI:ThePromise

Thedrugsweren’tcalled“psychedelics”atthebeginning;thattermwasn’t

introduceduntil1957.InthesamewaythatSandozcouldn’tfigureoutwhatit

hadonitshandswithLSD,theresearchersexperimentingwiththedrugcouldn’t

figureoutwhattocallit.Overthecourseofthe1950s,thisclassofdrugs

underwentasuccessionofnamechangesasourunderstandingofthechemicals

andtheiractionevolved,eachnewnamereflectingtheshiftinginterpretation—

orwasitaconstruction?—ofwhatthesestrangeandpowerfulmoleculesmeant

anddid.

Thefirstnamewasperhapsthemostawkward:beginningaround1950,

shortlyafterLSDwasmadeavailabletoresearchers,thecompoundwasknown

asapsychotomimetic,whichistosay,aminddrugthatmimickedpsychoses.

Thiswasthemostobviousandparsimoniousinterpretationofapsychedelic’s

effects.Viewedfromtheoutside,peoplegivendosesofLSDand,later,

psilocybinexhibitedmanyofthesignsofatemporarypsychosis.Early

researchersreportedarangeofdisturbingsymptomsintheirLSDvolunteers,

includingdepersonalization,lossofegoboundaries,distortedbodyimage,

synesthesia(seeingsoundsorhearingsights),emotionallability,gigglingand

weeping,distortionofthesenseoftime,delirium,hallucinations,paranoid

delusions,and,inthewordsofonewriter,“atantalizingsenseof

portentousness.”Whenresearchersadministeredstandardizedpsychiatricteststo

volunteersonLSD—suchastheRorschachinkblotsortheMinnesota

MultiphasicPersonalityInventorytest—theresultsmirroredthoseofpsychotics

and,specifically,schizophrenics.VolunteersonLSDappearedtobelosingtheir

minds.

ThissuggestedtosomeresearchersthatLSDheldpromiseasatoolfor

understandingpsychosis,whichispreciselyhowSandozinitiallymarketed

Delysid.Althoughthedrugmightnotcureanything,theresemblanceofits

effectstothesymptomsofschizophreniasuggestedthatthementaldisorder

mighthaveachemicalbasisthatLSDcouldsomehowilluminate.Forclinicians,

thedrugpromisedtohelpthembetterunderstandandempathizewiththeir

schizophrenicpatients.Thatofcoursemeanttakingthedrugthemselves,which

seemsodd,evenscandalous,toustoday.Butintheyearsbefore1962,when

CongresspassedalawgivingtheFDAauthoritytoregulatenew

“investigational”drugs,thiswasinfactcommonpractice.Indeed,itwas

consideredtheethicalthingtodo,fortonottakethedrugyourselfwas

tantamounttotreatingyourpatientsasguineapigs.HumphryOsmondwrotethat

theextraordinarypromiseofLSDwastoallowthetherapistwhotookitto

“entertheillnessandseewithamadman’seyes,hearwithhisears,andfeelwith

hisskin.”

BorninSurrey,England,in1917,Osmondisalittle-knownbutpivotalfigure

inthehistoryofpsychedelicresearch,*probablycontributingmoretoour

understandingofthesecompoundsandtheirtherapeuticpotentialthananyother

singleresearcher.IntheyearsfollowingWorldWarII,Osmond,atallreedofa

manwithraucousteeth,waspracticingpsychiatryatSt.George’sHospitalin

LondonwhenacolleaguenamedJohnSmythiesintroducedhimtoanobscure

bodyofmedicalliteratureaboutmescaline.Afterlearningthatmescaline

inducedhallucinationsmuchlikethosereportedbyschizophrenics,thetwo

researchersbegantoexploretheideathatthediseasewascausedbyachemical

imbalanceinthebrain.Atatimewhentheroleofbrainchemistryinmental

illnesshadnotyetbeenestablished,thiswasaradicalhypothesis.Thetwo

psychiatristshadobservedthatthemolecularstructureofmescalineclosely

resembledthatofadrenaline.Couldschizophreniaresultfromsomekindof

dysfunctioninthemetabolismofadrenaline,transformingitintoacompound

thatproducedtheschizophrenicrupturewithreality?

No,asitwouldturnout.Butitwasaproductivehypothesisevenso,and

Osmond’sresearchintothebiochemicalbasisofmentalillnesscontributedtothe

riseofneurochemistryinthe1950s.LSDresearchwouldeventuallygivean

importantboosttothenascentfield.Thefactthatsuchavanishinglysmall

numberofLSDmoleculescouldexertsuchaprofoundeffectonthemindwas

animportantcluethatasystemofneurotransmitterswithdedicatedreceptors

mightplayaroleinorganizingourmentalexperience.Thisinsighteventually

ledtothediscoveryofserotoninandtheclassofantidepressantsknownas

SSRIs.

ButthepowersthatbeatSt.George’sHospitalwereunsupportiveof

Osmond’sresearchonmescaline.Infrustration,theyoungdoctorwentlooking

foramorehospitableinstitutioninwhichtoconductit.Thishefoundinthe

westernCanadianprovinceofSaskatchewan,ofallplaces.Beginninginthe

mid-1940s,theprovince’sleftistgovernmenthadinstitutedseveralradical

reformsinpublicpolicy,includingthenation’sfirstsystemofpubliclyfunded

healthcare.(ItbecamethemodelforthesystemCanadawouldadoptin1966.)

Hopingtomaketheprovinceacenterofcutting-edgemedicalresearch,the

governmentofferedgenerousfundingandararedegreeoffreedomtolure

researcherstothefrozenwastesoftheCanadianprairies.Afterreplyingtoanad

intheLancet,Osmondreceivedaninvitationfromtheprovincialgovernmentto

movehisfamilyandhisnovelresearchprojecttotheremoteagrarian

communityofWeyburn,Saskatchewan,forty-fivemilesnorthoftheNorth

Dakotaborder.TheSaskatchewanMentalHospitalinWeyburnwouldsoon

becometheworld’smostimportanthubofresearchintopsychedelics—orrather,

intotheclassofcompoundsstillknownaspsychotomimetics.

ThatparadigmstillruledthethinkingofOsmondandhisnew,like-minded

colleagueandresearchdirector,aCanadianpsychiatristnamedAbramHoffer,as

theybeganconductingexperimentsusingasupplyofLSD-25obtainedfrom

Sandoz.Thepsychotomimeticmodelwasintroducedtothegeneralpublicin

1953,whenMaclean’s,thepopularCanadianmagazine,publishedaharrowing

accountofajournalist’sexperienceonLSDtitled“My12HoursasaMadman.”

SidneyKatzhadbecomethefirst“civilian”toparticipateinoneofOsmond

andHoffer’sLSDexperimentsatWeyburnhospital.Katzhadbeenledtoexpect

madness,andmadnesshedulyexperienced:“Isawfacesoffamiliarfriendsturn

intofleshlessskullsandtheheadsofmenacingwitches,pigsandweasels.The

gailypatternedcarpetatmyfeetwastransformedintoafabulousheavingmass

oflivingmatter,partvegetable,partanimal.”Katz’sarticle,whichwas

illustratedwithanartist’srenderingofchairsflyingthroughacollapsingroom,

readsliketheworkofaferventanti-LSDpropagandistcirca1965:“Iwas

repeatedlyheldinthegripofaterrifyinghallucinationinwhichIcouldfeeland

seemybodyconvulseandshrinkuntilallthatremainedwasahardsickly

stone.”Yet,curiously,histwelvehoursofinsanity“werenotallfilledwith

horror,”hereported.“AttimesIbeheldvisionsofdazzlingbeauty—visionsso

rapturous,sounearthly,thatnoartistwilleverpaintthem.”

Duringthisperiod,OsmondandHofferadministeredSandozLSDtodozens

ofpeople,includingcolleagues,friends,familymembers,volunteers,and,of

course,themselves.TheirfocusonLSDasawindowintothebiochemistryof

mentalillnessgraduallygavewaytoadeepeningcuriosityaboutthepowerof

theexperienceitselfandwhethertheperceptualdisturbancesproducedbythe

drugmightthemselvesconfersometherapeuticbenefit.Duringalatenight

brainstormingsessioninanOttawahotelroomin1953,OsmondandHoffer

notedthattheLSDexperienceappearedtosharemanyfeatureswiththe

descriptionsofdeliriumtremensreportedbyalcoholics—thehellish,days-long

boutofmadnessalcoholicsoftensufferwhileinthethroesofwithdrawal.Many

recoveringalcoholicslookbackonthehallucinatoryhorrorsoftheDTsasa

conversionexperienceandthebasisofthespiritualawakeningthatallowsthem

toremainsober.

TheideathatanLSDexperiencecouldmimictheDTs“seemedsobizarre

thatwelaugheduproariously,”Hofferrecalledyearslater.“Butwhenour

laughtersubsided,thequestionseemedlesscomicalandweformedour

hypothesis...:wouldacontrolledLSD-produceddeliriumhelpalcoholicsstay

sober?”

Herewasanarrestingapplicationofthepsychotomimeticparadigm:usea

singlehigh-doseLSDsessiontoinduceanepisodeofmadnessinanalcoholic

thatwouldsimulatedeliriumtremens,shockingthepatientintosobriety.Over

thenextdecade,OsmondandHoffertestedthishypothesisonmorethanseven

hundredalcoholics,andinroughlyhalfthecases,theyreported,thetreatment

worked:thevolunteersgotsoberandremainedsoforatleastseveralmonths.

Notonlywasthenewapproachmoreeffectivethanothertherapies,butit

suggestedawholenewwaytothinkaboutpsychopharmacology.“Fromthe

first,”Hofferwrote,“weconsiderednotthechemical,buttheexperienceasa

keyfactorintherapy.”Thisnovelideawouldbecomeacentraltenetof

psychedelictherapy.

Theemphasisonwhatsubjectsfeltrepresentedamajorbreakwiththe

prevailingideasofbehaviorisminpsychology,inwhichonlyobservableand

measurableoutcomescountedandsubjectiveexperiencewasdeemedirrelevant.

Theanalysisofthesesubjectiveexperiences,sometimescalledphenomenology,

hadofcoursebeenthebasisofFreudianpsychoanalysis,whichbehaviorismhad

rejectedasinsufficientlyrigorousorscientific.Therewasnopointintryingto

getinsidethemind;itwas,inB.F.Skinner’sfamousphrase,“ablackbox.”

Instead,youmeasuredwhatyoucouldmeasure,whichwasoutwardbehavior.

Theworkwithpsychedelicswouldeventuallysparkarevivalofinterestinthe

subjectivedimensionsofthemind—inconsciousness.Howironicthatittook,of

allthings,achemical—LSD-25—tobringinterioritybackintopsychology.

Andyet,successfulasthenewtherapyseemedtobe,therewasanagging

littleproblemwiththetheoreticalmodelonwhichitwasbased.Whenthe

therapistsbegantoanalyzethereportsofvolunteers,theirsubjectiveexperiences

whileonLSDborelittleifanyresemblancetothehorrorsoftheDTs,orto

madnessofanykind.Tothecontrary,theirexperienceswere,forthemostpart,

incredibly—andbafflingly—positive.WhenOsmondandHofferbeganto

catalogtheirvolunteers’sessionreports,“psychoticchanges”—hallucinations,

paranoia,anxiety—sometimesoccurred,buttherewerealsodescriptionsof,say,

“atranscendentalfeelingofbeingunitedwiththeworld,”oneofthemost

commonfeelingsreported.Ratherthanmadness,mostvolunteersdescribed

sensationssuchasanewability“toseeoneselfobjectively”;“enhancementin

thesensoryfields”;profoundnewunderstandings“inthefieldofphilosophyor

religion”;and“increasedsensitivitytothefeelingsofothers.”*Inspiteofthe

powerfulexpectancyeffect,symptomsthatlookednothinglikethoseofinsanity

werebustingthroughtheresearchers’preconceptions.

FormanyofthealcoholicstreatedatWeyburnhospital,thecoreoftheLSD

experienceseemedtoinvolvesomethingclosertotranscendence,orspiritual

epiphany,thantemporarypsychosis.OsmondandHofferbegantoentertain

doubtsabouttheirdeliriumtremensmodeland,eventually,towonderifperhaps

thewholepsychotomimeticparadigm—andnameforthesedrugs—mightneed

retooling.TheyreceivedastrongpushinthatdirectionfromAldousHuxley

afterhismescalineexperience,whichhedeclaredborescantresemblanceto

psychosis.Whatapsychiatristmightdiagnoseasdepersonalization,

hallucinations,ormaniamightbetterbethoughtofasinstancesofmystical

union,visionaryexperience,orecstasy.Coulditbethatthedoctorswere

mistakingtranscendenceforinsanity?

Atthesametime,OsmondandHofferwerelearningfromtheirvolunteers

thattheenvironmentinwhichtheLSDsessiontookplaceexertedapowerful

effectonthekindsofexperiencespeoplehadandthatoneofthebestwaysto

avoidabadsessionwasthepresenceofanengagedandempathetictherapist,

ideallysomeonewhohadhadhisorherownLSDexperience.Theycameto

suspectthatthefewpsychoticreactionstheydidobservemightactuallybean

artifactofthemetaphoricalwhiteroomandwhite-coatedclinician.Thoughthe

terms“set”and“setting”wouldnotbeusedinthiscontextforseveralmore

years(andbecamecloselyidentifiedwithTimothyLeary’sworkatHarvarda

decadelater),OsmondandHofferwerealreadycomingtoappreciatethe

supremeimportanceofthosefactorsinthesuccessoftheirtreatment.

Buthoweveritworked,itworked,orcertainlyseemedto:bytheendofthe

decade,LSDwaswidelyregardedinNorthAmericaasamiraclecurefor

alcoholaddiction.Basedonthissuccess,theSaskatchewanprovincial

governmenthelpeddeveloppoliciesmakingLSDtherapyastandardtreatment

optionforalcoholicsintheprovince.YetnoteveryoneintheCanadianmedical

establishmentfoundtheSaskatchewanresultscredible:theyseemedtoogoodto

betrue.Intheearly1960s,theAddictionResearchFoundationinToronto,the

leadinginstituteofitskindinCanada,setouttoreplicatetheSaskatchewantrials

usingbettercontrols.Hopingtoisolatetheeffectsofthedrugfromallother

variables,cliniciansadministeredLSDtoalcoholicsinneutralroomsandunder

instructionsnottoengagewiththemduringtheirtrips,excepttoadministeran

extensivequestionnaire.Thevolunteerswerethenputinconstraintsor

blindfolded,orboth.Notsurprisingly,theresultsfailedtomatchthoseobtained

byOsmondandHoffer.Worsestill,morethanafewofthevolunteersendured

terrifyingexperiences—badtrips,astheywouldcometobecalled.Criticsof

treatingalcoholicswithLSDconcludedthatthetreatmentdidn’tworkaswell

underrigorouslycontrolledconditions,whichwastrueenough,whilesupporters

ofthepracticeconcludedthatattentiontosetandsettingwasessentialtothe

successofLSDtherapy,whichwasalsotrue.

•••

INTHEMID-1950S,BillWilson,thecofounderofAlcoholicsAnonymous,learned

aboutOsmondandHoffer’sworkwithalcoholics.Theideathatadrugcould

occasionalife-changingspiritualexperiencewasnotexactlynewstoBillW.,as

hewasknowninthefellowship.Hecreditedhisownsobrietytoamystical

experiencehehadonbelladonna,aplant-derivedalkaloidwithhallucinogenic

propertiesthatwasadministeredtohimatTownsHospitalinManhattanin1934.

FewmembersofAArealizethatthewholeideaofaspiritualawakeningleading

onetosurrendertoa“higherpower”—acornerstoneofAlcoholicsAnonymous

—canbetracedtoapsychedelicdrugtrip.

Twentyyearslater,BillW.becamecurioustoseeifLSD,thisnewwonder

drug,mightproveusefulinhelpingrecoveringalcoholicshavesuchan

awakening.ThroughHumphryOsmondhegotintouchwithSidneyCohen,an

internistattheBrentwoodVAhospital(and,later,UCLA)whohadbeen

experimentingwithSandozLSDsince1955.Beginningin1956,BillW.had

severalLSDsessionsinLosAngeleswithSidneyCohenandBettyEisner,a

youngpsychologistwhohadrecentlycompletedherdoctorateatUCLA.Along

withthepsychiatristOscarJaniger,CohenandEisnerwerebythenleading

figuresinanewhubofLSDresearchlooselycenteredonUCLA.Bythemid-

1950s,therewereperhapsadozensuchhubsinNorthAmericaandEurope;

mostofthemkeptinclosecontactwithoneanother,sharingtechniques,

discoveries,and,sometimes,drugs,inaspiritthatwasgenerallymore

cooperativethancompetitive.

BillW.’ssessionswithCohenandEisnerconvincedhimthatLSDcould

reliablyoccasionthekindofspiritualawakeninghebelievedoneneededinorder

togetsober;however,hedidnotbelievetheLSDexperiencewasanythinglike

theDTs,thusdrivinganothernailinthecoffinofthatidea.BillW.thoughtthere

mightbeaplaceforLSDtherapyinAA,buthiscolleaguesontheboardofthe

fellowshipstronglydisagreed,believingthattocondonetheuseofanymind-

alteringsubstanceriskedmuddyingtheorganization’sbrandandmessage.

•••

SIDNEYCOHENANDHISCOLLEAGUESinLosAngeleshad,liketheCanadian

group,startedoutthinkingthatLSDwasapsychotomimetic,butbythemid-

1950sCohen,too,hadcometoquestionthatmodel.Bornin1910inNewYork

CitytoLithuanianJewishimmigrants,Cohen,whoinphotographslooksvery

distinguished,withthickwhitehairslickedback,trainedinpharmacologyat

ColumbiaUniversityandservedintheU.S.ArmyMedicalCorpsintheSouth

PacificduringWorldWarII.Itwasin1953,whileworkingonareviewarticle

aboutchemicallyinducedpsychoses—along-standingresearchinterest—that

CohenfirstreadaboutanewdrugcalledLSD.

YetwhenCohenfinallytriedLSDhimselfinOctober1955,he“wastakenby

surprise.”Expectingtofindhimselftrappedinsidethemindofamadman,

Coheninsteadexperiencedaprofound,eventranscendentsenseoftranquillity,

asif“theproblemsandstrivings,theworriesandfrustrationsofeverydaylife

[had]vanished;intheirplacewasamajestic,sunlit,heavenlyinnerquietude...

Iseemedtohavefinallyarrivedatthecontemplationofeternaltruth.”Whatever

thiswas,hefeltcertainitwasn’tatemporarypsychosis.BettyEisnerwrotethat

Cohencametothinkofitinsteadassomethinghecalled“unsanity”:“astate

beyondthecontroloftheego.”

Asoftenhappensinsciencewhenatheoreticalparadigmcomesunderthe

pressureofcontraryevidence,theparadigmtottersforaperiodoftimeas

researchersattempttopropitupwithvariousamendmentsandadjustments,and

then,oftenquitesuddenlyandswiftly,itcollapsesasanewparadigmrisesto

takeitsplace.Suchwasthefateofthepsychotomimeticparadigminthemid-

1950s.Certainly,anumberofvolunteerswerereportingchallengingand

sometimesevenharrowingtrips,butremarkablyfewwerehavingthefull-on

psychosistheparadigmpromised.EvenpoorMr.Katz’stwelvehoursasa

madmanincludedpassagesofindescribablepleasureandinsightthatcouldnot

beoverlooked.

Asithappened,thepsychotomimeticparadigmwasreplacednotbyonebut

bytwodistinctnewtheoreticalmodels:thepsycholyticand,later,the

psychedelicmodel.Eachwasbasedonadifferentconceptionofhowthe

compoundsworkedonthemindandthereforehowtheymightbestbedeployed

inthetreatmentofmentalillness.Thetwomodelsweren’tatoddswitheach

other,exactly,andsomeresearchersexploredbothatvarioustimes,buttheydid

representprofoundlydifferentapproachestounderstandingthepsyche,aswell

astopsychotherapyand,ultimately,scienceitself.

Theso-calledpsycholyticparadigmwasdevelopedfirstandproved

especiallypopularinEuropeandwiththeLosAngelesgroupidentifiedwith

SidneyCohen,BettyEisner,andOscarJaniger.CoinedbyanEnglish

psychiatristnamedRonaldSandison,“psycholytic”means“mindloosening,”

whichiswhatLSDandpsilocybinseemtodo—atleastatlowdoses.Therapists

whoadministereddosesofLSDaslowas25micrograms(andseldomhigher

than150micrograms)reportedthattheirpatients’egodefensesrelaxed,allowing

themtobringupanddiscussdifficultorrepressedmaterialwithrelativeease.

Thissuggestedthatthedrugscouldbeusedasanaidtotalkingtherapy,because

atthesedosesthepatients’egosremainedsufficientlyintacttoallowthemto

conversewithatherapistandlaterrecallwhatwasdiscussed.

Thesupremevirtueofthepsycholyticapproachwasthatitmeshedsoneatly

withtheprevailingmodesofpsychoanalysis,apracticethatthedrugspromised

tospeedupandstreamline,ratherthanrevolutionizeorrenderobsolete.Thebig

problemwithpsychoanalysisisthattheaccesstotheunconsciousmindon

whichthewholeapproachdependsisdifficultandlimitedtotwoless-than-

optimalroutes:thepatient’sfreeassociationsanddreams.Freudcalleddreams

“theroyalroad”tothesubconscious,bypassingthegatesofboththeegoandthe

superego,yettheroadhasplentyofrutsandpotholes:patientsdon’talways

remembertheirdreams,andwhentheydorecallthem,itisoftenimperfectly.

DrugslikeLSDandpsilocybinpromisedabetterrouteintothesubconscious.

StanislavGrof,whotrainedasapsychoanalyst,foundthatundermoderate

dosesofLSDhispatientswouldquicklyestablishastrongtransferencewiththe

therapist,recoverchildhoodtraumas,givevoicetoburiedemotions,and,in

somecases,actuallyrelivetheexperienceoftheirbirth—ourfirsttraumaand,

Grofbelieved(followingOttoRank),akeydeterminantofpersonality.(Grofdid

extensiveresearchtryingtocorrelatehispatients’recollectionsoftheirbirth

experienceonLSDwithcontemporaneousreportsfrommedicalpersonneland

parents.HeconcludedthatwiththehelpofLSDmanypeoplecanindeedrecall

thecircumstancesoftheirbirth,especiallywhenitwasadifficultone.)

InLosAngeles,Cohen,Eisner,andJanigerbeganincorporatingLSDintheir

weeklytherapeuticsessions,graduallysteppingupthedoseeachweekuntiltheir

patientsgainedaccesstosubconsciousmaterialsuchasrepressedemotionsand

buriedmemoriesofchildhoodtrauma.Theymainlytreatedneuroticsand

alcoholicsandpeoplewithminorpersonalitydisorders—theusualsortsof

patientsseenbypsychotherapists,functionalandarticulatepeoplewithintact

egosandthewilltogetbetter.TheLosAngelesgroupalsotreatedhundredsof

painters,composers,andwriters,onthetheorythatifthewellspringofcreativity

wasthesubconscious,LSDwouldexpandone’saccesstoit.

Thesetherapistsandtheirpatientsexpectedthedrugtobetherapeutic,and,lo

andbehold,itfrequentlywas:CohenandEisnerreportedthatsixteenoftheir

firsttwenty-twopatientsshowedmarkedimprovement.A1967reviewarticle

summarizingpapersaboutpsycholytictherapypublishedbetween1953and

1965estimatedthatthetechnique’srateofsuccessrangedfrom70percentin

casesofanxietyneurosis,62percentfordepression,and42percentfor

obsessive-compulsivedisorder.Theseresultswereimpressive,yettherewere

fewifanyattemptstoreplicatethemincontrolledtrials.

Bytheendofthedecade,psycholyticLSDtherapywasroutinepracticeinthe

tonierprecinctsofLosAngeles,suchasBeverlyHills.Certainlythebusiness

modelwashardtobeat:sometherapistswerechargingupwardsoffivehundred

dollarsasessiontoadministeradrugtheywereoftengettingfromSandozfor

free.LSDtherapyalsobecamethesubjectofremarkablypositivepress

attention.Articleslike“My12HoursasaMadman”gavewaytotheenthusiastic

testimonialsofthenumerousHollywoodcelebritieswhohadhadtransformative

experiencesintheofficesofOscarJaniger,BettyEisner,andSidneyCohenand

agrowingnumberofothertherapists.AnaïsNin,JackNicholson,Stanley

Kubrick,AndréPrevin,JamesCoburn,andthebeatcomedianLordBuckleyall

underwentLSDtherapy,manyofthemonthecouchofOscarJaniger.Butthe

mostfamousofthesepatientswasCaryGrant,whogaveaninterviewin1959to

thesyndicatedgossipcolumnistJoeHyamsextollingthebenefitsofLSD

therapy.Granthadmorethansixtysessionsandbytheenddeclaredhimself

“bornagain.”

“Allthesadnessandvanitiesweretornaway,”thefifty-five-year-oldactor

toldHyams,inaninterviewallthemoresurprisinginthelightofCaryGrant’s

imageasareservedandproperEnglishman.“I’vehadmyegostrippedaway.A

manisabetteractorwithoutego,becausehehastruthinhim.NowIcannot

behaveuntruthfullytowardanyone,andcertainlynottomyself.”Fromthesound

ofit,LSDhadturnedCaryGrantintoanAmerican.

“I’mnolongerlonelyandIamahappyman,”Grantdeclared.Hesaidthe

experiencehadallowedhimtoovercomehisnarcissism,greatlyimprovingnot

onlyhisactingbuthisrelationshipswithwomen:“Youngwomenhavenever

beforebeensoattractedtome.”

Notsurprisingly,Grant’sinterview,whichreceivedboatloadsofnational

publicity,createdasurgeindemandforLSDtherapy,andforjustplainLSD.

Hyamsreceivedmorethaneighthundredlettersfromreaderseagertoknowhow

theymightobtainit:“Psychiatristscalled,complainingthattheirpatientswere

nowbeggingthemforLSD.”

Iftheperiodwecall“the1960s”actuallybegansometimeinthe1950s,the

fadforLSDtherapythatCaryGrantunleashedin1959isonegoodplaceto

markashiftintheculturalbreeze.YearsbeforeTimothyLearybecame

notoriousforpromotingLSDoutsideatherapeuticorresearchcontext,thedrug

hadalreadybegun“escapingfromthelab”inLosAngelesandreceivingfervent

nationalpressattention.By1959,LSDwasshowinguponthestreetinsome

places.SeveraltherapistsandresearchersinLosAngelesandNewYorkbegan

holdingLSD“sessions”intheirhomesforfriendsandcolleagues,though

exactlyhowthesesessionscouldbedistinguishedfrompartiesisdifficulttosay.

AtleastinLosAngeles,thepremiseof“doingresearch”hadbecometenuousat

best.Asoneoftheseputativeresearcherswouldlaterwrite,“LSDbecameforus

anintellectualfundrug.”

SidneyCohen,whobynowwasthedeanofLSDresearchersinLosAngeles,

scrupulouslyavoidedthissceneandbegantohavesecondthoughtsaboutthe

drug,oratleastaboutthewayitwasnowbeingusedanddiscussed.According

tohisbiographer,thehistorianStevenNovak,Cohenwasmadeuncomfortable

bythecultishnessandauraofreligiosityandmagicthatnowwreathedLSD.

Soundingathemethatwouldcropuprepeatedlyinthehistoryofpsychedelic

research,Cohenstruggledwiththetensionbetweenthespiritualimportofthe

LSDexperience(andthemysticalinclinationsitbroughtoutinitsclinical

practitioners)andtheethosofsciencetowhichhewasdevoted.Heremained

deeplyambivalent:LSD,hewroteina1959lettertoacolleague,had“openeda

doorfromwhichwemustnotretreatmerelybecausewefeeluncomfortably

unscientificatthethreshold.”AndyetthatispreciselyhowtheLSDworkoften

madehimfeel:uncomfortablyunscientific.

Cohenalsobegantowonderaboutthestatusoftheinsightsthatpatients

broughtbackfromtheirjourneys.Hecametobelievethat“underLSDthe

fondesttheoriesofthetherapistareconfirmedbyhispatient.”Theexpectancy

effectwassuchthatpatientsworkingwithFreudiantherapistsreturnedwith

Freudianinsights(framedintermsofchildhoodtrauma,sexualdrives,and

oedipalemotions),whilepatientsworkingwithJungiantherapistsreturnedwith

vividarchetypesfromtheatticofthecollectiveunconscious,andRankianswith

recoveredmemoriesoftheirbirthtraumas.

Thisradicalsuggestibilityposedascientificdilemma,surely,butwasit

necessarilyatherapeuticdilemmaaswell?Perhapsnot:Cohenwrotethat“any

explanationofthepatient’sproblems,iffirmlybelievedbyboththetherapistand

thepatient,constitutesinsightorisusefulasinsight.”Yethequalifiedthis

perspectivebyacknowledgingitwas“nihilistic,”which,scientificallyspeaking,

itsurelywas.Forittakespsychotherapyperilouslyclosetotheworldof

shamanismandfaithhealing,adistinctlyuncomfortableplaceforascientistto

be.Andyetaslongasitworks,aslongasithealspeople,whyshouldanyone

care?(Thisisthesamediscomfortscientistsfeelaboutusingplacebos.It

suggestsaninterestingwaytothinkaboutpsychedelics:asakindof“active

placebo,”toborrowatermproposedbyAndrewWeilinhis1972book,The

NaturalMind.Theydosomething,surely,butmostofwhatthatismaybeself-

generated.OrasStanislavGrofputit,psychedelicsare“nonspecificamplifiers”

ofmentalprocesses.)

Cohen’sthoughtfulambivalenceaboutLSD,whichhewouldcontinuetofeel

untiltheendofhiscareer,markshimasthatrarefigureinaworlddensely

populatedbypsychedelicevangelists:theopen-mindedskeptic,amancapable

ofholdingcontraryideasinhishead.Cohencontinuedtobelieveinthe

therapeuticpowerofLSD,especiallyinthetreatmentofanxietyincancer

patients,whichhewroteabout,enthusiastically,forHarper’sin1965.There,he

calledit“therapybyself-transcendence,”suggestinghesawaroleinWestern

medicineforwhatwouldcometobecalledappliedmysticism.YetCohennever

hesitatedtocallattentiontotheabusesanddangersofLSD,ortocallouthis

moreferventcolleagueswhentheystrayedtoofaroffthepathofscience—the

pathfromwhichthesirensongofpsychedelicswouldluresomany.

•••

BACKINSASKATCHEWAN,HumphryOsmondandAbramHofferhadtakenavery

differentpathafterthecollapseofthepsychotomimeticparadigm,thoughthis

path,too,endedupcomplicatingtheirownrelationshiptoscience.Strugglingto

formulateanewtherapeuticmodelforLSD,theyturnedtoapairofbrilliant

amateurs—oneafamousauthor,AldousHuxley,andtheotheranobscureformer

bootleggerandgunrunner,spy,inventor,boatcaptain,ex-con,andCatholic

mysticnamedAlHubbard.Thesetwomostunlikelynonscientistswouldhelp

theCanadianpsychiatristsreconceptualizetheLSDexperienceanddevelopthe

therapeuticprotocolthatisstillinusetoday.

Thenameforthisnewapproach,andthenameforthisclassofdrugsthat

wouldfinallystick—psychedelics—emergedfroma1956exchangeofletters

betweenHumphryOsmondandAldousHuxley.Thetwohadfirstmetin1953,

afterHuxleywrotetoOsmondexpressinginterestintryingmescaline;hehad

readajournalarticlebyOsmonddescribingthedrug’seffectsonthemind.

Huxleyhadlongharboredalivelyinterestindrugsandconsciousness—theplot

ofhismostfamousnovel,BraveNewWorld(1932),turnsonamind-control

drughecalledsoma—aswellasmysticism,paranormalperception,

reincarnation,UFOs,andsoon.

Sointhespringof1953,HumphryOsmondtraveledtoLosAngelesto

administermescalinetoAldousHuxley,thoughnotwithoutsometrepidation.In

advanceofthesession,heconfidedtoacolleaguethathedidnot“relishthe

possibility,howeverremote,offindingasmallbutdiscreditablenicheinliterary

historyasthemanwhodroveAldousHuxleymad.”

Heneednothaveworried.Huxleyhadasplendidtrip,onethatwouldchange

forevertheculture’sunderstandingofthesedrugswhen,thefollowingyear,he

publishedhisaccountofhisexperienceinTheDoorsofPerception.

“Itwaswithoutquestionthemostextraordinaryandsignificantexperience

thissideoftheBeatificVision,”Huxleywroteinalettertohiseditorshortly

afterithappened.ForHuxley,therewasnoquestionbutthatthedrugsgavehim

accessnottothemindofthemadmanbuttoaspiritualrealmofineffablebeauty.

Themostmundaneobjectsglowedwiththelightofadivinityhecalled“the

MindatLarge.”Even“thefoldsofmygrayflanneltrouserswerechargedwith

‘is-ness,’”hetellsus,beforedilatingonthebeautyofthedraperiesinBotticelli’s

paintingsandthe“AllnessandInfinityoffoldedcloth.”Whenhegazedupona

smallvaseofflowers,hesaw“whatAdamhadseenonthemorningofhis

creation—themiracle,momentbymoment,ofnakedexistence...flowers

shiningwiththeirowninnerlightandallbutquiveringunderthepressureofthe

significancewithwhichtheywerecharged.”

“Wordslike‘grace’and‘transfiguration’cametomymind.”ForHuxley,the

druggavehimunmediatedaccesstorealmsofexistenceusuallyknownonlyto

mysticsandahandfulofhistory’sgreatvisionaryartists.Thisotherworldis

alwayspresentbutinordinarymomentsiskeptfromourawarenessbythe

“reducingvalve”ofeverydaywakingconsciousness,akindofmentalfilterthat

admitsonly“ameaslytrickleofthekindofconsciousness”weneedinorderto

survive.Therestwasagorgeoussuperfluity,which,likepoetry,mendieevery

dayforthelackthereof.MescalineflungopenwhatWilliamBlakehadcalled

“thedoorsofperception,”admittingtoourconsciousawarenessaglimpseofthe

infinite,whichisalwayspresentallaroundus—eveninthecreasesinour

trousers!—ifonlywecouldjustsee.

Likeeverypsychedelicexperiencebeforeorsince,Huxley’sdidnotunfold

onablankslate,denovo,thepureproductofthechemical,butratherwas

shapedinimportantwaysbyhisreadingandthephilosophicalandspiritual

inclinationshebroughttotheexperience.(ItwasonlywhenItypedhisline

aboutflowers“shiningwiththeirowninnerlight”and“allbutquiveringunder

thepressure”oftheirsignificancethatIrealizedjusthowstronglyHuxleyhad

inflectedmyownperceptionofplantsundertheinfluenceofpsilocybin.)The

ideaofamentalreducingvalvethatconstrainsourperceptions,forinstance,

comesfromtheFrenchphilosopherHenriBergson.Bergsonbelievedthat

consciousnesswasnotgeneratedbyhumanbrainsbutratherexistsinafield

outsideus,somethinglikeelectromagneticwaves;ourbrains,whichhelikened

toradioreceivers,cantuneintodifferentfrequenciesofconsciousness.Huxley

alsobelievedthatatthebaseofalltheworld’sreligionsthereliesacommon

coreofmysticalexperiencehecalled“thePerennialPhilosophy.”Naturally,

Huxley’smorningonmescalineconfirmedhiminalltheseideas;asone

reviewerofTheDoorsofPerceptionputit,rathersnidely,thebookcontained

“99percentAldousHuxleyandonlyonehalfgrammescaline.”Butitdidn’t

matter:greatwritersstamptheworldwiththeirminds,andthepsychedelic

experiencewillforevermorebearHuxley’sindelibleimprint.

Whateverelseitimpressedontheculture,Huxley’sexperienceleftnodoubt

inhismindorOsmond’sthatthe“modelpsychosis”didn’tbegintodescribethe

mindonmescalineorLSD,whichHuxleywouldtryforthefirsttimetwoyears

later.Oneperson’s“depersonalization”couldbeanother’s“senseofoneness”;it

wasallamatterofperspectiveandvocabulary.

“Itwillgivethatelixirabadnameifitcontinuestobeassociated,inthe

publicmind,withschizophreniasymptoms,”HuxleywrotetoOsmondin1955.

“Peoplewillthinktheyaregoingmad,wheninfacttheyarebeginning,when

theytakeit,togosane.”

Clearlyanewnameforthisclassofdrugswascalledfor,andina1956

exchangeoflettersthepsychiatristandthewritercameupwithacoupleof

candidates.Surprisingly,however,itwasthepsychiatrist,notthewriter,whohad

thewinningidea.Huxley’sproposalcameinacouplet:

Tomakethismundaneworldsublime

Justhalfagramofphanerothyme.

HiscoinagecombinedtheGreekwordsfor“spirit”and“manifesting.”

Perhapswaryofadoptingsuchanovertlyspiritualterm,thescientistreplied

withhisownrhyme:

TofallinhellorsoarAngelic

You’llneedapinchofpsychedelic.

Osmond’sneologismmarriedtwoGreekwordsthattogethermean“mind

manifesting.”ThoughbynowthewordhastakenontheDay-Glocoloringofthe

1960s,atthetimeitwastheveryneutralityof“psychedelic”thatcommendedit

tohim:theword“hadnoparticularconnotationofmadness,crazinessorecstasy,

butsuggestedanenlargementandexpansionofmind.”Italsohadthevirtueof

being“uncontaminatedbyotherassociations,”thoughthatwouldnotremainthe

caseforlong.

“Psychedelictherapy,”asOsmondandhiscolleaguespracticeditbeginning

inthemid-1950s,typicallyinvolvedasingle,high-dosesession,usuallyofLSD,

thattookplaceincomfortablesurroundings,thesubjectstretchedoutonacouch,

withatherapist(ortwo)inattendancewhosaysverylittle,allowingthejourney

tounfoldaccordingtoitsownlogic.Toeliminatedistractionsandencouragean

inwardjourney,musicisplayedandthesubjectusuallywearseyeshades.The

goalwastocreatetheconditionsforaspiritualepiphany—whatamountedtoa

conversionexperience.

Butthoughthismodeoftherapywouldbecomecloselyidentifiedwith

OsmondandHoffer,theythemselvescreditedsomeoneelseforcriticalelements

ofitsdesign,amanofconsiderablemysterywithnoformaltrainingasa

scientistortherapist:AlHubbard.Atreatmentspacedecoratedtofeelmorelike

ahomethanahospitalcametobeknownasaHubbardRoom,andatleastone

earlypsychedelicresearchertoldmethatthiswholetherapeuticregime,whichis

nowthenorm,shouldbyallrightsbeknownas“theHubbardmethod.”YetAl

Hubbard,a.k.a.“CaptainTrips”and“theJohnnyAppleseedofLSD,”isnotthe

kindofintellectualforebearanyonedoingseriouspsychedelicsciencetodayis

eagertoacknowledge,muchlesscelebrate.

•••

ALHUBBARDISSURELYthemostimprobable,intriguing,andelusivefigureto

gracethehistoryofpsychedelics,andthat’ssayingalot.Thereismuchwedon’t

knowabouthim,andmanykeyfactsabouthislifeareimpossibletoconfirm,

contradictory,orjustplainfishy.Tociteonesmallexample,hisFBIfileputshis

heightatfivefeeteleven,butinphotographsandvideosHubbardappearsshort

andstocky,withabigroundheadtoppedwithacrewcut;forreasonsknown

onlytohimself,heoftenworeaparamilitaryuniformandcarriedaColt.45

revolver,givingtheimpressionofasmall-townsheriff.Butbasedonhis

extensivecorrespondencewithcolleaguesandahandfulofaccountsinthe

Canadianpressandbooksabouttheperiod,*aswellasinterviewswithahandful

ofpeoplewhoknewhimwell,it’spossibletoassemblearoughportraitofthe

man,evenifitdoesleavesomeimportantareasblurryorblank.

HubbardwasbornpoorinthehillsofKentuckyineither1901or1902(his

FBIfilegivesbothdates);helikedtotellpeoplehewastwelvebeforeheowned

apairofshoes.Henevergotpastthethirdgrade,buttheboyevidentlyhada

flairforelectronics.Asateenager,heinventedsomethingcalledtheHubbard

EnergyTransformer,anewtypeofbatterypoweredbyradioactivitythat“could

notbeexplainedbythetechnologyoftheday”—thisaccordingtothebest

accountwehaveofhislife,awell-researched1991HighTimesarticlebyTodd

BrendanFahey.Hubbardsoldahalfinterestinthepatentforseventy-five

thousanddollars,thoughnothingevercameoftheinventionandPopular

Sciencemagazineonceincludeditinasurveyoftechnologicalhoaxes.During

Prohibition,HubbarddroveataxiinSeattle,butthatappearstohavebeena

cover:inthetrunkofhiscabhekeptasophisticatedship-to-shore

communicationssystemheusedtoguidebootleggersseekingtoevadetheCoast

Guard.HubbardwaseventuallybustedbytheFBIandspenteighteenmonthsin

prisononasmugglingcharge.

AfterhisreleasefromprisonthetrailofHubbard’slifebecomesevenmore

difficulttofollow,muddiedbyvagueandcontradictoryaccounts.Inoneof

them,Hubbardbecameinvolvedinanundercoveroperationtoshipheavy

armamentsfromSanDiegotoCanadaandfromthereontoBritain,intheyears

beforetheU.S.enteredWorldWarII,whenthenationwasstillofficiallyneutral.

(ScoutsforthefutureOSSofficerAllenDulles,impressedbyHubbard’s

expertiseinelectronics,mayormaynothaverecruitedhimforthemission.)But

whenCongressbeganinvestigatingtheoperation,HubbardfledtoVancouverto

avoidprosecution.TherehebecameaCanadiancitizen,foundedacharterboat

business(earninghimthetitleofCaptain)andbecamethesciencedirectorofa

uraniumminingcompany.(Accordingtooneaccount,Hubbardhadsomething

todowithsupplyinguraniumtotheManhattanProject.)Bytheageoffifty,the

“barefootboyfromKentucky”hadbecomeamillionaire,ownerofafleetof

aircraft,aone-hundred-footyacht,aRolls-Royce,andaprivateislandoff

Vancouver.AtsomepointduringthewarHubbardapparentlyreturnedtothe

UnitedStates,andhejoinedtheOSSshortlybeforethewartimeintelligence

agencybecametheCIA.

AfewothercuriousfactsabouttheprepsychedelicAlHubbard:Hewasan

ardentCatholic,withapronouncedmysticalbent.Andhewasunusuallyflexible

inhisprofessionalloyalties,workingatvarioustimesasarum-andgunrunneras

wellasanagentfortheBureauofAlcohol,Tobacco,andFirearms.Washea

doubleagentofsomekind?Possibly.Atonetimeoranother,healsoworkedfor

theCanadianSpecialServices,theU.S.DepartmentofJustice,andtheFoodand

DrugAdministration.HisFBIfilesuggestshehadlinkstotheCIAduringthe

1950s,buttheredactionsaretooheavyforittorevealmuchabouthisrole,if

any.Weknowthegovernmentkeptclosetabsonthepsychedelicresearch

communityallthroughthe1950s,1960s,and1970s(fundinguniversityresearch

onLSDandscientificconferencesinsomecases),anditwouldn’tbesurprising

if,inexchangeforinformation,thegovernmentwouldallowHubbardtooperate

withasmuchfreedomashedid.Butthisremainsspeculation.

AlHubbard’slifemadearight-angledchangeofcoursein1951.Atthetime,

hewashugelysuccessfulbutunhappy,“desperatelysearchingformeaninginhis

life”—thisaccordingtoWillisHarman,oneofagroupofSiliconValley

engineerstowhomHubbardwouldintroduceLSDlaterinthedecade.As

HubbardtoldthestorytoHarman(andHarmantoldittoToddBrendanFahey),

hewashikinginWashingtonStatewhenanangelappearedtohiminaclearing.

“ShetoldAlthatsomethingtremendouslyimportanttothefutureofmankind

wouldbecomingsoon,andthathecouldplayaroleinitifhewantedto.Buthe

hadn’tthefaintestcluewhathewassupposedtobelookingfor.”

Thecluearrivedayearlater,intheformofanarticleinascientificjournal

describingthebehaviorofratsgivenanewlydiscoveredcompoundcalledLSD.

Hubbardtrackeddowntheresearcher,obtainedsomeLSD,andhadaliterally

life-changingexperience.Hewitnessedthebeginningoflifeonearthaswellas

hisownconception.“ItwasthedeepestmysticalthingI’veeverseen,”hetold

friendslater.“Isawmyselfasatinymiteinabigswampwithasparkof

intelligence.Isawmymotherandfatherhavingintercourse.”Clearlythiswas

whattheangelhadforetold—“somethingtremendouslyimportanttothefuture

ofmankind.”HubbardrealizeditwasuptohimtobringthenewgospelofLSD,

andthechemicalitself,toasmanypeopleashepossiblycould.Hehadbeen

givenwhathecalleda“specialchosenrole.”

ThusbeganAlHubbard’scareerastheJohnnyAppleseedofLSD.Through

hisextensiveconnectionsinbothgovernmentandbusiness,hepersuaded

SandozLaboratoriestogivehimamind-bogglingquantityofLSD—aliter

bottleofit,inoneaccount,forty-threecasesinanother,sixthousandvialsina

third.(HereportedlytoldAlbertHofmannheplannedtouseit“toliberate

humanconsciousness.”)Dependingonwhomyoubelieve,hekepthissupply

hiddeninasafe-depositboxinZurichorburiedsomewhereinDeathValley,but

asubstantialpartofithecarriedwithhiminaleathersatchel.Eventually,

HubbardbecametheexclusivedistributorofSandozLSDinCanadaand,later,

somehowsecuredanInvestigationalNewDrugpermitfromtheFDAallowing

himtoconductclinicalresearchonLSDintheUnitedStates—thiseventhough

hehadathird-gradeeducation,acriminalrecord,andasingle,arguably

fraudulentscientificcredential.(HisPhDhadbeenpurchasedfromadiploma

mill.)Seeinghimselfas“acatalyticagent,”Hubbardwouldintroducean

estimatedsixthousandpeopletoLSDbetween1951and1966,inanavowed

efforttoshiftthecourseofhumanhistory.

Curiously,thebarefootboyfromKentuckywassomethingofamandarin,

choosingashissubjectsleadingfiguresinbusiness,government,thearts,

religion,andtechnology.Hebelievedinworkingfromthetopdownand

disdainedotherpsychedelicevangelists,likeTimothyLeary,whotookamore

democraticapproach.MembersofParliament,officialsoftheRomanCatholic

Church,*Hollywoodactors,governmentofficials,prominentwritersand

philosophers,universityofficials,computerengineers,andprominent

businessmenwereallintroducedtoLSDaspartofHubbard’smissiontoshift

thecourseofhistoryfromabove.(NoteveryoneHubbardapproachedwould

play:J.EdgarHoover,whomHubbardclaimedasaclosefriend,declined.)

Hubbardbelievedthat“ifhecouldgivethepsychedelicexperiencetothemajor

executivesoftheFortune500companies,”AbramHofferrecalled,“hewould

changethewholeofsociety.”OneoftheexecutivesHubbardturnedoninthe

late1950s—MyronStolaroff,assistanttothepresidentforlong-termplanningat

Ampex,atthetimealeadingelectronicsfirminSiliconValley—became

“convincedthat[AlHubbard]wasthemantobringLSDtoplanetEarth.”

•••

IN1953,notlongafterhispsychedelicepiphany,HubbardinvitedHumphry

OsmondtolunchattheVancouverYachtClub.Likesomanyothers,Osmond

wasdeeplyimpressedbyHubbard’sworldliness,wealth,connections,andaccess

toseeminglyendlesssuppliesofLSD.Thelunchledtoacollaborationthat

changedthecourseofpsychedelicresearchand,inimportantways,laidthe

groundworkfortheresearchtakingplacetoday.

UndertheinfluenceofbothHubbardandHuxley,whoseprimaryinterestwas

intherevelatoryimportofpsychedelics,Osmondabandonedthe

psychotomimeticmodel.ItwasHubbardwhofirstproposedtohimthatthe

mysticalexperiencemanysubjectshadonasinglehighdoseofmescalineor

LSDmightitselfbeharnessedasamodeoftherapy—andthattheexperience

wasmoreimportantthanthechemical.Thepsychedelicjourneycould,likethe

conversionexperience,forciblyshowpeopleanew,moreencompassing

perspectiveontheirlivesthatwouldhelpthemtochange.Butperhaps

Hubbard’smostenduringcontributiontopsychedelictherapyemergedin,ofall

places,thetreatmentroom.

ItiseasiertoaccumulatefactsaboutAlHubbard’slifethanitistogeta

steadysenseofthecharacteroftheman,itwassorifewithcontradiction.The

pistol-packingtoughguywasalsoanardentmysticwhotalkedaboutloveand

theheavenlybeatitudes.Andthewell-connectedbusinessmanandgovernment

agentprovedtobearemarkablysensitiveandgiftedtherapist.Thoughhenever

usedthoseterms,Hubbardwasthefirstresearchertograspthecritical

importanceofsetandsettinginshapingthepsychedelicexperience.He

instinctivelyunderstoodthatthewhitewallsandfluorescentlightingofthe

sanitizedhospitalroomwereallwrong.Sohebroughtpicturesandmusic,

flowersanddiamonds,intothetreatmentroom,wherehewouldusethemto

primepatientsforamysticalrevelationordivertajourneywhenittooka

terrifyingturn.HelikedtoshowpeoplepaintingsbySalvadorDalíandpictures

ofJesusortoaskthemtostudythefacetsofadiamondhecarried.Onepatient

hetreatedinVancouver,analcoholicparalyzedbysocialanxiety,recalled

HubbardhandinghimabouquetofrosesduringanLSDsession:“Hesaid,‘Now

hatethem.’Theywitheredandthepetalsfelloff,andIstartedtocry.Thenhe

said,‘Lovethem,’andtheycamebackbrighterandevenmorespectacularthan

before.Thatmeantalottome.Irealizedthatyoucanmakeyourrelationships

anythingyouwant.ThetroubleIwashavingwithpeoplewascomingfromme.”

WhatHubbardwasbringingintothetreatmentroomwassomethingwell

knowntoanytraditionalhealer.Shamanshaveunderstoodformillenniathata

personinthedepthsofatranceorundertheinfluenceofapowerfulplant

medicinecanbereadilymanipulatedwiththehelpofcertainwords,special

objects,ortherightkindofmusic.Hubbardunderstoodintuitivelyhowthe

suggestibilityofthehumanmindduringanalteredstateofconsciousnesscould

beharnessedasanimportantresourceforhealing—forbreakingdestructive

patternsofthoughtandproposingnewperspectivesintheirplace.Researchers

mightprefertocallthisamanipulationofsetandsetting,whichisaccurate

enough,butHubbard’sgreatestcontributiontomodernpsychedelictherapywas

tointroducethetried-and-truetoolsofshamanism,oratleastaWesternized

versionofit.

•••

WITHINAFEWYEARS,Hubbardhadmadetheacquaintanceofjustabout

everybodyinthepsychedelicresearchcommunityinNorthAmerica,leavingan

indelibleimpressiononeveryonehemet,alongwithatrailoftherapeutictips

andampulesofSandozLSD.Bythelate1950s,hehadbecomeakindof

psychedeliccircuitrider.OneweekhemightbeinWeyburn,assistingHumphry

OsmondandAbramHofferintheirworkwithalcoholics,whichwasearning

theminternationalattention.FromtheretoManhattan,tomeetwithR.Gordon

Wasson,andthenastoponhiswaybackwesttoadministerLSDtoaVIPor

checkinonaresearchgroupworkinginChicago.Thenextweekmightfindhim

inLosAngeles,conductingLSDsessionswithBettyEisner,SidneyCohen,or

OscarJaniger,freelysharinghistreatmenttechniquesandsuppliesofLSD.(“We

waitedforhimlikethelittleoldladyontheprairiewaitingforacopyofthe

SearsRoebuckcatalog,”OscarJanigerrecalledyearslater.)Andthenitwas

backtoVancouver,wherehehadpersuadedHollywoodHospitaltodedicatean

entirewingtotreatingalcoholicswithLSD.*Hubbardwouldoftenflyhisplane

downtoLosAngelestodiscreetlyferryHollywoodcelebritiesuptoVancouver

fortreatment.ItwasthissidelinethatearnedhimthenicknameCaptainTrips.

HubbardalsoestablishedtwootheralcoholismtreatmentfacilitiesinCanada,

whereheregularlyconductedLSDsessionsandreportedimpressiveratesof

success.LSDtreatmentforalcoholismusingtheHubbardmethodbecamea

businessinCanada.ButHubbardbelieveditwasunethicaltoprofitfromLSD,

whichledtotensionsbetweenhimandsomeoftheinstitutionsheworkedwith,

becausetheywerechargingpatientsupwardsoffivehundreddollarsforanLSD

session.ForHubbard,psychedelictherapywasaformofphilanthropy,andhe

drainedhisfortuneadvancingthecause.

AlHubbardmovedbetweenthesefar-flungcentersofresearchlikeakindof

psychedelichoneybee,disseminatinginformation,chemicals,andclinical

expertisewhilebuildingwhatbecameanextensivenetworkacrossNorth

America.Intime,hewouldaddMenloParkandCambridgetohiscircuit.But

wasHubbardjustspreadinginformation,orwashealsocollectingitandpassing

itontotheCIA?Wasthepollinatoralsoaspy?It’simpossibletosayforcertain;

somepeoplewhoknewHubbard(likeJamesFadiman)thinkit’sentirely

plausible,whileothersaren’tsosure,pointingtothefacttheCaptainoften

criticizedtheCIAforusingLSDasaweapon.“TheCIAworkstinks,”hetold

OscarJanigerinthelate1970s.

Hubbardwasreferringtotheagency’sMK-Ultraresearchprogram,which

since1953hadbeentryingtofigureoutwhetherLSDcouldbeusedasa

nonlethalweaponofwar(by,say,dumpingitinanadversary’swatersupply),a

truthserumininterrogations,ameansofmindcontrol,*oradirtytricktoplay

onunfriendlyforeignleaders,causingthemtoactorspeakinembarrassing

ways.Noneoftheseschemespannedout,atleastasfarasweknow,andall

reflectedaresearchagendathatremainedstuckonthepsychotomimeticmodel

longafterotherresearchershadabandonedit.Alongtheway,theCIAdosedits

ownemployeesandunwittingcivilianswithLSD;inonenotoriouscasethat

didn’tcometolightuntilthe1970s,theCIAadmittedtosecretlygivingLSDto

anarmybiologicalweaponsspecialistnamedFrankOlsonin1953;afewdays

later,Olsonsupposedlyjumpedtohisdeathfromthethirteenthfloorofthe

StatlerHotelinNewYork.(OthersbelieveOlsonwaspushedandthattheCIA’s

admission,embarrassingasitwas,wasactuallyacover-upforacrimefarmore

heinous.)ItcouldbeOlsonwhomAlHubbardwasreferringtowhenhesaid,“I

triedtotellthemhowtouseit,butevenwhentheywerekillingpeople,you

couldn’ttellthemagoddamnedthing.”

AregularstoponHubbard’svisitstoLosAngeleswasthehomeofAldous

andLauraHuxley.HuxleyandHubbardhadformedthemostunlikelyof

friendshipsafterHubbardintroducedtheauthortoLSD—andtheHubbard

method—in1955.Theexperienceputtheauthor’s1953mescalinetripinthe

shade.AsHuxleywrotetoOsmondinitsaftermath,“Whatcamethroughthe

closeddoorwastherealization...thedirect,totalawareness,fromtheinside,so

tosay,ofLoveastheprimaryandfundamentalcosmicfact.”Theforceofthis

insightseemedalmosttoembarrassthewriterinitsbaldness:“Thewords,of

course,haveakindofindecencyandmustnecessarilyringfalse,seemlike

twaddle.Butthefactremains.”

Huxleyimmediatelyrecognizedthevalueofanallyasskilledinthewaysof

theworldasthemanhelikedtocall“thegoodCaptain.”Assooftenseemsto

happen,theManofLettersbecamesmittenwiththeManofAction.

“WhatBabesintheWoodsweliterarygentsandprofessionalmenare!”

HuxleywrotetoOsmondaboutHubbard.“ThegreatWorldoccasionally

requiresyourservices,ismildlyamusedbymine,butitsfullattentionand

deferencearepaidtoUraniumandBigBusiness.Sowhatextraordinaryluckthat

thisrepresentativeofboththeseHigherPowersshould(a)havebecomeso

passionatelyinterestedinmescalineand(b)besuchaveryniceman.”

NeitherHuxleynorHubbardwasparticularlydedicatedtomedicineor

science,soit’snotsurprisingthatovertimetheirprimaryinterestwoulddrift

fromthetreatmentofindividualswithpsychologicalproblemstoadesiretotreat

thewholeofsociety.(Thisaspirationseemseventuallytoinfecteveryonewho

workswithpsychedelics,touchingscientists,too,includingonesasdifferentin

temperamentasTimothyLearyandRolandGriffiths.)Butpsychological

researchproceedspersonbypersonandexperimentbyexperiment;thereisno

real-worldmodelforusingadrugtochangeallofsocietyasHubbardand

Huxleydeterminedtodo,withtheresultthatthescientificmethodbegantofeel

tothem,asitlaterwouldtoLeary,likeastraitjacket.

InthewakeofhisfirstLSDexperience,HuxleywrotetoOsmondsuggesting

that“who,havingoncecometotherealizationoftheprimordialfactofunityin

love,wouldeverwanttoreturntoexperimentationonthepsychiclevel?...My

pointisthattheopeningofthedoorbymescalin[e]orLSDistoopreciousan

opportunity,toohighaprivilegetobeneglectedforthesakeof

experimentation.”Ortobelimitedtosickpeople.Osmondwasactually

sympathetictothisviewpoint—afterall,hehadadministeredmescalineto

Huxley,hardlyacontrolledexperiment—andheparticipatedinmanyof

Hubbard’ssessionsturningontheBestandBrightest.ButOsmondwasn’t

preparedtoabandonscienceormedicineforwhateverHuxleyandHubbard

imaginedmightlaybeyondit.

In1955,AlHubbardsoughttoescapethescientificstraitjacketandformalize

hisnetworkofpsychedelicresearchersbyestablishingsomethinghecalledthe

CommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination.Thenamereflectedhisown

desiretotakehisworkwithpsychedelicsbeyondthelimitsofmedicineandits

focusontheill.Toserveonthecommission’sboard,Hubbardrecruited

Osmond,Hoffer,Huxley,andCohen,aswellashalfadozenotherpsychedelic

researchers,aphilosopher(GeraldHeard),andaUNofficial;henamedhimself

“scientificdirector.”

(WhatdidthesepeoplethinkofHubbardandhisgrandiosetitle,notto

mentionhisphonyacademiccredentials?Theywereatonceindulgentandfull

ofadmiration.AfterBettyEisnerwrotealettertoOsmondexpressing

discomfortwithsomeofHubbard’srepresentations,hesuggestedshethinkof

himasakindofChristopherColumbus:“Explorershavenotalwaysbeenthe

mostscientific,excellentorwhollydetachedpeople.”)

Itisn’tclearhowmuchmoretherewastotheCommissionfortheStudyof

CreativeImaginationthanafancyletterhead,butitsveryexistencesignaleda

deepeningfissurebetweenthemedicalandthespiritualapproachto

psychedelics.(SidneyCohen,everambivalentonquestionsofscienceversus

mysticism,abruptlyresignedin1957,onlyayearafterjoiningtheboard.)His

titleas“scientificdirector”notwithstanding,Hubbardhimselfsaidduringthis

period,“Myregardforscience,asanendwithinitself,isdiminishingastime

goeson...whenthethingIwantwithallofmybeing,issomethingthatlives

faroutsideandoutofreachofempiricalmanipulation.”LongbeforeLeary,the

shiftintheobjectiveofpsychedelicresearchfrompsychotherapytocultural

revolutionwaswellunderway.

•••

ONELASTNODEworthvisitinginAlHubbard’sfar-flungpsychedelicnetworkis

SiliconValley,wherethepotentialforLSDtofoster“creativeimagination”and

therebychangetheculturereceiveditsmostthoroughtesttodate.Indeed,the

seedsthatHubbardplantedinSiliconValleycontinuetoyieldinterestingfruit,in

theformofthevalley’songoinginterestinpsychedelicsasatoolforcreativity

andinnovation.(AsIwrite,thepracticeofmicrodosing—takingatiny,

“subperceptual”regulardoseofLSDasakindofmentaltonic—isalltheragein

thetechcommunity.)SteveJobsoftentoldpeoplethathisexperimentswithLSD

hadbeenoneofhistwoorthreemostimportantlifeexperiences.Helikedto

tauntBillGatesbysuggesting,“He’dbeabroaderguyifhehaddroppedacid

onceorgoneofftoanashramwhenhewasyounger.”(Gateshassaidhedidin

facttryLSD.)Itmightnotbeastraightone,butitispossibletodrawaline

connectingAlHubbard’sarrivalinSiliconValleywithhissatchelfulofLSDto

thetechboomthatSteveJobshelpedsetoffaquartercenturylater.

ThekeyfigureinthemarriageofAlHubbardandSiliconValleywasMyron

Stolaroff.Stolaroffwasagiftedelectricalengineerwho,bythemid-1950s,had

becomeassistanttothepresidentforstrategicplanningatAmpex,oneofthefirst

technologycompaniestosetupshopinwhatatthetimewasasleepyvalleyof

farmsandorchards.(Itwouldn’tbecalledSiliconValleyuntil1971.)Ampex,

whichatitspeakhadthirteenthousandemployees,wasapioneerinthe

developmentofreel-to-reelmagnetictapeforbothaudioanddatarecording.

BorninRoswell,NewMexico,in1920,Stolaroffstudiedengineeringat

StanfordandwasoneofAmpex’sveryfirstemployees,afactthatwouldmake

himawealthyman.NominallyJewish,hewasbyhisthirtiesaspiritualseeker

whosepatheventuallyledhimtoGeraldHeard,theEnglishphilosopherand

friendofAldousHuxley’s.StolaroffwassomovedbyHeard’sdescriptionofhis

LSDexperiencewithAlHubbardthatinMarch1956hetraveledtoVancouver

forasessionwiththeCaptaininhisapartment.

Sixty-sixmicrogramsofSandozLSDlaunchedStolaroffonajourneyby

turnsterrifyingandecstatic.Overthecourseofseveralhours,hewitnessedthe

entirehistoryoftheplanetfromitsformationthroughthedevelopmentoflifeon

earthandtheappearanceofhumankind,culminatinginthetraumaofhisown

birth.(ThisseemstohavebeenacommontrajectoryofHubbard-guidedtrips.)

“Thatwasaremarkableopeningforme,”hetoldanintervieweryearslater,“a

tremendousopening.Irelivedaverypainfulbirthexperiencethathad

determinedalmostallmypersonalityfeatures.ButIalsoexperiencedthe

onenessofmankind,andtherealityofGod.Iknewthatfromthenon...I

wouldbetotallycommittedtothiswork.

“AfterthatfirstLSDexperience,Isaid,‘thisisthegreatestdiscoveryman

hasevermade.’”

Stolaroffsharedthenewswithasmallnumberofhisfriendsandcolleagues

atAmpex.Theybeganmeetingeverymonthorsotodiscussspiritualquestions

andthepotentialofLSDtohelpindividuals—healthyindividuals—realizetheir

fullpotential.DonAllen,ayoungAmpexengineer,andWillisHarman,a

professorofelectricalengineeringatStanford,joinedthegroup,andAlHubbard

begancomingdowntoMenloParktoguidethemembersonpsychedelic

journeysandthentrainthemtoguideothers.“Asatherapist,”Stolaroffrecalled,

“hewasoneofthebest.”

ConvincedofthepowerofLSDtohelppeopletranscendtheirlimitations,

Stolarofftriedforatime,withHubbard’shelp,toreshapeAmpexastheworld’s

first“psychedeliccorporation.”Hubbardconductedaseriesofweekly

workshopsatheadquartersandadministeredLSDtocompanyexecutivesata

siteintheSierra.Buttheprojectfounderedwhenthecompany’sgeneral

manager,whowasJewish,objectedtotheimagesofChrist,theVirginMary,and

theLastSupperthatHubbardinsistedonbringingintohisoffice.Aroundthe

sametime,WillisHarmanshiftedthefocusofhisteachingatStanford,offering

anewclasson“thehumanpotential”thatendedwithaunitonpsychedelics.The

engineersweregettingreligion.(Andhaveitstill:IknowofoneBayAreatech

companytodaythatusespsychedelicsinitsmanagementtraining.Ahandfulof

othershaveinstituted“microdosingFridays.”)

In1961,StolaroffleftAmpextodedicatehimselffull-timetopsychedelic

research.WithWillisHarman,heestablishedtheorotundlytitledInternational

FoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS)toexplorethepotentialofLSDto

enhancehumanpersonalityandcreativity.Stolaroffhiredapsychiatristnamed

CharlesSavageasmedicaldirectorand,asstaffpsychologist,afirst-year

graduatestudentbythenameofJamesFadiman.(Fadiman,whograduatedfrom

Harvardin1960,wasintroducedtopsilocybinbyRichardAlpert,thoughnot

untilafterhisgraduation.“Thegreatestthingintheworldhashappenedtome,”

Alperttoldhisformerstudent,“andIwanttoshareitwithyou.”)DonAllenalso

lefthisengineeringpostatAmpextojoinIFASasascreenerandguide.The

foundationsecuredadrugresearchpermitfromtheFDAandasupplyofLSD

andmescalinefromAlHubbardandbegan—touseanAlHubbardterm

—“processingclients.”Overthenextsixyears,thefoundationwouldprocess

some350people.

AsJamesFadimanandDonAllenrecallthoseyearsatthefoundation(both

satforextensiveinterviews),itwasathrillingandheadytimetobeworkingon

whattheywereconvincedwasthefrontierofhumanpossibility.Forthemost

part,theirexperimentalsubjectswere“healthynormals”orwhatFadiman

describedas“ahealthyneuroticoutpatientpopulation.”Eachclientpaidfive

hundreddollarsforapackagethatincludedbefore-and-afterpersonalitytesting,

aguidedLSDsession,andsomefollow-up.AlHubbard“wouldfloatinand

out,”DonAllenrecalls.He“wasbothourinspirationandourresidentexpert.”

JamesFadimansays,“HewasthehiddenforcebehindtheMenloParkresearch.”

Fromtimetotime,HubbardwouldtakemembersofthestafftoDeathValleyfor

trainingsessions,inthebeliefthattheprimordiallandscapetherewas

particularlyconducivetorevelatoryexperience.

Inhalfadozenorsopaperspublishedintheearly1960s,thefoundation’s

researchersreportedsomeprovocative“results.”Seventy-eightpercentofclients

saidtheexperiencehadincreasedtheirabilitytolove,71percentregisteredan

increaseinself-esteem,and83percentsaidthatduringtheirsessionstheyhad

glimpsed“ahigherpower,orultimatereality.”Thosewhohadsuchan

experienceweretheoneswhoreportedthemostlastingbenefitsfromtheir

session.DonAllentoldmethatmostclientsemergedwith“notableandfairly

sustainablechangesinbeliefs,attitudes,andbehavior,wayabovestatistical

probability.”Specifically,theybecame“muchlessjudgmental,muchlessrigid,

moreopen,andlessdefended.”Butitwasn’tallsweetnessandlight:several

clientsabruptlybrokeoffmarriagesaftertheirsessions,nowbelievingtheywere

mismatchedortrappedindestructivepatternsofbehavior.

ThefoundationalsoconductedstudiestodetermineifLSDcouldinfact

enhancecreativityandproblemsolving.“Thiswasn’tatallobvious,”James

Fadimanpointsout,“sincetheexperienceissopowerful,youmightjustwander

offandlosetrackofwhatyouweretryingtoaccomplish.”Sototesttheir

hypothesis,Fadimanandhiscolleaguesstartedwiththemselves,seeingifthey

coulddesignacrediblecreativityexperimentwhileonarelativelylightdoseof

LSD—ahundredmicrograms.Perhapsnotsurprisingly,theydeterminedthat

theycould.

Workingingroupsoffour,JamesFadimanandWillisHarmanadministered

thesamedoseofLSDtoartists,engineers,architects,andscientists,allofwhom

weresomehow“stuck”intheirworkonaparticularproject.“Weusedevery

manipulationofsetandsettinginthebook,”Fadimanrecalled,tellingsubjects

“theywouldbefascinatedbytheirintellectualcapacitiesandwouldsolve

problemsasneverbefore.”Subjectsreportedmuchgreaterfluidityintheir

thinking,aswellasanenhancedabilitytobothvisualizeaproblemand

recontextualizeit.“Wewereamazed,aswereourparticipants,athowmany

novelandeffectivesolutionscameoutofoursessions,”Fadimanwrote.Among

theirsubjectsweresomeofthevisionarieswhointhenextfewyearswould

revolutionizecomputers,includingWilliamEnglishandDougEngelbart.*There

areallsortsofproblemswiththisstudy—itwasnotcontrolled,itreliedonthe

subjects’ownassessmentsoftheirsuccess,anditwashaltedbeforeitcouldbe

completed—butitdoesatleastpointtoapromisingavenueforresearch.

Thefoundationhadclosedupshopby1966,butHubbard’sworkinSilicon

Valleywasnotquiteover.Inoneofthemoremysteriousepisodesofhiscareer,

HubbardwascalledoutofsemiretirementbyWillisHarmanin1968.AfterIFAS

disbanded,HarmanhadgonetoworkattheStanfordResearchInstitute(SRI),a

prestigiousthinktankaffiliatedwithStanfordUniversityandarecipientof

contractsfromseveralbranchesofthefederalgovernment,includingthe

military.HarmanwasputinchargeofSRI’sEducationalPolicyResearchCenter,

withamandatetoenvisioneducation’sfuture.LSDbynowwasillegalbutstill

verymuchinuseinthecommunityofengineersandacademicsinandaround

Stanford.

Hubbard,whobynowwasbroke,washiredasapart-time“special

investigativeagent,”ostensiblytokeeptabsontheuseofdrugsinthestudent

movement.Harman’sletterofemploymenttoHubbardisbothobscureand

suggestive:“Ourinvestigationsofsomeofthecurrentsocialmovements

affectingeducationindicatethatthedruguseprevalentamongstudentmembers

oftheNewLeftisnotentirelyundesigned.Someofitappearstobepresentasa

deliberateweaponaimedatpoliticalchange.Weareconcernedwithassessing

thesignificanceofthisasitimpactsonmattersoflong-rangeeducationalpolicy.

Inthisconnectionitwouldbeadvantageoustohaveyouconsideredinthe

capacityofaspecialinvestigativeagentwhomighthaveaccesstorelevantdata

whichisnotordinarilyavailable.”Thoughnotmentionedintheletter,Hubbard’s

servicestoSRIalsoincludedusinghisextensivegovernmentcontactstokeep

contractsflowing.SoAlHubbardonceagaindonnedhiskhakisecurity-guard

uniform,completewithgoldbadge,sidearm,andabeltstuddedwithbullets,and

gotbacktowork.

Buttheuniformandthe“specialagent”titlewereallacover,andan

audaciousoneatthat.

Asavocalenemyoftherisingcounterculture,it’sentirelypossibleHubbard

didinvestigateillegaldruguseoncampusforSRI(orothers*),butifhedid,he

wasonceagainworkingbothsidesofthestreet.Forthoughthelegalstatusof

LSDhadchangedby1968,HubbardandHarman’smission—“toprovidethe

[LSD]experiencetopoliticalandintellectualleadersaroundtheworld”—

apparentlyhadnot.Theworkmightwellhavecontinued,justmorequietlyand

beneathacoverstory.ForasWillisHarmantoldToddBrendanFaheyina1990

interviewandasaformerSRIemployeeconfirmed,“Alneverdidanything

resemblingsecuritywork.

“Al’sjobwastorunthespecialsessionsforus.”

ThatformerSRIemployeeisPeterSchwartz,anengineerwhobecamea

leadingfuturist;heiscurrentlyseniorvicepresidentforgovernmentrelations

andstrategicplanningatSalesforce.com.In1973,Schwartzwenttoworkfor

WillisHarmanatSRI,hisfirstjoboutofgraduateschool.Bythen,AlHubbard

wasmoreorlessretired,andSchwartzwasgivenhisoffice.Onthewallabove

thedeskhungalargephotographofRichardNixon,inscribed“tomygood

friend,Al,forallyouryearsofservice,yourfriend,Dick.”Apileofmail

accumulatedinthein-box,withlettersaddressedtoA.M.Hubbardfromallover

theworld,including,herecalled,onefromGeorgeBush,thefutureCIAdirector,

whoatthetimewasservingasheadoftheRepublicanNationalCommittee.

“Whowasthisfellow?”Schwartzwondered.Andthenonedaythisround

fellowwithagraycrewcut,dressedinasecurityguard’suniformandcarrying

a.38,showeduptoretrievehismail.

“‘I’mafriendofWillis’s,’”HubbardtoldSchwartz.“Andthenhebegan

askingmethestrangestquestions,completelywithoutcontext.‘Wheredoyou

thinkyouactuallycamefrom?Whatdoyouthinkaboutthecosmos?’Ilearned

laterthiswashowhecheckedpeopleout,todecidewhetherornotyouwerea

worthycandidate.”

Intrigued,SchwartzaskedHarmanaboutthismysterymanand,pieceby

piece,begantoputtogethermuchofthetaleofHubbard’slife.Theyoung

futuristsoonrealizedthat“mostofthepeopleIwasmeetingwhohadinteresting

ideashadtrippedwithHubbard:professorsatStanford,Berkeley,thestaffat

SRI,computerengineers,scientists,writers.Andallofthemhadbeen

transformedbytheexperience.”Schwartzsaidthatseveraloftheearlycomputer

engineersreliedonLSDindesigningcircuitchips,especiallyintheyearsbefore

theycouldbedesignedoncomputers.“Youhadtobeabletovisualizea

staggeringcomplexityinthreedimensions,holditallinyourhead.Theyfound

thatLSDcouldhelp.”

Schwartzeventuallyrealizedthat“everyoneinthatcommunity”—referringto

theBayAreatechcrowdinthe1960sandearly1970s,aswellasthepeoplein

andaroundStewartBrand’sWholeEarthNetwork—“hadtakenHubbardLSD.”

Whywereengineersinparticularsotakenwithpsychedelics?Schwartz,

himselftrainedasanaerospaceengineer,thinksithastodowiththefactthat

unliketheworkofscientists,whocansimplifytheproblemstheyworkon,

“problemsolvinginengineeringalwaysinvolvesirreduciblecomplexity.You’re

alwaysbalancingcomplexvariablesyoucannevergetperfect,soyou’re

desperatelysearchingtofindpatterns.LSDshowsyoupatterns.

“IhavenodoubtthatallthatHubbardLSDallofushadtakenhadabig

effectonthebirthofSiliconValley.”

StewartBrandreceivedhisownbaptisminHubbardLSDatIFASin1962,

withJamesFadimanpresidingashisguide.HisfirstexperiencewithLSD“was

kindofabumtrip,”herecalls,butitledtoaseriesofotherjourneysthat

reshapedhisworldviewand,indirectly,allofours.TheWholeEarthNetwork

Brandwouldsubsequentlygathertogether(whichincludedPeterSchwartz,

EstherDyson,KevinKelly,HowardRheingold,andJohnPerryBarlow)and

playakeyroleinredefiningwhatcomputersmeantanddid,helpingtotransform

themfromatop-downtoolofthemilitary-industrialcomplex—withthe

computerpunchcardahandysymbolofOrganizationMan—intoatoolof

personalliberationandvirtualcommunity,withadistinctlycounterculturalvibe.

Howmuchdoestheideaofcyberspace,animmaterialrealmwhereonecan

constructanewidentityandmergewithacommunityofvirtualothers,oweto

animaginationshapedbytheexperienceofpsychedelics?Orforthatmatter

virtualreality?*Thewholenotionofcybernetics,theideathatmaterialreality

canbetranslatedintobitsofinformation,mayalsoowesomethingtothe

experienceofLSD,withitspowertocollapsematterintospirit.

BrandthinksLSD’svaluetohiscommunitywasasaninstigatorofcreativity,

onethatfirsthelpedbringthepowerofnetworkedcomputerstopeople(viaSRI

computervisionariessuchasDougEngelbartandtheearlyhackercommunity),

butthenwassupersededbythecomputersthemselves.(“Atacertainpoint,the

drugsweren’tgettinganybetter,”Brandsaid,“butthecomputerswere.”)After

hisexperienceatIFAS,BrandgotinvolvedwithKenKeseyandhisnotorious

AcidTests,whichhedescribesas“aparticipatoryartformthatleddirectlyto

BurningMan,”theannualgatheringofthearts,technology,andpsychedelic

communitiesintheNevadadesert.Inhisview,LSDwasacriticalingredientin

nourishingthespiritofcollaborativeexperiment,andtoleranceoffailure,that

distinguishthecomputercultureoftheWestCoast.“Itgaveuspermissiontotry

weirdshitincahootswithotherpeople.”

Onoccasion,theLSDproducedgenuineinsight,asitdidforBrandhimself

onechillyafternooninthespringof1966.Bored,hewentupontotheroofofhis

buildinginNorthBeachandtookahundredmicrogramsofacid—Fadiman’s

creativitydose.Ashelookedtowarddowntownwhilewrappedinablanket,it

appearedthatthestreetslinedwithbuildingswerenotquiteparallel.Thismust

beduetothecurvatureofEarth,Branddecided.Itoccurredtohimthatwhenwe

thinkofEarthasflat,asweusuallydo,weassumeitisinfinite,andwetreatits

resourcesthatway.“Therelationshiptoinfinityistouseitup,”hethought,“but

aroundearthwasafinitespaceshipyouhadtomanagecarefully.”Atleastthat’s

howitappearedtohimthatafternoon,“fromthreestoriesandonehundred

mikesup.”

Itwouldchangeeverythingifhecouldconveythistopeople!Buthow?He

flashedonthespaceprogramandwondered,“Whyhaven’tweseenapictureof

theearthfromspace?Ibecomefixedonthis,onhowtogetthisphotothatwould

revolutionizeourunderstandingofourplaceintheuniverse.Iknow,I’llmakea

button!Butwhatshoulditsay?‘Let’shaveaphotooftheearthfromspace.’No,

itneedstobeaquestion,andmaybealittleparanoid—drawonthatAmerican

resource.‘Whyhaven’tweseenaphotographofthewholeearthyet?’”

Brandcamedownfromhisroofandlaunchedacampaignthateventually

reachedthehallsofCongressandNASA.Whoknowsifitwasthedirectresult

ofBrand’scampaign,buttwoyearslater,in1968,theApolloastronautsturned

theircamerasaroundandgaveusthefirstphotographofEarthfromthemoon,

andStewartBrandgaveusthefirsteditionoftheWholeEarthCatalog.Did

everythingchange?Thecasecouldbemadethatithad.

PartII:TheCrack-Up

TimothyLearycamelatetopsychedelics.BythetimehelaunchedtheHarvard

PsilocybinProjectin1960,therehadalreadybeenafulldecadeofpsychedelic

researchinNorthAmerica,withhundredsofacademicpapersandseveral

internationalconferencestoshowforit.Learyhimselfseldommadereferenceto

thisbodyofwork,preferringtogivetheimpressionthathisownpsychedelic

researchrepresentedaradicalnewchapterintheannalsofpsychology.In1960,

thefutureofpsychedelicresearchlookedbright.Yetwithinthebriefspanoffive

years,thepoliticalandculturalweathercompletelyshifted,amoralpanicabout

LSDengulfedAmerica,andvirtuallyallpsychedelicresearchandtherapywere

eitherhaltedordrivenunderground.Whathappened?

“TimothyLeary”isthetoo-obviousanswertothatquestion.Justabout

everyoneI’veinterviewedonthesubject—dozensofpeople—hasprefacedhis

orheranswerbysaying,“It’sfartooeasytoblameLeary,”beforeproceedingto

dopreciselythat.It’shardtoavoidtheconclusionthattheflamboyant

psychologyprofessorwithatropismbendinghimtowardthesunofpublicity,

goodorbad,didgravedamagetothecauseofpsychedelicresearch.Hedid.And

yetthesocialforcesunleashedbythedrugsthemselvesoncetheymovedfrom

thelaboratoryoutintotheculturewerebiggerandstrongerthananyindividual

couldwithstand—ortakecreditfor.Withorwithouttheheedless,joyful,and

amplypublicizedanticsofTimothyLeary,thesheerDionysianpowerofLSD

wasitselfboundtoshakethingsupandinciteareaction.

BythetimeLearywashiredbyHarvardin1959,hehadanationalreputation

asagiftedpersonalityresearcher,andyeteventhen—beforehisfirstshattering

experiencewithpsilocybininCuernavacaduringthesummerof1960—Leary

wasfeelingsomewhatdisenchantedwithhisfield.Afewyearsbefore,while

workingasdirectorofpsychiatricresearchatKaiserHospitalinOakland,Leary

andacolleaguehadconductedacleverexperimenttoassesstheeffectivenessof

psychotherapy.Agroupofpatientsseekingpsychiatriccareweredividedinto

twogroups;onereceivedthestandardtreatmentofthetime,theother(consisting

ofpeopleonawaitinglist)notreatmentatall.Afterayear,one-thirdofallthe

subjectshadimproved,one-thirdhadgottenworse,andone-thirdremained

unchanged—regardlessofwhichgrouptheywerein.Whetherornotasubject

receivedtreatmentmadenodifferencewhatsoeverintheoutcome.Sowhatgood

wasconventionalpsychotherapy?Psychology?Learyhadbeguntowonder.

LearyquicklyestablishedhimselfatHarvard’sDepartmentofSocial

Relationsasadynamicandcharismatic,ifsomewhatcynical,teacher.The

handsomeprofessorwasagreattalker,intheexpansiveIrishmode,andcould

charmthepantsoffanyone,especiallywomen,forwhomhewasapparently

catnip.Learyhadalwayshadaroguish,rebelliousstreak—hewascourt-

martialedduringhistimeatWestPointforviolatingthehonorcodeandexpelled

fromtheUniversityofAlabamaforspendingthenightinawomen’sdorm—and

Harvard-the-institutionbroughtoutrebellioninhim.Learywouldspeak

cynicallyofpsychologicalresearchasa“game.”HerbertKelman,acolleaguein

thedepartmentwholaterbecameLeary’schiefadversary,recallsthenew

professoras“personable”(Kelmanhelpedhimfindhisfirsthouse)butsays,“I

hadmisgivingsabouthimfromthebeginning.Hewouldoftentalkoutofthetop

ofhisheadaboutthingsheknewnothingabout,likeexistentialism,andhewas

tellingourstudentspsychologywasallagame.Itseemedtomeabitcavalier

andirresponsible.”

ImetKelman,nowinhisnineties,inthesmall,overstuffedapartmentwhere

heliveswithhiswifeinanassisted-livingfacilityinWestCambridge.Kelman

displayednorancortowardLearyyetevincedlittlerespectforhimeitherasa

teacherorasascientist;indeed,hebelievesLearyhadbecomedisenchanted

withsciencewellbeforepsychedelicscameintohislife.InKelman’sopinion,

evenbeforethepsilocybin,“Hewasalreadyhalfwayoffthedeepend.”

Leary’sintroductiontopsilocybin,poolsideinMexicoduringthesummerof

1960,camethreeyearsafterR.GordonWassonpublishedhisnotoriousLife

magazinearticleaboutthe“mushroomsthatcausestrangevisions.”ForLeary,

themushroomsweretransformative.Inanafternoon,hispassiontounderstand

thehumanmindhadbeenreignited—indeed,hadexploded.

“InfourhoursbytheswimmingpoolinCuernavacaIlearnedmoreaboutthe

mind,thebrain,anditsstructuresthanIdidintheprecedingfifteenasadiligent

psychologist,”hewrotelaterinFlashbacks,his1983memoir.“Ilearnedthatthe

brainisanunderutilizedbiocomputer...Ilearnedthatnormalconsciousnessis

onedropinanoceanofintelligence.Thatconsciousnessandintelligencecanbe

systematicallyexpanded.Thatthebraincanbereprogrammed.”

Learyreturnedfromhisjourneywithanirresistibleurgeto“rushbackand

telleveryone,”asherecalledinHighPriest,his1968memoir.Andthenina

handfulofsentencesheslidintoapropheticvoice,oneinwhichthewhole

futuretrajectoryofTimothyLearycouldbeforetold:

Listen!Wakeup!YouareGod!YouhavetheDivineplanengraved

incellularscriptwithinyou.Listen!Takethissacrament!You’ll

see!You’llgettherevelation!Itwillchangeyourlife!

ButatleastforthefirstyearortwoatHarvard,Learywentthroughthe

motionsofdoingscience.BackinCambridgethatfall,herecruitedRichard

Alpert,apromisingassistantprofessorwhowasheirtoarailroadfortune,and,

havingsecuredthetacitapprovaloftheirdepartmentchair,DavidMcClelland,

thetwolaunchedtheHarvardPsilocybinProject,operatingoutofatinybroom

closetofanofficeintheDepartmentofSocialRelationsinahouseat5Divinity

Avenue.(Iwentlookingforthehouse,butithaslongsincebeenrazedand

replacedbyasprawling,block-longbricksciencebuilding.)Leary,everthe

salesman,hadconvincedHarvardthattheresearchheproposedtoundertakewas

squarelyinthetraditionofWilliamJames,whointheearlyyearsofthecentury

hadalsostudiedalteredstatesofconsciousnessandmysticalexperienceat

Harvard.Theuniversityplacedoneconditionontheresearch:LearyandAlpert

couldgivethenewdrugstograduatestudents,butnottoundergraduates.Before

long,anintriguinglytitlednewseminarshowedupintheHarvardcourse

listings:

ExperimentalExpansionofConsciousness

Theliteraturedescribinginternallyandexternallyinducedchanges

inawarenesswillbereviewed.Thebasicelementsofmystical

experienceswillbestudiedcross-culturally.Themembersofthe

seminarwillparticipateinexperienceswithconsciousness

expandingmethodsandasystematicanalysisofattentionwillbe

paidtotheproblemsofmethodologyinthisarea.Thisseminarwill

belimitedtoadvancedgraduatestudents.Admissionbyconsentof

theinstructor.

“ExperimentalExpansionofConsciousness”provedtobeextremelypopular.

•••

INITSTHREEYEARSofexistence,theHarvardPsilocybinProjectaccomplished

surprisinglylittle,atleastintermsofscience.Intheirfirstexperiments,Leary

andAlpertadministeredpsilocybintohundredsofpeopleofallsorts,including

housewives,musicians,artists,academics,writers,fellowpsychologists,and

graduatestudents,whothencompletedquestionnairesabouttheirexperiences.

Accordingto“AmericansandMushroomsinaNaturalisticEnvironment:A

PreliminaryReport,”mostsubjectshadgenerallyverypositiveandoccasionally

life-changingexperiences.

“Naturalistic”wasapt:thesesessionstookplacenotinuniversitybuildings

butincomfortablelivingrooms,accompaniedbymusicandcandlelight,andtoa

casualobservertheywouldhavelookedmorelikepartiesthanexperiments,

especiallybecausetheresearchersthemselvesusuallyjoinedin.(Learyand

Alperttookaheroicamountofpsilocybinand,later,LSD.)Atleastinthe

beginning,Leary,Alpert,andtheirgraduatestudentsendeavoredtowriteup

accountsoftheirownandtheirsubjects’psilocybinjourneys,asiftheywere

pioneersexploringanunmappedfrontierofconsciousnessandtheprevious

decadeofworksurveyingthepsychedeliclandscapehadneverhappened.“We

wereonourown,”Learywrote,somewhatdisingenuously.“Westernliterature

hadalmostnoguides,nomaps,notextsthatevenrecognizedtheexistenceof

alteredstates.”

Drawingontheirextensivefieldwork,however,Learydiddosomeoriginal

worktheorizingtheideaof“set”and“setting,”deployingthewordsinthis

contextforthefirsttimeintheliterature.Theseusefulterms,ifnottheconcepts

theydenote—forwhichAlHubbarddeservesmostofthecredit—maywell

representLeary’smostenduringcontributiontopsychedelicscience.Learyand

AlpertpublishedahandfulofpapersintheearlyyearsatHarvardthatarestill

worthreading,bothaswell-writtenandcloselyobservedethnographiesofthe

experienceandastextsinwhichtheearlystirringsofanewsensibilitycanbe

glimpsed.

Buildingontheideathatthelife-changingexperiencesofvolunteersinthe

PsilocybinProjectmighthavesomebroadersocialapplication,in1961Leary

andagraduatestudent,RalphMetzner,dreamedupamoreambitiousresearch

project.TheConcordPrisonExperimentsoughttodiscoverifthepotentialof

psilocybintochangepersonalitycouldbeusedtoreducerecidivismina

populationofhardenedcriminals.Thatthisaudaciousexperimentevergotoff

thegroundisatestimonytoLeary’ssalesmanshipandcharm,fornotonlythe

prisonpsychiatristbutthewardenhadtosignoffonit.

Theideawastocomparetherecidivismratesoftwogroupsofprisonersina

maximumsecurityprisoninConcord,Massachusetts.Agroupofthirty-two

inmatesreceivedpsilocybininsessionsthattookplaceintheprison,withone

memberofLeary’steamtakingthedrugwiththem—soasnottocondescendto

theprisoners,Learyexplained,ortreatthemlikeguineapigs.*Theother

remainedstraightinordertoobserveandtakenotes.Asecondgroupofinmates

receivednodrugsorspecialtreatmentofanykind.Thetwogroupswerethen

followedforaperiodofmonthsaftertheirrelease.

Learyreportedeye-poppingresults:tenmonthsaftertheirrelease,only25

percentofthepsilocybinrecipientshadendedupbackinjail,whilethecontrol

groupreturnedatamoretypicalrateof80percent.ButwhenRickDoblinat

MAPSmeticulouslyreconstructedtheConcordexperimentdecadeslater,

reviewingtheoutcomessubjectbysubject,heconcludedthatLearyhad

exaggeratedthedata;infact,therewasnostatisticallysignificantdifferencein

theratesofrecidivismbetweenthetwogroups.(Evenatthetime,the

methodologicalshortcomingsofthestudyhadpromptedDavidMcClelland,the

departmentchair,towriteascathingmemotoMetzner.)OfLeary’sscientific

work,SidneyCohen,himselfapsychedelicresearcher,concludedthat“itwas

thesortofresearchthatmadescientistswince.”

Learyplayedamoretangentialroleinoneother,muchmorecrediblestudy

doneinthespringof1962:theGoodFridayExperiment,describedinchapter

one.UnliketheConcordPrisonExperiment,the“MiracleatMarshChapel,”as

itbecameknown,madeagoodfaithefforttohonortheconventionsofthe

controlled,double-blindpsychologyexperiment.Neithertheinvestigatorsnor

thesubjects—twentydivinitystudents—weretoldwhohadgottenthedrugand

whohadgottentheplacebo,whichwasactive.TheGoodFridaystudywasfar

fromperfect;Pahnkesuppressedthefactthatonesubjectfreakedoutandhadto

besedated.YetPahnke’smainconclusion—thatpsilocybincanreliablyoccasion

amysticalexperiencethatis“indistinguishablefrom,ifnotidenticalwith,”the

experiencesdescribedintheliterature—stillstandsandhelpedtoinspirethe

currentwaveofresearch,particularlyatJohnsHopkins,whereitwasreplicated

(roughlyspeaking)in2006.

ButmostofthecreditfortheGoodFridayExperimentrightfullybelongsto

WalterPahnke,notTimothyLeary,whowascriticalofitsdesignfromthestart;

hehadtoldPahnkeitwasawasteoftimetouseacontrolgrouporaplacebo.“If

welearnedonethingfromthatexperience,”Learylaterwrote,“itwashow

foolishitwastouseadouble-blindexperimentwithpsychedelics.Afterfive

minutes,noone’sfoolinganyone.”

•••

BYNOW,Learyhadprettymuchlostinterestindoingscience;hewasgetting

readytotradethe“psychologygame”forwhathewouldcallthe“gurugame.”

(PerhapsLeary’smostendearingcharactertraitwasnevertotakehimselftoo

seriously—evenasaguru.)Ithadbecomecleartohimthatthespiritualand

culturalimportofpsilocybinandLSDfaroutweighedanytherapeuticbenefitto

individuals.AswithHubbardandHuxleyandOsmondbeforehim,psychedelics

hadconvincedLearythattheyhadthepowernotjusttohealpeoplebutto

changesocietyandsavehumankind,anditwashismissiontoserveastheir

prophet.Itwasasthoughthechemicalsthemselveshadhituponabrilliant

schemefortheirownproliferation,bycolonizingthebrainsofacertaintypeof

charismaticandmessianichuman.

“Wewerethinkingfar-outhistorythoughtsatHarvard,”Learylaterwrote

aboutthisperiod,“believingthatitwasatime(aftertheshallow,nostalgic

fifties)forfar-outvisions,knowingthatAmericahadrunoutofphilosophy,that

anew,empirical,tangiblemeta-physicswasdesperatelyneeded.”Thebomband

thecoldwarformedthecrucialbackgroundtotheseideas,investingtheproject

withurgency.

Learywasalsoencouragedinhisshiftfromscientisttoevangelistbysomeof

theartistsheturnedon.InonenotablesessionathisNewtonhomeinDecember

1960,LearygavepsilocybintotheBeatpoetAllenGinsberg,amanwhoneeded

nochemicalinducementtoplaytheroleofvisionaryprophet.Towardtheendof

anecstatictrip,Ginsbergstumbleddownstairs,tookoffallhisclothes,and

announcedhisintentiontomarchnakedthroughthestreetsofNewtonpreaching

thenewgospel.

“We’regoingtoteachpeopletostophating,”Ginsbergsaid,“startapeace

andlovemovement.”Youcanalmosthearinhiswordsthe1960sbeingborn,the

still-damp,Day-Glochickcrackingoutofitsshell.WhenLearymanagedto

persuadeGinsbergnottoleavethehouse(amongotherissues,itwasDecember),

thepoetgotonthephoneandstarteddialingworldleaders,tryingtoget

Kennedy,Khrushchev,andMaoZedongonthelinetoworkouttheirdifferences.

Intheend,GinsbergwasonlyabletoreachhisfriendJackKerouac,identifying

himselfasGod(“that’sG-O-D”)andtellinghimhemusttakethesemagic

mushrooms.

Alongwitheveryoneelse.

GinsbergwasconvincedthatLeary,theHarvardprofessor,wastheperfect

mantoleadthenewpsychedeliccrusade.ToGinsberg,thefactthatthenew

prophet“shouldemergefromHarvardUniversity,”thealmamaterofthenewly

electedpresident,wasacaseof“historiccomedy,”forherewas“theoneand

onlyDr.Leary,arespectablehumanbeing,aworldlymanfacedwiththetaskof

aMessiah.”Comingfromthegreatpoet,thewordslandedlikeseedsonthe

fertile,well-wateredsoilofTimothyLeary’sego.(Itisoneofthemany

paradoxesofpsychedelicsthatthesedrugscansponsoranego-dissolving

experiencethatinsomepeoplequicklyleadstomassiveegoinflation.Having

beenletinonagreatsecretoftheuniverse,therecipientofthisknowledgeis

boundtofeelspecial,chosenforgreatthings.)

HuxleyandHubbardandOsmondsharedLeary’ssenseofhistoricalmission,

buttheyhadaverydifferentideaofhowbesttofulfillit.Thethreewereinclined

toamoresupply-sidekindofspiritualism—firstyoumustturnontheelite,and

thenletthenewconsciousnessfilterdowntothemasses,whomightnotbe

readytoabsorbsuchashatteringexperienceallatonce.Theirunspokenmodel

wastheEleusinianmysteries,inwhichtheGreekelitegatheredinsecretto

ingestthesacredkykeonandshareanightofrevelation.ButLearyandGinsberg,

bothfirmlyintheAmericangrain,weredeterminedtodemocratizethevisionary

experience,maketranscendenceavailabletoeveryonenow.Surelythatwasthe

greatblessingofpsychedelics:forthefirsttime,therewasatechnologythat

madethispossible.YearslaterLesterGrinspoon,aHarvardprofessorof

psychiatry,capturedtheethosnicelyinabookhewrotewithJamesBakalar,

PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered:“Psychedelicdrugsopenedtomasstourism

mentalterritoriespreviouslyexploredonlybysmallpartiesofparticularly

intrepidadventurers,mainlyreligiousmystics.”Aswellasvisionaryartistslike

WilliamBlake,WaltWhitman,andAllenGinsberg.Now,withapillorsquareof

blotterpaper,anyonecouldexperiencefirsthandexactlywhatintheworldBlake

andWhitmanweretalkingabout.

Butthisnewformofspiritualmasstourismhadnotyetreceivedmuch

advertisingorpromotionbeforethespringof1962.That’swhennewsof

controversysurroundingtheHarvardPsilocybinProjectfirsthitthenewspapers,

beginningwithHarvard’sownstudentpaper,theCrimson.Harvardbeing

Harvard,andLearyLeary,thestoryquicklyspreadtothenationalpress,turning

thepsychologyprofessorintoacelebrityandhasteninghis,andAlpert’s,

departurefromHarvard,inascandalthatbothprefiguredandhelpedfuelthe

backlashagainstpsychedelicsthatwouldsoonclosedownmostresearch.

LearyandAlpert’scolleagueshadbeenuncomfortableabouttheHarvard

PsilocybinProjectalmostfromthestart.A1961memofromDavidMcClelland

hadraisedquestionsabouttheabsenceofcontrolsinLearyandAlpert’s

“naturalistic”studiesaswellasthelackofmedicalsupervisionandthefactthat

theinvestigatorsinsistedontakingthedrugswiththeirsubjects,ofwhomthere

werehundreds.(“Howoftenshouldapersontakepsilocybin?”heasked,

referringtoLearyandAlpert.)McClellandalsocalledthetworesearchersouton

their“philosophicalnaivete.”

“Manyreportsaregivenofdeepmysticalexperiences,”hewrote,“buttheir

chiefcharacteristicisthewonderatone’sownprofundity.”Thefollowingyear,

inadetailedcritiqueofRalphMetzner’sConcordPrisonExperiment,

McClellandaccusedthegraduatestudentoffailingto“analyz[e]yourdata

objectivelyandcarefully.Youknowwhattheconclusionsaretobe...andthe

dataaresimplyusedtosupportwhatyoualreadyknowtobetrue.”Nodoubtthe

popularityofthePsilocybinProjectamongthedepartment’sstudents,aswellas

itscliquishness,rankledtherestofthefaculty,whohadtocompetewithLeary

andAlpertandtheirdrugsforapreciousacademicresource:talentedgraduate

students.

Butthesegrievancesdidn’tleavethepremisesof5DivinityAvenue—not

untilMarch1962.That’swhenMcClelland,respondingtoarequestbyHerb

Kelman,calledameetingofthefacultyandstudentstoairconcernsaboutthe

PsilocybinProject.Kelmanaskedforthemeetingbecausehehadheardfromhis

graduatestudentsthatakindofculthadformedaroundAlpertandLeary,and

somestudentsfeltpressuretoparticipateinthedrugtaking.Earlyinthemeeting

Kelmantookthefloor:“IwishIcouldtreatthisasscholarlydisagreement,but

thisworkviolatesthevaluesoftheacademiccommunity.Thewholeprogram

hasananti-intellectualatmosphere.Itsemphasisisonpureexperience,noton

verbalizingfindings.

“I’malsosorrytosaythatDr.LearyandDr.Alperthavetakenavery

nonchalantattitudetowardtheseexperiments—especiallyconsideringtheeffects

thesedrugsmighthaveonthesubjects.

“Whatmostconcernsme,”Kelmanconcluded,“andotherswhohavecometo

me,ishowthehallucinogenicandmentaleffectsofthesedrugshavebeenused

toformakindof‘insider’sectwithinthedepartment.Thosewhochoosenotto

participatearelabeledas‘squares.’Ijustdon’tthinkthatkindofthingshouldbe

encouragedinthisdepartment.”PsychedelicdrugshaddividedaHarvard

departmentjustastheywouldsoondividetheculture.

Alpertrespondedforcefully,claimingtheworkwas“rightinthetraditionof

WilliamJames,”thedepartment’spresidingdeity,andthatKelman’scritique

amountedtoanattackonacademicfreedom.ButLearytookamoreconciliatory

approach,consentingtoafewreasonablerestrictionsontheresearch.Everyone

wenthomethinkingthematterhadbeenclosed.

Untilthefollowingmorning.

Theroomhadbeensocompletelyjammedwithfacultyandstudentsthatno

onenoticedthepresenceofanundergraduatereporterfromtheCrimsonnamed

RobertEllisSmith,furiouslytakingnotes.Thenextday’sCrimsonputthe

controversyonpage1:“PsychologistsDisagreeonPsilocybinResearch.”The

dayafterthat,thestorywaspickedupbytheBostonHerald,aHearstpaper,and

givenamuchpunchierifnotquiteasaccurateheadline:“HallucinationDrug

FoughtatHarvard—350StudentsTakePills.”Nowthestorywasout,andvery

soonTimothyLeary,alwayshappytosupplyareporterwithadelectably

outrageousquote,wasfamous.Hedeliveredaparticularlychoiceoneafterthe

universityforcedhimtoputhissupplyofSandozpsilocybinpillsunderthe

controlofHealthServices:“Psychedelicdrugscausepanicandtemporary

insanityinpeoplewhohavenottakenthem.”

Bytheendoftheyear,LearyandAlperthadconcludedthat“thesematerials

aretoopowerfulandtoocontroversialtoberesearchedinauniversitysetting.”

TheyannouncedinalettertotheCrimsontheywereformingsomethingcalled

theInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom(IFIF)andhenceforthwould

beconductingresearchunderitsumbrellaratherthanHarvard’s.Theydecried

thenewrestrictionsplacedonpsychedelicresearch,notonlyatHarvard,butby

thefederalgovernment:inthewakeofthethalidomidetragedy,inwhichanew

sedativegiventopregnantwomenformorningsicknesshadcausedterriblebirth

defectsintheirchildren,CongresshadgiventheFDAauthoritytoregulate

experimentaldrugs.“ForthefirsttimeinAmericanhistory,”theIFIF

announced,“andforthefirsttimeintheWesternworldsincetheInquisition

therenowexistsascientificunderground.”Theypredictedthat“amajorcivil

libertiesissueofthenextdecadewillbethecontrolandexpansionof

consciousness.”

“Whocontrolsyourcortex?”theywroteintheirlettertotheCrimson—which

istosay,tostudents.“Whodecidesontherangeandlimitsofyourawareness?If

youwanttoresearchyourownnervoussystem,expandyourconsciousness,who

istodecidethatyoucan’tandwhy?”

It’softensaidthatinthe1960spsychedelics“escapedfromthelaboratory,”

butitwouldprobablybemoreaccuratetosaytheywerethrownoverthe

laboratorywall,andneverwithasmuchloftorvelocityasbyTimothyLeary

andRichardAlpertattheendof1962.“We’rethroughplayingthescience

game,”LearytoldMcClellandwhenhereturnedtoCambridgethatfall.Now,

LearyandAlpertwereplayingthegameofculturalrevolution.

•••

THELARGERCOMMUNITYofpsychedelicresearchersacrossNorthAmerica

reactedtoLeary’sprovocationswithdismayandthenalarm.Learyhadbeenin

regularcontactwiththeWestCoastandCanadiangroups,exchanginglettersand

visitswithhisfar-flungcolleaguesonafairlyregularbasis.(HeandAlperthad

paidavisittoStolaroff’sfoundationin1960or1961;“Ithinktheythoughtwe

weretoostraitlaced,”DonAllentoldme.)SoonafterarrivingatHarvard,Leary

hadgottentoknowHuxley,whowasteachingforasemesteratMIT.Huxleyhad

becomeextremelyfondoftheroguishprofessor,andsharedhisaspirationsfor

psychedelicsasanagentofculturaltransformation,butworriedthatLearywas

movingtoofastandtooflagrantly.*DuringhislastvisittoCambridge(Huxley

woulddieinLosAngelesinNovember1963,onthesamedayasJohnF.

Kennedy),HuxleyfeltthatLeary“hadtalkedsuchnonsense...thatIbecame

quiteconcerned.Notabouthissanity—becauseheisperfectlysane—butabout

hisprospectsintheworld.”

SoonafterLearyannouncedtheformationoftheInternationalFederationfor

InternalFreedom,HumphryOsmondtraveledtoCambridgetotrytotalksome

senseintohim.HeandAbramHofferwereworriedthatLeary’spromotionof

thedrugsoutsidethecontextofclinicalresearchthreatenedtoprovokethe

governmentandupendtheirownresearch.OsmondalsofaultedLearyfor

workingwithoutapsychopharmacologistandfortreatingthese“powerful

chemicals[as]harmlesstoys.”Hopingtodistanceseriousresearchfrom

irresponsibleuse,andtroubledthatthecounterculturewascontaminatinghis

formerlyneutralterm“psychedelic,”Osmondtriedonceagaintocoinanew

one:“psychodelytic.”Idon’tneedtotellyouitfailedtocatchon.

“Youmustfacetheseobjectionsratherthandissipatethemwithasmile,

howevercosmic,”Osmondtoldhim.Thereitwasagain:theindestructibleLeary

smile!ButOsmondgotnothingmorethanthatforhistroubles.

MyronStolaroffweighedinwithabluntlettertoLearydescribingtheIFIFas

“insane”andaccuratelyprophesyingthecrack-uptocome:Itwill“wreakhavoc

onallofusdoingLSDworkalloverthenation...

“Tim,Iamconvincedyouareheadingforveryserioustroubleifyourplan

goesaheadasyouhavedescribedittome,anditwouldnotonlymakeagreat

dealoftroubleforyou,butforallofus,andmaydoirreparableharmtothe

psychedelicfieldingeneral.”

ButwhatexactlywastheplanoftheIFIF?Learywashappytostateit

openly:tointroduceasmanyAmericansto“thestrongpsychedelics”asit

possiblycouldinordertochangethecountryonebrainatatime.Hehaddone

themathandconcludedthat“thecriticalfigureforblowingthemindofthe

AmericansocietywouldbefourmillionLSDusersandthiswouldhappenby

1969.”

Asitwouldturnout,Leary’smathwasnotfaroff.Thoughclosertotwo

millionAmericanshadtriedLSDby1969,thiscadrehadindeedblownthemind

ofAmerica,leavingthecountryinasubstantiallydifferentplace.

ButperhapsthemostviolentresponsetoLeary’splansforworldwidemental

revolutioncamefromAlHubbard,whohadalwayshadanuneasyrelationship

withtheprofessor.ThetwohadmetsoonafterLearygottoHarvard,when

HubbardmadethedrivetoCambridgeinhisRolls-Royce,bringingasupplyof

LSDhehopedtotradeforsomeofLeary’spsilocybin.

“Heblewinwiththatuniform,”Learyrecalled,“layingdownthemost

incredibleatmosphereofmysteryandflamboyance,andreallyimpressive

bullshit!”—asubjectonwhichLearywascertainlyqualifiedtojudge.Hubbard

“startedname-droppinglikeyouwouldn’tbelieve...claimedhewasfriends

withthePope.

“Thethingthatimpressedmeis,ononehandhelookedlikeacarpetbagger

conman,andontheotherhehadthesemostimpressivepeopleintheworldin

hislap,basicallybackinghim.”

ButLeary’slegendarycharmneverhadmuchtractionwithHubbard,adeeply

conservativeanddevoutmanwhodisdainedboththeglareofpublicityandthe

nascentcounterculture.“IlikedTimwhenwefirstmet,”hesaidyearslater,“but

Iwarnedhimadozentimes”aboutstayingoutoftroubleandthepress.“He

seemedlikeawell-intentionedperson,butthenhewentoverboard...heturned

outtobecompletelynogood.”Likemanyofhiscolleagues,Hubbardstrongly

objectedtoLeary’sdo-it-yourselfapproachtopsychedelics,especiallyhis

willingnesstodispensewiththeall-importanttrainedguide.Hisattitudetoward

Learymightalsohavebeeninfluencedbyhisextensivecontactsinlaw

enforcementandintelligence,whichbynowhadtheprofessorontheirradar.

AccordingtoOsmond,theCaptain’santipathytowardLearysurfaced

alarminglyduringapsychedelicsessionthetwosharedduringthisperiodof

mountingcontroversy.“Algotgreatlypreoccupiedwiththeideaheoughtto

shootTimothy,andwhenIbegantoreasonwithhimthatthiswouldbeavery

badidea...Ibecamemuchconcernedhemightshootme.”

Hubbardwasprobablyrighttothinkthatnothingshortofabulletwasgoing

tostopTimothyLearynow.AsStolaroffputthematterinclosinghisletterto

Leary,“Isupposethereislittlehopethatwiththebitsofirmlyinyourmouth

youcanbedeterred.”

•••

BYTHESPRINGOF1963,LearyhadonefootoutofHarvard,skippingclassesand

voicinghisintentiontoleaveattheendoftheschoolyear,whenhiscontract

wouldbeup.ButAlperthadanewappointmentintheSchoolofEducationand

plannedtostayon—untilanotherexplosivearticleintheCrimsongotthemboth

fired.ThisonewaswrittenbyanundergraduatenamedAndrewWeil.

WeilhadarrivedatHarvardwithakeeninterestinpsychedelicdrugs—he

haddevouredHuxley’sDoorsofPerceptioninhighschool—andwhenhe

learnedaboutthePsilocybinProject,hebeatapathtoProfessorLeary’soffice

doortoaskifhecouldparticipate.

Learyexplainedtheuniversityrulerestrictingthedrugstograduatestudents.

Yet,tryingtobehelpful,hetoldWeilaboutacompanyinTexaswherehemight

ordersomemescalinebymail(itwasstilllegalatthetime),whichWeil

promptlydid(usinguniversitystationery).Weilbecamefascinatedwiththe

potentialofpsychedelicsandhelpedformanundergraduatemescalinegroup.

ButhewantedbadlytobepartofLearyandAlpert’smoreexclusiveclub,so

wheninthefallof1962Weilbegantohearaboutotherundergraduateswhohad

receiveddrugsfromRichardAlpert,hewasindignant.Hewenttohiseditorat

theCrimsonandproposedaninvestigation.

WeildevelopedleadsonahandfuloffellowstudentswhomAlperthad

turnedoninviolationofuniversityrules.(Weilwouldlaterwritethat“students

andotherswereusinghallucinogensforseductionsbothheterosexualand

homosexual.”)Butthereweretwoproblemswithhisscoop:noneofthestudents

towhomAlpertsupposedlygavedrugswerewillingtosaysoontherecord,and

theCrimson’slawyerswereworriedaboutprintingdefamatorychargesagainst

professors.ThelawyersadvisedWeiltoturnoverhisinformationtothe

administration.Hecouldthenwriteastoryreportingonwhateveractionsthe

universitytookinresponsetothecharges,therebyreducingthenewspaper’s

legalexposure.ButWeilstillneededastudenttocomeforward.

HetraveledtoNewYorkCitytomeetwiththeprominentfatherofoneof

them—RonnieWinston—andofferedhimadeal.AsAlperttellsthestory,*“He

wenttoHarryWinston”—thefamousFifthAvenuejeweler—“andhesaid,‘Your

sonisgettingdrugsfromafacultymember.Ifyoursonwilladmittothatcharge,

we’llcutoutyourson’sname.Wewon’tuseitinthearticle.’”SoyoungRonnie

wenttothedeanand,whenaskedifhehadtakendrugsfromDr.Alpert,

confessed,addinganunexpectedfillip:“Yes,sir,Idid.Anditwasthemost

educationalexperienceI’vehadatHarvard.”

AlpertandLearyappeartobetheonlyHarvardprofessorsfiredinthe

twentiethcentury.(Technically,Learywasn’tfired,butHarvardstoppedpaying

himseveralmonthsbeforehiscontractended.)Thestorybecamenationalnews,

introducingmillionsofAmericanstothecontroversysurroundingtheseexotic

newdrugs.ItalsoearnedAndrewWeilaplumassignmentfromLookmagazine

towriteaboutthecontroversy,whichspreadthestorystillfurther.Describingthe

psychedelicsceneatHarvardinthethirdperson,Weilalludedto“an

undergraduategroup...conductingcovertresearchwithmescaline,”neglecting

tomentionhewasafoundingmemberofthatgroup.

Thiswasnot,sufficeittosay,AndrewWeil’sproudestmoment,andwhenI

spoketohimaboutitrecently,heconfessedthathe’sfeltbadlyabouttheepisode

eversinceandhadsoughttomakeamendstobothLearyandRamDass.(Two

yearsafterhisdeparturefromHarvard,Alpertembarkedonaspiritualjourneyto

IndiaandreturnedasRamDass.)LearyreadilyacceptedWeil’sapology—the

manwasapparentlyincapableofholdingagrudge—butRamDassrefusedto

talktoWeilforyears,whichpainedhim.ButafterRamDasssufferedastrokein

1997,WeiltraveledtoHawaiitoseekhisforgiveness.RamDassfinallyrelented,

tellingWeilthathehadcometoregardbeingfiredfromHarvardasablessing.

“Ifyouhadn’tdonewhatyoudid,”hetoldWeil,“Iwouldneverhavebecome

RamDass.”

•••

HERE,UPONTHEIREXITfromHarvard,weshouldprobablytakeourleaveof

TimothyLearyandRichardAlpert,eventhoughtheirlong,strangetripthrough

Americanculturestillhadalong,strangewaytogo.Thetwowouldnowtake

theirshow(withitsnumerousex-studentsandhangers-on)ontheroad,moving

theInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom(whichwouldlatermorphinto

theLeagueforSpiritualDiscovery)fromCambridgetoZihuatanejo,untilthe

Mexicangovernment(underpressurefromU.S.authorities)kickedthemout,

thenbrieflytotheCaribbeanislandofDominica,untilthatgovernmentkicked

themout,beforefinallysettlingforseveralraucousyearsinasixty-four-room

mansioninMillbrook,NewYork,ownedbyawealthypatronnamedBilly

Hitchcock.

Embracedbytherisingcounterculture,Learywasinvited(alongwithAllen

Ginsberg)tospeakatthefirstHumanBe-IninSanFrancisco,aneventthatdrew

sometwenty-fivethousandyoungpeopletoGoldenGateParkinJanuary1967,

totriponfreelydistributedLSDwhilelisteningtospeakersproclaimanewage.

Theex-professor,whofortheoccasionhadtradedinhisBrooksBrothersfor

whiterobesandlovebeads(andflowersinhisgrayinghair),imploredthethrong

oftripping“hippies”—thetermpopularizedthatyearbythelocalnewspaper

columnistHerbCaen—to“turnon,tunein,dropout.”Theslogan—whichheat

firstsaidhehadthoughtupintheshowerbutyearslaterclaimedwas“givento

him”byMarshallMcLuhan—wouldclingtoLearyfortherestofhislife,

earninghimthecontemptofparentsandpoliticianstheworldover.

ButLeary’sstoryonlygetsweirder,andsadder.Soonafterhisdeparturefrom

Cambridge,thegovernment,alarmedathisgrowinginfluenceonthecountry’s

youth,launchedacampaignofharassmentthatculminatedinthe1966bustin

Laredo;hewasdrivinghisfamilytoMexicoonvacation,whenabordersearch

ofhiscarturnedupasmallquantityofmarijuana.Learywouldspendyearsin

jailbattlingfederalmarijuanachargesandthenseveralmoreyearsonthelamas

aninternationalfugitivefromjustice.Heacquiredthisstatusin1970afterhis

boldescapefromaCaliforniaprison,withthehelpoftheWeathermen,the

revolutionarygroup.HiscomradesmanagedtospiritLearyoutofthecountryto

Algeria,intothearmsofEldridgeCleaver,theBlackPanther,whohad

establishedabaseofoperationsthere.ButasylumunderCleaverturnedouttobe

nopicnic:thePantherconfiscatedhispassport,effectivelyholdingLeary

hostage.Learyhadtoescapeyetagain,thistimemakinghiswaytoSwitzerland

(wherehefoundluxuriousrefugeinthechaletofanarmsdealer),then(afterthe

U.S.governmentpersuadedSwitzerlandtojailhim)ontoVienna,Beirut,and

Kabul,wherehewasfinallyseizedbyU.S.agentsandremandedtoanAmerican

prison,nowmaximumsecurityand,foratime,solitaryconfinement.Butthe

persecutiononlyfedhissenseofdestiny.

Therestofhislifeisanimprobable1960stragicomedyfeaturingplentyof

courtroomsandjails(twenty-nineinall)butalsomemoirsandspeechesand

televisionappearances,acampaignforgovernorofCalifornia(forwhichJohn

Lennonwrote,andtheBeatlesrecorded,thecampaignsong,“ComeTogether”),

andasuccessfulifsomewhatpatheticrunonthecollegelecturecircuitteamed

upwithG.GordonLiddy.Yes,theWatergateburglar,whoinanearlier

incarnationasDutchessCountyassistantDAhadbustedLearyatMillbrook.

Throughitall,Learyremainsimprobablyupbeat,neverdisplayingangeror,it

wouldseemfromthecountlessphotographsandfilmclips,forgettingMarshall

McLuhan’ssageadvicetosmilealways,nomatterwhat.

Meanwhile,beginningin1965,Leary’sformerpartnerinpsychedelic

research,RichardAlpert,wasoffonaconsiderablylesshecticspiritualodyssey

totheEast.AsRamDass,andtheauthorofthe1971classicBeHereNow,he

wouldputhisownlastingmarkonAmericanculture,havingblazedoneofthe

maintrailsbywhichEasternreligionfounditswayintothecountercultureand

thentheso-calledNewAge.Totheextentthatthe1960sbirthedaformof

spiritualrevivalinAmerica,RamDasswasoneofitsfathers.

ButLeary’spost-Harvard“antics”arerelevanttotheextenttheycontributed

tothemoralpanicthatnowengulfedpsychedelicsanddoomedtheresearch.

Learybecameaposterboynotjustforthedrugsbutfortheideathatacrucial

partofthecounterculture’sDNAcouldbespelledoutinthelettersLSD.

BeginningwithAllenGinsberg’sDecember1960psilocybintripathishousein

Newton,Learyforgedalinkbetweenpsychedelicsandthecounterculturethat

hasneverbeenbrokenandthatissurelyoneofthereasonstheycametobe

regardedassothreateningtotheestablishment.(Couldithavepossiblybeen

otherwise?Whatiftheculturalidentityofthedrugshadbeenshapedby,say,a

conservativeCatholiclikeAlHubbard?It’sdifficulttoimaginesuchacounter

history.)

Itdidn’thelpthatLearylikedtosaythingslike“LSDismorefrightening

thanthebomb”or“ThekidswhotakeLSDaren’tgoingtofightyourwars.

They’renotgoingtojoinyourcorporations.”Thesewerenoemptywords:

beginninginthemid-1960s,tensofthousandsofAmericanchildrenactuallydid

dropout,washinguponthestreetsofHaight-AshburyandtheEastVillage.*

AndyoungmenwererefusingtogotoVietnam.Thewilltofightandthe

authorityofAuthorityhadbeenundermined.Thesestrangenewdrugs,which

seemedtochangethepeoplewhotookthem,surelyhadsomethingtodowithit.

TimothyLearyhadsaidso.

ButthisupheavalwouldalmostcertainlyhavehappenedwithoutTimothy

Leary.Hewasbynomeanstheonlyroutebywhichpsychedelicswereseeping

intoAmericanculture;hewasjustthemostnotorious.In1960,thesameyear

Learytriedpsilocybinandlaunchedhisresearchproject,KenKesey,the

novelist,hadhisownmind-blowingLSDexperience,atripthatwouldinspire

himtospreadthepsychedelicword,andthedrugsthemselves,aswidelyand

loudlyashecould.

ItisoneofthericherironiesofpsychedelichistorythatKeseyhadhisfirst

LSDexperiencecourtesyofagovernmentresearchprogramconductedatthe

MenloParkVeteransHospital,whichpaidhimseventy-fivedollarstotrythe

experimentaldrug.UnbeknownsttoKesey,hisfirstLSDtripwasboughtand

paidforbytheCIA,whichhadsponsoredtheMenloParkresearchaspartofits

MK-Ultraprogram,theagency’sdecade-longefforttodiscoverwhetherLSD

couldsomehowbeweaponized.

WithKenKesey,theCIAhadturnedonexactlythewrongman.Inwhathe

aptlycalled“therevoltoftheguineapigs,”Keseyproceededtoorganizewithhis

bandofMerryPrankstersaseriesof“AcidTests”inwhichthousandsofyoung

peopleintheBayAreaweregivenLSDinanefforttochangethemindofa

generation.TotheextentthatKenKeseyandhisPrankstershelpedshapethe

newzeitgeist,acasecanbemadethattheculturalupheavalwecallthe1960s

beganwithaCIAmind-controlexperimentgoneawry.

•••

INRETROSPECT,thepsychiatricestablishment’sreactionwasprobably

unavoidablethemomentthatHumphryOsmond,AlHubbard,andAldous

Huxleyputforwardtheirnewparadigmforpsychedelictherapyin1956–1957.

Theprevioustheoreticalmodelsusedtomakesenseofthesedrugswere,by

comparison,easytofoldintothefield’sexistingframeworkswithoutgreatly

disturbingthestatusquo.“Psychotomimetics”fitnicelyintothestandard

psychiatricunderstandingofmentalillness—thedrugs’effectsresembled

familiarpsychoses—and“psycholytics”couldbeincorporatedintoboththe

theoryandthepracticeofpsychoanalysisasausefuladjuncttotalkingtherapy.

Butthewholeideaofpsychedelictherapyposedamuchstifferchallengetothe

fieldandtheprofession.Insteadofinterminableweeklysessions,thenewmode

oftherapycalledforonlyasinglehigh-dosesession,aimedatachievingakind

ofconversionexperienceinwhichthecustomaryrolesofbothpatientand

therapisthadtobereimagined.

Academicpsychiatristswerealsomadeuncomfortablebythespiritual

trappingsofpsychedelictherapy.CharlesGrob,theUCLApsychiatristwho

wouldplayanimportantroleintherevivalofresearch,wroteina1998article

onthehistoryofpsychedelicsthat“byblurringtheboundariesbetweenreligion

andscience,betweensicknessandhealth,andbetweenhealerandsufferer,the

psychedelicmodelenteredtherealmofappliedmysticism”—arealmwhere

psychiatry,increasinglycommittedtoabiochemicalunderstandingofthemind,

wasreluctanttoventure.Withitsemphasisonsetandsetting—whatGrobcalls

“thecriticalextra-pharmacologicalvariables”—psychedelictherapywasalsoa

littletooclosetoshamanismforcomfort.Forso-calledshrinksnotentirely

secureintheiridentityasscientists(theslangisshortfor“headshrinkers,”

conjuringimagesofwitchdoctorsinloincloths),thiswasperhapstoofartogo.

Anotherfactorwastheriseoftheplacebo-controlleddouble-blindtrialasthe

“goldstandard”fortestingdrugsinthewakeofthethalidomidescandal,a

standarddifficultforpsychedelicresearchtomeet.

By1963,leadersoftheprofessionhadbeguneditorializingagainst

psychedelicresearchintheirjournals.RoyGrinker,theeditoroftheArchivesof

GeneralPsychiatry,lambastedresearcherswhowereadministering“thedrugsto

themselvesand...[hadbecome]enamoredwiththemysticalhallucinatory

state,”thusrenderingthem“disqualifiedascompetentinvestigators.”Writing

thefollowingyearintheJournaloftheAmericanMedicalAssociation(JAMA),

Grinkerdeploredthepracticeofinvestigatorstakingthedrugsthemselves,

thereby“renderingtheirconclusionsbiasedbytheirownecstasy.”An

unscientific“auraofmagic”surroundedthenewdrugs,anothercriticchargedin

JAMAin1964.(Itdidn’thelpthatsomepsychedelictherapists,likeBettyEisner,

celebratedtheintroductionof“thetranscendentalintopsychiatry”anddeveloped

aninterestinparanormalphenomenon.)

Butalthoughthereissurelytruthtothechargethatresearcherswereoften

biasedbytheirownexperiencesusingthedrugs,theobviousalternative—

abstinence—poseditsownsetofchallenges,withtheresultthattheloudestand

mostauthoritativevoicesinthedebateoverpsychedelicsduringthe1960swere

preciselythepeoplewhoknewtheleastaboutthem.Topsychiatristswithno

personalexperienceofpsychedelics,theireffectswereboundtolookalotmore

likepsychosesthantranscendence.Thepsychotomimeticparadigmhadreturned,

nowwithavengeance.

Afterquantitiesof“bootlegLSD”showeduponthestreetin1962–1963and

peopleinthethroesof“badtrips”beganappearinginemergencyroomsand

psychwards,mainstreampsychiatryfeltcompelledtoabandonpsychedelic

research.LSDwasnowregardedasacauseofmentalillnessratherthanacure.

In1965,BellevueHospitalinManhattanadmittedsixty-fivepeopleforwhatit

calledLSD-inducedpsychoses.Withthemedianowinfullpanicmode,urban

legendsabouttheperilsofLSDspreadmorerapidlythanfacts.*Thesamewas

oftentrueinthecaseofostensiblyscientificfindings.Inonewidelypublicized

study,aresearcherreportedinSciencethatLSDcoulddamagechromosomes,

potentiallyleadingtobirthdefects.Butwhenthestudywaslaterdiscredited

(alsoinScience),therefutationreceivedlittleattention.Itdidn’tfitthenew

publicnarrativeofLSDasathreat.

Yetitwastruethatthemid-1960ssawasurgeofpeopleonLSDshowingup

inemergencyroomswithacutesymptomsofparanoia,mania,catatonia,and

anxiety,aswellas“acidflashbacks”—aspontaneousrecurrenceofsymptoms

daysorweeksafteringestingLSD.Someofthesepatientswerehavinggenuine

psychoticbreaks.Especiallyinthecaseofyoungpeopleatriskfor

schizophrenia,anLSDtripcantriggertheirfirstpsychoticepisode,and

sometimesdid.(Itshouldbenotedthatanytraumaticexperiencecanserveas

suchatrigger,includingthedivorceofone’sparentsorgraduateschool.)Butin

manyothercases,doctorswithlittleexperienceofpsychedelicsmistookapanic

reactionforafull-blownpsychosis.Whichusuallymadethingsworse.

AndrewWeil,whoasayoungdoctorvolunteeredintheHaight-AshburyFree

Clinicin1968,sawalotofbadtripsandeventuallydevelopedaneffectiveway

to“treat”them.“Iwouldexaminethepatient,determineitwasapanicreaction,

andthentellhimorher,‘Willyouexcusemeforamoment?There’ssomeonein

thenextroomwhohasaseriousproblem.’Theywouldimmediatelybeginto

feelmuchbetter.”

TherisksofLSDandotherpsychedelicdrugswerefiercelydebatedduring

the1960s,bothamongscientistsandinthepress.Voicesonbothsidesofthis

debatetypicallycherry-pickedevidenceandanecdotestomaketheircase,but

SidneyCohenwasanexception,approachingthequestionwithanopenmind

andactuallyconductingresearchtoanswerit.Beginningin1960,hepublisheda

seriesofarticlesthattrackhisgrowingconcerns.Forhisfirststudy,Cohen

surveyedforty-fourresearchersworkingwithpsychedelics,collectingdataon

somefivethousandsubjectstakingLSDormescalineonatotaloftwenty-five

thousandoccasions.Hefoundonlytwocrediblereportsofsuicideinthis

population(alowrateforagroupofpsychiatricpatients),severaltransientpanic

reactions,but“noevidenceofseriousprolongedphysicalsideeffects.”He

concludedthatwhenpsychedelicsareadministeredbyqualifiedtherapistsand

researchers,complicationswere“surprisinglyinfrequent”andthatLSDand

mescalinewere“safe.”

LearyandothersoftencitedCohen’s1960paperasanexonerationof

psychedelics.Yetinafollow-uparticlepublishedintheJournaloftheAmerican

MedicalAssociationin1962,Cohenreportednewand“alarming”

developments.ThecasualuseofLSDoutsidetheclinicalsetting,andinthe

handsofirresponsibletherapists,wasleadingto“seriouscomplications”and

occasional“catastrophicreactions.”Alarmedthatphysicianswerelosingcontrol

ofthedrug,Cohenwarnedthat“thedangersofsuicide,prolongedpsychotic

reactionsandantisocialactingoutbehaviorexist.”Inanotherpaperpublishedin

theArchivesofGeneralPsychiatrythefollowingyear,hereportedseveralcases

ofpsychoticbreaksandanattemptedsuicideandpresentedanaccountofaboy

who,afteringestingasugarcubelacedwithLSDthathisfather,adetective,had

confiscatedfroma“pusher,”enduredmorethanamonthofvisualdistortions

andanxietybeforerecovering.ItwasthisarticlethatinspiredRoyGrinker,the

journal’seditor,tocondemnpsychedelicresearchinanaccompanying

commentary,eventhoughCohenhimselfcontinuedtobelievethatpsychedelics

inthehandsofresponsibletherapistshadgreatpotential.Afourtharticlethat

Cohenpublishedin1966reportedstillmoreLSDcasualties,includingtwo

accidentaldeathsassociatedwithLSD,onefromdrowningandtheotherfrom

walkingintotrafficshouting,“Halt.”

Butbalancedassessmentsoftherisksandbenefitsofpsychedelicswerethe

exceptiontowhatby1966hadbecomeafull-onmoralpanicaboutLSD.A

handfulofheadlinesfromtheperiodsuggeststhemood:“LSD-UseCharged

withKillingTeacher”;“SampledLSD,YouthPlungesfromViaduct”;“LSDUse

NearEpidemicinCalifornia”;“SixStudentsBlindedonLSDTripinSun”;

“Girl,5,EatsLSDandGoesWild”;“ThrillDrugWarpsMind,Kills”;and“A

MonsterinOurMidst—aDrugCalledLSD.”EvenLifemagazine,whichhad

helpedignitepublicinterestinpsychedelicsjustnineyearsbeforewithR.

GordonWasson’senthusiasticarticleonpsilocybin,joinedthechorusof

condemnation,publishingafeverishcoverstorytitled“LSD:TheExploding

ThreatoftheMindDrugThatGotoutofControl.”Nevermindthatthe

magazine’spublisherandhiswifehadrecentlyhadseveralpositiveLSD

experiencesthemselves(undertheguidanceofSidneyCohen);nowthekids

weredoingit,andithadgotten“outofcontrol.”Withpicturesofcrazedpeople

coweringincorners,thestorywarnedthat“anLSDtripisnotalwaysaround

trip”butrathercouldbe“aone-waytriptoanasylum,aprisonoragrave.”*As

ClareBootheLucewrotetoSidneyCohenin1965,“LSDhasbeenyour

Frankensteinmonster.”

•••

OTHERPOWERFULDRUGSsubjecttoabuse,suchastheopiates,havemanagedto

maintainaseparateidentityasalegitimatetoolofmedicine.Whynot

psychedelics?ThestoryofTimothyLeary,themostfamouspsychedelic

researcher,madeitdifficulttoarguethatabrightlinebetweenthescientificand

therecreationaluseofpsychedelicscouldbedrawnandpatrolled.Themanhad

deliberately—indeedgleefully—erasedallsuchlines.Butthe“personality”of

thedrugmayhaveasmuchtodowiththecollapseofsuchdistinctionsasthe

personalitiesofpeoplelikeTimothyLearyortheflawsintheirresearch.

Whatdoomedthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearchwasanirrational

exuberanceaboutitspotentialthatwasnourishedbythedrugsthemselves—that,

andthefactthatthesechemicalsarewhattodaywewouldcalldisruptive

technologies.Forpeopleworkingwiththesepowerfulmolecules,itwas

impossiblenottoconcludethat—likethatdivinitystudentrunningdown

CommonwealthAvenue—youweresuddenlyinpossessionofnewswiththe

powertochangenotjustindividualsbuttheworld.Toconfinethesedrugstothe

laboratory,ortousethemonlyforthebenefitofthesick,becamehardtojustify,

whentheycoulddosomuchforeveryone,includingtheresearchersthemselves!

Learymighthavemadehismorestraitlacedcolleaguescringeathislackof

caution,yetmostofthemsharedhisexuberanceandhadcometomoreorless

thesameconclusionsaboutthepotentialofpsychedelics;theywerejustmore

judiciouswhenspeakingabouttheminpublic.

Whoamongthefirstgenerationofpsychedelicresearcherswoulddisputea

wordofthisclassicgustofLearyexuberance,circa1963:“Makenomistake:the

effectofconsciousness-expandingdrugswillbetotransformourconceptsof

humannature,ofhumanpotentialities,ofexistence.Thegameisabouttobe

changed,ladiesandgentlemen.Manisabouttomakeuseofthatfabulous

electricalnetworkhecarriesaroundinhisskull.Presentsocialestablishments

hadbetterbepreparedforthechange.Ourfavoriteconceptsarestandinginthe

wayofafloodtide,twobillionyearsbuildingup.Theverbaldamiscollapsing.

Headforthehills,orprepareyourintellectualcrafttoflowwiththecurrent.”*

SoperhapsLeary’srealsinwastohavethecourageofhisconvictions—his

andeveryoneelse’sinthepsychedelicresearchcommunity.It’softensaidthata

politicalscandaliswhathappenswhensomeoneinpowerinadvertentlyspeaks

thetruth.Learywasalltoooftenwillingtosayoutloudtoanyoneinearshot

whateveryoneelsebelievedbutknewbetterthantospeakorwriteabout

candidly.Itwasonethingtousethesedrugstotreattheillandmaladjusted—

societywillindulgeanyefforttohelpthewaywardindividualconformtoits

norms—butitisquiteanothertousethemtotreatsocietyitselfasifitweresick

andtoturntheostensiblyhealthyintowaywardindividuals.

Thefactisthatwhetherbytheirverynatureorthewaythatfirstgenerationof

researchershappenedtoconstructtheexperience,psychedelicsintroduced

somethingdeeplysubversivetotheWestthatthevariousestablishmentshad

littlechoicebuttorepulse.LSDtrulywasanacid,dissolvingalmosteverything

withwhichitcameintocontact,beginningwiththehierarchiesofthemind(the

superego,ego,andunconscious)andgoingonfromtheretosociety’svarious

structuresofauthorityandthentolinesofeveryimaginablekind:between

patientandtherapist,researchandrecreation,sicknessandhealth,selfandother,

subjectandobject,thespiritualandthematerial.Ifallsuchlinesare

manifestationsoftheApollonianstraininWesterncivilization,theimpulsethat

erectsdistinctions,dualities,andhierarchiesanddefendsthem,then

psychedelicsrepresentedtheungovernableDionysianforcethatblithelywashes

allthoselinesaway.

Butitsurelyisnotthecasethattheforcesunleashedbythesechemicalsare

necessarilyungovernable.Eventhemostpowerfulacidscanbecarefully

handledandputtouseastoolsforaccomplishingimportantthings.Whatisthe

storyofthefirst-waveresearchersifnotastoryaboutsearchingforan

appropriatecontainerforthesepowerfulchemicals?Theytestedseveraldifferent

possibilities:thepsychotomimetic,thepsycholytic,thepsychedelic,and,still

later,theentheogenic.Nonewereperfect,buteachrepresentedadifferentwayto

regulatethepowerofthesecompounds,byproposingasetofprotocolsfortheir

useaswellasatheoreticalframework.WhereLearyandthecounterculture

ultimatelypartedwayswiththefirstgenerationofresearcherswasindeciding

thatnosuchcontainer—whethermedical,religious,orscientific—wasneeded

andthatanunguided,do-it-yourselfapproachtopsychedelicswasjustfine.This

isrisky,asitturnsout,andprobablyamistake.Buthowwouldweeverhave

discoveredthis,withoutexperimenting?Before1943,oursocietyhadneverhad

suchpowerfulmind-changingdrugsavailabletoit.

Othersocietieshavehadlongandproductiveexperiencewithpsychedelics,

andtheirexamplesmighthavesavedusalotoftroublehadweonlyknownand

paidattention.Thefactthatweregardmanyofthesesocietiesas“backward”

probablykeptusfromlearningfromthem.Butthebiggestthingwemighthave

learnedisthatthesepowerfulmedicinescanbedangerous—bothtothe

individualandtothesociety—whentheydon’thaveasturdysocialcontainer:a

steadyingsetofritualsandrules—protocols—governingtheiruse,andthe

crucialinvolvementofaguide,thefigurethatisusuallycalledashaman.

Psychedelictherapy—theHubbardmethod—wasgropingtowardaWesternized

versionofthisideal,anditremainstheclosestthingwehavetosuchaprotocol.

ForyoungAmericansinthe1960s,forwhomthepsychedelicexperiencewas

newineveryway,thewholeideaofinvolvingelderswasprobablynevergoing

tofly.Butthisis,Ithink,thegreatlessonofthe1960sexperimentwith

psychedelics:theimportanceoffindingthepropercontext,orcontainer,for

thesepowerfulchemicalsandexperiences.

Speakingoflines,psychedelicsinthe1960sdiddrawatleastoneofthem,

andithasprobablyneverbeforebeenquitesosharporbright:theline,Imean,

betweengenerations.Sayingexactlyhoworwhatpsychedelicscontributedto

thecountercultureofthe1960sisnotaneasytask,thereweresomanyother

forcesatwork.Withorwithoutpsychedelics,thereprobablywouldhavebeena

counterculture;theVietnamWarandthedraftmadeitmorethanlikely.Butthe

formsthecounterculturetookanditsdistinctivestyles—ofmusic,art,writing,

design,andsocialrelations—wouldsurelyhavebeencompletelydifferentwere

itnotforthesechemicals.PsychedelicsalsocontributedtowhatToddGitlinhas

calledthe“asif”moodof1960spolitics—thesensethateverythingnowwasup

forgrabs,thatnothinggivenwasinviolate,andthatitmightactuallybepossible

toerasehistory(therewasthatacidagain)andstarttheworldoveragainfrom

scratch.

Buttotheextentthattheupheavalofthe1960swastheresultofanunusually

sharpbreakbetweengenerations,psychedelicsdeservemuchoftheblame—or

credit—forcreatingthisunprecedented“generationgap.”Foratwhatothertime

inhistorydidasociety’syoungundergoasearingriteofpassagewithwhichthe

previousgenerationwasutterlyunfamiliar?Normally,ritesofpassagehelpknit

societiestogetherastheyoungcrossoverhurdlesandthroughgateserectedand

maintainedbytheirelders,comingoutontheothersidetotaketheirplaceinthe

communityofadults.Notsowiththepsychedelicjourneyinthe1960s,whichat

itsconclusiondroppeditsyoungtravelersontoapsychiclandscape

unrecognizabletotheirparents.Thatthiswon’teverhappenagainisreasonto

hopethatthenextchapterinpsychedelichistorywon’tbequitesodivisive.

Somaybethis,then,istheenduringcontributionofLeary:byturningona

generation—thegenerationthat,yearslater,hasnowtakenchargeofour

institutions—hehelpedcreatetheconditionsinwhicharevivalofpsychedelic

researchisnowpossible.

•••

BYTHEENDOF1966,thewholeprojectofpsychedelicsciencehadcollapsed.In

Aprilofthatyear,Sandoz,hopingtodistanceitselffromthecontroversy

engulfingthedrugthatAlbertHofmannwouldcometocallhis“problemchild,”

withdrewLSD-25fromcirculation,turningovermostofitsremainingstocksto

theU.S.governmentandleadingmanyoftheseventyresearchprogramsthen

underwaytoshutdown.

InMayofthatyear,theSenateheldhearingsabouttheLSDproblem.

TimothyLearyandSidneyCohenbothtestified,attemptingvaliantlytodefend

psychedelicresearchanddrawlinesbetweenlegitimateuseandablackmarket

thatthegovernmentwasnowdeterminedtocrush.Theyfoundasurprisingly

sympatheticearinSenatorRobertF.Kennedy,whosewife,Ethel,hadreportedly

beentreatedwithLSDatHollywoodHospitalinVancouver—oneofAl

Hubbard’soutposts.GrillingtheFDAregulatorsabouttheirplanstocancel

manyoftheremainingresearchprojects,Kennedydemandedtoknow,“Whyif

[theseprojects]wereworthwhilesixmonthsago,whyaren’ttheyworthwhile

now?”Kennedysaiditwouldbea“losstothenation”ifpsychedelicswere

bannedfrommedicinebecauseofillicituse.“Perhapswehavelostsightofthe

factthat[they]canbevery,veryhelpfulinoursocietyifusedproperly.”

ButKennedygotnowhere.Leary,andperhapsthedrugsthemselves,had

madedrawingsuchdistinctionsimpossible.InOctober,somesixtypsychedelic

researchersscatteredacrosstheUnitedStatesreceivedaletterfromtheFDA

orderingthemtostoptheirwork.

JamesFadiman,thepsychologistconductingexperimentsoncreativityatthe

InternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudyinMenloPark,rememberstheday

well.TheletterrevokingFDAapprovaloftheprojectarrivedattheverymoment

hehadfinisheddosingfourofhisproblem-solvingcreativestobegintheir

session.Ashereadtheletter,sprawledonthefloorinthenextroom,“fourmen

lay,theirmindsliterallyexpanding.”Fadimansaidtohiscolleagues,“Ithinkwe

needtoagreethatwegotthislettertomorrow.”Andsoitwasnotuntilthe

followingdaythattheresearchprogramoftheInternationalFoundationfor

AdvancedStudy,alongwithvirtuallyeveryotherresearchprogramthenunder

wayintheUnitedStates,closeddown.

Onepsychedelicresearchprogramsurvivedthepurge:theMaryland

PsychiatricResearchCenteratSpringGrove.Here,researcherssuchasStanislav

Grof,BillRichards,RichardYensen,and,untilhisdeathin1971,WalterPahnke

(theGoodFridayresearcher)continuedtoexplorethepotentialofpsilocybinand

LSDtotreatalcoholism,schizophrenia,andtheexistentialdistressofcancer

patients,amongotherindications.Itremainssomethingofamysterywhythis

largepsychedelicresearchprogramwasallowedtocontinue—asitdiduntil

1976—whendozensofotherswerebeingcloseddown.Someresearcherswho

weren’tsofortunatespeculatethatSpringGrovemighthavebeenmaking

psychedelictherapyavailabletopowerfulpeopleinWashingtonwhorecognized

itsvalueorhopedtolearnfromtheresearchorperhapswantedtoretaintheir

ownaccesstothedrugs.ButtheformerstaffmembersatthecenterIspoketo

doubtthiswasthecase.Theydidconfirm,however,thatthecenter’sdirector,

AlbertKurland,MD,besideshavingasterlingreputationamongfederal

officials,wasexceptionallywellconnectedinWashingtonandusedhis

connectionstokeepthelightson—andobtainLSD,someofitfromthe

government—foradecadeaftertheyhadbeenswitchedoffeverywhereelse.

Yetitturnsoutthattheeventsofneither1966nor1976putanendto

psychedelicresearchandtherapyinAmerica.Movingnowunderground,itwent

on,quietlyandinsecret.

Coda

InFebruary1979,virtuallyalltheimportantfiguresinthefirstwaveof

AmericanpsychedelicresearchgatheredforareunioninLosAngelesatthe

homeofOscarJaniger.Someonemadeavideotapeoftheevent,andthoughthe

qualityispoor,mostoftheconversationisaudible.HereinJaniger’slivingroom

weseeHumphryOsmond,SidneyCohen,MyronStolaroff,WillisHarman,

TimothyLeary,and,sittingonthecouchnexttohim,lookingdistinctly

uncomfortable,CaptainAlHubbard.He’sseventy-seven(oreight),andhe’s

traveledfromCasaGrande,Arizona,wherehelivesinatrailerpark.He’s

wearinghisparamilitarygetup,thoughIcan’ttellifhe’scarryingasidearm.

Theoldmenreminisce,abitstifflyatfirst.Somehardfeelingshanginthe

air.ButLeary,stillcharming,isremarkablygenerous,workingtoputeveryone

atease.Theirbestdaysarebehindthem;thegreatprojecttowhichtheydevoted

theirliveslayinruins.Butsomethingimportantwasaccomplished,theyall

believe—elsetheywouldn’tbehereatthisreunion.SidneyCohen,dressedina

jacketandtie,asksthequestiononeveryone’smind—“Whatdoesitall

mean?”—andthenventuresananswer:“Itstirredpeopleup.Itcrackedtheir

frameofreferencebythethousands—millionsperhaps.Andanythingthatdoes

thatisprettygoodIthink.”

It’sLeary,ofallpeople,whoasksthegroup,“Doesanyoneherefeelthat

mistakesweremade?”

Osmond,theunfailinglypoliteEnglishman,histeethnowinfullrevolt,

declinestousetheword“mistake.”“WhatIwouldsayis...youcouldhave

seenotherwaysofdoingit.”SomeoneIdon’trecognizecracks,“Therewasa

mistakemade:nobodygaveittoNixon!”

It’sMyronStolaroffwhofinallyconfrontstheelephantintheroom,turning

toLearytosay,“Wewerealittledisturbedatsomeofthethingsyouweredoing

that[were]makingitmoredifficulttocarryonlegitimateresearch.”Leary

remindshimthatashetoldthemthen,hehadadifferentroletoplay:“Letusbe

thefar-outexplorers.Thefartheroutwego,themoregrounditgivesthepeople

atSpringGrovetodenounceus.”Andsoappearresponsible.

“AndIjustwish,Ihopeweallunderstandthatwe’veallbeenplayingparts

thathavebeenassignedtous,andthere’snogood-guy/bad-guy,orcreditor

blame,whatever...”

“Well,IthinkweneedpeoplelikeTimandAl,”SidneyCohenoffers,

geniallyacceptingLeary’sframing.“They’reabsolutelynecessarytogetout,

wayout,toofaroutinfact—inordertomovetheship...[turn]thingsaround.”

Then,turningtoOsmond:“Andweneedpeoplelikeyou,tobereflectiveabout

itandtostudyit.Andlittlebylittle,aslightmovementismadeinthetotality.

So,youknow,Ican’tthinkofhowitcouldhaveworkedoutotherwise.”

AlHubbardlistensintentlytoallthisbuthaslittletoadd;hefiddleswitha

hardbackbookinhislap.Atonepoint,hepipesuptosuggesttheworkshould

goon,druglawsbedamned:Weshould“justkeepondoingit.Wakepeopleup!

Letthemseeforthemselveswhattheyare.IthinkoldCartercouldstandagood

dose!”Carter’sdefensesecretary,HaroldBrown,andCIAdirector,Stansfield

Turner,too.ButHubbard’snotatallsurehewantstobeonthiscouchwith

TimothyLearyandislesswillingthantheotherstoletbygonesbebygones,or

Learyoffthehook,nomatterhowsolicitousheisoftheCaptain.

“Oh,Al!Ioweeverythingtoyou,”Learyoffersatonepoint,beaminghis

mostexcellentsmileatHubbard.“Thegalacticcentersentyoudownjustatthe

rightmoment.”

Hubbarddoesn’tcrackasmile.Andthen,afewminuteslater:

“Yousureasheckcontributedyourpart.”

CHAPTERFOUR

TRAVELOGUE

JourneyingUnderground

MYPLANHADBEENTOvolunteerforoneoftheHopkinsorNYUexperimental

trials.IfIwasgoingtohavemyownguidedpsychedelicjourney,aharrowing

prospectunderanycircumstances,Iverymuchlikedtheideaoftravelinginthe

companyoftrainedprofessionalsclosebyahospitalemergencyroom.Butthe

abovegroundresearcherswerenolongerworkingwith“healthynormals.”This

meantthatifIhopedtohavethejourneyIhadheardsomuchabout,itwould

havetotakeplaceunderground.CouldIfindaguidewillingtoworkwitha

writerwhoplannedtopublishanaccountofhisjourney,andwouldthatperson

besomeoneIfeltsufficientlycomfortablewithandconfidentintoentrustwith

mymind?Thewholeendeavorwasfraughtwithuncertaintyandentailedrisksof

severalkinds—legal,ethical,psychological,andevenliterary.Forhowdoyou

putintowordsanexperiencesaidtobeineffable?

“Curiosity”isanaccuratebuttepidwordforwhatdroveme.Bynow,Ihad

interviewedatlengthmorethanadozenpeoplewhohadgoneonguided

psychedelicjourneys,anditwasimpossibletolistentotheirstorieswithout

wonderingwhatthejourneywouldbelikeforone’sself.Formanyofthem,

thesewereamongthetwoorthreemostprofoundexperiencesoftheirlives,in

severalcaseschangingtheminpositiveandlastingways.Tobecomemore

“open”—especiallyatthisage,whenthegroovesofmentalhabithavebeen

etchedsodeepastoseeminescapable—wasanappealingprospect.Andthen

therewasthepossibility,howeverremote,ofhavingsomekindofspiritual

epiphany.ManyofthepeopleI’dinterviewedhadstartedoutstone-cold

materialistsandatheists,nomorespirituallydevelopedthanI,andyetseveral

hadhad“mysticalexperiences”thatleftthemwiththeunshakableconviction

thattherewassomethingmoretothisworldthanweknow—a“beyond”ofsome

kindthattranscendedthematerialuniverseIpresumetoconstitutethewhole

shebang.IthoughtoftenaboutoneofthecancerpatientsIinterviewed,an

avowedatheistwhohadneverthelessfoundherself“bathedinGod’slove.”

YetnoteverythingI’dheardfromthesepeoplemademeeagertofollowthem

ontothecouch.Manyhadbeenbornebypsilocybindeepintotheirpasts,afew

ofthemtravelingallthewaybacktoscenesofunrememberedchildhoodtrauma.

Thesejourneyshadbeenwrenching,shakingthetravelerstotheircore,butthey

hadbeencathartictoo.Clearlythesemedicines—asguidesbothabove-and

belowgroundinvariablycallthedrugstheyadminister—powerfullystirthe

psychicpot,surfacingallsortsofrepressedmaterial,someofitterrifyingand

ugly.DidIreallywanttogothere?

No!—tobeperfectlyhonest.YoushouldknowIhaveneverbeenonefor

deeporsustainedintrospection.Myusualorientationismoreforwardthanback,

ordown,andIgenerallyprefertoleavemypsychicdepthsundisturbed,

assumingtheyexist.(There’squiteenoughtodealwithuphereonthesurface;

maybethat’swhyIbecameajournalistratherthananovelistorpoet.)Allthat

stuffdownthereinthepsychicbasementhasbeenstowedthereforareason,and

unlessyou’relookingforsomethingspecifictohelpsolveaproblem,whywould

anyonewillinglygodownthosestepsandswitchonthatlight?

Peoplegenerallythinkofmeasafairlyeven-keeledandpsychologically

sturdyperson,andI’veplayedthatroleforsolongnow—inmyfamilyasa

child,inmyfamilyasanadult,withmyfriends,andwithmycolleagues—that

it’sprobablyanaccurateenoughcharacterization.Buteverysooften,perhapsin

thewee-hourthroesofinsomniaorundertheinfluenceofcannabis,Ihavefound

myselftossedinapsychicstormofexistentialdreadsodarkandviolentthatthe

keelcomesofftheboat,capsizingthistrustyidentity.Atsuchtimes,Ibegin

seriouslytoentertainthepossibilitythatsomewheredeepbeneaththeequable

presenceIpresent,thereexistsashadowmemadeupofforcesroiling,anarchic,

andpotentiallymad.Justhowthinistheskinofmysanity?Therearetimes

whenIwonder.Perhapswealldo.ButdidIreallywanttofindout?R.D.Laing

oncesaidtherearethreethingshumanbeingsareafraidof:death,otherpeople,

andtheirownminds.Putmedownastwoforthree.Buttherearemomentswhen

curiositygetsthebetteroffear.Iguessformesuchamomenthadarrived.

•••

BY“PSYCHEDELICUNDERGROUND,”Idon’tmeantheshadowyworldofpeople

making,selling,andusingpsychedelicdrugsillegally.Ihaveinmindaspecific

subsetofthatworld,populatedbyperhapsacouplehundred“guides,”or

therapists,workingwithavarietyofpsychedelicsubstancesinacarefully

prescribedmanner,withtheintentionofhealingtheillorbetteringthewellby

helpingthemfulfilltheirspiritual,creative,oremotionalpotential.Manyof

theseguidesarecredentialedtherapists,sobydoingthisworktheyarerisking

notonlytheirfreedombutalsotheirprofessionallicenses.Imetonewhowasa

physicianandheardaboutanother.Somearereligiousprofessionals—rabbisand

ministersofvariousdenominations;afewcallthemselvesshamans;one

describedhimselfasadruid.Therestaretherapiststrainedindizzying

combinationsofalternativeschools:ImetJungiansandReichians,Gestalt

therapistsand“transpersonal”psychologists;energyhealers;practitionersof

aurawork,breathwork,andbodywork;EST,past-life,andfamilyconstellation

therapists,visionquesters,astrologers,andmeditationteachersofeverystripe—

ashaggyreunionofthatwhole1970sclassofalternative“modalities”that

usuallygetlumpedtogetherundertherubricofthe“humanpotentialmovement”

andthathasasitsworldheadquartersEsalen.TheNewAgeterminologycanbe

alittleoff-putting;thereweretimeswhenIfeltIwaslisteningtopeoplewhose

languageandvocabularyhadstoppedevolvingsometimeintheearly1970s,at

theverymomentwhenpsychedelictherapywasforcedunderground,freezinga

subcultureintime.

ItrackeddownseveralofthesepeopleintheBayArea,whichprobablyhas

thelargestconcentrationofundergroundguidesinthecountry,withoutmuch

difficulty.Askingaround,Isoondiscoveredthatafriendhadafriendwho

workedwithaguidedowninSantaCruz,doinganannualpsilocybinjourneyon

theoccasionofhisbirthday.Ialsosoondiscoveredthatthemembranebetween

theabovegroundandthebelowgroundpsychedelicworldsispermeablein

certainplaces;acoupleofthepeopleIbefriendedwhilereportingonthe

universitypsilocybintrialswerewillingtointroducemeto“colleagues”who

workedunderground.Oneintroductionledtoanotheraspeoplecametotrustmy

intentions.Bynow,I’veinterviewedfifteenundergroundguidesandhave

workedwithfive.

Consideringtherisksinvolved,Ifoundmostofthesepeopleunexpectedly

open,generous,andtrusting.Althoughtheauthoritieshavesofarshownno

interestingoingafterpeoplepracticingpsychedelic-assistedtherapy,thework

remainsillegalandsoisdangeroustosharewithajournalistwithouttaking

precautions.Alltheguidesaskedmenottodisclosetheirnamesorlocationsand

totakewhateverothermeasuresIcouldtoprotectthem.Withthatinmind,I

havechangednotonlytheirnamesandlocationsbutalsocertainother

identifyingdetailsineachoftheirstories.Butallthepeopleyouareaboutto

meetarerealindividuals,notcompositesorfictions.

VirtuallyalloftheundergroundguidesImetaredescendedinonewayor

anotherfromthegenerationofpsychedelictherapistsworkingontheWestCoast

andaroundCambridgeduringthe1950sand1960swhenthisworkwasstill

legal.Indeed,justabouteveryoneIinterviewedcouldtraceaprofessional

lineagereachingbacktoTimothyLeary(oftenthroughoneofhisgraduate

students),StanislavGrof,AlHubbard,oraBayAreapsychologistnamedLeo

Zeff.Zeff,whodiedin1988,wasoneoftheearliestundergroundtherapists,and

certainlythemostwell-known;heclaimstohave“processed”(AlHubbard’s

term)threethousandpatientsandtrained150guidesduringhiscareer,including

severaloftheonesImetontheWestCoast.

Zeffalsoleftaposthumous(andanonymous)accountofhiswork,inthe

formofa1997bookcalledTheSecretChief,aseriesofinterviewswitha

therapistcalledJacobconductedbyhisclosefriendMyronStolaroff.(In2004,

Zeff’sfamilygaveStolaroffpermissiontodisclosehisidentityandrepublishthe

bookasTheSecretChiefRevealed.)Ontheevidenceofhisinterviews,Zeffisin

manywaystypicaloftheundergroundtherapistsImet,inbothhisapproachand

hismanner;hecomesacrossratherasfolksy,orhaimish,touseaYiddishword

Zeffwouldhaveappreciated,ratherthanasarenegade,guru,orhippie.Ina

photographincludedinthe2004edition,asmilingZeff,wearingabigpairof

aviatorglassesandasweatervestoverhisshirtsleeves,looksmorelikea

favoriteunclethaneitheranoutlawormystic.Yethewasboth.

Zeffwasaforty-nine-year-oldJungiantherapistpracticinginOaklandin

1961whenhehadhisfirsttrip,onahundredmicrogramsofLSD.(Itmighthave

beenStolaroffhimselfwhofirst“trippedhim,”toborrowoneofZeff’s

locutions.)Theguidehadaskedhimtobringalonganobjectofpersonal

significance,soZeffbroughthisTorah.AftertheeffectsoftheLSDhadcome

on,hisguide“laidtheTorahacrossmychestandIimmediatelywentintothelap

ofGod.HeandIwereOne.”

Zeffsoonbeganincorporatingarangeofdifferentpsychedelicsinhis

practiceandfoundthatthemedicineshelpedhispatientsbreakthroughtheir

defenses,bringingburiedlayersofunconsciousmaterialtothesurface,and

achievespiritualinsights,ofteninasinglesession.Theresultswereso

“fantastic,”hetoldStolaroff,thatwhenthefederalgovernmentputpsychedelics

onschedule1in1970,prohibitingtheiruseforanypurpose,Zeffmadethe

momentousdecisiontocontinuehisworkunderground.

Thiswasnoteasy.“ManytimesI’dbeinmuchagonyfallingasleep,and

wakeupinthemorningandhaveithitme,”hetoldStolaroff.“‘Jacob[his

pseudonym],forChrist’ssakewhatareyouexposingyourselftoallthisshitfor?

Youdon’tneedit.’ThenI’dlookandI’dsay,‘Lookatthepeople.Lookwhat’s

happeningtothem.’I’dsay,‘Isitworthit?’...InevitablyI’dcomebackwith

‘Yeah,it’sworthit’...Whateveryouhavetogothrough.It’sworthitto

producetheseresults!”

Duringhislongcareer,Zeffhelpedcodifymanyoftheprotocolsof

undergroundtherapy,settingforththe“agreements”guidestypicallymakewith

theirclients—regardingconfidentiality(strict),sexualcontact(forbidden),

obediencetothetherapist’sinstructionsduringthesession(absolute),andsoon

—anddevelopingmanyoftheceremonialtouches,suchashavingparticipants

takethemedicinefromacup:“averyimportantsymbolofthetransformation

experience.”Zeffalsodescribedthedeparturesfromconventionaltherapeutic

practicecommonamongpsychedelicguides.Hebelieveditwasimperativethat

guideshavepersonalexperienceofanymedicinetheyadminister.(Aboveground

guideseitherdon’tseeksuchexperienceordon’tadmittoit.)Hecametobelieve

thatguidesshouldnottrytodirectormanipulatethepsychedelicjourney,

allowingitinsteadtofinditsowncourseanddestination.(“Justleave’em

alone!”hetellsStolaroff.)Guidesshouldalsobewillingtodroptheanalyst’s

maskofdetachment,offeringtheirpersonalitiesandemotions,aswellasa

comfortingtouchorhugtotheclientundergoingaparticularlychallengingtrip.

InhisintroductiontoTheSecretChiefRevealed,MyronStolaroffsketched

theinfluenceofundergroundguideslikeLeoZeffonthefieldasawhole,

suggestingthatthelegitimatepsychedelicresearchthatresumedinthelate

1990s,whenhewaswriting,had“evolvedasaresultofanecdotalevidencefrom

undergroundtherapists”likeZeff,aswellasfromthefirstwaveofpsychedelic

researchdoneinthe1950sand1960s.Psychedelicresearchersworkingin

universitiestodayareunderstandablyreluctanttoacknowledgeit,butthereisa

certainamountoftrafficbetweenthetwoworlds,andasmallnumberoffigures

whomove,somewhatgingerly,backandforthbetweenthem.Forexample,some

prominentundergroundtherapistshavebeenrecruitedtohelptrainanewcohort

ofpsychedelicguidestoworkinuniversitytrialsofpsychedelicdrugs.Whenthe

Hopkinsteamwantedtostudytheroleofmusicintheguidedpsilocybinsession,

itreachedouttoseveralundergroundguides,surveyingtheirmusicalpractices.

Noonehadanyideahowmanyundergroundguideswereworkingin

America,orexactlywhatthatworkconsistedof,until2010.Thatwastheyear

JamesFadiman,theStanford-trainedpsychologistwhotookpartinpsychedelic

researchattheInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudyinMenloParkin

theearly1960s,attendedaconferenceonpsychedelicscienceintheBayArea.

TheconferencewasorganizedbyMAPS,withsponsorshipfromHeffter,the

BeckleyFoundation,andBobJesse’sCouncilonSpiritualPractices,thethree

othernonprofitsthatfundedmostofthepsychedelicresearchunderwayatthe

time.InaHolidayInninSanJose,theconferencebroughttogethermorethana

thousandpeople,includingseveraldozenscientists(whopresentedtheir

research,completewithPowerPointslides),anumberofguidesdrawnfromboth

theuniversitytrialsandtheunderground,andagreatmanymore

“psychonauts”—peopleofallageswhomakeregularuseofpsychedelicsintheir

lives,whetherforspiritual,therapeutic,or“recreational”purposes.(AsBob

JesseisalwaysquicktoremindmewheneverIusethatword,“recreational”

doesn’tnecessarilymeanfrivolous,careless,orlackinginintention.Point

taken.)

JamesFadimancametotheMAPSconference“onthesciencetrack,”togive

atalkaboutthevalueoftheguidedentheogenicjourney.Hewonderedifthere

weremanyundergroundguidesintheaudience,soattheendofhistalkhe

announcedthattherewouldbeameetingofguidesat8:00thefollowing

morning.

“Idraggedmyselfoutofbedat7:30expectingtoseemaybefivepeople,but

ahundredshowedup!Itwasstaggering.”

Itwouldprobablybetoostrongtodescribethisfar-flunganddisparategroup

asacommunity,muchlessanorganization,yetmyinterviewswithmorethana

dozenofthemsuggesttheyareprofessionalswhoshareanoutlook,asetof

practices,andevenacodeofconduct.SoonafterthemeetinginSanJose,a

“wiki”appearedontheInternet—acollaborativewebsitewhereindividualscan

sharedocumentsandtogethercreatenewcontent.(FadimanincludedtheURLin

his2011book,ThePsychedelicExplorer’sGuide.)Here,Ifoundtwoitemsof

particularinterest,aswellasseveralsub-wikis—documentsunderdevelopment

—thathadn’thadanewentryforseveralyears;itcouldbethatpublicdisclosure

ofthesiteinFadiman’sbookhadledthecreatorstoabandonitormove

elsewhereonline.

Thefirstitemwasadraftcharter:“tosupportacategoryofprofound,prized

experiencesbecomingmoreavailabletomorepeople.”Theseexperiencesare

describedas“unitiveconsciousness”and“non-dualconsciousness,”among

otherterms,andseveralnon-pharmacologicalmodalitiesforachievingthese

statesarementioned,includingmeditation,breathwork,andfasting.“Aprincipal

tooloftheGuidesisthejudicioususeofaclassofpsychoactivesubstances”

knowntobe“potentspiritualcatalysts.”

Thewebsiteofferswould-beguideslinkstoprintableformsforlegalreleases,

ethicalagreements,andmedicalquestionnaires.(“Wedon’thaveverygood

insurance,”oneguidetoldme,withasardonicsmile.“Sowe’reverycareful.”)

There’salsoalinktoathoughtful“CodeofEthicsforSpiritualGuides,”which

acknowledgesthepsychologicalandphysicalrisksofjourneyingand

emphasizestheguide’sultimateresponsibilityforthewell-beingoftheclient.

Recognizingthatduring“primaryreligiouspractices”“participantsmaybe

especiallyopentosuggestion,manipulation,andexploitation,”thecodestates

thatitisincumbentupontheguidetodiscloseallrisks,obtainconsent,guarantee

confidentiality,protectthesafetyandhealthofparticipantsatalltimes,

“safeguardagainst...ambition”andself-promotion,andaccommodateclients

“withoutregardtotheirabilitytopay.”

Perhapsthemostusefuldocumentonthewebsiteisthe“Guidelinesfor

VoyagersandGuides.”*Theguidelinesrepresentacompendiumofhalfa

century’saccumulatedknowledgeandwisdomabouthowbesttoapproachthe

psychedelicjourney,whetherasaparticipantorasaguide.Itcoversthebasics

ofsetandsetting;mentalandphysicalpreparationforthesession;potentialdrug

interactions;thevalueofformulatinganintention;whattoexpectduringthe

experience,bothgoodandbad;thestagesofthejourney;whatcangowrongand

howtodealwithfrighteningmaterial;thesupremeimportanceofpost-session

“integration”;andsoon.

Forme,standingonthethresholdofsuchanexperience,itwasreassuringto

learnthattheundergroundcommunityofpsychedelicguides,whichIhad

assumedconsistedofabunchofindividualsalldoingprettymuchtheirown

thing,operatedlikeprofessionals,workingfromabodyofaccumulated

knowledgeandexperienceandinasetoftraditionsthathadbeenhandeddown

frompsychedelicpioneerssuchasAlHubbard,TimothyLeary,MyronStolaroff,

StanGrof,andLeoZeff.Theyhadrulesandcodesandagreements,andmany

elementsoftheworkhadbeenmoreorlessinstitutionalized.

Stumblinguponthewebsitealsomademeappreciatejusthowfartheculture

ofpsychedelicshasevolvedsincethe1950sand1960s.Implicitinthese

documents,itseemedtome,wastherecognitionthatthesepowerful,anarchic

medicinescanandhavebeenmisusedandthatiftheyaretodomoregoodthan

harm,theyrequireaculturalvesselofsomekind:protocols,rules,andrituals

thattogetherformakindofApolloniancounterweighttocontainandchannel

theirsheerDionysianforce.Modernmedicine,withitscontrolledtrialsand

white-coatedcliniciansandDSMdiagnoses,offersonesuchcontainer;the

undergroundguidesofferanother.

•••

YETTHEFIRSTCOUPLEofguidesIintervieweddidnotfillmewithconfidence.

MaybeitwasbecauseIwassonewtotheterritory,andnervousaboutthe

contemplatedjourney,butIkepthearingthingsintheirspielsthatsetoffalarm

bellsandmademewanttorunintheoppositedirection.

Andrei,thefirstguideIinterviewed,wasagruffRomanian-bornpsychologist

inhislatesixtieswithdecadesofexperience;hehadworkedwithafriendofa

friendofafriend.Wemetathisofficeinamodestneighborhoodofsmall

bungalowsandneatlawnsinacityinthePacificNorthwest.Ahand-lettered

signonthedoorinstructedvisitorstoremovetheirshoesandcomeupstairsto

thedimlylitwaitingroom.Akilimrughadbeenpinnedtothewall.

InsteadofatablepiledwitholdcopiesofPeopleorConsumerReports,I

foundasmallshrinepopulatedwithspiritualartifactsfromabewilderingvariety

oftraditions:aBuddha,acrystal,acrow’swing,abrassbowlforburning

incense,abranchofsage.Atthebackoftheshrinestoodtwoframed

photographs,oneofaHinduguruIdidn’trecognizeandtheotherofaMexican

curanderaIdid:MaríaSabina.

ThiswasnotthelasttimeIwouldencountersuchaconfusingtableau.Infact

everyguideImetmaintainedsomesuchshrineintheroomwhereheorshe

worked,andclientswereoftenaskedtocontributeanitemofpersonal

significancebeforeembarkingontheirjourneys.WhatIwastemptedtodismiss

asasmorgasbordofequal-opportunityNewAgetchotchkes,Iwouldeventually

cometoregardmoresympathetically,asthematerialexpressionofthe

syncretismprevalentinthepsychedeliccommunity.Membersofthiscommunity

tendtobemorespiritualthanreligiousinanyformalsense,focusedonthe

commoncoreofmysticismor“cosmicconsciousness”thattheybelievelies

behindallthedifferentreligioustraditions.Sowhatappearedtomeasabunch

ofconflictingsymbolsofdivinityareinfactdifferentmeansofexpressingor

interpretingthesameunderlyingspiritualreality,“theperennialphilosophy”that

AldousHuxleyheldtoundergirdallreligionsandtowhichpsychedelics

supposedlycanofferdirectaccess.

Afterafewminutes,Andreiboundedintotheroom,andwhenIstoodtooffer

myhand,hesurprisedmewithabearhug.Abigmanwithafullheadofhastily

combedgrayhair,Andreiwaswearingablue-checkedbutton-downovera

yellowT-shirtthatstruggledtoencompasstheglobeofhisbelly.Speakingwith

athickaccent,hemanagedtoseembothamiableanddisconcertinglyblunt.

AndreihadhisfirstexperiencewithLSDattwenty-one,soonafterhecame

outofthearmy;afriendhadsentitfromAmerica,andtheexperience

transformedhim.“Itmademerealizeweliveaverylimitedversionofwhatlife

is.”ThatrealizationpropelledhimonajourneythroughEasternreligionand

Westernpsychologythateventuallyculminatedinadoctorateinpsychology.

Whenmilitaryservicethreatenedtointerrupthispsycho-spiritualjourney,he

“decidedIhavetomakemyownchoices”anddeserted.

AndreieventuallyleftBucharestforSanFrancisco,boundforwhathehad

heardwas“thefirstNewAgegraduateschool”—theCaliforniaInstituteof

IntegralStudies.Foundedin1968,theinstitutespecializesin“transpersonal

psychology,”aschooloftherapywithastrongspiritualorientationrootedinthe

workofCarlJungandAbrahamMaslowaswellasthe“wisdomtraditions”of

theEastandtheWest,includingNativeAmericanhealingandSouthAmerican

shamanism.StanislavGrof,apioneerofbothtranspersonalandpsychedelic

therapy,hasbeenonthefacultyformanyyears.In2016,theinstitutebegan

offeringthenation’sfirstcertificateprograminpsychedelictherapy.

Aspartofhisdegreeprogram,Andreihadtoundergopsychotherapyand

foundhiswaytoaNativeAmerican“doingmedicinework”intheFourCorners

aswellastheBayArea.“Whoopee!”herecalledthinking.“BecauseofmyLSD

experience,Iknewitwasviable.”Medicineworkbecamehisvocation.

“Ihelppeoplefindoutwhotheyaresotheycanlivetheirlivesfully.Iusedto

workwithwhoevercametome,butsomeweretoofuckedup.Ifyou’reonthe

edgeofpsychosis,thisworkcanpushyouover.Youneedastrongegoinorder

toletgoofitandthenbeabletospringbacktoyourboundaries.”Hementioned

he’doncebeensuedbyatroubledclientwhoblamedhimforasubsequent

breakdown.“SoIdecided,Idon’tworkwithcraziesanymore.AndassoonasI

madethisstatementtotheuniverse,theystoppedcoming.”Thesedaysheworks

withalotofyoungpeopleinthetechworld.“I’mthedangerousvirusofSilicon

Valley.Theycometomewondering,‘WhatamIdoinghere,chasingthegolden

carrotinthegoldencage?’Manyofthemgoontodosomethingmore

meaningfulwiththeirlives.[Theexperience]opensthemuptothespiritual

reality.”

It’shardtosayexactlywhatputmeoffworkingwithAndrei,butoddly

enoughitwaslesstheNewAgeyspiritualismthanhisnonchalanceabouta

processIstillfoundexoticandscary.“Idon’tplaythepsychotherapygame,”he

toldme,asblaséasaguybehindadelicounterwrappingandslicingasandwich.

“Noneofthatblankscreen.Inmainstreampsychology,youdon’thug.Ihug.I

touchthem.Igiveadvice.Ihavepeoplecomestaywithusintheforest.”He

workswithclientsnothereintheofficebutinarurallocationdeepinthewoods

oftheOlympicPeninsula.“Thoseareallbigno-no’s.”Heshruggedasiftosay,

sowhat?

Isharedsomeofmyfears.He’dhearditallbefore.“Youmaynotgetwhat

youwant,”hetoldme,“butyou’llgetwhatyouneed.”Igulpedmentally.“The

mainthingistosurrendertotheexperience,evenwhenitgetsdifficult.

Surrendertoyourfear.Thebiggestfearsthatcomeuparethefearofdeathand

thefearofmadness.Buttheonlythingtodoissurrender.Sosurrender!”Andrei

hadnamedmytwobiggestfears,buthisprescriptionseemedeasiersaidthan

done.

Iwashopingforaguidewhoexudedperhapsalittlemoretendernessand

patience,Irealized,yetIwasn’tsureIshouldletAndrei’sgruffmannerputme

off.Hewassmart,hehadloadsofexperience,andhewaswillingtoworkwith

me.Thenhetoldastorythatdecidedthematter.

Itwasaboutworkingwithamanmyagewhobecameconvincedduringhis

psilocybinjourneyhewashavingaheartattack.“‘I’mdying,’hesaid,‘call911!

Ifeelit,myheart!’Itoldhimtosurrendertothedying.ThatSaintFrancissaid

thatindyingyougaineternallife.Whenyourealizedeathisjustanother

experience,there’snothingmoretoworryabout.”

Okay,butwhatifithadbeenarealheartattack?Outthereinthewoodsinthe

middleoftheOlympicPeninsula?Andreimentionedthatanaspiringguidehe

wastraininghad“onceaskedme,‘Whatdoyoudoifsomeonedies?’”Idon’t

knowwhatIexpectedhimtosay,butAndrei’sreply,deliveredwithoneofhis

mostmatter-of-factshrugs,wasnotit.

“Youburyhimwithalltheotherdeadpeople.”

ItoldAndreiIwouldbeintouch.

Thepsychedelicundergroundwaspopulatedwithagreatmanysuchvivid

characters,Isoondiscovered,butnotnecessarilythekindsofcharactersto

whomIfeltIcouldentrustmymind—orforthatmatteranypartofme.

ImmediatelyaftermysessionwithAndrei,Ihadameetingwithasecond

prospectiveguide,abrilliantpsychologistinhiseightieswhohadbeenastudent

ofTimothyLeary’satHarvard.Hisknowledgeofpsychedelicswasdeep;his

credentialsimpressive;hehadbeenhighlyrecommendedbypeopleIrespected.

YetwhenoverlunchataTibetanrestaurantnearhisofficeheremovedhisbolo

tieandsuspendeditoverthemenu,Ibegantoloseconfidencethatthiswasmy

man.Heexplainedthathereliedontheenergiesreleasedbythependulumswing

ofthesilverclasptochoosetheentréemostlikelytoagreewithhis

temperamentaldigestion.Iforgetwhathistieorderedforlunch,butevenbefore

hebegandilatingontheevidencethat9/11wasaninsidejob,Iknewmysearch

foraguidewasnotoverquiteyet.

•••

ONENOTABLEDIFFERENCEaboutdoingpsychedelicsatsixty,asopposedtowhen

you’reeighteenortwenty,isthatatsixtyyou’remorelikelytohavea

cardiologistyoumightwanttoconsultinadvanceofyourtrip.Thatwasme.A

yearbeforeIhaddecidedtoembarkonthisadventure,myheart,thereliable

operationsofwhichIhadtakencompletelyforgrantedtothatpoint,had

suddenlymadeitspresencefeltand,forthefirsttimeinmylife,demandedmy

attention.Whilesittingatmycomputeroneafternoon,Iwassuddenlymade

awareofapronouncedandcrazilysyncopatednewrhythminmychest.

“Atrialfibrillation”wasthenamethedoctorgavetheabnormalsquigglesthat

appearedonmyEKG.ThedangerofAFibisnotaheartattack,hesaidtomy

(short-lived)relief,butaheightenedriskofstroke.“Mycardiologist”—the

unfortunatephrasehadsuddenlyjoinedmyvocabulary,probablyfortheduration

—putmeonacoupleofmedstocalmtheheartrhythmsandlowertheblood

pressure,plusadailybabyaspirintothinmyblood.Andthenhetoldmenotto

worryaboutit.

Ifollowedallofhisadviceexceptthelastbit.NowIcouldn’thelpbutthink

aboutmyheartconstantly.Allofitsoperationsthathadpreviouslytakenplace

completelyoutsidemyconsciousawarenesssuddenlybecamesalient:something

IcouldhearandfeelwheneverIthoughttocheckin,whichnowwasincessantly.

Monthslater,theAFibhadnotrecurred,butmysurveillanceofmypoorheart

hadgottenoutofcontrol.Icheckedmybloodpressuredailyandlistenedfor

signsofventriculareccentricityeverytimeIgotintobed.Ittookmonthsofnot

havingastrokebeforeIcouldonceagaintrustmyhearttogoaboutitsbusiness

withoutmysupervision.Gradually,thankfully,itretreatedonceagaintothe

backgroundofmyattention.

ItellyouallthisbywayofexplainingwhyIfeltIshouldtalktomy

cardiologistbeforeembarkingonapsychedelicjourney.Mycardiologistwasmy

age,sonotlikelytobeshockedbytheword“psilocybin”or“LSD”or

“MDMA.”ItoldhimwhatIhadinmindandaskedifanyofthedrugsin

questionwerecontraindicated,givenmycoronaryissues,oriftherewasanyrisk

ofaninteractionwiththemedshehadprescribed.Hewasnotoverlyconcerned

aboutthepsychedelics—mostofthemconcentratetheireffectsinthemindwith

remarkablylittleimpactonthecardiovascularsystem—butoneofthedrugsI

mentionedheadvisedIavoid.ThiswasMDMA,alsoknownasEcstasyor

Molly,whichhasbeenonschedule1sincethemid-1980s,whenitemergedasa

popularravedrug.

Thedrug3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamineisnotaclassicalpsychedelic

(itworksondifferentbrainreceptorsanddoesn’thavestrongvisualeffects),yet

severaloftheguidesIwasinterviewinghadtoldmeitwaspartoftheirregimen.

Sometimescalledanempathogen,MDMAlowerspsychologicaldefensesand

helpstoswiftlybuildabondbetweenpatientandtherapist.(LeoZeffwasoneof

thefirsttherapiststouseMDMAinthe1970s,afterthecompoundwas

popularizedbyhisfriendthelegendaryBayAreachemistSashaShulginandhis

wife,thetherapistAnnShulgin.)GuidestoldmeMDMAwasagoodwayto

“breaktheice”andestablishtrustbeforethepsychedelicjourney.(Onesaid,“It

condensesyearsofpsychotherapyintoanafternoon.”)Butasitsscientificname

indicates,MDMAisanamphetamine,andso,chemically,itimplicatestheheart

inawaypsychedelicsdon’t.Iwasdisappointedmycardiologisthadtaken

MDMAoffthetablebutpleasedthathehadmoreorlessgivenmeagreenlight

ontherestofmytravelplans.

TripOne:LSD

Atleastonpaper,nothingaboutthefirstguideIchosetoworkwithsounds

auspicious.Themanlivedandworkedsofaroffthegrid,inthemountainsofthe

AmericanWest,thathehadnophoneservice,generatedhisownelectricity,

pumpedhisownwater,grewhisownfood,andhadonlythespottiestsatellite

Internet.Icouldjustforgetaboutthewholeideaofbeinganywhereinrangeofa

hospitalemergencyroom.ThentherewasthefactthatwhileIwasaJewfroma

familythathadoncebeenreluctanttobuyaGermancar,thisfellowwastheson

ofaNazi—aGermaninhismidsixtieswhosefatherhadservedintheSSduring

WorldWarII.AfterIhadheardsomuchabouttheimportanceofbothsetand

setting,noneofthesedetailsauguredespeciallywell.

YetIlikedFritzfromthemomenthecameouttogreetme,offeringabroad

grinandawarmhug(Iwasgettingusedtothese)whenIpulledmyrentalinto

hisremotecamp.Thisconsistedofatidyvillageofstructures—ahandmade

houseandacoupleofsmallercabins,anoctagonalyurt,andtwogailypainted

outhousessetoutinaclearingonthecrestofaheavilywoodedmountain.

Followingthehand-drawnmapFritzhadsentme(theareawasterraincognita

forGPS),Idroveformilesonadustydirtroadthatpassedthroughtheblasted

landscapeofanabandonedminebeforerisingintoadarkforestofcypressand

ponderosapine,withadenseunderstoryofmanzanitas,theirsmoothbarkthe

coloroffreshblood.Ihadcometothemiddleofnowhere.

Fritzwasatangleofcontradictionandyetmanifestlyawarmandseemingly

happyman.Atsixty-five,heresembledaEuropeanmovieactorgoneslightlyto

seed,withthickgrayhairpartedinthemiddleandablocky,muscularframejust

beginningtoyield.FritzgrewupinBavaria,thesonofaragingalcoholicwho

hadservedintheSSasabodyguardfortheculturalattachéresponsiblefor

producingoperasandotherentertainmentsforthetroops—theNazis’USO.

Later,hisfatherfoughtontheRussianfrontandsurvivedStalingradbutcame

homefromthewarshell-shocked.Fritzgrewupinthedenseshadeofhismisery,

sharingtheshameandangerofsomanyinhispostwargeneration.

“Whenthemilitarycameforme[toservehisperiodofconscription],”he

said,aswesatathiskitchentablesippingteaonasunnyspringafternoon,“I

toldthemtofuckthemselvesandtheythrewmeintoprison.”Forcedeventually

toserveinthearmy,Fritzwascourt-martialedtwice—onceforsettinghis

uniformonfire.HespenttimeinsolitaryconfinementreadingTolstoyand

DostoyevskyandplottingrevolutionwiththeMaoistinthenextcell,withwhom

hecommunicatedthroughtheprisonplumbing.“Myproudestmomentwasthe

timeIgavealltheguardsOrangeSunshinethatIhadgottenfromafriendin

California.”

Atuniversity,hestudiedpsychologyandtookalotofLSD,whichhe

obtainedfromtheAmericantroopsstationedinGermany.“ComparedtoLSD,

Freudwasajoke.Forhimbiographywaseverything.Hehadnouseformystical

experience.”FritzmovedontoJungandWilhelmReich,“myhero.”Alongthe

way,hediscoveredthatLSDwasapowerfultoolforexploringthedepthsofhis

ownpsyche,allowinghimtoreexperienceandthenletgooftheangerand

depressionthathobbledhimasayoungman.“Therewasmorelightinmylife

afterthat.Somethingshifted.”

AsithadformanyoftheguidesIhadmet,themysticalexperienceFritzhad

onpsychedelicslaunchedhimonadecades-longspiritualquestthateventually

“blewmylinear,empiricalmind,”openinghimuptothepossibilityofpastlives,

telepathy,precognition,and“synchronicities”thatdefyourconceptionsofspace

andtime.HespenttimeonanashraminIndia,wherehewitnessedspecific

scenesthathadbeenprefiguredinhispsychedelicjourneys.Once,makinglove

toawomaninGermany(thetwowerepracticingTantrism),heandsheshared

anout-of-bodyexperiencethatallowedthemtoobservethemselvesfromthe

ceiling.“Thesemedicineshaveshownmethatsomethingquote-unquote

impossibleexists.ButIdon’tthinkit’smagicorsupernatural.It’satechnology

ofconsciousnesswedon’tunderstandyet.”

Normallywhenpeoplestarttalkingabouttranspersonaldimensionsof

consciousnessand“morphogeneticfields,”Ihavelittle(ifany)patience,but

therewassomethingaboutFritzthatmadesuchtalk,ifnotpersuasive,thenat

least...provocative.Hemanagedtoexpressthemostfar-fetchedideasina

disarminglymodest,evendown-to-earthway.Ihadtheimpressionhehadno

agendabeyondfeedinghisowncuriosity,whetherwithpsychedelicsorbookson

paranormalphenomena.Forsomepeople,theprivilegeofhavinghadamystical

experiencetendstomassivelyinflatetheego,convincingthemthey’vebeen

grantedsolepossessionofakeytotheuniverse.Thisisanexcellentrecipefor

creatingaguru.Thecertitudeandcondescensionformeremortalsthatusually

comewiththatkeycanrenderthesepeopleinsufferable.Butthatwasn’tFritz.

Tothecontrary.Hisotherworldlyexperienceshadhumbledhim,openinghimup

topossibilitiesandmysterieswithoutclosinghimtoskepticism—ortothe

pleasuresofeverydaylifeonthisearth.Therewasnothingetherealabouthim.I

surprisedmyselfbylikingFritzasmuchasIdid.

AfterfiveyearsspentlivingonacommuneinBavaria(“wewerealltryingto

undosomeofthedamagedonetothepostwargeneration”),in1976hemeta

womanfromCaliforniawhilehikingintheHimalayasandfollowedherbackto

SantaCruz.TherehefellintothewholeNorthernCaliforniahumanpotential

scene,atvarioustimesrunningameditationcenterforanIndiangurunamed

Rajneeshanddoingbodywork(includingdeep-tissuemassageandRolfing),

GestaltandReichiantherapy,andsomelandscapingtopaythebills.Whenin

1982,soonafterhisfather’sdeath,hemetStanGrofatabreathworkcourseat

Esalen,hefelthehadatlastfoundhisrightfulfather.Duringtheworkshop,Fritz

“hadanexperienceaspowerfulasanypsychedelic.Outoftheblue,I

experiencedmyselfbeingborn—mymothergivingbirthtome.Whilethiswas

happening,IwatchedthegoddessShivaonagiganticIMAXscreen,creating

worldsanddestroyingworlds.EveryoneinthegroupwantedwhatIhad!”He

nowaddedholotropicbreathworktohisbodyworkpractice.

Eventually,FritzdidanintensiveseriesofmultiyeartrainingswithGrofin

NorthernCaliforniaandBritishColumbia.Atoneofthem,hemethisfuture

wife,aclinicalpsychologist.Grofwasostensiblyteachingholotropic

breathwork,thenon-pharmacologicalmodalityhehaddevelopedafter

psychedelicsweremadeillegal.ButFritzsaidthatGrofalsosharedwiththis

selectgrouphisdeepknowledgeaboutthepracticeofpsychedelictherapy,

discreetlypassingonhismethodstoanewgeneration.Severalpeopleinthe

workshop,Fritzandhisfuturewifeamongthem,wentontobecome

undergroundguides.Sheworkswiththewomenwhofindtheirwayupthe

mountain,hewiththemen.

“Youdon’tmakealotofmoney,”Fritztoldme.Indeed,hechargedonlynine

hundreddollarsforathree-daysession,whichincludedroomandboard.“It’s

illegalanddangerous.Youcanhaveapersongopsychotic.Andyoureallydon’t

makealotofmoney.ButI’mahealerandthesemedicineswork.”Itwas

abundantlyclearhehadacallingandlovedwhathedid—lovedwitnessing

peopleundergoprofoundtransformationsbeforehiseyes.

•••

FRITZTOLDMEwhattoexpectifIweretoworkwithhim.Itwouldmean

returninghereforthreedays,sleepingintheeight-sidedyurt,wherewewould

alsodo“thework.”Thefirstafternoonwouldbeawarm-uporget-acquainted

session,usingeitherMDMAorbreathwork.(Iexplainedwhyinmycaseit

wouldhavetobebreathwork.)ThiswouldgivehimachancetoobservehowI

handledanalteredstateofconsciousnessbeforesendingmeonanLSDjourney

themorningofthesecondday;itwouldalsohelphimdetermineasuitabledose.

Iaskedhimhowhecouldbesureofthepurityandqualityofthemedicines

heuses,sincetheycomefromchemistsworkingillicitly.Wheneverhereceivesa

newshipment,heexplained,“Ifirsttestitforpurity,andthenItakeaheroic

dosetoseehowitfeelsbeforeIgiveittoanyone.”NotexactlyFDAapproval,I

thoughttomyself,butbetterthannothing.

Fritzdoesn’ttakeanymedicinehimselfwhilehe’sworkingbutoftengets“a

contacthigh”fromhisclients.Duringthesessionhetakesnotes,selectsthe

music,andchecksineverytwentyminutesorso.“I’llaskyounothowyouare

butwhereyouare.

“I’mherejustforyou,toholdthespace,soyoudon’thavetoworryabout

anythingoranyoneelse.Notthewife,notthechild.Soyoucanreallyletgo—

andgo.”This,Irealized,wasanotherreasonIwaseagertoworkwithaguide.

WhenJudithandIhadourmagicmushroomdaytheprevioussummer,the

simmerofworryaboutherwelfarekeptintrudingonmyjourney,forcingmeto

stayclosetothesurface.MuchasIhatedthepsychobabble-ylocution,Iloved

theideaofsomeone“holdingspace”forme.

“ThatnightI’llaskyoutomakesomenotesbeforeyougotosleep.Onyour

lastmorning,we’llcomparenotesandtrytointegrateandmakesenseofyour

experience.ThenI’llcookyouabigbreakfasttogetyoureadytofacethe

interstate!”

Wescheduledatimeformetocomeback.

•••

THEFIRSTTHINGIlearnedaboutmyselfthatfirstafternoon,workingwithFritzin

theyurt,isthatIam“easytoputunder”—susceptibletotrance,amentalspace

completelynewtomeandaccessiblebynothingmorethanashiftinthepattern

ofone’sbreathing.Itwasthedamnedestthing.

Fritz’sinstructionswerestraightforward:Breathedeeplyandrapidlywhile

exhalingasstronglyasyoucan.“Atfirstitwillfeelunnaturalandyou’llhaveto

concentratetomaintaintherhythm,butafterafewminutesyourbodywilltake

overanddoitautomatically.”Istretchedoutonthemattressanddonnedapair

ofeyeshadeswhileheputonsomemusic,somethinggenericallytribaland

rhythmic,dominatedbythepoundingofadrum.Heplacedaplasticbucketat

myside,explainingthatoccasionallypeoplethrowup.

Itwashardworkatfirst,tobreatheinsuchanexaggeratedandunnatural

way,evenwithFritz’senthusiasticcoaching,butthenallatoncemybodytook

over,andIfoundthatnothoughtwasrequiredtomaintainthedrivingpaceand

rhythm.ItwasasifIhadbrokenfreefromgravityandsettledintoanorbit:the

bigdeepbreathsjustcame,automatically.NowIfeltanuncontrollableurgeto

movemylegsandarmsinsyncwiththepoundingofthedrums,whichresonated

inmyribcagelikeapowerfulnewheartbeat.Ifeltpossessed,bothmybodyand

mymind.Ican’tremembermanythoughtsexcept“Hey,thisisworking,

whateveritis!”

Iwasflatonmybackyetdancingwildly,myarmsandlegsmovingwitha

willoftheirown.AllcontrolofmybodyIhadsurrenderedtothemusic.Itfelta

littlelikespeakingintongues,orwhatIimaginethattobe,withsomeexternal

forcetakingoverthemindandbodyforitsownobscurepurpose.

Therewasn’tmuchvisualimagery,justthenakedsensationofexhilaration,

untilIbegantopicturemyselfonthebackofabigblackhorse,galloping

headlongdownapaththroughaforest.Iwaspercheduphighonitsshoulders,

likeajockey,holdingontightasthebeastscissoreditsgreatmusclesforward

andbackwitheachlongstride.Asmyrhythmsyncedwiththatofthehorse,I

couldfeelmyselfabsorbingtheanimal’spower.Itfeltfantastictosofully

inhabitmybody,asifforthefirsttime.AndyetbecauseIamnotavery

confidentrider(ordancer!),italsofeltprecarious,asifwereItomissabreathor

beatImighttumbleoff.

Ihadnoideahowlongthetrancelasted,timewasutterlylostonme,but

whenFritzgentlybroughtmebacktothepresentmomentandtherealityofthe

room,simplybyencouragingmetoslowandrelaxmybreathing,hereportedI

hadbeen“init”foranhourandfifteenminutes.Ifeltflushedandsweatyand

triumphant,asifIhadrunamarathon;FritzsaidIlooked“radiant”—“young

likeababy.”

“Youhadnoresistance,”hesaidapprovingly;“that’sagoodsignfor

tomorrow.”Ihadnoideawhathadjusthappened,couldrecalllittlemoreofthe

hourthanridingthehorse,buttheepisodeseemedtohaveinvolvedaterrific

physicalreleaseofsomekind.Somethinghadletgoofmeorbeenexpunged,

andIfeltbuoyant.Andhumbledbythemysteryofit.Forherewas(toquote

WilliamJames)oneofthe“formsofconsciousnessentirelydifferent”fromthe

ordinaryandyetsocloseby—separatedfromnormalwakingconsciousness

by...what?Ahandfulofexhalations!

Thensomethingfrighteninghappened.Fritzhadgoneuptothehouseto

prepareourdinner,leavingmetomakesomenotesabouttheexperienceonmy

laptop,whenallatonceIfeltmyheartsurgeandthenbegintodancemadlyin

mychest.IimmediatelyrecognizedthesensationofturbulenceasAFib,and

whenItookmypulse,itwaschaotic.Apanickybirdwastrappedinmyribcage,

throwingitselfagainstthebarsinanattempttogetout.AndhereIwas,adozen

milesoffthegridsmackinthemiddleofnowhere.

Itwentonlikethatfortwohours,straightthroughasubduedandanxious

dinner.Fritzseemedconcerned;inallthehundredsofbreathworksessionshe

hadledorwitnessed,hehadneverseensuchareaction.(Hehadmentioned

earlierasinglefatalityattributedtoholotropicbreathwork:amanwhohadhad

ananeurism.)NowIwasworriedabouttomorrow,andIthinkhewastoo.

ThoughhealsowonderedifperhapswhatIwasfeelinginmyheartmightreflect

somepsychicshiftor“heartopening.”Iresistedtheimpliedmetaphor,holding

firmtotheplaneofphysiology:theheartisapump,andthisoneis

malfunctioning.Wediscussedtomorrow’splan.Maybewewanttogowitha

lowerdose,Fritzsuggested;“you’resosusceptibleyoumightnotneedvery

muchtojourney.”ItoldhimImightbailoutaltogether.Andthen,assuddenlyas

ithadcomeon,Ifeltmyheartslipbackintothesweetgrooveofitsaccustomed

rhythm.

IgotlittlesleepthatnightasadebateragedinmyheadaboutwhetherornotI

wascrazytoproceedinthemorningwithLSDatanydose.Icoulddieuphere

andwouldn’tthatbestupid?ButwasIreallyinanydanger?Nowmyheartfelt

fine,andfromeverythingIread,theeffectsofLSDwereconfinedtothebrain,

moreorless,leavingthecardiovascularsystemunaffected.Inretrospect,itmade

perfectsensethataprocessasphysicallyarduousasholotropicbreathwork

woulddiscombobulatetheheart.*Yes,IcouldtakearaincheckonmyLSD

journey,buteventhethoughtofthatoptionlandedlikeacrushing

disappointment.Ihadcomethisfar,andIhadhadthisintriguingglimpseintoa

stateofconsciousnessthatforallmytrepidationsIwaseagertoexploremore

deeply.

Thiswentonallnight,backandforth,proandcon,butbythetimethesun

cameup,theearliestraysthreadingtheneedlesoftheeasternpines,Iwas

resolved.Atbreakfast,ItoldFritzIfeltgoodandwantedtoproceed.Weagreed,

however,togowithamodestdose—ahundredmicrograms,with“abooster”

afteranhourortwoifIwantedone.

Fritzsentmeoutonawalktoclearmyheadandthinkaboutmyintention

whilehedidthedishesandreadiedtheyurtformyjourney.Ihikedforanhour

onatrailthroughtheforest,whichhadbeenrefreshedovernightbyarain

shower;thecleansedairheldthescentofcedar,andthebarklessredlimbsofthe

manzanitawereglowing.Fritzhadtoldmetolookforanobjecttoputonthe

altar.WhileIwaslookingandwalking,IdecidedIwouldaskFritztogiveme

hispledgethatifanythingwhatsoeverwentwrong,hewouldcall911forhelp

regardlessofthepersonalrisk.

Ireturnedtotheyurtaroundtenwithamanzanitaleafandasmoothblack

stoneinmypocketandastraightforwardintention:tolearnwhateverthejourney

hadtoteachmeaboutmyself.Fritzhadlitafireinthewoodstove,andtheroom

wasbeginningtogiveupitschill.Hehadmovedthemattressacrosstheroomso

myheadwouldbeclosetothespeakers.Insombertones,hetalkedaboutwhat

toexpectandhowtohandlevariousdifficultiesthatmightarise:“paranoia,

spookyplaces,thefeelingyou’relosingyourmindorthatyouaredying.

“It’slikewhenyouseeamountainlion,”hesuggested.“Ifyourun,itwill

chaseyou.Soyoumuststandyourground.”Iwasremindedofthe“flight

instructions”thattheguidesemployedatJohnsHopkins:insteadofturningaway

fromanymonsterthatappears,movetowardit,standyourground,anddemand

toknow,“Whatareyoudoinginmymind?Whatdoyouhavetoteachme?”

Iaddedmystoneandleaftothealtar,whichheldabronzeBuddha

surroundedbytheitemsofmanyprevioustravelers.“Somethinghardand

somethingsoft,”Fritzobserved.IaskedfortheassurancesIneededtoproceed

andreceivedthem.NowhehandedmeaJapaneseteacupatthebottomofwhich

layatinysquareofblotterpaperandthetornscrapsofasecondsquare—the

booster.OnesideoftheblotterpaperhadaBuddhaprintedonit,theothera

cartooncharacterIdidn’trecognize.Iputthesquareonmytongueand,takinga

sipofwater,swallowed.Fritzdidn’tperformmuchofaceremony,buthedid

talkaboutthe“sacredtradition”Iwasnowjoining,thelineageofallthetribes

andpeoplesdownthroughtimeandaroundtheworldwhousedsuchmedicines

intheirritesofinitiation.HereIwas,inrangeofmysixtiethbirthday,taking

LSDforthefirsttime.Itdidfeelsomethinglikeariteofpassage,butapassage

towhere,exactly?

WhilewaitingfortheLSDtocomeon,wesatonthewoodenskirtofdecking

thatcircledtheyurt,chattingquietlyaboutthisandthat.Lifeuphereonthe

mountain;thewildlifethatsharedthepropertywithhimbecausehedidn’tkeepa

dog:thereweremountainlions,bears,coyotes,foxes,andrattlesnakes.Jittery,I

triedtochangethesubject;asitwas,I’dbeenafraidduringthenighttovisitthe

outhouse,choosinginsteadtopeeofftheporch.Lionsandbearsandsnakeswere

thelastthingIwantedtothinkaboutjustnow.

Aroundeleven,ItoldFritzIwasstartingtofeelwobbly.HesuggestedIlie

downonthemattressandputonmyeyeshades.Assoonashestartedthemusic

—somethingAmazonianinflavor,gentlyrhythmicwithtraditionalinstruments

butalsonaturesounds(rainshowersandcrickets)thatcreatedavivid

dimensionalsenseofoutdoorspace—Iwasoff,travelingsomewhereinmy

mind,inafullyrealizedforestlandscapethatthemusichadsomehow

summonedintobeing.Itmademerealizewhatapowerfullittletechnologya

pairofeyeshadescouldbe,atleastinthiscontext:itwaslikedonningapairof

virtualrealitygoggles,allowingmeimmediatelytotakeleaveofthisplaceand

time.

IguessedIwashallucinating,yetthiswasnotatallwhatIexpectedanLSD

hallucinationtobe,whichwasoverpowering.ButFritzhadtoldmethatthe

literalmeaningofthewordistowanderinone’smind,andthatwasexactly

whatIwasdoing,withthesamedesultoryindifferencetoagencythewanderer

feels.YetIstillhadagency:Icouldchangeatwillthecontentsofmythoughts,

butinthisdreamystate,sowideopentosuggestion,Iwashappytoletthe

terrain,andthemusic,dictatemypath.

Andforthenextseveralhoursthemusicdidjustthat,summoninginto

existenceasequenceofpsychiclandscapes,someofthempopulatedbythe

peopleclosesttome,othersexploredonmyown.AlotofthemusicwasNew

Agedrivel—thesortofstuffyoumighthearwhilegettingamassageinahigh-

endspa—yetneverhaditsoundedsoevocative,sobeautiful!Musichadbecome

somethingmuchgreaterandmoreprofoundthanmeresound.Freelytrespassing

thebordersoftheothersenses,itwaspalpableenoughtotouch,formingthree-

dimensionalspacesIcouldmovethrough.

TheAmazonian-tribalsongputmeonatrailthatascendedsteeplythrough

redwoods,followingaravinenotchedintoahillsidebythesilverybladeofa

powerfulstream.Iknowthisplace:itwasthetrailthatrisesfromStinsonBeach

toMountTamalpais.ButassoonasIsecuredthatrecognition,itmorphedinto

somethingelseentirely.Nowthemusicformedaverticalarchitectureofwooden

timbers,horizontalsandverticalsanddiagonalsthatwerebeingmagically

cranedintoplace,forminglevelsthatroseoneontopoftheother,everhigher

intotheskylikeamultistoriedtreehouseunderconstruction,yetastructureas

opentotheairanditsinfluencesasawindchime.

IsawthateachlevelrepresentedanotherphaseinmylifewithJudith.There

wewere,ascendingstagebystagethroughourmanyyearstogether,beginning

askidswhometincollege,fallinginlove,livingtogetherinthecity,getting

married,havingourson,Isaac,becomingafamily,movingtothecountry.Now,

hereatthetop,Iwatchedanew,asyetinchoatestagebeingconstructedas

indeedonenowis:whateverthislifetogetherisgoingtobenowthatIsaachas

grownupandlefthome.Ilookedhard,hopingforsomeclueaboutwhatto

expect,buttheonlythingIcouldseeclearlywasthatthisnewstagewasbeing

builtonthewoodenscaffoldingofearlieronesandthereforepromisedtobe

sturdy.

Soitwent,songbysong,forhours.Somethingaboriginal,withthedeep

spookytonesofadidgeridoo,putmeunderground,movingsomehowthrough

thebrownish-blackrootscapeofaforest.Itensedmomentarily:Wasthisaboutto

getterrifying?HaveIdiedandbeeninterred?Ifso,Iwasfinewithit.Igot

absorbedwatchingawhitetraceryofmyceliumthreadingamongtherootsand

linkingthetreesinanetworkintricatebeyondcomprehension.Iknewallabout

thismycelialnetwork,howitformsakindofarborealInternetallowingthetrees

inaforesttoexchangeinformation,butnowwhathadbeenmerelyan

intellectualconceitwasavivid,feltrealityofwhichIhadbecomeapart.

Whenthemusicturnedmoremasculineormartial,asitnowdid,sonsand

thenfathersfilledmymentalfield.Iwatchedaswiftlyunfoldingbiopicof

Isaac’slifetothispoint—hisstrugglesasanexquisitelysensitiveboy,andhow

thosesensitivitieshadturnedintostrengths,makinghimwhoheis.Ithought

aboutthingsIneededtotellhim—aboutthesurgingprideIfeltasheembarked

onhisadultlifeandmadehiswayinanewcityandcareer,butalsomyfervent

hopethathenothardenhimselfinsuccessordisownhisvulnerabilitiesandhis

sweetness.

IfeltsomethingonmyeyeshadesandrealizedIhadwetthemwithmytears.

IwasalreadyfeelingwideopenandundefendedwhenitdawnedonmethatI

wasn’ttalkingtoIsaac,ornotonlytohim,buttomyselfaswell.Somethinghard

andsomethingsoft:thepairedtermskeptturningoverlikeacoin.Thenight

beforecomingtoFritz’splace,Ihadspokentotwothousandpeopleinaconcert

hall,trackedacrossastagebyaspotlightasIplayedtheroleofthemanwiththe

answers,theonepeoplecoulddependontoexplainthings.Thiswasmuchthe

sameroleIplayedinmyfamilygrowingup,notonlyformyyoungersisters,

but,intimesofcrisis,formyparentstoo.(Evennow,mysistersstubbornly

refuseevertoacceptfrommethewords“Idon’tknow.”)“Sonowlookatme!”I

thought,asmilebloomingonmyface:thisgrownmanblindfoldedandlaidout

onthefloorofapsychedelictherapist’syurt,chasingaftermymindasit

wanderedheedlesslythroughthewoodsofmylife,warmtears—ofwhat?I

didn’tknow!—slidingdownmycheeks.

ThiswasunfamiliarterritoryformeandnotatallwhereIexpectedtofind

myselfonLSD.Ihadn’ttraveledveryfarfromhome.Insteadofthedemonsand

angelsandvariousotherentitiesIwasexpectingtomeet,Iwashavingaseries

ofencounterswiththepeopleinmyfamily.Ivisitedeachoftheminturn,the

musicsettingthetone,andtheemotionscameovermeingreatwaves,whether

ofadmiration(formysistersandmother,whomIpicturedseatedarounda

horseshoe-shapedtable—liketheUN!—eachofthemrepresentingadifferent

idealoffemininestrength);gratitude;orcompassion,especiallyformyfather,a

manbothdrivenandpursuedformuchofhislife,andsomeonewhombefore

thismomentI’dneverbeforefullyimaginedasason,andasonofferociously

demandingparents.

Thefloodtideofcompassionoverfloweditsbanksandleakedintosome

unexpectedplaces,likemyfourth-grademusicclass.HereIinexplicably

encounteredpoorMr.Roper,thisearnestyoungmaninacheapsuitwhoinspite

ofheroiceffortscouldnotgetustogiveashitaboutthesectionsofanorchestra

hemappedontheboardorthecharactersofthevariousinstruments,nomatter

howmanytimesheplayedPeterandtheWolfforus.Ashepacedtheclassroom

inhisexcitement,wewouldwaitinbreathlesssuspenseforhimtostepononeof

theupturnedthumbtacksweplacedinhispath,athrillforwhichwewere

willingtoriskstayingafterschoolindetention.ButwhowasthisMr.Roper,

really?Whycouldn’tweseethatbehindthecartoonfigurewetorturedso

mercilesslywas,nodoubt,adecentguywhowantednothingmorethantoignite

inushispassionformusic?Theunthinkingcrueltyofchildrensentaquick

shiverofshamethroughme.Butthen:WhatasurfeitofcompassionImustbe

feeling,tosparethatmuchforMr.Roper!

Andcrestingoveralltheseencounterscameacascadingdambreakoflove,

loveforJudithandIsaacandeveryoneinmyfamily,loveevenformy

impossiblegrandmotherandherlong-sufferinghusband.Thenextday,during

ourintegrationsession,FritzreadfromhisnotestwothingsIapparentlysaid

aloudduringthispartofthejourney:“Idon’twanttobesostingywithmy

feelings.”And,“Allthistimespentworryingaboutmyheart.Whataboutallthe

otherheartsinmylife?”

Itembarrassesmetowritethesewords;theysoundsothin,sobanal.Thisisa

failureofmylanguage,nodoubt,butperhapsitisnotonlythat.Psychedelic

experiencesarenotoriouslyhardtorenderinwords;totryisnecessarilytodo

violencetowhathasbeenseenandfelt,whichisinsomefundamentalwaypre-

orpost-linguisticor,asstudentsofmysticismsay,ineffable.Emotionsarrivein

alltheirnewbornnakedness,unprotectedfromtheharshlightofscrutinyand,

especially,thepitilessglareofirony.Platitudesthatwouldn’tseemoutofplace

onaHallmarkcardglowwiththeforceofrevealedtruth.

Loveiseverything.

Okay,butwhatelsedidyoulearn?

No—youmustnothaveheardme:it’severything!

Isaplatitudesodeeplyfeltstilljustaplatitude?No,Idecided.Aplatitudeis

preciselywhatisleftofatruthafterithasbeendrainedofallemotion.To

resaturatethatdriedhuskwithfeelingistoseeitagainforwhatitis:the

loveliestandmostdeeplyrootedoftruths,hiddeninplainsight.Aspiritual

insight?Maybeso.Oratleastthat’showitappearedinthemiddleofmy

journey.Psychedelicscanmakeeventhemostcynicalofusintofervent

evangelistsoftheobvious.

Youcouldsaythemedicinemakesyoustupid,butaftermyjourneythrough

whatmustsoundlikeabanalandsentimentallandscape,Idon’tthinkthat’sit.

Forwhatafterallisthesenseofbanality,ortheironicperspective,ifnottwoof

thesturdierdefensestheadultegodeploystokeepfrombeingoverwhelmed—

byouremotions,certainly,butperhapsalsobyoursenses,whichareliableat

anytimetoastonishuswithnewsofthesheerwonderoftheworld.Ifweare

evertogetthroughtheday,weneedtoputmostofwhatweperceiveintoboxes

neatlylabeled“Known,”tobequicklyshelvedwithlittlethoughttothemarvels

therein,and“Novel,”towhich,understandably,wepaymoreattention,atleast

untilitisn’tthatanymore.Apsychedelicisliabletotakealltheboxesoffthe

shelf,openandremoveeventhemostfamiliaritems,turningthemoverand

imaginativelyscrubbingthemuntiltheyshineonceagainwiththelightoffirst

sight.Isthisreclassificationofthefamiliarawasteoftime?Ifitis,thensoisa

lotofart.Itseemstomethereisgreatvalueinsuchrenovation,themoresoas

wegrowolderandcometothinkwe’veseenandfeltitallbefore.

YetonehundredmicrogramsofLSDhadsurelynotpropelledmeintothelap

ofGod,asithadLeoZeff;evenafterthebooster(anotherfiftymicrograms,

whichIwaseagertotake,inhopesofgoingdeeperandlonger).Inever

achievedatranscendent,“non-dual”or“mystical-like”experience,andasI

recappedthejourneywithFritzthefollowingmorning,Iregisteredacertain

disappointment.ButthenovelplaneofconsciousnessI’dspentafewhours

wanderingonhadbeeninterestingandpleasurableand,Ithink,usefultome.I

wouldhavetoseeifitseffectsendured,butitfeltasthoughtheexperiencehad

openedmeupinunexpectedways.

Becausetheacidhadnotcompletelydissolvedmyego,Inevercompletely

losttheabilitytoredirectthestreamofmyconsciousnessortheawarenessitwas

infactmine.Butthestreamitselffeltdistinctlydifferent,lesssubjecttowillor

outsideinterference.Itremindedmeofthepleasantlybizarrementalspacethat

sometimesopensupatnightinbedwhenwe’repoisedbetweenthestatesof

beingawakeandfallingasleep—so-calledhypnagogicconsciousness.Theego

seemstosignoffafewmomentsbeforetherestoftheminddoes,leavingthe

fieldofconsciousnessunsupervisedandvulnerabletogentleeruptionsof

imageryandhallucinatorysnatchesofnarrative.Imaginethatstateextended

indefinitely,yetwithsomeabilitytodirectyourattentiontothisorthat,asifin

anespeciallyvividandabsorbingdaydream.Unlikeadaydream,however,you

arefullypresenttothecontentsofwhatevernarrativeisunfolding,completely

insideitandbeyondthereachofdistraction.Ihadlittlechoicebuttoobeythe

daydream’slogic,itsontologicalandepistemologicalrules,until,eitherbyforce

ofwillorbythefreshnotesofanewsong,thementalchannelwouldchangeand

Iwouldfindmyselfsomewhereelseentirely.

This,Iguess,iswhathappenswhentheego’sgriponthemindisrelaxedbut

noteliminated,asalargerdosewouldprobablyhavedone.“Forthemomentthat

interferingneuroticwho,inwakinghours,triestoruntheshow,wasblessedly

outoftheway,”asAldousHuxleyputitinTheDoorsofPerception.Not

entirelyoutofthewayinmycase,buttheLSDhaddefinitelymuffledthat

controllingvoice,andinthatlightlyregulatedspaceallsortsofinterestingthings

couldbubbleup,thingsthatanyself-respectingegowouldprobablyhavekept

submerged.

IhadhadapsycholyticdoseofLSD,onethatallowedthepatienttoexplore

hispsycheinanunconstrainedbutstilldeliberatemannerwhileremaining

sufficientlycombobulatedtotalkaboutit.Formeitfeltlesslikeadrug

experience—theLSDfeelscompletelytransparent,withnoneofthe

physiologicalnoiseIassociatewithotherpsychoactivedrugs—thananovel

modeofcognition,fallingsomewherebetweenintellectionandfeeling.Ihad

conjuredseveralofthepeopleclosesttome,andinthepresenceofeachofthem

hadcomestrongeremotionsthanIhadfeltinsometime.Adamhadbeen

breached,andthesensationofreleasefeltwonderful.Too,afewgenuine

insightshademergedfromtheseencounters,liketheoneaboutmyfatherasa

son,whichturnedonanactofimagination(ofempathy)thatevengrown

childrenseldomhavesufficientdistancetoperform.Duringourintegration

session,FritzmentionedthatsomepeopleonLSDhaveanexperiencethatin

contentandcharacterismorelikeMDMAthanaclassicpsychedelictrip;maybe

whatIhadhadwastheMDMAsessionI’dhadtopassup.Thenotionofafew

yearsofpsychotherapycondensedintoseveralhoursseemedaboutright,

especiallyafterFritzandIspentthatmorningunpackingthescenesfrommy

journey.

AsIsteeredmyrentalcardownthemountainandtowardtheairportforthe

flighthome,Iwasrelievedthattheexperiencehadbeensobenign(Ihad

survived!Hadrousednosleepingmonstersinmyunconscious!)andgratefulit

hadbeenproductive.Allthatdayandwellintothenext,ahigh-pressuresystem

ofwell-beingdominatedmypsychologicalweather.Judithfoundmeunusually

chattyandavailable;myusualimpatiencewasinabeyance,andIcouldoutlast

heratthetableafterdinner,beinginnohurrytogetupanddothedishessoI

couldmoveontothenextthingandthenthethingafterthat.Iguessedthiswas

theafterglowI’dreadabout,andforafewdaysitcastapleasantlytheatrical

lightovereverything,italicizingtheordinaryinsuchawayastomakemefeel

uncommonly...appreciative.

Itdidn’tlast,however,andintimeIgrewdisappointedthattheexperience

hadn’tbeenmoretransformative.Ihadbeengrantedatasteofaslightlyother

waytobe—lessdefended,Iwouldsay,andsomorepresent.AndnowthatIhad

acquaintedmyselfwiththeterritoryandreturnedfromthisfirstforaymoreor

lessintact,Idecideditwastimetoventurefartherout.

TripTwo:Psilocybin

Mysecondjourneybeganaroundanaltar,inthemiddleofasecond-storyloftin

asuburbofasmallcityontheEasternSeaboard.Thealtarwasbeingprayed

overbyanattractivewomanwithlongblondhairpartedinthemiddleandhigh

cheekbonesthatImentiononlybecausetheywouldlaterfigureinher

transformationintoaMexicanIndian.Seatedacrossthealtarfromme,Mary’s

eyeswereclosedassherecitedalongandelaborateNativeAmericanprayer.

Sheinvokedinturnthepowerofeachofthecardinaldirections,thefour

elements,andtheanimal,plant,andmineralrealms,thespiritsofwhichshe

imploredtohelpguidemeonmyjourney.

Myeyeswereclosedtoo,butnowandagainIcouldn’tresistpeekingoutto

takeinthescene:thesquash-coloredloftwithitspottedplantsandsymbolsof

fertilityandfemalepower;theembroideredpurplefabricfromPeruthatcovered

thealtar;andthecollectionofitemsarrayedacrossit,includinganamethystin

theshapeofaheart,apurplecrystalholdingacandle,littlecupsfilledwith

water,abowlholdingafewrectanglesofdarkchocolate,thetwo“sacreditems”

shehadaskedmetobring(abronzeBuddhaaclosefriendhadbroughtback

fromatriptotheEast;thepsilocybincoinRolandGriffithshadgivenmeatour

firstmeeting),and,squarelybeforeme,anantiqueplatedecoratedina

grandmotherlyfloralpatternthatheldthebiggestpsilocybinmushroomIhad

everseen.ItwashardtobelieveIwasabouttoeatthewholething.

ThecrowdedaltaralsoheldabranchofsageandastubofPaloSanto,a

fragrantSouthAmericanwoodthatIndiansburnceremonially,andthejet-black

wingofacrow.Atvariouspointsintheceremony,MarylitthesageandthePalo

Santo,usingthewingto“smudge”mewiththesmoke—guidethespirits

throughthespacearoundmyhead.Thewingmadeanotherworldlywhooshas

sheflickeditbymyear,thespookysoundofalargebirdcomingtooclosefor

comfort,oradarkspiritbeingshooedawayfromabody.

Thewholethingmustsoundridiculouslyhokey,Iknow,buttheconviction

Marybroughttotheceremony,togetherwiththearomasoftheburningplants

andthesoundsofthewingpulsingtheair—plusmyownnervousnessaboutthe

journeyinstore—castaspellthatallowedmetosuspendmydisbelief.Ihad

decidedtogivemyselfuptothisbigmushroom,andforMary,theguideto

whomIhadentrustedmypsycheforthisjourney,ceremonycountedforasmuch

aschemistry.Inthisshewasactingmorelikeashamanthanapsychologist.

MaryhadbeenrecommendedbyaguideI’dinterviewedontheWestCoast,a

rabbiwhohadtakenaninterestinmypsychedeliceducation.Mary,whowasmy

age,hadtrainedwiththeeighty-somethingstudentofTimothyLearywhomI

hadinterviewedanddecidedwasalittletoofaroutthereforme.Onemight

thinkthesameofMary,onpaper,butsomethingabouthermanner,hersobriety,

andherevidentcompassionmadememorecomfortableinherpresence.

MaryhadpracticedthewholegrabbagofNewAgetherapies,fromenergy

healingtospiritualpsychologytofamilyconstellationtherapy,*beforebeing

introducedtomedicineworkwhenshewasfifty.(“Itcreatedthegluethat

broughttogetherallthisotherworkI’dbeendoing.”)Atthetime,Maryhadused

apsychedeliconlyonceandlongago:athertwenty-firstbirthdaypartywhilein

college.Afriendhadgivenherajarofhoneylacedwithpsilocybinmushrooms.

Maryimmediatelywentuptoherroom,atetwoorthreespoonfuls,“andhadthe

mostprofoundexperienceofbeingwithGod.IwasGodandGodwasme.”

Friendswhohadbeenpartyingdownstairscameuptoknockatherdoor,but

Marywasgone.

AsachildgrowingupoutsideProvidence,Maryhadbeenanenthusiastic

Catholic,until“IrealizedIwasagirl”—afactthatwoulddisqualifyherfrom

everperformingtheceremoniesshecherished.Mary’sreligiositylaydormant

untilthattasteofhoney,which“catapultedmeintoahugechange,”shetoldme

thefirsttimewemet.“IdroppedintosomethingIhadn’tfeltconnectedtosinceI

wasalittlegirl.”Thereawakeningofherspirituallifeledherontothepathof

TibetanBuddhismandeventuallytotakethevowofaninitiate:“‘Toassistall

sentientbeingsintheirawakeningandtheirenlightenment.’Whichisstillmy

vocation.”

Andnowsittingbeforeherinhertreatmentroomwasme,thenextsentient

beingondeck,hopingtobewakened.Isharedmyintention:tolearnwhatI

couldaboutmyselfandalsoaboutthenatureofconsciousness—myownbut

alsoits“transpersonal”dimension,ifsuchadimensionexists.

“Themushroomteacherhelpsustoseewhowereallyare,”Marysaid,

“bringsusbacktooursoul’spurposeforbeinghereinthislifetime.”Ican

imaginehowthesewordsmightsoundtoanoutsider.ButbynowIwasinuredto

theNewAgelingo,perhapsbecauseIhadglimpsedthepotentialforsomething

meaningfulbehindthewell-wornwords.I’dalsobeenimpressedbyMary’s

intelligenceandherprofessionalism.Inadditiontohavingmeconsenttothe

standard“agreements”(bowingtoherauthorityfortheduration;remainingin

theroomuntilshegavemepermissiontoleave;nosexualcontact;andsoon),

shehadmefilloutadetailedmedicalform,alegalrelease,andafifteen-page

autobiographicalquestionnairethattookmethebetterpartofadaytocomplete.

AllofwhichmademefeelIwasingoodhands—evenwhenthosehandswere

flappingacrow’swingaroundmyhead.

Yet,asIsattherebeforethealtar,itseemeddoubtfulIcouldchokedownthat

wholemushroom.Ithadtobefiveorsixincheslong,withacapthesizeofa

golfball.IaskedherifIcouldcrumbleitintoaglassofhotwater,makeatea,

anddrinkit.

“Bettertobefullyconsciousofwhatyou’redoing,”shesaid,“whichis

eatingamushroomthatcamefromtheearth,onebiteatatime.Examineitfirst,

closely,thenstartatthecap.”Sheofferedmeachoiceofhoneyorchocolateto

helpgetitdown;Iwentwiththechocolate.Maryhadtoldmethatafriendof

hersgrowsthepsilocybinandhadlearnedthecraftyearsagoinamushroom

cultivationworkshoptaughtbyPaulStamets.Itseemsthereisonlyoneortwo

degreesofseparationbetweenanytwopeopleinthisworld.

Onthetongue,themushroomwasdryasthedesertandtastedlikeearth-

flavoredcardboard,butalternatingeachbitewithanibbleofthechocolate

helped.Exceptforthegnarlybitattheverybaseofthestipe,Iateallofit,which

amountedtotwograms.Maryplannedtooffermeanothertwogramsalongthe

way,foratotaloffour.Thiswouldroughlyapproximatethedosebeinggivento

volunteersintheNYUandHopkinstrialsandwasequivalenttoroughlythree

hundredmicrogramsofLSD—twiceasmuchasIhadtakenwithFritz.

WechattedquietlyfortwentyminutesorsobeforeMarynoticedmyfacewas

flushedandsuggestedIliedownandputoneyeshades.Ichoseapairofhigh-

techblackplasticones,whichinretrospectmighthavebeenamistake.The

perimeterswerelinedwithsoftblackfoamrubber,allowingthewearertoopen

hiseyestopitchdarkness.CalledtheMindfoldRelaxationMask,Marytoldme,

ithadbeenexpresslydesignedforthispurposebyAlexGrey,thepsychedelic

artist.

AssoonasMaryputonthefirstsong—atrulyinsipidNewAgecomposition

bysomeonenamedThierryDavid(anartistthricenominated,Iwouldlater

learn,inthecategoryofBestChill/GrooveAlbum)—Iwasimmediately

propelledintoanighttimeurbanlandscapethatappearedtohavebeengenerated

byacomputer.Onceagain,soundbegatspace(“inthebeginningwasthenote,”

Irememberthinking,withasenseofprofundity),andwhatItooktobeThierry’s

electronicaconjuredadepopulatedfuturisticcity,witheachnoteforming

anothersoftblackstalagmiteorstalactitethattogetherresembledthehigh-relief

soundproofingmaterialusedtolinerecordingstudios.(Theblackfoamforming

thishigh-relieflandscape,Irealizedlater,wasthesamematerialliningmy

eyeshades.)Imovedeffortlesslythroughthisdigitalnightscapeasifwithinthe

confinesofavideo-gamedystopia.Thoughtheplacewasn’tparticularly

frightening,andithadacertainsleekbeauty,Ihatedbeinginitandwishedtobe

somewhereelse,butitwentonseeminglyforeverandforhours,withnoway

out.ItoldMaryIdidn’tliketheelectronicmusicandaskedhertoputon

somethingelse,butthoughthefeelingtonechangedwiththenewmusic,Iwas

stillstuckinthissunlesscomputerworld.Why,oh,whycouldn’tIbeoutside!In

nature?BecauseIhadnevermuchenjoyedvideogames,thisseemedcruel,an

expulsionfromthegarden:noplants,nopeople,nosunlight.

Notthatthecomputerworldwasn’taninterestingplacetoexplore.Iwatched

inaweas,onebyone,musicalnotesturnedintopalpableformsbeforemyeyes.

Annoyingmusicwasthepresidingdeityoftheplace,thegenerativeforce.Even

themostspa-appropriateNewAgecompositionhadthepowertospawnfractal

patternsinspacethatgrewandbranchedandmultipliedtoinfinity.Weirdly,

everythinginmyvisualfieldwasblack,butinsomanydifferentshadesthatit

waseasytosee.Iwastraversingaworldgeneratedbymathematicalalgorithms,

andthisgaveitacertainalienated,lifelessbeauty.Butwhoseworldwasit?Not

mine,andIbegantowonder,whosebrainamIin?(Please,notThierryDavid’s!)

“Thiscouldeasilytakeaterrifyingturn,”itoccurredtome,andwiththata

dimtideofanxietybegantobuild.Recallingtheflightinstructions,Itoldmyself

therewasnothingtodobutletgoandsurrendertotheexperience.Relaxand

floatdownstream.Thiswasnotatalllikeprevioustrips,whichhadleftmemore

orlessthecaptainofmyattention,abletodirectitthiswayorthatandchange

thementalchannelatwill.No,thiswasmorelikebeingstrappedintothefront

carofacosmicrollercoaster,itsheedlessheadlongtrajectorydetermining

momentbymomentwhatwouldappearinmyfieldofconsciousness.

Actually,thisisnotcompletelyaccurate:allIhadtodowastoremovemy

eyeshadesandreality,oratleastsomethinglooselybasedonit,would

reconstituteitself.ThisiswhatInowdid,partlytosatisfymyselfthattheworld

wasstillexistingbutmostlybecauseIbadlyhadtopee.

Sunlightandcolorfloodedmyeyes,andIdrankitingreedily,surveyingthe

roomforthewelcomesignifiersofnon-digitalreality:walls,windows,plants.

Butallofitappearedinanewaspect:jeweledwithlight.IrealizedIshould

probablyputonmyglasses,whichpartlydomesticatedthescene,butonly

partly:objectscontinuedtosendtheirsparklesoflightmyway.Igotup

carefullyfromthemattress,firstontooneknee,then,unsteadily,ontomyfeet.

Marytookmebytheelbow,geriatrically,andtogetherwemadethejourney

acrosstheroom.Iavoidedlookingather,uncertainwhatImightseeinherface

orbetrayinmine.Atthebathroomdoorsheletgoofmyelbow.

Inside,thebathroomwasariotofsparklinglight.ThearcofwaterIsentforth

wastrulythemostbeautifulthingIhadeverseen,awaterfallofdiamonds

cascadingintoapool,breakingitssurfaceintoabillionclatteringfractalsof

light.Thiswentonforapleasanteternity.WhenIwasoutofdiamonds,Iwentto

thesinkandsplashedmyfacewithwater,makingsurenottocatchsightof

myselfinthemirror,whichseemedlikeapsychologicallyriskythingtodo.I

mademyunsteadywaybacktothemattressandlaydown.

Speakingsoftly,MaryaskedifIwantedabooster.Ididandsatuptoreceive

it.Marywassquattingnexttome,andwhenIfinallylookedupintoherface,I

sawshehadturnedintoMaríaSabina,theMexicancuranderawhohadgiven

psilocybintoR.GordonWassoninthatdirtbasementinHuautladeJiménez

sixtyyearsago.Herhairwasblack,herface,stretchedtautoveritshigh

cheekbones,wasancientlyweathered,andshewaswearingasimplewhite

peasantdress.Itookthedriedmushroomfromthewoman’swrinkledbrown

handandlookedawayasIchewed.Ididn’tthinkIshouldtellMarywhathad

happenedtoher.(Later,whenIdid,shewasflattered:MaríaSabinawasher

hero.)

•••

BUTTHEREWASSOMETHINGIneededtodobeforeputtingmyeyeshadesbackon

andgoingbackunder,alittleexperimentIhadtoldMaryIwantedtoperformon

myselfduringmytrip.Iwasn’tsureifinmyconditionIcouldpullitoff,butI’d

foundthateveninthemiddleofthejourneyitwaspossibletosummononeself

toasemblanceofnormalityforafewmomentsatatime.

Loadedonmylaptopwasabriefvideoofarotatingfacemask,usedina

psychologicaltestcalledthebinoculardepthinversionillusion.Asthemask

rotatesinspace,itsconvexsideturningtorevealitsconcaveback,something

remarkablehappens:thehollowmaskappearstopopouttobecomeconvex

again.Thisisatrickperformedbythemind,whichassumesallfacestobe

convex,andsoautomaticallycorrectsfortheseemingerror—unless,asa

neuroscientisthadtoldme,onewasundertheinfluenceofapsychedelic.

Thisauto-correctfeatureisahallmarkofourperception,whichinthesane,

adultmindisbasedasmuchoneducatedguessworkastherawdataofthe

senses.Byadulthood,themindhasgottenverygoodatobservingandtesting

realityanddevelopingconfidentpredictionsaboutitthatoptimizeour

investmentsofenergy(mentalandotherwise)andthereforeoursurvival.So

ratherthanstartingfromscratchtobuildanewperceptionfromeverybatchof

rawdatadeliveredbythesenses,themindjumpstothemostsensibleconclusion

basedonpastexperiencecombinedwithatinysampleofthatdata.Ourbrains

arepredictionmachinesoptimizedbyexperience,andwhenitcomestofaces,

theyhaveboatloadsofexperience:facesarealwaysconvex,sothishollowmask

mustbeapredictionerrortobecorrected.

Theseso-calledBayesianinferences(namedforThomasBayes,the

eighteenth-centuryEnglishphilosopherwhodevelopedthemathematicsof

probability,onwhichthesementalpredictionsarebased)serveuswellmostof

thetime,speedingperceptionwhilesavingeffortandenergy,buttheycanalso

trapusinliterallypreconceivedimagesofrealitythataresimplyfalse,asinthe

caseoftherotatingmask.

YetitturnsoutthatBayesianinferencebreaksdowninsomepeople:

schizophrenicsand,accordingtosomeneuroscientists,peopleonhighdosesof

psychedelicsdrugs,neitherofwhom“see”inthispredictiveorconventionalized

manner.(Nordoyoungchildren,whohaveyettobuildthesortofdatabase

necessaryforconfidentpredictions.)Thisraisesaninterestingquestion:Isit

possiblethattheperceptionsofschizophrenics,peopletrippingonpsychedelics,

andyoungchildrenare,atleastincertaininstances,moreaccurate—less

influencedbyexpectationandthereforemorefaithfultoreality—thanthoseof

saneandsoberadults?

Beforewestarted,Ihadcuedupthevideoonmylaptop,andnowIclickedto

runit.Themaskonthescreen,grayagainstablackground,wasclearlythe

productofcomputeranimationandwasuncannilyconsistentwiththevisual

styleoftheworldI’dbeenin.(DuringmyintegrationsessionwithMarythenext

day,shesuggestedthatitmighthavebeenthisimageonmylaptopthathad

conjuredthecomputerworldandtrappedmeinit.Couldtherebeabetter

demonstrationofthepowerofsetandsetting?)Astheconvexfacerotatedto

revealitsconcaveback,themaskpoppedbackout,onlyabitmoreslowlythan

itdidbeforeIatethemushroom.Evidently,Bayesianinferencewasstill

operationalinmybrain.I’dtryagainlater.

•••

WHENIPUTMYEYESHADESbackonandlaydown,Iwasdisappointedtofind

myselfbackincomputerworld,butsomethinghadchanged,nodoubttheresult

ofthestepped-updose.WhereasbeforeInavigatedthislandscapeasmyself,

takinginthescenefromaperspectiverecognizableasmyown,withmy

attitudesintact(highlycriticalofthemusic,forinstance,andanxiousaboutwhat

demonsmightappear),nowIwatchedasthatfamiliarselfbegantofallapart

beforemyeyes,graduallyatfirstandthenallatonce.

“I”nowturnedintoasheafoflittlepapers,nobiggerthanPost-its,andthey

werebeingscatteredtothewind.Butthe“I”takinginthisseemingcatastrophe

hadnodesiretochaseaftertheslipsandpilemyoldselfbacktogether.No

desiresofanykind,infact.WhoeverInowwaswasfinewithwhatever

happened.Nomoreego?Thatwasokay,infactthemostnaturalthinginthe

world.AndthenIlookedandsawmyselfoutthereagain,butthistimespread

overthelandscapelikepaint,orbutter,thinlycoatingawideexpanseofthe

worldwithasubstanceIrecognizedasme.

Butwhowasthis“I”thatwasabletotakeinthesceneofitsowndissolution?

Goodquestion.Itwasn’tme,exactly.Here,thelimitsofourlanguagebecomea

problem:inordertocompletelymakesenseofthedividethathadopenedupin

myperspective,Iwouldneedawholenewfirst-personpronoun.Forwhatwas

observingthescenewasavantageandmodeofawarenessentirelydistinctfrom

myaccustomedself;infactIhesitatetousethe“I”todenotethepresiding

awareness,itwassodifferentfrommyusualfirstperson.Wherethatselfhad

alwaysbeenasubjectencapsulatedinthisbody,thisoneseemedunboundedby

anybody,eventhoughInowhadaccesstoitsperspective.Thatperspectivewas

supremelyindifferent,neutralonallquestionsofinterpretation,andunperturbed

eveninthefaceofwhatshouldbyallrightshavebeenanunmitigatedpersonal

disaster.Yetthe“personal”hadbeenobliterated.EverythingIoncewasand

calledme,thisselfsixdecadesinthemaking,hadbeenliquefiedanddispersed

overthescene.Whathadalwaysbeenathinking,feeling,perceivingsubject

basedinherewasnowanobjectoutthere.Iwaspaint!

Thesovereignego,withallitsarmamentsandfears,itsbackward-looking

resentmentsandforward-lookingworries,wassimplynomore,andtherewasno

onelefttomournitspassing.Yetsomethinghadsucceededit:thisbare

disembodiedawareness,whichgazeduponthesceneoftheself’sdissolution

withbenignindifference.Iwaspresenttorealitybutassomethingotherthanmy

self.Andalthoughtherewasnoselflefttofeel,exactly,therewasafeelingtone,

whichwascalm,unburdened,content.Therewaslifeafterthedeathoftheego.

Thiswasbignews.

WhenIthinkbackonthispartoftheexperience,I’veoccasionallywondered

ifthisenduringawarenessmighthavebeenthe“MindatLarge”thatAldous

Huxleydescribedduringhismescalinetripin1953.Huxleyneverquitedefined

whathemeantbytheterm—excepttospeakof“thetotalityoftheawareness

belongingtoMindatLarge”—butheseemstobedescribingauniversal,

shareableformofconsciousnessunboundedbyanysinglebrain.Othershave

calleditcosmicconsciousness,theOversoul,orUniversalMind.Thisis

supposedtoexistoutsideourbrains—asapropertyoftheuniverse,likelightor

gravity,andjustaspervasive.Constitutivetoo.Certainindividualsatcertain

timesgainaccesstothisawareness,allowingthemtoperceiverealityinits

perfectedlight,atleastforatime.

Nothinginmyexperienceledmetobelievethisnovelformofconsciousness

originatedoutsideme;itseemsjustasplausible,andsurelymoreparsimonious,

toassumeitwasaproductofmybrain,justliketheegoitsupplanted.Yetthis

byitselfstrikesmeasaremarkablegift:thatwecanletgoofsomuch—the

desires,fears,anddefensesofalifetime!—withoutsufferingcomplete

annihilation.ThismightnotcomeasasurprisetoBuddhists,transcendentalists,

orexperiencedmeditators,butitwassurenewstome,whohasneverfelt

anythingbutidenticaltomyego.Coulditbethereisanothergroundonwhichto

plantourfeet?Forthefirsttimesinceembarkingonthisproject,Ibeganto

understandwhatthevolunteersinthecancer-anxietytrialshadbeentryingtotell

me:howitwasthatapsychedelicjourneyhadgrantedthemaperspectivefrom

whichtheveryworstlifecanthrowatus,uptoandincludingdeath,couldbe

regardedobjectivelyandacceptedwithequanimity.

•••

ACTUALLY,thisunderstandingarrivedalittlelater,duringthelastpartofmy

psilocybintrip,whenthejourneytookadarkerturn.Afterspendinganunknown

numberofhoursincomputerworld—fortimewascompletelylostonme—I

registeredthedesiretocheckbackinonreality,andtopeeagain.Samedeal:

Maryguidedmetothebathroombytheelbow,geriatrically,andleftmethereto

produceanotherspectacularcropofdiamonds.ButthistimeIdaredtolookin

themirror.Whatlookedbackatmewasahumanskull,butforthethinnest,

palestlayerofskinstretchedoverit,tightasadrum.Thebathroomwas

decoratedinaMexicanfolkarttheme,andthehead/skullimmediatelyputmein

mindoftheDayoftheDead.Withitsdeepsocketsandlightningboltofvein

zigzaggingdownitstempleononeside,Irecognizedthisashenhead/skullasmy

ownbutatthesametimeasmydeadgrandfather’s.

Thiswassurprising,ifonlybecauseBob,myfather’sfather,isnotsomeone

withwhomIeverfeltmuchincommon.InfactIlovedhimforallthewayshe

seemedunlikeme—oranyoneelseIknew.Bobwasapreternaturallysunnyand

seeminglyuncomplicatedmanincapableofthinkingillofanyoneorseeingevil

intheworld.(Hiswife,Harriet,amplycompensatedforhisgenerosityofspirit.)

Bobhadalongcareerasaliquorsalesman,makingtheweeklyroundsofthe

nightclubsinTimesSquareforacompanythateveryonebutheknewwasowned

bythemob.UponreachingtheageIamnow,heretiredtobecomeapainterof

lovelynaivelandscapesandabstractionsinspectacularcolors;I’dbroughtone

ofthemwithmetoMary’sroom,alongwithawatercolorofJudith’s.Bobwasa

genuinelyhappy,angst-freemanwholivedtobeninety-six,hispaintings

becomingevermorecolorful,abstract,andfreetowardtheend.

Toseehimsovividlyinmyreflectionwaschilling.Afewyearsbefore,

visitingBobinthenursinghomeintheColoradodesertwherehewouldsoon

die,I’dwatchedwhathadbeenafitandvigorousman(ithadbeenhishabitto

standonhisheadeverydaywellintohiseighties)contractintoaparenthesisof

skinandbonesmaroonedinatinybed.Theesophagealmusclesrequiredto

swallowhadgivenout,andhewastetheredtoafeedingtube.Bythen,his

situationwaspitifulinsomanyrespects,butforsomereasonIfixedonthefact

thatneveragainwouldatasteoffoodevercrosshislips.

Isplashedcoldwateronourjointfaceandmademyunsteadywaybackto

Mary.

Riskinganotherglanceather,thistimeIwasrewardedbythesightofa

ravishingyoungwoman,blondonceagainbutnowinthefullradianceofyouth.

MarywassobeautifulIhadtolookaway.

Shegavemeanothersmallmushroom—gramnumberfour—andapieceof

chocolate.BeforeIputonmyeyeshade,Iattemptedtoconducttherotating

masktestasecondtime...anditwasacompletebust,neitherconfirmingnor

disprovingthehypothesis.Asthemaskbegantorotate,graduallybringingits

backsideintoview,thewholethingdissolvedintoagrayjellythatsliddownthe

screenofmylaptopbeforeIcoulddeterminewhetherthemeltingmaskIwas

watchingwasconvexorconcave.Somuchforconductingpsychological

experimentswhiletripping.

Iputonmyeyeshadesandsankbackdownintowhatnowbecameacracked

andparcheddesertlandscapedensewithartifactsandimagesofdeath.Bleached

skullsandbonesandthefacesofthefamiliardeadpassedbeforeme,auntsand

unclesandgrandparents,friendsandteachersandmyfather-in-law—witha

voicetellingmeIhadfailedtoproperlymournallofthem.Itwastrue.Ihad

neverreallyreckonedthedeathofanyoneinmylife;somethinghadalways

gottenintheway.Icoulddoithereandnowanddid.

Ilookedhardateachoftheirfaces,oneafteranother,withapitythatseemed

bottomlessbutwithnofearwhatsoever.Exceptonce,whenIcametomyaunt

Ruthellenandwatched,horrified,asherfaceslowlytransformedintoJudith’s.

RuthellenandJudithwerebothartists,andbothhadbeendiagnosedwithbreast

canceraroundthesametime.ThecancerhadkilledRuthellenandsparedJudith.

SowhatwasJudithdoingdownhereamongtheunmourneddead?HadIbeen

defendingmyselfagainstthatpossibilityallthistime?Heartwideopen,defenses

melting,thetearsbegantoflow.

•••

I’VELEFTOUToneimportantpartofmyjourneytotheunderworld:the

soundtrack.Beforegoingbackunderforthislastpassage,IhadaskedMaryto

pleasestopplayingspamusicandputonsomethingclassical.Wesettledonthe

secondofBach’sunaccompaniedcellosuites,performedbyYo-YoMa.The

suiteinDminorisaspareandmournfulpiecethatI’dheardmanytimesbefore,

oftenatfunerals,butuntilthismomentIhadnevertrulylistenedtoit.

Though“listen”doesn’tbegintodescribewhattranspiredbetweenmeand

thevibrationsofairsetinmotionbythefourstringsofthatcello.Neverbefore

hasapieceofmusicpiercedmeasdeeplyasthisonedidnow.Thoughevento

callit“music”istodiminishwhatnowbegantoflow,whichwasnothingless

thanthestreamofhumanconsciousness,somethinginwhichonemightglean

theverymeaningoflifeand,ifyoucouldbearit,readlife’slastchapter.(A

questionformed:Whydon’tweplaymusiclikethisatbirthsaswellasfunerals?

Andtheanswercameimmediately:thereistoomuchlife-already-livedinthis

piece,andpoignancyforthepassingoftimethatnobirth,nobeginning,could

possiblywithstandit.)

Fourhoursandfourgramsofmagicmushroomintothejourney,thisiswhere

IlostwhateverabilityIstillhadtodistinguishsubjectfromobject,tellapart

whatremainedofmeandwhatwasBach’smusic.InsteadofEmerson’s

transparenteyeball,egolessandonewithallitbeheld,Ibecameatransparent

ear,indistinguishablefromthestreamofsoundthatfloodedmyconsciousness

untiltherewasnothingelseinit,notevenadrytinycornerinwhichtoplantanI

andobserve.Openedtothemusic,Ibecamefirstthestrings,couldfeelonmy

skintheexquisitefrictionofthehorsehairrubbingoverme,andthenthebreeze

ofsoundflowingpastasitcrossedthelipsoftheinstrumentandwentoutto

meettheworld,beginningitslonelytransitoftheuniverse.ThenIpasseddown

intotheresonantblackwellofspaceinsidethecello,thevibratingenvelopeof

airformedbythecurvesofitsspruceroofandmaplewalls.Theinstrument’s

woodeninteriorformedamouthcapableofunparalleledeloquence—indeed,of

articulatingeverythingahumancouldconceive.Butthecello’sinterioralso

formedaroomtowriteinandaskullinwhichtothinkandIwasnowit,withno

remainder.

SoIbecamethecelloandmournedwithitforthetwentyorsominutesit

tookforthatpieceto,well,changeeverything.Orsoitseemed;now,its

vibrationssubsiding,I’mlesscertain.Butforthedurationofthoseexquisite

moments,Bach’scellosuitehadhadtheunmistakableeffectofreconcilingmeto

death—tothedeathsofthepeoplenowpresenttome,Bob’sandRuthellen’sand

Roy’s,Judith’sfather’s,andsomanyothers,butalsotothedeathstocomeand

tomyown,nolongersofaroff.Losingmyselfinthismusicwasakindof

practiceforthat—forlosingmyself,period.Havingletgooftheropeofselfand

slippedintothewarmwatersofthisworldlybeauty—Bach’ssublimemusic,I

mean,andYo-YoMa’sbowcaressingthosefourstringssuspendedoverthat

envelopeofair—IfeltasthoughI’dpassedbeyondthereachofsufferingand

regret.

•••

THATWASMYPSILOCYBINJOURNEY,asfaithfullyasIcanrecountit.AsIreadthose

wordsnow,doubtreturnsinfullforce:“Fool,youwereondrugs!”Andit’strue:

youcanputtheexperienceinthathandyboxandthrowitaway,nevertodwell

onitagain.Nodoubtthishasbeenthefateofcountlesspsychedelicjourneys

thattheirtravelersdidn’tquiteknowwhattodowith,orfailedtomakesenseof.

Yetthoughitistruethatachemicallaunchedmeonthisjourney,itisalsotrue

thateverythingIexperiencedIexperienced:theseareeventsthattookplacein

mymind,psychologicalfactsthatwereneitherweightlessnorevanescent.

Unlikemostdreams,thetracestheseexperiencesinscribedremainindelibleand

accessible.

ThedayaftermyjourneyIwasgladfortheopportunitytoreturntoMary’s

roomforacoupleofhoursof“integration.”Ihopedtomakesenseofwhat

happenedbytellingthestoryofmytripandhearingherthoughtsaboutit.What

you’vejustreadistheresult,andthebeneficiary,ofthatwork,forimmediately

afterthejourneyIwasmuchmoreconfusedbyitthanIamnow.Whatnow

readslikeareasonablycoherentnarrativehighlightingcertainthemesbeganasa

jumbleofdisjointedimagesandshardsofsense.Toputwordstoanexperience

thatwasinfactineffableatthetime,andthentoshapethemintosentencesand

thenastory,isinevitablytodoitakindofviolence.Butthealternativeis,

literally,unthinkable.

Maryhadtakenapartthealtar,butwesatinthesamechairs,facingeach

otheracrossasmalltable.Twenty-fourhourslater,whathadIlearned?ThatI

hadhadnoreasontobeafraid:nosleepingmonstershadawakenedinmy

unconsciousandturnedonme.Thiswasadeepfearthatwentbackseveral

decades,toaterrifyingmomentinahotelroominSeattlewhen,aloneand

havingsmokedtoomuchcannabis,Ihadhadtomarshaleverylastounceofwill

tokeepmyselffromdoingsomethingdeeplycrazyandirrevocable.Butherein

thisroomIhadletdownmyguardcompletely,andnothingterriblehad

happened.TheserpentofmadnessthatIworriedmightbewaitinghadnot

surfacedorpulledmeunder.Didthismeanitdidn’texist,thatIwas

psychologicallysturdierthanIbelieved?Maybethat’swhattheepisodewith

Bobwasallabout:maybeIwasmorelikehimthanIknew,andnotnearlyas

deeporcomplicatedasIlikedtothink.(Canarecognitionofone’sshallowness

qualifyasaprofoundinsight?)Marywasn’tsosure:“Youbringadifferentself

tothejourneyeverytime.”Thedemonsmightrousethemselvesthenexttime.

ThatIcouldsurvivethedissolutionofmyegowithoutstruggleorturning

intoapuddlewassomethingtobegratefulfor,butevenbetterwasthediscovery

thattheremightbeanothervantage—onelessneuroticandmoregenerous—

fromwhichtotakeinreality.“Thataloneseemsworththepriceofadmission,”

Maryoffered,andIhadtoagree.Yet,twenty-fourhourslater,myoldegowas

backinuniformandonpatrol,sowhatlong-termgoodwasthatbeguiling

glimpseofaloftierperspective?Marysuggestedthathavinghadatasteofa

different,lessdefendedwaytobe,Imightlearn,throughpractice,torelaxthe

ego’strigger-happycommandofmyreactionstopeopleandevents.“Nowyou

havehadanexperienceofanotherwaytoreact—ornotreact.Thatcanbe

cultivated.”Meditation,shesuggested,wasonewaytodothat.

Itis,Ithink,preciselythisperspectivethathadallowedsomanyofthe

volunteersIinterviewedtoovercometheirfearsandanxieties,andinthecaseof

thesmokers,theiraddictions.Temporarilyfreedfromthetyrannyoftheego,

withitsmaddeninglyreflexivereactionsanditspinchedconceptionofone’s

self-interest,wegettoexperienceanextremeversionofKeats’s“negative

capability”—theabilitytoexistamiddoubtsandmysterieswithoutreflexively

reachingforcertainty.Tocultivatethismodeofconsciousness,withits

exceptionaldegreeofselflessness(literally!),requiresustotranscendour

subjectivityor—itcomestothesamething—widenitscirclesofarthatittakes

in,besidesourselves,otherpeopleand,beyondthat,allofnature.NowI

understoodhowapsychedeliccouldhelpustomakepreciselythatmove,from

thefirst-personsingulartothepluralandbeyond.Underitsinfluence,asenseof

ourinterconnectedness—thatplatitude—isfelt,becomesflesh.Thoughthis

perspectiveisnotsomethingachemicalcansustainformorethanafewhours,

thosehourscangiveusanopportunitytoseehowitmightgo.Andperhapsto

practicebeingthere.

IleftMary’sloftinhighspirits,butalsowiththefeelingIwasholdingonto

somethingpreciousbythethinnest,mosttenuousofthreads.Itseemeddoubtful

Icouldmaintainmygriponthisoutlookfortherestoftheday,muchlessthe

restofmylife,butitalsoseemedworthtrying.

TripThree:5-MeO-DMT(or,TheToad)

Yes,“thetoad,”ortobemoreprecise,thesmokedvenomoftheSonoranDesert

toad(Inciliusalvarius),alsocalledtheColoradoRivertoad,whichcontainsa

moleculecalled5-MeO-DMTthatisoneofthemostpotentandfast-acting

psychotropicdrugsthereis.No,Ihadneverheardofiteither.Itissoobscure,in

fact,thatthefederalgovernmentdidnotlist5-MeO-DMTasacontrolled

substanceuntil2011.

Theopportunitytosmokethetoadpoppedupsuddenly,givingmeverylittle

timetodecideifdoingsowascrazyornot.Igotacallfromoneofmysources,a

womanwhowastrainingtobecomeacertifiedpsychedelicguide,invitingmeto

meetherfriendRocío,athirty-five-year-oldMexicantherapistwhomshe

describedas“probablytheworld’sleadingexpertonthetoad.”(Thoughhow

intense,really,couldthecompetitionforthattitlebe?)Rocíoisfromthestateof

Sonora,innorthernMexico,whereshecollectsthetoadsandmilkstheirvenom;

sheadministersthemedicinetopeoplebothinMexico,whereitslegalstatusis

gray,andintheUnitedStates,whereitisn’t.(Itdoesn’tappeartobeonthe

officialradar,however.)

RocíoworkedinaclinicinMexicothattreateddrugaddictswitha

combinationofiboga,apsychedelicplantfromAfrica,and5-MeO-DMT—

apparentlywithstrikingratesofsuccess.Inrecentyears,she’sbecomethe

JohnnyAppleseedoftoad,travelingalloverNorthAmericawithhercapsulesof

crystallizedvenomandhervaporizer.Asmycircleofpsychonautsexpanded,

mostanyoneImetwho’dhadanencounterwiththetoadhadbeenintroducedto

itbyRocío.

ThefirsttimeImetRocío,atasmalldinnerorganizedbyourmutualfriend,

shetoldmeaboutthetoadandwhatImightexpectfromit.Rocíowaspetite,

pretty,andfashionablydressed,hershoulder-lengthblackhaircuttoframeher

facewithbangs.Shehasaneasysmilethatbringsoutadimpleononecheek.

NotatallwhatIexpected,Rocíolookedlessthepartofashamanorcurandera

thanthatofanurbanprofessional.

AftergoingtocollegeandworkingforafewyearsintheUnitedStates,five

yearsagoRocíofoundherselfbackathomeinMexicolivingwithherparents

andwithoutdirection.Online,shefoundamanualaboutthetoad,whichshe

learnedwasnativetothelocaldesert.(Itshabitatextendsthelengthofthe

SonoranDesertnorthintoArizona.)Ninemonthsoftheyear,thetoadlives

underground,protectedfromthedesertsunandheat,butwhenthewinterrains

come,itemergesatnightfromitsburrowforabrieforgyofeatingand

copulation.Followingtheinstructionsspelledoutinthemanual,Rocíostrapped

onaheadlampandwenthuntingfortoads.

“They’renotveryhardtocatch,”shetoldme.“Theyfreezeinthebeamof

lightsoyoucanjustgrabthem.”Thetoads,whicharewarty,sandcolored,and

roughlythesizeofaman’shand,havealargeglandoneachsideoftheirnecks,

andsmalleronesontheirlegs.“Yougentlysqueezetheglandwhileholdinga

mirrorinfrontofittocatchthespray.”Thetoadisapparentlynonetheworsefor

beingmilked.Overnight,thevenomdriesontheglass,turningintoflakycrystals

thecolorofbrownsugar.

Initsnaturalstate,thevenomistoxic—adefensechemicalsprayedbythe

toadwhenitfeelsthreatened.Butwhenthecrystalsarevolatilized,thetoxinsare

destroyed,leavingbehindthe5-MeO-DMT.Rocíovaporizesthecrystalsina

glasspipewhiletherecipientinhales;beforeyou’vehadachancetoexhale,you

aregone.“Thetoadcomesonquickly,andatfirstitcanbeunbelievably

intense.”InoticedthatRocíopersonifiedthetoadandseldomcalledthe

medicinebyitsmolecularname.“Somepeopleremainperfectlystill.Other

peoplescreamandflail,especiallywhenthetoadbringsouttraumas,whichit

cando.Afewpeoplewillvomit.Andthenaftertwentyorthirtyminutes,the

toadisalldoneanditleaves.”

MyfirstinstinctwhenfacingsuchadecisionistoreadasmuchaboutitasI

can,andlaterthatnightRocíoe-mailedmeafewarticles.Butthepickingswere

slim.Unlikemostotherpsychedelics,whichbynowhavebeenextensively

studiedbyscientistsand,inmanycases,inuseforhundredsifnotthousandsof

years,thetoadhasbeenknowntoWesternscienceonlysince1992.That’swhen

AndrewWeilandWadeDavispublishedapapercalled“IdentityofaNewWorld

PsychoactiveToad.”Theyhadbeeninspiredtolookforsuchafantastical

creaturebytheimagesoffrogsinMayanart.Buttheonlypsychoactivetoad

theycouldfindlivesfartothenorthofMayancivilization.It’spossiblethat

thesetoadsbecameanitemoftrade,butasyetthereisnoproofthatthepractice

ofsmokingtoadvenomhasanyantiquitywhatsoever.However,5-MeO-DMT

alsooccursinahandfulofSouthAmericanplants,andthereareseveral

Amazoniantribeswhopoundtheseplantsintoasnuffforuseinshamanic

rituals.Amongsomeofthesetribes,thesesnuffsareknownasthe“semenofthe

sun.”

Icouldn’tfindmuchinthewayofsolidmedicalinformationaboutpotential

sideeffectsordangerousdruginteractions;littleresearchhasbeendone.WhatI

didfindwereplentyoftripreportsonline,andmanyofthesewereterrifying.I

alsolearnedtherewassomeoneintown,afriendofafriendIhadmetafew

timesatdinnerparties,whohadtried5-MeO-DMT—notthetoadbutasynthetic

versionoftheactiveingredient.ItookherouttolunchtoseewhatIcouldlearn.

“ThisistheEverestofpsychedelics,”shebegan,portentously,puttinga

steadyinghandonmyforearm.Oliviaisinherearlyfifties,amanagement

consultantwithacoupleofkids;IhadvaguelyknownshewasintoEastern

religionbuthadnoideashewasapsychonaut,too.

“Youneedtobeprepared.”Overgrilledcheeses,shedescribedaharrowing

onset.“Iwasshotoutintoaninfiniterealmofpurebeing.Therewerenofigures

inthisworld,noentitiesofanykind,justpurebeing.Anditwashuge;Ididn’t

knowwhatinfinitywasbeforethis.Butitwasatwo-dimensionalrealm,not

three,andaftertherushofliftoff,Ifoundmyselfinstalledinthisinfinitespace

asastar.Irememberthinking,ifthisisdeath,I’mfinewithit.Itwas...bliss.I

hadthefeeling—no,theknowledge—thateverysinglethingthereisismadeof

love.

“Afterwhatseemedlikeaneternitybutwasprobablyonlyminutes,youstart

toreassembleandcomebackintoyourbody.Ihadthethought,‘Thereare

childrentoraise.Andthereisaninfiniteamountoftimetobedead.’”

Iaskedherthequestionthatgnawedatmewheneversomeonerecounted

suchamysticalexperience:“Howcanyoubesurethiswasagenuinespiritual

eventandnotjustadrugexperience?”

“It’sanirrelevantquestion,”sherepliedcoolly.“Thiswassomethingbeing

revealedtome.”

Thereitwas:thenoeticsenseWilliamJameshaddescribedasamarkofthe

mysticalexperience.IenviedOlivia’scertainty.WhichIsupposeisthereasonI

decidedIwouldsmokethetoad.

•••

THENIGHTBEFOREmydatewithRocíowas,predictably,sleepless.Yes,I’dcome

throughthesefirsttwotripsintact,grateful,even,forhavinggoneonthem,and

hadcomeawaywiththeideaIwasstronger,physicallyandmentally,thanIhad

previouslythought.Butnowalltheoldfearsrushedback,assailingmethrough

thelongfitfulnight.Everest!Couldmyhearttaketheintensityofthosefirst

harrowingmomentsofascent?WhatwerethechancesI’dgomad?Slim,

perhaps,butsurelynotzero.Sowasthisanabsolutelyinsanethingtodo?Onthe

plusside,Ifigured,whateverhappened,itwouldallbeoverinhalfanhour.On

thenegativeside,everythingmightbeoverinhalfanhour.

Asthesuncameup,IdecidedIwoulddecidewhenIgotthere.Rocío,whom

I’dmadeawareofmytrepidations,hadofferedtoletmewatchherworkwith

someoneelsebeforeitwasmyturn.Thisprovedreassuring,assheknewit

would.Theguybeforeme,asupremelylow-affectcollegestudentwhohaddone

thetoadoncebefore,tookapufffromRocío’spipe,laybackonamattress,and

embarkedonwhatappearedtobeaplacidthirty-minutenap,duringwhichhe

exhibitednosignsofdistress,letaloneexistentialterror.Afteritwasover,he

seemedperfectlyfine.Agreatdealhadgoneoninhismind,heindicated,but

fromthelooksofit,hisbodyhadscarcelybeenperturbed.Okaythen.Deathor

madnessseemedmuchlesslikely.Icoulddothis.

Afterpositioningmeonthemattressjustso,Rocíohadmesitupwhileshe

loadedapremeasuredcapsuleofthecrystalsintoaglassvialthatshethen

screwedontothebarrelofthepipe.Sheaskedmetogivethankstothetoadand

thinkaboutmyintention.(Somethingfairlygenericaboutlearningwhateverthe

toadhadtoteachme.)Rocíolitabutaneflameunderneaththevialand

instructedmetodrawonthepipeinshortsipsofairasthewhitesmokeswirled

andthenfilledtheglass.“ThenonebigfinaldrawthatIwantyoutoholdaslong

asyoucan.”

Ihavenomemoryofeverhavingexhaled,orofbeingloweredontothe

mattressandcoveredwithablanket.AllatonceIfeltatremendousrushof

energyfillmyheadaccompaniedbyapunishingroar.Imanaged,barely,to

squeezeoutthewordsIhadprepared,“trust”and“surrender.”Thesewords

becamemymantra,buttheyseemedutterlypathetic,wishfulscrapsofpaperin

thefaceofthiscategory5mentalstorm.Terrorseizedme—andthen,likeoneof

thoseflimsywoodenhouseserectedonBikiniAtolltobeblownupinthe

nucleartests,“I”wasnomore,blastedtoaconfetticloudbyanexplosiveforceI

couldnolongerlocateinmyhead,becauseithadexplodedthattoo,expanding

tobecomeallthattherewas.Whateverthiswas,itwasnotahallucination.A

hallucinationimpliesarealityandapointofreferenceandanentitytohaveit.

Noneofthosethingsremained.

Unfortunately,theterrordidn’tdisappearwiththeextinctionofmy“I.”

Whateverallowedmetoregisterthisexperience,thepost-egoicawarenessI’d

firstexperiencedonmushrooms,wasnowconsumedintheflamesofterrortoo.

Infacteverytouchstonethattellsus“Iexist”wasannihilated,andyetI

remainedconscious.“Isthiswhatdeathfeelslike?Couldthisbeit?”Thatwas

thethought,thoughtherewasnolongerathinkertohaveit.

Herewordsfail.Intruth,therewerenoflames,noblast,nothermonuclear

storm;I’mgraspingatmetaphorinthehopeofformingsomestableand

shareableconceptofwhatwasunfoldinginmymind.Intheevent,therewasno

coherentthought,justpureandterriblesensation.OnlyafterwarddidIwonderif

thiswaswhatthemysticscallthemysteriumtremendum—theblinding

unendurablemystery(whetherofGodorsomeotherUltimateorAbsolute)

beforewhichhumanstrembleinawe.Huxleydescribeditasthefear“ofbeing

overwhelmed,ofdisintegratingunderapressureofrealitygreaterthanamind,

accustomedtolivingmostofthetimeinacosyworldofsymbols,couldpossibly

bear.”

Oh,tobebackinthecozyworldofsymbols!

AfterthefactIkeptreturningtooneoftwometaphors,andwhilethey

inevitablydeformtheexperience,*asanywordsormetaphorsorsymbolsmust,

theyatleastallowmetograspholdofashadowofitand,perhaps,shareit.The

firstistheimageofbeingontheoutsideofarocketafterlaunch.I’mholdingon

withbothhands,legsclenchedaroundit,whiletherapidlymountingg-forces

clutchatmyflesh,pullingmyfacedownintoatautgrimace,asthegreat

cylinderrisesthroughsuccessivelayersofclouds,exponentiallygainingspeed

andaltitude,thefuselageshudderingonthebrinkofself-destructionasitstrains

tobreakfreefromEarth’sgrip,whilethefrictionitgeneratesasitcrashes

throughthethinningairissuesinadeafeningroar.

Itwasalittlelikethat.

Theothermetaphorwasthebigbang,butthebigbangruninreverse,from

ourfamiliarworldallthewaybacktoapointbeforetherewasanything,notime

orspaceormatter,onlythepureunboundedenergythatwasalltherewasthen,

beforeanimperfection,arippleinitswaveform,causedtheuniverseofenergy

tofallintotime,space,andmatter.Rushingbackwardthroughfourteenbillion

years,Iwatchedthedimensionsofrealitycollapseonebyoneuntiltherewas

nothingleft,notevenbeing.Onlytheall-consumingroar.

Itwasjusthorrible.

Andthensuddenlythedevolutionofeverythingintothenothingnessofpure

forcereversescourse.Onebyone,theelementsofouruniversebeginto

reconstitutethemselves:thedimensionsoftimeandspacereturnedfirst,blessing

mystill-scatteredconfettibrainwiththecozycoordinatesofplace;thisis

somewhere!AndthenIslippedbackintomyfamiliar“I”likeanoldpairof

slippersandsoonafterfeltsomethingIrecognizedasmybodybeginto

reassemble.Thefilmofrealitywasnowrunninginreverse,asifalltheleaves

thatthethermonuclearblasthadblownoffthegreattreeofbeingandscattered

tothefourwindsweresuddenlytofindtheirwayback,flyupintothe

welcominglimbsofreality,andreattach.Theorderofthingswasbeingrestored,

menotablyincluded.Iwasalive!

ThedescentandreentryintofamiliarrealitywasswifterthanIexpected.

Havingundergonetheshudderingagonyoflaunch,Ihadexpectedtobe

deposited,weightless,intoorbit—myinstallationinthefirmamentasablissed-

outstar!Alas.LikethosefirstMercuryastronauts,myflightremained

suborbital,describinganarcthatonlykissedtheserenityofinfinitespacebefore

fallingbackdowntoEarth.

AndyetasIfeltmyselfreconstituteasaselfandthenabody,somethingfor

whichInowsoughtconfirmationbyrunningmyhandsalongmylegsand

squirmingbeneaththeblanket,Ifeltecstatic—ashappyasIcanrememberever

feeling.Butthisecstasywasnotsuigeneris,notexactly.Itwasmorelikethe

equalandoppositereactiontotheterrorIhadjustendured,lessofadivinegift

thanthesurgeofpleasurethatcomesfromthecessationofunendurablepain.

Butasenseofreliefsovastanddeepastobecosmic.

Withtherediscoveryofmybody,Ifeltaninexplicableurgetoliftmyknees,

andassoonasIraisedthem,Ifeltsomethingsqueezeoutfrombetweenmylegs,

buteasilyandwithoutstruggleorpain.Itwasaboy:theinfantme.Thatseemed

exactlyright:havingdied,Iwasnowbeingreborn.YetassoonasIlooked

closelyatthisnewbeing,itmorphedsmoothlyintoIsaac,myson.AndI

thought,howfortunate—howastounding!—forafathertoexperiencetheperfect

physicalintimacythatheretoforeonlymothershaveeverhadwiththeirbabies.

Whateverspacehadeverintervenedbetweenmysonandmenowclosed,andI

couldfeelthewarmtearsslidingdownmycheeks.

Nextcameanoverwhelmingwaveofgratitude.Forwhat?Foronceagain

existing,yes,fortheexistenceofIsaacandJudithtoo,butalsoforsomething

evenmorefundamental:Ifeltforthefirsttimegratitudefortheveryfactof

being,thatthereisanythingwhatsoever.Ratherthanbeingnecessarilythecase,

thisnowseemedquitethemiracle,andsomethingIresolvedneveragaintotake

forgranted.Everybodygivesthanksfor“beingalive,”butwhostopstooffer

thanksforthebare-bonesgerundthatcomesbefore“alive”?Ihadjustcome

fromaplacewherebeingwasnomoreandnowvowednevertoforgetwhata

gift(andmystery)itis,thatthereissomethingratherthannothing.

Ihadenteredafamiliarandmorecongenialmentalspace,oneinwhichIwas

stilltrippingbutcouldputtogetherthoughtsanddirectthemhereorthere.(I

makenoclaimsastotheirquality.)BeforeIdrewthesmokeintomylungs,

Rocíohadaskedme,assheaskseveryonewhomeetsthetoad,tosearchthe

experiencefora“peaceoffering”—someideaorresolutionIcouldbringback

andputtogooduseinmylife.Mine,Idecided,hadtodowiththisquestionof

beingandwhatItooktobeitsoppositeterm,“doing.”Imeditatedonthis

duality,whichcametoseemmomentous,andconcludedthatIwastoomuch

occupiedwiththelatterterminmylifeandnotenoughwiththeformer.

True,onehadtofavordoinginordertogetanythingdone,butwasn’tthere

alsoagreatvirtueandpsychicbenefitinsimplybeing?Incontemplationrather

thanaction?IdecidedIneededtopracticebeingwithstillness,beingwithother

peopleasIfindthem(imperfect),andbeingwithmyownunimprovedself.To

savorwhateverisatthisverymoment,withouttryingtochangeitoreven

describeit.(Huxleystruggledwiththesameaspirationduringhismescaline

journey:“Ifonealwayssawlikethis,onewouldneverwanttodoanything

else.”)Evennow,bornealongonthispleasantcontemplativestream,Ihadto

resisttheurgetodragmyselfontoshoreandtellRocíoaboutmybig

breakthrough.No!Ihadtoremindmyself:justbewithit.

JudithandIhadhadafightthepreviousnightthat,Irealized,turnedonthis

distinction,andonmyimpatiencewithbeing.Shewascomplainingabout

somethingshedoesn’tlikeaboutherlife,andratherthansimplycommiserate,

beingwithherandherdilemma,Iimmediatelywenttothechecklistofpractical

thingsshemightdotofixit.Butthiswasnotatallwhatshewantedorneeded,

andshegotangry.NowIcouldseewithperfectclaritywhymyattempttobe

helpfulhadbeensohurtful.

Sothatwasmypeaceoffering:tobemoreanddoless.ButassoonasIputit

thatway,Irealizedtherewasaproblem—abigproblem,infact.Forwasn’tthe

veryactofresolvingtofavorbeingaformofdoing?Abetrayalofthewhole

idea?Atrueconnoisseurofbeingwouldneverdreamofmakingresolutions!I

hadtiedmyselfupinaphilosophicalknot,constructedaparadoxorkoanIwas

clearlynotsmartenoughorsufficientlyenlightenedtountangle.Andsowhat

hadbegunasoneofthemostshatteringexperiencesofmylifeendedhalfan

hourlaterwithawansmile.

•••

EVENNOW,manymonthslater,Istilldon’tknowexactlywhattomakeofthislast

trip.Itsviolentnarrativearc—thatawfulclimaxfollowedsoswiftlybysucha

sweetdenouement—upendedtheformofastoryorjourney.Itlackedthe

beginning,middle,andendthatallmyprevioustripshadhadandthatwerelyon

tomakesenseofexperience.Thatanditsmind-bendingvelocitymadeitdifficult

toextractmuchinformationorknowledgefromthejourney,exceptforthe

(classic)psychedelicplatitudeabouttheimportanceofbeing.(Afewdaysafter

myencounterwiththetoad,Ihappenedonanolde-mailfromJamesFadiman

thatended,uncannily,withthesewords,whichyoushouldpicturearrangedon

thescreenlikeapoem:“Ihopewhateveryou’redoing,/you’restoppingnow

andthen/and/notdoingitatall.”)

Theintegrationhadbeencursory,leavingmetopuzzleoutthetoad’s

teachings,suchastheywere,onmyown.HadIhadanysortofaspiritualor

mysticalexperience?Orwaswhattookplaceinmymindmerelythe

epiphenomenonofthesestrangemolecules?(Orwasitboth?)Olivia’swords

echoed:“It’sanirrelevantquestion.Thiswassomethingbeingrevealedtome.”

What,ifanything,hadbeenrevealedtome?

Notsureexactlywheretobegin,Irealizeditmightbeusefultomeasuremy

experiencesagainstthoseofthevolunteersintheHopkinsandNYUstudies.I

decidedtofilloutoneoftheMysticalExperienceQuestionnaires(MEQs)*that

thescientistshadtheirsubjectscomplete,hopingtolearnifminequalified.

TheMEQaskedmetorankalistofthirtymentalphenomena—thoughts,

images,andsensationsthatpsychologistsandphilosophersregardastypicalofa

mysticalexperience.(ThequestionnairedrawsontheworkofWilliamJames,

W.T.Stace,andWalterPahnke.)“Lookingbackontheentiretyofyoursession,

pleaseratethedegreetowhichatanytime...youexperiencedthefollowing

phenomena”usingasix-pointscale.(Fromzero,for“noneatall,”tofive,for

extreme:“morethananyothertimeinmylife.”)

Someitemswereeasytorate:“Lossofyourusualsenseoftime.”Check;

five.“Experienceofamazement.”Uh-huh.Anotherfive.“Sensethatthe

experiencecannotbedescribedadequatelyinwords.”Yup.Fiveagain.“Gainof

insightfulknowledgeexperiencedatanintuitivelevel.”Hmmm.Iguessthe

platitudeaboutbeingwouldqualify.Maybeathree?ButIwasunsurewhattodo

withthisone:“Feelingthatyouexperiencedeternityorinfinity.”Thelanguage

impliessomethingmorepositivethanwhatIfeltwhentimevanishedandterror

tookhold;NA,Idecided.The“experienceofthefusionofyourpersonalself

intoalargerwhole”alsoseemedlikeanoverlynicewaytoputthesensationof

becomingonewithanuclearblast.Itseemedlessfusionthanfission,butokay.I

gaveitafour.

Andwhattodowiththisone?“Certaintyofencounterwithultimatereality

(inthesenseofbeingableto‘know’and‘see’whatisreallyrealatsomepointin

yourexperience).”Imighthaveemergedfromtheexperiencewithcertain

convictions(theoneaboutbeinganddoing,say),butthesehardlyseemedlike

encounterswith“ultimatereality,”whateverthatis.Similarly,afewotheritems

mademewanttothrowupmyhands:“Feelingthatyouexperiencedsomething

profoundlysacredandholy”(No)or“Experienceoftheinsight‘allisOne’”

(Yes,butnotinagoodway;inthemidstofthatall-consumingmindstorm,there

wasnothingImissedmorethandifferentiationandmultiplicity).Strugglingto

assignratingstoahandfulofsuchitems,Ifeltthesurveypullingmeinthe

directionofaconclusionthatwasnotatallconsistentwithwhatIfelt.

ButwhenItalliedmyscore,Iwassurprised:Ihadscoredasixty-one,one

pointoverthethresholdfora“complete”mysticalexperience.Ihadsqueaked

through.Sothatwasamysticalexperience?Itdidn’tfeelatalllikewhatI

expectedamysticalexperiencetobe.IconcludedthattheMEQwasapoornet

forcapturingmyencounterwiththetoad.Theresultwaspsychologicalbycatch,

Idecided,andshouldprobablybetossedout.

YetIwonderifmydissatisfactionwiththesurveyhadsomethingtodowith

theintrinsicnature—thesheerintensityandbizarreshape—ofthetoad

experience,forwhichitwasn’tdesigned,afterall.BecausewhenIusedthesame

surveytoevaluatemypsilocybinjourney,thefitseemedmuchbetterandrating

thephenomenamucheasier.Reflectingjustonthecellointerlude,forexample,I

couldeasilyconfirmthe“fusionof[my]personalselfintoalargerwhole,”as

wellasthe“feelingthat[I]experiencedsomethingprofoundlysacredandholy”

and“ofbeingataspiritualheight”andeventhe“experienceofunitywith

ultimatereality.”Yes,yes,yes,andyes—provided,thatis,myendorsementof

thoseloadedadjectivesdoesn’timplyanybeliefinasupernaturalreality.

MypsilocybinjourneywithMaryyieldedasixty-sixontheMystical

ExperienceQuestionnaire.Forsomereason,Ifeltstupidlyproudofmyscore.

(ThereIwasagain,doingbeing.)Ithadbeenmyobjectivetohavesuchan

experience,andatleastaccordingtothescientistsamysticalexperienceIhad

had.YetithadbroughtmenoclosertoabeliefinGodorinacosmicformof

consciousnessorinanythingmagicalatall—allofwhichImighthavebeen,

unreasonably,expecting(hoping?)itmightdo.

Still,therewasnoquestionthatsomethingnovelandprofoundhadhappened

tome—somethingIampreparedtocallspiritual,thoughonlywithanasterisk.I

guessI’vealwaysassumedthatspiritualityimpliedabelieforfaithI’venever

sharedandfromwhichitsupposedlyflows.ButnowIwondered,isthisalways

ornecessarilythecase?

OnlyinthewakeofmyjourneyshaveIbeenabletounraveltheparadoxthat

hadsoperplexedmewhenIinterviewedDinahBazer,aNYUcancerpatient

whobeganandendedherpsilocybinexperienceanavowedatheist.Duringthe

climaxofajourneythatextinguishedherfearofdeath,Bazerdescribed“being

bathedinGod’slove,”andyetsheemergedwithheratheismintact.Howcould

someoneholdthosetwowarringideasinthesamebrain?IthinkIgetitnow.

Notonlywasthefloodoflovesheexperiencedineffablypowerful,butitwas

unattributabletoanyindividualorworldlycause,andsowaspurelygratuitous—

aformofgrace.Sohowtoconveythemagnitudeofsuchagift?“God”mightbe

theonlywordinthelanguagebigenough.

PartoftheproblemIwashavingevaluatingmyownexperiencehadtodo

withanotherbigandloadedword—“mystical”—implyingasitdoesan

experiencebeyondthereachofordinarycomprehensionorscience.Itreeksof

thesupernatural.YetIthinkitwouldbewrongtodiscardthemystical,ifonly

becausesomuchworkhasbeendonebysomanygreatminds—overliterally

thousandsofyears—tofindthewordsforthisextraordinaryhumanexperience

andmakesenseofit.Whenwereadthetestimonyoftheseminds,wefinda

strikingcommonalityintheirdescriptions,evenifwecivilianscan’tquite

understandwhatintheworld(oroutofit)they’retalkingabout.

Accordingtoscholarsofmysticism,thesesharedtraitsgenerallyincludea

visionofunityinwhichallthings,includingtheself,aresubsumed(expressedin

thephrase“Allisone”);asenseofcertaintyaboutwhatonehasperceived

(“Knowledgehasbeenrevealedtome”);feelingsofjoy,blessedness,and

satisfaction;atranscendenceofthecategorieswerelyontoorganizetheworld,

suchastimeandspaceorselfandother;asensethatwhateverhasbeen

apprehendedissomehowsacred(Wordsworth:“Somethingfarmoredeeply

interfused”withmeaning)andoftenparadoxical(sowhiletheselfmayvanish,

awarenessabides).Lastistheconvictionthattheexperienceisineffable,evenas

thousandsofwordsareexpendedintheattempttocommunicateitspower.

(Guilty.)

Beforemyjourneys,wordsandphrasessuchastheseleftmecold;they

seemedutterlyopaque,somuchquasi-religiousmumbojumbo.Nowtheypaint

arecognizablereality.Likewise,certainmysticalpassagesfromliteraturethat

onceseemedsooverstatedandabstractthatIreadthemindulgently(ifatall),

nowIcanreadasasubspeciesofjournalism.Herearethreenineteenth-century

examples,butyoucanfindtheminanycentury.

RalphWaldoEmersoncrossingawintryNewEnglandcommonsin“Nature”:

Standingonthebareground,—myheadbathedbytheblitheair,

andupliftedintoinfinitespace,—allmeanegotismvanishes.I

becomeatransparenteye-ball.Iamnothing.Iseeall.Thecurrents

oftheUniversalBeingcirculatethroughme;Iampartorparticleof

God.

OrWaltWhitman,intheearlylinesofthefirst(muchbrieferandmore

mystical)editionofLeavesofGrass:

Swiftlyaroseandspreadaroundmethepeaceandjoyandknowledgethat

passalltheartandargumentoftheearth;

AndIknowthatthehandofGodistheelderhandofmyown,

AndIknowthatthespiritofGodistheeldestbrotherofmyown,

Andthatallthemeneverbornarealsomybrothers...andthewomen

mysistersandlovers,

Andthatakelson*ofthecreationislove.

AndhereisAlfred,LordTennyson,describinginaletterthe“wakingtrance”

thatdescendeduponhimfromtimetotimesincehisboyhood:

Allatonce,asitwereoutoftheintensityoftheconsciousnessof

individuality,theindividualityitselfseemedtodissolveandfade

intoboundlessbeing;andthiswasnotaconfusedstate,butthe

clearestoftheclearest,thesurestofthesurest;utterlybeyond

words,wheredeathwasanalmostlaughableimpossibility;theloss

ofpersonality(ifsoitwere)seemingnoextinction,buttheonly

truelife.

WhathadchangedformewasthatnowIunderstoodexactlywhatthese

writersweretalkingabout:theirownmysticalexperiences,howeverachieved,

howeverinterpreted.Formerlyinert,theirwordsnowemittedanewrayof

relation,oratleastIwasnowinapositiontoreceiveit.Suchemissionshad

alwaysbeenpresentinourworld,flowingthroughliteratureandreligion,but

likeelectromagneticwavestheycouldn’tbeunderstoodwithoutsomekindof

receiver.Ihadbecomesuchaone.Aphraselike“boundlessbeing,”whichonce

Imighthaveskatedpastasoverlyabstractandhyperbolic,nowcommunicated

somethingspecificandevenfamiliar.Adoorhadopenedformeontoarealmof

humanexperiencethatforsixtyyearshadbeenclosed.*

ButhadIearnedtherighttogothroughthatdoor,enterintothat

conversation?Idon’tknowaboutEmerson’smysticalexperience(orWhitman’s

orTennyson’s),butmineowedtoachemical.Wasn’tthatcheating?Perhapsnot:

itseemslikelythatallmentalexperiencesaremediatedbychemicalsinthe

brain,eventhemostseemingly“transcendent.”Howmuchshouldthegenealogy

ofthesechemicalsmatter?Itturnsouttheverysamemoleculesflowthroughthe

naturalworldandthehumanbrain,linkingusalltogetherinavastwatershedof

tryptamines.Aretheseexogenousmoleculesanylessmiraculous?(Whenthey

comefromamushroomoraplantoratoad!)It’sworthrememberingthatthere

aremanycultureswherethefactthattheinspirationforvisionaryexperiences

comesfromnature,isthegiftofothercreatures,rendersthemmoremeaningful,

notless.

MyowninterpretationofwhatIexperienced—mynowofficiallyverified

mysticalexperience—remainsaworkinprogress,stillinsearchoftheright

words.ButIhavenoproblemusingtheword“spiritual”todescribeelementsof

whatIsawandfelt,aslongasitisnottakeninasupernaturalsense.Forme,

“spiritual”isagoodnameforsomeofthepowerfulmentalphenomenathatarise

whenthevoiceoftheegoismutedorsilenced.Ifnothingelse,thesejourneys

haveshownmehowthatpsychicconstruct—atoncesofamiliarandon

reflectionsostrange—standsbetweenusandsomestrikingnewdimensionsof

experience,whetheroftheworldoutsideusorofthemindwithin.Thejourneys

haveshownmewhattheBuddhiststrytotellusbutIhaveneverreally

understood:thatthereismuchmoretoconsciousnessthantheego,aswewould

seeifitwouldjustshutup.Andthatitsdissolution(ortranscendence)isnothing

tofear;infact,itisaprerequisiteformakinganyspiritualprogress.

Buttheego,thatinnerneuroticwhoinsistsonrunningthementalshow,is

wilyanddoesn’trelinquishitspowerwithoutastruggle.Deemingitself

indispensable,itwillbattleagainstitsdiminishment,whetherinadvanceorin

themiddleofthejourney.Isuspectthat’sexactlywhatminewasuptoall

throughthesleeplessnightsthatprecededeachofmytrips,strivingtoconvince

methatIwasriskingeverything,whenreallyallIwasputtingatriskwasits

sovereignty.

WhenHuxleyspeaksofthemind’s“reducingvalve”—thefacultythat

eliminatesasmuchoftheworldfromourconsciousawarenessasitletsin—he

istalkingabouttheego.Thatstingy,vigilantsecurityguardadmitsonlythe

narrowestbandwidthofreality,“ameaslytrickleofthekindofconsciousness

whichwillhelpustostayalive.”It’sreallygoodatperformingallthose

activitiesthatnaturalselectionvalues:gettingahead,gettinglikedandloved,

gettingfed,gettinglaid.Keepingusontask,itisaferociouseditorofanything

thatmightdistractusfromtheworkathand,whetherthatmeansregulatingour

accesstomemoriesandstrongemotionsfromwithinornewsoftheworld

without.

Whatoftheworlditdoesadmitittendstoobjectify,fortheegowantsto

reservethegiftsofsubjectivitytoitself.That’swhyitfailstoseethatthereisa

wholeworldofsoulsandspiritsoutthere,bywhichIsimplymeansubjectivities

otherthanourown.Itwasonlywhenthevoiceofmyegowasquietedby

psilocybinthatIwasabletosensethattheplantsinmygardenhadaspirittoo.

(InthewordsofR.M.Bucke,anineteenth-centuryCanadianpsychiatristand

mystic,“Isawthattheuniverseisnotcomposedofdeadmatter,butis,onthe

contrary,alivingPresence.”)“Ecology”and“coevolution”arescientificnames

forthesamephenomena:everyspeciesasubjectactingonothersubjects.But

whenthisconceptacquiresthefleshoffeeling,becomes“moredeeply

interfused,”asitdidduringmyfirstpsilocybinjourney,I’mhappytocallita

spiritualexperience.Sotoomyvariouspsychedelicmergings:withBach’scello

suite,withmyson,Isaac,withmygrandfatherBob,allspiritsdirectly

apprehendedandembraced,eachtimewithafloodoffeeling.

Soperhapsspiritualexperienceissimplywhathappensinthespacethat

opensupinthemindwhen“allmeanegotismvanishes.”Wonders(andterrors)

we’reordinarilydefendedagainstflowintoourawareness;thefarendsofthe

sensoryspectrum,whicharenormallyinvisibletous,oursensescansuddenly

admit.Whiletheegosleeps,themindplays,proposingunexpectedpatternsof

thoughtandnewraysofrelation.Thegulfbetweenselfandworld,thatno-

man’s-landwhichinordinaryhourstheegosovigilantlypatrols,closesdown,

allowingustofeellessseparateandmoreconnected,“partandparticle”ofsome

largerentity.WhetherwecallthatentityNature,theMindatLarge,orGod

hardlymatters.Butitseemstobeinthecrucibleofthatmergingthatdeathloses

someofitssting.

CHAPTERFIVE

THENEUROSCIENCE

YourBrainonPsychedelics

WHATJUSTHAPPENEDinmybrain?

Amoleculehadlaunchedmeoneachofthesetrips,andIreturnedfrommy

travelsintenselycurioustolearnwhatthechemistrycouldtellmeabout

consciousnessandwhatthatmightrevealaboutthebrain’srelationshiptothe

mind.Howdoyougetfromtheingestionofacompoundcreatedbyafungusor

atoad(orahumanchemist)toanovelstateofconsciousnesswiththepowerto

changeone’sperspectiveonthings,notjustduringthejourney,butlongafterthe

moleculehasleftthebody?

Actually,therewerethreedifferentmoleculesinquestion—psilocin,LSD,

and5-MeO-DMT—butevenacasualglanceattheirstructures(andIsaythisas

someonewhoearnedaDinhighschoolchemistry)indicatesaresemblance.All

threemoleculesaretryptamines.Atryptamineisatypeoforganiccompound(an

indole,tobeexact)distinguishedbythepresenceoftwolinkedrings,oneof

themwithsixatomsandtheotherwithfive.Livingnatureisawashin

tryptamines,whichshowupinplants,fungi,andanimals,wheretheytypically

actassignalingmoleculesbetweencells.Themostfamoustryptamineinthe

humanbodyistheneurotransmitterserotonin,thechemicalnameofwhichis5-

hydroxytryptamine.Itisnocoincidencethatthismoleculehasastrongfamily

resemblancewiththepsychedelicmolecules.

Serotoninmightbefamous,asneurotransmittersgo,yetmuchaboutit

remainsamystery.Forexample,itbindswithadozenorsodifferentreceptors,

andthesearefoundnotonlyacrossmanypartsofthebrainbutthroughoutthe

body,withasubstantialrepresentationinthedigestivetract.Dependingonthe

typeofreceptorinquestionanditslocation,serotoninisliabletomakevery

differentthingshappen—sometimesexcitinganeurontofire,othertimes

inhibitingit.Thinkofitasakindofword,themeaningorimportofwhichcan

changeradicallydependingonthecontextorevenitsplacementinasentence.

Thegroupoftryptamineswecall“theclassicalpsychedelics”haveastrong

affinitywithoneparticulartypeofserotoninreceptor,calledthe5-HT

.These

receptorsarefoundinlargenumbersinthehumancortex,theoutermost,and

evolutionarilymostrecent,layerofthebrain.Basically,thepsychedelics

resembleserotonincloselyenoughthattheycanattachthemselvestothis

receptorsiteinsuchawayastoactivateittodovariousthings.

Curiously,LSDhasanevenstrongeraffinitywiththe5-HT

receptor—is

“stickier”—thanserotoninitself,makingthisaninstancewherethesimulacrum

ismoreconvincing,chemically,thantheoriginal.Thishasledsomescientiststo

speculatethatthehumanbodymustproducesomeother,morebespokechemical

fortheexpresspurposeofactivatingthe5-HT

receptor—perhapsan

endogenouspsychedelicthatisreleasedundercertaincircumstances,perhaps

whendreaming.Onecandidateforthatchemicalisthepsychedelicmolecule

DMT,whichhasbeenfoundintraceamountsinthepinealglandofrats.

ThescienceofserotoninandLSDhasbeencloselyintertwinedsincethe

1950s;infact,itwasthediscoverythatLSDaffectedconsciousnessatsuch

infinitesimaldosesthathelpedtoadvancethenewfieldofneurochemistryinthe

1950s,leadingtothedevelopmentoftheSSRIantidepressants.Butitwasn’t

until1998thatFranzVollenweider,aSwissresearcherwhoisoneofthe

pioneersofpsychedelicneuroscience,demonstratedthatpsychedelicslikeLSD

andpsilocybinworkonthehumanbrainbybindingwiththe5-HT

receptors.

Hedidthisbygivingsubjectsadrugcalledketanserinthatblocksthereceptor;

whenhethenadministeredpsilocybin,nothinghappened.

YetVollenweider’sdiscovery,importantasitwas,isbutasmallsteponthe

long(andwinding)roadfrompsychedelicchemistrytopsychedelic

consciousness.The5-HT

receptormightbethelockonthedoortothemind

thatthosethreemoleculesunlock,buthowdidthatchemicalopeninglead,

ultimately,towhatIfeltandexperienced?Tothedissolutionofmyego,for

example,andthecollapseofanydistinctionbetweensubjectandobject?Orto

themorphinginmymind’seyeofMaryintoMaríaSabina?Putanotherway,

what,ifanything,canbrainchemistrytellusaboutthe“phenomenology”ofthe

psychedelicexperience?

Allthesequestionsconcernthecontentsofconsciousness,ofcourse,whichat

leasttothispointhaseludedthetoolsofneuroscience.Byconsciousness,Idon’t

meansimply“beingconscious”—thebasicsensoryawarenesscreatureshaveof

changesintheirenvironment,whichiseasytomeasureexperimentally.Inthis

limitedsense,evenplantsare“conscious,”thoughit’sdoubtfultheypossessfull-

blownconsciousness.Whatneuroscientistsandphilosophersandpsychologists

meanbyconsciousnessistheunmistakablesensewehavethatweare,or

possess,aselfthathasexperiences.

SigmundFreudwrotethat“thereisnothingofwhichwearemorecertain

thanthefeelingofourself,ourownego.”Yetitisdifficulttobequitesocertain

thatanyoneelsepossessesconsciousness,muchlessothercreatures,because

thereisnooutwardphysicalevidencethatconsciousnessasweexperienceit

exists.Thethingofwhichwearemostcertainisbeyondthereachofour

science,supposedlyoursurestwayofknowinganything.

Thisdilemmahasleftajaradoorthroughwhichwritersandphilosophers

havestepped.Theclassicthoughtexperimenttodeterminewhetheranother

beingisinpossessionofconsciousnesswasproposedbyThomasNagel,a

philosopher,inafamous1974paper,“WhatIsItLiketoBeaBat?”Heargued

thatif“thereissomethingthatitisliketobeabat”—ifthereisanysubjective

dimensiontobatexperience—thenabatpossessesconsciousness.Hewentonto

suggestthatthis“whatitislike”qualitymaynotbereducibletomaterialterms.

Ever.

WhetherornotNagel’srightaboutthatisthebiggestargumentgoinginthe

fieldofconsciousnessstudies.Thequestionatitsheartisoftenreferredtoas

“thehardproblem”orthe“explanatorygap”:Howdoyouexplainmind—the

subjectivequalityofexperience—intermsofmeat,thatis,intermsofthe

physicalstructuresorchemistryofthebrain?Thequestionassumes,asmost(but

notall)scientistsdo,thatconsciousnessisaproductofbrainsandthatitwill

eventuallybeexplainedastheepiphenomenonofmaterialthingslikeneurons

andbrainstructures,chemicalsandcommunicationsnetworks.Thatwould

certainlyseemtobethemostparsimonioushypothesis.Yetitisalongwayfrom

beingproven,andanumberofneuroscientistsquestionwhetheriteverwillbe:

whethersomethingaselusiveassubjectiveexperience—whatitfeelsliketobe

you—willeveryieldtothereductionsofscience.Thesescientistsand

philosophersaresometimescalledmysterians,whichisnotmeantasa

compliment.Somescientistshaveraisedthepossibilitythatconsciousnessmay

pervadetheuniverse,suggestingwethinkofitthesamewaywedo

electromagnetismorgravity,asoneofthefundamentalbuildingblocksof

reality.

Theideathatpsychedelicdrugsmightshedsomelightontheproblemsof

consciousnessmakesacertainsense.Apsychedelicdrugispowerfulenoughto

disruptthesystemwecallnormalwakingconsciousnessinwaysthatmayforce

someofitsfundamentalpropertiesintoview.True,anestheticsdisrupt

consciousnesstoo,yetbecausesuchdrugsshutitdown,thiskindofdisturbance

yieldsrelativelylittledata.Incontrast,someoneonapsychedelicremainsawake

andabletoreportonwhatheorsheisexperiencinginrealtime.Nowadays,

thesesubjectivereportscanbecorrelatedwithvariousmeasuresofbrainactivity,

usingseveraldifferentmodesofimaging—toolsunavailabletoresearchers

duringthefirstwaveofpsychedelicresearchinthe1950sand1960s.

BydeployingthesetechnologiesincombinationwithLSDandpsilocybin,a

handfulofscientistsworkinginbothEuropeandtheUnitedStatesareopeninga

newwindowontoconsciousness,andwhattheyareglimpsingthroughit

promisestochangeourunderstandingofthelinksbetweenourbrainsandour

minds.

•••

PERHAPSTHEMOSTAMBITIOUSneuroscientificexpeditionusingpsychedelicsto

maptheterrainofhumanconsciousnessistakingplaceinalaboratoryatthe

CentreforPsychiatryontheHammersmithcampusofImperialCollegeinWest

London.Recentlycompleted,thecampusconsistsofafuturisticbutoddly

depressingnetworkofbuildings,linkedbyglass-walledaerialwalkwaysand

glassdoorsthatslideopensilentlyatthedetectionoftheproperidentification.It

ishereinthelabofDavidNutt,aprominentEnglishpsychopharmacologist,that

ateamledbyathirtysomethingneuroscientistnamedRobinCarhart-Harrishas

beenworkingsince2009toidentifythe“neuralcorrelates,”orphysical

counterparts,ofthepsychedelicexperience.ByinjectingvolunteerswithLSD

andpsilocybinandthenusingavarietyofscanningtechnologies—including

functionalmagneticresonanceimaging(fMRI)andmagnetoencephalography

(MEG)—toobservethechangesintheirbrains,heandhisteamhavegivenus

ourfirstglimpsesofwhatsomethinglikeegodissolution,orahallucination,

actuallylookslikeinthebrainasitunfoldsinthemind.

Thefactthatsuchanimprobableandpotentiallycontroversialresearch

projectevergotoffthegroundowestotheconvergenceofthreemostunusual

characters,andcareers,inEnglandintheyear2005:DavidNutt,RobinCarhart-

Harris,andAmandaFeilding,a.k.a.theCountessofWemyssandMarch.

RobinCarhart-Harris’spathtoDavidNutt’spsychopharmacologylabwasan

eccentricone,havingfirstpassedthroughagraduatecourseinpsychoanalysis.

Thesedayspsychoanalysisisatheoryfewneuroscientiststakeseriously,

regardingitlessasasciencethanasasetofuntestablebeliefs.Carhart-Harris

feltstronglyotherwise.SteepedinthewritingsofFreudandJung,hewas

fascinatedbypsychoanalytictheorywhileatthesametimefrustratedbyitslack

ofscientificrigor,aswellasbythelimitationsofitstoolsforexploringwhatit

deemedmostimportantaboutthemind:theunconscious.

“Iftheonlywaywecanaccesstheunconsciousisviadreamsandfree

association,”heexplainedthefirsttimewetalked,“wearen’tgoingtoget

anywhere.Surelytheremustbesomethingelse.”Onedayheaskedhisseminar

professorifthatsomethingelsemightbeadrug.(IaskedRobinifhishunchwas

basedonpersonalexperienceorresearch,buthemadeclearthiswasnota

subjecthewishedtodiscuss.)Hisprofessorsenthimtoreadabookcalled

RealmsoftheHumanUnconsciousbyStanislavGrof.

“Iwenttothelibraryandreadthebookcovertocover.Iwasblownaway.

Thatsetthecoursefortherestofmyyounglife.”

Carhart-Harris,whoisaslender,intenseyoungmaninahurry,withaneatly

trimmedbeardandlargepaleblueeyesthatseldomblink,formulatedaplanit

wouldtakehimafewyearstoputintomotion:hewouldusepsychedelicdrugs

andmodernbrain-imagingtechnologiestobuildafoundationofhardscience

beneaththeedificeofpsychoanalysis.“Freudsaiddreamsweretheroyalroadto

theunconscious,”heremindedme.“Psychedelicscouldturnouttobethe

superhighway.”Carhart-Harris’sdemeanorismodest,evenhumble,offeringno

cluetotheaudacityofhisambition.HelikestoquoteGrof’sgrandclaimthat

whatthetelescopewasforastronomy,orthemicroscopeforbiology,

psychedelicswillbeforunderstandingthemind.

Carhart-Harriscompletedhismaster’sinpsychoanalysisin2005andbegan

toplothismoveintotheneuroscienceofpsychedelics.Heaskedaroundanddid

someInternetresearchthateventuallyledhimtoDavidNuttandAmanda

Feildingastwopeoplewhomightbeinterestedinhisprojectandinapositionto

help.HefirstapproachedFeilding,whoin1998hadestablishedsomething

calledtheBeckleyFoundationtostudytheeffectsofpsychoactivesubstanceson

thebrainandtolobbyfordrugpolicyreform.Thefoundationisnamedfor

BeckleyPark,thesprawlingfourteenth-centuryTudormanorwhereshegrewup

inOxfordshireandwhere,in2005,sheinvitedCarhart-Harristolunch.(Ona

recentvisitofmyowntoBeckley,Icountedtwotowersandthreemoats.)

AmandaFeilding,whowasbornin1943,isaneccentricasonlytheEnglish

aristocracycanbreedthem.(She’sdescendedfromthehouseofHabsburgand

twoofCharlesII’sillegitimatechildren.)Astudentofcomparativereligionand

mysticism,Feildinghashadalong-standinginterestinalteredstatesof

consciousnessand,specifically,theroleofbloodflowtothebrain,whichin

Homosapiens,shebelieves,hasbeencompromisedeversinceourspeciesbegan

standingupright.LSD,Feildingbelieves,enhancescognitivefunctionand

facilitateshigherstatesofconsciousnessbyincreasingcerebralcirculation.A

secondwaytoachieveasimilarresultisbymeansoftheancientpracticeof

trepanation.Thisdeservesabriefdigression.

Trepanationinvolvesdrillingashallowholeintheskullsupposedlyto

improvecerebralbloodcirculation;ineffect,itreversesthefusingofthecranial

bonesthathappensinchildhood.Trepanationwasforcenturiesacommon

medicalprocedure,tojudgebythenumberofancientskullsthathaveturnedup

withneatholesinthem.Convincedthattrepanationwouldhelpfacilitatehigher

statesofconsciousness,Feildingwentlookingforsomeonetoperformthe

operationonher.Whenitbecameclearnoprofessionalwouldoblige,she

trepannedherselfin1970,boringasmallholeinthemiddleofherforeheadwith

anelectricdrill.(Shedocumentedtheprocedureinashortbuthorrifyingfilm

calledHeartbeatintheBrain.)Pleasedwiththeresults,Feildingwentonto

standforelectiontoParliament,twice,onaplatformof“Trepanationforthe

NationalHealth.”

ButwhileAmandaFeildingmaybeeccentric,sheisbynomeansfeckless.

Herworkonbothdrugresearchanddrugpolicyreformhasbeenserious,

strategic,andproductive.Inrecentyears,herfocushasshiftedfromtrepanation

tothepotentialofpsychedelicstoimprovebrainfunction.Inherownlife,she

hasusedLSDasakindof“braintonic,”favoringadailydosethathits“that

sweetspotwherecreativityandenthusiasmisincreased,butcontrolis

maintained.”(Shetoldmethattherewasatimewhensheputthattonicdoseat

150micrograms—faraboveamicrodoseandenoughtosendmostpeople,

myselfincluded,onafull-fledgedtrip.ButbecausefrequentuseofLSDcan

leadtotolerance,it’sentirelypossiblethatforsomepeople150micrograms

merely“addsacertainsparkletoconsciousness.”)IfoundFeildingtobe

disarminglyfrankaboutthebaggageshebringstothenewconversationabout

psychedelicscience:“I’madruggie.Iliveinthisbighouse.AndIhaveaholein

myhead.Iguessthatdisqualifiesme.”

So,whenanaspiringyoungscientistnamedRobinCarhart-Harriscamefor

lunchatBeckleyin2005,sharinghisambitiontocombineresearchintoLSD

andFreud,Feildingimmediatelysawthepotential,aswellasanopportunityto

puthertheoriesaboutcerebralbloodcirculationtothetest.Feildingindicatedto

Carhart-Harristhatherfoundationmightbewillingtofundsuchresearchand

suggestedthathecontactDavidNutt,thenaprofessorattheUniversityof

BristolandanallyofFeilding’sinthecampaigntoreformdrugpolicy.

Inhisownway,DavidNuttisasnotoriousinEnglandasAmandaFeilding.

Nutt,whoisalarge,jollyfellowinhissixtieswithamustacheandabooming

laugh,achievedhisparticularnotorietyin2009.That’swhenthehomesecretary

firedhimfromthegovernment’sAdvisoryCouncilontheMisuseofDrugs,of

whichhehadbeenchair.Thecommitteeischargedwithadvisingthe

governmentontheclassificationofillicitdrugsbasedontheirrisktoindividuals

andsociety.Nutt,whoisanexpertonaddictionandontheclassofdrugscalled

benzodiazepines(suchasValium),hadcommittedthefatalpoliticalerrorof

quantifyingempiricallytherisksofvariouspsychoactivesubstances,bothlegal

andillegal.Hehadconcludedfromhisresearch,andwouldtellanyonewho

asked,thatalcoholwasmoredangerousthancannabisandthatusingEcstasy

wassaferthanridingahorse.

“Butthesentencethatgotmesacked,”hetoldmewhenwemetinhisoffice

atImperial,“waswhenIwentonlivebreakfasttelevision.Iwasasked,‘You’re

notseriouslytellingusthatLSDislessharmfulthanalcohol,areyou?’Of

courseIam!”*

RobinCarhart-HarriscametoseeDavidNuttin2005,hopingtostudy

psychedelicsanddreamingunderhimatBristol;tryingtobestrategic,he

mentionedthepossibilityoffundingfromFeilding.AsCarhart-Harrisrecallsthe

interview,Nuttwasbluntinhisdismissal:“‘Theideayouwanttodois

incrediblyfar-fetched,youhavenoneuroscienceexperience,it’scompletely

unrealistic.’ButItoldhimIputallmyeggsinthisbasket.”Impressedbythe

youngman’sdetermination,Nuttmadehimanoffer:“ComedoaPhDwithme.

We’llstartwithsomethingstraightforward”—thisturnedouttobetheeffectof

MDMAontheserotoninsystem—“andthenmaybelateronwecando

psychedelics.”

“Lateron”camein2009,whenCarhart-Harris,armedwithaPhDand

workinginNutt’slabwithfundingfromAmandaFeilding,receivedapproval

(fromtheNationalHealthServiceandtheHomeOffice)tostudytheeffectof

psilocybinonthebrain.(LSDwouldcomeafewyearslater.)Carhart-Harrisput

himselfforwardasthefirstvolunteer.“Ifyou’regoingtogivethisdrugto

peopleandputtheminascanner,Ithought,thehonestthingistodoitfirstto

yourself.”But,ashetoldNutt,“Ihaveananxiousdisposition,andmaynothave

beeninthebestplacepsychologically,sohedissuadedme;healsothought

participatingintheexperimentmightcompromisemyobjectivity.”Intheend,a

colleaguebecamethefirstvolunteertoreceiveaninjectionofpsilocybinand

thenslideintoanfMRIscannertohavehistrippingbrainimaged.

Carhart-Harris’sworkinghypothesiswasthattheirbrainswouldexhibit

increasesinactivity,particularlyintheemotioncenters.“Ithoughtitwouldlook

likethedreamingbrain,”hetoldme.Employingadifferentscanningtechnology,

FranzVollenweiderhadpublisheddataindicatingthatpsychedelicsstimulated

brainactivity,especiallyinthefrontallobes.(Anarearesponsibleforexecutive

andotherhighercognitivefunctions.)Butwhenthefirstsetofdatacamein,

Carhart-Harrisgotasurprise:“Wewereseeingdecreasesinbloodflow”—blood

flowbeingoneoftheproxiesforbrainactivitythatfMRImeasures.“Hadwe

madeamistake?Itwasarealhead-scratcher.”Buttheinitialdataonbloodflow

wascorroboratedbyasecondmeasurethatlooksatchangesinoxygen

consumptiontopinpointareasofelevatedbrainactivity.Carhart-Harrisandhis

colleagueshaddiscoveredthatpsilocybinreducesbrainactivity,withthefalloff

concentratedinoneparticularbrainnetworkthatatthetimeheknewlittleabout:

thedefaultmodenetwork.

Carhart-Harrisbeganreadinguponit.Thedefaultmodenetwork,orDMN,

wasnotknowntobrainscienceuntil2001.ThatwaswhenMarcusRaichle,a

neurologistatWashingtonUniversity,describeditinalandmarkpaperpublished

intheProceedingsoftheNationalAcademyofSciences,orPNAS.Thenetwork

formsacriticalandcentrallylocatedhubofbrainactivitythatlinkspartsofthe

cerebralcortextodeeper(andolder)structuresinvolvedinmemoryand

emotion.*

Thediscoveryofthedefaultmodenetworkwasactuallyascientificaccident,

ahappyby-productoftheuseofbrain-imagingtechnologiesinbrainresearch.*

ThetypicalfMRIexperimentbeginsbyestablishinga“restingstate”baselinefor

neuralactivityasthevolunteersitsquietlyinthescannerawaitingwhatevertests

theresearcherhasinstore.Raichlehadnoticedthatseveralareasinthebrain

exhibitedheightenedactivitypreciselywhenhissubjectsweredoingnothing

mentally.Thiswasthebrain’s“defaultmode,”thenetworkofbrainstructures

thatlightupwithactivitywhentherearenodemandsonourattentionandwe

havenomentaltasktoperform.Putanotherway,Raichlehaddiscoveredthe

placewhereourmindsgotowander—todaydream,ruminate,travelintime,

reflectonourselves,andworry.Itmaybethroughtheseverystructuresthatthe

streamofourconsciousnessflows.

Thedefaultnetworkstandsinakindofseesawrelationshipwiththe

attentionalnetworksthatwakeupwhenevertheoutsideworlddemandsour

attention;whenoneisactive,theothergoesquiet,andviceversa.Butasany

personcantellyou,quitealothappensinthemindwhennothingmuchisgoing

onoutsideus.(Infact,theDMNconsumesadisproportionateshareofthe

brain’senergy.)Workingataremovefromoursensoryprocessingoftheoutside

world,thedefaultmodeismostactivewhenweareengagedinhigher-level

“metacognitive”processessuchasself-reflection,mentaltimetravel,mental

constructions(suchastheselforego),moralreasoning,and“theoryofmind”—

theabilitytoattributementalstatestoothers,aswhenwetrytoimagine“whatit

islike”tobesomeoneelse.Allthesefunctionsmaybelongexclusivelyto

humans,andspecificallytoadulthumans,forthedefaultmodenetworkisn’t

operationaluntillateinachild’sdevelopment.

“Thebrainisahierarchicalsystem,”Carhart-Harrisexplainedinoneofour

interviews.“Thehighest-levelparts”—thosedevelopedlateinourevolution,

typicallylocatedinthecortex—“exertaninhibitoryinfluenceonthelower-level

[andolder]parts,likeemotionandmemory.”Asawhole,thedefaultmode

networkexertsatop-downinfluenceonotherpartsofthebrain,manyofwhich

communicatewithoneanotherthroughitscentrallylocatedhub.Robinhas

describedtheDMNvariouslyasthebrain’s“orchestraconductor,”“corporate

executive,”or“capitalcity,”chargedwithmanagingand“holdingthewhole

systemtogether.”Andwithkeepingthebrain’sunruliertendenciesincheck.

Thebrainconsistsofseveraldifferentspecializedsystems—oneforvisual

processing,forexample,anothertocontrolmotoractivity—eachdoingitsown

thing.“Chaosisavertedbecauseallsystemsarenotcreatedequal,”Marcus

Raichlehaswritten.“Electricalsignalingfromsomebrainareastakes

precedenceoverothers.AtthetopofthishierarchyresidestheDMN,whichacts

asanuber-conductortoensurethatthecacophonyofcompetingsignalsfrom

onesystemdonotinterferewiththosefromanother.”Thedefaultmodenetwork

keepsorderinasystemsocomplexitmightotherwisedescendintotheanarchy

ofmentalillness.

Asmentioned,thedefaultmodenetworkappearstoplayaroleinthecreation

ofmentalconstructsorprojections,themostimportantofwhichistheconstruct

wecalltheself,orego.*Thisiswhysomeneuroscientistscallit“theme

network.”Ifaresearchergivesyoualistofadjectivesandasksyoutoconsider

howtheyapplytoyou,itisyourdefaultmodenetworkthatleapsintoaction.(It

alsolightsupwhenwereceive“likes”onoursocialmediafeeds.)Nodesinthe

defaultnetworkarethoughttoberesponsibleforautobiographicalmemory,the

materialfromwhichwecomposethestoryofwhoweare,bylinkingourpast

experienceswithwhathappenstousandwithprojectionsofourfuturegoals.

Theachievementofanindividualself,abeingwithauniquepastanda

trajectoryintothefuture,isoneofthegloriesofhumanevolution,butitisnot

withoutitsdrawbacksandpotentialdisorders.Thepriceofthesenseofan

individualidentityisasenseofseparationfromothersandnature.Self-reflection

canleadtogreatintellectualandartisticachievementbutalsotodestructive

formsofself-regardandmanytypesofunhappiness.(Inanoften-citedpaper

titled“AWanderingMindIsanUnhappyMind,”psychologistsidentifieda

strongcorrelationbetweenunhappinessandtimespentinmindwandering,a

principalactivityofthedefaultmodenetwork.)But,acceptingthegoodwiththe

bad,mostofustakethisselfasanunshakablegiven,asrealasanythingwe

know,andasthefoundationofourlifeasconscioushumanbeings.OratleastI

alwaystookitthatway,untilmypsychedelicexperiencesledmetowonder.

PerhapsthemoststrikingdiscoveryofCarhart-Harris’sfirstexperimentwas

thatthesteepestdropsindefaultmodenetworkactivitycorrelatedwithhis

volunteers’subjectiveexperienceof“egodissolution.”(“Iexistedonlyasan

ideaorconcept,”onevolunteerreported.Recalledanother,“Ididn’tknowwhere

Iendedandmysurroundingsbegan.”)Themoreprecipitousthedrop-offin

bloodflowandoxygenconsumptioninthedefaultnetwork,themorelikelya

volunteerwastoreportthelossofasenseofself.*

ShortlyafterCarhart-Harrispublishedhisresultsina2012paperinPNAS

(“NeuralCorrelatesofthePsychedelicStateasDeterminedbyfMRIStudies

withPsilocybin”*),JudsonBrewer,aresearcheratYale*whowasusingfMRIto

studythebrainsofexperiencedmeditators,noticedthathisscansandRobin’s

lookedremarkablyalike.Thetranscendenceofselfreportedbyexpert

meditatorsshoweduponfMRIsasaquietingofthedefaultmodenetwork.It

appearsthatwhenactivityinthedefaultmodenetworkfallsoffprecipitously,the

egotemporarilyvanishes,andtheusualboundariesweexperiencebetweenself

andworld,subjectandobject,allmeltaway.

Thissenseofmergingintosomelargertotalityisofcourseoneofthe

hallmarksofthemysticalexperience;oursenseofindividualityandseparateness

hingesonaboundedselfandacleardemarcationbetweensubjectandobject.

Butallthatmaybeamentalconstruction,akindofillusion—justasthe

Buddhistshavebeentryingtotellus.Thepsychedelicexperienceof“non-

duality”suggeststhatconsciousnesssurvivesthedisappearanceoftheself,that

itisnotsoindispensableaswe—andit—liketothink.Carhart-Harrissuspects

thatthelossofacleardistinctionbetweensubjectandobjectmighthelpexplain

anotherfeatureofthemysticalexperience:thefactthattheinsightsitsponsors

arefelttobeobjectivelytrue—revealedtruthsratherthanplainoldinsights.It

couldbethatinordertojudgeaninsightasmerelysubjective,oneperson’s

opinion,youmustfirsthaveasenseofsubjectivity.Whichispreciselywhatthe

mysticonpsychedelicshaslost.

Themysticalexperiencemayjustbewhatitfeelslikewhenyoudeactivate

thebrain’sdefaultmodenetwork.Thiscanbeachievedanynumberofways:

throughpsychedelicsandmeditation,asRobinCarhart-HarrisandJudson

Brewerhavedemonstrated,butperhapsalsobymeansofcertainbreathing

exercises(likeholotropicbreathwork),sensorydeprivation,fasting,prayer,

overwhelmingexperiencesofawe,extremesports,near-deathexperiences,and

soon.Whatwouldscansofbrainsinthemidstofthoseactivitiesreveal?Wecan

onlyspeculate,butquitepossiblywewouldseethesamequietingofthedefault

modenetworkBrewerandCarhart-Harrishavefound.Thisquietingmightbe

accomplishedbyrestrictingbloodflowtothenetwork,orbystimulatingthe

serotonin2Areceptorsinthecortex,orbyotherwisedisturbingtheoscillatory

rhythmsthatnormallyorganizethebrain.Buthoweverithappens,takingthis

particularnetworkoff-linemaygiveusaccesstoextraordinarystatesof

consciousness—momentsofonenessorecstasythatarenolesswondrousfor

havingaphysicalcause.

•••

IFTHEDEFAULTMODEnetworkistheconductorofthesymphonyofbrainactivity,

youwouldexpectitstemporaryabsencefromthestagetoleadtoanincreasein

dissonanceandmentaldisorder—asindeedappearstohappenduringthe

psychedelicjourney.Inaseriesofsubsequentexperimentsusingavarietyof

brain-imagingtechniques,Carhart-Harrisandhiscolleaguesbegantostudywhat

happenselsewhereintheneuralorchestrawhenthedefaultmodenetworkputs

downitsbaton.

Takenasawhole,thedefaultmodenetworkexertsaninhibitoryinfluenceon

otherpartsofthebrain,notablyincludingthelimbicregionsinvolvedinemotion

andmemory,inmuchthesamewayFreudconceivedoftheegokeepingthe

anarchicforcesoftheunconsciousidincheck.(DavidNuttputsthematter

bluntly,claimingthatintheDMN“we’vefoundtheneuralcorrelatefor

repression.”)Carhart-Harrishypothesizesthattheseandothercentersofmental

activityare“letofftheleash”whenthedefaultmodeleavesthestage,andinfact

brainscansshowanincreaseinactivity(asreflectedbyincreasesinbloodflow

andoxygenconsumption)inseveralotherbrainregions,includingthelimbic

regions,undertheinfluenceofpsychedelics.Thisdisinhibitionmightexplain

whymaterialthatisunavailabletousduringnormalwakingconsciousnessnow

floatstothesurfaceofourawareness,includingemotionsandmemoriesand,

sometimes,long-buriedchildhoodtraumas.Itisforthisreasonthatsome

scientistsandpsychotherapistsbelievepsychedelicscanbeprofitablyusedto

surfaceandexplorethecontentsoftheunconsciousmind.

Butthedefaultmodenetworkdoesn’tonlyexerttop-downcontrolover

materialarisingfromwithin;italsohelpsregulatewhatisletintoconsciousness

fromtheworldoutside.Itoperatesasakindoffilter(or“reducingvalve”)

chargedwithadmittingonlythat“measlytrickle”ofinformationrequiredforus

togetthroughtheday.Ifnotforthebrain’sfilteringmechanisms,thetorrentof

informationthesensesmakeavailabletoourbrainsatanygivenmomentmight

provedifficulttoprocess—asindeedissometimesthecaseduringthe

psychedelicexperience.“Thequestion,”asDavidNuttputsit,“iswhythebrain

isordinarilysoconstrainedratherthansoopen?”Theanswermaybeassimple

as“efficiency.”Todaymostneuroscientistsworkunderaparadigmofthebrain

asaprediction-makingmachine.Toformaperceptionofsomethingoutinthe

world,thebraintakesinaslittlesensoryinformationasitneedstomakean

educatedguess.Weareforevercuttingtothechase,basically,andleapingto

conclusions,relyingonpriorexperiencetoinformcurrentperception.

ThemaskexperimentIattemptedtoperformduringmypsilocybinjourneyis

apowerfuldemonstrationofthisphenomenon.Atleastwhenitisworking

normally,thebrain,presentedwithafewvisualcluessuggestingitislookingat

aface,insistsonseeingthefaceasaconvexstructureevenwhenitisnot,

becausethat’sthewayfacesusuallyare.

Thephilosophicalimplicationsof“predictivecoding”aredeepandstrange.

Themodelsuggeststhatourperceptionsoftheworldofferusnotaliteral

transcriptionofrealitybutratheraseamlessillusionwovenfromboththedataof

oursensesandthemodelsinourmemories.Normalwakingconsciousnessfeels

perfectlytransparent,andyetitislessawindowonrealitythantheproductof

ourimaginations—akindofcontrolledhallucination.Thisraisesaquestion:

Howisnormalwakingconsciousnessanydifferentfromother,seeminglyless

faithfulproductionsofourimagination—suchasdreamsorpsychoticdelusions

orpsychedelictrips?Infact,allthesestatesofconsciousnessare“imagined”:

they’rementalconstructsthatweavetogethersomenewsoftheworldwith

priorsofvariouskinds.Butinthecaseofnormalwakingconsciousness,the

handshakebetweenthedataofoursensesandourpreconceptionsisespecially

firm.That’sbecauseitissubjecttoacontinualprocessofrealitytesting,aswhen

youreachouttoconfirmtheexistenceoftheobjectinyourvisualfieldor,upon

wakingfromanightmare,consultyourmemorytoseeifyoureallydidshowup

toteachaclasswithoutanyclotheson.Unliketheseotherstatesof

consciousness,ordinarywakingconsciousnesshasbeenoptimizedbynatural

selectiontobestfacilitateoureverydaysurvival.

Indeed,thatfeelingoftransparencyweassociatewithordinaryconsciousness

mayowemoretofamiliarityandhabitthanitdoestoverisimilitude.Asa

psychonautacquaintanceputittome,“Ifitwerepossibletotemporarily

experienceanotherperson’smentalstate,myguessisthatitwouldfeelmorelike

apsychedelicstatethana‘normal’state,becauseofitsmassivedisparitywith

whatevermentalstateishabitualwithyou.”

Anothertrippythoughtexperimentistotrytoimaginetheworldasitappears

toacreaturewithanentirelydifferentsensoryapparatusandwayoflife.You

quicklyrealizethereisnosinglerealityouttherewaitingtobefaithfullyand

comprehensivelytranscribed.Oursenseshaveevolvedforamuchnarrower

purposeandtakeinonlywhatservesourneedsasanimalsofaparticularkind.

Thebeeperceivesasubstantiallydifferentspectrumoflightthanwedo;tolook

attheworldthroughitseyesistoperceiveultravioletmarkingsonthepetalsof

flowers(evolvedtoguidetheirlandingslikerunwaylights)thatdon’texistfor

us.Thatexampleisatleastakindofseeing—asensewehappentosharewith

bees.Buthowdoweevenbegintoconceiveofthesensethatallowsbeesto

produce?(Aweakchargeindicatesanotherbeehasrecentlyvisitedtheflower;

depletedofnectar,it’sprobablynotworthastop.)Thenthereistheworld

accordingtoanoctopus!Imaginehowdifferentlyrealitypresentsitselftoabrain

thathasbeensoradicallydecentralized,itsintelligencedistributedacrosseight

armssothateachofthemcantaste,touch,andevenmakeitsown“decisions”

withoutconsultingheadquarters.

•••

WHATHAPPENSWHEN,undertheinfluenceofpsychedelics,theusuallyfirm

handshakebetweenbrainandworldbreaksdown?Noonething,asitturnsout.I

askedCarhart-Harriswhetherthetrippingbrainfavorstop-downpredictionsor

bottom-upsensorydata.“That’stheclassicdilemma,”hesuggested:whetherthe

mind,unconstrained,willtendtofavoritspriorsortheevidenceofitssenses.

“Youdooftenfindakindofimpetuousnessoroverzealousnessonthepartofthe

priors,aswhenyouseefacesintheclouds.”Eagertomakesenseofthedata

rushingin,thebrainleapstoerroneousconclusionsand,sometimes,a

hallucinationresults.(Theparanoiddoesmuchthesamething,ferociously

imposingafalsenarrativeonthestreamofincominginformation.)Butinother

cases,thereducingvalveopenswidetoadmitlotsmoreinformation,unedited

andsometimeswelcome.

Peoplewhoarecolor-blindreportbeingabletoseecertaincolorsforthefirst

timewhenonpsychedelics,andthereisresearchtosuggestthatpeoplehear

musicdifferentlyundertheinfluenceofthesedrugs.Theyprocessthetimbre,or

coloration,ofmusicmoreacutely—adimensionofmusicthatconveysemotion.

WhenIlistenedtoBach’scellosuiteduringmypsilocybinjourney,Iwascertain

IheardmoreofitthanIeverhad,registeringshadingsandnuancesandtones

thatIhadn’tbeenabletohearbeforeandhaven’theardsince.

Carhart-Harristhinksthatpsychedelicsrenderthebrain’susualhandshakeof

perceptionlessstableandmoreslippery.Thetrippingbrainmay“slipbackand

forth”betweenimposingitspriorsandadmittingtherawevidenceofitssenses.

Hesuspectsthattherearemomentsduringthepsychedelicexperiencewhen

confidenceinourusualtop-downconceptsofrealitycollapses,openingtheway

formorebottom-upinformationtogetthroughthefilter.Butwhenallthat

sensoryinformationthreatenstooverwhelmus,themindfuriouslygenerates

newconcepts(crazyorbrilliant,ithardlymatters)tomakesenseofitall—“and

soyoumightseefacescomingoutoftherain.

“That’sthebraindoingwhatthebraindoes”—thatis,workingtoreduce

uncertaintyby,ineffect,tellingitselfstories.

•••

THEHUMANBRAINisaninconceivablycomplexsystem—perhapsthemost

complexsystemevertoexist—inwhichanorderhasemerged,thehighest

expressionofwhichisthesovereignselfandournormalwakingconsciousness.

Byadulthood,thebrainhasgottenverygoodatobservingandtestingrealityand

developingreliablepredictionsaboutitthatoptimizeourinvestmentsofenergy

(mentalandotherwise)andthereforeourchancesofsurvival.Uncertaintyisa

complexbrain’sbiggestchallenge,andpredictivecodingevolvedtohelpus

reduceit.Ingeneral,thekindofprecookedorconventionalizedthinkingthis

adaptationproducesservesuswell.Butonlyuptoapoint.

PreciselywherethatpointliesisaquestionRobinCarhart-Harrisandhis

colleagueshaveexploredinanambitiousandprovocativepapertitled“The

EntropicBrain:ATheoryofConsciousStatesInformedbyNeuroimaging

ResearchwithPsychedelicDrugs,”publishedinFrontiersinHuman

Neurosciencein2014.Here,Carhart-Harrisattemptstolayouthisgrand

synthesisofpsychoanalysisandcognitivebrainscience.Thequestionatitsheart

is,dowepayapricefortheachievementoforderandselfhoodintheadult

humanmind?Thepaperconcludesthatwedo.Whilesuppressingentropy(in

thiscontext,asynonymforuncertainty)inthebrain“servestopromoterealism,

foresight,carefulreflectionandanabilitytorecognizeandovercomewishful

andparanoidfantasies,”atthesametimethisachievementtendsto“constrain

cognition”andexert“alimitingornarrowinginfluenceonconsciousness.”

AfteraseriesofSkypeinterviews,RobinCarhart-HarrisandIweremeeting

forthefirsttime,inhisfifth-floorwalk-upinanunposhsectionofNottingHill,

afewmonthsafterthepublicationoftheentropypaper.Inperson,Iwasstruck

byRobin’syouthfulnessandintensity.Forallhisambition,hisaffectis

strikinglyself-effacinganddoeslittletoprepareyouforhiswillingnessto

ventureoutontointellectuallimbsthatwouldscareofflessintrepidscientists.

Theentropypaperasksustoconceiveofthemindasanuncertainty-reducing

machinewithafewseriousbugsinit.Thesheercomplexityofthehumanbrain

andthegreaternumberofdifferentmentalstatesinitsrepertoire(ascompared

withotheranimals)makethemaintenanceoforderatoppriority,lestthesystem

descendintochaos.

Onceuponatime,Carhart-Harriswrites,thehumanorprotohumanbrain

exhibitedamuchmoreanarchicformof“primaryconsciousness,”characterized

by“magicalthinking”—beliefsabouttheworldthathavebeenshapedbywishes

andfearsandsupernaturalinterpretation.(Inprimaryconsciousness,Carhart-

Harriswrites,“cognitionislessmeticulousinitssamplingoftheexternalworld

andisinsteadeasilybiasedbyemotion,e.g.,wishesandanxieties.”)Magical

thinkingisonewayforhumanmindstoreducetheiruncertaintyabouttheworld,

butitislessthanoptimalforthesuccessofthespecies.

Abetterwaytosuppressuncertaintyandentropyinthehumanbrainemerged

withtheevolutionofthedefaultmodenetwork,Carhart-Harriscontends,a

brain-regulatingsystemthatisabsentorundevelopedinloweranimalsand

youngchildren.Alongwiththedefaultmodenetwork,“acoherentsenseofself

or‘ego’emerges”and,withthat,thehumancapacityforself-reflectionand

reason.Magicalthinkinggiveswayto“amorereality-boundstyleofthinking,

governedbytheego.”BorrowingfromFreud,hecallsthismorehighlyevolved

modeofcognition“secondaryconsciousness.”Secondaryconsciousness“pays

deferencetorealityanddiligentlyseekstorepresenttheworldaspreciselyas

possible”inordertominimize“surpriseanduncertainty(i.e.entropy).”

Thearticleoffersanintriguinggraphicdepictinga“spectrumofcognitive

states,”rangingfromhigh-entropymentalstatestolowones.Atthehigh-

entropyendofthespectrum,helistspsychedelicstates;infantconsciousness;

earlypsychosis;magicalthinking;anddivergentorcreativethinking.Atthe

low-entropyendofthespectrum,helistsnarroworrigidthinking;addiction;

obsessive-compulsivedisorder;depression;anesthesia;and,finally,coma.

Carhart-Harrissuggeststhatthepsychological“disorders”atthelow-entropy

endofthespectrumarenottheresultofalackoforderinthebrainbutrather

stemfromanexcessoforder.Whenthegroovesofself-reflectivethinking

deepenandharden,theegobecomesoverbearing.Thisisperhapsmostclearly

evidentindepression,whentheegoturnsonitselfanduncontrollable

introspectiongraduallyshadesoutreality.Carhart-Harriscitesresearch

indicatingthatthisdebilitatingstateofmind(sometimescalledheavyself-

consciousnessordepressiverealism)maybetheresultofahyperactivedefault

modenetwork,whichcantrapusinrepetitiveanddestructiveloopsof

ruminationthateventuallycloseusofffromtheworldoutside.Huxley’s

reducingvalvecontractstozero.Carhart-Harrisbelievesthatpeoplesuffering

fromawholerangeofdisorderscharacterizedbyexcessivelyrigidpatternsof

thought—includingaddiction,obsessions,andeatingdisordersaswellas

depression—standtobenefitfrom“theabilityofpsychedelicstodisrupt

stereotypedpatternsofthoughtandbehaviorbydisintegratingthepatternsof

[neural]activityuponwhichtheyrest.”

Soitmaybethatsomebrainscouldstandtohavealittlemoreentropy,not

less.Thisiswherepsychedelicscomein.Byquietingthedefaultmodenetwork,

thesecompoundscanloosentheego’sgriponthemachineryofthemind,

“lubricating”cognitionwherebeforeithadbeenrustedstuck.“Psychedelics

alterconsciousnessbydisorganizingbrainactivity,”Carhart-Harriswrites.They

increasetheamountofentropyinthebrain,withtheresultthatthesystem

revertstoalessconstrainedmodeofcognition.*

“It’snotjustthatonesystemdropsaway,”hesays,“butthatanoldersystem

reemerges.”Thatoldersystemisprimaryconsciousness,amodeofthinkingin

whichtheegotemporarilylosesitsdominionandtheunconscious,now

unregulated,“isbroughtintoanobservablespace.”This,forCarhart-Harris,is

theheuristicvalueofpsychedelicstothestudyofthemind,thoughhesees

therapeuticvalueaswell.

It’sworthnotingthatCarhart-Harrisdoesnotromanticizepsychedelicsand

haslittlepatienceforthesortof“magicalthinking”and“metaphysics”thatthey

nourishintheiracolytes—suchastheideathatconsciousnessis“transpersonal,”

apropertyoftheuniverseratherthanthehumanbrain.Inhisview,theformsof

consciousnessthatpsychedelicsunleashareregressionstoa“moreprimitive”

modeofcognition.WithFreud,hebelievesthatthelossofself,andthesenseof

oneness,characteristicofthemysticalexperience—whetheroccasionedby

chemistryorreligion—returnustothepsychologicalconditionoftheinfanton

itsmother’sbreast,astagewhenithasyettodevelopasenseofitselfasa

separateandboundedindividual.ForCarhart-Harris,thepinnacleofhuman

developmentistheachievementofthisdifferentiatedself,orego,andits

impositionoforderontheanarchyofaprimitivemindbuffetedbyfearsand

wishesandgiventovariousformsofmagicalthinking.Whileheholdswith

AldousHuxleythatpsychedelicsthrowopenthedoorsofperception,hedoes

notagreethateverythingthatcomesthroughthatopening—includingthe“Mind

atLarge”thatHuxleyglimpsed—isnecessarilyreal.“Thepsychedelic

experiencecanyieldalotoffool’sgold,”hetoldme.

YetCarhart-Harrisalsobelievesthereisgenuinegoldinthepsychedelic

experience.Whenwemet,heofferedexamplesofscientistswhoseown

experienceswithLSDhadsuppliedthemwithinsightsintotheworkingsofthe

brain.Toomuchentropyinthehumanbrainmayleadtoatavisticthinkingand,

atthefarend,madness,yettoolittlecancrippleusaswell.Thegripofan

overbearingegocanenforcearigidityinourthinkingthatispsychologically

destructive.Itmaybesociallyandpoliticallydestructivetoo,inthatitclosesthe

mindtoinformationandalternativepointsofview.

Inoneofourconversations,Robinspeculatedthataclassofdrugswiththe

powertooverturnhierarchiesinthemindandsponsorunconventionalthinking

hasthepotentialtoreshapeusers’attitudestowardauthorityofallkinds;thatis,

thecompoundsmayhaveapoliticaleffect.ManybelieveLSDplayedprecisely

thatroleinthepoliticalupheavalofthe1960s.

“Wasitthathippiesgravitatedtopsychedelics,ordopsychedelicscreate

hippies?Nixonthoughtitwasthelatter.Hemayhavebeenright!”Robin

believesthatpsychedelicsmayalsosubtlyshiftpeople’sattitudestowardnature,

whichalsounderwentaseachangeinthe1960s.Whentheinfluenceofthe

DMNdeclines,sodoesoursenseofseparatenessfromourenvironment.His

teamatImperialCollegehastestedvolunteersonastandardpsychologicalscale

thatmeasures“naturerelatedness”(respondentsratetheiragreementwith

statementslike“Iamnotseparatefromnature,butapartofnature”).A

psychedelicexperienceelevatedpeople’sscores.*

•••

SOWHATDOESahigh-entropybrainlooklike?Thevariousscanningtechnologies

thattheImperialCollegelabhasusedtomapthetrippingbrainshowthatthe

specializedneuralnetworksofthebrain—suchasthedefaultmodenetworkand

thevisualprocessingsystem—eachbecomedisintegrated,whilethebrainasa

wholebecomesmoreintegratedasnewconnectionsspringupamongregions

thatordinarilykeptmainlytothemselvesorwerelinkedonlyviathecentralhub

oftheDMN.Putanotherway,thevariousnetworksofthebrainbecameless

specialized.

“Distinctnetworksbecamelessdistinctunderthedrug,”Carhart-Harrisand

hiscolleagueswrote,“implyingthattheycommunicatemoreopenly,”withother

brainnetworks.“Thebrainoperateswithgreaterflexibilityand

interconnectednessunderhallucinogens.”

Ina2014paperpublishedintheJournaloftheRoyalSocietyInterface,the

ImperialCollegeteamdemonstratedhowtheusuallinesofcommunications

withinthebrainareradicallyreorganizedwhenthedefaultmodenetworkgoes

off-lineandthetideofentropyisallowedtorise.Usingascanningtechnique

calledmagnetoencephalography,whichmapselectricalactivityinthebrain,the

authorsproducedamapofthebrain’sinternalcommunicationsduringnormal

wakingconsciousnessandafteraninjectionofpsilocybin(shownonthe

followingpages).Initsnormalstate,shownontheleft,thebrain’svarious

networks(heredepictedliningthecircle,eachrepresentedbyadifferentcolor)

talkmostlytothemselves,witharelativelyfewheavilytraffickedpathways

amongthem.

Butwhenthebrainoperatesundertheinfluenceofpsilocybin,asshownon

theright,thousandsofnewconnectionsform,linkingfar-flungbrainregionsthat

duringnormalwakingconsciousnessdon’texchangemuchinformation.In

effect,trafficisreroutedfromarelativelysmallnumberofinterstatehighways

ontomyriadsmallerroadslinkingagreatmanymoredestinations.Thebrain

appearstobecomelessspecializedandmoregloballyinterconnected,with

considerablymoreintercourse,or“crosstalk,”amongitsvariousneighborhoods.

Thereareseveralwaysthistemporaryrewiringofthebrainmayaffectmental

experience.Whenthememoryandemotioncentersareallowedtocommunicate

directlywiththevisualprocessingcenters,it’spossibleourwishesandfears,

prejudicesandemotions,begintoinformwhatwesee—ahallmarkofprimary

consciousnessandarecipeformagicalthinking.Likewise,theestablishmentof

newlinkagesacrossbrainsystemscangiverisetosynesthesia,aswhensense

informationgetscross-wiredsothatcolorsbecomesoundsorsoundsbecome

tactile.Orthenewlinksgiverisetohallucination,aswhenthecontentsofmy

memorytransformedmyvisualperceptionofMaryintoMaríaSabina,orthe

imageofmyfaceinthemirrorintoavisionofmygrandfather.Theformingof

stillotherkindsofnovelconnectionscouldmanifestinmentalexperienceasa

newidea,afreshperspective,acreativeinsight,ortheascribingofnew

meaningstofamiliarthings—oranynumberofthebizarrementalphenomena

peopleonpsychedelicsreport.Theincreaseinentropyallowsathousandmental

statestobloom,manyofthembizarreandsenseless,butsomenumberofthem

revelatory,imaginative,and,atleastpotentially,transformative.

Onewaytothinkaboutthisbloomingofmentalstatesisthatittemporarily

booststhesheeramountofdiversityinourmentallife.Ifproblemsolvingis

anythinglikeevolutionaryadaptation,themorepossibilitiesthemindhasatits

disposal,themorecreativeitssolutionswillbe.Inthissense,entropyinthe

brainisabitlikevariationinevolution:itsuppliesthediversityofrawmaterials

onwhichselectioncanthenoperatetosolveproblemsandbringnoveltyintothe

world.If,assomanyartistsandscientistshavetestified,thepsychedelic

experienceisanaidtocreativity—tothinking“outsidethebox”—thismodel

mighthelpexplainwhythatisthecase.Maybetheproblemwith“thebox”is

thatitissingular.

Akeyquestionthatthescienceofpsychedelicshasnotevenbeguntoanswer

iswhetherthenewneuralconnectionsthatpsychedelicsmakepossibleendurein

anyway,orifthebrain’swiringreturnstothestatusquoanteoncethedrug

wearsoff.ThefindingbyRolandGriffiths’slabthatthepsychedelicexperience

leadstolong-termchangesinthepersonalitytraitofopennessraisesthe

possibilitythatsomekindoflearningtakesplacewhilethebrainisrewiredand

thatitmightinsomewaypersist.Learningentailstheestablishmentofnew

neuralcircuits;thesegetstrongerthemoreexercisetheyget.Thelong-termfate

ofthenovelconnectionsformedduringthepsychedelicexperience—whether

theyprovedurableorevanescent—mightdependonwhetherwerecalland,in

effect,exercisethemaftertheexperienceends.(Thiscouldbeassimpleas

recollectingwhatweexperienced,reinforcingitduringtheintegrationprocess,

orusingmeditationtoreenactthealteredstateofconsciousness.)Franz

Vollenweiderhassuggestedthatthepsychedelicexperiencemayfacilitate

“neuroplasticity”:itopensawindowinwhichpatternsofthoughtandbehavior

becomemoreplasticandsoeasiertochange.Hismodelsoundslikea

chemicallymediatedformofcognitivebehavioraltherapy.Butsofarthisisall

highlyspeculative;asyettherehasbeenlittlemappingofthebrainbeforeand

afterpsychedelicstodeterminewhat,ifanything,theexperiencechangesina

lastingway.

Carhart-Harrisarguesintheentropypaperthatevenatemporaryrewiringof

thebrainispotentiallyvaluable,especiallyforpeoplesufferingfromdisorders

characterizedbymentalrigidity.Ahigh-dosepsychedelicexperiencehasthe

powerto“shakethesnowglobe,”hesays,disruptingunhealthypatternsof

thoughtandcreatingaspaceofflexibility—entropy—inwhichmoresalubrious

patternsandnarrativeshaveanopportunitytocoalesceasthesnowslowly

resettles.

•••

THEIDEAthatincreasingtheamountofentropyinthehumanbrainmight

actuallybegoodforusissurelycounterintuitive.Mostofusbringanegative

connotationtotheterm:entropysuggeststhegradualdeteriorationofahard-won

order,thedisintegrationofasystemovertime.Certainlygettingolderfeelslike

anentropicprocess—agradualrunningdownanddisorderingofthemindand

body.Butmaybethat’sthewrongwaytothinkaboutit.RobinCarhart-Harris’s

papergotmewonderingif,atleastforthemind,agingisreallyaprocessof

decliningentropy,thefadingovertimeofwhatweshouldregardasapositive

attributeofmentallife.

Certainlybymiddleage,theswayofhabitualthinkingovertheoperationsof

themindisnearlyabsolute.Bynow,Icancountonpastexperiencetopropose

quickandusuallyserviceableanswerstojustaboutanyquestionrealityposes,

whetherit’sabouthowtosootheachildormollifyaspouse,repairasentence,

acceptacompliment,answerthenextquestion,ormakesenseofwhatever’s

happeningintheworld.Withexperienceandtime,itgetseasiertocuttothe

chaseandleaptoconclusions—clichésthatimplyakindofagilitybutthatin

factmaysignifypreciselytheopposite:apetrifactionofthought.Thinkofitas

predictivecodingonthescaleoflife;thepriors—andbynowI’vegotmillions

ofthem—usuallyhavemyback,canbereliedontogivemeadecentenough

answer,evenifitisn’taparticularlyfreshorimaginativeone.Aflatteringterm

forthisregimeofgoodenoughpredictionsis“wisdom.”

ReadingRobin’spaperhelpedmebetterunderstandwhatIwaslookingfor

whenIdecidedtoexplorepsychedelics:togivemyownsnowglobeavigorous

shaking,seeifIcouldrenovatemyeverydaymentallifebyintroducingagreater

measureofentropy,anduncertainty,intoit.Gettingoldermightrendertheworld

morepredictable(ineverysense),yetitalsolightenstheburdenof

responsibility,creatinganewspaceforexperiment.Minehadbeentoseeifit

wasn’ttoolatetoskipoutofsomeofthedeepergroovesofhabitthatthebeen-

theresanddone-thatsoflongexperiencehadinscribedonmymind.

•••

INBOTHPHYSICSandinformationtheory,entropyisoftenassociatedwith

expansion—asintheexpansionofagaswhenitisheatedorfreedfromthe

constraintsofacontainer.Asthegas’smoleculesdiffuseinspace,itbecomes

hardertopredictthelocationofanygivenone;theuncertaintyofthesystemthus

increases.Inathrowawaylineattheendofhisentropypaper,Carhart-Harris

remindsusthatinthe1960sthepsychedelicexperiencewasusuallydescribedas

“consciousness-expansion”;knowinglyornot,TimothyLearyandhiscolleagues

hadhitonexactlytherightmetaphorfortheentropicbrain.Thisexpansion

metaphoralsochimeswithHuxley’sreducingvalve,implyingasitdoesthat

consciousnessexistsinastateofopeningorcontraction.

Asamatterofexperience,aqualityasabstractasentropyisalmost

impossibleforustoperceive,butexpansion,perhaps,isnot.JudsonBrewer,the

neuroscientistwhostudiesmeditation,hasfoundthatafeltsenseofexpansionin

consciousnesscorrelateswithadropinactivityinoneparticularnodeofthe

defaultmodenetwork—theposteriorcingulatecortex(PCC),whichisassociated

withself-referentialprocessing.Oneofthemostinterestingthingsabouta

psychedelicexperienceisthatitsharpensone’ssensitivitytoone’sownmental

states,especiallyinthedaysimmediatelyfollowing.Theusualseamlessnessof

consciousnessisdisturbedinsuchawayastomakeanygivenstate—mind

wandering,focusedattention,rumination—bothmoresalientandsomewhat

easiertomanipulate.Inthewakeofmypsychedelicexperiences(and,perhaps,

inthewakeofinterviewingJudsonBrewer),IfoundthatwhenIputmymindto

it,Icouldlocatemyownstateofconsciousnessonaspectrumrangingfrom

contractiontoexpansion.

When,forexample,I’mfeelingespeciallygenerousorgrateful,opento

feelingsandpeopleandnature,Iregisterasenseofexpansion.Thisfeelingis

oftenaccompaniedbyadiminutionofego,aswellasafalloffintheattention

paidtopastandfutureonwhichtheegofeasts.(Anddepends.)Bythesame

token,thereisapronouncedsenseofcontractionwhenI’mobsessingabout

thingsorfeelingfearful,defensive,rushed,worried,andregretful.(Theselast

twofeelingsdon’texistwithouttimetravel.)Atsuchtimes,Ifeelaltogether

moreme,andnotinagoodway.Iftheneuroscientistsareright,whatI’m

observinginmymindhasaphysicalcorrelateinthebrain:thedefaultmode

networkiseitheronlineoroff;entropyiseitherhighorlow.Whatexactlytodo

withthisinformationI’mnotyetsure.

•••

BYNOW,itmaybelosttomemory,butallofus,eventhepsychedelicallynaive,

havehaddirectpersonalexperienceofanentropicbrainandthenoveltypeof

consciousnessitsponsors—asayoungchild.Babyconsciousnessissodifferent

fromadultconsciousnessastoconstituteamentalcountryofitsown,onefrom

whichweareexpelledsometimeearlyinadolescence.Isthereawaybackin?

Theclosestwecancometovisitingthatforeignlandasadultsmaybeduringthe

psychedelicjourney.ThisatleastisthestartlinghypothesisofAlisonGopnik,a

developmentalpsychologistandphilosopherwhohappenstobeacolleagueof

mineatBerkeley.

AlisonGopnikandRobinCarhart-Harriscomeattheproblemof

consciousnessfromwhatseemlikecompletelydifferentdirectionsand

disciplines,butsoonaftertheylearnedofeachother’swork(Ihade-maileda

PDFofRobin’sentropypapertoAlisonandtoldhimabouthersuperbbook,The

PhilosophicalBaby),theystruckupaconversationthathasproventobe

remarkablyilluminating,atleastforme.InApril2016,theirconversationwound

uponastageataconferenceonconsciousnessinTucson,Arizona,wherethe

twometforthefirsttimeandsharedapanel.*

InmuchthesamewaypsychedelicshavegivenCarhart-Harrisanoblique

anglefromwhichtoapproachthephenomenaofnormalconsciousnessby

exploringanalteredstateofit,Gopnikproposesweregardthemindofthe

youngchildasanotherkindof“alteredstate,”andinanumberofrespectsitisa

strikinglysimilarone.Shecautionsthatourthinkingaboutthesubjectisusually

constrainedbyourownrestrictedexperienceofconsciousness,whichwe

naturallytaketobethewholeofit.Inthiscase,mostofthetheoriesand

generalizationsaboutconsciousnesshavebeenmadebypeoplewhosharea

fairlylimitedsubtypeofitshecalls“professorconsciousness,”whichshe

definesas“thephenomenologyofyouraveragemiddle-agedprofessor.”

“Asacademics,eitherwe’reincrediblyfocusedonaparticularproblem,”

GopniktoldtheaudienceofphilosophersandneuroscientistsinTucson,“or

we’resittingtheresayingtoourselves,‘Whycan’tIfocusonthisproblemI’m

supposedtobefocusedon,andwhyinsteadamIdaydreaming?’”Gopnik

herselflooksthepartofaBerkeleyprofessorinherearlysixties,withher

colorfulscarves,flowingskirts,andsensibleshoes.Achildofthe1960swhois

nowagrandmother,shehasaspeakingstylethatisatoncelightheartedand

learned,studdedwithreferencesindicatingamindasmuchathomeinthe

humanitiesasthesciences.

“Ifyouthought,aspeopleoftenhavethought,thatthiswasalltherewasto

consciousness...youmightverywellfindyourselfthinkingthatyoungchildren

wereactuallylessconsciousthanwewere,”becausebothfocusedattentionand

self-reflectionareabsentinyoungchildren.Gopnikasksustothinkaboutchild

consciousnessintermsofnotwhat’smissingfromitorundevelopedbutrather

whatisuniquelyandwonderfullypresent—qualitiesthatshebelieves

psychedelicscanhelpustobetterappreciateand,possibly,reexperience.

InThePhilosophicalBaby,Gopnikdrawsausefuldistinctionbetweenthe

“spotlightconsciousness”ofadultsandthe“lanternconsciousness”ofyoung

children.Thefirstmodegivesadultstheabilitytonarrowlyfocusattentionona

goal.(Inhisownremarks,Carhart-Harriscalledthis“egoconsciousness”or

“consciousnesswithapoint.”)Inthesecondmode—lanternconsciousness—

attentionismorewidelydiffused,allowingthechildtotakeininformationfrom

virtuallyanywhereinherfieldofawareness,whichisquitewide,widerthanthat

ofmostadults.(Bythismeasure,childrenaremoreconsciousthanadults,rather

thanless.)Whilechildrenseldomexhibitsustainedperiodsofspotlight

consciousness,adultsoccasionallyexperiencethat“vividpanoramicillumination

oftheeveryday”thatlanternconsciousnessaffordsus.ToborrowJudson

Brewer’sterms,lanternconsciousnessisexpansive,spotlightconsciousness

narrow,orcontracted.

Theadultbraindirectsthespotlightofitsattentionwhereitwillandthen

reliesonpredictivecodingtomakesenseofwhatitperceives.Thisisnotatall

thechild’sapproach,Gopnikhasdiscovered.Beinginexperiencedinthewayof

theworld,themindoftheyoungchildhascomparativelyfewpriors,or

preconceptions,toguideherperceptionsdownthepredictabletracks.Instead,

thechildapproachesrealitywiththeastonishmentofanadultonpsychedelics.

Whatthismeansforcognitionandlearningcanbebestunderstoodby

lookingatmachinelearning,orartificialintelligence,Gopniksuggests.In

teachingcomputershowtolearnandsolveproblems,AIdesignersspeakin

termsof“hightemperature”and“lowtemperature”searchesfortheanswersto

questions.Alow-temperaturesearch(so-calledbecauseitrequireslessenergy)

involvesreachingforthemostprobableornearest-to-handanswer,liketheone

thatworkedforasimilarprobleminthepast.Low-temperaturesearchessucceed

moreoftenthannot.Ahigh-temperaturesearchrequiresmoreenergybecauseit

involvesreachingforlesslikelybutpossiblymoreingeniousandcreative

answers—thosefoundoutsidetheboxofpreconception.Drawingonitswealth

ofexperience,theadultmindperformslow-temperaturesearchesmostofthe

time.

Gopnikbelievesthatboththeyoungchild(fiveandunder)andtheadultona

psychedelichaveastrongerpredilectionforthehigh-temperaturesearch;intheir

questtomakesenseofthings,theirmindsexplorenotjustthenearbyandmost

likelybut“theentirespaceofpossibilities.”Thesehigh-temperaturesearches

mightbeinefficient,incurringahigherrateoferrorandrequiringmoretimeand

mentalenergytoperform.High-temperaturesearchescanyieldanswersthatare

moremagicalthanrealistic.Yettherearetimeswhenhotsearchesaretheonly

waytosolveaproblem,andoccasionallytheyreturnanswersofsurpassing

beautyandoriginality.E=mc

wastheproductofahigh-temperaturesearch.

Gopnikhastestedthishypothesisonchildreninherlabandhasfoundthat

therearelearningproblemsthatfour-year-oldsarebetteratsolvingthanadults.

Thesearepreciselythekindsofproblemsthatrequirethinkingoutsidethebox,

thosetimeswhenexperiencehobblesratherthangreasesthegearsofproblem

solving,oftenbecausetheproblemissonovel.Inoneexperiment,shepresented

childrenwithatoyboxthatlightsupandplaysmusicwhenacertainkindof

blockisplacedontopofit.Normally,this“blicketdetector”issettorespondto

asingleblockofacertaincolororshape,butwhentheexperimenterreprograms

themachinesothatitrespondsonlywhentwoblocksareplacedonit,four-year-

oldsfigureitoutmuchfasterthanadultsdo.

“Theirthinkingislessconstrainedbyexperience,sotheywilltryeventhe

mostunlikelypossibilities”;thatis,they’llconductlotsofhigh-temperature

searches,testingthemostfar-outhypotheses.“Childrenarebetterlearnersthan

adultsinmanycaseswhenthesolutionsarenonobvious”or,assheputsit,

“furtheroutinthespaceofpossibilities,”arealmwheretheyaremoreathome

thanweare.Farout,indeed.

“Wehavethelongestchildhoodofanyspecies,”Gopniksays.“Thisextended

periodoflearningandexplorationiswhat’sdistinctiveaboutus.Ithinkof

childhoodastheR&Dstageofthespecies,concernedexclusivelywithlearning

andexploring.Weadultsareproductionandmarketing.”LaterIaskedherifshe

meanttosaythatchildrenperformR&Dfortheindividual,notthespecies,but

infactshemeantexactlywhatshesaid.

“Eachgenerationofchildrenconfrontsanewenvironment,”sheexplained,

“andtheirbrainsareparticularlygoodatlearningandthrivinginthat

environment.Thinkofthechildrenofimmigrants,orfour-year-oldsconfronted

withaniPhone.Childrendon’tinventthesenewtools,theydon’tcreatethenew

environment,butineverygenerationtheybuildthekindofbrainthatcanbest

thriveinit.Childhoodisthespecies’waysofinjectingnoiseintothesystemof

culturalevolution.”“Noise,”ofcourse,isinthiscontextanotherwordfor

“entropy.”

“Thechild’sbrainisextremelyplastic,goodforlearning,not

accomplishing”—betterfor“exploringratherthanexploiting.”Italsohasagreat

manymoreneuralconnectionsthantheadultbrain.(Duringthepanel,Carhart-

Harrisshowedhismapofthemindonpsilocybin,withitsdenseforestoflines

connectingeveryregiontoeveryother.)Butaswereachadolescence,mostof

thoseconnectionsgetpruned,sothatthe“humanbrainbecomesalean,mean

actingmachine.”Akeyelementofthatdevelopmentalprocessisthesuppression

ofentropy,withallofitsimplications,bothgoodandbad.Thesystemcools,and

hotsearchesbecometheexceptionratherthantherule.Thedefaultmode

networkcomesonline.

“Consciousnessnarrowsaswegetolder,”Gopniksays.“Adultshave

congealedintheirbeliefsandarehardtoshift,”shehaswritten,whereas

“childrenaremorefluidandconsequentlymorewillingtoentertainnewideas.

“Ifyouwanttounderstandwhatanexpandedconsciousnesslookslike,all

youhavetodoishaveteawithafour-year-old.”

OrdropatabofLSD.Gopniktoldmeshehasbeenstruckbythesimilarities

betweenthephenomenologyoftheLSDexperienceandherunderstandingofthe

consciousnessofchildren:hottersearches,diffusedattention,morementalnoise

(orentropy),magicalthinking,andlittlesenseofaselfthatiscontinuousover

time.

“Theshortsummaryis,babiesandchildrenarebasicallytrippingallthe

time.”

•••

SURELYTHISINSIGHTisinteresting,butisituseful?BothGopnikandCarhart-

Harrisbelieveitis,believethatthepsychedelicexperience,asthey

conceptualizeit,hasthepotentialtohelppeoplewhoaresickandpeoplewho

arenot.Forthewell,psychedelics,byintroducingmorenoiseorentropyintothe

brain,mightshakepeopleoutoftheirusualpatternsofthought—“lubricate

cognition,”inCarhart-Harris’swords—inwaysthatmightenhancewell-being,

makeusmoreopenandboostcreativity.InGopnik’sterms,thedrugscouldhelp

adultsachievethekindoffluidthinkingthatissecondnaturetokids,expanding

thespaceofcreativepossibility.If,asGopnikhypothesizes,“childhoodisaway

ofinjectingnoise—andnovelty—intothesystemofculturalevolution,”

psychedelicsmightdothesamethingforthesystemoftheadultmind.

Asfortheunwell,thepatientswhostandtogainthemostareprobablythose

sufferingfromthekindsofmentaldisorderscharacterizedbymentalrigidity:

addiction,depression,obsession.

“Therearearangeofdifficultiesandpathologiesinadults,likedepression,

thatareconnectedwiththephenomenologyofruminationandanexcessively

narrow,ego-basedfocus,”Gopniksays.“Yougetstuckonthesamething,you

can’tescape,youbecomeobsessive,perhapsaddicted.Itseemsplausibletome

thatthepsychedelicexperiencecouldhelpusgetoutofthosestates,createan

opportunityinwhichtheoldstoriesofwhowearemightberewritten.”The

experiencecouldworkasakindofreset—aswhenyou“introduceaburstof

noiseintoasystem”thathasgottenlockedintoarigidpattern.Quietingthe

defaultmodenetworkandlooseningthegripoftheego—whichshesuggests

maybeillusoryanyway—mightalsobehelpfultosuchpeople.Gopnik’sideaof

abrainrebootsoundedverymuchlikeCarhart-Harris’snotionofshakingthe

snowglobe:awaytoboostentropy,orheat,inasystemthathasgottenfrozen

stuck.

Soonafterpublishinghisentropypaper,Carhart-Harrisresolvedtoputsome

ofhistheoriesintopracticebytestingthemonpatients.Forthefirsttime,thelab

expandeditsfocusfrompureresearchtoaclinicalapplicationofthatwork.

DavidNuttsecuredagrantfromtheU.K.governmentforthelabtoconducta

smallpilotstudylookingatthepotentialofpsilocybintorelievethesymptoms

of“treatment-resistantdepression”—patientswhohadn’trespondedtotheusual

therapeuticprotocolsanddrugs.

DoingclinicalworkwasdefinitelyoutsideCarhart-Harris’sexperienceand

comfortzone,aswellasthelab’s.Oneunfortunateearlyepisodepointedupthe

inherenttensionsbetweentherolesoftheclinician,devotedsolelytothe

patient’swelfare,andthescientist,intentongatheringdataaswell.Afterbeing

injectedwithLSDinatrialCarhart-Harriswasrunning(notaclinicaltrial,it

shouldbepointedout),avolunteerinhislatethirtiesnamedTobySlaterbegan

feelinganxiousinthefMRIscannerandaskedtogetout.Aftertakingabreak,

Slater,perhapshopingtopleasetheresearchers,volunteeredtogetbackinthe

machinesotheycouldcompletetheexperiment.(“I’mafraidhecouldseemy

disappointment,”Carhart-Harrisrecalls,ruefully.)ButSlater’sanxietyreturned:

“Ifeltlikealabrat,”hetoldme.Heaskedtogetoutagainandtriedtoleavethe

lab.Theresearchershadtopersuadehimtostayandletthemadministera

sedative.

Carhart-Harrisdescribestheepisode—oneoftheveryfewadverseevents

seenintheImperialresearch—as“alearningexperience”and,byallaccounts,

hehassinceshownhimselftobeacompassionateandeffectiveclinicianaswell

asanoriginalscientist—surelyararecombination.Theresponseofmost

patientsinthedepressiontrial,aswewillseeinthefollowingchapter,hasbeen

remarkablypositive,atleastintheshortterm.Overdinneratarestaurantin

WestLondon,Robintoldmeaboutoneseverelydepressedwomaninthetrial

whomoverthecourseofseveralmeetingshehadneveronceseensmile.Ashe

satwithherduringherpsilocybinjourney,“shesmiledfortheveryfirsttime.

“‘It’snicetosmile,’shesaid.

“Afteritwasover,shetoldmeshehadbeenvisitedbyaguardianangel.She

describedapresenceofsomekind,avoicethatwasentirelysupportiveand

wantedhertobewell.Itwouldsaythingslike‘Darling,youneedtosmilemore,

holdyourheaduphigh,stoplookingdownattheground.Thenitreachedover

andpushedupmycheeks,’shesaid,‘liftingthecornersofmymouth.’

“ThatmusthavebeenwhatwashappeninginhermindwhenIobservedher

smiling,”Robinsaid,nowsmilinghimself,broadlyifabitsheepishly.Inthe

aftermathofherexperience,thewoman’sdepressionscoredroppedfromthirty-

sixtofour.

“Ihavetosay,thatwasaverynicefeeling.”

CHAPTERSIX

THETRIPTREATMENT

PsychedelicsinPsychotherapy

One:Dying

ATNEWYORKUNIVERSITY,psilocybintripstakeplaceinatreatmentroom

carefullydecoratedtolookmorelikeacozydenthanahospitalsuite.Theeffect

almostworks,butnotentirely,forthestainlesssteelandplasticfittingsof

modernmedicinepeekthroughthedomesticscrimhereandthere,chilly

remindersthattheroomyouaretrippinginisstillinthebellyofabigcity

hospitalcomplex.

Againstonewallisacomfortablecouchlongenoughforapatienttostretch

outonduringasession.Anabstractpainting—orisitacubistlandscape?—

hangsontheoppositewall,andonthebookshelveslarge-formatbooksaboutart

andmythologysharespacewithnativecraftitemsandspiritualknickknacks—a

largeglazedceramicmushroom,aBuddha,acrystal.Thiscouldbethe

apartmentofawell-traveledshrinkofacertainage,onewithaninterestin

Easternreligionsandtheartofwhatusedtobecalledprimitivecultures.Yetthe

illusioncrumblesassoonasyouliftyourgazetotheceiling,wherethetracks

thatwouldordinarilysupportthecurtainsdividingonehospitalbedfromanother

traversethewhiteacoustictiles.Andthenthereisthesupersizedbathroom,

ablazewithfluorescentlightandoutfittedwiththerequisitegrabbarsand

pedals.

ItwashereinthisroomthatIfirstheardthestoryofPatrickMettes,a

volunteerinNYU’spsilocybincancertrialwho,inthecourseofaturbulentsix-

hourpsilocybinjourneyonthecouchwhereInowsat,hadalife-changing—or

perhapsIshouldsaydeath-changing—experience.IhadcometointerviewTony

Bossis,thepalliativecarepsychologistwhoguidedMettesthatday,andhis

colleagueStephenRoss,theBellevuepsychiatristwhodirectedthetrial,which

soughttodeterminewhetherasinglehighdoseofpsilocybincouldalleviatethe

anxietyanddepressionthatoftenfollowalife-threateningcancerdiagnosis.

WhileBossis,hirsuteandbearish,looksthepartofafifty-something

Manhattanshrinkwithaninterestinalternativetherapies,Ross,whoisinhis

forties,comesacrossasmoreofastraightarrow;neatlytrimmedinasuitand

tie,hecouldpassforaWallStreetbanker.Abookishteenagergrowingupin

L.A.,Rosssayshehadnopersonalexperienceofpsychedelicsandknewnextto

nothingaboutthembeforeacolleaguehappenedtomentionthatLSDhadbeen

usedsuccessfullytotreatalcoholicsinthe1950sand1960s.Thisbeinghis

psychiatricspecialty,Rossdidsomeresearchandwasastonishedtodiscovera

“completelyburiedbodyofknowledge.”Bythe1990s,whenhebeganhis

residencyinpsychiatryatColumbiaandtheNewYorkStatePsychiatric

Institute,thehistoryofpsychedelictherapyhadbeenerasedfromthefield,never

tobementioned.

ThetrialatNYU,alongwithasisterstudyconductedinRolandGriffiths’s

labatJohnsHopkins,representsoneofahandfulofeffortstopickupthethread

ofinquirythatgotdroppedinthe1970swhensanctionedpsychedelictherapy

ended.WhiletheNYUandHopkinstrialsareassessingthepotentialof

psychedelicstohelpthedying,othertrialsnowunderwayareexploringthe

possibilitythatpsychedelics(usuallypsilocybinratherthanLSD,because,as

Rossexplained,it“carriesnoneofthepoliticalbaggageofthosethreeletters”)

couldbeusedtoliftdepressionandbreakaddictions—toalcohol,cocaine,and

tobacco.

Noneofthisworkisexactlynew:todelveintothehistoryofclinicalresearch

withpsychedelicsistorealizethatmostofthisgroundhasalreadybeentilled.

CharlesGrob,theUCLApsychiatristwhose2011pilotstudyofpsilocybinfor

canceranxietyclearedthepathfortheNYUandHopkinstrials,acknowledges

that“inalotofwayswearesimplypickingupthetorchfromearliergenerations

ofresearcherswhohadtoputitdownbecauseofculturalpressures.”Butif

psychedelicsareevertofindacceptanceinmodernmedicine,allthisburied

knowledgewillneedtobeexcavatedandtheexperimentsthatproducedit

reprisedaccordingtotheprevailingscientificstandards.

Yetevenaspsychedelictherapiesarebeingtestedbymodernscience,the

verystrangenessofthesemoleculesandtheiractionsuponthemindisatthe

sametimetestingwhetherWesternmedicinecandealwiththeimplicit

challengestheypose.Tociteoneobviousexample,conventionaldrugtrialsof

psychedelicsaredifficultifnotimpossibletoblind:mostparticipantscantell

whetherthey’vereceivedpsilocybinoraplacebo,andsocantheirguides.Also,

intestingthesedrugs,howcanresearchershopetoteaseoutthechemical’s

effectfromthecriticalinfluenceofsetandsetting?Westernscienceandmodern

drugtestingdependontheabilitytoisolateasinglevariable,butitisn’tclear

thattheeffectsofapsychedelicdrugcaneverbeisolated,whetherfromthe

contextinwhichitisadministered,thepresenceofthetherapistsinvolved,orthe

volunteer’sexpectations.Anyofthesefactorscanmuddythewatersofcausality.

AndhowisWesternmedicinetoevaluateapsychiatricdrugthatappearstowork

notbymeansofanystrictlypharmacologicaleffectbutbyadministeringa

certainkindofexperienceinthemindsofthepeoplewhotakeit?

Addtothisthefactthatthekindofexperiencethesedrugssponsoroftengoes

undertheheadingof“spiritual,”andyouhave,withpsychedelictherapy,avery

largepillformodernmedicinetoswallow.CharlesGrobwellappreciatesthe

challengebutisalsorefreshinglyunapologeticaboutit:hedescribespsychedelic

therapyasaformof“appliedmysticism.”Thisissurelyanoddphrasetohearon

thelipsofascientist,andtomanyearsitsoundsdangerouslyunscientific.

“Formethatisnotamedicalconcept,”FranzVollenweider,thepioneering

psychedelicresearcher,toldSciencemagazine,whenaskedtocommentonthe

roleofmysticisminpsychedelictherapy.“It’smorelikeaninterestingshamanic

concept.”Butotherresearchersworkingonpsychedelicsdon’trunfromtheidea

thatelementsofshamanismmighthavearoletoplayinpsychedelictherapy—as

indeedithasprobablydoneforseveralthousandyearsbeforetherewassucha

thingasscience.“Ifwearetodevelopoptimalresearchdesignsforevaluating

thetherapeuticutilityofhallucinogens,”Grobhaswritten,“itwillnotbe

sufficienttoadheretostrictstandardsofscientificmethodologyalone.Wemust

alsopayheedtotheexamplesprovidedusbysuchsuccessfulapplicationsofthe

shamanicparadigm.”Underthatparadigm,theshaman/therapistcarefully

orchestrates“extrapharmacologicalvariables”suchassetandsettinginorderto

putthe“hyper-suggestibleproperties”ofthesemedicinestobestuse.Thisis

preciselywherepsychedelictherapyseemstobeoperating:onafrontier

betweenspiritualityandsciencethatisasprovocativeasitisuncomfortable.

Yetthenewresearchintopsychedelicscomesalongatatimewhenmental

healthtreatmentinthiscountryisso“broken”—tousethewordofTomInsel,

whountil2015wasdirectoroftheNationalInstituteofMentalHealth—thatthe

field’swillingnesstoentertainradicalnewapproachesisperhapsgreaterthanit

hasbeeninageneration.Thepharmacologicaltoolboxfortreatingdepression—

whichafflictsnearlyatenthofallAmericansand,worldwide,istheleading

causeofdisability—haslittleinittoday,withantidepressantslosingtheir

effectiveness*andthepipelinefornewpsychiatricdrugsdryingup.

Pharmaceuticalcompaniesarenolongerinvestinginthedevelopmentofso-

calledCNSdrugs—medicinestargetedatthecentralnervoussystem.Themental

healthsystemreachesonlyafractionofthepeoplesufferingfrommental

disorders,mostofwhomarediscouragedfromseekingtreatmentbyitscost,

socialstigma,orineffectiveness.Therearealmostforty-threethousandsuicides

everyyearinAmerica(morethanthenumberofdeathsfromeitherbreastcancer

orautoaccidents),yetonlyabouthalfofthepeoplewhotaketheirliveshave

everreceivedmentalhealthtreatment.“Broken”doesnotseemtooharsha

characterizationofsuchasystem.

JeffreyGuss,aManhattanpsychiatristandacoinvestigatorontheNYUtrial,

thinksthemomentcouldberipeforpsychotherapytoentertainacompletelynew

paradigm.Gusspointsoutthatformanyyearsnow“we’vehadthisconflict

betweenthebiologicallybasedtreatmentsandpsychodynamictreatments.

They’vebeenfightingoneanotherforlegitimacyandresources.Ismentalillness

adisorderofchemistry,orisitalossofmeaninginone’slife?Psychedelic

therapyistheweddingofthosetwoapproaches.”

Inrecentyears,“psychiatryhasgonefrombeingbrainlesstobeing

mindless,”asonepsychoanalysthasputit.Ifpsychedelictherapyproves

successful,itwillbebecauseitsucceedsinrejoiningthebrainandthemindin

thepracticeofpsychotherapy.Atleastthat’sthepromise.

Forthetherapistsworkingwithpeopleapproachingtheendoflife,these

questionsareofmorethanacademicinterest.AsIchattedwithStephenRoss

andTonyBossisintheNYUtreatmentroom,Iwasstruckbytheirexcitement,

vergingongiddiness,attheresultstheywereobservingintheircancerpatients

—afterasingleguidedpsilocybinsession.Atfirst,Rosscouldn’tbelievewhat

hewasseeing:“Ithoughtthefirsttenortwentypeoplewereplants—thatthey

mustbefakingit.Theyweresayingthingslike‘Iunderstandloveisthemost

powerfulforceontheplanet’or‘Ihadanencounterwithmycancer,thisblack

cloudofsmoke.’Peoplewerejourneyingtoearlypartsoftheirlivesandcoming

backwithaprofoundnewsenseofthings,newpriorities.Peoplewhohadbeen

palpablyscaredofdeath—theylosttheirfear.Thefactthatadruggivenonce

couldhavesuchaneffectforsolongisanunprecedentedfinding.Wehavenever

hadanythinglikethatinthepsychiatricfield.”

ThisiswhenTonyBossisfirsttoldmeabouthisexperiencesittingwith

PatrickMettesashejourneyedtoaplaceinhismindthat,somehow,liftedthe

siegeofhisterror.

“You’reinthisroom,butyou’reinthepresenceofsomethinglarge.I

rememberhow,aftertwohoursofsilence,Patrickbegantocrysoftlyandsay,

twice,‘Birthanddeathisalotofwork.’It’shumblingtositthere.It’sthemost

rewardingdayofyourcareer.”

Asapalliativecarespecialist,Bossisspendsalotofhistimewiththedying.

“Peopledon’trealizehowfewtoolswehaveinpsychiatrytoaddressexistential

distress.”Existentialdistressiswhatpsychologistscallthecomplexof

depression,anxiety,andfearcommoninpeopleconfrontingaterminal

diagnosis.“Xanaxisn’ttheanswer.”Ifthereisananswer,Bossisbelieves,itis

goingtobemorespiritualinnaturethanpharmacological.

“Sohowdowenotexplorethis,”heasks,“ifitcanrecalibratehowwedie?”

•••

ITWASONANAPRILMONDAYin2010thatPatrickMettes,afifty-three-year-old

televisionnewsdirectorbeingtreatedforacancerofhisbileducts,readthe

articleonthefrontpageoftheNewYorkTimesthatwouldchangehisdeath.His

diagnosishadcomethreeyearsearlier,shortlyafterhiswife,LisaCallaghan,

noticedthatthewhitesofhiseyeshadsuddenlyturnedyellow.By2010,the

cancerhadspreadtoPatrick’slungs,andhewasbucklingundertheweightofan

especiallydebilitatingchemotherapyregimeandthedawningrealizationthathe

mightnotsurvive.Thearticle,headlined“HallucinogensHaveDoctorsTuning

InAgain,”brieflymentionedresearchatNYU,wherepsilocybinwasbeing

testedtorelieveexistentialdistressincancerpatients.AccordingtoLisa,Patrick

hadnoexperiencewithpsychedelics,butheimmediatelydeterminedtocall

NYUandvolunteer.

Lisawasagainsttheidea.“Ididn’twanttheretobeaneasywayout,”she

toldme.“Iwantedhimtofight.”

Patrickplacedthecallanywayand,afterfillingoutsomeformsand

answeringalonglistofquestions,wasacceptedintothetrial.Hewasassigned

toTonyBossis.TonywasroughlythesameageasPatrick;heisalsoasoulful

manofuncommonwarmthandcompassion,andthetwoimmediatelyhititoff.

Attheirfirstmeeting,BossistoldPatrickwhattoexpect.Afterthreeorfour

preparatorysessionsoftalkingtherapy,Patrickwouldbescheduledfortwo

dosings—oneoftheman“activeplacebo”(inthiscaseahighdoseofniacin,

whichproducesatinglingsensation),andtheotheracapsulecontainingtwenty-

fivemilligramsofpsilocybin.Bothsessionswouldtakeplaceinthetreatment

roomwhereImetBossisandRoss.Duringeachsession,whichwouldlastthe

betterpartofaday,Patrickwouldlieonthecouchwearingeyeshadesand

listeningthroughheadphonestoaplaylistofcarefullycuratedmusic—Brian

Eno,PhilipGlass,PatMetheny,andRaviShankar,aswellassomeclassicaland

NewAgecompositions.Twositters—oneofthemmale(Bossis)andtheother

female(KrystalliaKalliontzi)—wouldbeinattendancefortheduration,saying

verylittlebutavailabletohelpshouldherunintoanytrouble.Inpreparation,the

twosharedwithPatrickthesetof“flightinstructions”writtenbytheHopkins

researcherBillRichards.

BossissuggestedthatPatrickusethephrase“Trustandletgo”asakindof

mantraforhisjourney.Gowhereverittakesyou,headvised:“Climbstaircases,

opendoors,explorepaths,flyoverlandscapes.”Butthemostimportantadvice

forthejourneyheofferedisalwaystomovetoward,ratherthantrytoflee,

anythingtrulythreateningormonstrousyouencounter—lookitstraightinthe

eyes.“Diginyourheelsandask,‘Whatareyoudoinginmymind?’Or,‘What

canIlearnfromyou?’”

•••

THEIDEAOFGIVINGapsychedelicdrugtothedyingwasfirstbroachednotbya

therapistorscientistbutbyAldousHuxleyinalettertoHumphryOsmond,

proposingaresearchprojectinvolving“theadministrationofLSDtoterminal

cancercases,inthehopethatitwouldmakedyingamorespiritual,lessstrictly

physiologicalprocess.”Huxleyhimselfhadhiswife,Laura,givehiman

injectionofLSDwhenhewasonhisowndeathbed,onNovember22,1963.

Bythen,Huxley’sideahadbeentestedonanumberofcancerpatientsin

NorthAmerica.In1965,SidneyCohenwroteanessayforHarper’s(“LSDand

theAnguishofDying”)exploringthepotentialofpsychedelicsto“alter[]the

experienceofdying.”HedescribedtreatmentwithLSDas“therapybyself-

transcendence.”Thepremisebehindtheapproachwasthatourfearofdeathisa

functionofouregos,whichburdenuswithasenseofseparatenessthatcan

becomeunbearableasweapproachdeath.“Wearebornintoanegolessworld,”

Cohenwrote,“butweliveanddieimprisonedwithinourselves.”

Theideawastousepsychedelicstoescapetheprisonofself.“Wewantedto

provideabrief,lucidintervalofcompleteegolessnesstodemonstratethat

personalintactnesswasnotabsolutelynecessary,andthatperhapstherewas

something‘outthere’”—somethinggreaterthanourindividualselvesthatmight

surviveourdemise.Cohenquotedapatient,awomandyingofovariancancer,

describingtheshiftinherperspectivefollowinganLSDsession:

Myextinctionisnotofgreatconsequenceatthismoment,noteven

forme.It’sjustanotherturnintheswingofexistenceandnon-

existence.Ifeelithaslittletodowiththechurchortalkofdeath.I

supposethatI’mdetached—that’sit—awayfrommyselfandmy

painandmydecaying.Icoulddienicelynow—ifitshouldbeso.I

donotinviteit,nordoIputitoff.

In1972,StanislavGrofandBillRichards,whowereworkingtogetherat

SpringGrove,wrotethatLSDgavepatientsanexperience“ofcosmicunity”

suchthatdeath,“insteadofbeingseenastheabsoluteendofeverythinganda

stepintonothingness,appearssuddenlyasatransitionintoanothertypeof

existence...Theideaofpossiblecontinuityofconsciousnessbeyondphysical

deathbecomesmuchmoreplausiblethantheopposite.”

•••

VOLUNTEERSINTHENYUpsilocybintrialarerequiredtowriteanaccountoftheir

journeysoonafteritscompletion,andPatrickMettes,whoworkedinjournalism,

tooktheassignmentseriously.Hiswife,Lisa,saidthatafterhisFridaysession

Patricklaboredallweekendtomakesenseoftheexperienceandwriteitdown.

LisaagreedtosharehisaccountwithmeandalsogavePatrick’stherapist,Tony

Bossis,permissiontoshowmethenoteshetookduringthesession,aswellas

hisnotesfromseveralfollow-uppsychotherapysessions.

Lisa,whoatthetimeworkedasamarketingexecutiveforacookware

company,hadanimportantmeetingonthatJanuarymorningin2011,soPatrick

camebyhimselftothetreatmentroomintheNYUdentalschoolonFirst

AvenueandTwenty-fourthStreet,takingthesubwayfromtheirapartmentin

Brooklyn.(Thetreatmentroomwasinthedentalcollegebecause,atthetime,

bothBellevueandNYU’scancercenterwantedtokeeptheirdistancefroma

trialinvolvingpsychedelics.)TonyBossisandKrystalliaKalliontzi,hisguides,

greetedhim,reviewedtheday’splans,andthenat9:00a.m.presentedPatrick

withachalicecontainingthepill;whetheritcontainedpsilocybinortheplacebo,

noneofthemwouldknowforatleastthirtyminutes.Patrickwasaskedtostate

hisintention,whichhesaidwastolearntocopebetterwiththeanxietyand

depressionhefeltabouthiscancerandtoworkonwhathecalledhis“regretin

life.”Heplacedafewphotographsaroundtheroom,ofhimselfandLisaontheir

weddingdayandoftheirdog,Arlo.

At9:30,Patricklaydownonthecouch,putontheheadphonesand

eyeshades,andfellquiet.Inhisaccount,Patricklikenedthestartofthejourney

tothelaunchofaspaceshuttle:“aphysicallyviolentandratherclunkyliftoff

whicheventuallygavewaytotheblissfulserenityofweightlessness.”

ManyofthevolunteersIinterviewedreportedinitialepisodesofintensefear

andanxietybeforegivingthemselvesuptotheexperience,astheguides

encouragethemtodo.Thisiswheretheflightinstructionscomein.Their

promiseisthatifyousurrendertowhateverhappens(“trust,letgo,andbeopen”

or“relaxandfloatdownstream”),whateveratfirstmightseemterrifyingwill

soonmorphintosomethingelse,andlikelysomethingpleasant,evenblissful.

Earlyinhisjourney,Patrickencounteredhisbrother’swife,whodiedof

cancermorethantwentyyearsearlier,atforty-three.“Ruthactedasmytour

guide,”hewrote,and“didn’tseemsurprisedtoseeme.She‘wore’her

translucentbodysoIwouldknowher...Thisperiodofmyjourneyseemedto

beaboutthefeminine.”MichelleObamamadeanappearance.“Theconsiderable

feminineenergyallaroundmemadecleartheideathatamother,anymother,

regardlessofhershortcomings...couldneverNOTloveheroffspring.This

wasverypowerful.IknewIwascrying...itwasherethatIfeltasifIwas

comingoutofthewomb...beingbirthedagain.Myrebirthwassmooth...

comforting.”

Outwardly,however,whatwashappeningtoPatrickappearedtobeanything

butsmooth.Hewascrying,Bossisnoted,andbreathingheavily.Thisiswhenhe

firstsaid,“Birthanddeathisalotofwork,”andseemedtobeconvulsing.Then

PatrickreachedoutandclutchedKalliontzi’shandwhilepullinguphisknees

andpushing,asifheweredeliveringababy.FromBossis’snotes:

11:15“OhGod.”

11:25“It’sreallysosimple.”

11:47“Whoknewamancouldgivebirth?”Andthen,

“Igavebirth,towhatIdon’tknow.”

12:10“It’sjusttooamazing.”Patrickisalternatelylaughingand

cryingatthispoint.“OhGod,itallmakessensenow,so

simpleandbeautiful.”

NowPatrickaskedtotakeabreak.“Itwasgettingtoointense,”hewrote.He

removedtheheadphonesandeyeshades.“IsatupandspokewithTonyand

Krystallia.Imentionedthateveryonedeservedtohavethisexperience...thatif

everyonedid,noonecouldeverdoharmtoanotheragain...warswouldbe

impossibletowage.Theroomandeverythinginitwasbeautiful.Tonyand

Krystallia,sittingon[their]pillows,wereradiant!”Theyhelpedhimtothe

bathroom.“Eventhegerms(iftherewereanypresent)werebeautiful,aswas

everythinginourworldanduniverse.”

Afterward,hevoicedsomereluctanceto“gobackin.”

“TheworkwasconsiderablebutIlovedthesenseofadventure.”Eventually,

heputhiseyeshadesandheadphonesonandlaybackdown.

“Fromhereon,lovewastheonlyconsideration...Itwasandistheonly

purpose.Loveseemedtoemanatefromasinglepointoflight...andit

vibrated...Icouldfeelmyphysicalbodytryingtovibrateinunitywiththe

cosmos...and,frustratingly,Ifeltlikeaguywhocouldn’tdance...butthe

universeacceptedit.Thesheerjoy...thebliss...thenirvana...was

indescribable.Andinfacttherearenowordstoaccuratelycapturemy

experience...mystate...thisplace.IknowI’vehadnoearthlypleasurethat’s

evercomeclosetothisfeeling...nosensation,noimageofbeauty,nothing

duringmytimeonearthhasfeltaspureandjoyfulandgloriousastheheightof

thisjourney.”Aloud,hesaid,“Neverhadanorgasmofthesoulbefore.”The

musicloomedlargeintheexperience:“Iwaslearningasongandthesongwas

simple...itwasonenote...C...itwasthevibrationoftheuniverse...a

collectionofeverythingthateverexisted...alltogetherequalingGod.”

Patrickthendescribedanepiphanyhavingtodowithsimplicity.Hewas

thinkingaboutpoliticsandfood,musicandarchitecture,and—hisfield—

televisionnews,whichherealizedwas,likesomuchelse,“over-produced.We

puttoomanynotesinasong...toomanyingredientsinourrecipes...too

manyflourishesintheclotheswewear,thehouseswelivein...itallseemedso

pointlesswhenreallyallweneededtodowasfocusonthelove.”Justthenhe

sawDerekJeter,thentheYankeeshortstop,“makingyetanotherballeticturnto

firstbase.”

“IwasconvincedinthatmomentIhadfigureditallout...Itwasrightthere

infrontofme...love...theonlythingthatmattered.Thiswasnowtobemy

life’scause.”

ThenhesaidsomethingthatBossisjotteddownat12:15:“Ok,Igetit!You

canallpunchoutnow.Ourworkisdone.”

Butitwasn’tdone,notyet.Now“Itookatourofmylungs...Iremember

breathingdeeplytohelpfacilitatethe‘seeing.’”Bossisnotedthatat2:30Patrick

hadsaid,“Iwentintomylungsandsawtwospots.Theywerenobigdeal.

“Iwasbeingtold(withoutwords)nottoworryaboutthecancer...it’sminor

intheschemeofthings...simplyanimperfectionofyourhumanityandthatthe

moreimportantmatter...therealworktobedoneisbeforeyou.Again,love.”

NowPatrickexperiencedwhathecalled“abriefdeath.”

“Iapproachedwhatappearedtobeaverysharp,pointedpieceofstainless

steel.Ithadarazorbladequalitytoit.Icontinueduptotheapexofthisshiny

metalobjectandasIarrived,Ihadachoice,tolookornotlook,overtheedge

andintotheinfiniteabyss...thevastnessoftheuniverse...theeyeof

everything...[and]ofnothing.Iwashesitantbutnotfrightened.Iwantedtogo

allinbutfeltthatifIdid,Iwouldpossiblyleavemybodypermanently...death

fromthislife.Butitwasnotadifficultdecision...Iknewtherewasmuchmore

formehere.”Tellinghisguidesabouthischoice,Patrickexplainedthathe“was

notreadytojumpoffandleaveLisa.”

Then,rathersuddenlyaround3:00p.m.,itwasover.“Thetransitionfroma

statewhereIhadnosenseoftimeorspacetotherelativedullnessofnow,

happenedquickly.Ihadaheadache.”

WhenLisaarrivedtotakehimhome,Patrick“lookedlikehehadrunarace,”

sherecalled.“Thecolorinhisfacewasnotgood,helookedtiredandsweaty,but

hewasonfire.Hewaslitupwithallthethingshewantedtotellmeandallthe

thingshecouldn’t.”Hetoldherhe“hadtouchedthefaceofGod.”

•••

EVERYPSYCHEDELICJOURNEYisdifferent,yetafewcommonthemesseemto

recurinthejourneysofthosestrugglingwithcancer.Manyofthecancerpatients

Iintervieweddescribedanexperienceofeithergivingbirthorbeingreborn,

thoughnonequiteasintenseasPatrick’s.Manyalsodescribedanencounterwith

theircancer(ortheirfearofit)thathadtheeffectofshrinkingitspowerover

them.ImentionedearliertheexperienceofDinahBazer,apetiteandmildNew

Yorkerinhersixties,afigure-skatinginstructor,whowasdiagnosedwith

ovariancancerin2010.WhenwemetintheNYUtreatmentroom,Dinah,who

hasauburncurlsandworelargehoopearrings,toldmethatevenaftera

successfulcourseofchemotherapyshewasparalyzedbythefearofarecurrence

andwastedherdays“waitingfortheothershoetodrop.”

ShetooworkedwithTonyBossisandinthedifficultfirstmomentsofher

sessionimaginedherselftrappedintheholdofaship,rockingbackandforth,

consumedbyfear.“Istuckmyhandoutfromundertheblanketandsaid,‘Iam

soscared.’Tonytookmyhandandtoldmetojustgowithit.Hishandbecame

myanchor.

“Isawmyfear.Almostasinadream,myfearwaslocatedundermyribcage

ontheleftside;itwasnotmytumor,butitwasthisblackthinginmybody.And

itmademeimmenselyangry;Iwasenragedbymyfear.Iscreamed,‘Getthe

fuckout!Iwon’tbeeatenalive.’Andyouknowwhat?Itwasgone!Itwent

away.Idroveitawaywithmyanger.”Dinahreportsthatyearslaterithasn’t

returned.“Thecancerissomethingcompletelyoutofmycontrol,butthefear,I

realized,isnot.”

Dinah’sepiphanygavewaytofeelingsof“overwhelminglove”asher

thoughtsturnedfromherfeartoherchildren.Shetoldmeshewasandremainsa

“solidatheist,”andyet“thephrasethatIused—whichIhatetousebutit’sthe

onlywaytodescribeit—isthatIfelt‘bathedinGod’slove.’”Paradoxisa

hallmarkofthemysticalexperience,andthecontradictionbetweenthedivine

loveDinahfeltand“nothavingashredofbelief”didn’tseemtofazeher.When

Ipointedthisout,sheshruggedandthensmiled:“Whatotherwayisthereto

expressit?”

Notsurprisingly,visionsofdeathloomlargeinthejourneystakenbythe

cancerpatientsIinterviewedatNYUandHopkins.Abreastcancersurvivorin

hersixties(whoaskedtoremainanonymous)describedzippingmerrilythrough

spaceasifinavideogameuntilshearrivedsmackatthewallofacrematorium

andrealized,withafright,“I’vediedandnowI’mgoingtobecremated.(ButI

didn’thavetheexperienceofburning—howcouldI?Iwasdead!)Thenextthing

Iknow,I’mbelowgroundinthisgorgeousforest,deepwoods,loamyandbrown.

TherearerootsallaroundmeandI’mseeingthetreesgrowing,andI’mpartof

them.IhaddiedbutIwasthereinthegroundwithalltheserootsanditdidn’t

feelsadorhappy,justnatural,contented,peaceful.Iwasn’tgone.Iwaspartof

theearth.”

Severalcancerpatientsdescribededginguptotheprecipiceofdeathand

lookingovertotheothersidebeforedrawingback.TammyBurgess,diagnosed

withovariancanceratfifty-five,foundherselfpeeringacross“thegreatplaneof

consciousness.Itwasverysereneandbeautiful.Ifeltalone,butIcouldreach

outandtouchanyoneI’deverknown.

“Whenmytimecame,that’swheremylifewouldgoonceitleftme,andthat

wasokay.”

Theuncannyauthorityofthepsychedelicexperiencemighthelpexplainwhy

somanycancerpatientsinthetrialsreportedthattheirfearofdeathhadliftedor

atleastabated:theyhadstareddirectlyatdeathandcometoknowsomething

aboutit,inakindofdressrehearsal.“Ahigh-dosepsychedelicexperienceis

deathpractice,”saysKatherineMacLean,theformerHopkinspsychologist.

“You’relosingeverythingyouknowtobereal,lettinggoofyouregoandyour

body,andthatprocesscanfeellikedying.”Andyettheexperiencebringsthe

comfortingnewsthatthereissomethingontheothersideofthatdeath—whether

itisthe“greatplaneofconsciousness”orone’sashesundergroundbeingtaken

upbytherootsoftrees—andsomeabiding,disembodiedintelligenceto

somehowknowit.“NowIamawarethatthereisawholeother‘reality,’”one

NYUvolunteertoldaresearcherafewmonthsafterherjourney.“Comparedto

otherpeople,itislikeIknowanotherlanguage.”

Atafollow-upsessionwithTonyBossisafewweeksafterhisjourney,

PatrickMettes—whomhiswife,Lisa,describesas“anearthy,connectedperson,

adoer”—discussedtheideaofanafterlife.Bossis’snotesindicatethatPatrick

interpretedhisjourneyas“prettyclearlyawindow...[on]akindofafterlife,

somethingbeyondthisphysicalbody.”Hespokeof“theplaneofexistenceof

love”as“infinite.”Insubsequentsessions,Patricktalkedabouthisbodyand

cancer“as[a]typeofillusion.”Italsobecameclearthat,psychologicallyat

least,Patrickwasdoingremarkablywellintheaftermathofhissession.Hewas

meditatingregularly,felthehadbecomebetterabletoliveinthepresent,and

“describedloving[his]wifeevenmore.”InasessioninMarch,twomonthsout

fromhisjourney,BossisnotedthatPatrick,thoughslowlydyingofcancer,“feels

thehappiestinhislife.”

“Iamtheluckiestmanonearth.”

•••

HOWMUCHSHOULDTHEAUTHENTICITYoftheseexperiencesconcernus?Mostof

thetherapistsinvolvedintheresearchtakeascrupulouslypragmaticviewofthe

question.They’refixedonrelievingtheirpatients’sufferingandexhibitscant

interestinmetaphysicaltheoriesorquestionsoftruth.“That’sabovemypay

grade,”TonyBossissaidwithashrugwhenIaskedhimwhetherhethoughtthe

experiencesofcosmicconsciousnessdescribedbyhispatientswerefictiveor

real.Askedthesamequestion,BillRichardscitedWilliamJames,who

suggestedwejudgethemysticalexperiencenotbyitsveracity,whichis

unknowable,butby“itsfruits”:Doesitturnsomeone’slifeinapositive

direction?

Manyresearchersacknowledgethatastrongplaceboeffectmaybeatwork

whenadrugassuggestibleaspsilocybinisadministeredbymedical

professionalswithlegalandinstitutionalsanction:undersuchconditions,the

expectationsofthetherapistaremuchmorelikelytobefulfilledbythepatient.

(Andbadtripsaremuchlesslikelytooccur.)Herewebumpintooneofthe

richerparadoxesofthepsilocybintrials:whileitsucceedsinnosmallpart

becauseithasthesanctionandauthorityofscience,itseffectivenessseemsto

dependonamysticalexperiencethatleavespeopleconvincedthereismoreto

thisworldthansciencecanexplain.Scienceisbeingusedtovalidatean

experiencethatwouldappeartounderminethescientificperspectiveinwhat

mightbecalledWhite-CoatShamanism.

Arequestionsoftruthimportant,ifthetherapyhelpspeoplewhoare

suffering?Ihaddifficultyfindinganyoneinvolvedintheresearchwhowas

troubledbysuchquestions.DavidNichols,theretiredPurdueUniversitychemist

andpharmacologistwhofoundedtheHeffterResearchInstitutein1993to

supportpsychedelicresearch(includingthetrialsatHopkins,forwhichhe

synthesizedthepsilocybin),putsthepragmaticcasemostbaldly.Ina2014

interviewwithSciencemagazine,hesaid,“Ifitgivesthempeace,ifithelps

peopletodiepeacefullywiththeirfriendsandtheirfamilyattheirside,Idon’t

careifit’srealoranillusion.”

Forhispart,RolandGriffithsacknowledgesthat“authenticityisascientific

questionnotyetanswered.Allwehavetogobyisthephenomenology”—thatis,

whatpeopletellusabouttheirinternalexperiences.That’swhenhebegan

queryingmeaboutmyownspiritualdevelopment,whichIconfessedwasstill

fairlyrudimentary;Itoldhimmyworldviewhasalwaysbeenstaunchly

materialist.

“Okay,then,butwhataboutthemiraclethatweareconscious?Justthink

aboutthatforasecond,thatweareawareandthatweareawarethatweare

aware!Howunlikelyisthat?”Howcanwebecertain,hewassuggesting,that

ourexperienceofconsciousnessis“authentic”?Theansweriswecan’t;itis

beyondthereachofourscience,andyetwhodoubtsitsreality?Infact,the

evidencefortheexistenceofconsciousnessismuchliketheevidenceforthe

realityofthemysticalexperience:webelieveitexistsnotbecausesciencecan

independentlyverifyitbutbecauseagreatmanypeoplehavebeenconvincedof

itsreality;here,too,allwehavetogoonisthephenomenology.Griffithswas

suggestingthatinsofarasIwasonboardforone“miracle”wellbeyondthe

reachofmaterialistscience—“themarvelofconsciousness,”asVladimir

Nabokovoncecalledit,“thatsuddenwindowswingingopenonasunlit

landscapeamidstthenightofnon-being”—maybeIneededtokeepamoreopen

mindtothepossibilityofothers.

•••

INDECEMBER2016,afront-pagestoryintheNewYorkTimesreportedonthe

dramaticresultsoftheJohnsHopkinsandNYUpsilocybincancerstudies,which

werepublishedtogetherinaspecialissueoftheJournalof

Psychopharmacology,alongwithnearlyadozencommentariesfromprominent

voicesinthementalhealthestablishment—includingtwopastpresidentsofthe

AmericanPsychiatricAssociation—hailingthefindings.

InboththeNYUandtheHopkinstrials,some80percentofcancerpatients

showedclinicallysignificantreductionsinstandardmeasuresofanxietyand

depression,aneffectthatenduredforatleastsixmonthsaftertheirpsilocybin

session.Inbothtrials,theintensityofthemysticalexperiencevolunteers

reportedcloselycorrelatedwiththedegreetowhichtheirsymptomssubsided.

Fewifanypsychiatricinterventionsofanykindhavedemonstratedsuch

dramaticandsustainedresults.*

Thetrialsweresmall—eightysubjectsinall—andwillhavetoberepeatedon

alargerscalebeforethegovernmentwillconsiderreschedulingpsilocybinand

approvingthetreatment.*Buttheresultswereencouragingenoughtowinthe

attentionandcautioussupportofthementalhealthcommunity,whichhascalled

formoreresearch.Dozensofmedicalschoolshaveaskedtoparticipateinfuture

trials,andfundershavesteppedforwardtounderwritethosetrials.Afterdecades

intheshadows,psychedelictherapyissuddenlyrespectableagain,ornearlyso.

NewYorkUniversity,whichproudlypromotedtheresultsofatrialithadonce

onlytoleratedsomewhatgrudgingly,invitedStephenRosstomovehistreatment

roomfromthedentalcollegeintothemainhospital.EventheNYUcancer

center,whichhadinitiallybeenreluctanttoreferpatientstothepsilocybintrial,

askedRosstosetupatreatmentroomonitspremisesforanupcomingtrial.

Thepapersofferedlittleinthewayofatheorytoexplaintheeffectsof

psilocybin,excepttopointoutthatthepatientswiththebestoutcomeswerethe

oneswhohadthemostcompletemysticalexperience.Butexactlywhyshould

thatexperiencetranslateintorelieffromanxietyanddepression?Isitthe

intimationofsomekindofimmortalitythataccountsfortheeffect?Thisseems

toosimpleandfailstoaccountforthevarietyofexperiencespeoplehad,many

ofwhichdidnotdwellonanafterlife.Andsomeoftheonesthatdidconceived

ofwhathappensafterdeathinnaturalisticterms,aswhentheanonymous

volunteerimaginedherselfas“partoftheearth,”moleculesofmatterbeing

takenupbytherootsoftrees.Thisreallyhappens.

Ofcoursethemysticalexperienceconsistsofseveralcomponents,mostof

whichdon’trequireasupernaturalexplanation.Thedissolutionofthesenseof

self,forexample,canbeunderstoodineitherpsychologicalorneurobiological

terms(aspossiblythedisintegrationofthedefaultmodenetwork)andmay

explainmanyofthebenefitspeopleexperiencedduringtheirjourneyswithout

resorttoanyspiritualconceptionof“oneness.”Likewise,thesenseof

“sacredness”thatclassicallyaccompaniesthemysticalexperiencecanbe

understoodinmoreseculartermsassimplyaheightenedsenseofmeaningor

purpose.It’sstillearlydaysinourunderstandingofconsciousness,andnosingle

oneofourvocabulariesforapproachingthesubject—thebiological,the

psychological,thephilosophical,orthespiritual—hasyetearnedtherightto

claimithasthefinalword.Itmaybethatbylayeringthesedifferentperspectives

oneupontheother,wecangaintherichestpictureofwhatmightbegoingon.

Inafollow-upstudytotheNYUtrial,“PatientExperiencesofPsilocybin-

AssistedPsychotherapy,”publishedintheJournalofHumanisticPsychologyin

2017,AlexanderBelser,amemberoftheNYUteam,interviewedvolunteersto

betterunderstandthepsychologicalmechanismsunderlyingthetransformations

theyexperienced.Ireadthestudyasasubtleattempttomovebeyondthe

mysticalexperienceparadigmtoamorehumanisticoneandatthesametimeto

underscoretheimportanceofthepsychotherapistinthepsychedelicexperience.

(Notetheuseoftheterm“psilocybin-assistedpsychotherapy”inthetitle;neither

ofthepapersinPsychopharmacologymentionedpsychotherapyinitstitle,only

thedrug.)

Afewkeythemesemerged.Allofthepatientsintervieweddescribed

powerfulfeelingsofconnectiontolovedones(“relationalembeddedness”isthe

termtheauthorsused)and,moregenerally,ashift“fromfeelingsofseparateness

tointerconnectedness.”Inmostcases,thisshiftwasaccompaniedbyarepertoire

ofpowerfulemotions,including“exaltedfeelingsofjoy,bliss,andlove.”

Difficultpassagesduringthejourneyweretypicallyfollowedbypositive

feelingsofsurrenderandacceptance(evenoftheircancers)aspeople’sfearsfell

away.

JeffreyGuss,acoauthoronthepaperandapsychiatrist,interpretswhat

happensduringthesessionintermsofthepsilocybin’s“egolytic”effects—the

drug’sabilitytoeithersilenceoratleastmufflethevoiceoftheego.Inhisview,

whichisinformedbyhispsychoanalytictraining,theegoisamentalconstruct

thatperformscertainfunctionsonbehalfoftheself.Chiefamongtheseare

maintainingtheboundarybetweentheconsciousandtheunconsciousrealmsof

themindandtheboundarybetweenselfandother,orsubjectandobject.Itis

onlywhentheseboundariesfadeordisappear,astheyseemtodounderthe

influenceofpsychedelics,thatwecan“letgoofrigidpatternsofthought,

allowingustoperceivenewmeaningswithlessfear.”

ThewholequestionofmeaningiscentraltotheapproachoftheNYU

therapists,*andisperhapsespeciallyhelpfulinunderstandingtheexperienceof

thecancerpatientsonpsilocybin.Formanyofthesepatients,adiagnosisof

terminalcancerconstitutes,amongotherthings,acrisisofmeaning.Whyme?

WhyhaveIbeensingledoutforthisfate?Isthereanysensetolifeandthe

universe?Undertheweightofthisexistentialcrisis,one’shorizonshrinks,one’s

emotionalrepertoirecontracts,andone’sfocusnarrowsasthemindturnsinon

itself,shuttingouttheworld.Loopsofruminationandworrycometooccupy

moreofone’smentaltimeandspace,reinforcinghabitsofthoughtitbecomes

evermoredifficulttoescape.

Existentialdistressattheendoflifebearsmanyofthehallmarksofa

hyperactivedefaultnetwork,includingobsessiveself-reflectionandaninability

tojumpthedeepeninggroovesofnegativethinking.Theego,facedwiththe

prospectofitsownextinction,turnsinwardandbecomeshypervigilant,

withdrawingitsinvestmentintheworldandotherpeople.ThecancerpatientsI

interviewedspokeoffeelingclosedofffromlovedones,fromtheworld,and

fromthefullrangeofemotions;theyfelt,asoneputit,“existentiallyalone.”

Bytemporarilydisablingtheego,psilocybinseemstoopenanewfieldof

psychologicalpossibility,symbolizedbythedeathandrebirthreportedbymany

ofthepatientsIinterviewed.Atfirst,thefallingawayoftheselffeels

threatening,butifonecanletgoandsurrender,powerfulandusuallypositive

emotionsflowin—alongwithformerlyinaccessiblememoriesandsense

impressionsandmeanings.Nolongerdefendedbytheego,thegatebetweenself

andother—Huxley’sreducingvalve—isthrownwideopen.Andwhatcomes

throughthatopeningformanypeople,inagreatflood,islove.Loveforspecific

individuals,yes,butalso,asPatrickMettescametofeel(toknow!),lovefor

everyoneandeverything—loveasthemeaningandpurposeoflife,thekeyto

theuniverse,andtheultimatetruth.

Soitmaybethatthelossofselfleadstoagaininmeaning.Canthisbe

explainedbiologically?Probablynotyet,butrecentneuroscienceoffersafew

intriguingclues.RecallthattheImperialCollegeteamfoundthatwhenthe

defaultmodenetworkdisintegrates(takingwithitthesenseofself),thebrain’s

overallconnectivityincreases,allowingbrainregionsthatdon’tordinarily

communicatetoformnewlinesofconnection.Isitpossiblethatsomeofthese

newconnectionsinthebrainmanifestinthemindasnewmeaningsor

perspectives?Theconnectingofformerlyfar-flungdots?

Itmayalsobethatpsychedelicscandirectlyimbueotherwiseirrelevant

sensoryinformationwithmeaning.ArecentpaperinCurrentBiology*described

anexperimentinwhichpiecesofmusicthatheldnopersonalrelevancefor

volunteerswereplayedforthemwhileonLSD.Undertheinfluenceofthe

psychedelic,however,volunteersattributedmarkedandlastingpersonal

meaningtothesamesongs.Thesemedicinesmayhelpusconstructmeaning,if

notdiscoverit.

Nodoubtthesuggestibilityofthemindonpsychedelicsandtheguiding

presenceofpsychotherapistsalsoplayaroleinattributingmeaningtothe

experience.Inpreparingvolunteersfortheirjourneys,JeffreyGussspeaks

explicitlyabouttheacquisitionofmeaning,tellinghispatients“thatthe

medicinewillshowyouhiddenorunknownshadowpartsofyourself;thatyou

willgaininsightintoyourself,andcometolearnaboutthemeaningoflifeand

existence.”(Healsotellsthemtheymayhaveamysticalortranscendent

experiencebutcarefullyrefrainsfromdefiningit.)“Asaresultofthismolecule

beinginyourbody,you’llunderstandmoreaboutyourselfandlifeandthe

universe.”Andmoreoftenthannotthishappens.Replacethescience-yword

“molecule”with“sacredmushroom”or“plantteacher,”andyouhavethe

incantationsofashamanatthestartofaceremonialhealing.

Buthoweveritworks,andwhatevervocabularyweusetoexplainit,this

seemstomethegreatgiftofthepsychedelicjourney,especiallytothedying:its

powertoimbueeverythinginourfieldofexperiencewithaheightenedsenseof

purposeandconsequence.Dependingonone’sorientation,thiscanbe

understoodeitherinhumanisticorinspiritualterms—forwhatistheSacredbut

acapitalizedversionofsignificance?EvenforatheistslikeDinahBazer—like

me!—psychedelicscanchargeaworldfromwhichthegodslongagodeparted

withthepulseofmeaning,theimmanencewithwhichtheyonceinfusedit.The

senseofacoldandarbitraryuniversegovernedpurelybychanceisbanished.

Especiallyintheabsenceoffaith,thesemedicines,intherighthands,mayoffer

powerfulantidotesfortheexistentialterrorsthatafflictnotonlythedying.

Tobelievethatlifehasanymeaningatallisofcoursealargepresumption,

requiringinsomealeapoffaith,butsurelyitisahelpfulone,andnevermoreso

thanattheapproachofdeath.Tosituatetheselfinalargercontextofmeaning,

whateveritis—asenseofonenesswithnatureoruniversallove—canmake

extinctionoftheselfsomewhateasiertocontemplate.Religionhasalways

understoodthiswager,butwhyshouldreligionenjoyamonopoly?Bertrand

Russellwrotethatthebestwaytoovercomeone’sfearofdeath“istomakeyour

interestsgraduallywiderandmoreimpersonal,untilbitbybitthewallsofthe

egorecede,andyourlifebecomesincreasinglymergedintheuniversallife.”He

goeson:

Anindividualhumanexistenceshouldbelikeariver:smallatfirst,

narrowlycontainedwithinitsbanks,andrushingpassionatelypast

rocksandoverwaterfalls.Gradually,therivergrowswider,the

banksrecede,thewatersflowmorequietly,andintheend,without

anyvisiblebreak,theybecomemergedinthesea,andpainlessly

losetheirindividualbeing.

•••

PATRICKMETTESlivedseventeenmonthsafterhispsilocybinsession,and

accordingtoLisathosemonthswerefilledwithagreatmanyunexpected

satisfactions,alongsidePatrick’sdawningacceptancethathewasgoingtodie.

LisahadinitiallybeenwaryoftheNYUtrial,interpretingPatrick’sdesireto

participateasasignhe’dgivenupthefight.Intheevent,hecameaway

convincedhestillhadmuchtodointhislife—muchlovetogiveandreceive—

andwasn’tyetreadytoleaveitand,especially,hiswife.Patrick’spsychedelic

journeyhadshiftedhisperspective,fromanarrowlenstrainedontheprospectof

dyingtoarenewedfocusonhowbesttolivethetimelefttohim.“Hehadanew

resolve.Thattherewasapointtohislife,thathegotit,andwasmovingwithit.

“Westillhadourarguments,”Lisarecalled,“andwehadaverytrying

summer”astheyenduredacalamitousapartmentrenovationinBrooklyn.“That

washellonearth,”Lisarecalled,butPatrick“hadchanged.Hehadasenseof

patiencehehadneverhadbefore,andwithmehehadrealjoyaboutthings.It

wasasifhehadbeenrelievedofthedutyofcaringaboutthedetailsoflife,and

hecouldletallthatgo.Nowitwasaboutbeingwithpeople,enjoyinghis

sandwichandthewalkonthepromenade.Itwasasifwelivedalifetimeina

year.”

Afterthepsilocybinsession,LisasomehowconvincedherselfthatPatrick

wasnotgoingtodieafterall.Hecontinuedwithhischemoandhisspirits

improved,butshenowthinksallthistime“heknewverywellhewasn’tgoing

tomakeit.”Lisacontinuedtowork,andPatrickspenthisgooddayswalkingthe

city.“Hewouldwalkeverywhere,tryeveryrestaurantforlunch,andtellme

aboutallthegreatplaceshediscovered.Buthisgooddaysgotfewerandfewer.”

Then,inMarch2012,hetoldherhewantedtostopchemo.

“Hedidn’twanttodie,”Lisasays,“butIthinkhejustdecidedthatthisisnot

howhewantedtolive.”

Thatfallhislungsbegantofail,andPatrickwoundupinthehospital.“He

gatheredeveryonetogetherandsaidgood-byeandexplainedthatthisishowhe

wantedtodie.Hehadaveryconsciousdeath.”Patrick’sseemingequanimityin

thefaceofdeathexertedapowerfulinfluenceoneveryonearoundhim,Lisa

said,andhisroominthepalliativecareunitatMountSinaibecameacenterof

gravityinthehospital.“Everyone,thenursesandthedoctors,wantedtohang

outinourroom;theyjustdidn’twanttoleave.Patrickwouldtalkandtalk.It

waslikehewasayogi.Heputoutsomuchlove.”WhenTonyBossisvisited

Patrickaweekbeforehedied,hewasstruckbythemoodintheroomandby

Patrick’sserenity.

“Hewasconsolingme.Hesaidhisbiggestsadnesswasleavinghiswife.But

hewasnotafraid.”

Lisae-mailedmeaphotographofPatrickshehadtakenafewdaysbeforehe

died,andwhentheimagepoppedopenonmyscreen,itmomentarilytookmy

breathaway.Herewasanemaciatedmaninahospitalgown,anoxygenclipin

hisnose,butwithbright,shiningblueeyesandabroadsmile.Ontheeveof

death,themanwasbeaming.

LisastayedwithPatrickinhishospitalroomnightafternight,thetwoof

themoftentalkingintotheweehours.“IfeellikeIhaveonefootinthisworld

andoneinthenext,”hetoldheratonepoint.“Oneofthelastnightswewere

together,hesaid,‘Honey,don’tpushme.I’mfindingmyway.’”Atthesame

time,hesoughttocomforther.“Thisissimplythewheeloflife,”sherecallshim

saying.“‘Youfeellikeyou’rebeinggrounddownbyitnow,butthewheelis

goingtoturnandyou’llbeontopagain.’”

Lisahadn’thadashowerindays,andherbrotherfinallypersuadedhertogo

homeforafewhours.Minutesbeforeshereturnedtohisbedside,Patrick

slippedaway.“Iwenthometoshowerandhedied.”Wewerespeakingonthe

phone,andIcouldhearhercryingsoftly.“Hewasn’tgoingtodieaslongasI

wasthere.Mybrotherhadtoldme,‘Youneedtolethimgo.’”

Patrickwasgonebythetimeshegotbacktothehospital.“Hehaddied

secondsbefore.Itwaslikesomethinghadevaporatedfromhim.Isatwithhim

forthreehours.It’salongtimebeforethesoulisoutoftheroom.”

“Itwasagooddeath,”Lisatoldme,afactshecreditstothepeopleatNYU

andtoPatrick’spsilocybinjourney.“Ifeelindebtedtothemforwhatthey

allowedhimtoexperience—thedeepresourcestheyallowedhimtotapinto.

Thesewerehisowndeepresources.That,Ithink,iswhatthesemind-altering

drugsdo.”

“PatrickwasfarmorespiritualthanIwastobeginwith,”Lisatoldmethelast

timewespoke.Itwasclearhisjourneyhadchangedhertoo.“Itwasan

affirmationofaworldIknewnothingabout.Buttherearemoredimensionsto

thisworldthanIeverknewexisted.”

Two:Addiction

ThedozenorsoApolloastronautswhohaveescapedEarth’sorbitandtraveled

tothemoonhadtheprivilegeofseeingtheplanetfromaperspectivenever

beforeavailabletoourspecies,andseveralofthemreportedthattheexperience

changedtheminprofoundandenduringways.Thesightofthat“palebluedot”

hangingintheinfiniteblackvoidofspaceerasedthenationalbordersonour

mapsandrenderedEarthsmall,vulnerable,exceptional,andprecious.

EdgarMitchell,returningfromthemoononApollo14,hadwhathehas

describedasamysticalexperience,specificallyasavikalpasamadhi,inwhich

theegovanisheswhenconfrontedwiththeimmensityoftheuniverseduringthe

courseofameditationonanobject—inthiscase,planetEarth.

“Thebiggestjoywasonthewayhome,”herecalled.“Inmycockpitwindow,

everytwominutes:theearth,themoon,thesun,andthewholepanoramaofthe

heavens.Thatwasapowerful,overwhelmingexperience.

“AndsuddenlyIrealizedthatthemoleculesofmybody,andthemoleculesof

myspacecraft,themoleculesinthebodyofmypartners,wereprototyped,

manufacturedinsomeancientgenerationofstars.[Ifelt]anoverwhelmingsense

ofoneness,ofconnectedness...Itwasn’t‘ThemandUs,’itwas‘That’sme!

That’sallofit,it’sonething.’Anditwasaccompaniedbyanecstasy,asenseof

‘OhmyGod,wow,yes’—aninsight,anepiphany.”*

Itwasthepowerofthisnovelperspective—thesameperspectivethatStewart

Brand,afterhis1966LSDtriponaNorthBeachrooftop,workedsohardto

disseminatetotheculture—thathelpedtoinspirethemodernenvironmental

movementaswellastheGaiahypothesis,theideathatEarthanditsatmosphere

togetherconstituteasinglelivingorganism.

Ithoughtaboutthisso-calledovervieweffectduringmyconversationswith

volunteersinthepsilocybintrials,andespeciallywiththosewhohadovercome

theiraddictionsafterapsychedelicjourney—toinnerspace,ifyouwill.Several

volunteersdescribedachievinganewdistanceontheirownlives,avantagefrom

whichmattersthathadonceseemeddauntingnowseemedsmallerandmore

manageable,includingtheiraddictions.Itsoundedasthoughthepsychedelic

experiencehadgivenmanyofthemanovervieweffectonthescenesoftheir

ownlives,makingpossibleashiftinworldviewandprioritiesthatallowedthem

toletgoofoldhabits,sometimeswithremarkableease.Asonelifetimesmoker

putittomeintermssosimpleIfoundithardtobelieve,“Smokingbecame

irrelevant,soIstopped.”

Thesmokingcessationpilotstudyinwhichthismantookpart—hisnameis

CharlesBessant,andhehasbeenabstinentnowforsixyears—wasdirectedby

MatthewJohnson,aprotégéofRolandGriffiths’satJohnsHopkins,wherethe

studytookplace.Johnsonisapsychologistinhisearlyfortieswho,like

Griffiths,trainedasabehaviorist,studyingthingslike“operantconditioning”in

rats.Tall,slender,andangular,Johnsonwearsascrupulouslytrimmedblack

beardandoversizedretro-nerdblackglassesthatmakehimlookalittlelikeIra

Glass.Hisinterestinpsychedelicsgoesbacktohiscollegedays,whenheread

RamDassandlearnedabouttheHarvardPsilocybinProject,butneverdidhe

daretoimaginehewouldsomedayhaveajobworkingwiththeminalaboratory.

“IhaditinthebackofmymindthatsomedayIwantedtodoresearchwith

thepsychedeliccompounds,”hetoldmewhenwefirstmetinhisHopkins

office,“butIfiguredthatwasalongwayoffinthefuture.”Yetsoonafter

JohnsonarrivedatJohnsHopkinstodoapharmacologypostdocin2004,“I

foundoutthatRolandhadthissuperhush-hushprojectwithpsilocybin.

Everythinglinedupperfectly.”

Johnsonworkedonthelab’searlypsilocybinstudies,servingasaguidefor

severaldozensessionsandhelpingtocrunchthedata,beforelaunchingastudy

ofhisownin2009.Thesmokingstudygavefifteenvolunteersmokerswhowere

tryingtoquitseveralsessionsofcognitivebehavioraltherapyfollowedbytwoor

threedosesofpsilocybin.Aso-calledopen-labelstudy,therewasnoplacebo,so

theyallknewtheyweregettingthedrug.Volunteershadtostopsmokingbefore

theirpsilocybinsession;theyhadtheircarbon-monoxidelevelsmeasuredat

severalintervalstoensurecomplianceandconfirmtheyremainedabstinent.

Thestudywastinyandnotrandomized,buttheresultswerenevertheless

striking,especiallywhenyouconsiderthatsmokingisoneofthemostdifficult

addictionstobreak—harder,somesay,thanheroin.Sixmonthsaftertheir

psychedelicsessions,80percentofthevolunteerswereconfirmedasabstinent;

attheone-yearmark,thatfigurehadfallento67percent,whichisstillabetter

rateofsuccessthanthebesttreatmentnowavailable.(Amuchlargerrandomized

study,comparingtheeffectivenessofpsilocybintherapywiththenicotinepatch,

iscurrentlyunderway.)Asinthecancer-anxietystudies,thevolunteerswhohad

themostcompletemysticalexperienceshadthebestoutcomes;theywere,like

CharlesBessant,abletoquitsmoking.

Afterinterviewingcancerpatientsconfrontedwiththeprospectofdeath,

peoplewhohadhadepicjourneysinwhichtheyconfrontedtheircancersand

traveledtotheunderworld,Iwonderedhowtheexperiencewouldcomparewhen

thestakeswerelower:Whatkindsofjourneyswouldordinarypeoplesimply

hopingtobreakabadhabithave,andwhatkindsofinsightswouldtheyreturn

with?

Surprisinglybanal,itturnsout.Notthattheirjourneyswerebanal—

psilocybintransportedthemallovertheworldandthroughhistoryandtoouter

space—buttheinsightstheybroughtbackwiththemweremundaneinthe

extreme.AliceO’Donnell,asixtyishbookeditorborninIreland,reveled“inthe

freedomtogoeverywhere”inthecourseofherjourney.Shegrewfeathersthat

allowedhertotravelbackintimetovariousscenesofEuropeanhistory,died

threetimes,watchedher“soulmovefromherbodytoafuneralpyrefloatingon

theGanges,”andfoundherself“standingontheedgeoftheuniverse,witnessing

thedawnofcreation.”Shehadthe“humbling”realizationthat“everythinginthe

universeisofequalimportance,includingyourself.

“Insteadofbeingsonarrowlyfocused,movingthroughthislittletunnelof

adultlife,”shefoundthatthejourney“returnedmetothechild’swidersenseof

wonder—totheworldofWordsworth.Apartofmybrainthathadgonetosleep

wasawakened.

“Theuniversewassogreatandthereweresomanythingsyoucoulddoand

seeinitthatkillingyourselfseemedlikeadumbidea.Itputsmokinginawhole

newcontext.Smokingseemedveryunimportant;itseemedkindofstupid,tobe

honest.”

Aliceimaginedherselfthrowingoutlotsofjunkfromherhouse,emptying

theatticandthebasement:“Ihadanimageoftossingeverythingovertheledge,

allthestuffIdidn’tneedanymore.It’samazinghowyoucanwhittlethings

downtothefewreallyimportantthingsthatarenecessaryforsurvival.Andthe

mostimportantthingofallisthebreath.Whenthatstops,you’redead.”She

emergedfromherjourneywiththeconviction“thatyoushouldcherishyour

breath.”Shehasnothadacigarettesinceherpsilocybinjourney.Whenevershe

feelsacraving,shegoesbackinmemorytohersession“andthinksofallthe

wonderfulthingsIexperienced,andhowitfelttobeonthatmuchhigherplane.”

CharlesBessanthadhisepiphanywhileonasimilarly“higherplane.”

Bessant,amuseumexhibitdesignerinhissixties,foundhimselfstandingona

mountaintopintheAlps,“theGermanstatesstretchingoutbeforemealltheway

totheBaltic.”(Wagnerwasplayinginhisheadphones.)“Myegohaddissolved,

yetI’mtellingyouthis.Itwasterrifying.”Hesoundedlikeanineteenth-century

Romanticdescribinganencounterwiththesublime,atonceterribleandawe

inspiring.

“Peopleusewordslike‘oneness,’‘connectivity,’‘unity’—Igetit!Iwaspart

ofsomethingsomuchlargerthananythingIhadeverimagined.”Wewere

speakingbyphoneonaSaturdaymorning,andatonepointBessantpausedin

hisaccounttodescribethescenebeforehim.

“Rightnow,I’mstandinghereinmygarden,andthelightiscomingthrough

thecanopyofleaves.Formetobeabletostandhereinthebeautyofthislight,

talkingtoyou,it’sonlybecausemyeyesareopentoseeit.Ifyoudon’tstopto

look,you’llneverseeit.It’sthestatementofanobviousthing,Iknow,butto

feelit,tolookandbeamazedbythislight”isagiftheattributestohissession,

whichgavehim“afeelingofconnectednesstoeverything.”

Bessantfolloweduponourconversationbye-mailwithaseriesof

clarificationsandelaborations,strivingtofindthewordsequaltotheimmensity

oftheexperience.Itwasinthefaceofthisimmensitythatsmokingsuddenly

seemedpitifullysmall.“Whyquitsmoking?BecauseIfounditirrelevant.

Becauseotherthingshadbecomesomuchmoreimportant.”

Somevolunteersmarveledthemselvesatthesimultaneouspowerandbanality

oftheirinsights.SavannahMillerisasinglemominherthirtieswhoworksasa

bookkeeperforherfather’scompanyinMaryland.Possiblybecauseshespent

hertwentiestangledinanabusiverelationshipwithamanshedescribesas“a

psychopath,”hertripwaspainfulbutultimatelycathartic;sherememberscrying

uncontrollablyandproducingtremendousamountsofsnot(somethingher

guidesconfirmedreallyhappened).Savannahgavelittlethoughttoherhabit

duringthejourney,excepttowardtheendwhenshepicturedherselfasa

smokinggargoyle.

“Youknowhowgargoyleslook,croucheddownwiththeirshoulders

hunched?That’showIfeltandsawmyself,alittlegolemcreaturesmoking,

pullinginthesmokeandnotlettingitout,untilmychesthurtsandI’mchoking.

Itwaspowerfulanddisgusting.Icanstillseeitnow,thathideouscoughing

gargoyle,wheneverIpicturemyselfasasmoker.”Monthslater,shesaysthe

imageisstillhelpfulwhentheinevitablecravingsarise.

Inthemiddleofhersession,Savannahsuddenlysatupandannouncedshe

haddiscoveredsomethingimportant,an“epiphany”thatherguidesneededto

writedownsoitwouldn’tbelosttoposterity:“Eatright.Exercise.Stretch.”

MattJohnsonreferstotheserealizationsas“duhmoments”andsaystheyare

commonamonghisvolunteersandnotatallinsignificant.Smokersknow

perfectlywellthattheirhabitisunhealthy,disgusting,expensive,and

unnecessary,butundertheinfluenceofpsilocybinthatknowingacquiresanew

weight,becomes“somethingtheyfeelinthegutandtheheart.Insightslikethis

becomemorecompelling,stickier,andhardertoavoidthinkingabout.These

sessionsdeprivepeopleoftheluxuryofmindlessness”—ourdefaultstate,and

oneinwhichaddictionslikesmokingcanflourish.

Johnsonbelievesthevalueofpsilocybinfortheaddictisinthenew

perspective—atonceobviousandprofound—thatitopensontoone’slifeandits

habits.“Addictionisastorywegetstuckin,astorythatgetsreinforcedevery

timewetryandfailtoquit:‘I’masmokerandI’mpowerlesstostop.’The

journeyallowsthemtogetsomedistanceandseethebiggerpictureandtosee

theshort-termpleasuresofsmokinginthelarger,longer-termcontextoftheir

lives.”

Ofcourse,thisre-contextualizationofanoldhabitdoesn’tjusthappen;

countlesspeoplehavetakenpsilocybinandcontinuedtosmoke.Ifitdoes

happen,it’sbecausebreakingthehabitistheavowedintentionofthesession,

stronglyreinforcedbythetherapistinthepreparatorymeetingsandthe

integrationafterward.The“set”ofthepsychedelicjourneyiscarefully

orchestratedbythetherapistinmuchthesamewayashamanwouldusehis

authorityandstagecrafttomaximizethemedicine’sdeeppowersofsuggestion.

Thisiswhyitisimportanttounderstandthat“psychedelictherapy”isnotsimply

treatmentwithapsychedelicdrugbutratheraformof“psychedelic-assisted

therapy,”asmanyoftheresearcherstakepainstoemphasize.

Yetwhataccountsfortheunusualauthorityoftheratherordinaryinsights

volunteersbroughtbackfromtheirjourneys?“Youdon’tgetthatonanyother

drug,”RolandGriffithspointsout.Indeed,aftermostdrugexperiences,we’re

fullyawareof,andoftenembarrassedby,theinauthenticityofwhatwethought

andfeltwhileundertheinfluence.ThoughneitherGriffithsnorJohnson

mentionedit,theconnectionbetweenseeingandbelievingmightexplainthis

senseofauthenticity.Veryoftenonpsychedelicsourthoughtsbecomevisible.

Thesearenothallucinations,exactly,becausethesubjectisoftenfullyaware

thatwhatsheisseeingisnotreallybeforeher,yetthesethoughtsmadevisible

areneverthelessremarkablyconcrete,vivid,andthereforememorable.

Thisisacuriousphenomenon,asyetunexplainedbyneuroscience,though

someinterestinghypotheseshaverecentlybeenproposed.Whenneuroscientists

whostudyvisionusefMRIstoimagebrainactivity,theyfindthatthesame

regionsinthevisualcortexlightupwhetheroneisseeinganobjectlive

—“online”—ormerelyrecallingorimaginingit,off-line.Thissuggeststhatthe

abilitytovisualizeourthoughtsshouldbetheruleratherthantheexception.

Someneuroscientistssuspectthatduringnormalwakinghourssomethinginthe

braininhibitsthevisualcortexfrompresentingtoconsciousnessavisualimage

ofwhateveritiswe’rethinkingabout.It’snothardtoseewhysuchaninhibition

mightbeadaptive:clutteringthemindwithvividimageswouldcomplicate

reasoningandabstractthought,nottomentioneverydayactivitieslikewalking

ordrivingacar.Butwhenweareabletovisualizeourthoughts—suchasthe

thoughtofourselvesasasmokerlookinglikeacoughinggargoyle—those

thoughtstakeonaddedweight,feelmorerealtous.Seeingisbelieving.

Perhapsthisisoneofthethingspsychedelicsdo:relaxthebrain’sinhibition

onvisualizingourthoughts,therebyrenderingthemmoreauthoritative,

memorable,andsticky.Theovervieweffectreportedbytheastronautsdidn’tadd

anythingtoourintellectualunderstandingofthis“palebluedot”inthevastsea

ofspace,butseeingitmadeitrealinawayithadneverbeenbefore.Perhapsthe

equallyvividovervieweffectonthescenesoftheirlivesthatpsychedelicsafford

somepeopleiswhatmakesitpossibleforthemtochangetheirbehavior.

MattJohnsonbelievesthatpsychedelicscanbeusedtochangeallsortsof

behaviors,notjustaddiction.Thekey,inhisview,istheirpowertooccasiona

sufficientlydramaticexperienceto“dope-slappeopleoutoftheirstory.It’s

literallyarebootofthesystem—abiologicalcontrol-alt-delete.Psychedelics

openawindowofmentalflexibilityinwhichpeoplecanletgoofthemental

modelsweusetoorganizereality.”

Inhisview,themostimportantsuchmodelistheself,orego,whichahigh-

dosepsychedelicexperiencetemporarilydissolves.Hespeaksof“ouraddiction

toapatternofthinkingwiththeselfatthecenterofit.”Thisunderlying

addictiontoapatternofthinking,orcognitivestyle,linkstheaddicttothe

depressiveandtothecancerpatientobsessedwithdeathorrecurrence.

“Somuchofhumansufferingstemsfromhavingthisselfthatneedstobe

psychologicallydefendedatallcosts.We’retrappedinastorythatsees

ourselvesasindependent,isolatedagentsactingintheworld.Butthatselfisan

illusion.Itcanbeausefulillusion,whenyou’reswingingthroughthetreesor

escapingfromacheetahortryingtodoyourtaxes.Butatthesystemslevel,

thereisnotruthtoit.Youcantakeanynumberofmoreaccurateperspectives:

thatwe’reaswarmofgenes,vehiclesforpassingonDNA;thatwe’resocial

creaturesthroughandthrough,unabletosurvivealone;thatwe’reorganismsin

anecosystem,linkedtogetheronthisplanetfloatinginthemiddleofnowhere.

Whereveryoulook,youseethatthelevelofinterconnectednessistruly

amazing,andyetweinsistonthinkingofourselvesasindividualagents.”Albert

Einsteincalledthemodernhuman’ssenseofseparateness“akindofoptical

delusionofhisconsciousness.”*

“Psychedelicsknockthelegsoutfromunderthatmodel.Thatcanbe

dangerousinthewrongcircumstances,leadingtobadtripsandworse.”Johnson

broughtupthecaseofCharlesManson,whoreportedlyusedLSDtobreakdown

andbrainwashhisfollowers,atheoryofthecasehedeemsplausible.“Butinthe

rightsetting,whereyoursafetyisassured,itmaybeagoodinterventionfor

dealingwithsomeoftheproblemsoftheself”—ofwhichaddictionisonlyone.

Dying,depression,obsession,eatingdisorders—allareexacerbatedbythe

tyrannyofanegoandthefixednarrativesitconstructsaboutourrelationshipto

theworld.Bytemporarilyoverturningthattyrannyandthrowingourmindsinto

anunusuallyplasticstate(RobinCarhart-Harriswouldcallitastateof

heightenedentropy),psychedelics,withthehelpofagoodtherapist,giveusan

opportunitytoproposesomenew,moreconstructivestoriesabouttheselfandits

relationshiptotheworld,storiesthatjustmightstick.

Thisisaverydifferentkindoftherapythanweareaccustomedtointhe

West,becauseitisneitherpurelychemicalnorpurelypsychodynamic—neither

mindlessnorbrainless.WhetherWesternmedicineisreadytoaccommodate

sucharadicallynovel—andancient—modelformentaltransformationisan

openquestion.Intakingpeoplesafelythroughtheliminalstatepsychedelics

occasion,withitsradicalsuggestibility,Johnsonacknowledgesthatthedoctors

andresearchers“playthesameroleasshamansorelders.

“Whateverwe’redelvingintohere,it’sinthesamerealmastheplacebo.But

aplaceboonrocketboosters.”

•••

THEWHOLEIDEAofusingapsychedelicdrugtotreataddictionisnotnew.Native

Americanshavelongusedpeyoteasbothasacramentandatreatmentfor

alcoholism,ascourgeoftheindigenouscommunitysincethearrivalofthewhite

man.SpeakingatameetingoftheAmericanPsychiatricAssociationin1971,the

psychiatristKarlMenningersaidthat“peyoteisnotharmfultothesepeople...

Itisabetterantidotetoalcoholthananythingthemissionaries,thewhiteman,

theAmericanMedicalAssociation,andthepublichealthserviceshavecomeup

with.”*

ThousandsofalcoholicsweretreatedwithLSDandotherpsychedelicsinthe

1950sand1960s,thoughuntilrecentlyit’sbeenhardtosayanythingdefinitive

abouttheresults.Foratime,thetherapywasdeemedeffectiveenoughto

becomeastandardtreatmentforalcoholisminSaskatchewan.Clinicalreports

wereenthusiastic,yetmostoftheformalstudiesconductedwerepoorly

designedandbadlycontrolled,ifatall.Resultswerenotablyimpressivewhen

thestudieswereperformedbysympathetictherapists(andespeciallyby

therapistswhothemselveshadtakenLSD)andnotablydismalwhenconducted

byinexperiencedinvestigatorswhogavemammothdosestopatientswithno

attentiontosetorsetting.

Therecordwasacompletemuddleuntil2012,whenameta-analysisthat

combineddatafromthesixbestrandomizedcontrolledstudiesdoneinthe1960s

and1970s(involvingmorethanfivehundredpatientsinall)foundthatindeed

therehadbeenastatisticallyrobustandclinically“significantbeneficialeffect

onalcoholmisuse”fromasingledoseofLSD,aneffectthatlasteduptosix

months.“GiventheevidenceforabeneficialeffectofLSDonalcoholism,”the

authorsconcluded,“itispuzzlingwhythistreatmenthasbeenlargely

overlooked.”

Sincethen,psychedelictherapyforalcoholandotheraddictionshas

undergoneamodestandsofarencouragingrevival,bothinuniversitystudies

andinvariousundergroundsettings.*Ina2015pilotstudyconductedatthe

UniversityofNewMexicotenalcoholicsreceivedpsilocybin,combinedwith

“motivationalenhancementtherapy,”atypeofcognitivebehavioraltherapy

designedexpresslytotreataddiction.Byitself,thepsychotherapyhadlittle

effectondrinkingbehavior,butafterthepsilocybinsessiondrinkingdecreased

significantly,andthesechangesweresustainedduringthethirty-sixweeksof

follow-up.MichaelBogenschutz,theleadinvestigator,reportedastrong

correlationbetweenthe“strengthoftheexperienceandtheeffect”ondrinking

behavior.TheNewMexicoresultswereencouragingenoughtowarrantamuch

largerphase2trial,involving180volunteers,whichBogenschutzisnow

conductingatNYUincollaborationwithStephenRossandJeffreyGuss.

“Alcoholismcanbeunderstoodasaspiritualdisorder,”Rosstoldmethefirst

timewemet,inthetreatmentroomatNYU.“Overtimeyouloseyour

connectiontoeverythingbutthiscompound.Lifelosesallmeaning.Attheend,

nothingismoreimportantthanthatbottle,notevenyourwifeandyourkids.

Eventually,thereisnothingyouwon’tsacrificeforit.”

ItwasRosswhofirsttoldmethestoryofBillW.,thefounderofAA,howhe

gotsoberafteramysticalexperienceonbelladonnaandinthe1950ssoughtto

introduceLSDintothefellowship.Touseadrugtopromotesobrietymight

soundcounterintuitive,evencrazy,yetitmakesacertainsensewhenyou

considerhowreliablypsychedelicscansponsorspiritualbreakthroughsaswell

astheconviction,centraltotheAAphilosophy,thatbeforeshecanhopeto

recover,thealcoholicmustfirstacknowledgeher“powerlessness.”AAtakesa

dimviewofthehumanegoand,likepsychedelictherapy,attemptstoshiftthe

addict’sattentionfromtheselftoa“higherpower”aswellastotheconsolations

offellowship—thesenseofinterconnectedness.

MichaelBogenschutzputmeintouchwithawomanI’llcallTerry

McDaniels,avolunteerinhisalcoholismpilotstudyinNewMexico—a

surprisingintroduction,Icametothink,becauseherswasn’tthekindof

unqualifiedsuccessstoryresearchersliketogivejournalists.Ispoketo

McDanielsbyphonefromhertrailerparkoutsideAlbuquerque,whereshelives

ondisabilityafewtrailersdownfromherdaughter.Shehasn’tbeenabletowork

since1997,when“myex-husbandbeatmyheadinwithacast-ironskillet.Since

thatoccurred,I’vehadarealproblemwithmymemory.”

McDaniels,whowasbornin1954,hashadatoughlife,goingbacktoher

childhood,whenherparentsleftherforlongperiodsintheindifferentcareof

oldersiblings.“EventothisdayIhaveahardtimelaughing.”Shetoldmeshe

spendsmanyofherdaysmiredinfeelingsofregret,anger,envy,self-loathing,

and,especially,adeepsenseofguilttowardherchildren.“IfeelverybadI

haven’tgiventhemthelifeIcouldhaveifIhadstayedawayfromdrink.Ithink

aboutthatotherlifeImighthavehadallthetime.”

WhenIaskedMcDanielshowlongshehadbeensober,shesurprisedme:she

wasn’t.She’dactuallybeenonabenderjustafewweeksearlier,afterher

daughter“hurtmyfeelingsbyaskingformoneyIowedher.”Butthebinge

lastedonlyaday,andshehadonlyhadbeerandwinetodrink;intheyears

beforeherpsychedelicsession,shewouldbingeonhardliquorfortwoweeksat

atime,thedrinkinginterruptedonlywhensheblackedout.ForMcDaniels,a

one-daybingenowandagainrepresentsprogress.

McDanielsreadaboutthepsilocybintrialinthelocalalternativeweekly.She

hadneverbeforeusedapsychedelicbutfeltdesperateandwillingtotry

somethingnew.Shehadmademanyattemptstogetsober,hadbeeninrehab,

therapy,andAA,butalwaysfellbackonthebottle.Sheworriedthatherhead

injurymightdisqualifyherfromthetrial,butshewasacceptedandintheevent

hadapowerfulspiritualexperience.

Thefirstpartofthetripwasunbearablydark:“IsawmychildrenandIwas

bawlingandbawling,forthelifetheyneverhad.”Buteventuallyitturnedinto

somethingaweinspiring.

“IsawJesusonthecross,”sherecalled.“Itwasjusthisheadandshoulders,

anditwaslikeIwasalittlekidinatinyhelicoptercirclingaroundhishead.But

hewasonthecross.Andhejustsortofgatheredmeupinhishands,youknow,

thewayyouwouldcomfortasmallchild.Ifeltsuchagreatweightliftfrommy

shoulders,feltverymuchatpeace.Itwasabeautifulexperience.”

Theteachingoftheexperience,shefelt,wasself-acceptance.“Ispendless

timethinkingaboutpeoplewhohaveabetterlifethanme.IrealizeI’mnotabad

person;I’mapersonwho’shadalotofbadthingshappen.Jesusmighthave

beentryingtotellmeitwasokay,thatthesethingshappen.Hewastryingto

comfortme.”Now,McDanielssays,“IreadmyBibleeverydayandkeepa

consciouscontactwithGod.”

Byherownlights,McDanielsisdoing,ifnotwellexactly,thensomewhat

better.Theexperiencehashelpedherbegintorethinkthestoryofherlifeshe

tellsherself:“Idon’ttakeeverythingsopersonally,likeIusedto.Ihavemore

self-acceptance,andthatisagift,becauseforalotofyears,Ididnotlikemyself.

ButIamnotabadperson.”

Thatone’sperspectivecouldshiftinsuchawayintheabsenceofanychange

incircumstancestrikesmeasbothhopefulandpoignant.Iwasremindedofan

experimentthatseveraloftheaddictionresearchersIinterviewedhadtoldme

about—theso-calledratparkexperiment.It’swellknowninthefieldofdrug

abuseresearchthatratsinacagegivenaccesstodrugsofvariouskindswill

quicklyaddictthemselves,pressingthelittleleversforthedrugonofferin

preferencetofood,oftentothepointofdeath.Muchlesswellknown,however,

isthefactthatifthecageis“enriched”withopportunitiesforplay,interaction

withotherrats,andexposuretonature,thesameratswillutterlyignorethedrugs

andsoneverbecomeaddicted.Theratparkexperimentslendsupporttotheidea

thatthepropensitytoaddictionmighthavelesstodowithgenesorchemistry

thanwithone’spersonalhistoryandenvironment.

Nowcomesaclassofchemicalsthatmayhavethepowertochangehowwe

experienceourpersonalhistoryandenvironment,nomatterhowimpoverished

orpainfultheymaybe.“Doyouseetheworldasaprisonoraplayground?”is

thekeyquestionMattJohnsontakesawayfromtheratparkexperiment.If

addictionrepresentsaradicalnarrowingofone’sperspectiveandbehaviorand

emotionalrepertoire,thepsychedelicjourneyhasthepotentialtoreversethat

constriction,openpeopleuptothepossibilityofchangebydisruptingand

enrichingtheirinteriorenvironment.

“Peoplecomeoutoftheseexperiencesseeingtheworldalittlemorelikea

playground.”

•••

ONEGOODWORDtodescribetheexperiencesofboththeApolloastronautsand

thevolunteersontheirpsilocybinjourneysis“awe,”ahumanemotionthatcan

perhapshelpweavetogetherthedisparatestrandsofpsychologicalinterpretation

proposedbythepsychedelicresearcherswithwhomIspoke.ItwasPeter

Hendricks,ayoungpsychologistattheUniversityofAlabamaconductingatrial

usingpsilocybintotreatcocaineaddicts,whofirstsuggestedtomethatthe

experienceofawemightofferthepsychologicalkeytoexplainthepowerof

psychedelicstoalterdeeplyrootedpatternsofbehavior.

“Peoplewhoareaddictedknowthey’reharmingthemselves—theirhealth,

theircareers,theirsocialwell-being—buttheyoftenfailtoseethedamagetheir

behaviorisdoingtoothers.”Addictionis,amongotherthings,aradicalformof

selfishness.Oneofthechallengesoftreatingtheaddictisgettinghimtobroaden

hisperspectivebeyondaconsumingself-interestinhisaddiction,thebehavior

thathascometodefinehisidentityandorganizehisdays.Awe,Hendricks

believes,hasthepowertodothis.

HendricksmentionedtheresearchofDacherKeltner,apsychologistat

Berkeleywhohappenstobeaclosefriend.“Keltnerbelievesthataweisa

fundamentalhumanemotion,onethatevolvedinusbecauseitpromotes

altruisticbehavior.Wearedescendantsofthosewhofoundtheexperienceof

aweblissful,becauseit’sadvantageousforthespeciestohaveanemotionthat

makesusfeelpartofsomethingmuchlargerthanourselves.”Thislargerentity

couldbethesocialcollective,natureasawhole,oraspiritworld,butitis

somethingsufficientlyoverpoweringtodwarfusandournarrowself-interest.

“Awepromotesasenseofthe‘smallself’thatdirectsourattentionawayfrom

theindividualtothegroupandthegreatergood.”

Keltner’slabatBerkeleyhasdoneacleverseriesofexperiments

demonstratingthatafterpeoplehavehadevenarelativelymodestexperienceof

awe,suchaslookingatsoaringtrees,they’remorelikelytocometothe

assistanceofothers.(Inthisexperiment,conductedinaeucalyptusgroveonthe

Berkeleycampus,volunteersspentaminutelookingeitheratthetreesoratthe

façadeofanearbybuilding.Thenaconfederatewalkedtowardtheparticipants

andstumbled,scatteringpensontheground.Bystanderswhohadlookedatthe

treesprovedmorelikelytocometoheraidthanthosewhohadlookedatthe

building.)Inanotherexperiment,Keltner’slabfoundthatifyouaskpeopleto

drawthemselvesbeforeandafterviewingawe-inspiringimagesofnature,the

after-aweself-portraitswilltakeupconsiderablylessspaceonthepage.An

experienceofaweappearstobeanexcellentantidoteforegotism.

“Wenowhaveapharmacologicalinterventionthatcanoccasiontruly

profoundexperiencesofawe,”Hendrickspointedout.Aweinapill.Fortheself-

obsessedaddict,“itcanbeblissfultofeelapartofsomethinglargerandgreater

thanthemselves,tofeelreconnectedtootherpeople”—totheweaveofsocial

andfamilyrelationsthataddictionreliablyfrays.“Veryoftentheycometo

recognizetheharmthey’redoingnotonlytothemselvesbuttolovedones.

That’swherethemotivationtochangeoftencomesfrom—arenewedsenseof

connectionandresponsibility,aswellasthepositivefeelingofbeingasmallself

inthepresenceofsomethinggreater.”

Theconceptofawe,Irealized,couldhelpconnectseveralofthedotsI’d

beencollectinginthecourseofmyjourneythroughthelandscapeofpsychedelic

therapy.Whetheraweisacauseoraneffectofthementalchangespsychedelics

sponsorisn’tentirelyclear.Buteitherway,awefiguresinmuchofthe

phenomenologyofpsychedelicconsciousness,includingthemystical

experience,theovervieweffect,self-transcendence,theenrichmentofourinner

environment,andeventhegenerationofnewmeanings.AsKeltnerhaswritten,

theoverwhelmingforceandthemysteryofawearesuchthattheexperience

can’treadilybeinterpretedaccordingtoouraccustomedframesofthought.By

rockingthoseconceptualframeworks,awehasthepowertochangeourminds.

Three:Depression

Somethingunexpectedhappenedwhen,earlyin2017,RolandGriffithsand

StephenRossbroughttheresultsoftheirclinicaltrialstotheFDA,hopingto

winapprovalforalarger,phase3trialofpsilocybinforcancerpatients.

Impressedbytheirdata—andseeminglyundeterredbytheuniquechallenges

posedbypsychedelicresearch,suchastheproblemofblinding,thecombining

oftherapyandmedicine,andthefactthatthedruginquestionisstillillegal—the

FDAstaffsurprisedtheresearchersbyaskingthemtoexpandtheirfocusand

ambition:totestwhetherpsilocybincouldbeusedtotreatthemuchlargerand

morepressingproblemofdepressioninthegeneralpopulation.Astheregulators

sawit,thedatacontainedastrongenough“signal”thatpsilocybincouldrelieve

depression;itwouldbeashamenottotesttheproposition,giventheenormityof

theneedandthelimitationsofthetherapiesnowavailable.RossandGriffiths

hadfocusedoncancerpatientsbecausetheythoughtitwouldbeeasiertowin

approvaltostudyacontrolledsubstanceinpeoplewhowerealreadyseriouslyill

ordying.Nowthegovernmentwastellingthemtoraisetheirsights.“Itwas

surreal,”Rosstoldme,twice,asherecountedthemeeting,stillsomewhat

stunnedattheresponseandoutcome.(TheFDAdeclinedtoconfirmordenythis

accountofthemeeting,explainingthatitdoesn’tcommentondrugsin

developmentorunderregulatoryreview.)

MuchthesamethinghappenedinEurope,when,in2016,researchers

approachedtheEuropeanMedicinesAgency(EMA)—theEuropeanUnion’s

drug-regulatingbody—seekingapprovaltousepsilocybininthetreatmentof

anxietyanddepressioninpatientswithlife-changingdiagnoses.“Existential

distress”isnotanofficialDSMdiagnosis,theregulatorspointedout,sothe

nationalhealthserviceswon’tcoverit.Butthere’sasignalherethatpsilocybin

couldbeusefulintreatingdepression,sowhydon’tyoudoabig,multisitetrial

forthat?

TheEMAwasrespondingnotonlytotheHopkinsandNYUdatabutalsoto

thesmall“feasibilitystudy”ofthepotentialofusingpsilocybintotreat

depressionthatRobinCarhart-HarrishaddirectedinDavidNutt’slabatImperial

College.Inthestudy,theinitialresultsofwhichappearedinLancetPsychiatry

in2016,researchersgavepsilocybintosixmenandsixwomensufferingfrom

“treatment-resistantdepression”—meaningtheyhadalreadytriedatleasttwo

treatmentswithoutsuccess.Therewasnocontrolgroup,soeveryoneknewheor

shewasgettingpsilocybin.

Afteraweek,allofthevolunteersshowedimprovementintheirsymptoms,

andtwo-thirdsofthemweredepression-free,insomecasesforthefirsttimein

years.Sevenofthetwelvevolunteersstillshowedsubstantialbenefitafterthree

months.Thestudywasexpandedtoincludeatotaloftwentyvolunteers;aftersix

months,sixremainedinremission,whiletheothershadrelapsedtoonedegree

oranother,suggestingthetreatmentmightneedtoberepeated.Thestudywas

modestinscaleandnotrandomized,butitdemonstratedthatpsilocybinwas

welltoleratedinthispopulation,withnoadverseevents,andmostofthe

subjectshadseenbenefitsthatweremarkedandrapid.*TheEMAwas

sufficientlyimpressedwiththedatatosuggestamuchlargertrialfortreatment-

resistantdepression,whichafflictsmorethan800,000peopleinEurope.(Thisis

outofatotalofsome40millionEuropeanswithdepressivedisorders,according

totheWorldHealthOrganization.)

RosalindWattswasayoungclinicalpsychologistworkingfortheNational

HealthServicewhenshereadanarticleaboutpsychedelictherapyintheNew

Yorker.*Theideathatyoumightactuallybeabletocurementalillnessrather

thanjustmanageitssymptomsinspiredhertowritetoRobinCarhart-Harris,

whohiredhertohelpoutwiththedepressionstudy,thelab’sfirstforayinto

clinicalresearch.Wattsguidedseveralsessionsandthenconductedqualitative

interviewswithallofthevolunteerssixmonthsaftertheirtreatments,hopingto

understandexactlyhowthepsychedelicsessionhadaffectedthem.

Watts’sinterviewsuncoveredtwo“master”themes.Thefirstwasthatthe

volunteersdepictedtheirdepressionforemostasastateof“disconnection,”

whetherfromotherpeople,theirearlierselves,theirsensesandfeelings,their

corebeliefsandspiritualvalues,ornature.Severalreferredtolivingin“amental

prison,”otherstobeing“stuck”inendlesscirclesofruminationtheylikenedto

mental“gridlock.”IwasremindedofCarhart-Harris’shypothesisthatdepression

mightbetheresultofanoveractivedefaultmodenetwork—thesiteinthebrain

whereruminationappearstotakeplace.

TheImperialdepressivesalsofeltdisconnectedfromtheirsenses.“Iwould

lookatorchids,”onetoldWatts,“andintellectuallyunderstandthattherewas

beauty,butnotexperienceit.”

Formostofthevolunteers,thepsilocybinexperiencehadsprungthemfrom

theirmentaljails,ifonlytemporarily.Onewomaninthestudytoldmethatthe

monthfollowinghersessionwasthefirsttimeshehadbeenfreefromdepression

since1991.Othersdescribedsimilarexperiences:

“Itwaslikeaholidayawayfromtheprisonofmybrain.Ifeltfree,carefree,

reenergized.”

“Itwaslikethelightswitchbeingturnedoninadarkhouse.”

“You’renotimmersedinthoughtpatterns;theconcretecoathascomeoff.”

“Itwaslikewhenyoudefragtheharddriveonyourcomputer...Ithought,

‘Mybrainisbeingdefragged,howbrilliantisthat!’”

Formanyofthevolunteers,thesechangesintheexperienceoftheirown

mindspersisted:

“Mymindworksdifferently.Iruminatemuchless,andmythoughtsfeel

ordered,contextualized.”

Severalreportedreconnectingtotheirsenses:

“Aveildroppedfrommyeyes,thingsweresuddenlyclear,glowing,bright.I

lookedatplantsandfelttheirbeauty.Icanstilllookatmyorchidsandfeelthat:

thatisonethingthathasreallylasted.”

Somereconnectedtothemselves:

“Ihadanexperienceoftendernesstowardmyself.”

“Atitsmostbasic,IfeellikeIusedtobeforethedepression.”

Othersreconnectedtootherpeople:

“Iwastalkingtostrangers.Ihadthesefulllongconversationswith

everybodyIcameintocontactwith.”

“Iwouldlookatpeopleonthestreetandthink,‘Howinterestingweare’—I

feltconnectedtothemall.”

Andtonature:

“Before,Ienjoyednature;nowIfeelpartofit.BeforeIwaslookingatitasa

thing,likeTVorpainting.You’repartofit,there’snoseparationordistinction,

youareit.”

“Iwaseverybody,unity,onelifewith6billionfaces.Iwastheoneaskingfor

loveandgivinglove,Iwasswimminginthesea,andtheseawasme.”

Thesecondmasterthemewasanewaccesstodifficultemotions,emotions

thatdepressionoftenbluntsorclosesdowncompletely.Wattshypothesizesthat

thedepressedpatient’sincessantruminationconstrictshisorheremotional

repertoire.Inothercases,thedepressivekeepsemotionsatbaybecauseitistoo

painfultoexperiencethem.

Thisisespeciallytrueincasesofchildhoodtrauma.Wattsputmeintouch

withathirty-nine-year-oldmaninthestudy,amusicjournalistnamedIan

Rouiller,who,alongwithhisoldersister,hadbeenabusedbyhisfatherasa

child.Asadults,thesiblingsbroughtchargesagainsttheirfatherthatputhimin

jailforseveralyears,butthishadn’trelievedthedepressionthathastrailedIan

formostofhislife.

“Icanrememberthemomentwhenthehorriblecloudfirstcameoverme.It

wasinthefamilyroomofapubcalledtheFightingCocksinSt.Albans.Iwas

ten.”Antidepressantshelpedforawhile,but“puttingtheplasteroverthewound

doesn’thealanything.”Onpsilocybin,hewasableforthefirsttimetoconfront

hislifelongpain—andhisfather.

“Normally,whenDadcomesupinmyhead,Ijustpushthethoughtaway.But

thistimeIwenttheotherway.”Hisguidehadtoldhimheshould“goinand

through”anyfrighteningmaterialthataroseduringhisjourney.

“SothistimeIlookedhimintheeye.Thatwasareallybigthingforme,to

literallyfacethedemon.Andtherehewas.Buthewasahorse!Amilitaryhorse

standingonitshindlegs,dressedinamilitaryoutfitwithahelmet,andholdinga

gun.Itwasterrifying,andIwantedtopushtheimageaside,butIdidn’t.Inand

through:Instead,Ilookedthehorseintheeyes—andpromptlystartedtolaugh,

itwassoridiculous.

“That’swhenwhathadbeenabadtripreallyturned.NowIhadeverysortof

emotion,positive,negative,itdidn’tmatter.Ithoughtaboutthe[Syrian]refugees

inCalaisandstartedcryingforthem,andIsawthateveryemotionisasvalidas

anyother.Youdon’tcherry-pickhappinessandenjoyment,theso-calledgood

emotions;itwasokaytohavenegativethoughts.That’slife.Forme,tryingto

resistemotionsjustamplifiedthem.OnceIwasinthisstate,itwasbeautiful—a

feelingofdeepcontentment.Ihadthisoverwhelmingfeeling—itwasn’tevena

thought—thateverythingandeveryoneneedstobeapproachedwithlove,

includingmyself.”

Ianenjoyedseveralmonthsofrelieffromhisdepressionaswellasanew

perspectiveonhislife—somethingnoantidepressanthadevergivenhim.“Like

GoogleEarth,Ihadzoomedout,”hetoldWattsinhissix-monthinterview.For

severalweeksafterhissession,“Iwasabsolutelyconnectedtomyself,toevery

livingthing,totheuniverse.”Eventually,Ian’sovervieweffectfaded,however,

andheendedupbackonZoloft.

“Thesheenandshinethatlifeandexistencehadregainedimmediatelyafter

thetrialandforseveralweeksaftergraduallyfaded,”hewroteoneyearlater.

“TheinsightsIgainedduringthetrialhaveneverleftandwillneverleaveme.

Buttheynowfeelmorelikeideas,”hesays.Hesayshe’sdoingbetterthan

beforeandhasbeenabletoholddownajob,buthisdepressionhasreturned.He

toldmehewisheshecouldhaveanotherpsilocybinsessionatImperial.Because

that’scurrentlynotanoption,he’llsometimesmeditateandlistentotheplaylist

fromhissession.“Thatreallydoeshelpputmebackinthatplace.”

MorethanhalfoftheImperialvolunteerssawthecloudsoftheirdepression

eventuallyreturn,soitseemslikelythatpsychedelictherapyfordepression,

shoulditproveusefulandbeapproved,willnotbeaonetimeintervention.But

eventhetemporaryrespitethevolunteersregardedasprecious,becauseit

remindedthemtherewasanotherwaytobethatwasworthworkingtorecapture.

Likeelectroconvulsivetherapyfordepression,whichitinsomewaysresembles,

psychedelictherapyisashocktothesystem—a“reboot”or“defragging”—that

mayneedtoberepeatedeverysooften.(Assumingthetreatmentworksaswell

whenrepeated.)Butthepotentialofthetherapyhasregulatorsandresearchers

andmuchofthementalhealthcommunityfeelinghopeful.

“Ibelievethiscouldrevolutionizementalhealthcare,”Wattstoldme.Her

convictionissharedbyeveryotherpsychedelicresearcherIinterviewed.

•••

“IFMANYREMEDIESareprescribedforanillness,”wroteAntonChekhov,who

wasaphysicianaswellasawriter,“youmaybecertainthattheillnesshasno

cure.”ButwhataboutthereverseofChekhov’sstatement?Whatarewetomake

ofasingleremedybeingprescribedforagreatmanyillnesses?Howcoulditbe

thatpsychedelictherapymightbehelpfulfordisordersasdifferentas

depression,addiction,theanxietyofthecancerpatient,nottomention

obsessive-compulsivedisorder(aboutwhichtherehasbeenoneencouraging

study)andeatingdisorders(whichHopkinsnowplanstostudy)?

Weshouldn’tforgetthatirrationalexuberancehasafflictedpsychedelic

researchsincethebeginning,andthebeliefthatthesemoleculesareapanacea

forwhateverailsusisatleastasoldasTimothyLeary.Itcouldwellbethatthe

currententhusiasmwilleventuallygivewaytoamoremodestassessmentof

theirpotential.Newtreatmentsalwayslookshiniestandmostpromisingatthe

beginning.Inearlystudieswithsmallsamples,theresearchers,whoareusually

biasedinfavoroffindinganeffect,havetheluxuryofselectingthevolunteers

mostlikelytorespond.Becausetheirnumberissosmall,thesevolunteers

benefitfromthecareandattentionofexceptionallywell-trainedanddedicated

therapists,whoarealsobiasedinfavorofsuccess.Also,theplaceboeffectis

usuallystrongestinanewmedicineandtendstofadeovertime,asobservedin

thecaseofantidepressants;theydon’tworknearlyaswelltodayastheydid

upontheirintroductioninthe1980s.Noneofthesepsychedelictherapieshave

yetproventhemselvestoworkinlargepopulations;whatsuccesseshavebeen

reportedshouldbetakenaspromisingsignalsstandingoutfromthenoiseof

data,ratherthanasdefinitiveproofsofcure.

Yetthefactthatpsychedelicshaveproducedsuchasignalacrossarangeof

indicationscanbeinterpretedinamorepositivelight.Whenasingleremedyis

prescribedforagreatmanyillnesses,toparaphraseChekhov,itcouldmean

thoseillnessesaremorealikethanwe’reaccustomedtothink.Ifatherapy

containsanimplicittheoryofthedisorderitpurportstoremedy,whatmightthe

factthatpsychedelictherapyseemstoaddresssomanyindicationshavetotell

usaboutwhatthosedisordersmighthaveincommon?Andaboutmentalillness

ingeneral?

IputthisquestiontoTomInsel,theformerheadoftheNationalInstituteof

MentalHealth.“Itdoesn’tsurprisemeatall”thatthesametreatmentshould

showpromiseforsomanyindications.HepointsoutthattheDSM—the

DiagnosticandStatisticalManualofMentalDisorders,nowinitsfifthedition

—drawssomewhatarbitrarylinesbetweenmentaldisorders,linesthatshiftwith

eachnewedition.

“TheDSMcategorieswehavedon’treflectreality,”Inselsaid;theyexistfor

theconvenienceoftheinsuranceindustryasmuchasanythingelse.“There’s

muchmoreofacontinuumbetweenthesedisordersthantheDSMrecognizes.”

HepointstothefactthatSSRIs,whentheywork,areusefulfortreatingarange

ofconditionsbesidesdepression,includinganxietyandobsessive-compulsive

disorder,suggestingtheexistenceofsomecommonunderlyingmechanism.

AndrewSolomon,inhisbookTheNoondayDemon:AnAtlasofDepression,

tracesthelinksbetweenaddictionanddepression,whichfrequentlyco-occur,as

wellastheintimaterelationshipbetweendepressionandanxiety.Hequotesan

expertonanxietywhosuggestsweshouldthinkofthetwodisordersas

“fraternaltwins”:“Depressionisaresponsetopastloss,andanxietyisa

responsetofutureloss.”Bothreflectamindmiredinrumination,onedwelling

onthepast,theotherworryingaboutthefuture.Whatmainlydistinguishesthe

twodisordersistheirtense.

Ahandfulofresearchersinthementalhealthfieldseemtobegropingtoward

agrandunifiedtheoryofmentalillness,thoughtheywouldnotbesoarrogantas

tocallitthat.DavidKessler,thephysicianandformerheadoftheFDA,recently

publishedabookcalledCapture:UnravelingtheMysteryofMentalSuffering

thatmakesthecaseforsuchanapproach.“Capture”ishistermforthecommon

mechanismunderlyingaddiction,depression,anxiety,mania,andobsession;in

hisview,allthesedisordersinvolvelearnedhabitsofnegativethinkingand

behaviorthathijackourattentionandtrapusinloopsofself-reflection.“What

startedasapleasurebecomesaneed;whatwasonceabadmoodbecomes

continuousself-indictment;whatwasonceanannoyancebecomespersecution,”

inaprocesshedescribesasaformof“inverselearning.”“Everytimewe

respond[toastimulus],westrengthentheneuralcircuitrythatpromptsusto

repeat”thesamedestructivethoughtsorbehaviors.

Coulditbethatthescienceofpsychedelicshasacontributiontomaketothe

developmentofagrandunifiedtheoryofmentalillness—oratleastofsome

mentalillnesses?Mostoftheresearchersinthefield—fromRobinCarhart-

HarristoRolandGriffiths,MatthewJohnson,andJeffreyGuss—havebecome

convincedthatpsychedelicsoperateonsomehigher-ordermechanismsinthe

brainandmind,mechanismsthatmayunderlie,andhelpexplain,awidevariety

ofmentalandbehavioraldisorders,aswellas,perhaps,garden-variety

unhappiness.

Itcouldbeasstraightforwardasthenotionofa“mentalreboot”—Matt

Johnson’sbiologicalcontrol-alt-deletekey—thatjoltsthebrainoutof

destructivepatterns(suchasKessler’s“capture”),affordinganopportunityfor

newpatternstotakeroot.Itcouldbethat,asFranzVollenweiderhas

hypothesized,psychedelicsenhanceneuroplasticity.Themyriadnew

connectionsthatspringupinthebrainduringthepsychedelicexperience,as

mappedbytheneuroimagingdoneatImperialCollege,andthedisintegrationof

well-traveledoldconnections,mayservesimplyto“shakethesnowglobe,”in

RobinCarhart-Harris’sphrase,apredicateforestablishingnewpathways.

MendelKaelen,aDutchpostdocintheImperiallab,proposesamore

extendedsnowmetaphor:“Thinkofthebrainasahillcoveredinsnow,and

thoughtsassledsglidingdownthathill.Asonesledafteranothergoesdownthe

hill,asmallnumberofmaintrailswillappearinthesnow.Andeverytimeanew

sledgoesdown,itwillbedrawnintothepreexistingtrails,almostlikea

magnet.”Thosemaintrailsrepresentthemostwell-traveledneuralconnections

inyourbrain,manyofthempassingthroughthedefaultmodenetwork.“Intime,

itbecomesmoreandmoredifficulttoglidedownthehillonanyotherpathorin

adifferentdirection.

“Thinkofpsychedelicsastemporarilyflatteningthesnow.Thedeeplyworn

trailsdisappear,andsuddenlythesledcangoinotherdirections,exploringnew

landscapesand,literally,creatingnewpathways.”Whenthesnowisfreshest,the

mindismostimpressionable,andtheslightestnudge—whetherfromasongor

anintentionoratherapist’ssuggestion—canpowerfullyinfluenceitsfuture

course.

RobinCarhart-Harris’stheoryoftheentropicbrainrepresentsapromising

elaborationonthisgeneralidea,andafirststabataunifiedtheoryofmental

illnessthathelpsexplainallthreeofthedisorderswe’veexaminedinthese

pages.Ahappybrainisasuppleandflexiblebrain,hebelieves;depression,

anxiety,obsession,andthecravingsofaddictionarehowitfeelstohaveabrain

thathasbecomeexcessivelyrigidorfixedinitspathwaysandlinkages—abrain

withmoreorderthanisgoodforit.Onthespectrumhelaysout(inhisentropic

brainarticle)rangingfromexcessiveordertoexcessiveentropy,depression,

addiction,anddisordersofobsessionallfallonthetoo-much-orderend.

(Psychosisisontheentropyendofthespectrum,whichiswhyitprobably

doesn’trespondtopsychedelictherapy.)

Thetherapeuticvalueofpsychedelics,inCarhart-Harris’sview,liesintheir

abilitytotemporarilyelevateentropyintheinflexiblebrain,joltingthesystem

outofitsdefaultpatterns.Carhart-Harrisusesthemetaphorofannealingfrom

metallurgy:psychedelicsintroduceenergyintothesystem,givingitthe

flexibilitynecessaryforittobendandsochange.TheHopkinsresearchersusea

similarmetaphortomakethesamepoint:psychedelictherapycreatesaninterval

ofmaximumplasticityinwhich,withproperguidance,newpatternsofthought

andbehaviorcanbelearned.

Allthesemetaphorsforbrainactivityarejustthat—metaphors—andnotthe

thingitself.Yettheneuroimagingoftrippingbrainsthat’sbeendoneatImperial

College(andthathassincebeenreplicatedinseveralotherlabsusingnotonly

psilocybinbutalsoLSDandayahuasca)hasidentifiedmeasurablechangesin

thebrainthatlendcredencetothesemetaphors.Inparticular,thechangesin

activityandconnectivityinthedefaultmodenetworkonpsychedelicssuggestit

maybepossibletolinkthefeltexperienceofcertaintypesofmentalsuffering

withsomethingobservable—andalterable—inthebrain.Ifthedefaultmode

networkdoeswhatneuroscientiststhinkitdoes,thenaninterventionthattargets

thatnetworkhasthepotentialtohelprelieveseveralformsofmentalillness,

includingthehandfulofdisorderspsychedelicresearchershavetrialedsofar.

SomanyofthevolunteersIspoketo,whetheramongthedying,theaddicted,

orthedepressed,describedfeelingmentally“stuck,”capturedinruminative

loopstheyfeltpowerlesstobreak.Theytalkedabout“prisonsoftheself,”

spiralsofobsessiveintrospectionthatwallthemofffromotherpeople,nature,

theirearlierselves,andthepresentmoment.Allthesethoughtsandfeelingsmay

betheproductsofanoveractivedefaultmodenetwork,thattightlylinkedsetof

brainstructuresimplicatedinrumination,self-referentialthought,and

metacognition—thinkingaboutthinking.Itstandstoreasonthatbyquietingthe

brainnetworkresponsibleforthinkingaboutourselves,andthinkingabout

thinkingaboutourselves,wemightbeabletojumpthattrack,oreraseitfrom

thesnow.

Thedefaultmodenetworkappearstobetheseatnotonlyoftheego,orself,

butofthementalfacultyoftimetravelaswell.Thetwoareofcourseclosely

related:withouttheabilitytorememberourpastandimagineafuture,thenotion

ofacoherentselfcouldhardlybesaidtoexist;wedefineourselveswith

referencetoourpersonalhistoryandfutureobjectives.(Asmeditatorseventually

discover,ifwecanmanagetostopthinkingaboutthepastorfutureandsinkinto

thepresent,theselfseemstodisappear.)Mentaltimetravelisconstantlytaking

usoffthefrontierofthepresentmoment.Thiscanbehighlyadaptive;itallows

ustolearnfromthepastandplanforthefuture.Butwhentimetravelturns

obsessive,itfostersthebackward-lookinggazeofdepressionandtheforward

pitchofanxiety.Addiction,too,seemstoinvolveuncontrollabletimetravel.The

addictuseshishabittoorganizetime:Whenwasthelasthit,andwhencanIget

thenext?

Tosaythedefaultmodenetworkistheseatoftheselfisnotasimple

proposition,especiallywhenyouconsiderthattheselfmaynotbeexactlyreal.

Yetwecansaythereisasetofmentaloperations,timetravelamongthem,that

areassociatedwiththeself.Thinkofitsimplyasthelocusofthisparticularset

ofmentalactivities,manyofwhichappeartohavetheirhomeinthestructures

ofthedefaultmodenetwork.

AnothertypeofmentalactivitythatneuroimaginghaslocatedintheDMN

(andspecificallyintheposteriorcingulatecortex)istheworkperformedbythe

so-calledautobiographicalorexperientialself:thementaloperationresponsible

forthenarrativesthatlinkourfirstpersontotheworld,andsohelpdefineus.

“ThisiswhoIam.”“Idon’tdeservetobeloved.”“I’mthekindofperson

withoutthewillpowertobreakthisaddiction.”Gettingoverlyattachedtothese

narratives,takingthemasfixedtruthsaboutourselvesratherthanasstories

subjecttorevision,contributesmightilytoaddiction,depression,andanxiety.

Psychedelictherapyseemstoweakenthegripofthesenarratives,perhapsby

temporarilydisintegratingthepartsofthedefaultmodenetworkwherethey

operate.

Andthenthereistheego,perhapsthemostformidablecreationofthedefault

modenetwork,whichstrivestodefendusfromthreatsbothinternaland

external.Whenallisworkingasitshouldbe,theegokeepstheorganismon

track,helpingittorealizeitsgoalsandprovideforitsneeds,notablyforsurvival

andreproduction.Itgetsthejobdone.Butitisalsofundamentallyconservative.

“Theegokeepsusinourgrooves,”asMattJohnsonputsit.Forbetterand,

sometimes,forworse.Foroccasionallytheegocanbecometyrannicalandturn

itsformidablepowersontherestofus.*Perhapsthisisthelinkbetweenthe

variousformsofmentalillnessthatpsychedelictherapyseemstohelpmost:all

involveadisorderedego—overbearing,punishing,ormisdirected.*

Inacollegecommencementaddresshedeliveredthreeyearsbeforehis

suicide,DavidFosterWallaceaskedhisaudienceto“thinkoftheoldcliché

about‘themindbeinganexcellentservantbutaterriblemaster.’This,likemany

clichés,solameandunexcitingonthesurface,actuallyexpressesagreatand

terribletruth,”hesaid.

“Itisnottheleastbitcoincidentalthatadultswhocommitsuicidewith

firearmsalmostalwaysshootthemselvesinthehead.Theyshoottheterrible

master.”

•••

OFALLTHEPHENOMENOLOGICALEFFECTSthatpeopleonpsychedelicsreport,the

dissolutionoftheegoseemstomebyfarthemostimportantandthemost

therapeutic.IfoundlittleconsensusonterminologyamongtheresearchersI

interviewed,butwhenIunpacktheirmetaphorsandvocabularies—whether

spiritual,humanistic,psychoanalytic,orneurological—itisfinallythelossof

egoorself(whatJungcalled“psychicdeath”)they’resuggestingisthekey

psychologicaldriveroftheexperience.Itisthisthatgivesusthemystical

experience,thedeathrehearsalprocess,theovervieweffect,thenotionofa

mentalreboot,themakingofnewmeanings,andtheexperienceofawe.

Considerthecaseofthemysticalexperience:thesenseoftranscendence,

sacredness,unitiveconsciousness,infinitude,andblissfulnesspeoplereportcan

allbeexplainedaswhatitcanfeelliketoamindwhenitssenseofbeing,or

having,aseparateselfissuddenlynomore.

Isitanywonderwewouldfeelonewiththeuniversewhentheboundaries

betweenselfandworldthattheegopatrolssuddenlyfallaway?Becauseweare

meaning-makingcreatures,ourmindsstrivetocomeupwithnewstoriesto

explainwhatishappeningtothemduringtheexperience.Someofthesestories

areboundtobesupernaturalor“spiritual,”ifonlybecausethephenomenaareso

extraordinarytheycan’tbeeasilyexplainedintermsofourusualconceptual

categories.Thepredictivebrainisgettingsomanyerrorsignalsthatitisforced

todevelopextravagantnewinterpretationsofanexperiencethattranscendsits

capacityforunderstanding.

Whetherthemostmagnificentofthesestoriesrepresentaregressionto

magicalthinking,asFreudbelieved,oraccesstotranspersonalrealmssuchas

the“MindatLarge,”asHuxleybelieved,isitselfamatterofinterpretation.Who

cansayforcertain?Yetitseemstomeverylikelythatlosingorshrinkingthe

selfwouldmakeanyonefeelmore“spiritual,”howeveryouchoosetodefinethe

word,andthatthisisapttomakeonefeelbetter.

Theusualantonymfortheword“spiritual”is“material.”Thatatleastiswhat

IbelievedwhenIbeganthisinquiry—thatthewholeissuewithspirituality

turnedonaquestionofmetaphysics.NowI’minclinedtothinkamuchbetter

andcertainlymoreusefulantonymfor“spiritual”mightbe“egotistical.”Self

andSpiritdefinetheoppositeendsofaspectrum,butthatspectrumneedn’t

reachcleartotheheavenstohavemeaningforus.Itcanstayrighthereonearth.

Whentheegodissolves,sodoesaboundedconceptionnotonlyofourselfbutof

ourself-interest.Whatemergesinitsplaceisinvariablyabroader,more

openheartedandaltruistic—thatis,morespiritual—ideaofwhatmattersinlife.

Oneinwhichanewsenseofconnection,orlove,howeverdefined,seemsto

figureprominently.

“Thepsychedelicjourneymaynotgiveyouwhatyouwant,”asmorethan

oneguidememorablywarnedme,“butitwillgiveyouwhatyouneed.”Iguess

that’sbeentrueforme.ItmighthavebeennothingliketheoneIsignedupfor,

butIcanseenowthatthejourneyhasbeenaspiritualeducationafterall.

Coda:GoingtoMeetMyDefaultModeNetwork

Igottheopportunity—anon-pharmacologicalopportunity—topeerintomyown

defaultmodenetworksoonafterIinterviewedJudsonBrewer,thepsychiatrist

andneuroscientistwhostudiesthebrainsofmeditators.ItwasBrewer,you’ll

recall,whodiscoveredthatthebrainsofexperiencedmeditatorslookmuchlike

thebrainsofpeopleonpsilocybin:thepracticeandthemedicineboth

dramaticallyreduceactivityinthedefaultmodenetwork.

BrewerinvitedmetovisithislabattheCenterforMindfulnessatthe

UniversityofMassachusettsmedicalschoolinWorcestertorunsome

experimentsonmyowndefaultmodenetwork.Hislabhasdevelopedaneural

feedbacktoolthatallowsresearchers(andtheirvolunteers)toobserveinreal

timetheactivityinoneofthekeybrainstructuresinthedefaultmodenetwork:

theposteriorcingulatecortex.

UntilnowIhavetriedtospareyouthenamesandfunctionsofspecificparts

ofbrainanatomy,butIdoneedtodescribethisoneinabitmoredetail.The

posteriorcingulatecortexisacentrallylocatednodewithinthedefaultmode

networkinvolvedinself-referentialmentalprocesses.Situatedinthemiddleof

thebrain,itlinkstheprefrontalcortex—siteofourexecutivefunction,wherewe

planandexercisewill—withthecentersofmemoryandemotioninthe

hippocampus.ThePCCisbelievedtobethelocusoftheexperientialor

narrativeself;itappearstogeneratethenarrativesthatlinkwhathappenstousto

ourabidingsenseofwhoweare.Brewerbelievesthatthisparticularoperation,

whenitgoesawry,isattherootofseveralformsofmentalsuffering,including

addiction.

AsBrewerexplainsit,activityinthePCCiscorrelatednotsomuchwithour

thoughtsandfeelingsaswith“howwerelatetoourthoughtsandfeelings.”Itis

whereweget“caughtupinthepushandpullofourexperience.”(Thishas

particularrelevancefortheaddict:“It’sonethingtohavecravings,”asBrewer

pointsout,“butquiteanothertogetcaughtupinyourcravings.”)Whenwetake

somethingthathappenstouspersonally?That’sthePCCdoingits(egotistical)

thing.TohearBrewerdescribeitistosuspectneurosciencemighthaveatlast

foundtheaddressforthe“Butenoughaboutyou”centerofthebrain.

Buddhistsbelievethatattachmentisattherootofallformsofmental

suffering;iftheneuroscienceisright,alotoftheseattachmentshavetheir

mooringinthePCC,wheretheyarenurturedandsustained.Brewerthinksthat

bydiminishingitsactivity,whetherbymeansofmeditationorpsychedelics,we

canlearn“tobewithourthoughtsandcravingswithoutgettingcaughtupin

them.”Achievingsuchadetachmentfromourthoughts,feelings,anddesiresis

whatBuddhism(alongwithseveralotherwisdomtraditions)teachesisthesurest

pathoutofhumansuffering.

Brewertookmeintoasmall,darkenedroomwhereacomfortablechairfaced

acomputermonitor.Oneofhislaboratoryassistantsbroughtinthecontraption:

aredrubberbathingcapwith128sensorsarrayedinadensegridacrossevery

centimeterofitssurface.Eachofthesensorswaslinkedtoacable.Afterthe

assistantcarefullyfittedthecapontomyskull,shesquirtedadabofconductive

gelbeneatheachofthe128electrodestoensurethefaintelectricalsignals

emanatingfromdeepwithinmybraincouldreadilytraversemyscalp.Brewer

tookapictureofmeonmyphone:Ihadsproutedagoofytangleofhigh-tech

dreadlocks.

TocalibrateabaselinelevelofactivityformyPCC,Brewerprojectedaseries

ofadjectivesonthescreen—“courageous,”“cheap,”“patriotic,”“impulsive,”

andsoon.SimplyreadingthelistdoesnothingtoactivatethePCC,whichis

whyhetoldmenowtothinkabouthowtheseadjectiveseitherappliedordidn’t

applytome.Takeitpersonally,inotherwords.Thisispreciselythethought

processthatthePCCexiststoperform,relatingthoughtsandexperiencestoour

senseofwhoweare.

Oncehehadestablishedabaseline,Brewer,fromanotherroom,ledme

throughaseriesofexercisestoseeifIcouldaltertheactivityofmyPCCby

thinkingdifferentkindsofthoughts.Atthecompletionofeach“run”—lastinga

fewminutes—hewouldprojectabargraphonthescreeninfrontofme;the

lengthofeachbarindicatestowhatextenttheactivityinmyPCChadexceeded

ordroppedbelowbaseline,inten-secondincrements.Icouldalsofollowtheups

anddownsofmyPCCactivitybylisteningtorisingandfallingtonesona

monitor,butIfoundthattoodistracting.

Ibeganbytryingtomeditate,somethingI’dgottenintothehabitofdoing

earlyinmyforayintothescienceandpracticeofpsychedelicconsciousness.A

briefdailymeditationhadbecomeawayformetostayintouchwiththekindof

thinkingI’ddoneonpsychedelics.Idiscoveredmytripshadmadeiteasierfor

metodropintoamentallyquietplace,somethingthatinthepasthadalways

eludedme.SoIclosedmyeyesandbegantofollowmybreath.Ihadnevertried

tomeditateinfrontofotherpeople,anditfeltawkward,butwhenBrewerput

thegraphuponthescreen,IcouldseethatIhadsucceededinquietingmyPCC

—notbyalot,butmostofthebarsdippedbelowbaseline.Yetthegraphwas

somewhatjagged,withseveralbarsleapingabovebaseline.Brewerexplained

thatthisiswhathappenswhenyou’retryingtoohardtomeditateandbecome

consciousoftheeffort.Thereitwasinblackandwhite:thegraphofmy

effortfulnessandself-criticism.

NextBreweraskedmetodoa“loving-kindness”meditation.Thisisone

whereyou’resupposedtocloseyoureyesandthinkwarmandcharitable

thoughtsaboutpeople:firstyourself,thenthoseclosesttoyou,andfinally

peopleyoudon’tknow—humanityatlarge.Thebarsdroppedsmartlybelow

baseline,deeperthanbefore:Iwasgoodatthis!(Aself-congratulatorythought

thatnodoubtshotabarskyward.)

Forthenextandlastrun,ItoldBrewerIhadanideaforamentalexerciseI

wantedtotrybutdidn’twanttotellhimwhatitwasuntilafterward.Iclosedmy

eyesandtriedtosummonscenesfrommypsychedelicjourneys.Theonethat

cametomindfirstwasanimageofapastorallandscape,agentlyrollingquiltof

fieldandforestandpond,directlyabovewhichhoveredsomekindofgigantic

rectangularframemadeofsteel.Thestructure,whichwasafewstoriestallbut

hollow,resembledapylonforelectricaltransmissionlinesorsomethingakid

mightbuildfromanErectorset—afavoritetoyofmychildhood.Anyway,by

theoddlogicofpsychedelicexperience,itwascleartomeeveninthemoment

thatthisstructurerepresentedmyego,andthelandscapeabovewhichitloomed

was,Ipresumed,therestofme.

Thedescriptionmakesitsoundasthoughthestructureweremenacing,

hoveringoverheadlikeaUFO,butinfacttheemotionaltoneoftheimagewas

mostlybenign.Thestructurehadrevealeditselfasemptyandsuperfluousand

hadlostitspurchaseontheground—onme.Thescenehadgivenmeakindof

overvieweffect:beholdyourego,sturdy,gray,empty,andfloatingfree,likean

untetheredpylon.Considerhowmuchmorebeautifulthescenewouldbewereit

notintheway.Thephrase“child’splay”loopedinmymind:thestructurewas

nothingmorethanatoythatachildcouldassembleanddisassembleatwill.

Duringthetripthestructurecontinuedtoloom,castinganintricateshadowover

thescene,butnowinmyrecollectionIcouldpictureitdriftingoff,leaving

me...tobe.

Whoknowswhatkindsofelectricalsignalswereleakingfrommydefault

modenetworkduringthisreverie,orforthatmatterwhattheimagesymbolized.

You’vereadthischapter:obviously,I’vebeengivingalotofthoughttotheego

anditsdiscontents.Herewassomeofthatthinkingrenderedstarklyvisible.I

hadsucceededindetachingmyselffrommyego,atleastimaginatively,

somethingIwouldneverhavethoughtpossiblebeforepsychedelics.Aren’twe

identicalwithourego?What’sleftofuswithoutit?Thelessonofboth

psychedelicsandmeditationisthesame:No!onthefirstcount,andMorethan

enoughonthesecond.Includingthislovelylandscapeofthemind,which

becamelovelierstillwhenIletthatridiculoussteelstructurefloataway,taking

itsshadowwithit.

Abeepindicatedtherunwasover.Brewer’svoicecameontheloudspeaker:

“Whatintheworldwereyouthinking?”Apparently,I’ddroppedwaybelow

baseline.Itoldhim,ingeneralterms.Hesoundedexcitedbytheideathatthe

mererecollectionofapsychedelicexperiencemightsomehowreplicatewhat

happensinthebrainduringtherealthing.Maybethat’swhatwasgoingon.Or

maybeitwasthespecificcontentoftheimage,andthemerethoughtofbidding

adieutomyego,watchingitfloatawaylikeahot-airballoon,thathadthepower

tosilencemydefaultmodenetwork.

Brewerstartedspoutinghypotheses.Whichisreallyallthatsciencecanoffer

usatthispoint:hunches,theories,somanymoreexperimentstotry.Wehave

plentyofclues,andmorenowthanbeforetherenaissanceofpsychedelic

science,butweremainalongwayfromunderstandingexactlywhathappensto

consciousnesswhenwealterit,eitherwithamoleculeorwithmeditation.Yet

gazingatthebarsonthegraphbeforeme,thesecrudehieroglyphsof

psychedelicthought,IfeltasifIwerestandingontheedgeofawide-open

frontier,squintingtomakeoutsomethingwondrous.

EPILOGUE

InPraiseofNeuralDiversity

INAPRIL2017,theinternationalpsychedeliccommunitygatheredintheOakland

ConventionCenterforPsychedelicScience,anevery-few-years-or-soevent

organizedbyMAPS,theMultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelicStudies,

thenonprofitestablishedbyRickDoblinin1986withtheimprobablegoalof

returningpsychedelicstoscientificandculturalrespectability.In2016,Doblin

himselfseemedstunnedathowfarandfastthingshadcomeandhowcloseto

handvictorynowseemed.Earlierintheyear,theFDAhadapprovedphase3

trialsofMDMA,andpsilocybinwasnotfarbehind.Iftheresultsofthesetrials

comeanywherenearthoseofphase2,thegovernmentwillpresumablyhaveto

reschedulethetwodrugs,andthendoctorswillbeabletoprescribethem.“We

arenotthecounterculture,”Doblintoldareporterduringtheconference.“We

aretheculture.”

Whathadbeenasrecentlyas2010amodestgatheringofpsychonautsanda

handfulofrenegaderesearcherswasnowasix-dayconvention-cum-conference

thathaddrawnmorethanthreethousandpeoplefromallovertheworldtohear

researchersfromtwenty-fivecountriespresenttheirfindings.Notthatthere

weren’talsoplentyofpsychonautsandlegionsofthepsychedelicallycurious.

Betweenthelecturesandpanelsandplenaries,theybrowsedasprawling

marketplaceofferingpsychedelicbooks,psychedelicartwork,andpsychedelic

music.

Forme,theeventturnedouttobeakindofreunion,bringingtogethermost

ofthecharactersinmystoryunderoneroof.Iwasabletocatchupwithvirtually

allthescientistsI’dinterviewed(thoughRobinCarhart-Harris,withababyon

theway,hadtoskip),aswellasseveraloftheundergroundguideswithwhom

I’dworked.

Everyone,itseemed,washere,scientistsrubbingshoulderswithguidesand

shamans,veteranpsychonauts,alargecontingentoftherapistseagertoadd

psychedelicstotheirpractice,plusfundersandfilmmakersandevena

smatteringofentrepreneurssniffingoutbusinessopportunities.AndalthoughI

pickedupsnippetsofconcernaboutthenewattorneygeneral’seffortsto

rekindlethedrugwar,onthewholethemoodwasunmistakablycelebratory.

WhenIaskedconferencegoerswhichsessiontheydeemedmostmemorable,

almostinvariablytheymentionedtheplenarypanelcalled“Futureof

PsychedelicPsychiatry.”Whatwasmostnoteworthyaboutthispanelwasthe

identityofthepanelists,which,atapsychedelicconvention,wascausefor

cognitivedissonance.HerewasPaulSummergrad,MD,theformerheadofthe

AmericanPsychiatricAssociation,seatednexttoTomInsel,MD,theformer

headoftheNationalInstituteofMentalHealth.Thepanelwasorganizedand

moderatedbyGeorgeGoldsmith,anAmericanentrepreneurandhealthindustry

consultantbasedinLondon.Inthelastseveralyears,heandhiswife,Ekaterina

Malievskaia,aRussian-bornphysician,havedevotedtheirconsiderableenergy

andresourcestowinningapprovalforpsilocybin-assistedtherapyinthe

EuropeanUnion.

Itwascleartoeveryoneinthestanding-roomcrowdexactlywhatthethree

menonthepanelrepresented:therecognitionofpsychedelictherapybythe

mentalhealthestablishment.Inselspokeofhowpoorlytherecordofmental

healthcarestacksupagainsttheachievementsoftherestofmedicine.He

pointedoutthatithasfailedtolowermortalityfromseriouspsychiatricdisorders

andspokeofthepromiseofnewmodelsofmentalhealthtreatmentsuchas

psychedelictherapy.“I’mreallyimpressedbytheapproachhere,”hetoldthe

group.“Peopledon’tsay,simply,we’regonnagivepsychedelics.Theytalk

about‘psychedelic-assistedpsychotherapy.’...Ithinkit’sareallynovel

approach.”Inseltemperedhisenthusiasm,however,bynotingthatsuchanovel

paradigmmaybedevilregulatorsaccustomedtoevaluatingnewdrugsin

isolation.

GeorgeGoldsmithaskedbothmenwhatadvicetheywouldgivetothe

researchersintheroom,menandwomenwhohavebeenworkingdiligentlyfor

yearstobringpsychedelictherapytopatients.Withouthesitating,Inselturnedto

theaudienceandsaid,“Don’tscrewitup!”

“Theremaybelotsofpromisehere,”Inselsaid,“butit’sreallyeasytoforget

aboutissuesrelatedtosafety,issuesrelatedtorigor,issuesrelatedtoreputational

risks.”Hesuggestedthatpsychedelicswouldprobablyneedtoberebrandedin

thepublicmindandthatitwouldbeessentialtosteerclearofanythingthat

smackedof“recreationaluse.”HeandSummergradbothwarnedthatasingle

sloppyresearcher,orapatientwithadisastrousexperience,couldpoisonthe

wellforeverybody.NobodyneededtomentionthenameTimothyLeary.

•••

HOWCLOSEAREWEtoaworldinwhichpsychedelictherapyissanctionedand

routine,andwhatwouldsuchaworldlooklike?BobJessewasintheaudience

whentheformerheadofNIMHtookhisswipeagainst“recreationaluse,”and

thoughIdidn’tseeit,Icanpicturehisgrimace.Andwhatexactlyiswrongwith

re-creatingourselves?BobJesseworriesthatthe“medicalization”of

psychedelicsthesemenwereadvocatingastheonetruepathwouldbeamistake.

Notthatmedicalizationwillbeeasy.Severalsteepregulatoryhurdleswill

firstneedtobeovercome.Phase3trialsinvolvemultiplesitesandhundredsof

volunteers;theycancosttensofmillionsofdollars.NormallyBigPharmafoots

thebillforsuchtrials,butthusfarthepharmaceuticalcompanieshaveshown

scantinterestinpsychedelics.Foronething,thisclassofdrugsoffersthemlittle

ifanyintellectualproperty:psilocybinisaproductofnature,andthepatenton

LSDexpireddecadesago.Foranother,BigPharmamostlyinvestsindrugsfor

chronicconditions,thepillsyouhavetotakeeveryday.Whywoulditinvestina

pillpatientsmightonlyneedtotakeonceinalifetime?

Psychiatryfacesasimilardilemma:ittooisweddedtointerminable

therapies,whetherthatmeansthedailyantidepressantortheweekly

psychotherapysession.Itistruethatapsychedelicsessionlastsseveralhours

andusuallyrequirestwotherapistsbepresentfortheduration,butifthetherapy

worksasit’ssupposedto,therewon’tbealotofrepeatbusiness.It’snotatall

clearwhatthebusinessmodelmightbe.Yet.

SeveraloftheresearchersandtherapistsI’veinterviewedneverthelesslook

forwardtoatime,notfaroff,whenpsychedelictherapyisroutineandwidely

available,intheformofanovelhybridofpharmacologyandpsychotherapy.

GeorgeGoldsmithenvisionsanetworkofpsychedelictreatmentcenters,

facilitiesinattractivenaturalsettingswherepatientswillgofortheirguided

sessions.HehasformedacompanycalledCompassPathwaystobuildthese

centersinthebelieftheycanofferatreatmentforarangeofmentalillnesses

sufficientlyeffectiveandeconomicalthatEurope’snationalhealthserviceswill

reimburseforthem.Goldsmithhassofarraisedthreemillionpoundstofundand

organizepsilocybintrials(startingwithtreatment-resistantdepression)at

multiplesitesinEurope.AlreadyheisworkingwithdesignersatIDEO,the

internationaldesignfirm,toredesigntheentireexperienceofpsychedelic

therapy.PaulSummergradandTomInselhavebothjoinedhisadvisoryboard.

KatherineMacLean,theformerHopkinsresearcherwhowrotethelandmark

paperonopenness,hopessomedaytoestablisha“psychedelichospice,”aretreat

centersomewhereoutinnaturewherenotonlythedyingbuttheirlovedones

canusepsychedelicstohelpthemletgo—thepatientandthelovedonesboth.

“Ifwelimitpsychedelicsjusttothepatient,”sheexplains,“we’restickingto

theoldmedicalmodel.Butpsychedelicsaremoreradicalthanthat.Igetnervous

whenpeoplesaytheyshouldonlybeprescribedbyadoctor.Iimagineabroader

application.”

InMacLean’swordsit’seasytohearechoesofthe1960sexperiencewith

psychedelics—theexcitementabouttheirpotentialtohelpnotonlythesickbut

everyoneelsetoo.Thiskindofthinking—ortalking—makessomeofher

mainstreamcolleaguesnervous.It’sexactlythekindoftalkthatInseland

Summergradwerewarningthecommunityagainst.Goodluckwiththat.

“Thebettermentofwellpeople”isverymuchonthemindsofmostofthe

researchersIinterviewed,evenifsomeofthemweremorereluctanttodiscussit

ontherecordthaninstitutionaloutsiderslikeBobJesseandRickDoblinand

KatherineMacLean.Forthem,medicalacceptanceisafirststeptowardamuch

broaderculturalacceptance—outrightlegalization,inDoblin’sview,or

somethingmorecarefullycontrolledinMacLean’sandJesse’s.Jessewouldlike

toseethedrugsadministeredbytrainedguidesworkinginwhathecalls

“longitudinalmultigenerationalcontexts,”which,ashedescribesthem,sounda

lotlikechurches.(Thinkofthechurchesthatuseayahuascainaritualcontext,

administeredbyexperiencedeldersinagroupsetting.)Othersenvisionatime

whenpeopleseekingapsychedelicexperience—whetherforreasonsofmental

healthorspiritualseekingorsimplecuriosity—couldgo,veryoccasionally,to

somethinglikea“mentalhealthclub,”asJulieHolland,apsychiatristwhoused

toworkwithStephenRossatBellevue,describedit.“Sortoflikeacross

betweenaspa/retreatandagym,wherepeoplecanexperiencepsychedelicsina

safe,supportiveenvironment.”*

Everyonespeaksoftheimportanceofwell-trainedpsychedelicguides

—“boardcertified”—andtheneedtohelppeopleafterwardintegratethe

powerfulexperiencestheyhavehadinordertomakesenseofthemandrender

themtrulyuseful.TonyBossisparaphrasesthereligiousscholar(andGood

FridayExperimentvolunteer)HustonSmithonthispoint:“Aspiritual

experiencedoesnotbyitselfmakeaspirituallife.”Integrationisessentialto

makingsenseoftheexperience,whetherinoroutofthemedicalcontext.Orelse

itremainsjustadrugexperience.

Asfortheguidesthemselves,theyarealreadybeingtrainedandcertified:late

in2016,theCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudiesgraduateditsfirstclassof

forty-twopsychedelictherapists.(Thisisadevelopmentthatworriessomeinthe

underground,whofearbeingleftbehindwhenpsychedelictherapyis

legitimized.Yetit’shardtoimaginesuchexperiencedandhighlyskilled

practitionerswon’tcontinuetofindclients,especiallyamongthewell.)

WhenIaskedRickDoblinifheworriesaboutanotherbacklash,hepointed

outthatourculturehascomealongwayfromthe1960sandhasshowna

remarkableabilitytodigestagreatmanyoftheculturalnoveltiesfirstcookedup

duringthatera.

“Thatwasaverydifferenttime.Peoplewouldn’teventalkaboutcanceror

deaththen.Womenweretranquilizedtogivebirth;menweren’tallowedinthe

deliveryroom!Yogaandmeditationweretotallyweird.Nowmindfulnessis

mainstreamandeveryonedoesyoga,andtherearebirthingcentersandhospices

allover.We’veintegratedallthesethingsintoourculture.AndnowIthink

we’rereadytointegratepsychedelics.”

Doblinpointsoutthatmanyofthepeoplenowinchargeofourinstitutions

areofagenerationwellacquaintedwiththesemolecules.This,hesuggests,is

thetruelegacyofTimothyLeary.It’sallwellandgoodfortoday’sresearchersto

disdainhis“antics”andblamehimforderailingthefirstwaveofresearch,and

yet,asDoblinpointsoutwithasmile,“therewouldbenosecondwaveifLeary

hadn’tturnedonawholegeneration.”Indeed.ConsiderthecaseofPaul

Summergrad,whohasspokenpubliclyofhisownyouthfuluseofpsychedelics.

InavideotapedinterviewwithRamDassthatwasshownatthe2015meetingof

theAmericanPsychiatricAssociation,hetoldhiscolleaguesthatanacidtriphe

tookincollegehadbeenformativeinhisintellectualdevelopment.(Jeffrey

Lieberman,anotherpastpresidentoftheAmericanPsychiatricAssociation,has

alsowrittenoftheinsightsgleanedfromhisyouthfulexperimentswithLSD.*)

Andyet,andyet...AsmuchasIwanttobelieveDoblin’ssunnyforecast,

it’snothardtoimaginethingseasilygoingofftherails.TonyBossisagrees,as

muchashehopesthatpsychedelicswillsomedayberoutineinpalliativecare.

“Wedon’tdiewellinAmerica.Askpeoplewheredoyouwanttodie,and

theywilltellyou,athomewiththeirlovedones.ButmostofusdieinanICU.

ThebiggesttabooinAmericaistheconversationaboutdeath.Sure,it’sgotten

better;nowwehavehospices,whichdidn’texistnotsolongago.Buttoa

doctor,it’sstillaninsulttoletapatientgo.”Inhisview,psychedelicshavethe

potentialnotonlytoopenupthatdifficultconversationbuttochangethe

experienceofdyingitself.Ifthemedicalcommunitywillembracethem.

“Thisculturehasafearofdeath,afearoftranscendence,andafearofthe

unknown,allofwhichareembodiedinthiswork.”Psychedelicsmaybytheir

verynaturebetoodisruptiveforourinstitutionsevertoembracethem.

Institutionsgenerallyliketomediatetheindividual’saccesstoauthorityof

whateverkind—whethermedicalorspiritual—whereasthepsychedelic

experienceofferssomethingakintodirectrevelation,makingitinherently

antinomian.Andyetsomecultureshavesuccessfullydevisedritualformsto

containandharnesstheDionysianenergiesofpsychedelics;thinkofthe

EleusinianmysteriesofancientGreeceortheshamanicceremoniessurrounding

peyoteorayahuascaintheAmericastoday.Itisnotimpossible.

ThefirsttimeIraisedJesse’sideaofthebettermentofwellpeoplewith

RolandGriffiths,heseemedtosquirmabitinhischairandthenchosehiswords

withcare.“Culturallyrightnow,thatisadangerousideatopromote.”Andyet,

aswe’vetalked,nowoverthecourseofthreeyears,it’sbecomeclearthathetoo

feelsthatmanyofus,andnotjustthosedealingwithcancerordepressionor

addiction,standtobenefitfromtheseremarkablemoleculesand,evenmore,

fromthespiritualexperiencestowhichhebelieves—indeed,hisresearchhas

demonstrated—theycanopenadoor.

“We’realldealingwithdeath,”ashetoldmethefirsttimewemet.“Thisis

fartoovaluabletolimittosickpeople.”Acarefulman,mindfulofthepolitical

landminesthatmayyetlieahead,Griffithsamendedthatlastsentencejust

slightly,recastitinthefuturetense:“Thiswillbefartoovaluabletolimittosick

people.”

•••

I,FORONE,sincerelyhopethatthekindsofexperiencesI’vehadonpsychedelics

willnotbelimitedtosickpeopleandwillsomedaybecomemorewidely

available.DoesthatmeanIthinkthesedrugsshouldsimplybelegalized?Not

exactly.ItistrueIhadaverypositiveexperienceusingpsilocybin

“recreationally”—onmyown,thatis,withoutthesupportofaguide—andfor

somepeoplethismightbefine.Butsoonerorlater,itseems,everyonehasatrip

forwhich“bad”isfartoopallidamodifier.Iwouldhatetobealonewhenthat

happens.Forme,workingone-on-onewithanexperiencedguideinasafeplace

removedfrommyeverydaylifeturnedouttobetheidealwaytoexplore

psychedelics.Yetthereareotherwaystostructurethepsychedelicjourney—to

provideasafecontainerforitspotentiallyoverwhelmingenergies.Ayahuasca

andpeyotearetypicallyusedinagroup,withtheleader,oftenbutnot

necessarilyashaman,actinginasupervisoryroleandhelpingpeopletonavigate

andinterprettheirexperiences.Butwhetherindividuallyorinagroup,the

presenceofsomeonewithtrainingandexperiencewhocan“holdthespace”—to

usethathoaryNewAgelocution—ismoremeaningfulandcomfortingthanI

wouldhaveimagined.

NotonlydidmyguidescreateasettinginwhichIfeltsafeenoughto

surrendertothepsychedelicexperience,buttheyalsohelpedmetomakesense

ofitafterward.Justasimportant,theyhelpedmetoseetherewassomething

hereworthmakingsenseof.Thisisbynomeansself-evident.Itisalltooeasyto

dismisswhatunfoldsinourmindsduringapsychedelicjourneyassimplya

“drugexperience,”andthatispreciselywhatourcultureencouragesustodo.

MattJohnsonmadethispointthefirsttimewespoke:“Let’ssayyouhavesome

nineteen-year-oldstakingmushroomsataparty.Oneofthemhasaprofound

experience.He’scometounderstandwhatGodis,orhisconnectiontothe

universe.Whatdohisfriendssay?‘Oh,man,youhadtoomuchlastnight!No

moremushroomsforyou!’

“‘Wereyoudrinkingorondrugs?’iswhatourculturesayswhenyouhavea

powerfulexperience.”

Yetevenamoment’sreflectiontellsyouthatattributingthecontentofthe

psychedelicexperienceto“drugs”explainsvirtuallynothingaboutit.The

imagesandthenarrativesandtheinsightsdon’tcomefromnowhere,andthey

certainlydon’tcomefromachemical.Theycomefrominsideourminds,*andat

theveryleasthavesomethingtotellusaboutthat.Ifdreamsandfantasiesand

freeassociationsareworthinterpreting,thensurelysoisthemorevividand

detailedmaterialwithwhichthepsychedelicjourneypresentsus.Itopensanew

dooronone’smind.

Andaboutthatmypsychedelicjourneyshavetaughtmeagreatmany

interestingthings.Manyofthesewerethekindsofthingsonemightlearninthe

courseofpsychotherapy:insightsintoimportantrelationships;theoutlinesof

fearsanddesiresordinarilykeptoutofview;repressedmemoriesandemotions;

and,perhapsmostinterestinganduseful,anewperspectiveonhowone’smind

works.

This,Ithink,isthegreatvalueofexploringnon-ordinarystatesof

consciousness:thelighttheyreflectbackontheordinaryones,whichnolonger

seemquitesotransparentorsoordinary.Torealize,asWilliamJamesconcluded,

thatnormalwakingconsciousnessisbutoneofmanypotentialformsof

consciousness—waysofperceivingorconstructingtheworld—separatedfromit

bymerely“thefilmiestofscreens,”istorecognizethatouraccountofreality,

whetherinwardoroutward,isincompleteatbest.Normalwakingconsciousness

mightseemtoofferafaithfulmaptotheterritoryofreality,anditisgoodfor

manythings,butitisonlyamap—andnottheonlymap.Astowhytheseother

modesofconsciousnessexist,wecanonlyspeculate.Mostofthetime,itis

normalwakingconsciousnessthatbestservestheinterestsofsurvival—andis

mostadaptive.Buttherearemomentsinthelifeofanindividualoracommunity

whentheimaginativenoveltiesproposedbyalteredstatesofconsciousness

introduceexactlythesortofvariationthatcansendalife,oraculture,downa

newpath.

Forme,themomentIrecognizedthetenuousnessandrelativityofmyown

defaultconsciousnesscamethatafternoononFritz’smountaintop,whenhe

taughtmehowtoenteratrancestatebymeansofnothingmorethanapatternof

rapidbreathingandthesoundsofrhythmicdrumming.Whereintheworldhas

thatbeenallmylife?ThisisnothingFreudoranynumberofpsychologistsand

behavioraleconomistshaven’ttoldus,buttheideathat“normal”consciousness

isbutthetipofalargeandlargelyunchartedpsychicicebergisnowforme

somethingmorethanatheory;thehiddenvastnessofthemindisafeltreality.

Idon’tmeantosuggestIhaveachievedthisstateofego-transcending

awareness,onlytastedit.Theseexperiencesdon’tlast,oratleasttheydidn’tfor

me.Aftereachofmypsychedelicsessionscameaperiodofseveralweeksin

whichIfeltnoticeablydifferent—morepresenttothemoment,muchless

inclinedtodwellonwhat’snext.Iwasalsonotablymoreemotionaland

surprisedmyselfonseveraloccasionsbyhowlittleittooktomakemetearupor

smile.Ifoundmyselfthinkingaboutthingslikedeathandtimeandinfinity,but

lessinangstthaninwonder.(Ispentanunreasonableamountoftimereflecting

onhowimprobableandfortunateitistobelivinghereandnowatthefrontierof

twoeternitiesofnonexistence.)Allatonceandunexpectedly,wavesof

compassionorwonderorpitywouldwashoverme.

ThiswasawayofbeingItreasured,but,alas,everytimeiteventuallyfaded.

It’sdifficultnottoslipbackintothefamiliargroovesofmentalhabit;theyareso

wellworn;thetidalpullofwhattheBuddhistscallour“habitenergies”is

difficulttowithstand.Addtothistheexpectationsofotherpeople,whichsubtly

enforceacertainwayofbeingyourself,nomatterhowmuchyoumightwantto

attemptanother.Afteramonthorso,itwasprettymuchbacktobaseline.

Butnotquite,notcompletely.FormuchlikethedepressedpatientsI

interviewedinLondon,whodescribedbeingnourishedandeveninspiredby

theirfurloughsfromthecageofdepression,theexperienceofsomeotherwayof

beingintheworldsurvivesinmemory,asapossibilityandadestination.

Forme,thepsychedelicexperienceopenedadoortoaspecificmodeof

consciousnessthatIcannowoccasionallyrecaptureinmeditation.I’mspeaking

ofacertaincognitivespacethatopensuplateinatriporinthemidstofamild

one,aspacewhereyoucanentertainallsortsofthoughtsandscenarioswithout

reachingforanykindofresolution.Itsomewhatresembleshypnagogic

consciousness,thatliminalstateperchedontheedgeofsleepwhenallkindsof

imagesandscrapsofstorybrieflysurfacebeforefloatingaway.Butthisis

sustained,andwhatcomesupcanbeclearlyrecalled.Andthoughtheimages

andideasthatappeararenotunderyourdirectcontrol,butratherseemtobe

arrivinganddepartingoftheirownaccord,youcanlaunchatopicorchangeit,

likeachannel.Theegoisnotentirelyabsent—youhaven’tbeenblastedinto

particles,orhavereturnedfromthatparticularstate—butthestreamof

consciousnessistakingitsowndesultorycourse,andyouarebobbingand

driftingalongwithit,lookingneitherforwardnorback,immersedinthecurrents

ofbeingratherthandoing.Andyetacertainkindofmentalworkisgetting

done,andoccasionallyIhaveemergedfromthestatewithusableideas,images,

ormetaphors.*

Mypsychedelicadventuresfamiliarizedmewiththismentalterritory,and,

sometimes,notalways,IfindIcanreturntoitduringmydailymeditation.I

don’tknowifthisisexactlywhereI’msupposedtobewhenI’mmeditating,but

I’malwayshappytofindmyselffloatinginthisparticularmentalstream.I

wouldneverhavefounditifnotforpsychedelics.Thisstrikesmeasoneofthe

greatgiftsoftheexperiencetheyafford:theexpansionofone’srepertoireof

consciousstates.

Justbecausethepsychedelicjourneytakesplaceentirelyinone’smind

doesn’tmeanitisn’treal.Itisanexperienceand,forsomeofus,oneofthemost

profoundapersoncanhave.Assuch,ittakesitsplaceasafeatureinthe

landscapeofalife.Itcanserveasareferencepoint,aguidepost,awellspring,

and,forsome,akindofspiritualsignorshrine.Forme,theexperienceshave

becomelandmarkstocirclearoundandinterrogateformeaning—meanings

aboutmyself,obviously,butalsoabouttheworld.Severaloftheimagesthat

appearedinthecourseofmytripsIthinkaboutallthetime,hopingtounwrap

whatfeelslikeagiftofmeaning—fromwhereorwhatorwhom,Icannotsay.

Therewasthatsteelpylonhoveringoverthelandscapeofself.Ortheimageof

mygrandfather’sskullstaringbackatmeinMary’smirror.Themajesticbut

nowhollowed-outtreesinwhichmyparentsappearedtome,liabletotopplein

thenextwindstorm.OrtheinkywellofYo-YoMa’scello,resonatingwith

Bach’swarmembraceofdeath.ButthereisoneotherimageIhaven’tshared

thatIkeepthinkingmustcontainsomeimportantteaching,evenasitcontinues

tomystifyme.

Mylastpsychedelicjourneywasonayahuasca.Iwasinvitedtojoinacircle

ofwomenwhogathereverythreeorfourmonthstoworkwithalegendary

guide,awomaninhereightieswhohadtrainedunderLeoZeff.(Sheinturnhad

trainedMary,thewomanwhoguidedmypsilocybinjourney.)Thisjourneywas

differentfromtheothersinthatittookplaceinthecompanyofadozenother

travelers,allofthemstrangerstome.Befittingthisparticularpsychedelic,which

isateabrewedfromtwoAmazonianplants(oneavine,theotheraleaf),there

wasaconsiderableamountofceremonyintheshamanicmode:thesingingof

traditionalicaros,prayersandinvocationsto“thegrandmother”(a.k.a.the“plant

teacher”orayahuasca),bellsandrattlesandshakapas,andtheblowingonusof

variousscentsandsmokes.Allofwhichcontributedtoamoodofdeepmystery

andasuspensionofdisbeliefthatwasespeciallywelcome,inasmuchaswewere

inayogastudioalongwayfromanyjungle.

Ashasbeenthecasewithallofmyjourneys,thenightbeforehadbeen

sleepless,aspartofmeworkedtoconvincetherestofmenottodothiscrazy

thing.Thatpartwasofcoursemyego,whichbeforeeverytriphasfoughtthe

threattoitsintegritywithferocityandingenuity,plantingdoubtsandscenarios

ofdisasterIhadtroublebattingaway.Whataboutyourheart,pal?Youcould

die!Whatifyouloseyourlunchor,evenworse,yourshit?!Andwhatif“the

grandmother”dredgesupsomechildhoodtrauma?Doyoureallywanttoloseit

amongthesestrangers?Thesewomen?(Partofthepoweroftheegoflowsfrom

itscommandofone’srationalfaculties.)BythetimeIarrivedforthecircle,I

wasanervouswreck,assailedbysecondandthirdthoughtsastothewisdomof

whatIwasabouttodo.

But,ashashappenedeverytime,assoonasIswallowedthemedicineand

slippedpastthepointofnoreturn,thevoiceofdoubtwentquietandI

surrenderedtowhateverwasinstore.Whichwasnotunlikemyother

psychedelicexperiences,withacoupleofnotableexceptions.Perhapsbecause

thetea,whichwasviscousandacridandunexpectedlysweet,makesitsalien

presencefeltinyourstomachandintestines,ayahuascaisamorebodily

experiencethansomeotherpsychedelics.Ididnotgetsick,butIwasverymuch

awareofthethickbrewmovingthroughmeand,astheeffectoftheDMT

(ayahuasca’sactiveingredient)cameon,imagineditasavinewindingitsway

throughthecurlsandconvolutionsofmyintestines,occupyingmybodybefore

slowlyworkingitssnakelikewayuptoandintomyhead.

Therefollowedagreatmanymemoriesandimages,somehorrifying,others

magnificent,butIwanttodescribeoneinparticularbecause,althoughIdon’t

completelyunderstandit,itcapturessomethingthatpsychedelicshavetaught

me,somethingimportant.

Becausetherewasstillsomelightintheroomwhentheceremonybegan,we

wereallwearingeyemasks,andminefeltalittletightaroundmyhead.Earlyin

thejourney,Ibecameawareoftheblackstrapscirclingmyskull,andthese

morphedintobars.Myheadwascagedinsteel.Thebarsthenbegantomultiply,

movingdownfrommyheadtoencirclemytorsoandthenmylegs.Iwasnow

trappedheadtotoeinablacksteelcage.Ipressedagainstthebars,buttheywere

unyielding.Therewasnowayout.PanicwasbuildingwhenInoticedthegreen

tipofavineatthebaseofthecage.Itwasgrowingsteadilyupwardandthen

turning,sinuously,toslipoutbetweentwoofthebars,freeingitselfandatthe

sametimereachingtowardthelight.“Aplantcan’tbecaged,”Iheardmyself

thinking.“Onlyananimalcanbecaged.”

Ican’ttellyouwhatthismeans,ifanything.Wastheplantshowingmeaway

out?Perhaps,butit’snotasifIcouldactuallyfollowit;Iamananimal,afterall.

Yetitseemedtheplantwastryingtoteachmesomething,thatitwasproposinga

kindofvisualkoanformetounpack,andIhavebeenturningitoverinmymind

eversince.Maybeitwasalessonaboutthefollyofapproachinganobstacle

head-on,thatsometimestheanswerisnottheapplicationofforcebutrather

changingthetermsoftheprobleminsuchawaythatitlosesitsdominion

withoutactuallycrumbling.Itfeltlikesomekindofjujitsu.Becausethevine

wasn’tjustescapingtheconfinesofthecage,itwasusingthestructureto

improveitssituation,climbinghighertogathermorelightforitself.

Ormaybethelessonwasmoreuniversal,somethingaboutplantsthemselves

andhowweunderestimatethem.Myplantteacher,asIbegantothinkofthe

vine,wastryingtotellmesomethingaboutitselfandthegreenkingdomit

represents,akingdomthathasalwaysfiguredlargelyinmyworkandmy

imagination.ThatplantsareintelligentIhavebelievedforalongtime—not

necessarilyinthewaywethinkofintelligence,butinawayappropriateto

themselves.Wecandomanythingsplantscan’t,yettheycandoallsortsof

thingswecan’t—escapingfromsteelcages,forexample,oreatingsunlight.If

youdefineintelligenceastheabilitytosolvethenovelproblemsrealitythrows

attheliving,plantssurelyhaveit.Theyalsopossessagency,anawarenessof

theirenvironment,andakindofsubjectivity—asetofintereststheypursueand

soapointofview.ButthoughtheseareallideasIhavelongbelievedandam

happytodefend,neverbeforehaveIfeltthemtobetrue,tobeasdeeplyrooted

asIdidaftermypsychedelicjourneys.

Theun-cageablevineremindedmeofthatfirstpsilocybintrip,whenIfeltthe

leavesandplantsinthegardenreturningmygaze.Oneofthegiftsof

psychedelicsisthewaytheyreanimatetheworld,asiftheyweredistributingthe

blessingsofconsciousnessmorewidelyandevenlyoverthelandscape,inthe

processbreakingthehumanmonopolyonsubjectivitythatwemodernstakeasa

given.Tous,wearetheworld’sonlyconscioussubjects,withtherestofcreation

madeupofobjects;tothemoreegotisticalamongus,evenotherpeoplecountas

objects.Psychedelicconsciousnessoverturnsthatview,bygrantingusawider,

moregenerouslensthroughwhichwecanglimpsethesubject-hood—thespirit!

—ofeverything,animal,vegetable,evenmineral,allofitnowsomehow

returningourgaze.Spirits,itseems,areeverywhere.Newraysofrelationappear

betweenusandalltheworld’sOthers.

Eveninthecaseoftheminerals,modernphysics(forgetpsychedelics!)gives

usreasontowonderifperhapssomeformofconsciousnessmightnotfigurein

theconstructionofreality.Quantummechanicsholdsthatmattermaynotbeas

innocentofmindasthematerialistwouldhaveusbelieve.Forexample,a

subatomicparticlecanexistsimultaneouslyinmultiplelocations,ispure

possibility,untilitismeasured—thatis,perceivedbyamind.Onlythenandnot

amomentsoonerdoesitdropintorealityasweknowit:acquirefixed

coordinatesintimeandspace.Theimplicationhereisthatmattermightnotexist

assuchintheabsenceofaperceivingsubject.Needlesstosay,thisraisessome

trickyquestionsforamaterialistunderstandingofconsciousness.Theground

underfootmaybemuchlesssolidthanwethink.

Thisistheviewofquantumphysics,notsomepsychonaut—thoughitisa

verypsychedelictheory.Imentionitonlybecauseitlendssomeoftheauthority

ofsciencetospeculationsthatwouldotherwisesoundutterlylunatic.Istilltend

tothinkthatconsciousnessmustbeconfinedtobrains,butIamlesscertainof

thisbeliefnowthanIwasbeforeIembarkedonthisjourney.Maybeittoohas

slippedoutfrombetweenthebarsofthatcage.Mysteriesabide.ButthisIcan

saywithcertainty:themindisvaster,andtheworldeversomuchmorealive,

thanIknewwhenIbegan.

Glossary

activeplacebo:Atypeofplacebousedindrugtrialstofoolthevolunteerintothinkinghehasreceived

thepsychoactivedrugbeingtested.Inthepsilocybintrials,researchershaveusedniacin,whichproducesa

tinglingsensation,andmethylphenidate(Ritalin),whichisastimulant.

ayahuasca:ApsychedelicteamadefromacombinationofplantsnativetotheAmazonbasin,typically

BanisteriopsiscaapiandPsychotriaviridis(orchacruna),andusedsacramentallybyindigenouspeoplesof

SouthAmerica.ThechacrunaplantcontainsthepsychedeliccompoundDMT(N,N-dimethyltryptamine),

butitisdeactivatedbydigestiveenzymesunlessitisingestedwithamonoamineoxidaseinhibitorsuchas

Banisteriopsis.In2006,theU.S.SupremeCourtaffirmedtherightoftheBrazil-basedUDVChurchtouse

ayahuascaasasacrament.

BeckleyFoundation:TheorganizationestablishedbyAmandaFeildinginEnglandin1998tosupport

researchintopsychedelicsandadvocateinternationallyforthereformofdruglaws.Theorganizationis

namedforFeilding’sancestralestateinOxfordshire(BeckleyFoundation.org).

CouncilonSpiritualPractices(CSP):AnonprofitorganizationestablishedbyBobJessein1993and

“dedicatedtomakingdirectexperienceofthesacredmoreavailabletomorepeople.”CSPhelpedorganize

andfundthefirstexperimentsinpsychedelicresearchatJohnsHopkins;CSPalsosupportedthesuitthat

resultedinthe2006SupremeCourtdecisionrecognizingayahuascaasasacramentintheUDVChurch.In

1995,CSPdevelopedandpublishedthe“CodeofEthicsforSpiritualGuides”thatmanyunderground

psychedelicguideshaveadopted(csp.org).

defaultmodenetwork(DMN):Asetofinteractingbrainstructuresfirstdescribedin2001bythe

WashingtonUniversityneuroscientistMarcusRaichle.Thedefaultmodenetwork,calledthatbecauseitis

mostactivewhenthebrainisinarestingstate,linkspartsofthecerebralcortexwithdeeperand

evolutionarilyolderstructuresofthebraininvolvedinemotionandmemory.(Itskeystructuresinclude,and

link,theposteriorcingulatecortex,themedialprefrontalcortex,andthehippocampus.)Neuroimaging

studiessuggestthattheDMNisinvolvedinsuchhigher-order“metacognitive”activitiesasself-reflection,

mentalprojection,timetravel,andtheoryofmind—theabilitytoattributementalstatestoothers.Activity

intheDMNfallsduringthepsychedelicexperiences,andwhenitfallsmostprecipitouslyvolunteersoften

reportadissolutionoftheirsenseofself.

DMT(orN,N-dimethyltryptamine):Arapid-onset,intense,andshort-actingpsychedeliccompound

sometimesreferredtoas“thebusinessman’strip.”Thistryptaminemoleculeisfoundinmanyplantsand

animalsforreasonsnotwellunderstood.

empathogen:Apsychoactivedrugthatproducesaheightenedsenseofconnectedness,emotional

openness,andcompassion.MDMA,orEcstasy,issuchadrug.Alsosometimescalledanentactogen.

entheogen:FromtheGreek,“generatingthedivinewithin.”Apsychoactivesubstancethatproducesor

facilitatesaspiritualexperience.Entheogenshavebeenusedbymanyculturesforthousandsofyears,

whetherbyshamansoraspartofreligiousorspiritualpractices.However,thetermwasnotcoineduntilthe

1970s,byagroupofscholarsthatincludedR.GordonWasson,RichardEvansSchultes,JonathanOtt,and

CarlRuck.Thewordwasintendedtohelprehabilitatepsychedelicsbydistinguishingtheirancientspiritual

rolefromtherecreationalusestowhichtheywereoftenputbeginninginthe1960s.

Esalen,ortheEsalenInstitute:AretreatcenterinBigSur,California,foundedin1962toexplorethe

variousmethodsforexpandingconsciousnessthatoftengoundertheumbrellaofthehumanpotential

movement.Esalenwascloselyidentifiedwiththepsychedelicmovementbeforethedrugswerebanned;in

theyearsafterward,aseriesofmeetingstookplaceatEsalen,wherestrategiestorehabilitateandrestart

researchintopsychedelicsweredeveloped.Manypsychedelicguidesnowworkingundergroundreceived

theirtrainingatEsalen.

5-HT

receptor:Oneofseveraltypesofreceptorsinthebrainthatrespondtotheneurotransmitter

serotonin.Psychedeliccompoundsalsobindtothisreceptor,precipitatingacascadeof(poorlyunderstood)

eventsthatproducethepsychedelicexperience.Becauseofitsdistinctivemolecularshape,LSDbinds

particularlywelltothe5-HT

receptor.Inaddition,aportionofthereceptorfoldsovertheLSDmolecule

andholdsitinsidethereceptor,whichmightexplainitsintensityandlongdurationofaction.

5-MeO-DMT(5-methoxy-N,N-dimethyltryptamine):Apowerful,short-actingpsychedeliccompound

foundincertainSouthAmericanplantsandinthevenomoftheSonorandeserttoad(Inciliusalvarius).The

toadvenomistypicallyvaporizedandsmoked;5-MeO-DMTobtainedfromplantsisusuallymadeintoa

snuff.ThecompoundhasbeenusedsacramentallyinSouthAmericaformanyyears;itwasfirst

synthesizedin1936andwasnotmadeillegaluntil2011.

hallucinogen:Theclassofpsychoactivedrugsthatinducehallucinations,includingthepsychedelics,the

dissociatives,andthedeliriants.Thetermisoftenusedasasynonymforpsychedelics,eventhough

psychedelicsdon’tnecessarilyproducefull-fledgedhallucinations.

HarvardPsilocybinProject:ThepsychologicalresearchprogramestablishedbyTimothyLearyand

RichardAlpert(laterRamDass)intheDepartmentofSocialRelationsatHarvardin1960.Theresearchers

(whoincludedRalphMetzner,agraduatestudent)administeredpsilocybintohundredsofvolunteers“ina

naturalisticsetting”;theyalsoconductedexperimentswithprisonersatConcordStatePrisonandwith

theologystudentsatBostonUniversity’sMarshChapel.Later,thegroupbeganworkingwithLSD.The

projectwasengulfedincontroversyin1962andcloseddownafterithadbeenreportedthatAlperthad

givenpsilocybintoanundergraduate,inviolationofitsagreementwithHarvard.LearyandAlpert

establishedasuccessororganizationinCambridgebutoutsideHarvard,calledtheInternationalFederation

forInternalFreedom.

HeffterResearchInstitute:Anonprofitestablishedin1993byDavidE.Nichols,achemistand

pharmacologistatPurdueUniversity,withseveralcolleagues,tosupportscientificresearchintopsychedelic

compounds.TheinstitutewasnamedforArthurHeffter,theGermanchemist,pharmacologist,and

physicianwhofirstidentifiedmescalineasthepsychoactivecomponentofthepeyotecactusinthelate

1890s.Establishedatatimewhenpsychedelicresearchhadbeendormantfortwodecades,theHeffter

Institutehasplayedapivotal,butquiet,roleintherevivalofthatresearch,helpingtofundmostofthe

psilocybintrialsdoneinAmericasincethelate1990s,includingtheworkatHopkinsandNYU

(Heffter.org).

holotropicbreathwork:Abreathingexercisedevelopedinthemid1970sbythepsychedelictherapist

StanislavGrof,andhiswife,Christina,afterLSDwasmadeillegal.Bybreathingrapidlyandexhaling

deeply,nearlytothepointofhyperventilation,subjectsenteranalteredstateofconsciousnesswithoutthe

useofadrug.Thistrancelikestatecangiveaccesstosubconsciousmaterial.“Holotropic”means“moving

towardwholeness.”

LSD(lysergicaciddiethylamide):Alsoknownasacid,thispsychedeliccompoundwasfirst

synthesizedin1938byAlbertHofmann,aSwisschemistatSandozwhowassearchingforadrugto

stimulatecirculation.LSDwasthetwenty-fifthmoleculethatHofmannhadderivedfromthealkaloids

producedbyergot,afungusthatinfectsgrain.Hofmannshelvedthecompoundwhenitprovedineffective

asamedicine,butfiveyearslaterapremonitionledhimtoresynthesizeit.Afteraccidentallyingestinga

smallquantityofLSD,hediscovereditspowerfulpsychoactiveproperties.In1947,Sandozbegan

marketingLSDasapsychiatricdrugunderthenameDelysid.Itwaswithdrawnfromcirculationin1966

afterthedrugappearedontheblackmarket.

MAPS(MultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelicStudies):Thenonprofitmembership

organizationfoundedin1986byRickDoblintoincreasepublicunderstandingofpsychedelicsandsupport

scientificresearchintotheirtherapeuticapplications.BasedinSantaCruz,California,MAPShasfocused

itseffortsonMDMA,orEcstasy,asatherapeuticinterventionforpeoplesufferingfromPTSD.In2016,it

wonFDAapprovaltoconductphase3trialsofMDMAinthetreatmentofPTSD;in2017,theFDA

designatedMDMAasa“breakthroughtherapy”forPTSD,clearingthewayforanexpeditedreview.

Doblin,andMAPS,haveplayedacentralroleintherevivalofpsychedelicresearch.MAPSalsosponsors

PsychedelicScience,theinternationalconferenceonpsychedelicresearchthattakesplaceinNorthern

Californiaeveryfewyears.

MDMA(3,4-methylenedioxymethamphetamine):Apsychoactivecompoundfirstsynthesizedby

Merckin1912butnevermarketed.AfterthecompoundwasresynthesizedbytheBayAreachemist

Alexander“Sasha”Shulgininthe1970s,itbecameapopularadjuncttopsychotherapy,becauseits

“empathogenic”qualitieshelpedpatientsformastrongbondoftrustwiththeirtherapists.Inthe1980s,the

drugshowedupintheravescene,whereitwassoldunderthenameofEcstasy(orEorlaterMolly);in

1986,theU.S.governmentputMDMAonschedule1,declaringitadrugofabusewithnoacceptedmedical

use.However,recentdrugtrialssponsoredbyMAPShavedemonstratedMDMA’svalueintreatingPTSD.

MDMAisnotconsidereda“classicalpsychedelic,”becauseitappearstooperateondifferentbrain

pathwaysfromLSDorpsilocybin.

mescaline:Apsychedeliccompoundderivedfromseveralcacti,includingpeyoteandSanPedro.The

compoundwasfirstidentifiedandnamedbytheGermanchemistArthurHeffterin1897.TheDoorsof

Perceptionisafirst-personaccountofAldousHuxley’sfirstmescalineexperience.

microdosing:Thepracticeofingestingasmall,“subperceptual”doseofapsychedelic,usuallyLSDor

psilocybin,everyfewdaysasanaidtomentalhealthormentalperformance.Acommonprotocolistotake

tenmicrogramsofLSD(atenthofamediumdose)everyfourthday.Thepracticeisfairlynew,andasyet

theevidenceforitseffectivenessisanecdotal.Severaltrialsareunderway.

MK-Ultra:ThecodenameforanundercoverresearchprogramonpsychedelicdrugsconductedbytheCIA

beginningin1953;itwascloseddownin1963or1964.Atvarioustimes,theCIAsoughttodetermine

whetherLSDandrelatedcompoundscouldbeusedasameansofmindcontrol;aninterrogationtool(or

truthserum);abiologicalweapon(addedtoapopulation’swatersupply);orapoliticaltool(bydosing

adversariestogetthemtodofoolishthings).Aspartoftheresearchprogram,whichattimesinvolved

forty-fouruniversitiesandcolleges,civiliansandmilitarypersonnelweredosedwithouttheirknowledge,

sometimeswithdisastrousconsequences.ThepublicfirstlearnedaboutMK-UltraduringtheChurch

CommitteehearingsontheCIAheldin1975;furtherhearingsontheprogramwereheldin1977.However,

mostoftheagency’sdocumentsontheprogramhadbeendestroyedin1973onordersfromdirector

RichardHelms.

MysticalExperienceQuestionnaire:Thepsychologicalsurvey,developedbyWalterPahnkeand

WilliamRichardsinthe1960s,usedtoassesswhetheravolunteerinatrialofapsychedelicdrughas

undergoneamystical-typeexperience.Itseekstomeasure,onascaleofonetofive,sevenattributesofa

mysticalexperience:internalunity;externalunity;transcendenceoftimeandspace;ineffabilityand

paradoxicality;asenseofsacredness;thenoeticquality;andadeeplyfeltpositivemood.Severalrevised

versionsoftheMEQhavesincebeendeveloped.

noeticquality:AtermintroducedbyWilliamJames,anAmericanpsychologist,todenotethefactthatthe

mysticalstateregistersnotonlyasafeelingbutasastateofknowledge.Peopleemergewiththeenduring

convictionthatimportanttruthshavebeenrevealedtothem.Thenoeticqualitywas,forJames,oneofthe

fourmarksofthemysticalexperience,alongwithineffability,transiency,andpassivity.

phenethylamines:Aclassoforganicmolecule,andthenameforoneofthetwoprincipaltypesof

psychedeliccompounds;theotheristhetryptamines.MescalineandMDMAareexamplesof

phenethylamines.

psilocin:Oneofthetwoprincipalpsychoactivecompoundsfoundinpsilocybinmushrooms.Theotheris

psilocybin,whichbreaksdowntopsilocinundercertainconditions.Bothcompoundswereisolated(from

mushroomsprovidedbyR.GordonWasson)andnamedbyAlbertHofmannin1958.Psilociniswhatgives

psilocybinmushroomstheirbluishtintwhenbruised.

Psilocybe:Agenusofapproximatelytwohundredgilledmushrooms,roughlyhalfofwhichproduce

psychoactivecompoundssuchaspsilocybinandpsilocin.Psilocybesaredistributedthroughouttheworld.

Theirpossessionisillegalinmostjurisdictions.Thebest-knownmembersofthegenusarePsilocybe

cubensis,Psilocybecyanescens,Psilocybesemilanceata,andPsilocybeazurescens.

psilocybin:Themainpsychoactivecompoundfoundinpsilocybinmushroomsandashorthandforthe

classofmushroomsthatcontainit.

psychedelic:FromtheGreekfor“mindmanifesting.”Thetermwascoinedin1956byHumphryOsmond

todescribedrugslikeLSDandpsilocybinthatproduceradicalchangesinconsciousness.

psycholytic:Atermcoinedinthe1960sforadrug,ordoseofadrug,thatloosensconstraintsonthe

mind,allowingsubconsciousmaterialtoenterone’sawareness.Alsothenameforaformofpsychotherapy

thatuseslowdosesofpsychedelicstorelaxthepatient’segowithoutobliteratingit.

psychotomimetic:Thenameforadrugthatproduceseffectsresemblingpsychosis.Thiswasacommon

termforLSDanddrugslikeitwhentheywerefirstintroducedtopsychiatryinthe1950s;researchers

believedtheyproducedtemporarypsychosesthatwouldyieldinsightsintothenatureofmentalillnessand

givetherapiststheopportunitytoexperiencemadnessfirsthand.

reducingvalve:ThetermusedbyAldousHuxleyinTheDoorsofPerceptionforthementalfilterthat

admitstoourawarenessonlya“measlytrickleofthekindofconsciousness”weneedtosurvive.Inhis

view,thevalueofpsychedelicswastoopenthereducingvalve,givingusaccesstothefullnessof

experienceandtheuniversal“MindatLarge.”

setandsetting:Theinnerandouterenvironmentsinwhichadrugexperiencetakesplace;“set”isaterm

forthemind-setandexpectationsthepersonbringstotheexperience,and“setting”istheoutward

circumstancesinwhichittakesplace.Setandsettingareparticularlyinfluentialinthecaseofpsychedelics.

ThetermsareusuallycreditedtoTimothyLeary,buttheconceptwasrecognizedandmadeuseofbyearlier

researcherssuchasAlHubbard.

tryptamine:Aclassoforganicmoleculecommoninnature,andthenameforoneofthetwoprincipal

typesofpsychedeliccompounds;theotheristhephenethylamines.LSD,psilocybin,andDMTare

tryptamines.Theneurotransmitterserotoninisalsoatryptamine.

Acknowledgments

CHANGINGONE’SMIND,orone’ssubjectasawriter,isnevereasy,andthisbook

wouldneverhavebeenventured,muchlesscompleted,ifnotforthesupportand

encouragementofthepeoplearoundme.AnnGodoff,mybookeditorforgoing

onfourdecadesnow,didn’tblinkorblanchwhenItoldherIwantedtowritea

bookaboutpsychedelics;herenthusiasmandsure-footededitorialguidance

throughthis,oureighthbooktogether,hasbeenablessing.AmandaUrban,too,

abettedthisadventureinsomanyways;mycareer-longdebttoheris

incalculable.Thanks,too,tothesuperbteamsintheirrespectiveoffices:Sarah

Hutson,CaseyDenis,andKarenMayer,atPenguin;and,atICM,LizFarrell,

MarisDyer,DaisyMeyrick,MollyAtlas,andRonBernstein.

Thebestthingaboutbeingajournalistisgettingpaidtolearnwholenew

subjectsasanadult.Yetthepursuitofsuchacontinuingeducationwouldbe

impossiblewithouttheforbearanceofthepeopleweasktobeourteachers.I’m

gratefultoeveryone—thescientists,thevolunteers,thepatients,thetherapists,

andtheadvocates—whoenduredthemultiple,lengthyinterviewsandallthe

dumbquestions.SpecialthankstoBobJesse,RolandGriffiths,Matthew

Johnson,MaryCosimano,BillRichards,KatherineMacLean,RickDoblin,Paul

Stamets,JamesFadiman,StephenRoss,TonyBossis,JeffreyGuss,George

Goldsmith,EkaterinaMalievskaia,CharlesGrob,TeriKrebs,RobinCarhart-

Harris,DavidNutt,DavidNichols,GeorgeSarlo,VickyDulai,JudsonBrewer,

BiaLabate,GaborMaté,LisaCallaghan,andAndrewWeil.Thoughnot

everyoneIinterviewedisquotedherebyname,allwereexcellentteachers,andI

amdeeplygratefulforyourpatiencewithmyquestionsandgenerositywithyour

answers.Severalpeopletooksubstantialrisksinsharingtheirstorieswithme;

althoughIcan’tthankthempublicly,Ioweatremendousdebttothemany

undergroundguideswhogavesofreelyoftheirtime,theirexperience,andtheir

wisdom.Itisashamethatatleastfornowtheirhealingpracticedependsonacts

ofcivildisobedience.

IspentaproductiveandpleasurableyearasafellowoftheRadcliffeInstitute

forAdvancedStudyatHarvard,whichgavemetheopportunitytoresearchand

writethehistoryofpsychedelicresearchinthecitywhereanimportantchapter

ofittookplace.Theinstituteofferedtheperfectenvironmentforpursuinga

projectthattouchesonsomanydifferentdisciplines:Ionlyhadtowalkdown

thehalltoconsultabrainscientist,abiologist,ananthropologist,andan

investigativereporter.WhileatRadcliffe,Iwasblessedtoworkwithadogged

undergraduateresearchassistantwhohelpedmenavigatetheHarvardarchives

andturneduponehiddengemafteranother:thankyou,TeddyDelwiche.Ialso

oweadebttoEdWasserman,mydeanattheGraduateSchoolofJournalismat

Berkeley,forgrantingmetimeofffromteachingsothatIcouldgotoCambridge

and,later,completethebook.

BackinBerkeley,BridgetHuberdidbrilliantwork,firstasaresearch

assistantandthenasafact-checker;thatthisisthemostthoroughlysourcedof

mybooksowesentirelytoherdiligenceandskill.Severalofmycolleaguesat

Berkeleycontributedhugelytomyeducationinneuroscienceandpsychology:

DavidPresti,DacherKeltner,andAlisonGopnikenrichedthisbookinmore

waysthantheyrealizeand,inthecaseofDavidandhispartner,KristiPanik,

whoreadadraftoftheneurosciencechapter,savedmefromerrorslargeand

small.(Thoughtheybearnoresponsibilityforanyerrorsthatmayremain.)Mark

Edmundsonsuppliedsomecrucialearlyadvicethathelpedshapethenarrative,

andMarkDannerwas,asever,aninvaluablesoundingboardonourwalksat

InspirationPoint.Icountmyselfespeciallyluckytobeclosefriendswithan

editorasastuteandgenerousasGerryMarzorati;hiscommentsonthe

manuscriptwereinvaluableandsavedyou,dearreader,fromhavingtoread

severalthousandunnecessarywords.

Myfirstforayintothesubjectofpsychedelicscameina2015pieceinthe

NewYorker,“TheTripTreatment”;thankstoAlanBurdick,thegiftededitorwho

assignedit,andDavidRemnick,forseeingitfittopublish;thepieceopenedall

sortsofdoors.

Forcrucialresearchassistancealongtheway,aswellastheirindispensable

onlinelibrary,I’mdeeplygratefultoEarthandFire,theproprietorsofErowid,

whichisthesinglemostimportantresourceonpsychedelicsthereis.Checkit

out.

Fortheirwise,helpful,andreassuringlegalcounsel,I’mgratefultomydear

friendHowardSobelandhiscolleagueMarvinPutnamatLatham&Watkins.I

sleepmuchbetterknowingtheyhavemyback.

Alongbookprojecthasawayofinflectingtheemotionalweatherinafamily,

thisoneperhapsmorethanmost.Isaac,ithasmeanttheworldtometobeable

totalkthroughmyjourneyswithyou;Ialwayscomeawayfromour

conversationswithsomethingsmart,useful,andunexpected.Yoursupport,

curiosity,andencouragementhavemadeallthedifference.

WhenIembarkedonthislong,strangetrip,Judithwonderedwhatitmight

meanforourthirty-year-pluscollaboration.WouldIreturnsomehowchanged?

NeverwouldIhaveimaginedthatafterallthattimeanythingcouldbringus

closertogether,butthereitis.Thankyouforpushingmetoattemptsomething

new,forthesearchingquestionsandinsightsalongtheway,forthecloseediting

ofeverychapter—and,mostofall,forgoingwithmeonthejourney.

Notes
PROLOGUEANEWDOOR
Thefirstofthesemolecules:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,40–47.
Thesecondmolecule:WassonandWasson,Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,vol.2.
afifteen-pageaccount:Wasson,“SeekingtheMagicMushroom.”
LSDscrambledyourchromosomes:Cohen,Hirschhorn,andFrosch,“InVivoandInVitroChromosomal
DamageInducedbyLSD-25.”
Inthespringof2010:Tierney,“HallucinogensHaveDoctorsTuningInAgain.”
Forapeer-reviewedscientificpaper:Griffithsetal.,“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-TypeExperiences
HavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaningandSpiritualSignificance.”
emergencyroomadmissionsinvolvingpsychedelics:JohansenandKrebs,“PsychedelicsNotLinkedtoMental
HealthProblemsorSuicidalBehavior.”
nearlyathousandvolunteers:PersonalcorrespondencewithMatthewW.Johnson,PhD.
theterm“psychedelics”:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,1–2.
CHAPTERONEARENAISSANCE
Enteringhissecondcentury:Langlitz,Neuropsychedelia,24–26.
“theonlyjoyousinvention”:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,184–85.
Asayoungchemist:Ibid.,36–45.
Andthereitremainedforfiveyears:Ibid.,46–47.
Nowunfoldstheworld’sfirstbadacidtrip:Ibid.,48–49.
“Myegowassuspended”:QuotedinNichols,“LSD.”
“everythingglistenedandsparkled”:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,51.
“intheedificeofmaterialistrationality”:JonathanOttintranslator’sprefacetoibid.,25.
“thefeelingofco-creatureliness”:Langlitz,Neuropsychedelia,25–26.
Thesecondwatershedeventof2006:Gonzalesv.OCentroEspiritaBeneficenteUniaodoVegetal.
“majortherapeuticpossibilities”:Kleber,“CommentaryOn:PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type
Experiences,”292.
“hopethatthislandmarkpaper”:Schuster,“CommentaryOn:PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type
Experiences,”289.
“that,whenusedappropriately”:Nichols,“CommentaryOn:PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-Type
Experiences,”284.
“freeoneselfofthebounds”:Wit,“TowardsaScienceofSpiritualExperience.”
thenoeticquality:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,370.
“Dreamscannotstandthistest”:Ibid.,389.
morethanathousandscientificpapers:See,forexample,GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugs
Reconsidered,192.

aPhDdissertationatHarvard:WalterPahnke’sthesis,“DrugsandMysticism:AnAnalysisoftheRelationship
BetweenPsychedelicDrugsandtheMysticalConsciousness,”isavailableinPDFformat
http://www.maps.org/images/pdf/books/pahnke/walter_pahnke_drugs_and_mysticism.pdf.
“UntiltheGoodFridayExperiment”:HustonSmith,HustonSmithReader,73.
afollow-upstudyoftheGoodFridayExperiment:Doblin,“Pahnke’s‘GoodFridayExperiment.’”
asecondreview:Doblin,“Dr.Leary’sConcordPrisonExperiment.”
“wouldbeforpsychiatry”:QuotedinNutt,“BraveNewWorldforPsychology?,”658.
thefirstmoderntrialofpsilocybin:Grobetal.,“PilotStudyofPsilocybinTreatmentforAnxietyinPatientswith
Advanced-StageCancer.”
Aninternalmemo:AcacheofdeclassifiedCIAfilesrelatedtoProjectArtichokeisavailableat
http://www.paperlessarchives.com/FreeTitles/ARTICHOKECIAFiles.pdf.
“myownconstitutionshutsmeout”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,369.
“Thesubjectofitimmediatelysays”:Ibid.,370.
“Mysticalstatesseemtothosewhoexperiencethem”:Ibid.
“thatdeepenedsenseofthesignificance”:Ibid.,372.
“andfromonerecurrencetoanother”:Ibid.,371.
“Themysticfeelsasifhisownwill”:Ibid.
ledtolastingchangesintheirpersonalities:MacLeanetal.,“MysticalExperiencesOccasionedbythe
HallucinogenPsilocybinLeadtoIncreasesinthePersonalityDomainofOpenness.”
“Doctorsencounterthisstrange”:McHugh,reviewofTheHarvardPsychedelicClub,byDonLattin.
“authoritativeovertheindividuals”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,415.
“Theexistenceofmysticalstates”:Ibid.,419.
“might,inspiteofalltheperplexity”:Ibid.,420.
“ascend[s]toamoreenvelopingpointofview”:Ibid.
“Itisasiftheoppositesoftheworld”:Ibid.,378.
apilotstudyinsmokingcessation:Johnsonetal.,“PilotStudyofthe5-HT
2AR
AgonistPsilocybininthe
TreatmentofTobaccoAddiction.”
CHAPTERTWONATURALHISTORY:BEMUSHROOMED
Themyceliainaforest:Simardetal.,“NetTransferofCarbonBetweenEctomycorrhizalTreeSpeciesinthe
Field.”
Humanshavebeenusingpsilocybinmushrooms:Stamets,PsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld,11.
“Psilocybemushroomsandcivilization”:Ibid.,16.
“Mistakesinmushroomidentificationcanbelethal”:Ibid.,30–32.
“TheStametsianRule”:Ibid.,53.
hadpersonalknowledgeofpsychedelicdrugs:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,71.
“throughtheeyesofahappyandgiftedchild”:Siff,AcidHype,93.
Lifegavehimagenerouscontract:Ibid.,80.
“descriptionofyourownsensations”:Ibid.,73.
acirculationof5.7million:Ibid.
“SeekingtheMagicMushroom”:AllquotationsappearinWasson,“SeekingtheMagicMushroom.”
“Thesetheyatebeforedawn”:WassonandWasson,Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,223.
“thedevilthattheyworshipped”:Davis,OneRiver,95.
“anactofsuperstitioncondemned”:Siff,AcidHype,69.
“carryyoutherewheregodis”:Wasson,Hofmann,andRuck,RoadtoEleusis,33.
OnthenightofJune29–30,1955:Wasson,“SeekingtheMagicMushroom.”
“BeforeWassonnobodytookthemushrooms”:Estrada,MaríaSabina,73.
“TofindGod,Sabina”:Letcher,Shroom,104.
PersontoPerson:Siff,AcidHype,80.

severalothermagazines:Ibid.,83.
Anexhibitiononmagicmushrooms:Ibid.,74.
Hofmannisolatedandnamed:Hofmann,LSD,MyProblemChild,128.
“Thirtyminutesaftermytaking”:Ibid.,126.
In1962,HofmannjoinedWasson:Ibid.,139–52.
“unleash[ing]onlovelyHuautla”:Wasson,“Drugs,”21.
“Fromthemomenttheforeignersarrived”:Estrada,MaríaSabina,90–91.
youcanfindhimonYouTube:Thevideo,TheStonedApeTheory,byTerenceMcKenna,isat
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOtLJwK7kdk.
“accesstorealmsofsupernaturalpower”:McKenna,FoodoftheGods,26.
“catalyzedtheemergenceofhumanself-reflection”:Ibid.,24.
“broughtusoutoftheanimalmind”:SeeMcKenna’stalkonYouTube:https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=hOtLJwK7kdk.
Samorinicallsthisa“depatterningfactor”:Samorini,AnimalsandPsychedelics,84–88.
“Natureeverywherespeakstoman”:Wulf,InventionofNature,54.
“Imyselfamidenticalwithnature”:Ibid.,128.
“Everything,”Humboldtsaid,“isinteractionandreciprocal”:Ibid.,59.
“Naturealwayswearsthecolors”:Emerson,Nature,14.
anotherformofconsciousness“partedfrom[us]”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,377.
aspiritually“realizedbeing”:HustonSmith,CleansingtheDoorsofPerception,76.
“forbid[s]aprematureclosing”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,378.
CHAPTERTHREEHISTORY:THEFIRSTWAVE
Whenthefederalauthorities:Leary,Flashbacks,232–42.
Learywascalledbeforeacommittee:Greenfield,TimothyLeary,267–72.
“DrearySenatehearingandcourtrooms”:Leary,Flashbacks,251–52.
“atantalizingsenseofportentousness”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”91.
“entertheillnessandseewithamadman’seyes”:Osmond,“OnBeingMad.”
IntheyearsfollowingWorldWarII:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,17.
thetworesearchersbegantoexplore:Ibid.
Butitwasaproductivehypothesis:Foranexcellentoverviewofhowthisresearchcontributedtotheriseof
neurochemistry,seeNichols,“Psychedelics,”267.
TheSaskatchewanMentalHospital:Weyburnwouldsoonbecometheworld’smostimportanthubofresearch
intopsychedelics.Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,26–28.
“My12HoursasaMadman”:Foradiscussionofthearticle,seeibid.,31–33.
TheirfocusonLSD:Ibid.,40–42.
“seemedsobizarrethatwelaugheduproariously”:Ibid.,58–59.
“Fromthefirst”:Ibid.,59.
Basedonthissuccess:Ibid.,71.
theyseemedtoogoodtobetrue:Ibid.,73.
Theideathatadrugcouldoccasion:SeeNovak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”97,andtheanonymouslypublished“Pass
ItOn,”Kindlelocation5372.
Beginningin1956,BillW.hadseveralLSDsessions:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”14,26–45;
Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”97.
Bornin1910inNewYorkCity:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”88–89.
“wastakenbysurprise”:Ibid.,92.
“theproblemsandstrivings”:Ibid.
Cohencametothinkofit:BettyGroverEisner,draftof“SidneyCohen,M.D.:ARemembrance,”box7,folder
3,BettyGroverEisnerPapers,StanfordUniversityDepartmentofSpecialCollectionsandUniversity

Archives.
“psycholytic”means“mindloosening”:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,7.
StanislavGrof,whotrainedasapsychoanalyst:Foradetailedaccountofthiswork,seeGrof,LSD.
A1967reviewarticle:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,208.
AnaïsNin,JackNicholson,StanleyKubrick:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,62.
themostfamousofthesepatientswasCaryGrant:Siff,AcidHype,100.
declaredhimself“bornagain”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,64.
“Allthesadnessandvanities”:Siff,AcidHype,100.
“I’mnolongerlonely”:Ibid.
“Youngwomenhaveneverbefore”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”103.
asurgeindemandforLSDtherapy:Ibid.
“LSDbecameforusanintellectualfundrug”:Ibid.,99.
Cohenwasmadeuncomfortable:Ibid.,99–101.
Heremaineddeeplyambivalent:Ibid.,100.
“underLSDthefondesttheories”:Cohen,BeyondWithin,182.
“anyexplanationofthepatient’sproblems”:Ibid.
“therapybyself-transcendence”:Cohen,“LSDandtheAnguishofDying,”71.
“relishthepossibility”:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,1.
“Itwaswithoutquestion”:Huxley,Moksha,42.
“thefoldsofmygrayflanneltrousers”:Huxley,DoorsofPerception,33.
“whatAdamhadseenonthemorning”:Ibid.,17.
“Wordslike‘grace’and‘transfiguration’”:Ibid.,18.
“ameaslytrickle”:Ibid.,23.
“shiningwiththeirowninnerlight”:Ibid.,17.
acommoncoreofmysticalexperience:Huxley,PerennialPhilosophy.
“99percentAldousHuxley”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”93.
“Itwillgivethatelixirabadname”:Ibid.,95.
Clearlyanewnameforthisclass:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,1–2.
“hadnoparticularconnotationofmadness”:Ibid.,2.
“uncontaminatedbyotherassociations”:Osmond,“ReviewoftheClinicalEffectsofPsychotomimeticAgents,”
429.
Thegoalwastocreatetheconditions:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,194–95.
hisFBIfile:Hubbard’sFBIfileisavailableattheInternetArchive:https://archive.org/details/AlHubbard.
thebestaccountwehaveofhislife:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
thetrailofHubbard’slife:Thesefacts,andtheircontradictions,aredrawnfromLeeandShlain,AcidDreams,
andFahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
Weknowthegovernmentkeptclosetabs:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,45.
“Itwasthedeepestmysticalthing”:Ibid.
“acatalyticagent”:Ibid.,52.
“ifhecouldgivethepsychedelicexperience”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“convincedthat[AlHubbard]wastheman”:Ibid.
Osmondabandonedthepsychotomimeticmodel:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,54.
Hubbardwasthefirstresearchertograsp:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,93.
“Hesaid,‘Nowhatethem’”:R.C.,“B.C.’sAcidFlashback.”
“Wewaitedforhimlikethelittleoldlady”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,51.
impressiveratesofsuccess:Stevens,StormingHeaven,175.
“TheCIAworkstinks”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,52.
“Itriedtotellthemhowtouseit”:Ibid.
“Whatcamethroughthecloseddoor”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,56.
“WhatBabesintheWoods”:Ibid.,54.

“who,havingoncecometotherealization”:Ibid.,57.
CommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”10.
“Explorershavenotalwaysbeenthemostscientific”:Ibid.,57.
“Myregardforscience”:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,97–98.
SteveJobsoftentoldpeople:Markoff,WhattheDormouseSaid,xix.
“He’dbeabroaderguy”:Isaacson,SteveJobs,172–73.
“Thatwasaremarkableopening”:Goldsmith,“ConversationwithGeorgeGreerandMyronStolaroff.”
“AfterthatfirstLSDexperience”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“Thegreatestthingintheworld”:Markoff,WhattheDormouseSaid,58.
Seventy-eightpercentofclients:Stevens,StormingHeaven,178.
“Wewereamazed”:Fadiman,PsychedelicExplorer’sGuide,185.
“Ourinvestigationsofsomeofthecurrentsocialmovements”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,198.
“toprovidethe[LSD]experience”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“Alneverdidanythingresemblingsecuritywork”:Ibid.
hisfirstshatteringexperience:Leary,Flashbacks,29–33.
“Infourhoursbytheswimmingpool”:Ibid.,33.
Listen!Wakeup!YouareGod!:Leary,HighPriest,285.
ExperimentalExpansionofConsciousness:ThiscoursedescriptionisintheNewYorkPublicLibrary’scollection
ofLeary’spapers.http://archives.nypl.org/mss/18400#detailed.
“Wewereonourown”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,135.
Learyreportedeye-poppingresults:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,75.
RickDoblinatMAPSmeticulouslyreconstructed:Doblin,“Dr.Leary’sConcordPrisonExperiment.”
“itwasthesortofresearch”:Cohen,BeyondWithin,224.
“Ifwelearnedonething”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,74.
“Wewerethinkingfar-outhistorythoughts”:Learyetal.,Neuropolitics,3.
“We’regoingtoteachpeople”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,77.
“Psychedelicdrugsopenedtomasstourism”:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,86.
A1961memofromDavidMcClelland:“SomeSocialReactionstothePsilocybinResearchProject,”Oct.8,1961.
“analyz[e]yourdataobjectively”:MemofromMcClellandtoMetzner,Dec.19,1962.
“IwishIcouldtreatthis”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,89.
Thenextday’sCrimson:RobertEllisSmith,“PsychologistsDisagreeonPsilocybinResearch.”
“HallucinationDrugFoughtatHarvard”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,91.
“Psychedelicdrugscausepanic”:GrinspoonandBakalar,PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered,66.
“thesematerialsaretoopowerful”:LearyandAlpert,“LetterfromAlpert,Leary.”
“ForthefirsttimeinAmericanhistory”:Ibid.
“We’rethroughplayingthesciencegame”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,189.
“hadtalkedsuchnonsense”:Ibid.,190.
“powerfulchemicals[as]harmlesstoys”:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”145.
Osmondtriedonceagaintocoinanewone:Dyck,PsychedelicPsychiatry,132.
“Youmustfacetheseobjections”:Ibid.,108.
“wreakhavoconallofus”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,191.
Learywashappytostateit:Leary,HighPriest,132.
“Heblewinwiththatuniform”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“IlikedTimwhenwefirstmet”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,88.
“Algotgreatlypreoccupied”:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
“Isupposethereislittlehope”:Stevens,StormingHeaven,191.
“usinghallucinogensforseductions”:Weil,“StrangeCaseoftheHarvardDrugScandal.”
“Yes,sir,Idid”:Lattin,HarvardPsychedelicClub,94.
AlpertandLearyappeartobe:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams.
“anundergraduategroup”:Weil,“StrangeCaseoftheHarvardDrugScandal.”

“giventohim”byMarshallMcLuhan:Strauss,EveryoneLovesYouWhenYou’reDead,location352.
“ThekidswhotakeLSD”:ThisquotationappearsinavideomadebyRetroReport,availablehere:
https://www.retroreport.org/video/the-long-strange-trip-of-lsd/.
WithKenKesey,theCIAhadturnedon:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,124.
“byblurringtheboundaries”:Grob,“PsychiatricResearchwithHallucinogens.”
“thedrugstothemselves”:Grinker,“LysergicAcidDiethylamide.”
“renderingtheirconclusionsbiased”:Grinker,“BootleggedEcstasy.”
“auraofmagic”:ColeandKatz,“PsychotomimeticDrugs,”758.
“thetranscendentalintopsychiatry”:Eisner,“RemembrancesofLSDTherapyPast,”112.
Butwhenthestudywaslaterdiscredited:PrestiandBeck,“StrychnineandOtherEnduringMyths,”130–31.
Forhisfirststudy:Cohen,“LysergicAcidDiethylamide.”
“thedangersofsuicide”:CohenandDitman,“ComplicationsAssociatedwithLysergicAcidDiethylamide
(LSD-25),”162.
Inanotherpaperpublished:CohenandDitman,“ProlongedAdverseReactionstoLysergicAcid
Diethylamide.”
Afourtharticle:Cohen,“ClassificationofLSDComplications.”
feverishcoverstory:MooreandSchiller,“ExplodingThreatoftheMindDrugThatGotoutofControl.”
“LSDhasbeenyourFrankenstein”:Novak,“LSDBeforeLeary,”109.
“Whyif[theseprojects]wereworthwhile”:LeeandShlain,AcidDreams,93.
“fourmenlay,theirmindsliterallyexpanding”:Fadiman,PsychedelicExplorer’sGuide,186.
Someonemadeavideotapeoftheevent:Andit’savailableonYouTube:https://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=rjylxvQqm0U.
he’straveledfromCasaGrande:Fahey,“OriginalCaptainTrips.”
CHAPTERFOURTRAVELOGUE:JOURNEYINGUNDERGROUND
therearethreethingshumanbeingsareafraidof:QuotedinEpstein,ThoughtsWithoutaThinker,119.
threethousandpatientsandtrained150guides:Stolaroff,SecretChiefRevealed,28,59.
“laidtheTorahacrossmychest”:Ibid.,36.
“ManytimesI’dbeinmuchagony”:Ibid.,61.
“Justleave’emalone!”:Ibid.,50.
surveyingtheirmusicalpractices:Barrettetal.,“QualitativeandQuantitativeFeaturesofMusicReportedto
SupportPeakMysticalExperiencesDuringPsychedelicTherapySessions.”
“formsofconsciousnessentirelydifferent”:James,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,377.
“Forthemomentthatinterferingneurotic”:Huxley,DoorsofPerception,53.
“thetotalityoftheawarenessbelongingtoMindatLarge”:Ibid.,24.
“ofbeingoverwhelmed,ofdisintegrating”:Ibid.,55.
“Ifonealwayssawlikethis”:Ibid.,34–35.
“Standingonthebareground”:Emerson,Nature,13.
“Swiftlyaroseandspreadaroundme”:Whitman,LeavesofGrass,29.
“Allatonce,asitwereoutoftheintensity”:Tennysons,“LuminousSleep.”
“Isawthattheuniverse”:QuotedinJames,VarietiesofReligiousExperience,391.
CHAPTERFIVENEUROSCIENCE:YOURBRAINONPSYCHEDELICS
Onecandidateforthatchemical:Formoredetail,seeDavidNichols’stalk“DMTandthePinealGland:Facts
vs.Fantasy,”availableathttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeeqHUiC8Io.
psychedelicslikeLSDandpsilocybinwork:Vollenweideretal.,“PsilocybinInducesSchizophrenia-Like
PsychosisinHumansviaaSerotonin-2AgonistAction.”
“thereisnothingofwhichwearemorecertain”:Freud,CivilizationandItsDiscontents,12.
Theclassicthoughtexperiment:Nagel,“WhatIsItLiketoBeaBat?”

consciousnessmaypervadetheuniverse:Frank,“MindingMatter.”
alandmarkpaper:Raichleetal.,“DefaultModeofBrainFunction.”
“Chaosisaverted”:Raichle,“Brain’sDarkEnergy.”
Italsolightsupwhenwereceive“likes”:Brewer,CravingMind,46.
Inanoften-citedpaper:KillingsworthandGilbert,“WanderingMindIsanUnhappyMind.”
ShortlyafterCarhart-Harrispublished:Carhart-Harrisetal.,“NeuralCorrelatesofthePsychedelicStateas
DeterminedbyfMRIStudieswithPsilocybin.”
Thebeeperceivesasubstantiallydifferentspectrum:Srinivasan,“HoneyBeesasaModelforVision,Perception,
andCognition”;Dyeretal.,“SeeinginColour.”
thesensethatallowsbeestoregister:Suttonetal.,“MechanosensoryHairsinBumblebees(Bombusterrestris)
DetectWeakElectricFields.”
adimensionofmusicthatconveysemotion:Kaelen,“PsychologicalandHumanBrainEffectsofMusicin
CombinationwithPsychedelicDrugs.”
“servestopromoterealism”:Carhart-Harrisetal.,“EntropicBrain.”
“Distinctnetworksbecamelessdistinct”:Carhart-Harris,Kaelen,andNutt,“HowDoHallucinogensWorkonthe
Brain?”
theusuallinesofcommunications:Petrietal.,“HomologicalScaffoldsofBrainFunctionalNetworks.”
hersuperbbook:Gopnik,PhilosophicalBaby.
“Adultshavecongealedintheirbeliefs”:Lucasetal.,“WhenChildrenAreBetter(oratLeastMoreOpen-
Minded)LearnersThanAdults.”
CHAPTERSIXTHETRIPTREATMENT:PSYCHEDELICSINPSYCHOTHERAPY
“Formethatisnotamedicalconcept”:Kupferschmidt,“HighHopes,”23.
“Ifwearetodevelopoptimalresearchdesigns”:Grob,“PsychiatricResearchwithHallucinogens.”
onlyabouthalfofthepeoplewhotaketheirlives:BeaconHealthOptions,“WeNeedtoTalkAboutSuicide,”10.
“psychiatryhasgonefrombeingbrainless”:Solomon,NoondayDemon,102.
“alter[]theexperienceofdying”:Cohen,“LSDandtheAnguishofDying.”
“ofcosmicunity”:Richardsetal.,“LSD-AssistedPsychotherapyandtheHumanEncounterwithDeath.”
“Iamtheluckiestmanonearth”:Grob,Bossis,andGriffiths,“UseoftheClassicHallucinogenPsilocybinfor
TreatmentofExistentialDistressAssociatedwithCancer,”303.
InDecember2016,afront-pagestory:Hoffman,“DoseofaHallucinogenfroma‘MagicMushroom,’andThen
LastingPeace.”
Inafollow-upstudytotheNYUtrial:Belseretal.,“PatientExperiencesofPsilocybin-AssistedPsychotherapy:
AnInterpretativePhenomenologicalAnalysis.”
“istomakeyourinterestsgraduallywider”:BertrandRussell,“HowtoGrowOld.”
“AndsuddenlyIrealizedthatthemolecules”:Hertzberg,“MoonShots(3of3).”
80percentofthevolunteerswereconfirmedasabstinent:Johnsonetal.,“PilotStudyofthe5-HT
2AR
Agonist
PsilocybinintheTreatmentofTobaccoAddiction.”
Thissuggeststhattheability:PersonalcommunicationwiththeneuroscientistDraulioAraujo.
Therecordwasacompletemuddle:KrebsandJohansen,“LysergicAcidDiethylamide(LSD)forAlcoholism.”
“Giventheevidenceforabeneficialeffect”:Ibid.
a2015pilotstudy:Bogenschutzetal.,“Psilocybin-AssistedTreatmentforAlcoholDependence.”
volunteersspentaminutelooking:Piffetal.,“Awe,theSmallSelf,andProsocialBehavior.”
theafter-aweself-portraits:Baietal.,“Awe,theDiminishedSelf,andCollectiveEngagement.”
researchersgavepsilocybintosixmen:Carhart-Harrisetal.,“PsilocybinwithPsychologicalSupportfor
Treatment-ResistantDepression.”
Watts’sinterviewsuncoveredtwo“master”themes:Wattsetal.,“Patients’AccountsofIncreased‘Connectedness’
and‘Acceptance’AfterPsilocybinforTreatment-ResistantDepression.”
“Itwaslikeaholiday”:Ibid.

“Thesheenandshinethatlifeandexistence”:ForRouiller’sfullaccount,see
http://inandthrough.blogspot.com/2016/08/psilocybin-trial-diary-one-year-on.html.
obsessive-compulsivedisorder:Morenoetal.,“Safety,Tolerability,andEfficacyofPsilocybinin9Patientswith
Obsessive-CompulsiveDisorder.”
“Depressionisaresponsetopastloss”:Solomon,NoondayDemon,65.
“Whatstartedasapleasurebecomesaneed”:Kessler,Capture,8–9.
psychedelicsenhanceneuroplasticity:VollenweiderandKometer,“NeurobiologyofPsychedelicDrugs.”
Inacollegecommencementaddress:Reproduced,inpart,atBrainPickings:
https://www.brainpickings.org/2012/09/12/this-is-water-david-foster-wallace/.
“howwerelatetoourthoughtsandfeelings”:Brewer,CravingMind,115.
EPILOGUEINPRAISEOFNEURALDIVERSITY
“Wearenotthecounterculture”:Schwartz,“MollyattheMarriott.”
mentionedtheplenarypanel:Avideoofthetalkisathttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_oZ_v3QFQDE.
avideotapedinterviewwithRamDass:Availableathttps://www.youtube.com/watch?
v=NhlTrDIOcrQ&feature=share.

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Index
Thepagenumbersinthisindexrefertotheprintedversionofthisbook.Thelinkprovidedwilltakeyouto
thebeginningofthatprintpage.Youmayneedtoscrollforwardfromthatlocationtofindthe
correspondingreferenceonyoure-reader.
Note:Pagenumbersinitalicsrefertoillustrations.
abuseofpsychedelics,lowriskof,50
AcidTests,184,206
activeplacebos,psychedelicsas,159
Adamicmoments,25
addiction,358–75
andautobiographicalnarratives,387–88,391
andawe-inspiringexperiences,373–75
andayahuasca,369n
banalityofinsightsaftertreatments,361–62,363–64
anddefaultmodenetwork,387–88
depression’slinksto,383
andegodissolution,271,366
andexcessoforderinbrain,313,329,385
andmentaltimetravel,387
andnegativethinkinghabits,383
Nutt’sconclusionson,300n
andovervieweffect,359–60
andratparkexperiment,372–73
andrisksofpsychedelics,14,30
Seealsoalcoholism;smokingcessation
AddictionResearchFoundationinToronto,151
adrenaline,146
afterglowofpsychedelicexperiences,24–25,254
agnosticsandatheists
mysticalexperiencesof,74,222,284–85,345
andvalueofmeaning,355
AlcoholicsAnonymous(AA),141,152–53,370
alcoholism
andBillW’spsychedelicexperiences,152–53,370
andHubbard’streatmentfacilities,171
LSDastreatmentfor,141,148–53,368–69,370

andOsmond/Hoffer’sresearch,170
andpersonalhistory/environment,370–72
peyoteusedtotreat,368
andpsychotherapy,369
resultsfromtreatmentof,368–69
andSpringGrove’sresearch,57,218
andsuppressionofpsychedelicresearch,141–42
Allen,Don,176–77,178,181n,198,206n
Alpert,Richard(laterRamDass)
andcounterculture,205
criticismsofresearch,194,195
defenseofresearch,196
dismissalfromHarvard,202–3
andFadiman,177
andHarvardPsilocybinProject,188,189,190
andInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom,203
andJohnson,360
post-Harvardlifeof,205
andpsychedelics’escapefromthelab,197
andWeil,202–3
AlteredStatesofConsciousness(Tart),99
altruisticbehavior,373–74
amadou,87,117
AmericanPsychiatricAssociation(APA),141
Ampex,44,176
AnimalsandPsychedelics(Samorini),123–24
animals’consumptionofPsilocybes,93,98,122–23
antidepressants
discoveryof,147
andlossofeffectiveness,335
andneurochemistryfield,293
andplaceboeffect,335n,382
rangeofdisordersaddressedby,383
anxiety
andautobiographicalnarratives,387–88
anddefaultmodenetwork,387–88
andeffectofpsychedelicsonego,271
andmentaltimetravel,387
andnegativethinkinghabits,383
duringpsychedelicexperiences,46,63
andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156,159
ruminationin,383
Apolloastronauts,358–59,373
artificialintelligence(AI),325–26
authorityofpsychedelicexperiences,59,71,346,365–66
autism,37
autobiographicalself,304,387–88,391
awe,experiencesof,306,373–75,389
ayahuasca
inaddictiontreatments,369n

ingroupsettings,405
lackofresearchon,18
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,410–13
ritualuseof,402,404
andUDVcourtcase,27–28
Aztecs,2,108–9
badtrips
andbacklashagainstpsychedelics,3
andexpectationsoftherapist,347
firstbadtrip,24
ingeneralpopulation,209
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,152
androleofguides,405
androleofsetting,14
Weil’s“treatment”for,210
Balick,Michael,107
Barlow,JohnPerry,183
BayAreatechcommunity,171,175–83,181n
Bayesianinferences,261–63
Bazer,Dinah,284–85,344–45,355
BeHereNow(RamDass),205
Beatles,143,204
BeckleyFoundation,228,297,299
behaviorism,149
being/doingduality,280–81,282
belladonna,152,370
Belser,Alexander,351
Bergson,Henri,56,162
Bessant,Charles,360,361,362–63
Beug,Michael,101,121–23
“BicycleDay”(April19),24
Bigwood,Jeremy,101
bioterrorism,89
birthexperiences,155,176,240,279–80,341–42,344
Blake,William,82,161,194
Bogenschutz,Michael,369,370–72
Boothby,Richard,65,67–68,69,70,72,75
Bossis,Tony
onauthenticityquestions,347
andBazer’stherapy,344–45
onculturalfearofdeath,404
andMettes’stherapy,336,337–38,340–43,346,357
onresultswithcancerpatients,336
onroleofguides,402
TheBotanyofDesire(Pollan),12–13
brainscience,2–3,24.Seealsoneuroscienceofpsychedelics
Brand,Stewart,182,183–85,359
BraveNewWorld(Huxley),160

breathwork,242–44,245,245n,306
Brewer,Judson
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322,325
andmeditationexperiment,392–95
andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,305,306,322,390–91
Bronfman,Jeffrey,49
Bucke,R.M.,289
Buckley,Lord,157
Buddhism,16,288,305,392
Burgess,Tammy,346
BurningMan,83,184
Bush,George,27,181
Caen,Herb,204
CaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies,232–33,402
Canada,147–50,171,198
cancerpatientresearch,331–58
andauthenticityquestions,347–49
andbirthexperiences,338–39,344
commonthemesin,344–46
criticismsofresearch,350n
anddeathrehearsalprocess,346
andfearofdeath,8,79,336–37,346–47
andfear/anxietyduringtreatments,341,345
andflightinstructions,338,341
follow-upstudy,351–52
Griffiths’slandmarkpaperon,10–11,29–30
meaningin,352–55
andmysticalexperiences,79,349,350–51
atNewYorkUniversity,332–33,337–38
originsof,338–39
andPatrickMettes,332,336,337–38,340–44,346–47,356–57
andperspectiveshiftsofpatients,339–40
andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,159
resultsof,349–50
atSpringGrove,218
treatmentroomsin,331–32
andvisionsofdeath,345–46
volunteers’accountsof,351–52
cannabisandmarijuana,36,37,138,138n,204,299
Capture:UnravelingtheMysteryofMentalSuffering(Kessler),383
Carhart-Harris,Robin
onconsciousness-expansion,322
anddepressionpilotstudy,329–30,376–81
ondisorganizingeffectofpsychedelics,314,314n
andeffectofpsilocybinonbrainactivity,300–301
andFeilding,297,299
andGopnik,323–24
onpoliticaleffectsofpsychedelics,315

onpredictive/sensorydata,310–11
psychoanalysisresearchof,296–97,311
onrewiringofbrain,316,320,327,384
onvalueofpsychedelicexperiences,315,328
Seealsodefaultmodenetwork(DMN);entropicbraintheory
carpenterants,89,96–97
CBSNews,57,113
celebritiesonpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156–57,171
CentralIntelligenceAgency(CIA)
andculturalupheavalofthesixties,206–7
andHubbard,166,171–72
MK-Ultraexperimentsof,59,113n,172,172n,206,207
andpsychotomimeticmodel,172
andsearchforLSDapplications,142,206
CentreforPsychiatry,ImperialCollegeLondon,295–96
Charnay,Amy,66–67,73
Chekhov,Anton,381,382
children
consciousnessof,323–28
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),312,328
memoriesfromchildhood,222,307
problemsolvingin,325–28
asR&Dstageofspecies,327
andsuppressionofentropy,328
Clavicepspurpurea,84.SeealsoLSD(lysergicaciddiethylamide)
Cleaver,Eldridge,204
Coburn,James,156
cocaine,7
Cohen,Sidney
ambivalenceaboutpsychedelics,158–59,175
andBillW’spsychedelicexperiences,152–53
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174,175
andcongressionalhearings,217
andHubbard,171,174,175
onLeary’smethodologicalissues,191
LSDexperiencesof,153–54
andLSDtherapy,156
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219,220
onrisksofpsychedelics,210–11
onterminalpatients,339
colonycollapsedisorder(CCD),89
colorblindness,310
“ComeTogether”(Beatles),204
CommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174–75
CompassPathways,401
computertechnology,183–84,183n
ConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n,195
consciousness
andarrivalofpsychedelics,2
Bergsonon,162

Carhart-Harris’stheoryon,312–13,314
ofchildren,323–28
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),302,306,307
expandingrepertoireof,408–9
expansionandcontractionof,322–23
andHuxley’s“reducingvalve”concept,161–62,289,307,313,322
hypnagogicconsciousness,252
Jesseon,41
lanternvs.spotlight,325
Learyon,187
andmeditation,408–9
neuroscienceof,293–95,302,305–6,307–9,311–14,322–23
andourperceptionsofreality,137
andparadoxofpsilocybin,85
philosophicalapproachto,294
preconceptions,308
asproductofbrain,41,265
aspropertyoftheuniverse,56,264,314
andquantummechanics,413–14
scientificevidencefor,348–49
andtrepanation,298
universaldesiretochange,13
valueofalteredstatesof,406–9
convictionassociatedwithmysticalexperiences,41,70–71
Cordyceps,89,96–97
Cosimano,Mary,61,73
Costa,JoséGabrielda,27–28
CouncilonSpiritualPractices(CSP),43,49–51,228
counterculture
andcomputertechnology,183–84,183n
do-it-yourselfapproachof,215
andEasternreligion,205
effortstodistancepsychedelicresearchfrom,84
andgenerationgap,215–16
andHubbard,181,181n,200
inevitabilityof,215–16
andKesey’sAcidTests,206–7
andLeary,203–4,205
negativeassociationsof,58
andNixonadministration,58
psychedelics’linkto,205,215–16
and“psychedelics”term,19
andRamDass,205
andresearchers,215
riseof,3
andupheavalsofthesixties,205–7,215–16,315
andVietnamWar,215
Coyne,James,350n
creativeimagination,156,175,179,183,319
culturalrevolution,175,197,205–7.Seealsocounterculture

cybernetics,183
DalaiLama,41
dangersofpsychedelics,14–15,209–11,209n
Davis,Wade,107,274
deathanddying
deathrehearsalprocess,346,389
deathsassociatedwithpsychedelics,14,211
fearof,8,78–79,218,223,336–37,339,346–47,353,355,404
Griffiths’soutlookon,79–80
andhospiceservices,401
near-deathexperiences,306
perceptionsof,68,70,79
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,267,269
reconnectionswiththedead,67
visionsof,345–46
Seealsocancerpatientresearch
defaultmodenetwork(DMN)
activityreductionsin,300,304–6,313–14,316–20,322
andautobiographicalnarratives,304,387–88,391
andchildren’sbrains,312,328
anddepression,313,378,387–88
discoveryof,301–2
anddisorganizingeffectofpsychedelics,314n
effectofpsilocybinon,300–301,304–5
andego,312,313–14,329,387,388
andegodissolution,304–5,351
evolutionof,312
andexistentialdistress,353
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322–23
functionof,301–4,306–7
keystructuresof,301n
andmentalillness,329,386
andmentaltimetravel,387
andmysticalexperiences,306
overactivityin,313,353,378,386
andposteriorcingulatecortex,387–88,391–93
quietingthroughmeditation,305,306,391,392–95
andrelationshiptonature,315–16
andrewiringofbrain,316–20,353–54
andsnowtrailsmetaphor,385
Delysid(LSD-25),142–43,145–46,216–17
depatterningfactor,124
depression,375–81
andaccesstoemotions,379–80
addiction’slinksto,383
andantidepressants,147,293,335,335n,382
andautobiographicalnarratives,387–88
Carhart-Harris’spilotstudyon,329–30,376–81

anddefaultmodenetwork,313,378,387–88
disconnectionexperiencedin,377–78
andego’styranny,367
andexcessoforderinbrain,313,329,385
inadequatetreatmentsfor,335
andmentaltimetravel,387
andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156
returnof,380–81
andrumination,377–78,383
andstudiesrequestedbyFDA,375–76
DiagnosticandStatisticalManualofMentalDisorders(DSM),383
dimethyltryptamine(DMT),27,48,293
Doblin,Rick
ambitionsof,36–37,401–2
backgroundof,35
onlegalization,402
andMAPS,35,36–37,397
andMDMAtrials,48
onprogressoffield,397,403–4
onqualityofHarvard-basedresearch,45–46,191
TheDoorsofPerception(Huxley),25,143,160,162,201,253
double-blindtrialsinresearch,208
dreamsanddreaming,155,292,297
DrugEnforcementAdministration(DEA),60
drugwar,28,50,398
DrugsWithouttheHotAir(Nutt),300n
Dulles,Allen,165
Dylan,Bob,114
Dyson,Esther,183
Easternreligions,205
eatingdisorders,313,367
ecstasyinpsychedelicexperiences,111
ego
andAlcoholicsAnonymous(AA),370
andawe-inspiringexperiences,374
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),312,313–14,329,387,388
excessivecontrolof,313,315,367,388
andexistentialdistress,353
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,323
andfearofdeath,339
functionsof,352
andmentaltimetravel,387
silencingof,288–90,394–95
andspirituality,390
weakenedstateof,252–53
egodissolution
andaddictiontreatment,366
attitudespredictedby,316n

anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),304–5,351
andGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,10
inHofmann’strip,24
andmysticalexperiences,389
andnoeticquality,42
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,252,263–65,270–71,277
andspirituality,288,390
therapeuticvalueof,389–90
volunteers’accountsof,65–66
Einstein,Albert,367
Eisner,Betty
onCohen’s“unsanity,”154
andHubbard,171,174
andLSDtherapy,156
paranormalinterestsof,208
andWestCoastresearchhub,152–53
Eliot,T.S.,136
emergencyroomadmissions,14,209–10
Emerson,RalphWaldo,136,286
emotions
accesstodifficult,379–80
andcancerpatientresearch,351–52,353
inhibitedbydefaultmodenetwork,307
andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,317
Engelbart,Doug,179,179n,183–84
engineers’useofpsychedelics,182
English,William,179
entheogens,19,103
entropicbraintheory
andaging,321
andchildren’sbrains,312,323–28
andcommunicationswithinbrain,316–20,318–19
andevolutionofdefaultmodenetwork,312
andexcessorderinbrain,313,315,385
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322–23
andgrandunifiedtheoryofmentalillness,385
andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,313–14,316–20
andspectrumofcognitivestates,313,315,385
andvalueofpsychedelics,313–14,315,385
environment,attitudestoward,315–16,359
environment,personal,372–73
environmentofpsychedelicexperiences
andbadtrips,152
andcriticismsofpsychedelictherapy,207–8
Hubbard’srolein,164,169–70,190
andOsmondandHoffer’sresearch,151,152,163–64
and“setandsetting”concepts,14,53,151,190,207–8
ergot,22–23,84
EsalenInstitute,47–48,49–51
EuropeanMedicinesAgency(EMA),376–77

EvergreenStateCollege,101,102
evolution,roleofpsilocybinin,115–16
existentialdistress,8,78–79,218,223,336–37,353
expectancyeffects
andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158
andexpectationsoftherapist,347
andGriffiths’spsilocybinresearch,62–63,64
andHuxley,143–44,161–62
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,150
ExxonValdezdisaster,88
Fadiman,James
andAlpert(laterRamDass),177
andCouncilonSpiritualPractices,49
andcreativedoseofLSD,184
andHubbard,172
atInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy,177–78,183,184
andJesse,43–44,46,49
aspioneerinfield,43–44
ThePsychedelicExplorer’sGuide,229
andresearchapprovalrevokedbyFDA,57,217–18
onSchuster,50
andundergroundtherapists,228
Fahey,ToddBrendan,165,166,181
fasting,306
FederalBureauofInvestigation(FBI),164
Feilding,Amanda
backgroundof,297–99
andCarhart-Harris,296,297,299
cerebralcirculationtheoryof,298,299,305n
andresearchfunding,299,300
Fischer,Roland,97
5-HT
2A
receptors,292–93,354n
5-MeO-DMT(TheToad),272–90,291–92
flashbacks,3,209
Flashbacks(Leary),139,187,190n
flightinstructions
andcancerpatientresearchatNYU,338,341
andHopkins’spsilocybinresearch,63,64,72
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,246,259–60
Fomesfomentarius,87
FoodoftheGods(McKenna),115
forests,mycelialnetworksin,91,91n
Frankl,Viktor,352n
Freud,Sigmund,155,294,297,307,312,314,389
fungi
Clavicepspurpurea,84(seealsoLSD)
Cordyceps,89,96–97
andforests,91,91n

Galerinaautumnalis,94
mycelialnetworksof,84n,90–91,118,122
andmycoremediation,88
Stamets’sadvocacyfor,87–90
SeealsoPsilocybes
FungiPerfectioperationofStamets,86n,126
Gaiahypothesis,359
Galerinaautumnalis,94
Gates,Bill,175
Ginsberg,Allen,193–94,203,205
Gitlin,Todd,216
Godexperiences,71,343,344,345,371–72
Goldsmith,George,398–99,400–401
GoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,60,80–81,191–92
Gopnik,Alison,323–28,329
Gottlieb,Sidney,172n
Grant,Cary,157
Graves,Robert,107
Grey,Alex,125
Griffiths,Roland
onapplicationsforwellpeople,404–5
onauthenticityquestions,76,348–49
onauthorityofexperiences,365
awakeningof,33
backgroundof,31–34
careersuccessof,78
commitmenttoresearch,77
ondeath,79–80
anddepressionresearch,375–76
andJesse,38,51–52
onlongtermchangesinopenness,319–20
onmeaningassociatedwithpsychedelicexperiences,75
mushroommedallionsof,82–83
mysteriesanduncertaintiesembracedby,75,79,80
onpreparingvolunteersfortrials,64
“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-TypeExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonal
MeaningandSpiritualSignificance,”10–11,29–30
andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,60,62,65,79,360
onresearchatSpringGrove,56
andRichards,53
onSchuster,50
spiritualemphasisof,62
on“threats”ofpsychedelics,59
Grinker,Roy,208,211
Grob,Charles
on“appliedmysticism,”207,334
onfirstwaveresearch,333
andMDMAtrials,48

andshamanicparadigm,208,334
Grof,Stanislav
onAmericanvalues,58–59
onamplificationeffectsofpsychedelics,159
onbirthexperiences,155
andCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies,232
atEsalenInstitute,47
andguides,225,230,240
RealmsoftheHumanUnconscious,297
andRichards,53
atSpringGrove,57,218
andterminalpatients,339
groupsettings,psychedelicsin,405
Guatemala,114–15
guides
andbadtrips,405
codeofethics,229
andfutureofpsychedelics,402–3
guidelinesandprotocolsof,226–27,230,230n
andintegrationofjourney,250–52,269–71,282,364,402,405–6
interviewswith,231–35
personalexperienceswithpsychedelics,227
inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,237–41,242,254–57,272–74
inpsychedelicunderground,223–30
qualificationsof,224
risksassumedby,224–25
roleof,215,242,364–65,405–6
andsecondwaveofresearch,227
shrinesoraltarsof,231–32,245–46,254–55
trainingof,225,402
websitefor,228–30
Guss,Jeffrey,335,352,354,369
habits,360–64.Seealsosmokingcessation
hackercommunity,184
hallucinations,310,317
hallucinogens(term),18
Harman,Willis
ambitionsof,181
andHubbard,166
andInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS),177
andJesse,46,49
andpsychedelicsinSiliconValley,176–77
researchoncreativeproblemsolving,179
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219
atStanfordResearchInstitute,180–82
HarvardPsilocybinProject
controversysurrounding,194–97
criticismsof,46,76,195

misperceptionsof,140
natureofexperimentsin,189
andresearchofpreviousdecade,140,185
researchers’consumptionofdrugsin,189,195
andWeil,201
HarvardUniversity
andConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n,195
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,60,191–92
andJames,188,196
Leary’semploymentat,140,186–87,201–3
andLeary’spsychedelicseminar,188–89
andSchultes,107
Hayes,John,70,72–73
Heard,Gerald,174,176
HeffterResearchInstitute,48–49,228
Helms,Richard,172n
Hendricks,Peter,373
hierarchies,psychedelics’abilitytooverturn,315
HighPriest(Leary),187–88
Hinduism,16
hippiesofthesixties,203–4,315
history,personal,372–73
Hitchcock,Billy,203
Hoffer,Abram
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174
andHubbard,168,170,174
andLeary,198
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,147–52,170
andpsychotomimeticmodel,159–60
androleofenvironment,151
Hofmann,Albert
birthdaycelebrationfor,21–22
creationofLSD-25,1–2,22–23
andHubbard,167
isolationofpsilocybinandpsilocin,113
andmushroomconferences,103
psychedelicexperiencesof,23–25,113,142
onreconnectionwithnature,25–26
andStamets,97,103
andsyntheticpsilocybin,83,113
Holland,Julie,402
Hollywoodcelebrities,156–57,171
holotropicbreathwork,242–44,245,245n,306
honeybeesandcolonycollapsedisorder,89,128
Hoover,J.Edgar,168
hospice,psychedelic,401
HuautladeJiménezinsouthernMexico,2,108,110,112,113–14
Hubbard,Al
advocacyforpsychedelics,167–68
ambitionsof,167–68,173,181,194,198n

backgroundof,164–67
andBayAreacommunity,171,175–78,180–83
CaptainTripsnickname,171
andCIA,166,171–72
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174–75
contradictionsinlifeof,164,169
andcounterculture,181,181n,200
andenvironmentofpsychedelicexperiences,164
andguides,225,230
andHuxley,172–74
andleadingresearchers,170–71
andLeary,199–200,219,220
LSDexperiencesof,167
andmescaline,169,173
andOsmond,168–69,200
andOsmond/Hoffer’sresearch,170
andpsychedelictherapyparadigm,160,164,169–70,171,207
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219,220
andSandozLSD,167,170
atStanfordResearchInstitute,180–82
ontherapeuticvalueofpsychedelics,169
andWasson,170
HumanBe-IninSanFrancisco,203–4
Humboldt,Alexandervon,126–27,128,134
Huxley,Aldous
ambitionsof,194,198n
BraveNewWorld,160
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174
deathof,338
TheDoorsofPerception,25,143,160,162,201,253
onego,253,289
andexpectancyeffects,143–44,161–62
andHubbard,172–74
imprintonmodernpsychedelicexperiences,111,143–44,162
andLeary,198
LSDexperiencesof,173–74
mescalineexperienceof,144,151,160–62
and“MindatLarge”state,264,315,389
andOsmond,160,174
PerennialPhilosophyconceptof,162,232
andpsychedelictherapyparadigm,160,207
and“psychedelics”term,160,162–63
“reducingvalve”conceptof,161–62,289,307,313,322,353
andterminalpatients,338
Huxley,Laura,172
Hyams,Joe,157
hypnagogicconsciousness,252
ibogaine,369n

imagination,308
ImperialCollegeLondon’sCentreforPsychiatry,295–96.SeealsoCarhart-Harris,Robin
industrialwaste,mycoremediationof,88
ineffabilityofmysticalexperiences,40,54,69,251,270,285
Insel,Tom,335,383,388n,398,401
interconnectedness
andaddictiontreatment,362–63
AlcoholicsAnonymous’semphasison,370
andcancerpatientresearch,351
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),305
anddepressionpilotstudy,379
inmysticalexperiences,285,305
andovervieweffect,359
andPollan’sPsilocybesexperience,134
Stametson,125
InternationalFederationforInternalFreedom(IFIF),197,198,199,203
InternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS)
andBrand,183
closureof,180
Fadiman’sworkat,43–44
andLeary,198
researchapprovalrevokedbyFDA,44,217–18
researchconductedat,177–79
Inuitpeople,13n
Jagger,Mick,114
James,William
onconsciousness,16–17,136,137,244,407
onfourhallmarksofmysticalexperiences,69–72
onjudgingmysticalexperiences,347
andmysticalexperiencesurvey,282
onnoeticqualityofmysticalexperiences,41,69–70,275
andquestionsofveracity,76–77
researchatHarvard,188,196
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219
TheVarietiesofReligiousExperience,69
Janiger,Oscar
andcelebritiesinLSDtherapy,156–57
andHubbard,171,172
andLSDtherapy,156
andWestCoastresearchhub,153
Jesse,Bob
backgroundof,38–40,42–43
behind-the-scenesworkof,37
andbettermentofwellpeople,45,51,401–2,404
cabinof,37–38
andCouncilonSpiritualPractices,43,49–51,228
andDoblin’sambitions,36
earlypsychedelicexperiencesof,39–40

andeldersofpsychedeliccommunity,43–44
andEsalenInstitute,48,49
andfirst-waveofpsychedelicresearch,44–45,46–47
andGriffiths,38,51–52
andJohnHopkinsexperiment,81
andMDMA,51
and“medicalization”concerns,51,400
andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,10,60
on“recreationaluse”term,38,400
andRichards,52
roleof,insecond-waveresearch,34–35
spiritualemphasisof,51
Jobs,Steve,175
Johanson,Chris-Ellyn,50
JohnHopkins’spsychedelicresearch
andastronaut/groundcontrolmetaphor,65
withcancerpatients,8,10–11,332–33,349
controllingforexpectancyeffectsin,62,64
andhallmarksofmysticalstates,69–72
landmarkpsilocybinpaper,10–11,29–30
launchoftrial,60–61
preparingvolunteersin,63–65,67
recruitmentofvolunteersfor,61
replicationofGoodFridayexperiment,192
andsitters,63–64,74
andStamets,92
ontherapeuticapplications,78–79
volunteers’accountsof,63,65–69,70–71,72–75
Johnson,Matthew
backgroundof,360
onbanalinsights,364
andego’scontrol,388
and“mentalreboot,”366,384
andpersonalhistory/environment,372–73
onreactionstopowerfulexperiences,406
andsmokingcessationstudy,360,364
onvalueofpsychedelics,366–68
Jung,Carl,7,73,232,389
Kaelen,Mendel,384–85
KaiserHospitalinOakland,186
Kalliontzi,Krystallia,338,340,342
Katz,Sidney,148,154
Kelly,Kevin,183
Kelman,Herbert,187,195–96
Keltner,Dacher,373–74,375
Kennedy,RobertF.,217
Kerouac,Jack,193
Kesey,Ken,102,184,206–7

Kessler,David,383
Kleber,HerbertD.,29–30
Kleiman,Mark,49
Kubrick,Stanley,156
Kurland,Albert,218
Laing,R.D.,223
LeagueforSpiritualDiscovery,203
Leary,Timothy
arrestsandsentencesof,138,204
candorof,213–14
andconcernsofresearchcommunity,198–201
andConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n
andcongressionalhearings,217
onconsciousness-expansion,322
andcounterculture,203–4,205
criticismsofresearch,46,191,194–97
andculturalupheavalofthesixties,205–7
deemed“mostdangerousmaninAmerica,”58
desiretoeffectsocialchanges,173,192,194,198n,199,213
do-it-yourselfapproachof,200,215
andEasterninfluences,143–44
exuberanceof,187–88,192
Flashbacks,139,187,190n
andGinsberg,193–94,205
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,191–92
government’spursuitof,204
andguides,225,230
atHarvard,140,186–87,201–3
HighPriest,187–88
andHubbard,199–200,219,220
impactonpsychedelicresearch,9,185–86,190,198–99,212,219–20,403
andInternationalFederationforInternalFreedom,197,198,199,203
andmoralpanicprovokedbypsychedelics,185,205
andOsmond,198–99
post-Harvardlifeof,203–6
andpsilocybin,187–88
psychedelicseminarofferedby,188–89
andpsychedelics’escapefromthelab,197
andresearchofpreviousdecade,140,185,189
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219–20
andRichards,53
“set”and“setting”conceptsof,151,190
smilingpersonaof,139,199,205,220
“turnon,tunein,dropout”sloganof,138,139,204,206
andWasson’sLifemagazinearticle,113
andWeil,201–3
SeealsoHarvardPsilocybinProject
LeavesofGrass(Whitman),286

legalstatusofpsychedelics,3,402,405
Lennon,John,114,204
Letcher,Andy,112
Liddy,G.Gordon,205
Lieberman,Jeffrey,403
Lifemagazine
onmoralpanic,211–12
Wasson’spsilocybinarticlein,2,103–9,113
limbicsystem,307
Lincoff,Gary,102
Linkletter,Art,5
LosAngelesgroup,152,153,154–58.SeealsoCohen,Sidney;Eisner,Betty;Janiger,Oscar
LSD(lysergicaciddiethylamide)
accidentalinventionof,1–2,22–25
andAcidTestsofKesey,184,206
asalcoholismtreatment,141,148–53,368–69,370
andbadtrips,209,210
and“BicycleDay,”24
bootleg/undergroundproductionof,181n,209
andbrainscience,2–3,24,147
casualuseof,211,212
CIA’sresearchon,59,113n,142,172,172n,206,207
Cohen’sambivalenceabout,158–59
creationmythof,22–25
andcreativeimagination,175
asderivativeoffungus,84
engineers’useof,182
“escapingfromthelab,”157–58
andFeilding’scerebralcirculationtheory,298
firstLSDtrips,23–25
Hubbardontherapeuticvalueof,169
legalstatusof,3,181
andMansonmurders,5,367
misinformationabout,5
moralpanicprovokedby,138–39,209
Nuttonlowrisksof,300
perceiveddangersof,209–11,209n
andpharmaceuticalcompanies,400
politicalbaggageof,51,333
andpoliticalupheavalsofthesixties,315
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,237–54
andpsychotomimeticmodel,153–54,162
receptorsfor,292–93
andresearchatEsalenInstitute,47
Sandoz’sdistributionofDelysid,142–43,148,152,176
Sandoz’swithdrawalofDelysid,143,216–17
andschizophreniaresearch,146–47
andsecondwaveofresearch,333
inSiliconValley,175–80
andSpringGrove’sresearch,56–58,59,218

subversivepowerof,214
astryptamine,291–92
youthculture’sadoptionof,25,212
Luce,ClareBoothe,104,212
Luce,Henry,104,212
machinelearning,325–26
MacLean,Katherine,37,74,346,401,402
Maclean’s,148
magicalthinking,312,314,317,389
Malievskaia,Ekaterina,399
mania,383
Man’sSearchforMeaning(Frankl),352n
Manson,Charles,5,367
marijuanaandcannabis,36,37,138,138n,204,299
MarylandPsychiatricResearchCenteratSpringGrove,52,57,218
Maslow,Abraham,49,55,232
materialistperspective,12,85,135
Mayancivilization,274
MazatecIndians,83,109,110,112
McClelland,David,191,195,197
McDaniels,Terry,370–72
McHugh,Paul,76
McKenna,Terence,97,115–17,121
McLuhan,Marshall,138,139,204,205
MDMA(Ecstasy)
andcardiacconcerns,236–37
Doblin’sdistributionof,36
Nutt’sconclusionson,299
andphase3trialsapproval,397
inPTSDtreatments,18,36–37
Schusteron,51
Shulgin’ssynthesisof,44
andtherapeuticbond,236–37
trialsfor,48
meaning,personal
andawe-inspiringexperiences,375
andcancerpatientresearch,11,63,352–55
constructionof,354
andegodissolution,389
and5-HT
2A
receptors,354n
Griffithson,75–76
andsuggestibilityofpsychedelics,354
valueof,355
media
andHarvardPsilocybinProjectcontroversy,194–95,196–97
andKatz’s“My12HoursasaMadman,”148,154
andLSD’sescapefromthelab,157
onmoralpanic,211–12

onperilsofpsychedelics,209,209n
onpsychedelicsatHarvard,202
onpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156–57
medicalizationofpsychedelicdrugs,36,51,400,402
meditation
andaccesstoothermodesofconsciousness,408–9
ofGriffiths,32–33
andmentaltimetravel,387
andquietingofdefaultmodenetwork,305,306,391,392–95
memories,307,317
MenloPark,psychedelicusein
andCIA’smindcontrolresearch,206–7
andHubbard,171,177–78
atInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy,43–44,177–80,198,217,228
Menninger,Karl,368
mentalillness
associatedwithmentalrigidity,329
commonunderlyingmechanismfor,383–84
anddefaultmodenetwork(DMN),329,386
andegoinlow-entropydisorders,313
grandunifiedtheoryof,383–84,385
inadequatetreatmentsfor,335–36
potentialforcuring,377
andsuicides,335
Seealsoaddiction;depression
MerryPranksters,206–7
mescaline
andHarvardcontroversy,202
andHubbard,169,173
andHuxley,144,150–51,160–62
andJames,17
andOsmond’sresearch,146,147
perceiveddangersof,210
andpsychotomimeticmodel,162
andschizophreniaresearch,146
andWeil,201
MesoamericanIndians,107
Mettes,Patrick,332,336,337–38,340–44,346,356–57
Metzner,Ralph,190,191,195
Michaux,Henri,278n
“microdosing,”14n,175
middle-agedpeople,7,73,321
Miller,Savannah,363–64
mindwandering,304
MiserableMiracle(Michaux),278n
Mitchell,Edgar,358–59
MK-UltraexperimentsofCIA,59,113n,172,172n,206,207
Moore,James,113n
moralpanicprovokedbypsychedelics
effectof,onpsychedelicresearch,185,205

andLeary,138–39,205
mediacoverageof,211–12
andoutlawingofpsychedelics,3
MultidisciplinaryAssociationforPsychedelicStudies(MAPS),35,36–37,191,228,397–99
mushrooms
identificationof,94–96,119
lethalvarietiesof,86,94
inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,257–58,266
Russula,119
stoneartifactsof,114–15
SeealsoPsilocybes;psilocybin
Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory(Wasson),114n
mycelialnetworks,84n,90–91,118,122
MyceliumRunning(Stamets),88,90
mycopesticides,89
mycoremediation,88
mysteriumtremendum,277
MysticalExperienceQuestionnaires(MEQs),282–84
mysticalexperiences
ofagnosticsandatheists,74,222,284–85,345
andawe-inspiringexperiences,375
brain-basedexplanationsfor,76
incancerpatientresearch,79,349,350–51
anddeactivationofdefaultmodenetwork,305–6
andegodissolution,389
inEuropeanresearch,64
andexpectancyeffects,143
andfanaticism/fundamentalism,37,81
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45,191–92
ofGriffiths,33
andGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,10–11,29–30
ofHubbard,167
ofHuxley,161
ineffabilityof,40,54,69,251,270,285
interconnectednessin,285,305
languageof,285–87
inliterature,286–87
andlossofsubjectivity,305–6
noeticqualityof,41–42,69–70,275,285,305–6
andovervieweffect,359
andparadoxes,85,345
passivityashallmarkof,72
profundity/banalityofinsightsfrom,70–71,251
ofRichards,53–55
scienceasameansto,77–78,81
andscience-mysticismparadox,347–48
sharedtraitsof,285
andsmokingcessation,361
strengthof,correlatedwithoutcomes,361
andsuggestibilityofpsychedelics,64

transiencyashallmarkof,71–72
ofWasson,111
ofZeff,226
Nabokov,Vladimir,349
Nagel,Thomas,294
narcissism,157
NASA’sphotoofEarthfromspace,184–85
NationalInstituteofMentalHealth,56
NativeAmericans
conversiontoChristianity,112
andpeyote,27,368
sacramentaluseofplants,2,27,83,108–9,112
andSpanishsuppressionofmushrooms,108–9
TheNaturalMind(Weil),159
nature
attitudestoward,315–16,379
Hofmannonreconnectionwith,25–26
near-deathexperiences,306
negativethinking,353,383–84
neurochemistry,emergenceof,147,293
neuroplasticity,320,384
neuroscienceofpsychedelics,291–330
andauthorityofpsychedelicexperiences,365–66
andBayesianinferences,261–63
andchildren’sbrains,323–28
andconsciousness,293–95,302,305–6,307–9,311–14,322–23
anddisorganizingeffectofpsychedelics,314
andexpansion/contractionofconsciousness,322–23
andhallucinations,310
andmentalrigidityinmentalillness,329–30
andpredictivecoding,307–8,310,311,321,325
andpsychoanalysis,296–97,299,311
receptors,292–93,314n
andrewiringofbrain,316–20,318–19,353–54
androtatingfacemasktest,261–63,267
andvisualcortex,365
Seealsodefaultmodenetwork(DMN);entropicbraintheory
neurotransmitters,147
NewAge,205,224
NewYorkTimes,7–8,114,349
NewYorkUniversity
alcoholismtreatmentat,369
cancerpatientresearchat,8,141,332–33,337–38,349,350
Nichols,David,48–49,348
Nicholson,Jack,156
Nin,Anaïs,156
nitrousoxide,17,69
Nixon,Richard,58,181,219,315

noeticqualityofmysticalexperiences,41–42,69–70,275,285,305–6
TheNoondayDemon(Solomon),383
Novak,Steven,158
Nutt,David
backgroundof,299–300
andCarhart-Harris’sresearch,295–96,297,300
oncomparativerisksofdrugs,299–300,300n
anddepressionpilotstudy,329
DrugsWithouttheHotAir,300n
onrepression,307
obsessive-compulsivedisorder
andego’styranny,367
andexcessoforderinbrain,313,329,385
andnegativethinkinghabits,383
andpsycholyticLSDtherapy,156
ololiuqui(seedsofthemorningglory),107
Olson,Frank,172
opennesstoexperience
andegodissolution,316n
longtermchangesin,74,319–20
inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,135,137,222,252
opiates,212,369n
Osmond,Humphry
ambitionsof,194
andCommissionfortheStudyofCreativeImagination,174
andHubbard,168–69,170,174,200
andHuxley,160,174
andLeary,198–99,198n
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,148–52,170
andmescaline,146–47
andpsychedelictherapyparadigm,160,163,169,207
and“psychedelics”term,160,162–63
and“psychodelytic”term,199
andpsychotomimeticmodel,162,169
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219,220
androleofenvironment,151
schizophreniaresearchof,146–47
Ott,Jonathan,25,101,103
overdosingwithpsychedelics,14
overvieweffect,359–60,366,375,380,389
Pahnke,Walter
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,80–81,191–92
onmodesofconsciousness,409n
andmysticalexperiencesurvey,282
andRichards,53,54–55
atSpringGrove,57,218
paranoia,310

passivityofmysticalexperiences,72
peakexperiences,Maslow’sconceptof,49,55
perceptionsandsenses,308–9
PersontoPersonCBSnewsprogram,113
personalitydisorders,56
petrochemicalwaste,mycoremediationof,88
peyote,17,27,368,404,405.Seealsomescaline
pharmaceuticalcompanies,400
phase3trialsforpsychedelics,397,400
phenomenology,42,149
ThePhilosophicalBaby(Gopnik),325
placeboeffect,347,368,382
placebo-controlleddouble-blindtrials,208
platitudes,251
Plotkin,Mark,107
Plowman,Tim,107
politicaleffectsofpsychedelics,315
pollution,mycoremediationof,88
posteriorcingulatecortex(PCC),322,387–88,391–93
post-traumaticstressdisorder(PTSD),18,36–37
prayer,306
predictivecodingbybrain,307–8,310,311,321,325
Previn,André,156
primates’consumptionofmushrooms,97–98,123
problemsolving
high/lowtemperaturesearchesin,325–27
impactofLSDon,179,182
andrewiringofbrain,318–19
protocolsforpsychedelicuse,valueof,214–15
psilocin
andanimals’mushroomconsumption,123
Hofmann’sisolationof,113
andmaterialistperspective,135
measuring,102
andmushroomidentification,95,119
inmycelium,122
PsilocybeMushroomsandTheirAllies(Stamets),101
Psilocybes
author’searlyexperiencewith,5–6
andAztecs,2
consumedbyanimals,93,98,122–23
evolutionaryfunctionofpsilocybinin,84,121–24
as“fleshofthegods,”2,83,109
habitatsof,93–94,101
identificationof,94–96
LatinAmericansourcesof,101
legalpenaltiesforpossessionof,118
andmushroomconferences,102–3
NativeAmericans’useof,2,83,107
newspeciesidentified,86,101–2

P.azurescens,86,92,94,117–21,128–34
inPacificNorthwest,102
andPollan’sazurescensexperience,128–37,161–62
sacramentaluseof,2,93,107,109,112
searchingfor,117–21
and’shrooms(term),92
speciesof,93
Stamets’simagesof,115
andStonedApeTheory,97–98,115–17
suppressionof,2,59,108–9
Wasson’srediscoveryof,59,101
psilocybin
arrivalof,intheWest,1,2
andCIA’spsychedelicresearch,113n
andConcordPrisonExperiment,46,190–91,190n
discoveryof,83
effectof,onbrainactivity,300–301
evolutionaryfunctionof,84,121–24
andGinsberg,193–94,205
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,80–81,191
atHarvard(seeHarvardPsilocybinProject)
Hofmann’sisolationof,113
atHopkins(seeJohnHopkins’spsychedelicresearch)
andhumanevolution,116
JohnHopkins’slandmarkpaperon,10–11
Leary’sintroductionto,187–88
materialist/nonmaterialistparadoxof,85
andmysticalexperiences,10–11
andpharmaceuticalcompanies,400
andphase3trialsapproval,397
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,254–72,284
receptorsfor,293
andrewiringofbrain,317,318–19
Schusteronresearchpotentialof,51
andsecondwaveofresearch,79,333
andSpringGrove’sresearch,218
andStamets’smessengertheory,124–25
andstudiesrequestedbyFDA,375–76
syntheticversionof,83–84,113
astryptamine,291–92
Seealsomushrooms
“PsilocybinCanOccasionMystical-TypeExperiencesHavingSubstantialandSustainedPersonalMeaning
andSpiritualSignificance”(Griffiths,Richards,McCann,Jesse),10–11,29–30
PsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld(Stamets),86
PsychedelicDrugsReconsidered(GrinspoonandBakalar),194
ThePsychedelicExplorer’sGuide(Fadiman),229
psychedelicjourneysofPollan
andcardiacconcerns,235–37,244–45,245n
andlanguageofmysticism,285–87
withLSD,237–54

andmysticalexperiencesurvey,282–84
withpsilocybin,254–72,284
recapsandreflectionson,250–54,269–72,281–84
andsearchforaguide,231–35
as“spiritual”experience,288–90
withTheToad(5-MeO-DMT),272–90
PsychedelicPsychiatry(Dyck),146n
PsychedelicScience2017,397
psychedelictherapy
as“appliedmysticism,”207
andaspirationsofproponents,173
andbettermentofwellpeople,45,51,78,401,404
andCaliforniaInstituteofIntegralStudies,233
andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158–59
criticismsandchallengesfacedby,207–8
andegodissolution,389–90
emergenceofparadigm,160,163–64,169–71,207
andestablishedpsychiatricfield,207
atfrontierofspiritualityandscience,334
futureof,400–405
growingrecognitionof,399
andHubbard,160,164,169–70,171,207
keyroleofexperiencein,149,169
andlowrisks,210
andprevioustheoreticalmodels,207
andprimingpatients,169–70
protocolsandagreementsof,215,226–27
and“psychedelic-assistedtherapy”term,365,399
rangeofdisordersaddressedby,382–83
asrebootofsystem,366,384,389
resultsof,368–69
andreturnofsymptoms,380–81
revivalof,369
roleofenvironmentin,163–64,169–70,207–8,365
roleoftherapistin,365–66,368(seealsoguides)
shamanism’srolein,334
spiritualtrappingsof,207
andsuggestibilityofpsychedelics,158–59,170
visualimageryin,365–66
Seealsoaddiction;cancerpatientresearch;depression
“psychedelics”term,18–19,144–45,160,162–63
psychiatryfield,207–8,211,400
psychoanalysis,149,155,207,296–97,311
psycholyticmodel,154–57,207
psychosis
andentropicbraintheory,313,385
panicreactionsmistakenfor,210
psychoticbreaks,3,14,209,211
andpsychotomimeticmodel,145,150–51,154,162
andrisksassociatedwithpsychedelics,14,233

psychotherapy,2–3,186,351,369,406
psychotomimeticmodel,145–50
andCIA’spsychedelicresearch,172
andCohen,153–54
andestablishedpsychiatricfield,207
andOsmond,162,169
andpsychiatrists’criticismsofpsychedelictherapy,208
andSaskatchewanMentalHospitalinCanada,147–50
quantummechanics,413–14
Raichle,Marcus,301,303
RamDass,203,205,360.SeealsoAlpert,Richard
Rank,Otto,155
ratparkexperiment,372–73
RealmsoftheHumanUnconscious(Grof),297
recidivismatConcordStatePrisonexperiment,46,190–91,190n,195
“recreational”druguse,38,228,399,400
religion
anddruguseinreligiouspractices,27–28
fanaticism/fundamentalismin,81
originsofreligiousbelief,55–56,85,106,111–12
andsuppressionofpsychoactiveplants,2,109
Seealsospirituality
ReligiousFreedomRestorationActof1993,27
renaissanceofpsychedelics
andGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,11,29–30
andHofmann’s100thbirthdaycelebration/symposium,21–22,26–27
andsecondwaveofresearch,3–4
andUDVcourtcase,27–28
researchonpsychedelics,firstwave,138–218
andaspirationsofproponents,173,212–13
badtripsin,152
challengesfacedby,144
congressionalhearingson,217
andcounterculture,215
endof,59–60,216–17
andexpectancyeffects,143–44
andexuberanceofresearchers,144,212–13
federalmonitoringof,166
federalrestrictionson,197
federalsupportfor,57–58
fundingfor,57
GoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45–46,60,80–81,191–92
andguides,200
hubsofresearch,153
initiatedbySandoz’sDelysiddistribution,143
andInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy,43–44,177–80,198,217,228
Jesse’sinterestin,44–46

Leary’simpacton,9,185–86,190,198–99,212,219–20
andLSDtherapyforalcoholism,148–52
andmethodologicalissues,152,208
andmoralpanicprovokedbypsychedelics,185,205
andpsychedelics’escapefromthelab,157–58,197
andpsycholyticmodel,154–57
andpsychotomimeticmodel,145–50
researchers’consumptionofdrugs,146,148,189,195,208
reunionoffiguresin(1979),218–20
atSaskatchewanMentalHospitalinCanada,147–50
skepticismtoward,144
atSpringGrovefacilities,52,56–58,59,218
structuredapproaches/protocolsof,214–15
suppressionof,44,57–58,60,141–42,332
andterminalpatients,338–40
volumeandscopeof,44–45,141–42
SeealsoCentralIntelligenceAgency(CIA);HarvardPsilocybinProject
researchonpsychedelics,secondwave
absenceofadverseeventsin,14–15
andbettermentofwellpeople,45,51,78,401,404
challengesfacedby,333–34
andcountercultureofthesixties,84
criticsof,76
andCSPwebsite,43
anddiscoveriesoffirst-waveresearch,332
andexuberanceofresearchers,26–27,381,382
FDAprotocolson,48
federalsanctioningof,48
andHofmann’s100thbirthdaycelebration/symposium,21–22,26–27
Jesse’srolein,34–35
andmethodologicalissues,333–34
andphase3trialsforpsychedelics,397,400
replicationofGoodFridayexperiment,192
roleofscientificoutsidersin,34–35
withsyntheticpsilocybin,83–84
andundergroundtherapists,227
Seealsocancerpatientresearch
Rheingold,Howard,183
Richards,Bill
onauthenticityquestions,347
asbridgebetweenfirst/seconderas,52–53
flightinstructionspreparedby,63,72
andJesse,52,53
andPahnke,53,54–55
andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,60–61
psychedelicexperiencesof,53–55
atSpringGrove,52,56–58,218
andterminalpatients,339
riskybehaviorsofpeopleonpsychedelics,14
riteofpassage,psychedelictripsas,3,216,246

ritualsforpsychedelics,404
Roberts,JohnG.,27
RomanCatholicChurch,2,109
Romanticscientists,126–28
Ross,Stephen
onalcoholism,369–70
andnewrespectabilityofresearch,350
onresultswithcancerpatients,336
andstudiesrequestedbyFDA,375–76
onsuppressionofresearch,141–42,332
rotatingfacemasktest,261–63,267,308
Rouiller,Ian,379
rumination,313,329,353,377–78,383
Russell,Bertrand,355
Russulamushroom,119
Sabina,María
inPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,261,317
andWasson,110,112,113–14,114n
sacraments,psychedelicusedas,2,27–28,83,93,107–9,112
Sahagún,Bernardinode,108
Samorini,Giorgio,123–24
Sandozpharmaceuticalfirm
creationofLSD-25,1–2,22–23
distributionofLSD-25(Delysid),142–43,148,152,176
andHubbard,167,170
andpsychotomimeticmodel,145–46
withdrawalofDelysid,143,216–17
SaskatchewanMentalHospitalinCanada,147–50.SeealsoHoffer,Abram;Osmond,Humphry
Savage,Charles,177
schizophrenia
andemergenceofneurochemistryfield,146–47
andLSDastriggerofpsychoticbreaks,209–10
andpsychotomimeticmodel,145–46,162
androtatingfacemasktest,262
andSpringGrove’sresearch,218
Schultes,RichardEvans,107
Schuster,Charles“Bob,”30,34,49–50
Schwartz,Peter,181–82,183
science
andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158–59
asameanstomysticalexperience,77–78,81
methodologicalstandardsin,208
andmysticism-scienceparadox,347–48
andnature’smysteries,12
andRomanticscientists,126–28
andspirituality,30–31,73–74,80,174–75,207,334
andtestimonyofindividuals,42
andvalidationofmysticalexperiences,347–48

TheSecretChief(Zeff),225
sensesandperceptions,308–9
sensorydeprivation,306
serotonin,24,147,292,314n
setandsetting,14,53,151,190,207–8
shamanism,84,170,214–15,334,348
’shrooms(term),92
Shulgin,Ann,44,102
Shulgin,Sasha,44,102,236,237
sideeffectsofpsychedelics,210
SiliconValley,44,175–83
Skinner,B.F.,149
Slater,Toby,330
Smith,Huston
andCouncilonSpiritualPractices,49
andGoodFriday(MarshChapel)Experiment,45
onGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,80–81
andJesse,44,49
onspirituality,136,402
Smith,RobertEllis,196
smokingcessation,78,360–64
Smythies,John,146
socialmedia,304
Sokel,Karin,71
Solomon,Andrew,383
Spanishsuppressionofpsychoactivemushrooms,59–60,108
spirituality
andegodissolution,390
andGriffiths’slandmarkpaper,10–11,29–30
andmodernmedicine,334
andPollan’spsychedelicjourneys,288–90
androleofguides,402
andscience,30–31,73–74,80,174–75,207,334
stateof,136
sports,306
SpringGrovehospitalandresearchcenter,52,56–58,59,218
Stace,W.T.,282
Stamets,Paul
advocacyforfungi,87–90
backgroundof,87,98–100
onevolutionaryfunctionofpsilocybin,121
expertiseinmycology,86,99,127
fieldguidesof,86,92
FungiPerfectioperationof,86n,126
andHofmann,97,103
homeof,96–97
honorsaccordedto,91–92
onhumanevolution,115–16
huntingformushrooms,117–21
andimagesofPsilocybes,115

andMcKenna,116
andmushroomconferences,102–3
onmushroomidentification,94–95
mushroomstoneartifactsof,114–15
MyceliumRunning,88,90
mycologicaltheoriesof,124–26,136
newspeciesidentifiedby,86
andP.azurescens,86,92,118,120–21,129
PsilocybeMushroomsandTheirAllies,101
PsilocybinMushroomsoftheWorld,86
asRomanticscientist,126–28
and’shrooms(term),92
andStonedApeTheory,97–98,115–17
StanfordResearchInstitute(SRI),180–82
StanfordUniversity,44,180
Stanley,Owsley,III,181n
Steindl-Rast,David,49
stigmasofpsychedelicdrugs,104
Stolaroff,Myron
backgroundof,175–76
careerpivotof,44,177,206n
andguides,230
andHubbard,168,177
andInternationalFoundationforAdvancedStudy(IFAS),177
andJesse,44,46
andLeary,198,199,200–201
psychedelicexperiencesof,176
andpsychedelicsinSiliconValley,176–77
andreunionoffirstwavefigures,219
andundergroundtherapists,227
andZeff,225,227
StonedApeTheory,97–98,115–17
Strassman,Rick,48
subconscious,155
subjectivity,305–6,413
suggestibilityofpsychedelics
andattributionsofmeaning,354
andCohen’sambivalenceaboutLSD,158
andexpectationsofusers,25
andHopkins’spsilocybinresearch,64
andHubbard,170
andplaceboeffect,347
suicides,3,210,211,335,388
Summergrad,Paul,398,401,403
synesthesia,115–16,145,317
talkingtherapy,155
technologicaladvances,183–84
Tennyson,Alfred,Lord,287

teonanácatl(sacredmushroomoftheAztecs),2,107
terminalpatients,78–79,338–40.Seealsocancerpatientresearch
thalidomidetragedy,197,208
timetravel,mentalfacultyof,387
Time-Lifepublications,104
Toad.See5-MeO-DMT(theToad)
toleranceforpsychedelics,14,299
“TomorrowNeverKnows”(Beatles),143
toxicityofpsychedelics,lowlevelsof,50
trances,242–44
transiencyofmysticalexperiences,71–72
travelmetaphorsforpsychedelicexperiences,15
treesandmycelialnetworks,91,91n,118
trepanation,298
True:TheMan’sMagazine,113
truths,revelationsof,70,251,305–6
tryptamines,291–92
Turner,Brian,65–66,73–74
UDVcourtcase,27–28,43,49
UniversityofCalifornia,LosAngeles,8,37,152–53
UniversityofNewMexico,369
U.S.FoodandDrugAdministration(FDA)
andapprovalofStrassman’strial,48
depressionstudiesrequestedby,375–76
andHubbard’sclinicalresearch,167
andphase3trialsapprovals,397
andpotentialreschedulingofpsychedelics,36,397
andpsilocybintrialsatHopkins,60
regulationofexperimentaldrugs,146,197
researchapprovalsrevokedby,217–18
andthalidomidetragedy,197
U.S.SupremeCourt,27–28
TheVarietiesofReligiousExperience(James),69
VietnamWar,139,206,215–16
virtualreality,183
visualizingthoughts,365–66
Vogt,Walter,22
Vollenweider,Franz,293,301,320,334,384
Wallace,DavidFoster,388
Wasson,R.Gordon
criticsof,112
fieldnotebooksof,110–11
andHubbard,170
Lifemagazinearticleof,2,103–9,113
andmushroomconferences,103
Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,114n

andmushroomsfromsouthernMexico,2,59,101,110–14,114n
andoriginsofreligiousbelief,106,111–12
preconceivedtheoriesof,112
psychedelicexperiencesof,110–12
Watts,Rosalind,377,379,380,381
Weathermen,204
Weil,Andrew
onactiveplacebos,159
anddismissalsofLearyandAlpert,201–3
andmushroomconferences,102
TheNaturalMind,159
andSchultes,107
andToad(5-MeO-DMT),274
andtreatmentofbadtrips,210
well-being,improvementsin,74,254,285
Whitman,Walt,194,286
WholeEarthNetwork,182,183
Wilson,Bill,141,152–53,369
Wilson,E.O.,80
wisdom,321
Wit,Harrietde,30–31
wonder,16,135,136
Wordsworth,William,285
Wright,Curtis,48
Yensen,Richard,218
Yoder,Norman,209n
youthculture,25
Zeff,Leo,225–27,230,236,252
Zen,73

AbouttheAuthor

MICHAELPOLLANistheauthorofsevenpreviousbooks,includingCooked,

FoodRules,InDefenseofFood,TheOmnivore’sDilemma,andTheBotanyof

Desire,allofwhichwereNewYorkTimesbestsellers.Alongtimecontributorto

TheNewYorkTimesMagazine,healsoteacheswritingatHarvardandthe

UniversityofCalifornia,Berkeley,whereheistheJohnS.andJamesL.Knight

ProfessorofJournalism.In2010,Timemagazinenamedhiminitslistoftheone

hundredmostinfluentialpeopleintheworld.

*TheInuitappeartobetheexceptionthatprovestherule,butonlybecausenothingpsychoactivegrows

wheretheylive.(Atleastnotyet.)

*DavidJ.Nutt,DrugsWithouttheHotAir:MinimisingtheHarmsofLegalandIllegalDrugs(Cambridge,

U.K.:UIT,2012).Thisiswhypeople“microdosing”onpsychedelicsnevertakethemonconsecutivedays.

*TheresaM.Carbonaroetal.,“SurveyStudyofChallengingExperiencesAfterIngestingPsilocybin

Mushrooms:AcuteandEnduringPositiveandNegativeConsequences,”Journalof

Psychopharmacology(2016):1268–78.Thesurveyfoundthat7.6percentofrespondentssoughttreatment

for“oneormorepsychologicalsymptomstheyattributedtotheirchallengingpsilocybinexperience.”

*Technically,amushroomisthe“fruitingbody”ofafungus—itsreproductiveorgan.Thinkofmushrooms

astheapplesonatreethatgrowsentirelyunderground.Mostofthefungalorganismexistsbelowground,in

theformofmycelia—thetypicallywhitecobwebbysingle-cell-widefilamentsthatextendthroughthesoil.

Butbecauseitishardtoobserveandstudythesedelicatesubterraneanstructures—theycan’tbeunearthed

withoutbreaking—wetendtofocusonthemushroomswecansee,eventhoughtheyarejustthetipofa

kindoffungaliceberg.

*Pronouncedsill-OSS-a-bee.

*Complicatingmatters,StametsfirstnamedhissonforthebluishcolorthatPsilocybesturn,thennamed

thebluestofPsilocybesafterhisson.

*Since1984,StametshasrunaverysuccessfulcompanycalledFungiPerfecti,whichsellsmedicinal

mushroomsupplements,spores,andgrowingkitsforediblemushrooms,aswellasvariousother

mushroom-relatedparaphernalia.

*ScientistsattheUniversityofBritishColumbia(UBC)injectedfirtreeswithradioactivecarbonisotopes,

thenfollowedthespreadoftheisotopesthroughtheforestcommunityusingavarietyofsensingmethods,

includingaGeigercounter.Withinafewdays,storesoftheradioactivecarbonhadbeenroutedfromtreeto

tree.Everytreeinaplotthirtymeterssquarewasconnectedtothenetwork;theoldesttreesfunctionedas

hubs,somewithasmanyasforty-sevenconnections.Thediagramoftheforestnetworkresembledamapof

theInternet.InwhatissurelyatipofthehattoStamets,apaperbyoneoftheUBCscientistsdubbeditthe

“wood-wideweb.”

*TheWassonseitherdismissedoroverlookedasomewhatsimplerexplanation:thatpowerfulfeelingsand

acultofmysterycouldbeexpectedtogatherarounda“plant”that,dependingonknowledgeandcontext,

couldeithernourishanddelightorleadtoanagonizingdeath.

*Onanotherreturntrip,WassonwasjoinedbyJamesMoore,whohadintroducedhimselfasachemistfor

apharmaceuticalcompany.ButMoorewasreallyaCIAagenteagertoobtainpsilocybinfortheagency’s

ownpsychedelicresearchprogram,MK-Ultra.

*WassonwashalfheartedinhisdesiretoprotectMaríaSabina’sidentity.ThesameweekthattheLife

articleappeared,heself-publishedabook,Mushrooms,Russia,andHistory,inwhichheretoldherstorybut

neglectedtodisguisehername.

*Theauthorsconcludedthat“hallucinogenicplantsalterperceptioninhuntingdogsbydiminishing

extraneoussignalsandbyenhancingsensoryperception(mostlikelyolfaction)thatisdirectlyinvolvedin

thedetectionandcaptureofgame.”BradleyC.BennettandRocíoAlarcón,“HuntingandHallucinogens:

TheUsePsychoactiveandOtherPlantstoImprovetheHuntingAbilityofDogs,”Journalof

Ethnopharmacology171(2015):171–83.

*BecausepossessionofLSDwouldn’tbeafederalcrimeuntil1968,thegovernmentoftenhadtorelyon

marijuanaprosecutionswhenmovingagainstpeopleinthecounterculture.

*Osmond’sstory,andtherichCanadianhistoryofpsychedelicresearch,iswelltoldinErikaDyck,

PsychedelicPsychiatry:LSDfromClinictoCampus(Baltimore:JohnsHopkinsUniversityPress,2008).

*DuncanC.BlewettandNickChwelos,HandbookfortheTherapeuticUseofLysergicAcid

Diethlylamide-25:IndividualandGroupProcedures(1959),http://www.maps.org/research-

archive/ritesofpassage/lsdhandbook.pdf.BlewettandChwelosdrewheavilyonOsmondandHoffer’scase

reportsfortheirmanual.

*SeeespeciallyMartinA.LeeandBruceShlain,AcidDreams:TheCompleteSocialHistoryofLSD(New

York:GrovePress,1992),andJayStevens,StormingHeaven:LSDandtheAmericanDream(NewYork:

GrovePress,1987).

*Hubbardtreasureda1957letterhereceivedfromaMonsignorBrownmajorinVancouverendorsinghis

work:“Wethereforeapproachthestudyofthesepsychedelicsandtheirinfluenceonthemindofman

anxioustodiscoverwhateverattributestheypossess,respectfullyevaluatingtheirproperplaceintheDivine

Economy.”

*Hubbard’snameappearsonasinglescientificpaper,writtenwithhiscolleaguesatHollywoodHospital:

“TheUseofLSD-25intheTreatmentofAlcoholismandOtherPsychiatricProblems,”QuarterlyJournal

ofStudiesonAlcohol22(March1961):34–45.

*SidneyGottlieb,theCIAofficerinchargeofMK-Ultra,wouldtestifytoCongressthatitsgoalwas“to

investigatewhetherandhowitwaspossibletomodifyanindividual’sbehaviorbycovertmeans.”We

wouldknowmoreaboutMK-UltrahadGottliebnotdestroyedmostoftheprogram’srecordsontheorders

oftheCIAdirectorRichardHelms.

*DuringhisLSDsession,Engelbartinventeda“tinkletoy”totoilettrainchildren,oratleastboys:a

waterwheelfloatinginatoiletthatcouldbepoweredbyastreamofurine.Hewentontoconsiderablymore

significantaccomplishments,includingthecomputermouse,thegraphicalcomputerinterface,textediting,

hypertext,networkedcomputers,e-mail,andvideoconferencing,allofwhichhedemonstratedina

legendary“motherofalldemos”inSanFranciscoin1968.

*Hubbardhatedtheideaofstreetacidandthecounterculture’suseofit.AccordingtoDonAllen,heplayed

aroleinatleastonebustofanimportantundergroundLSDchemistin1967.HubbardsentDonAllentoa

meetingtoposeasaCanadianbuyerlookingtopurchase“pureLSD”fromaBayAreagroupthatincluded

thenotoriousLSDchemist(andGratefulDeadsoundengineer)OwsleyStanleyIII.Federalagentstailed

thepeopleatthemeetingbacktoStanleyandhislabinOrinda,California;duringthebust,theyreportedly

found350,000dosesofLSD.

*Thetwobestaccountsofthecounterculture’s(anditschemicals’)influenceonthecomputerrevolution

areFredTurner’sFromCounterculturetoCyberculture:StewartBrand,theWholeEarthNetwork,andthe

RiseofDigitalUtopianism(Chicago:UniversityofChicagoPress,2006)andJohnMarkoff’sWhatthe

DormouseSaid:HowtheSixtiesCountercultureShapedthePersonalComputerIndustry(NewYork:

PenguinBooks,2005).

*LearywroteinFlashbacksthathewasinitiallyfrightenedtotakepsilocybininaprisonwithviolent

criminals.Whenheconfessedhisfeartooneoftheprisoners,theinmateadmittedhewasafraidtoo.“Why

areyouafraidofme?”Learyasked,puzzled.“I’mafraidofyou’causeyou’reafuckingmadscientist.”

*Ina1992lettertoBettyEisner,HumphryOsmondwrote,“WherebothAl[Hubbard]andAldous

[Huxley]disagreedwithTimothyLearywasthattheybelievedthathehadgotthetimescalewrong,and

thattheUShadamuchgreaterinertiathanhesupposed.Theybothbelievedforquitedifferentreasonsthat

workinginconspicuouslybutdeterminedlywithinthesystemcouldtransformitinthelongrun.Timothy

believedthatitcouldbetakenbystorm.”

*InDonLattin,TheHarvardPsychedelicClub(NewYork:HarperOne,2010),94.

*OnecouldarguethattheLSDdropoutproblembeganbackinthe1950s,whensuccessfulengineerslike

MyronStolaroff,WillisHarman,andDonAllenleftAmpexandStanfordtotuneintopsychedelics.

*Severaloftheseurbanlegendshavebeentracedtotheirsourceanddiscredited.Forexample,a1967

NewsweekstoryaboutsixcollegestudentstrippingonLSDwhowentblindafterstaringintothesunturned

outtobeahoaxconcoctedbyPennsylvania’sstatecommissionerfortheblind,Dr.NormanYoder.

Accordingtothegovernor,whodisclosedthehoax,Yoderhad“attendedalectureontheuseofLSDby

childrenandbecameconcernedandemotionallyinvolved.”Yetonceintroducedintotheculture,these

urbanlegendssurviveand,onoccasion,goontobecome“true”whenpeopletrippingonLSDareinspired

toimitatethem,ashashappenedinthecaseofthestaring-into-the-sunstory.SeeDavidPrestiandJerome

Beck,“StrychnineandOtherEnduringMyths:ExpertandUserFolkloreSurroundingLSD,”in

PsychoactiveSacramentals:EssaysonEntheogensandReligion,ed.ThomasB.Roberts(SanFrancisco:

CouncilonSpiritualPractices,2001).

*Therearequotationsinthispiecethatshouldhavesetoffanyeditor’sbullshitdetector.“Whenmy

husbandandIwanttotakeatriptogether,”saysthepsychedelicmotheroffour,“Ijustputalittleacidin

thekids’orangejuiceinthemorningandletthemspendthedayfreakingoutinthewoods.”

*OriginallypublishedinHarvardReview(Summer1963)andreprintedinTimothyLearyandJames

Penner,TimothyLeary,TheHarvardYears:EarlyWritingsonLSDandPsilocybinwithRichardAlpert,

HustonSmith,RalphMetzner,andOthers(Rochester,Vt.:ParkStreetPress,2014).Theparagraphalso

appearsinthetranscriptofa1966SenatehearingonfederalregulationofLSDbytheSenateSubcommittee

onExecutiveReorganization,p.141.

*AversionoftheguidelinescanalsobefoundinJamesFadiman’sbookThePsychedelicExplorer’s

Guide:Safe,Therapeutic,andSacredJourneys(Rochester,Vt.:ParkStreetPress,2011).

*Isubsequentlylearnedthathyperventilation,whichplaysaroleinbreathwork,changestheCO2levelsof

theblood,whichinturncanaltertherhythmsoftheheartinsomepeople.WhatIassumedwasa

physiologicallybenignalternativetoMDMAturnsouttobenothingofthekind;evenwithoutadrug,itis

possibletochangeone’sbloodchemistryinwaysthatcanaffectheartrhythms.

*Familyconstellationtherapy,whichwasfoundedbyaGermantherapistnamedBertHellinger,focuseson

thehiddenroleofancestorsinshapingourlivesandworkstohelpusmakepeacewiththeseghostlike

presences.

*HenriMichaux,acontemporaryofHuxley’swhoalsowroteabouthispsychedelicexperiences,tooka

verydifferenttact,refusingtheofferofmetaphortomakesenseofsomethinghebelievedwasbeyond

comprehension.InhisbookMiserableMiracle,heaimedtobe“attentivetowhat’sgoingon—asitis—

withouttryingtodeformitandimagineitotherwiseinordertomakeitmoreinterestingtome.”Orsensible

tohisreaders:thebookisintermittentlybrilliantbutforlongstretchesunreadable.“Ihadnolongerany

authorityoverwords.Inolongerknewhowtomanagethem.Farewelltowriting!”Iknowwhathemeans,

butI’veelectedtoresist,evenifthatmeanstoleratingsomemeasureofdeformationinmyaccount.

*Specifically,ItooktheRevisedMysticalExperienceQuestionnaire,orMEQ30.

*“Kelson”isanauticaltermforastructuralmemberinthehullofaboat.

*Oratleastfifty-fiveyears,becauseIthinkyoungchildrenhavereadyaccesstothesekindsof

experiences,aswewillseeinthenextchapter.

*Inhis2012book,DrugsWithouttheHotAir,Nuttwritesthat“psychedelicsoverallareamongthesafest

drugsweknowof...It’svirtuallyimpossibletodiefromanoverdoseofthem;theycausenophysical

harm;andifanythingthey’reanti-addictive”(254).

*Thekeystructuresmakingupthedefaultmodenetworkarethemedialprefrontalcortex,theposterior

cingulatecortex,theinferiorparietallobule,thelateraltemporalcortex,thedorsalmedialprefrontalcortex,

andthehippocampusformation.SeeRandyL.Buckner,JessicaR.Andrews-Hanna,andDanielL.Schacter,

“TheBrain’sDefaultNetwork,”AnnalsoftheNewYorkAcademyofSciences1124,no.1(2008).While

neuroimagingindicatesstronglinksbetweenthesestructures,theconceptofthedefaultmodenetwork

remainsnewandisstillnotuniversallyaccepted.

*It’simportanttokeepinmindthelimitationsoffMRIandotherneuroimagingtechnologies.Mostofthem

measurenotbrainactivitydirectlybutproxiesofit,suchasbloodflowandoxygenconsumption.Theyalso

dependoncomplexsoftwaretotranslatefaintsignalsintodramaticimages,softwaretheaccuracyofwhich

criticshaverecentlyquestioned.Inmyexperience,brainscientistswhoworkwithanimalstheycaninsert

probesintoaredismissiveoffMRI,whilebrainscientistswhoworkwithhumansacceptitasthebesttool

available.

*I’musingthetermsmoreorlessinterchangeablyhere.However,theego,beingcloselyassociatedwith

Freud’smodelofthemind,impliesaconstructthatstandsinadynamicrelationshiptootherpartsofthe

mind,suchastheunconscious,orid,actingonbehalfoftheself.

*It’sworthnotingthatthesefindingsseemtobeatoddswithAmandaFeilding’sinitialhypothesisthat

psychedelicsworkbyincreasingbloodflowtothebrain.

*DavidNuttandAmandaFeildingarecoauthors.

*BrewerhassincemovedtotheUniversityofMassachusettsMedicalSchool,wherehe’sthedirectorof

researchattheCenterforMindfulness.

*Exactlyhowpsychedelicsaccomplishthis,neurochemically,isstilluncertain,butsomeofCarhart-

Harris’sresearchpointstoaplausiblemechanism.Becauseoftheiraffinitywiththeserotonin2Areceptors,

psychedeliccompoundscauseasetofneuronsinthecortex(“layerfivepyramidalneurons,”tobeexact)

thatarerichinthesereceptorstofireinsuchawayastodesynchronizetheusualoscillationsofthebrain.

Carhart-Harrislikenstheseoscillations,whichhelptoorganizebrainactivity,tothesynchronizedclapping

ofanaudience.Whenafewwaywardindividualsclapoutoforder,theapplausebecomeslessrhythmicand

morechaotic.Similarly,theexcitationofthesecorticalneuronsappearstodisruptoscillationsinaparticular

frequency—thealphawaves—thathavebeencorrelatedwithactivityinthedefaultmodenetworkand,

specifically,inself-reflection.

*Thisresearchwaspublishedin2017:MatthewM.Nouretal.,“Psychedelics,Personality,andPolitical

Perspectives,”JournalofPsychoactiveDrugs.“Egodissolutionexperiencedduringaparticipant’s‘most

intense’psychedelicexperiencepositivelypredictedliberalpoliticalviews,opennessandnaturerelatedness,

andnegativelypredictedauthoritarianpoliticalviews.”

*ThepanelwasrecordedandisavailableonYouTube:https://www.youtube.com/watch?

v=v2VzRMevUXg.

*Asinthecaseofmanydrugs,theSSRIantidepressantsintroducedinthe1980sweremuchmoreeffective

whentheywerenew,probablyowingtotheplaceboeffect.Today,theyperformonlyslightlybetterthana

placebo.

*Thestatistical“effectsize”oftheseresults—atorabove1.0formostoftheoutcomemeasuresusedin

bothtrials—isremarkableforapsychiatrictreatment.Asacomparison,whentheSSRIantidepressantshad

theirfirstclinicaltrials,theeffectsizewasonly0.3—whichwasgoodenoughforthemtobeapproved.

*Afewcriticalvoiceswereheard.InapairofblogpostsonPLOS,JamesCoyneraisedseveral

methodologicalobjectionshavingtodowiththesizeandcompositionofthepatientgroup,thereliabilityof

thediagnoses,theplacebocontrol,theblinding,andthetheoreticalassumptions:“Sincewhenare

existential/spiritualwell-beingissuespsychiatric?”

http://blogs.plos.org/mindthebrain/2016/12/14/psilocybin-as-a-treatment-for-cancer-patients-who-are-not-

depressed-the-nyu-study/.

*SeveraloftheNYUtherapistsreferredmetothewritingofViktorE.Frankl,theViennesepsychoanalyst

andtheauthorofMan’sSearchforMeaning.Frankl,whosurvivedbothAuschwitzandDachau,believed

thatthecrucialhumandriveisnotforpleasure,ashisteacherFreudmaintained,orpower,asAlfredAdler

maintained,butmeaning.FranklconcurswithNietzsche,whowrote,“HewhohasaWhytoliveforcan

bearalmostanyHow.”

*KatrinH.Prelleretal.,“TheFabricofMeaningandSubjectiveEffectsinLSD-InducedStatesDependon

Serotonin2AReceptorActivation,”CurrentBiology27,no.3(2017):451–57.TheworkwasdoneinFranz

Vollenweider’slab.Whentheserotonin5-HT

receptorswereblockedwithadrug(ketanserin),“theLSD-

inducedattributionofpersonalrelevancetopreviouslymeaninglessstimuli”wasalsoblocked,leadingthe

authorstoconcludethatthesereceptorsplayaroleinthegenerationandattributionofpersonalmeaning.

*Theexperiencewouldshapehispost-NASAwork:theformerengineerestablishedtheInstituteofNoetic

Sciencestostudyconsciousnessandparanormalphenomena.

*“Ahumanbeingisapartofthewholecalledbyus‘Universe,’apartlimitedintimeandspace.He

experienceshimself,histhoughtsandfeelingassomethingseparatedfromtherest—akindofoptical

delusionofhisconsciousness.Thisdelusionisakindofprisonforus,restrictingustoourpersonaldesires

andtoaffectionforafewpersonsnearesttous.Ourtaskmustbetofreeourselvesfromthisprisonby

wideningourcircleofcompassiontoembracealllivingcreaturesandthewholeofnatureinitsbeauty.”

(WalterSullivan,“TheEinsteinPapers:AManofManyParts,”TheNewYorkTimes,March29,1972.)

*QuotedinCharlesS.Grob,“PsychiatricResearchwithHallucinogens:WhatHaveWeLearned?,”Heffter

ReviewofPsychedelicResearch1(1998).

*Ibogaine,apsychedelicderivedfromtherootofanAfricanshrub,isbeingusedundergroundaswellasin

clinicsinMexicototreatopiateaddiction;ayahuascahasalsobeenreportedtobehelpfulbreaking

addictions.

*Asforthethreevolunteerswhoreceivednobenefit,theyhadmildorunremarkablesessions.Thismight

bebecausetheywerestillonSSRIs,whichmayblocktheeffectsofpsychedelics,orbecausesomefraction

ofthepopulationsimplydoesn’trespondtothedrugs.TheHopkinsteam,too,hasoccasionallyseencases

of“dudtrips”thatleavepeopleunaffected.

*Byme,asithappened.“TheTripTreatment,”NewYorker,Feb.9,2015.

*ThisishowFreudunderstooddepression,whichhecalledmelancholia:afterthelossofanobjectof

desire,theegosplitsintwo,withonepartpunishingtheother,whichhastakentheplaceofthelostlovein

ourattentions.Inhisview,depressionisamisplacedformofrevengeforaloss,retributionthathasbeen

misdirectedattheself.

*TomInsel,whoafterleavingtheNIMHwenttoworkforGoogle’slifesciencesubsidiary,Verily,before

joiningamentalhealthstart-upcalledMindstrongHealth,toldmethattherearenowalgorithmsthatcan

reliablydiagnosedepressionbasedonthefrequencyandcontextofone’suseofthefirst-personpronoun.

*Oratleastpeoplewhocanaffordit.Oneadvantageofmedicalizingpsychedelictherapyisthatitwould

presumablybeaccessibletoeveryonewithhealthinsurance.

*HerecountstheseexperiencesinhisbookShrinks:TheUntoldStoryofPsychiatry(NewYork:Little,

Brown,2015),190–93.

*Idon’tdismissthepossibilitytheymaycomefromsomewhereelse,butwillconfinemyselfheretothe

moreparsimoniousexplanation.

*Ina1969essayintheHarvardTheologicalReview,WalterPahnkedescribedseveraldistinctmodesof

psychedelicconsciousness,includingonehetermed“thecognitivepsychedelicexperience.”Thisis

“characterizedbyastonishinglylucidthought.Problemscanbeseenfromanovelperspective,andtheinner

relationshipsofmanylevelsordimensionscanbeseenallatonce.Thecreativeexperiencemayhave

somethingincommonwiththiskindofpsychedelicexperience,butsuchapossibilitymustawaittheresult

offutureinvestigation.”

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